\"Mylord,Iseeyou\'removed。\"
Andalittlelaterthereadermight,likeOthello,complain,\"Ihaveapainuponmyforeheadhere。\"
Nothingmorelikely。But,formyself,Ihavegrowncalloustoallsuchallusions。TherepetitionoftheScripturalphraseforthenaturaltermoflifeissofrequentthatitwearsoutone\'ssensibilities。
ButhowmanycharmingandrefreshinglettersIhavereceived！HowoftenIhavefelttheirencouragementinmomentsofdoubtanddepression,suchasthehappiesttemperamentsmustsometimesexperience！
Ifthetimecomeswhentoanswerallmykindunknownfriends,evenbydictation,isimpossible,ormorethanIfeelequalto,Iwishtoreferanyofthosewhomayfeeldisappointedatnotreceivingananswertothefollowinggeneralacknowledgments:
I。IamalwaysgratefulforanyattentionwhichshowsmethatIamkindlyremembered。——II。Yourpleasantmessagehasbeenreadtome,andhasbeenthankfullylistenedto。——III。Yourbook（youressay）
（yourpoem）hasreachedmesafely,andhasreceivedalltherespectfulattentiontowhichitseemedentitled。ItwouldtakemorethanallthetimeIhaveatmydisposaltoreadalltheprintedmatterandallthemanuscriptswhicharesenttome,andyouwouldnotaskmetoattempttheimpossible。Youwillnot,therefore,expectmetoexpressacriticalopinionofyourwork。——IV。Iamdeeplysensibletoyourexpressionsofpersonalattachmenttomeastheauthorofcertainwritingswhichhavebroughtmeveryneartoyou,invirtueofsomeaffinityinourwaysofthoughtandmoodsoffeeling。AlthoughIcannotkeepupcorrespondenceswithmanyofmyreaderswhoseemtobethoroughlycongenialwithmyself,letthembeassuredthattheirlettershavebeenreadorheardwithpeculiargratification,andarepreservedasprecioustreasures。
Itrustthatafterthisnoticenocorrespondentwillbesurprisedtofindhisorherletterthusansweredbyanticipation;andthatifoneoftheaboveformulaeistheonlyanswerhereceives,theunknownfriendwillrememberthatheorsheisoneofagreatmanywhoseincessantdemandshaveentirelyoutrunmypowerofansweringthemasfullyastheapplicantsmightwishandperhapsexpect。
IcouldmakeaveryinterestingvolumeofthelettersIhavereceivedfromcorrespondentsunknowntotheworldofauthorship,butwritingfromaninstinctiveimpulse,whichmanyofthemsaytheyhavelongfeltandresisted。Onemustnotallowhimselftobeflatteredintoanoverestimateofhispowersbecausehegetsmanylettersexpressingapeculiarattractiontowardshisbooks,andapreferenceofthemtothosewithwhichhewouldnothavedaredtocomparehisown。Still,ifthehomouniuslibri——themanofonebook——choosetoselectoneofourownwritingashisfavoritevolume,itmeanssomething,——notmuch,perhaps;butifonehasunlockedthedoortothesecretentranceofoneheart,itisnotunlikelythathiskeymayfitthelocksofothers。Whatifnaturehaslenthimamasterkey？Hehasfoundthewardsandslidbacktheboltofonelock;perhapshemayhavelearnedthesecretofothers。Onesuccessisanencouragementtotryagain。Letthewriterofatrulylovingletter,suchasgreetsonefromtimetotime,rememberthat,thoughheneverhearsawordfromit,itmayproveoneofthebestrewardsofananxiousandlaboriouspast,andthestimulusofastillaspiringfuture。
AmongthelettersIhaverecentlyreceived,noneismoreinterestingthanthefollowing。ThestoryofHelenKeller,whowroteit,istoldinthewell—knownillustratedmagazinecalled\"TheWideAwake,\"inthenumberforJuly,1888。Fortheaccountofthislittlegirl,nowbetweennineandtenyearsold,andotherlettersofherwriting,I
mustrefertothearticleIhavementioned。Itisenoughtosaythatsheisdeafanddumbandtotallyblind。Shewassevenyearsoldwhenherteacher,MissSullivan,underthedirectionofMr。Anagnos,attheBlindAsylumatSouthBoston,beganhereducation。Achildfulleroflifeandhappinessitwouldbehardtofind。Itseemsasifhersoulwasfloodedwithlightandfilledwithmusicthathadfoundentrancetoitthroughavenuesclosedtoothermortals。Itishardtounderstandhowshehaslearnedtodealwithabstractideas,andsofartosupplementtheblanksleftbythesensesofsightandhearingthatonewouldhardlythinkofheraswantinginanyhumanfaculty。RememberMilton\'spatheticpictureofhimself,sufferingfromonlyoneofpoorlittleHelen\'sdeprivations:
\"NottomereturnsDay,orthesweetapproachofevenormorn,Orsightofvernalbloom,orsummer\'srose,Orflocks,orherds,orhumanfacedivine;
Butcloudinstead,andever—duringdarkSurroundsme,fromthecheerfulwaysofmenCutoff,andforthebookofknowledgefairPresentedwithauniversalblankOfNature\'sworks,tomeexpungedandrased,Andwisdomatoneentrancequiteshutout。\"
Surelyforthislovingandlovelychilddoes\"thecelestialLightShineinward。\"
Anthropologist,metaphysician,mostofalltheologian,hereisalessonwhichcanteachyoumuchthatyouwillnotfindinyourprimersandcatechisms。WhyshouldIcallher\"poorlittleHelen\"？
Wherecanyoufindahappierchild？
SOUTHBOSTON,MASS。,March1,1890。
DEARKINDPOET,——IhavethoughtofyoumanytimessincethatbrightSundaywhenIbadeyougoodbye,andIamgoingtowriteyoualetterbecauseIloveyou。Iamsorrythatyouhavenolittlechildrentoplaywithsometimes,butIthinkyouareveryhappywithyourbooks,andyourmany,manyfriends。OnWashington\'sBirthdayagreatmanypeoplecameheretoseethelittleblindchildren,andIreadforthemfromyourpoems,andshowedthemsomebeautifulshellswhichcamefromalittleislandnearPalos。Iamreadingaverysadstorycalled\"LittleJakey。\"Jakeywasthesweetestlittlefellowyoucanimagine,buthewaspoorandblind。Iusedtothink,whenIwassmallandbeforeIcouldread,thateverybodywasalwayshappy,andatfirstitmademeverysadtoknowaboutpainandgreatsorrow;butnowIknowthatwecouldneverlearntobebraveandpatient,iftherewereonlyjoyintheworld。IamstudyingaboutinsectsinZoology,andIhavelearnedmanythingsaboutbutterflies。Theydonotmakehoneyforus,likethebees,butmanyofthemareasbeautifulastheflowerstheylightupon,andtheyalwaysdelighttheheartsoflittlechildren。Theyliveagaylife,flittingfromflowertoflower,sippingthedropsofhoney—dew,withoutathoughtforthemorrow。Theyarejustlikelittleboysandgirlswhentheyforgetbooksandstudies,andrunawaytothewoodsandthefieldstogatherwild—flowers,orwadeinthepondsforfragrantlilies,happyinthebrightsunshine。IfmylittlesistercomestoBostonnextJune,willyouletmebringhertoseeyou？SheisalovelybabyandIamsureyouwilllove[her]。NowImusttellmygentlepoetgood—
bye,forIhavealettertowritehomebeforeIgotobed。Fromyourlovinglittlefriend,HELENA。KELLER。
Thereadingofthislettermademanyeyesglisten,andadeadsilencehushedthewholecircle。AllatonceDelilah,ourprettytable—maid,forgotherplace,——whatbusinesshadshetobelisteningtoourconversationandreading？——andbegansobbing,justasifshehadbeenalady。Shecouldn\'thelpit,sheexplainedafterwards,——shehadalittleblindsisterattheasylum,whohadtoldheraboutHelen\'sreadingtothechildren。
Itwasveryawkward,thisbreaking—downofourprettyDelilah,foronegirlcryingwillsometimessetoffawholerowofothers,——itisashazardousaslightingonecrackerinabunch。ThetwoAnnexeshurriedouttheirpocket—handkerchiefs,andIalmostexpectedasemi—
hystericcataclysm。AtthiscriticalmomentNumberFivecalledDelilahtoher,lookedintoherfacewiththosecalmeyesofhers,andspokeafewsoftwords。WasNumberFiveforgetful,too？Didshenotrememberthedifferenceoftheirposition？Isupposeso。Butshequietedthepoorhandmaidenassimplyandeasilyasanursingmotherquietsherunweanedbaby。WhyarewenotallinlovewithNumberFive？Perhapsweare。Atanyrate,IsuspecttheProfessor。
Whenweallgetquiet,Iwilltouchhimupaboutthatvisitshepromisedtomaketohislaboratory。
Igotachanceatlasttospeakprivatelywithhim。
\"DidNumberFivegotomeetyouinyourlaboratory,asshetalkedofdoing？\"
\"Oh,yes,ofcourseshedid,——why,shesaidshewould！\"
\"Oh,tobesure。Dotellmewhatshewantedinyourlaboratory。\"
\"Shewantedmetoburnadiamondforher。\"
\"Burnadiamond！Whatwasthatfor？BecauseCleopatraswallowedapearl？\"
\"No,nothingofthatkind。Itwasasmallstone,andhadaflawinit。NumberFivesaidshedidn\'twantadiamondwithaflawinit,andthatshedidwanttoseehowadiamondwouldburn。\"
\"Wasthatallthathappened？\"
\"Thatwasall。ShebroughtthetwoAnnexeswithher,andIgavemythreevisitorsalectureoncarbon,whichtheyseemedtoenjoyverymuch。\"
IlookedsteadilyintheProfessor\'sfaceduringthereadingofthefollowingpoem。Isawnoquestionablelookuponit,——buthehasaremarkablecommandofhisfeatures。NumberFivereaditwithacertainarchnessofexpression,asifshesawallitsmeaning,whichIthinksomeofthecompanydidnotquitetakein。Theysaidtheymustreaditslowlyandcarefully。Somehow,\"Ilikeyou\"and\"Iloveyou\"gotalittlemixed,astheyheardit。ItwasnotNumberFive\'sfault,forshereaditbeautifully,asweallagreed,andasIknewshewouldwhenIhandedittoher。
ILIKEYOUANDILOVEYOU。
ILIKEYOUmetILOVEYOU,facetoface;
Thepathwasnarrow,andtheycouldnotpass。
ILIKEYOUsmiled;ILOVEYOUcried,Alas！
Andsotheyhaltedforalittlespace。
\"Turnthouandgobefore,\"ILOVEYOUsaid,`\"Downthegreenpathway,brightwithmanyaflowerDeepinthevalley,lo！mybridalbowerAwaitsthee。\"ButILIKEYOUshookhishead。
Thenwhiletheylingeredonthespan—wideshelfThatshapedapathwayroundtherockyledge,ILIKEYOUbaredhisicydagger\'sedge,AndfirstheslewILOVEYOU,——thenhimself。
VII
Thereisnouseinburdeningmytablewiththoselettersofinquiryastowhereourmeetingsareheld,andwhatarethenamesofthepersonsdesignatedbynumbers,orspokenofunderthetitlesoftheProfessor,theTutor,andsoforth。ItisenoughthatyouareawarewhoIam,andthatIamknownatthetea—tableasTheDictator。
Theatrical\"asides\"areapttobewhisperedinaprettyloudvoice,andthepersonswhooughtnottohaveanyideaofwhatissaidareexpectedtobereasonablyhardofbearing。IfInamedallTheTeacups,someofthemmightbeoffended。IfanyofmyreadershappentobeabletoidentifyanyoneTeacupbysomeaccidentalcircumstance,——say,forinstance,NumberFive,bytheincidentofherburningthediamond,——Ihopetheywillkeepquietaboutit。NumberFivedoesn\'twanttobepointedoutinthestreetastheextravagantpersonwhomakesuseofsuchexpensivefuel,forthestorywouldsoongrowtoastatementthatshealwaysusesdiamonds,insteadofcheaperformsofcarbon,toheathercoffeewith。Sowithothermembersofthecircle。The\"CrackedTeacup,\"NumberSeven,wouldnot,perhaps,bepleasedtorecognizehimselfunderthattitle。Irepeatit,therefore,DonottrytoidentifytheindividualTeacups。Youwillnotgetthemright;or,ifyoudo,youmaytooprobablymaketrouble。
HowisitpossiblethatIcankeepupmyfreedomofintercoursewithyouallifyouinsistonbellowingmy\"asides\"throughaspeaking—
trumpet？Besides,youcannothavefailedtoseethattherearestrongsymptomsofthespringingupofdelicaterelationsbetweensomeofournumber。Itoldyouhowitwouldbe。Itdidnotrequireaprophettoforeseethatthesaucyintruderwho,asMr。Williswrote,andthedeardeadgirlsusedtosing,inouryoungdays,\"Taketheveryformofair,Andeveryshapeofearth,Andcomesunbiddeneverywhere,Likethought\'smysteriousbirth,\"
wouldpophislittlecurlyheadupbetweenoneormorepairsofTeacups。Ifyouwillstopthesequestions,then,Iwillgoonwithmyreportsofwhatwassaidanddoneatourmeetingsovertheteacups。
Ofallthingsbeautifulinthisfairworld,thereisnothingsoenchantingtolookupon,todreamabout,asthefirstopeningoftheflowerofyounglove。Howcloselythecalyxhashiddentheglowingleavesinitsquietgreenmantle！Sidebyside,twobudshavebeentossingjauntilyinthebreeze,oftenbroughtveryneartoeachother,sometimestouchingforamoment,withasecretthrillintheirclose—foldedheart—leaves,itmaybe,butstillthecoolgreensepalsshuttingtightovertheburningsecretwithin。Allatonceamorningraytouchesoneofthetwobuds,andthepointofablushingpetalbetraystheimprisonedandswellingblossom。
——Oh,no,Ididnotpromisealove—story。Theremaybealittlesentimentnowandthen,butthesepapersaredevotedchieflytotheopinions,prejudices,fancies,whims,ofmyself,TheDictator,andothersofTheTeacupswhohavetalkedorwrittenforthegeneralbenefitofthecompany。
HerearesomeoftheremarksImadetheothereveningonthesubjectofIntellectualOver—Feedinganditsconsequence,MentalDyspepsia。
Thereissomethingpositivelyappallingintheamountofprintedmatteryearly,monthly,weekly,daily,secretedbythatgreatglandofthecivilizedorganism,thepress。Ineednotdilateuponthispoint,foritisbroughthometoeveryoneofyouwhoeverlooksintoabookstoreorapubliclibrary。Solargeisthevarietyofliteraryproductscontinuallycomingforward,forcedupontheattentionofthereaderbystimulatingandsuggestivetitles,commendedtohisnoticebyfamousnames,recastingoldsubjectsanddevelopingandillustratingnewones,thatthemindisliabletobeurgedintoakindofunnaturalhunger,leadingtoarepletionwhichisoftenfollowedbydisgustanddisturbednervousconditionsasitsnaturalconsequence。
Ithaslongbeenafavoriterulewithme,arulewhichIhaveneverlostsightof,howeverimperfectlyIhavecarrieditout:Trytoknowenoughofawiderangeofsubjectstoprofitbytheconversationofintelligentpersonsofdifferentcallingsandvariousintellectualgiftsandacquisitions。Thecynicwillparaphrasethisintoashorterformula:Getasmatteringineverysortofknowledge。Imustthereforeaddasecondpieceofadvice:Learntoholdasofsmallaccountthecommentsofthecynic。Heisoftenamusing,sometimesreallywitty,occasionally,withoutmeaningit,instructive;buthistalkistoprofitableconversationwhatthestoneistothepulpofthepeach,whatthecobistothekernelsonanearofIndiancorn。
Oncemore:Donotbebulliedoutofyourcommonsensebythespecialist;twotoone,heisapedant,withallhisknowledgeandvaluablequalities,andwill\"cavilontheninthpartofahair,\"ifitwillgivehimachancetoshowoffhisidleerudition。
Isawattributedtome,theotherday,thesaying,\"Knowsomethingabouteverything,andeverythingaboutsomething。\"Iamafraiditdoesnotbelongtome,butIwilltreatitasIusedtotreatastrayboatwhichcamethroughmymeadow,floatingdowntheHousatonic,——getholdofitanddrawitashore,andholdontoituntiltheownerturnsup。Ifthispreceptisuseddiscreetly,itisveryserviceable;butitisaswelltorecognizethefactthatyoucannotknowsomethingabouteverythingindaysliketheseofintellectualactivity,ofliteraryandscientificproduction。Weallfeelthis。
Itmakesusnervoustoseetheshelvesofnewbooks,manyofwhichwefeelasifweoughttoread,andsomeamongthemtostudy。Wemustadoptsomeprincipleofselectionamongthebooksoutsideofanyparticularbranchwhichwemayhaveselectedforstudy。IhaveoftenbeenaskedwhatbooksIwouldrecommendforacourseofreading。I
havealwaysansweredthatIhadagreatdealrathertakeadvicethangiveit。Fortunately,anumberofscholarshavefurnishedlistsofbookstowhichtheinquirermaybedirected。Buttheworstofitisthateachstudentisinneedofalittlelibraryspeciallyadaptedtohiswants。HereisayoungmanwritingtomefromaWesterncollege,andwantsmetosendhimalistofthebookswhichIthinkwouldbemostusefultohim。Hedoesnotsendmehisintellectualmeasurements,andhemightaswellhavesenttoaBostontailorforacoat,withoutanyhintofhisdimensionsinlength,breadth,andthickness。
Butinsteadoflayingdownrulesforreading,andfurnishinglistsofthebookswhichshouldbereadinorder,Iwillundertakethemuchhumblertaskofgivingalittlequasi—medicaladvicetopersons,youngorold,sufferingfrombook—hunger,book—surfeit,book—
nervousness,book—indigestion,book—nausea,andallothermaladieswhich,directlyorindirectly,maybetracedtobooks,andtowhichI
couldgiveGreekorLatinnamesifIthoughtitworthwhile。
Ihaveapicturehanginginmylibrary,alithograph,ofwhichmanyofmyreadersmayhaveseencopies。Itrepresentsagray—hairedoldbook—loveratthetopofalongflightofsteps。Hefindshimselfinclover,sotospeak,amongrareoldeditions,bookshehaslongedtolookuponandneverseenbefore,rarities,preciousoldvolumes,incunabula,cradle—books,printedwhiletheartwasinitsinfancy,——
itsgloriousinfancy,foritwasbornagiant。Theoldbookwormissointoxicatedwiththesightandhandlingofthepricelesstreasuresthathecannotbeartoputoneofthevolumesbackafterhehastakenitfromtheshelf。Sotherehestands,——onebookopeninhishands,avolumeundereacharm,andoneormorebetweenhislegs,——loadedwithasmanyashecanpossiblyholdatthesametime。
Now,thatisjustthewayinwhichtheextremeformofbook—hungershowsitselfinthereaderwhoseappetitehasbecomeover—developed。
Hewantstoreadsomanybooksthatheover—cramshimselfwiththecrudematerialsofknowledge,whichbecomeknowledgeonlywhenthementaldigestionhastimetoassimilatethem。Inevercangointothatfamous\"CornerBookstore\"andlookoverthenewbooksintherowbeforeme,asIenterthedoor,withoutseeinghalfadozenwhichI
wanttoread,oratleasttoknowsomethingabout。Icannotemptymypurseofitscontents,andcrowdmybookshelveswithallthosevolumes。Thetitlesofmanyoftheminterestme。Ilookintooneortwo,perhaps。Ihavesometimespickedupalineorasentence,inthesemomentaryglancesbetweentheuncutleavesofanewbook,whichIhaveneverforgotten。Asatrivialbutbonafideexample,onedayIopenedabookonduelling。Irememberonlythesewords:
\"Conservons—la,cettenobleinstitution。\"Ihadneverbeforeseenduellingcalledanobleinstitution,andIwishIhadtakenthenameofthebook。Book—tastingisnotnecessarilyprofitless,butitisverystimulating,andmakesonehungryformorethanheneedsforthenourishmentofhisthinking—marrow。Tofeedthisinsatiablehunger,theabstracts,thereviews,dotheirbest。Butthese,again,havegrownsonumerousandsocrowdedwithmatterthatitishardtofindtimetomastertheircontents。Weareaccustomed,therefore,tolookforanalysesoftheseperiodicals,andatlastwehaveplacedbeforeusaformidable—lookingmonthly,\"TheReviewofReviews。\"Aftertheanalysescomesthenewspapernotice;andthereisstillroomfortheepigram,whichsometimesmakesshortworkwithallthathasgonebeforeonthesamesubject。
Itisjustaswelltorecognizethefactthatifoneshouldreaddayandnight,confininghimselftohisownlanguage,hecouldnotpretendtokeepupwiththepress。Hemightaswelltrytoracewithalocomotive。Thefirstdiscipline,therefore,isthatofdespair。
Ifyoucouldsticktoyourreadingdayandnightforfiftyyears,whatalearnedidiotyouwouldbecomelongbeforethehalf—centurywasover！Well,then,thereisnouseingorgingone\'sselfwithknowledge,andnoneedofself—reproachbecauseoneiscontenttoremainmoreorlessignorantofmanythingswhichinteresthisfellow—creatures。Wegainagooddealofknowledgethroughtheatmosphere;welearnagreatdealbyaccidentalhearsay,providedwehavethemordantinourownconsciousnesswhichmakesthewiseremark,thesignificantfact,theinstructiveincident,takeholduponit。Afterthestageofdespaircomestheperiodofconsolation。
Wesoonfindthatwearenotsomuchworseoffthanmostofourneighborsaswesupposed。Thefractionalvalueofthewisestshowsasmallnumeratordividedbyaninfinitedenominatorofknowledge。
ImadesomeexplanationstoTheTeacups,theotherevening,whichtheyreceivedveryintelligentlyandgraciously,asIhavenodoubtthereadersofthesereportsofminewillreceivethem。Ifthereaderwillturnbacktotheendofthefourthnumberofthesepapers,hewillfindcertainlinesentitled,\"CacoethesScribendi。\"
TheyweresaidtohavebeentakenfromtheusualreceptacleoftheverseswhicharecontributedbyTheTeacups,and,thoughthefactwasnotmentioned,wereofmyowncomposition。Ifoundtheminmanuscriptinmydrawer,andasmysubjecthadnaturallysuggestedthetrainofthoughttheycarriedoutintoextravagance,Iprintedthem。Atthesametimetheysoundedverynatural,aswesay,andI
feltasifIhadpublishedthemsomewhereorotherbefore;butI
couldfindnoevidenceofit,andsoIventuredtohavethemputintype。
AndhereIwishtotakebreathforashort,separateparagraph。I
haveoftenfelt,afterwritingalinewhichpleasedmemorethancommon,thatitwasnotnew,andperhapswasnotmyown。Ihaveveryrarely,however,foundsuchacoincidenceinideasorexpressionaswouldbeenoughtojustifyanaccusationofunconsciousplagiarism,——
consciousplagiarismisnotmyparticularfailing。Ithereforesaymysay,setdownmythought,printmyline,anddonotheedthesuspicionthatImaynotbeasoriginalasIsupposed,inthepassageIhavebeenwriting。Myexperiencemaybeworthsomethingtoamodestyoungwriter,andsoIhaveinterruptedwhatIwasabouttosaybyintercalatingthisparagraph。
Inthisinstancemytelltalesuspicionhadnotbeenatfault。Ihadprintedthosesamelines,yearsago,in\"TheContributors\'Club,\"towhichIhaverarelysentanyofmyproseorverse。Nobodybuttheeditorhasnoticedthefact,sofarasIknow。Thisisconsoling,ormortifying,Ihardlyknowwhich。Isupposeonehasarighttoplagiarizefromhimself,buthedoesnotwanttopresenthisworkasfreshfromtheworkshopwhenithasbeenlongstandinginhisneighbor\'sshop—window。
ButIhavejustreceivedaletterfromabrotherofthelateHenryHowardBrownell,thepoetoftheBayFightandtheRiverFight,inwhichhequotesapassagefromanoldbook,\"AHeroine,AdventuresofCherubina,\"whichmightwellhavesuggestedmyownlines,ifIhadeverseenit。Ihavenottheslightestrecollectionofthebookorthepassage。Ithinkitslivelinessand\"localcolor\"willmakeitpleasethereader,asitpleasesme,morethanmyownmoreprosaicextravagances:
LINESTOAPRETTYLITTLEMAIDOFMAMMA\'S。
\"IfBlackSea,RedSea,WhiteSea,ranOnetideofinktoIspahan,IfallthegeeseinLincolnfensProducedspontaneouswell—madepens,IfHollandoldandHollandnewOnewondroussheetofpapergrew,AndcouldIsingbuthalfthegraceOfhalfafreckleinthyface,EachsyllableIwrotewouldreach>FromInvernesstoBognor\'sbeach,Eachhair—strokebeariverRhine,Eachverseanequinoctialline！\"
\"Theimmediatedismissalofthe\'littlemaid\'wastheconsequence。\"
ImayaswellsaythatourDelilahwasnotintheroomwhenthelastsentencewasread。
Readersmustbeeitherverygood—naturedorverycareless。Ihavelaidmyselfopentocriticismbymorethanonepieceofnegligence,whichhasbeenpassedoverwithoutinvidiouscommentbythereadersofmypapers。HowcouldI,forinstance,havewritteninmyoriginal\"copy\"fortheprinteraboutthefishermanbaitinghishookwithagiant\'stailinsteadofadragon\'s？Itistheautomaticfellow,——Me—
Number—Twoofourdualpersonality,——whodoesthesethings,whoforgetsthemessageMe——Number——Onesendsdowntohimfromthecerebralconvolutions,andsubstitutesawrongwordfortherightone。IsupposeMe——Number——Twowill\"sassback,\"andswearthat\"giant\'s\"wasthemessagewhichcamedownfromheadquarters。Heisalwaysdoingthewrongthingandexcusinghimself。Whoblowsoutthegasinsteadofshuttingitoff？Whoputsthekeyinthedeskandfastensittightwiththespringlock？DoyoumeantosaythattheupperMe,theMeofthetruethinking—marrow,theconvolutionsofthebrain,doesnotknowbetter？Ofcoursehedoes,andMe—Number—Twoisacarelessservant,whorememberssomeolddirection,andfollowsthatinsteadoftheonejustgiven。
NumberSevendemurredtothis,andIamnotsurethatheiswronginsodoing。Hemaintainsthattheautomaticfellowalwaysdoesjustwhatheistoldtodo。NumberFiveisdisposedtoagreewithhim。
Wewilltalkoverthequestion。
Butcome,now,whyshouldnotagianthaveatailaswellasadragon？Linnaeusadmittedthehomocaudatusintohisanthropologicalcatalogue。Thehumanembryohasaverywellmarkedcaudalappendage;
thatis,thevertebralcolumnappearsprolonged,justasitisinayoungquadruped。DuringthelatesessionoftheMedicalCongressatWashington,myfriendDr。Priestley,adistinguishedLondonphysician,ofthehighestcharacterandstanding,showedmethephotographofasmallboy,somethreeorfouryearsold,whohadaveryrespectablelittletail,whichwouldhavepassedmusteronapig,andwouldhavemadeafrogoratoadashamedofhimself。Ihaveneverheardwhatbecameofthelittleboy,norhaveIlookedinthebooksorjournalstofindoutiftherearesimilarcasesonrecord,butIhavenodoubtthatthereareothers。Andifboysmayhavethisadditionalornamenttotheirvertebralcolumns,whynotmen？Andifmen,whynotgiants？SoImaynothavemadeaverybadblunder,afterall,andmyreaderhaslearnedsomethingaboutthehomocaudatusasspokenofbyLinnxus,andasshownmeinphotographbyDr。Priestley。ThischildisacandidateforthevacantplaceofMissingLink。
Inaccountingfortheblunders,andevengrossblunders,which,soonerorlater,onewhowritesmuchisprettysuretocommit,Imustnotforgetthepartplayedbytheblindspotoridioticareainthebrain,whichIhavealreadydescribed。