`Hissufferings,\'repliedEmmadryly,`donotappeartohavedonehimmuchharm.Well,andhowdidMr.Churchilltakeit?\'
`Mostfavourablyforhisnephew-gavehisconsentwithscarcelyadifficulty.Conceivewhattheeventsofaweekhavedoneinthatfamily!WhilepoorMrs.Churchilllived,Isupposetherecouldnothavebeenahope,achance,apossibility;-butscarcelyareherremainsatrestinthefamilyvault,thanherhusbandispersuadedtoactexactlyoppositetowhatshewouldhaverequired.Whatablessingitis,whenundueinfluencedoesnotsurvivethegrave!-Hegavehisconsentwithverylittlepersuasion.\'
`Ah!\'thoughtEmma,`hewouldhavedoneasmuchforHarriet.\'
`Thiswassettledlastnight,andFrankwasoffwiththelightthismorning.HestoppedatHighbury,attheBates\'s,Ifancy,sometime-andthencameonhither;butwasinsuchahurrytogetbacktohisuncle,towhomheisjustnowmorenecessarythanever,that,asItellyou,hecouldstaywithusbutaquarterofanhour-Hewasverymuchagitated-verymuch,indeed-toadegreethatmadehimappearquiteadifferentcreaturefromanythingIhadeverseenhimbefore-Inadditiontoalltherest,therehadbeentheshockoffindinghersoveryunwell,whichhehadhadnoprevioussuspicionof-andtherewaseveryappearanceofhishavingbeenfeelingagreatdeal.\'
`Anddoyoureallybelievetheaffairtohavebeencarryingonwithsuchperfectsecresy?-TheCampbells,theDixons,didnoneofthemknowoftheengagement?\'
EmmacouldnotspeakthenameofDixonwithoutalittleblush.
`None;notone.Hepositivelysaidthatithadbeenknowntonobeingintheworldbuttheirtwoselves.\'
`Well,\'saidEmma,`Isupposeweshallgraduallygrowreconciledtotheidea,andIwishthemveryhappy.ButIshallalwaysthinkitaveryabominablesortofproceeding.Whathasitbeenbutasystemofhypocrisyanddeceit,-espionage,andtreachery?-Tocomeamonguswithprofessionsofopennessandsimplicity;andsuchaleagueinsecrettojudgeusall!-Herehavewebeen,thewholewinterandspring,completelyduped,fancyingourselvesallonanequalfootingoftruthandhonour,withtwopeopleinthemidstofuswhomayhavebeencarryinground,comparingandsittinginjudgmentonsentimentsandwordsthatwerenevermeantforbothtohear-Theymusttaketheconsequence,iftheyhaveheardeachotherspokenofinawaynotperfectlyagreeable!\'
`Iamquiteeasyonthathead,\'repliedMrs.Weston.`IamverysurethatIneversaidanythingofeithertotheother,whichbothmightnothaveheard.\'
`Youareinluck-Youronlyblunderwasconfinedtomyear,whenyouimaginedacertainfriendofoursinlovewiththelady.\'
`True.ButasIhavealwayshadathoroughlygoodopinionofMissFairfax,Inevercould,underanyblunder,havespokenillofher;andastospeakingillofhim,thereImusthavebeensafe.\'
AtthismomentMr.Westonappearedatalittledistancefromthewindow,evidentlyonthewatch.Hiswifegavehimalookwhichinvitedhimin;and,whilehewascominground,added,`Now,dearestEmma,letmeintreatyoutosayandlookeverythingthatmaysethisheartatease,andinclinehimtobesatisfiedwiththematch.Letusmakethebestofit-and,indeed,almosteverythingmaybefairlysaidinherfavour.Itisnotaconnexiontogratify;butifMr.Churchilldoesnotfeelthat,whyshouldwe?anditmaybeaveryfortunatecircumstanceforhim,forFrank,Imean,thatheshouldhaveattachedhimselftoagirlofsuchsteadinessofcharacterandgoodjudgmentasIhavealwaysgivenhercreditfor-andstillamdisposedtogivehercreditfor,inspiteofthisonegreatdeviationfromthestrictruleofright.Andhowmuchmaybesaidinhersituationforeventhaterror!\'
`Much,indeed!\'criedEmmafeelingly.`Ifawomancaneverbeexcusedforthinkingonlyofherself,itisinasituationlikeJaneFairfax\'s-Ofsuch,onemayalmostsay,that``theworldisnottheir\'s,northeworld\'slaw.\'\'\'
ShemetMr.Westononhisentrance,withasmilingcountenance,exclaiming,
`Averyprettytrickyouhavebeenplayingme,uponmyword!Thiswasadevice,Isuppose,tosportwithmycuriosity,andexercisemytalentofguessing.Butyoureallyfrightenedme.Ithoughtyouhadlosthalfyourproperty,atleast.Andhere,insteadofitsbeingamatterofcondolence,itturnsouttobeoneofcongratulation-Icongratulateyou,Mr.Weston,withallmyheart,ontheprospectofhavingoneofthemostlovelyandaccomplishedyoungwomeninEnglandforyourdaughter.\'
Aglanceortwobetweenhimandhiswife,convincedhimthatallwasasrightasthisspeechproclaimed;anditshappyeffectonhisspiritswasimmediate.Hisairandvoicerecoveredtheirusualbriskness:heshookherheartilyandgratefullybythehand,andenteredonthesubjectinamannertoprove,thathenowonlywantedtimeandpersuasiontothinktheengagementnoverybadthing.Hiscompanionssuggestedonlywhatcouldpalliateimprudence,orsmoothobjections;andbythetimetheyhadtalkeditallovertogether,andhehadtalkeditalloveragainwithEmma,intheirwalkbacktoHartfield,hewasbecomeperfectlyreconciled,andnotfarfromthinkingittheverybestthingthatFrankcouldpossiblyhavedone.
CHAPTERXI
`Harriet,poorHarriet!\'-Thosewerethewords;inthemlaythetormentingideaswhichEmmacouldnotgetridof,andwhichconstitutedtherealmiseryofthebusinesstoher.FrankChurchillhadbehavedveryillbyherself-veryillinmanyways,-butitwasnotsomuchhisbehaviourasherown,whichmadehersoangrywithhim.ItwasthescrapewhichhehaddrawnherintoonHarriet\'saccount,thatgavethedeepesthuetohisoffence-PoorHarriet!tobeasecondtimethedupeofhermisconceptionsandflattery.Mr.Knightleyhadspokenprophetically,whenheoncesaid,`Emma,youhavebeennofriendtoHarrietSmith.\'-Shewasafraidshehaddonehernothingbutdisservice-Itwastruethatshehadnottochargeherself,inthisinstanceasintheformer,withbeingthesoleandoriginalauthorofthemischief;withhavingsuggestedsuchfeelingsasmightotherwiseneverhaveenteredHarriet\'simagination;forHarriethadacknowledgedheradmirationandpreferenceofFrankChurchillbeforeshehadevergivenherahintonthesubject;butshefeltcompletelyguiltyofhavingencouragedwhatshemighthaverepressed.Shemighthavepreventedtheindulgenceandincreaseofsuchsentiments.Herinfluencewouldhavebeenenough.Andnowshewasveryconsciousthatsheoughttohavepreventedthem-Shefeltthatshehadbeenriskingherfriend\'shappinessonmostinsufficientgrounds.CommonsensewouldhavedirectedhertotellHarriet,thatshemustnotallowherselftothinkofhim,andthattherewerefivehundredchancestooneagainsthisevercaringforher-`But,withcommonsense,\'sheadded,`IamafraidIhavehadlittletodo.\'
Shewasextremelyangrywithherself.IfshecouldnothavebeenangrywithFrankChurchilltoo,itwouldhavebeendreadful-AsforJaneFairfax,shemightatleastrelieveherfeelingsfromanypresentsolicitudeonheraccount.Harrietwouldbeanxietyenough;sheneednolongerbeunhappyaboutJane,whosetroublesandwhoseill-healthhaving,ofcourse,thesameorigin,mustbeequallyundercure-Herdaysofinsignificanceandevilwereover-Shewouldsoonbewell,andhappy,andprosperous-Emmacouldnowimaginewhyherownattentionshadbeenslighted.Thisdiscoverylaidmanysmallermattersopen.Nodoubtithadbeenfromjealousy-InJane\'seyesshehadbeenarival;andwellmightanythingshecouldofferofassistanceorregardberepulsed.AnairingintheHartfieldcarriagewouldhavebeentherack,andarrowrootfromtheHartfieldstoreroommusthavebeenpoison.Sheunderstooditall;andasfarashermindcoulddisengageitselffromtheinjusticeandselfishnessofangryfeelings,sheacknowledgedthatJaneFairfaxwouldhaveneitherelevationnorhappinessbeyondherdesert.ButpoorHarrietwassuchanengrossingcharge!Therewaslittlesympathytobesparedforanybodyelse.Emmawassadlyfearfulthatthisseconddisappointmentwouldbemoreseverethanthefirst.Consideringtheverysuperiorclaimsoftheobject,itought;andjudgingbyitsapparentlystrongereffectonHarriet\'smind,producingreserveandself-command,itwould-Shemustcommunicatethepainfultruth,however,andassoonaspossible.AninjunctionofsecresyhadbeenamongMr.Weston\'spartingwords.`Forthepresent,thewholeaffairwastobecompletelyasecret.Mr.Churchillhadmadeapointofit,asatokenofrespecttothewifehehadsoveryrecentlylost;andeverybodyadmittedittobenomorethanduedecorum.\'-Emmahadpromised;butstillHarrietmustbeexcepted.Itwashersuperiorduty.
Inspiteofhervexation,shecouldnothelpfeelingitalmostridiculous,thatsheshouldhavetheverysamedistressinganddelicateofficetoperformbyHarriet,whichMrs.Westonhadjustgonethroughbyherself.Theintelligence,whichhadbeensoanxiouslyannouncedtoher,shewasnowtobeanxiouslyannouncingtoanother.HerheartbeatquickonhearingHarriet\'sfootstepandvoice;so,shesupposed,hadpoorMrs.WestonfeltwhenshewasapproachingRandalls.Couldtheeventofthedisclosurebearanequalresemblance!-Butofthat,unfortunately,therecouldbenochance.
`Well,MissWoodhouse!\'criedHarriet,comingeagerlyintotheroom-`isnotthistheoddestnewsthateverwas?\'
`Whatnewsdoyoumean?\'repliedEmma,unabletoguess,bylookorvoice,whetherHarrietcouldindeedhavereceivedanyhint.
`AboutJaneFairfax.Didyoueverhearanythingsostrange?Oh!-youneednotbeafraidofowningittome,forMr.Westonhastoldmehimself.Imethimjustnow.Hetoldmeitwastobeagreatsecret;and,therefore,Ishouldnotthinkofmentioningittoanybodybutyou,buthesaidyouknewit.\'
`WhatdidMr.Westontellyou?\'-saidEmma,stillperplexed.
`Oh!hetoldmeallaboutit;thatJaneFairfaxandMr.FrankChurchillaretobemarried,andthattheyhavebeenprivatelyengagedtooneanotherthislongwhile.Howveryodd!\'
Itwas,indeed,soodd;Harriet\'sbehaviourwassoextremelyodd,thatEmmadidnotknowhowtounderstandit.Hercharacterappearedabsolutelychanged.Sheseemedtoproposeshewingnoagitation,ordisappointment,orpeculiarconcerninthediscovery.Emmalookedather,quiteunabletospeak.
`Hadyouanyidea,\'criedHarriet,`ofhisbeinginlovewithher?-You,perhaps,might-Youblushingasshespokewhocanseeintoeverybody\'sheart;butnobodyelse-\'
`Uponmyword,\'saidEmma,`Ibegintodoubtmyhavinganysuchtalent.Canyouseriouslyaskme,Harriet,whetherIimaginedhimattachedtoanotherwomanattheverytimethatIwas-tacitly,ifnotopenly-encouragingyoutogivewaytoyourownfeelings?-Ineverhadtheslightestsuspicion,tillwithinthelasthour,ofMr.FrankChurchill\'shavingtheleastregardforJaneFairfax.YoumaybeverysurethatifIhad,Ishouldhavecautionedyouaccordingly.\'
`Me!\'criedHarriet,colouring,andastonished.`Whyshouldyoucautionme?-YoudonotthinkIcareaboutMr.FrankChurchill.\'
`Iamdelightedtohearyouspeaksostoutlyonthesubject,\'repliedEmma,smiling;`butyoudonotmeantodenythattherewasatime-andnotverydistanteither-whenyougavemereasontounderstandthatyoudidcareabouthim?\'
`Him!-never,never.DearMissWoodhouse,howcouldyousomistakeme?\'turningawaydistressed.
`Harriet!\'criedEmma,afteramoment\'spause-`Whatdoyoumean?-GoodHeaven!whatdoyoumean?-Mistakeyou!-AmItosupposethen?-\'
Shecouldnotspeakanotherword-Hervoicewaslost;andshesatdown,waitingingreatterrortillHarrietshouldanswer.
Harriet,whowasstandingatsomedistance,andwithfaceturnedfromher,didnotimmediatelysayanything;andwhenshedidspeak,itwasinavoicenearlyasagitatedasEmma\'s.
`Ishouldnothavethoughtitpossible,\'shebegan,`thatyoucouldhavemisunderstoodme!Iknowweagreednevertonamehim-butconsideringhowinfinitelysuperiorheistoeverybodyelse,IshouldnothavethoughtitpossiblethatIcouldbesupposedtomeananyotherperson.Mr.FrankChurchill,indeed!Idonotknowwhowouldeverlookathiminthecompanyoftheother.IhopeIhaveabettertastethantothinkofMr.FrankChurchill,whoislikenobodybyhisside.Andthatyoushouldhavebeensomistaken,isamazing!-Iamsure,butforbelievingthatyouentirelyapprovedandmeanttoencouragemeinmyattachment,Ishouldhaveconsidereditatfirsttoogreatapresumptionalmost,todaretothinkofhim.Atfirst,ifyouhadnottoldmethatmorewonderfulthingshadhappened;thattherehadbeenmatchesofgreaterdisparitythosewereyourverywords;-Ishouldnothavedaredtogivewayto-Ishouldnothavethoughtitpossible-Butifyou,whohadbeenalwaysacquaintedwithhim-\'
`Harriet!\'criedEmma,collectingherselfresolutely-`Letusunderstandeachothernow,withoutthepossibilityoffarthermistake.Areyouspeakingof-Mr.Knightley?\'
`TobesureIam.Inevercouldhaveanideaofanybodyelse-andsoIthoughtyouknew.Whenwetalkedabouthim,itwasasclearaspossible.\'
`Notquite,\'returnedEmma,withforcedcalmness,`forallthatyouthensaid,appearedtometorelatetoadifferentperson.IcouldalmostassertthatyouhadnamedMr.FrankChurchill.IamsuretheserviceMr.FrankChurchillhadrenderedyou,inprotectingyoufromthegipsies,wasspokenof.\'
`Oh!MissWoodhouse,howyoudoforget!\'
`MydearHarriet,IperfectlyrememberthesubstanceofwhatIsaidontheoccasion.ItoldyouthatIdidnotwonderatyourattachment;thatconsideringtheservicehehadrenderedyou,itwasextremelynatural:-andyouagreedtoit,expressingyourselfverywarmlyastoyoursenseofthatservice,andmentioningevenwhatyoursensationshadbeeninseeinghimcomeforwardtoyourrescue-Theimpressionofitisstrongonmymemory.\'
`Oh,dear,\'criedHarriet,`nowIrecollectwhatyoumean;butIwasthinkingofsomethingverydifferentatthetime.Itwasnotthegipsies-itwasnotMr.FrankChurchillthatImeant.No!withsomeelevationIwasthinkingofamuchmorepreciouscircumstance-ofMr.Knightley\'scomingandaskingmetodance,whenMr.Eltonwouldnotstandupwithme;andwhentherewasnootherpartnerintheroom.Thatwasthekindaction;thatwasthenoblebenevolenceandgenerosity;thatwastheservicewhichmademebegintofeelhowsuperiorhewastoeveryotherbeinguponearth.\'
`GoodGod!\'criedEmma,`thishasbeenamostunfortunate-mostdeplorablemistake!-Whatistobedone?\'
`Youwouldnothaveencouragedme,then,ifyouhadunderstoodme?Atleast,however,IcannotbeworseoffthanIshouldhavebeen,iftheotherhadbeentheperson;andnow-itispossible-\'
Shepausedafewmoments.Emmacouldnotspeak.
`Idonotwonder,MissWoodhouse,\'sheresumed,`thatyoushouldfeelagreatdifferencebetweenthetwo,astomeorastoanybody.Youmustthinkonefivehundredmilliontimesmoreabovemethantheother.ButIhope,MissWoodhouse,thatsupposing-thatif-strangeasitmayappear.Butyouknowtheywereyourownwords,thatmorewonderfulthingshadhappened,matchesofgreaterdisparityhadtakenplacethanbetweenMr.FrankChurchillandme;and,therefore,itseemsasifsuchathingevenasthis,mayhaveoccurredbefore-andifIshouldbesofortunate,beyondexpression,asto-ifMr.Knightleyshouldreally-ifhedoesnotmindthedisparity,Ihope,dearMissWoodhouse,youwillnotsetyourselfagainstit,andtrytoputdifficultiesintheway.Butyouaretoogoodforthat,Iamsure.\'
Harrietwasstandingatoneofthewindows.Emmaturnedroundtolookatherinconsternation,andhastilysaid,
`HaveyouanyideaofMr.Knightley\'sreturningyouraffection?\'
`Yes,\'repliedHarrietmodestly,butnotfearfully-`ImustsaythatIhave.\'
Emma\'seyeswereinstantlywithdrawn;andshesatsilentlymeditating,inafixedattitude,forafewminutes.Afewminutesweresufficientformakingheracquaintedwithherownheart.Amindlikehers,onceopeningtosuspicion,maderapidprogress.Shetouched-sheadmitted-sheacknowledgedthewholetruth.WhywasitsomuchworsethatHarrietshouldbeinlovewithMr.Knightley,thanwithFrankChurchill?WhywastheevilsodreadfullyincreasedbyHarriet\'shavingsomehopeofareturn?Itdartedthroughher,withthespeedofanarrow,thatMr.Knightleymustmarrynoonebutherself!
Herownconduct,aswellasherownheart,wasbeforeherinthesamefewminutes.Shesawitallwithaclearnesswhichhadneverblessedherbefore.HowimproperlyhadshebeenactingbyHarriet!Howinconsiderate,howindelicate,howirrational,howunfeelinghadbeenherconduct!Whatblindness,whatmadness,hadledheron!Itstruckherwithdreadfulforce,andshewasreadytogiveiteverybadnameintheworld.Someportionofrespectforherself,however,inspiteofallthesedemerits-someconcernforherownappearance,andastrongsenseofjusticebyHarriet-therewouldbenoneedofcompassiontothegirlwhobelievedherselflovedbyMr.Knightley-butjusticerequiredthatsheshouldnotbemadeunhappybyanycoldnessnow,gaveEmmatheresolutiontositandendurefartherwithcalmness,withevenapparentkindness-Forherownadvantageindeed,itwasfitthattheutmostextentofHarriet\'shopesshouldbeenquiredinto;andHarriethaddonenothingtoforfeittheregardandinterestwhichhadbeensovoluntarilyformedandmaintained-ortodeservetobeslightedbytheperson,whosecounselshadneverledherright-Rousingfromreflection,therefore,andsubduingheremotion,sheturnedtoHarrietagain,and,inamoreinvitingaccent,renewedtheconversation;forastothesubjectwhichhadfirstintroducedit,thewonderfulstoryofJaneFairfax,thatwasquitesunkandlost-NeitherofthemthoughtbutofMr.Knightleyandthemselves.
Harriet,whohadbeenstandinginnounhappyreverie,wasyetverygladtobecalledfromit,bythenowencouragingmannerofsuchajudge,andsuchafriendasMissWoodhouse,andonlywantedinvitation,togivethehistoryofherhopeswithgreat,thoughtremblingdelight-Emma\'stremblingsassheasked,andasshelistened,werebetterconcealedthanHarriet\'s,buttheywerenotless.Hervoicewasnotunsteady;buthermindwasinalltheperturbationthatsuchadevelopmentofself,suchaburstofthreateningevil,suchaconfusionofsuddenandperplexingemotions,mustcreate-Shelistenedwithmuchinwardsuffering,butwithgreatoutwardpatience,toHarriet\'sdetail-Methodical,orwellarranged,orverywelldelivered,itcouldnotbeexpectedtobe;butitcontained,whenseparatedfromallthefeeblenessandtautologyofthenarration,asubstancetosinkherspirit-especiallywiththecorroboratingcircumstances,whichherownmemorybroughtinfavourofMr.Knightley\'smostimprovedopinionofHarriet.
Harriethadbeenconsciousofadifferenceinhisbehavioureversincethosetwodecisivedances-Emmaknewthathehad,onthatoccasion,foundhermuchsuperiortohisexpectation.Fromthatevening,oratleastfromthetimeofMissWoodhouse\'sencouraginghertothinkofhim,Harriethadbeguntobesensibleofhistalkingtohermuchmorethanhehadbeenusedtodo,andofhishavingindeedquiteadifferentmannertowardsher;amannerofkindnessandsweetness!-Latterlyshehadbeenmoreandmoreawareofit.Whentheyhadbeenallwalkingtogether,hehadsooftencomeandwalkedbyher,andtalkedsoverydelightfully!-Heseemedtowanttobeacquaintedwithher.Emmaknewittohavebeenverymuchthecase.Shehadoftenobservedthechange,toalmostthesameextent-Harrietrepeatedexpressionsofapprobationandpraisefromhim-andEmmafeltthemtobeintheclosestagreementwithwhatshehadknownofhisopinionofHarriet.Hepraisedherforbeingwithoutartoraffectation,forhavingsimple,honest,generous,feelings-SheknewthathesawsuchrecommendationsinHarriet;hehaddweltonthemtohermorethanonce-MuchthatlivedinHarriet\'smemory,manylittleparticularsofthenoticeshehadreceivedfromhim,alook,aspeech,aremovalfromonechairtoanother,acomplimentimplied,apreferenceinferred,hadbeenunnoticed,becauseunsuspected,byEmma.Circumstancesthatmightswelltohalfanhour\'srelation,andcontainedmultipliedproofstoherwhohadseenthem,hadpassedundiscernedbyherwhonowheardthem;butthetwolatestoccurrencestobementioned,thetwoofstrongestpromisetoHarriet,werenotwithoutsomedegreeofwitnessfromEmmaherself-Thefirst,washiswalkingwithherapartfromtheothers,inthelime-walkatDonwell,wheretheyhadbeenwalkingsometimebeforeEmmacame,andhehadtakenpainsasshewasconvincedtodrawherfromtheresttohimself-andatfirst,hehadtalkedtoherinamoreparticularwaythanhehadeverdonebefore,inaveryparticularwayindeed!-Harrietcouldnotrecallitwithoutablush.Heseemedtobealmostaskingher,whetherheraffectionswereengaged-ButassoonassheMissWoodhouseappearedlikelytojointhem,hechangedthesubject,andbegantalkingaboutfarming:-Thesecond,washishavingsattalkingwithhernearlyhalfanhourbeforeEmmacamebackfromhervisit,theverylastmorningofhisbeingatHartfield-though,whenhefirstcamein,hehadsaidthathecouldnotstayfiveminutes-andhishavingtoldher,duringtheirconversation,thatthoughhemustgotoLondon,itwasverymuchagainsthisinclinationthathelefthomeatall,whichwasmuchmoreasEmmafeltthanhehadacknowledgedtoher.ThesuperiordegreeofconfidencetowardsHarriet,whichthisonearticlemarked,gaveherseverepain.
Onthesubjectofthefirstofthetwocircumstances,shedid,afteralittlereflection,venturethefollowingquestion.`Mighthenot?-Isnotitpossible,thatwhenenquiring,asyouthought,intothestateofyouraffections,hemightbealludingtoMr.Martin-hemighthaveMr.Martin\'sinterestinview?ButHarrietrejectedthesuspicionwithspirit.
`Mr.Martin!Noindeed!-TherewasnotahintofMr.Martin.IhopeIknowbetternow,thantocareforMr.Martin,ortobesuspectedofit.\'
WhenHarriethadclosedherevidence,sheappealedtoherdearMissWoodhouse,tosaywhethershehadnotgoodgroundforhope.
`Inevershouldhavepresumedtothinkofitatfirst,\'saidshe,`butforyou.Youtoldmetoobservehimcarefully,andlethisbehaviourbetheruleofmine-andsoIhave.ButnowIseemtofeelthatImaydeservehim;andthatifhedoeschuseme,itwillnotbeanythingsoverywonderful.\'
Thebitterfeelingsoccasionedbythisspeech,themanybitterfeelings,madetheutmostexertionnecessaryonEmma\'sside,toenablehertosayonreply,
`Harriet,Iwillonlyventuretodeclare,thatMr.Knightleyisthelastmanintheworld,whowouldintentionallygiveanywomantheideaofhisfeelingforhermorethanhereallydoes.\'
Harrietseemedreadytoworshipherfriendforasentencesosatisfactory;andEmmawasonlysavedfromrapturesandfondness,whichatthatmomentwouldhavebeendreadfulpenance,bythesoundofherfather\'sfootsteps.Hewascomingthroughthehall.Harrietwastoomuchagitatedtoencounterhim.`Shecouldnotcomposeherself-Mr.Woodhousewouldbealarmed-shehadbettergo;\'-withmostreadyencouragementfromherfriend,therefore,shepassedoffthroughanotherdoor-andthemomentshewasgone,thiswasthespontaneousburstofEmma\'sfeelings:`OhGod!thatIhadneverseenher!\'
Therestoftheday,thefollowingnight,werehardlyenoughforherthoughts-Shewasbewilderedamidsttheconfusionofallthathadrushedonherwithinthelastfewhours.Everymomenthadbroughtafreshsurprize;andeverysurprizemustbematterofhumiliationtoher-Howtounderstanditall!Howtounderstandthedeceptionsshehadbeenthuspractisingonherself,andlivingunder!-Theblunders,theblindnessofherownheadandheart!-shesatstill,shewalkedabout,shetriedherownroom,shetriedtheshrubbery-ineveryplace,everyposture,sheperceivedthatshehadactedmostweakly;thatshehadbeenimposedonbyothersinamostmortifyingdegree;thatshehadbeenimposingonherselfinadegreeyetmoremortifying;thatshewaswretched,andshouldprobablyfindthisdaybutthebeginningofwretchedness.
Tounderstand,thoroughlyunderstandherownheart,wasthefirstendeavour.Tothatpointwenteveryleisuremomentwhichherfather\'sclaimsonherallowed,andeverymomentofinvoluntaryabsenceofmind.
HowlonghadMr.Knightleybeensodeartoher,aseveryfeelingdeclaredhimnowtobe?Whenhadhisinfluence,suchinfluencebegun?-Whenhadhesucceededtothatplaceinheraffection,whichFrankChurchillhadonce,forashortperiod,occupied?-Shelookedback;shecomparedthetwo-comparedthem,astheyhadalwaysstoodinherestimation,fromthetimeofthelatter\'sbecomingknowntoher-andastheymustatanytimehavebeencomparedbyher,hadit-oh!hadit,byanyblessedfelicity,occurredtoher,toinstitutethecomparison-ShesawthatthereneverhadbeenatimewhenshedidnotconsiderMr.Knightleyasinfinitelythesuperior,orwhenhisregardforherhadnotbeeninfinitelythemostdear.Shesaw,thatinpersuadingherself,infancying,inactingtothecontrary,shehadbeenentirelyunderadelusion,totallyignorantofherownheart-and,inshort,thatshehadneverreallycaredforFrankChurchillatall!
Thiswastheconclusionofthefirstseriesofreflection.Thiswastheknowledgeofherself,onthefirstquestionofinquiry,whichshereached;andwithoutbeinglonginreachingit-Shewasmostsorrowfullyindignant;ashamedofeverysensationbuttheonerevealedtoher-heraffectionforMr.Knightley-Everyotherpartofhermindwasdisgusting.
Withinsufferablevanityhadshebelievedherselfinthesecretofeverybody\'sfeelings;withunpardonablearroganceproposedtoarrangeeverybody\'sdestiny.Shewasprovedtohavebeenuniversallymistaken;andshehadnotquitedonenothing-forshehaddonemischief.ShehadbroughtevilonHarriet,onherself,andshetoomuchfeared,onMr.Knightley-Werethismostunequalofallconnexionstotakeplace,onhermustrestallthereproachofhavinggivenitabeginning;forhisattachment,shemustbelievetobeproducedonlybyaconsciousnessofHarriet\'s;-andevenwerethisnotthecase,hewouldneverhaveknownHarrietatallbutforherfolly.
Mr.KnightleyandHarrietSmith!-Itwasauniontodistanceeverywonderofthekind-TheattachmentofFrankChurchillandJaneFairfaxbecamecommonplace,threadbare,staleinthecomparison,excitingnosurprize,presentingnodisparity,affordingnothingtobesaidorthought-Mr.KnightleyandHarrietSmith!-Suchanelevationonherside!Suchadebasementonhis!ItwashorribletoEmmatothinkhowitmustsinkhiminthegeneralopinion,toforeseethesmiles,thesneers,themerrimentitwouldpromptathisexpense;themortificationanddisdainofhisbrother,thethousandinconveniencestohimself-Coulditbe?-No;itwasimpossible.Andyetitwasfar,veryfar,fromimpossible-Wasitanewcircumstanceforamanoffirst-rateabilitiestobecaptivatedbyveryinferiorpowers?Wasitnewforone,perhapstoobusytoseek,tobetheprizeofagirlwhowouldseekhim?-Wasitnewforanythinginthisworldtobeunequal,inconsistent,incongruous-orforchanceandcircumstanceassecondcausestodirectthehumanfate?
Oh!hadsheneverbroughtHarrietforward!Hadsheleftherwheresheought,andwherehehadtoldhersheought!-Hadshenot,withafollywhichnotonguecouldexpress,preventedhermarryingtheunexceptionableyoungmanwhowouldhavemadeherhappyandrespectableinthelineoflifetowhichsheoughttobelong-allwouldhavebeensafe;noneofthisdreadfulsequelwouldhavebeen.
HowHarrietcouldeverhavehadthepresumptiontoraiseherthoughtstoMr.Knightley!-Howshecoulddaretofancyherselfthechosenofsuchamantillactuallyassuredofit!-ButHarrietwaslesshumble,hadfewerscruplesthanformerly-Herinferiority,whetherofmindorsituation,seemedlittlefelt-ShehadseemedmoresensibleofMr.Elton\'sbeingtostoopinmarryingher,thanshenowseemedofMr.Knightley\'s-Alas!wasnotthatherowndoingtoo?WhohadbeenatpainstogiveHarrietnotionsofself-consequencebutherself?-Whobutherselfhadtaughther,thatshewastoelevateherselfifpossible,andthatherclaimsweregreattoahighworldlyestablishment?-IfHarriet,frombeinghumble,weregrownvain,itwasherdoingtoo.
CHAPTERXII
Tillnowthatshewasthreatenedwithitsloss,EmmahadneverknownhowmuchofherhappinessdependedonbeingfirstwithMr.Knightley,firstininterestandaffection-Satisfiedthatitwasso,andfeelingitherdue,shehadenjoyeditwithoutreflection;andonlyinthedreadofbeingsupplanted,foundhowinexpressiblyimportantithadbeen-Long,verylong,shefeltshehadbeenfirst;for,havingnofemaleconnexionsofhisown,therehadbeenonlyIsabellawhoseclaimscouldbecomparedwithhers,andshehadalwaysknownexactlyhowfarhelovedandesteemedIsabella.Shehadherselfbeenfirstwithhimformanyyearspast.Shehadnotdeservedit;shehadoftenbeennegligentorperverse,slightinghisadvice,orevenwilfullyopposinghim,insensibleofhalfhismerits,andquarrellingwithhimbecausehewouldnotacknowledgeherfalseandinsolentestimateofherown-butstill,fromfamilyattachmentandhabit,andthoroughexcellenceofmind,hehadlovedher,andwatchedoverherfromagirl,withanendeavourtoimproveher,andananxietyforherdoingright,whichnoothercreaturehadatallshared.Inspiteofallherfaults,sheknewshewasdeartohim;mightshenotsay,verydear?-Whenthesuggestionsofhope,however,whichmustfollowhere,presentedthemselves,shecouldnotpresumetoindulgethem.HarrietSmithmightthinkherselfnotunworthyofbeingpeculiarly,exclusively,passionatelylovedbyMr.Knightley.Shecouldnot.Shecouldnotflatterherselfwithanyideaofblindnessinhisattachmenttoher.
Shehadreceivedaveryrecentproofofitsimpartiality-HowshockedhadhebeenbyherbehaviourtoMissBates!Howdirectly,howstronglyhadheexpressedhimselftoheronthesubject!-Nottoostronglyfortheoffence-butfar,fartoostronglytoissuefromanyfeelingsofterthanuprightjusticeandclear-sightedgoodwill-Shehadnohope,nothingtodeservethenameofhope,thathecouldhavethatsortofaffectionforherselfwhichwasnowinquestion;buttherewasahopeattimesaslightone,attimesmuchstronger,thatHarrietmighthavedeceivedherself,andbeoverratinghisregardforher-Wishitshemust,forhissake-betheconsequencenothingtoherself,buthisremainingsingleallhislife.Couldshebesecureofthat,indeed,ofhisnevermarryingatall,shebelievedsheshouldbeperfectlysatisfied-LethimbutcontinuethesameMr.Knightleytoherandherfather,thesameMr.Knightleytoalltheworld;letDonwellandHartfieldlosenoneoftheirpreciousintercourseoffriendshipandconfidence,andherpeacewouldbefullysecured-Marriage,infact,wouldnotdoforher.Itwouldbeincompatiblewithwhatsheowedtoherfather,andwithwhatshefeltforhim.Nothingshouldseparateherfromherfather.Shewouldnotmarry,evenifshewereaskedbyMr.Knightley.
ItmustbeherardentwishthatHarrietmightbedisappointed;andshehoped,thatwhenabletoseethemtogetheragain,shemightatleastbeabletoascertainwhatthechancesforitwere-Sheshouldseethemhenceforwardwiththeclosestobservance;andwretchedlyasshehadhithertomisunderstoodeventhoseshewaswatching,shedidnotknowhowtoadmitthatshecouldbeblindedhere-Hewasexpectedbackeveryday.Thepowerofobservationwouldbesoongiven-frightfullysoonitappearedwhenherthoughtswereinonecourse.Inthemeanwhile,sheresolvedagainstseeingHarriet-Itwoulddoneitherofthemgood,itwoulddothesubjectnogood,tobetalkingofitfarther-Shewasresolvednottobeconvinced,aslongasshecoulddoubt,andyethadnoauthorityforopposingHarriet\'sconfidence.Totalkwouldbeonlytoirritate-Shewrotetoher,therefore,kindly,butdecisively,tobegthatshewouldnot,atpresent,cometoHartfield;acknowledgingittobeherconviction,thatallfartherconfidentialdiscussionofonetopichadbetterbeavoided;andhoping,thatifafewdayswereallowedtopassbeforetheymetagain,exceptinthecompanyofothers-sheobjectedonlytoatete-a-tete-theymightbeabletoactasiftheyhadforgottentheconversationofyesterday-Harrietsubmitted,andapproved,andwasgrateful.
Thispointwasjustarranged,whenavisitorarrivedtotearEmma\'sthoughtsalittlefromtheonesubjectwhichhadengrossedthem,sleepingorwaking,thelasttwenty-fourhours-Mrs.Weston,whohadbeencallingonherdaughter-in-lawelect,andtookHartfieldinherwayhome,almostasmuchindutytoEmmaasinpleasuretoherself,torelatealltheparticularsofsointerestinganinterview.