第48章
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  Asifwashedbytheairhervoicesoundedmorespiritualandsofterthanusual。Voicesatalittledistanceansweredher,“Yes。“

  Throughthedarknessshewaslookingatthemboth,andtryingtodistinguishhim。Whatwasthereforhertosay?Rachelhadpassedbeyondherguardianship。Avoicemightreachherears,butneveragainwoulditcarryasfarasithadcarriedtwenty-fourhoursago。

  Nevertheless,speechseemedtobeduefromherbeforeshewenttobed。

  Shewishedtospeak,butshefeltstrangelyoldanddepressed。

  “D’yourealisewhatyou’redoing?“shedemanded。“She’syoung,you’rebothyoung;andmarriage——“Heresheceased。Theybeggedher,however,tocontinue,withsuchearnestnessintheirvoices,asiftheyonlycravedadvice,thatshewasledtoadd:

  “Marriage!well,it’snoteasy。“

  “That’swhatwewanttoknow,“theyanswered,andsheguessedthatnowtheywerelookingateachother。

  “Itdependsonbothofyou,“shestated。HerfacewasturnedtowardsTerence,andalthoughhecouldhardlyseeher,hebelievedthatherwordsreallycoveredagenuinedesiretoknowmoreabouthim。

  Heraisedhimselffromhissemi-recumbentpositionandproceededtotellherwhatshewantedtoknow。Hespokeaslightlyashecouldinordertotakeawayherdepression。

  “I’mtwenty-seven,andI’veaboutsevenhundredayear,“hebegan。

  “Mytemperisgoodonthewhole,andhealthexcellent,thoughHirstdetectsagoutytendency。Well,then,IthinkI’mveryintelligent。“

  Hepausedasifforconfirmation。

  Helenagreed。

  “Though,unfortunately,ratherlazy。IintendtoallowRacheltobeafoolifshewantsto,and——Doyoufindmeonthewholesatisfactoryinotherrespects?“heaskedshyly。

  “Yes,IlikewhatIknowofyou,“Helenreplied。

  “Butthen——oneknowssolittle。“

  “WeshallliveinLondon,“hecontinued,“and——“Withonevoicetheysuddenlyenquiredwhethershedidnotthinkthemthehappiestpeoplethatshehadeverknown。

  “Hush,“shecheckedthem,“Mrs。Flushing,remember。She’sbehindus。“

  Thentheyfellsilent,andTerenceandRachelfeltinstinctivelythattheirhappinesshadmadehersad,and,whiletheywereanxioustogoontalkingaboutthemselves,theydidnotliketo。

  “We’vetalkedtoomuchaboutourselves,“Terencesaid。“Tellus——“

  “Yes,tellus——“Rachelechoed。Theywerebothinthemoodtobelievethateveryonewascapableofsayingsomethingveryprofound。

  “WhatcanItellyou?“Helenreflected,speakingmoretoherselfinaramblingstylethanasaprophetessdeliveringamessage。

  Sheforcedherselftospeak。

  “Afterall,thoughIscoldRachel,I’mnotmuchwisermyself。

  I’molder,ofcourse,I’mhalf-waythrough,andyou’rejustbeginning。

  It’spuzzling——sometimes,Ithink,disappointing;thegreatthingsaren’tasgreat,perhaps,asoneexpects——butit’sinteresting——

  Oh,yes,you’recertaintofinditinteresting——Andsoitgoeson,“

  theybecameconscioushereoftheprocessionofdarktreesintowhich,asfarastheycouldsee,Helenwasnowlooking,“andtherearepleasureswhereonedoesn’texpectthemyoumustwritetoyourfather,andyou’llbeveryhappy,I’venodoubt。ButImustgotobed,andifyouaresensibleyouwillfollowintenminutes,andso,“

  sheroseandstoodbeforethem,almostfeaturelessandverylarge,“Good-night。“Shepassedbehindthecurtain。

  Aftersittinginsilenceforthegreaterpartofthetenminutessheallowedthem,theyroseandhungovertherail。Beneaththemthesmoothblackwaterslippedawayveryfastandsilently。

  Thesparkofacigarettevanishedbehindthem。“Abeautifulvoice,“

  Terencemurmured。

  Rachelassented。Helenhadabeautifulvoice。

  Afterasilencesheasked,lookingupintothesky,“AreweonthedeckofasteameronariverinSouthAmerica?AmIRachel,areyouTerence?“

  Thegreatblackworldlayroundthem。Astheyweredrawnsmoothlyalongitseemedpossessedofimmensethicknessandendurance。

  Theycoulddiscernpointedtree-topsandbluntroundedtree-tops。

  Raisingtheireyesabovethetrees,theyfixedthemonthestarsandthepaleborderofskyabovethetrees。Thelittlepointsoffrostylightinfinitelyfarawaydrewtheireyesandheldthemfixed,sothatitseemedasiftheystayedalongtimeandfellagreatdistancewhenoncemoretheyrealisedtheirhandsgraspingtherailandtheirseparatebodiesstandingsidebyside。

  “You’dforgottencompletelyaboutme,“Terencereproachedher,takingherarmandbeginningtopacethedeck,“andIneverforgetyou。“

  “Oh,no,“shewhispered,shehadnotforgotten,onlythestars——

  thenight——thedark——

  “You’relikeabirdhalfasleepinitsnest,Rachel。You’reasleep。

  You’retalkinginyoursleep。“

  Halfasleep,andmurmuringbrokenwords,theystoodintheanglemadebythebowoftheboat。Itslippedondowntheriver。

  Nowabellstruckonthebridge,andtheyheardthelappingofwaterasitrippledawayoneitherside,andonceabirdstartledinitssleepcreaked,flewontothenexttree,andwassilentagain。

  Thedarknesspoureddownprofusely,andleftthemwithscarcelyanyfeelingoflife,exceptthattheywerestandingtheretogetherinthedarkness。

  Thedarknessfell,butroseagain,andaseachdayspreadwidelyovertheearthandpartedthemfromthestrangedayintheforestwhentheyhadbeenforcedtotelleachotherwhattheywanted,thiswishoftheirswasrevealedtootherpeople,andintheprocessbecameslightlystrangetothemselves。Apparentlyitwasnotanythingunusualthathadhappened;itwasthattheyhadbecomeengagedtomarryeachother。Theworld,whichconsistedforthemostpartofthehotelandthevilla,expresseditselfgladonthewholethattwopeopleshouldmarry,andallowedthemtoseethattheywerenotexpectedtotakepartintheworkwhichhastobedoneinorderthattheworldshallgoon,butmightabsentthemselvesforatime。

  Theywereaccordinglyleftaloneuntiltheyfeltthesilenceasif,playinginavastchurch,thedoorhadbeenshutonthem。

  Theyweredriventowalkalone,andsitalone,tovisitsecretplaceswheretheflowershadneverbeenpickedandthetreesweresolitary。

  Insolitudetheycouldexpressthosebeautifulbuttoovastdesireswhichweresooddlyuncomfortabletotheearsofothermenandwomen——

  desiresforaworld,suchastheirownworldwhichcontainedtwopeopleseemedtothemtobe,wherepeoplekneweachotherintimatelyandthusjudgedeachotherbywhatwasgood,andneverquarrelled,becausethatwaswasteoftime。

  Theywouldtalkofsuchquestionsamongbooks,oroutinthesun,orsittingintheshadeofatreeundisturbed。Theywerenolongerembarrassed,orhalf-chokedwithmeaningwhichcouldnotexpressitself;theywerenotafraidofeachother,or,liketravellersdownatwistingriver,dazzledwithsuddenbeautieswhenthecorneristurned;theunexpectedhappened,buteventheordinarywaslovable,andinmanywayspreferabletotheecstaticandmysterious,foritwasrefreshinglysolid,andcalledouteffort,andeffortundersuchcircumstanceswasnoteffortbutdelight。

  WhileRachelplayedthepiano,Terencesatnearher,engaged,asfarastheoccasionalwritingofawordinpenciltestified,inshapingtheworldasitappearedtohimnowthatheandRachelweregoingtobemarried。Itwasdifferentcertainly。Thebookcalled_Silence_wouldnotnowbethesamebookthatitwouldhavebeen。Hewouldthenputdownhispencilandstareinfrontofhim,andwonderinwhatrespectstheworldwasdifferent——

  ithad,perhaps,moresolidity,morecoherence,moreimportance,greaterdepth。Why,eventheearthsometimesseemedtohimverydeep;

  notcarvedintohillsandcitiesandfields,butheapedingreatmasses。

  Hewouldlookoutofthewindowfortenminutesatatime;butno,hedidnotcarefortheearthsweptofhumanbeings。Helikedhumanbeings——

  helikedthem,hesuspected,betterthanRacheldid。Thereshewas,swayingenthusiasticallyoverhermusic,quiteforgetfulofhim,——

  buthelikedthatqualityinher。Helikedtheimpersonalitywhichitproducedinher。Atlast,havingwrittendownaseriesoflittlesentences,withnotesofinterrogationattachedtothem,heobservedaloud,“’Women——’undertheheadingWomenI’vewritten:

  “’Notreallyvainerthanmen。Lackofself-confidenceatthebaseofmostseriousfaults。Dislikeofownsextraditional,orfoundedonfact?Everywomannotsomucharakeatheart,asanoptimist,becausetheydon’tthink。’Whatdoyousay,Rachel?“Hepausedwithhispencilinhishandandasheetofpaperonhisknee。

  Rachelsaidnothing。UpandupthesteepspiralofaverylateBeethovensonatasheclimbed,likeapersonascendingaruinedstaircase,energeticallyatfirst,thenmorelaboriouslyadvancingherfeetwitheffortuntilshecouldgonohigherandreturnedwitharuntobeginattheverybottomagain。

  “’Again,it’sthefashionnowtosaythatwomenaremorepracticalandlessidealisticthanmen,alsothattheyhaveconsiderableorganisingabilitybutnosenseofhonour’——query,whatismeantbymasculineterm,honour?——whatcorrespondstoitinyoursex?Eh?“

  Attackingherstaircaseoncemore,Rachelagainneglectedthisopportunityofrevealingthesecretsofhersex。

  Shehad,indeed,advancedsofarinthepursuitofwisdomthatsheallowedthesesecretstorestundisturbed;itseemedtobereservedforalatergenerationtodiscussthemphilosophically。

  Crashingdownafinalchordwithherlefthand,sheexclaimedatlast,swingingrounduponhim:

  “No,Terence,it’snogood;hereamI,thebestmusicianinSouthAmerica,nottospeakofEuropeandAsia,andIcan’tplayanotebecauseofyouintheroominterruptingmeeveryothersecond。“

  “Youdon’tseemtorealisethatthat’swhatI’vebeenaimingatforthelasthalf-hour,“heremarked。“I’venoobjectiontonicesimpletunes——indeed,Ifindthemveryhelpfultomyliterarycomposition,butthatkindofthingismerelylikeanunfortunateolddoggoingroundonitshindlegsintherain。“

  Hebeganturningoverthelittlesheetsofnote-paperwhichwerescatteredonthetable,conveyingthecongratulationsoftheirfriends。

  “’——allpossiblewishesforallpossiblehappiness,’“heread;

  “correct,butnotveryvivid,arethey?“

  “They’resheernonsense!“Rachelexclaimed。“Thinkofwordscomparedwithsounds!“shecontinued。“Thinkofnovelsandplaysandhistories——“Perchedontheedgeofthetable,shestirredtheredandyellowvolumescontemptuously。Sheseemedtoherselftobeinapositionwhereshecoulddespiseallhumanlearning。

  Terencelookedatthemtoo。

  “God,Rachel,youdoreadtrash!“heexclaimed。“Andyou’rebehindthetimestoo,mydear。Noonedreamsofreadingthiskindofthingnow——antiquatedproblemplays,harrowingdescriptionsoflifeintheeastend——oh,no,we’veexplodedallthat。

  Readpoetry,Rachel,poetry,poetry,poetry!“

  Pickinguponeofthebooks,hebegantoreadaloud,hisintentionbeingtosatirisetheshortsharpbarkofthewriter’sEnglish;

  butshepaidnoattention,andafteranintervalofmeditationexclaimed:

  “Doesiteverseemtoyou,Terence,thattheworldiscomposedentirelyofvastblocksofmatter,andthatwe’renothingbutpatchesoflight——“shelookedatthesoftspotsofsunwaveringoverthecarpetandupthewall——“likethat?“

  “No,“saidTerence,“Ifeelsolid;immenselysolid;thelegsofmychairmightberootedinthebowelsoftheearth。ButatCambridge,Icanremember,thereweretimeswhenonefellintoridiculousstatesofsemi-comaaboutfiveo’clockinthemorning。Hirstdoesnow,Iexpect——oh,no,Hirstwouldn’t。“

  Rachelcontinued,“Thedayyournotecame,askingustogoonthepicnic,Iwassittingwhereyou’resittingnow,thinkingthat;

  IwonderifIcouldthinkthatagain?Iwonderiftheworld’schanged?

  andifso,whenit’llstopchanging,andwhichistherealworld?“

  “WhenIfirstsawyou,“hebegan,“Ithoughtyouwerelikeacreaturewho’dlivedallitslifeamongpearlsandoldbones。

  Yourhandswerewet,d’youremember,andyouneversaidaworduntilIgaveyouabitofbread,andthenyousaid,’HumanBeings!’“

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