amongtheAses,andthemajorityoftheconspicuousfailuresamongtheIfs。Idon\'tknowbutthiswouldbeasgoodatestasthatofGideon,——lappingthewaterortakingitupinthehand。Ihaveapoeticalfriendwhoseconversationisstarredasthickwithifsasaboiledhamiswithcloves。Butanotherfriendofmine,abusinessman,whomItrustinmakingmyinvestments,wouldnotletmemeddlewithacertainstockwhichIfancied,because,ashesaid,\"therearetoomanyifsinit。Asitlooksnow,Iwouldn\'ttouchit。\"
Inoticed,theotherevening,thatsomeprivateconversationwasgoingonbetweentheCounsellorandthetwoAnnexes。Therewasamischievouslookaboutthelittlegroup,andIthoughttheywerehatchingsomeplotamongthem。IdidnothearwhattheEnglishAnnexsaid,buttheAmericangirl\'svoicewassharper,andIoverheardwhatsoundedtomelike,\"ItistimetostirupthatyoungDoctor。\"TheCounsellorlookedveryknowing,andsaidthathewouldfindachancebeforelong。Iwasratheramusedtoseehowreadilyheenteredintotheprojectoftheyoungpeople。Thefactis,theCounsellorisyoungforhistimeoflife;forhealreadybetrayssomesignsofthechangereferredtointhatoncefamiliarstreetsong,whichmyfriend,thegreatAmericansurgeon,inquiredforatthemusic—shopsunderthetitle,ashegotitfromtheItalianminstrel,\"Silvatredimondigoo。\"
Isaw,soonafterthis,thattheCounsellorwaswatchinghischanceto\"stiruptheyoungDoctor。\"
Itdoesnotfollow,becauseouryoungDoctor\'sbaldspotisslowerincomingthanhecouldhavewished,thathehasnothadtimetoformmanysoundconclusionsinthecallingtowhichhehasdevotedhimselfVesalius,thefatherofmoderndescriptiveanatomy,publishedhisgreatworkonthatsubjectbeforehewasthirty。Bichat,thegreatanatomistandphysiologist,whodiednearthebeginningofthiscentury,publishedhistreatise,whichmadearevolutioninanatomyandpathology,ataboutthesameage;dyingsoonafterhehadreachedtheageofthirty。So,possiblytheCounsellormayfindthathehas\"stirredup\"ayoungmanwho,cantakecareofhisownhead,incaseofaggressivemovementsinitsdirection。
\"Well,Doctor,\"theCounsellorbegan,\"howarestocks—inthemeaslesmarketaboutthesetimes？Anycornerinbronchitis？Anysyndicateinthevaccinationbusiness？\"Allthisplayfully。
\"Ican\'tsayhowitiswithotherpeople\'spatients;mostofmyfamiliesaredoingverywellwithoutmyhelp,atthistime。\"
\"Dotellme,Doctor,howmanyfamiliesyouown。Ihavehearditsaidthatsomeofourfellow—citizenshavetwodistinctfamilies,butyouspeakasifyouhadadozen。\"
\"Ihave,butnotsolargeanumberasIshouldlike。Icouldtakecareoffifteenortwentymorewithout:havingtoworktoohard。\"
\"Why,Doctor,youareasbadasaMormon。Whatdoyoumeanbycallingcertainfamiliesyours？\"
\"Don\'tyouspeakaboutmyclient？Don\'tyourclientscallyoutheirlawyer？Doesn\'tyourbaker,doesn\'tyourbutcher,speakofthefamilieshesuppliesashisfamilies？\"
Tobesure,yes,ofcoursetheydo;butIhadanotionthatamanhadasmanydoctorsashehadorganstobedoctored。\"
\"Well,thereissometruthinthat;butdidyouthinktheold—
fashionedfamilydoctorwasextinct,afossillikethemegatherium？\"
\"Why,yes,aftertherecentexperienceofafriendofmine,Ididbegintothinkthattherewouldsoonbenosuchpersonageleftasthatsameold—fashionedfamilydoctor。ShallItellyouwhatthatexperiencewas？\"
TheyoungDoctorsaidbeshouldbemightilypleasedtohearit。Hewasgoingtobeoneofthoseold—fogypractitionershimself。
\"Idon\'tknow,\"theCounsellorsaid,\"whethermyfriendgotalltheprofessionaltermsofhisstorycorrectly,norwhetherIhavegotthemfromhimwithoutmakinganymistakes;butifIdomakeblundersinsomeofthequeernames,youcancorrectme。Thisismyfriend\'sstory:
\"Myfamilydoctor,\'hesaid,\"wasaverysensibleman,educatedataschoolwheretheyprofessedtoteachallthespecialties,butnotconfininghimselftoanyonebranchofmedicalpractice。Surgicalpracticehedidnotprofesstomeddlewith,andthereweresomeclassesofpatientswhomhewaswillingtoleavetothefemalephysician。Butthroughouttherangeofdiseasesnotrequiringexceptionallyskilledmanualinterference,hiseducationhadauthorizedhimtoconsiderhimself,andhedidconsiderhimself,qualifiedtoundertakethetreatmentofallordinarycases—Itsohappenedthatmyyoungwifewasoneofthoseuneasypersonswhoareneverlongcontentedwiththeirhabitualcomfortsandblessings,butalwaystryingtofindsomethingalittlebetter,somethingnewer,atanyrate。Iwasgettingtobenearfiftyyearsold,andithappenedtome,asitnotrarelydoestopeopleataboutthattimeoflife,thatmyhairbegantofallout。Ispokeofittomydoctor,whosmiled,saiditwasapartoftheprocessofreversedevolution,butmightberetardedalittle,andgavemeaprescription。Ididnotfindanygreateffectfromit,andmywifewouldhavemegotoanoteddermatologist。Thedistinguishedspecialistexaminedmydenudedscalpwithgreatcare。Helookedatitthroughastrongmagnifier。Heexaminedthebulbofafallenhairinapowerfulmicroscope。Hedeliberatedforawhile,andthensaid,\"Thisisacaseofalopecia。Itmayperhapsbepartiallyremedied。Iwillgiveyouaprescription。\"Whichhedid,andtoldmetocallagaininafortnight。AttheendofthreemonthsIhadcalledsixtimes,andeachtimegotanewrecipe,anddetectednodifferenceinthecourseofmy\"alopecia。\"AfterIhadgotthroughmytreatment,Ishowedmyrecipestomyfamilyphysician;andwefoundthatthreeofthemwerethesamehehadused,familiar,old—fashionedremedies,andtheothersweretakenfromalistofnewandlittle—triedprescriptionsmentionedinoneofthelastmedicaljournals,whichwaslyingontheolddoctor\'stable。Imightaswellhavegotnobetterunderhischarge,andshouldhavegotoffmuchcheaper。
\"ThenexttroubleIhadwasalittlerednessoftheeyes,forwhichmydoctorgavemeawash;butmywifewouldhaveitthatImustseeanoculist。SoImadefourvisitstoanoculist,andatthelastvisittherednesswasnearlygone,——asitoughttohavebeenbythattime。Thespecialistcalledmycomplaintconjunctivitis,butthatdidnotmakeitfeelanybetternorgetwellanyquicker。IfIhadhadacataractoranygravediseaseoftheeye,requiringaniceoperationonthatdelicateorgan,ofcourseIshouldhaveproperlysoughttheaidofanexpert,whoseeye,hand,andjudgmentweretrainedtothatspecialbusiness;butinthiscaseIdon\'tdoubtthatmyfamilydoctorwouldhavedonejustaswellastheexpert。
However,Ihadtoobeyorders,andmywifewouldhaveitthatI
shouldentrustmypreciouspersononlytothemostskilfulspecialistineachdepartmentofmedicalpractice。
\"InthecourseoftheyearIexperiencedavarietyofslightindispositions。FortheseIwasauriscopedbyanaurist,laryngoscopedbyalaryngologist,auscultedbyastethoscopist,andsoon,untilacompleteinventoryofmyorganswasmadeout,andI
foundthatifIbelievedallthesesearchinginquirersprofessedtohavedetectedinmyunfortunateperson,IcouldrepeatwithtooliteraltruththewordsoftheGeneralConfession,\"Andthereisnohealthinus。\"Ineverheardsomanyhardnamesinallmylife。I
provedtobethesubjectofalongcatalogueofdiseases,andwhatmaladiesIwasnotmanifestlyguiltyofIwasatleastsuspectedofharboring。Iwashandedalongallthewayfromalopecia,whichusedtobecalledbaldness,tozoster,whichusedtobeknownasshingles。
Iwasthepatientofmorethanadozenspecialists。Verypleasantpersons,manyofthem,butwhatafusstheymadeaboutmytriflingincommodities！Pleaselookatthatphotograph。Seeifthereisaminuteelevationunderoneeye。\'
\"\'Onwhichside？\'Iaskedhim,forIcouldnotbesuretherewasanythingdifferentononesidefromwhatIsawontheother。
\"\'Underthelefteye。Icalleditapimple;thespecialistcalleditacne。Nowlookatthisphotograph。Itwastakenaftermyacnehadbeenthreemonthsundertreatment。Itshowsalittlemoredistinctlythaninthefirstphotograph,doesn\'tit？\'
\"\'Ithinkitdoes,\'Ianswered。\'Itdoesn\'tseemtomethatyougainedagreatdealbyleavingyourcustomaryadviserforthespecialist。\'
\"\'Well,\'myfriendcontinued,\'followingmywife\'surgentcounsel,I
kepton,asItoldyou,forawholeyearwithmyspecialists,goingfromheadtofoot,andtaperingoffwithachiropodist。Igotadealofamusementoutoftheircontrivancesandexperiments。Someofthemlightedupmyinternalsurfaceswithelectricalorotherilluminatingapparatus。Thermometers,dynamometers,exploring—tubes,littlemirrorsthatwenthalf—waydowntomystomach,tuning—forks,ophthalmoscopes,percussion—hammers,singleanddoublestethoscopes,speculums,sphygmometers,——suchabatteryofdetectiveinstrumentsI
hadneverimagined。Alluseful,Idon\'tdoubt;butattheendoftheyearIbegantoquestionwhetherIshouldn\'thavedoneaboutaswelltosticktomylongtriedpractitioner。Whenthebillsfor\"professionalservices\"camein,andthenewcarpethadtobegivenup,andtheoldbonnettrimmedoveragain,andthesealskinsackremainedavision,webothagreed,mywifeandI,thatwewouldtrytogetalongwithoutconsultingspecialists,exceptinsuchcasesasourfamilyphysicianconsideredtobebeyondhisskill。\'\"
TheCounsellor\'sstoryofhisfriend\'sexperiencesseemedtopleasetheyoungDoctorverymuch。It\"stirredhimup,\"butinanagreeableway;for,ashesaid,hemeanttodevotehimselftofamilypractice,andnottoadoptanylimitedclassofcasesasaspecialty。IlikedhisviewssowellthatIshouldhavebeenreadytoadoptthemasmyown,iftheyhadbeenchallenged。
TheyoungDoctordiscourses。
\"Iamveryglad,\"hesaid,\"thatwehaveanumberofpractitionersamonguswhoconfinethemselvestothecareofsingleorgansandtheirfunctions。Iwanttobeabletoconsultanoculistwhohasdonenothingbutattendtoeyeslongenoughtoknowallthatisknownabouttheirdiseasesandtheirtreatment,——skilfulenoughtobetrustedwiththemanipulationofthatdelicateandmostpreciousorgan。Iwantanauristwhoknowsallabouttheearandwhatcanbedoneforitsdisorders。Themaladiesofthelarynxareveryticklishthingstohandle,andnobodyshouldbetrustedtogobehindtheepiglottiswhohasnotthetactuseruditus。Andsoofcertainotherparticularclassesofcomplaints。Agreatcitymusthavealimitednumberofexperts,eachafinalauthority,tobeappealedtoincaseswherethefamilyphysicianfindshimselfindoubt。Thereareoperationswhichnosurgeonshouldbewillingtoundertakeunlesshehaspaidaparticular,ifnotanexclusive,attentiontothecasesdemandingsuchoperations。AllthisIwillinglygrant。
\"ButitmustnotbesupposedthatwecanreturntothemethodsoftheoldEgyptians——who,ifmymemoryservesmecorrectly,hadaspecialphysicianforeverypartofthebody——withoutfallingintocertainerrorsandincurringcertainliabilities。
\"Thespecialistismuchlikeotherpeopleengagedinlucrativebusiness。Heisapttomagnifyhiscalling,tomakemuchofanysymptomwhichwillbringapatientwithinrangeofhisbatteryofremedies。Ifoundacaseinoneofourmedicaljournals,acoupleofyearsago,whichillustrateswhatImean。Dr。___________ofPhiladelphia,hadafemalepatientwithacrookednose,——deviatedseptum,ifouryoungscholarslikethatbetter。Shewassufferingfromwhatthedoctorcalledreflexheadache。Shehadbeentoanoculist,whofoundthatthetroublewasinhereyes。Shewentfromhimtoagynecologist,whoconsideredherheadacheasowingtocausesforwhichhisspecialtyhadtheremedies。Howmanymorespecialistswouldhaveappropriatedher,ifshehadgonetheroundsofthemall,Idarenotguess;butyouremembertheoldstoryofthesiege,inwhicheachartisanproposedmeansofdefencewhichbehimselfwasreadytofurnish。Thenashoemakersaid,\'Hangyourwallswithnewboots。\'
\"Humannatureisthesamewithmedicalspecialistsasitwaswithancientcordwainers,anditistoopossiblethatahungrypractitionermaybewarpedbyhisinterestinfasteningonapatientwho,ashepersuadeshimself,comesunderhismedicaljurisdiction。
Thespecialisthasbutonefangwithwhichtoseizeandboldhisprey,butthatfangisafearfullylongandsharpcanine。Beingconfinedtoanarrowfieldofobservationandpractice,heisapttogivemuchofhistimetocuriousstudy,whichmaybemagnifique,butisnotexactlylaguerreagainstthepatient\'smalady。Hedividesandsubdivides,andgetsmanyvarietiesofdiseases,inmostrespectssimilar。Theseheequipswithnewnames,andthuswehavethoseterrificnomenclatureswhichareenoughtofrightenthemedicalstudent,tosaynothingofthesufferersstaggeringunderthislongcatalogueoflocalinfirmities。The\'old—fogy\'doctor,whoknowsthefamilytendenciesofhispatient,who\'understandshisconstitution,\'
willoftentreathimbetterthanthefamousspecialist,whoseeshimforthefirsttime,andhastoguessatmanythings\'theolddoctor\'
knowsfromhispreviousexperiencewiththesamepatientandthefamilytowhichhebelongs。
\"Itisagreatluxurytopractiseasaspecialistinalmostanyclassofdiseases。Thespecialpractitionerhashisownhours,hardlyneedsanight—bell,canhavehisresidenceoutofthetowninwhichheexerciseshiscalling,inshort,liveslikeagentleman;whilethehard—workedgeneralpractitionersubmitstoaservitudemoreexactingthanthatofthemanwhoisemployedinhisstableorinhiskitchen。
ThatisthekindoflifeIhavemadeupmymindto。\"
Theteaspoonstinkledallroundthetable。Thiswastheusualsignofapprobation,insteadoftheclappingofhands。
TheyoungDoctorpaused,andlookedroundamongTheTeacups。\"Ibegyourpardon,\"hesaid,\"fortakingupsomuchofyourtimewithmedicine。Itisasubjectthatagoodmanypersons,especiallyladies,takeaninterestinandhaveacuriosityabout,butIhavenorighttoturnthistea—tableintoalectureplatform。\"
\"Weshouldliketohearyoutalklongeraboutit,\"saidtheEnglishAnnex。\"Oneofushasthoughtofdevotingherselftothepracticeofmedicine。Wouldyoulecturetous;ifyouwereaprofessorinoneofthegreatmedicalschools？\"
\"Lecturetostudentsofyoursex？Whynot,Ishouldliketoknow？I
don\'tthinkitisthecallingforwhichtheaveragewomanisespeciallyadapted,butmyteachergotapartofhismedicaleducationfromalady,MadameLachapelle;andIdon\'tseewhy,ifonecanlearnfromawoman,hemaynotteachawoman,ifheknowsenough。\"
\"Wealllikealittlemedicaltalknowandthen,\"saidNumberFive,\"andwearemuchobligedtoyouforyourdiscourse。Youarespecialistenoughtotakecareofasprainedankle,Isuppose,areyounot？\"
\"IhopeIshouldbeequaltothatemergency,\"answeredtheyoungDoctor;\"butItrustyouarenotsufferingfromanysuchaccident？\"
\"No,\"saidNumberFive,\"butthereisnotellingwhatmayhappen。I
mightslip,andgetasprainorbreakasinew,orsomething,andI
shouldliketoknowthatthereisapractitionerathandtotakecareofmyinjury。IthinkIwouldriskmyselfinyourbands,althoughyouarenotaspecialist。Wouldyouventuretotakechargeofthecase？\"
\"Ah,mydearlady,\"heansweredgallantly,\"theriskwouldbeintheotherdirection。IamafraiditwouldbesaferforyourdoctorifhewereanoldermanthanIam。\"
Thisisthefirstclearly,indisputablysentimentaloutbreakwhichhashappenedinconversationatourtable。Itrembletothinkwhatwillcomeofit;forwehaveseveralinflammableelementsinourcircle,andasparklikethisisliabletolightonanyoneortwoofthem。
Iwasnotsorrythatthismedicalepisodecameintovarytheusualcourseoftalkatourtable。Iliketohaveone——ofanintelligentcompany,whoknowsanythingthoroughly,holdthefloorforatime,anddiscourseuponthesubjectwhichchieflyengageshisdailythoughtsandfurnisheshishabitualoccupation。Itisaprivilegetomeetsuchapersonnowandthen,andlethimhavehisfullswing。
Butbecausethereare\"professionals\"towhomwearewillingtolistenasoracles,Idonotwanttoseeeverybodywhoisnota\"professional\"silencedorsnubbed,ifheventuresintoanyfieldofknowledgewhichhehasnotmadeespeciallyhisown。IliketoreadMontaigne\'sremarksaboutdoctors,thoughhenevertookamedicaldegree。IcanevenenjoythetruthinthesharpsatireofVoltaireonthemedicalprofession。IfrequentlyprefertheremarksIhearfromthepewafterthesermontothoseIhavejustbeenhearingfromthepulpit。ThereareagreatmanythingswhichIneverexpecttocomprehend,butwhichIdesireverymuchtoapprehend。SupposethatourcircleofTeacupsweremadeupofspecialists,——expertsinvariousdepartments。Ishouldbeverywillingthateachoneshouldhavehisinningsatthepropertime,whenthecompanywerereadyforhim。Butthetimeiscomingwheneverybodywillknowsomethingabouteverything。Howcanonehavetheillustratedmagazines,the\"PopularScienceMonthly,\"thePsychologicaljournals,thetheologicalperiodicals,booksonallsubjects,forcedonhisattention,intheirownpersons,sotospeak,orinthereviewswhichanalyzeandpassjudgmentuponthem,withoutgettingsomeideaswhichbelongtomanyprovincesofhumanintelligence？Theairwebreatheismadeupoffourelements,atleast:oxygen,nitrogen,carbonicacidgas,andknowledge。Thereissomethingquitedelightfultowitnessintheabsorptionanddevotionofagenuinespecialist。
ThereisacertainsublimityinthatpictureofthedyingscholarinBrowning\'s\"AGrammarian\'sFuneral:\"——
\"Sowiththethrottlinghandsofdeathatstrife,Groundheatgrammar;
Still,throughtherattle,partsofspeechwererife;
WhilehecouldstammerHesettledHoti\'sbusiness——letitbe——
ProperlybasedOunGaveusthedoctrineoftheencliticDe,Deadfromthewaistdown。\"
Agenuineenthusiasm,whichwillneverbesatisfieduntilithaspumpedthewelldryatthebottomofwhichtruthislying,alwaysexcitesourinterest,ifnotouradmiration。
OneofthepleasantestofourAmericanwriters,whomweallrememberasIkMarvel,andgreetinhismorerecentappearanceasDonaldGrantMitchell,speaksoftheawkwardnesswhichhefeelsinofferingtothepublica\"panoramicviewofBritishwritersinthesedaysofspecialists,——whenstudentsdevotehalfalifetimetotheanalysisoftheworksofasingleauthor,andtotheproperstudyofasingleperiod。\"
Heneednothavefearedthathisconnectedsketchesof\"EnglishLands,LettersandKings\"wouldbeanylesswelcomebecausetheydonotpretendtofillupallthedetailsorcoveralltheincidentstheyhintinvividoutline。HowmanyofuseverreadoreverwillreadDrayton\'s\"Poly—Olbion？\"TwentythousandlongAlexandrinesarefilledwithadmirabledescriptionsofscenery,naturalproductions,andhistoricalevents,buthowmanyofusinthesedayshavetimetoreadandinwardlydigesttwentythousandAlexandrineverses？Ifearthatthespecialistisapttoholdhisintelligentreaderorhearertoocheap。SofarasIhaveobservedinmedicalspecialties,whatheknowsinadditiontotheknowledgeofthewell—taughtgeneralpractitionerisverylargelycuriousratherthanimportant。Havingexhaustedallthatispractical,thespecialistisnaturallytemptedtoamusehimselfwiththenaturalhistoryoftheorganorfunctionhedealswith;tofeelasawriting—masterdoeswhenhesetsacopy,——
notcontenttoshapethelettersproperly,buthemustaddflourishesandfancyfigures,toletoffhisspareenergy。
Iambeginningtobefrightened。WhenIbeganthesepapers,myideawasaverysimpleandinnocentone。Herewasamixedcompany,ofvariousconditions,asIhavealreadytoldmyreaders,whocametogetherregularly,andbeforetheywereawareofitformedsomethinglikeacluborassociation。AsIwasthepatriarchamongthem,theygavemethenamesomeofyoumayneedtoberemindedof;forasthesereportsarepublishedatintervals,youmaynotrememberthefactthatIamwhatTheTeacupshaveseenfittocallTheDictator。
Now,whatdidIexpectwhenIbeganthesepapers,andwhatisitthathasbeguntofrightenme？
Iexpectedtoreportgraveconversationsandlightcolloquialpassagesofarmsamongthemembersofthecircle。Iexpectedtohear,perhapstoread,apapernowandthen。Iexpectedtohave,fromtimetotime,apoemfromsomeoneofTheTeacups,forIfeltsuretheremustbeamongthemoneormorepoets,——Teacupsofthefinerandrarertranslucentkindofporcelain,tospeakmetaphorically。
OutoftheseconversationsandwrittencontributionsIthoughtI
mightmakeupareadableseriesofpapers;anotwhollyunwelcomestringofrecollections,anticipations,suggestions,toooftenperhapsrepetitions,thatwouldbetothetwilightwhatmyearlierserieshadbeentothemorning。
IhopedalsothatIshouldcomeintopersonalrelationswithmyoldconstituency,ifImaycallmynearerfriends,andthosemoredistantoneswhobelongtomyreadingparish,bythatname。ItistimethatIshould。Ireceivedthisblessedmorning——Iamtellingtheliteraltruth——ahighlyflatteringobituaryofmyselfintheshapeofanextractfrom\"LeNational\"ofthe10thofFebruarylast。Thisisabi—weeklynewspaper,publishedinFrench,inthecityofPlattsburg,ClintonCounty,NewYork。IamoccasionallyremindedbymyunknownfriendsthatImusthurryuptheirautograph,ormakehastetocopythatpoemtheywishtohaveintheauthor\'sownhandwriting,oritwillbetoolate;butIhaveneverbeforebeenhuddledoutoftheworldinthisway。Itakethisratherprematureobituaryasahintthat,unlessIcometosomearrangementwithmywell—meaningbutinsatiablecorrespondents,itwouldbeaswelltoleaveitintype,forIcannotbearmuchlongertheloadtheylayuponme。IwillexplainmyselfonthispointafterIhavetoldmyreaderswhathasfrightenedme。
Iambeginningtothinkthisroomwherewetakeourteaismorelikeatinder—boxthanaquietandsafeplacefor\"apartyinaparlor。\"
Itistruethatthereareatleasttwoorthreeincombustiblesatourtable,butitlookstomeasifthecompanymightpairoffbeforetheseasonisover,likethecrewofHerMajesty\'sshiptheMantelpiece,——threeorfourweddingsclearourwholetableofallbutoneortwooftheimpregnables。Thepoemwefoundinthesugar—bowllastweekfirstopenedmyeyestotheprobablestateofthings。Now,theideaofhavingtotellalove—story,——perhapstwoorthreelove—stories,——whenIsetoutwiththeintentionofrepeatinginstructive,useful,orentertainingdiscussions,naturallyalarmsme。Itisquitetruethatmanythingswhichlooktomesuspiciousmaybesimplyplayful。
Youngpeople（andwehaveseveralsuchamongTheTeacups）arefondofmake—believecourtingwhentheycannothavetherealthing,—
\"flirting,\"asitusedtobepractisedinthedaysofArcadianinnocence,notthemoremodernandmorequestionablerecreationwhichhasreachedusfromthehomeofthecicisbeo。Whatevercomesofit,IshalltellwhatIsee,andtaketheconsequences。
ButIamatthismomentgoingtotalkinmyownproperpersontomyownparticularpublic,which,asIfindbymycorrespondence,isaveryconsiderableone,andwithwhichIconsidermyselfinexceptionallypleasantrelations。
IhavereadrecentlythatMr。Gladstonereceivessixhundredlettersaday。Perhapshedoesnotreceivesixhundredletterseveryday,butifhegetsanythinglikehalfthatnumberdaily,whatcanhedowiththem？Therewasatimewhenhewassaidtoanswerallhiscorrespondents。Itisunderstood,Ithink,thathehasgivenupdoingsointheselaterdays。
IdonotpretendthatIreceivesixhundredorevensixtylettersaday,butIdoreceiveagoodmany,andhavetoldthepublicofthefactfromtimetotime,underthepressureoftheirconstantlyincreasingexertions。Asitisextremelyonerous,andissoongoingtobeimpossible,formetokeepupthewiderangeofcorrespondencewhichhasbecomealargepartofmyoccupation,andtendstoabsorballthevitalforcewhichisleftme,Iwishtoenterintoafinalexplanationwiththewell—meaningbutmercilesstaskmasterswhohavenowformanyyearsbeenlevyingtheirdailytaxuponme。Ihavepreservedthousandsoftheirletters,anddestroyedaverylargenumber,afteransweringmostofthem。AfewinterestingchaptersmightbemadeoutofthelettersIhavekept,——notonlysuchasaresignedbythenamesofwell—knownpersonages,butmanyfromunknownfriends,ofwhomIhadneverheardbeforeandhaveneverheardsince。
Agreatdealofthebestwritingthelanguagesoftheworldhaveeverknownhasbeencommittedtoleavesthatwitheredoutofsightbeforeasecondsunlighthadfallenuponthem。IhavehadmanylettersI
shouldhavelikedtogivethepublic,hadtheirnatureadmittedoftheirbeingofferedtotheworld。Whatstragglesofyoungambition,findingnoplaceforitsenergies,orfeelingitsincapacitytoreachtheidealtowardswhichitwasstriving！Whatlongingsofdisappointed,defeatedfellow—mortals,tryingtofindanewhomeforthemselvesintheheartofonewhomtheyhaveamiablyidealized！Andoh,whathopelesseffortsofmediocritiesandinferiorities,believinginthemselvesassuperiorities,andstumblingonthroughlimpingdisappointmentstoprostratefailure！Povertycomespleading,notforcharity,forthemostpart,butimploringustofindapurchaserforitsunmarketablewares。Theunreadableauthorparticularlyrequestsustomakeacriticalexaminationofhisbook,andreporttohimwhatevermaybeourverdict,——asifhewantedanythingbutourpraise,andthatveryoftentobeusedinhispublisher\'sadvertisements。
Butwhatdoesnotonehavetosubmittowhohasbecomethemartyr——
theSaintSebastian——ofaliterarycorrespondence！Iwillnotdwellonthepossibleimpressionproducedonasensitivenaturebyreadingone\'sownprematureobituary,asIhavetoldyouhasbeenmyrecentexperience。Iwillnotstoptothinkwhethertheurgentrequestforanautographbyreturnpost,inviewofthepossiblecontingencieswhichmightrenderitthelastonewasevertowrite,ispleasingornot。Atthreescoreandtwentyonemustexpectsuchhintsofwhatisliketohappenbeforelong。Isuppose,ifsomenearfriendweretowatchonewhowaslookingoversuchapressingletter,hemightpossiblyseeaslightshadowflitoverthereader\'sfeatures,andsomesuchdialoguemightfollowasthatbetweenOthelloandIago,after\"thishonestcreature\"hasbeengivingbreathtohissuspicionsaboutDesdemona:
\"Iseethishathalittledash\'dyourspirits。
Notajot,notajot。