ThePresidentoftheUnitedStatesisonlytheenginedriverofourbroad-gaugemail-train;andeveryhonest,independentthinkerhasaseatinthefirst-classcarsbehindhim——
Thereissomethinginwhatyousay,——repliedthedivinity-student;——
andyetitseemstomethereareplacesandtimeswheredisputeddoctrinesofreligionshouldnotbeintroduced。Youwouldnotattackachurchdogma——sayTotalDepravity——inalyceum-lecture,forinstance?
Certainlynot;Ishouldchooseanotherplace,——Ianswered——But,mindyou,atthistableIthinkitisverydifferent。IshallexpressmyideasonanysubjectIlike。Thelawsofthelecture-
room,towhichmyfriendsandmyselfarealwaysamenable,donotholdhere。Ishallnotoftengivearguments,butfrequentlyopinions,——I
trustwithcourtesyandpropriety,but,atanyrate,withsuchnaturalformsofexpressionasithaspleasedtheAlmightytobestowuponme。
Aman’sopinions,lookyou,aregenerallyofmuchmorevaluethanhisarguments。Theselastaremadebyhisbrain,andperhapshedoesnotbelievethepropositiontheytendtoprove,——asisoftenthecasewithpaidlawyers;butopinionsareformedbyourwholenature,——
brain,heart,instinct,brutelife,everythingallourexperiencehasshapedforusbycontactwiththewholecircleofourbeing——
Thereisonethingmore,——saidthedivinity-student,——thatIwishedtospeakof;Imeanthatideaofyours,expressedsometimesince,ofdepolarizingthetextofsacredbooksinordertojudgethemfairly。
MayIaskwhyyoudonottrytheexperimentyourself?
Certainly,——Ireplied,——ifitgivesyouanypleasuretoaskfoolishquestions。Ithinktheoceantelegraph-wireoughttobelaidandwillbelaid,butIdon’tknowthatyouhaveanyrighttoaskmetogoandlayit。But,forthatmatter,IhaveheardagooddealofScripturedepolarizedinandoutofthepulpit。IheardtheRev。
Mr。F。oncedepolarizethestoryoftheProdigalSoninPark-StreetChurch。Manyyearsafterwards,IheardhimrepeatthesameorasimilardepolarizedversioninRome,NewYork。Iheardanadmirabledepolarizationofthestoryoftheyoungmanwho\"hadgreatpossessions\"fromtheRev。Mr。H。inanotherpulpit,andfeltthatIhadneverhalfunderstooditbefore。Allparaphrasesaremoreorlessperfectdepolarizations。ButItellyouthis:thefaithofourChristiancommunityisnotrobustenoughtobeartheturningofourmostsacredlanguageintoitsdepolarizedequivalents。YouhaveonlytolookbacktoDr。Channing’sfamousBaltimorediscourseandremembertheshrieksofblasphemywithwhichitwasgreeted,tosatisfyyourselfonthispoint。Time,timeonly,cangraduallyweanusfromourEpeolatry,orword-worship,byspiritualizingourideasofthethingsignified。Manisanidolaterorsymbol-worshipperbynature,which,ofcourse,isnofaultofhis;butsoonerorlaterallhislocalandtemporarysymbolsmustbegroundtopowder,likethegoldencalf,——word-imagesaswellasmetalandwoodenones。Roughwork,iconoclasm,——buttheonlywaytogetattruth。Itis,indeed,asthatquaintandrareolddiscourse,\"ASummonsforSleepers,\"hathit,\"nodoubtathanklessoffice,andaverieunthriftieoccupation;
veritasodiumparit,truthnevergoethwithoutascratchtface;hethatwillbebusiewithvoevobis,lethimlookeshortlyforcoramnobas。\"
Theveryaimandendofourinstitutionsisjustthis:thatwemaythinkwhatwelikeandsaywhatwethink——
Thinkwhatwelike!——saidthedivinity-student;——thinkwhatwelike!What!againstallhumananddivineauthority?
Againstallhumanversionsofitsownoranyotherauthority。Atourownperilalways,ifwedonotliketheright,——butnotattheriskofbeinghangedandquarteredforpoliticalheresy,orbroiledongreenfagotsforecclesiasticaltreason!Nay,wehavegotsofar,thattheverywordheresyhasfallenintocomparativedisuseamongus。
Andnow,myyoungfriend,let-usshakehandsandstopourdiscussion,whichwewillnotmakeaquarrel。Itrustyouknow,orwilllearn,agreatmanythingsinyourprofessionwhichwecommonscholarsdonotknow;butmarkthis:whenthecommonpeopleofNewEnglandstoptalkingpoliticsandtheology,itwillbebecausetheyhavegotanEmperortoteachthemtheone,andaPopetoteachthemtheother!
Thatwastheendofmylongconferencewiththedivinity-student。
Thenextmorningwegottalkingalittleonthesamesubject,verygood-naturedly,aspeoplereturntoamattertheyhavetalkedout。
Youmustlooktoyourself,——saidthedivinity-student,——ifyourdemocraticnotionsgetintoprint。Youwillbefiredintofromallquarters。
Ifitwereonlyabullet,withthemarksman’snameonit!——Isaid——
Ican’tstoptopickoutthepeep-shotoftheanonymousscribblers。
Right,Sir!right!——saidtheLittleGentleman。Thescamps!Iknowthefellows。Theycan’tgivefiftycentstooneoftheAntipodes,buttheymusthaveitjingledalongthrougheverybody’spalmsalltheway,tillitreacheshim,——andfortycentsofitgetsspilt,likethewateroutofthefire-bucketspassedalonga\"lane\"atafire;——butwhenitcomestoanonymousdefamation,puttingliesintopeople’smouths,andthenadvertisingthosepeoplethroughthecountryastheauthorsofthem,——oh,thenitisthattheyletnottheirlefthandknowwhattheirrighthanddoeth!
Idon’tlikeEhud’sstyleofdoingbusiness,Sir。Hecomesalongwithaverysanctimoniouslook,Sir,withhis\"secreterranduntothee,\"andhis\"messagefromGoduntothee,\"andthenpullsouthishiddenknifewiththatunsuspectedhandofhis,——theLittleGentlemanliftedhisclenchedlefthandwiththeblood-redjewelonthering-finger,——andrunsit,bladeandhaft,intoaman’sstomach!
Don’tmeddlewiththesefellows,Sir。Theyarereadmostlybypersonswhomyouwouldnotreach,ifyouweretowriteeversomuch。
Let’emalone。Amanwhoseopinionsarenotattackedisbeneathcontempt。
Ihopeso,——Isaid——Igotthreepamphletsandinnumerablesquibsflungatmyheadforattackingoneofthepseudo-sciences,informeryears。When,bythepermissionofProvidence,Ihelduptotheprofessionalpublicthedamnablefactsconnectedwiththeconveyanceofpoisonfromoneyoungmother’schambertoanother’s,——fordoingwhichhumbleofficeIdesiretobethankfulthatIhavelived,thoughnothingelsegoodshouldevercomeofmylife,——IhadtobearthesneersofthosewhosepositionIhadassailed,and,asIbelieve,haveatlastdemolished,sothatnothingbuttheghostsofdeadwomenstiramongtheruins——Whatwouldyoudo,ifthefolkswithoutnameskeptatyou,tryingtogetaSanBenitoontoyourshouldersthatwouldfityou?——Wouldyoustandstillinfly-time,orwouldyougiveakicknowandthen?
Let’embite!——saidtheLittleGentleman,——let’embite!Itmakes’emhungrytoshake’emoff,andtheysettledownagainasthickaseverandtwiceassavage。Doyouknowwhatmeddlingwiththefolkswithoutnames,asyoucall’em,islike?——Itislikeridingatthequintaan。Yourunfulltiltattheboard,buttheboardisonapivot,withabagofsandonanarmthatbalancesit。Theboardgiveswayassoonasyoutouchit;andbeforeyouhavegotby,thebagofsandcomesroundwhackonthebackofyourneck。\"Ananias,\"
forinstance,pitchesintoyourlecture,wewillsay,insomepapertakenbythepeopleinyourkitchen。Yourservantsgetsaucyandnegligent。Iftheirnewspapercallsyounames,theyneednotbesoparticularaboutshuttingdoorssoftlyorboilingpotatoes。Soyouloseyourtemper,andcomeoutinanarticlewhichyouthinkisgoingtofinish\"Ananias,\"provinghimaboobywhodoesn’tknowenoughtounderstandevenalyceum-lecture,orelseapersonthattellslies。
Nowyouthinkyou’vegothim!Notsofast。\"Ananias\"keepsstillandwinksto\"Shimei,\"and\"Shimei\"comesoutinthepaperwhichtheytakeinyourneighbor’skitchen,tentimesworsethant’otherfellow。
Ifyoumeddlewith\"Shimei,\"hestepsout,andnextweekappears\"Rab-shakeh,\"anunsavorywretch;andnow,atanyrate,youfindoutwhatgoodsensetherewasinHezekiah’s\"Answerhimnot。\"——No,no,——
keepyourtemper——Sosaying,theLittleGentlemandoubledhisleftfistandlookedatitasifheshouldliketohitsomethingorsomebodyamostperniciouspunchwithit。
Good!——saidI——NowletmegiveyousomeaxiomsIhavearrivedat,afterseeingsomethingofagreatmanykindsofgoodfolks——
Ofahundredpeopleofeachofthedifferentleadingreligioussects,aboutthesameproportionwillbesafeandpleasantpersonstodealandtolivewith——
Thereare,atleast,threerealsaintsamongthewomentooneamongthemen,ineverydenomination——
ThespiritualstandardofdifferentclassesIwouldreckonthus:
1。Thecomfortablyrich。
2。Thedecentlycomfortable。
3。Theveryrich,whoareapttobeirreligious。
4。Theverypoor,whoareapttobeimmoral——
Thecutnailsofmachine-divinitymaybedrivenin,buttheywon’tclinch——
Theargumentswhichthegreatestofourschoolmencouldnotrefuteweretwo:thebloodinmen’sveins,andthemilkinwomen’sbreasts——
Humilityisthefirstofthevirtues——forotherpeople——
Faithalwaysimpliesthedisbeliefofalesserfactinfavorofagreater。Alittlemindoftenseestheunbelief,withoutseeingthebeliefofalargeone。
ThePoorRelationhadbeenfidgetingaboutandworkinghermouthwhileallthiswasgoingon。Shebrokeoutinspeechatthispoint。
Ihatetohearfolkstalkso。Idon’tseethatyouareanybetterthanaheathen。
IwishIwerehalfasgoodasmanyheathenshavebeen,——Isaid——
Dyingforaprincipleseemstomeahigherdegreeofvirtuethanscoldingforit;andthehistoryofheathenracesisfullofinstanceswheremenhavelaiddowntheirlivesfortheloveoftheirkind,oftheircountry,oftruth,nay,evenforsimplemanhood’ssake,ortoshowtheirobedienceorfidelity。Whatwouldnotsuchbeingshavedoneforthesoulsofmen,fortheChristiancommonwealth,fortheKingofKings,iftheyhadlivedindaysoflargerlight?Whichseemstoyounearestheaven,Socratesdrinkinghishemlock,Regulusgoingbacktotheenemy’scamp,orthatoldNewEnglanddivinesittingcomfortablyinhisstudyandchucklingoverhisconceitofcertainpoorwomen,whohadbeenburnedtodeathinhisowntown,going\"roaringoutofonefireintoanother\"?
Idon’tbelievehesaidanysuchthing,——repliedthePoorRelation。
Itishardtobelieve,——saidI,——butitistrueforallthat。Inanotherhundredyearsitwillbeasincrediblethatmentalkedaswesometimeshearthemnow。
Pectusestquodfacittheologum。Theheartmakesthetheologian。
Everyrace,everycivilization,eitherhasanewrevelationofitsownoranewinterpretationofanoldone。DemocraticAmerica,hasadifferenthumanityfromfeudalEurope,andsomusthaveanewdivinity。See,foronemoment,howintelligencereactsonourfaiths。TheBiblewasadivining-booktoourancestors,andissostillinthehandsofsomeofthevulgar。ThePuritanswenttotheOldTestamentfortheirlaws;theMormonsgotoitfortheirpatriarchalinstitution。Everygenerationdissolvessomethingnewandprecipitatessomethingonceheldinsolutionfromthatgreatstorehouseoftemporaryandpermanenttruths。
Youmayobservethis:thattheconversationofintelligentmenofthestrictersectsisstrangelyinadvanceoftheformulathatbelongtotheirorganizations。Sotrueisthis,thatIhavedoubtswhetheralargeproportionofthemwouldnothavebeenratherpleasedthanoffended,iftheycouldhaveoverheardour,talk。For,lookyou,I
thinkthereishardlyaprofessionalteacherwhowillnotinprivateconversationallowalargepartofwhatwehavesaid,thoughitmayfrightenhiminprint;andIknowwellwhatanunder-currentofsecretsympathygivesvitalitytothosepoorwordsofminewhichsometimesgetahearing。
Idon’tmindtheexclamationofanyoldstagerwhodrinksMadeiraworthfromtwotosixBiblesabottle,andburns,accordingtohisownpremises,adozensoulsayearinthecigarswithwhichhemuddleshisbrains。Butasforthegoodandtrueandintelligentmenwhomweseeallaroundus,laborious,self-denying,hopeful,helpful,——menwhoknowthattheactivemindofthecenturyistendingmoreandmoretothetwopoles,RomeandReason,thesovereignchurchorthefreesoul,authorityorpersonality,GodinusorGodinourmasters,andthat,thoughamanmaybyaccidentstandhalf-waybetweenthesetwopoints,hemustlookonewayortheother,——Idon’tbelievetheywouldtakeoffenceatanythingIhavereportedofourlateconversation。
Butsupposinganyonedotakeoffenceatfirstsight,lethimlookoverthesenotesagain,andseewhetherheisquitesurehedoesnotagreewithmostofthesethingsthatweresaidamongstus。Ifheagreeswithmostofthem,lethimbepatientwithanopinionhedoesnotaccept,oranexpressionorillustrationalittletoovivacious。
Idon’tknowthatIshallreportanymoreconversationsonthesetopics;butIdoinsistontherighttoexpressacivilopiniononthisclassofsubjectswithoutgivingoffence,justwhenandwhereI
please,——unless,asinthelecture-room,thereisanimpliedcontracttokeepclearofdoubtfulmatters。Youdidn’tthinkamancouldsitatabreakfast-tabledoingnothingbutmakingpunseverymorningforayearortwo,andnevergiveathoughttothetwothousandofhisfellow-creatureswhoarepassingintoanotherstateduringeveryhourthathesitstalkingandlaughing。Ofcourse,theonematterthatarealhumanbeingcaresforiswhatisgoingtobecomeofthemandofhim。Andtheplaintruthis,thatagoodmanypeoplearesayingonethingaboutitandbelievinganother——
HowdoIknowthat?Why,Ihaveknownandlovedtotalkwithgoodpeople,allthewayfromRometoGenevaindoctrine,aslongasIcanremember。Besides,therealreligionoftheworldcomesfromwomenmuchmorethanfrommen,——frommothersmostofall,whocarrythekeyofoursoulsintheirbosoms。Itisintheirheartsthatthe\"sentimental\"religionsomepeoplearesofondofsneeringathasitssource。Thesentimentoflove,thesentimentofmaternity,thesentimentoftheparamountobligationoftheparenttothechildashavingcalleditintoexistence,enhancedjustinproportiontothepowerandknowledgeoftheoneandtheweaknessandignoranceoftheother,——thesearethe\"sentiments\"thathavekeptoursoullesssystemsfromdrivingmenofftodieinholeslikethosethatriddlethesidesofthehilloppositetheMonasteryofSt。Saba,wherethemiserablevictimsofafalsely-interpretedreligionstarvedandwitheredintheirdelusion。
Ihavelookedonthefaceofasaintlywomanthisveryday,whosecreedmanydreadandhate,butwhoselifeislovelyandnoblebeyondallpraise。WhenIrememberthebitterwordsIhaveheardspokenagainstherfaith,bymenwhohaveanInquisitionwhichexcommunicatesthosewhoasktoleavetheircommunioninpeace,andanIndexExpurgatoriusonwhichthisarticlemaypossiblyhavethehonoroffiguring,——and,farworsethanthese,thereluctant,pharisaicalconfession,thatitmightperhapsbepossiblethatonewhosobelievedshouldbeacceptedoftheCreator,——andthenrecallthesweetpeaceandlovethatshowthroughallherlooks,thepriceofuntoldsacrificesandlabors,andagainrecollecthowthousandsofwomen,filledwiththesamespirit,die,withoutamurmur,toearthlylife,dietotheirownnameseven,thattheymayknownothingbuttheirholyduties,——whilemenaretorturinganddenouncingtheirfellows,andwhilewecanheardayandnighttheclinkingofthehammersthataretrying,likethebruteforcesinthe\"Prometheus,\"
torivettheiradamantinewedgesrightthroughthebreastofhumannature,——Ihavebeenreadytobelievethatwehaveevennowanewrevelation,andthenameofitsMessiahisWOMAN!——
Ishouldbesorry,——Iremarked,adayortwoafterwards,tothedivinity-student,——ifanythingIsaidtendedinanywaytofosteranyjealousybetweentheprofessions,ortothrowdisrespectuponthatoneonwhosecounselandsympathiesalmostallofusleaninourmomentsoftrial。Butwearefalsetoournewconditionsoflife,ifwedonotresolutelymaintainourreligiousaswellasourpoliticalfreedom,inthefaceofanyandallsupposedmonopolies。Certainmenwill,ofcourse,saytwothings,ifwedonottaketheirviews:
first,thatwedon’tknowanythingaboutthesematters;and,secondly,thatwearenotsogoodastheyare。Theyhaveapolarizedphraseologyforsayingthesethings,butitcomestopreciselythat。
Towhichitmaybeanswered,inthefirstplace,thatwehavegoodauthorityforsayingthatevenbabesandsucklingsknowsomething;
and,inthesecond,that,ifthereisamoteorsotoberemovedfromourpremises,thecourtsandcouncilsofthelastfewyearshavefoundbeamsenoughinsomeotherquarterstobuildachurchthatwouldholdallthegoodpeopleinBostonandhavesticksenoughlefttomakeabonfireforalltheheretics。
Astothatterribledepolarizingprocessofmine,ofwhichweweretalkingtheotherday,Iwillgiveyouaspecimenofonewayofmanagingit,ifyoulike。Idon’tbelieveitwillhurtyouoranybody。Besides,Ihadagreatdealratherfinishourtalkwithpleasantimagesandgentlewordsthanwithsharpsayings,whichwillonlyaffordatext,ifanybodyrepeatsthem,forendlessrelaysofattacksfromMessrs。Ananias,Shimei,andRabshakeh。
[Imustleavesuchgentry,ifanyofthemshowthemselves,inthehandsofmyclericalfriends,manyofwhomarereadytostandupfortherightsofthelaity,——andtothoseblessedsouls,thegoodwomen,towhomthisversionofthestoryofamother’shiddenhopesandtenderanxietiesisdedicatedbytheirpeacefulandlovingservant。]
AMOTHER’SSECRET。
Howsweetthesacredlegend——ifunblamedInmyslightversesuchholythingsarenamed——
OfMary’ssecrethoursofhiddenjoy,Silent,butponderingonherwondrousboy!
Ave,Maria!Pardon,ifIwrongThoseheavenlywordsthatshamemyearthlysong!
Thechoralhosthadclosedtheangel’sstrainSungtothemidnightwatchonBethlehem’splain;
Andnowtheshepherds,hasteningontheirway,SoughtthestillhamletwheretheInfantlay。
TheypassedthefieldsthatgleaningRuthtoiledO’er,Theysawafartheruinedthreshing-floorWhereMoab’sdaughter,homelessandforlorn,FoundBoazslumberingbyhisheapsofcorn;
Andsomerememberedhowtheholyscribe,Skilledintheloreofeveryjealoustribe,TracedthewarmbloodofJesse’sroyalsonTothatfairalien,bravelywooedandwon。
SofaredtheyontoseekthepromisedsignThatmarkedtheanointedheirofDavid’sline。
Atlast,byformsofearthlysemblanceled,Theyfoundthecrowdedinn,theoxen’sshed。
Nopompwasthere,nogloryshonearoundOnthecoarsestrawthatstrewedthereekingground;
Onedimretreataflickeringtorchbetrayed,InthatpoorcelltheLordofLifewaslaid!
ThewonderingshepherdstoldtheirbreathlesstaleOfthebrightchoirthatwokethesleepingvale;
Toldhowtheskieswithsuddengloryflamed;
Toldhowtheshiningmultitudeproclaimed\"Joy,joytoearth!Beholdthehallowedmorn!
InDavid’scityChristtheLordisborn!
’GlorytoGod!’letangelsshoutonhigh,’Good-willtomen!’thelisteningEarthreply!\"
Theyspokewithhurriedwordsandaccentswild;
Calminhiscradleslepttheheavenlychild。
Notremblingwordthemother’sjoyrevealed,Onesighofrapture,andherlipsweresealed;
Unmovedshesawtherustictraindepart,Butkepttheirwordstoponderinherheart。
Twelveyearshadpassed;theboywasfairandtall,Growinginwisdom,findinggracewithall。
ThemaidsofNazareth,astheytroopedtofillTheirbalancedurnsbesidethemountain-rill,Thegatheredmatrons,astheysatandspun,SpokeinsoftwordsofJoseph’squietson。
NovoicehadreachedtheGalileanvaleOfstar-ledkingsorawe-struckshepherds’tale;
Inthemeek,studiouschildtheyonlysawThefutureRabbi,learnedinIsrael’slaw。
Sogrewtheboy;andnowthefeastwasnear,Whenattheholyplacethetribesappear。
Scarcehadthehome-bredchildofNazarethseenBeyondthehillsthatgirtthevillage-green,Savewhenatmidnight,o’erthestar-litsands,SnatchedfromthesteelofHerod’smurderingbands,Ababe,close-foldedtohismother’sbreast,ThroughEdom’swildshesoughttheshelteringWest。
ThenJosephspake:\"Thyboyhathlargelygrown;
Weavehimfineraiment,fittingtobeshown;
Fairrobesbeseemthepilgrim,asthepriestGoeshenotwithustotheholyfeast?\"
AndMaryculledtheflaxenfibreswhite;
Tilleveshespun;shespuntillmorninglight。
Thethreadwastwined;itspartingmeshesthrough>Fromhandtohandherrestlessshuttleflew,Tillthefullwebwaswounduponthebeam,Love’scurioustoil,——avestwithoutaseam!
Theyreachtheholyplace,fulfilthedaysTosolemnfeastinggiven,andgratefulpraise。
Atlasttheyturn,andfarMoriah’sheightMeltsinthesouthernskyandfadesfromsight。
AlldaytheduskycaravanhasflowedIndevioustrailsalongthewindingroad,Formanyasteptheirhomewardpathattends,AndallthesonsofAbrahamareasfriends。
Eveninghascome,——thehourofrestandjoy;
Hush!hush!——thatwhisper,-\"WhereisMary’sboy?\"
Owearyhour!OachingdaysthatpassedFilledwithstrangefears,eachwilderthanthelast:
Thesoldier’slance,——thefiercecenturion’ssword,ThecrushingwheelsthatwhirlsomeRomanlord,Themidnightcryptthatsuck’sthecaptive’sbreath,TheblisteringsunonHinnom’svaleofdeath!
Thriceonhischeekhadrainedthemorninglight,Thriceonhislipsthemildewedkissofnight,Crouchedbysomeporphyrycolumn’sshiningplinth,Orstretchedbeneaththeodorousterebinth。
Atlast,indesperatemood,theysoughtoncemoreTheTemple’sporches,searchedinvainbefore;
Theyfoundhimseatedwiththeancientmen,Thegrimoldrufflersofthetongueandpen,Theirbaldheadsglisteningastheyclusterednear;
Theirgraybeardsslantingastheyturnedtohear,Lostinhalf-enviouswonderandsurpriseThatlipssofreshshouldutterwordssowise。
AndMarysaid,——asonewho,triedtoolong,Tellsallhergriefandhalfhersenseofwrong,Whatisthisthoughtlessthingwhichthouhastdone?
Lo,wehavesoughttheesorrowing,Omyson!
\"Fewwordshespake,andscarceoffilialtone,Strangewords,theirsenseamysteryyetunknown;
Thenturnedwiththemandlefttheholyhill,Toalltheirmildcommandsobedientstill。
ThetalewastoldtoNazareth’ssobermen,AndNazareth’smatronstolditoftagain;
Themaidsretolditatthefountain’sside;
Theyouthfulshepherdsdoubtedordenied;
Itpassedaroundamongthelisteningfriends,Withallthatfancyaddsandfictionfends,TillnewermarvelsdimmedtheyoungrenownOfJoseph’sson,whotalkedtheRabbisdown。
ButMary,faithfultoitslightestword,Keptinherheartthesayingsshehadheard,TillthedreadmorningrenttheTemple’sveil,AndshudderingEarthconfirmedthewondroustale。
Youthfades;lovedroops;theleavesoffriendshipfall;
Amother’ssecrethopeoutlivesthemall。
VI
Youdon’tlooksodreadfulpoorinthefaceasyoudidawhileback。
Bloatedsome,Iexpect。
ThiswasthecheerfulandencouragingandelegantremarkwithwhichthePoorRelationgreetedthedivinity-studentonemorning。
Ofcourseeverygoodmanconsidersitagreatsacrificeonhisparttocontinuelivinginthistransitory,unsatisfactory,andparticularlyunpleasantworld。Thisissomuchamatterofcourse,thatIwassurprisedtoseethedivinity-studentchangecolor。Hetookalookatasmallanduncertain-mindedglasswhichhungslantingforwardoverthechappedsideboard。Theimageitreturnedtohimhadthecolorofaveryyoungpeasomewhatoverboiled。Thesceneryofalongtragicdramaflashedthroughhismindasthelightning-express-
trainwhishesbyastation:thegradualdismantlingprocessofdisease;friendslookingon,sympathetic,butsecretlychucklingovertheirownstomachsofironandlungsofcaoutchouc;nursesattentive,butcalculatingtheircrop,andthinkinghowsoonitwillberipe,sothattheycangotoyourneighbor,whoisgoodforayearorsolonger;doctorsassiduous,butgivingthemselvesamentalshake,astheygooutofyourdoor,whichthrowsoffyourparticulargriefasaduckshedsaraindropfromhisoilyfeathers;undertakerssolemn,buthappy;thenthegreatsubsoilcultivator,whoplants,butneverlooksforfruitinhisgarden;thenthestone-cutter,whoputsyournameontheslabwhichhasbeenwaitingforyoueversincethebirdsorbeastsmadetheirtracksonthenewredsandstone;thenthegrassandthedandelionsandthebuttercups,——Earthsayingtothemortalbody,withhersweetsymbolism,\"Youhavescarredmybosom,butyouareforgiven\";thenaglimpseofthesoulasafloatingconsciousnesswithoutverydefiniteformorplace,butdimlyconceivedofasanuprightcolumnofvaporormistseveraltimeslargerthanlife-size,sofarasitcouldbesaidtohaveanysizeatall,wanderingaboutandlivingathinandhalf-awakelifeforwantofgoodold-fashionedsolidmattertocomedownuponwithfootandfist,——infact,havingneitherfootnorfist,norconveniencesfortakingthesittingposture。
Andyetthedivinity-studentwasagoodChristian,andthoseheathenimageswhichremindoneofthechildlikefanciesofthedyingAdrianwereonlytheeffortsofhisimaginationtogiveshapetotheformlessandpositiontotheplaceless。NeitherdidhisthoughtsspreadthemselvesoutandlinkthemselvesasIhavedisplayedthem。
Theycameconfusedlyintohismindlikeaheapofbrokenmosaics,——
sometimesapartofthepicturecompleteinitself,sometimesconnectedfragments,andsometimesonlysingleseveredstones。
Theydidnotdiffusealightofcelestialjoyoverhiscountenance。
Onthecontrary,thePoorRelation’sremarkturnedhimpale,asI
havesaid;andwhentheterriblewrinkledandjaundicedlooking-glassturnedhimgreeninaddition,andhesawhimselfinit,itseemedtohimasifitwereallsettled,andhisbookoflifeweretobeshutnotyethalf-read,andgobacktothedustoftheunder-groundarchives。Hecoughedamildshortcough,asiftopointthedirectioninwhichhisdownwardpathwastending。Itwasanhonestlittlecoughenough,sofarasappearanceswent。Butcoughsareungratefulthings。Youfindoneoutinthecold,takeitupandnurseitandmakeeverythingofit,dressitupwarm,giveitallsortsofbalsamsandotherfooditlikes,andcarryitroundinyourbosomasifitwereaminiaturelapdog。Andby-and-byitslittlebarkgrowssharpandsavage,and——confoundthething!——youfinditisawolf’swhelpthatyouhavegotthere,andheisgnawinginthebreastwherehehasbeennestlingsolong——ThePoorRelationsaidthatsomebody’ssurrupwasgoodforfolksthatweregettin’intoabadway——Thelandladyhadheardofdesperatecasescuredbycherry-
pictorial。
Whiskey’sthefellah,——saidtheyoungmanJohn——Makeitintopunch,coldatdinner-time’n’hotatbed-time。I’llcomeup’n’showyouhowtomixit。Haven’tanyofyouseenthewonderfulfatmanexhibitin’downinHanoverStreet?
MasterBenjaminFranklinrushedintothedialoguewithabreezyexclamation,thathehadseenagreatpicteroutsideoftheplacewherethefatmanwasexhibitin’。Triedtogetinathalf-price,butthemanatthedoorlookedathisteethandsaidhewasmore’ntenyearold。
Itisn’ttwoyears,——saidtheyoungmanJohn,sincethatfatfellahwasexhibitin’hereastheLivin’Skeleton。Whiskey——that’swhatdidit,——realBurbon’sthestuff。Hotwater,sugar,’n’jestalittleshavin’oflemon-skininit,——skin,mindyou,noneo’yourjuice;
takeitoffthin,——shapeofoneofthemflatcurlsthefactory-girlswearonthesidesoftheirforeheads。
ButIamateetotaller,——saidthedivinity-studentinasubduedtone;——notnoticingtheenormouslengthofthebow-stringtheyoungfellowhadjustdrawn。
Hetookuphishatandwentout。
Ithinkyouhaveworriedthatyoungmanmorethanyoumeant,——Isaid——
Idon’tbelievehewilljumpoffoneofthebridges,forhehastoomuchprinciple;butImeantofollowhimandseewherehegoes,forhelooksasifhismindweremadeuptosomething。
Ifollowedhimatareasonabledistance。Hewalkeddoggedlyalong,lookingneithertotherightnortheleft,turnedintoStateStreet,andmadeforawell-knownLife-InsuranceOffice。Luckily,thedoctorwasthereandoverhauledhimonthespot。Therewasnothingthematterwithhim,hesaid,andhecouldhavehislifeinsuredasasoundone。Hecameoutingoodspirits,andtoldmethissoonafter。
Thisledmetomakesomeremarksthenextmorningonthemannersofwell-bredandill-bredpeople。
Ibegan,——Thewholeessenceoftruegentle-breedingonedoesnotliketosaygentilityliesinthewishandthearttobeagreeable。
Good-breedingissurface-Christianity。Everylook,movement,tone,expression,subjectofdiscourse,thatmaygivepaintoanotherishabituallyexcludedfromconversationalintercourse。Thisisthereasonwhyrichpeopleareapttobesomuchmoreagreeablethanothers——
Ithoughtyouwereagreatchampionofequality,——saidthediscreetandsevereladywhohadaccompaniedouryoungfriend,theLatinTutor’sdaughter。
Igopoliticallyforequality,——Isaid,——andsociallyforthequality。
Whoarethe\"quality,\"——saidtheModel,etc。,inacommunitylikeours?
IconfessIfindthisquestionalittledifficulttoanswer,——Isaid——
Nothingisbetterknownthanthedistinctionofsocialrankswhichexistsineverycommunity,andnothingishardertodefine。Thegreatgentlemenandladiesofaplaceareitsreallordsandmastersandmistresses;theyarethequality,whetherinamonarchyorarepublic;mayorsandgovernorsandgeneralsandsenatorsandex-
presidentsarenothingtothem。Howwellweknowthis,andhowseldomitfindsadistinctexpression!NowItellyoutruly,I
believeinmanasman,andIdisbelieveinalldistinctionsexceptsuchasfollowthenaturallinesofcleavageinasocietywhichhascrystallizedaccordingtoitsowntruelaws。Buttheessenceofequalityistobeabletosaythetruth;andthereisnothingmorecuriousthanthesetruthsrelatingtothestratificationofsociety。
Ofallthefactsinthisworldthatdonottakeholdofimmortality,thereisnotonesointenselyreal,permanent,andengrossingasthisofsocialposition,——asyouseebythecircumstancesthatthecoreofallthegreatsocialorderstheworldhasseenhasbeen,andisstill,forthemostpart,aprivilegedclassofgentlemenandladiesarrangedinaregularscaleofprecedenceamongthemselves,butsuperiorasabodytoallelse。
NothingbutanidealChristianequality,whichwehavebeengettingfartherawayfromsincethedaysofthePrimitiveChurch,canpreventthissubdivisionofsocietyintoclassesfromtakingplaceeverywhere,——inthegreatcentresofourrepublicasmuchasinoldEuropeanmonarchies。Onlytherepositionismoreabsolutelyhereditary,——hereitismorecompletelyelective——
Whereistheelectionheld?andwhatarethequalifications?andwhoaretheelectors?——saidtheModel。
Nobodyeverseeswhenthevoteistaken;thereneverisaformalvote。Thewomensettleitmostly;andtheyknowwonderfullywellwhatispresentable,andwhatcan’tstandtheblazeofthechandeliersandthecriticaleyeandearofpeopletrainedtoknowastaringshadeinaribbon,afalselightinajewel,anill-bredtone,anangularmovement,everythingthatbetraysacoarsefibreandcheaptraining。Asageneralthing,youdonotgeteleganceshortoftwoorthreeremovesfromthesoil,outofwhichourbestblooddoubtlesscomes,——quiteasgood,nodoubt,asifitcamefromthoseoldprize-fighterswithironpotsontheirheads,towhomsomegreatpeoplearesofondoftracingtheirdescentthroughalineofsmallartisansandpettyshopkeeperswhoseveinshaveheld\"base\"fluidenoughtofilltheCloacaMaxima!
Doesnotmoneygoeverywhere?——saidtheModel。
Almost。Andwithgoodreason。Forthoughtherearenumerousexceptions,richpeopleare,asIsaid,commonlyaltogetherthemostagreeablecompanions。Theinfluenceofafinehouse,gracefulfurniture,goodlibraries,well-orderedtables,trimservants,and,aboveall,apositionsosecurethatonebecomesunconsciousofit,givesaharmonyandrefinementtothecharacterandmannerswhichwefeel,ifwecannotexplaintheircharm。Yetwecangetatthereasonofitbythinkingalittle。
Alltheseappliancesaretoshieldthesensibilityfromdisagreeablecontacts,andtosootheitbyvariednaturalandartificialinfluences。Inthiswaythemind,thetaste,thefeelings,growdelicate,justasthehandsgrowwhiteandsoftwhensavedfromtoilandincasedinsoftgloves。Thewholenaturebecomessubduedintosuavity。IconfessIlikethequalityladiesbetterthanthecommonkindevenofliteraryones。Theyhaven’treadthelastbook,perhaps,buttheyattendbettertoyouwhenyouaretalkingtothem。
Iftheyareneverlearned,theymakeupforitintactandelegance。
Besides,Ithink,onthewhole,thereislessself-assertionindiamondsthanindogmas。Idon’tknowwhereyouwillfindasweeterportraitofhumilitythaninEsther,thepoorplay-girlofKingAhasuerus;yetEstherputonherroyalapparelwhenshewentbeforeherlord。IhavenodoubtshewasamoregraciousandagreeablepersonthanDeborah,whojudgedthepeopleandwrotethestoryofSisera。Thewisestwomanyoutalkwithisignorantofsomethingthatyouknow,butanelegantwomanneverforgetsherelegance。
Dowdyismisclearlyanexpressionofimperfectvitality。Thehighestfashionisintenselyalive,——notalivenecessarilytothetruestandbestthings,butwithitsbloodtingling,asitwere,inallitsextremitiesandtothefarthestpointofitssurface,sothatthefeatherinitsbonnetisasfreshasthecrestofafighting-cock,andtherosetteonitsslipperasclean-cutandpimpantpronounceitEnglishfashion,——itisagoodwordasadahlia。Asageneralrule,thatsocietywhereflatteryisactedismuchmoreagreeablethanthatwhereitisspoken。Don’tyouseewhy?Attentionanddeferencedon’trequireyoutomakefinespeechesexpressingyoursenseofunworthinessliesandreturningallthecomplimentspaidyou。Thisisonereason——
Awomanofsenseoughttobeaboveflatteringanyman,——saidtheModel。
[Myreflection。Oh!oh!nowonderyoudidn’tgetmarried。Servedyouright。]Myremark。Surely,Madam,——ifyoumeanbyflatterytellingpeopleboldlytotheirfacesthattheyarethisorthat,whichtheyarenot。Butawomanwhodoesnotcarryaboutwithherwherevershegoesahaloofgoodfeelinganddesiretomakeeverybodycontented,——anatmosphereofgrace,mercy,andpeace,ofatleastsixfeetradius,whichwrapseveryhumanbeinguponwhomshevoluntarilybestowsherpresence,andsoflattershimwiththecomfortablethoughtthatsheisrathergladheisalivethanotherwise,isn’tworththetroubleoftalkingto,asawoman;shemaydowellenoughtoholddiscussionswith——
Idon’tthinktheModelexactlylikedthis。Shesaid,——alittlespitefully,Ithought,——thatasensiblemanmightstandalittlepraise,butwouldofcoursesoongetsickofit,ifhewereinthehabitofgettingmuch。
Oh,yes,——Ireplied,——justasmengetsickoftobacco。Itisnotorioushowapttheyaretogettiredofthatvegetable——
That’sso!——saidtheyoungfellowJohn,——I’vegottiredofmycigarsandburnt’emallup。
Iamheartilygladtohearit,——saidtheModel,——Iwishtheywerealldisposedofinthesameway。
SodoI,——saidtheyoungfellowJohn。
Can’tyougetyourfriendstounitewithyouincommittingthoseodiousinstrumentsofdebaucherytotheflamesinwhichyouhaveconsumedyourown?
IwishIcould,——saidtheyoungfellowJohn。
Itwouldbeanoblesacrifice,——saidtheModel,andeveryAmericanwomanwouldbegratefultoyou。Letusburnthemallinaheapoutintheyard。
Thata’n’tmyway,——saidtheyoungfellowJohn;——Iburn’emone’t’
time,——littleendinmymouthandbigendoutside——
Iwatchedfortheeffectofthissuddenchangeofprogramme,whenitshouldreachthecalmstillnessoftheModel’sinteriorapprehension,asaboywatchesforthesplashofastonewhichhehasdroppedintoawell。Butbeforeithadfairlyreachedthewater,poorIris,whohadfollowedtheconversationwithacertaininterestuntilitturnedthissharpcorner,forsheseemsrathertofancytheyoungfellowJohn,laughedoutsuchaclear,loudlaugh,thatitstartedusalloff,asthelocust-cryofsomefull-throatedsopranodragsamultitudinouschorusafterit。Itwasplainthatsomedamorotherhadbrokeninthesoulofthisyounggirl,andshewassquaringupoldscoresoflaughter,outofwhichshehadbeencheated,withagrandfloodofmerrimentthatsweptallbeforeit。
Sowehadagreatlaughallround,inwhichtheModel——who,ifshehadasmanyvirtuesastherearespokestoawheel,allcompactedwithapersonalityasroundandcompleteasitstire,yetwantedthatonelittleadditionofgrace,whichseemssosmall,andisasimportantasthelinchpinintrundlingovertheroughwaysoflife——
hadnotthetacttojoin。Sheseemedtobe\"stuffy\"aboutit,astheyoungfellowJohnsaid。Infact,Iwasafraidthejokewouldhavecostusbothournewlady-boarders。Ithadnoeffect,however,except,perhaps,tohastenthedepartureoftheelderofthetwo,whocould,onthewhole,bespared——
Ihadmeanttomakethisnoteofourconversationatextforafewaxiomsonthematterofbreeding。Butitsohappened,that,exactlyatthispointofmyrecord,averydistinguishedphilosopher,whomseveralofourboardersandmyselfgotohear,andwhomnodoubtmanyofmyreadersfollowhabitually,treatedthismatterofmanners。Uptothispoint,ifIhavebeensofortunateastocoincidewithhiminopinion,andsounfortunateastotrytoexpresswhathehasmorefelicitouslysaid,nobodyistoblame;forwhathasbeengiventhusfarwasallwrittenbeforethelecturewasdelivered。ButwhatshallIdonow?Hetoldusitwaschildishtolaydownrulesfordeportment,——buthecouldnothelplayingdownafew。
Thus,——Nothingsovulgarastobeinahurry。True,buthardofapplication。Peoplewithshortlegsstepquickly,becauselegsarependulums,andswingmoretimesinaminutetheshortertheyare。
Generallyanaturalrhythmrunsthroughthewholeorganization:
quickpulse,fastbreathing,hastyspeech,rapidtrainsofthought,excitabletemper。Stillnessofpersonandsteadinessoffeaturesaresignalmarksofgood-breeding。Vulgarpersonscan’tsitstill,or,atleast,theymustworktheirlimbsorfeatures。
Talkingofone’sownailsandgrievances——Badenough,butnotsobadasinsultingthepersonyoutalkwithbyremarkingonhisill-
looks,orappealingtonoticeanyofhispersonalpeculiarities。
Apologizing——Averydesperatehabit,——onethatisrarelycured。
Apologyisonlyegotismwrongsideout。Ninetimesoutoften,thefirstthingaman’scompanionknowsofhisshortcomingisfromhisapology。Itismightypresumptuousonyourparttosupposeyoursmallfailuresofsomuchconsequencethatyoumustmakeatalkaboutthem。
Gooddressing,quietways,lowtonesofvoice,lipsthatcanwait,andeyesthatdonotwander,——shynessofpersonalities,exceptincertainintimatecommunions,——tobelightinhandinconversation,tohaveideas,buttobeabletomaketalk,ifnecessary,withoutthem,——tobelongtothecompanyyouarein,andnottoyourself,——tohavenothinginyourdressorfurnituresofinethatyoucannotaffordtospoilitandgetanotherlikeit,yettopreservetheharmonies,throughoutyourpersonand——dwelling:Ishouldsaythatthiswasafaircapitalofmannerstobeginwith。
Underbadmanners,asundergraverfaults,liesverycommonlyanoverestimateofourspecialindividuality,asdistinguishedfromourgenerichumanity。Itisjustherethattheveryhighestsocietyassertsitssuperiorbreeding。Amongtrulyelegantpeopleofthehighestton,youwillfindmorerealequalityinsocialintercoursethaninacountryvillage。Asnunsdroptheirbirth-namesandbecomeSisterMargaretandSisterMary,sohigh-bredpeopledroptheirpersonaldistinctionsandbecomebrothersandsistersofconversationalcharity。Norarefashionablepeoplewithouttheirheroism。Ibelievetherearemenwhohaveshownasmuchself-
devotionincarryingalonewall-flowerdowntothesupper-tableaseversaintormartyrintheactthathascanonizedhisname。ThereareFlorenceNightingalesoftheballroom,whomnothingcanholdbackfromtheirerrandsofmercy。Theyfindoutthered-handed,glovelessundergraduateofbucolicantecedents,ashesquirmsinhiscorner,anddistilltheirsoftwordsuponhimlikedewuponthegreenherb。Theyreacheventhepoorrelation,whosedrearyapparitionsaddenstheperfumedatmosphereofthesumptuousdrawing-
room。Ihaveknownoneoftheseangelsask,ofherownaccord,thatadesolatemiddle-agedman,whomnobodyseemedtoknow,shouldbepresentedtoherbythehostess。Heworenoshirt-collar,——hehadonblackgloves,——andwasflourishingaredbandannahandkerchief!
Matchmethis,yeproudchildrenofpoverty,whoboastofyourpaltrysacrificesforeachother!Virtueinhumblelife!Whatisthattothegloriousself-renunciationofamartyrinpearlsanddiamonds?AsIsawthisnoblewomanbendinggracefullybeforethesocialmendicant,——thewhitebillowsofherbeautyheavingunderthefoamofthetraitorouslacesthathalfrevealedthem,——Ishouldhaveweptwithsympatheticemotion,butthattears,exceptasaprivatedemonstration,areanill-disguisedexpressionofself-consciousnessandvanity,whichisinadmissibleingoodsociety。
Ihavesometimesthought,withapang,ofthepositioninwhichpoliticalchanceorcontrivancemighthereafterplacesomeoneofourfellow-citizens。Ithashappenedhitherto,sofarasmylimitedknowledgegoes,thatthePresidentoftheUnitedStateshasalwaysbeenwhatmightbecalledingeneraltermsagentleman。Butwhatifatsomefuturetimethechoiceofthepeopleshouldfallupononeonwhomthatloftytitlecouldnot,byanystretchofcharity,bebestowed?Thismayhappen,——howsoonthefutureonlyknows。Thinkofthismiserablemanofcomingpoliticalpossibilities,——anunpresentableboorsuckedintoofficebyoneofthoseeddiesintheflowofpopularsentimentwhichcarrystrawsandchipsintothepublicharbor,whiletheprostratetrunksofthemonarchsoftheforesthurrydownonthesenselessstreamtothegulfofpoliticaloblivion!Thinkofhim,Isay,andoftheconcentratedgazeofgoodsocietythroughitsthousandeyes,allconfluent,asitwere,inonegreatburning-glassoficethatshrivelsitswretchedobjectinfierytorture,itselfcoldastheglacierofanunsunnedcavern!
No,——therewillbeangelsofgood-breedingthenasnow,toshieldthevictimoffreeinstitutionsfromhimselfandfromhistorturers。
Icanfancyalovelywomanplayfullywithdrawingtheknifewhichhewouldabusebymakingitaninstrumentfortheconveyanceoffood,——
or,failinginthiskindartifice,sacrificingherselfbyimitatinghisuseofthatimplement;howmuchharderthantoplungeitintoherbosom,likeLucretia!IcanseeherstudyinginhisprovincialdialectuntilshebecomestheChampollionofNewEnglandorWesternorSouthernbarbarisms。Shehaslearnedthathaowmeanswhat;thatthink-in’isthesamethingasthinking,orshehasfoundoutthemeaningofthatextraordinarymonosyllable,whichnosingle-tonguedphonographercanmakelegible,prevailingonthebanksoftheHudsonandatitsembouchure,andelsewhere,——whattheysaywhentheythinktheysayfirst,fe-eest,——feasintheFrenchle,——orthatcheermeanschair,——orthaturritationmeansirritation,——andsoofotherenormities。Nothingsurprisesher。Thehighestbreeding,youknow,comesroundtotheIndianstandard,——totakeeverythingcoolly,——niladmirari,——ifyouhappentobelearnedandliketheRomanphraseforthesamething。
Ifyoulikethecompanyofpeoplethatstareatyoufromheadtofoottoseeifthereisaholeinyourcoat,orifyouhavenotgrownalittleolder,orifyoureyesarenotyellowwithjaundice,orifyourcomplexionisnotalittlefaded,andsoon,andthenconveythefacttoyou,inthestyleinwhichthePoorRelationaddressedthedivinity-student,——gowiththemasmuchasyoulike。
Ihatethesightofthewretches。Don’tformercy’ssakethinkI
hatethem;thedistinctionisonemyfriendorIdrewlongago。Nomatterwhereyoufindsuchpeople;theyareclowns。
TherichwomanwholooksandtalksinthiswayisnothalfsomuchaladyasherIrishservant,whosepretty\"savingyourpresence,\"whenshehastosaysomethingwhichoffendshernaturalsenseofgoodmanners,hasahintinitofthebreedingofcourts,andthebloodofoldMilesiankings,whichverylikelyrunsinherveins,——thinnedbytwohundredyearsofpotato,which,beinganundergroundfruit,tendstodragdownthegenerationsthataremadeofittotheearthfromwhichitcame,and,fillingtheirveinswithstarch,turnthemintoakindofhumanvegetable。
Isay,ifyoulikesuchpeople,gowiththem。ButIamgoingtomakeapracticalapplicationoftheexampleatthebeginningofthisparticularrecord,whichsomeyoungpeoplewhoaregoingtochooseprofessionaladvisersby-and-bymayrememberandthankmefor。Ifyouaremakingchoiceofaphysician,besureyougetone,ifpossible,withacheerfulandserenecountenance。Aphysicianisnot——atleast,oughtnottobe——anexecutioner;andasentenceofdeathonhisfaceisasbadasawarrantforexecutionsignedbytheGovernor。Asageneralrule,nomanhasarighttotellanotherbywordorlookthatheisgoingtodie。Itmaybenecessaryinsomeextremecases;butasarule,itisthelastextremeofimpertinencewhichonehumanbeingcanoffertoanother。\"Youhavekilledme,\"
saidapatientoncetoaphysicianwhohadrashlytoldhimhewasincurable。Heoughttohavelivedsixmonths,buthewasdeadinsix’weeks。IfwewillonlyletNatureandtheGodofNaturealone,personswillcommonlylearntheirconditionasearlyastheyoughttoknowit,andnotbecheatedoutoftheirnaturalbirthrightofhopeofrecovery,whichisintendedtoaccompanysickpeopleaslongaslifeiscomfortable,andisgraciouslyreplacedbythehopeofheaven,oratleastofrest,whenlifehasbecomeaburdenwhichthebearerisreadytoletfall。
Underbredpeopleteasetheirsickanddyingfriendstodeath。Thechanceofagentlemanorladywithagivenmortalailmenttoliveacertaintimeisasgoodagainasthatofthecommonsortofcoarsepeople。Asyougodownthesocialscale,youreachapointatlengthwherethecommontalkinsickroomsisofchurchyardsandsepulchres,andakindofperpetualvivisectionisforevercarriedon,uponthepersonofthemiserablesufferer。
Andso,inchoosingyourclergyman,otherthingsbeingequal,prefertheoneofawholesomeandcheerfulhabitofmindandbody。Ifyoucangetalongwithpeoplewhocarryacertificateintheirfacesthattheirgoodnessissogreatastomakethemverymiserable,yourchildrencannot。AndwhateveroffendsoneoftheselittleonescannotberightintheeyesofHimwholovedthemsowell。
Afterall,asyouareagentlemanoralady,youwillprobablyselectgentlemenforyourbodilyandspiritualadvisers,andthenallwillberight。
Thisrepetitionoftheabovewords,——gentlemanandlady,——whichcouldnotbeconvenientlyavoided,remindsmewhatstrangeusesaremadeofthembythosewhooughttoknowwhattheymean。Thus,atamarriageceremony,once,oftwoveryexcellentpersonswhohadbeenatservice,insteadof,Doyoutakethisman,etc。?and,Doyoutakethiswoman?howdoyouthinktheofficiatingclergymanputthequestions?Itwas,Doyou,MissSoandSo,takethisGENTLEMAN?
and,Doyou,Mr。ThisorThat,takethisLADY?!WhatwouldanyEnglishduchess,ay,ortheQueenofEnglandherself,havethought,iftheArchbishopofCanterburyhadcalledherandherbridegroomanythingbutplainwomanandmanatsuchatime?
Idon’tdoubtthePoorRelationthoughtitwasallveryfine,ifshehappenedtobeinthechurch;butiftheworthymanwhoutteredthesemonstrouswords——monstrousinsuchaconnection——hadknowntheludicroussurprise,theconvulsionofinwarddisgustandcontempt,thatseizeduponmanyofthepersonswhowerepresent,——hadguessedwhatasuddenflashoflightitthrewontheDutchgilding,thepinchbeck,theshabby,perkingpretensionbelongingtocertainsociallayers,——soinherentintheirwholemodeofbeing,thattheholiestofficesofreligioncannotexcludeitsimpertinences,——thegoodmanwouldhavegivenhismarriage-feetwiceovertorecallthatsuperbandfull-blownvulgarism。Anypersonswhomitcouldpleasecouldhavenobetternotionofwhatthewordsreferredtosignifythanofthemeaningofapsidesandasymptotes。
MAN!Sir!WOMAN!Sir!Gentilityisafinething,nottobeundervalued,asIhavebeentryingtoexplain;buthumanitycomesbeforethat。
\"WhenAdamdelvedandEvespan,Whowasthenthegentleman?\"
Thebeautyofthatplainnessofspeechandmannerswhichcomesfromthefinesttrainingisnottobeunderstoodbythosewhosehabitatisbelowacertainlevel。Justastheexquisitesea-anemonesandallthegracefulocean-flowersdieoutatsomefathomsbelowthesurface,theelegancesandsuavitiesoflifedieoutonebyoneaswesinkthroughthesocialscale。Fortunately,thevirtuesaremoretenaciousoflife,andlastprettywelluntilwegetdowntothemudofabsolutepauperism,wheretheydonotflourishgreatly——
Ihadalmostforgottenaboutourboarders。AstheModelofalltheVirtuesisabouttoleaveus,Ifindmyselfwonderingwhatisthereasonwearenotallverysorry。Surelywealllikegoodpersons。Sheisagoodperson。Thereforewelikeher——Onlywedon’t。
Thisbriefsyllogism,anditsbriefernegative,involvingtheprinciplewhichsomeEnglishconveyancerborrowedfromaFrenchwitandembodiedinthelinesbywhichDr。Fellismadeunamiablyimmortal,thissyllogism,Isay,isonethatmostpersonshavehadoccasiontoconstructanddemolish,respectingsomebodyorother,asIhavedonefortheModel。\"Piousandpainefull。\"Whyhasthatexcellentoldphrasegoneoutofuse?Simplybecausethesegoodpainefullorpainstakingpersonsprovedtobesuchnuisancesinthelongrun,thattheword\"painefull\"came,beforepeoplethoughtofit,tomeanpain-givinginsteadofpainstaking——
So,theoldfellah’soffto-morrah,——saidtheyoungmanJohn。
Oldfellow?——saidI,——whomdoyoumean?
Why,theonethatcamewithourlittlebeauty,theoldfellahinpetticoats——
Nowthatmeanssomething,——saidItomyself——Theseroughyoungrascalsveryoftenhitthenailonthehead,iftheydostrikewiththeireyesshut。Arealwomandoesagreatmanythingswithoutknowingwhyshedoesthem;butthesepatternmachinesmixuptheirintellectswitheverythingtheydo,justlikemen。Theycan’thelpit,nodoubt;butwecan’thelpgettingsickofthem,either。
Intellectistoawoman’snaturewhatherwatch-springskirtistoherdress;itoughttounderliehersilksandembroideries,butnottoshowitselftoostaringlyontheoutside——Youdon’tknow,perhaps,butIwilltellyou;thebrainisthepalestofalltheinternalorgans,andtheheartthereddest。Whatevercomesfromthebraincarriesthehueoftheplaceitcamefrom,andwhatevercomesfromtheheartcarriestheheatandcolorofitsbirthplace。
TheyoungmanJohndidnothearmysoliloquy,ofcourse,butsentuponemorebubblefromoursinkingconversation,intheformofastatement,thatshewasatlibertytogotoapersonagewhoreceivesnovisits,asiscommonlysupposed,fromvirtuouspeople。
Why,Iaskagain,ofmyreader,shouldapersonwhoneverdidanybodyanywrong,but,onthecontrary,isanestimableandintelligent,nay,aparticularlyenlightenedandexemplarymemberofsociety,failtoinspireinterest,love,anddevotion?Becauseofthereversedcurrentintheflowofthoughtandemotion。Theredheartsendsallitsinstinctsuptothewhitebraintobeanalyzed,chilled,blanched,andsobecomepurereason,whichisjustexactlywhatwedonotwantofwomanaswoman。Thecurrentshouldruntheother-way。Thenice,calm,coldthought,whichinwomenshapesitselfsorapidlythattheyhardlyknowitasthought,shouldalwaystraveltothelipsviatheheart。Itdoessointhosewomenwhomallloveandadmire。IttravelsthewrongwayintheModel。ThatisthereasonwhytheLittleGentlemansaid\"Ihateher,Ihateher。\"ThatisthereasonwhytheyoungmanJohncalledherthe\"oldfellah,\"andbanishedhertothecompanyofthegreatUnpresentable。
ThatisthereasonwhyI,theProfessor,ampickinghertopieceswithscalpelandforceps。Thatisthereasonwhytheyounggirlwhomshehasbefriendedrepaysherkindnesswithgratitudeandrespect,ratherthanwiththedevotionandpassionatefondnesswhichliesleepingbeneaththecalmnessofherambereyes。Icanseeher,asshesitsbetweenthisestimableandmostcorrectofpersonagesandthemisshapen,crotchety,oftenviolentandexplosivelittlemanontheothersideofher,leaningandswayingtowardshimasshespeaks,andlookingintohissadeyesasifshefoundsomefountaininthematwhichhersoulcouldquietitsthirst。
WomenliketheModelareanaturalproductofachillyclimateandhighculture。Itisnot\"Thefrolicwindthatbreathesthespring,ZephyrwithAuroraplaying,\"
whenthetwomeet\"——onbedsofvioletsblue,Andfresh-blownroseswashedindew,\"
thatclaimsuchwomenastheiroffspring。Itisrathertheeastwind,asitblowsoutofthefogsofNewfoundland,andclaspsaclear-eyedwintrynoononthechillbridalcouchofaNewEnglandice-quarry——Don’tthrowupyourcapnow,andhurrahasifthisweregivingupeverything,andturningagainstthebestgrowthofourlatitudes,——thedaughtersofthesoil。Thebrain-womenneverinterestusliketheheartwomen;whiterosespleaselessthanred。
ButourNorthernseasonshaveanarrowgreenstreakofspring,aswellasabroadwhitezoneofwinter,——theyhaveaglowingbandofsummerandagoldenstripeofautumnintheirmany-coloredwardrobe;
andwomenareborntousthatwearallthesehuesofearthandheavenintheirsouls。Ourice-eyedbrain-womenarereallyadmirable,ifweonlyaskofthemjustwhattheycangive,andnomore。Onlycomparethem,talkingorwriting,withoneofthosebabbling,chatteringdolls,ofwarmerlatitudes,whodonotknowenougheventokeepoutofprint,andwhoareinterestingtousonlyasspecimensofarrestofdevelopmentforourpsychologicalcabinets。
Good-bye,ModelofalltheVirtues!Wecanspareyounow。Alittleclearperfection,undilutedwithhumanweakness,goesagreatway。
Go!beuseful,behonorableandhonored,bejust,becharitable,talkpurereason,andhelptodisenchanttheworldbythelightofanachromaticunderstanding。Goodbye!WhereismyBeranger?I
mustreadaverseortwoof\"Fretillon。\"
Fairplayforall。Butdon’tclaimincompatiblequalitiesforanybody。Justiceisaveryrarevirtueinourcommunity。
EverythingthatpublicsentimentcaresaboutisputintoaPapin’sdigester,andboiledunderhighpressuretillallisturnedintoonehomogeneouspulp,andtheverybonesgiveuptheirjelly。Whatareallthestrongestepithetsofourdictionarytousnow?Thecriticsandpoliticians,andespeciallythephilanthropists,havechewedthem,tilltheyaremerewadsofsyllable-fibre,withoutasuggestionoftheiroldpungencyandpower。
Justice!Agoodmanrespectstherightsevenofbrutematterandarbitrarysymbols。Ifhewritesthesamewordtwiceinsuccession,byaccident,healwayserasestheonethatstandssecond;hasnotthefirst-comerthepriorright?Thisactofabstractjustice,whichItrustmanyofmyreaders,likemyself,haveoftenperformed,isacuriousanti-illustration,bytheway,oftheabsolutewickednessofhumandispositions。Whydoesn’tamanalwaysstrikeoutthefirstofthetwowords,togratifyhisdiabolicalloveofinjustice?
So,Isay,weoweagenuine,substantialtributeofrespecttothesefilteredintellectswhichhavelefttheirwomanhoodonthestrainer。
Theyaresoclearthatitisapleasureattimestolookattheworldofthoughtthroughthem。Buttheroseandpurpletintsofrichernaturestheycannotgiveus,anditisnotjusttothemtoaskit。
Fashionablesocietygetsattheserichnaturesveryofteninawayonewouldhardlyatfirstthinkof。Itlovesvitalityaboveallthings,sometimesdisguisedbyaffectedlanguor,alwayswellkeptunderbythelawsofgood-breeding,——butstillitlovesabundantlife,opulentandshowyorganizations,——thesphericalratherthantheplanetrigonometryoffemalearchitecture,——plentyofredblood,flashingeyes,tropicalvoices,andformsthatbearthesplendorsofdresswithoutgrowingpalebeneaththeirlustre。Amongtheseyouwillfindthemostdeliciouswomenyouwillevermeet,——womenwhomdressandflatteryandtheroundofcitygayetiescannotspoil,——
talkingwithwhom,youforgettheirdiamondsandlaces,——andaroundwhomallthenicedetailsofelegance,whichthecold-bloodedbeautynextthemisscanningsonicely,blendinoneharmoniouswhole,tooperfecttobedisturbedbythepetulantsparkleofajewel,ortheyellowglareofabangle,orthegaytossofafeather。
TherearemanythingsthatI,personally,lovebetterthanfashionorwealth。Nottospeakofthosehighestobjectsofourloveandloyalty,IthinkIloveeaseandindependencebetterthanthegoldenslaveryofperpetualmatineesandsoirees,orthepleasuresofaccumulation。
Butfashionandwealtharetwoverysolemnrealities,whichthefrivolousclassofmoralistshavetalkedagreatdealofsillystuffabout。FashionisonlytheattempttorealizeArtinlivingformsandsocialintercourse。Whatbusinesshasamanwhoknowsnothingaboutthebeautiful,andcannotpronouncethewordview,totalkaboutfashiontoasetofpeoplewho,ifoneofthequalityleftacardattheirdoors,wouldcontrivetokeepitontheverytopoftheirheapofthenamesoftheirtwo-storyacquaintances,tillitwasasyellowastheCodexVaticanus?
Wealth,too,——whatanendlessrepetitionofthesamefoolishtrivialitiesaboutit!Takethesinglefactofitsallegeduncertaintenureandtransitorycharacter。Inoldtimes,whenmenwereallthetimefightingandrobbingeachother,——inthosetropicalcountrieswheretheSabeansandtheChaldeansstoleallaman’scattleandcamels,andtherewerefrightfultornadoesandrainsoffirefromheaven,itwastrueenoughthatrichestookwingstothemselvesnotunfrequentlyinaveryunexpectedway。But,withcommonprudenceininvestments,itisnotsonow。Infact,thereisnothingearthlythatlastssowell,onthewhole,asmoney。Aman’slearningdieswithhim;evenhisvirtuesfadeoutofremembrance,butthedividendsonthestockshebequeathstohischildrenliveandkeephismemorygreen。
Idonotthinkthereismuchcourageororiginalityingivingutterancetotruthsthateverybodyknows,butwhichgetoverlaidbyconventionaltrumpery。Theonlydistinctionwhichitisnecessarytopointouttofeeble-mindedfolkisthis:that,inassertingthebreadthanddepthofthatsignificancewhichgivestofashionandfortunetheirtremendouspower,wedonotindorsetheextravaganceswhichoftendisgracetheone,northemeannesswhichoftendegradestheother。
Aremarkwhichseemstocontradictauniversallycurrentopinionisnotgenerallytobetaken\"neat,\"butwateredwiththeideasofcommon-senseandcommonplacepeople。So,ifanyofmyyoungfriendsshouldbetemptedtowastetheirsubstanceonwhitekidsand\"all-
rounds,\"ortoinsistonbecomingmillionairesatonce,byanythingIhavesaid,Iwillgivethemreferencestosomeoftheclassreferredto,wellknowntothepublicasprovidersofliterarydiluents,whowillweakenanytruthsothatthereisnotanoldwomaninthelandwhocannottakeitwithperfectimpunity。
IamafraidsomeoftheblessedsaintsindiamondswillthinkImeantoflatterthem。Ihopenot;——ifIdo,setitdownasaweakness。
Butthereissomuchfoolishtalkaboutwealthandfashion,which,ofcourse,drawagoodmanyheartlessandessentiallyvulgarpeopleintotheglareoftheircandelabra,butwhichhavearealrespectabilityandmeaning,ifwewillonlylookatthemstereoscopically,withbotheyesinsteadofone,thatIthoughtitadutytospeakafewwordsforthem。Whycan’tsomebodygiveusalistofthingsthateverybodythinksandnobodysays,andanotherlistofthingsthateverybodysaysandnobodythinks?
Lestmyparishshouldsupposewehaveforgottengravermattersintheselessertopics,Ibegthemtodropthesetriflesandreadthefollowinglessonfortheday。
THETWOSTREAMS。
BeholdtherockywallThatdownitsslopingsidesPourstheswiftrain-drops,blending,astheyfall,Inrushingriver-tides!
Yonstream,whosesourcesrunTurnedbyapebble’sedge,IsAthabasca,rollingtowardthesunThroughthecleftmountain-ledge。
Theslenderrillhadstrayed,Butfortheslantingstone,Toevening’socean,withthetangledbraidOffoam-fleckedOregon。
SofromtheheightsofWillLife’spartingstreamdescends,And,asamomentturnsitsslenderrill,Eachwideningtorrentbends,>Fromthesamecradle’sside,>Fromthesamemother’sknee,——
Onetolongdarknessandthefrozentide,OnetothePeacefulSea!
VII
Ourlandlady’sdaughterisayoungladyofsomepretensionstogentility。Shewearsherbonnetwellbackonherhead,whichisknownbyalltobeamarkofhighbreeding。Shewearshertrainsverylong,asthegreatladiesdoinEurope。Tobesure,theirdressesaresomadeonlytosweepthetapestriedfloorsofchateauxandpalaces;asthoseodiousaristocratsoftheothersidedonotgodragglingthroughthemudinsilksandsatins,but,forsooth,mustrideincoacheswhentheyareinfulldress。Itistrue,that,consideringvarioushabitsoftheAmericanpeople,alsothelittleaccidentswhichthebest-keptsidewalksareliableto,aladywhohassweptamileofthemisnotexactlyinsuchaconditionthatonewouldcaretobeherneighbor。Butthenthereisnoneedofbeingsohardontheseslightweaknessesofthepoor,dearwomenasourlittledeformedgentlemanwastheotherday——
TherearenosuchwomenastheBostonwomen,Sir,——hesaid。
Forty-twodegrees,northlatitude,Rome,Sir,Boston,Sir!TheyhadgrandwomeninoldRome,Sir,——andthewomenboresuchmen——childrenasnevertheworldsawbefore。Andsoitwashere,Sir。Itellyou,therevolutiontheBostonboysstartedhadtoruninwoman’smilkbeforeitraninman’sblood,Sir!
Butconfoundthemake-believewomenwehaveturnedlooseinourstreets!——wheredotheycomefrom?NotoutofBostonparlors,I
trust。Why,thereisn’tabeastorabirdthatwoulddragitstailthroughthedirtinthewaythesecreaturesdotheirdresses。
Becauseaqueenoraduchesswearslongrobesongreatoccasions,amaid-of-all-workorafactory-girlthinksshemustmakeherselfanuisancebytrailingthroughthestreet,pickingupandcarryingaboutwithherpah!——that’swhatIcallgettingvulgarityintoyourbonesandmarrow。Makingbelievebewhatyouarenotistheessenceofvulgarity。Showoverdirtistheoneattributeofvulgarpeople。
Ifanymancanwalkbehindoneofthesewomenandseewhatsherakesupasshegoes,andnotfeelsqueamish,hehasgotatoughstomach。
Iwouldn’tletoneof’emintomyroomwithoutserving’emasDavidservedSaulatthecaveinthewilderness,——cutoffhisskirts,Sir!
cutoffhisskirts!
Isuggested,thatIhadseensomeprettystylishladieswhooffendedinthewayhecondemned。