`Andthepeoplewhoseeyou？’
`I’llweargogglesandaveil。’
Heponderedforsometime。
`Well，’hesaid。`Youpleaseyourselfasusual。’
`Butwouldn’titpleaseyou？’
`Ohyes!It’dpleasemeallright，’hesaidalittlegrimly。`Imightaswellsmitewhiletheiron’shot。’
`DoyouknowwhatIthought？’shesaidsuddenly。`Itsuddenlycametome。Youarethe“KnightoftheBurningPestle“!’
`Ay!Andyou？AreyoutheLadyoftheRed-HotMortar？’
`Yes!’shesaid。`Yes!You’reSirPestleandI’mLadyMortar。’
`Allright，thenI’mknighted。JohnThomasisSirJohn，toyourLadyJane。’
`Yes!JohnThomasisknighted!I’mmy-lady-maiden-hair，andyoumusthaveflowerstoo。Yes!’
Shethreadedtwopinkcampionsinthebushofred-goldhairabovehispenis。
`There!’shesaid。`Charming!Charming!SirJohn!’
Andshepushedabitofforget-me-notinthedarkhairofhisbreast。
`Andyouwon’tforgetmethere，willyou？’Shekissedhimonthebreast，andmadetwobitsofforget-me-notlodgeoneovereachnipple，kissinghimagain。
`Makeacalendarofme!’hesaid。Helaughed，andtheflowersshookfromhisbreast。
`Waitabit!’hesaid。
Herose，andopenedthedoorofthehut。Flossie，lyingintheporch，gotupandlookedathim。
`Ay，it’sme!’hesaid。
Therainhadceased。Therewasawet，heavy，perfumedstillness。Eveningwasapproaching。
Hewentoutanddownthelittlepathintheoppositedirectionfromtheriding。Conniewatchedhisthin，whitefigure，anditlookedtoherlikeaghost，anapparitionmovingawayfromher。
Whenshecouldseeitnomore，herheartsank。Shestoodinthedoorofthehut，withablanketroundher，lookingintothedrenched，motionlesssilence。
Buthewascomingback，trottingstrangely，andcarryingflowers。Shewasalittleafraidofhim，asifhewerenotquitehuman。Andwhenhecamenear，hiseyeslookedintohers，butshecouldnotunderstandthemeaning。
Hehadbroughtcolumbinesandcampions，andnew-mownhay，andoak-tuftsandhoneysuckleinsmallbud。Hefastenedfluffyyoungoak-spraysroundherbreasts，stickingintuftsofbluebellsandcampion：andinhernavelhepoisedapinkcampionflower，andinhermaiden-hairwereforget-me-notsandwoodruff。
`That’syouinallyourglory!’hesaid。`LadyJane，atherweddingwithJohnThomas。’
Andhestuckflowersinthehairofhisownbody，andwoundabitofcreeping-jennyroundhispenis，andstuckasinglebellofahyacinthinhisnavel。Shewatchedhimwithamusement，hisoddintentness。Andshepushedacampionflowerinhismoustache，whereitstuck，danglingunderhisnose。
`ThisisJohnThomasmarryin’LadyJane，’hesaid。`An’wemunletConstancean’Olivergotheirways。Maybe——’
Hespreadouthishandwithagesture，andthenhesneezed，sneezingawaytheflowersfromhisnoseandhisnavel。Hesneezedagain。
`Maybewhat？’shesaid，waitingforhimtogoon。
Helookedatheralittlebewildered。
`Eh？’hesaid。
`Maybewhat？Goonwithwhatyouweregoingtosay，’sheinsisted。
`Ay，whatwasIgoingtosay？’
Hehadforgotten。Anditwasoneofthedisappointmentsofherlife，thatheneverfinished。
Ayellowrayofsunshoneoverthetrees。
`Sun!’hesaid。`Andtimeyouwent。Time，myLady，time!What’sthatasflieswithoutwings，yourLadyship？Time!Time!’
Hereachedforhisshirt。
`Saygoodnight!toJohnThomas，’hesaid，lookingdownathispenis。
`He’ssafeinthearmsofcreepingJenny!Notmuchburningpestleabouthimjustnow。’
Andheputhisflannelshirtoverhishead。
`Aman’smostdangerousmoment，’hesaid，whenhisheadhademerged，`iswhenhe’sgettingintohisshirt。Thenheputshisheadinabag。That’swhyIpreferthoseAmericanshirts，thatyouputonlikeajacket。’Shestillstoodwatchinghim。Hesteppedintohisshortdrawers，andbuttonedthemroundthewaist。
`LookatJane!’hesaid。`Inallherblossoms!Who’llputblossomsonyounextyear，Jinny？Me，orsomebodyelse？“Good-bye，mybluebell，farewelltoyou!“Ihatethatsong，it’searlywardays。’Hethensatdown，andwaspullingonhisstockings。Shestillstoodunmoving。Helaidhishandontheslopeofherbuttocks。`PrettylittleLadyJane!’hesaid。`PerhapsinVeniceyou’llfindamanwho’llputjasmineinyourmaiden-hair，andapomegranateflowerinyournavel。PoorlittleladyJane!’
`Don’tsaythosethings!’shesaid。`Youonlysaythemtohurtme。’
Hedroppedhishead。Thenhesaid，indialect：
`Ay，maybeIdo，maybeIdo!Wellthen，I’llsaynowt，an’ha’donewi’t。Butthamundressthysen，all’gobacktothystatelyhomesofEngland，howbeautifultheystand。Time’sup!Time’supforSirJohn，an’forlittleLadyJane!Putthyshimmyon，LadyChatterley!Thamightbeanybody，standin’
therebe-outevenashimmy，an’afewragso’flowers。Therethen，therethen，I’llundressthee，thabob-tailedyoungthrostle。’Andhetooktheleavesfromherhair，kissingherdamphair，andtheflowersfromherbreasts，andkissedherbreasts，andkissedhernavel，andkissedhermaiden-hair，wherehelefttheflowersthreaded。`Theymunstopwhiletheywill，’hesaid。`So!Theretha’rtbareagain，nowtbutabare-arsedlassan’abitofaLadyJane!Nowputthyshimmyon，forthamungo，orelseLadyChatterley’sgoin’tobelatefordinner，an’where’aveyerbeentomyprettymaid!’
Sheneverknewhowtoanswerhimwhenhewasinthisconditionofthevernacular。SoshedressedherselfandpreparedtogoalittleignominiouslyhometoWragby。Orsoshefeltit：alittleignominiouslyhome。
Hewouldaccompanyhertothebroadriding。Hisyoungpheasantswereallrightundertheshelter。
Whenheandshecameoutontotheriding，therewasMrsBoltonfalteringpalelytowardsthem。
`Oh，myLady，wewonderedifanythinghadhappened!’
`No!Nothinghashappened。’
MrsBoltonlookedintotheman’sface，thatwassmoothandnew-lookingwithlove。Shemethishalf-laughing，half-mockingeyes。Healwayslaughedatmischance。Buthelookedatherkindly。
`Evening，MrsBolton!YourLadyshipwillbeallrightnow，soIcanleaveyou。Good-nighttoyourLadyship!Good-night，MrsBolton!’
Hesalutedandturnedaway。
Chapter16
Conniearrivedhometoanordealofcross-questioning。Cliffordhadbeenoutattea-time，hadcomeinjustbeforethestorm，andwherewasherladyship？Nobodyknew，onlyMrsBoltonsuggestedshehadgoneforawalkintothewood。Intothewood，insuchastorm!Cliffordforoncelethimselfgetintoastateofnervousfrenzy。Hestartedateveryflashoflightning，andblenchedateveryrollofthunder。Helookedattheicythunder-rainasifitdaretheendoftheworld。Hegotmoreandmoreworkedup。
MrsBoltontriedtosoothehim。
`She’llbeshelteringinthehut，tillit’sover。Don’tworry，herLadyshipisallright。’
`Idon’tlikeherbeinginthewoodinastormlikethis!Idon’tlikeherbeinginthewoodatall!She’sbeengonenowmorethantwohours。
Whendidshegoout？’
`Alittlewhilebeforeyoucamein。’
`Ididn’tseeherinthepark。Godknowswheresheisandwhathashappenedtoher。’
`Oh，nothing’shappenedtoher。You’llsee，she’llbehomedirectlyaftertherainstops。It’sjusttherainthat’skeepingher。’
Butherladyshipdidnotcomehomedirectlytherainstopped。Infacttimewentby，thesuncameoutforhislastyellowglimpse，andtherestillwasnosignofher。Thesunwasset，itwasgrowingdark，andthefirstdinner-gonghadrung。
`It’snogood!’saidCliffordinafrenzy。`I’mgoingtosendoutFieldandBettstofindher。’
`Ohdon’tdothat!’criedMrsBolton。`They’llthinkthere’sasuicideorsomething。Ohdon’tstartalotoftalkgoing。Letmeslipovertothehutandseeifshe’snotthere。I’llfindherallright。’
So，aftersomepersuasion，Cliffordallowedhertogo。
AndsoConniehadcomeuponherinthedrive，aloneandpalelyloitering。
`Youmustn’tmindmecomingtolookforyou，myLady!ButSirCliffordworkedhimselfupintosuchastate。Hemadesureyouwerestruckbylightning，orkilledbyafallingtree。AndhewasdeterminedtosendFieldandBettstothewoodtofindthebody。SoIthoughtI’dbettercome，ratherthansetalltheservantsagog。
Shespokenervously。ShecouldstillseeonConnie’sfacethesmoothnessandthehalf-dreamofpassion，andshecouldfeeltheirritationagainstherself。
`Quite!’saidConnie。Andshecouldsaynomore。
Thetwowomenploddedonthroughthewetworld，insilence，whilegreatdropssplashedlikeexplosionsinthewood。Bentheycametothepark，Conniestrodeahead，andMrsBoltonpantedalittle。Shewasgettingplumper。
`HowfoolishofCliffordtomakeafuss!’saidConnieatlength，angrily，reallyspeakingtoherself。
`Oh，youknowwhatmenare!Theylikeworkingthemselvesup。Buthe’llbeallrightassoonasheseesyourLadyship。’
ConniewasveryangrythatMrsBoltonknewhersecret：forcertainlysheknewit。
SuddenlyConstancestoodstillonthepath。
`It’smonstrousthatIshouldhavetobefollowed!’shesaid，hereyesflashing。
`Oh!yourLadyship，don’tsaythat!He’dcertainlyhavesentthetwomen，andthey’dhavecomestraighttothehut。Ididn’tknowwhereitwas，really。’
Connieflusheddarkerwithrage，atthesuggestion。Yet，whileherpassionwasonher，shecouldnotlie。Shecouldnotevenpretendtherewasnothingbetweenherselfandthekeeper。Shelookedattheotherwoman，whostoodsosly，withherheaddropped：yetsomehow，inherfemaleness，anally。
`Ohwell!’shesaid。`Ifitissoitisso。Idon’tmind!’
`Why，you’reallright，myLady!You’veonlybeenshelteringinthehut。It’sabsolutelynothing。’
Theywentontothehouse。ConniemarchedintoClifford’sroom，furiouswithhim，furiouswithhispale，over-wroughtfeeandprominenteyes。
`Imustsay，Idon’tthinkyouneedsendtheservantsafterme，’sheburstout。
`MyGod!’heexploded。`Wherehaveyoubeen，woman，You’vebeengonehours，hours，andinastormlikethis!Whatthehelldoyougotothat-bloodywoodfor？Whathaveyoubeenupto？It’shoursevensincetherainstopped，hours!Doyouknowwhattimeitis？You’reenoughtodriveanybodymad。
Wherehaveyoubeen？Whatinthenameofhellhaveyoubeendoing？’
`AndwhatifIdon’tchoosetotellyou？’Shepulledherhatfromherheadandshookherhair。
Heliedatherwithhiseyesbulging，andyellowcomingintothewhites。
Itwasverybadforhimtogetintotheserages：MrsBoltonhadawearytimewithhim，fordaysafter。Conniefeltasuddenqualm。
Butreally!’shesaid，milder。`AnyonewouldthinkI’dbeenIdon’tknowwhere!Ijustsatinthehutduringallthestorm，andmademyselfalittlefire，andwashappy。’
Shespokenoweasily。Afterall，whyworkhimupanymore!
Helookedathersuspiciously。
Andlookatyourhair!’hesaid；`lookatyourself!’
`Yes!’sherepliedcalmly。`Iranoutintherainwithnoclotheson。’
Hestaredatherspeechless。
`Youmustbemad!’hesaid。
`Why？Tolikeashowerbathfromtherain？’
`Andhowdidyoudryyourself？’
`Onanoldtowelandatthefire。’
Hestillstaredatherinadumbfoundedway。
`Andsupposinganybodycame，’hesaid。
`Whowouldcome？’
`Who？Why，anybody!AndMellors。Doeshecome？Hemustcomeintheevenings。’
`Yes，hecamelater，whenithadclearedup，tofeedthepheasantswithcorn。’
Shespokewithamazingnonchalance。MrsBolton，whowaslisteninginthenextroom，heardinsheeradmiration。Tothinkawomancouldcarryitoffsonaturally!
`Andsupposehe’dcomewhileyouwererunningaboutintherainwithnothingon，likeamaniac？’
`Isupposehe’dhavehadthefrightofhislife，andclearedoutasfastashecould。’
Cliffordstillstaredathertransfixed。Whathethoughtinhisunder-consciousnesshewouldneverknow。Andhewastoomuchtakenabacktoformoneclearthoughtinhisupperconsciousness。Hejustsimplyacceptedwhatshesaid，inasortofblank。Andheadmiredher。Hecouldnothelpadmiringher。
Shelookedsoflushedandhandsomeandsmooth：lovesmooth。
`Atleast，’hesaid，subsiding，`you’llbeluckyifyou’vegotoffwithoutaseverecold。’
`Oh，Ihaven’tgotacold，’shereplied。Shewasthinkingtoherselfoftheotherman’swords：Tha’sgotthenicestwoman’sarseofanybody!
Shewished，shedearlywishedshecouldtellCliffordthatthishadbeensaidher，duringthefamousthunderstorm。However!Sheboreherselfratherlikeanoffendedqueen，andwentupstairstochange。