AtlastitoccurredtomethatsomethingwaslackingintheHavanacigar。Itdidnotquitefulfilmyyouthfulanticipations。I
experimented。Iboughtwhatwascalledaseed—leafcigarwithaConnecticutwrapper。AfterawhileIbecamesatiatedofthese,andI
searchedforsomethingelse。ThePittsburgstogywasrecommendedtome。Itcertainlyhadthemeritofcheapness,ifthatbeameritintobacco,andIexperimentedwiththestogy。
Then,oncemore,Ichangedoff,sothatImightacquirethesubtlerflavoroftheWheelingtoby。Nowthatpalled,andIlookedaroundNewYorkinthehopeoffindingcigarswhichwouldseemtomostpeoplevile,butwhich,Iamsure,wouldbeambrosialtome。I
couldn\'tfindany。Theyputintomyhandssomeofthoselittlethingsthatcosttencentsabox,buttheyareadelusion。
Isaidtoafriend,\"IwanttoknowifyoucandirectmetoanhonesttobaccomerchantwhowilltellmewhatistheworstcigarintheNewYorkmarket,exceptingthosemadeforChineseconsumption—I
wantrealtobacco。IfyouwilldothisandIfindthemanisasgoodashisword,Iwillguaranteehimaregularmarketforafairamountofhiscigars。\"
Wefoundatobaccodealerwhowouldtellthetruth—who,ifacigarwasbad,wouldboldlysayso。Heproducedwhathecalledtheveryworstcigarshehadeverhadinhisshop。Heletmeexperimentwithonethenandthere。Thetestwassatisfactory。
Thiswas,afterall,therealthing。Inegotiatedforaboxofthemandtookthemawaywithme,sothatImightbesureofhavingthemhandywhenIwantthem。
Idiscoveredthatthe\"worstcigars,\"socalled,arethebestformeafterall。
BILLIARDS
BILLIARDS。
Mr。ClemensattendedabilliardtourneyontheeveningofApril24,1906,andwascalledontotellastory。
THEgameofbilliardshasdestroyedmynaturallysweetdisposition。Once,whenIwasanunderpaidreporterinVirginiaCity,wheneverIwishedtoplaybilliardsIwentouttolookforaneasymark。Onedayastrangercametotownandopenedabilliardparlor。Ilookedhimovercasually。Whenheproposedagame,I
answered,\"Allright。\"
\"JustknocktheballsaroundalittlesothatIcangetyourgait,\"hesaid;andwhenIhaddoneso,heremarked:\"Iwillbeperfectlyfairwithyou。I\'llplayyouleft—handed。\"Ifelthurt,forhewascross—eyed,freckled,andhadredhair,andIdeterminedtoteachhimalesson。Hewonfirstshot,ranout,tookmyhalf—dollar,andallIgotwastheopportunitytochalkmycue。
\"Ifyoucanplaylikethatwithyourlefthand,\"Isaid,\"I\'dliketoseeyouplaywithyourright。\"
\"Ican\'t,hesaid。\"I\'mleft—handed。\"
THEUNIONRIGHTORWRONG？
REMINISCENCESOFNEVADA。
ICANassureyou,ladiesandgentlemen,thatNevadahadlivelynewspapersinthosedays。
MygreatcompetitoramongthereporterswasBoggs,oftheUnion,anexcellentreporter。
Onceinthreeorfourmonthshewouldgetalittleintoxicated;but,asageneralthing,hewasawaryandcautiousdrinker,althoughalwaysreadytodamphimselfalittlewiththeenemy。
Hehadtheadvantageofmeinonething:hecouldgetthemonthlypublic—schoolreportandIcouldnot,becausetheprincipalhatedmysheet—theEnterprise。
Onesnowynight,whenthereportwasdue,Istartedout,sadlywonderinghowIwastogetit。
Presently,afewstepsupthealmostdesertedstreet,IstumbledonBoggs,andaskedhimwherehewasgoing。
\"Aftertheschoolreport。\"
\"I\'llgoalongwithyou。\"
\"No,sir。I\'llexcuseyou。\"
\"Haveityourownway。\"
Asaloon—keeper\'sboypassedbywithasteamingpitcherofhotpunch,andBoggssnuffedthefragrancegratefully。
Hegazedfondlyaftertheboy,andsawhimstartuptheEnterprisestairs。
Isaid:
\"Iwishyoucouldhelpmegetthatschoolbusiness,butsinceyoucan\'t,ImustrunuptotheUnionofficeandseeifIcangetaproofofitafterit\'ssetup,thoughIdon\'tbegintosupposeI
can。Goodnight。\"
\"Holdonaminute。Idon\'tmindgettingthereportandsittingaroundwiththeboysalittlewhileyoucopyit,ifyou\'rewillingtodropdowntotheprincipal\'swithme。\"
\"Nowyoutalklikeahumanbeing。Comealong。\"
Weploughedacoupleofblocksthroughthesnow,gotthereport—ashortdocument—andsooncopieditinouroffice。
Meantime,Boggshelpedhimselftothepunch。
Igavethemanuscriptbacktohim,andwestartedbacktogetaninquest。
Atfouro\'clockinthemorning,whenwehadgonetopressandwerehavingarelaxingconcertasusual（forsomeoftheprintersweregoodsingersandothersgoodperformersontheguitarandonthatatrocitytheaccordion）,theproprietoroftheUnionstrodeinandaskedifanybodyhadheardanythingofBoggsortheschoolreport。
Westatedthecase,andallturnedouttohelphuntforthedelinquent。
Wefoundhimstandingonatableinasaloon,withanoldtinlanterninonehandandtheschoolreportintheother,haranguingagangof\"corned\"minersontheiniquityofsquanderingthepublicmoneyoneducation\"whenhundredsandhundredsofhonest,hard—workingmenwereliterallystarvingforwhiskey。\"
Hehadbeenassistinginaregalspreewiththosepartiesforhours。
Wedraggedhimaway,andputhimintobed。
OfcoursetherewasnoschoolreportintheUnion,andBoggsheldmeaccountable,thoughIwasinnocentofanyintentionordesiretocompassitsabsencefromthatpaper,andwasassorryasanyonethatthemisfortunehadoccurred。Butwewereperfectlyfriendly。
ThedaythenextschoolreportwasduetheproprietoroftheTennesseeMinefurnishedusabuggy,andaskedustogodownandwritesomethingabouttheproperty—averycommonrequest,andonealwaysgladlyaccededtowhenpeoplefurnishedbuggies,forwewereasfondofpleasureexcursionsasotherpeople。
The\"mine\"wasaholeinthegroundninetyfeetdeep,andnowayofgettingdownintoitbutbyholdingontoaropeandbeingloweredwithawindlass。
Theworkmenhadjustgoneoffsomewheretodinner。
IwasnotstrongenoughtolowerBoggs\'sbulk,soItookanunlightedcandleinmyteeth,madealoopformyfootintheendoftherope,imploredBoggsnottogotosleeporletthewindlassgetthestartofhim,andthenswungoutovertheshaft。
Ireachedthebottommuddyandbruisedabouttheelbows,butsafe。
Ilitthecandle,madeanexaminationoftherock,selectedsomespecimens,andshoutedtoBoggstohoistaway。
Noanswer。
Presentlyaheadappearedinthecircleofdaylightawayaloft,andavoicecamedown:
\"Areyouallset？\"
\"Allset—hoistaway！\"
\"Areyoucomfortable？\"
\"Perfectly。\"
\"Couldyouwaitalittle？\"
\"Oh,certainly—noparticularhurry。\"
\"Well—good—bye。\"
\"Why,whereareyougoing？\"
\"Aftertheschoolreport！\"
Andhedid。
Istayeddownthereanhour,andsurprisedtheworkmenwhentheyhauledupandfoundamanontheropeinsteadofabucketofrock。
Iwalkedhome,too—fivemiles—up—hill。
Wehadnoschoolreportnextmorning—buttheUnionhad。
ANIDEALFRENCHADDRESS。
EXTRACTFROM\"PARISNOTES,\"IN\"TOMSAWYER
ABROAD,\"ETC。
IAMtoldthataFrenchsermonislikeaFrenchspeech—itnevernamesanhistoricalevent,butonlythedateofit;ifyouarenotupindates,yougetleft。AFrenchspeechissomethinglikethis:
\"Comrades,citizens,brothers,noblepartsoftheonlysublimeandperfectnation,letusnotforgetthatthe21stJanuarycastoffourchains;thatthe10thAugustrelievedusoftheshamefulpresenceofforeignspies;thatthe5thSeptemberwasitsownjustificationbeforeheavenandhumanity;thatthe18thBrumairecontainedtheseedsofitsownpunishment;thatthe14thJulywasthemightyvoiceoflibertyproclaimingtheresurrection,thenewday,andinvitingtheoppressedpeoplesoftheearthtolookuponthedivinefaceofFranceandlive;andletushererecordoureverlastingcurseagainstthemanofthe2dDecember,anddeclareinthundertones,thenativetonesofFrance,thatbutforhimtherehadbeenno17thMarchinhistory,no12thOctober,no19thJanuary,no22dApril,no16thNovember,no30thSeptember,no2dJuly,no14thFebruary,no29thJune,no15thAugust,no31stMay—thatbutforhim,France,thepure,thegrand,thepeerless,hadhadasereneandvacantalmanacto—day。\"
IhaveheardofoneFrenchsermonwhichclosedinthisoddyeteloquentway:
\"Myhearers,wehavesadcausetorememberthemanofthe13thJanuary。Theresultsofthevastcrimeofthe13thJanuaryhavebeeninjustproportiontothemagnitudeoftheactitself。Butforittherehadbeenno30thNovember—sorrowfulspectacle！Thegrislydeedofthe16thJunehadnotbeendonebutforit,norhadthemanofthe16thJuneknownexistence;toitalonethe3dSeptemberwasdue,alsothefatal12thOctober。Shallwe,then,begratefulforthe13thJanuary,withitsfreightofdeathforyouandmeandallthatbreathe？Yes,myfriends,foritgaveusalsothatwhichhadnevercomebutforit,anditalone—theblessed25thDecember。\"
Itmaybewellenoughtoexplain。Themanofthe13thJanuaryisAdam;thecrimeofthatdatewastheeatingoftheapple;thesorrowfulspectacleofthe30thNovemberwastheexpulsionfromEden;thegrislydeedofthe16thJunewasthemurderofAbel;theactofthe3dSeptemberwasthebeginningofthejourneytothelandofNod;the12thdayofOctober,thelastmountaintopsdisappearedundertheflood。WhenyougotochurchinFrance,youwanttotakeyouralmanacwithyou—annotated。
STATISTICS
STATISTICS。
EXTRACTFROM\"THEHISTORYOFTHESAVAGECLUB。\"
DuringthatperiodofgloomwhendomesticbereavementhadforcedMr。
Clemensandhisdearonestosecuretheprivacytheycraveduntiltheirwoundsshouldheal,hisaddresswasknowntoonlyaveryfewofhisclosestfriends。OneoldfriendinNewYork,aftervaineffortstogethisaddress,wrotehimaletteraddressedasfollows:
MARKTWAIN,GodKnowsWhere,TryLondon。
Theletterfoundhim,andMr。Clemensrepliedtotheletterexpressinghimselfsurprisedandcomplimentedthatthepersonwhowascreditedwithknowinghiswhereaboutsshouldtakesomuchinterestinhim,adding:\"Hadtheletterbeenaddressedtothecareofthe\'otherparty,\'Iwouldnaturallyhaveexpectedtoreceiveitwithoutdelay。\"
Hiscorrespondenttriedagain,andaddressedthesecondletter:
MARKTWAIN,TheDevilKnowsWhere,TryLondon。
Thisfoundhimalsonolesspromptly。
OnJune9,1899,heconsentedtovisittheSavageClub,London,onconditionthattherewastobenopublicityandnospeechwastobeexpectedfromhim。Thetoastmaster,inproposingthehealthoftheirguest,saidthatasaScotchman,andthereforeasabornexpert,hethoughtMarkTwainhadlittleornoclaimtothetitleofhumorist。
Mr。Clemenshadtriedtobefunnybuthadfailed,andhistrueroleinlifewasstatistics;thathewasamasterofstatistics,andlovedthemfortheirownsake,anditwouldbetheeasiesttaskheeverundertookifhewouldtrytocountalltherealjokeshehadevermade。Whilethetoastmasterwasspeaking,thememberssawMr。
Clemens\'seyesbegintosparkleandhischeekstoflush。Hejumpedup,andmadeacharacteristicspeech。
PERHAPSIamnota。humorist,butIamafirst—classfool—asimpleton;foruptothismomentIhavebelievedChairmanMacAlistertobeadecentpersonwhomIcouldallowtomixupwithmyfriendsandrelatives。Theexhibitionhehasjustmadeofhimselfrevealshimtobeascoundrelandaknaveofthedeepestdye。Ihavebeencruellydeceived,anditservesmerightfortrustingaScotchman。Yes,Idounderstandfigures,andIcancount。IhavecountedthewordsinMacAlister\'sdrivel（Icertainlycannotcallitaspeech）,andtherewereexactlythreethousandfourhundredandthirty—nine。Ialsocarefullycountedthelies—therewereexactlythreethousandfourhundredandthirty—nine。Therefore,IleaveMacAlistertohisfate。
Iwassorrytohavemynamementionedasoneofthegreatauthors,becausetheyhaveasadhabitofdyingoff。Chaucerisdead,Spencerisdead,soisMilton,soisShakespeare,andIamnotfeelingverywellmyself。
GALVESTONORPHANBAZAAR。
ADDRESSATAFAIRHELDATTHEWALDORF—ASTORIA,NEWYORK,INOCTOBER,1900,INAIDOF
THEORPHANSATGALVESTON。
IEXPECTEDthattheGovernorofTexaswouldoccupythisplacefirstandwouldspeaktoyou,andinthecourseofhisremarkswoulddropatextformetotalkfrom;butwiththeproverbialobstinacythatisproverbialwithgovernors,theygobackontheirduties,andhehasnotcomehere,andhasnotfurnishedmewithatext,andIamherewithoutatext。Ihavenotextexceptwhatyoufurnishmewithyourhandsomefaces,and—butIwon\'tcontinuethat,forIcouldgoonforeveraboutattractivefaces,beautifuldresses,andotherthings。
But,afterall,complimentsshouldbeinorderinaplacelikethis。
IhavebeeninNewYorktwoorthreedays,andhavebeeninaconditionofstrictdiligencenightandday,theobjectofthisdiligencebeingtoregulatethemoralandpoliticalsituationonthisplanet—putitonasoundbasis—andwhenyouareregulatingtheconditionsofaplanetitrequiresagreatdealoftalkinagreatmanykindsofways,andwhenyouhavetalkedalottheemptieryouget,andgetalsoinapositionofcorking。WhenIamsituatedlikethat,withnothingtosay,IfeelasthoughIwereasortoffraud;
Iseemtobeplayingapart,andpleaseconsiderIamplayingapartforwantofsomethingbetter,andthisisnotunfamiliartome;Ihaveoftendonethisbefore。
WhenIwashereabouteightyearsagoIwascomingupinacaroftheelevatedroad。Veryfewpeoplewereinthatcar,andononeendofittherewasnoone,exceptontheoppositeseat,wheresatamanaboutfiftyyearsold,withamostwinningfaceandaneleganteye—
abeautifuleye;andItookhimfromhisdresstobeamastermechanic,amanwhohadavocation。Hehadwithhimaveryfinelittlechildofaboutfourorfiveyears。Iwaswatchingtheaffectionwhichexistedbetweenthosetwo。Ijudgedhewasthegrandfather,perhaps。Itwasreallyaprettychild,andIwasadmiringher,andassoonashesawIwasadmiringherhebegantonoticeme。
Icouldseehisadmirationofmeinhiseye,andIdidwhateverybodyelsewoulddo—admiredthechildfourtimesasmuch,knowingIwouldgetfourtimesasmuchofhisadmiration。Thingswentonverypleasantly。Iwasmakingmywayintohisheart。
By—and—by,whenhealmostreachedthestationwherehewastogetoff,hegotup,crossedover,andhesaid:\"NowIamgoingtosaysomethingtoyouwhichIhopeyouwillregardasacompliment。\"Andthenhewentontosay:\"IhaveneverseenMarkTwain,butIhaveseenaportraitofhim,andanyfriendofminewilltellyouthatwhenI
haveonceseenaportraitofamanIplaceitinmyeyeandstoreitawayinmymemory,andIcantellyounowthatyoulookenoughlikeMarkTwaintobehisbrother。Now,\"hesaid,\"Ihopeyoutakethisasacompliment。Yes,youareaverygoodimitation;butwhenIcometolookcloser,youareprobablynotthatman。\"
Isaid:\"Iwillbefrankwithyou。InmydesiretolooklikethatexcellentcharacterIhavedressedforthecharacter;Ihavebeenplayingapart。\"
Hesaid:\"Thatisallright,thatisallright;youlookverywellontheoutside,butwhenitcomestotheinsideyouarenotinitwiththeoriginal。\"
SowhenIcometoaplacelikethiswithnothingvaluabletosayI
alwaysplayapart。ButIwillsaybeforeIsitdownthatwhenitcomestosayinganythinghereIwillexpressmyselfinthisway:I
amheartilyinsympathywithyouinyoureffortstohelpthosewhoweresufferersinthiscalamity,andinyourdesiretohelpthosewhowererenderedhomeless,andinsayingthisIwishtoimpressonyouthefactthatIamnotplayingapart。
SANFRANCISCOEARTHQUAKE。
AftertheaddressattheRobertFultonFundmeeting,June19,1906,Mr。ClemenstalkedtotheassembledreportersabouttheSanFranciscoearthquake。
IHAVEN\'Tbeentheresince1868,andthatgreatcityofSanFranciscohasgrownupsincemyday。WhenIwasthereshehadonehundredandeighteenthousandpeople,andofthisnumbereighteenthousandwereChinese。IwasareporterontheVirginiaCityEnterpriseinNevadain1862,andstayedthere,Ithink,abouttwoyears,whenIwenttoSanFranciscoandgotajobasareporteronTheCall。Iwastherethreeorfouryears。
IrememberonedayIwaswalkingdownThirdStreetinSanFrancisco。
Itwasasleepy,dullSundayafternoon,andnoonewasstirring。
SuddenlyasIlookedupthestreetaboutthreehundredyardsthewholesideofahousefellout。Thestreetwasfullofbricksandmortar。AtthesametimeIwasknockedagainstthesideofahouse,andstoodtherestunnedforamoment。
Ithoughtitwasanearthquake。Nobodyelsehadheardanythingaboutitandnoonesaidearthquaketomeafterward,butIsawitandI
wroteit。Nobodyelsewroteit,andthehouseIsawgointothestreetwastheonlyhouseinthecitythatfeltit。I\'vealwayswonderedifitwasn\'talittleperformancegottenupformyespecialentertainmentbythenetherregions。
CHARITYANDACTORS。
ADDRESSATTHEACTORS\'FUNDFAIRINTHEMETROPOLITAN
OPERAHOUSE,NEWYORK,MAY6,1907。
Mr。Clemens,inhiswhitesuit,formallydeclaredthefairopen。Mr。
DanielFrohman,inintroducingMr。Clemens,said:
\"WeintendtomakethisabannerweekinthehistoryoftheFund,whichtakesaninterestineveryoneonthestage,beheactor,singer,dancer,orworkman。Wehavespentmorethan$40,000duringthepastyear。Charitycoversamultitudeofsins,butitalsorevealsamultitudeofvirtues。AttheopeningoftheformerfairwehadtheassistanceofEdwinBoothandJosephJefferson。Intheirplacewehaveto—daythatAmericaninstitutionandapostleofwidehumanity—MarkTwain。\"
ASMr。Frohmanhassaid,charityrevealsamultitudeofvirtues。
Thisistrue,anditistobeprovedherebeforetheweekisover。Mr。
Frohmanhastoldyousomethingoftheobjectandsomethingofthecharacterofthework。Hetoldmehewoulddothis—andhehaskepthisword！Ihadexpectedtohearofitthroughthenewspapers。I
wouldn\'ttrustanythingbetweenFrohmanandthenewspapers—exceptwhenit\'sacaseofcharity！
Youshouldallrememberthattheactorhasbeenyourbenefactormanyandmanyayear。Whenyouhavebeenwearyanddowncasthehasliftedyourheartoutofgloomandgivenyouafreshimpulse。Youareallunderobligationtohim。Thisisyouropportunitytobehisbenefactor—tohelpprovideforhiminhisoldageandwhenhesuffersfrominfirmities。
Atthisfairnooneistobepersecutedtobuy。Ifyouofferatwenty—dollarbillinpaymentforapurchaseof$1youwillreceive$19inchange。Thereistobenorobberyhere。Thereistobenocreedhere—noreligionexceptcharity。Wewanttoraise$250,000—andthatisagreattasktoattempt。
ThePresidenthassetthefairinmotionbypressingthebuttoninWashington。Nowyourgoodwishesaretobetransmutedintocash。
ByvirtueoftheauthorityinmevestedIdeclarethefairopen。I
calltheballgame。Letthetransmutingbegin！
RUSSIANREPUBLIC。
TheAmericanauxiliarymovementtoaidthecauseoffreedominRussiawaslaunchedontheeveningofApril11,1906,attheClubA
house,3FifthAvenue,withMr。ClemensandMaximGorkyastheprincipalspokesmen。Mr。Clemensmadeanintroductoryaddress,presentingMr。Gorky。
IFwecanbuildaRussianrepublictogivetothepersecutedpeopleoftheTsar\'sdomainthesamemeasureoffreedomthatweenjoy,letusgoaheadanddoit。Weneednotdiscussthemethodsbywhichthatpurposeistobeattained。Letushopethatfightingwillbepostponedoravertedforawhile,butifitmustcome—
Iammostemphaticallyinsympathywiththemovement,nowonfootinRussia,tomakethatcountryfree。Iamcertainthatitwillbesuccessful,asitdeservestobe。Anysuchmovementshouldhaveanddeservesourearnestandunanimousco—operation,andsuchapetitionforfundsashasbeenexplainedbyMr。Hunter,withitsjustandpowerfulmeaning,shouldhavetheutmostsupportofeachandeveryoneofus。Anybodywhoseancestorswereinthiscountrywhenweweretryingtofreeourselvesfromoppression,mustsympathizewiththosewhonowaretryingtodothesamethinginRussia。
TheparallelIhavejustdrawnonlygoestoshowthatitmakesnodifferencewhethertheoppressionisbitterornot;menwithred,warmbloodintheirveinswillnotendureit,butwillseektocastitoff。
IfwekeepourheartsinthismatterRussiawillbefree。
RUSSIANSUFFERERS。
OnDecember18,1905,anentertainmentwasgivenattheCasinoforthebenefitoftheRussiansufferers。AftertheperformanceMr。
Clemensspoke。
LADIESANDGENTLEMEN,—ItseemsasortofcrueltytoinflictuponanaudiencelikethisourrudeEnglishtongue,afterwehaveheardthatdivinespeechflowinginthatlucidGallictongue。
Ithasalwaysbeenamarveltome—thatFrenchlanguage;ithasalwaysbeenapuzzletome。Howbeautifulthatlanguageis。Howexpressiveitseemstobe。Howfullofgraceitis。
Andwhenitcomesfromlipslikethose,howeloquentandhowliquiditis。And,oh,Iamalwaysdeceived—IalwaysthinkIamgoingtounderstandit。
Oh,itissuchadelighttome,suchadelighttome,tomeetMadameBernhardt,andlaughhandtohandandhearttoheartwithher。
Ihaveseenherplay,asweallhave,andoh,thatisdivine;butIhavealwayswantedtoknowMadameBernhardtherself—herfieryself。
Ihavewantedtoknowthatbeautifulcharacter。
Why,sheistheyoungestpersonIeversaw,exceptmyself—forI
alwaysfeelyoungwhenIcomeinthepresenceofyoungpeople。
Ihaveapleasantrecollectionofanincidentsomanyyearsago—
whenMadameBernhardtcametoHartford,whereIlived,andshewasgoingtoplayandtheticketswerethreedollars,andthereweretwolovelywomen—awidowandherdaughter—neighborsofours,highlycultivatedladiestheywere;theirtasteswerefineandelevated,buttheywereverypoor,andtheysaid:\"Well,wemustnotspendsixdollarsonapleasureofthemind,apleasureoftheintellect;wemustspendit,ifitmustgoatall,tofurnishtosomebodybreadtoeat。\"
AndsotheysorrowedoverthefactthattheyhadtogiveupthatgreatpleasureofseeingMadameBernhardt,butthereweretwoneighborsequallyhighlycultivatedandwhocouldnotaffordbread,andthosegood—heartedJonesessentthatsixdollars—deprivedthemselvesofit—andsentittothosepoorSmithstobuybreadwith。AndthoseSmithstookitandboughtticketswithittoseeMadameBernhardt。
Ohyes,somepeoplehavetastesandintelligencealso。
Now,Iwasgoingtomakeaspeech—IsupposedIwas,butIamnot。
Itislate,late;andsoIamgoingtotellastory;andthereisthisadvantageaboutastory,anyway,thatwhatevermoralorvaluablethingyouputintoaspeech,why,itgetsdiffusedamongthoseinvolutedsentencesandpossiblyyouraudiencegoesawaywithoutfindingoutwhatthatvaluablethingwasthatyouweretryingtoconferuponit;
but,dearme,youputthesamejewelintoastoryanditbecomesthekeystoneofthatstory,andyouareboundtogetit—itflashes,itflames,itisthejewelinthetoad\'shead—youdon\'toverlookthat。
Now,ifIamgoingtotalkonsuchasubjectas,forinstance,thelostopportunity—oh,thelostopportunity。Anybodyinthishousewhohasreachedtheturnoflife—sixtyorseventy,orevenfifty,oralongthere—whenhegoesbackalonghishistory,therehefindsitmile—stonedallthewaywiththelostopportunity,andyouknowhowpatheticthatis。
Youyoungeronescannotknowthefullpathosthatliesinthosewords—thelostopportunity;butanybodywhoisold,whohasreallylivedandfeltthislife,heknowsthepathosofthelostopportunity。
Now,Iwilltellyouastorywhosemoralisthat,whoselessonisthat,whoselamentisthat。
IwasinavillagewhichisasuburbofNewBedfordseveralyearsago—well,NewBedfordisasuburbofFairHaven,orperhapsitistheotherway;inanycase,ittookbothofthosetownstomakeagreatcentreofthegreatwhalingindustryofthefirsthalfofthenineteenthcentury,andIwasupthereatFairHavensomeyearsagowithafriendofmine。
Therewasadedicationofagreattown—hall,apublicbuilding,andwewerethereintheafternoon。Thisgreatbuildingwasfilled,likethisgreattheatre,withrejoicingvillagers,andmyfriendandI
starteddownthecentreaisle。Hesawamanstandinginthataisle,andhesaid:
\"Now,lookatthatbronzedveteran—atthatmahogany—facedman。Now,tellme,doyouseeanythingaboutthatman\'sfacethatisemotional？Doyouseeanythingaboutitthatsuggeststhatinsidethatmananywheretherearefiresthatcanbestarted？Wouldyoueverimaginethatthatisahumanvolcano？\"
\"Why,no,\"Isaid,\"Iwouldnot。HelookslikeawoodenIndianinfrontofacigarstore。\"
\"Verywell,\"saidmyfriend,\"Iwillshowyouthatthereisemotioneveninthatunpromisingplace。IwilljustgotothatmanandIwilljustmentioninthemostcasualwayanincidentinhislife。
Thatmanisgettingalongtowardninetyyearsold。Heispasteighty。Iwillmentionanincidentoffiftyorsixtyyearsago。Now,justwatchtheeffect,anditwillbesocasualthatifyoudon\'twatchyouwon\'tknowwhenIdosaythatthing—butyoujustwatchtheeffect。\"