\"Yes,yousee,\"Fulkersonadded,\"nobodycangivein。\"
\"Pardonme,\"saidthecolonel,\"thecaseisoneinwhichallcangivein。\"
\"Idon\'tknowwhich\'llbegin,\"saidFulkerson。
Thecolonelrose。\"Mr。Lindaumustbegin,sir。WemustbeginbyseeingMr。Lindau,andsecuringfromhimtheassurancethatintheexpressionofhispeculiarviewshehadnointentionofofferinganypersonaloffencetoMr。Dryfoos。IfIhaveformedacorrectestimateofMr。Lindau,thiswillbeperfectlysimple。\"
Fulkersonshookhishead。\"Butitwouldn\'thelp。Dryfoosdon\'tcarearapwhetherLindaumeantanypersonaloffenceornot。Asfarasthatisconcerned,he\'sgotahidelikeahippopotamus。ButwhathehatesisLindau\'sopinions,andwhathesaysisthatnomanwhoholdssuchopinionsshallhaveanyworkfromhim。AndwhatMarchsaysisthatnomanshallbepunishedthroughhimforhisopinions,hedon\'tcarewhattheyare。\"
Thecolonelstoodamomentinsilence。\"Andwhatdoyouexpectmetodounderthecircumstances?\"
\"Icametoyouforadvice——Ithoughtyoumightsuggest——?\"
\"DoyouwishmetoseeMr。Dryfoos?\"
\"Well,that\'saboutthesizeofit,\"Fulkersonadmitted。\"Yousee,colonel,\"hehastenedon,\"Iknowthatyouhaveagreatdealofinfluencewithhim;thatarticleofyoursisabouttheonlythinghe\'severreadin\'EveryOtherWeek,\'andhe\'sproudofyouracquaintance。Well,youknow\"——
andhereFulkersonbroughtinthefigurethatstruckhimsomuchinBeaton\'sphraseandhadbeenonhistongueeversince——\"you\'rethemanonhorsebacktohim;andhe\'dbemoreapttodowhatyousaythanifanybodyelsesaidit。\"
\"Youareverygood,sir,\"saidthecolonel,tryingtobeproofagainsttheflattery,\"butIamafraidyouoverratemyinfluence。\"Fulkersonlethimponderitsilently,andhisdaughtergovernedherimpatiencebyholdingherfanagainstherlips。Whatevertheprocesswasinthecolonel\'smind,hesaidatlast:\"Iseenogoodreasonfordecliningtoactforyou,Mr。Fulkerson,andIshallbeveryhappyifIcanbeofservicetoyou。But\"——hestoppedFulkersonfromcuttinginwithprecipitatethanks——\"IthinkIhavearight,sir,toaskwhatyourcoursewillbeintheeventoffailure?\"
\"Failure?\"Fulkersonrepeated,indismay。
\"Yes,sir。Iwillnotconcealfromyouthatthismissionisonenotwhollyagreeabletomyfeelings。\"
\"Oh,Iunderstandthat,colonel,andIassureyouthatIappreciate,I——\"
\"Thereisnousetryingtoblinkthefact,sir,thattherearecertainaspectsofMr。Dryfoos\'scharacterinwhichheisnotagentleman。
Wehavealludedtothisfactbefore,andIneednotdwelluponitnow:I
maysay,however,thatmymisgivingswerenotwhollyremovedlastnight。\"
\"No,\"Fulkersonassented;thoughinhishearthethoughttheoldmanhadbehavedverywell。
\"WhatIwishtosaynowisthatIcannotconsenttoactforyou,inthismatter,merelyasanintermediarywhosefailurewouldleavetheaffairinstatequo。\"
\"Isee,\"saidFulkerson。
\"AndIshouldlikesomeintimation,someassurance,astowhichpartyyourownfeelingsarewithinthedifference。\"
ThecolonelbenthiseyessharplyonFulkerson;MissWoodburnlethersfall;Fulkersonfeltthathewasbeingtested,andhesaid,togaintime,\"AsbetweenLindauandDryfoos?\"thoughheknewthiswasnotthepoint。
\"AsbetweenMr。DryfoosandMr。March,\"saidthecolonel。
Fulkersondrewalongbreathandtookhiscourageinbothhands。\"Therecan\'tbeanychoiceformeinsuchacase。I\'mforMarch,everytime。\"
Thecolonelseizedhishand,andMissWoodburnsaid,\"Iftherehadbeenanychoicefo\'youinsuchacase,Ishouldneverhaveletpapastirastepwithyou。\"
\"Why,inregardtothat,\"saidthecolonel,witha,literalapplicationoftheidea,\"wasityourintentionthatweshouldbothgo?\"
\"Well,Idon\'tknow;Isupposeitwas。\"
\"Ithinkitwillbebetterformetogoalone,\"saidthecolonel;and,withacolorfromhisexperienceinaffairsofhonor,headded:\"Inthesemattersaprincipalcannotappearwithoutcompromisinghisdignity。
IbelieveIhaveallthepointsclearlyinmind,andIthinkIshouldactmorefreelyinmeetingMr。Dryfoosalone。\"
Fulkersontriedtohidetheeagernesswithwhichhemettheseagreeableviews。Hefelthimselfexaltedinsomesorttothelevelofthecolonel\'ssentiments,thoughitwouldnotbeeasytosaywhetherthiswasthroughthedesperationbredofhavingcommittedhimselftoMarch\'sside,orthroughthebuoyanthopehehadthatthecolonelwouldsucceedinhismission。
\"I\'mnotafraidtotalkwithDryfoosaboutit,\"hesaid。
\"Thereisnoquestionofcourage,\"saidthecolonel。\"Itisaquestionofdignity——ofpersonaldignity。\"
\"Well,don\'tletthatdelayyou,papa,\"saidhisdaughter,followinghimtothedoor,whereshefoundhimhishat,andFulkersonhelpedhimonwithhisovercoat。\"Ahshallbejostwaldtoknowho\'it\'stonedoat。\"
\"Won\'tyouletmegouptothehousewithyou?\"Fulkersonbegan。
\"Ineedn\'tgoin——\"
\"Iprefertogoalone,\"saidthecolonel。\"Iwishtoturnthepointsoverinmymind,andIamafraidyouwouldfindmeratherdullcompany。\"
Hewentout,andFulkersonreturnedwithMissWoodburntothedrawing-
room,whereshesaidtheLeightonswere。They,werenotthere,butshedidnotseemdisappointed。
\"Well,Mr。Fulkerson,\"shesaid,\"youhavegotanahdealoffriendship,sureenough。\"
\"Me?\"saidFulkerson。\"Oh,myLord!Don\'tyouseeIcouldn\'tdoanythingelse?AndI\'mscaredhalftodeath,anyway。Ifthecoloneldon\'tbringtheoldmanround,Ireckonit\'sallupwithme。Buthe\'llfetchhim。AndI\'mjustprostratedwithgratitudetoyou,MissWoodburn。\"
Shewavedhisthanksasidewithherfan。\"Whatdoyoumeanbyitsbeingallupwithyou?\"
\"Why,iftheoldmanstickstohisposition,andIsticktoMarch,we\'vebothgottogooverboardtogether。Dryfoosownsthemagazine;hecanstopit,orhecanstopus,whichamountstothesamething,asfaraswe\'reconcerned。\"
\"Andthenwhat?\"thegirlpursued。
\"Andthen,nothing——tillwepickourselvesup。\"
\"DoyoumeanthatMr。Dryfooswillputyoubothoatofyourplaces?\"
\"Hemay。\"
\"AndMr。Mawchtakestheriskofthatjostfo\'aprinciple?\"
\"Ireckon。\"
\"Andyoudoitjostfo\'anahdeal?\"
\"Itwon\'tdotoownit。Imusthavemylittleaxetogrind,somewhere。\"
\"Well,menawesplendid,\"sighedthegirl。\"Ahwillsayit。\"
\"Oh,they\'renotsomuchbetterthanwomen,\"saidFulkerson,withanervousjocosity。\"IguessMarchwouldhavebackeddownifithadn\'tbeenforhiswife。Shewasashotaspepperaboutit,andyoucouldseethatshewouldhavesacrificedallherhusband\'srelationssoonerthanlethimbackdownaninchfromthestandhehadtaken。It\'sprettyeasyforamantosticktoaprincipleifhehasawomantostandbyhim。
Butwhenyoucometoplayitalone——\"
\"Mr。Fulkerson,\"saidthegirl,solemnly,\"Ahwillstandbahyouinthis,ifallthewoaldtonesagainstyou。\"Thetearscameintohereyes,andsheputoutherhandtohim。
\"Youwill?\"heshouted,inarapture。\"Ineveryway——andalways——aslongasyoulive?Doyoumeanit?\"Hehadcaughtherhandtohisbreastandwasgrapplingittightthereanddrawinghertohim。
Thechangingemotionschasedoneanotherthroughherheartandoverherface:dismay,shame,pride,tenderness。\"Youdon\'tbelieve,\"shesaid,hoarsely,\"thatAhmeantthat?\"
\"No,butIhopeyoudomeanit;forifyoudon\'t,nothingelsemeansanything。\"
Therewasnospace,therewasonlyapointofwavering。\"Ahdomeanit。\"
Whentheyliftedtheireyesfromeachotheragainitwashalf-pastten。
\"No\'youmostgo,\"shesaid。
\"Butthecolonel——ourfate?\"
\"Theco\'nelisoftenoatlate,andAh\'mnotafraidofouahfate,no\'thatwe\'vetakenitintoouahownhands。\"Shelookedathimwithdewyeyesoftrust,ofinspiration。
\"Oh,it\'sgoingtocomeoutallright,\"hesaid。\"Itcan\'tcomeoutwrongnow,nomatterwhathappens。Butwho\'dhavethoughtit,whenI
cameintothishouse,insuchastateofsinandmisery,halfanhourago——\"
\"Threehouahsandahalfago!\"shesaid。\"No!youmostjostgo。Ah\'mtahedtodeath。Good-night。Youcancomeinthemawningtosee-papa。\"
Sheopenedthedoorandpushedhimoutwithenrapturingviolence,andheranlaughingdownthestepsintoherfather\'sarms。
\"Why,colonel!Iwasjustgoinguptomeetyou。\"Hehadreallythoughthewouldwalkoffhisexultationinthatdirection。
\"Iamverysorrytosay,Mr。Fulkerson,\"thecolonelbegan,gravely,\"thatMr。Dryfoosadherestohisposition。\"
\"Oh,allright,\"saidFulkerson,withunabatedjoy。\"It\'swhatI
expected。Well,mycourseisclear;IshallstandbyMarch,andIguesstheworldwon\'tcometoanendifhebouncesusboth。ButI\'meverlastinglyobligedtoyou,ColonelWoodburn,andIdon\'tknowwhattosaytoyou。I——Iwon\'tdetainyounow;it\'ssolate。I\'llseeyouinthemorning。Good-ni——\"
Fulkersondidnotrealizethatittakestwotopart。Thecolonellaidholdofhisarmandturnedawaywithhim。\"Iwillwalktowardyourplacewithyou。IcanunderstandwhyyoushouldbeanxioustoknowtheparticularsofmyinterviewwithMr。Dryfoos\";andinthestatementwhichfollowedhedidnotsparehimthesmallest。Itoutlastedtheirwalkanddetainedthemlongonthestepsofthe\'EveryOtherWeek\'building。ButattheendFulkersonlethimselfinwithhiskeyaslightofheartasifhehadbeenlisteningtothegayestpromisesthatfortunecouldmake。
BythetunehemetMarchattheofficenextmorning,alittle,butonlyaverylittle,misgivingsaddenedhisgoldenheaven。HetookMarch\'shandwithhighcourage,andsaid,\"Well,theoldmanstickstohispoint,March。\"Headded,withthesenseofsayingitbeforeMissWoodburn:\"AndIstickbyyou。I\'vethoughtitallover,andI\'dratherberightwithyouthanwrongwithhim。\"
\"Well,Iappreciateyourmotive,Fulkerson,\"saidMarch。\"Butperhaps——
perhapswecansaveoverourheroicsforanotheroccasion。Lindauseemstohavegotinwithhis,forthepresent。\"
HetoldhimofLindau\'slastvisit,andtheystoodamomentlookingateachotherratherqueerly。Fulkersonwasthefirsttorecoverhisspirits。\"Well,\"hesaid,cheerily,\"thatlet\'susout。\"
\"Doesit?I\'mnotsureitletsmeout,\"saidMarch;buthesaidthisintributetohiscrippledself-respectratherthanasaforecastofanyactioninthematter。
\"Why,whatareyougoingtodo?\"Fulkersonasked。\"IfLindauwon\'tworkforDryfoos,youcan\'tmakehim。\"
Marchsighed。\"Whatareyougoingtodowiththismoney?\"Heglancedattheheapofbillshehadflungonthetablebetweenthem。
Fulkersonscratchedhishead。\"Ah,doggedifIknow:Can\'twegiveittothedeservingpoor,somehow,ifwecanfind\'em?\"
\"Isupposewe\'venorighttouseitinanyway。YoumustgiveittoDryfoos。\"
\"Tothedeservingrich?Well,youcanalwaysfindthem。Ireckonyoudon\'twanttoappearinthetransaction!Idon\'t,either;butIguessI
must。\"FulkersongatheredupthemoneyandcarriedittoConrad。
Hedirectedhimtoaccountforitinhisbooksasconscience-money,andheenjoyedthejokemorethanConradseemedtodowhenhewastoldwhereitcamefrom。
Fulkersonwasabletowearoffthedisagreeableimpressiontheaffairleftduringthecourseofthefore-noon,andhemetMissWoodburnwithallalover\'sbuoyancywhenhewenttolunch。Shewasashappyashewhenhetoldherhowfortunatelythewholethinghadended,andhetookherviewthatitwasarewardofhiscourageinhavingdaredtheworst。
Theybothfelt,asthenewlyplightedalwaysdo,thattheywereinthebestrelationswiththebeneficentpowers,andthattheirfelicityhadbeenespeciallylookedtointhedispositionofevents。Theywereinaglowofrapturouscontentwiththemselvesandradiantworshipofeachother;shewassurethathemeritedthebrightfutureopeningtothemboth,asmuchasifheoweditdirectlytosomenobleactionofhisown;
hefeltthathewasindebtedforthefavorofHeavenentirelytothestillincredibleaccidentofherpreferenceofhimoverothermen。
ColonelWoodburn,whowasnotyetinthesecretoftheirlove,perhapsfailedforthisreasontosharetheirsatisfactionwitharesultsounexpectedlybroughtabout。TheblessingontheirhopesseemedtohisignorancetoinvolvecertainsacrificesofpersonalfeelingatwhichhehintedinsuggestingthatDryfoosshouldnowbeaskedtomakesomeabstractconcessionsandacknowledgments;hisdaughterhastenedtodenythatthesewereatallnecessary;andFulkersoneasilyexplainedwhy。
Thethingwasover;whatwastheuseofopeningitupagain?
\"Perhapsnone,\"thecoloneladmitted。Butheadded,\"IshouldliketheopportunityoftakingMr。Lindau\'shandinthepresenceofMr。DryfoosandassuringhimthatIconsideredhimamanofprincipleandamanofhonor——agentleman,sir,whomIwasproudandhappytohaveknown。\"
\"Well,Ah\'venodoabt,\"saidhisdaughter,demurely,\"thatyou\'llhavethechancesomeday;andwewouldalllahketojoinyou。Butatthesametahme,AhthinkMr。Fulkersoniswelloatofitfo\'thepresent。\"
EndAHazardofNewFortunesV5
ByWilliamDeanHowellsPARTFIFTH
I。
Superficially,theaffairsof\'EveryOtherWeek\'settledintotheirwontedformagain,andforFulkersontheyseemedthoroughlyreinstated。
ButMarchhadafeelingofimpermanencyfromwhathadhappened,mixedwithafantasticsenseofshametowardLindau。HedidnotsympathizewithLindau\'sopinions;hethoughthisremedyforexistingevilsaswildlyimpracticableasColonelWoodburn\'s。Butwhilehethoughtthis,andwhilehecouldjustlyblameFulkersonforLindau\'spresenceatDryfoos\'sdinner,whichhiszealhadbroughtaboutinspiteofMarch\'sprotests,stillhecouldnotridhimselfofthereproachofuncandorwithLindau。Heoughttohavetoldhimfranklyabouttheownershipofthemagazine,andwhatmannerofmanthemanwaswhosemoneyhewastaking。
Buthesaidthathenevercouldhaveimaginedthathewasseriousinhispreposterousattitudeinregardtoaclassofmenwhoembodyhalftheprosperityofthecountry;andhehadmomentsofrevoltagainsthisownhumiliationbeforeLindau,inwhichhefounditmonstrousthatheshouldreturnDryfoos\'smoneyasifithadbeenthespoilofarobber。Hiswifeagreedwithhiminthesemoments,andsaiditwasagreatreliefnottohavethattiresomeoldGermancomingabout。Theyhadtoaccountforhisabsenceevasivelytothechildren,whomtheycouldnotverywelltellthattheirfatherwaslivingonmoneythatLindaudisdainedtotake,eventhoughLindauwaswrongandtheirfatherwasright。ThisheightenedMrs。
March\'sresentmenttowardbothLindauandDryfoos,whobetweenthemhadplacedherhusbandinafalseposition。Ifanything,sheresentedDryfoos\'sconductmorethanLindau\'s。HehadneverspokentoMarchabouttheaffairsinceLindauhadrenouncedhiswork,oraddedtotheapologeticmessageshehadsentbyFulkerson。SofarasMarchknew,DryfooshadbeenlefttosupposethatLindauhadsimplystoppedforsomereasonthatdidnotpersonallyaffecthim。Theyneverspokeofhim,andMarchwastooproudtoaskeitherFulkersonorConradwhethertheoldmanknewthatLindauhadreturnedhismoney。HeavoidedtalkingtoConrad,fromafeelingthatifbedidheshouldinvoluntarilyleadhimontospeakofhisdifferenceswithhisfather。BetweenhimselfandFulkerson,even,hewasuneasilyawareofawantoftheiroldperfectfriendliness。
Fulkersonhadfinallybehavedwithhonorandcourage;buthisprovisionalreluctancehadgivenMarchthemeasureofFulkerson\'scharacterinonedirection,andhecouldnotignorethefactthatitwassmallerthanhecouldhavewished。
HecouldnotmakeoutwhetherFulkersonsharedhisdiscomfortornot。
Itcertainlyworeaway,evenwithMarch,astimepassed,andwithFulkerson,intheblissofhisfortunatelove,itwasprobablyfarmoretransient,ifitexistedatall。Headvancedintothewinterasradiantlyasiftomeetthespring,andhesaidthatiftherewereanypleasantermonthoftheyearthanNovember,itwasDecember,especiallywhentheweatherwasgoodandwetandmuddymostofthetime,sothatyouhadtokeepindoorsalongwhileafteryoucalledanywhere。
ColonelWoodburnhadtheanxiety,inviewofhisdaughter\'sengagement,whensheaskedhisconsenttoit,thatsuchadreamermusthaveinregardtoanyrealitythatthreatenstoaffectthecourseofhisreveries。Hehadnotperhapstakenhermarriageintoaccount,exceptasaremotecontingency;andcertainlyFulkersonwasnotthekindofson-in-lawthathehadimaginedindealingwiththatabstraction。Butbecausehehadnothingofthesortdefinitelyinmind,hecouldnotopposetheselectionofFulkersonwithsuccess;hereallyknewnothingagainsthim,andheknew,manythingsinhisfavor;Fulkersoninspiredhimwiththelikingthateveryonefeltforhiminameasure;heamusedhim,hecheeredhim;
andthecolonelhadbeensomuchusedtoleavingactionofallkindstohisdaughterthatwhenhecametoclosequarterswiththequestionofason-in-lawhefelthelplesstodecideit,andheletherdecideit,asifitwerestilltobedecidedwhenitwassubmittedtohim。Shewascompetenttotreatitinallitsphases:notmerelythoseofpersonalinterest,butthoseofdutytothebrokenSouthernpast,sentimentallydeartohim,andpracticallyabsurdtoher。NosuchSouthasherememberedhadeverexistedtoherknowledge,andnosuchcivilizationasheimaginedwouldeverexist,toherbelief,anywhere。Shetooktheworldasshefoundit,andmadethebestofit。ShetrustedinFulkerson;shehadprovedhismagnanimityinaseriousemergency;andinsmallthingsshewaswillingfearlesslytochanceitwithhim。Shewasnotasentimentalist,andtherewasnothingfantasticinherexpectations;shewasagirlofgoodsenseandrightmind,andshelikedtheimmediatepracticalityaswellasthefinalhonorofFulkerson。Shedidnotidealizehim,butinthehighesteffectsherealizedhim;shedidhimjustice,andshewouldnothavebelievedthatshedidhimmorethanjusticeifshehadsometimesknownhimtodohimselfless。
TheirengagementwasafacttowhichtheLeightonhouseholdadjusteditselfalmostassimplyastheloversthemselves;MissWoodburntoldtheladiesatonce,anditwasnotathingthatFulkersoncouldkeepfromMarchverylong。HesentwordofittoMrs。Marchbyherhusband;andhisengagementperhapsdidmorethananythingelsetoconfirmtheconfidenceinhimwhichhadbeenshakenbyhisearlybehaviorintheLindauepisode,andnotwhollyrestoredbyhistardyfidelitytoMarch。
Butnowshefeltthatamanwhowishedtogetmarriedsoobviouslyandentirelyforlovewasfullofallkindsofthebestinstincts,andonlyneededtheguidanceofawife,tobecomeverynoble。Sheinterestedherselfintenselyinbalancingtherespectivemeritsoftheengagedcouple,andafterhercalluponMissWoodburninhernewcharactershepridedherselfuponrecognizingtheworthofsomestrictlySouthernqualitiesinher,whilemaintainingthegeneralaverageofNewEnglandsuperiority。ShecouldnotreconcileherselftotheVirginiancustomillustratedinherhavingbeenchristenedwiththesurnameofMadison;
andshesaidthatitspetformofMad,whichFulkersonpromptlyinvented,onlymadeitmoreridiculous。
FulkersonwasslowerintellingBeaton。Hewasafraid,somehow,ofBeaton\'stakingthematterinthecynicalway;MissWoodburnsaidshewouldbreakofftheengagementifBeatonwaslefttoguessitorfinditoutbyaccident,andthenFulkersonpluckeduphiscourage。Beatonreceivedthenewswithgravity,andwithasortofmelancholymeeknessthatstronglymovedFulkerson\'ssympathy,andmadehimwishthatBeatonwasengaged,too。
ItmadeBeatonfeelveryold;itsomehowlefthimbehindandforgotten;
inamanner,itmadehimfeeltrifledwith。Somethingoftheunfriendlinessoffateseemedtoovercasthisresentment,andheallowedthesadnessofhisconvictionthathehadnotthemeanstomarryontotingehisrecognitionofthefactthatAlmaLeightonwouldnothavewantedhimtomarryherifhehad。Hewasnowofteninthatmartyrmoodinwhichhewishedtohelphisfather;notonlytodenyhimselfChianti,buttoforegoafur-linedovercoatwhichheintendedtogetforthewinter,HepostponedthemomentofactualsacrificeasregardedtheChianti,andheboughttheovercoatinananguishofself-reproach。
HeworeitthefirsteveningafterhegotitingoingtocallupontheLeightons,anditseemedtohimapieceofghastlyironywhenAlmacomplimentedhispicturesquenessinitandaskedhimtolethersketchhim。
\"Oh,youcansketchme,\"hesaid,withsomuchgloomthatitmadeherlaugh。
\"Ifyouthinkit\'ssoserious,I\'drathernot。\"
\"No,no!Goahead!Howdoyouwantme?\"
Oh,flingyourselfdownonachairinoneofyourattitudesofstudiednegligence;andtwistonecornerofyourmustachewithaffectedabsenceofmind。\"
\"AndyouthinkI\'malwaysstudied,alwaysaffected?\"
\"Ididn\'tsayso。\"
\"Ididn\'taskyouwhatyousaid。\"
\"AndIwon\'ttellyouwhatIthink。\"
\"Ah,Iknowwhatyouthink。\"
\"Whatmadeyouask,then?\"Thegirllaughedagainwiththesatisfactionofhersexincorneringaman。
Beatonmadeashowofnotdeigningtoreply,andputhimselfintheposeshesuggested,frowning。
\"Ah,that\'sit。Butalittlemoreanimation——
\"\'Aswhenagreatthoughtstrikesalongthebrain,Andflushesallthecheek。\'\"
Sheputherforeheaddownonthebackofherhandandlaughedagain。
\"Yououghttobephotographed。Youlookasifyouweresittingforit。\"
Beatonsaid:\"That\'sbecauseIknowIambeingphotographed,inoneway。
Idon\'tthinkyououghttocallmeaffected。Ineveramsowithyou;I
knowitwouldn\'tbeofanyuse。\"
\"Oh,Mr。Beaton,youflatter。\"
\"No,Ineverflatteryou。\"
\"Imeantyouflatteredyourself。\"
\"How?\"
\"Oh,Idon\'tknow。Imagine。\"
\"Iknowwhatyoumean。YouthinkIcan\'tbesincerewithanybody。\"
\"Ohno,Idon\'t。\"
\"Whatdoyouthink?\"
\"Thatyoucan\'t——try。\"Almagaveanothervictoriouslaugh。
MissWoodburnandFulkersonwouldoncehavebothfeignedagreatinterestinAlma\'ssketchingBeaton,andmadeitthesubjectoftalk,inwhichtheyapproachedasnearlyaspossibletherealinterestoftheirlives。
Nowtheyfranklyremainedawayinthedining-room,whichwasverycozyafterthedinnerhaddisappeared;thecolonelsatwithhislampandpaperinthegallerybeyond;Mrs。Leightonwasaboutherhousekeepingaffairs,inthecontentshealwaysfeltwhenAlmawaswithBeaton。
\"Theyseemtobehavingaprettygoodtimeinthere,\"saidFulkerson,detachinghimselffromhisownabsolutegoodtimeaswellashecould。
\"AtleastAlmadoes,\"saidMissWoodburn。
\"Doyouthinkshecaresforhim?\"
\"Quahteasmochashedesoves。\"
\"WhatmakesyoualldownonBeatonaroundhere?He\'snotsuchabadfellow。\"
\"Weawenotalldoanonhim。Mrs。Leightonisn\'tdoanonhim。\"
\"Oh,Iguessifitwastheoldlady,therewouldn\'tbemuchquestionaboutit。\"
Theybothlaughed,andAlmasaid,\"Theyseemtobegreatlyamusedwithsomethinginthere。\"
\"Me,probably,\"saidBeaton。\"Iseemtoamuseeverybodyto-night。\"
\"Don\'tyoualways?\"
\"Ialwaysamuseyou,I\'mafraid,Alma。\"
Shelookedathimasifsheweregoingtosnubhimopenlyforusinghername;butapparentlyshedecidedtodoitcovertly。\"Youdidn\'tatfirst。Ireallyusedtobelieveyoucouldbeserious,once。\"
\"Couldn\'tyoubelieveitagain?Now?\"
\"Notwhenyouputonthatwind-harpstop。\"
\"Wetmorehasbeentalkingtoyouaboutme。Hewouldsacrificehisbestfriendtoaphrase。Hespendshistimemakingthem。\"
\"He\'smadesomeveryprettyonesaboutyou。\"
\"Liketheoneyoujustquoted?\"
\"No,notexactly。Headmiresyoueversomuch。Hesays\"Shestopped,teasingly。
\"What?\"
\"Hesaysyoucouldbealmostanythingyouwished,ifyoudidn\'twishtobeeverything。\"
\"ThatsoundsmoreliketheschoolofWetmore。That\'swhatyousay,Alma。
Well,ifthereweresomethingyouwishedmetobe,Icouldbeit。\"
\"WemightadaptKingsley:\'Begood,sweetman,andletwhowillbeclever。\'\"Hecouldnothelplaughing。Shewenton:\"Ialwaysthoughtthatwasthemostpatronizingandexasperatingthingeveraddressedtoahumangirl;andwe\'vehadtostandagooddealinourtime。Ishouldliketohaveitappliedtotheother\'sect\'awhile。Asifanygirlthatwasagirlwouldbegoodifshehadtheremotestchanceofbeingclever。\"
\"Thenyouwouldn\'twishmetobegood?\"Beatonasked。
\"Notifyouwereagirl。\"
\"Youwanttoshockme。Well,IsupposeIdeserveit。ButifIwereone-
tenthpartasgoodasyouare,Alma,IshouldhavealighterheartthanI
havenow。IknowthatI\'mfickle,butI\'mnotfalse,asyouthinkIam。\"
\"WhosaidIthoughtyouwerefalse?\"
\"Noone,\"saidBeaton。\"Itisn\'tnecessary,whenyoulookit——liveit。\"
\"Oh,dear!Ididn\'tknowIdevotedmywholetimetothesubject。\"
\"IknowI\'mdespicable。Icouldtellyousomething——thehistoryofthisday,even——thatwouldmakeyoudespiseme。\"Beatonhadinmindhispurchaseoftheovercoat,whichAlmawasgettinginsoeffectively,withthemoneyheoughttohavesenthisfather。\"But,\"hewenton,darkly,withasensethatwhathewasthatmomentsufferingforhisselfishnessmustsomehowbeakindofatonement,whichwouldfinallyleavehimtotheguiltlessenjoymentoftheovercoat,\"youwouldn\'tbelievethedepthsofbasenessIcoulddescendto。\"
\"Iwouldtry,\"saidAlma,rapidlyshadingthecollar,\"ifyou\'dgivemesomehint。\"
Beatonhadasuddenwishtopourouthisremorsetoher,buthewasafraidofherlaughingathim。Hesaidtohimselfthatthiswasaverywholesomefear,andthatifhecouldalwayshaveherathandheshouldnotmakeafoolofhimselfsooften。Amanconceivesofsuchanofficeastheverynoblestforawoman;heworshipsherforitifheismagnanimous。ButBeatonwassilent,andAlmaputbackherheadfortherightdistanceonhersketch。\"Mr。FulkersonthinksyouarethesublimestofhumanbeingsforadvisinghimtogetColonelWoodburntointerviewMr。DryfoosaboutLindau。WhathaveyoueverdonewithyourJudas?\"
\"Ihaven\'tdoneanythingwithit。Nadelthoughthewouldtakeholdofitatonetime,buthedroppeditagain。Afterall,Idon\'tsupposeitcouldbepopularized。Fulkersonwantedtoofferitasapremiumtosubscribersfor\'EveryOtherWeek,\'butIsatdownonthat。\"
Almacouldnotfeeltheabsurdityofthis,andshemerelysaid,\"\'EveryOtherWeek\'seemstobegoingonjustthesameasever。\"
\"Yes,thetroublehasallblownover,Ibelieve。Fulkerson,\"saidBeaton,withareturntowhattheyweresaying,\"hasmanagedthewholebusinessverywell。Butheexaggeratesthevalueofmyadvice。\"
\"Verylikely,\"Almasuggested,vaguely。\"Or,no!Excuseme!Hecouldn\'t,hecouldn\'t!\"ShelaugheddelightedlyatBeaton\'sfoolishlookofembarrassment。
Hetriedtorecoverhisdignityinsaying,\"He\'s\'averygoodfellow,andhedeserveshishappiness。\"
\"Oh,indeed!\"saidAlma,perversely。\"Doesanyonedeservehappiness?\"
\"IknowIdon\'t,\"sighedBeaton。
\"Youmeanyoudon\'tgetit。\"
\"Icertainlydon\'tgetit。\"
\"Ah,butthatisn\'tthereason。\"
\"Whatis?\"
\"That\'sthesecretoftheuniverse,\"Shebitinherlowerlip,andlookedathimwitheyes,ofgleamingfun。
\"Areyouneverserious?\"heasked。
\"Withseriouspeoplealways。\"
\"Iamserious;andyouhavethesecretofmyhappiness——\"Hethrewhimselfimpulsivelyforwardinhischair。
\"Oh,pose,pose!\"shecried。
\"Iwon\'tpose,\"heanswered,\"andyouhavegottolistentome。YouknowI\'minlovewithyou;andIknowthatonceyoucaredforme。Can\'tthattime——won\'tit——comebackagain?Trytothinkso,Alma!\"
\"No,\"shesaid,brieflyandseriouslyenough。
\"Butthatseemsimpossible。WhatisitI\'vedonewhathaveyouagainstme?\"
\"Nothing。Butthattimeispast。Icouldn\'trecallitifIwished。Whydidyoubringitup?You\'vebrokenyourword。YouknowIwouldn\'thaveletyoukeepcominghereifyouhadn\'tpromisednevertorefertoit。\"
\"HowcouldIhelpit?Withthathappinessnearus——Fulkerson——\"
\"Oh,it\'sthat?Imighthaveknownit!\"
\"No,itisn\'tthat——it\'ssomethingfardeeper。Butifit\'snothingyouhaveagainstme,whatisit,Alma,thatkeepsyoufromcaringformenowasyoudidthen?Ihaven\'tchanged。\"
\"ButIhave。Ishallnevercareforyouagain,Mr。Beaton;youmightaswellunderstanditonceforall。Don\'tthinkit\'sanythinginyourself,orthatIthinkyouunworthyofme。I\'mnotsoself-satisfiedasthat;
IknowverywellthatI\'mnotaperfectcharacter,andthatI\'venoclaimonperfectioninanybodyelse。Ithinkwomenwhowantthatarefools;
theywon\'tgetit,andtheydon\'tdeserveit。ButI\'velearnedagood。
dealmoreaboutmyselfthanIknewinSt。Barnaby,andalifeofwork,ofart,andofartalonethat\'swhatI\'vemadeupmymindto。\"
\"Awomanthat\'smadeuphermindtothathasnohearttohinderher!\"
\"Wouldamanhavethathaddoneso?\"
\"ButIdon\'tbelieveyou,Alma。You\'remerelylaughingatme。And,besides,withmeyouneedn\'tgiveupart。Wecouldworktogether。YouknowhowmuchIadmireyourtalent。IbelieveIcouldhelpit——serveit;
Iwouldbeitswillingslave,andyours,Heavenknows!\"
\"Idon\'twantanyslave——noranyslavery。Iwanttobefreealways。Nowdoyousee?Idon\'tcareforyou,andInevercouldintheoldway;butIshouldhavetocareforsomeonemorethanIbelieveIevershalltogiveupmywork。Shallwegoon?\"Shelookedathersketch。
\"No,weshallnotgoon,\"hesaid,gloomily,asherose。
\"Isupposeyoublameme,\"shesaid,risingtoo。
\"Ohno!Iblamenoone——oronlymyself。Ithrewmychanceaway。\"
\"I\'mgladyouseethat;andI\'mgladyoudidit。Youdon\'tbelieveme,ofcourse。Whydomenthinklifecanbeonlytheonethingtowomen?
Andifyoucometotheselfishview,whoarethehappywomen?I\'msurethatifworkdoesn\'tfailme,healthwon\'t,andhappinesswon\'t。\"
\"Butyoucouldworkonwithme——\"
\"Secondfiddle。DoyousupposeIshouldn\'tbewomanenoughtowishmyworkalwayslessandlowerthanyours?AtleastI\'veheartenoughforthat!\"
\"You\'veheartenoughforanything,Alma。Iwasafooltosayyouhadn\'t。\"
\"Ithinkthewomenwhokeeptheirheartshaveanevenchance,atleast,ofhavingheart——\"
\"Ah,there\'swhereyou\'rewrong!\"
\"Butmineisn\'tminetogiveyou,anyhow。AndnowIdon\'twantyouevertospeaktomeaboutthisagain。\"
\"Oh,there\'snodanger!\"hecried,bitterly。\"Ishallneverwillinglyseeyouagain。\"
\"That\'sasyoulike,Mr。Beaton。We\'vehadtobeveryfrank,butIdon\'tseewhyweshouldn\'tbefriends。Still,weneedn\'t,ifyoudon\'tlike。\"
\"AndImaycome——Imaycomehere——as——asusual?\"
\"Why,ifyoucanconsistently,\"shesaid,withasmile,andsheheldoutherhandtohim。
Hewenthomedazed,andfeelingasifitwereabadjokethathadbeenputuponhim。Atleasttheaffairwentsodeepthatitestrangedtheaspectofhisfamiliarstudio。Someofthethingsinitwerenotveryfamiliar;hehadspentlatelyagreatdealonrugs,onstuffs,onJapanesebric-a-brac。Whenhesawthesethingsintheshopshehadfeltthathemusthavethem;thattheywerenecessarytohim;andhewaspartlyindebtforthem,stillwithouthavingsentanyofhisearningstopayhisfather。Ashelookedatthemnowhelikedtofancysomethingweirdandconsciousinthemasthesilentwitnessesofabrokenlife。
Hefeltaboutamongsomeofthesmallerobjectsonthemantelforhispipe。Beforeheslepthewasaware,intheluxuryofhisdespair,ofaremoterelief,anescape;and,afterall,theunderstandinghehadcometowithAlmawasonlytheexplicitformulationoftermslongtacitbetweenthem。Beatonwouldhavebeenpuzzledmorethanheknewifshehadtakenhimseriously。Itwasinevitablethatheshoulddeclarehimselfinlovewithher;buthewasnotdisappointedatherrejectionofhislove;perhapsnotsomuchashewouldhavebeenatitsacceptance,thoughhetriedtothinkotherwise,andtogivehimselfairsoftragedy。
Hedidnotreallyfeelthattheresultwasworsethanwhathadgonebefore,anditlefthimfree。
ButhedidnotgototheLeightonsagainforsolongatimethatMrs。
LeightonaskedAlmawhathadhappened。Almatoldher。
\"Andhewon\'tcomeanymore?\"hermothersighed,withreservedcensure。
\"Oh,Ithinkhewill。Hecouldn\'tverywellcomethenextnight。Buthehasthehabitofcoming,andwithMr。Beatonhabitiseverything——eventhehabitofthinkinghe\'sinlovewithsomeone。\"
\"Alma,\"saidhermother,\"Idon\'tthinkit\'sveryniceforagirltoletayoungmankeepcomingtoseeheraftershe\'srefusedhim。\"
\"Whynot,ifitamuseshimanddoesn\'thurtthegirl?\"
\"Butitdoeshurther,Alma。It——it\'sindelicate。Itisn\'tfairtohim;
itgiveshimhopes。\"
\"Well,mamma,ithasn\'thappenedinthegivencaseyet。IfMr。Beatoncomesagain,Iwon\'tseehim,andyoucanforbidhimthehouse。\"
\"IfIcouldonlyfeelsure,Alma,\"saidhermother,takingupanotherbranchoftheinquiry,\"thatyoureallyknewyourownmind,Ishouldbeeasieraboutit。\"
\"Thenyoucanrestperfectlyquiet,mamma。Idoknowmyownmind;and,what\'sworse,IknowMr。Beaton\'smind。\"
\"Whatdoyoumean?\"
\"ImeanthathespoketometheothernightsimplybecauseMr。
Fulkerson\'sengagementhadbrokenhimallup。\"
\"Whatexpressions!\"Mrs。Leightonlamented。
\"Heletitouthimself,\"Almawenton。\"Andyouwouldn\'thavethoughtitwasveryflatteringyourself。WhenI\'mmadeloveto,afterthis,Iprefertobemadelovetoinanoff-year,whenthereisn\'tanotherengagedcoupleanywhereabout。\"
\"Didyoutellhimthat,Alma?\"
\"Tellhimthat!Whatdoyoumean,mamma?Imaybeindelicate,butI\'mnotquitesoindelicateasthat。\"
\"Ididn\'tmeanyouwereindelicate,really,Alma,butIwantedtowarnyou。IthinkMr。Beatonwasverymuchinearnest。\"
\"Oh,sodidhe!\"
\"Andyoudidn\'t?\"
\"Ohyes,forthetimebeing。Isupposehe\'sverymuchinearnestwithMissVanceattimes,andwithMissDryfoosatothers。Sometimeshe\'sapainter,andsometimeshe\'sanarchitect,andsometimeshe\'sasculptor。
Hehastoomanygifts——toomanytastes。\"
\"AndifMissVanceandMissDryfoos——\"
\"Oh,dosaySculptureandArchitecture,mamma!It\'sgettingsodreadfullypersonal!\"
\"Alma,youknowthatIonlywishtogetatyourrealfeelinginthematter。\"
\"AndyouknowthatIdon\'twanttoletyou——especiallywhenIhaven\'tgotanyrealfeelinginthematter。ButIshouldthink——speakingintheabstractentirely——thatifeitherofthoseartswasevergoingtobeinearnestabouthim,itwouldwanthisexclusivedevotionforaweekatleast。\"
\"Ididn\'tknow,\"saidMrs。Leighton,\"thathewasdoinganythingnowattheothers。Ithoughthewasentirelytakenupwithhisworkon\'EveryOtherWeek。\'\"
\"Oh,heis!heis!\"
\"Andyoucertainlycan\'tsay,mydear,thathehasn\'tbeenverykind——
veryusefultoyou,inthatmatter。\"
\"AndsoIoughttohavesaidyesoutofgratitude?Thankyou,mamma!I
didn\'tknowyouheldmesocheap。\"
\"YouknowwhetherIholdyoucheapornot,Alma。Idon\'twantyoutocheapenyourself。Idon\'twantyoutotriflewithanyone。Iwantyoutobehonestwithyourself。\"
\"Well,comenow,mamma!Supposeyoubegin。I\'vebeenperfectlyhonestwithmyself,andI\'vebeenhonestwithMr。Beaton。Idon\'tcareforhim,andI\'vetoldhimIdidn\'t;sohemaybesupposedtoknowit。Ifhecomeshereafterthis,he\'llcomeasaplain,unostentatiousfriendofthefamily,andit\'sforyoutosaywhetherheshallcomeinthatcapacityornot。Ihopeyouwon\'ttriflewithhim,andlethimgetthenotionthathe\'scomingonanyotherbasis。\"
Mrs。Leightonfeltthecomfortofthecriticalattitudefartookeenlytoabandonitforanythingconstructive。Sheonlysaid,\"Youknowverywell,Alma,that\'samatterIcanhavenothingtodowith。\"
\"Thenyouleavehimentirelytome?\"
\"Ihopeyouwillregardhisrighttocandidandopentreatment。\"
\"He\'shadnothingbutthemostopenandcandidtreatmentfromme,mamma。
It\'syouthatwantstoplayfastandloosewithhim。And,totellyouthetruth,Ibelievehewouldlikethatagooddealbetter;Ibelievethat,ifthere\'sanythinghehates,it\'sopennessandcandor。\"
Almalaughed,andputherarmsroundhermother,whocouldnothelplaughingalittle,too。
II。
ThewinterdidnotrenewforChristineandMelathesocialopportunitywhichthespringhadoffered。AfterthemusicaleatMrs。Horn\'s,theybothmadetheirparty-call,asMelasaid,indueseason;buttheydidnotfindMrs。Hornathome,andneithershenorMissVancecametoseethemafterpeoplereturnedtotowninthefall。TheytriedtobelieveforatimethatMrs。Hornhadnotgottheircards;thispretencefailedthem,andtheyfellbackupontheirpride,orratherChristine\'spride。Melahadlittlebuthergood-naturetoavailherinanyexigency,andifMrs。
HornorMissVancehadcometocallafterayearofneglect,shewouldhavereceivedthemasamiablyasiftheyhadnotlostadayincoming。
ButChristinehaddrawnalinebeyondwhichtheywouldnothavebeenforgiven;andshehadplannedthewordsandthebehaviorwithwhichshewouldhavepunishedthemiftheyhadappearedthen。Neithersisterimaginedherselfinanywiseinferiortothem;butChristinewassuspicious,atleast,anditwasMelawhoinventedthehypothesisofthelostcards。Asnothinghappenedtoproveortodisprovethefact,shesaid,\"ImoveweputCoonroduptogittun\'itoutofMissVance,atsomeoftheirmeetun\'s。\"
\"Ifyoudo,\"saidChristine,\"I\'llkillyou。\"
Christine,however,hadthevisitsofBeatontoconsoleher,and,iftheseseemedtohavenodefiniteaim,shewaswillingtorestinthepleasuretheygavehervanity;butMelahadnothing。Sometimessheevenwishedtheywereallbackonthefarm。
\"Itwouldbethebestthingforbothofyou,\"saidMrs。Dryfoos,inanswertosuchaburstofdesperation。\"Idon\'tthinkNewYorkisanyplaceforgirls。\"
\"Well,whatIhate,mother,\"saidMela,\"is,itdon\'tseemtobeanyplaceforyoungmen,either。\"ShefoundthissogoodwhenshehadsaiditthatshelaughedoverittillChristinewasangry。
\"Abodywouldthinktherehadneverbeenanyjokebefore。\"
\"Idon\'tseeasit\'sajoke,\"saidMrs。Dryfoos。\"It\'stheplaintruth。\"
\"Oh,don\'tmindher,mother,\"saidMela。\"She\'sputoutbecauseheroldMr。Beatonha\'r\'tbeenroundforacoupleo\'weeks。Ifyoudon\'twatchout,thatfellow\'llgiveyoutheslipyit,Christine,afterallyourpains。\"
\"Well,thereain\'tanybodytogiveyoutheslip,Mela,\"Christineclawedback。
\"No;Iha\'n\'teversetmytrapsforanybody。\"ThiswaswhatMelasaidforwantofabetterretort;butitwasnotquitetrue。WhenKendrickscamewithBeatontocallafterherfather\'sdinner,sheusedallhercunningtoensnarehim,andshehadhimtoherselfaslongasBeatonstayed;Dryfoossentdownwordthathewasnotverywellandhadgonetobed。ThenoveltyofMelahadwornoffforKendricks,andshefoundhim,asshefranklytoldhim,nothalfasentertainingashewasatMrs。