\"Ifhedies,Dad——\"shewhispered。
\"HewillhavediedfortheCountry,mylove,asmuchaseveroursoldiersdo。\"
\"Iknow;butthat’snocomfort。I’vebeenwatchinghereallday;
I’vebeenthinking;menwillbejustasbrutalafterwards——morebrutal。Theworldwillgoonthesame。\"
\"Wemusthopenot。Shallwepray,Gracie?\"
Gratianshookherhead。
\"IfIcouldbelievethattheworld——ifIcouldbelieveanything!
I’velostthepower,Dad;Idon’tevenbelieveinafuturelife。IfGeorgedies,weshallnevermeetagain。\"
Piersonstaredatherwithoutaword。
Gratianwenton:\"Thelasttimewetalked,IwasangrywithGeorgebecausehelaughedatmybelief;nowthatIreallywantbelief,I
feelthathewasright。\"
Piersonsaidtremulously:
\"No,no,mydear;it’sonlythatyou’reoverwrought。GodinHismercywillgiveyoubackbelief。\"
\"ThereisnoGod,Dad\"
\"Mydarlingchild,whatareyousaying?\"
\"NoGodwhocanhelpus;Ifeelit。IftherewereanyGodwhocouldtakepartinourlives,alteranythingwithoutourwill,kneworcaredwhatwedid——Hewouldn’tlettheworldgoonasitdoes。\"
\"But,mydear,Hispurposesareinscrutable。WedarenotsayHeshouldnotdothisorthat,ortrytofathomtowhatendsHeisworking。\"
\"ThenHe’snogoodtous。It’sthesameasifHedidn’texist。WhyshouldIprayforGeorge’slifetoOnewhoseendsarejustHisown?
IknowGeorgeoughtn’ttodie。Ifthere’saGodwhocanhelp,itwillbeawickedshameifGeorgedies;ifthere’saGodwhocanhelp,it’sawickedshamewhenbabiesdie,andallthesemillionsofpoorboys。Iwouldratherthinkthere’snoGodthanahelplessorawickedGod——\"
Herfatherhadsuddenlythrownuphishandstohisears。Shemovedcloser,andputherarmroundhim。
\"Daddear,I’msorry。Ididn’tmeantohurtyou。
Piersonpressedherfacedowntohisshoulder;andsaidinadullvoice:
\"Whatdoyouthinkwouldhavehappenedtome,Gracie,ifIhadlostbeliefwhenyourmotherdied?Ihaveneverlostbelief。PrayGodI
nevershall!\"
Gratianmurmured:
\"GeorgewouldnotwishmetopretendIbelieve——hewouldwantmetobehonest。IfI’mnothonest,Ishan’tdeservethatheshouldlive。
Idon’tbelieve,andIcan’tpray。\"
\"Mydarling,you’reovertired。\"
\"No,Dad。\"Sheraisedherheadfromhisshoulderand,claspingherhandsroundherknees,lookedstraightbeforeher。\"Wecanonlyhelpourselves;andIcanonlybearitifIrebel。\"
Piersonsatwithtremblinglips,feelingthatnothinghecouldsaywouldtouchherjustthen。Thesickman’sfacewashardlyvisiblenowinthetwilight,andGratianwentovertohisbed。Shestoodlookingdownathimalongtime。
\"Goandrest,Dad;thedoctor’scomingagainateleven。I’llcallyouifIwantanything。Ishallliedownalittle,besidehim。\"
Piersonkissedher,andwentout。Tolietherebesidehimwouldbethegreatestcomfortshecouldget。Hewenttothebarenarrowlittleroomhehadoccupiedeversincehiswifedied;and,takingoffhisboots,walkedupanddown,withafeelingofalmostcrushingloneliness。Bothhisdaughtersinsuchtrouble,andheofnousetothem!ItwasasifLifewerepushinghimutterlyaside!Hefeltconfused,helpless,bewildered。SurelyifGratianlovedGeorge,shehadnotleftGod’sside,whatevershemightsay。Then,consciousoftheprofoundheresyofthisthought,hestoodstillattheopenwindow。
Earthlylove——heavenlylove;wasthereanyanalogybetweenthem?
>FromtheSquareGardenstheindifferentwhisperoftheleavesanswered;andanewsvendoratthefarend,bawlinghisnightlytaleofmurder。
3
GeorgeLairdpassedthecrisisofhisillnessthatnight,andinthemorningwaspronouncedoutofdanger。Hehadasplendidconstitution,and——Scotsmanonhisfather’sside——afightingcharacter。Hecamebacktolifeveryweak,butavidofrecovery;andhisfirstwordswere:\"I’vebeenhangingovertheedge,Gracie!\"
Averyhighcliff,andhisbodyhalfover,balancing;oneinch,themerestfractionofaninchmore,andoverhewouldhavegone。Deucedrumsensation!Butnotsohorribleasitwouldhavebeeninreallife。Withtheslipofthatlastinchhefelthewouldhavepassedatonceintooblivion,withoutthelonghorrorofafall。Sothiswaswhatitwasforallthepoorfellowshehadseenslipinthepasttwoyears!Mercifully,attheend,onewasnotaliveenoughtobeconsciousofwhatonewasleaving,notaliveenougheventocare。Ifhehadbeenabletotakeinthepresenceofhisyoungwife,abletorealisethathewaslookingatherface,touchingherforthelasttime——itwouldhavebeenhell;ifhehadbeenuptorealisingsunlight,moonlight,thesoundoftheworld’slifeoutside,thesoftnessofthebedhelayon——itwouldhavemeantthemostpoignantanguishofdefraudment。Lifewasararegoodthing,andtobesquashedoutofitwithyourpowersatfull,awretchedmistakeinNature’sarrangements,awretchedvillainyonthepartofMan——forhisowndeath,likeallthoseothermillionsofprematuredeaths,wouldhavebeenduetotheidiocyandbrutalityofmen!Hecouldsmilenow,withGratianlookingdownathim,buttheexperiencehadheapedfuelonafirewhichhadalwayssmoulderedinhisdoctor’ssoulagainstthathalfemancipatedbreedofapes,thehumanrace。
Well,nowhewouldgetafewdaysofffromhisdeath—carnival!Andhelay,feastinghisreturningsensesonhiswife。Shemadeaprettynurse,andhispractisedeyejudgedheragoodone——firmandquiet。
GeorgeLairdwasthirty。AttheopeningofthewarhewasinanEast—Endpractice,andhadvolunteeredatonceforservicewiththeArmy。Forthefirstninemonthshehadbeenrightupinthethickofit。Apoisonedarm;ratherthantheauthorities,hadsenthimhome。
DuringthatleavehemarriedGratian。HehadknownthePiersonssometime;and,madeconsciousoftheinstabilityoflife,hadresolvedtomarryheratthefirstchancehegot。Forhisfather—in—lawhehadrespectandliking,evermixedwithwhatwasnotquitecontemptandnotquitepity。Theblendofauthoritywithhumility,clericwithdreamer,monkwithartist,mysticwithmanofaction,inPierson,excitedinhimaninterested,butoftenirritated,wonder。Hesawthingssodifferentlyhimself,andhadlittleofthehumorouscuriositywhichenjoyswhatisstrangesimplybecauseitisstrange。
Theycouldnevertalktogetherwithoutsoonreachingapointwhenhewantedtosay:\"Ifwe’renottotrustourreasonandoursensesforwhatthey’reworth,sir——willyoukindlytellmewhatwearetotrust?Howcanweexertthemtotheutmostinsomematters,andinotherssuddenlyturnourbacksonthem?\"Once,inoneoftheirdiscussions,whichoftenborderedonacrimony,hehadexpoundedhimselfatlength。
\"Igrant,\"hehadsaid,\"thatthere’sagreatultimateMystery,thatweshallneverknowanythingforcertainabouttheoriginoflifeandtheprincipleoftheUniverse;butwhyshouldwesuddenlyshutupourenquiringapparatusanddenyalltheevidenceofourreason——say,aboutthestoryofChrist,orthequestionofafuturelife,orourmoralcode?Ifyouwantmetoenteratempleoflittlemysteries,leavingmyreasonandsensesbehind——asaMohammedanleaveshisshoes——itwon’tdotosaytomesimply:’Thereitis!Enter!’Youmustshowmethedoor;andyoucan’t!AndI’lltellyouwhy,sir。
Becauseinyourbrainthere’salittletwistwhichisnotinmine,orthelackofalittletwistwhichisinmine。Nothingmorethanthatdividesusintothetwomainspeciesofmankind,oneofwhomworships,andoneofwhomdoesn’t。Oh,yes!Iknow;youwon’tadmitthat,becauseitmakesyourreligionsnaturalinsteadofwhatyoucallsupernatural。ButIassureyouthere’snothingmoretoit。
Youreyeslookuportheylookdown——theyneverlookstraightbeforethem。Well,minedojusttheopposite。\"
ThatdayPiersonhadbeenfeelingverytired,andthoughtomeetthisattackwasvital,hehadbeenunabletomeetit。Hisbrainhadstammered。Hehadturnedalittleaway,leaninghischeekonhishand,asiftocoverthatmomentarybreakinhisdefences。Somedayslaterhehadsaid:
\"Iamablenowtoansweryourquestions,George。IthinkIcanmakeyouunderstand。\"
Lairdhadanswered:\"Allright,sir;goahead。\"
\"Youbeginbyassumingthatthehumanreasonisthefinaltestofallthings。Whatrighthaveyoutoassumethat?Supposeyouwereanant。Youwouldtakeyourant’sreasonasthefinaltest,wouldn’tyou?Wouldthatbethetruth?\"Andasmilehadfixeditselfonhislipsabovehislittlegravebeard。
GeorgeLairdalsohadsmiled。
\"Thatseemsagoodpoint,sir,\"hesaid,\"untilyourecognisethatI
don’ttake,thehumanreasonasfinaltestinanyabsolutesense。I
onlysayit’sthehighesttestwecanapply;andthat,behindthattestallisquitedarkandunknowable。\"
\"Revelation,then,meansnothingtoyou?\"
\"Nothing,sir。\"
\"Idon’tthinkwecanusefullygoon,George。\"
\"Idon’tthinkwecan,sir。Intalkingwithyou,Ialwaysfeellikefightingamanwithonehandtiedbehindhisback。\"
\"AndI,perhaps,feelthatIamarguingwithonewhowasblindfrombirth。\"
Forallthat,theyhadoftenarguedsince;butneverwithoutthosepeculiarsmilescomingontheirfaces。Still,theyrespectedeachother,andPiersonhadnotopposedhisdaughter’smarriagetothisheretic,whomheknewtobeanhonestandtrustworthyman。IthadtakenplacebeforeLaird’sarmwaswell,andthetwohadsnatchedamonth’shoneymoonbeforehewentbacktoFrance,andshetoherhospitalinManchester。Sincethen,justoneFebruaryfortnightbytheseahadbeenalltheirtimetogether……
Intheafternoonhehadaskedforbeeftea,and,havingdrunkacup,said:
\"I’vegotsomethingtotellyourfather。\"
Butwarnedbythepallorofhissmilinglips,Gratiananswered:
\"Tellmefirst,George。\"
\"Ourlasttalk,Gracie;well——there’snothing——ontheotherside。I
lookedover;it’sasblackasyourhat。\"
Gratianshivered。
\"Iknow。Whileyouwerelyingherelastnight,Itoldfather。\"
Hesqueezedherhand,andsaid:\"Ialsowanttotellhim。\"
\"Dadwillsaythemotiveforlifeisgone。\"
\"Isayitleapsoutallthemore,Gracie。Whatamesswemakeofit——weangel—apes!Whenshallwebemen,Iwonder?YouandI,Gracie,willfightforadecentlifeforeverybody。Nohands—uppingaboutthat!Benddown!It’sgoodtotouchyouagain;everything’sgood。
I’mgoingtohaveasleep……\"
Afterthereliefofthedoctor’sreportintheearlymorningPiersonhadgonethroughahardstruggle。WhatshouldhewiretoNoel?Helongedtogetherbackhome,awayfromtemptationtotheburningindiscretionofthismarriage。ButoughthetosuppressreferencetoGeorge’sprogress?Wouldthatbehonest?Atlasthesentthistelegram:\"Georgeoutofdangerbutveryweak。Comeup。\"
Bytheafternoonpost,however,hereceivedaletterfromThirza:
\"IhavehadtwolongtalkswithNoelandCyril。Itisimpossibletobudgethem。AndIreallythink,dearEdward,thatitwillbeamistaketoopposeitrigidly。Hemaynotgooutassoonaswethink。
Howwoulditbetoconsenttotheirhavingbannspublished?——thatwouldmeananotherthreeweeksanyway,andinabsencefromeachothertheymightbeinfluencedtoputitoff。I’mafraidthisistheonlychance,forifyousimplyforbidit,Ifeeltheywillrunoffandgetmarriedsomewhereataregistrar’s。\"
PiersontookthisletteroutwithhimintotheSquareGarden,forpainfulcogitation。Nomancanholdapositionofspiritualauthorityforlongyearswithoutdevelopingthehabitofjudgment。
HejudgedNoel’sconducttobeheadlongandundisciplined,andtheveinofstubbornnessinhischaracterfortifiedthefatherandthepriestwithinhim。Thirzadisappointedhim;shedidnotseemtoseetheirretrievablegravityofthishastymarriage。Sheseemedtolookonitassomethingmuchlighterthanitwas,toconsiderthatitmightbelefttoChance,andthatifChanceturnedoutunfavourable,therewouldstillbeawayout。Tohimtherewouldbenowayout。
Helookedupatthesky,asifforinspiration。Itwassuchabeautifulday,andsobittertohurthischild,evenforhergood!
Whatwouldhermotherhaveadvised?SurelyAgneshadfeltatleastasdeeplyashimselftheuttersolemnityofmarriage!And,sittingthereinthesunlight,hepainfullyhardenedhisheart。Hemustdowhathethoughtright,nomatterwhattheconsequences。Sohewentinandwrotethathecouldnotagree,andwishedNoeltocomebackhomeatonce。
V
1
Butonthesameafternoon,justaboutthathour,Noelwassittingontheriver—bankwithherarmsfoldedtightacrossherchest,andbyhersideCyrilMorland,withdespairinhisface,wastwistingatelegram\"Rejointonight。Regimentleavesto—morrow。\"
Whatconsolationthatamillionsuchtelegramshadbeenreadandsorrowedovertheselasttwoyears!Whatcomfortthatthesunwasdailyblotteddimforhundredsofbrighteyes;thejoyoflifepouredoutandsoppedupbythesandsofdesolation!
\"Howlonghavewegot,Cyril?\"
\"I’veengagedacarfromtheInn,soIneedn’tleavetillmidnight。
I’vepackedalready,tohavemoretime。\"
\"Let’shaveittoourselves,then。Let’sgooffsomewhere。I’vegotsomechocolate。\"
Morlandansweredmiserably:
\"Icansendthecaruphereformythings,andhaveitpickmeupattheInn,ifyou’llsaygoodbyetothemforme,afterwards。We’llwalkdowntheline,thenweshan’tmeetanyone。\"
Andinthebrightsunlighttheywalkedhandinhandoneachsideofashiningrail。AboutsixtheyreachedtheAbbey。
\"Let’sgetaboat,\"saidNoel。\"Wecancomebackherewhenit’smoonlight。Iknowawayofgettingin,afterthegate’sshut。\"
Theyhiredaboat,rowedovertothefarbank,andsatonthesternseat,sidebysideunderthetreeswherethewaterwasstaineddeepgreenbythehighwoods。Iftheytalked,itwasbutawordoflovenowandthen,ortodraweachother’sattentiontoafish,abird,adragon—fly。Whatusemakingplans——forloversthechieftheme?
Longingparalysedtheirbrains。Theycoulddonothingbutpressclosetoeachother,theirhandsenlaced,theirlipsmeetingnowandthen。OnNoel’sfacewasastrangefixedstillness,asifshewerewaiting——expecting!Theyatetheirchocolates。Thesunset,dewbegantofall;theriverchanged,andgrewwhiter;theskypaledtothecolourofanamethyst;shadowslengthened,dissolvedslowly。Itwaspastninealready;awater—ratcameout,awhiteowlflewovertheriver,towardstheAbbey。Themoonhadcomeup,butshednolightasyet。Theysawnobeautyinallthis——tooyoung,toopassionate,toounhappy。
Noelsaid:\"Whenshe’soverthosetrees,Cyril,let’sgo。It’llbehalfdark。\"
Theywaited,watchingthemoon,whichcreptwithinfiniteslownessupandup,brighteningeversolittleeveryminute。
\"Now!\"saidNoel。AndMorlandrowedacross。
Theylefttheboat,andsheledthewaypastanemptycottage,toashedwitharoofslopinguptotheAbbey’slowouterwall。
\"Wecangetoverhere,\"shewhispered。
Theyclamberedup,andover,toapieceofgrassycourtyard,andpassedontoaninnercourt,undertheblackshadowofthehighwalls。
\"What’sthetime?\"saidNoel。
\"Half—pastten。\"
\"Already!Let’ssithereinthedark,andwatchforthemoon。\"
Theysatdownclosetogether。Noel’sfacestillhadonitthatstrangelookofwaiting;andMorlandsatobedient,withhishandonherheart,andhisownheartbeatingalmosttosuffocation。Theysat,stillasmice,andthemooncreptup。Itlaidafirstvaguegreynessonthehighwall,whichspreadslowlydown,andbrightenedtillthelichenandthegrassesuptherewerevisible;thencrepton,silveringthedarkabovetheirheads。Noelpulledhissleeve,andwhispered:\"See!\"Therecamethewhiteowl,softasasnowflake,driftingacrossinthatunearthlylight,asifflyingtothemoon。
Andjustthenthetopofthemoonitselflookedoverthewall,ashavingofsilverygold。Itgrew,becameabrightspreadfan,thenbalancedthere,fullandround,thecolourofpalehoney。
\"Ours!\"Noelwhispered。
2
>FromthesideoftheroadNoellistenedtillthesoundofthecarwaslostinthefoldsofthevalley。Shedidnotcry,butpassedherhandsoverherface,andbegantowalkhome,keepingtotheshadowofthetrees。Howmanyyearshadbeenaddedtoherageinthosesixhourssincethetelegramcame!Severaltimesinthatmileandahalfshesteppedintoapatchofbrightermoonlight,totakeoutandkissalittlephotograph,thenslipitbacknextherheart,heedlessthatsowarmaplacemustdestroyanyeffigy。Shefeltnotthefaintestcompunctionfortherecklessnessofherlove——itwasheronlycomfortagainstthecrushinglonelinessofthenight。Itkeptherup,madeherwalkonwithasortofpride,asifshehadgotthebestofFate。
Hewashersforevernow,inspiteofanythingthatcouldbedone。
Shedidnoteventhinkwhatshewouldsaywhenshegotin。Shecametotheavenue,andpassedupitstillinasortofdream。Herunclewasstandingbeforetheporch;shecouldhearhismutterings。Shemovedoutoftheshadowofthetrees,wentstraightuptohim,and,lookinginhisperturbedface,saidcalmly:
\"Cyrilaskedmetosaygood—byetoyouall,Uncle。Goodnight!\"
\"But,Isay,Nollielookhereyou!\"
Shehadpassedon。Shewentuptoherroom。There,bythedoor,herauntwasstanding,andwouldhavekissedher。Shedrewback:
\"No,Auntie。Notto—night!\"And,slippingby,shelockedherdoor。
BobandThirzaPierson,meetingintheirownroom,lookedateachotheraskance。Reliefattheirniece’ssafereturnwasconfusedbyotheremotions。BobPiersonexpressedhisfirst:
\"Phew!Iwasbeginningtothinkweshouldwhavetodragtheriver。
Whatgirlsarecomingto!\"
\"It’sthewar,Bob。\"
\"Ididn’tlikeherface,oldgirl。Idon’tknowwhatitwas,butI
didn’tlikeherface。\"
NeitherdidThirza,butshewouldnotadmitit,andencourageBobtotakeittoheart。Hetookthingssohardly,andwithsuchanoise!
Sheonlysaid:\"Pooryoungthings!IsupposeitwillbearelieftoEdward!\"
\"IloveNollie!\"saidBobPiersonsuddenly。\"She’sanaffectionatecreature。D—nit,I’msorryaboutthis。It’snotsobadforyoungMorland;he’sgottheexcitement——thoughIshouldn’tliketobeleavingNollie,ifIwereyoungagain。ThankGod,neitherofourboysisengaged。ByGeorge!whenIthinkofthemoutthere,andmyselfhere,Ifeelasifthetopofmyheadwouldcomeoff。Andthosepoliticianchapsspoutingawayineverycountry——howtheycanhavethecheek!\"
Thirzalookedathimanxiously。
\"Andnodinner!\"hesaidsuddenly。\"Whatd’youthinkthey’vebeendoingwiththemselves?\"
\"Holdingeachother’shands,poordears!D’youknowwhattimeitis,Bob?Nearlyoneo’clock。\"
\"Well,allIcansayis,I’vehadawretchedevening。Gettobed,oldgirl。You’llbefitfornothing。\"
Hewassoonasleep,butThirzalayawake,notexactlyworrying,forthatwasnothernature,butseeingNoel’sface,pale,languid,passionate,possessedbymemory。
VI
1
Noelreachedherfather’shousenextdaylateintheafternoon。
Therewasaletterinthehallforher。Shetoreitopen,andread:
\"MYDARLINGLOVE,\"Igotbackallright,andampostingthisatoncetotellyouweshallpassthroughLondon,andgofromCharingCross,Iexpectaboutnineo’clockto—night。Ishalllookoutforyou,there,incaseyouareupintime。EveryminuteIthinkofyou,andoflastnight。Oh!
Noel!
\"Yourdevotedlover,\"C。\"
Shelookedatthewrist—watchwhich,likeeveryotherlittlepatriot,shepossessed。Pastseven!Ifshewaited,Gratianorherfatherwouldseizeonher。
\"Takemythingsup,Dinah。I’vegotaheadachefromtravelling;I’mgoingtowalkitoff。PerhapsIshan’tbeintillpastnineorso。
Givemylovetothemall。\"
\"Oh,MissNoel,youcan’t,——\"
ButNoelwasgone。ShewalkedtowardsCharingCross;and,tokilltime,wentintoarestaurantandhadthatsimplerepast,coffeeandabun,whichthoseinlovewouldalwaystakeifSocietydidnotforciblyfeedthemonotherthings。Foodwasridiculoustoher。Shesatthereinthemidstofaperfecthiveofcreatureseatinghideously。Theplacewasshapedlikeamodernprison,havingtiersofgalleryroundanopenspace,andintheairwasthesmellofviandsandtheclatterofplatesandthemusicofaband。Meninkhakieverywhere,andNoelglancedfromformtoformtoseeifbychanceonemightbethatwhichrepresented,forher,LifeandtheBritishArmy。Athalf—pasteightshewentoutandmadeherway:
throughthecrowd,stillmechanicallysearching\"khaki\"forwhatshewanted;anditwasperhapsfortunatethattherewasaboutherfaceandwalksomethingwhichtouchedpeople。Atthestationshewentuptoanoldporter,and,puttingashillingintohisastonishedhand,askedhimtofindoutforherwhenceMorland’sregimentwouldstart。
Hecamebackpresently,andsaid:
\"Comewithme,miss。\"
Noelwent。Hewasratherlame,hadgreywhiskers,andaghostlythinresemblancetoheruncleBob,whichperhapshadbeenthereasonwhyshehadchosenhim。64
\"Brothergoin’out,miss?\"
Noelnodded。
\"Ah!It’sacroolwar。Ishan’tbesorrywhenit’sover。Goin’outandcomin’in,weseesomesadsights’ere。Wonderfulspiritthey’vegot,too。IneverlookattheclocknowbutwhatIthink:’Thereyougo,slow—coach!I’dliketosetyouontothedaytheboyscomeback!’WhenIputsabagin:’Anotherfor’ell\"Ithinks。Andsoitis,miss,fromallIcan’ear。I’vegotasonouttheremeself。
It’s’erethey’llcomealong。Youstandquietandkeepalookout,andyou’llgetafewminuteswithhimwhenhe’sdonewith’ismen。I
wouldn’tmove,ifIwereyou;he’llcometoyou,allright——can’tmissyou,there。\"And,lookingatherface,hethought:’Astonishin’
whataloto’brothersgo。Wotoh!Poorlittlemissy!Alittlelady,too。Wonderfulcollectedsheis。It’s’ard!’Andtryingtofindsomethingconsolingtosay,hemumbledout:\"Youcouldn’tbeinabetterplaceforseen’imoff。Goodnight,miss;anythingelseI
candoforyou?\"
\"No,thankyou;you’reverykind。\"
Helookedbackonceortwiceatherblue—cladfigurestandingverystill。Hehadleftheragainstalittleoasisofpiled—upemptymilk—cans,fardowntheplatformwhereafewciviliansinsimilarcasewerescattered。Thetrainwaywasemptyasyet。Inthegreyimmensityofthestationandtheturmoilofitsnoise,shefeltneitherlonelynorconsciousofotherswaiting;tooabsorbedintheonethoughtofseeinghimandtouchinghimagain。Theemptytrainbeganbackingin,stopped,andtelescopedwithaseriesoflittleclatteringbangs,backedonagain,andsubsidedtorest。Noelturnedhereyestowardsthestationarchways。Alreadyshefelttremulous,asthoughtheregimentweresendingbeforeitthevibrationofitsmarch。
Shehadnotasyetseenatroop—trainstart,andvagueimagesofbravearray,ofaflagfluttering,andthestirofdrums,besether。
Suddenlyshesawabrownswirlingmassdownthereattheveryedge,outofwhichathinbrowntrickleemergedtowardsher;nosoundofmusic,nowavedflag。Shehadalongingtorushdowntothebarrier,butrememberingthewordsoftheporter,stayedwhereshewas,withherhandstightlysqueezedtogether。Thetricklebecameastream,aflood,theheadofwhichbegantoreachher。Withaturbulenceofvoices,sunburntmen,burdeneduptothenose,passed,withriflesjuttingatallangles;shestrainedhereyes,staringintothatstreamasonemightintoawalkingwood,toisolateasingletree。
Herheadreeledwiththestrainofit,andtheefforttocatchhisvoiceamongthehubbubofallthosecheery,common,happy—go—luckysounds。Somewhosawhercluckedtheirtongues,somewentbysilent,othersseemedtoscanherasthoughshemightbewhattheywerelookingfor。Andeverthestreamandthehubbubmeltedintothetrain,andyetcamepouringon。Andstillshewaitedmotionless,withanawfulfear。Howcouldheeverfindher,orshehim?Thenshesawthatothersofthosewaitinghadfoundtheirmen。Andthelongingtorushupanddowntheplatformalmostovercameher;butstillshewaited。Andsuddenlyshesawhimwithtwootherofficerboys,closetothecarriages,comingslowlydowntowardsher。Shestoodwithhereyesfixedonhisface;theypassed,andshenearlycriedout。Thenheturned,brokeawayfromtheothertwo,andcamestraighttoher。Hehadseenherbeforeshehadseenhim。Hewasveryflushed,hadalittlefixedfrownbetweenhisblueeyesandasetjaw。Theystoodlookingateachother,theirhandshardgripped;
alltheemotionoflastnightwellingupwithinthem,sothattospeakwouldhavebeentobreakdown。Themilk—cansformedakindofshelter,andtheystoodsoclosetogetherthatnonecouldseetheirfaces。Noelwasthefirsttomasterherpowerofspeech;herwordscameout,daintyasever,throughtremblinglips:
\"Writetomeasmuchaseveryoucan,Cyril。I’mgoingtobeanurseatonce。Andthefirstleaveyouget,Ishallcometoyou——don’tforget。\"
\"Forget!Movealittleback,darling;theycan’tseeushere。Kissme!\"Shemovedback,thrustherfaceforwardsothatheneednotstoop,andputherlipsuptohis。Then,feelingthatshemightswoonandfalloveramongthecans,shewithdrewhermouth,leavingherforeheadagainsthislips。Hemurmured:
\"Wasitallrightwhenyougotinlastnight?\"
\"Yes;Isaidgood—byeforyou。\"
\"Oh!Noel——I’vebeenafraid——Ioughtn’t——Ioughtn’t——\"
\"Yes,yes;nothingcantakeyoufrommenow。\"
\"Youhavegotpluck。Morethan!\"
Alongwhistlesounded。Morlandgraspedherhandsconvulsively:
\"Good—bye,mylittlewife!Don’tfret。Goodbye!Imustgo。Godblessyou,Noel!\"
\"Iloveyou。\"
Theylookedateachother,justanothermoment,thenshetookherhandsfromhisandstoodbackintheshadowofthemilk—cans,rigid,followinghimwithhereyestillhewaslostinthetrain。