第37章
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  FortwoyearsMissWinchelseacouldnotgotoseeherfriends,inspiteofthereiteratedinvitationsofMrs。Sevenoaks——itbecamefullSevenoaksinthesecondyear。ThenonedayneartheEasterrestshefeltlonelyandwithoutasoultounderstandherintheworld,andhermindranoncemoreonwhatiscalledPlatonicfriendship。Fannywasclearlyhappyandbusyinhernewsphereofdomesticity,butnodoubtHEhadhislonelyhours。DidheeverthinkofthosedaysinRome——gonenowbeyondrecalling?Noonehadunderstoodherashehaddone;nooneinalltheworld。Itwouldbeasortofmelancholypleasuretotalktohimagain,andwhatharmcoulditdo?Whyshouldshedenyherself?Thatnightshewroteasonnet,allbutthelasttwolinesoftheoctave——whichwouldnotcome,andthenextdayshecomposedagracefullittlenotetotellFannyshewascomingdown。

  Andsoshesawhimagain。

  Evenatthefirstencounteritwasevidenthehadchanged;heseemedstouterandlessnervous,anditspeedilyappearedthathisconversationhadalreadylostmuchofitsolddelicacy。ThereevenseemedajustificationforHelen’sdescriptionofweaknessinhisface——incertainlightsitWASweak。Heseemedbusyandpreoccupiedabouthisaffairs,andalmostundertheimpressionthatMissWinchelseahadcomeforthesakeofFanny。HediscussedhisdinnerwithFannyinanintelligentway。Theyonlyhadonegoodlongtalktogether,andthatcametonothing。HedidnotrefertoRome,andspentsometimeabusingamanwhohadstolenanideahehadhadforatext-book。

  ItdidnotseemaverywonderfulideatoMissWinchelsea。ShediscoveredhehadforgottenthenamesofmorethanhalfthepainterswhoseworktheyhadrejoicedoverinFlorence。

  Itwasasadlydisappointingweek,andMissWinchelseawasgladwhenitcametoanend。Undervariousexcusessheavoidedvisitingthemagain。Afteratimethevisitor’sroomwasoccupiedbytheirtwolittleboys,andFanny’sinvitationsceased。Theintimacyofherlettershadlongsincefadedaway。

  ThemanwiththewhitefaceenteredthecarriageatRugby。Hemovedslowlyinspiteoftheurgencyofhisporter,andevenwhilehewasstillontheplatformInotedhowillheseemed。Hedroppedintothecorneroveragainstmewithasigh,madeanincompleteattempttoarrangehistravellingshawl,andbecamemotionless,withhiseyesstaringvacantly。Presentlyhewasmovedbyasenseofmyobservation,lookedupatme,andputoutaspiritlesshandforhisnewspaper。Thenheglancedagaininmydirection。

  Ifeignedtoread。IfearedIhadunwittinglyembarrassedhim,andinamomentIwassurprisedtofindhimspeaking。

  “Ibegyourpardon?“saidI。

  “Thatbook,“herepeated,pointingaleanfinger,“isaboutdreams。“

  “Obviously,“Ianswered,foritwasFortnum-Roscoe’sDreamStates,andthetitlewasonthecover。Hehungsilentforaspaceasifhesoughtwords。“Yes,“hesaidatlast,“buttheytellyounothing。“

  Ididnotcatchhismeaningforasecond。

  “Theydon’tknow,“headded。

  Ilookedalittlemoreattentivelyathisface。

  “Therearedreams,“hesaid,“anddreams。“

  ThatsortofpropositionIneverdispute。

  “Isuppose——“hehesitated。“Doyoueverdream?Imeanvividly。“

  “Idreamverylittle,“Ianswered。“IdoubtifIhavethreevividdreamsinayear。“

  “Ah!“hesaid,andseemedforamomenttocollecthisthoughts。

  “Yourdreamsdon’tmixwithyourmemories?“heaskedabruptly。

  “Youdon’tfindyourselfindoubt;didthishappenordiditnot?“

  “Hardlyever。Exceptjustforamomentaryhesitationnowandthen。

  Isupposefewpeopledo。“

  “DoesHEsay——“heindicatedthebook。

  “Saysithappensattimesandgivestheusualexplanationaboutintensityofimpressionandtheliketoaccountforitsnothappeningasarule。Isupposeyouknowsomethingofthesetheories——“

  “Verylittle——exceptthattheyarewrong。“

  Hisemaciatedhandplayedwiththestrapofthewindowforatime。

  Ipreparedtoresumereading,andthatseemedtoprecipitatehisnextremark。Heleantforwardalmostasthoughhewouldtouchme。

  “Isn’ttheresomethingcalledconsecutivedreaming——thatgoesonnightafternight?“

  “Ibelievethereis。Therearecasesgiveninmostbooksonmentaltrouble。“

  “Mentaltrouble!Yes。Idaresaythereare。It’stherightplaceforthem。ButwhatImean——“Helookedathisbonyknuckles。

  “Isthatsortofthingalwaysdreaming?ISitdreaming?Orisitsomethingelse?Mightn’titbesomethingelse?“

  Ishouldhavesnubbedhispersistentconversationbutforthedrawnanxietyofhisface。Iremembernowthelookofhisfadedeyesandthelidsred-stained——perhapsyouknowthatlook。

  “I’mnotjustarguingaboutamatterofopinion,“hesaid。“Thething’skillingme。“

  “Dreams?“

  “Ifyoucallthemdreams。Nightafternight。Vivid!——sovivid……

  this——“heindicatedthelandscapethatwentstreamingbythewindow“seemsunrealincomparison!IcanscarcelyrememberwhoIam,whatbusinessIamon……“

  Hepaused。“Evennow——“

  “Thedreamisalwaysthesame——doyoumean?“Iasked。

  “It’sover。“

  “Youmean?“

  “Idied。“

  “Died?“

  “Smashedandkilled,andnow,somuchofmeasthatdreamwas,isdead。Deadforever。IdreamtIwasanotherman,youknow,livinginadifferentpartoftheworldandinadifferenttime。Idreamtthatnightafternight。NightafternightIwokeintothatotherlife。Freshscenesandfreshhappenings——untilIcameuponthelast——“

  “Whenyoudied?“

  “WhenIdied。“

  “Andsincethen——“

  “No,“hesaid。“ThankGod!Thatwastheendofthedream……“

  ItwasclearIwasinforthisdream。Andafterall,Ihadanhourbeforeme,thelightwasfadingfast,andFortnum-Roscoehasadrearywaywithhim。“Livinginadifferenttime,“Isaid:

  “doyoumeaninsomedifferentage?“

  “Yes。“

  “Past?“

  “No,tocome——tocome。“

  “Theyearthreethousand,forexample?“

  “Idon’tknowwhatyearitwas。IdidwhenIwasasleep,whenIwasdreaming,thatis,butnotnow——notnowthatIamawake。There’salotofthingsIhaveforgottensinceIwokeoutofthesedreams,thoughIknewthematthetimewhenIwas——Isupposeitwasdreaming。

  Theycalledtheyeardifferentlyfromourwayofcallingtheyear……

  WhatDIDtheycallit?“Heputhishandtohisforehead。“No,“saidhe,“Iforget。“

  Hesatsmilingweakly。ForamomentIfearedhedidnotmeantotellmehisdream。AsaruleIhatepeoplewhotelltheirdreams,butthisstruckmedifferently。Iprofferedassistanceeven。“Itbegan——“

  Isuggested。

  “Itwasvividfromthefirst。Iseemedtowakeupinitsuddenly。

  Andit’scuriousthatinthesedreamsIamspeakingofIneverrememberedthislifeIamlivingnow。Itseemedasifthedreamlifewasenoughwhileitlasted。Perhaps——ButIwilltellyouhowIfindmyselfwhenIdomybesttorecallitall。Idon’trememberanythingdearlyuntilIfoundmyselfsittinginasortofloggialookingoutoverthesea。Ihadbeendozing,andsuddenlyIwokeup——freshandvivid——notabitdream-like——becausethegirlhadstoppedfanningme。“

  “Thegirl?“

  “Yes,thegirl。Youmustnotinterruptoryouwillputmeout。“

  Hestoppedabruptly。“Youwon’tthinkI’mmad?“hesaid。

  “No,“Ianswered;“you’vebeendreaming。Tellmeyourdream。“

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