`Ihavethegreatestpleasure,mydearEmma,inforwardingtoyoutheenclosed.Iknowwhatthoroughjusticeyouwilldoit,andhavescarcelyadoubtofitshappyeffect-Ithinkweshallnevermateriallydisagreeaboutthewriteragain;butIwillnotdelayyoubyalongpreface-Wearequitewell-ThisletterhasbeenthecureofallthelittlenervousnessIhavebeenfeelinglately-IdidnotquitelikeyourlooksonTuesday,butitwasanungenialmorning;andthoughyouwillneverownbeingaffectedbyweather,Ithinkeverybodyfeelsanorth-eastwind-IfeltforyourdearfatherverymuchinthestormofTuesdayafternoonandyesterdaymorning,buthadthecomfortofhearinglastnight,byMr.Perry,thatithadnotmadehimill.`Yoursever,`A.W.\'
[ToMrs.Weston.]WINDSOR-JULY.MYDEARMADAM,
`IfImademyselfintelligibleyesterday,thisletterwillbeexpected;butexpectedornot,Iknowitwillbereadwithcandourandindulgence-Youareallgoodness,andIbelievetherewillbeneedofevenallyourgoodnesstoallowforsomepartsofmypastconduct-ButIhavebeenforgivenbyonewhohadstillmoretoresent.MycourageriseswhileIwrite.Itisverydifficultfortheprosperoustobehumble.Ihavealreadymetwithsuchsuccessintwoapplicationsforpardon,thatImaybeindangerofthinkingmyselftoosureofyours,andofthoseamongyourfriendswhohavehadanygroundofoffence-YoumustallendeavourtocomprehendtheexactnatureofmysituationwhenIfirstarrivedatRandalls;youmustconsidermeashavingasecretwhichwastobekeptatallhazards.Thiswasthefact.Myrighttoplacemyselfinasituationrequiringsuchconcealment,isanotherquestion.Ishallnotdiscussithere.Formytemptationtothinkitaright,Irefereverycavillertoabrickhouse,sashedwindowsbelow,andcasementsabove,inHighbury.Idarednotaddressheropenly;mydifficultiesinthethenstateofEnscombemustbetoowellknowntorequiredefinition;andIwasfortunateenoughtoprevail,beforewepartedatWeymouth,andtoinducethemostuprightfemalemindinthecreationtostoopincharitytoasecretengagement-Hadsherefused,Ishouldhavegonemad-Butyouwillbereadytosay,whatwasyourhopeindoingthis?-Whatdidyoulookforwardto?-Toanything,everything-totime,chance,circumstance,sloweffects,suddenbursts,perseveranceandweariness,healthandsickness.Everypossibilityofgoodwasbeforeme,andthefirstofblessingssecured,inobtainingherpromisesoffaithandcorrespondence.Ifyouneedfartherexplanation,Ihavethehonour,mydearmadam,ofbeingyourhusband\'sson,andtheadvantageofinheritingadispositiontohopeforgood,whichnoinheritanceofhousesorlandscaneverequalthevalueof-Seeme,then,underthesecircumstances,arrivingonmyfirstvisittoRandalls;-andhereIamconsciousofwrong,forthatvisitmighthavebeensoonerpaid.YouwilllookbackandseethatIdidnotcometillMissFairfaxwasinHighbury;andasyouwerethepersonslighted,youwillforgivemeinstantly;butImustworkonmyfather\'scompassion,byremindinghim,thatsolongasIabsentedmyselffromhishouse,solongIlosttheblessingofknowingyou.Mybehaviour,duringtheveryhappyfortnightwhichIspentwithyou,didnot,Ihope,laymeopentoreprehension,exceptingononepoint.AndnowIcometotheprincipal,theonlyimportantpartofmyconductwhilebelongingtoyou,whichexcitesmyownanxiety,orrequiresverysolicitousexplanation.Withthegreatestrespect,andthewarmestfriendship,doImentionMissWoodhouse;myfatherperhapswillthinkIoughttoadd,withthedeepesthumiliation-Afewwordswhichdroppedfromhimyesterdayspokehisopinion,andsomecensureIacknowledgemyselfliableto-MybehaviourtoMissWoodhouseindicated,Ibelieve,morethanitought-Inordertoassistaconcealmentsoessentialtome,Iwasledontomakemorethananallowableuseofthesortofintimacyintowhichwewereimmediatelythrown-IcannotdenythatMissWoodhousewasmyostensibleobject-butIamsureyouwillbelievethedeclaration,thathadInotbeenconvincedofherindifference,Iwouldnothavebeeninducedbyanyselfishviewstogoon-AmiableanddelightfulasMissWoodhouseis,shenevergavemetheideaofayoungwomanlikelytobeattached;andthatshewasperfectlyfreefromanytendencytobeingattachedtome,wasasmuchmyconvictionasmywish-Shereceivedmyattentionswithaneasy,friendly,goodhumouredplayfulness,whichexactlysuitedme.Weseemedtounderstandeachother.Fromourrelativesituation,thoseattentionswereherdue,andwerefelttobeso-WhetherMissWoodhousebeganreallytounderstandmebeforetheexpirationofthatfortnight,Icannotsay;-whenIcalledtotakeleaveofher,IrememberthatIwaswithinamomentofconfessingthetruth,andIthenfanciedshewasnotwithoutsuspicion;butIhavenodoubtofherhavingsincedetectedme,atleastinsomedegree-Shemaynothavesurmisedthewhole,butherquicknessmusthavepenetratedapart.Icannotdoubtit.Youwillfind,wheneverthesubjectbecomesfreedfromitspresentrestraints,thatitdidnottakeherwhollybysurprize.Shefrequentlygavemehintsofit.Irememberhertellingmeattheball,thatIowedMrs.EltongratitudeforherattentionstoMissFairfax-Ihopethishistoryofmyconducttowardsherwillbeadmittedbyyouandmyfatherasgreatextenuationofwhatyousawamiss.WhileyouconsideredmeashavingsinnedagainstEmmaWoodhouse,Icoulddeservenothingfromeither.Acquitmehere,andprocureforme,whenitisallowable,theacquittalandgoodwishesofthatsaidEmmaWoodhouse,whomIregardwithsomuchbrotherlyaffection,astolongtohaveherasdeeplyandashappilyinloveasmyself-WhateverstrangethingsIsaidordidduringthatfortnight,youhavenowakeyto.MyheartwasinHighbury,andmybusinesswastogetmybodythitherasoftenasmightbe,andwiththeleastsuspicion.Ifyourememberanyqueernesses,setthemalltotherightaccount-Ofthepianofortesomuchtalkedof,Ifeelitonlynecessarytosay,thatitsbeingorderedwasabsolutelyunknowntoMissF-,whowouldneverhaveallowedmetosendit,hadanychoicebeengivenher-Thedelicacyofhermindthroughoutthewholeengagement,mydearmadam,ismuchbeyondmypowerofdoingjusticeto.Youwillsoon,Iearnestlyhope,knowherthoroughlyyourself-Nodescriptioncandescribeher.Shemusttellyouherselfwhatsheis-yetnotbyword,forneverwasthereahumancreaturewhowouldsodesignedlysuppressherownmerit-SinceIbeganthisletter,whichwillbelongerthanIforesaw,Ihaveheardfromher-Shegivesagoodaccountofherownhealth;butasshenevercomplains,Idarenotdepend.Iwanttohaveyouropinionofherlooks.Iknowyouwillsooncallonher;sheislivingindreadofthevisit.Perhapsitispaidalready.Letmehearfromyouwithoutdelay;Iamimpatientforathousandparticulars.RememberhowfewminutesIwasatRandalls,andinhowbewildered,howmadastate:andIamnotmuchbetteryet;stillinsaneeitherfromhappinessormisery.WhenIthinkofthekindnessandfavourIhavemetwith,ofherexcellenceandpatience,andmyuncle\'sgenerosity,Iammadwithjoy:butwhenIrecollectalltheuneasinessIoccasionedher,andhowlittleIdeservetobeforgiven,Iammadwithanger.IfIcouldbutseeheragain!-ButImustnotproposeityet.Myunclehasbeentoogoodformetoencroach-Imuststilladdtothislongletter.Youhavenotheardallthatyououghttohear.Icouldnotgiveanyconnecteddetailyesterday;butthesuddenness,and,inonelight,theunseasonablenesswithwhichtheaffairburstout,needsexplanation;forthoughtheeventofthe26thult.,asyouwillconclude,immediatelyopenedtomethehappiestprospects,Ishouldnothavepresumedonsuchearlymeasures,butfromtheveryparticularcircumstances,whichleftmenotanhourtolose.Ishouldmyselfhaveshrunkfromanythingsohasty,andshewouldhavefelteveryscrupleofminewithmultipliedstrengthandrefinement-ButIhadnochoice.Thehastyengagementshehadenteredintowiththatwoman-Here,mydearmadam,Iwasobligedtoleaveoffabruptly,torecollectandcomposemyself-Ihavebeenwalkingoverthecountry,andamnow,Ihope,rationalenoughtomaketherestofmyletterwhatitoughttobe-Itis,infact,amostmortifyingretrospectforme.Ibehavedshamefully.AndhereIcanadmit,thatmymannerstoMissW.,inbeingunpleasanttoMissF.,werehighlyblameable.Shedisapprovedthem,whichoughttohavebeenenough-Mypleaofconcealingthetruthshedidnotthinksufficient-Shewasdispleased;Ithoughtunreasonablyso:Ithoughther,onathousandoccasions,unnecessarilyscrupulousandcautious:Ithoughtherevencold.Butshewasalwaysright.IfIhadfollowedherjudgment,andsubduedmyspiritstothelevelofwhatshedeemedproper,IshouldhaveescapedthegreatestunhappinessIhaveeverknown-Wequarrelled-DoyourememberthemorningspentatDonwell?-Thereeverylittledissatisfactionthathadoccurredbeforecametoacrisis.Iwaslate;Imetherwalkinghomebyherself,andwantedtowalkwithher,butshewouldnotsufferit.Sheabsolutelyrefusedtoallowme,whichIthenthoughtmostunreasonable.Now,however,Iseenothinginitbutaverynaturalandconsistentdegreeofdiscretion.WhileI,toblindtheworldtoourengagement,wasbehavingonehourwithobjectionableparticularitytoanotherwoman,wasshetobeconsentingthenexttoaproposalwhichmighthavemadeeverypreviouscautionuseless?-HadwebeenmetwalkingtogetherbetweenDonwellandHighbury,thetruthmusthavebeensuspected-Iwasmadenough,however,toresent-Idoubtedheraffection.IdoubteditmorethenextdayonBoxHill;when,provokedbysuchconductonmyside,suchshameful,insolentneglectofher,andsuchapparentdevotiontoMissW.,asitwouldhavebeenimpossibleforanywomanofsensetoendure,shespokeherresentmentinaformofwordsperfectlyintelligibletome-Inshort,mydearmadam,itwasaquarrelblamelessonherside,abominableonmine;andIreturnedthesameeveningtoRichmond,thoughImighthavestaidwithyoutillthenextmorning,merelybecauseIwouldbeasangrywithheraspossible.Eventhen,Iwasnotsuchafoolasnottomeantobereconciledintime;butIwastheinjuredperson,injuredbyhercoldness,andIwentawaydeterminedthatsheshouldmakethefirstadvances-IshallalwayscongratulatemyselfthatyouwerenotoftheBoxHillparty.Hadyouwitnessedmybehaviourthere,Icanhardlysupposeyouwouldeverhavethoughtwellofmeagain.Itseffectuponherappearsintheimmediateresolutionitproduced:assoonasshefoundIwasreallygonefromRandalls,sheclosedwiththeofferofthatofficiousMrs.Elton;thewholesystemofwhosetreatmentofher,bythebye,haseverfilledmewithindignationandhatred.Imustnotquarrelwithaspiritofforbearancewhichhasbeensorichlyextendedtowardsmyself;but,otherwise,Ishouldloudlyprotestagainsttheshareofitwhichthatwomanhasknown-`Jane,\'indeed!-YouwillobservethatIhavenotyetindulgedmyselfincallingherbythatname,eventoyou.Think,then,whatImusthaveenduredinhearingitbandiedbetweentheEltonswithallthevulgarityofneedlessrepetition,andalltheinsolenceofimaginarysuperiority.Havepatiencewithme,Ishallsoonhavedone-Sheclosedwiththisoffer,resolvingtobreakwithmeentirely,andwrotethenextdaytotellmethatweneverweretomeetagain-Shefelttheengagementtobeasourceofrepentanceandmiserytoeach:shedissolvedit-Thisletterreachedmeontheverymorningofmypooraunt\'sdeath.Ianswereditwithinanhour;butfromtheconfusionofmymind,andthemultiplicityofbusinessfallingonmeatonce,myanswer,insteadofbeingsentwithallthemanyotherlettersofthatday,waslockedupinmywriting-desk;andI,trustingthatIhadwrittenenough,thoughbutafewlines,tosatisfyher,remainedwithoutanyuneasiness-IwasratherdisappointedthatIdidnothearfromheragainspeedily;butImadeexcusesforher,andwastoobusy,and-mayIadd?-toocheerfulinmyviewstobecaptious-WeremovedtoWindsor;andtwodaysafterwardsIreceivedaparcelfromher,myownlettersallreturned!-andafewlinesatthesametimebythepost,statingherextremesurprizeatnothavinghadthesmallestreplytoherlast;andadding,thatassilenceonsuchapointcouldnotbemisconstrued,andasitmustbeequallydesirabletobothtohaveeverysubordinatearrangementconcludedassoonaspossible,shenowsentme,byasafeconveyance,allmyletters,andrequested,thatifIcouldnotdirectlycommandhers,soastosendthemtoHighburywithinaweek,Iwouldforwardthemafterthatperiodtoherat-:inshort,thefulldirectiontoMr.Smallridge\'s,nearBristol,staredmeintheface.Iknewthename,theplace,Iknewallaboutit,andinstantlysawwhatshehadbeendoing.ItwasperfectlyaccordantwiththatresolutionofcharacterwhichIknewhertopossess;andthesecrecyshehadmaintained,astoanysuchdesigninherformerletter,wasequallydescriptiveofitsanxiousdelicacy.Fortheworldwouldnotshehaveseemedtothreatenme-Imaginetheshock;imaginehow,tillIhadactuallydetectedmyownblunder,Iravedattheblundersofthepost-Whatwastobedone?-Onethingonly-Imustspeaktomyuncle.WithouthissanctionIcouldnothopetobelistenedtoagain-Ispoke;circumstanceswereinmyfavour;thelateeventhadsoftenedawayhispride,andhewas,earlierthanIcouldhaveanticipated,whollyreconciledandcomplying;andcouldsayatlast,poorman!withadeepsigh,thathewishedImightfindasmuchhappinessinthemarriagestateashehaddone-Ifeltthatitwouldbeofadifferentsort-AreyoudisposedtopitymeforwhatImusthavesufferedinopeningthecausetohim,formysuspensewhileallwasatstake?-No;donotpitymetillIreachedHighbury,andsawhowillIhadmadeher.DonotpitymetillIsawherwan,sicklooks-IreachedHighburyatthetimeofdaywhen,frommyknowledgeoftheirlatebreakfasthour,Iwascertainofagoodchanceoffindingheralone-Iwasnotdisappointed;andatlastIwasnotdisappointedeitherintheobjectofmyjourney.Agreatdealofveryreasonable,veryjustdispleasureIhadtopersuadeaway.Butitisdone;wearereconciled,dearer,muchdearer,thanever,andnomoment\'suneasinesscaneveroccurbetweenusagain.Now,mydearmadam,Iwillreleaseyou;butIcouldnotconcludebefore.Athousandandathousandthanksforallthekindnessyouhaveevershewnme,andtenthousandfortheattentionsyourheartwilldictatetowardsher-IfyouthinkmeinawaytobehappierthanIdeserve,Iamquiteofyouropinion-MissW.callsmethechildofgoodfortune.Ihopesheisright-Inonerespect,mygoodfortuneisundoubted,thatofbeingabletosubscribemyself,YourobligedandaffectionateSon,F.C.WESTONCHURCHILL.
CHAPTERXV
ThislettermustmakeitswaytoEmma\'sfeelings.Shewasobliged,inspiteofherpreviousdeterminationtothecontrary,todoitallthejusticethatMrs.Westonforetold.Assoonasshecametoherownname,itwasirresistible;everylinerelatingtoherselfwasinteresting,andalmosteverylineagreeable;andwhenthischarmceased,thesubjectcouldstillmaintainitself,bythenaturalreturnofherformerregardforthewriter,andtheverystrongattractionwhichanypictureoflovemusthaveforheratthatmoment.Sheneverstopttillshehadgonethroughthewhole;andthoughitwasimpossiblenottofeelthathehadbeenwrong,yethehadbeenlesswrongthanshehadsupposed-andhehadsuffered,andwasverysorry-andhewassogratefultoMrs.Weston,andsomuchinlovewithMissFairfax,andshewassohappyherself,thattherewasnobeingsevere;andcouldhehaveenteredtheroom,shemusthaveshakenhandswithhimasheartilyasever.
Shethoughtsowelloftheletter,thatwhenMr.Knightleycameagain,shedesiredhimtoreadit.ShewassureofMrs.Weston\'swishingittobecommunicated;especiallytoone,who,likeMr.Knightley,hadseensomuchtoblameinhisconduct.
`Ishallbeverygladtolookitover,\'saidhe;`butitseemslong.Iwilltakeithomewithmeatnight.\'
Butthatwouldnotdo.Mr.Westonwastocallintheevening,andshemustreturnitbyhim.
`Iwouldratherbetalkingtoyou,\'hereplied;`butasitseemsamatterofjustice,itshallbedone.\'
Hebegan-stopping,however,almostdirectlytosay,`HadIbeenofferedthesightofoneofthisgentleman\'sletterstohismother-in-lawafewmonthsago,Emma,itwouldnothavebeentakenwithsuchindifference.\'
Heproceededalittlefarther,readingtohimself;andthen,withasmile,observed,`Humph!afinecomplimentaryopening:Butitishisway.Oneman\'sstylemustnotbetheruleofanother\'s.Wewillnotbesevere.\'
`Itwillbenaturalforme,\'headdedshortlyafterwards,`tospeakmyopinionaloudasIread.Bydoingit,IshallfeelthatIamnearyou.Itwillnotbesogreatalossoftime:butifyoudislikeit-\'
`Notatall.Ishouldwishit.\'
Mr.Knightleyreturnedtohisreadingwithgreateralacrity.
`Hetrifleshere,\'saidhe,`astothetemptation.Heknowsheiswrong,andhasnothingrationaltourge-Bad-Heoughtnottohaveformedtheengagement-``Hisfather\'sdisposition:\'\'-heisunjust,however,tohisfather.Mr.Weston\'ssanguinetemperwasablessingonallhisuprightandhonourableexertions;butMr.Westonearnedeverypresentcomfortbeforeheendeavouredtogainit-Verytrue;hedidnotcometillMissFairfaxwashere.\'
`AndIhavenotforgotten,\'saidEmma,`howsureyouwerethathemighthavecomesoonerifhewould.Youpassitoververyhandsomely-butyouwereperfectlyright.\'
`Iwasnotquiteimpartialinmyjudgment,Emma:-butyet,Ithink-hadyounotbeeninthecase-Ishouldstillhavedistrustedhim.\'
WhenhecametoMissWoodhouse,hewasobligedtoreadthewholeofitaloud-allthatrelatedtoher,withasmile;alook;ashakeofthehead;awordortwoofassent,ordisapprobation;ormerelyoflove,asthesubjectrequired;concluding,however,seriously,and,aftersteadyreflection,thus-
`Verybad-thoughitmighthavebeenworse-Playingamostdangerousgame.Toomuchindebtedtotheeventforhisacquittal-Nojudgeofhisownmannersbyyou-Alwaysdeceivedinfactbyhisownwishes,andregardlessoflittlebesideshisownconvenience-Fancyingyoutohavefathomedhissecret.Naturalenough!-hisownmindfullofintrigue,thatheshouldsuspectitinothers-Mystery;Finesse-howtheyperverttheunderstanding!MyEmma,doesnoteverythingservetoprovemoreandmorethebeautyoftruthandsincerityinallourdealingswitheachother?\'
Emmaagreedtoit,andwithablushofsensibilityonHarriet\'saccount,whichshecouldnotgiveanysincereexplanationof.
`Youhadbettergoon,\'saidshe.
Hedidso,butverysoonstoptagaintosay,`thepianoforte!Ah!Thatwastheactofavery,veryyoungman,onetooyoungtoconsiderwhethertheinconvenienceofitmightnotverymuchexceedthepleasure.Aboyishscheme,indeed!-Icannotcomprehendaman\'swishingtogiveawomananyproofofaffectionwhichheknowsshewouldratherdispensewith;andhedidknowthatshewouldhavepreventedtheinstrument\'scomingifshecould.\'
Afterthis,hemadesomeprogresswithoutanypause.FrankChurchill\'sconfessionofhavingbehavedshamefullywasthefirstthingtocallformorethanawordinpassing.
`Iperfectlyagreewithyou,sir,\'-wasthenhisremark.`Youdidbehaveveryshamefully.Youneverwroteatruerline.\'Andhavinggonethroughwhatimmediatelyfollowedofthebasisoftheirdisagreement,andhispersistingtoactindirectoppositiontoJaneFairfax\'ssenseofright,hemadeafullerpausetosay,`Thisisverybad-Hehadinducedhertoplaceherself,forhissake,inasituationofextremedifficultyanduneasiness,anditshouldhavebeenhisfirstobjecttopreventherfromsufferingunnecessarily-Shemusthavehadmuchmoretocontendwith,incarryingonthecorrespondence,thanhecould.Heshouldhaverespectedevenunreasonablescruples,hadtherebeensuch;butherswereallreasonable.Wemustlooktoheronefault,andrememberthatshehaddoneawrongthinginconsentingtotheengagement,tobearthatsheshouldhavebeeninsuchastateofpunishment.\'
EmmaknewthathewasnowgettingtotheBoxHillparty,andgrewuncomfortable.Herownbehaviourhadbeensoveryimproper!Shewasdeeplyashamed,andalittleafraidofhisnextlook.Itwasallread,however,steadily,attentively,andwithoutthesmallestremark;and,exceptingonemomentaryglanceather,instantlywithdrawn,inthefearofgivingpain-noremembranceofBoxHillseemedtoexist.
`Thereisnosayingmuchforthedelicacyofourgoodfriends,theEltons,\'washisnextobservation-`Hisfeelingsarenatural-What!actuallyresolvetobreakwithhimentirely!-Shefelttheengagementtobeasourceofrepentanceandmiserytoeach-shedissolvedit-Whataviewthisgivesofhersenseofhisbehaviour!-Well,hemustbeamostextraordinary-\'
`Nay,nay,readon-Youwillfindhowverymuchhesuffers.\'
`Ihopehedoes,\'repliedMr.Knightleycoolly,andresumingtheletter.```Smallridge!\'\'-Whatdoesthismean?Whatisallthis?\'
`ShehadengagedtogoasgovernesstoMrs.Smallridge\'schildren-adearfriendofMrs.Elton\'s-aneighbourofMapleGrove;and,bythebye,IwonderhowMrs.Eltonbearsthedisappointment?\'
`Saynothing,mydearEmma,whileyouobligemetoread-notevenofMrs.Elton.Onlyonepagemore.Ishallsoonhavedone.Whataletterthemanwrites!\'
`Iwishyouwouldreaditwithakinderspirittowardshim.\'
`Well,thereisfeelinghere-Hedoesseemtohavesufferedinfindingherill-Certainly,Icanhavenodoubtofhisbeingfondofher.``Dearer,muchdearerthanever.\'\'Ihopehemaylongcontinuetofeelallthevalueofsuchareconciliation-Heisaveryliberalthanker,withhisthousandsandtensofthousands-``HappierthanIdeserve.\'\'Come,heknowshimselfthere.``MissWoodhousecallsmethechildofgoodfortune.\'\'-ThosewereMissWoodhouse\'swords,werethey?-Andafineending-andthereistheletter.Thechildofgoodfortune!Thatwasyournameforhim,wasit?\'
`YoudonotappearsowellsatisfiedwithhisletterasIam;butstillyoumust,atleastIhopeyoumust,thinkthebetterofhimforit.Ihopeitdoeshimsomeservicewithyou.\'
`Yes,certainlyitdoes.Hehashadgreatfaults,faultsofinconsiderationandthoughtlessness;andIamverymuchofhisopinioninthinkinghimlikelytobehappierthanhedeserves:butstillasheis,beyondadoubt,reallyattachedtoMissFairfax,andwillsoon,itmaybehoped,havetheadvantageofbeingconstantlywithher,Iamveryreadytobelievehischaracterwillimprove,andacquirefromhersthesteadinessanddelicacyofprinciplethatitwants.Andnow,letmetalktoyouofsomethingelse.Ihaveanotherperson\'sinterestatpresentsomuchatheart,thatIcannotthinkanylongeraboutFrankChurchill.EversinceIleftyouthismorning,Emma,mymindhasbeenhardatworkononesubject.\'
Thesubjectfollowed;itwasinplain,unaffected,gentlemanlikeEnglish,suchasMr.Knightleyusedeventothewomanhewasinlovewith,howtobeabletoaskhertomarryhim,withoutattackingthehappinessofherfather.Emma\'sanswerwasreadyatthefirstword.`Whileherdearfatherlived,anychangeofconditionmustbeimpossibleforher.Shecouldneverquithim.\'Partonlyofthisanswer,however,wasadmitted.Theimpossibilityofherquittingherfather,Mr.Knightleyfeltasstronglyasherself;buttheinadmissibilityofanyotherchange,hecouldnotagreeto.Hehadbeenthinkingitovermostdeeply,mostintently;hehadatfirsthopedtoinduceMr.WoodhousetoremovewithhertoDonwell;hehadwantedtobelieveitfeasible,buthisknowledgeofMr.Woodhousewouldnotsufferhimtodeceivehimselflong;andnowheconfessedhispersuasion,thatsuchatransplantationwouldbeariskofherfather\'scomfort,perhapsevenofhislife,whichmustnotbehazarded.Mr.WoodhousetakenfromHartfield!-No,hefeltthatitoughtnottobeattempted.Buttheplanwhichhadarisenonthesacrificeofthis,hetrustedhisdearestEmmawouldnotfindinanyrespectobjectionable;itwas,thatheshouldbereceivedatHartfield;thatsolongasherfather\'shappinessinotherwordshislife-requiredHartfieldtocontinueherhome,itshouldbehislikewise.
OftheirallremovingtoDonwell,Emmahadalreadyhadherownpassingthoughts.Likehim,shehadtriedtheschemeandrejectedit;butsuchanalternativeasthishadnotoccurredtoher.Shewassensibleofalltheaffectionitevinced.Shefeltthat,inquittingDonwell,hemustbesacrificingagreatdealofindependenceofhoursandhabits;thatinlivingconstantlywithherfather,andinnohouseofhisown,therewouldbemuch,verymuch,tobebornewith.Shepromisedtothinkofit,andadvisedhimtothinkofitmore;buthewasfullyconvinced,thatnoreflectioncouldalterhiswishesorhisopiniononthesubject.Hehadgivenit,hecouldassureher,verylongandcalmconsideration;hehadbeenwalkingawayfromWilliamLarkinsthewholemorning,tohavehisthoughtstohimself.
`Ah!thereisonedifficultyunprovidedfor,\'criedEmma.`IamsureWilliamLarkinswillnotlikeit.Youmustgethisconsentbeforeyouaskmine.\'
Shepromised,however,tothinkofit;andprettynearlypromised,moreover,tothinkofit,withtheintentionoffindingitaverygoodscheme.
Itisremarkable,thatEmma,inthemany,verymany,pointsofviewinwhichshewasnowbeginningtoconsiderDonwellAbbey,wasneverstruckwithanysenseofinjurytohernephewHenry,whoserightsasheir-expectanthadformerlybeensotenaciouslyregarded.Thinkshemustofthepossibledifferencetothepoorlittleboy;andyetsheonlygaveherselfasaucyconscioussmileaboutit,andfoundamusementindetectingtherealcauseofthatviolentdislikeofMr.Knightley\'smarryingJaneFairfax,oranybodyelse,whichatthetimeshehadwhollyimputedtotheamiablesolicitudeofthesisterandtheaunt.
Thisproposalofhis,thisplanofmarryingandcontinuingatHartfield-themoreshecontemplatedit,themorepleasingitbecame.Hisevilsseemedtolessen,herownadvantagestoincrease,theirmutualgoodtooutweigheverydrawback.Suchacompanionforherselfintheperiodsofanxietyandcheerlessnessbeforeher!-Suchapartnerinallthosedutiesandcarestowhichtimemustbegivingincreaseofmelancholy!
ShewouldhavebeentoohappybutforpoorHarriet;buteveryblessingofherownseemedtoinvolveandadvancethesufferingsofherfriend,whomustnowbeevenexcludedfromHartfield.ThedelightfulfamilypartywhichEmmawassecuringforherself,poorHarrietmust,inmerecharitablecaution,bekeptatadistancefrom.Shewouldbealoserineveryway.Emmacouldnotdeploreherfutureabsenceasanydeductionfromherownenjoyment.Insuchaparty,Harrietwouldberatheradeadweightthanotherwise;butforthepoorgirlherself,itseemedapeculiarlycruelnecessitythatwastobeplacingherinsuchastateofunmeritedpunishment.
Intime,ofcourse,Mr.Knightleywouldbeforgotten,thatis,supplanted;butthiscouldnotbeexpectedtohappenveryearly.Mr.Knightleyhimselfwouldbedoingnothingtoassistthecure;-notlikeMr.Elton.Mr.Knightley,alwayssokind,sofeeling,sotrulyconsiderateforeverybody,wouldneverdeservetobelessworshippedthannow;anditreallywastoomuchtohopeevenofHarriet,thatshecouldbeinlovewithmorethanthreemeninoneyear.
CHAPTERXVI
ItwasaverygreatrelieftoEmmatofindHarrietasdesirousasherselftoavoidameeting.Theirintercoursewaspainfulenoughbyletter.Howmuchworse,hadtheybeenobligedtomeet!
Harrietexpressedherselfverymuchasmightbesupposed,withoutreproaches,orapparentsenseofill-usage;andyetEmmafanciedtherewasasomethingofresentment,asomethingborderingonitinherstyle,whichincreasedthedesirablenessoftheirbeingseparate-Itmightbeonlyherownconsciousness;butitseemedasifanangelonlycouldhavebeenquitewithoutresentmentundersuchastroke.
ShehadnodifficultyinprocuringIsabella\'sinvitation;andshewasfortunateinhavingasufficientreasonforaskingit,withoutresortingtoinvention-Therewasatoothamiss.Harrietreallywished,andhadwishedsometime,toconsultadentist.Mrs.JohnKnightleywasdelightedtobeofuse;anythingofillhealthwasarecommendationtoher-andthoughnotsofondofadentistasofaMr.Wingfield,shewasquiteeagertohaveHarrietunderhercare-Whenitwasthussettledonhersister\'sside,Emmaproposedittoherfriend,andfoundherverypersuadable-Harrietwastogo;shewasinvitedforatleastafortnight;shewastobeconveyedinMr.Woodhouse\'scarriage-Itwasallarranged,itwasallcompleted,andHarrietwassafeinBrunswickSquare.
NowEmmacould,indeed,enjoyMr.Knightley\'svisits;nowshecouldtalk,andshecouldlistenwithtruehappiness,uncheckedbythatsenseofinjustice,ofguilt,ofsomethingmostpainful,whichhadhauntedherwhenrememberinghowdisappointedaheartwasnearher,howmuchmightatthatmoment,andatalittledistance,beenduringbythefeelingswhichshehadledastrayherself.
ThedifferenceofHarrietatMrs.Goddard\'s,orinLondon,madeperhapsanunreasonabledifferenceinEmma\'ssensations;butshecouldnotthinkofherinLondonwithoutobjectsofcuriosityandemployment,whichmustbeavertingthepast,andcarryingheroutofherself.
ShewouldnotallowanyotheranxietytosucceeddirectlytotheplaceinhermindwhichHarriethadoccupied.Therewasacommunicationbeforeher,onewhichsheonlycouldbecompetenttomake-theconfessionofherengagementtoherfather;butshewouldhavenothingtodowithitatpresent-ShehadresolvedtodeferthedisclosuretillMrs.Westonweresafeandwell.Noadditionalagitationshouldbethrownatthisperiodamongthosesheloved-andtheevilshouldnotactonherselfbyanticipationbeforetheappointedtime-Afortnight,atleast,ofleisureandpeaceofmind,tocrowneverywarmer,butmoreagitating,delight,shouldbehers.