Itisaninsolencetowardthemajorityofthepurchasers，foritisaveryfrankandimpudentwayofsaying，\'Getthetranslationsmadeyourselfifyouwantthem，thisbookisnotwrittenfortheignorantclasses。\'TherearemenwhoknowaforeignlanguagesowellandhaveuseditsolongintheirdailylifethattheyseemtodischargewholevolleysofitintotheirEnglishwritingsunconsciously，andsotheyomittotranslate，asmuchashalfthetime。
Thatisagreatcrueltytonineoutoftenoftheman\'sreaders。Whatistheexcuseforthis?ThewriterwouldsayheonlyusestheforeignlanguagewherethedelicacyofhispointcannotbeconveyedinEnglish。
Verywell，thenhewriteshisbestthingsforthetenthman，andheoughttowarnthenineothernottobuyhisbook。
However，theexcuseheoffersisatleastanexcuse；
butthereisanothersetofmenwhoarelikeYOU；
theyknowaWORDhereandthere，ofaforeignlanguage，orafewbeggarlylittlethree-wordphrases，filchedfromthebackoftheDictionary，andthesearecontinuallypepperingintotheirliterature，withapretenseofknowingthatlanguage——whatexcusecantheyoffer?Theforeignwordsandphraseswhichtheyusehavetheirexactequivalentsinanoblerlanguage——English；yettheythinkthey\'adorntheirpage\'whentheysaySTRASSEforstreet，andBAHNHOFforrailway-station，andsoon——flauntingtheseflutteringragsofpovertyinthereader\'sfaceandimagininghewillbeassenoughtotakethemforthesignofuntoldrichesheldinreserve。Iwillletyour\'learning\'remaininyourreport；youhaveasmuchright，Isuppose，to\'adornyourpage\'withZuluandChineseandChoctawrubbishasothersofyoursorthavetoadorntheirswithinsolentoddsandendssmouchedfromhalfadozenlearnedtongueswhoseA-BABStheydon\'tevenknow。\"
Whenthemusingspiderstepsuponthered-hotshovel，hefirstexhibitsawildsurprise，thenheshrivelsup。
SimilarwastheeffectoftheseblisteringwordsuponthetranquilandunsuspectingAgent。Icanbedreadfullyroughonapersonwhenthemoodtakesme。
CHAPTERXXXI
[Alp-scalingbyCarriage]
Wenowpreparedforaconsiderablewalk——fromLucernetoInterlaken，overtheBru\"nigPass。ButatthelastmomenttheweatherwassogoodthatIchangedmymindandhiredafour-horsecarriage。Itwasahugevehicle，roomy，aseasyinitsmotionasapalanquin，andexceedinglycomfortable。
Wegotawayprettyearlyinthemorning，afterahotbreakfast，andwentbowlingoverahard，smoothroad，throughthesummerlovelinessofSwitzerland，withnearanddistantlakesandmountainsbeforeandaboutusfortheentertainmentoftheeye，andthemusicofmultitudinousbirdstocharmtheear。Sometimestherewasonlythewidthoftheroadbetweentheimposingprecipicesontherightandtheclearcoolwaterontheleftwithitsshoalsofuncatchablefishskimmingaboutthroughthebarsofsunandshadow；
andsometimes，inplaceoftheprecipices，thegrassylandstretchedaway，inanapparentlyendlessupwardslant，andwasdottedeverywherewithsnuglittlechalets，thepeculiarlycaptivatingcottageofSwitzerland。
Theordinarychaletturnsabroad，honestgableendtotheroad，anditsampleroofhoversoverthehomeinaprotecting，caressingway，projectingitsshelteringeavesfaroutward。Thequaintwindowsarefilledwithlittlepanes，andgarnishedwithwhitemuslincurtains，andbrightenedwithboxesofbloomingflowers。
Acrossthefrontofthehouse，andupthespreadingeavesandalongthefancifulrailingsoftheshallowporch，areelaboratecarvings——wreaths，fruits，arabesques，versesfromScripture，names，dates，etc。Thebuildingiswhollyofwood，reddishbrownintint，averypleasingcolor。Itgenerallyhasvinesclimbingoverit。
Setsuchahouseagainstthefreshgreenofthehillside，anditlookseversocozyandinvitingandpicturesque，andisadecidedlygracefuladditiontothelandscape。
Onedoesnotfindoutwhataholdthechalethastakenuponhim，untilhepresentlycomesuponanewhouse——
ahousewhichisapingthetownfashionsofGermanyandFrance，aprim，hideous，straight-up-and-downthing，plasteredalloverontheoutsidetolooklikestone，andaltogethersostiff，andformal，andugly，andforbidding，andsooutoftunewiththegraciouslandscape，andsodeafanddumbanddeadtothepoetryofitssurroundings，thatitsuggestsanundertakeratapicnic，acorpseatawedding，apuritaninParadise。
InthecourseofthemorningwepassedthespotwherePontiusPilateissaidtohavethrownhimselfintothelake。
ThelegendgoesthataftertheCrucifixionhisconsciencetroubledhim，andhefledfromJerusalemandwanderedabouttheearth，wearyoflifeandapreytotorturesofthemind。Eventually，hehidhimselfaway，ontheheightsofMountPilatus，anddweltaloneamongthecloudsandcragsforyears；butrestandpeacewerestilldeniedhim，sohefinallyputanendtohismiserybydrowninghimself。
Presentlywepassedtheplacewhereamanofbetterodorwasborn。Thiswasthechildren\'sfriend，SantaClaus，orSt。Nicholas。Therearesomeunaccountablereputationsintheworld。Thissaint\'sisaninstance。Hehasrankedforagesasthepeculiarfriendofchildren，yetitappearshewasnotmuchofafriendtohisown。
Hehadtenofthem，andwhenfiftyyearsoldheleftthem，andsoughtoutasdismalarefugefromtheworldaspossible，andbecameahermitinorderthathemightreflectuponpiousthemeswithoutbeingdisturbedbythejoyousandothernoisesfromthenursery，doubtless。
JudgingbyPilateandSt。Nicholas，thereexistsnorulefortheconstructionofhermits；theyseemmadeoutofallkindsofmaterial。ButPilateattendedtothematterofexpiatinghissinwhilehewasalive，whereasSt。Nicholaswillprobablyhavetogoonclimbingdownsootychimneys，Christmaseve，forever，andconferringkindnessonotherpeople\'schildren，tomakeupfordesertinghisown。
HisbonesarekeptinachurchinavillageSachseln
whichwevisited，andarenaturallyheldingreatreverence。
Hisportraitiscommoninthefarmhousesoftheregion，butisbelievedbymanytobebutanindifferentlikeness。
Duringhishermitlife，accordingtolegend，hepartookofthebreadandwineofthecommuniononceamonth，butalltherestofthemonthhefasted。
Aconstantmarvelwithus，aswespedalongthebasesofthesteepmountainsonthisjourney，was，notthatavalanchesoccur，butthattheyarenotoccurringallthetime。Onedoesnotunderstandwhyrocksandlandslidesdonotplungedownthesedeclivitiesdaily。Alandslipoccurredthreequartersofacenturyago，ontheroutefromArthtoBrunnen，whichwasaformidablething。
Amassofconglomeratetwomileslong，athousandfeetbroad，andahundredfeetthick，brokeawayfromacliffthreethousandfeethighandhurleditselfintothevalleybelow，buryingfourvillagesandfivehundredpeople，asinagrave。
Wehadsuchabeautifulday，andsuchendlesspicturesoflimpidlakes，andgreenhillsandvalleys，andmajesticmountains，andmilkycataractsdancingdownthesteepsandgleaminginthesun，thatwecouldnothelpfeelingsweettowardalltheworld；sowetriedtodrinkallthemilk，andeatallthegrapesandapricotsandberries，andbuyallthebouquetsofwildflowerswhichthelittlepeasantboysandgirlsofferedforsale；
butwehadtoretirefromthiscontract，foritwastooheavy。
Atshortdistances——andtheywereentirelytooshort——allalongtheroad，weregroupsofneatandcomelychildren，withtheirwaresnicelyandtemptinglysetforthinthegrassundertheshadetrees，andassoonasweapproachedtheyswarmedintotheroad，holdingouttheirbasketsandmilkbottles，andranbesidethecarriage，barefootandbareheaded，andimportunedustobuy。
Theyseldomdesistedearly，butcontinuedtorunandinsist——besidethewagonwhiletheycould，andbehindituntiltheylostbreath。Thentheyturnedandchasedareturningcarriagebacktotheirtrading-postagain。
Afterseveralhoursofthis，withoutanyintermission，itbecomesalmostannoying。Idonotknowwhatweshouldhavedonewithoutthereturningcarriagestodrawoffthepursuit。However，therewereplentyofthese，loadedwithdustytouristsandpiledhighwithluggage。
Indeed，fromLucernetoInterlakenwehadthespectacle，amongotherscenery，ofanunbrokenprocessionoffruit-peddlersandtouristscarriages。
Ourtalkwasmostlyanticipatoryofwhatweshouldseeonthedown-gradeoftheBru\"nig，byandby，afterweshouldpassthesummit。AllourfriendsinLucernehadsaidthattolookdownuponMeiringen，andtherushingblue-grayriverAar，andthebroadlevelgreenvalley；
andacrossatthemightyAlpineprecipicesthatrisestraightuptothecloudsoutofthatvalley；andupatthemicroscopicchaletspercheduponthedizzyeavesofthoseprecipicesandwinkingdimlyandfitfullythroughthedriftingveilofvapor；andstillupandup，atthesuperbOltschibackandtheotherbeautifulcascadesthatleapfromthoseruggedheights，robedinpowderyspray，ruffledwithfoam，andgirdledwithrainbows——tolookuponthesethings，theysay，wastolookuponthelastpossibilityofthesublimeandtheenchanting。Therefore，asIsay，wetalkedmainlyofthesecomingwonders；ifwewereconsciousofanyimpatience，itwastogetthereinfavorableseason；
ifwefeltanyanxiety，itwasthatthedaymightremainperfect，andenableustoseethosemarvelsattheirbest。
AsweapproachedtheKaiserstuhl，apartoftheharnessgaveway。
Wewereindistressforamoment，butonlyamoment。
Itwasthefore-and-aftgearthatwasbroken——thethingthatleadsaftfromtheforwardpartofthehorseandismadefasttothethingthatpullsthewagon。InAmericathiswouldhavebeenaheavyleathernstrap；but，alloverthecontinentitisnothingbutapieceofropethesizeofyourlittlefinger——clothes-lineiswhatitis。
Cabsuseit，privatecarriages，freight-cartsandwagons，allsortsofvehicleshaveit。InMunichIafterwardsawitusedonalongwagonladenwithfifty-fourhalf-barrelsofbeer；IhadbeforenoticedthatthecabsinHeidelbergusedit——notnewrope，butropethathadbeeninusesinceAbraham\'stime——andIhadfeltnervous，sometimes，behinditwhenthecabwastearingdownahill。ButI
hadlongbeenaccustomedtoitnow，andhadevenbecomeafraidoftheleatherstrapwhichbelongedinitsplace。
Ourdrivergotafreshpieceofclothes-lineoutofhislockerandrepairedthebreakintwominutes。
SomuchforoneEuropeanfashion。Everycountryhasitsownways。Itmayinterestthereadertoknowhowthey\"puthorsesto\"onthecontinent。Themanstandsupthehorsesoneachsideofthethingthatprojectsfromthefrontendofthewagon，andthenthrowsthetangledmessofgearforwardthrougharing，andhaulsitaft，andpassestheotherthingthroughtheotherringandhaulsitaftontheothersideoftheotherhorse，oppositetothefirstone，aftercrossingthemandbringingthelooseendback，andthenbucklestheotherthingunderneaththehorse，andtakesanotherthingandwrapsitaroundthethingIspokeofbefore，andputsanotherthingovereachhorse\'shead，withbroadflapperstoittokeepthedustoutofhiseyes，andputstheironthinginhismouthforhimtogrithisteethon，uphill，andbringstheendsofthesethingsaftoverhisback，afterbucklinganotheronearoundunderhisnecktoholdhisheadup，andhitchinganotherthingonathingthatgoesoverhisshoulderstokeephisheadupwhenheisclimbingahill，andthentakestheslackofthethingwhichImentionedawhileago，andfetchesitaftandmakesitfasttothethingthatpullsthewagon，andhandstheotherthingsuptothedrivertosteerwith。
Ineverhavebuckledupahorsemyself，butIdonotthinkwedoitthatway。
Wehadfourveryhandsomehorses，andthedriverwasveryproudofhisturnout。Hewouldbowlalongonareasonabletrot，onthehighway，butwhenheenteredavillagehediditonafuriousrun，andaccompanieditwithafrenzyofceaselesswhip-crackingsthatsoundedlikevolleysofmusketry。
Hetorethroughthenarrowstreetsandaroundthesharpcurveslikeamovingearthquake，showeringhisvolleysashewent，andbeforehimsweptacontinuoustidalwaveofscamperingchildren，ducks，cats，andmothersclaspingbabieswhichtheyhadsnatchedoutofthewayofthecomingdestruction；andasthislivingwavewashedaside，alongthewalls，itselements，beingsafe，forgottheirfearsandturnedtheiradmiringgazeuponthatgallantdrivertillhethunderedaroundthenextcurveandwaslosttosight。
Hewasagreatmantothosevillagers，withhisgaudyclothesandhisterrificways。Wheneverhestoppedtohavehiscattlewateredandfedwithloavesofbread，thevillagersstoodaroundadmiringhimwhileheswaggeredabout，thelittleboysgazedupathisfacewithhumblehomage，andthelandlordbroughtoutfoamingmugsofbeerandconversedproudlywithhimwhilehedrank。
Thenhemountedhisloftybox，swunghisexplosivewhip，andawayhewentagain，likeastorm。IhadnotseenanythinglikethisbeforesinceIwasaboy，andthestageusedtoflourishthevillagewiththedustflyingandthehorntooting。
WhenwereachedthebaseoftheKaiserstuhl，wetooktwomorehorses；wehadtotoilalongwithdifficultyforanhourandahalfortwohours，fortheascentwasnotverygradual，butwhenwepassedthebackboneandapproachedthestation，thedriversurpassedallhispreviouseffortsinthewayofrushandclatter。
Hecouldnothavesixhorsesallthetime，sohemadethemostofhischancewhilehehadit。
UptothispointwehadbeenintheheartoftheWilliamTellregion。Theheroisnotforgotten，byanymeans，orheldindoubtfulveneration。Hiswoodenimage，withhisbowdrawn，abovethedoorsoftaverns，wasafrequentfeatureofthescenery。
AboutnoonwearrivedatthefootoftheBru\"nigPass，andmadeatwo-hourstopatthevillagehotel，anotherofthoseclean，pretty，andthoroughlywell-keptinnswhicharesuchanastonishmenttopeoplewhoareaccustomedtohotelsofadismallydifferentpatterninremotecountry-towns。
Therewasalakehere，inthelapofthegreatmountains，thegreenslopesthatrosetowardthelowercragsweregracedwithscatteredSwisscottagesnestlingamongminiaturefarmsandgardens，andfromoutaleafyambuscadeintheupperheightstumbledabrawlingcataract。
Carriageaftercarriage，ladenwithtouristsandtrunks，arrived，andthequiethotelwassoonpopulous。
Wewereearlyatthetabled\'ho^teandsawthepeopleallcomein。Thereweretwenty-five，perhaps。Theywereofvariousnationalities，butweweretheonlyAmericans。
NexttomesatanEnglishbride，andnexttohersathernewhusband，whomshecalled\"Neddy，\"thoughhewasbigenoughandstalwartenoughtobeentitledtohisfullname。
Theyhadaprettylittlelovers\'quarreloverwhatwinetheyshouldhave。Neddywasforobeyingtheguide-bookandtakingthewineofthecountry；butthebridesaid:
\"What，thatnahstystuff!\"
\"Itisn\'tnahsty，pet，it\'squitegood。\"
\"ItISnahsty。\"
\"No，itISN\'Tnahsty。\"
\"It\'sOfulnahsty，Neddy，andIshahn\'tdrinkit。\"
Thenthequestionwas，whatshemusthave。Shesaidheknewverywellthatsheneverdrankanythingbutchampagne。
Sheadded:
\"Youknowverywellpapaalwayshaschampagneonhistable，andI\'vealwaysbeenusedtoit。\"
Neddymadeaplayfulpretenseofbeingdistressedabouttheexpense，andthisamusedhersomuchthatshenearlyexhaustedherselfwithlaughter——andthispleasedHIM
somuchthatherepeatedhisjestacoupleoftimes，andaddednewandkillingvarietiestoit。Whenthebridefinallyrecovered，shegaveNeddyalove-boxonthearmwithherfan，andsaidwitharchseverity:
\"Well，youwouldHAVEme——nothingelsewoulddo——
soyou\'llhavetomakethebestofabadbargain。
DOorderthechampagne，I\'mOfuldry。\"
Sowithamockgroanwhichmadeherlaughagain，Neddyorderedthechampagne。
Thefactthatthisyoungwomanhadnevermoistenedtheselvedgeedgeofhersoulwithalessplebeiantipplethanchampagne，hadamarkedandsubduingeffectonHarris。Hebelievedshebelongedtotheroyalfamily。
ButIhadmydoubts。
Weheardtwoorthreedifferentlanguagesspokenbypeopleatthetableandguessedoutthenationalitiesofmostofthegueststooursatisfaction，butwefailedwithanelderlygentlemanandhiswifeandayounggirlwhosatoppositeus，andwithagentlemanofaboutthirty-fivewhosatthreeseatsbeyondHarris。
Wedidnothearanyofthesespeak。Butfinallythelast-namedgentlemanleftwhilewewerenotnoticing，butwelookedupashereachedthefarendofthetable。
Hestoppedthereamoment，andmadehistoiletwithapocketcomb。SohewasaGerman；orelsehehadlivedinGermanhotelslongenoughtocatchthefashion。
Whentheelderlycoupleandtheyounggirlrosetoleave，theybowedrespectfullytous。SotheywereGermans，too。
Thisnationalcustomisworthsixoftheotherone，forexport。
AfterdinnerwetalkedwithseveralEnglishmen，andtheyinflamedourdesiretoahotterdegreethanever，toseethesightsofMeiringenfromtheheightsoftheBru\"nigPass。Theysaidtheviewwasmarvelous，andthatonewhohadseenitoncecouldneverforgetit。
Theyalsospokeoftheromanticnatureoftheroadoverthepass，andhowinoneplaceithadbeencutthroughaflankofthesolidrock，insuchawaythatthemountainoverhungthetouristashepassedby；andtheyfurthermoresaidthatthesharpturnsintheroadandtheabruptnessofthedescentwouldaffordusathrillingexperience，forweshouldgodowninaflyinggallopandseemtobespinningaroundtheringsofawhirlwind，likeadropofwhiskeydescendingthespiralsofacorkscrew。
Igotalltheinformationoutofthesegentlementhatwecouldneed；andthen，tomakeeverythingcomplete，Iaskedthemifabodycouldgetholdofalittlefruitandmilkhereandthere，incaseofnecessity。Theythrewuptheirhandsinspeechlessintimationthattheroadwassimplypavedwithrefreshment-peddlers。Wewereimpatienttogetaway，now，andtherestofourtwo-hourstopratherdragged。
Butfinallythesettimearrivedandwebegantheascent。
Indeeditwasawonderfulroad。Itwassmooth，andcompact，andclean，andthesidenexttheprecipiceswasguardedallalongbydressedstonepostsaboutthreefeethigh，placedatshortdistancesapart。TheroadcouldnothavebeenbetterbuiltifNapoleontheFirsthadbuiltit。
HeseemstohavebeentheintroducerofthesortofroadswhichEuropenowuses。AllliteraturewhichdescribeslifeasitexistedinEngland，France，andGermanyuptothecloseofthelastcentury，isfilledwithpicturesofcoachesandcarriageswallowingthroughthesethreecountriesinmudandslushhalf-wheeldeep；butafterNapoleonhadflounderedthroughaconqueredkingdomhegenerallyarrangedthingssothattherestoftheworldcouldfollowdry-shod。
Wewentonclimbing，higherandhigher，andcurvinghitherandthither，intheshadeofnoblewoods，andwitharichvarietyandprofusionofwildflowersallaboutus；
andglimpsesofroundedgrassybackbonesbelowusoccupiedbytrimchaletsandnibblingsheep，andotherglimpsesoffarloweraltitudes，wheredistancediminishedthechaletstotoysandobliteratedthesheepaltogether；
andeverynowandthensomeerminedmonarchoftheAlpsswungmagnificentlyintoviewforamoment，thendriftedpastaninterveningspuranddisappearedagain。
Itwasanintoxicatingtripaltogether；theexceedingsenseofsatisfactionthatfollowsagooddinneraddedlargelytotheenjoyment；thehavingsomethingespecialtolookforwardtoandmuseabout，liketheapproachinggrandeursofMeiringen，sharpenedthezest。Smokingwasneversogoodbefore，solidcomfortwasneversolider；
welaybackagainstthethickcushionssilent，meditative，steepedinfelicity。
Irubbedmyeyes，openedthem，andstarted。IhadbeendreamingIwasatsea，anditwasathrillingsurprisetowakeupandfindlandallaroundme。Ittookmeacouplesecondsto\"cometo，\"asyoumaysay；thenItookinthesituation。
Thehorsesweredrinkingatatroughintheedgeofatown，thedriverwastakingbeer，Harriswassnoringatmyside，thecourier，withfoldedarmsandbowedhead，wassleepingonthebox，twodozenbarefootedandbareheadedchildrenweregatheredaboutthecarriage，withtheirhandscrossedbehind，gazingupwithseriousandinnocentadmirationatthedozingtouristsbakingthereinthesun。
Severalsmallgirlsheldnight-cappedbabiesnearlyasbigasthemselvesintheirarms，andeventhesefatbabiesseemedtotakeasortofsluggishinterestinus。
Wehadsleptanhourandahalfandmissedallthescenery!
Ididnotneedanybodytotellmethat。IfIhadbeenagirl，Icouldhavecursedforvexation。Asitwas，Iwokeuptheagentandgavehimapieceofmymind。
Insteadofbeinghumiliated，heonlyupbraidedmeforbeingsowantinginvigilance。HesaidhehadexpectedtoimprovehismindbycomingtoEurope，butamanmighttraveltotheendsoftheearthwithmeandneverseeanything，forI
wasmanifestlyendowedwiththeverygeniusofillluck。
Heeventriedtogetupsomeemotionaboutthatpoorcourier，whonevergotachancetoseeanything，onaccountofmyheedlessness。ButwhenIthoughtIhadborneaboutenoughofthiskindoftalk，IthreatenedtomakeHarristrampbacktothesummitandmakeareportonthatscenery，andthissuggestionspikedhisbattery。
WedrovesullenlythroughBrienz，deadtotheseductionsofitsbewilderingarrayofSwisscarvingsandtheclamorousHOO-hooingofitscuckooclocks，andhadnotentirelyrecoveredourspiritswhenwerattledacrossabridgeovertherushingblueriverandenteredtheprettytownofInterlaken。Itwasjustaboutsunset，andwehadmadethetripfromLucerneintenhours。
CHAPTERXXXII
[TheJungfrau，theBride，andthePiano]
WelocatedourselvesattheJungfrauHotel，oneofthosehugeestablishmentswhichtheneedsofmoderntravelhavecreatedineveryattractivespotonthecontinent。
Therewasagreatgatheringatdinner，and，asusual，oneheardallsortsoflanguages。
Thetabled\'ho^tewasservedbywaitressesdressedinthequaintandcomelycostumeoftheSwisspeasants。
Thisconsistsofasimplegrosdelaine，trimmedwithashesofroses，withoverskirtofscarebleuventresaintgris，cutbiasontheoff-side，withfacingsofpetitpolonaiseandnarrowinsertionsofpa^tedefoiegrasbackstitchedtothemiseensce`neintheformofajeud\'esprit。Itgivestothewearerasingularlypiquantandalluringaspect。
Oneofthesewaitresses，awomanofforty，hadside-whiskersreachinghalf-waydownherjaws。
Theyweretwofingersbroad，darkincolor，prettythick，andthehairswereaninchlong。Oneseesmanywomenonthecontinentwithquiteconspicuousmustaches，butthiswastheonlywomanIsawwhohadreachedthedignityofwhiskers。
Afterdinnertheguestsofbothsexesdistributedthemselvesaboutthefrontporchesandtheornamentalgroundsbelongingtothehotel，toenjoythecoolair；but，asthetwilightdeepenedtowarddarkness，theygatheredthemselvestogetherinthatsaddestandsolemnestandmostconstrainedofallplaces，thegreatblankdrawing-roomwhichisthechieffeatureofallcontinentalsummerhotels。Theretheygroupedthemselvesabout，incouplesandthrees，andmumbledinbatedvoices，andlookedtimidandhomelessandforlorn。
Therewasasmallpianointhisroom，aclattery，wheezy，asthmaticthing，certainlytheveryworstmiscarriageinthewayofapianothattheworldhasseen。Inturn，fiveorsixdejectedandhomesickladiesapproacheditdoubtingly，gaveitasingleinquiringthump，andretiredwiththelockjaw。Butthebossofthatinstrumentwastocome，nevertheless；andfrommyowncountry——fromArkansaw。
Shewasabrand-newbride，innocent，girlish，happyinherselfandhergraveandworshipingstriplingofahusband；shewasabouteighteen，justoutofschool，freefromaffections，unconsciousofthatpassionlessmultitudearoundher；
andtheveryfirsttimeshesmotethatoldwreckonerecognizedthatithadmetitsdestiny。Herstriplingbroughtanarmfulofagedsheet-musicfromtheirroom——
forthisbridewent\"heeled，\"asyoumightsay——andbenthimselflovinglyoverandgotreadytoturnthepages。
Thebridefetchedaswoopwithherfingersfromoneendofthekeyboardtotheother，justtogetherbearings，asitwere，andyoucouldseethecongregationsettheirteethwiththeagonyofit。Then，withoutanymorepreliminaries，sheturnedonallthehorrorsofthe\"BattleofPrague，\"
thatvenerableshivaree，andwadedchin-deepinthebloodoftheslain。Shemadeafairandhonorableaverageoftwofalsenotesineveryfive，buthersoulwasinarmsandsheneverstoppedtocorrect。Theaudiencestooditwithprettyfairgritforawhile，butwhenthecannonadewaxedhotterandfiercer，andthediscordaveragerosetofourinfive，theprocessionbegantomove。
Afewstragglersheldtheirgroundtenminuteslonger，butwhenthegirlbegantowringthetrueinwardnessoutofthe\"criesofthewounded，\"theystrucktheircolorsandretiredinakindofpanic。
Thereneverwasacompletervictory；Iwastheonlynon-combatantleftonthefield。Iwouldnothavedesertedmycountrywomananyhow，butindeedIhadnodesiresinthatdirection。Noneofuslikemediocrity，butweallreverenceperfection。Thisgirl\'smusicwasperfectioninitsway；itwastheworstmusicthathadeverbeenachievedonourplanetbyamerehumanbeing。
Imovedupclose，andneverlostastrain。Whenshegotthrough，Iaskedhertoplayitagain。Shediditwithapleasedalacrityandaheightenedenthusiasm。
ShemadeitALLdiscords，thistime。Shegotanamountofanguishintothecriesofthewoundedthatshedanewlightonhumansuffering。Shewasonthewar-pathalltheevening。Allthetime，crowdsofpeoplegatheredontheporchesandpressedtheirnosesagainstthewindowstolookandmarvel，butthebravestneverventuredin。
Thebridewentoffsatisfiedandhappywithheryoungfellow，whenherappetitewasfinallygorged，andthetouristsswarmedinagain。
WhatachangehascomeoverSwitzerland，andinfactallEurope，duringthiscentury!SeventyoreightyyearsagoNapoleonwastheonlymaninEuropewhocouldreallybecalledatraveler；hewastheonlymanwhohaddevotedhisattentiontoitandtakenapowerfulinterestinit；
hewastheonlymanwhohadtraveledextensively；
butnoweverybodygoeseverywhere；andSwitzerland，andmanyotherregionswhichwereunvisitedandunknownremotenessesahundredyearsago，areinourdaysabuzzinghiveofrestlessstrangerseverysummer。
ButIdigress。
Inthemorning，whenwelookedoutofourwindows，wesawawonderfulsight。Acrossthevalley，andapparentlyquiteneighborlyandcloseathand，thegiantformoftheJungfraurosecoldandwhiteintotheclearsky，beyondagatewayinthenearerhighlands。
Itremindedme，somehow，ofoneofthosecolossalbillowswhichswellssuddenlyupbesideone\'sship，atsea，sometimes，withitscrestandshoulderssnowywhite，andtherestofitsnobleproportionsstreakeddownwardwithcreamyfoam。
Itookoutmysketch-bookandmadealittlepictureoftheJungfrau，merelytogettheshape。[Figure9]
Idonotregardthisasoneofmyfinishedworks，infactI
donotrankitamongmyWorksatall；itisonlyastudy；
itishardlymorethanwhatonemightcallasketch。
Otherartistshavedonemethegracetoadmireit；butI
amsevereinmyjudgmentsofmyownpictures，andthisonedoesnotmoveme。
ItwashardtobelievethatthatloftywoodedrampartontheleftwhichsoovertopstheJungfrauwasnotactuallythehigherofthetwo，butitwasnot，ofcourse。
Itisonlytwoorthreethousandfeethigh，andofcoursehasnosnowuponitinsummer，whereastheJungfrauisnotmuchshorteroffourteenthousandfeethighandthereforethatlowestvergeofsnowonherside，whichseemsnearlydowntothevalleylevel，isreallyaboutseventhousandfeethigherupintheairthanthesummitofthatwoodedrampart。
Itisthedistancethatmakesthedeception。Thewoodedheightisbutfourorfivemilesremovedfromus，buttheJungfrauisfourorfivetimesthatdistanceaway。
Walkingdownthestreetofshops，inthefore-noon，I
wasattractedbyalargepicture，carved，frameandall，fromasingleblockofchocolate-coloredwood。
Therearepeoplewhoknoweverything。SomeofthesehadtoldusthatcontinentalshopkeepersalwaysraisetheirpricesonEnglishandAmericans。Manypeoplehadtoldusitwasexpensivetobuythingsthroughacourier，whereasIhadsupposeditwasjustthereverse。
WhenIsawthispicture，IconjecturedthatitwasworthmorethanthefriendIproposedtobuyitforwouldliketopay，butstillitwasworthwhiletoinquire；
soItoldthecouriertostepinandasktheprice，asifhewanteditforhimself；ItoldhimnottospeakinEnglish，andaboveallnottorevealthefactthathewasacourier。
ThenImovedonafewyards，andwaited。
Thecouriercamepresentlyandreportedtheprice。
Isaidtomyself，\"Itisahundredfrancstoomuch，\"
andsodismissedthematterfrommymind。ButintheafternoonIwaspassingthatplacewithHarris，andthepictureattractedmeagain。Westeppedin，toseehowmuchhigherbrokenGermanwouldraisetheprice。
Theshopwomannamedafigurejustahundredfrancslowerthanthecourierhadnamed。Thiswasapleasantsurprise。
IsaidIwouldtakeit。AfterIhadgivendirectionsastowhereitwastobeshipped，theshipped，theshopwomansaid，appealingly:
\"Ifyourplease，donotletyourcourierknowyouboughtit。\"
Thiswasanunexpectedremark。Isaid:
\"WhatmakesyouthinkIhaveacourier?\"
\"Ah，thatisverysimple；hetoldmehimself。\"
\"Hewasverythoughtful。Buttellme——whydidyouchargehimmorethanyouarechargingme?\"
\"Thatisverysimple，also:Idonothavetopayyouapercentage。\"
\"Oh，Ibegintosee。Youwouldhavehadtopaythecourierapercentage。\"
\"Undoubtedly。Thecourieralwayshashispercentage。
Inthiscaseitwouldhavebeenahundredfrancs。\"
\"Thenthetradesmandoesnotpayapartofit——
thepurchaserpaysallofit?\"
\"Thereareoccasionswhenthetradesmanandthecourieragreeuponapricewhichistwiceorthricethevalueofthearticle，thenthetwodivide，andbothgetapercentage。\"
\"Isee。Butitseemstomethatthepurchaserdoesallthepaying，eventhen。\"
\"Oh，tobesure!Itgoeswithoutsaying。\"
\"ButIhaveboughtthispicturemyself；thereforewhyshouldn\'tthecourierknowit?\"
Thewomanexclaimed，indistress:
\"Ah，indeeditwouldtakeallmylittleprofit!Hewouldcomeanddemandhishundredfrancs，andIshouldhavetopay。\"
\"Hehasnotdonethebuying。Youcouldrefuse。\"
\"Icouldnotdaretorefuse。Hewouldneverbringtravelershereagain。Morethanthat，hewoulddenouncemetotheothercouriers，theywoulddivertcustomfromme，andmybusinesswouldbeinjured。\"
Iwentawayinathoughtfulframeofmind。Ibegantoseewhyacouriercouldaffordtoworkforfifty-fivedollarsamonthandhisfares。AmonthortwolaterIwasabletounderstandwhyacourierdidnothavetopayanyboardandlodging，andwhymyhotelbillswerealwayslargerwhenIhadhimwithmethanwhenIlefthimbehind，somewhere，forafewdays。
Anotherthingwasalsoexplained，now，apparently。
InonetownIhadtakenthecouriertothebanktodothetranslatingwhenIdrewsomemoney。Ihadsatinthereading-roomtillthetransactionwasfinished。
Thenaclerkhadbroughtthemoneytomeinperson，andhadbeenexceedinglypolite，evengoingsofarastoprecedemetothedoorandholdingitopenformeandbowmeoutasifIhadbeenadistinguishedpersonage。
Itwasanewexperience。ExchangehadbeeninmyfavoreversinceIhadbeeninEurope，butjustthatonetime。
Igotsimplythefaceofmydraft，andnoextrafrancs，whereasIhadexpectedtogetquiteanumberofthem。
ThiswasthefirsttimeIhadeverusedthecourieratthebank。Ihadsuspectedsomethingthen，andaslongasheremainedwithmeafterwardImanagedbankmattersbymyself。
Still，ifIfeltthatIcouldaffordthetax，Iwouldnevertravelwithoutacourier，foragoodcourierisaconveniencewhosevaluecannotbeestimatedindollarsandcents。Withouthim，travelisabitterharassment，apurgatoryoflittleexasperatingannoyances，aceaselessandpitilesspunishment——Imeantoanirasciblemanwhohasnobusinesscapacityandisconfusedbydetails。
Withoutacourier，travelhasn\'tarayofpleasureinit，anywhere；butwithhimitisacontinuousandunruffleddelight。Heisalwaysathand，neverhastobesentfor；ifyourbellisnotansweredpromptly——anditseldomis——youhaveonlytoopenthedoorandspeak，thecourierwillhear，andhewillhavetheorderattendedtoorraiseaninsurrection。Youtellhimwhatdayyouwillstart，andwhitheryouaregoing——leavealltheresttohim。Youneednotinquireabouttrains，orfares，orcarchanges，orhotels，oranythingelse。
Atthepropertimehewillputyouinacaboranomnibus，anddriveyoutothetrainortheboat；hehaspackedyourluggageandtransferredit，hehaspaidallthebills。
Otherpeoplehaveprecededyouhalfanhourtoscrambleforimpossibleplacesandlosetheirtempers，butyoucantakeyourtime；thecourierhassecuredyourseatsforyou，andyoucanoccupythematyourleisure。
Atthestation，thecrowdmashoneanothertopulpintheefforttogettheweigher\'sattentiontotheirtrunks；
theydisputehotlywiththesetyrants，whoarecoolandindifferent；theygettheirbaggagebillets，atlast，andthenhaveanothersqueezeandanotherrageoverthedishearteningbusinessoftryingtogetthemrecordedandpaidfor，andstillanotherovertheequallydishearteningbusinessoftryingtogetnearenoughtotheticketofficetobuyaticket；andnow，withtheirtempersgonetothedogs，theymuststandpennedupandpackedtogether，ladenwithwrapsandsatchelsandshawl-straps，withthewearywifeandbabies，inthewaiting-room，tillthedoorsarethrownopen——andthenallhandsmakeagrandfinalrushtothetrain，finditfull，andhavetostandontheplatformandfretuntilsomemorecarsareputon。
Theyareinaconditiontokillsomebodybythistime。
Meantime，youhavebeensittinginyourcar，smoking，andobservingallthismiseryintheextremestcomfort。
Onthejourneytheguardispoliteandwatchful——won\'tallowanybodytogetintoyourcompartment——tellsthemyouarejustrecoveringfromthesmall-poxanddonotliketobedisturbed。Forthecourierhasmadeeverythingrightwiththeguard。Atway-stationsthecouriercomestoyourcompartmenttoseeifyouwantaglassofwater，oranewspaper，oranything；ateating-stationshesendsluncheonouttoyou，whiletheotherpeoplescrambleandworryinthedining-rooms。Ifanythingbreaksaboutthecaryouarein，andastation-masterproposestopackyouandyouragentintoacompartmentwithstrangers，thecourierrevealstohimconfidentiallythatyouareaFrenchdukeborndeafanddumb，andtheofficialcomesandmakesaffablesignsthathehasorderedachoicecartobeaddedtothetrainforyou。
Atcustom-housesthemultitudefiletediouslythrough，hotandirritated，andlookonwhiletheofficersburrowintothetrunksandmakeamessofeverything；
butyouhandyourkeystothecourierandsitstill。
Perhapsyouarriveatyourdestinationinarain-stormattenatnight——yougenerallydo。Themultitudespendhalfanhourverifyingtheirbaggageandgettingittransferredtotheomnibuses；butthecourierputsyouintoavehiclewithoutamoment\'slossoftime，andwhenyoureachyourhotelyoufindyourroomshavebeensecuredtwoorthreedaysinadvance，everythingisready，youcangoatoncetobed。Someofthoseotherpeoplewillhavetodriftaroundtotwoorthreehotels，intherain，beforetheyfindaccommodations。
Ihavenotsetdownhalfofthevirtuesthatarevestedinagoodcourier，butIthinkIhavesetdownasufficiencyofthemtoshowthatanirritablemanwhocanaffordoneanddoesnotemployhimisnotawiseeconomist。MycourierwastheworstoneinEurope，yethewasagooddealbetterthannoneatall。
Itcouldnotpayhimtobeabetteronethanhewas，becauseIcouldnotaffordtobuythingsthroughhim。
Hewasagoodenoughcourierforthesmallamounthegotoutofhisservice。Yes，totravelwithacourierisbliss，totravelwithoutoneisthereverse。
Ihavehaddealingswithsomeverybadcouriers；butIhavealsohaddealingswithonewhomightfairlybecalledperfection。
HewasayoungPolander，namedJosephN。Verey。Hespokeeightlanguages，andseemedtobeequallyathomeinallofthem；hewasshrewd，prompt，posted，andpunctual；
hewasfertileinresources，andsingularlygiftedinthematterofovercomingdifficulties；henotonlyknewhowtodoeverythinginhisline，butheknewthebestwaysandthequickest；hewashandywithchildrenandinvalids；
allhisemployerneededtodowastotakelifeeasyandleaveeverythingtothecourier。Hisaddressis，careofMessrs。Gay&Son，Strand，London；hewasformerlyaconductorofGay\'stouristparties。Excellentcouriersaresomewhatrare；ifthereaderisabouttotravel，hewillfindittohisadvantagetomakeanoteofthisone。
CHAPTERXXXIII
[WeClimbFar——byBuggy]
ThebeautifulGiesbachFallisnearInterlaken，ontheothersideofthelakeofBrienz，andisilluminatedeverynightwiththosegorgeoustheatricalfireswhosenameIcannotcalljustatthismoment。Thiswassaidtobeaspectaclewhichthetouristoughtbynomeanstomiss。Iwasstronglytempted，butIcouldnotgotherewithpropriety，becauseonegoesinaboat。
ThetaskwhichIhadsetmyselfwastowalkoverEuropeonfoot，notskimoveritinaboat。Ihadmadeatacitcontractwithmyself；itwasmydutytoabidebyit。
Iwaswillingtomakeboattripsforpleasure，butIcouldnotconscientiouslymaketheminthewayofbusiness。
Itcostmesomethingofapangtolosethatfinesight，butIliveddownthedesire，andgainedinmyself-respectthroughthetriumph。Ihadafinerandagrandersight，however，whereIwas。ThiswasthemightydomeoftheJungfrausoftlyoutlinedagainsttheskyandfaintlysilveredbythestarlight。Therewassomethingsubduingintheinfluenceofthatsilentandsolemnandawfulpresence；oneseemedtomeettheimmutable，theindestructible，theeternal，facetoface，andtofeelthetrivialandfleetingnatureofhisownexistencethemoresharplybythecontrast。
Onehadthesenseofbeingunderthebroodingcontemplationofaspirit，notaninertmassofrocksandice——aspiritwhichhadlookeddown，throughtheslowdriftoftheages，uponamillionvanishedracesofmen，andjudgedthem；
andwouldjudgeamillionmore——andstillbethere，watching，unchangedandunchangeable，afteralllifeshouldbegoneandtheearthhavebecomeavacantdesolation。