TheAlpinelitterissometimeslikeacushionedboxmadefastbetweenthemiddlesoftwolongpoles，andsometimesitisachairwithabacktoitandasupportforthefeet。Itiscarriedbyrelaysofstrongporters。
Themotioniseasierthanthatofanyotherconveyance。
Wemetafewmenandagreatmanyladiesinlitters；
itseemedtomethatmostoftheladieslookedpaleandnauseated；theirgeneralaspectgavemetheideathattheywerepatientlyenduringahorriblesuffering。
Asarule，theylookedattheirlaps，andleftthescenerytotakecareofitself。
ButthemostfrightenedcreatureIsaw，wasaledhorsethatovertookus。Poorfellow，hehadbeenbornandrearedinthegrassylevelsoftheKanderstegvalleyandhadneverseenanythinglikethishideousplacebefore。
Everyfewstepshewouldstopshort，glancewildlyoutfromthedizzyheight，andthenspreadhisrednostrilswideandpantasviolentlyasifhehadbeenrunningarace；
andallthewhilehequakedfromheadtoheelaswithapalsy。Hewasahandsomefellow，andhemadeafinestatuesquepictureofterror，butitwaspitifultoseehimsufferso。
Thisdreadfulpathhashaditstragedy。Baedeker，withhiscustomaryoverterseness，beginsandendsthetalethus:
\"Thedescentonhorsebackshouldbeavoided。
In1861aComtessed\'Herlincourtfellfromhersaddleovertheprecipiceandwaskilledonthespot。\"
Welookedovertheprecipicethere，andsawthemonumentwhichcommemoratestheevent。Itstandsinthebottomofthegorge，inaplacewhichhasbeenhollowedoutoftherocktoprotectitfromthetorrentandthestorms。
Ouroldguideneverspokebutwhenspokento，andthenlimitedhimselftoasyllableortwo，butwhenweaskedhimaboutthistragedyheshowedastronginterestinthematter。HesaidtheCountesswasverypretty，andveryyoung——hardlyoutofhergirlhood，infact。
Shewasnewlymarried，andwasonherbridaltour。
Theyounghusbandwasridingalittleinadvance；oneguidewasleadingthehusband\'shorse，anotherwasleadingthebride\'s。
Theoldmancontinued:
\"Theguidethatwasleadingthehusband\'shorsehappenedtoglanceback，andtherewasthatpooryoungthingsittingupstaringoutovertheprecipice；andherfacebegantobenddownwardalittle，andsheputuphertwohandsslowlyandmetit——so，——andputthemflatagainsthereyes——so——andthenshesankoutofthesaddle，withasharpshriek，andonecaughtonlytheflashofadress，anditwasallover。\"
Thenafterapause:
\"Ah，yes，thatguidesawthesethings——yes，hesawthemall。
Hesawthemall，justasIhavetoldyou。\"
Afteranotherpause:
\"Ah，yes，hesawthemall。MyGod，thatwasME。
Iwasthatguide!\"
Thishadbeentheoneeventoftheoldman\'slife；soonemaybesurehehadforgottennodetailconnectedwithit。
Welistenedtoallhehadtosayaboutwhatwasdoneandwhathappenedandwhatwassaidafterthesorrowfuloccurrence，andapainfulstoryitwas。
Whenwehadwounddowntowardthevalleyuntilwewereaboutonthelastspiralofthecorkscrew，Harris\'shatblewoverthelastremainingbitofprecipice——asmallcliffahundredorhundredandfiftyfeethigh——andsaileddowntowardasteepslantcomposedofroughchipsandfragmentswhichtheweatherhadflakedawayfromtheprecipices。
Wewentleisurelydownthere，expectingtofinditwithoutanytrouble，butwehadmadeamistake，astothat。
Wehuntedduringacoupleofhours——notbecausetheoldstrawhatwasvaluable，butoutofcuriositytofindouthowsuchathingcouldmanagetoconcealitselfinopengroundwheretherewasnothingleftforittohidebehind。
Whenoneisreadinginbed，andlayshispaper-knifedown，hecannotfinditagainifitissmallerthanasaber；
thathatwasasstubbornasanypaper-knifecouldhavebeen，andwefinallyhadtogiveitup；butwefoundafragmentthathadoncebelongedtoanopera-glass，andbydiggingaroundandturningovertherockswegraduallycollectedallthelensesandthecylindersandthevariousoddsandendsthatgotomakingupacompleteopera-glass。
Weafterwardhadthethingreconstructed，andtheownercanhavehisadventurouslost-propertybysubmittingproofsandpayingcostsofrehabilitation。Wehadhopesoffindingtheownerthere，distributedaroundamongsttherocks，foritwouldhavemadeanelegantparagraph；
butweweredisappointed。Still，wewerefarfrombeingdisheartened，fortherewasaconsiderableareawhichwehadnotthoroughlysearched；weweresatisfiedhewasthere，somewhere，soweresolvedtowaitoveradayatLeukandcomebackandgethim。
Thenwesatdowntopolishofftheperspirationandarrangeaboutwhatwewoulddowithhimwhenwegothim。
HarriswasforcontributinghimtotheBritishMuseum；
butIwasformailinghimtohiswidow。ThatisthedifferencebetweenHarrisandme:Harrisisallfordisplay，Iamallforthesimpleright，eventhoughIlosemoneybyit。
Harrisarguedinfavorofhispropositionagainstmine，Iarguedinfavorofmineandagainsthis。Thediscussionwarmedintoadispute；thedisputewarmedintoaquarrel。
Ifinallysaid，verydecidedly:
\"Mymindismadeup。Hegoestothewidow。\"
Harrisansweredsharply:
\"AndMYmindismadeup。HegoestotheMuseum。\"
Isaid，calmly:
\"Themuseummaywhistlewhenitgetshim。\"
Harrisretorted:
\"Thewidowmaysaveherselfthetroubleofwhistling，forIwillseethatshenevergetshim。\"
Aftersomeangrybandyingofepithets，Isaid:
\"Itseemstomethatyouaretakingonagoodmanyairsabouttheseremains。Idon\'tquiteseewhatYOU\'VEgottosayaboutthem?\"
\"I?I\'vegotALLtosayaboutthem。They\'dneverhavebeenthoughtofifIhadn\'tfoundtheiropera-glass。Thecorpsebelongstome，andI\'lldoasIpleasewithhim。\"
IwasleaderoftheExpedition，andalldiscoveriesachievedbyitnaturallybelongedtome。Iwasentitledtotheseremains，andcouldhaveenforcedmyright；
butratherthanhavebadbloodaboutthematter，Isaidwewouldtossupforthem。Ithrewheadsandwon，butitwasabarrenvictory，foralthoughwespentallthenextdaysearching，weneverfoundabone。Icannotimaginewhatcouldeverhavebecomeofthatfellow。
ThetowninthevalleyiscalledLeukorLeukerbad。
Wepointedourcoursetowardit，downaverdantslopewhichwasadornedwithfringedgentiansandotherflowers，andpresentlyenteredthenarrowalleysoftheoutskirtsandwadedtowardthemiddleofthetownthroughliquid\"fertilizer。\"Theyoughttoeitherpavethatvillageororganizeaferry。
Harris\'sbodywassimplyachamois-pasture；hispersonwaspopulouswiththelittlehungrypests；hisskin，whenhestripped，wassplotchedlikeascarlet-feverpatient\'s；
so，whenwewereabouttoenteroneoftheLeukerbadinns，andhenoticeditssign，\"ChamoisHotel，\"herefusedtostopthere。Hesaidthechamoiswasplentifulenough，withouthuntinguphotelswheretheymadeaspecialtyofit。
Iwasindifferent，forthechamoisisacreaturethatwillneitherbitemenorabidewithme；buttocalmHarris，wewenttotheHo^teldesAlpes。
Atthetabled\'ho^te，wehadthis，foranincident。
Averygraveman——infacthisgravityamountedtosolemnity，andalmosttoausterity——satoppositeusandhewas\"tight，\"butdoinghisbesttoappearsober。HetookupaCORKEDbottleofwine，tilteditoverhisglassawhile，thensetitoutoftheway，withacontentedlook，andwentonwithhisdinner。
Presentlyheputhisglasstohismouth，andofcoursefounditempty。Helookedpuzzled，andglancedfurtivelyandsuspiciouslyoutofthecornerofhiseyeatabenignantandunconsciousoldladywhosatathisright。
Shookhishead，asmuchastosay，\"No，shecouldn\'thavedoneit。\"Hetiltedthecorkedbottleoverhisglassagain，meantimesearchingaroundwithhiswateryeyetoseeifanybodywaswatchinghim。Heateafewmouthfuls，raisedhisglasstohislips，andofcourseitwasstillempty。Hebentaninjuredandaccusingside-glanceuponthatunconsciousoldlady，whichwasastudytosee。
Shewentoneatingandgavenosign。Hetookuphisglassandhisbottle，withawiseprivatenodofhishead，andsetthemgravelyontheleft-handsideofhisplate——
pouredhimselfanotherimaginarydrink——wenttoworkwithhisknifeandforkoncemore——presentlyliftedhisglasswithgoodconfidence，andfounditempty，asusual。
Thiswasalmostapetrifyingsurprise。Hestraightenedhimselfupinhischairanddeliberatelyandsorrowfullyinspectedthebusyoldladiesathiselbows，firstoneandthentheother。Atlasthesoftlypushedhisplateaway，sethisglassdirectlyinfrontofhim，heldontoitwithhislefthand，andproceededtopourwithhisright。
Thistimeheobservedthatnothingcame。Heturnedthebottleclearupsidedown；stillnothingissuedfromit；
aplaintivelookcameintohisface，andhesaid，asiftohimself，\"\'IC!THEY\'VEGOTITALL!\"Thenhesetthebottledown，resignedly，andtooktherestofhisdinnerdry。
Itwasatthattabled\'ho^te，too，thatIhadunderinspectionthelargestladyIhaveeverseeninprivatelife。
Shewasoversevenfeethigh，andmagnificentlyproportioned。
Whathadfirstcalledmyattentiontoher，wasmysteppingonanoutlyingflangeofherfoot，andhearing，fromuptowardtheceiling，adeep\"Pardon，m\'sieu，butyouencroach!\"
Thatwaswhenwewerecomingthroughthehall，andtheplacewasdim，andIcouldseeheronlyvaguely。Thethingwhichcalledmyattentiontoherthesecondtimewas，thatatatablebeyondoursweretwoveryprettygirls，andthisgreatladycameinandsatdownbetweenthemandmeandblottedoutmyview。Shehadahandsomeface，andshewasveryfinelyformed——perfectedformed，Ishouldsay。Butshemadeeverybodyaroundherlooktrivialandcommonplace。Ladiesnearherlookedlikechildren，andthemenaboutherlookedmean。Theylookedlikefailures；
andtheylookedasiftheyfeltso，too。Shesatwithherbacktous。Ineversawsuchabackinmylife。
Iwouldhavesolikedtoseethemoonriseoverit。
Thewholecongregationwaited，underonepretextoranother，tillshefinishedherdinnerandwentout；theywantedtoseeheratfullaltitude，andtheyfounditworthtarryingfor。
Shefilledone\'sideaofwhatanempressoughttobe，whensheroseupinherunapproachablegrandeurandmovedsuperblyoutofthatplace。
WewerenotatLeukintimetoseeheratherheaviestweight。
Shehadsufferedfromcorpulenceandhadcometheretogetridofherextrafleshinthebaths。Fiveweeksofsoaking——
fiveuninterruptedhoursofiteveryday——hadaccomplishedherpurposeandreducedhertotherightproportions。
Thosebathsremovefat，andalsoskin-diseases。Thepatientsremaininthegreattanksforhoursatatime。
Adozengentlemenandladiesoccupyatanktogether，andamusethemselveswithrompingsandvariousgames。
Theyhavefloatingdesksandtables，andtheyreadorlunchorplaychessinwaterthatisbreast-deep。Thetouristcanstepinandviewthisnovelspectacleifhechooses。
There\'sapoor-box，andhewillhavetocontribute。
Thereareseveralofthesebigbathing-houses，andyoucanalwaystellwhenyouarenearoneofthembytherompingnoisesandshoutsoflaughterthatproceedfromit。
Thewaterisrunningwater，andchangesallthetime，elseapatientwitharingwormmighttakethebathwithonlyapartialsuccess，since，whilehewasriddinghimselfoftheringworm，hemightcatchtheitch。
Thenextmorningwewanderedbackupthegreenvalley，leisurely，withthecurvingwallsofthosebareandstupendousprecipicesrisingintothecloudsbeforeus。
Ihadneverseenaclean，bareprecipicestretchingupfivethousandfeetabovemebefore，andInevershallexpecttoseeanotherone。Theyexist，perhaps，butnotinplaceswhereonecaneasilygetclosetothem。
Thispileofstoneispeculiar。Fromitsbasetothesoaringtopsofitsmightytowers，allitslinesandallitsdetailsvaguelysuggesthumanarchitecture。
Therearerudimentarybow-windows，cornices，chimneys，demarcationsofstories，etc。Onecouldsitandstareupthereandstudythefeaturesandexquisitegracesofthisgrandstructure，bitbybit，anddayafterday，andneverwearyhisinterest。Thetermination，towardthetown，observedinprofile，istheperfectionofshape。
Itcomesdownoutofthecloudsinasuccessionofrounded，colossal，terracelikeprojections——astairwayforthegods；
atitsheadspringseveralloftystorm-scarredtowers，oneafteranother，withfaintfilmsofvaporcurlingalwaysaboutthemlikespectralbanners。Iftherewereakingwhoserealmsincludedthewholeworld，herewouldbetheplacemeetandproperforsuchamonarch。Hewouldonlyneedtohollowitoutandputintheelectriclight。
Hecouldgiveaudiencetoanationatatimeunderitsroof。
Oursearchforthoseremainshavingfailed，weinspectedwithaglassthedimanddistanttrackofanold-timeavalanchethatoncesweptdownfromsomepine-grownsummitsbehindthetownandsweptawaythehousesandburiedthepeople；
thenwestruckdowntheroadthatleadstowardtheRhone，toseethefamousLadders。Theseperilousthingsarebuiltagainsttheperpendicularfaceofaclifftwoorthreehundredfeethigh。Thepeasants，ofbothsexes，wereclimbingupanddownthem，withheavyloadsontheirbacks。IorderedHarristomaketheascent，soI
couldputthethrillandhorrorofitinmybook，andheaccomplishedthefeatsuccessfully，thoughasubagent，forthreefrancs，whichIpaid。ItmakesmeshudderyetwhenIthinkofwhatIfeltwhenIwasclingingtherebetweenheavenandearthinthepersonofthatproxy。
Attimestheworldswamaroundme，andIcouldhardlykeepfromlettinggo，sodizzyingwastheappallingdanger。
Manyapersonwouldhavegivenupanddescended，butIstucktomytask，andwouldnotyielduntilIhadaccomplishedit。
Ifeltajustprideinmyexploit，butIwouldnothaverepeateditforthewealthoftheworld。Ishallbreakmyneckyetwithsomesuchfoolhardyperformance，forwarningsneverseemtohaveanylastingeffectonme。
WhenthepeopleofthehotelfoundthatIhadbeenclimbingthosecrazyLadders，itmademeanobjectofconsiderableattention。
Nextmorning，early，wedrovetotheRhonevalleyandtookthetrainforVisp。Thereweshoulderedourknapsacksandthings，andsetoutonfoot，inatremendousrain，upthewindinggorge，towardZermatt。Hourafterhourwesloppedalong，bytheroaringtorrent，andundernobleLesserAlpswhichwereclothedinrichvelvetygreenallthewayupandhadlittleatomySwisshomesperchedupongrassybenchesalongtheirmist-dimmedheights。
Theraincontinuedtopourandthetorrenttoboom，andwecontinuedtoenjoyboth。Attheonespotwherethistorrenttosseditswhitemanehighest，andthunderedloudest，andlashedthebigbouldersfiercest，thecantonhaddoneitselfthehonortobuildtheflimsiestwoodenbridgethatexistsintheworld。Whilewewerewalkingoverit，alongwithapartyofhorsemen，Inoticedthateventhelargerraindropsmadeitshake。IcalledHarris\'sattentiontoit，andhenoticedit，too。ItseemedtomethatifIownedanelephantthatwasakeepsake，andIthoughtagooddealofhim，IwouldthinktwicebeforeIwouldridehimoverthatbridge。
WeclimbeduptothevillageofSt。Nicholas，abouthalfpastfourintheafternoon，wadedankle-deepthroughthefertilizer-juice，andstoppedatanewandnicehotelclosebythelittlechurch。Westrippedandwenttobed，andsentourclothesdowntobebaked。Andthehordeofsoakedtouristsdidthesame。Thatchaosofclothinggotmixedinthekitchen，andtherewereconsequences。
IdidnotgetbackthesamedrawersIsentdown，whenourthingscameupatsix-fifteen；Igotapaironanewplan。
Theyweremerelyapairofwhiteruffle-cuffedabsurdities，hitchedtogetheratthetopwithanarrowband，andtheydidnotcomequitedowntomyknees。Theywereprettyenough，buttheymademefeelliketwopeople，anddisconnectedatthat。Themanmusthavebeenanidiotthatgothimselfuplikethat，toroughitintheSwissmountains。
Theshirttheybroughtmewasshorterthanthedrawers，andhadn\'tanysleevestoit——atleastithadn\'tanythingmorethanwhatMr。Darwinwouldcall\"rudimentary\"sleeves；
thesehad\"edging\"aroundthem，butthebosomwasridiculouslyplain。Theknitsilkundershirttheybroughtmewasonanewplan，andwasreallyasensiblething；
itopenedbehind，andhadpocketsinittoputyourshoulder-bladesin；buttheydidnotseemtofitmine，andsoIfounditasortofuncomfortablegarment。
Theygavemybobtailcoattosomebodyelse，andsentmeanulstersuitableforagiraffe。Ihadtotiemycollaron，becausetherewasnobuttonbehindonthatfoolishlittleshirtwhichIdescribedawhileago。
WhenIwasdressedfordinneratsix-thirty，Iwastoolooseinsomeplacesandtootightinothers，andaltogetherI
feltslovenlyandill-conditioned。However，thepeopleatthetabled\'ho^tewerenobetteroffthanIwas；
theyhadeverybody\'sclothesbuttheirownon。Alongstrangerrecognizedhisulsterassoonashesawthetailofitfollowingmein，butnobodyclaimedmyshirtormydrawers，thoughIdescribedthemaswellasIwasable。
IgavethemtothechambermaidthatnightwhenIwenttobed，andsheprobablyfoundtheowner，formyownthingswereonachairoutsidemydoorinthemorning。
TherewasalovableEnglishclergymanwhodidnotgettothetabled\'ho^teatall。Hisbreecheshadturnedupmissing，andwithoutanyequivalent。
Hesaidhewasnotmoreparticularthanotherpeople，buthehadnoticedthataclergymanatdinnerwithoutanybreecheswasalmostsuretoexciteremark。
[TheFiendishFunofAlp-climbing]
WedidnotoversleepatSt。Nicholas。Thechurch-bellbegantoringatfour-thirtyinthemorning，andfromthelengthoftimeitcontinuedtoringIjudgedthatittakestheSwisssinneragoodwhiletogettheinvitationthroughhishead。Mostchurch-bellsintheworldareofpoorquality，andhaveaharshandraspingsoundwhichupsetsthetemperandproducesmuchsin，buttheSt。Nicholasbellisagooddealtheworstonethathasbeencontrivedyet，andispeculiarlymaddeninginitsoperation。Still，itmayhaveitsrightanditsexcusetoexist，forthecommunityispoorandnoteverycitizencanaffordaclock，perhaps；buttherecannotbeanyexcuseforourchurch-bellsathome，fortheirisnofamilyinAmericawithoutaclock，andconsequentlythereisnofairpretextfortheusualSundaymedleyofdreadfulsoundsthatissuesfromoursteeples。ThereismuchmoreprofanityinAmericaonSundaythanisallintheothersixdaysoftheweekputtogether，anditisofamorebitterandmalignantcharacterthantheweek-dayprofanity，too。
Itisproducedbythecracked-potclangorofthecheapchurch-bells。
Webuildourchurchesalmostwithoutregardtocost；
werearanedificewhichisanadornmenttothetown，andwegildit，andfrescoit，andmortgageit，anddoeverythingwecanthinkoftoperfectit，andthenspoilitallbyputtingabellonitwhichafflictseverybodywhohearsit，givingsometheheadache，othersSt。Vitus\'sdance，andtheresttheblindstaggers。
AnAmericanvillageatteno\'clockonasummerSundayisthequietestandpeacefulestandholiestthinginnature；
butitisaprettydifferentthinghalfanhourlater。
Mr。Poe\'spoemofthe\"Bells\"standsincompletetothisday；
butitiswellenoughthatitisso，forthepublicreciteror\"reader\"whogoesaroundtryingtoimitatethesoundsofthevarioussortsofbellswithhisvoicewouldfindhimself\"upastump\"whenhegottothechurch-bell——
asJosephAddisonwouldsay。Thechurchisalwaystryingtogetotherpeopletoreform；itmightnotbeabadideatoreformitselfalittle，bywayofexample。Itisstillclingingtooneortwothingswhichwereusefulonce，butwhicharenotusefulnow，neitheraretheyornamental。
Oneisthebell-ringingtoremindaclock-cakedtownthatitischurch-time，andanotheristhereadingfromthepulpitofatediouslistof\"notices\"whicheverybodywhoisinterestedhasalreadyreadinthenewspaper。
Theclergymanevenreadsthehymnthrough——arelicofanancienttimewhenhymn-booksarescarceandcostly；
buteverybodyhasahymn-book，now，andsothepublicreadingisnolongernecessary。Itisnotmerelyunnecessary，itisgenerallypainful；fortheaverageclergymancouldnotfireintohiscongregationwithashotgunandhitaworsereaderthanhimself，unlesstheweaponscatteredshamefully。
Iamnotmeaningtobeflippantandirreverent，Iamonlymeaningtobetruthful。Theaverageclergyman，inallcountriesandofalldenominations，isaverybadreader。
OnewouldthinkhewouldatleastlearnhowtoreadtheLord\'sPrayer，byandby，butitisnotso。Heracesthroughitasifhethoughtthequickerhegotitin，thesooneritwouldbeanswered。Apersonwhodoesnotappreciatetheexceedingvalueofpauses，anddoesnotknowhowtomeasuretheirdurationjudiciously，cannotrenderthegrandsimplicityanddignityofacompositionlikethateffectively。
Wetookatolerablyearlybreakfast，andtrampedofftowardZermattthroughthereekinglanesofthevillage，gladtogetawayfromthatbell。Byandbywehadafinespectacleonourright。Itwasthewall-likebuttendofahugeglacier，whichlookeddownonusfromanAlpineheightwhichwaswellupinthebluesky。Itwasanastonishingamountoficetobecompactedtogetherinonemass。
Weciphereduponitanddecidedthatitwasnotlessthanseveralhundredfeetfromthebaseofthewallofsolidicetothetopofit——Harrisbelieveditwasreallytwicethat。WejudgedthatifSt。Paul\'s，St。Peter\'s，theGreatPyramid，theStrasburgCathedralandtheCapitolinWashingtonwereclusteredagainstthatwall，amansittingonitsupperedgecouldnothanghishatonthetopofanyoneofthemwithoutreachingdownthreeorfourhundredfeet——athingwhich，ofcourse，nomancoulddo。
Tome，thatmightyglacierwasverybeautiful。Ididnotimaginethatanybodycouldfindfaultwithit；butI
wasmistaken。Harrishadbeensnarlingforseveraldays。
HewasarabidProtestant，andhewasalwayssaying:
\"IntheProtestantcantonsyouneverseesuchpovertyanddirtandsqualorasyoudointhisCatholicone；
youneverseethelanesandalleysflowingwithfoulness；
youneverseesuchwretchedlittlestiesofhouses；
youneverseeaninvertedtinturnipontopofachurchforadome；andasforachurch-bell，why，youneverhearachurch-bellatall。\"
Allthismorninghehadbeenfindingfault，straightalong。
Firstitwaswiththemud。Hesaid，\"Itain\'tmuddyinaProtestantcantonwhenitrains。\"Thenitwaswiththedogs:
\"Theydon\'thavethoselop-eareddogsinaProtestantcanton。\"
Thenitwaswiththeroads:\"Theydon\'tleavetheroadstomakethemselvesinaProtestantcanton，thepeoplemakethem——andtheymakearoadthatISaroad，too。\"Nextitwasthegoats:\"YouneverseeagoatsheddingtearsinaProtestantcanton——agoat，there，isoneofthecheerfulestobjectsinnature。\"Nextitwasthechamois:
\"YouneverseeaProtestantchamoisactlikeoneofthese——
theytakeabiteortwoandgo；butthesefellowscampwithyouandstay。\"Thenitwastheguide-boards:\"InaProtestantcantonyoucouldn\'tgetlostifyouwantedto，butyouneverseeaguide-boardinaCatholiccanton。\"
Next，\"Youneverseeanyflower-boxesinthewindows，here——neveranythingbutnowandthenacat——atorpidone；
butyoutakeaProtestantcanton:windowsperfectlylovelywithflowers——andasforcats，there\'sjustacresofthem。
Thesefolksinthiscantonleavearoadtomakeitself，andthenfineyouthreefrancsifyou\'trot\'overit——
asifahorsecouldtrotoversuchasarcasmofaroad。\"
Nextaboutthegoiter:\"THEYtalkaboutgoiter!——Ihaven\'tseenagoiterinthiswholecantonthatIcouldn\'tputinahat。\"
Hehadgrowledateverything，butIjudgeditwouldpuzzlehimtofindanythingthematterwiththismajesticglacier。
Iintimatedasmuch；buthewasready，andsaidwithsurlydiscontent:\"YououghttoseethemintheProtestantcantons。\"
Thisirritatedme。ButIconcealedthefeeling，andasked:
\"Whatisthematterwiththisone?\"
\"Matter?Why，itain\'tinanykindofcondition。
Theynevertakeanycareofaglacierhere。Themorainehasbeenspillinggravelaroundit，andgotitalldirty。\"
\"Why，man，THEYcan\'thelpthat。\"
\"THEY?You\'reright。Thatis，theyWON\'T。Theycouldiftheywantedto。YouneverseeaspeckofdirtonaProtestantglacier。LookattheRhoneglacier。
Itisfifteenmileslong，andsevenhundredfeetthink。
IfthiswasaProtestantglacieryouwouldn\'tseeitlookinglikethis，Icantellyou。\"
\"Thatisnonsense。Whatwouldtheydowithit?\"
\"Theywouldwhitewashit。Theyalwaysdo。\"
Ididnotbelieveawordofthis，butratherthanhavetroubleIletitgo；foritisawasteofbreathtoarguewithabigot。IevendoubtediftheRhoneglacierWAS
inaProtestantcanton；butIdidnotknow，soIcouldnotmakeanythingbycontradictingamanwhowouldprobablyputmedownatoncewithmanufacturedevidence。
AboutninemilesfromSt。NicholaswecrossedabridgeovertheragingtorrentoftheVisp，andcametoalogstripofflimsyfencingwhichwaspretendingtosecurepeoplefromtumblingoveraperpendicularwallfortyfeethighandintotheriver。Threechildrenwereapproaching；
oneofthem，alittlegirl，abouteightyearsold，wasrunning；whenprettyclosetousshestumbledandfell，andherfeetshotundertherailofthefenceandforamomentprojectedoverthestream。Itgaveusasharpshock，forwethoughtshewasgone，sure，forthegroundslantedsteeply，andtosaveherselfseemedasheerimpossibility；
butshemanagedtoscrambleup，andranbyuslaughing。
Wewentforwardandexaminedtheplaceandsawthelongtrackswhichherfeethadmadeinthedirtwhentheydartedovertheverge。Ifshehadfinishedhertripshewouldhavestrucksomebigrocksintheedgeofthewater，andthenthetorrentwouldhavesnatchedherdownstreamamongthehalf-coveredbouldersandshewouldhavebeenpoundedtopulpintwominutes。Wehadcomeexceedinglynearwitnessingherdeath。
AndnowHarris\'scontrarynatureandinbornselfishnesswerestrikingmanifested。Hehasnospiritofself-denial。
Hebeganstraightoff，andcontinuedforanhour，toexpresshisgratitudethatthechildwasnotdestroyed。
Ineversawsuchaman。Thatwasthekindofpersonhewas；
justsoHEwasgratified，henevercaredanythingaboutanybodyelse。Ihadnoticedthattraitinhim，overandoveragain。Often，ofcourse，itwasmereheedlessness，merewantofreflection。Doubtlessthismayhavebeenthecaseinmostinstances，butitwasnotthelesshardtobaronthataccount——andafterall，itsbottom，itsgroundwork，wasselfishness。Thereisnoavoidingthatconclusion。Intheinstanceunderconsideration，Ididthinktheindecencyofrunningoninthatwaymightoccurtohim；butno，thechildwassavedandhewasglad，thatwassufficient——hecarednotastrawforMYfeelings，ormylossofsuchaliteraryplum，snatchedfrommyverymouthattheinstantitwasreadytodropintoit。
Hisselfishnesswassufficienttoplacehisowngratificationinbeingsparedsufferingclearbeforeallconcernforme，hisfriend。Apparently，hedidnotoncereflectuponthevaluabledetailswhichwouldhavefallenlikeawindfalltome:fishingthechildout——witnessingthesurpriseofthefamilyandthestirthethingwouldhavemadeamongthepeasants——thenaSwissfuneral——thentheroadsidemonument，tobepaidforbyusandhaveournamesmentionedinit。
AndweshouldhavegoneintoBaedekerandbeenimmortal。
Iwassilent。Iwastoomuchhurttocomplain。Ifhecouldactso，andbesoheedlessandsofrivolousatsuchatime，andactuallyseemtogloryinit，afterallIhaddoneforhim，IwouldhavecutmyhandoffbeforeIwouldlethimseethatIwaswounded。
WewereapproachingZermatt；consequently，wewereapproachingtherenownedMatterhorn。Amonthbefore，thismountainhadbeenonlyanametous，butlatterlywehadbeenmovingthroughasteadilythickeningdoublerowofpicturesofit，doneinoil，water，chromo，wood，steel，copper，crayon，andphotography，andsoithadatlengthbecomeashapetous——andaverydistinct，decided，andfamiliarone，too。Wewereexpectingtorecognizethatmountainwheneverorwhereverweshouldrunacrossit。
Wewerenotdeceived。Themonarchwasfarawaywhenwefirstsawhim，buttherewasnosuchthingasmistakinghim。
Hehastherarepeculiarityofstandingbyhimself；
heispeculiarlysteep，too，andisalsomostoddlyshaped。
Hetowersintotheskylikeacolossalwedge，withtheupperthirdofitsbladebentalittletotheleft。
Thebroadbaseofthismonsterwedgeisplanteduponagrandglacier-pavedAlpineplatformwhoseelevationistenthousandfeetabovesea-level；asthewedgeitselfissomefivethousandfeethigh，itfollowsthatitsapexisaboutfifteenthousandfeetabovesea-level。
Sothewholebulkofthisstatelypieceofrock，thissky-cleavingmonolith，isabovethelineofeternalsnow。
Yetwhileallitsgiantneighborshavethelookofbeingbuiltofsolidsnow，fromtheirwaistsup，theMatterhornstandsblackandnakedandforbidding，theyearround，ormerelypowderedorstreakedwithwhiteinplaces，foritssidesaresosteepthatthesnowcannotstaythere。
Itsstrangeform，itsaugustisolation，anditsmajesticunkinshipwithitsownkind，makeit——sotospeak——theNapoleonofthemountainworld。\"Grand，gloomy，andpeculiar，\"
isaphrasewhichfitsitasaptlyasitfittedthegreatcaptain。
Thinkofamonumentamilehigh，standingonapedestaltwomileshigh!ThisiswhattheMatterhornis——amonument。
Itsoffice，henceforth，foralltime，willbetokeepwatchandwardoverthesecretresting-placeoftheyoungLordDouglas，who，in1865，wasprecipitatedfromthesummitoveraprecipicefourthousandfeethigh，andneverseenagain。Nomaneverhadsuchamonumentasthisbefore；
themostimposingoftheworld\'sothermonumentsarebutatomscomparedtoit；andtheywillperish，andtheirplaceswillpassfrommemory，butthiswillremain。[1]
1。TheaccidentwhichcostLordDouglashislifeseeChapterxiialsocostthelivesofthreeothermen。
Thesethreefellfour-fifthsofamile，andtheirbodieswereafterwardfound，lyingsidebyside，uponaglacier，whencetheywerebornetoZermattandburiedinthechurchyard。
TheremainsofLordDouglashaveneverbeenfound。
Thesecretofhissepulture，likethatofMoses，mustremainamysteryalways。
AwalkfromSt。NicholastoZermattisawonderfulexperience。
Natureisbuiltonastupendousplaninthatregion。
Onemarchescontinuallybetweenwallsthatarepiledintotheskies，withtheirupperheightsbrokenintoaconfusionofsublimeshapesthatgleamwhiteandcoldagainstthebackgroundofblue；andhereandthereoneseesabigglacierdisplayingitsgrandeursonthetopofaprecipice，oragracefulcascadeleapingandflashingdownthegreendeclivities。Thereisnothingtame，orcheap，ortrivial——itisallmagnificent。Thatshortvalleyisapicture-galleryofanotablekind，foritcontainsnomediocrities；fromendtoendtheCreatorhashungitwithHismasterpieces。
WemadeZermattatthreeintheafternoon，ninehoursoutfromSt。Nicholas。Distance，byguide-book，twelvemiles；
bypedometerseventy-two。Wewereintheheartandhomeofthemountain-climbers，now，asallvisiblethingstestified。Thesnow-peaksdidnotholdthemselvesaloof，inaristocraticreserve；theynestledclosearound，inafriendly，sociableway；guides，withtheropesandaxesandotherimplementsoftheirfearfulcallingslungabouttheirpersons，roostedinalonglineuponastonewallinfrontofthehotel，andwaitedforcustomers；
sun-burntclimbers，inmountaineeringcostume，andfollowedbytheirguidesandporters，arrivedfromtimetotime，frombreakneckexpeditionsamongthepeaksandglaciersoftheHighAlps；maleandfemaletourists，onmules，filedby，inacontinuousprocession，hotelward-boundfromwildadventureswhichwouldgrowingrandeurverytimetheyweredescribedattheEnglishorAmericanfireside，andatlastoutgrowthepossibleitself。
Wewerenotdreaming；thiswasnotamake-believehomeoftheAlp-climber，createdbyourheatedimaginations；
no，forherewasMr。Girdlestonehimself，thefamousEnglishmanwhohuntshiswaytothemostformidableAlpinesummitswithoutaguide。IwasnotequaltoimaginingaGirdlestone；itwasallIcoulddotoevenrealizehim，whilelookingstraightathimatshortrange。IwouldratherfacewholeHydeParksofartillerythantheghastlyformsofdeathwhichhehasfacedamongthepeaksandprecipicesofthemountains。ThereisprobablynopleasureequaltothepleasureofclimbingadangerousAlp；butitisapleasurewhichisconfinedstrictlytopeoplewhocanfindpleasureinit。Ihavenotjumpedtothisconclusion；
Ihavetraveledtoitpergravel-train，sotospeak。
Ihavethoughtthethingallout，andamquitesureI
amright。Abornclimber\'sappetiteforclimbingishardtosatisfy；whenitcomesuponhimheislikeastarvingmanwithafeastbeforehim；hemayhaveotherbusinessonhand，butitmustwait。Mr。GirdlestonehadhadhisusualsummerholidayintheAlps，andhadspentitinhisusualway，huntingforuniquechancestobreakhisneck；hisvacationwasover，andhisluggagepackedforEngland，butallofasuddenahungerhadcomeuponhimtoclimbthetremendousWeisshornoncemore，forhehadheardofanewandutterlyimpossiblerouteupit。
Hisbaggagewasunpackedatonce，andnowheandafriend，ladenwithknapsacks，ice-axes，coilsofrope，andcanteensofmilk，werejustsettingout。Theywouldspendthenighthighupamongthesnows，somewhere，andgetupattwointhemorningandfinishtheenterprise。
Ihadastrongdesiretogowiththem，butforceditdown——
afeatwhichMr。Girdlestone，withallhisfortitude，couldnotdo。
Evenladiescatchtheclimbingmania，andareunabletothrowitoff。Afamousclimber，ofthatsex，hadattemptedtheWeisshornafewdaysbeforeourarrival，andsheandherguideshadlosttheirwayinasnow-stormhighupamongthepeaksandglaciersandbeenforcedtowanderaroundagoodwhilebeforetheycouldfindawaydown。
Whenthisladyreachedthebottom，shehadbeenonherfeettwenty-threehours!
Ourguides，hiredontheGemmi，werealreadyatZermattwhenwereachedthere。Sotherewasnothingtointerferewithourgettingupanadventurewheneverweshouldchoosethetimeandtheobject。IresolvedtodevotemyfirsteveninginZermatttostudyingupthesubjectofAlpineclimbing，bywayofpreparation。