Inadentist\'soperatingroomonafineAugustmorningin1896。NottheusualtinyLondonden，butthebestsittingroomofafurnishedlodginginaterraceontheseafrontatafashionablewateringplace。
Theoperatingchair，withagaspumpandcylinderbesideit，ishalfwaybetweenthecentreoftheroomandoneofthecorners。Ifyoulookintotheroomthroughthewindowwhichlightsit，youwillseethefireplaceinthemiddleofthewalloppositeyou，withthedoorbesideittoyourleft；anM。R。C。S。diplomainaframehungonthechimneypiece；aneasychaircoveredinblackleatheronthehearth；aneatstoolandbench，withvice，tools，andamortarandpestleinthecornertotheright。
Nearthisbenchstandsaslendermachinelikeawhipprovidedwithastand，apedal，andanexaggeratedwinch。Recognisingthisasadentaldrill，youshudderandlookawaytoyourleft，whereyoucanseeanotherwindow，underneathwhichstandsawritingtable，withablotterandadiaryonit，andachair。Nextthewritingtable，towardsthedoor，isaleathercoveredsofa。Theoppositewall，closeonyourright，isoccupiedmostlybyabookcase。Theoperatingchairisunderyournose，facingyou，withthecabinetofinstrumentshandytoitonyourleft。
Youobservethattheprofessionalfurnitureandapparatusarenew，andthatthewallpaper，designed，withthetasteofanundertaker，infestoonsandurns，thecarpetwithitssymmetricalplansofrich，cabbagynosegays，theglassgasalierwithlustres；theornamentalgiltrimmedbluecandlesticksontheendsofthemantelshelf，alsoglass-
drapedwithlustres，andtheormoluclockunderaglass-coverinthemiddlebetweenthem，itsuselessnessemphasizedbyacheapAmericanclockdisrespectfullyplacedbesideitandnowindicating12o\'clocknoon，allcombinewiththeblackmarblewhichgivesthefireplacetheairofaminiaturefamilyvault，tosuggestearlyVictoriancommercialrespectability，beliefinmoney，Biblefetichism，fearofhellalwaysatwarwithfearofpoverty，instinctivehorrorofthepassionatecharacterofart，loveandRomanCatholicreligion，andallthefirstfruitsofplutocracyintheearlygenerationsoftheindustrialrevolution。
Thereisnoshadowofthisonthetwopersonswhoareoccupyingtheroomjustnow。Oneofthem，averyprettywomaninminiature，hertinyfiguredressedwiththedaintiestgaiety，isofalatergeneration，beinghardlyeighteenyet。Thisdarlinglittlecreatureclearlydoesnotbelongtotheroom，oreventothecountry；forhercomplexion，thoughverydelicate，hasbeenburntbiscuitcolorbysomewarmersunthanEngland\'s；andyetthereis，foraverysubtleobserver，alinkbetweenthem。Forshehasaglassofwaterinherhand，andarapidlyclearingcloudofSpartanobstinacyonhertinyfirmsetmouthandquaintlysquaredeyebrows。Iftheleastlineofconsciencecouldbetracedbetweenthoseeyebrows，anEvangelicalmightcherishsomefainthopeoffindingherasheepinwolf\'sclothing-forherfrockisrecklesslypretty-butasthecloudvanishesitleavesherfrontalsinusassmoothlyfreefromconvictionofsinasakitten\'s。
Thedentist，contemplatingherwiththeself-satisfactionofasuccessfuloperator，isayoungmanofthirtyorthereabouts。Hedoesnotgivetheimpressionofbeingmuchofaworkman:hisprofessionalmannerevidentlystrikeshimasbeingajoke，andisunderlainbyathoughtlesspleasantrywhichbetraystheyounggentlemanstillunsettledandinsearchofamusingadventures，behindthenewlyset-updentistinsearchofpatients。Heisnotwithoutgravityofdemeanor；butthestrainednostrilsstampitasthegravityofthehumorist。Hiseyesareclear，alert，ofscepticallymoderatesize，andyetalittlerash；hisforeheadisanexcellentone，withplentyofroombehindit；hisnoseandchincavalierlyhandsome。Onthewhole，anattractive，noticeablebeginner，ofwhoseprospectsamanofbusinessmightformatolerablyfavorableestimate。
THEYOUNGLADYhandinghimtheglass。Thankyou。Inspiteofthebiscuitcomplexionshehasnottheslightestforeignaccent。
THEDENTISTputtingitdownontheledgeofhiscabinetofinstruments。Thatwasmyfirsttooth。
THEYOUNGLADYaghast。Yourfirst!Doyoumeantosaythatyoubeganpractisingonme？
THEDENTIST。Everydentisthastobeginonsomebody。
THEYOUNGLADY。Yes:somebodyinahospital，notpeoplewhopay。
THEDENTISTlaughing。Oh，thehospitaldoesn\'tcount。Ionlymeantmyfirsttoothinprivatepractice。Whydidn\'tyouletmegiveyougas？
THEYOUNGLADY。Becauseyousaiditwouldbefiveshillingsextra。
THEDENTISTshocked。Oh，don\'tsaythat。ItmakesmefeelasifI
hadhurtyouforthesakeoffiveshillings。
THEYOUNGLADYwithcoolinsolence。Well，soyouhave!Shegetsup。Whyshouldn\'tyou？it\'syourbusinesstohurtpeople。Itamuseshimtobetreatedinthisfashion:hechucklessecretlyasheproceedstocleanandreplacehisinstruments。Sheshakesherdressintoorder；
looksinquisitivelyabouther；andgoestothewindow。Youhaveagoodviewoftheseafromtheserooms!Aretheyexpensive？
THEDENTIST。Yes。
THEYOUNGLADY。Youdon\'townthewholehouse，doyou？
THEDENTIST。No。
THEYOUNGLADYtakingthechairwhichstandsatthewriting-tableandlookingcriticallyatitasshespinsitroundononeleg。Yourfurnitureisn\'tquitethelatestthing，isit？
THEDENTIST。It\'smylandlord\'s。
THEYOUNGLADY。DoesheownthatnicecomfortableBathchair？
pointingtotheoperatingchair。
THEDENTIST。No:Ihavethatonthehire-purchasesystem。
THEYOUNGLADYdisparagingly。Ithoughtso。Lookingaboutheragaininsearchoffurtherconclusions。Isupposeyouhaven\'tbeenherelong？
THEDENTIST。Sixweeks。Isthereanythingelseyouwouldliketoknow？
THEYOUNGLADYthehintquitelostonher。Anyfamily？
THEDENTIST。Iamnotmarried。
THEYOUNGLADY。Ofcoursenot:anybodycanseethat。Imeantsistersandmotherandthatsortofthing。
THEDENTIST。Notonthepremises。
THEYOUNGLADY。Hm!Ifyou\'vebeenheresixweeks，andminewasyourfirsttooth，thepracticecan\'tbeverylarge，canit？
THEDENTIST。Notasyet。Heshutsthecabinet，havingtidiedupeverything。
THEYOUNGLADY。Well，goodluck!Shetakesourherpurse。Fiveshillings，yousaiditwouldbe？
THEDENTIST。Fiveshillings。
THEYOUNGLADYproducingacrownpiece。Doyouchargefiveshillingsforeverything？
THEDENTIST。Yes。
THEYOUNGLADY。Why？
THEDENTIST。It\'smysystem。I\'mwhat\'scalledafiveshillingdentist。
THEYOUNGLADY。Hownice!Well，here!holdingupthecrownpieceanicenewfiveshillingpiece!yourfirstfee!Makeaholeinitwiththethingyoudrillpeople\'steethwithandwearitonyourwatch-chain。
THEDENTIST。Thankyou。
THEPARLORMAIDappearingatthedoor。Theyounglady\'sbrother，sir。
Ahandsomemaninminiature，obviouslytheyounglady\'stwin，comesineagerly。Hewearsasuitofterra-cottacashmere，theelegantlycutfrockcoatlinedinbrownsilk，andcarriesinhishandabrowntallhatandtanglovestomatch。Hehashissister\'sdelicatebiscuitcomplexion，andisbuiltonthesamesmallscale；butheiselasticandstronginmuscle，decisiveinmovement，unexpectedlydeeptonedandtrenchantinspeech，andwithperfectmannersandafinishedpersonalstylewhichmightbeenviedbyamantwicehisage。Suavityandself-
possessionarepointsofhonorwithhim；andthoughthis，rightlyconsidered，isonlythemodernmodeofboyishself-consciousness，itseffectisnonethelessstaggeringtohiselders，andwouldbeinsufferableinalessprepossessingyouth。Heispromptitudeitself，andhasaquestionreadythemomentheenters。
THEYOUNGGENTLEMAN。AmIontime？
THEYOUNGLADY。No:it\'sallover。
THEYOUNGGENTLEMAN。Didyouhowl？
THEYOUNGLADY。Oh，somethingawful。Mr。Valentine:thisismybrotherPhil。Phil:thisisMr。Valentine，ournewdentist。ValentineandPhilbowtooneanother。Sheproceeds，allinonebreath。He\'sonlybeenheresixweeks；andhe\'sabachelor。Thehouseisn\'this；andthefurnitureisthelandlord\'s；buttheprofessionalplantishired。
Hegotmytoothoutbeautifullyatthefirstgo；andheandIaregreatfriends。
PHILIP。Beenaskingalotofquestions？
THEYOUNGLADYasifincapableofdoingsuchathing。Oh，no。
PHILIP。Gladtohearit。ToValentine。Sogoodofyounottomindus，Mr。Valentine。Thefactis，we\'veneverbeeninEnglandbefore；andourmothertellsusthatthepeopleheresimplywon\'tstandus。Comeandlunchwithus。Valentine，bewilderedbytheleapsandboundswithwhichtheiracquaintanceshipisproceeding，gasps；buthehasnoopportunityofspeaking，astheconversationofthetwinsisswiftandcontinuous。
THEYOUNGLADY。Oh，do，Mr。Valentine。
PHILIP。AttheMarineHotel-halfpastone。
THEYOUNGLADY。WeshallbeabletotellmammathatarespectableEnglishmanhaspromisedtolunchwithus。
PHILIP。Saynomore，Mr。Valentine:you\'llcome。
VALENTINE。Saynomore!Ihaven\'tsaidanything。MayIaskwhomI
havethepleasureofentertaining？It\'sreallyquiteimpossibleformetolunchattheMarineHotelwithtwoperfectstrangers。
THEYOUNGLADYflippantly。Ooooh!whatbosh!Onepatientinsixweeks!Whatdifferencedoesitmaketoyou？
PHILIPmaturely。No，Dolly:myknowledgeofhumannatureconfirmsMr。Valentine\'sjudgment。Heisright。LetmeintroduceMissDorothyClandon，commonlycalledDolly。ValentinebowstoDolly。Shenodstohim。I\'mPhilipClandon。We\'refromMadeira，butperfectlyrespectable，sofar。
VALENTINE。Clandon!Areyourelatedto——
DOLLYunexpectedlycryingoutindespair。Yes，weare。
VALENTINEastonished。Ibegyourpardon？
DOLLY。Oh，weare，weare。It\'sallover，Phil:theyknowallaboutusinEngland。ToValentine。Oh，youcan\'tthinkhowmaddeningitistoberelatedtoacelebratedperson，andneverbevaluedanywhereforourownsakes。
VALENTINE。Butexcuseme:thegentlemanIwasthinkingofisnotcelebrated。
DOLLYstaringathim。Gentleman!Philisalsopuzzled。
VALENTINE。Yes。IwasgoingtoaskwhetheryouwerebyanychanceadaughterofMr。DensmoreClandonofNewburyHall。
DOLLYvacantly。No。
PHILIP。Wellcome，Dolly:howdoyouknowyou\'renot？
DOLLYcheered。Oh，Iforgot。Ofcourse。PerhapsIam。
VALENTINE。Don\'tyouknow？
PHILIP。Notintheleast。
DOLLY。It\'sawisechild——
PHILIPcuttinghershort。Sh!Valentinestartsnervously；forthesoundmadebyPhilip，thoughbutmomentary，islikecuttingasheetofsilkintwowithaflashoflightning。ItistheresultoflongpracticeincheckingDolly\'sindiscretions。Thefactis，Mr。
Valentine，wearethechildrenofthecelebratedMrs。LanfreyClandon，anauthoressofgreatrepute-inMadeira。Nohouseholdiscompletewithoutherworks。WecametoEnglandtogetawayfromthem。ThearecalledtheTwentiethCenturyTreatises。
DOLLY。TwentiethCenturyCooking。
PHILIP。TwentiethCenturyCreeds。
DOLLY。TwentiethCenturyClothing。
PHILIP。TwentiethCenturyConduct。
DOLLY。TwentiethCenturyChildren。
PHILIP。TwentiethCenturyParents。
DOLLY。Clothlimp，halfadollar。
PHILIP。Ormountedonlinenforhardfamilyuse，twodollars。Nofamilyshouldbewithoutthem。Readthem，Mr。Valentine:they\'llimproveyourmind。
DOLLY。Butnottillwe\'vegone，please。
PHILIP。Quiteso:wepreferpeoplewithunimprovedminds。Ourownmindsareinthatfreshandunspoiledcondition。
VALENTINEdubiously。Hm!
DOLLYechoinghiminquiringly。Hm？Phil:hepreferspeoplewhosemindsareimproved。
PHILIP。Inthatcaseweshallhavetointroducehimtotheothermemberofthefamily:theWomanoftheTwentiethCentury；oursisterGloria!
DOLLYdithyrambically。Nature\'smasterpiece!
PHILIP。Learning\'sdaughter!
DOLLY。Madeira\'spride!
PHILIP。Beauty\'sparagon!
DOLLYsuddenlydescendingtoprose。Bosh!Nocomplexion。
VALENTINEdesperately。MayIhaveaword？
PHILIPpolitely。Excuseus。Goahead。
DOLLYverynicely。Sosorry。
VALENTINEattemptingtotakethempaternally。Ireallymustgiveahinttoyouyoungpeople——
DOLLYbreakingoutagain。Oh，come:Ilikethat。Howoldareyou？
PHILIP。Overthirty。
DOLLY。He\'snot。
PHILIPconfidently。Heis。
DOLLYemphatically。Twenty-seven。
PHILIPimperturbably。Thirty-three。
DOLLY。Stuff!
PHILIPtoValentine。Iappealtoyou，Mr。Valentine。
VALENTINEremonstrating。Well，really——resigninghimself。
Thirty-one。
PHILIPtoDolly。Youwerewrong。
DOLLY。Sowereyou。
PHILIPsuddenlyconscientious。We\'reforgettingourmanners，Dolly。
DOLLYremorseful。Yes，soweare。
PHILIPapologetic。Weinterruptedyou，Mr。Valentine。
DOLLY。Youweregoingtoimproveourminds，Ithink。
VALENTINE。Thefactis，your——
PHILIPanticipatinghim。Ourappearance？
DOLLY。Ourmanners？
VALENTINEadmisericordiam。Oh，doletmespeak。
DOLLY。Theoldstory。Wetalktoomuch。
PHILIP。Wedo。Shutup，both。Heseatshimselfonthearmoftheopposingchair。
DOLLY。Mum!Shesitsdowninthewriting-tablechair，andclosesherlipstightwiththetipsofherfingers。
VALENTINE。Thankyou。Hebringsthestoolfromthebenchinthecorner；placesitbetweenthem；andsitsdownwithajudicialair。Theyattendtohimwithextremegravity。HeaddresseshimselffirsttoDolly。NowmayIask，tobeginwith，haveyoueverbeeninanEnglishseasideresortbefore？Sheshakesherheadslowlyandsolemnly。HeturnstoPhil，whoshakeshisheadquicklyandexpressively。Ithoughtso。Well，Mr。Clandon，ouracquaintancehasbeenshort；butithasbeenvoluble；andIhavegatheredenoughtoconvincemethatyouareneitherofyoucapableofconceivingwhatlifeinanEnglishseasideresortis。
Believeme，it\'snotaquestionofmannersandappearance。InthoserespectsweenjoyafreedomunknowninMadeira。Dollyshakesherheadvehemently。Oh，yes，Iassureyou。LorddeCresci\'ssisterbicyclesinknickerbockers；andtherector\'swifeadvocatesdressreformandwearshygienicboots。Dollyfurtivelylooksatherownshoe:Valentinecatchesherintheact，anddeftlyaddsNo，that\'snotthesortofbootImean。Dolly\'sshoevanishes。Wedon\'tbothermuchaboutdressandmannersinEngland，because，asanationwedon\'tdresswellandwe\'venomanners。But-andnowwillyouexcusemyfrankness？Theynod。Thankyou。Well，inaseasideresortthere\'sonethingyoumusthavebeforeanybodycanaffordtobeseengoingaboutwithyou；andthat\'safather，aliveordead。Helooksatthemalternately，withemphasis。Theymeethisgazelikemartyrs。AmItoinferthatyouhaveomittedthatindispensablepartofyoursocialequipment？Theyconfirmhimbymelancholynods。ThemI\'msorrytosaythatifyouaregoingtostayhereforanylengthoftime，itwillbeimpossibleformetoacceptyourkindinvitationtolunch。Heriseswithanairoffinality，andreplacesthestoolbythebench。
PHILIPrisingwithgravepoliteness。Come，Dolly。Hegivesherhisarm。
DOLLY。Goodmorning。Theygotogethertothedoorwithperfectdignity。
VALENTINEoverwhelmedwithremorse。Oh，stop，stop。Theyhaltandturn，arminarm。Youmakemefeelaperfectbeast。
DOLLY。That\'syourconscience:notus。
VALENTINEenergetically，throwingoffallpretenceofaprofessionalmanner。Myconscience!Myconsciencehasbeenmyruin。Listentome。
TwicebeforeIhavesetupasarespectablemedicalpractitionerinvariouspartsofEngland。OnbothoccasionsIactedconscientiously，andtoldmypatientsthebrutetruthinsteadofwhattheywantedtobetold。Result，ruin。NowI\'vesetupasadentist，afiveshillingdentist；andI\'vedonewithconscienceforever。Thisismylastchance。
Ispentmylastsovereignonmovingin；andIhaven\'tpaidashillingofrentyet。I\'meatinganddrinkingoncredit；mylandlordisasrichasaJewandashardasnails；andI\'vemadefiveshillingsinsixweeks。
IfIswervebyahair\'sbreadthfromthestraightlineofthemostrigidrespectability，I\'mdonefor。Undersuchacircumstance，isitfairtoaskmetolunchwithyouwhenyoudon\'tknowyourownfather？
DOLLY。Afterall，ourgrandfatherisacanonofLincolnCathedral。
VALENTINElikeacastawaymarinerwhoseesasailonthehorizon。
What!Haveyouagrandfather？
DOLLY。Onlyone。
VALENTINE。Mydear，goodyoungfriends，whyonearthdidn\'tyoutellmethatbefore？AcannonofLincoln!Thatmakesitallright，ofcourse。JustexcusemewhileIchangemycoat。Hereachesthedoorinaboundandvanishes。DollyandPhilstareafterhim，andthenstareatoneanother。Missingtheiraudience，theydroopandbecomecommonplaceatonce。
PHILIPthrowingawayDolly\'sarmandcomingill-humoredlytowardstheoperatingchair。Thatwretchedbankruptivorysnatchermakesacomplimentofallowingustostandhimalunch-probablythefirstsquaremealhehashadformonths。Hegivesthechairakick，asifitwereValentine。
DOLLY。It\'stoobeastly。Iwon\'tstanditanylonger，Phil。HereinEnglandeverybodyaskswhetheryouhaveafathertheveryfirstthing。
PHILIP。Iwon\'tstanditeither。Mammamusttelluswhohewas。
DOLLY。Orwhoheis。Hemaybealive。
PHILIP。Ihopenot。Nomanaliveshallfatherme。
DOLLY。Hemighthavealotofmoney，though。
PHILIP。Idoubtit。Myknowledgeofhumannatureleadsmetobelievethatifhehadalotofmoneyhewouldn\'thavegotridofhisaffectionatefamilysoeasily。Anyhow，let\'slookatthebrightsideofthings。Dependonit，he\'sdead。Hegoestothehearthandstandswithhisbacktothefireplace，spreadinghimself。Theparlormaidappears。Thetwins，underobservation，instantlyshineoutagainwiththeirformerbrilliancy。
THEPARLORMAID。Twoladiesforyou，miss。Yourmotherandsister，miss，Ithink。
Mrs。ClandonandGloriacomein。Mrs。Clandonisbetweenfortyandfifty，withaslighttendencytosoft，sedentaryfat，andafairremainderofgoodlooks，nonetheworsepreservedbecauseshehasevidentlyfollowedtheoldtribalmatronlyfashionofmakingnopretensioninthatdirectionafterhermarriage，andmightalmostbesuspectedofwearingacapathome。Shecarriesherselfartificiallywell，aswomenweretaughttodoasapartofgoodmannersbydancingmastersandrecliningboardsbeforetheseweresupersededbythemodernartisticcultofbeautyandhealth。Herhair，aflaxenhazelfadingintowhite，iscrimped，andpartedinthemiddlewiththeendsplaitedandmadeintoaknot，fromwhichobservantpeopleofacertainageinferthatMrs。Clandonhadsufficientindividualityandgoodtastetostandoutresolutelyagainstthenowforgottenchignoninhergirlhood。Inshort，sheisdistinctlyoldfashionedforherageindressandmanners。
Butshebelongstotheforefrontofherownperiodsay1860-80inajealouslyassertiveattitudeofcharacterandintellect，andinbeingawomanofcultivatedinterestsratherthanpassionatelydevelopedpersonalaffections。Hervoiceandwaysareentirelykindlyandhumane；
andshelendsherselfconscientiouslytotheoccasionaldemonstrationsoffondnessbywhichherchildrenmarktheiresteemforher；butdisplaysofpersonalsentimentsecretlyembarrassher:passioninherishumanitarianratherthanhuman:shefeelsstronglyaboutsocialquestionsandprinciples，notaboutpersons。Only，oneobservesthatthisreasonablenessandintensepersonalprivacy，whichleavesherrelationswithGloriaandPhilmuchastheymightbebetweenherandthechildrenofanyotherwoman，breaksdowninthecaseofDolly。Thoughalmosteverywordsheaddressestoherisnecessarilyinthenatureofaremonstranceforsomebreachofdecorum，thetendernessinhervoiceisunmistakable；anditisnotsurprisingthatyearsofsuchremonstrancehaveleftDollyhopelesslyspoiled。
Gloria，whoishardlypasttwenty，isamuchmoreformidablepersonthanhermother。Sheistheincarnationofhaughtyhighmindedness，ragingwiththeimpatienceofanimpetuous，dominativecharacterparalyzedbytheimpotenceofheryouth，andunwillinglydisciplinedbytheconstantdangerofridiculefromherlighter-handedjuniors。Unlikehermother，sheisallpassion；andtheconflictofherpassionwithherobstinateprideandintensefastidiousnessresultsinafreezingcoldnessofmanner。Inanuglywomanallthiswouldberepulsive；butGloriaisanattractivewoman。Herdeepchestnuthair，olivebrownskin，longeyelashes，shadedgreyeyesthatoftenflashlikestars，delicatelyturnedfulllips，andcompactandsupple，butmuscularlyplumpfigureappealwithdisdainfulfranknesstothesensesandimagination。Averydangerousgirl，onewouldsay，ifthemoralpassionswerenotalsomarked，andevennoblymarked，inafinebrow。
Hertailor-madeskirt-and-jacketdressofsaffronbrowncloth，seemsconventionalwhenherbackisturned；butitdisplaysinfrontablouseofsea-greensilkwhichupsetsitsconventionalitywithonestroke，andsetsherapartaseffectuallyasthetwinsfromtheordinaryrunoffashionableseasidehumanity。
Mrs。Clandoncomesalittlewayintotheroom，lookingroundtoseewhoispresent。Gloria，whostudiouslyavoidsencouragingthetwinsbybetrayinganyinterestinthem，wanderstothewindowandlooksoutwithherthoughtsfaraway。Theparlormaid，insteadofwithdrawing，shutsthedoorandwaitsatit。
MRS。CLANDON。Well，children？Howisthetoothache，Dolly？
DOLLY。Cured，thankHeaven。I\'vehaditout。Shesitsdownonthestepoftheoperatingchair。Mrs。Clandontakesthewriting-tablechair。
PHILIPstrikingingravelyfromthehearth。Andthedentist，afirst-rateprofessionalmanofthehigheststanding，iscomingtolunchwithus。
MRS。CLANDONlookingroundapprehensivelyattheservant。Phil!
THEPARLORMAID。Begpardon，ma\'am。I\'mwaitingforMr。Valentine。
Ihaveamessageforhim。
DOLLY。Whofrom？
MRS。CLANDONshocked。Dolly!Dollycatchesherlipswithherfingertips，suppressingalittlesplutterofmirth。
THEPARLORMAID。Onlythelandlord，ma\'am。
Valentine，inabluesergesuit，withastrawhatinhishand，comesbackinhighspirits，outofbreathwiththehastehehasmade。Gloriaturnsfromthewindowandstudieshimwithfreezingattention。
PHILIP。Letmeintroduceyou，Mr。Valentine。Mymother，Mrs。
LanfreyClandon。Mrs。Clandonbows。Valentinebows，self-possessedandquiteequaltotheoccasion。MysisterGloria。Gloriabowswithcolddignityandsitsdownonthesofa。Valentinefallsinloveatfirstsightandismiserablyconfused。Hefingershishatnervously，andmakesherasneakingbow。
MRS。CLANDON。Iunderstandthatwearetohavethepleasureofseeingyouatluncheonto-day，Mr。Valentine。
VALENTINE。Thankyou——er——ifyoudon\'tmind——Imeanifyouwillbesokind——totheparlormaidtestilyWhatisit？
THEPARLORMAID。Thelandlord，sir，wishestospeaktoyoubeforeyougoout。
VALENTINE。Oh，tellhimIhavefourpatientshere。TheClandonslooksurprised，exceptPhil，whoisimperturbable。Ifhewouldn\'tmindwaitingjusttwominutes，I——I\'llslipdownandseehimforamoment。
Throwinghimselfconfidentiallyonhersenseoftheposition。SayI\'mbusy，butthatIwanttoseehim。
THEPARLORMAIDreassuringly。Yes，sir。Shegoes。
MRS。CLANDONonthepointofrising。Wearedetainingyou，Iamafraid。
VALENTINE。Notatall，notatall。Yourpresenceherewillbethegreatesthelptome。Thefactis，Iowesixweek\'srent；andI\'vehadnopatientsuntilto-day。Myinterviewwithmylandlordwillbeconsiderablysmoothedbytheapparentboominmybusiness。
DOLLYvexed。Oh，howtiresomeofyoutoletitallout!Andwe\'vejustbeenpretendingthatyouwerearespectableprofessionalmaninafirst-rateposition。
MRS。CLANDONhorrified。Oh，Dolly，Dolly!Mydearest，howcanyoubesorude？ToValentine。Willyouexcusethesebarbarianchildrenofmine，Mr。Valentine？
VALENTINE。Thankyou，I\'musedtothem。WoulditbetoomuchtoaskyoutowaitfiveminuteswhileIgetridofmylandlorddownstairs？
DOLLY。Don\'tbelong。We\'rehungry。
MRS。CLANDONagainremonstrating。Dolly，dear!
VALENTINEtoDolly。Allright。ToMrs。Clandon。Thankyou:I
shan\'tbelong。HestealsalookatGloriaasheturnstogo。Sheislookinggravelyathim。Hefallsintoconfusion。I——er——er——yes——
thankyouhesucceedsatlastinblunderinghimselfoutoftheroom；
buttheexhibitionisapitifulone。
PHILIP。Didyouobserve？PointingtoGloria。Loveatfirstsight。Youcanaddhisscalptoyourcollection，Gloria。
MRS。CLANDON。Sh——sh，pray，Phil。Hemayhaveheardyou。
PHILIP。Nothe。Bracinghimselfforascene。Andnowlookhere，mamma。Hetakesthestoolfromthebench；andseatshimselfmajesticallyinthemiddleoftheroom，takingaleafoutofValentine\'sbook。Dolly，feelingthatherpositiononthestepoftheoperatingchairisunworthyofthedignityoftheoccasion，rises，lookingimportantanddetermined；crossestothewindow；andstandswithherbacktotheendofthewriting-table，herhandsbehindherandonthetable。Mrs。Clandonlooksatthem，wonderingwhatiscoming。Gloriabecomesattentive。Philipstraightenshisback；placeshisknucklessymmetricallyonhisknees；andopenshiscase。DollyandIhavebeentalkingoverthingsagooddeallately；andIdon\'tthink，judgingfrommyknowledgeofhumannature——wedon\'tthinkthatyouspeakingverystaccato，withthewordsdetachedquiteappreciatethefact——
DOLLYseatingherselfontheendofthetablewithaspring。Thatwe\'vegrownup。
MRS。CLANDON。Indeed？InwhatwayhaveIgivenyouanyreasontocomplain？
PHILIP。Well，therearecertainmattersuponwhichwearebeginningtofeelthatyoumighttakeusalittlemoreintoyourconfidence。
MRS。CLANDONrising，withalltheplacidityofheragesuddenlybrokenup；andacurioushardexcitement，dignifiedbutdogged，ladylikebutimplacable——themanneroftheOldGuardoftheWomen\'sRightsmovement——cominguponher。Phil:takecare。RememberwhatIhavealwaystaughtyou。Therearetwosortsoffamilylife，Phil；andyourexperienceofhumannatureonlyextends，sofar，tooneofthem。
Rhetorically。Thesortyouknowisbasedonmutualrespect，onrecognitionoftherightofeverymemberofthehouseholdtoindependenceandprivacyheremphasison\"privacy\"isintenseintheirpersonalconcerns。Andbecauseyouhavealwaysenjoyedthat，itseemssuchamatterofcoursetoyouthatyoudon\'tvalueit。Butwithbitingacrimonythereisanothersortoffamilylife:alifeinwhichhusbandsopentheirwives\'letters，andcallonthemtoaccountforeveryfarthingoftheirexpenditureandeverymomentoftheirtime；inwhichwomendothesametotheirchildren；inwhichnoroomisprivateandnohoursacred；inwhichduty，obedience，affection，home，moralityandreligionaredetestabletyrannies，andlifeisavulgarroundofpunishmentsandlies，coercionandrebellion，jealousy，suspicion，recrimination——Oh!Icannotdescribeittoyou:fortunatelyforyou，youknownothingaboutit。Shesitsdown，panting。Gloriahaslistenedtoherwithflashingeyes，sharingallherindignation。
DOLLYinaccessibletorhetoric。SeeTwentiethCenturyParents，chapteronLiberty，passim。
MRS。CLANDONtouchinghershoulderaffectionately，soothedevenbyagibefromher。MydearDolly:ifyouonlyknewhowgladIamthatitisnothingbutajoketoyou，thoughitissuchbitterearnesttome。
Moreresolutely，turningtoPhilip。Phil，Ineveraskyouquestionsaboutyourprivateconcerns。Youarenotgoingtoquestionme，areyou？
PHILIP。Ithinkitduetoourselvestosaythatthequestionwewantedtoaskisasmuchourbusinessasyours。
DOLLY。Besides，itcan\'tbegoodtokeepalotofquestionsbottledupinsideyou。Youdidit，mamma；butseehowawfullyit\'sbrokenoutagaininme。
MRS。CLANDON。Iseeyouwanttoaskyourquestion。Askit。
DOLLYANDPHILIPbeginningsimultaneously。Who——Theystop。
PHILIP。Nowlookhere，Dolly:amIgoingtoconductthisbusinessorareyou？
DOLLY。You。
PHILIP。Thenholdyourmouth。Dollydoessoliterally。Thequestionisasimpleone。Whentheivorysnatcher——
MRS。CLANDONremonstrating。Phil!
PHILIP。Dentistisanuglyword。ThemanofivoryandgoldaskeduswhetherwewerethechildrenofMr。DensmoreClandonofNewburyHall。
InpursuanceofthepreceptsinyourtreatiseonTwentiethCenturyConduct，andyourrepeatedpersonalexhortationstoustocurtailthenumberofunnecessarylieswetell，werepliedtruthfullythewedidn\'tknow。
DOLLY。Neitherdidwe。
PHILIP。Sh!Theresultwasthatthegumarchitectmadeconsiderabledifficultiesaboutacceptingourinvitationtolunch，althoughIdoubtifhehashadanythingbutteaandbreadandbutterforafortnightpast。Nowmyknowledgeofhumannatureleadsmetobelievethatwehadafather，andthatyouprobablyknowwhohewas。
MRS。CLANDONheragitationreturning。Stop，Phil。Yourfatherisnothingtoyou，nortomevehemently。Thatisenough。Thetwinsaresilenced，butnotsatisfied。Theirfacesfall。ButGloria，whohasbeenfollowingthealtercationattentively，suddenlyintervenes。
GLORIAadvancing。Mother:wehavearighttoknow。
MRS。CLANDONrisingandfacingher。Gloria!\"We!\"Whois\"we\"？
GLORIAsteadfastly。Wethree。Hertoneisunmistakable:sheispittingherstrengthagainsthermotherforthefirsttime。Thetwinsinstantlygoovertotheenemy。
MRS。CLANDONwounded。Inyourmouth\"we\"usedtomeanyouandI，Gloria。
PHILIPrisingdecisivelyandputtingawaythestool。We\'rehurtingyou:let\'sdropit。Wedidn\'tthinkyou\'dmind。Idon\'twanttoknow。
DOLLYcomingoffthetable。I\'msureIdon\'t。Oh，don\'tlooklikethat，mamma。ShelooksangrilyatGloria。
MRS。CLANDONtouchinghereyeshastilywithherhandkerchiefandsittingdownagain。Thankyou，mydear。Thanks，Phil。
GLORIAinexorably。Wehavearighttoknow，mother。
MRS。CLANDONindignantly。Ah!Youinsist。
GLORIA。Doyouintendthatweshallneverknow？
DOLLY。Oh，Gloria，don\'t。It\'sbarbarous。
GLORIAwithquietscorn。Whatistheuseofbeingweak？Youseewhathashappenedwiththisgentlemanhere，mother。Thesamethinghashappenedtome。
MRS。CLANDON}all{Whatdoyoumean？
DOLLY}together。{Oh，tellus。
PHILIP}{Whathappenedtoyou？
GLORIA。Oh，nothingofanyconsequence。Sheturnsawayfromthemandgoesuptotheeasychairatthefireplace，whereshesitsdown，almostwithherbacktothem。Astheywaitexpectantly，sheadds，overhershoulder，withstudiedindifference。Onboardthesteamerthefirstofficerdidmethehonortoproposetome。
DOLLY。No，itwastome。
MRS。CLANDON。Thefirstofficer!Areyouserious，Gloria？Whatdidyousaytohim？correctingherselfExcuseme:Ihavenorighttoaskthat。
GLORIA。Theanswerisprettyobvious。Awomanwhodoesnotknowwhoherfatherwascannotacceptsuchanoffer。
MRS。CLANDON。Surelyyoudidnotwanttoacceptit？
GLORIAturningalittleandraisinghervoice。No；butsupposeI
hadwantedto!
PHILIP。Didthatdifficultystrikeyou，Dolly？
DOLLY。No，Iacceptedhim。
GLORIA}allcrying{Acceptedhim!
MRS。CLANDON}out{Dolly!
PHILIP}together{Oh，Isay!
DOLLYnaively。Hedidlooksuchafool!
MRS。CLANDON。Butwhydidyoudosuchathing，Dolly？
DOLLY。Forfun，Isuppose。Hehadtomeasuremyfingerforaring。
You\'dhavedonethesamethingyourself。
MRS。CLANDON。No，Dolly，Iwouldnot。Asamatteroffactthefirstofficerdidproposetome；andItoldhimtokeepthatsortofthingforwomenwereyoungenoughtobeamusedbyit。Heappearstohaveactedonmyadvice。Sherisesandgoestothehearth。Gloria:Iamsorryyouthinkmeweak；butIcannottellyouwhatyouwant。Youarealltooyoung。
PHILIP。ThisisratherastartlingdeparturefromTwentiethCenturyprinciples。
DOLLYquoting。\"Answerallyourchildren\'squestions，andanswerthemtruthfully，assoonastheyareoldenoughtoaskthem。\"SeeTwentiethCenturyMotherhood——
PHILIP。Pageone——
DOLLY。Chapterone——
PHILIP。Sentenceone。
MRS。CLANDON。Mydears:Ididnotsaythatyouweretooyoungtoknow。Isaidyouweretooyoungtobetakenintomyconfidence。Youareverybrightchildren，allofyou；butIamgladforyoursakesthatyouarestillveryinexperiencedandconsequentlyveryunsympathetic。
TherearesomeexperiencesofminethatIcannotbeartospeakofexcepttothosewhohavegonethroughwhatIhavegonethrough。Ihopeyouwillneverbequalifiedforsuchconfidences。ButIwilltakecarethatyoushalllearnallyouwanttoknow。Willthatsatisfyyou？
PHILIP。Anothergrievance，Dolly。
DOLLY。We\'renotsympathetic。
GLORIAleaningforwardinherchairandlookingearnestlyupathermother。Mother:Ididnotmeantobeunsympathetic。
MRS。CLANDONaffectionately。Ofcoursenot，dear。DoyouthinkI
don\'tunderstand？
GLORIArising。But，mother——
MRS。CLANDONdrawingbackalittle。Yes？
GLORIAobstinately。Itisnonsensetotellusthatourfatherisnothingtous。
MRS。CLANDONprovokedtosuddenresolution。Doyourememberyourfather？
GLORIAmeditatively，asiftherecollectionwereatenderone。I
amnotquitesure。Ithinkso。
MRS。CLANDONgrimly。Youarenotsure？
GLORIA。No。
MRS。CLANDONwithquietforce。Gloria:ifIhadeverstruckyou——
Gloriarecoils:PhilipandDollyaredisagreeablyshocked；allthreestartather，revoltedasshecontinues——struckyoupurposely，deliberately，withtheintentionofhurtingyou，withawhipboughtforthepurpose!Wouldyourememberthat，doyouthink？Gloriauttersanexclamationofindignantrepulsion。Thatwouldhavebeenyourlastrecollectionofyourfather，Gloria，ifIhadnottakenyouawayfromhim。Ihavekepthimoutofyourlife:keephimnowoutofminebynevermentioninghimtomeagain。Gloria，withashudder，coversherfacewithherhands，until，hearingsomeoneatthedoor，sheturnsawayandpretendstooccupyherselflookingatthenamesofthebooksinthebookcase。Mrs。Clandonsitsdownonthesofa。Valentinereturns。。
VALENTINE。IhopeI\'venotkeptyouwaiting。Thatlandlordofmineisreallyanextraordinaryoldcharacter。
DOLLYeagerly。Oh，tellus。Howlonghashegivenyoutopay？
MRS。CLANDONdistractedbyherchild\'sbadmanners。Dolly，Dolly，Dollydear!Youmustnotaskquestions。
DOLLYdemurely。Sosorry。You\'lltellus，won\'tyou，Mr。
Valentine？
VALENTINE。Hedoesn\'twanthisrentatall。He\'sbrokenhistoothonaBrazilnut；andhewantsmetolookatitandtolunchwithhimafterwards。
DOLLY。Thenhavehimupandpullhistoothoutatonce；andwe\'llbringhimtolunch，too。Tellthemaidtofetchhimalong。Sherunstothebellandringsitvigorously。Then，withasuddendoubtsheturnstoValentineandaddsIsupposehe\'srespectable——reallyrespectable。
VALENTINE。Perfectly。Notlikeme。
DOLLY。HonestInjun？Mrs。Clandongaspsfaintly；butherpowersofremonstranceareexhausted。
VALENTINE。HonestInjun!
DOLLY。Thenoffwithyouandbringhimup。
VALENTINElookingdubiouslyatMrs。Clandon。Idaresayhe\'dbedelightedif——er——？
MRS。CLANDONrisingandlookingatherwatch。Ishallbehappytoseeyourfriendatlunch，ifyoucanpersuadehimtocome；butIcan\'twaittoseehimnow:IhaveanappointmentatthehotelataquartertoonewithanoldfriendwhomIhavenotseensinceIleftEnglandeighteenyearsago。Willyouexcuseme？