IwillvisitDonnaCeciliaonlynowandthen。\"Feelingmostunhappy,Itookhishandtopressitagainstmylips,buthefoldedmeinhisarmsasafathermighthavedone,andturnedhimselfroundsoasnottoletmeseethathewasweeping。
Idinedatthecardinal’spalaceandsatneartheAbbeGama;thetablewaslaidfortwelvepersons,whoallworethecostumeofpriests,forinRomeeveryoneisapriestorwishestobethoughtapriestandasthereisnolawtoforbidanyonetodresslikeanecclesiasticthatdressisadoptedbyallthosewhowishtoberespected(noblemenexcepted)eveniftheyarenotintheecclesiasticalprofession。
Ifeltverymiserable,anddidnotutterawordduringthedinner;mysilencewasconstruedintoaproofofmysagacity。Aswerosefromthetable,theAbbeGamainvitedmetospendthedaywithhim,butI
declinedunderpretenceofletterstobewritten,andItrulydidsoforsevenhours。IwrotetoDonLelio,toDonAntonio,tomyyoungfriendPaul,andtotheworthyBishopofMartorano,whoansweredthatheheartilywishedhimselfinmyplace。
DeeplyenamouredofLucreziaandhappyinmylove,togiveherupappearedtomeashamefulaction。Inordertoinsurethehappinessofmyfuturelife,Iwasbeginningtobetheexecutionerofmypresentfelicity,andthetormentorofmyheart。IrevoltedagainstsuchanecessitywhichIjudgedfictitious,andwhichIcouldnotadmitunlessIstoodguiltyofvilenessbeforethetribunalofmyownreason。IthoughtthatFatherGeorgi,ifhewishedtoforbidmyvisitingthatfamily,oughtnottohavesaidthatitwasworthyofrespect;mysorrowwouldnothavebeensointense。Thedayandthewholeofthenightwerespentinpainfulthoughts。
InthemorningtheAbbeGamabroughtmeagreatbookfilledwithministeriallettersfromwhichIwastocompileformyamusement。
Afterashorttimedevotedtothatoccupation,IwentouttotakemyfirstFrenchlesson,afterwhichIwalkedtowardstheStrada—
Condotta。Iintendedtotakealongwalk,whenIheardmyselfcalledbymyname。IsawtheAbbeGamainfrontofacoffee—house。
IwhisperedtohimthatMinervahadforbiddenmethecoffee—roomsofRome。\"Minerva,\"heanswered,\"desiresyoutoformsomeideaofsuchplaces。Sitdownbyme。\"
Iheardayoungabbetellingaloud,butwithoutbitterness,astory,whichattackedinamostdirectmannerthejusticeofHisHoliness。
Everybodywaslaughingandechoingthestory。Another,beingaskedwhyhehadlefttheservicesofCardinalB。,answeredthatitwasbecausehiseminencedidnotthinkhimselfcalledupontopayhimapartforcertainprivateservices,andeverybodylaughedoutright。
AnothercametotheAbbeGama,andtoldhimthat,ifhefeltanyinclinationtospendtheafternoonattheVillaMedicis,hewouldfindhimtherewithtwoyoungRomangirlswhoweresatisfiedwitha’quartino’,agoldcoinworthone—fourthofasequin。Anotherabbereadanincendiarysonnetagainstthegovernment,andseveraltookacopyofit。Anotherreadasatireofhisowncomposition,inwhichhetoretopiecesthehonourofafamily。Inthemiddleofallthatconfusion,Isawapriestwithaveryattractivecountenancecomein。
Thesizeofhishipsmademetakehimforawomandressedinmen’sclothes,andIsaidsotoGama,whotoldmethathewasthecelebratedcastrato,BepinodeltaMamana。Theabbecalledhimtous,andtoldhimwithalaughthatIhadtakenhimforagirl。Theimpudentfellowlookedmefullintheface,andsaidthat,ifI
liked,hewouldshewmewhetherIhadbeenrightorwrong。
Atthedinner—tableeveryonespoketome,andIfanciedIhadgivenproperanswerstoall,but,whentherepastwasover,theAbbeGamainvitedmetotakecoffeeinhisownapartment。Themomentwewerealone,hetoldmethatalltheguestsIhadmetwereworthyandhonestmen,andheaskedmewhetherIbelievedthatIhadsucceededinpleasingthecompany。
\"IflattermyselfIhave,\"Ianswered。
\"Youarewrong,\"saidtheabbe,\"youareflatteringyourself。Youhavesoconspicuouslyavoidedthequestionsputtoyouthateverybodyintheroomnoticedyourextremereserve。Inthefuturenoonewillaskyouanyquestions。\"
\"Ishouldbesorryifitshouldturnoutso,butwasItoexposemyownconcerns?\"
\"No,butthereisamediuminallthings。\"
\"Yes,themediumofHorace,butitisoftenamatterofgreatdifficultytohititexactly。\"
\"Amanoughttoknowhowtoobtainaffectionandesteematthesametime。\"
\"Thatistheverywishnearesttomyheart。\"
\"To—dayyouhavetriedfortheesteemmuchmorethanfortheaffectionofyourfellow—creatures。Itmaybeanobleaspiration,butyoumustprepareyourselftofightjealousyandherdaughter,calumny;ifthosetwomonstersdonotsucceedindestroyingyou,thevictorymustbeyours。Now,forinstance,youthoroughlyrefutedSalicettito—day。Well,heisaphysician,andwhatismoreaCorsican;hemustfeelbadlytowardsyou。\"
\"CouldIgrantthatthelongingsofwomenduringtheirpregnancyhavenoinfluencewhateverontheskinofthefoetus,whenIknowthereversetobethecase?Areyounotofmyopinion?\"
\"Iamforneitherparty;Ihaveseenmanychildrenwithsomesuchmarks,butIhavenomeansofknowingwithcertaintywhetherthosemarkshavetheirorigininsomelongingexperiencedbythemotherwhileshewaspregnant。\"
\"ButIcanswearitisso。\"
\"Allthebetterforyouifyourconvictionisbaseduponsuchevidence,andalltheworseforSalicettiifhedeniesthepossibilityofthethingwithoutcertainauthority。Butlethimremaininerror;itisbetterthusthantoprovehiminthewrongandtomakeabitterenemyofhim。\"
IntheeveningIcalleduponLucrezia。Thefamilyknewmysuccess,andwarmlycongratulatedme。LucreziatoldmethatIlookedsad,andIansweredthatIwasassistingatthefuneralofmyliberty,forI
wasnolongermyownmaster。Herhusband,alwaysfondofajoke,toldherthatIwasinlovewithher,andhismother—in—lawadvisedhimnottoshowsomuchintrepidity。Ionlyremainedanhourwiththosecharmingpersons,andthentookleaveofthem,buttheveryairaroundmewasheatedbytheflamewithinmybreast。WhenIreachedmyroomIbegantowrite,andspentthenightincomposinganodewhichIsentthenextdaytotheadvocate。Iwascertainthathewouldshewittohiswife,wholovedpoetry,andwhodidnotyetknowthatIwasapoet。Iabstainedfromseeingheragainforthreeorfourdays。IwaslearningFrench,andmakingextractsfromministerialletters。
Hiseminencewasinthehabitofreceivingeveryevening,andhisroomswerethrongedwiththehighestnobilityofRome;Ihadneverattendedthesereceptions。TheAbbeGamatoldmethatIoughttodosoaswellashedid,withoutanypretension。Ifollowedhisadviceandwent;nobodyspoketome,butasIwasunknowneveryonelookedatmeandenquiredwhoIwas。TheAbbeGamaaskedmewhichwastheladywhoappearedtomethemostamiable,andIshewedonetohim;butI
regrettedhavingdoneso,forthecourtierwenttoher,andofcourseinformedherofwhatIhadsaid。SoonafterwardsIsawherlookatmethroughhereye—glassandsmilekindlyuponme。ShewastheMarchionessG————,whose’cicisbeo’wasCardinalS————C————。
OntheverydayIhadfixedtospendtheeveningwithDonnaLucreziatheworthyadvocatecalleduponme。HetoldmethatifIthoughtI
wasgoingtoproveIwasnotinlovewithhiswifebystayingawayI
wasverymuchmistaken,andheinvitedmetoaccompanyallthefamilytoTestaccio,wheretheyintendedtohaveluncheononthefollowingThursday。Headdedthathiswifeknewmyodebyheart,andthatshehadreadittotheintendedhusbandofAngelique,whohadagreatwishtomakemyacquaintance。Thatgentlemanwaslikewiseapoet,andwouldbeoneofthepartytoTestaccio。IpromisedtheadvocateIwouldcometohishouseontheThursdaywithacarriagefortwo。
AtthattimeeveryThursdayinthemonthofOctoberwasafestivaldayinRome。IwenttoseeDonnaCeciliaintheevening,andwetalkedabouttheexcursionthewholetime。IfeltcertainthatDonnaLucrezialookedforwardtoitwithasmuchpleasureasIdidmyself。
Wehadnofixedplan,wecouldnothaveany,butwetrustedtothegodoflove,andtacitlyplacedourconfidenceinhisprotection。
ItookcarethatFatherGeorgishouldnothearofthatexcursionbeforeImentionedittohimmyself,andIhastenedtohiminordertoobtainhispermissiontogo。Iconfessthat,toobtainhisleave,Iprofessedthemostcompleteindifferenceaboutit,andtheconsequencewasthatthegoodmaninsisteduponmygoing,sayingthatitwasafamilyparty,andthatitwasquiterightformetovisittheenvironsofRomeandtoenjoymyselfinarespectableway。
IwenttoDonnaCecilia’sinacarriagewhichIhiredfromacertainRoland,anativeofAvignon,andifIinsisthereuponhisnameitisbecausemyreaderswillmeethimagainineighteenyears,hisacquaintancewithmehavinghadveryimportantresults。ThecharmingwidowintroducedmetoDonFrancisco,herintendedson—in—law,whomsherepresentedasagreatfriendofliterarymen,andverydeeplylearnedhimself。Iaccepteditasgospel,andbehavedaccordingly;
yetIthoughthelookedratherheavyandnotsufficientlyelatedforayoungmanonthepointofmarryingsuchaprettygirlasAngelique。
Buthehadplentyofgood—natureandplentyofmoney,andthesearebetterthanlearningandgallantry。
Aswewerereadytogetintothecarriages,theadvocatetoldmethathewouldridewithmeinmycarriage,andthatthethreeladieswouldgowithDonFranciscointheother。IansweredatoncethatheoughttokeepDonFranciscocompany,andthatIclaimedtheprivilegeoftakingcareofDonnaCecilia,addingthatIshouldfeeldishonouredifthingswerearrangeddifferently。ThereuponIofferedmyarmtothehandsomewidow,whothoughtthearrangementaccordingtotherulesofetiquetteandgoodbreeding,andanapprovinglookofmyLucreziagavemethemostagreeablesensation。Yettheproposaloftheadvocatestruckmesomewhatunpleasantly,becauseitwasincontradictionwithhisformerbehaviour,andespeciallywithwhathehadsaidtomeinmyroomafewdaysbefore。\"Hashebecomejealous?\"Isaidtomyself;thatwouldhavemademealmostangry,butthehopeofbringinghimroundduringourstayatTestaccioclearedawaythedarkcloudonmymind,andIwasveryamiabletoDonnaCecilia。Whatwithlunchingandwalkingwecontrivedtopasstheafternoonverypleasantly;Iwasverygay,andmyloveforLucreziawasnotoncementioned;Iwasallattentiontohermother。
IoccasionallyaddressedmyselftoLucrezia,butnotoncetotheadvocate,feelingthisthebestwaytoshewhimthathehadinsultedme。
Aswepreparedtoreturn,theadvocatecarriedoffDonnaCeciliaandwentwithhertothecarriageinwhichwerealreadyseatedAngeliqueandDonFrancisco。Scarcelyabletocontrolmydelight,IofferedmyarmtoDonnaLucrezia,payinghersomeabsurdcompliment,whiletheadvocatelaughedoutright,andseemedtoenjoythetrickheimaginedhehadplayedme。
Howmanythingswemighthavesaidtoeachotherbeforegivingourselvesuptothematerialenjoymentofourlove,hadnottheinstantsbeensoprecious!But,awarethatwehadonlyhalfanhourbeforeus,weweresparingoftheminutes。WewereabsorbedinvoluptuouspleasurewhensuddenlyLucreziaexclaims,———
\"Oh!dear,howunhappyweare!\"
Shepushesmeback,composesherself,thecarriagestops,andtheservantopensthedoor。\"Whatisthematter?\"Ienquire。\"Weareathome。\"WheneverIrecollectthecircumstance,itseemstomefabulous,foritisnotpossibletoannihilatetime,andthehorseswereregularoldscrews。Butwewereluckyallthrough。Thenightwasdark,andmybelovedangelhappenedtobeontherightsidetogetoutofthecarriagefirst,sothat,althoughtheadvocatewasatthedoorofthebroughamassoonasthefootman,everythingwentright,owingtotheslowmannerinwhichLucreziaalighted。I
remainedatDonnaCecilia’suntilmidnight。
WhenIgothomeagain,Iwenttobed;buthowcouldIsleep?IfeltburninginmetheflamewhichIhadnotbeenabletorestoretoitsoriginalsourceinthetooshortdistancefromTestacciotoRome。Itwasconsumingme。Oh!unhappyarethosewhobelievethatthepleasuresofCytheraareworthhaving,unlesstheyareenjoyedinthemostperfectaccordbytwoheartsoverflowingwithlove!
IonlyroseintimeformyFrenchlesson。Myteacherhadaprettydaughter,namedBarbara,whowasalwayspresentduringmylessons,andwhosometimestaughtmeherselfwithevenmoreexactitudethanherfather。Agood—lookingyoungman,wholikewisetooklessons,wascourtingher,andIsoonperceivedthatshelovedhim。Thisyoungmancalledoftenuponme,andIlikedhim,especiallyonaccountofhisreserve,for,althoughImadehimconfesshisloveforBarbara,healwayschangedthesubject,ifImentioneditinourconversation。
Ihadmadeupmymindtorespecthisreserve,andhadnotalludedtohisaffectionforseveraldays。ButallatonceIremarkedthathehadceasedhisvisitsbothtomeandtohisteacher,andatthesametimeIobservedthattheyounggirlwasnolongerpresentatmylessons;Ifeltsomecuriositytoknowwhathadhappened,althoughitwasnot,afterall,anyconcernofmine。
Afewdaysafter,asIwasreturningfromchurch,Imettheyoungman,andreproachedhimforkeepingawayfromusall。Hetoldmethatgreatsorrowhadbefallenhim,whichhadfairlyturnedhisbrain,andthathewasapreytothemostintensedespair。Hiseyeswerewetwithtears。AsIwasleavinghim,heheldmeback,andI
toldhimthatIwouldnolongerbehisfriendunlessheopenedhishearttome。Hetookmetooneofthecloisters,andhespokethus:
\"IhavelovedBarbaraforthelastsixmonths,andforthreemonthsshehasgivenmeindisputableproofsofheraffection。Fivedaysago,wewerebetrayedbytheservant,andthefathercaughtusinaratherdelicateposition。Helefttheroomwithoutsayingoneword,andIfollowedhim,thinkingofthrowingmyselfathisfeet;but,asIappearedbeforehim,hetookholdofmebythearm,pushedmeroughlytothedoor,andforbademeevertopresentmyselfagainathishouse。Icannotclaimherhandinmarriage,becauseoneofmybrothersismarried,andmyfatherisnotrich;Ihavenoprofession,andmymistresshasnothing。Alas,nowthatIhaveconfessedalltoyou,tellme,Ientreatyou,howsheis。IamcertainthatsheisasmiserableasIammyself。Icannotmanagetogetaletterdeliveredtoher,forshedoesnotleavethehouse,eventoattendchurch。
Unhappywretch!WhatshallIdo?\"
Icouldbutpityhim,for,asamanofhonour,itwasimpossibleformetointerfereinsuchabusiness。ItoldhimthatIhadnotseenBarbaraforfivedays,and,notknowingwhattosay,Igavehimtheadvicewhichistenderedbyallfoolsundersimilarcircumstances;I
advisedhimtoforgethismistress。
WehadthenreachedthequayofRipetta,and,observingthathewascastingdarklookstowardstheTiber,Ifearedhisdespairmightleadhimtocommitsomefoolishattemptagainsthisownlife,and,inordertocalmhisexcitedfeelings,Ipromisedtomakesomeenquiriesfromthefatherabouthismistress,andtoinformhimofallIheard。
Hefeltquietedbymypromise,andentreatedmenottoforgethim。
InspiteofthefirewhichhadbeenragingthroughmyveinseversincetheexcursiontoTestaccio,IhadnotseenmyLucreziaforfourdays。IdreadedFatherGeorgi’ssuavemanner,andIwasstillmoreafraidoffindinghehadmadeuphismindtogivemenomoreadvice。
But,unabletoresistmydesires,IcalleduponLucreziaaftermyFrenchlesson,andfoundheralone,sadanddispirited。
\"Ah!\"sheexclaimed,assoonasIwasbyherside,\"Ithinkyoumightfindtimetocomeandseeme!\"
\"Mybelovedone,itisnotthatIcannotfindtime,butIamsojealousofmylovethatIwouldratherdiethanletitbeknownpublicly。IhavebeenthinkingofinvitingyoualltodinewithmeatFrascati。Iwillsendyouaphaeton,andItrustthatsomeluckyaccidentwillsmileuponourlove。\"
\"Oh!yes,do,dearest!Iamsureyourinvitationwillbeaccepted:\"
Inaquarterofanhourtherestofthefamilycamein,andI
profferedmyinvitationforthefollowingSunday,whichhappenedtobetheFestivalofSt。Ursula,patronessofLucrezia’syoungestsister。IbeggedDonnaCeciliatobringheraswellasherson。Myproposalbeingreadilyaccepted,IgavenoticethatthephaetonwouldbeatDonnaCecilia’sdooratseveno’clock,andthatIwouldcomemyselfwithacarriagefortwopersons。
ThenextdayIwenttoM。Dalacqua,and,aftermylesson,IsawBarbarawho,passingfromoneroomtoanother,droppedapaperandearnestlylookedatme。Ifeltboundtopickitup,becauseaservant,whowasathand,mighthaveseenitandtakenit。Itwasaletter,enclosinganotheraddressedtoherlover。Thenoteformeranthus:\"Ifyouthinkittobeasintodelivertheenclosedtoyourfriend,burnit。Havepityonanunfortunategirl,andbediscreet。\"
Theenclosedletterwhichwasunsealed,ranasfollows:\"Ifyoulovemeasdeeplyas’Iloveyou,youcannothopetobehappywithoutme;
wecannotcorrespondinanyotherwaythantheoneIamboldenoughtoadopt。Iamreadytodoanythingtouniteourlivesuntildeath。
Consideranddecide。\"
Thecruelsituationofthepoorgirlmovedmealmosttotears;yetI
determinedtoreturnherletterthenextday,andIencloseditinanoteinwhichIbeggedhertoexcusemeifIcouldnotrenderhertheservicesherequiredatmyhands。Iputitinmypocketreadyfordelivery。ThenextdayIwentformylessonasusual,but,notseeingBarbara,Ihadnoopportunityofreturningherletter,andpostponeditsdeliverytothefollowingday。Unfortunately,justafterIhadreturnedtomyroom,theunhappylovermadehisappearance。Hiseyeswereredfromweeping,hisvoicehoarse;hedrewsuchavividpictureofhismisery,that,dreadingsomemadactioncounselledbydespair,IcouldnotwithholdfromhimtheconsolationwhichIknewitwasinmypowertogive。Thiswasmyfirsterrorinthisfatalbusiness;Iwasthevictimofmyownkindness。
Thepoorfellowreadtheletteroverandover;hekisseditwithtransportsofjoy;hewept,huggedme,andthankedmeforsavinghislife,andfinallyentreatedmetotakechargeofhisanswer,ashisbelovedmistressmustbelongingforconsolationasmuchashehadbeenhimself,assuringmethathislettercouldnotinanywayimplicateme,andthatIwasatlibertytoreadit。
Andtruly,althoughverylong,hislettercontainednothingbuttheassuranceofeverlastinglove,andhopeswhichcouldnotberealized。
YetIwaswrongtoacceptthecharacterofMercurytothetwoyounglovers。Torefuse,IhadonlytorecollectthatFatherGeorgiwouldcertainlyhavedisapprovedofmyeasycompliance。
ThenextdayIfoundM。Dalacquaillinbed;hisdaughtergavememylessoninhisroom,andIthoughtthatperhapsshehadobtainedherpardon。Icontrivedtogiveherherlover’sletter,whichshedextrouslyconveyedtoherpocket,butherblusheswouldhaveeasilybetrayedherifherfatherhadbeenlookingthatway。AfterthelessonIgaveM。DalacquanoticethatIwouldnotcomeonthemorrow,asitwastheFestivalofSt。Ursula,oneoftheeleventhousandprincessesandmartyr—virgins。
Intheevening,atthereceptionofhiseminence,whichIattendedregularly,althoughpersonsofdistinctionseldomspoketome,thecardinalbeckonedtome。HewasspeakingtothebeautifulMarchionessG————,towhomGamahadindiscreetlyconfidedthatI
thoughtherthehandsomestwomanamongsthiseminence’sguests。
\"Hergrace,\"saidtheCardinal,\"wishestoknowwhetheryouaremakingrapidprogressintheFrenchlanguage,whichshespeaksadmirably。\"
IansweredinItalianthatIhadlearnedagreatdeal,butthatIwasnotyetboldenoughtospeak。
\"Youshouldbebold,\"saidthemarchioness,\"butwithoutshowinganypretension。Itisthebestwavtodisarmcriticism。\"
Mymindhavingalmostunwittinglylenttothewords\"Youshouldbebold\"ameaningwhichhadverylikelybeenfarfromtheideaofthemarchioness,Iturnedveryred,andthehandsomespeaker,observingit,changedtheconversationanddismissedme。
Thenextmorning,atseveno’clock,IwasatDonnaCecilia’sdoor。
Thephaetonwasthereaswellasthecarriagefortwopersons,whichthistimewasanelegantvis—a—vis,solightandwell—hungthatDonnaCeciliapraisedithighlywhenshetookherseat。
\"IshallhavemyturnaswereturntoRome,\"saidLucrezia;andI
bowedtoherasifinacceptanceofherpromise。
Lucreziathussetsuspicionatdefianceinordertopreventsuspicionarising。Myhappinesswasassured,andIgavewaytomynaturalflowofspirits。Iorderedasplendiddinner,andweallsetouttowardstheVillaLudovisi。Aswemighthavemissedeachotherduringourramblings,weagreedtomeetagainattheinnatoneo’clock。Thediscreetwidowtookthearmofherson—in—law,Angeliqueremainedwithhersister,andLucreziawasmydelightfulshare;Ursulaandherbrotherwererunningabouttogether,andinlessthanaquarterofanhourIhadLucreziaentirelytomyself。
\"Didyouremark,\"shesaid,\"withwhatcandourIsecuredforustwohoursofdelightful’tete—a—tete’,anda’tete—a—tete’ina’vis—a—
vis’,too!HowcleverLoveis!\"
\"Yes,darling,Lovehasmadebutoneofourtwosouls。Iadoreyou,andifIhavethecouragetopasssomanydayswithoutseeingyouitisinordertoberewardedbythefreedomofonesingledaylikethis。\"
\"Ididnotthinkitpossible。Butyouhavemanageditallverywell。
Youknowtoomuchforyourage,dearest。\"
\"Amonthago,mybeloved,Iwasbutanignorantchild,andyouarethefirstwomanwhohasinitiatedmeintothemysteriesoflove。
Yourdeparturewillkillme,forIcouldnotfindanotherwomanlikeyouinallItaly。\"
\"What!amIyourfirstlove?Alas!youwillneverbecuredofit。
Oh!whyamInotentirelyyourown?Youarealsothefirsttrueloveofmyheart,andyouwillbethelast。Howgreatwillbethehappinessofmysuccessor!Ishouldnotbejealousofher,butwhatsufferingwouldbemineifIthoughtthatherheartwasnotlikemine!\"
Lucrezia,seeingmyeyeswetwithtears,begantogivewaytoherown,and,seatingourselvesonthegrass,ourlipsdrankourtearsamidstthesweetestkisses。Howsweetisthenectarofthetearsshedbylove,whenthatnectarisrelishedamidsttherapturesofmutualardour!Ihaveoftentastedthem——thosedelicioustears,andIcansayknowinglythattheancientphysicianswereright,andthatthemodernarewrong。
Inamomentofcalm,seeingthedisorderinwhichwebothwere,I
toldherthatwemightbesurprised。
\"Donotfear,mybestbeloved,\"shesaid,\"weareundertheguardianshipofourgoodangels。\"
Wewererestingandrevivingourstrengthbygazingintooneanother’seyes,whensuddenlyLucrezia,castingaglancetotheright,exclaimed,\"Lookthere!idolofmyheart,haveInottoldyouso?Yes,theangelsarewatchingoverus!Ah!howhestaresatus!Heseemstotrytogiveusconfidence。Lookatthatlittledemon;admirehim!
Hemustcertainlybeyourguardianspiritormine。\"
Ithoughtshewasdelirious。
\"Whatareyousaying,dearest?Idonotunderstandyou。WhatamI
toadmire?\"
\"Doyounotseethatbeautifulserpentwiththeblazingskin,whichliftsitsheadandseemstoworshipus?\"
Ilookedinthedirectionsheindicated,andsawaserpentwithchangeablecoloursaboutthreefeetinlength,whichdidseemtobelookingatus。Iwasnotparticularlypleasedatthesight,butI
couldnotshowmyselflesscourageousthanshewas。
\"What!\"saidI,\"areyounotafraid?\"
\"Itellyou,again,thatthesightisdelightfultome,andIfeelcertainthatitisaspiritwithnothingbuttheshape,orrathertheappearance,ofaserpent。\"
\"Andifthespiritcameglidingalongthegrassandhissedatyou?\"
\"Iwouldholdyoutighteragainstmybosom,andsethimatdefiance。
InyourarmsLucreziaissafe。Look!thespiritisgoingaway。
Quick,quick!Heiswarningusoftheapproachofsomeprofaneperson,andtellsustoseeksomeotherretreattorenewourpleasures。Letusgo。\"
WeroseandslowlyadvancedtowardsDonnaCeciliaandtheadvocate,whowerejustemergingfromaneighbouringalley。Withoutavoidingthem,andwithouthurrying,justasiftomeetoneanotherwasaverynaturaloccurrence,IenquiredofDonnaCeciliawhetherherdaughterhadanyfearofserpents。
\"Inspiteofallherstrengthofmind,\"sheanswered,\"sheisdreadfullyafraidofthunder,andshewillscreamwithterroratthesightofthesmallestsnake。Therearesomehere,butsheneednotbefrightened,fortheyarenotvenomous\"
Iwasspeechlesswithastonishment,forIdiscoveredthatIhadjustwitnessedawonderfullovemiracle。Atthatmomentthechildrencameup,and,withoutceremony,weagainpartedcompany。
\"Tellme,wonderfulbeing,bewitchingwoman,whatwouldyouhavedoneif,insteadofyourprettyserpent,youhadseenyourhusbandandyourmother?\"
\"Nothing。Doyounotknowthat,inmomentsofsuchrapture,loversseeandfeelnothingbutlove?Doyoudoubthavingpossessedmewholly,entirely?\"
Lucrezia,inspeakingthus,wasnotcomposingapoeticalode;shewasnotfeigningfictitioussentiments;herlooks,thesoundofhervoice,weretruthitself!
\"Areyoucertain,\"Ienquired,\"thatwearenotsuspected?\"
\"Myhusbanddoesnotbelieveustobeinlovewitheachother,orelsehedoesnotmindsuchtriflingpleasuresasyouthisgenerallywonttoindulgein。Mymotherisacleverwoman,andperhapsshesuspectsthetruth,butsheisawarethatitisnolongeranyconcernofhers。Astomysister,shemustknoweverything,forshecannothaveforgottenthebroken—downbed;butsheisprudent,andbesides,shehastakenitintoherheadtopityme。Shehasnoconceptionofthenatureofmyfeelingstowardsyou。IfIhadnotmetyou,mybeloved,Ishouldprobablyhavegonethroughlifewithoutrealizingsuchfeelingsmyself;forwhatIfeelformyhusband……well,Ihaveforhimtheobediencewhichmypositionasawifeimposesuponme。\"
\"Andyetheismosthappy,andIenvyhim!Hecanclaspinhisarmsallyourlovelypersonwheneverhelikes!Thereisnohatefulveiltohideanyofyourcharmsfromhisgaze。\"
\"Oh!whereartthou,mydearserpent?Cometous,comeandprotectusagainstthesurpriseoftheuninitiated,andthisveryinstantI
fulfilallthewishesofhimIadore!\"
Wepassedthemorninginrepeatingthatwelovedeachother,andinexchangingoverandoveragainsubstantialproofsofourmutualpassion。
Wehadadeliciousdinner,duringwhichIwasallattentionfortheamiableDonnaCecilia。Myprettytortoise—shellbox,filledwithexcellentsnuff,wentmorethanonceroundthetable。AsithappenedtobeinthehandsofLucreziawhowassittingonmyleft,herhusbandtoldherthat,ifIhadnoobjection,shemightgivemeherringandkeepthesnuff—boxinexchange。Thinkingthattheringwasnotofasmuchvalueasmybox,Iimmediatelyaccepted,butIfoundtheringofgreatervalue。Lucreziawouldnot,however,listentoanythingonthatsubject。Sheputtheboxinherpocket,andthuscompelledmetokeepherring。
Dessertwasnearlyover,theconversationwasveryanimated,whensuddenlytheintendedhusbandofAngeliqueclaimedourattentionforthereadingofasonnetwhichhehadcomposedanddedicatedtome。I
thankedhim,andplacingthesonnetinmypocketpromisedtowriteoneforhim。Thiswasnot,however,whathewished;heexpectedthat,stimulatedbyemulation,Iwouldcallforpaperandpen,andsacrificetoApollohourswhichitwasmuchmoretomytastetoemployinworshippinganothergodwhomhiscoldnatureknewonlybyname。Wedrankcoffee,Ipaidthebill,andwewentaboutramblingthroughthelabyrinthinealleysoftheVillaAldobrandini。
Whatsweetrecollectionsthatvillahasleftinmymemory!ItseemedasifIsawmydivineLucreziaforthefirsttime。Ourlookswerefullofardentlove,ourheartswerebeatinginconcertwiththemosttenderimpatience,andanaturalinstinctwasleadingustowardsasolitaryasylumwhichthehandofLoveseemedtohavepreparedonpurposeforthemysteriesofitssecretworship。There,inthemiddleofalongavenue,andunderacanopyofthickfoliage,wefoundawidesofamadeofgrass,andshelteredbyadeepthicket;
fromthatplaceoureyescouldrangeoveranimmenseplain,andviewtheavenuetosuchadistancerightandleftthatwewereperfectlysecureagainstanysurprise。Wedidnotrequiretoexchangeonewordatthesightofthisbeautifultemplesofavourabletoourlove;ourheartsspokethesamelanguage。
Withoutawordbeingspoken,ourreadyhandssoonmanagedtogetridofallobstacles,andtoexposeinastateofnatureallthebeautieswhicharegenerallyveiledbytroublesomewearingapparel。Twowholehoursweredevotedtothemostdelightful,lovingecstasies。Atlastweexclaimedtogetherinmutualecstasy,\"OLove,wethankthee!\"
Weslowlyretracedourstepstowardsthecarriages,revellinginourintensehappiness。LucreziainformedmethatAngelique’ssuitorwaswealthy,thatheownedasplendidvillaatTivoli,andthatmostlikelyhewouldinviteusalltodineandpassthenightthere。
\"Ipraythegodoflove,\"sheadded,\"tograntusanightasbeautifulasthisdayhasbeen。\"Then,lookingsad,shesaid,\"Butalas!theecclesiasticallawsuitwhichhasbroughtmyhusbandtoRomeisprogressingsofavourablythatIammortallyafraidhewillobtainjudgmentalltoosoon。\"
Thejourneybacktothecitylastedtwohours;wewerealoneinmyvis—a—visandweovertaxednature,exactingmorethanitcanpossiblygive。AsweweregettingnearRomewewerecompelledtoletthecurtainfallbeforethedenouementofthedramawhichwehadperformedtothecompletesatisfactionoftheactors。
Ireturnedhomeratherfatigued,butthesoundsleepwhichwassonaturalatmyagerestoredmyfullvigour,andinthemorningItookmyFrenchlessonattheusualhour。
CHAPTERX
BenedictXIV——ExcursiontoTivoli——DepartureofLucrezia——TheMarchionessG。——BarbaraDalacqua——MyMisfortunes——ILeaveRomeM。Dalacquabeingveryill,hisdaughterBarbaragavememylesson。
Whenitwasover,sheseizedanopportunityofslippingaletterintomypocket,andimmediatelydisappeared,sothatIhadnochanceofrefusing。Theletterwasaddressedtome,andexpressedfeelingsofthewarmestgratitude。Sheonlydesiredmetoinformherloverthatherfatherhadspokentoheragain,andthatmostlikelyhewouldengageanewservantassoonashehadrecoveredfromhisillness,andsheconcludedherletterbyassuringmethatsheneverwouldimplicatemeinthisbusiness。
Herfatherwascompelledtokeephisbedforafortnight,andBarbaracontinuedtogivememylessoneveryday。Ifeltforheraninterestwhich,frommetowardsayoungandprettygirl,was,indeed,quiteanewsentiment。Itwasafeelingofpity,andIwasproudofbeingabletohelpandcomforther。Hereyesneverresteduponmine,herhandnevermetmine,Ineversawinhertoilettheslightestwishtopleaseme。Shewasverypretty,andIknewshehadatender,lovingnature;butnothinginterferedwiththerespectandtheregardwhichIwasboundinhonourandingoodfaithtofeeltowardsher,andI
wasproudtoremarkthatsheneverthoughtmecapableoftakingadvantageofherweaknessorofherposition。
Whenthefatherhadrecoveredhedismissedhisservantandengagedanother。Barbaraentreatedmetoinformherfriendofthecircumstance,andlikewiseofherhopetogainthenewservanttotheirinterests,atleastsufficientlytosecurethepossibilityofcarryingonsomecorrespondence。Ipromisedtodoso,andasamarkofhergratitudeshetookmyhandtocarryittoherlips,butquicklywithdrawingitItriedtokissher;sheturnedherfaceaway,blushingdeeply。Iwasmuchpleasedwithhermodesty。
Barbarahavingsucceededingainingthenewservantover,Ihadnothingmoretodowiththeintrigue,andIwasverygladofit,forIknewmyinterferencemighthavebroughtevilonmyownhead。
Unfortunately,itwasalreadytoolate。
IseldomvisitedDonGaspar;thestudyoftheFrenchlanguagetookupallmymornings,anditwasonlyinthemorningthatIcouldseehim;
butIcalledeveryeveninguponFatherGeorgi,and,althoughIwenttohimonlyasoneofhis’proteges’,itgavemesomereputation。I
seldomspokebeforehisguests,yetIneverfeltweary,forinhiscirclehisfriendswouldcriticisewithoutslandering,discusspoliticswithoutstubbornness,literaturewithoutpassion,andI
profitedbyall。Aftermyvisittothesagaciousmonk,Iusedtoattendtheassemblyofthecardinal,mymaster,asamatterofduty。
Almosteveryevening,whenshehappenedtoseemeathercard—table,thebeautifulmarchionesswouldaddresstomeafewgraciouswordsinFrench,andIalwaysansweredinItalian,notcaringtomakeherlaughbeforesomanypersons。Myfeelingsforherwereofasingularkind。Imustleavethemtotheanalysisofthereader。Ithoughtthatwomancharming,yetIavoidedher;itwasnotbecauseIwasafraidoffallinginlovewithher;IlovedLucrezia,andIfirmlybelievedthatsuchanaffectionwasashieldagainstanyotherattachment,butitwasbecauseIfearedthatshemightlovemeorhaveapassingfancyforme。Wasitself—conceitormodesty,viceorvirtue?Perhapsneitheronenortheother。
OneeveningshedesiredtheAbbeGamatocallmetoher;shewasstandingnearthecardinal,mypatron,andthemomentIapproachedhershecausedmeastrangefeelingofsurprisebyaskingmeinItalianaquestionwhichIwasfarfromanticipating:
\"HowdidyoulikeFrascati?\"
\"Verymuch,madam;Ihaveneverseensuchabeautifulplace。\"
\"Butyourcompanywasstillmorebeautiful,andyourvis—a—viswasverysmart。\"
Ionlybowedlowtothemarchioness,andamomentafterCardinalAcquavivasaidtome,kindly,\"Youareastonishedatyouradventurebeingknown?\"
\"No,mylord;butIamsurprisedthatpeopleshouldtalkofit。I
couldnothavebelievedRometobesomuchlikeasmallvillage。\"
\"ThelongeryouliveinRome,\"saidhiseminence,\"themoreyouwillfinditso。YouhavenotyetpresentedyourselftokissthefootofourHolyFather?\"
\"Notyet,mylord。\"
\"Thenyoumustdoso。\"
Ibowedincompliancetohiswishes。
TheAbbeGamatoldmetopresentmyselftothePopeonthemorrow,andheadded,\"OfcourseyouhavealreadyshewnyourselfintheMarchionessG。’spalace?\"
\"No,Ihaveneverbeenthere。\"
\"Youastonishme;butsheoftenspeakstoyou!\"
\"Ihavenoobjectiontogowithyou。\"
\"Inevervisitatherpalace。\"
\"Yetshespeakstoyoulikewise。\"
\"Yes,but……YoudonotknowRome;goalone;believeme,yououghttogo。\"
\"Willshereceiveme?\"
\"Youarejoking,Isuppose。Ofcourseitisoutofthequestionforyoutobeannounced。Youwillcallwhenthedoorsarewideopentoeverybody。Youwillmeetthereallthosewhopayhomagetoher。\"
\"Willsheseeme?\"
\"Nodoubtofit。\"
OnthefollowingdayIproceededtoMonte—Cavallo,andIwasatonceledintotheroomwherethePopewasalone。Ithrewmyselfonmykneesandkissedtheholycrossonhismostholyslipper。ThePopeenquiringwhoIwas,Itoldhim,andheansweredthatheknewme,congratulatingmeuponmybeingintheserviceofsoeminentacardinal。HeaskedmehowIhadsucceededingainingthecardinal’sfavour;IansweredwithafaithfulrecitalofmyadventuresfrommyarrivalatMartorano。HelaughedheartilyatallIsaidrespectingthepoorandworthybishop,andremarkedthat,insteadoftryingtoaddresshiminTuscan,IcouldspeakintheVenetiandialect,ashewashimselfspeakingtomeinthedialectofBologna。Ifeltquiteatmyeasewithhim,andItoldhimsomuchnewsandamusedhimsowellthattheHolyFatherkindlysaidthathewouldbegladtoseemewheneverIpresentedmyselfatMonte—Cavallo。Ibeggedhispermissiontoreadallforbiddenbooks,andhegranteditwithhisblessing,sayingthatIshouldhavethepermissioninwriting,butheforgotit。
BenedictXIV,wasalearnedman,veryamiable,andfondofajoke。
IsawhimforthesecondtimeattheVillaMedicis。Hecalledmetohim,andcontinuedhiswalk,speakingoftriflingthings。HewasthenaccompaniedbyCardinalAlbaniandtheambassadorfromVenice。
AmanofmodestappearanceapproachedHisHoliness,whoaskedwhatherequired;themansaidafewwordsinalowvoice,and,afterlisteningtohim,thePopeanswered,\"Youareright,placeyourtrustinGod;\"andhegavehimhisblessing。Thepoorfellowwentawayverydejected,andtheHolyFathercontinuedhiswalk。
\"Thisman,\"Isaid,\"mostHolyFather,hasnotbeenpleasedwiththeanswerofYourHoliness。\"
\"Why?\"
\"BecausemostlikelyhehadalreadyaddressedhimselftoGodbeforeheventuredtoapplytoyou;andwhenYourHolinesssendshimtoGodagain,hefindshimselfsentback,astheproverbsays,fromHerodtoPilate。\"
ThePope,aswellashistwocompanions,laughedheartily;butIkeptaseriouscountenance。
\"Icannot,\"continuedthePope,\"doanygoodwithoutGod’sassistance。\"
\"Verytrue,HolyFather;butthemanisawarethatyouareGod’sprimeminister,anditiseasytoimaginehistroublenowthattheministersendshimagaintothemaster。HisonlyresourceistogivemoneytothebeggarsofRome,whoforone’bajocco’willprayforhim。TheyboastoftheirinfluencebeforethethroneoftheAlmighty,butasIhavefaithonlyinyourcredit,IentreatYourHolinesstodelivermeoftheheatwhichinflamesmyeyesbygrantingmepermissiontoeatmeat。\"
\"Eatmeat,myson。\"
\"HolyFather,givemeyourblessing。\"
Heblessedme,addingthatIwasnotdispensedfromfasting。
Thatveryevening,atthecardinal’sassembly,IfoundthatthenewsofmydialoguewiththePopewasalreadyknown。Everybodywasanxioustospeaktome。Ifeltflattered,butIwasmuchmoredelightedatthejoywhichCardinalAcquavivatriedinvaintoconceal。
AsIwishednottoneglectGama’sadvice,Ipresentedmyselfatthemansionofthebeautifulmarchionessatthehouratwhicheveryonehadfreeaccesstoherladyship。Isawher,Isawthecardinalandagreatmanyabbes;butImighthavesupposedmyselfinvisible,fornoonehonouredmewithalook,andnoonespoketome。Ileftafterhavingperformedforhalfanhourthecharacterofamute。Fiveorsixdaysafterwards,themarchionesstoldmegraciouslythatshehadcaughtasightofmeinherreception—rooms。
\"Iwasthere,itistrue,madam;butIhadnoideathatIhadhadthehonourtobeseenbyyourladyship。\"
\"Oh!Iseeeverybody。Theytellmethatyouhavewit。\"
\"Ifitisnotamistakeonthepartofyourinformants,yourladyshipgivesmeverygoodnews。\"
\"Oh!theyareexcellentjudges。\"
\"Then,madam,thosepersonsmusthavehonouredmewiththeirconversation;otherwise,itisnotlikelythattheywouldhavebeenabletoexpresssuchanopinion。\"
\"Nodoubt;butletmeseeyouoftenatmyreceptions。\"
Ourconversationhadbeenoverheardbythosewhowerearound;hisexcellencythecardinaltoldmethat,whenthemarchionessaddressedherselfparticularlytomeinFrench,mydutywastoanswerherinthesamelanguage,goodorbad。ThecunningpoliticianGamatookmeapart,andremarkedthatmyreparteesweretoosmart,toocutting,andthat,afteratime,Iwouldbesuretodisplease。IhadmadeconsiderableprogressinFrench;Ihadgivenupmylessons,andpracticewasallIrequired。IwastheninthehabitofcallingsometimesuponLucreziainthemorning,andofvisitingintheeveningFatherGeorgi,whowasacquaintedwiththeexcursiontoFrascati,andhadnotexpressedanydissatisfaction。
Twodaysafterthesortofcommandlaiduponmebythemarchioness,I
presentedmyselfatherreception。Assoonasshesawme,shefavouredmewithasmilewhichIacknowledgedbyadeepreverence;
thatwasall。InaquarterofanhourafterwardsIleftthemansion。
Themarchionesswasbeautiful,butshewaspowerful,andIcouldnotmakeupmymindtocrawlatthefeetofpower,and,onthathead,I
feltdisgustedwiththemannersoftheRomans。
OnemorningtowardstheendofNovembertheadvocate,accompaniedbyAngelique’sintended,calledonme。Thelattergavemeapressinginvitationtospendtwenty—fourhoursatTivoliwiththefriendsI
hadentertainedatFrascati。Iacceptedwithgreatpleasure,forI
hadfoundnoopportunityofbeingalonewithLucreziasincetheFestivalofSt。Ursula。IpromisedtobeatDonnaCecilia’shouseatday—breakwiththesame’is—a—vis’。Itwasnecessarytostartveryearly,becauseTivoliissixteenmilesfromRome,andhassomanyobjectsofinterestthatitrequiresmanyhourstoseethemall。AsIhadtosleepoutthatnight,Icravedpermissiontodosofromthecardinalhimself,who,hearingwithwhomIwasgoing,toldmethatI
wasquiterightnottolosesuchanopportunityofvisitingthatsplendidplaceinsuchgoodsociety。
Thefirstdawnofdayfoundmewithmy’vis—a—vis’andfouratthedoorofDonnaCecilia,whocamewithmeasbefore。Thecharmingwidow,notwithstandingherstrictmorality,wasdelightedatmyloveforherdaughter。ThefamilyrodeinalargephaetonhiredbyDonFrancisco,whichgaveroomforsixpersons。
Athalf—pastseveninthemorningwemadeahaltatasmallplacewherehadbeenprepared,byDonFranciso’sorders,anexcellentbreakfast,whichwasintendedtoreplacethedinner,andweallmadeaheartymeal,aswewerenotlikelytofindtimeforanythingbutsupperatTivoli。IworeonmyfingerthebeautifulringwhichLucreziahadgivenme。AtthebackoftheringIhadhadapieceofenamelplaced,onitwasdelineatedasaduceus,withoneserpentbetweenthelettersAlphaandOmega。Thisringwasthesubjectofconversationduringbreakfast,andDonFrancisco,aswellastheadvocate,exertedhimselfinvaintoguessthemeaningofthehieroglyphs;muchtotheamusementofLucrezia,whounderstoodthemysterioussecretsowell。Wecontinuedourroad,andreachedTivoliatteno’clock。
WebeganbyvisitingDonFrancisco’svilla。Itwasabeautifullittlehouse,andwespentthefollowingsixhoursinexaminingtogethertheantiquitiesofTivoli。LucreziahavingoccasiontowhisperafewwordstoDonFrancisco,IseizedtheopportunityoftellingAngeliquethatafterhermarriageIshouldbehappytospendafewdaysofthefineseasonwithher。
\"Sir,\"sheanswered,\"IgiveyoufairnoticethatthemomentIbecomemistressinthishouseyouwillbetheveryfirstpersontobeexcluded。\"
\"Ifeelgreatlyobligedtoyou,signora,foryourtimelynotice。\"
ButthemostamusingpartoftheaffairwasthatIconstruedAngelique’swantoninsultintoadeclarationoflove。Iwasastounded。Lucrezia,remarkingthestateIwasin,touchedmyarm,enquiringwhatailedme。Itoldher,andshesaidatonce,\"Mydarling,myhappinesscannotlastlong;thecruelmomentofourseparationisdrawingnear。WhenIhavegone,prayundertakethetaskofcompellinghertoacknowledgehererror。Angeliquepitiesme,besuretoavengeme。\"
IhaveforgottentomentionthatatDonFrancisco’svillaIhappenedtopraiseaveryprettyroomopeningupontheorange—house,andtheamiablehost,havingheardme,cameobliginglytome,andsaidthatitshouldbemyroomthatnight。Lucreziafeignednottohear,butitwastoherAriadne’sclue,for,asweweretoremainaltogetherduringourvisittothebeautiesofTivoli,wehadnochanceofatete—a—tetethroughtheday。
IhavesaidthatwedevotedsixhourstoanexaminationoftheantiquitiesofTivoli,butIamboundtoconfessherethatIsaw,formypart,verylittleofthem,anditwasonlytwenty—eightyearslaterthatImadeathoroughacquaintancewiththebeautifulspot。
Wereturnedtothevillatowardsevening,fatiguedandveryhungry,butanhour’srestbeforesupper——arepastwhichlastedtwohours,themostdeliciousdishes,themostexquisitewines,andparticularlytheexcellentwineofTivoli——restoredussowellthateverybodywantednothingmorethanagoodbedandthefreedomtoenjoythebedaccordingtohisowntaste。
Aseverybodyobjectedtosleepalone,LucreziasaidthatshewouldsleepwithAngeliqueinoneoftheroomsleadingtotheorange—house,andproposedthatherhusbandshouldsharearoomwiththeyoungabbe,hisbrother—in—law,andthatDonnaCeciliashouldtakeheryoungestdaughterwithher。
Thearrangementmetwithgeneralapprobation,andDonFrancisco,takingacandle,escortedmetomyprettylittleroomadjoiningtheoneinwhichthetwosistersweretosleep,and,aftershewingmehowIcouldlockmyselfin,hewishedmegoodnightandleftmealone。
AngeliquehadnoideathatIwashernearneighbour,butLucreziaandI,withoutexchangingasinglewordonthesubject,hadperfectlyunderstoodeachother。
Iwatchedthroughthekey—holeandsawthetwosisterscomeintotheirroom,precededbythepoliteDonFrancisco,whocarriedataper,and,afterlightinganight—lamp,badethemgoodnightandretired。Thenmytwobeauties,theirdooroncelocked,satdownonthesofaandcompletedtheirnighttoilet,which,inthatfortunateclimate,issimilartothecostumeofourfirstmother。Lucrezia,knowingthatIwaswaitingtocomein,toldhersistertoliedownonthesidetowardsthewindow,andthevirgin,havingnoideathatshewasexposinghermostsecretbeautiestomyprofaneeyes,crossedtheroominastateofcompletenakedness。Lucreziaputoutthelampandlaydownnearherinnocentsister。
HappymomentswhichIcannolongerenjoy,butthesweetremembranceofwhichdeathalonecanmakemelose!IbelieveIneverundressedmyselfasquicklyasIdidthatevening。
IopenthedoorandfallintothearmsofmyLucrezia,whosaystohersister,\"Itismyangel,mylove;nevermindhim,andgotosleep。\"
WhatadelightfulpictureIcouldoffertomyreadersifitwerepossibleformetopaintvoluptuousnesinitsmostenchantingcolours!Whatecstasiesoflovefromtheveryonset!WhatdeliciousrapturessucceedeachotheruntilthesweetestfatiguemadeusgivewaytothesoothinginfluenceofMorpheus!
Thefirstraysofthesun,piercingthroughthecrevicesoftheshutters,wakeusoutofourrefreshingslumbers,andliketwovalorousknightswhohaveceasedfightingonlytorenewthecontestwithincreasedardour,welosenotimeingivingourselvesuptoalltheintensityoftheflamewhichconsumesus。
\"Oh,mybelovedLucrezia!howsupremelyhappyIam!But,mydarling,mindyoursister;shemightturnroundandseeus。\"
\"Fearnothing,mylife;mysisteriskind,shelovesme,shepitiesme;doyounotloveme,mydearAngelique?Oh!turnround,seehowhappyyoursisteris,andknowwhatfelicityawaitsyouwhenyouowntheswayoflove。\"
Angelique,ayoungmaidenofseventeensummers,whomusthavesufferedthetormentsofTantalusduringthenight,andwhoonlywishesforapretexttoshewthatshehasforgivenhersister,turnsround,andcoveringhersisterwithkisses,confessesthatshehasnotclosedhereyesthroughthenight。
\"Thenforgivelikewise,darlingAngelique,forgivehimwholovesme,andwhomIadore,\"saysLucrezia。
Unfathomablepowerofthegodwhoconquersallhumanbeings!
\"Angeliquehatesme,\"Isay,\"Idarenot……\"
\"No,Idonothateyou!\"answersthecharminggirl。
\"Kissher,dearest,\"saysLucrezia,pushingmetowardshersister,andpleasedtoseeherinmyarmsmotionlessandlanguid。
Butsentiment,stillmorethanlove,forbidsmetodepriveLucreziaoftheproofofmygratitude,andIturntoherwithalltheraptureofabeginner,feelingthatmyardourisincreasedbyAngelique’secstasy,asforthefirsttimeshewitnessestheamorouscontest。
Lucrezia,dyingofenjoyment,entreatsmetostop,but,asIdonotlistentoherprayer,shetricksme,andthesweetAngeliquemakesherfirstsacrificetothemotheroflove。Itisthus,verylikely,thatwhenthegodsinhabitedthisearth,thevoluptuousArcadia,inlovewiththesoftandpleasingbreathofZephyrus,onedayopenedherarms,andwasfecundated。
Lucreziawasastonishedanddelighted,andcoveredusbothwithkisses。Angelique,ashappyashersister,expireddeliciouslyinmyarmsforthethirdtime,andshesecondedmewithsomuchlovingardour,thatitseemedtomeIwastastinghappinessforthefirsttime。
Phoebushadleftthenuptialcouch,andhisrayswerealreadydiffusinglightovertheuniverse;andthatlight,reachingusthroughtheclosedshutters,gavemewarningtoquittheplace;weexchangedthemostlovingadieus,Ileftmytwodivinitiesandretiredtomyownroom。Afewminutesafterwards,thecheerfulvoiceoftheadvocatewasheardinthechamberofthesisters;hewasreproachingthemforsleepingtoolong!Thenheknockedatmydoor,threateningtobringtheladiestome,andwentaway,sayingthathewouldsendmethehair—dresser。
Aftermanyablutionsandacarefultoilet,IthoughtIcouldskewmyface,andIpresentedmyselfcoollyinthedrawing—room。Thetwosistersweretherewiththeothermembersofoursociety,andIwasdelightedwiththeirrosycheeks。Lucreziawasfrankandgay,andbeamedwithhappiness;Angelique,asfreshasthemorningdew,wasmoreradiantthanusual,butfidgety,andcarefullyavoidedlookingmeintheface。Isawthatmyuselessattemptstocatchhereyesmadehersmile,andIremarkedtohermother,rathermischievously,thatitwasapityAngeliqueusedpaintforherface。Shewasdupedbythisstratagem,andcompelledmetopassahandkerchiefoverherface,andwasthenobligedtolookatme。Iofferedhermyapologies,andDonFranciscoappearedhighlypleasedthatthecomplexionofhisintendedhadmetwithsuchtriumph。
Afterbreakfastwetookawalkthroughthegarden,and,findingmyselfalonewithLucrezia,Iexpostulatedtenderlywithherforhavingalmostthrownhersisterinmyarms。
\"Donotreproachme,\"shesaid,\"whenIdeservepraise。Ihavebroughtlightintothedarknessofmycharmingsister’ssoul;Ihaveinitiatedherinthesweetestofmysteries,andnow,insteadofpityingme,shemustenvyme。Farfromhavinghatredforyou,shemustloveyoudearly,andasIamsounhappyastohavetopartfromyouverysoon,mybeloved,Ileavehertoyou;shewillreplaceme。\"
\"Ah,Lucrezia!howcanIloveher?\"
\"Isshenotacharminggirl?\"
\"Nodoubtofit;butmyadorationforyouisashieldagainstanyotherlove。BesidesDonFranciscomust,ofcourse,entirelymonopolizeher,andIdonotwishtocausecoolnessbetweenthem,ortoruinthepeaceoftheirhome。Iamcertainyoursisterisnotlikeyou,andIwouldbetthat,evennow,sheupbraidsherselfforhavinggivenwaytotheardourofhertemperament:\"
\"Mostlikely;but,dearest,Iamsorrytosaymyhusbandexpectstoobtainjudgmentinthecourseofthisweek,andthentheshortinstantsofhappinesswillforeverbelosttome。\"
Thiswassadnewsindeed,andtocauseadiversionatthebreakfast—
tableItookmuchnoticeofthegenerousDonFrancisco,andpromisedtocomposeanuptialsongforhiswedding—day,whichhadbeenfixedfortheearlypartofJanuary。
WereturnedtoRome,andforthethreehoursthatshewaswithmeinmyvis—a—vis,Lucreziahadnoreasontothinkthatmyardourwasatallabated。ButwhenwereachedthecityIwasratherfatigued,andproceededatoncetothepalace。
Lucreziahadguessedrightly;herhusbandobtainedhisjudgmentthreeorfourdaysafterwards,andcalleduponmetoannouncetheirdepartureforthedayafterthemorrow;heexpressedhiswarmfriendshipforme,andbyhisinvitationIspentthetwolasteveningswithLucrezia,butwewerealwayssurroundedbythefamily。
Thedayofherdeparture,wishingtocauseheranagreeablesurprise,IleftRomebeforethemandwaitedforthemattheplacewhereI
thoughttheywouldputupforthenight,buttheadvocate,havingbeendetainedbyseveralengagements,wasdetainedinRome,andtheyonlyreachedtheplacenextdayfordinner。Wedinedtogether,weexchangedasad,painfulfarewell,andtheycontinuedtheirjourneywhileIreturnedtoRome。
Afterthedepartureofthischarmingwoman,Ifoundmyselfinsortofsolitudeverynaturaltoayoungmanwhoseheartisnotfullofhope。
Ipassedwholedaysinmyroom,makingextractsfromtheFrenchletterswrittenbythecardinal,andhiseminencewaskindenoughtotellmethatmyextractswerejudiciouslymade,butthatheinsisteduponmynotworkingsohard。Thebeautifulmarchionesswaspresentwhenhepaidmethatcompliment。
Sincemysecondvisittoher,Ihadnotpresentedmyselfatherhouse;shewasconsequentlyrathercooltome,and,gladofanopportunityofmakingmefeelherdispleasure,sheremarkedtohiseminencethatverylikelyworkwasaconsolationtomeinthegreatvoidcausedbythedepartureofDonnaLucrezia。
\"Icandidlyconfess,madam,thatIhavefeltherlossdeeply。Shewaskindandgenerous;aboveall,shewasindulgentwhenIdidnotcalloftenuponher。Myfriendshipforherwasinnocent。\"
\"Ihavenodoubtofit,althoughyourodewastheworkofapoetdeeplyinlove。\"
\"Oh!\"saidthekindlycardinal,\"apoetcannotpossiblywritewithoutprofessingtobeinlove。\"
\"But,\"repliedthemarchioness,\"ifthepoetisreallyinlove,hehasnoneedofprofessingafeelingwhichhepossesses。\"
Asshewasspeaking,themarchionessdrewoutofherpocketapaperwhichsheofferedtohiseminence。
\"Thisistheode,\"shesaid,\"itdoesgreathonourtothepoet,foritisadmittedtobeamasterpiecebyalltheliteratiinRome,andDonnaLucreziaknowsitbyheart。\"
Thecardinalreaditoverandreturnedit,smiling,andremarkingthat,ashehadnotasteforItalianpoetry,shemustgiveherselfthepleasureoftranslatingitintoFrenchrhymeifshewishedhimtoadmireit。
\"IonlywriteFrenchprose,\"answeredthemarchioness,\"andaprosetranslationdestroyshalfthebeautyofpoetry。IamsatisfiedwithwritingoccasionallyalittleItalianpoetrywithoutanypretensiontopoeticalfame\"
Thosewordswereaccompaniedbyaverysignificantglanceinmydirection。
\"Ishouldconsidermyselffortunate,madam,ifIcouldobtainthehappinessofadmiringsomeofyourpoetry。\"
\"Hereisasonnetofherladyship’s,\"saidCardinalS。C。
Itookitrespectfully,andIpreparedtoreadit,buttheamiablemarchionesstoldmetoputitinmypocketandreturnittothecardinalthenextday,althoughshedidnotthinkthesonnetworthsomuchtrouble。\"Ifyoushouldhappentogooutinthemorning,\"saidCardinalS。C。,\"youcouldbringitback,anddinewithme。\"CardinalAquavivaimmediatelyansweredforme:\"Hewillbesuretogooutpurposely。\"
Withadeepreverence,whichexpressedmythanks,Ilefttheroomquietlyandreturnedtomyapartment,veryimpatienttoreadthesonnet。Yet,beforesatisfyingmywish,Icouldnothelpmakingsomereflectionsonthesituation。IbegantothinkmyselfsomebodysincethegiganticstrideIhadmadethiseveningatthecardinal’sassembly。TheMarchionessdeG。hadshewninthemostopenwaytheinterestshefeltinme,and,undercoverofhergrandeur,hadnothesitatedtocompromiseherselfpubliclybythemostflatteringadvances。Butwhowouldhavethoughtofdisapproving?Ayoungabbelikeme,withoutanyimportancewhatever,whocouldscarcelypretendtoherhighprotection!True,butshewaspreciselythewomantograntittothosewho,feelingthemselvesunworthyofit,darednotshewanypretensionstoherpatronage。Onthathead,mymodestymustbeevidenttoeveryone,andthemarchionesswouldcertainlyhaveinsultedmehadshesupposedmecapableofsufficientvanitytofancythatshefelttheslightestinclinationforme。No,suchapieceofself—conceitwasnotinaccordancewithmynature。Hercardinalhimselfhadinvitedmetodinner。Wouldhehavedonesoifhehadadmittedthepossibilityofthebeautifulmarchionessfeelinganythingforme?Ofcoursenot,andhegavemeaninvitationtodinewithhimonlybecausehehadunderstood,fromtheverywordsofthelady,thatIwasjustthesortofpersonwithwhomtheycouldconverseforafewhourswithoutanyrisk;tobesure,withoutanyriskwhatever。Oh,MasterCasanova!doyoureallythinkso?
Well,whyshouldIputonamaskbeforemyreaders?Theymaythinkmeconceitediftheyplease,butthefactofthematteristhatI
feltsureofhavingmadeaconquestofthemarchioness。I
congratulatedmyselfbecauseshehadtakenthefirst,mostdifficult,andmostimportantstep。Hadshenotdoneso,Ishouldneverhavedared—tolaysiegetohereveninthemostapprovedfashion;Ishouldneverhaveevenventuredtodreamofwinningher。ItwasonlythiseveningthatIthoughtshemightreplaceLucrezia。Shewasbeautiful,young,fullofwitandtalent;shewasfondofliterarypursuits,andverypowerfulinRome;whatmorewasnecessary?YetI
thoughtitwouldbegoodpolicytoappearignorantofherinclinationforme,andtolethersupposefromtheverynextdaythatIwasinlovewithher,butthatmyloveappearedtomehopeless。Iknewthatsuchaplanwasinfallible,becauseitsavedherdignity。ItseemedtomethatFatherGeorgihimselfwouldbecompelledtoapprovesuchanundertaking,andIhadremarkedwithgreatsatisfactionthatCardinalAcquavivahadexpressedhisdelightatCardinalS。C。’sinvitation——anhonourwhichhehadneveryetbestowedonmehimself。
Thisaffairmighthaveveryimportantresultsforme。
Ireadthemarchioness’ssonnet,andfounditeasy,flowing,andwellwritten。ItwascomposedinpraiseoftheKingofPrussia,whohadjustconqueredSilesiabyamasterlystroke。AsIwascopyingit,theideastruckmetopersonifySilesia,andtomakeher,inanswertothesonnet,bewailthatLove(supposedtobetheauthorofthesonnetofthemarchioness)couldapplaudthemanwhohadconqueredher,whenthatconquerorwastheswornenemyofLove。
Itisimpossibleforamanaccustomedtowritepoetrytoabstainwhenahappysubjectsmilesuponhisdelightedimagination。Ifheattemptedtosmotherthepoeticalflamerunningthroughhisveinsitwouldconsumehim。Icomposedmysonnet,keepingthesamerhymesasintheoriginal,and,wellpleasedwithmymuse,Iwenttobed。
ThenextmorningtheAbbeGamacameinjustasIhadfinishedrecopyingmysonnet,andsaidhewouldbreakfastwithme。HecomplimentedmeuponthehonourconferredonmebytheinvitationofCardinalS。C。
\"Butbeprudent,\"headded,\"forhiseminencehasthereputationofbeingjealous:\"
Ithankedhimforhisfriendlyadvice,takingcaretoassurehimthatIhadnothingtofear,becauseIdidnotfeeltheslightestinclinationforthehandsomemarchioness。
CardinalS。C。receivedmewithgreatkindnessmingledwithdignity,tomakemerealizetheimportanceofthefavourhewasbestowinguponme。
\"Whatdoyouthink,\"heenquired,\"ofthesonnet?\"
\"Monsignor,itisperfectlywritten,and,whatismore,itisacharmingcomposition。Allowmetoreturnittoyouwithmythanks。\"
\"Shehasmuchtalent。Iwishtoshewyoutenstanzasofhercomposition,mydearabbe,butyoumustpromisetobeverydiscreetaboutit。\"
\"Youreminencemayrelyonme。\"
Heopenedhisbureauandbroughtforththestanzasofwhichhewasthesubject。Ireadthem,foundthemwellwritten,butdevoidofenthusiasm;theyweretheworkofapoet,andexpressedloveinthewordsofpassion,butwerenotpervadedbythatpeculiarfeelingbywhichtrueloveissoeasilydiscovered。Theworthycardinalwasdoubtlessguiltyofaverygreatindiscretion,butself—loveisthecauseofsomanyinjudicioussteps!Iaskedhiseminencewhetherhehadansweredthestanzas。
\"No,\"hereplied,\"Ihavenot;butwouldyoufeeldisposedtolendmeyourpoeticalpen,alwaysunderthesealofsecrecy?\"
\"Astosecrecy,monsignor,Ipromiseitfaithfully;butIamafraidthemarchionesswillremarkthedifferencebetweenyourstyleandmine。\"
\"Shehasnothingofmycomposition,\"saidthecardinal;\"Idonotthinkshesupposesmeafinepoet,andforthatreasonyourstanzasmustbewritteninsuchamannerthatshewillnotesteemthemabovemyabilities。\"
\"Iwillwritethemwithpleasure,monsignor,andyoureminencecanformanopinion;iftheydonotseemgoodenoughtobeworthyofyou,theyneednotbegiventothemarchioness。\"