\"Iconfideinyouentirely,butforgoodness’sakesaynomoreonacircumstancewhichwoundsmysenseofmodesty。YousaidthatI
offeredyoumarriagebecauseyoutooklibertieswithme?\"
\"WasIwrong?\"
\"Yes,partly,atallevents;andyououghttoknowthatifIhadnotgoodreasonsIshouldhavedoneaveryfoolishthinginofferingtomarryyou,butImayaswelltellyouthat,libertiesornoliberties,Ishouldalwayshavelikedyoubetterthananyone。\"
Iwasbesidemyselfwithjoy,andseizingherhandIcovereditwithtenderandrespectfulkisses;andIfeelcertainthatifanotaryandpriesthadbeenthenandthereavailable,Ishouldhavemarriedherwithoutthesmallesthesitation。
Fullofeachother,likealllovers,wepaidnoattentiontothehorribleracketthatwasgoingonattheotherendoftheroom。AtlastIthoughtitmydutytoseewhatwashappening,andleavingmyintendedIrejoinedthecompanytoquietTiretta。
Isawonthetableacasket,itslidopen,andfullofallsortsofjewels;closebyweretwomenwhoweredisputingwithTiretta,whoheldabookinonehand。Isawatoncethattheyweretalkingaboutalottery,butwhyweretheydisputing?Tirettatoldmetheywereapairofknaveswhohadwonthirtyorfortylouisofhimbymeansofthebook,whichhehandedtome。
\"Sir,\"saidoneofthegamesters,\"thisbooktreatsofalotteryinwhichallthecalculationsaremadeinthefairestmannerpossible。
Itcontainstwelvehundredleaves,twohundredbeingwinningleaves,whiletherestareblanks。Anyonewhowantstoplayhasonlytopayacrown,andthentoputapin’spointatrandombetweentwoleavesoftheclosedbook。Thebookisthenopenedattheplacewherethepinis,andiftheleafisblanktheplayerloses;butif,ontheotherhand,theleafbearsanumber,heisgiventhecorrespondingticket,andanarticleofthevalueindicatedontheticketisthenhandedtohim。Pleasetoobserve,sir,thatthelowestprizeistwelvefrancs,andtherearesomenumbersworthasmuchassixhundredfrancs,andevenonetothevalueoftwelvehundred。Wehavebeenplayingforanhour,andhavelostseveralcostlyarticles,andmadam,\"pointingtomysweetheart’saunt,\"haswonaringworthsixlouis,butasshepreferredcash,shecontinuedplayingandlostthemoneyshehadgained。\"
\"Yes,\"saidtheaunt,\"andthesegentlemenhavewoneverybody’smoneywiththeiraccursedgame;whichprovesitisallamerecheat。\"
\"Itprovestheyarerogues,\"saidTiretta。
\"Butgentlemen,\"answeredoneofthem,\"inthatcasethereceiversoftheGovernmentlotteryareroguestoo\";whereonTirettagavehimaboxontheear。Ithrewmyselfbetweenthetwocombatants,andtoldthemnottospeakaword。
\"Alllotteries,\"saidI,\"areadvantageoustotheholders,butthekingisattheheadoftheGovernmentlottery,andIamtheprincipalreceiver,inwhichcharacterIshallproceedtoconfiscatethiscasket,andgiveyouthechoiceofthefollowingalternatives:Youcan,ifyoulike,returntothepersonspresentthemoneyyouhaveunlawfullywonfromthem,whereuponIwillletyougowithyourbox。
Ifyourefusetodoso,Ishallsendforapoliceman,whowilltakeyoutoprison,andto—morrowyouwillbetriedbyM。Berier,towhomIshalltakethisbookinthemorning。Weshallsoonseewhetherweareroguesaswellasthey。\"
Seeingthattheyhadtodowithamanofdetermination,andthatresistancewouldonlyresultintheirlosingall,theyresolvedwithasgoodagraceastheycouldmustertoreturnalltheirwinnings,andforallIknowdoublethesum,fortheywereforcedtoreturnfortylouis,thoughtheysworetheyhadonlywontwenty。Thecompanywastooselectformetoventuretodecidebetweenthem。InpointoffactIwasratherinclinedtobelievetherascals,butIwasangrywiththem,andIwantedthemtopayagoodpriceforhavingmadeacomparison,quiterightinthemain,butodioustomeintheextreme。
Thesamereason,doubtless,preventedmefromgivingthembacktheirbook,whichIhadnoearthlyrighttokeep,andwhichtheyaskedmeinvaintoreturntothem。Myfirmnessandmythreats,andperhapsalsothefearofthepolice,madethemthinkthemselvesluckytogetoffwiththeirjewel—box。Assoonastheyweregonetheladies,likethekindlycreaturestheywere,begantopitythem。\"Youmighthavegiventhembacktheirbook,\"theysaidtome。
\"Andyou,ladies,mighthaveletthemkeeptheirmoney。\"
\"Buttheycheatedusofit。\"
\"Didthey?Well,theircheatingwasdonewiththebook,andIhavedonethemakindnessbytakingitfromthem。\"
Theyfelttheforceofmyremarks,andtheconversationtookanotherturn。
Earlynextmorningthetwogamesterspaidmeavisitbringingwiththemasabribeabeautifulcasketcontainingtwenty—fourlovelypiecesofDresdenchina。Ifoundthisargumentirresistible,andI
feltobligedtoreturnthemthebook,threateningthematthesametimewithimprisonmentiftheydaredtocarryontheirbusinessinParisforthefuture。Theypromisedmetoabstainfromdoingso——nodoubtwithamentalreservation,butIcarednothingaboutthat。
IresolvedtoofferthisbeautifulgifttoMdlle。delaMeure,andI
tookittoherthesameday。Ihadaheartywelcome,andtheauntloadedmewiththanks。
OnMarchthe28th,thedayofDamien’smartyrdom,Iwenttofetchtheladiesingoodtime;andasthecarriagewouldscarcelyholdusall,noobjectionwasmadetomytakingmysweetheartonmyknee,andinthisorderwereachedthePlacedeGreve。Thethreeladiespackingthemselvestogetherastightlyaspossibletookuptheirpositionsatthewindow,leaningforwardontheirelbows,soastopreventusseeingfrombehind。Thewindowhadtwostepstoit,andtheystoodonthesecond;andinordertoseewehadtostandonthesamestep,forifwehadstoodonthefirstweshouldnothavebeenabletoseeovertheirheads。Ihavemyreasonsforgivingtheseminutiae,asotherwisethereaderwouldhavesomedifficultyinguessingatthedetailswhichIamobligedtopassoverinsilence。
Wehadthecouragetowatchthedreadfulsightforfourhours。ThecircumstancesofDamien’sexecutionaretoowellknowntorenderitnecessaryformetospeakofthem;indeed,theaccountwouldbetoolongaone,andinmyopinionsuchhorrorsareanoffencetoourcommonhumanity。
Damienwasafanatic,who,withtheideaofdoingagoodworkandobtainingaheavenlyreward,hadtriedtoassassinateLouisXV。;andthoughtheattemptwasafailure,andheonlygavethekingaslightwound,hewastorntopiecesasifhiscrimehadbeenconsummated。
WhilethisvictimoftheJesuitswasbeingexecuted,IwasseveraltimesobligedtoturnawaymyfaceandtostopmyearsasIheardhispiercingshrieks,halfofhisbodyhavingbeentornfromhim,buttheLambertiniandthefatauntdidnotbudgeaninch。Wasitbecausetheirheartswerehardened?Theytoldme,andIpretendedtobelievethem,thattheirhorroratthewretch’swickednesspreventedThemfeelingthatcompassionwhichhisunheard—oftormentsshouldhaveexcited。ThefactwasthatTirettakeptthepiousauntcuriouslyengagedduringthewholetimeoftheexecution,andthis,perhaps,waswhatpreventedthevirtuousladyfrommovingoreventurningherheadround。
Findinghimselfbehindher,hehadtakentheprecautiontoliftupherdresstoavoidtreadingonit。That,nodoubt,wasaccordingtotherule;butsoonafter,ongivinganinvoluntaryglanceintheirdirection,IfoundthatTirettahadcarriedhisprecautionsratherfar,and,notwishingtointerruptmyfriendortomaketheladyfeelawkward,Iturnedmyheadandstoodinsuchawaythatmysweetheartcouldseenothingofwhatwasgoingon;thisputthegoodladyatherease。FortwohoursafterIheardacontinuousrustling,andrelishingthejokeIkeptquietthewholetime。IadmiredTiretta’sheartyappetitestillmorethanhiscourage,butwhatpleasedmemostwasthetouchingresignationwithwhichthepiousauntboreitall。
AttheendofthislongsessionIsawMadameturnround,anddoingthesameIfixedmygazeonTiretta,andfoundhimlookingasfreshandcoolasifnothinghadhappened,buttheauntseemedtometohavearatherpensiveappearance。ShehadbeenunderthefatalnecessityofkeepingquietandlettingTirettadowhathelikedforfearoftheLambertini’sjests,andlestherniecemightbescandalizedbytherevelationofmysteriesofwhichshewassupposedtoknownothing。
Wesetout,andhavingdroppedthePope’snieceatherdoor,IbeggedhertolendmeTirettaforafewhours,andIthentookMadametoherhouseintheRueSt。Andre—des—Arts。Sheaskedmetocomeandseeherthefollowingdayasshehadsomethingtotellme,andIremarkedthatshetooknonoticeofmyfriendassheleftus。Wewenttothe\"HoteldeRussie,\"wheretheygaveyouanexcellentdinnerforsixfrancsahead,andIthoughtmymadfriendstoodinneedofrecruitinghisstrength。
\"WhatwereyoudoingbehindMadame——?\"saidI。
\"Iamsureyousawnothing,oranybodyelseeither。\"
\"No,becausewhenIsawthebeginningofyourmanoeuvres,andguessedwhatwascoming,IstoodinsuchawaythatneithertheLambertiniortheprettyniececouldseeyou。Icanguesswhatyourgoalwas,andImustsayIadmireyourheartyappetite。Butyourwretchedvictimappearstoberatherangry。\"
\"Oh!mydearfellow,that’salltheaffectationofanoldmaid。Shemaypretendtobeputout,butasshekeptquietthewholetimeIamcertainshewouldbegladtobeginalloveragain。\"
\"Ithinkso,too,inherheartofhearts;butherpridemightsuggestthatyouhadbeenlackinginrespect,andthesuggestionwouldbebynomeansgroundless。\"
\"Respect,yousay;butmustonenotalwaysbelackinginrespecttowomenwhenonewantstocometothepoint?\"
\"Quiteso,butthere’sadistinctionbetweenwhatloversmaydowhentheyaretogether,andwhatisproperinthepresenceofamixedcompany。\"
\"Yes,butIsnatchedfourdistinctfavoursfromher,withouttheleastopposition;hadInotthereforegoodreasonsfortakingherconsentforgranted?\"
\"Youreasonwell,butyouseesheisoutofhumourwithyou。Shewantstospeaktometo—morrow,andIhavenodoubtthatyouwillbethesubjectofourconversation。\"
\"Possibly,butstillIshouldthinkshewouldnotspeaktoyouofthecomicpieceofbusiness;itwouldbeverysillyofher。\"
\"Whyso?Youdon’tknowthesepiouswomen。TheyarebroughtupbyJesuits,whooftengivethemsomegoodlessonsonthesubject,andtheyaredelightedtoconfesstoathirdparty;andtheseconfessionswithaseasoningoftearsgivesthemintheirowneyesquiteahaloofsaintliness。\"
\"Well,lethertellyouifshelikes。Weshallseewhatcomesofit。\"
\"Possiblyshemaydemandsatisfaction;inwhichcaseIshallbegladtodomybestforher。\"
\"Youmakemelaugh!Ican’timaginewhatsortofsatisfactionshecouldclaim,unlessshewantstopunishmebythe’Lextalionis’,whichwouldbehardlypracticablewithoutarepetitionoftheoriginaloffence。Ifshehadnotlikedthegame,allshehadtodowastogivemeapushwhichwouldhavesentmebackwards。\"
\"Yes,butthatwouldhaveletusknowwhatyouhadbeentryingtodo。\"
\"Well,ifitcomestothat,theslightestmovementwouldhaverenderedthewholeprocessnullandvoid;butasitwasshestoodintheproperpositionasquietasalamb;nothingcouldbeeasier。\"
\"It’sanamusingbusinessaltogether。ButdidyounoticethattheLambertiniwasangrywithyou,too?She,perhaps,sawwhatyouweredoing,andfelthurt。\"
\"Oh!shehasgotanothercauseofcomplaintagainstme。Wehavefallenout,andIamleavingherthisevening。\"
\"Really?\"
\"Yes,Iwilltellyouallaboutit。Yesterdayevening,ayoungfellowintheInlandRevenuewhohadbeenseducedtosupwithusbyahussyofGenoa,afterlosingfortylouis,threw,thecardsinthefaceofmylandladyandcalledherathief。OntheimpulseofthemomentItookacandleandputitoutonhisface。Imighthavedestroyedoneofhiseyes,butIfortunatelyhithimonthecheek。
Heimmediatelyranforhissword,minewasready,andiftheGenoesehadnotthrownherselfbetweenusmurdermighthavebeencommitted。
Whenthepoorwretchsawhischeekintheglass,hebecamesofuriousthatnothingshortofthereturnofallhismoneywouldappeasehim。
Theygaveithimback,inspiteofmyadvice,forindoingsotheyadmitted,tacitlyatallevents,thatithadbeenwonbycheating。
ThiscausedasharpdisputebetweentheLambertiniandmyselfafterhehadgone。Shesaidweshouldhavekeptthefortylouis,andnothingwouldhavehappenedexceptformyinterference,thatitwasherandnotmewhomtheyoungmanhadinsulted。TheGenoeseaddedthatifwehadkeptcoolweshouldhavehadthepluckingofhim,butthatGodaloneknewwhathewoulddonowwiththemarkoftheburnonhisface。Tiredofthetalkoftheseinfamouswomen,Iwasabouttoleavethem,butmylandladybegantoridethehighhorse,andwentsofarastocallmeabeggar。
\"IfM。leNoirhadnotcomeinjustthen,shewouldhavehadabadtimeofit,asmystickwasalreadyinmyhand。Assoonastheysawhimtheytoldmetoholdmytongue,butmybloodwasup;andturningtowardstheworthymanItoldhimthathismistresshadcalledmeabeggar,thatshewasacommonprostitute,thatIwasnothercousin,norinanywayrelatedtoher,andthatIshouldleaveherthatveryday。AssoonasIhadcometotheendofthisshortandswiftdiscourse,Iwentoutandshutmyselfupinmyroom。InthecourseofthenexttwohoursIshallgoandfetchmylinen,andIhopetobreakfastwithyouto—morrow。\"
Tirettadidwell。Hisheartwasintherightplace,andhewaswisenottoallowthefoolishimpulsesofyouthtoplungehiminthesinkofcorruption。Aslongasamanhasnotcommittedadishonourableaction,aslongashisheartissound,thoughhisheadmaygoastray,thepathofdutyisstillopentohim。Ishouldsaythesameofwomenifprejudicewerenotsostrongintheircase,andiftheywerenotmuchmoreundertheinfluenceoftheheartthanthehead。
AfteragooddinnerwasheddownbysomedeliciousSilleryweparted,andIspenttheeveninginwriting。NextmorningIdidsomebusiness,andatnoonwenttoseethedistresseddevotee,whomI
foundathomewithhercharmingniece。Wetalkedafewminutesabouttheweather,andshethentoldmysweethearttoleaveusasshewantedtospeaktome。IwaspreparedforwhatwascomingandI
waitedforhertobreakthesilencewhichallwomenofherpositionobserve。\"Youwillbesurprised,sir,atwhatIamgoingtotellyou,forIhavedeterminedtobringbeforeyouacomplaintofanunheard—ofcharacter。Thecaseisreallyofthemostdelicatenature,andIamimpelledtomakeaconfidantofyoubytheimpressionyoumadeonmewhenIfirstsawyou。Iconsideryoutobeamanofdiscretion,ofhonour,andaboveallamoralman;inshort,Ibelieveyouhaveexperiencedreligion,andifIammakingamistakeitwillbeapity,forthoughIhavebeeninsultedIdon’tlackmeansofavengingmyself,andasyouarehisfriendyouwillbesorryforhim。\"
\"IsTirettatheguiltyparty,madam?\"
\"Thesame。\"
\"Andwhatishiscrime?\"
\"Heisavillain;hehasinsultedmeinthemostmonstrousmanner。\"
\"Ishouldnothavethoughthimcapableofdoingso。\"
\"Idaresaynot,butthenyouareamoralman。\"
\"Butwhatwasthenatureofhisoffence?Youmayconfideinmysecrecy。\"
\"Ireallycouldn’ttellyou,it’squiteoutofthequestion;butI
trustyouwillbeabletoguessit。Yesterday,duringtheexecutionofthewretchedDamien,hestronglyabusedthepositioninwhichhefoundhimselfbehindme。\"
\"Isee;Iunderstandwhatyoumean;youneedsaynomore。Youhavecauseforanger,andheistoblameforactinginsuchamanner。Butallowmetosaythatthecaseisnotunexampledorevenuncommon,andIthinkyoumightmakesomeallowanceforthestrengthoflove,theclosequarters,andaboveallfortheyouthandpassionofthesinner。Moreover,theoffenceisonewhichmaybeexpiatedinanumberofways,providedthepartiescometoanagreement。Tirettaisyoungandaperfectgentleman,heishandsomeandatbottomagoodfellow;couldnotamarriagebearranged?\"
Iwaitedforareply,butperceivingthattheinjuredpartykeptsilence(acircumstancewhichseemedtomeagoodomen)Iwenton。
\"Ifmarriageshouldnotmeetyourviews,wemighttryalastingfriendship,inwhichhecouldshewhisrepentanceandprovehimselfdeservingofpardon。Remember,madam,thatTirettaisonlyaman,andthereforesubjecttoalltheweaknessesofourpoorhumannature;
andevenyouhaveyourshareoftheblame。\"
\"I,sir?\"
\"Involuntarily,madam,involuntarily;notyoubutyourcharmsledhimastray。Nevertheless,withoutthisincentivethecircumstancewouldneverhavetakenplace,andIthinkyoushouldconsideryourbeautyasamitigationoftheoffence。\"
\"Youpleadyourcausewell,sir,butIwilldoyoujusticeandconfessthatallyourremarkshavebeencharacterizedbymuchChristianfeeling。However,youarereasoningonfalsepremises;youareignorantofhisrealcrime,yethowshouldyouguessit?\"
Withthissheburstintotears,leadingmecompletelyoffthescent,andnotknowingwhattothink。
\"Hecan’thavestolenherpurse,\"saidItomyself,\"asIdon’tthinkhimcapableofsuchanaction;andifIdidI’dblowhisbrainsout。\"
Theafflictedladysoondriedhertears,andwentonasfollows:
\"Youarethinkingofadeedwhichonemightpossiblysucceedinreconcilingwithreason,andinmakingamendsfor;butthecrimeofwhichthatbrutehasbeenguiltyIdarescarcelyimagine,asitisalmostenoughtodrivememad。\"
\"Goodheavens!youcan’tmeanit?Thisisdreadful;doIhearyouaright?\"
\"Yes。Youaremoved,Isee,butsucharethecircumstancesofthecase。Pardonmytears,whichflowfromangerandtheshamewithwhichIamcovered。\"
\"Yes,andfromoutragedreligion,too。\"
\"Certainly,certainly。Thatisthechiefsourceofmygrief,andI
shouldhavementioneditifIhadnotfearedyouwerenotsostronglyattachedtoreligionasmyself。\"
\"Nobody,Godbepraised!couldbemorestronglyattachedtoreligionthanI,andnothingcaneverunloosethetieswhichbindmetoit:\"
\"Youwillbegrieved,then,tohearthatIamdestinedtosuffereternalpunishment,forImustandwillbeavenged。\"
\"Notso,madam,perishthethought,asIcouldnotbecomeyouraccompliceinsuchadesign,andifyouwillnotabandonitatleastsaynothingtomeonthesubject。Iwillpromiseyoutotellhimnothing,althoughasheliveswithmethesacredlawsofhospitalityobligemetogivehimduewarning。\"
\"IthoughthelivedwiththeLambertini\"
\"Heleftheryesterday。Theconnectionbetweenthemwasacriminalone,andIhavedrawnhimbackfromthebrinkoftheprecipice。\"
\"Youdon’tmeantosayso!\"
\"Yes,uponmywordofhonour:\"
\"Youastonishone。Thisisveryedifying。Idon’twishtheyoungman’sdeath,butyoumustconfessheowesmesomereparation。\"
\"Hedoesindeed。AcharmingFrenchwomanisnottobehandledintheItalianmannerwithoutsignalamends,butIcanthinkofnothingatallcommensuratewiththeoffence。Thereisonlyoneplan,whichI
willendeavourtocarryoutifyouwillagreetoit。\"
\"Whatisthat?\"
\"Iwillputtheguiltypartyinyourpowerwithouthisknowingwhatistohappen,andIwillleaveyoualone,sothatyoucanwreakallyourwrathuponhim,providedyouwillallowmetobe,unknowntohim,inthenextroom,asIshallregardmyselfasresponsibleforhissafety。\"
\"Iconsent。Youwillstayinthisroom,andhemustbeleftintheotherwhereIshallreceiveyou,buttakecarehehasnosuspicionofyourpresence。\"
\"Heshan’tdreamofit。HewillnotevenknowwhereIamtakinghim,forhemustnotthinkthatIhavebeeninformedofhismisdoings。Assoonaswebethere,andtheconversationbecomesgeneral,Ishallleavetheroom,pretendingtobegoingaway。\"
\"Whenwillyoubringhim?Ilongtocoverhimwithconfusion。I
willmakehimtremble。Iamcurioustohearhowhewilljustifyhimselfforsuchanoffence。\"
\"Ican’tsay,butIthinkandhopethatyourpresencewillmakehimeloquent,asIshouldliketoseeyourdifferencesadjusted。\"
Atoneo’clocktheAbbedesForgesarrived,andshemademesitdowntodinnerwiththem。ThisabbewasapupilofthefamousBishopofAuxerre,whowasstillliving。Italkedsowellonthesubjectofgrace,andmadesomanyquotationsfromSt。Augustine,thattheabbeandthedevoteetookmeforazealousJansenistacharacterwithwhichmydressandappearancedidnotatallcorrespond。Mysweetheartdidnotgivemeasingleglancewhilethemealwasgoingon,andthinkingshehadsomemotivesIabstainedfromspeakingtoher。
Afterdinner,which,bytheway,wasaverygoodone,Ipromisedtheoffendedladytobringhertheculpritboundhandandfootnextday,aftertheplaywasover。ToputherathereaseIsaidIshouldwalk,asIwascertainthathewouldnotrecognizethehouseinthedark。
AssoonasIsawTiretta,Ibeganwithaseriocomicairtoreproachhimforthedreadfulcrimehehadcommittedonthebodyofaladyineverywayvirtuousandrespectable,butthemadfellowbegantolaugh,anditwouldhavebeenwasteoftimeformetotrytostophim。
\"What!\"saidhe,\"shehashadthecouragetotellyouall?\"
\"Youdon’tdenythefact,then?\"
\"Ifshesaysitisso,Idon’tthinkIcangiveherthelie,butIamreadytoswearthatIdon’tknowhowthelandlay。InthepositionI
wasinitwasimpossibleformetosaywhereItookupmydwelling。
However,Iwillquietherindignation,asIshallcometothepointquickly,andnotletherwait。\"
\"Youwillruinthebusinessifyoudon’ttakecare;beaslongasyoucan;shewilllikethatbest,anditwillbetoyourinterest。Don’thurryyourself,andnevermindme,asIamsuretogetonallrightwhileyouarechangingangerintoasofterpassion。RemembernottoknowthatIaminthehouse,andifyouonlystaywithherashorttime(whichIdon’tthinkwillbethecase)takeacoachandbeoff。
Youknowtheleastapiouswomanlikehercandowillbetoprovidemewithfireandcompany。Don’tforgetthatsheiswell—bornlikeyourself。Thesewomenofqualityare,nodoubt,asimmoralasanyotherwomen,sincetheyareconstructedofthesamematerial,buttheyliketohavetheirprideflatteredbycertainattentions。Sheisrich,adevote,and,whatismore,inclinedtopleasure;strivetogainherfriendship’faciemadfaciem’,astheKingofPrussiasays。
Youmay,perhaps,makeyourfortune。\"
\"IfsheasksyouwhyyouhaveleftthePope’sniece,takecarenottotellherthereason。Shewillbepleasedwithyourdiscretion。Inshort,doyourbesttoexpiatetheenormityofyouroffence。\"
\"Ihaveonlytospeakthetruth。Iwentininthedark。\"
\"That’sanoddreason,butitmayseemconvincingtoaFrenchwoman。\"
IneednottellthereaderthatIgaveTirettaafullaccountofmyconversationwiththelady。Ifanycomplainofthisbreachofhonour,ImusttellthemthatIhadmadeamentalreservationnottokeepmypromise,andthosewhoareacquaintedwiththemoralityofthechildrenofIgnatiuswillunderstandthatIwascompletelyatmyease。
Nextdaywewenttotheopera,andafterwards,ourplansmadeout,wewalkedtothehouseoftheinsultedandvirtuouslady。Shereceiveduswithgreatdignity,butyettherewasanagreeableundercurrentinhervoiceandmannerwhichIthoughtverypromising。
\"Inevertakesupper,\"shesaid,\"butifyouhadforewarnedmeofyourvisitIshouldhavegotsomethingforyou:\"
AftertellingherallthenewsIhadheardinthetheatre,I
pretendedtobeobligedtogo,andbeggedhertoletmeleavethecountwithherforafewminutes。
\"IfIammorethanaquarterofanhour,\"saidItothecount,\"don’twait。Takeacoachhomeandweshallseeeachotherto—morrow。\"
InsteadofgoingdownstairsIwentintothenextroom,andtwominutesafterwhoshouldenterbutmysweetheart,wholookedcharmedandyetpuzzledatmyappearance。
\"IthinkImustbedreaming,\"saidshe,\"butmyaunthaschargedmenottoleaveyoualone,andtotellherwomannottocomeupstairsunlesssheringsthebell。Yourfriendiswithher,andshetoldmetospeaklowasheisnottoknowthatyouarehere。Whatdoesitallmean?\"
\"Youarecurious,areyou?\"
\"IconfessIaminthisinstance,forallthismysteryseemsdesignedtoexcitecuriosity。\"
\"Dearest,youshallknowall;buthowcolditis。\"
\"Myaunthastoldmetomakeagoodfire,shehasbecomeliberalorratherlavishallofasudden;lookatthewaxcandles。\"
\"That’sanewthing,isit?\"
\"Oh,quitenew。\"
AssoonaswewereseatedinfrontofthefireIbegantotellherthestory,towhichshelistenedwithalltheattentionayounggirlcangivetosuchamatter;butasIhadthoughtitwelltopassoversomeofthedetails,shecouldnotproperlyunderstandwhatcrimeitwasthatTirettahadcommitted。Iwasnotsorrytobeobligedtotellherthestoryinplainlanguage,andtogivemoreexpressionI
employedthelanguageofgesture,whichmadeherblushandlaughatthesametime。Ithentoldherthat,havingtakenupthequestionofthereparationthatwasduetoheraunt,IhadsoarrangedmattersthatIwascertainofbeingalonewithherallthetimemyfriendwasengaged。ThereuponIbegantocoverherprettyfacewithkisses,andasIallowedmyselfnootherlibertiesshereceivedmycaressesasaproofofthegreatnessofmyloveandthepurityofmyfeelings。
\"Dearest,\"shesaid,\"whatyousaypuzzlesme;therearetwothingswhichIcan’tunderstand。HowcouldTirettasucceedincommittingthiscrimewithmyaunt,whichIthinkwouldonlybepossiblewiththeconsentofthepartyattacked,butquiteimpossiblewithoutit;
andthismakesmebelievethatifthethingwasdoneitwasdonewithherheartygoodwill。\"
\"Verytrue,forifshedidnotlikeitshehadonlytochangeherposition。\"
\"Notsomuchasthat;sheneedonlyhavekeptthedoorshut。\"
\"There,sweetheart,youarewrong,foraproperly—mademanonlyasksyoutokeepstillandhewillovercomeallobstacles。Moreover,I
don’texpectthatyouraunt’sdoorissowellshutasyours。\"
\"IbelievethatIcoulddefyalltheTirettasintheworld。
\"There’sanotherthingIdon’tunderstand,andthatishowmyblessedauntcametotellyouallaboutit;forifshehadanysenseshemighthaveknownthatitwouldonlymakeyoulaugh。Andwhatsatisfactiondoessheexpecttogetfromabrutelikethat,whopossiblythinkstheaffairamatterofnoconsequence。Ishouldthinkhewoulddothesametoanywomanwhooccupiedthesamepositionasmyaunt。\"
\"Youareright,forhetoldmehewentinlikeablindman,notknowingwherehewasgoing。\"
\"Yourfriendisaqueerfellow,andifothermenarelikehimIamsureIshouldhavenofeelingbutcontemptforthem。\"
\"Shehastoldmenothingaboutthesatisfactionsheisthinkingof,andwhichshepossiblyfeelsquitesureofattaining;butIthinkI
canguesswhatitwillbenamely,aformaldeclarationoflove;andI
supposehewillexpiatehiscrimebybecomingherlover,anddoubtlessthiswillbetheirweddingnight。\"
\"Theaffairisgettingamusing。Ican’tbelieveit。Mydearauntistooanxiousabouthersalvation;andhowdoyouimaginetheyoungmancaneverfallinlovewithher,orplaythepartwithsuchafaceashersbeforehiseyes。Haveyoueverseenacountenanceasdisgustingasmyaunt’s?Herskiniscoveredwithpimples,hereyesdistilhumours,andherteethandbreathareenoughtodiscourageanyman。
She’shideous。\"
\"Allthatisnothingtoayoungsparkoftwenty—five;oneisalwaysreadyforanassaultatthatage;notlikemewhoonlyfeelmyselfamaninpresenceofcharmslikeyours,ofwhichIlongtobethelawfulpossessor。\"
\"Youwillfindmethemostaffectionateofwives,andIfeelquitesurethatIshallhaveyourheartinsuchgoodkeepingthatIshallneverbeafraidoflosingit。\"
Wehadtalkedthuspleasantlyforanhour,andTirettawasstillwiththeaunt。Ithoughtthingspointedtowardsareconciliation,andjudgedthematterwasgettingserious。Itoldmysweetheartmyopinion,andaskedhertogivemesomethingtoeat。
\"Icanonlygiveyou,\"saidshe,\"somebreadandcheese,asliceofham,andsomewinewhichmyauntpronouncesexcellent。\"
\"Bringthemquick,then;Iamfaintingwithhunger。\"
Shesoonlaidthetablefortwo,andputonitallthefoodshehad。
ThecheesewasRoquefort,andthehamhadbeencoveredwithjelly。
Abouttenpersonswithreasonableappetitesshouldhavebeenabletosuponwhattherewas;but(howIknownot)thewholedisappeared,andalsotwobottlesofChambertin,whichIseemtotastenow。Mysweetheart’seyesgleamedwithpleasure:trulyChambertinandRoquefortareexcellentthinkstorestoreanoldloveandtoripenayoungone。
\"Don’tyouwanttoknowwhatyouraunthasbeendoingthelasttwohourswithM。Sixtimes?\"
\"Theyareplaying,perhaps;butthereisasmallholeinthewall,andIwilllookandsee。Icanonlyseethetwocandles,andthewicksareaninchlong。\"
\"Didn’tIsayso?GivemeacoverletandIwillsleeponthesofahere,anddoyougotobed。Butletmelookatitfirst:\"
Shemademecomeintoherlittleroom,whereIsawaprettybed,aprayerdesk,andalargecrucifix。
\"Yourbedistoosmallforyou,dearheart。\"
\"Oh,notatall!Iamverycomfortable\";andsosayingshelaiddownatfulllength。
\"WhatabeautifulwifeIshallhave!Nay,don’tmove,letmelookatyouso。\"Myhandbegantopressthebosomofherdress,wherewereimprisonedtwosphereswhichseemedtolamenttheircaptivity。I
wentfarther,Ibegantountiestrings……forwheredoesdesirestopshort?
\"Sweetheart,Icannotresist,butyouwillnotlovemeafterwards。\"
\"Iwillalwaysloveyou:\"
Soonherbeautifulbreastswereexposedtomyburningkisses。Theflameofmylovelitanotherinherheart,andforgettingherformerselfsheopenedherarmstome,makingmepromisenottodespiseher,andwhatwouldonenotpromise!Themodestyinherentinthesex,thefearofresults,perhapsakindofinstinctwhichrevealstothemthenaturalfaithlessnessofmenmakewomenaskforsuchpromises,butwhatmistress,ifreallyamorous,wouldeventhinkofaskingherlovertorespectherinthemomentofdeliriousecstacy,whenallone’sbeingiscentredonthefulfilmentofdesire?
Afterwehadpassedanhourintheseamoroustoyings,whichsetmysweetheartonfire,hercharmshavingneverbeforebeenexposedtotheburninglipsorthefreecaressesofaman,Isaidtoher,\"Igrievetoleaveyouwithouthavingrenderedtoyourbeautythegreatesthomagewhichitdeservessowell。\"
Asighwasheronlyanswer。
Itwascold,thefirewasout,andIhadtospendthenightonthesofa。
\"Givemeacoverlet,dearest,thatImaygoawayfromyou,forI
shoulddieherebetweenloveandcoldifyoumademeabstain。\"
\"LiewhereIhavebeen,sweetheart。Iwillgetupandrekindlethefire。\"
Shegotupinallhernakedcharms,andassheputasticktothefiretheflameleaptup;Irose,Ifoundherstandingsoastodisplayallherbeauties,andIcouldrefrainnolonger。Ipressedhertomyheart,shereturnedmycaresses,andtillday—breakwegaveourselvesuptoanecstacyofpleasure。
Wehadspentfourorfivedelicioushoursonthesofa。Shethenleftme,andaftermakingagoodfireshewenttoherroom,andIremainedonthesofaandslepttillnoon。IwasawakenedbyMadame,whoworeagracefulundress。
\"Stillasleep,M。Casanova?\"
\"Ah!goodmorning,madam,goodmorning。Andwhathasbecomeofmyfriend?\"
\"Hehasbecomemine,Ihaveforgivenhim。\"
\"Whathashedonetobeworthyofsogenerousapardon?\"
\"Heprovedtomethathemadeamistake。\"
\"Iamdelightedtohearit;whereishe?\"
\"Hehasgonehome,whereyouwillfindhim;butdon’tsayanythingaboutyourspendingthenighthere,orhewillthinkitwasspentwithmyniece。Iamverymuchobligedtoyouforwhatyouhavedone,andIhaveonlytoaskyoutobediscreet。\"
\"Youcancountonmeentirely,forIamgratefultoyouforhavingforgivenmyfriend。\"
\"Whowouldnotdoso?Thedearyoungmanissomethingmorethanmortal。Ifyouknewhowhelovedme!Iamgratefultohim,andI
havetakenhimtoboardforayear;hewillbewelllodged,wellfed,andsoon。\"
\"Whatadelightfulplan!Youhavearrangedtheterms,Isuppose。\"
\"Allthatwillbesettledinafriendlyway,andweshallnotneedtohaverecoursetoarbitration。Weshallsetoutto—dayforVillette,whereIhaveanicelittlehouse;foryouknowthatitisnecessary,atfirst,toactinsuchawayastogivenoopportunitytoslanderers。Myloverwillhaveallhewants,andwheneveryou,sir,honouruswithyourpresenceyouwillfindaprettyroomandagoodbedatyourdisposal。AllIamsorryforisthatyouwillfindittedious;mypoornieceissodull。\"
\"Madam,yournieceisdelightful;shegavemeyesterdayeveninganexcellentsupperandkeptmecompanytillthreeo’clockthismorning。\"
\"Really?Ican’tmakeitouthowshegaveyouanything,astherewasnothinginthehouse。\"
\"Atanyrate,madam,shegavemeanexcellentsupper,ofwhichtherearenoremains,andafterkeepingmecompanyshewenttobed,andI
havehadagoodnightonthiscomfortablesofa。\"
\"Iamgladthatyou,likemyself,werepleasedwitheverything,butI
didnotthinkmyniecesoclever。\"
\"Sheisveryclever,madam——inmyeyes,atallevents:\"
\"Oh,sir!youareajudgeofwit,letusgoandseeher。Shehaslockedherdoor。Comeopenthedoor,whyhaveyoushutyourselfup,youlittleprude?whatareyouafraidof。MyCasanovaisincapableofhurtingyou。\"
Thenieceopenedherdoorandapologizedforthedisorderofherdress,butwhatcostumecouldhavesuitedherbetter?Hercostumewasdazzling。\"
\"Theresheis,\"saidtheaunt,\"andsheisnotsobadlookingafterall,butitisapitysheissostupid。Youwereveryrighttogivethisgentlemanasupper。Iammuchobligedtoyoufordoingso。
Ihavebeenplayingallnight,andwhenoneisplayingoneonlythinksofthegame。IhavedeterminedontakingyoungTirettatoboardwithus。Heisanexcellentandcleveryoungman,andIamsurehewilllearntospeakFrenchbeforelong。Getdressed,mydear,aswemustbegintopack。WeshallsetoutthisafternoonforVillette,andshallspendtherethewholeofthespring。Thereisnoneed,youknow,tosayanythingaboutthistomysister:\"
\"I,aunt?Certainlynot。DidIevertellheranythingontheotheroccasions?\"
\"Otheroccasions!Youseewhatasillygirlitis。Doyoumeanby’otheroccasions,’thatIhavebeencircumstancedlikethisbefore?\"
\"No,aunt。IonlymeanttosaythatIhadnevertoldheranythingofwhatyoudid。\"
\"That’sright,mydear,butyoumustlearntoexpressyourselfproperly。Wedineattwo,andIhopetohavethepleasureofM。
Casanova’scompanyatdinner;wewillstartimmediatelyafterthemeal。Tirettapromisedtobringhissmallportmanteauwithhim,anditwillgowithourluggage。\"
Afterpromisingtodinewiththem,Ibadetheladiesgood—bye;andI
wenthomeasfastasIcouldwalk,forIwasascuriousasawomantoknowwhatarrangementshadbeenmade。
\"Well,\"saidItoTiretta,\"Ifindyouhavegotaplace。Tellmeallaboutit\"
\"Mydearfellow,Ihavesoldmyselfforayear。Mypayistobetwenty—fivelouisamonth,agoodtable,goodlodging,etc。,etc。\"
\"Icongratulateyou。\"
\"Doyouthinkitisworththetrouble?\"
\"There’snorosewithoutathorn。Shetoldmeyouweresomethingmorethanmortal。\"
\"Iworkedhardallnighttoproveittoher;butIamquitesureyourtimewasbetteremployedthanmine。\"
\"Isleptlikeaking。Dressyourself,asIamcomingtodinner,andIwanttoseeyousetoutforVillette。Ishallcomeandseeyoutherenowandthen,asyoursweethearthastoldmethataroomshallbesetapartformyconvenience。\"
Wearrivedattwoo’clock。Madamedressedinagirlishstylepresentedasingularappearance,butMdlle。delaMeure’sbeautyshonelikeastar。Loveandpleasurehadgivenheranewlife,anewbeing。Wehadacapitaldinner,asthegoodladyhadmadetherepastdaintylikeherself;butinthedishestherewasnothingabsurd,whileherwholeappearancewascomicinthehighestdegree。Atfourtheyallsetout,andIspentmyeveningattheItaliancomedy。
IwasinlovewithMdlle。delaMeure,butSilvia’sdaughter,whosecompanyatsupperwasallIhadofher,weakenedalovewhichnowleftnothingmoretodesire。
Wecomplainofwomenwho,thoughlovingusandsureofourlove,refuseustheirfavours;butwearewrongindoingso,foriftheylovetheyhavegoodreasontofearlesttheyloseusinthemomentofsatisfyingourdesires。Naturallytheyshoulddoallintheirpowertoretainourhearts,andthebestwaytodosoistocherishourdesireofpossessingthem;butdesireisonlykeptalivebybeingdenied:enjoymentkillsit,sinceonecannotdesirewhatonehasgot。
Iam,therefore,ofopinionthatwomenarequiterighttorefuseus。
Butifitbegrantedthatthepassionsofthetwosexesareofequalstrength,howcomesitthatamanneverrefusestogratifyawomanwholoveshimandentreatshimtobekind?
Wecannotreceivetheargumentfoundedonthefearofresults,asthatisaparticularandnotageneralconsideration。Ourconclusion,then,willbethatthereasonliesinthefactthatamanthinksmoreofthepleasureheimpartsthanthatwhichhereceives,andisthereforeeagertoimparthisblisstoanother。Weknow,also,that,asageneralrule,women,whenonceenjoyed,doubletheirloveandaffection。Ontheotherhand,womenthinkmoreofthepleasuretheyreceivethanofthatwhichtheyimpart,andthereforeputoffenjoymentaslongaspossible,sincetheyfearthatingivingthemselvesuptheylosetheirchiefgood——theirownpleasure。Thisfeelingispeculiartothesex,andistheonlycauseofcoquetry,pardonableinawoman,detestableinaman。
Silvia’sdaughterlovedme,andsheknewIlovedher,althoughIhadneversaidso,butwomen’switiskeen。Atthesametimesheendeavourednottoletmeknowherfeelings,asshewasafraidofencouragingmetoaskfavoursofher,andshedidnotfeelsureofherstrengthtorefusethem;andsheknewmyinconstantnature。HerrelationsintendedherforClement,whohadbeenteachinghertheclavichordforthelastthreeyears。Sheknewofthearrangementandhadnoobjection,forthoughshedidnotlovehimshelikedhimverywell。Mostgirlsareweddedwithoutlove,andtheyarenotsorryforitafterwards。Theyknowthatbymarriagetheybecomeofsomeconsequenceintheworld,andtheymarrytohaveahouseoftheirownandagoodpositioninsociety。Theyseemtoknowthatahusbandandaloverneednotbesynonymousterms。AtParismenareactuatedbythesameviews,andmostmarriagesaremattersofconvenience。TheFrencharejealousoftheirmistresses,butneveroftheirwives。
TherecouldbenodoubtthatM。Clementwasverymuchinlove,andMdlle。BalettiwasdelightedthatInoticedit,asshethoughtthiswouldbringmetoadeclaration,andshewasquiteright。ThedepartureofMdlle。delaMeurehadagooddealtodowithmydeterminationtodeclaremyself;andIwasverysorrytohavedonesoafterwards,forafterIhadtoldherIlovedherClementwasdismissed,andmypositionwasworsethanbefore。Themanwhodeclareshisloveforawomaninwordswantstobesenttoschoolagain。
ThreedaysafterthedepartureofTiretta,Itookhimwhatsmallbelongingshehad,andMadameseemedverygladtoseeme。TheAbbedesForgesarrivedjustasweweresittingdowntodinner,andthoughhehadbeenveryfriendlytomeatParishedidnotsomuchaslookatmeallthroughthemeal,andtreatedTirettainthesameway。
I,formypart,tooknonoticeofhim,butTiretta,notsopatientasI,atlastlosthistemperandgotup,beggingMadametotellhimwhenshewasgoingtohavethatfellowtodinewithher。Werosefromtablewithoutsayingaword,andthesilentabbewentwithmadamintoanotherroom。
Tirettatookmetoseehisroom,whichwashandsomelyfurnished,and,aswasright,adjoinedhissweetheart’s。Whilsthewasputtinghisthingsinorder,Mdlle。delaMeuremademecomeandseemyapartment。Itwasaveryniceroomonthegroundfloor,andfacinghers。ItookcaretopointouttoherhoweasilyIcouldpayheravisitaftereveryonewasinbed,butshesaidweshouldnotbecomfortableinherroom,andthatshewouldconsequentlysavemethetroubleofgettingoutofbed。ItwillbeguessedthatIhadnoobjectionstomaketothisarrangement。
Shethentoldmeofheraunt’sfollyaboutTiretta。
\"Shebelieves,\"saidshe,\"thatwedonotknowhesleepswithher。\"
\"Believes,orpretendstobelieve。\"
\"Possibly。Sherangformeateleveno’clockthismorningandtoldmetogoandaskhimwhatkindofnighthehadpassed。Ididso,butseeinghisbedhadnotbeensleptinIaskedhimifhehadnotbeentosleep。
\"’No,’saidhe,’Ihavebeenwritingallnight,butpleasedon’tsayanythingaboutittoyouraunt:Ipromisedwithallmyhearttobeassilentasthegrave。\"
\"Doeshemakesheep’seyesatyou?\"
\"No,butifhediditwouldbeallthesame。Thoughheisnotoversharpheknows,Ithink,whatIthinkofhim。\"
\"Whyhaveyousuchapooropinionofhim?\"
\"Why?Myauntpayshim。Ithinksellingone’sselfisadreadfulidea。\"
\"Butyoupayme。\"
\"Yes,butinthesamecoinasyougiveme。\"
Theoldauntwasalwayscallingherniecestupid,butonthecontraryIthoughtherveryclever,andasvirtuousasclever。Ishouldneverhaveseducedherifshehadnotbeenbroughtupinaconvent。
IwentbacktoTiretta,andhadsomepleasantconversationwithhim。
Iaskedhimhowhelikedhisplace。
\"Idon’tlikeitmuch,butasitcostsmenothingIamnotabsolutelywretched。\"
\"Butherface!\"
\"Idon’tlookatit,andthere’sonethingIlikeabouther——sheissoclean。\"
\"Doesshetakegoodcareofyou?\"
\"Oyes,sheisfulloffeelingforme。ThismorningsherefusedthegreetingIofferedher。’Iamsure,’saidshe,’thatmyrefusalwillpainyou,butyourhealthissodeartomethatIfeelboundtolookafterit。\"
AssoonasthegloomyAbbedesForgeswasgoneandMadamewasalone,werejoinedher。Shetreatedmeashergossip,andplayedthetimidchildforTiretta’sbenefit,andheplayeduptoheradmirably,muchtomyadmiration。
\"Ishallseenomoreofthatfoolishpriest,\"saidshe;\"foraftertellingmethatIwaslostbothinthisworldandthenexthethreatenedtoabandonme,andItookhimathisword。\"
AnactressnamedQuinault,whohadleftthestageandlivedcloseby,cametocall,andsoonafterMadameFavartandtheAbbedeVoisenonarrived,followedbyMadameAmelinwithahandsomeladnamedCalabre,whomshecalledhernephew。Hewasaslikeherastwopeas,butshedidnotseemtothinkthatasufficientreasonforconfessingshewashismother。M。Patron,aPiedmontese,whoalsocamewithher,madeabankatfaroandinacoupleofhourswoneverybody’smoneywiththeexceptionofmine,asIknewbetterthantoplay。Mytimewasbetteroccupiedinthecompanyofmysweetmistress。IsawthroughthePiedmontese,andhadputhimdownasaknave;butTirettawasnotsosharp,andconsequentlylostallthemoneyhehadinhispocketsandahundredlouisbesides。Thebankerhavingreapedagoodharvestputdownthecards,andTirettatoldhimingoodItalianthathewasacheat,towhichthePiedmonteserepliedwiththegreatestcoolnessthathelied。Thinkingthatthequarrelmighthaveanunpleasantending,ItoldhimthatTirettawasonlyjesting,andImademyfriendsayso,too。Hethenleftthecompanyandwenttohisroom。
EightyearsafterwardsIsawthisPatronatSt。Petersburg,andintheyear1767hewasassassinatedinPoland。
ThesameeveningIpreachedTirettaasevereyetfriendlysermon。
Ipointedouttohimthatwhenheplayedhewasatthemercyofthebanker,whomightbearoguebutamanofcouragetoo,andsoincallinghimacheathewasriskinghislife。
\"AmItoletmyselfberobbed,then?\"
\"Yes,youhaveafreechoiceinthematter;nobodywillmakeyouplay。\"
\"Icertainlywillnotpayhimthathundredlouis。\"
\"Iadviseyoutodoso,andtodosobeforeyouareasked。\"
\"Youhaveaknackofpersuadingonetodowhatyouwill,eventhoughonebedisposedtotakenonoticeofyouradvice。\"
\"That’sbecauseIspeakfromheartandheadatonce,andhavesomeexperienceintheseaffairsaswell。\"
ThreequartersofanhourafterwardsIwenttobedandmymistresscametomebeforelong。Wespentasweeternightthanbefore,foritisoftenamatterofsomedifficultytopluckthefirstflower;andthepricewhichmostmenputonthislittletrifleisfoundedmoreonegotismthananyfeelingofpleasure。
Nextday,afterdiningwiththefamilyandadmiringtherosesonmysweetheart’scheeks,IreturnedtoParis。ThreeorfourdayslaterTirettacametotellmethattheDunkirkmerchanthadarrived,thathewascomingtodineatMadame’s,andthatsherequestedmetomakeoneoftheparty。Iwaspreparedforthenews,butthebloodrushedintomyface。Tirettasawit,andtoacertainextentdivinedmyfeelings。\"Youareinlovewiththeniece,\"saidhe。
\"Whydoyouthinkso?\"
\"Bythemysteryyoumakeabouther;butlovebetraysitselfevenbyitssilence。\"
\"Youareaknowingfellow,Tiretta。Iwillcometodinner,butdon’tsayawordtoanybody。\"
Myheartwasrentintwain。PossiblyifthemerchanthadputoffhisarrivalforamonthIshouldhavewelcomedit;buttohaveonlyjustliftedthenectartomylips,andtoseethepreciousvesselescapefrommyhands!TothisdayIcanrecallmyfeelings,andtheveryrecollectionisnotdevoidofbitterness。
Iwasinafearfulstateofperplexity,asIalwayswaswheneveritwasnecessaryformetoresolve,andIfeltthatIcouldnotdoso。
Ifthereaderhasbeenplacedinthesamepositionhewillunderstandmyfeelings。Icouldnotmakeupmymindtoconsenttohermarrying,norcouldIresolvetowedhermyselfandgaincertainhappiness。
IwenttoVilletteandwasalittlesurprisedtofindMdlle。delaMeuremoreelaboratelydressedthanusual。
\"Yourintended,\"Isaid,\"wouldhavepronouncedyoucharmingwithoutallthat。\"
\"Myauntdoesn’tthinkso\"
\"Youhavenotseenhimyet?\"
\"No,butIshouldliketo,althoughItrustwithyourhelpnevertobecomehiswife。\"
Soonafter,shearrivedwithCorneman,thebanker,whohadbeentheagentinthisbusinesstransaction。Themerchantwasafineman,aboutforty,withafrankandopenface。Hisdresswasgoodthoughnotelaborate。HeintroducedhimselfsimplybutinapolitemannertoMadame,andhedidnotlookathisfuturewifetilltheauntpresentedhertohim。Hismannerimmediatelybecamemorepleasing;
andwithoutmakinguseofflowersofspeechhesaidinaveryfeelingwaythathetrustedtheimpressionhehadmadeonherwasequaltothatwhichshehadmadeonhim。Heronlyanswerwasalowcurtsy,butshestudiedhimcarefully。
Dinnerwasserved,andinthecourseofthemealwetalkedofalmosteverything——exceptmarriage。Thehappypaironlycaughteachother’seyesbychance,anddidnotspeaktooneanother。AfterdinnerMdlle。delaMeurewenttoherroom,andtheauntwentintoherclosetwiththebankerandthemerchant,andtheywereincloseconversationfortwohours。AttheendofthattimethegentlemenwereobligedtoreturntoParis,andMadame,aftersummoningherniece,toldthemerchantshewouldexpecthimtodinneronthedayfollowing,andthatshewassurethatherniecewouldbegladtoseehimagain。
\"Won’tyou,mydear?\"
\"Yes,aunt,Ishallbeverygladtoseethegentlemanagain。\"
Ifshehadnotansweredthus,themerchantwouldhavegoneawaywithouthearinghisfuturebridespeak。
\"Well,\"saidtheaunt,\"whatdoyouthinkofyourhusband?\"
\"Allowmetoputoffmyanswertillto—morrow;butbegoodenough,whenweareattable,todrawmeintotheconversation,foritisverypossiblethatmyfacehasnotrepelledhim,butsofarheknowsnothingofmymentalpowers;possiblymywantofwitmaydestroyanyslightimpressionmyfacemayhavemade。\"
\"Yes,Iamafraidyouwillbegintotalknonsense,andmakehimlosethegoodopinionheseemstohaveformedofyou。\"
\"Itisnotrighttodeceiveanybody。Ifheisdisabusedofhisfictitiousideasbytheappearanceofthetruth,somuchthebetterforhim;andsomuchtheworseforbothofus,ifwedecideonmarryingwithouttheslightestknowledgeofeachother’shabitsandwaysofthought。\"
\"Whatdoyouthinkofhim?\"
\"Ithinkheisrathernice—looking,andhismannersarekindandpolite;butletuswaittillto—morrow。\"
\"Perhapshewillhavenothingmoretosaytome;Iamsostupid。\"
\"Iknowverywellthatyouthinkyourselfveryclever,andthat’swhereyourfaultlies;it’syourself—conceitwhichmakesyoustupid,althoughM。Casanovatakesyouforawit。\"
\"Perhapshemayknowwhatheistalkingabout。\"
\"Mypoordear,heisonlylaughingatyou。\"
\"Ihavegoodreasonsforthinkingotherwise,aunt。\"
\"Thereyougo;youwillnevergetanysense。\"
\"Pardonme,madam,ifIcannotbeofyouropinion。MademoiselleisquiterightinsayingthatIdonotlaughather。Idaretosaythatto—morrowshewillshineintheconversation。\"
\"Youthinkso?Iamgladtohearit。Nowletushaveagameatpiquet,andIwillplayagainstyouandmyniece,forshemustlearnthegame。\"
Tirettaaskedleaveofhisdarlingtogototheplay,andweplayedontillsupper—time。Onhisreturn,TirettamadeusalmostdieoflaughingwithhisattemptstotellusinhisbrokenFrenchtheplotoftheplayhehadseen。
Ihadbeeninmybedroomforaquarterofanhour,expectingtoseemysweetheartinsomeprettykindofundress,whenallofasuddenI
sawhercomeinwithallherclotheson。Iwassurprisedatthiscircumstance,anditseemedtomeofevilomen。
\"Youareastonishedtoseemethus,\"saidshe,\"butIwanttospeaktoyouforamoment,andthenIwilltakeoffmyclothes。TellmeplainlywhetherIamtoconsenttothismarriageorno?\"
\"Howdoyoulikehim?\"
\"Fairlywell。\"
\"Consent,then!\"
\"Verygood;farewell!Fromthismomentourloveends,andourfriendshipbegins。Getyoutobed,andIwillgoanddothesame。
Farewell!\"
\"No,stay,andletourfriendshipbeginto—morrow。\"
\"Notso,weremyrefusaltocostthelivesofbothofus。Youknowwhatitmustcostmetospeakthus,butitismyirrevocabledetermination。IfIamtobecomeanother’swife,Imusttakecaretobeworthyofhim;perhapsImaybehappy。Donotholdme,letmego。
YouknowhowwellIloveyou。\"
\"Atleast,letushaveonefinalembrace。\"
\"Alas!no。\"
\"Youareweeping。\"
\"No,Iamnot。InGod’snameletmego。\"
\"Dearheart,yougobuttoweepinyourchamber;stayhere。Iwillmarryyou。\"
\"Nay,nomoreofthat。\"
Withthesewordsshemadeaneffort,escapedfrommyhands,andfledfromtheroom。Iwascoveredwithshameandregret,andcouldnotsleep。Ihatedmyself,forIknewnotwhetherIhadsinnedmostgrievouslyinseducingherorinabandoninghertoanother。
Istayedtodinnernextdayinspiteofmyheartbreakandmysadness。
Mdlle。delaMeuretalkedsobrilliantlyandsensiblytoherintendedthatonecouldeasilyseehewasenchantedwithher。Asforme,feelingthatIhadnothingpleasanttosay,Ipretendedtohavethetoothacheasanexcusefornottalking。Sickatheart,absent—
minded,andfeelingtheeffectsofasleeplessnight,Iwaswell—nighmadwithlove,jealousy,anddespair。Mdlle。delaMeuredidnotspeaktomeonce,didnotsomuchaslookatme。Shewasquiteright,butIdidnotthinksothen。Ithoughtthedinnerwouldnevercometoanend,andIdonotthinkIwaseverpresentatsopainfulameal。
Aswerosefromthetable,Madamewentintoherclosetwithhernieceandnephewthatwastobe,andtheniececameoutinthecourseofanhourandbadeuscongratulateher,asshewastobemarriedinaweek,andaftertheweddingshewouldaccompanyherhusbandtoDunkirk。\"To—morrow,\"sheadded,\"wearealltodinewithM。
Corneman,wherethedeedofsettlementwillbesigned。\"
IcannotimaginehowitwasIdidnotfalldeadonthespot。Myanguishcannotbeexpressed。
Beforelongitwasproposedthatweshouldgototheplay,butexcusingmyselfonthepleaofbusinessIreturnedtoParis。AsI
gottomydoorIseemedtobeinafever,andIlaydownonmybed,butinsteadoftherestIneededIexperiencedonlyremorseandfruitlessrepentance—thetormentsofthedamned。Ibegantothinkitwasmydutytostopthemarriageordie。IwassurethatMdlle。delaMeurelovedme,andIfanciedshewouldnotsaynoifItoldherthatherrefusaltomarrymewouldcostmemylife。FullofthatideaIroseandwroteheraletter,strongwithallthestrengthoftumultuouspassion。Thiswassomerelief,andgettingintobedI
slepttillmorning。AssoonasIwasawakeIsummonedamessengerandpromisedhimtwelvefrancsifhewoulddelivermyletter,andreportitsreceiptinanhourandahalf。MyletterwasundercoverofanoteaddressedtoTiretta,inwhichItoldhimthatIshouldnotleavethehousetillIhadgotananswer。Ihadmyanswerfourhoursafter;itranasfollows:\"Dearest,itistoolate;youhavedecidedonmydestiny,andIcannotgobackfrommyword。CometodinneratM。Corneman’s,andbesurethatinafewweeksweshallbecongratulatingourselvesonhavingwonagreatvictory。Ourlove,crownedalltoosoon,willsoonliveonlyinourmemories。Ibegofyoutowritetomenomore。\"
Suchwasmyfate。Herrefusal,withthestillmorecruelchargenottowritetoheragain,mademefurious。InitIonlysawinconstancy。Ithoughtshehadfalleninlovewiththemerchant。MystateofmindmaybejudgedfromthefactthatIdeterminedtokillmyrival。Themostsavageplans,themostcrueldesigns,ranaracethroughmybewilderedbrain。Iwasjealous,inlove,adifferentbeingfrommyordinaryself;anger,vanity,andshamehaddestroyedmypowersofreasoning。ThecharminggirlwhomIwasforcedtoadmire,whomIshouldhaveesteemedallthemoreforthecourseshehadtaken,whomIhadregardedasanangel,becameinmyeyesahatefulmonster,ameetobjectforpunishment。AtlastIdeterminedonasuremethodofrevenge,whichIknewtobebothdishonourableandcowardly,butinmyblindpassionIdidnothesitateforamoment。IresolvedtogotothemerchantatM。Corneman’s,wherehewasstaying,totellhimallthathadpassedbetweentheladyandmyself,andifthatdidnotmakehimrenouncetheideaofmarryingherIwouldtellhimthatoneofusmustdie,andifherefusedmychallengeIdeterminedtoassassinatehim。
Withthisterribleplaninmybrain,whichmakesmeshuddernowwhenIthinkofit,Iatewiththeappetiteofawildbeast,laydownandslepttillday。IwasinthesamemindwhenIawoke,anddressedmyselfhastilyyetcarefully,puttwogoodpistolsinmypocketandwenttoM。Corneman’s。Myrivalwasstillasleep;Iwaitedforhim,andforaquarterofanhourmythoughtsonlygrewmorebitterandmydeterminationmorefixed。Allatoncehecameintotheroom,inhisdressing—gown,andreceivedmewithopenarms,tellingmeinthekindestofvoicesthathehadbeenexpectingmetocall,ashecouldguesswhatfeelingsI,afriendofhisfuturewife’s,couldhaveforhim,andsayingthathisfriendshipformeshouldalwaysbeaswarmashers。Hishonestopenface,hisstraightforwardwords,overwhelmedme,andIwassilentforafewminutes——infactIdidnotknowwhattosay。Luckilyhegavemeenoughtimetorecollectmyself,ashetalkedonforaquarterofanhourwithoutnoticingthatIdidnotopenmylips。
M。Cornemanthencamein;coffeewasserved,andmyspeechreturnedtome;butIamhappytosayIrefrainedfromplayingthedishonourablepartIhadintended;thecrisiswaspassed。
Itmayberemarkedthatthefiercestspiritsarelikeacordstretchedtootight,whicheitherbreaksorrelaxes。Ihaveknownseveralpersonsofthattemperament——theChevalierL————,amongstothers,whoinafitofpassionusedtofeelhissoulescapingbyeverypore。Ifatthemomentwhenhisangerburstforthhewasabletobreaksomethingandmakeagreatnoise,hecalmeddowninamoment;reasonresumedhersway,andtheraginglionbecameasmildasalamb。
AfterIhadtakenacupofcoffee,Ifeltmyselfcalmedbutyetdizzyinthehead,soIbadethemgoodmorningandwentout。IwasastonishedbutdelightedthatIhadnotcarriedmydetestableschemeintoeffect。Iwashumbledbybeingforcedtoconfesstomyselfthatchanceandchancealonehadsavedmefrombecomingavillain。AsI
wasreflectingonwhathadhappenedImetmybrother,andhecompletedmycure。ItookhimtodineatSilvia’sandstayedtheretillmidnight。IsawthatMdlle。Balettiwouldmakemeforgetthefairinconstant,whomIwiselydeterminednottoseeagainbeforethewedding。TomakesureIsetoutthenextdayforVersailles,tolookaftermyinterestswiththeGovernment。