“Iresumedmynoticeofyou。Therewassomethinggladinyourglance，andgenialinyourmanner，whenyouconversed:Isawyouhadasocialheart;itwasthesilentschoolroom—itwasthetediumofyourlife—thatmadeyoumournful。Ipermittedmyselfthedelightofbeingkindtoyou;kindnessstirredemotionsoon:yourfacebecamesoftinexpression，yourtonesgentle;Ilikedmynamepronouncedbyyourlipsinagratefulhappyaccent。Iusedtoenjoyachancemeetingwithyou，Jane，atthistime:therewasacurioushesitationinyourmanner:youglancedatmewithaslighttrouble—ahoveringdoubt:youdidnotknowwhatmycapricemightbe—whetherIwasgoingtoplaythemasterandbestern，orthefriendandbebenignant。Iwasnowtoofondofyouoftentosimulatethefirstwhim;and，whenIstretchedmyhandoutcordially，suchbloomandlightandblissrosetoyouryoung，wistfulfeatures，Ihadmuchadooftentoavoidstrainingyouthenandtheretomyheart。”
“Don’ttalkanymoreofthosedays，sir，”Iinterrupted，furtivelydashingawaysometearsfrommyeyes;hislanguagewastorturetome;forIknewwhatImustdo—anddosoon—andallthesereminiscences，andtheserevelationsofhisfeelingsonlymademyworkmoredifficult。
“No，Jane，”hereturned:“whatnecessityistheretodwellonthePast，whenthePresentissomuchsurer—theFuturesomuchbrighter？”
Ishudderedtoheartheinfatuatedassertion。
“Youseenowhowthecasestands—doyounot？”hecontinued。“Afterayouthandmanhoodpassedhalfinunutterablemiseryandhalfindrearysolitude，IhaveforthefirsttimefoundwhatIcantrulylove—Ihavefoundyou。Youaremysympathy—mybetterself—mygoodangel。Iamboundtoyouwithastrongattachment。Ithinkyougood，gifted，lovely:afervent，asolemnpassionisconceivedinmyheart;itleanstoyou，drawsyoutomycentreandspringoflife，wrapsmyexistenceaboutyou，and，kindlinginpure，powerfulflame，fusesyouandmeinone。
“ItwasbecauseIfeltandknewthis，thatIresolvedtomarryyou。TotellmethatIhadalreadyawifeisemptymockery:youknownowthatIhadbutahideousdemon。Iwaswrongtoattempttodeceiveyou;butIfearedastubbornnessthatexistsinyourcharacter。Ifearedearlyinstilledprejudice:Iwantedtohaveyousafebeforehazardingconfidences。Thiswascowardly:Ishouldhaveappealedtoyournoblenessandmagnanimityatfirst，asIdonow—openedtoyouplainlymylifeofagony—describedtoyoumyhungerandthirstafterahigherandworthierexistence—showntoyou，notmyresolution（thatwordisweak），butmyresistlessbenttolovefaithfullyandwell，whereIamfaithfullyandwelllovedinreturn。ThenIshouldhaveaskedyoutoacceptmypledgeoffidelityandtogivemeyours。Jane—giveitmenow。”
Apause。
“Whyareyousilent，Jane？”
Iwasexperiencinganordeal:ahandoffieryirongraspedmyvitals。Terriblemoment:fullofstruggle，blackness，burning！NotahumanbeingthateverlivedcouldwishtobelovedbetterthanIwasloved;andhimwhothuslovedmeIabsolutelyworshipped:andImustrenounceloveandidol。Onedrearwordcomprisedmyintolerableduty—“Depart！”
“Jane，youunderstandwhatIwantofyou？Justthispromise—‘Iwillbeyours，Mr。Rochester。’”
“Mr。Rochester，Iwillnotbeyours。”
Anotherlongsilence。
“Jane！”recommencedhe，withagentlenessthatbrokemedownwithgrief，andturnedmestone—coldwithominousterror—forthisstillvoicewasthepantofalionrising—“Jane，doyoumeantogoonewayintheworld，andtoletmegoanother？”
“Ido。”
“Jane”（bendingtowardsandembracingme），“doyoumeanitnow？”
“Ido。”
“Andnow？”softlykissingmyforeheadandcheek。
“Ido，”extricatingmyselffromrestraintrapidlyandcompletely。
“Oh，Jane，thisisbitter！This—thisiswicked。Itwouldnotbewickedtoloveme。”
“Itwouldtoobeyyou。”
Awildlookraisedhisbrows—crossedhisfeatures:herose;butheforeboreyet。Ilaidmyhandonthebackofachairforsupport:Ishook，Ifeared—butIresolved。
“Oneinstant，Jane。Giveoneglancetomyhorriblelifewhenyouaregone。Allhappinesswillbetornawaywithyou。Whatthenisleft？ForawifeIhavebutthemaniacupstairs:aswellmightyourefermetosomecorpseinyonderchurchyard。WhatshallIdo，Jane？Whereturnforacompanionandforsomehope？”
“DoasIdo:trustinGodandyourself。Believeinheaven。Hopetomeetagainthere。”
“Thenyouwillnotyield？”
“No。”
“Thenyoucondemnmetolivewretchedandtodieaccursed？”Hisvoicerose。
“Iadviseyoutolivesinless，andIwishyoutodietranquil。”
“Thenyousnatchloveandinnocencefromme？Youflingmebackonlustforapassion—viceforanoccupation？”
“Mr。Rochester，InomoreassignthisfatetoyouthanIgraspatitformyself。Wewereborntostriveandendure—youaswellasI:doso。YouwillforgetmebeforeIforgetyou。”
“Youmakemealiarbysuchlanguage:yousullymyhonour。IdeclaredIcouldnotchange:youtellmetomyfaceIshallchangesoon。Andwhatadistortioninyourjudgment，whataperversityinyourideas，isprovedbyyourconduct！Isitbettertodriveafellow—creaturetodespairthantotransgressamerehumanlaw，nomanbeinginjuredbythebreach？foryouhaveneitherrelativesnoracquaintanceswhomyouneedfeartooffendbylivingwithme？”
Thiswastrue:andwhilehespokemyveryconscienceandreasonturnedtraitorsagainstme，andchargedmewithcrimeinresistinghim。TheyspokealmostasloudasFeeling:andthatclamouredwildly。“Oh，comply！”itsaid。“Thinkofhismisery;thinkofhisdanger—lookathisstatewhenleftalone;rememberhisheadlongnature;considertherecklessnessfollowingondespair—soothehim;savehim;lovehim;tellhimyoulovehimandwillbehis。Whointheworldcaresforyou？orwhowillbeinjuredbywhatyoudo？”
Stillindomitablewasthereply—“Icareformyself。Themoresolitary，themorefriendless，themoreunsustainedIam，themoreIwillrespectmyself。IwillkeepthelawgivenbyGod;sanctionedbyman。IwillholdtotheprinciplesreceivedbymewhenIwassane，andnotmad—asIamnow。Lawsandprinciplesarenotforthetimeswhenthereisnotemptation:theyareforsuchmomentsasthis，whenbodyandsoulriseinmutinyagainsttheirrigour;stringentarethey;inviolatetheyshallbe。IfatmyindividualconvenienceImightbreakthem，whatwouldbetheirworth？Theyhaveaworth—soIhavealwaysbelieved;andifIcannotbelieveitnow，itisbecauseIaminsane—quiteinsane:withmyveinsrunningfire，andmyheartbeatingfasterthanIcancountitsthrobs。Preconceivedopinions，foregonedeterminations，areallIhaveatthishourtostandby:thereIplantmyfoot。”
Idid。Mr。Rochester，readingmycountenance，sawIhaddoneso。Hisfurywaswroughttothehighest:hemustyieldtoitforamoment，whateverfollowed;hecrossedthefloorandseizedmyarmandgraspedmywaist。Heseemedtodevourmewithhisflamingglance:physically，Ifelt，atthemoment，powerlessasstubbleexposedtothedraughtandglowofafurnace:mentally，Istillpossessedmysoul，andwithitthecertaintyofultimatesafety。Thesoul，fortunately，hasaninterpreter—oftenanunconscious，butstillatruthfulinterpreter—intheeye。Myeyerosetohis;andwhileIlookedinhisfiercefaceIgaveaninvoluntarysigh;hisgripewaspainful，andmyover—taxedstrengthalmostexhausted。
“Never，”saidhe，ashegroundhisteeth，“neverwasanythingatoncesofrailandsoindomitable。Amerereedshefeelsinmyhand！”（Andheshookmewiththeforceofhishold。）“Icouldbendherwithmyfingerandthumb:andwhatgoodwoulditdoifIbent，ifIuptore，ifIcrushedher？Considerthateye:considertheresolute，wild，freethinglookingoutofit，defyingme，withmorethancourage—withasterntriumph。WhateverIdowithitscage，Icannotgetatit—thesavage，beautifulcreature！IfItear，ifIrendtheslightprison，myoutragewillonlyletthecaptiveloose。ConquerorImightbeofthehouse;buttheinmatewouldescapetoheavenbeforeIcouldcallmyselfpossessorofitsclaydwelling—place。Anditisyou，spirit—withwillandenergy，andvirtueandpurity—thatIwant:notaloneyourbrittleframe。Ofyourselfyoucouldcomewithsoftflightandnestleagainstmyheart，ifyouwould:seizedagainstyourwill，youwilleludethegrasplikeanessence—youwillvanishereIinhaleyourfragrance。Oh！come，Jane，come！”
Ashesaidthis，hereleasedmefromhisclutch，andonlylookedatme。Thelookwasfarworsetoresistthanthefranticstrain:onlyanidiot，however，wouldhavesuccumbednow。Ihaddaredandbaffledhisfury;Imusteludehissorrow:Iretiredtothedoor。
“Youaregoing，Jane？”
“Iamgoing，sir。”
“Youareleavingme？”
“Yes。”
“Youwillnotcome？Youwillnotbemycomforter，myrescuer？Mydeeplove，mywildwoe，myfranticprayer，areallnothingtoyou？”
Whatunutterablepathoswasinhisvoice！Howharditwastoreiteratefirmly，“Iamgoing。”
“Jane！”
“Mr。Rochester！”
“Withdraw，then，—Iconsent;butremember，youleavemehereinanguish。Gouptoyourownroom;thinkoverallIhavesaid，and，Jane，castaglanceonmysufferings—thinkofme。”
Heturnedaway;hethrewhimselfonhisfaceonthesofa。“Oh，Jane！myhope—mylove—mylife！”brokeinanguishfromhislips。Thencameadeep，strongsob。
Ihadalreadygainedthedoor;but，reader，Iwalkedback—walkedbackasdeterminedlyasIhadretreated。Ikneltdownbyhim;Iturnedhisfacefromthecushiontome;Ikissedhischeek;Ismoothedhishairwithmyhand。
“Godblessyou，mydearmaster！”Isaid。“Godkeepyoufromharmandwrong—directyou，solaceyou—rewardyouwellforyourpastkindnesstome。”
“LittleJane’slovewouldhavebeenmybestreward，”heanswered;“withoutit，myheartisbroken。ButJanewillgivemeherlove:yes—nobly，generously。”
Upthebloodrushedtohisface;forthflashedthefirefromhiseyes;erecthesprang;heheldhisarmsout;butIevadedtheembrace，andatoncequittedtheroom。
“Farewell！”wasthecryofmyheartasIlefthim。Despairadded，“Farewellforever！”
ThatnightIneverthoughttosleep;butaslumberfellonmeassoonasIlaydowninbed。Iwastransportedinthoughttothescenesofchildhood:IdreamtIlayinthered—roomatGateshead;thatthenightwasdark，andmymindimpressedwithstrangefears。Thelightthatlongagohadstruckmeintosyncope，recalledinthisvision，seemedglidinglytomountthewall，andtremblinglytopauseinthecentreoftheobscuredceiling。Iliftedupmyheadtolook:theroofresolvedtoclouds，highanddim;thegleamwassuchasthemoonimpartstovapourssheisabouttosever。Iwatchedhercome—watchedwiththestrangestanticipation;asthoughsomewordofdoomweretobewrittenonherdisk。Shebrokeforthasnevermoonyetburstfromcloud:ahandfirstpenetratedthesablefoldsandwavedthemaway;then，notamoon，butawhitehumanformshoneintheazure，incliningagloriousbrowearthward。Itgazedandgazedonme。Itspoketomyspirit:immeasurablydistantwasthetone，yetsonear，itwhisperedinmyheart—
“Mydaughter，fleetemptation。”
“Mother，Iwill。”
SoIansweredafterIhadwakedfromthetrance—likedream。Itwasyetnight，butJulynightsareshort:soonaftermidnight，dawncomes。“ItcannotbetooearlytocommencethetaskIhavetofulfil，”thoughtI。Irose:Iwasdressed;forIhadtakenoffnothingbutmyshoes。Iknewwheretofindinmydrawerssomelinen，alocket，aring。Inseekingthesearticles，IencounteredthebeadsofapearlnecklaceMr。Rochesterhadforcedmetoacceptafewdaysago。Ileftthat;itwasnotmine:itwasthevisionarybride’swhohadmeltedinair。TheotherarticlesImadeupinaparcel;mypurse，containingtwentyshillings（itwasallIhad），Iputinmypocket:Itiedonmystrawbonnet，pinnedmyshawl，tooktheparcelandmyslippers，whichIwouldnotputonyet，andstolefrommyroom。
“Farewell，kindMrs。Fairfax！”Iwhispered，asIglidedpastherdoor。“Farewell，mydarlingAdèle！”Isaid，asIglancedtowardsthenursery。Nothoughtcouldbeadmittedofenteringtoembraceher。Ihadtodeceiveafineear:foraughtIknewitmightnowbelistening。
IwouldhavegotpastMr。Rochester’schamberwithoutapause;butmyheartmomentarilystoppingitsbeatatthatthreshold，myfootwasforcedtostopalso。Nosleepwasthere:theinmatewaswalkingrestlesslyfromwalltowall;andagainandagainhesighedwhileIlistened。Therewasaheaven—atemporaryheaven—inthisroomforme，ifIchose:Ihadbuttogoinandtosay—
“Mr。Rochester，Iwillloveyouandlivewithyouthroughlifetilldeath，”andafountofrapturewouldspringtomylips。Ithoughtofthis。
Thatkindmaster，whocouldnotsleepnow，waswaitingwithimpatienceforday。Hewouldsendformeinthemorning;Ishouldbegone。Hewouldhavemesoughtfor:vainly。Hewouldfeelhimselfforsaken;hisloverejected:hewouldsuffer;perhapsgrowdesperate。Ithoughtofthistoo。Myhandmovedtowardsthelock:Icaughtitback，andglidedon。
DrearilyIwoundmywaydownstairs:IknewwhatIhadtodo，andIdiditmechanically。Isoughtthekeyoftheside—doorinthekitchen;Isought，too，aphialofoilandafeather;Ioiledthekeyandthelock。Igotsomewater，Igotsomebread:forperhapsIshouldhavetowalkfar;andmystrength，sorelyshakenoflate，mustnotbreakdown。AllthisIdidwithoutonesound。Iopenedthedoor，passedout，shutitsoftly。Dimdawnglimmeredintheyard。Thegreatgateswereclosedandlocked;butawicketinoneofthemwasonlylatched。ThroughthatIdeparted:it，too，Ishut;andnowIwasoutofThornfield。
Amileoff，beyondthefields，layaroadwhichstretchedinthecontrarydirectiontoMillcote;aroadIhadnevertravelled，butoftennoticed，andwonderedwhereitled:thitherIbentmysteps。Noreflectionwastobeallowednow:notoneglancewastobecastback;notevenoneforward。Notonethoughtwastobegiveneithertothepastorthefuture。Thefirstwasapagesoheavenlysweet—sodeadlysad—thattoreadonelineofitwoulddissolvemycourageandbreakdownmyenergy。Thelastwasanawfulblank:somethingliketheworldwhenthedelugewasgoneby。
Iskirtedfields，andhedges，andlanestillaftersunrise。Ibelieveitwasalovelysummermorning:Iknowmyshoes，whichIhadputonwhenIleftthehouse，weresoonwetwithdew。ButIlookedneithertorisingsun，norsmilingsky，norwakeningnature。Hewhoistakenouttopassthroughafairscenetothescaffold，thinksnotoftheflowersthatsmileonhisroad，butoftheblockandaxe—edge;ofthedissevermentofboneandvein;ofthegravegapingattheend:andIthoughtofdrearflightandhomelesswandering—andoh！withagonyIthoughtofwhatIleft。Icouldnothelpit。Ithoughtofhimnow—inhisroom—watchingthesunrise;hopingIshouldsooncometosayIwouldstaywithhimandbehis。Ilongedtobehis;Ipantedtoreturn:itwasnottoolate;Icouldyetsparehimthebitterpangofbereavement。Asyetmyflight，Iwassure，wasundiscovered。Icouldgobackandbehiscomforter—hispride;hisredeemerfrommisery，perhapsfromruin。Oh，thatfearofhisself—abandonment—farworsethanmyabandonment—howitgoadedme！Itwasabarbedarrow—headinmybreast;ittoremewhenItriedtoextractit;itsickenedmewhenremembrancethrustitfartherin。Birdsbegansinginginbrakeandcopse:birdswerefaithfultotheirmates;birdswereemblemsoflove。WhatwasI？Inthemidstofmypainofheartandfranticeffortofprinciple，Iabhorredmyself。Ihadnosolacefromself—approbation:noneevenfromself—respect。Ihadinjured—wounded—leftmymaster。Iwashatefulinmyowneyes。StillIcouldnotturn，norretraceonestep。Godmusthaveledmeon。Astomyownwillorconscience，impassionedgriefhadtrampledoneandstifledtheother。IwasweepingwildlyasIwalkedalongmysolitaryway:fast，fastIwentlikeonedelirious。Aweakness，beginninginwardly，extendingtothelimbs，seizedme，andIfell:Ilayonthegroundsomeminutes，pressingmyfacetothewetturf。Ihadsomefear—orhope—thathereIshoulddie:butIwassoonup;crawlingforwardsonmyhandsandknees，andthenagainraisedtomyfeet—aseagerandasdeterminedasevertoreachtheroad。
WhenIgotthere，Iwasforcedtosittorestmeunderthehedge;andwhileIsat，Iheardwheels，andsawacoachcomeon。Istoodupandliftedmyhand;itstopped。Iaskedwhereitwasgoing:thedrivernamedaplacealongwayoff，andwhereIwassureMr。Rochesterhadnoconnections。Iaskedforwhatsumhewouldtakemethere;hesaidthirtyshillings;IansweredIhadbuttwenty;well，hewouldtrytomakeitdo。Hefurthergavemeleavetogetintotheinside，asthevehiclewasempty:Ientered，wasshutin，anditrolledonitsway。
Gentlereader，mayyouneverfeelwhatIthenfelt！Mayyoureyesnevershedsuchstormy，scalding，heart—wrungtearsaspouredfrommine。MayyouneverappealtoHeaveninprayerssohopelessandsoagonisedasinthathourleftmylips;fornevermayyou，likeme，dreadtobetheinstrumentofeviltowhatyouwhollylove。
Chapter28
Twodaysarepassed。Itisasummerevening;thecoachmanhassetmedownataplacecalledWhitcross;hecouldtakemenofartherforthesumIhadgiven，andIwasnotpossessedofanothershillingintheworld。Thecoachisamileoffbythistime;Iamalone。AtthismomentIdiscoverthatIforgottotakemyparceloutofthepocketofthecoach，whereIhadplaceditforsafety;thereitremains，thereitmustremain;andnow，Iamabsolutelydestitute。
Whitcrossisnotown，norevenahamlet;itisbutastonepillarsetupwherefourroadsmeet:whitewashed，Isuppose，tobemoreobviousatadistanceandindarkness。Fourarmsspringfromitssummit:thenearesttowntowhichthesepointis，accordingtotheinscription，distanttenmiles;thefarthest，abovetwenty。Fromthewell—knownnamesofthesetownsIlearninwhatcountyIhavelighted;anorth—midlandshire，duskwithmoorland，ridgedwithmountain:thisIsee。Therearegreatmoorsbehindandoneachhandofme;therearewavesofmountainsfarbeyondthatdeepvalleyatmyfeet。Thepopulationheremustbethin，andIseenopassengersontheseroads:theystretchouteast，west，north，andsouth—white，broad，lonely;theyareallcutinthemoor，andtheheathergrowsdeepandwildtotheirveryverge。Yetachancetravellermightpassby;andIwishnoeyetoseemenow:strangerswouldwonderwhatIamdoing，lingeringhereatthesign—post，evidentlyobjectlessandlost。Imightbequestioned:Icouldgivenoanswerbutwhatwouldsoundincredibleandexcitesuspicion。Notatieholdsmetohumansocietyatthismoment—notacharmorhopecallsmewheremyfellow—creaturesare—nonethatsawmewouldhaveakindthoughtoragoodwishforme。Ihavenorelativebuttheuniversalmother，Nature:Iwillseekherbreastandaskrepose。
Istruckstraightintotheheath;IheldontoahollowIsawdeeplyfurrowingthebrownmoorside;Iwadedknee—deepinitsdarkgrowth;Iturnedwithitsturnings，andfindingamoss—blackenedgranitecraginahiddenangle，Isatdownunderit。Highbanksofmoorwereaboutme;thecragprotectedmyhead:theskywasoverthat。
SometimepassedbeforeIfelttranquilevenhere:Ihadavaguedreadthatwildcattlemightbenear，orthatsomesportsmanorpoachermightdiscoverme。Ifagustofwindsweptthewaste，Ilookedup，fearingitwastherushofabull;ifaploverwhistled，Iimagineditaman。Findingmyapprehensionsunfounded，however，andcalmedbythedeepsilencethatreignedaseveningdeclinedatnightfall，Itookconfidence。AsyetIhadnotthought;Ihadonlylistened，watched，dreaded;nowIregainedthefacultyofreflection。
WhatwasItodo？Wheretogo？Oh，intolerablequestions，whenIcoulddonothingandgonowhere！—whenalongwaymustyetbemeasuredbymyweary，tremblinglimbsbeforeIcouldreachhumanhabitation—whencoldcharitymustbeentreatedbeforeIcouldgetalodging:reluctantsympathyimportuned，almostcertainrepulseincurred，beforemytalecouldbelistenedto，oroneofmywantsrelieved！
Itouchedtheheath，itwasdry，andyetwarmwiththebeatofthesummerday。Ilookedatthesky;itwaspure:akindlystartwinkledjustabovethechasmridge。Thedewfell，butwithpropitioussoftness;nobreezewhispered。Natureseemedtomebenignandgood;Ithoughtshelovedme，outcastasIwas;andI，whofrommancouldanticipateonlymistrust，rejection，insult，clungtoherwithfilialfondness。To—night，atleast，Iwouldbeherguest，asIwasherchild:mymotherwouldlodgemewithoutmoneyandwithoutprice。Ihadonemorselofbreadyet:theremnantofarollIhadboughtinatownwepassedthroughatnoonwithastraypenny—mylastcoin。Isawripebilberriesgleaminghereandthere，likejetbeadsintheheath:Igatheredahandfulandatethemwiththebread。Myhunger，sharpbefore，was，ifnotsatisfied，appeasedbythishermit’smeal。Isaidmyeveningprayersatitsconclusion，andthenchosemycouch。
Besidethecragtheheathwasverydeep:whenIlaydownmyfeetwereburiedinit;risinghighoneachside，itleftonlyanarrowspaceforthenight—airtoinvade。Ifoldedmyshawldouble，andspreaditovermeforacoverlet;alow，mossyswellwasmypillow。Thuslodged，Iwasnot，atleast—atthecommencementofthenight，cold。
Myrestmighthavebeenblissfulenough，onlyasadheartbrokeit。Itplainedofitsgapingwounds，itsinwardbleeding，itsrivenchords。IttrembledforMr。Rochesterandhisdoom;itbemoanedhimwithbitterpity;itdemandedhimwithceaselesslonging;and，impotentasabirdwithbothwingsbroken，itstillquivereditsshatteredpinionsinvainattemptstoseekhim。
Wornoutwiththistortureofthought，Irosetomyknees。Nightwascome，andherplanetswererisen:asafe，stillnight:toosereneforthecompanionshipoffear。WeknowthatGodiseverywhere;butcertainlywefeelHispresencemostwhenHisworksareonthegrandestscalespreadbeforeus;anditisintheuncloudednight—sky，whereHisworldswheeltheirsilentcourse，thatwereadclearestHisinfinitude，Hisomnipotence，Hisomnipresence。IhadrisentomykneestoprayforMr。Rochester。Lookingup，I，withtear—dimmedeyes，sawthemightyMilky—way。Rememberingwhatitwas—whatcountlesssystemstheresweptspacelikeasofttraceoflight—IfeltthemightandstrengthofGod。SurewasIofHisefficiencytosavewhatHehadmade:convincedIgrewthatneitherearthshouldperish，noroneofthesoulsittreasured。Iturnedmyprayertothanksgiving:theSourceofLifewasalsotheSaviourofspirits。Mr。Rochesterwassafe;hewasGod’s，andbyGodwouldhebeguarded。Iagainnestledtothebreastofthehill;anderelonginsleepforgotsorrow。
Butnextday，Wantcametomepaleandbare。Longafterthelittlebirdshadlefttheirnests;longafterbeeshadcomeinthesweetprimeofdaytogathertheheathhoneybeforethedewwasdried—whenthelongmorningshadowswerecurtailed，andthesunfilledearthandsky—Igotup，andIlookedroundme。
Whatastill，hot，perfectday！Whatagoldendesertthisspreadingmoor！Everywheresunshine。IwishedIcouldliveinitandonit。Isawalizardrunoverthecrag;Isawabeebusyamongthesweetbilberries。Iwouldfainatthemomenthavebecomebeeorlizard，thatImighthavefoundfittingnutriment，permanentshelterhere。ButIwasahumanbeing，andhadahumanbeing’swants:Imustnotlingerwheretherewasnothingtosupplythem。Irose;IlookedbackatthebedIhadleft。Hopelessofthefuture，Iwishedbutthis—thatmyMakerhadthatnightthoughtgoodtorequiremysoulofmewhileIslept;andthatthiswearyframe，absolvedbydeathfromfurtherconflictwithfate，hadnowbuttodecayquietly，andmingleinpeacewiththesoilofthiswilderness。Life，however，wasyetinmypossession，withallitsrequirements，andpains，andresponsibilities。Theburdenmustbecarried;thewantprovidedfor;thesufferingendured;theresponsibilityfulfilled。Isetout。
Whitcrossregained，Ifollowedaroadwhichledfromthesun，nowferventandhigh。BynoothercircumstancehadIwilltodecidemychoice。Iwalkedalongtime，andwhenIthoughtIhadnearlydoneenough，andmightconscientiouslyyieldtothefatiguethatalmostoverpoweredme—mightrelaxthisforcedaction，and，sittingdownonastoneIsawnear，submitresistlesslytotheapathythatcloggedheartandlimb—Iheardabellchime—achurchbell。
Iturnedinthedirectionofthesound，andthere，amongsttheromantichills，whosechangesandaspectIhadceasedtonoteanhourago，Isawahamletandaspire。Allthevalleyatmyrighthandwasfullofpasture—fields，andcornfields，andwood;andaglitteringstreamranzig—zagthroughthevariedshadesofgreen，themellowinggrain，thesombrewoodland，theclearandsunnylea。Recalledbytherumblingofwheelstotheroadbeforeme，Isawaheavily—ladenwaggonlabouringupthehill，andnotfarbeyondweretwocowsandtheirdrover。Humanlifeandhumanlabourwerenear。Imuststruggleon:strivetoliveandbendtotoilliketherest。
Abouttwoo’clockp。m。Ienteredthevillage。Atthebottomofitsonestreettherewasalittleshopwithsomecakesofbreadinthewindow。Icovetedacakeofbread。WiththatrefreshmentIcouldperhapsregainadegreeofenergy:withoutit，itwouldbedifficulttoproceed。ThewishtohavesomestrengthandsomevigourreturnedtomeassoonasIwasamongstmyfellow—beings。Ifeltitwouldbedegradingtofaintwithhungeronthecausewayofahamlet。HadInothingaboutmeIcouldofferinexchangeforoneoftheserolls？Iconsidered。Ihadasmallsilkhandkerchieftiedroundmythroat;Ihadmygloves。Icouldhardlytellhowmenandwomeninextremitiesofdestitutionproceeded。Ididnotknowwhethereitherofthesearticleswouldbeaccepted:probablytheywouldnot;butImusttry。
Ienteredtheshop:awomanwasthere。Seeingarespectably—dressedperson，aladyasshesupposed，shecameforwardwithcivility。Howcouldsheserveme？Iwasseizedwithshame:mytonguewouldnotuttertherequestIhadprepared。Idarednotofferherthehalf—worngloves，thecreasedhandkerchief:besides，Ifeltitwouldbeabsurd。Ionlybeggedpermissiontositdownamoment，asIwastired。Disappointedintheexpectationofacustomer，shecoollyaccededtomyrequest。Shepointedtoaseat;Isankintoit。Ifeltsorelyurgedtoweep;butconscioushowunseasonablesuchamanifestationwouldbe，Irestrainedit。SoonIaskedher“iftherewereanydressmakerorplain—workwomaninthevillage？”
“Yes;twoorthree。Quiteasmanyastherewasemploymentfor。”
Ireflected。Iwasdriventothepointnow。IwasbroughtfacetofacewithNecessity。Istoodinthepositionofonewithoutaresource，withoutafriend，withoutacoin。Imustdosomething。What？Imustapplysomewhere。Where？
“Didsheknowofanyplaceintheneighbourhoodwhereaservantwaswanted？”
“Nay;shecouldn’tsay。”
“Whatwasthechieftradeinthisplace？Whatdidmostofthepeopledo？”
“Somewerefarmlabourers;agooddealworkedatMr。Oliver’sneedle—factory，andatthefoundry。”
“DidMr。Oliveremploywomen？”
“Nay;itwasmen’swork。”
“Andwhatdothewomendo？”
“Iknawn’t，”wastheanswer。“Somedoesonething，andsomeanother。Poorfolkmungetonastheycan。”
Sheseemedtobetiredofmyquestions:and，indeed，whatclaimhadItoimportuneher？Aneighbourortwocamein;mychairwasevidentlywanted。Itookleave。
Ipassedupthestreet，lookingasIwentatallthehousestotherighthandandtotheleft;butIcoulddiscovernopretext，norseeaninducementtoenterany。Irambledroundthehamlet，goingsometimestoalittledistanceandreturningagain，foranhourormore。Muchexhausted，andsufferinggreatlynowforwantoffood，Iturnedasideintoalaneandsatdownunderthehedge。Eremanyminuteshadelapsed，Iwasagainonmyfeet，however，andagainsearchingsomething—aresource，oratleastaninformant。Aprettylittlehousestoodatthetopofthelane，withagardenbeforeit，exquisitelyneatandbrilliantlyblooming。Istoppedatit。WhatbusinesshadItoapproachthewhitedoorortouchtheglitteringknocker？Inwhatwaycoulditpossiblybetheinterestoftheinhabitantsofthatdwellingtoserveme？YetIdrewnearandknocked。Amild—looking，cleanly—attiredyoungwomanopenedthedoor。Insuchavoiceasmightbeexpectedfromahopelessheartandfaintingframe—avoicewretchedlylowandfaltering—Iaskedifaservantwaswantedhere？
“No，”saidshe;“wedonotkeepaservant。”
“CanyoutellmewhereIcouldgetemploymentofanykind？”Icontinued。“Iamastranger，withoutacquaintanceinthisplace。Iwantsomework:nomatterwhat。”
Butitwasnotherbusinesstothinkforme，ortoseekaplaceforme:besides，inhereyes，howdoubtfulmusthaveappearedmycharacter，position，tale。Sheshookherhead，she“wassorryshecouldgivemenoinformation，”andthewhitedoorclosed，quitegentlyandcivilly:butitshutmeout。Ifshehadhelditopenalittlelonger，IbelieveIshouldhavebeggedapieceofbread;forIwasnowbroughtlow。
Icouldnotbeartoreturntothesordidvillage，where，besides，noprospectofaidwasvisible。IshouldhavelongedrathertodeviatetoawoodIsawnotfaroff，whichappearedinitsthickshadetoofferinvitingshelter;butIwassosick，soweak，sognawedwithnature’scravings，instinctkeptmeroamingroundabodeswheretherewasachanceoffood。Solitudewouldbenosolitude—restnorest—whilethevulture，hunger，thussankbeakandtalonsinmyside。
Idrewnearhouses;Ileftthem，andcamebackagain，andagainIwanderedaway:alwaysrepelledbytheconsciousnessofhavingnoclaimtoask—norighttoexpectinterestinmyisolatedlot。Meantime，theafternoonadvanced，whileIthuswanderedaboutlikealostandstarvingdog。Incrossingafield，Isawthechurchspirebeforeme:Ihastenedtowardsit。Nearthechurchyard，andinthemiddleofagarden，stoodawell—builtthoughsmallhouse，whichIhadnodoubtwastheparsonage。Irememberedthatstrangerswhoarriveataplacewheretheyhavenofriends，andwhowantemployment，sometimesapplytotheclergymanforintroductionandaid。Itistheclergyman’sfunctiontohelp—atleastwithadvice—thosewhowishedtohelpthemselves。Iseemedtohavesomethinglikearighttoseekcounselhere。Renewingthenmycourage，andgatheringmyfeebleremainsofstrength，Ipushedon。Ireachedthehouse，andknockedatthekitchen—door。Anoldwomanopened:Iaskedwasthistheparsonage？
“Yes。”
“Wastheclergymanin？”
“No。”
“Wouldhebeinsoon？”
“No，hewasgonefromhome。”
“Toadistance？”
“Notsofar—happenthreemile。Hehadbeencalledawaybythesuddendeathofhisfather:hewasatMarshEndnow，andwouldverylikelystaythereafortnightlonger。”
“Wasthereanyladyofthehouse？”
“Nay，therewasnaughtbuther，andshewashousekeeper;”andofher，reader，IcouldnotbeartoaskthereliefforwantofwhichIwassinking;Icouldnotyetbeg;andagainIcrawledaway。
OncemoreItookoffmyhandkerchief—oncemoreIthoughtofthecakesofbreadinthelittleshop。Oh，forbutacrust！forbutonemouthfultoallaythepangoffamine！InstinctivelyIturnedmyfaceagaintothevillage;Ifoundtheshopagain，andIwentin;andthoughothersweretherebesidesthewomanIventuredtherequest—“Wouldshegivemearollforthishandkerchief？”
Shelookedatmewithevidentsuspicion:“Nay，sheneversoldstuffi’thatway。”
Almostdesperate，Iaskedforhalfacake;sheagainrefused。“HowcouldshetellwhereIhadgotthehandkerchief？”shesaid。