\"Jenningswasveryattractive,\"saidmyCousinBertha.\"Idon\'tthinkI
eversawahandsomerman.Now,ifhehadlookedatme——\"
Thesentencewasneverfinished,foratthiscrucialmomentIdroppedagrammar
Ihadheardenough,however,toexcitemycuriositytothehighestpitch.
Andthatevening,whenIcameinatfiveo\'clocktostudy,IaskedmymotherwhathadbecomeofGeneHollister\'saunt.
\"Shewentaway,Hugh,\"repliedmymother,lookinggreatlytroubled.
\"Why?\"Ipersisted.
\"Itissomethingyouaretooyoungtounderstand.\"
OfcourseIstartedaninvestigation,andthenextdayatschoolIaskedthequestionofGeneHollisterhimself,onlytodiscoverthathebelievedhisaunttobedead!AndthatnightheaskedhismotherifhisAuntGracewerereallyalive,afterall?Whereuponcomplicationsandexplanationsensuedbetweenourparents,ofwhichwesawonlythesurfacesignsMyfatheraccusedmeofeavesdroppingwhichIdenied,andsentencedmetoanafternoonofsolitaryconfinementforrepeatingsomethingwhichIhadheardinprivate.Ihavereasontobelievethatmymotherwasalsoreprimanded.
ItmustnotbesupposedthatIpermittedthemattertorest.InadditiontoGritsJarvis,therewasanothercontrabandamongmyacquaintances,namely,AlecPound,thescrape-gracesonoftheReverendDoctorPound.
Alechadanencyclopaedicmind,especiallywellstockedwiththekindofknowledgeInowdesired;firstandlasthetaughtmemuch,whichIwouldbetterhavegotinanotherway.TohimIappealedandgotthestory,myworstsuspicionsbeingconfirmed.Mrs.Whitcomb\'shousehadbeenacrossthealleyfromthatofMr.Jennings,butnooneknewthatanythingwas\"goingon,\"thoughtherehadbeensignalsfromthewindows——theneighboursafterwardsremembered
Ilistenedshudderingly.
\"But,\"Icried,\"theywerebothmarried!\"
\"Whatdifferencedoesthatmakewhenyouloveawoman?\"Alecrepliedgrandly.\"Icouldtellyoumuchworsethingsthanthat.\"
Thisheproceededtodo.Fascinated,Ilistenedwithasickeningsensation.Itwasamildafternooninspring,andwestoodinthedeeplimestonegutterinfrontoftheparsonage,alittleGothicwoodenhousesetinagloomyyard.
\"Ithought,\"saidI,\"thatpeoplecouldn\'tloveanymoreaftertheyweremarried,excepteachother.\"
Aleclookedatmepityingly.
\"You\'llgetoverthatnotion,\"heassuredme.
Thusanotheringrediententeredmycharacter.Denieditsfoodathome,goodfood,mysouleagerlyconsumedandmadepartofitselfthefermentingstuffthatAlecPoundsowillingdistributed.Anditwasfermentingstuff.Letusseewhatitdidtome.Workingslowlybutsurely,itchangedformethedawningmysteryofsexintoanevilinsteadofaholyone.TheknowledgeofthetragedyofGraceHollisterstartedmetoseekingrestlessly,onbookshelvesandelsewhere,forasecretthatforevereludedme,andforeverledmeon.Thewordfermentingaptlydescribestheprocessbegun,suggestingasitdoessomethingclosedup,awayfromairandsunlight,continuallyworkinginsecret,engenderingforcesthatfascinated,yetinspiredmewithfear.UndoubtedlythissecretivenessofourelderswasduetotheperniciousdualismoftheirorthodoxChristianity,inwhichlovewascarnalandthereforeevil,andthefleshnotthegracioussoilofthespirit,butsomethingtobedeploredandcondemned,exorcisedandtransformedbythemiracleofgrace.Nowlovehadbecomeaterriblepowergrippingmewhoseenchantmentdrovemenandwomenfromhomeandfriendsandkindredtotheuttermostpartsoftheearth
ItwaslongbeforeIgottosleepthatnightaftermytalkwithAlecPound.IalternatedbetweenthehorrorandtheromanceofthestoryI
hadheard,supplyingformyselfthedetailshehadomitted:Ibeheldthesignalsfromthewindows,theclandestinemeetings,thesuddenanddesperateflight.AndtothinkthatallthiscouldhavehappenedinourcitynotfiveblocksfromwhereIlay!
Myconsternationandhorrorwereconcentratedontheman,——andyetI
recallacuriousbifurcation.Insteadofexperiencingthatautomaticrighteousindignationwhichmyfatherandmotherhadfelt,whichhadanimatedoldMr.JulesHollisterwhenhehadsternlyforbiddenhisdaughter\'snametobementionedinhispresence,whichhadmadethesepeopleoutcasts,therewelledupwithinmeanintensesympathyandpity.
Byaninstinctiveprocesssomehowlinkedwithotherexperiences,Iseemedtobeabletoenterintothefeelingsofthesetwooutcasts,tounderstandthefearfulyetfascinatingnatureoftheimpulsethathadledthemtoeludethevigilanceandprobityofaworldwithwhichImyselfwasatodds.Ipicturedtheminaremoteland,shunnedbymankind.Wastheresomethingwithinmethatmighteventuallydrawmetodolikewise?
Thedesireinmetowhichmyfatherhadreferred,whichwouldbrooknoopposition,whichtwistedandsquirmeduntilitfounditswaytoitsobject?IrecalledthewordsofJarvis,thecarpenter,thatifIeversetmyheartonanotherman\'swife,Godhelphim.Godhelpme!
Awickedman!IhadneverbeheldthehandsomeandfascinatingMr.
Jennings,butIvisualisedhimnow;dark,likeallvillains,withablackmoustacheandsnappingblackeyes.Hecarriedacane.Ialwaysassociatedcaneswithvillains.WhereuponIarose,gropedforthematches,lightedthegas,andgazingatmyselfinthemirrorwasalittlereassuredtofindnothingsinisterinmycountenance
Nexttomyfather\'sfaithinaMoralGovernoroftheUniversewashisbeliefintheTariffandtheRepublicanParty.Andthisbelief,amongothers,hehandedontome.OnthecinderplaygroundoftheAcademyweRepublicansusedtowage,duringcampaigns,pitchedbattlesfortheTariff.ItdidnottakeagreatdealofcouragetobeaRepublicaninourcity,andIwasbroughtuptobelievethatDemocratswereirrational,inferior,and——withcertainexceptionsliketheHollisters——dirtybeings.
Therewasonlyonedegreelower,andthatwastobeamugwump.ItwasnowonderthattheHollisterswereDemocrats,fortheyhadaqueerstreakinthem;owing,nodoubt,tothefactthatoldMr.JulesHollister\'smotherhadbeenaFrenchwoman.HelookedlikeaFrenchman,bytheway,andalwaysworeaskullcap.
IrememberoneautumnafternoonhavingaviolentquarrelwithGeneHollisterthatbadefairtoendinblows,whenhesuddenlydemanded:——
\"I\'llbetyouanythingyoudon\'tknowwhyyou\'reaRepublican.\"
\"It\'sbecauseI\'mfortheTariff,\"Irepliedtriumphantly.
Buthisnextquestionflooredme.What,forexample,wastheTariff?I
triedtoblusteritout,butwithnosuccess.
\"Doyouknow?\"Icriedfinally,withsuddeninspiration.
Itturnedoutthathedidnot.
\"Aren\'twedarnedidiots,\"heasked,\"togetfightingoversomethingwedon\'tknowanythingabout?\"
ThatwasGene\'sFrenchblood,ofcourse.Buthisquestionrankled.AndhowwasItoknowthathewouldhavegotaslittlesatisfactionifhehadhurleditintothemarchingranksofthoseimposingtorch-lightprocessionswhichsometimespassedourhouseatnight,withdrumsbeatingandfifesscreamingandtorcheswaving,——thousandsofcitizenswhowerefortheTariffforthesamereasonasI:towit,becausetheywereRepublicans.
YetmyfatherlivedanddiedinthefirmbeliefthattheUnitedStatesofAmericawasademocracy!
ResolvednottobecaughtasecondtimeinsuchahumiliatingpositionbyaDemocrat,IaskedmyfatherthatnightwhattheTariffwas.ButIwastooyoungtounderstandit,hesaid.IwastotakehiswordforitthatthecountrywouldgotothedogsiftheDemocratsgotinandtheTariffweretakenaway.Here,inanutshell,thoughneitherhenorIrealizedit,wasthepoliticalinstructionofthemarchinghordes.Theirsnottoreasonwhy.Iwastooyoung,theytooignorant.SuchisthemethodofAuthority!
Thesteel-millsofMr.DurrettandMr.Hambleton,hecontinued,wouldbeforcedtoshutdown,andthousandsofworkmenwouldstarve.Thiswasjustasampleofwhatwouldhappen.Prosperitywouldcease,hedeclared.
Thatword,Prosperity,madeadeepimpressiononme,andIrecallthecertainreverentialemphasishelaidonit.AndwhilemysolicitudefortheworkmenwasnotsogreatashisandMr.Durrett\'s,Iwasconcernedastowhatwouldhappentousifthosetwingods,theTariffandProsperity,shouldtaketheirdeparturefromtheland.Knowingmyloveforthegoodthingsofthetable,myfatherintimated,withararehumourIfailedtoappreciate,thatweshouldhavetolivehenceforthinspartansimplicity.
Afterthat,liketheintelligentworkman,IwasfirmerthaneverfortheTariff.
Suchwastheidealisticplaneonwhich——andfromagoodman——Ireceivedmyfirstpoliticalinstruction!AndforalongtimeIconnectedthedominanceoftheRepublicanPartywiththecontinuationofmannaandquails,inotherwords,withnothingthathadtodowiththespiritualwelfareofanycitizen,butwithclothingandfoodandmaterialcomforts.
Myeducationwasprogressing
ThoughmyfatherreveredPlatoandAristotle,hedidnot,apparently,takeveryseriouslythecontentionthatthatgovernmentaloneisgood\"whichseekstoattainthepermanentinterestsofthegovernedbyevolvingthecharacterofitscitizens.\"Toputthematterbrutally,politics,despitetheloftysentimentsonthetransparenciesintorchlightprocessions,hadonlytodowiththebelly,notthesoul.
Politicsandgovernment,oneperceives,hadnothingtodowithreligion,noreducationwithanyofthese.Asecularizedanddisjointedworld!
Ourleadingcitizens,learnedintheclassicsthoughsomeofthemmightbe,paidnoheedtothedictumoftheGreekidealist,whowasmorepracticalthantheywouldhavesupposed.\"Themanwhodoesnotcarryhiscitywithinhisheartisaspiritualstarveling.\"
Oneevening,ayearortwoafterthattariffcampaign,Iwaspretendingtostudymylessonsunderthestudentlampinthesitting-roomwhilemymothersewedandmyfatherwroteathisdesk,whentherewasaringatthedoor-bell.Iwelcomedanyinterruption,eventhoughthevisitorprovedtobeonlythedruggist\'sboy;andtherewasalwaysthepossibilityofatelegramannouncing,forinstance,thedeathofarelative.SuchhadoncebeenthecasewhenmyUncleAveryParethaddiedinNewYork,andIwastakenoutofschoolforablissfulfourdaysforthefuneral.
IwenttiptoeingintothehallandpeepedoverthebanisterswhileEllaopenedthedoor.IheardavoicewhichIrecognizedasthatofPerryBlackwood\'sfatheraskingforMr.Paret;andthentomyastonishment,I
sawfilingafterhimintotheparloursometenortwelvepersons.WiththeexceptionofMr.Ogilvy,whobelongedtooneofouroldfamilies,andMr.Watling,alawyerwhohadmarriedtheyoungestofGeneHollister\'saunts,thevisitorsenteredstealthily,afterthemannerofburglars;
someofthesewereheavy-jowled,andallhadanairofmysterythatraisedmycuriosityandexcitementtothehighestpitch.IcaughtholdofEllaasshecameupthestairs,butshetoreherselffree,andannouncedtomyfatherthatMr.JosiahBlackwoodandothergentlemenhadaskedtoseehim.MyfatherseemedpuzzledashewentdownstairsA
longintervalelapsed,duringwhichIdidnotmakeevenapretenceoflookingatmyarithmetic.Attimesthelowhumofvoicesrosetowhatwasalmostanuproar,andonoccasionsIdistinguishedamarkedIrishbrogue.
\"Iwonderwhattheywant?\"saidmymother,nervously.
Atlastweheardthefrontdoorshutbehindthem,andmyfathercameupstairs,hisusuallyserenefacewearingadisturbedexpression.
\"Whointheworldwasit,Mr.Paret?\"askedmymother.
Myfathersatdowninthearm-chair.Hewasclearlymakinganeffortforself-control.
\"BlackwoodandOgilvyandWatlingandsomecitypoliticians,\"heexclaimed.
\"Politicians!\"sherepeated.\"Whatdidtheywant?Thatis,ifit\'sanythingyoucantellme,\"sheaddedapologetically.
\"TheywishedmetobetheRepublicancandidateforthemayorofthiscity.\"
Thistremendousnewstookmeoffmyfeet.Myfathermayor!
\"Ofcourseyoudidn\'tconsiderit,Mr.Paret,\"mymotherwassaying.
\"Considerit!\"heechoedreprovingly.\"Ican\'timaginewhatOgilvyandWatlingandJosiahBlackwoodwerethinkingof!Theyareoutoftheirheads.Iasmuchastoldthemso.\"
ThiswasmorethanIcouldbear,forIhadalreadypicturedmyselftellingthenewstoenviousschoolmates.
\"Oh,father,whydidn\'tyoutakeit?\"Icried.
Bythistime,whenheturnedtome,hehadregainedhisusualexpression.
\"Youdon\'tknowwhatyou\'retalkingabout,Hugh,\"hesaid.\"Acceptapoliticaloffice!Thatsortofthingislefttopoliticians.\"
Thetoneinwhichhespokewarnedmethatacontinuationoftheconversationwouldbeunwise,andmymotheralsounderstoodthatthediscussionwasclosed.Hewentbacktohisdesk,andbeganwritingagainasthoughnothinghadhappened.
Asforme,Iwasleftinapalpitatingstateofexcitementwhichmyfather\'sself-controlorsang-froidonlyservedtoirritateandenhance,andmyheadwasfairlyspinningas,covertly,Iwatchedhispensteadilycoveringthepaper.
Howcouldhe——howcouldanymanoffleshandbloodsitdowncalmlyafterhavingbeenofferedthehighesthonourinthegiftofhiscommunity!AndhehadspurneditasifMr.Blackwoodandtheothershadgratuitouslyinsultedhim!Andhowwasit,ifmyfathersoreveredtheRepublicanPartythathewouldnotsufferittobementionedslightinglyinhispresence,thathehadrefusedcontemptuouslytobeitsmayor?
Thenextdayatschool,however,Imanagedtoletitbeknownthattheofferhadbeenmadeanddeclined.Afterall,thisseemedtomakemyfatherabiggermanthanifhehadacceptedit.NaturallyIwasaskedwhyhehaddeclinedit.
\"Hewouldn\'ttakeit,\"Irepliedscornfully.\"Office-holdingshouldbelefttopoliticians.\"
RalphHambleton,withhisprecociousandcynicalknowledgeoftheworld,minimizedmytriumphbydeclaringthathewouldratherbehisgrandfather,NathanielDurrett,thanthemayorofthebiggestcityinthecountry.Politicians,hesaid,werebloodsuckersandthieves,andtheonlyreasonforholdingofficewasthatitenabledonetostealthetaxpayers\'money
AsIhaveintimated,myvisionofafutureliterarycareerwaxedandwaned,butabeliefthatIwasgoingtobeSomebodyrarelydesertedme.
Ifnotaliterarylion,whatwasthatSomebodytobe?Suchanenvironmentasminewaswoefullylackinginheroicfigurestosatisfytheromanticsoul.InviewoftheexperienceIhavejustrelated,itisnotsurprisingthatthenotionofbecomingastatesmandidnotappealtome;
norisittobewonderedat,despitethesomewhatexaggeratedrespectandaweinwhichRalph\'sgrandfatherwasheldbymyfatherandotherinfluentialpersons,thatIfailedtobestirredbytheelementsofgreatnessinthegrimpersonalityofourfirstcitizen,theiron-master.
Forhepossessedsuchelements.HelivedaloneinIngrainStreetinanuncompromisingmansionIalwaysassociatedwiththeSabbath,notonlybecauseIusedtobetakenthereondecorousSundayvisitsbymyfather,butbecauseitwastheveryquintessenceofPresbyterianism.ThemomentIenteredits\"portals\"——asMr.Hawthorneappropriatelywouldhavecalledthem——myspiritwasoverwhelmedandsuffocatedbyitsformalityandorderliness.WithinitssternwallsNathanielDurretthadmadeamodeluniverseofhisown,suchastheDeityoftheWestminsterConfessionhadnodoubtmeanthisgreateronetobeifmanhadnotrebelledandfoiledhimItwasaworldfromwhichIwasdeterminedtoescapeatanycost.
MyfatherandIwerealwaysusheredintothegloomylibrary,withitshighceiling,withitslongwindowsthatreachedalmosttotherocococornice,withitscoldmarblemantelpiecethatremindedmeofatombstone,withitsinterminablebookshelvesfilledwithyellowbindings.Onthecentretable,inadditiontoaponderousBible,wasoneofthoseold-fashionedcarafesofredglasstippedwithbluesurmountedbyatumblerofbluetippedwithred.BehindthistableMr.Durrettsatreadingavolumeofsermons,areallyhandsomeoldmaninhisblacktieandpleatedshirt;tallandspare,straightasaramrod,withafinelymouldedheadandstraightnoseandsinewyhandsthecolourofmulberrystain.Hecalledmyfatherbyhisfirstname,animmensecompliment,consideringhowfewdaredtodoso.
\"Well,Matthew,\"theoldmanwouldremark,aftertheyhaddiscussedDr.
Pound\'slatestflightonthenatureoftheTrinityorthedepravityofman,orhorticulture,ortheRepublicanParty,\"doyouhaveanybetternewsofHughatschool?\"
\"Iregrettosay,Mr.Durrett,\"myfatherwouldreply,\"thathedoesnotyetseemtobearousedtoasenseofhisopportunities.\"
WhereuponMr.Durrettwouldgimblemewithablueeyethatlurkedbeneathgrizzledbrows,quiteaspainfulaproceedingasifheusedanirontool.
IalmostpitymyselfwhenIthinkofwhataforlornstrangerIwasintheircompany.Theytwo,indeed,wereofonekind,andIofanothersortwhocouldneverunderstandthem,——northeyme.Towhatdepthsofdespairtheyreducedmetheyneverknew,andyettheyweredoingitallformygood!Theyonlymanagedtoconvincemethatmyloveoffollywasineradicable,andthatIwasonmywayheadfirstforperdition.I
alwayslooked,duringtheseexcruciatingandpersonalmoments,atthecolouredglassbottle.
\"Itgrievesmetohearit,Hugh,\"Mr.Durrettinvariablydeclared.
\"You\'llnevercometoanygoodwithoutstudy.NowwhenIwasyourage\"
Iknewhishistorybyheart,acommononeinthiscountry,althoughhemadeanhonourablenameinsteadofadishonourableone.AndwhenI