Whenthepartingcameheaffectedhighspirits，toconcealcertaininconvenientemotionswhichseemedinclinedtoassertthemselves。Thisgaietydidnotimposeuponanybody，buttheytriedtolookasifitdidforhissake，andhegotonverywelltillMrs。Marchkissedhim，whitawhisperfullofmotherlysolicitude。Thenfeelingthathewasgoingveryfast，hehastilyembracedthemallround，notforgettingtheafflictedHannah，andrandownstairsasifforhislife。Jofollowedaminuteaftertowaveherhandtohimifhelookedround。Hedidlookround，cameback，puthisarmsaboutherasshestoodonthestepabovehim，andlookedupatherwithafacethatmadehisshortappealeloquentandpathetic。
“Oh，Jo，can’tyou？“
“Teddy，dear，IwishIcould!“
Thatwasall，exceptalittlepause。ThenLauriestraightenedhimselfup，said，“It’sallright，nevermind，“andwentawaywithoutanotherword。Ah，butitwasn’tallright，andJodidmind，forwhilethecurlyheadlayonherarmaminuteafterherhardanswer，shefeltasifshehadstabbedherdearestfriend，andwhenheleftherwithoutalookbehindhim，sheknewthattheboyLaurieneverwouldcomeagain。
Chapter36CHAPTERTHIRTY-SIXWhenJocamehomethatspring，shehadbeenstruckwiththechangeinBeth。Noonespokeofitorseemedawareofit，forithadcometoograduallytostartlethosewhosawherdaily，buttoeyessharpenedbyabsence，itwasveryplainandaheavyweightfellonJo’sheartasshesawhersister’sface。
Itwasnopalerandbutlittlerthinnerthanintheautumn，yettherewasastrange，transparentlookaboutit，asifthemortalwasbeingslowlyrefinedaway，andtheimmortalshiningthroughthefrailfleshwithanindescribablypatheticbeauty。Josawandfeltit，butsaidnothingatthetime，andsoonthefirstimpressionlostmuchofitspower，forBethseemedhappy，nooneappearedtodoubtthatshewasbetter，andpresentlyinothercaresJoforatimeforgotherfear。
ButwhenLauriewasgone，andpeaceprevailedagain，thevagueanxietyreturnedandhauntedher。Shehadconfessedhersinsandbeenforgiven，butwhensheshowedhersavingsandproposedamountaintrip，Bethhadthankedherheartily，butbeggednottogosofarawayfromhome。Anotherlittlevisittotheseashorewouldsuitherbetter，andasGrandmacouldnotbeprevailedupontoleavethebabies，JotookBethdowntothequietplace，whereshecouldlivemuchintheopenair，andletthefreshseabreezesblowalittlecolorintoherpalecheeks。
Itwasnotafashionableplace，butevenamongthepleasantpeoplethere，thegirlsmadefewfriends，preferringtoliveforoneanother。Bethwastooshytoenjoysociety，andJotoowrappedupinhertocareforanyoneelse。Sotheywereallinalltoeachother，andcameandwent，quiteunconsciousoftheinteresttheyexitedinthoseaboutthem，whowatchedwithsympatheticeyesthestrongsisterandthefeebleone，alwaystogether，asiftheyfeltinstinctivelythatalongseparationwasnotfaraway。
Theydidfeelit，yetneitherspokeofit，foroftenbetweenourselvesandthosenearestanddearesttousthereexistsareservewhichitisveryhardtoovercome。JofeltasifaveilhadfallenbetweenherheartandBeth’s，butwhensheputoutherhandtoliftitup，thereseemedsomethingsacredinthesilence，andshewaitedforBethtospeak。Shewondered，andwasthankfulalso，thatherparentsdidnotseemtoseewhatshesaw，andduringthequietweekswhentheshadowsgrewsoplaintoher，shesaidnothingofittothoseathome，believingthatitwouldtellitselfwhenBethcamebacknobetter。
Shewonderedstillmoreifhersisterreallyguessedthehardtruth，andwhatthoughtswerepassingthroughhermindduringthelonghourswhenshelayonthewarmrockswithherheadinJo’slap，whilethewindsblewhealthfullyoverherandtheseamademusicatherfeet。
OnedayBethtoldher。Jothoughtshewasasleep，shelaysostill，andputtingdownherbook，satlookingatherwithwistfuleyes，tryingtoseesignsofhopeinthefaintcoloronBeth’scheeks。Butshecouldnotfindenoughtosatisfyher，forthecheekswereverythin，andthehandsseemedtoofeebletoholdeventherosylittleshellstheyhadbeencollecting。
ItcametoherthenmorebitterlythaneverthatBethwasslowlydriftingawayformher，andherarmsinstinctivelytightenedtheirholduponthedearesttreasureshepossessed。
Foraminutehereyesweretoodimforseeing，andwhentheycleared，Bethwaslookingupathersotenderlythattherewashardlyanyneedforhertosay，“Jo，dear，I’mgladyouknowit。I’vetriedtotellyou，butIcouldn’t。“
Therewasnoanswerexcepthersister’scheekagainstherown，noteventears，forwhenmostdeeplymoved，Jodidnotcry。Shewastheweakerthen，landBethtriedtocomfortandsustainher，withherarmsaboutherandthesoothingwordsshewhisperedinherear。
“I’veknownitforagoodwhile，dear，andnowI’musedtoit，itisn’thardtothinkofortobear。Trytoseeitsoanddon’tbetroubledaboutme，becauseit’sbest，indeeditis。“
“Isthiswhatmadeyousounhappyintheautumn，Beth？Youdidnotfeelitthen，landkeepittoyourselfsolong，didyou？“
askedJo，refusingtoseeorsaythatitwasbest，butgladtoknowthatLauriehadnopartinBeth’strouble。
“Yes，Igaveuphopingthen，butIdidn’tliketoownit。
Itriedtothinkitwasasickfancy，andwouldnotletittroubleanyone。ButwhenIsawyouallsowellandstrongandfullofhappyplans，itwashardtofeelthatIcouldneverbelikeyou，andthenIwasmiserable，Jo。“
“Oh，Beth，andyoudidn’ttellme，didn’tletmecomfortandhelpyou？Howcouldyoushutmeout，bearitallalone？“
Jo’svoicewasfulloftenderreproach，andherheartachedtothinkofthesolitarystrugglethatmusthavegoneonwhileBethlearnedtosaygoodbyetohealth，love，andlive，andtakeuphercrosssocheerfully。
“Perhapsitwaswrong，butItriedtodoright。Iwasn’tsure，noonesaidanything，andIhopedIwasmistaken。ItwouldhavebeenselfishtofrightenyouallwhenMarmeewassoanxiousaboutMeg，andAmyaway，andyousohappywithLaurie——atleastIthoughtsothen。“
“AndIthoughtyoulovedhim，Beth，andIwentawaybecauseIcouldn’t，“criedJo，gladtosayallthetruth。
BethlookedsoamazedattheideathatJosmiledinspiteofherpain，andaddedsoftly，“Thenyoudidn’t，dearie？Iwasafraiditwasso，andimaginedyourpoorlittleheartfulloflovelornityallthatwhile。“
“Why，Jo，howcouldI，whenhewassofondofyou？“askedBeth，asinnocentlyasachild。“Idolovehimdearly。Heissogoodtome，howcanIhelpIt？Buthecouldneverbeanythingtomebutmybrother。Ihopehetrulywillbe，sometime。“
“Notthroughme，“saidJodecidedly。“Amyisleftforhim，andtheywouldsuitexcellently，butIhavenoheartforsuchthings，now。Idon’tcarewhatbecomesofanybodybutyou，Beth。
Youmustgetwell。“
“Iwantto，oh，somuch!Itry，buteverydayIlosealittle，andfeelmoresurethatIshallnevergainitback。It’slikethetide，Jo，whenitturns，itgoesslowly，butitcan’tbestopped……“
“Itshallbestopped，yourtidemustnotturnsosoon，nineteenistooyoung，Beth。Ican’tletyougo。I’llworkandprayandfightagainstit。I’llkeepyouinspiteofeverything。
Theremustbeways，itcan’tbetoolate。Godwon’tbesocruelastotakeyoufromme，“criedpoorJorebelliously，forherspiritwasfarlesspiouslysubmissivethanBeth’s。
Simple，sincerepeopleseldomspeakmuchoftheirpiety。Itshowsitselfinactsratherthaninwords，andhasmoreinfluencethanhomiliesorprotestations。Bethcouldnotreasonuponorexplainthefaiththatgavehercourageandpatiencetogiveuplife，andcheerfullywaitfordeath。Likeaconfidingchild，sheaskednoquestions，butlefteverythingtoGodandnature，FatherandMotherofusall，feelingsurethatthey，andtheyonly，couldteachandstrengthenheartandspiritforthislifeandthelifetocome。ShedidnotrebukeJowithsaintlyspeeches，onlylovedherbetterforherpassionateaffection，andclungmorecloselytothedearhumanlove，fromwhichourFathernevermeansustobeweaned，butthroughwhichHedrawsusclosertoHimself。Shecouldnotsay，“I’mgladtogo，“forlifewasverysweetforher。Shecouldonlysobout，“Itrytobewilling，“
whilesheheldfasttoJo，asthefirstbitterwaveofthisgreatsorrowbrokeoverthemtogether。
ByandbyBethsaid，withrecoveredserenity，“You’lltellthemthiswhenwegohome？“
“Ithinktheywillseeitwithoutwords，“sighedJo，fornowitseemedtoherthatBethchangedeveryday。
“Perhapsnot。I’veheardthatthepeoplewholovebestareoftenblindesttosuchthings。Iftheydon’tseeit，youwilltellthemforme。Idon’twantanysecrets，andit’skindertopreparethem。MeghasJohnandthebabiestocomforther，butyoumuststandbyFatherandMother，won’tyouJo？“
“IfIcan。But，Beth，Idon’tgiveupyet。I’mgoingtobelievethatitisasickfancy，andnotletyouthinkit’strue。“
saidJo，tryingtospeakcheerfully。
Bethlayaminutethinking，andthensaidinherquietway，“Idon’tknowhowtoexpressmyself，andshouldn’ttrytoanyonebutyou，becauseIcan’tspeakoutexcepttomyJo。IonlymeantosaythatIhaveafeelingthatitneverwasintendedIshouldlivelong。I’mnotliketherestofyou。InevermadeanyplansaboutwhatI’ddowhenIgrewup。Ineverthoughtofbeingmarried，asyoualldid。Icouldn’tseemtoimaginemyselfanythingbutstupidlittleBeth，trottingaboutathome，ofnouseanywherebutthere。Ineverwantedtogoaway，andthehardpartnowistheleavingyouall。I’mnotafraid，butitseemsasifIshouldbehomesickforyoueveninheaven。“
Jocouldnotspeak，andforseveralminutestherewasnosoundbutthesighofthewindandthelappingofthetide。A
white-wingedgullflewby，withtheflashofsunshineonitssilverybreast。Bethwatchedittillitvanished，andhereyeswerefullofsadness。Alittlegray-coatedsandbirdcametrippingoverthebeach`peeping’softlytoitself，asifenjoyingthesunandsea。ItcamequiteclosetoBeth，andlookedatherwithafriendlyeyeandsatuponawarmstone，dressingitswetfeathers，quiteathome。Bethsmiledandfeltcomforted，forthetinythingseemedtoofferitssmallfriendshipandremindherthatapleasantworldwasstilltobeenjoyed。
“Dearlittlebird!See，Jo，howtameitis。Ilikepeepsbetterthanthegulls。Theyarenotsowildandhandsome，buttheyseemhappy，confidinglittlethings。Iusedtocallthemmybirdslastsummer，andMothersaidtheyremindedherofme——busy，quaker-coloredcreatures，alwaysneartheshore，andalwayschirpingthatcontentedlittlesongoftheirs。Youarethegull，Jo，strongandwild，fondofthestormandthewind，flyingfarouttosea，andhappyallalone。Megistheturtledove，andAmyislikethelarkshewriteabout，tryingtogetupamongtheclouds，butalwaysdroppingdownintoitsnestagain。Dearlittlegirl!She’ssoambitious，butherheartisgoodandtender，andnomatterhowhighsheflies，sheneverwillforgethome。IhopeIshallseeheragain，butsheseemssofaraway。“
“Sheiscominginthespring，andImeanthatyoushallbeallreadytoseeandenjoyher。I’mgoingtohaveyouwellandrosybythattime。“beganJo，feelingthatofallthechangesinBeth，thetalkingchangewasthegreatest，foritseemedtocostnoeffortnow，andshethoughtaloudinawayquiteunlikebashfulBeth。
“Jo，dear，don’thopeanymore。Itwon’tdoanygood。I’msureofthat。Wewon’tbemiserable，butenjoybeingtogetherwhilewewait。We’llhavehappytimes，forIdon’tsuffermuch，andIthinkthetidewillgoouteasily，ifyouhelpme。“
Joleaneddowntokissthetranquilface，andwiththatsilentkiss，shededicatedherselfsoulandbodytoBeth。
Shewasright。Therewasnoneedofanywordswhentheygothome，forFatherandMothersawplainlynowwhattheyhadprayedtobesavedfromseeing。Tiredwithhershortjourney，Bethwentatoncetobed，sayinghowgladshewastobehome，andwhenJowentdown，shefoundthatshewouldbesparedthehardtaskoftellingBeth’ssecret。Herfatherstoodleaninghisheadonthemantelpieceanddidnotturnasshecamein，buthermotherstretchedoutherarmsasifforhelp，andJowenttocomfortherwithoutaword。