’Ifhehas，’saidI，’hehasdoneitunwittingly；Ineverheardbeforethathewasafavourerofthepopishdelusion。’
’Onlyintheory，’saidthemaninblack。’TrustanyoftheclanMac-Sycophantforinterferingopenlyandboldlyinfavourofanycauseonwhichthesundoesnotshinebenignantly。Poperyisatpresent，asyousay，suingforgraceintheseregionsINFORMA
PAUPERIS；butletroyaltyoncetakeitup，letoldgoutyGeorgeoncepatroniseit，andIwouldconsenttodrinkpuddle-waterif，theverynexttimethecannyScotwasadmittedtotheroyalsymposium，hedidnotsay，“Bymyfaith，yereMajesty，Ihavealwaysthought，atthebottomofmyheart，thatpopery，asill-
scrapittonguesca’it，wasaverygrandreligion；IshallbeproudtofollowyourMajesty’sexampleinadoptingit。“’
’Idoubtnot，’saidI，’thatbothgoutyGeorgeandhisdevotedservantwillbemoulderingintheirtombslongbeforeRoyaltyinEnglandthinksaboutadoptingpopery。’
’Wecanwait，’saidthemaninblack；’inthesedaysoframpantgentility，therewillbenowantofkingsnorofScotsaboutthem。’
’ButnotWalters，’saidI。
’Ourworkhasbeenalreadytolerablywelldonebyone，’saidthemaninblack；’butifwewantedliterature，weshouldneverlackintheseregionshostsofliterarymenofsomekindorothertoeulogiseus，providedourreligionwereinthefashion，andourpopishnobleschose-andtheyalwaysdoourbidding-toadmitthecanailletotheirtables-theirkitchentables。Asforliteratureingeneral，’saidhe，’theSantaSedeisnotparticularlypartialtoit，itmaybeemployedbothways。InItaly，inparticular，ithasdiscoveredthatliterarymenarenotalwaysdisposedtobelickspittles。’
’Forexample，Dante，’saidI。
’Yes，’saidthemaninblack，’adangerouspersonage；thatpoemofhiscutsbothways；andthentherewasPulci，thatMORGANTEofhiscutsbothways，orratheroneway，andthatsheeragainstus；andthentherewasAretino，whodealtsohardwiththePOVERIFRATI；
allwriters，atleastItalianones，arenotlickspittles。AndtheninSpain，-’tistrue，LopedeVegaandCalderonweremostinordinatelickspittles；thePRINCIPECONSTANTEofthelastisacuriosityinitsway；andthentheMARYSTUARTofLope；IthinkI
shallrecommendtheperusalofthatworktotheBirminghamironmonger’sdaughter-shehasbeenlatelythinkingofadding“aslightknowledgeofthemagneeficentlanguageofthePeninsula“totherestofheraccomplishments，he!he!he!ButthentherewasCervantes，starving，butstraight；hedealsussomehardknocksinthatsecondpartofhisQUIXOTE。Thenthereweresomeofthewritersofthepicaresquenovels。No，allliterarymenarenotlickspittles，whetherinItalyorSpain，or，indeed，upontheContinent；itisonlyinEnglandthatall-’
’Come，’saidI，’MindwhatyouareabouttosayofEnglishliterarymen。’
’WhyshouldImind？’saidthemaninblack，’therearenoliterarymenhere。Ihaveheardofliterarymenlivingingarrets，butnotindingles，whateverphilologistsmaydo；Imay，therefore，speakoutfreely。ItisonlyinEnglandthatliterarymenareinvariablylickspittles；onwhichaccount，perhaps，theyaresodespised，evenbythosewhobenefitbytheirdirtyservices。Lookatyourfashionablenovel-writers，he!he!-and，aboveall，atyournewspapereditors，ho!ho!’
’Youwill，ofcourse，excepttheeditorsofthe-fromyourcensureofthelastclass？’saidI。
’Them!’saidthemaninblack；’why，theymightserveasmodelsinthedirtytradetoalltherestwhopractiseit。Seehowtheybepraisetheirpatrons，thegrandWhignobility，whohope，byraisingthecryofliberalismandbyputtingthemselvesattheheadofthepopulace，tocomeintopowershortly。Idon’twishtobehard，atpresent，uponthoseWhigs，’hecontinued，’fortheyareplayingourgame；butatimewillcomewhen，notwantingthem，wewillkickthemtoaconsiderabledistance：andthen，whentolerationisnolongerthecry，andtheWhigsarenolongerbackedbythepopulace，seewhethertheeditorsofthe-willstandbythem；theywillprovethemselvesasexpertlickspittlesofdespotismasofliberalism。Don’tthinktheywillalwaysbespattertheToriesandAustria。’
’Well，’saidI，’IamsorrytofindthatyouentertainsolowanopinionofthespiritofEnglishliterarymen；wewillnowreturn，ifyouplease，tothesubjectofthemiddleclasses；Ithinkyourstricturesuponthemingeneralarerathertoosweeping-theyarenotaltogetherthefoolishpeoplewhichyouhavedescribed。Look，forexample，atthatverypowerfulandnumerousbodytheDissenters，thedescendantsofthosesturdyPatriotswhohurledCharlestheSimplefromhisthrone。’
’Therearesomesturdyfellowsamongstthem，Idonotdeny，’saidthemaninblack，’especiallyamongstthepreachers，cleverwithal-twoorthreeofthatclassnearlydroveMr。Platitudemad，asperhapsyouareaware，buttheyarenotverynumerous；andtheoldsturdysortofpreachersarefastdroppingoff，and，asweobservewithpleasure，aregenerallysucceededbyfrothycoxcombs，whomitwouldnotbeverydifficulttogainover。ButwhatwemostrelyuponasaninstrumenttobringtheDissentersovertousisthemaniaforgentility，whichamongstthemhasoflatebecomeasgreat，andmoreridiculousthanamongstthemiddleclassesbelongingtotheChurchofEngland。Alltheplainandsimplefashionsoftheirforefatherstheyareeitherabouttoabandon，orhavealreadydoneso。Lookatthemostpartoftheirchapels-nolongermodestbrickedifices，situatedinquietandretiredstreets，butlunatic-lookingerections，inwhatthesimpletonscallthemodernGothictaste，ofPortlandstone，withacrossuponthetop，andthesitegenerallythemostconspicuousthatcanbefound。
Andlookatthemannerinwhichtheyeducatetheirchildren-I
meanthosethatarewealthy。TheydonotevenwishthemtobeDissenters-“thesweetdearsshallenjoytheadvantagesofgoodsociety，ofwhichtheirparentsweredebarred。“Sothegirlsaresenttotip-topboarding-schools，whereamongstothertrashtheyreadROKEBY，andaretaughttosingsnatchesfromthathigh-flyingditty，the“Cavalier“-
’WouldyoumatchthebaseSkippon，andMassey，andBrown，WiththebaronsofEngland，whofightforthecrown？-
he!he!theirownnames。Whilsttheladsaresenttothosehotbedsofprideandfolly-colleges，whencetheyreturnwithagreatercontemptforeverything“low，“andespeciallyfortheirownpedigree，thantheywentwith。Itellyou，friend，thechildrenofDissenters，ifnottheirparents，aregoingovertotheChurch，asyoucallit，andtheChurchisgoingovertoRome。’
’Idonotseethejusticeofthatlatterassertionatall，’saidI；
’someoftheDissenters’childrenmaybecomingovertotheChurchofEngland，andyettheChurchofEnglandbeveryfarfromgoingovertoRome。’
’Inthehighroadforit，Iassureyou，’saidthemaninblack；
’partofitisgoingtoabandon，theresttolosetheirprerogative，andwhenaChurchnolongerretainsitsprerogative，itspeedilylosesitsownrespect，andthatofothers。’
’Well，’saidI，’ifthehigherclasseshaveallthevicesandfollieswhichyourepresent，onwhichpointIcansaynothing，asI
havenevermixedwiththem；andevensupposingthemiddleclassesarethefoolishbeingsyouwouldfainmakethem，andwhichIdonotbelievethemasabodytobe，youwouldstillfindsomeresistanceamongstthelowerclasses：Ihaveaconsiderablerespectfortheirgoodsenseandindependenceofcharacter；butprayletmehearyouropinionofthem。’
’Asforthelowerclasses，’saidthemaninblack，’Ibelievethemtobethemostbrutalwretchesintheworld，themostaddictedtofoulfeeding，foullanguage，andfoulvicesofeverykind；wretcheswhohaveneitherloveforcountry，religion，noranythingsavetheirownvileselves。Yousurelydonotthinkthattheywouldopposeachangeofreligion!why，thereisnotoneofthembutwouldhurrahforthePope，orMahomet，forthesakeofaheartygorgeandadrunkenbout，likethosewhichtheyaretreatedwithatelectioncontests。’
’Hasyourchurchanyfollowersamongstthem？’saidI。
’WherevertherehappenstobeaRomishfamilyofconsiderablepossessions，’saidthemaninblack，’ourchurchissuretohavefollowersofthelowerclass，whohavecomeoverinthehopeofgettingsomethingintheshapeofdoleordonation。As，however，theRomishisnotyetthedominantreligion，andtheclergyoftheEnglishestablishmenthavesomepatronagetobestow，thechurchesarenotquitedesertedbythelowerclasses；yet，weretheRomishtobecometheestablishedreligion，theywould，toacertainty，allgoovertoit；youcanscarcelyimaginewhataself-interestedsettheyare-forexample，thelandlordofthatpublic-houseinwhichIfirstmetyou，havinglostasumofmoneyuponacock-fight，andhisaffairsinconsequencebeinginabadcondition，isontheeveofcomingovertous，inthehopethattwooldPopishfemalesofproperty，whomIconfess，willadvanceasumofmoneytosethimupagainintheworld。’
’Andwhatcouldhaveputsuchanideaintothepoorfellow’shead？’
saidI。
’Oh，heandIhavehadsomeconversationuponthestateofhisaffairs，’saidthemaninblack；’Ithinkhemightmakearatherusefulconvertintheseparts，providedthingstakeacertainturn，astheydoubtlesswill。Itisnobadthingtohaveafightingfellow，whokeepsapublic-house，belongingtoone’sreligion。HehasbeenoccasionallyemployedasabullyatelectionsbytheToryparty，andhemayserveusinthesamecapacity。Thefellowcomesofagoodstock；IheardhimsaythathisfatherheadedtheHighChurchmobwhosackedandburntPriestley’shouseatBirmingham，towardstheendofthelastcentury。’
’Adisgracefulaffair，’saidI。
’Whatdoyoumeanbyadisgracefulaffair？’saidthemaninblack。
’IassureyouthatnothinghasoccurredforthelastfiftyyearswhichhasgiventheHighChurchpartysomuchcreditintheeyesofRomeasthat，-wedidnotimaginethatthefellowshadsomuchenergy。Hadtheyfollowedupthataffairbytwentyothersofasimilarkind，theywouldbythistimehavehadeverythingintheirownpower；buttheydidnot，and，asanecessaryconsequence，theyarereducedtoalmostnothing。’
’Isuppose，’saidI，’thatyourChurchwouldhaveactedverydifferentlyinitsplace。’
’Ithasalwaysdoneso，’saidthemaninblack，coollysipping。
’OurChurchhasalwaysarmedthebrutepopulationagainstthegeniusandintellectofacountry，providedthatsameintellectandgeniuswerenotwillingtobecomeitsinstrumentsandeulogists；
andprovidedweonceobtainafirmholdhereagain，wewouldnotfailtodoso。Wewouldoccasionallystuffthebeastlyrabblewithhorsefleshandbitterale，andthenhalloothemonagainstallthosewhowereobnoxioustous。’
’Horsefleshandbitterale!’Ireplied。
’Yes，’saidthemaninblack；’horsefleshandbitterale-thefavouritedelicaciesoftheirSaxonancestors，whowerealwaysreadytodoourbiddingafteraliberalallowanceofsuchcheer。
ThereisatraditioninourChurch，thatbeforetheNorthumbrianrabble，attheinstigationofAustin，attackedandmassacredthepresbyterianmonksofBangor，theyhadbeenallowedagoodgorgeofhorsefleshandbitterale。He!he!he!’continuedthemaninblack，’whatafinespectacletoseesuchamob，headedbyafellowlikeourfriendthelandlord，sackthehouseofanotherPriestley!’
’Thenyoudon’tdenythatwehavehadaPriestley，’saidI，’andadmitthepossibilityofourhavinganother？YouwerelatelyobservingthatallEnglishliterarymenweresycophants？’
’Lickspittles，’saidthemaninblack；’yes，IadmitthatyouhavehadaPriestley，buthewasaDissenteroftheoldclass；youhavehadhim，andperhapsmayhaveanother。’