’Iamtheyoungestinresidence，andconsequentlyamnotlookedupto。ButwhenMrs。Quinchmakesahappyrelease，therewillbeonebelowme。NorisittobeexpectedthatMrs。Saggerswillproveherselfimmortal。’
’True。NorMr。Battens。’
’Regardingtheoldgentlemen，’saidmywidowslightingly，’theycountamongthemselves。Theydonotcountamongus。Mr。Battensisthatexceptionalthathehavewrittentothegentlemenmanytimesandhaveworkedthecaseagainstthem。Thereforehehavetookahigherground。Butwedonot，asarule，greatlyreckontheoldgentlemen。’
Pursuingthesubject，Ifoundittobetraditionallysettledamongthepoorladiesthatthepoorgentlemen，whatevertheirages，wereallveryoldindeed，andinastateofdotage。Ialsodiscoveredthatthejuniorsandnewcomerspreserved，foratime，awaningdispositiontobelieveinTitbullandhistrustees，butthatastheygainedsocialstandingtheylostthisfaith，anddisparagedTitbullandallhisworks。
Improvingmyacquaintancesubsequentlywiththisrespectedlady，whosenamewasMrs。Mitts，andoccasionallydroppinginuponherwithalittleofferingofsoundFamilyHysoninmypocket，I
graduallybecamefamiliarwiththeinnerpoliticsandwaysofTitbull’sAlms-Houses。ButInevercouldfindoutwhothetrusteeswere，orwheretheywere:itbeingoneofthefixedideasoftheplacethatthoseauthoritiesmustbevaguelyandmysteriouslymentionedas’thegentlemen’only。Thesecretaryof’thegentlemen’wasoncepointedouttome，evidentlyengagedinchampioningtheobnoxiouspumpagainsttheattacksofthediscontentedMr。Battens；butIamnotinaconditiontoreportfurtherofhimthanthathehadthesprightlybearingofalawyer’sclerk。IhaditfromMrs。Mitts’slipsinaveryconfidentialmoment，thatMr。Battenswasonce’hadupbeforethegentlemen’tostandorfallbyhisaccusations，andthatanoldshoewasthrownafterhimonhisdeparturefromthebuildingonthisdreaderrand；-
notineffectually，for，theinterviewresultinginaplumber，wasconsideredtohaveencircledthetemplesofMr。Battenswiththewreathofvictory，InTitbull’sAlms-Houses，thelocalsocietyisnotregardedasgoodsociety。Agentlemanorladyreceivingvisitorsfromwithout，orgoingouttotea，counts，asitwere，accordingly；butvisitingsortea-drinkingsinterchangedamongTitbulliansdonotscore。Suchinterchanges，however，arerare，inconsequenceofinternaldissensionsoccasionedbyMrs。Saggers’spail:whichhouseholdarticlehassplitTitbull’sintoalmostasmanypartiesastherearedwellingsinthatprecinct。Theextremelycomplicatednatureoftheconflictingarticlesofbeliefonthesubjectpreventsmystatingthemherewithmyusualperspicuity，butIthinktheyhaveallbranchedofffromtheroot-and-trunkquestion，HasMrs。Saggersanyrighttostandherpailoutsideherdwelling？Thequestionhasbeenmuchrefinedupon，butroughlystatedmaybestatedinthoseterms。
TherearetwooldmeninTitbull’sAlms-Houseswho，Ihavebeengiventounderstand，kneweachotherintheworldbeyonditspumpandironrailings，whentheywereboth’intrade。’Theymakethebestoftheirreverses，andarelookeduponwithgreatcontempt。
Theyarelittle，stooping，blear-eyedoldmenofcheerfulcountenance，andtheyhobbleupanddownthecourt-yardwaggingtheirchinsandtalkingtogetherquitegaily。Thishasgivenoffence，andhas，moreover，raisedthequestionwhethertheyarejustifiedinpassinganyotherwindowsthantheirown。Mr。
Battens，however，permittingthemtopassHISwindows，onthedisdainfulgroundthattheirimbecilityalmostamountstoirresponsibility，theyareallowedtotaketheirwalkinpeace。
Theylivenextdoortooneanother，andtakeitbyturnstoreadthenewspaperaloudthatistosay，thenewestnewspapertheycanget，andtheyplaycribbageatnight。Onwarmandsunnydaystheyhavebeenknowntogosofarastobringouttwochairsandsitbytheironrailings，lookingforth；butthislowconduct，beingmuchremarkeduponthroughoutTitbull’s，theyweredeterredbyanoutragedpublicopinionfromrepeatingit。Thereisarumour-butitmaybemalicious-thattheyholdthememoryofTitbullinsomeweaksortofveneration，andthattheyoncesetofftogetheronapilgrimagetotheparishchurchyardtofindhistomb。Tothis，perhaps，mightbetracedageneralsuspicionthattheyarespiesof’thegentlemen:’towhichtheyweresupposedtohavegivencolourinmyownpresenceontheoccasionoftheweakattemptatjustificationofthepumpbythegentlemen’sclerk；whentheyemergedbare-headedfromthedoorsoftheirdwellings，asiftheirdwellingsandthemselvesconstitutedanold-fashionedweather-glassofdoubleactionwithtwofiguresofoldladiesinside，anddeferentiallybowedtohimatintervalsuntilhetookhisdeparture。Theyareunderstoodtobeperfectlyfriendlessandrelationless。UnquestionablythetwopoorfellowsmaketheverybestoftheirlivesinTitbull’sAlms-Houses，andunquestionablytheyareasbeforementionedthesubjectsofunmitigatedcontemptthere。
OnSaturdaynights，whenthereisagreaterstirthanusualoutside，andwhenitinerantvendorsofmiscellaneouswareseventaketheirstationsandlightuptheirsmokylampsbeforetheironrailings，Titbull’sbecomesflurried。Mrs。Saggershashercelebratedpalpitationsoftheheart，forthemostpart，onSaturdaynights。ButTitbull’sisunfittostrivewiththeuproarofthestreetsinanyofitsphases。ItisreligiouslybelievedatTitbull’sthatpeoplepushmorethantheyused，andlikewisethattheforemostobjectofthepopulationofEnglandandWalesistogetyoudownandtrampleonyou。Evenofrailroadstheyknow，atTitbull’s，littlemorethantheshriekwhichMrs。Saggerssaysgoesthroughher，andoughttobetakenupbyGovernment；andthepennypostagemayevenyetbeunknownthere，forIhaveneverseenaletterdeliveredtoanyinhabitant。Butthereisatall，straight，sallowladyresidentinNumberSeven，Titbull’s，whoneverspeakstoanybody，whoissurroundedbyasuperstitioushalooflostwealth，whodoesherhouseholdworkinhousemaid’sgloves，andwhoissecretlymuchdeferredto，thoughopenlycavilledat；
andithasobscurelyleakedoutthatthisoldladyhasason，grandson，nephew，orotherrelative，whois’aContractor，’andwhowouldthinkitnothingofajobtoknockdownTitbull’s，packitoffintoCornwall，andknockittogetheragain。Animmensesensationwasmadebyagipsy-partycallinginaspring-van，totakethisoldladyuptogoforaday’spleasureintoEppingForest，andnoteswerecomparedastowhichofthecompanywastheson，grandson，nephew，orotherrelative，theContractor。Athick-
setpersonagewithawhitehatandacigarinhismouth，wasthefavourite:thoughasTitbull’shadnootherreasontobelievethattheContractorwasthereatall，thanthatthismanwassupposedtoeyethechimneystacksasifhewouldliketoknockthemdownandcartthemoff，thegeneralmindwasmuchunsettledinarrivingataconclusion。Asawayoutofthisdifficulty，itconcentrateditselfontheacknowledgedBeautyoftheparty，everystitchinwhosedresswasverballyunrippedbytheoldladiesthenandthere，andwhose’goingson’withanotherandathinnerpersonageinawhitehatmighthavesuffusedthepumpwheretheywereprincipallydiscussedwithblushes，formonthsafterwards。HereinTitbull’swastoTitbull’strue，forithasaconstitutionaldislikeofallstrangers。Asconcerninginnovationsandimprovements，itisalwaysofopinionthatwhatitdoesn’twantitself，nobodyoughttowant。ButIthinkIhavemetwiththisopinionoutsideTitbull’s。
OfthehumbletreasuresoffurniturebroughtintoTitbull’sbytheinmateswhentheyestablishthemselvesinthatplaceofcontemplationfortherestoftheirdays，byfarthegreaterandmorevaluablepartbelongstotheladies。Imayclaimthehonourofhavingeithercrossedthethreshold，orlookedinatthedoor，ofeveryoneofthenineladies，andIhavenoticedthattheyareallparticularinthearticleofbedsteads，andmaintainfavouriteandlong-establishedbedsteadsandbeddingasaregularpartoftheirrest。Generallyanantiquatedchestofdrawersisamongtheircherishedpossessions；atea-trayalwaysis。Iknowofatleasttworoomsinwhichalittletea-kettleofgenuineburnishedcopper，vieswiththecatinwinkingatthefire；andoneoldladyhasatea-urnsetforthinstateonthetopofherchestofdrawers，whichurnisusedasherlibrary，andcontainsfourduodecimovolumes，andablack-borderednewspapergivinganaccountofthefuneralofHerRoyalHighnessthePrincessCharlotte。Amongthepooroldgentlementherearenosuchniceties。Theirfurniturehastheairofbeingcontributed，likesomeobsoleteLiteraryMiscellany，’byseveralhands；’theirfewchairsnevermatch；oldpatchworkcoverletslingeramongthem；andtheyhaveanuntidyhabitofkeepingtheirwardrobesinhat-boxes。WhenIrecalloneoldgentlemanwhoisratherchoiceinhisshoe-brushesandblacking-bottle，Ihavesummedupthedomesticelegancesofthatsideofthebuilding。
OntheoccurrenceofadeathinTitbull’s，itisinvariablyagreedamongthesurvivors-anditistheonlysubjectonwhichtheydoagree-thatthedeparteddidsomething’tobringiton。’JudgingbyTitbull’s，Ishouldsaythehumanraceneedneverdie，iftheytookcare。Buttheydon’ttakecare，andtheydodie，andwhentheydieinTitbull’stheyareburiedatthecostoftheFoundation。Someprovisionhasbeenmadeforthepurpose，invirtueofwhichIrecordthisonthestrengthofhavingseenthefuneralofMrs。Quinchalivelyneighbouringundertakerdressesupfouroftheoldmen，andfouroftheoldwomen，hustlesthemintoaprocessionoffourcouples，andleadsoffwithalargeblackbowatthebackofhishat，lookingoverhisshoulderatthemairilyfromtimetotimetoseethatnomemberofthepartyhasgotlost，orhastumbleddown；asiftheywereacompanyofdimolddolls。
ResignationofadwellingisofveryrareoccurrenceinTitbull’s。
Astorydoesobtainthere，howanoldlady’ssononcedrewaprizeofThirtyThousandPoundsintheLottery，andpresentlydrovetothegateinhisowncarriage，withFrenchHornsplayingupbehind，andwhiskedhismotheraway，andlefttenguineasforaFeast。ButIhavebeenunabletosubstantiateitbyanyevidence，andregarditasanAlms-HouseFairyTale。Itiscuriousthattheonlyprovedcaseofresignationhappenedwithinmyknowledge。
Ithappenedonthiswise。Thereisasharpcompetitionamongtheladiesrespectingthegentilityoftheirvisitors，andIhavesooftenobservedvisitorstobedressedasforaholidayoccasion，thatIsupposetheladiestohavebesoughtthemtomakeallpossibledisplaywhentheycome。InthesecircumstancesmuchexcitementwasonedayoccasionedbyMrs。MittsreceivingavisitfromaGreenwichPensioner。HewasaPensionerofabluffandwarlikeappearance，withanemptycoat-sleeve，andhewasgotupwithunusualcare；hiscoat-buttonswereextremelybright，heworehisemptycoat-sleeveinagracefulfestoon，andhehadawalking-
stickinhishandthatmusthavecostmoney。When，withtheheadofhiswalking-stick，heknockedatMrs。Mitts’sdoor-therearenoknockersinTitbull’s-Mrs。Mittswasoverheardbyanext-doorneighbourtoutteracryofsurpriseexpressingmuchagitation；andthesameneighbourdidafterwardssolemnlyaffirmthatwhenhewasadmittedintoMrs。Mitts’sroom，sheheardasmack。Heardasmackwhichwasnotablow。
TherewasanairaboutthisGreenwichPensionerwhenhetookhisdeparture，whichimbuedallTitbull’swiththeconvictionthathewascomingagain。Hewaseagerlylookedfor，andMrs。Mittswascloselywatched。Inthemeantime，ifanythingcouldhaveplacedtheunfortunatesixoldgentlemenatagreaterdisadvantagethanthatatwhichtheychronicallystood，itwouldhavebeentheapparitionofthisGreenwichPensioner。Theywerewellshrunkenalready，buttheyshrunktonothingincomparisonwiththePensioner。Eventhepooroldgentlementhemselvesseemedconsciousoftheirinferiority，andtoknowsubmissivelythattheycouldneverhopetoholdtheirownagainstthePensionerwithhiswarlikeandmaritimeexperienceinthepast，andhistobaccomoneyinthepresent:hischequeredcareerofbluewater，blackgunpowder，andredbloodshedforEngland，home，andbeauty。
Beforethreeweekswereout，thePensionerreappeared。AgainheknockedatMrs。Mitts’sdoorwiththehandleofhisstick，andagainwasheadmitted。Butnotagaindidhedepartalone；forMrs。