第7章
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  Inanallegoricalway,whichdidaswellasanyotherway,weandtheSpiritofLibertygotintoakingdomofNeedlesandPins,andfoundthematwarwithapotentatewhocalledintohisaidtheiroldarchenemyRust,andwhowouldhavegotthebetterofthemiftheSpiritofLibertyhadnotinthenickoftimetransformedtheleadersintoClown,Pantaloon,Harlequin,Columbine,Harlequina,andawholefamilyofSprites,consistingofaremarkablystoutfatherandthreespinelesssons。WeallknewwhatwascomingwhentheSpiritofLibertyaddressedthekingwithabigface,andHisMajestybackedtotheside-scenesandbeganuntyinghimselfbehind,withhisbigfaceallononeside。Ourexcitementatthatcrisiswasgreat,andourdelightunbounded。Afterthiserainourexistence,wewentthroughalltheincidentsofapantomime;itwasnotbyanymeansasavagepantomime,inthewayofburningorboilingpeople,orthrowingthemoutofwindow,orcuttingthemup;

  wasoftenverydroll;wasalwaysliberallygotup,andcleverlypresented。Inoticedthatthepeoplewhokepttheshops,andwhorepresentedthepassengersinthethoroughfares,andsoforth,hadnoconventionalityinthem,butwereunusuallyliketherealthing-fromwhichIinferthatyoumaytakethataudienceinifyouwishtoconcerningKnightsandLadies,Fairies,Angels,orsuchlike,buttheyarenottobedoneastoanythinginthestreets。I

  noticed,also,thatwhentwoyoungmen,dressedinexactimitationoftheeel-and-sausage-cravatedportionoftheaudience,werechasedbypolicemen,and,findingthemselvesindangerofbeingcaught,droppedsosuddenlyastoobligethepolicementotumbleoverthem,therewasgreatrejoicingamongthecaps-asthoughitwereadelicatereferencetosomethingtheyhadheardofbefore。

  ThePantomimewassucceededbyaMelo-Drama。ThroughouttheeveningIwaspleasedtoobserveVirtuequiteastriumphantassheusuallyisoutofdoors,andindeedIthoughtrathermoreso。Weallagreedforthetimethathonestywasthebestpolicy,andwewereashardasironuponVice,andwewouldn’thearofVillainygettingonintheworld-no,notonanyconsiderationwhatever。

  Betweenthepieces,wealmostallofuswentoutandrefreshed。

  Manyofuswentthelengthofdrinkingbeeratthebaroftheneighbouringpublic-house,someofusdrankspirits,crowdsofushadsandwichesandginger-beerattherefreshment-barsestablishedforusintheTheatre。Thesandwich-assubstantialaswasconsistentwithportability,andascheapaspossible-wehailedasoneofourgreatestinstitutions。Itforceditswayamongusatallstagesoftheentertainment,andwewerealwaysdelightedtoseeit;itsadaptabilitytothevaryingmoodsofournaturewassurprising;wecouldneverweepsocomfortablyaswhenourtearsfellonoursandwich;wecouldneverlaughsoheartilyaswhenwechokedwithsandwich;VirtueneverlookedsobeautifulorVicesodeformedaswhenwepaused,sandwichinhand,toconsiderwhatwouldcomeofthatresolutionofWickednessinboots,toseverInnocenceinfloweredchintzfromHonestIndustryinstripedstockings。Whenthecurtainfellforthenight,westillfellbackuponsandwich,tohelpusthroughtherainandmire,andhometobed。

  This,asIhavementioned,wasSaturdaynight。BeingSaturdaynight,Ihadaccomplishedbutthehalfofmyuncommercialjourney;

  for,itsobjectwastocomparetheplayonSaturdayeveningwiththepreachinginthesameTheatreonSundayevening。

  Therefore,atthesamehourofhalf-pastsixonthesimilarlydampandmuddySundayevening,IreturnedtothisTheatre。Idroveuptotheentrancefearfulofbeinglate,orIshouldhavecomeonfoot,andfoundmyselfinalargecrowdofpeoplewho,Iamhappytostate,wereputintoexcellentspiritsbymyarrival。Havingnothingtolookatbutthemudandthecloseddoors,theylookedatme,andhighlyenjoyedthecomicspectacle。Mymodestyinducingmetodrawoff,somehundredsofyards,intoadarkcorner,theyatonceforgotme,andappliedthemselvestotheirformeroccupationoflookingatthemudandlookinginatthecloseddoors:which,beingofgratedironwork,allowedthelightedpassagewithintobeseen。Theywerechieflypeopleofrespectableappearance,oddandimpulsiveasmostcrowdsare,andmakingajokeofbeingthereasmostcrowdsdo。

  InthedarkcornerImighthavesatalongwhile,butthataveryobligingpasser-byinformedmethattheTheatrewasalreadyfull,andthatthepeoplewhomIsawinthestreetwereallshutoutforwantofroom。Afterthat,Ilostnotimeinwormingmyselfintothebuilding,andcreepingtoaplaceinaProsceniumboxthathadbeenkeptforme。

  Theremusthavebeenfullfourthousandpeoplepresent。Carefullyestimatingthepitalone,Icouldbringitoutasholdinglittlelessthanfourteenhundred。Everypartofthehousewaswellfilled,andIhadnotfounditeasytomakemywayalongthebackoftheboxestowhereIsat。Thechandeliersintheceilingwerelighted;therewasnolightonthestage;theorchestrawasempty。

  Thegreencurtainwasdown,and,packedprettycloselyonchairsonthesmallspaceofstagebeforeit,weresomethirtygentlemen,andtwoorthreeladies。Inthecentreofthese,inadeskorpulpitcoveredwithredbaize,wasthepresidingminister。Thekindofrostrumheoccupiedwillbeverywellunderstood,ifIlikenittoaboarded-upfireplaceturnedtowardstheaudience,withagentlemaninablacksurtoutstandinginthestoveandleaningforwardoverthemantelpiece。

  AportionofScripturewasbeingreadwhenIwentin。Itwasfollowedbyadiscourse,towhichthecongregationlistenedwithmostexemplaryattentionanduninterruptedsilenceanddecorum。Myownattentioncomprehendedboththeauditoryandthespeaker,andshallturntobothinthisrecallingofthescene,exactlyasitdidatthetime。

  ’Averydifficultthing,’Ithought,whenthediscoursebegan,’tospeakappropriatelytosolargeanaudience,andtospeakwithtact。Withoutit,betternottospeakatall。Infinitelybetter,toreadtheNewTestamentwell,andtoletTHATspeak。Inthiscongregationthereisindubitablyonepulse;butIdoubtifanypowershortofgeniuscantouchitasone,andmakeitanswerasone。’

  Icouldnotpossiblysaytomyselfasthediscourseproceeded,thattheministerwasagoodspeaker。Icouldnotpossiblysaytomyselfthatheexpressedanunderstandingofthegeneralmindandcharacterofhisaudience。Therewasasupposititiousworking-manintroducedintothehomily,tomakesupposititiousobjectionstoourChristianreligionandbereasoneddown,whowasnotonlyaverydisagreeableperson,butremarkablyunlikelife-verymuchmoreunlikeitthananythingIhadseeninthepantomime。Thenativeindependenceofcharacterthisartisanwassupposedtopossess,wasrepresentedbyasuggestionofadialectthatI

  certainlyneverheardinmyuncommercialtravels,andwithacoarseswingofvoiceandmanneranythingbutagreeabletohisfeelings,I

  shouldconceive,consideredinthelightofaportrait,andasfarawayfromthefactasaChineseTartar。Therewasamodelpauperintroducedinlikemanner,whoappearedtometobethemostintolerablyarrogantpaupereverrelieved,andtoshowhimselfinabsolutewantanddirenecessityofacourseofStoneYard。For,howdidthispaupertestifytohishavingreceivedthegospelofhumility?Agentlemanmethimintheworkhouse,andsaidwhichI

  myselfreallythoughtgood-naturedofhim,’Ah,John?Iamsorrytoseeyouhere。Iamsorrytoseeyousopoor。’’Poor,sir!’

  repliedthatman,drawinghimselfup,’IamthesonofaPrince!

  MYfatheristheKingofKings。MYfatheristheLordofLords。

  MYfatheristherulerofallthePrincesoftheEarth!’&c。Andthiswaswhatallthepreacher’sfellow-sinnersmightcometo,iftheywouldembracethisblessedbook-whichImustsayitdidsomeviolencetomyownfeelingsofreverence,toseeheldoutatarm’slengthatfrequentintervalsandsoundinglyslapped,likeaslowlotatasale。Now,couldIhelpaskingmyselfthequestion,whetherthemechanicbeforeme,whomustdetectthepreacherasbeingwrongaboutthevisiblemannerofhimselfandthelikeofhimself,andaboutsuchanoisylip-serverasthatpauper,mightnot,mostunhappilyfortheusefulnessoftheoccasion,doubtthatpreacher’sbeingrightaboutthingsnotvisibletohumansenses?

  Again。Isitnecessaryoradvisabletoaddresssuchanaudiencecontinuallyas’fellow-sinners’?Isitnotenoughtobefellow-

  creatures,bornyesterday,sufferingandstrivingto-day,dyingto-

  morrow?Byourcommonhumanity,mybrothersandsisters,byourcommoncapacitiesforpainandpleasure,byourcommonlaughterandourcommontears,byourcommonaspirationtoreachsomethingbetterthanourselves,byourcommontendencytobelieveinsomethinggood,andtoinvestwhateverweloveorwhateverwelosewithsomequalitiesthataresuperiortoourownfailingsandweaknessesasweknowtheminourownpoorhearts-bythese,Hearme!-Surely,itisenoughtobefellow-creatures。Surely,itincludestheotherdesignation,andsometouchingmeaningsoverandabove。

  Again。Therewasapersonageintroducedintothediscoursenotanabsolutenovelty,tothebestofmyremembranceofmyreading,whohadbeenpersonallyknowntothepreacher,andhadbeenquiteaCrichtoninallthewaysofphilosophy,buthadbeenaninfidel。

  Manyatimehadthepreachertalkedwithhimonthatsubject,andmanyatimehadhefailedtoconvincethatintelligentman。Buthefellill,anddied,andbeforehediedherecordedhisconversion-

  inwordswhichthepreacherhadtakendown,myfellow-sinners,andwouldreadtoyoufromthispieceofpaper。Imustconfessthattome,asoneofanuninstructedaudience,theydidnotappearparticularlyedifying。Ithoughttheirtoneextremelyselfish,andIthoughttheyhadaspiritualvanityinthemwhichwasofthebefore-mentionedrefractorypauper’sfamily。

  Allslangsandtwangsareobjectionableeverywhere,buttheslangandtwangoftheconventicle-asbadinitswayasthatoftheHouseofCommons,andnothingworsecanbesaidofit-shouldbestudiouslyavoidedundersuchcircumstancesasIdescribe。Theavoidancewasnotcompleteonthisoccasion。Norwasitquiteagreeabletoseethepreacheraddressinghispet’points’tohisbackersonthestage,asifappealingtothosedisciplestoshowhimup,andtestifytothemultitudethateachofthosepointswasaclincher。

  But,inrespectofthelargeChristianityofhisgeneraltone;ofhisrenunciationofallpriestlyauthority;ofhisearnestandreiteratedassurancetothepeoplethatthecommonestamongthemcouldworkouttheirownsalvationiftheywould,bysimply,lovingly,anddutifullyfollowingOurSaviour,andthattheyneededthemediationofnoerringman;intheseparticulars,thisgentlemandeservedallpraise。Nothingcouldbebetterthanthespirit,ortheplainemphaticwordsofhisdiscourseintheserespects。Anditwasamostsignificantandencouragingcircumstancethatwheneverhestruckthatchord,orwheneverhedescribedanythingwhichChristhimselfhaddone,thearrayoffacesbeforehimwasverymuchmoreearnest,andverymuchmoreexpressiveofemotion,thanatanyothertime。

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