Asingularnotiondawneduponme。Idoubtednot—neverdoubted—thatifMr。Reedhadbeenalivehewouldhavetreatedmekindly;andnow，asIsatlookingatthewhitebedandovershadowedwalls—occasionallyalsoturningafascinatedeyetowardsthedimlygleaningmirror—IbegantorecallwhatIhadheardofdeadmen，troubledintheirgravesbytheviolationoftheirlastwishes，revisitingtheearthtopunishtheperjuredandavengetheoppressed;andIthoughtMr。Reed’sspirit，harassedbythewrongsofhissister’schild，mightquititsabode—whetherinthechurchvaultorintheunknownworldofthedeparted—andrisebeforemeinthischamber。Iwipedmytearsandhushedmysobs，fearfullestanysignofviolentgriefmightwakenapreternaturalvoicetocomfortme，orelicitfromthegloomsomehaloedface，bendingovermewithstrangepity。Thisidea，consolatoryintheory，Ifeltwouldbeterribleifrealised:withallmymightIendeavouredtostifleit—Iendeavouredtobefirm。Shakingmyhairfrommyeyes，Iliftedmyheadandtriedtolookboldlyroundthedarkroom;atthismomentalightgleamedonthewall。Wasit，Iaskedmyself，arayfromthemoonpenetratingsomeapertureintheblind？No;moonlightwasstill，andthisstirred;whileIgazed，itglideduptotheceilingandquiveredovermyhead。Icannowconjecturereadilythatthisstreakoflightwas，inalllikelihood，agleamfromalanterncarriedbysomeoneacrossthelawn:butthen，preparedasmymindwasforhorror，shakenasmynerveswerebyagitation，Ithoughttheswiftdartingbeamwasaheraldofsomecomingvisionfromanotherworld。Myheartbeatthick，myheadgrewhot;asoundfilledmyears，whichIdeemedtherushingofwings;somethingseemednearme;Iwasoppressed，suffocated:endurancebrokedown;Irushedtothedoorandshookthelockindesperateeffort。Stepscamerunningalongtheouterpassage;thekeyturned，BessieandAbbotentered。
“MissEyre，areyouill？”saidBessie。
“Whatadreadfulnoise！itwentquitethroughme！”exclaimedAbbot。
“Takemeout！Letmegointothenursery！”wasmycry。
“Whatfor？Areyouhurt？Haveyouseensomething？”againdemandedBessie。
“Oh！Isawalight，andIthoughtaghostwouldcome。”IhadnowgotholdofBessie’shand，andshedidnotsnatchitfromme。
“Shehasscreamedoutonpurpose，”declaredAbbot，insomedisgust。“Andwhatascream！Ifshehadbeeningreatpainonewouldhaveexcusedit，butsheonlywantedtobringusallhere:Iknowhernaughtytricks。”
“Whatisallthis？”demandedanothervoiceperemptorily;andMrs。Reedcamealongthecorridor，hercapflyingwide，hergownrustlingstormily。“AbbotandBessie，IbelieveIgaveordersthatJaneEyreshouldbeleftinthered—roomtillIcametohermyself。”
“MissJanescreamedsoloud，ma’am，”pleadedBessie。
“Lethergo，”wastheonlyanswer。“LooseBessie’shand，child:youcannotsucceedingettingoutbythesemeans，beassured。Iabhorartifice，particularlyinchildren;itismydutytoshowyouthattrickswillnotanswer:youwillnowstayhereanhourlonger，anditisonlyonconditionofperfectsubmissionandstillnessthatIshallliberateyouthen。”
“Oaunt！havepity！Forgiveme！Icannotendureit—letmebepunishedsomeotherway！Ishallbekilledif—”
“Silence！Thisviolenceisallmostrepulsive:”andso，nodoubt，shefeltit。Iwasaprecociousactressinhereyes;shesincerelylookedonmeasacompoundofvirulentpassions，meanspirit，anddangerousduplicity。
BessieandAbbothavingretreated，Mrs。Reed，impatientofmynowfranticanguishandwildsobs，abruptlythrustmebackandlockedmein，withoutfartherparley。Iheardhersweepingaway;andsoonaftershewasgone，IsupposeIhadaspeciesoffit:unconsciousnessclosedthescene。
Chapter3
ThenextthingIrememberis，wakingupwithafeelingasifIhadhadafrightfulnightmare，andseeingbeforemeaterribleredglare，crossedwiththickblackbars。Iheardvoices，too，speakingwithahollowsound，andasifmuffledbyarushofwindorwater:agitation，uncertainty，andanall—predominatingsenseofterrorconfusedmyfaculties。Erelong，Ibecameawarethatsomeonewashandlingme;liftingmeupandsupportingmeinasittingposture，andthatmoretenderlythanIhadeverbeenraisedorupheldbefore。Irestedmyheadagainstapilloworanarm，andfelteasy。
Infiveminutesmorethecloudofbewildermentdissolved:IknewquitewellthatIwasinmyownbed，andthattheredglarewasthenurseryfire。Itwasnight:acandleburntonthetable;Bessiestoodatthebed—footwithabasininherhand，andagentlemansatinachairnearmypillow，leaningoverme。
Ifeltaninexpressiblerelief，asoothingconvictionofprotectionandsecurity，whenIknewthattherewasastrangerintheroom，anindividualnotbelongingtoGateshead。，andnotrelatedtoMrs。Reed。TurningfromBessie（thoughherpresencewasfarlessobnoxioustomethanthatofAbbot，forinstance，wouldhavebeen），Iscrutinisedthefaceofthegentleman:Iknewhim;itwasMr。Lloyd，anapothecary，sometimescalledinbyMrs。Reedwhentheservantswereailing:forherselfandthechildrensheemployedaphysician。
“Well，whoamI？”heasked。
Ipronouncedhisname，offeringhimatthesametimemyhand:hetookit，smilingandsaying，“Weshalldoverywellby—and—by。”Thenhelaidmedown，andaddressingBessie，chargedhertobeverycarefulthatIwasnotdisturbedduringthenight。Havinggivensomefurtherdirections，andintimatesthatheshouldcallagainthenextday，hedeparted;tomygrief:Ifeltsoshelteredandbefriendedwhilehesatinthechairnearmypillow;andasheclosedthedoorafterhim，alltheroomdarkenedandmyheartagainsank:inexpressiblesadnessweigheditdown。
“Doyoufeelasifyoushouldsleep，Miss？”askedBessie，rathersoftly。
ScarcelydaredIanswerher;forIfearedthenextsentencemightberough。“Iwilltry。”
“Wouldyouliketodrink，orcouldyoueatanything？”
“No，thankyou，Bessie。”
“ThenIthinkIshallgotobed，foritispasttwelveo’clock;butyoumaycallmeifyouwantanythinginthenight。”
Wonderfulcivilitythis！Itemboldenedmetoaskaquestion。
“Bessie，whatisthematterwithme？AmIill？”
“Youfellsick，Isuppose，inthered—roomwithcrying;you’llbebettersoon，nodoubt。”
Bessiewentintothehousemaid’sapartment，whichwasnear。Iheardhersay—
“Sarah，comeandsleepwithmeinthenursery;Idaren’tformylifebealonewiththatpoorchildto—night:shemightdie;it’ssuchastrangethingsheshouldhavethatfit:Iwonderifshesawanything。Missiswasrathertoohard。”
Sarahcamebackwithher;theybothwenttobed;theywerewhisperingtogetherforhalf—an—hourbeforetheyfellasleep。Icaughtscrapsoftheirconversation，fromwhichIwasableonlytoodistinctlytoinferthemainsubjectdiscussed。
“Somethingpassedher，alldressedinwhite，andvanished”—“Agreatblackdogbehindhim”—“Threeloudrapsonthechamberdoor”—“Alightinthechurchyardjustoverhisgrave，”&c。&c。
Atlastbothslept:thefireandthecandlewentout。Forme，thewatchesofthatlongnightpassedinghastlywakefulness;strainedbydread:suchdreadaschildrenonlycanfeel。
Nosevereorprolongedbodilyillnessfollowedthisincidentofthered—room;itonlygavemynervesashockofwhichIfeelthereverberationtothisday。Yes，Mrs。Reed，toyouIowesomefearfulpangsofmentalsuffering，butIoughttoforgiveyou，foryouknewnotwhatyoudid:whilerendingmyheart—strings，youthoughtyouwereonlyuprootingmybadpropensities。
Nextday，bynoon，Iwasupanddressed，andsatwrappedinashawlbythenurseryhearth。Ifeltphysicallyweakandbrokendown:butmyworseailmentwasanunutterablewretchednessofmind:awretchednesswhichkeptdrawingfrommesilenttears;nosoonerhadIwipedonesaltdropfrommycheekthananotherfollowed。Yet，Ithought，Ioughttohavebeenhappy，fornoneoftheReedswerethere，theywereallgoneoutinthecarriagewiththeirmama。Abbot，too，wassewinginanotherroom，andBessie，asshemovedhitherandthither，puttingawaytoysandarrangingdrawers，addressedtomeeverynowandthenawordofunwontedkindness。Thisstateofthingsshouldhavebeentomeaparadiseofpeace，accustomedasIwastoalifeofceaselessreprimandandthanklessfagging;but，infact，myrackednerveswerenowinsuchastatethatnocalmcouldsoothe，andnopleasureexcitethemagreeably。
Bessiehadbeendownintothekitchen，andshebroughtupwithheratartonacertainbrightlypaintedchinaplate，whosebirdofparadise，nestlinginawreathofconvolvuliandrosebuds，hadbeenwonttostirinmeamostenthusiasticsenseofadmiration;andwhichplateIhadoftenpetitionedtobeallowedtotakeinmyhandinordertoexamineitmoreclosely，buthadalwayshithertobeendeemedunworthyofsuchaprivilege。Thispreciousvesselwasnowplacedonmyknee，andIwascordiallyinvitedtoeatthecircletofdelicatepastryuponit。Vainfavour！coming，likemostotherfavourslongdeferredandoftenwishedfor，toolate！Icouldnoteatthetart;andtheplumageofthebird，thetintsoftheflowers，seemedstrangelyfaded:Iputbothplateandtartaway。BessieaskedifIwouldhaveabook:thewordBOOKactedasatransientstimulus，andIbeggedhertofetchGulliver’sTravelsfromthelibrary。ThisbookIhadagainandagainperusedwithdelight。Iconsidereditanarrativeoffacts，anddiscoveredinitaveinofinterestdeeperthanwhatIfoundinfairytales:forastotheelves，havingsoughttheminvainamongfoxgloveleavesandbells，undermushroomsandbeneaththeground—ivymantlingoldwall—nooks，Ihadatlengthmadeupmymindtothesadtruth，thattheywereallgoneoutofEnglandtosomesavagecountrywherethewoodswerewilderandthicker，andthepopulationmorescant;whereas，LilliputandBrobdignagbeing，inmycreed，solidpartsoftheearth’ssurface，IdoubtednotthatImightoneday，bytakingalongvoyage，seewithmyowneyesthelittlefields，houses，andtrees，thediminutivepeople，thetinycows，sheep，andbirdsoftheonerealm;andthecorn—fieldsforest—high，themightymastiffs，themonstercats，thetower—likemenandwomen，oftheother。Yet，whenthischerishedvolumewasnowplacedinmyhand—whenIturnedoveritsleaves，andsoughtinitsmarvellouspicturesthecharmIhad，tillnow，neverfailedtofind—allwaseerieanddreary;thegiantsweregauntgoblins，thepigmiesmalevolentandfearfulimps，Gulliveramostdesolatewandererinmostdreadanddangerousregions。Iclosedthebook，whichIdarednolongerperuse，andputitonthetable，besidetheuntastedtart。
Bessiehadnowfinisheddustingandtidyingtheroom，andhavingwashedherhands，sheopenedacertainlittledrawer，fullofsplendidshredsofsilkandsatin，andbeganmakinganewbonnetforGeorgiana’sdoll。Meantimeshesang:hersongwas—
“Inthedayswhenwewentgipsying，
Alongtimeago。”
Ihadoftenheardthesongbefore，andalwayswithlivelydelight;forBessiehadasweetvoice，—atleast，Ithoughtso。Butnow，thoughhervoicewasstillsweet，Ifoundinitsmelodyanindescribablesadness。Sometimes，preoccupiedwithherwork，shesangtherefrainverylow，verylingeringly;“Alongtimeago”cameoutlikethesaddestcadenceofafuneralhymn。Shepassedintoanotherballad，thistimeareallydolefulone。
“Myfeettheyaresore，andmylimbstheyareweary;
Longistheway，andthemountainsarewild;
Soonwillthetwilightclosemoonlessanddreary
Overthepathofthepoororphanchild。
Whydidtheysendmesofarandsolonely，
Upwherethemoorsspreadandgreyrocksarepiled？
Menarehard—hearted，andkindangelsonly
Watcho’erthestepsofapoororphanchild。
Yetdistantandsoftthenightbreezeisblowing，
Cloudstherearenone，andclearstarsbeammild，
God，inHismercy，protectionisshowing，
Comfortandhopetothepoororphanchild。
Ev’nshouldIfallo’erthebrokenbridgepassing，
Orstrayinthemarshes，byfalselightsbeguiled，
StillwillmyFather，withpromiseandblessing，
TaketoHisbosomthepoororphanchild。
Thereisathoughtthatforstrengthshouldavailme，
Thoughbothofshelterandkindreddespoiled;
Heavenisahome，andarestwillnotfailme;
Godisafriendtothepoororphanchild。”
“Come，MissJane，don’tcry，”saidBessieasshefinished。Shemightaswellhavesaidtothefire，“don’tburn！”buthowcouldshedivinethemorbidsufferingtowhichIwasaprey？InthecourseofthemorningMr。Lloydcameagain。
“What，alreadyup！”saidhe，asheenteredthenursery。“Well，nurse，howisshe？”
BessieansweredthatIwasdoingverywell。
“Thensheoughttolookmorecheerful。Comehere，MissJane:yournameisJane，isitnot？”
“Yes，sir，JaneEyre。”
“Well，youhavebeencrying，MissJaneEyre;canyoutellmewhatabout？Haveyouanypain？”
“No，sir。”
“Oh！IdaresaysheiscryingbecauseshecouldnotgooutwithMissisinthecarriage，”interposedBessie。
“Surelynot！why，sheistoooldforsuchpettishness。”
Ithoughtsotoo;andmyself—esteembeingwoundedbythefalsecharge，Iansweredpromptly，“Inevercriedforsuchathinginmylife:Ihategoingoutinthecarriage。IcrybecauseIammiserable。”
“Ohfie，Miss！”saidBessie。
Thegoodapothecaryappearedalittlepuzzled。Iwasstandingbeforehim;hefixedhiseyesonmeverysteadily:hiseyesweresmallandgrey;notverybright，butIdaresayIshouldthinkthemshrewdnow:hehadahard—featuredyetgood—naturedlookingface。Havingconsideredmeatleisure，hesaid—
“Whatmadeyouillyesterday？”
“Shehadafall，”saidBessie，againputtinginherword。
“Fall！why，thatislikeababyagain！Can’tshemanagetowalkatherage？Shemustbeeightornineyearsold。”
“Iwasknockeddown，”wasthebluntexplanation，jerkedoutofmebyanotherpangofmortifiedpride;“butthatdidnotmakemeill，”Iadded;whileMr。Lloydhelpedhimselftoapinchofsnuff。
Ashewasreturningtheboxtohiswaistcoatpocket，aloudbellrangfortheservants’dinner;heknewwhatitwas。“That’sforyou，nurse，”saidhe;“youcangodown;I’llgiveMissJanealecturetillyoucomeback。”
Bessiewouldratherhavestayed，butshewasobligedtogo，becausepunctualityatmealswasrigidlyenforcedatGatesheadHall。
“Thefalldidnotmakeyouill;whatdid，then？”pursuedMr。LloydwhenBessiewasgone。
“Iwasshutupinaroomwherethereisaghosttillafterdark。”
IsawMr。Lloydsmileandfrownatthesametime。
“Ghost！What，youareababyafterall！Youareafraidofghosts？”
“OfMr。Reed’sghostIam:hediedinthatroom，andwaslaidoutthere。NeitherBessienoranyoneelsewillgointoitatnight，iftheycanhelpit;anditwascrueltoshutmeupalonewithoutacandle，—socruelthatIthinkIshallneverforgetit。”
“Nonsense！Andisitthatmakesyousomiserable？Areyouafraidnowindaylight？”
“No:butnightwillcomeagainbeforelong:andbesides，—Iamunhappy，—veryunhappy，forotherthings。”
“Whatotherthings？Canyoutellmesomeofthem？”
HowmuchIwishedtoreplyfullytothisquestion！Howdifficultitwastoframeanyanswer！Childrencanfeel，buttheycannotanalysetheirfeelings;andiftheanalysisispartiallyeffectedinthought，theyknownothowtoexpresstheresultoftheprocessinwords。Fearful，however，oflosingthisfirstandonlyopportunityofrelievingmygriefbyimpartingit，I，afteradisturbedpause，contrivedtoframeameagre，though，asfarasitwent，trueresponse。
“Foronething，Ihavenofatherormother，brothersorsisters。”
“Youhaveakindauntandcousins。”
AgainIpaused;thenbunglinglyenounced—
“ButJohnReedknockedmedown，andmyauntshutmeupinthered—room。”
Mr。Lloydasecondtimeproducedhissnuff—box。
“Don’tyouthinkGatesheadHallaverybeautifulhouse？”askedhe。“Areyounotverythankfultohavesuchafineplacetoliveat？”
“Itisnotmyhouse，sir;andAbbotsaysIhavelessrighttobeherethanaservant。”
“Pooh！youcan’tbesillyenoughtowishtoleavesuchasplendidplace？”
“IfIhadanywhereelsetogo，Ishouldbegladtoleaveit;butIcannevergetawayfromGatesheadtillIamawoman。”
“Perhapsyoumay—whoknows？HaveyouanyrelationsbesidesMrs。Reed？”
“Ithinknot，sir。”
“Nonebelongingtoyourfather？”
“Idon’tknow。IaskedAuntReedonce，andshesaidpossiblyImighthavesomepoor，lowrelationscalledEyre，butsheknewnothingaboutthem。”
“Ifyouhadsuch，wouldyouliketogotothem？”
Ireflected。Povertylooksgrimtogrownpeople;stillmoresotochildren:theyhavenotmuchideaofindustrious，working，respectablepoverty;theythinkofthewordonlyasconnectedwithraggedclothes，scantyfood，firelessgrates，rudemanners，anddebasingvices:povertyformewassynonymouswithdegradation。
“No;Ishouldnotliketobelongtopoorpeople，”wasmyreply。
“Noteveniftheywerekindtoyou？”
Ishookmyhead:Icouldnotseehowpoorpeoplehadthemeansofbeingkind;andthentolearntospeaklikethem，toadopttheirmanners，tobeuneducated，togrowuplikeoneofthepoorwomenIsawsometimesnursingtheirchildrenorwashingtheirclothesatthecottagedoorsofthevillageofGateshead:no，Iwasnotheroicenoughtopurchaselibertyatthepriceofcaste。
“Butareyourrelativessoverypoor？Aretheyworkingpeople？”
“Icannottell;Aunt。ReedsaysifIhaveany，theymustbeabeggarlyset:Ishouldnotliketogoabegging。”
“Wouldyouliketogotoschool？”
AgainIreflected:Iscarcelyknewwhatschoolwas:Bessiesometimesspokeofitasaplacewhereyoungladiessatinthestocks，worebackboards，andwereexpectedtobeexceedinglygenteelandprecise:JohnReedhatedhisschool，andabusedhismaster;butJohnReed’stasteswerenoruleformine，andifBessie’saccountsofschool—discipline（gatheredfromtheyoungladiesofafamilywhereshehadlivedbeforecomingtoGateshead）weresomewhatappalling，herdetailsofcertainaccomplishmentsattainedbythesesameyoungladieswere，Ithought，equallyattractive。Sheboastedofbeautifulpaintingsoflandscapesandflowersbythemexecuted;ofsongstheycouldsingandpiecestheycouldplay，ofpursestheycouldnet，ofFrenchbookstheycouldtranslate;tillmyspiritwasmovedtoemulationasIlistened。Besides，schoolwouldbeacompletechange:itimpliedalongjourney，anentireseparationfromGateshead，anentranceintoanewlife。
“Ishouldindeedliketogotoschool，”wastheaudibleconclusionofmymusings。
“Well，well！whoknowswhatmayhappen？”saidMr。Lloyd，ashegotup。“Thechildoughttohavechangeofairandscene，”headded，speakingtohimself;“nervesnotinagoodstate。”
Bessienowreturned;atthesamemomentthecarriagewasheardrollingupthegravel—walk。
“Isthatyourmistress，nurse？”askedMr。Lloyd。“IshouldliketospeaktoherbeforeIgo。”
Bessieinvitedhimtowalkintothebreakfast—room，andledthewayout。IntheinterviewwhichfollowedbetweenhimandMrs。Reed，Ipresume，fromafter—occurrences，thattheapothecaryventuredtorecommendmybeingsenttoschool;andtherecommendationwasnodoubtreadilyenoughadopted;forasAbbotsaid，indiscussingthesubjectwithBessiewhenbothsatsewinginthenurseryonenight，afterIwasinbed，and，astheythought，asleep，“Missiswas，shedaredsay，gladenoughtogetridofsuchatiresome，ill—conditionedchild，whoalwayslookedasifshewerewatchingeverybody，andschemingplotsunderhand。”Abbot，Ithink，gavemecreditforbeingasortofinfantineGuyFawkes。
OnthatsameoccasionIlearned，forthefirsttime，fromMissAbbot’scommunicationstoBessie，thatmyfatherhadbeenapoorclergyman;thatmymotherhadmarriedhimagainstthewishesofherfriends，whoconsideredthematchbeneathher;thatmygrandfatherReedwassoirritatedatherdisobedience，hecutheroffwithoutashilling;thataftermymotherandfatherhadbeenmarriedayear，thelattercaughtthetyphusfeverwhilevisitingamongthepoorofalargemanufacturingtownwherehiscuracywassituated，andwherethatdiseasewasthenprevalent:thatmymothertooktheinfectionfromhim，andbothdiedwithinamonthofeachother。
Bessie，whensheheardthisnarrative，sighedandsaid，“PoorMissJaneistobepitied，too，Abbot。”
“Yes，”respondedAbbot;“ifshewereanice，prettychild，onemightcompassionateherforlornness;butonereallycannotcareforsuchalittletoadasthat。”
“Notagreatdeal，tobesure，”agreedBessie:“atanyrate，abeautylikeMissGeorgianawouldbemoremovinginthesamecondition。”
“Yes，IdoatonMissGeorgiana！”criedtheferventAbbot。“Littledarling！—withherlongcurlsandherblueeyes，andsuchasweetcolourasshehas;justasifshewerepainted！—Bessie，IcouldfancyaWelshrabbitforsupper。”
“SocouldI—witharoastonion。Come，we’llgodown。”Theywent。
Chapter4
FrommydiscoursewithMr。Lloyd，andfromtheabovereportedconferencebetweenBessieandAbbot，Igatheredenoughofhopetosufficeasamotiveforwishingtogetwell:achangeseemednear，—Idesiredandwaiteditinsilence。Ittarried，however:daysandweekspassed:Ihadregainedmynormalstateofhealth，butnonewallusionwasmadetothesubjectoverwhichIbrooded。Mrs。Reedsurveyedmeattimeswithasevereeye，butseldomaddressedme:sincemyillness，shehaddrawnamoremarkedlineofseparationthaneverbetweenmeandherownchildren;appointingmeasmallclosettosleepinbymyself，condemningmetotakemymealsalone，andpassallmytimeinthenursery，whilemycousinswereconstantlyinthedrawing—room。Notahint，however，didshedropaboutsendingmetoschool:stillIfeltaninstinctivecertaintythatshewouldnotlongenduremeunderthesameroofwithher;forherglance，nowmorethanever，whenturnedonme，expressedaninsuperableandrootedaversion。
ElizaandGeorgiana，evidentlyactingaccordingtoorders，spoketomeaslittleaspossible:Johnthrusthistongueinhischeekwheneverhesawme，andonceattemptedchastisement;butasIinstantlyturnedagainsthim，rousedbythesamesentimentofdeepireanddesperaterevoltwhichhadstirredmycorruptionbefore，hethoughtitbettertodesist，andranfrommetitteringexecrations，andvowingIhadbursthisnose。Ihadindeedlevelledatthatprominentfeatureashardablowasmyknucklescouldinflict;andwhenIsawthateitherthatormylookdauntedhim，Ihadthegreatestinclinationtofollowupmyadvantagetopurpose;buthewasalreadywithhismama。Iheardhiminablubberingtonecommencethetaleofhow“thatnastyJaneEyre”hadflownathimlikeamadcat:hewasstoppedratherharshly—
“Don’ttalktomeabouther，John:Itoldyounottogonearher;sheisnotworthyofnotice;Idonotchoosethateitheryouoryoursistersshouldassociatewithher。”
Here，leaningoverthebanister，Icriedoutsuddenly，andwithoutatalldeliberatingonmywords—
“Theyarenotfittoassociatewithme。”
Mrs。Reedwasratherastoutwoman;but，onhearingthisstrangeandaudaciousdeclaration，sherannimblyupthestair，sweptmelikeawhirlwindintothenursery，andcrushingmedownontheedgeofmycrib，daredmeinanemphaticvoicetorisefromthatplace，orutteronesyllableduringtheremainderoftheday。
“WhatwouldUncleReedsaytoyou，ifhewerealive？”wasmyscarcelyvoluntarydemand。Isayscarcelyvoluntary，foritseemedasifmytonguepronouncedwordswithoutmywillconsentingtotheirutterance:somethingspokeoutofmeoverwhichIhadnocontrol。
“What？”saidMrs。Reedunderherbreath:herusuallycoldcomposedgreyeyebecametroubledwithalooklikefear;shetookherhandfrommyarm，andgazedatmeasifshereallydidnotknowwhetherIwerechildorfiend。Iwasnowinforit。
“MyUncleReedisinheaven，andcanseeallyoudoandthink;andsocanpapaandmama:theyknowhowyoushutmeupalldaylong，andhowyouwishmedead。”
Mrs。Reedsoonralliedherspirits:sheshookmemostsoundly，sheboxedbothmyears，andthenleftmewithoutaword。Bessiesuppliedthehiatusbyahomilyofanhour’slength，inwhichsheprovedbeyondadoubtthatIwasthemostwickedandabandonedchildeverrearedunderaroof。Ihalfbelievedher;forIfeltindeedonlybadfeelingssurginginmybreast。
November，December，andhalfofJanuarypassedaway。ChristmasandtheNewYearhadbeencelebratedatGatesheadwiththeusualfestivecheer;presentshadbeeninterchanged，dinnersandeveningpartiesgiven。FromeveryenjoymentIwas，ofcourse，excluded:myshareofthegaietyconsistedinwitnessingthedailyapparellingofElizaandGeorgiana，andseeingthemdescendtothedrawing—room，dressedoutinthinmuslinfrocksandscarletsashes，withhairelaboratelyringletted;andafterwards，inlisteningtothesoundofthepianoortheharpplayedbelow，tothepassingtoandfroofthebutlerandfootman，tothejinglingofglassandchinaasrefreshmentswerehanded，tothebrokenhumofconversationasthedrawing—roomdooropenedandclosed。Whentiredofthisoccupation，Iwouldretirefromthestairheadtothesolitaryandsilentnursery:there，thoughsomewhatsad，Iwasnotmiserable。Tospeaktruth，Ihadnottheleastwishtogointocompany，forincompanyIwasveryrarelynoticed;andifBessiehadbutbeenkindandcompanionable，Ishouldhavedeemeditatreattospendtheeveningsquietlywithher，insteadofpassingthemundertheformidableeyeofMrs。Reed，inaroomfullofladiesandgentlemen。ButBessie，assoonasshehaddressedheryoungladies，usedtotakeherselfofftothelivelyregionsofthekitchenandhousekeeper’sroom，generallybearingthecandlealongwithher。Ithensatwithmydollonmykneetillthefiregotlow，glancingroundoccasionallytomakesurethatnothingworsethanmyselfhauntedtheshadowyroom;andwhentheemberssanktoadullred，Iundressedhastily，tuggingatknotsandstringsasIbestmight，andsoughtshelterfromcoldanddarknessinmycrib。TothiscribIalwaystookmydoll;humanbeingsmustlovesomething，and，inthedearthofworthierobjectsofaffection，Icontrivedtofindapleasureinlovingandcherishingafadedgravenimage，shabbyasaminiaturescarecrow。ItpuzzlesmenowtorememberwithwhatabsurdsincerityIdoatedonthislittletoy，halffancyingitaliveandcapableofsensation。Icouldnotsleepunlessitwasfoldedinmynight—gown;andwhenitlaytheresafeandwarm，Iwascomparativelyhappy，believingittobehappylikewise。
LongdidthehoursseemwhileIwaitedthedepartureofthecompany，andlistenedforthesoundofBessie’ssteponthestairs:sometimesshewouldcomeupintheintervaltoseekherthimbleorherscissors，orperhapstobringmesomethingbywayofsupper—abunoracheese—cake—thenshewouldsitonthebedwhileIateit，andwhenIhadfinished，shewouldtucktheclothesroundme，andtwiceshekissedme，andsaid，“Goodnight，MissJane。”Whenthusgentle，Bessieseemedtomethebest，prettiest，kindestbeingintheworld;andIwishedmostintenselythatshewouldalwaysbesopleasantandamiable，andneverpushmeabout，orscold，ortaskmeunreasonably，asshewastoooftenwonttodo。BessieLeemust，Ithink，havebeenagirlofgoodnaturalcapacity，forshewassmartinallshedid，andhadaremarkableknackofnarrative;so，atleast，Ijudgefromtheimpressionmadeonmebyhernurserytales。Shewasprettytoo，ifmyrecollectionsofherfaceandpersonarecorrect。Irememberherasaslimyoungwoman，withblackhair，darkeyes，verynicefeatures，andgood，clearcomplexion;butshehadacapriciousandhastytemper，andindifferentideasofprincipleorjustice:still，suchasshewas，IpreferredhertoanyoneelseatGatesheadHall。