第17章
加入书架 A- A+
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  Thatdecidedus,andwebecameunitedinfact。Shewasdivorced,marriedme,andyouwereborn。Wehavelivedinperfecthappiness,atleastIhave,andIbelieveyourmotheralso。Soames,soonafterthedivorce,marriedFleur’smother,andshewasborn。Thatisthestory,Jon。Ihavetoldityou,becausebytheaffectionwhichweseeyouhaveformedforthisman’sdaughteryouareblindlymovingtowardwhatmustutterlydestroyyourmother’shappiness,ifnotyourown。Idon’twishtospeakofmyself,becauseatmyagethere’snousesupposingIshallcumberthegroundmuchlonger,besides,whatI

  shouldsufferwouldbemainlyonheraccount,andonyours。ButwhatIwantyoutorealiseisthatfeelingsofhorrorandaversionsuchasthosecanneverbeburiedorforgotten。Theyarealiveinherto—day。

  OnlyyesterdayatLord’swehappenedtoseeSoamesForsyte。Herface,ifyouhadseenit,wouldhaveconvincedyou。Theideathatyoushouldmarryhisdaughterisanightmaretoher,Jon。IhavenothingtosayagainstFleursavethatsheishisdaughter。Butyourchildren,ifyoumarriedher,wouldbethegrandchildrenofSoames,asmuchasofyourmother,ofamanwhoonceownedyourmotherasamanmightownaslave。Thinkwhatthatwouldmean。Bysuchamarriageyouenterthecampwhichheldyourmotherprisonerandwhereinsheateherheartout。Youarejustonthethresholdoflife,youhaveonlyknownthisgirltwomonths,andhoweverdeeplyyouthinkyouloveher,Iappealtoyoutobreakitoffatonce。

  Don’tgiveyourmotherthisranklingpainandhumiliationduringtherestofherlife。Youngthoughshewillalwaysseemtome,sheisfifty—seven。Exceptforustwoshehasnooneintheworld。Shewillsoonhaveonlyyou。Pluckupyourspirit,Jon,andbreakaway。

  Don’tputthiscloudandbarrierbetweenyou。Don’tbreakherheart!

  Blessyou,mydearboy,andagainforgivemeforallthepainthislettermustbringyou——wetriedtospareityou,butSpain——itseems—

  ——wasnogood。

  \"Everyourdevotedfather\"JOLYONFORSYTE。\"

  Havingfinishedhisconfession,Jolyonsatwithathincheekonhishand,re—reading。Therewerethingsinitwhichhurthimsomuch,whenhethoughtofJonreadingthem,thathenearlytoretheletterup。Tospeakofsuchthingsatalltoaboy——hisownboy——tospeakoftheminrelationtohisownwifeandtheboy’sownmother,seemeddreadfultothereticenceofhisForsytesoul。AndyetwithoutspeakingofthemhowmakeJonunderstandthereality,thedeepcleavage,theineffaceablescar?Withoutthem,howjustifythisstiffingoftheboy’slove?Hemightjustaswellnotwriteatall!

  Hefoldedtheconfession,andputitinhispocket。Itwas——thankHeaven!——Saturday;hehadtillSundayeveningtothinkitover;forevenifpostednowitcouldnotreachJontillMonday。Hefeltacuriousreliefatthisdelay,andatthefactthat,whethersentornot,itwaswritten。

  Intherosegarden,whichhadtakentheplaceoftheoldfernery,hecouldseeIrenesnippingandpruning,withalittlebasketonherarm。Shewasneveridle,itseemedtohim,andheenviedhernowthathehimselfwasidlenearlyallhistime。Hewentdowntoher。

  Sheheldupastainedgloveandsmiled。Apieceoflacetiedunderherchinconcealedherhair,andherovalfacewithitsstilldarkbrowslookedveryyoung。

  \"Thegreen—flyareawfulthisyear,andyetit’scold。Youlooktired,Jolyon。\"

  Jolyontooktheconfessionfromhispocket。\"I’vebeenwritingthis。

  Ithinkyououghttoseeit?\"

  \"ToJon?\"Herwholefacehadchanged,inthatinstant,becomingalmosthaggard。

  \"Yes;themurder’sout。\"

  Hegaveittoher,andwalkedawayamongtheroses。Presently,seeingthatshehadfinishedreadingandwasstandingquitestillwiththesheetsoftheletteragainstherskirt,hecamebacktoher。

  \"Well?\"

  \"It’swonderfullyput。Idon’tseehowitcouldbeputbetter。

  Thankyou,dear。\"

  \"Isthereanythingyouwouldlikeleftout?\"

  Sheshookherhead。

  \"No;hemustknowall,ifhe’stounderstand。\"

  \"That’swhatIthought,but——Ihateit!\"

  Hehadthefeelingthathehateditmorethanshe——tohimsexwassomucheasiertomentionbetweenmanandwomanthanbetweenmanandman;andshehadalwaysbeenmorenaturalandfrank,notdeeplysecretivelikehisForsyteself。

  \"Iwonderifhewillunderstand,evennow,Jolyon?He’ssoyoung;

  andheshrinksfromthephysical。\"

  \"Hegetsthatshrinkingfrommyfather,hewasasfastidiousasagirlinallsuchmatters。Woulditbebettertorewritethewholething,andjustsayyouhatedSoames?\"

  Ireneshookherhead。

  \"Hate’sonlyaword。Itconveysnothing。No,betterasitis。\"

  \"Verywell。Itshallgoto—morrow。\"

  Sheraisedherfacetohis,andinsightofthebighouse’smanycreeperedwindows,hekissedher。

  II

  CONFESSION

  Latethatsameafternoon,Jolyonhadanapintheoldarmchair。

  FacedownonhiskneewasLaRotisseriedelaRefinePedauque,andjustbeforehefellasleephehadbeenthinking:’AsapeopleshallweeverreallyliketheFrench?Willtheyeverreallylikeus!’HehimselfhadalwayslikedtheFrench,feelingathomewiththeirwit,theirtaste,theircooking。IreneandhehadpaidmanyvisitstoFrancebeforetheWar,whenJonhadbeenathisprivateschool。HisromancewithherhadbeguninParis——hislastandmostenduringromance。ButtheFrench——noEnglishmancouldlikethemwhocouldnotseetheminsomesortwiththedetachedaestheticeye!Andwiththatmelancholyconclusionhehadnoddedoff。

  WhenhewokehesawJonstandingbetweenhimandthewindow。Theboyhadevidentlycomeinfromthegardenandwaswaitingforhimtowake。Jolyonsmiled,stillhalfasleep。Hownicethechaplooked——

  sensitive,affectionate,straight!Thenhisheartgaveanastyjump;

  andaquakingsensationovercamehim。Jon!Thatconfession!Hecontrolledhimselfwithaneffort。\"Why,Jon,wheredidyouspringfrom?\"

  Jonbentoverandkissedhisforehead。

  Onlythenhenoticedthelookontheboy’sface。

  \"Icamehometotellyousomething,Dad。\"

  WithallhismightJolyontriedtogetthebetterofthejumping,gurglingsensationswithinhischest。

  \"Well,sitdown,oldman。Haveyouseenyourmother?\"

  \"No。\"Theboy’sflushedlookgaveplacetopallor;hesatdownonthearmoftheoldchair,as,inolddays,Jolyonhimselfusedtositbesidehisownfather,installedinitsrecesses。Rightuptothetimeoftheruptureintheirrelationshehadbeenwonttoperchthere——hadhenowreachedsuchamomentwithhisownson?Allhislifehehadhatedsceneslikepoison,avoidedrows,goneonhisownwayquietlyandletothersgoontheirs。Butnow——itseemed——attheveryendofthings,hehadascenebeforehimmorepainfulthananyhehadavoided。Hedrewavisordownoverhisemotion,andwaitedforhissontospeak。

  \"Father,\"saidJonslowly,\"FleurandIareengaged。\"

  ’Exactly!’thoughtJolyon,breathingwithdifficulty。

  \"IknowthatyouandMotherdon’tliketheidea。FleursaysthatMotherwasengagedtoherfatherbeforeyoumarriedher。OfcourseI

  don’tknowwhathappened,butitmustbeagesago。I’mdevotedtoher,Dad,andshesayssheistome。\"

  Jolyonutteredaqueersound,halflaugh,halfgroan。

  \"Youarenineteen,Jon,andIamseventy—two。Howarewetounderstandeachotherinamatterlikethis,eh?\"

  \"YouloveMother,Dad;youmustknowwhatwefeel。Itisn’tfairtoustoletoldthingsspoilourhappiness,isit?\"

  Broughtfacetofacewithhisconfession,Jolyonresolvedtodowithoutitifbyanymeanshecould。Helaidhishandontheboy’sarm。

  \"Look,Jon!Imightputyouoffwithtalkaboutyourbothbeingtooyoungandnotknowingyourownminds,andallthat,butyouwouldn’tlisten,besides,itdoesn’tmeetthecase——Youth,unfortunately,curesitself。Youtalklightlyabout’oldthingslikethat,’knowingnothing——asyousaytruly——ofwhathappened。Now,haveIevergivenyoureasontodoubtmyloveforyou,ormyword?\"

  Atalessanxiousmomenthemighthavebeenamusedbytheconflicthiswordsaroused——theboy’seagerclasp,toreassurehimonthesepoints,thedreadonhisfaceofwhatthatreassurancewouldbringforth;buthecouldonlyfeelgratefulforthesqueeze。

  \"Verywell,youcanbelievewhatItellyou。Ifyoudon’tgiveupthisloveaffair,youwillmakeMotherwretchedtotheendofherdays。Believeme,mydear,thepast,whateveritwas,can’tbeburied——itcan’tindeed。\"

  Jongotoffthearmofthechair。

  ’Thegirl’——thoughtJolyon——’thereshegoes——startingupbeforehim——

  lifeitself——eager,pretty,loving!’

  \"Ican’t,Father;howcanI——justbecauseyousaythat?Ofcourse,I

  can’t!\"

  \"Jon,ifyouknewthestoryyouwouldgivethisupwithouthesitation;youwouldhaveto!Can’tyoubelieveme?\"

  \"HowcanyoutellwhatIshouldthink?Father,Iloveherbetterthananythingintheworld。\"

  Jolyon’sfacetwitched,andhesaidwithpainfulslowness:

  \"Betterthanyourmother,Jon?\"

  >Fromtheboy’sface,andhisclenchedfistsJolyonrealisedthestressandstrugglehewasgoingthrough。

  \"Idon’tknow,\"heburstout,\"Idon’tknow!ButtogiveFleurupfornothing——forsomethingIdon’tunderstand,forsomethingthatI

  don’tbelievecanreallymatterhalfsomuch,willmakeme——makeme\"

  \"Makeyoufeelusunjust,putabarrier——yes。Butthat’sbetterthangoingonwiththis。\"

  \"Ican’t。Fleurlovesme,andIloveher。Youwantmetotrustyou;

  whydon’tyoutrustme,Father?Wewouldn’twanttoknowanything——

  wewouldn’tletitmakeanydifference。It’llonlymakeusbothloveyouandMotherallthemore。\"

  Jolyonputhishandintohisbreastpocket,butbroughtitoutagainempty,andsat,cluckinghistongueagainsthisteeth。

  \"Thinkwhatyourmother’sbeentoyou,Jon!Shehasnothingbutyou;

  Ishan’tlastmuchlonger。\"

  \"Whynot?Itisn’tfairto——Whynot?\"

  \"Well,\"saidJolyon,rathercoldly,\"becausethedoctorstellmeI

  shan’t;that’sall。\"

  \"Oh,Dad!\"criedJon,andburstintotears。

  Thisdownbreakofhisson,whomhehadnotseencrysincehewasten,movedJolyonterribly。Herecognisedtothefullhowfearfullysofttheboy’sheartwas,howmuchhewouldsufferinthisbusiness,andinlifegenerally。Andhereachedouthishandhelplessly——notwishing,indeednotdaringtogetup。

  \"Dearman,\"hesaid,\"don’t——oryou’llmakeme!\"

  Jonsmothereddownhisparoxysm,andstoodwithfaceaverted,verystill。

  ’Whatnow?’thoughtJolyon。’WhatcanIsaytomovehim?’

  ’Bytheway,don’tspeakofthattoMother,\"hesaid;\"shehasenoughtofrightenherwiththisaffairofyours。Iknowhowyoufeel。

  But,Jon,youknowherandmewellenoughtobesurewewouldn’twishtospoilyourhappinesslightly。Why,mydearboy,wedon’tcareforanythingbutyourhappiness——atleast,withmeit’sjustyoursandMother’sandwithherjustyours。It’sallthefutureforyouboththat’satstake。\"

  Jonturned。Hisfacewasdeadlypale;hiseyes,deepinhishead,seemedtoburn。

  \"Whatisit?Whatisit?Don’tkeepmelikethis!\"

  Jolyon,whoknewthathewasbeaten,thrusthishandagainintohisbreastpocket,andsatforafullminute,breathingwithdifficulty,hiseyesclosed。Thethoughtpassedthroughhismind:’I’vehadagoodlonginnings——someprettybittermoments——thisistheworst!’

  Thenhebroughthishandoutwiththeletter,andsaidwithasortoffatigue:\"Well,Jon,ifyouhadn’tcometo—day,Iwasgoingtosendyouthis。Iwantedtospareyou——Iwantedtospareyourmotherandmyself,butIseeit’snogood。Readit,andIthinkI’llgointothegarden。\"Hereachedforwardtogetup。

  Jon,whohadtakentheletter,saidquickly,\"No,I’llgo\";andwasgone。

  Jolyonsankbackinhischair。Ablue—bottlechosethatmomenttocomebuzzingroundhimwithasortoffury;thesoundwashomely,betterthannothing……Wherehadtheboygonetoreadhisletter?

  Thewretchedletter——thewretchedstory!Acruelbusiness——crueltoher——toSoames——tothosetwochildren——tohimself!……Hisheartthumpedandpainedhim。Life——itsloves——itswork——itsbeauty——itsaching,and——itsend!Agoodtime;afinetimeinspiteofall;

  until——youregrettedthatyouhadeverbeenborn。Life——itworeyoudown,yetdidnotmakeyouwanttodie——thatwasthecunningevil!

  Mistaketohaveaheart!Againtheblue—bottlecamebuzzing——

  bringinginalltheheatandhumandscentofsummer——yes,eventhescent——asofripefruits,driedgrasses,sappyshrubs,andthevanillabreathofcows。AndouttheresomewhereinthefragranceJonwouldbereadingthatletter,turningandtwistingitspagesinhistrouble,hisbewildermentandtrouble——breakinghisheartaboutit!

  ThethoughtmadeJolyonacutelymiserable。Jonwassuchatender—

  heartedchap,affectionatetohisbones,andconscientious,too——itwassounfair,sodamnedunfair!HerememberedIrenesayingtohimonce:\"NeverwasanyonebornmorelovingandlovablethanJon。\"

  PoorlittleJon!Hisworldgoneupthespout,allofasummerafternoon!Youthtookthingssohard!Andstirred,tormentedbythatvisionofYouthtakingthingshard,Jolyongotoutofhischair,andwenttothewindow。Theboywasnowherevisible。Andhepassedout。Ifonecouldtakeanyhelptohimnow——onemust!

  Hetraversedtheshrubbery,glancedintothewalledgarden——noJon!

  Norwherethepeachesandtheapricotswerebeginningtoswellandcolour。HepassedtheCupressustrees,darkandspiral,intothemeadow。Wherehadtheboygotto?Hadherusheddowntothecoppice——hisoldhunting—ground?Jolyoncrossedtherowsofhay。

  TheywouldcockitonMondayandbecarryingthedayafter,ifrainheldoff。Oftentheyhadcrossedthisfieldtogether——handinhand,whenJonwasalittlechap。Dashit!Thegoldenagewasoverbythetimeonewasten!Hecametothepond,wherefliesandgnatsweredancingoverabrightreedysurface;andonintothecoppice。Itwascoolthere,fragrantoflarches。StillnoJon!Hecalled。Noanswer!Onthelogseathesatdown,nervous,anxious,forgettinghisownphysicalsensations。Hehadbeenwrongtolettheboygetawaywiththatletter;heoughttohavekepthimunderhiseyefromthestart!Greatlytroubled,hegotuptoretracehissteps。Atthefarm—buildingshecalledagain,andlookedintothedarkcow—house。Thereinthecool,andthescentofvanillaandammonia,awayfromflies,thethreeAlderneyswerechewingthequietcud;justmilked,waitingforevening,tobeturnedoutagainintothelowerfield。Oneturnedalazyhead,alustrouseye;Jolyoncouldseetheslobberonitsgreylowerlip。Hesaweverythingwithpassionateclearness,intheagitationofhisnerves——allthatinhistimehehadadoredandtriedtopaint——wonderoflightandshadeandcolour。NowonderthelegendputChristintoamanger——whatmoredevotionalthantheeyesandmoon—whitehornsofachewingcowinthewarmdusk!Hecalledagain。Noanswer!Andhehurriedawayoutofthecoppice,pastthepond,upthehill。Oddlyironical——nowhecametothinkofit——ifJonhadtakenthegruelofhisdiscoverydowninthecoppicewherehismotherandBosinneyinthoseolddayshadmadetheplungeofacknowledgingtheirlove。Wherehehimself,onthelogseattheSundaymorninghecamebackfromParis,hadrealisedtothefullthatIrenehadbecometheworldtohim。ThatwouldhavebeentheplaceforIronytoteartheveilfrombeforetheeyesofIrene’sboy!Buthewasnothere!Wherehadhegotto?Onemustfindthepoorchap!

  Agleamofsunhadcome,sharpeningtohishurryingsensesallthebeautyoftheafternoon,ofthetalltreesandlengtheningshadows,oftheblue,andthewhiteclouds,thescentofthehay,andthecooingofthepigeons;andtheflowershapesstandingtall。Hecametotherosery,andthebeautyoftherosesinthatsuddensunlightseemedtohimunearthly。\"Rose,youSpaniard!\"Wonderfulthreewords!Thereshehadstoodbythatbushofdarkredroses;hadstoodtoreadanddecidethatJonmustknowitall!Heknewallnow!Hadshechosenwrong?Hebentandsniffedarose,itspetalsbrushedhisnoseandtremblinglips;nothingsosoftasarose—leaf’svelvet,exceptherneck——Irene!Onacrossthelawnhewent,uptheslope,totheoak—tree。Itstopalonewasglistening,forthesuddensunwasawayoverthehouse;thelowershadewasthick,blessedlycool——hewasgreatlyoverheated。Hepausedaminutewithhishandontheropeoftheswing——Jolly,Holly——Jon!Theoldswing!Andsuddenly,hefelthorribly——deadlyill。’I’veoverdoneit!’hethought:’byJove!I’veoverdoneit——afterall!’Hestaggereduptowardtheterrace,draggedhimselfupthesteps,andfellagainstthewallofthehouse。Heleanedtheregasping,hisfaceburiedinthehoney—

  sucklethatheandshehadtakensuchtroublewiththatitmightsweetentheairwhichdriftedin。Itsfragrancemingledwithawfulpain。’Mylove!’hethought;’theboy!’Andwithagreatefforthetotteredinthroughthelongwindow,andsankintooldJolyon’schair。Thebookwasthere,apencilinit;hecaughtitup,scribbledawordontheopenpage……Hishanddropped……Soitwaslikethis——wasit?……

  Therewasagreatwrench;anddarkness……

  III

  IRENE

  WhenJonrushedawaywiththeletterinhishand,heranalongtheterraceandroundthecornerofthehouse,infearandconfusion。

  Leaningagainstthecreeperedwallhetoreopentheletter。Itwaslong——verylong!Thisaddedtohisfear,andhebeganreading。Whenhecametothewords:\"ItwasFleur’sfatherthatshemarried,\"

  everythingseemedtospinbeforehim。Hewasclosetoawindow,andenteringbyit,hepassed,throughmusic—roomandhall,uptohisbedroom。Dippinghisfaceincoldwater,hesatonhisbed,andwentonreading,droppingeachfinishedpageonthebedbesidehim。Hisfather’swritingwaseasytoread——heknewitsowell,thoughhehadneverhadaletterfromhimonequartersolong。Hereadwithadullfeeling——imaginationonlyhalfatwork。Hebestgrasped,onthatfirstreading,thepainhisfathermusthavehadinwritingsuchaletter。Heletthelastsheetfall,andinasortofmental,moralhelplessnessbegantoreadthefirstagain。Itallseemedtohimdisgusting——deadanddisgusting。Then,suddenly,ahotwaveofhorrifiedemotiontingledthroughhim。Heburiedhisfaceinhishands。Hismother!Fleur’sfather!Hetookuptheletteragain,andreadonmechanically。Andagaincamethefeelingthatitwasalldeadanddisgusting;hisownlovesodifferent!Thislettersaidhismother——andherfather!Anawfulletter!

  Property!Couldtherebemenwholookedonwomenastheirproperty?

  Facesseeninstreetandcountrysidecamethrongingupbeforehim——

  red,stock—fishfaces;hard,dullfaces;prim,dryfaces;violentfaces;hundreds,thousandsofthem!Howcouldheknowwhatmenwhohadsuchfacesthoughtanddid?Heheldhisheadinhishandsandgroaned。Hismother!Hecaughtuptheletterandreadonagain:

  \"horrorandaversion—aliveinherto—day……yourchildren……

  grandchildren……ofamanwhoonceownedyourmotherasamanmightownaslave……\"Hegotupfromhisbed。Thiscruelshadowypast,lurkingtheretomurderhisloveandFleur’s,wastrue,orhisfathercouldneverhavewrittenit。’Whydidn’ttheytellmethefirstthing,’hethought,’thedayIfirstsawFleur?Theyknew\"I’dseenher。Theywereafraid,and——now——I’ve——gotit!’Overcomebymiserytooacuteforthoughtorreason,hecreptintoaduskycorneroftheroomandsatdownonthefloor。Hesatthere,likesomeunhappylittleanimal。Therewascomfortindusk,andthefloor——asifhewerebackinthosedayswhenheplayedhisbattlessprawlingalloverit。Hesattherehuddled,hishairruffled,hishandsclaspedroundhisknees,forhowlonghedidnotknow。Hewaswrenchedfromhisblankwretchednessbythesoundofthedooropeningfromhismother’sroom。Theblindsweredownoverthewindowsofhisroom,shutupinhisabsence,andfromwherehesathecouldonlyheararustle,herfootstepscrossing,tillbeyondthebedhesawherstandingbeforehisdressing—table。Shehadsomethinginherhand。Hehardlybreathed,hopingshewouldnotseehim,andgoaway。Hesawhertouchthingsonthetableasiftheyhadsomevirtueinthem,thenfacethewindow—greyfromheadtofootlikeaghost。Theleastturnofherhead,andshemustseehim!Herlipsmoved:\"Oh!Jon!\"Shewasspeakingtoherself;thetoneofhervoicetroubledJon’sheart。

  Hesawinherhandalittlephotograph。Sheheldittowardthelight,lookingatit——verysmall。Heknewit——oneofhimselfasatinyboy,whichshealwayskeptinherbag。Hisheartbeatfast。

  And,suddenlyasifshehadheardit,sheturnedhereyesandsawhim。Atthegaspshegave,andthemovementofherhandspressingthephotographagainstherbreast,hesaid:

  \"Yes,it’sme。\"

  Shemovedovertothebed,andsatdownonit,quiteclosetohim,herhandsstillclaspingherbreast,herfeetamongthesheetsoftheletterwhichhadslippedtothefloor。Shesawthem,andherhandsgraspedtheedgeofthebed。Shesatveryupright,herdarkeyesfixedonhim。Atlastshespoke。

  \"Well,Jon,youknow,Isee。\"

  \"Yes。\"

  \"You’veseenFather?\"

  \"Yes。\"

  Therewasalongsilence,tillshesaid:

  \"Oh!mydarling!\"

  \"It’sallright。\"Theemotionsinhimwereso,violentandsomixedthathedarednotmove——resentment,despair,andyetastrangeyearningforthecomfortofherhandonhisforehead。

  \"Whatareyougoingtodo?\"

  \"Idon’tknow。\"

  Therewasanotherlongsilence,thenshegotup。Shestoodamoment,verystill,madealittlemovementwithherhand,andsaid:\"Mydarlingboy,mymostdarlingboy,don’tthinkofme——thinkofyourself,\"and,passingroundthefootofthebed,wentbackintoherroom。

  Jonturned——curledintoasortofball,asmightahedgehog——intothecornermadebythetwowalls。

  Hemusthavebeentwentyminutestherebeforeacryrousedhim。Itcamefromtheterracebelow。Hegotup,scared。Againcamethecry:

  \"Jon!\"Hismotherwascalling!Heranoutanddownthestairs,throughtheemptydining—roomintothestudy。Shewaskneelingbeforetheoldarmchair,andhisfatherwaslyingbackquitewhite,hisheadonhisbreast,oneofhishandsrestingonanopenbook,withapencilclutchedinit——morestrangelystillthananythinghehadeverseen。Shelookedroundwildly,andsaid:

  \"Oh!Jon——he’sdead——he’sdead!\"

  Jonflunghimselfdown,andreachingoverthearmofthechair,wherehehadlatelybeensitting,puthislipstotheforehead。Icycold!

  Howcould——howcouldDadbedead,whenonlyanhourago——!Hismother’sarmswereroundtheknees;pressingherbreastagainstthem。

  \"Why——whywasn’tIwithhim?\"heheardherwhisper。Thenhesawthetotteringword\"Irene\"pencilledontheopenpage,andbrokedownhimself。Itwashisfirstsightofhumandeath,anditsunutterablestillnessblottedfromhimallotheremotion;allelse,then,wasbutpreliminarytothis!Allloveandlife,andjoy,anxiety,andsorrow,allmovement,lightandbeauty,butabeginningtothisterriblewhitestillness。Itmadeadreadfulmarkonhim;allseemedsuddenlylittle,futile,short。Hemasteredhimselfatlast,gotup,andraisedher。

  \"Mother!don’tcry——Mother!\"

  Somehourslater,whenallwasdonethathadtobe,andhismotherwaslyingdown,hesawhisfatheralone,onthebed,coveredwithawhitesheet。Hestoodforalongtimegazingatthatfacewhichhadneverlookedangry——alwayswhimsical,andkind。\"Tobekindandkeepyourendup——there’snothingelseinit,\"hehadonceheardhisfathersay。HowwonderfullyDadhadacteduptothatphilosophy!Heunderstoodnowthathisfatherhadknownforalongtimepastthatthiswouldcomesuddenly——known,andnotsaidaword。Hegazedwithanawedandpassionatereverence。Thelonelinessofit——justtosparehismotherandhimself!Hisowntroubleseemedsmallwhilehewaslookingatthatface。Thewordscribbledonthepage!Thefarewellword!Nowhismotherhadnoonebuthimself!Hewentupclosetothedeadface——notchangedatall,andyetcompletelychanged。Hehadheardhisfathersayoncethathedidnotbelieveinconsciousnesssurvivingdeath,orthatifitdiditmightbejustsurvivaltillthenaturalagelimitofthebodyhadbeenreached——thenaturaltermofitsinherentvitality;sothatifthebodywerebrokenbyaccident,excess,violentdisease,consciousnessmightstillpersisttill,inthecourseofNatureuninterferedwith,itwouldnaturallyhavefadedout。Ithadstruckhimbecausehehadneverheardanyoneelsesuggestit。Whentheheartfailedlikethis——surelyitwasnotquitenatural!Perhapshisfather’sconsciousnesswasintheroomwithhim。Abovethebedhungapictureofhisfather’sfather。Perhapshisconsciousness,too,wasstillalive;andhisbrother’s——hishalf—brother,whohaddiedintheTransvaal。Weretheyallgatheredroundthisbed?Jonkissedtheforehead,andstolebacktohisownroom。Thedoorbetweenitandhismother’swasajar;shehadevidentlybeenin——everythingwasreadyforhim,evensomebiscuitsandhotmilk,andtheletternolongeronthefloor。Heateanddrank,watchingthelastlightfade。

  Hedidnottrytoseeintothefuture——juststaredatthedarkbranchesoftheoak—tree,levelwithhiswindow,andfeltasiflifehadstopped。Onceinthenight,turninginhisheavysleep,hewasconsciousofsomethingwhiteandstill,besidehisbed,andstartedup。

  Hismother’svoicesaid:

  \"It’sonlyI,Jondear!\"Herhandpressedhisforeheadgentlyback;

  herwhitefiguredisappeared。

  Alone!Hefellheavilyasleepagain,anddreamedhesawhismother’snamecrawlingonhisbed。

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