KNOCKERontheoff-sidedoor。Whetheritwasapost-chaiseusedastool-house，summer-house，ordwelling-house，Icouldnotdiscover，fortherewasnobodyathomeatthepost-chaisewhenIknocked，butitwascertainlyusedforsomething，andlockedup。Inthewonderofthisdiscovery，Iwalkedroundandroundthepost-chaisemanytimes，andsatdownbythepost-chaise，waitingforfurtherelucidation。Nonecame。Atlast，ImademywaybacktotheoldLondonroadbythefurtherendoftheallotment-gardens，andconsequentlyatapointbeyondthatfromwhichIhaddiverged。I
hadtoscramblethroughahedgeanddownasteepbank，andInearlycamedowna-topofalittlesparemanwhosatbreakingstonesbytheroadside。
Hestayedhishammer，andsaid，regardingmemysteriouslythroughhisdarkgogglesofwire:
’Areyouaware，sir，thatyou’vebeentrespassing？’
’Iturnedoutoftheway，’saidI，inexplanation，’tolookatthatoddpost-chaise。Doyouhappentoknowanythingaboutit？’
’Iknowitwasmanyayearupontheroad，’saidhe。
’SoIsupposed。Doyouknowtowhomitbelongs？’
Thestone-breakerbenthisbrowsandgogglesoverhisheapofstones，asifhewereconsideringwhetherheshouldanswerthequestionornot。Then，raisinghisbarredeyestomyfeaturesasbefore，hesaid:
’Tome。’
Beingquiteunpreparedforthereply，Ireceiveditwithasufficientlyawkward’Indeed！Dearme！’PresentlyIadded，’Doyou-’Iwasgoingtosay’livethere，’butitseemedsoabsurdaquestion，thatIsubstituted’livenearhere？’
Thestone-breaker，whohadnotbrokenafragmentsincewebegantoconverse，thendidasfollows。Heraisedhimselfbypoisinghisfingeronhishammer，andtookhiscoat，onwhichhehadbeenseated，overhisarm。HethenbackedtoaneasierpartofthebankthanthatbywhichIhadcomedown，keepinghisdarkgogglessilentlyuponmeallthetime，andthenshoulderedhishammer，suddenlyturned，ascended，andwasgone。Hisfacewassosmall，andhisgogglesweresolarge，thatheleftmewhollyuninformedastohiscountenance；butheleftmeaprofoundimpressionthatthecurvedlegsIhadseenfrombehindashevanished，werethelegsofanoldpostboy。ItwasnotuntilthenthatInoticedhehadbeenworkingbyagrass-grownmilestone，whichlookedlikeatombstoneerectedoverthegraveoftheLondonroad。
Mydinner-hourbeingcloseathand，Ihadnoleisuretopursuethegogglesorthesubjectthen，butmademywaybacktotheDolphin’sHead。InthegatewayIfoundJ。Mellows，lookingatnothing，andapparentlyexperiencingthatitfailedtoraisehisspirits。
’Idon’tcareforthetown，’saidJ。Mellows，whenIcomplimentedhimonthesanitaryadvantagesitmayormaynotpossess；’IwishI
hadneverseenthetown！’
’Youdon’tbelongtoit，Mr。Mellows？’
’Belongtoit！’repeatedMellows。’IfIdidn’tbelongtoabetterstyleoftownthanthis，I’dtakeanddrownmyselfinapail。’ItthenoccurredtomethatMellows，havingsolittletodo，washabituallythrownbackonhisinternalresources-bywhichImeantheDolphin’scellar。
’Whatwewant，’saidMellows，pullingoffhishat，andmakingasifheemptieditofthelastloadofDisgustthathadexudedfromhisbrain，beforeheputitonagainforanotherload；’whatwewant，isaBranch。ThePetitionfortheBranchBillisinthecoffee-
room。Wouldyouputyournametoit？Everylittlehelps。’
Ifoundthedocumentinquestionstretchedoutflatonthecoffee-
roomtablebytheaidofcertainweightsfromthekitchen，andI
gaveittheadditionalweightofmyuncommercialsignature。Tothebestofmybelief，Iboundmyselftothemodeststatementthatuniversaltraffic，happiness，prosperity，andcivilisation，togetherwithunboundednationaltriumphincompetitionwiththeforeigner，wouldinfalliblyflowfromtheBranch。
Havingachievedthisconstitutionalfeat，IaskedMr。Mellowsifhecouldgracemydinnerwithapintofgoodwine？Mr。Mellowsthusreplied。
’IfIcouldn’tgiveyouapintofgoodwine，I’d-there！-I’dtakeanddrownmyselfinapail。ButIwasdeceivedwhenIboughtthisbusiness，andthestockwashiggledy-piggledy，andIhaven’tyettastedmywayquitethroughitwithaviewtosortingit。
Therefore，ifyouorderonekindandgetanother，changetillitcomesright。Forwhat，’saidMellows，unloadinghishatasbefore，’whatwouldyouoranygentlemando，ifyouorderedonekindofwineandwasrequiredtodrinkanother？Why，you’dandnaturallyandproperly，havingthefeelingsofagentleman，you’dtakeanddrownyourselfinapail！’
TheshabbinessofourEnglishcapital，ascomparedwithParis，Bordeaux，Frankfort，Milan，Geneva-almostanyimportanttownonthecontinentofEurope-Ifindverystrikingafteranabsenceofanydurationinforeignparts。LondonisshabbyincontrastwithEdinburgh，withAberdeen，withExeter，withLiverpool，withabrightlittletownlikeBurySt。Edmunds。LondonisshabbyincontrastwithNewYork，withBoston，withPhiladelphia。Indetail，onewouldsayitcanrarelyfailtobeadisappointingpieceofshabbiness，toastrangerfromanyofthoseplaces。ThereisnothingshabbierthanDrury-lane，inRomeitself。ThemeannessofRegent-street，setagainstthegreatlineofBoulevardsinParis，isasstrikingastheabortiveuglinessofTrafalgar-square，setagainstthegallantbeautyofthePlacedelaConcorde。Londonisshabbybydaylight，andshabbierbygaslight。NoEnglishmanknowswhatgaslightis，untilheseestheRuedeRivoliandthePalaisRoyalafterdark。
ThemassofLondonpeopleareshabby。Theabsenceofdistinctivedresshas，nodoubt，somethingtodowithit。TheportersoftheVintners’Company，thedraymen，andthebutchers，areabouttheonlypeoplewhoweardistinctivedresses；andeventhesedonotwearthemonholidays。Wehavenothingwhichforcheapness，cleanliness，convenience，orpicturesqueness，cancomparewiththebeltedblouse。Astoourwomen；-nextEasterorWhitsuntide，lookatthebonnetsattheBritishMuseumortheNationalGallery，andthinkoftheprettywhiteFrenchcap，theSpanishmantilla，ortheGenoesemezzero。
Probablytherearenotmoresecond-handclothessoldinLondonthaninParis，andyetthemassoftheLondonpopulationhaveasecond-
handlookwhichisnottobedetectedonthemassoftheParisianpopulation。IthinkthisismainlybecauseaParisianworkmandoesnotintheleasttroublehimselfaboutwhatiswornbyaParisianidler，butdressesinthewayofhisownclass，andforhisowncomfort。InLondon，onthecontrary，thefashionsdescend；andyouneverfullyknowhowinconvenientorridiculousafashionis，untilyouseeitinitslastdescent。Itwasbuttheotherday，onarace-course，thatIobservedfourpeopleinabarouchederivinggreatentertainmentfromthecontemplationoffourpeopleonfoot。
Thefourpeopleonfootweretwoyoungmenandtwoyoungwomen；thefourpeopleinthebaroucheweretwoyoungmenandtwoyoungwomen。
Thefouryoungwomenweredressedinexactlythesamestyle；thefouryoungmenweredressedinexactlythesamestyle。Yetthetwocouplesonwheelswereasmuchamusedbythetwocouplesonfoot，asiftheywerequiteunconsciousofhavingthemselvessetthosefashions，orofbeingatthatverymomentengagedinthedisplayofthem。
IsitonlyinthematterofclothesthatfashiondescendshereinLondon-andconsequentlyinEngland-andthenceshabbinessarises？Letusthinkalittle，andbejust。The’BlackCountry’
roundaboutBirmingham，isaveryblackcountry；butisitquiteasblackasithasbeenlatelypainted？AnappallingaccidenthappenedatthePeople’sParknearBirmingham，thislastJuly，whenitwascrowdedwithpeoplefromtheBlackCountry-anappallingaccidentconsequentonashamefullydangerousexhibition。DidtheshamefullydangerousexhibitionoriginateinthemoralblacknessoftheBlackCountry，andintheBlackPeople’speculiarloveoftheexcitementattendantongreatpersonalhazard，whichtheylookedonat，butinwhichtheydidnotparticipate？LightismuchwantedintheBlackCountry。Oweareallagreedonthat。But，wemustnotquiteforgetthecrowdsofgentlefolkswhosettheshamefullydangerousfashion，either。WemustnotquiteforgettheenterprisingDirectorsofanInstitutionvauntingmightyeducationalpretences，whomadethelowsensationasstrongastheypossiblycouldmakeit，byhangingtheBlondinropeashighastheypossiblycouldhangit。AllthismustnotbeeclipsedintheBlacknessoftheBlackCountry。Thereservedseatshighupbytherope，theclearedspacebelowit，sothatnooneshouldbesmashedbuttheperformer，thepretenceofslippingandfallingoff，thebasketsforthefeetandthesackforthehead，thephotographseverywhere，andthevirtuousindignationnowhere-allthismustnotbewhollyswallowedupintheblacknessofthejet-blackcountry。
WhatsoeverfashionissetinEngland，iscertaintodescend。Thisisatextforaperpetualsermononcareinsettingfashions。Whenyoufindafashionlowdown，lookbackforthetimeitwillneverbefaroffwhenitwasthefashionhighup。Thisisthetextforaperpetualsermononsocialjustice。FromimitationsofEthiopianSerenaders，toimitationsofPrince’scoatsandwaistcoats，youwillfindtheoriginalmodelinSt。James’sParish。WhentheSerenadersbecometiresome，tracethembeyondtheBlackCountry；
whenthecoatsandwaistcoatsbecomeinsupportable，referthemtotheirsourceintheUpperToadyRegions。
Gentlemen’sclubswereoncemaintainedforpurposesofsavagepartywarfare；workingmen’sclubsofthesamedayassumedthesamecharacter。Gentlemen’sclubsbecameplacesofquietinoffensiverecreation；workingmen’sclubsbegantofollowsuit。Ifworkingmenhaveseemedratherslowtoappreciateadvantagesofcombinationwhichhavesavedthepocketsofgentlemen，andenhancedtheircomforts，itisbecauseworkingmencouldscarcely，forwantofcapital，originatesuchcombinationswithouthelp；andbecausehelphasnotbeenseparablefromthatgreatimpertinence，Patronage。