MRSYELVERTONBARRYInlowcorsagedopalballdressandelbowlengthivorygloves，wearingasabletrimmedbrickquilteddolman，acombofbrilliantsandpanacheofospreyinherhair。Arresthimconstable。HewrotemeananonymousletterinprenticebackhandwhenmyhusbandwasintheNorthRidingofTipperaryontheMunstercircuit，signedJamesLovebirch。
HesaidthathehadseenfromthegodsmypeerlessglobesasIsatinaboxoftheTheatreRoyalatacommandperformanceofLaCigale。
Ideeplyinflamedhim，hesaid。Hemadeimproperoverturestometomisconductmyselfathalfpastfourp。m。onthefollowingThursday，Dunsinktime。
HeofferedtosendmethroughthepostaworkoffictionbyMonsieurPauldeKock，entitledTheGirlwiththeThreePairsofStays。
MRSBELLINGHAMIncapandsealconeymantle，wrappeduptothenose，stepsoutofherbroughamandscansthroughtortoiseshellquizzingglasseswhichshetakesfrominsideherhugeopossummuff。Alsotome。Yes，Ibelieveitisthesameobjectionableperson。BecauseheclosedmycarriagedooroutsidesirThornleyStoker’sonesleetydayduringthecoldsnapofFebruaryninetythreewheneventhegridofthewastepipeandballstopinmybathcisternwerefrozen。Subsequentlyheenclosedabloomofedelweissculledontheheights，ashesaid，inmyhonour。Ihaditexaminedbyabotanicalexpertandelicitedtheinformationthatitwasablossomofthehomegrownpotatoplantpurloinedfromaforcingcaseofthemodelfarm。
MRSYELVERTONBARRYShameonhim！
Acrowdofslutsandragamuffinssuesforward。
THESLUTSANDRAGAMUFFINSScreaming。Stopthief！Hurrahthere，Bluebeard！ThreecheersforIkeyMo！
SECONDWATCHProduceshandcuffs。Herearethedarbies。
MRSBELLINGHAMHeaddressedmeinseveralhandwritingswithfulsomecomplimentsasaVenusinfursandallegedprofoundpityformyfrostboundcoachmanBalmerwhileinthesamebreathheexpressedhimselfasenviousofhisearflapsandfleecysheepskinsandofhisfortunateproximitytomyperson，whenstandingbehindmychairwearingmyliveryandthearmorialbearingsoftheBellinghamescutcheongarnishedsable，abuck’sheadcoupedor。Helaudedalmostextravagantlymynetherextremities，myswellingcalvesinsilkhosedrawnuptothelimit，andeulogisedglowinglymyotherhiddentreasuresinpricelesslacewhich，hesaid，hecouldconjureup。Heurgedme，statingthathefeltithismissioninlifetourgeme，todefilethemarriagebed，tocommitadulteryattheearliestpossibleopportunity。
THEHONOURABLEMRSMERVYNTALBOYSInamazoncostume，hardhat，jackbootscockspurred，vermilionwaistcoat，fawnmusketeergauntletswithbraideadrums，longtrainheldupandhuntingcropwithwhichshestrikesherweltconstantly。Alsome。BecausehesawmeonthepologroundofthePhnixparkatthematchAllIrelandversustheRestofIreland。Myeyes，Iknow，shonedivinelyasIwatchedCaptainSloggerDennehyoftheInniskillingswinthefinalchukkaronhisdarlingcobCentaur。ThisplebeianDonJuanobservedmefrombehindahackneycarandsentmeindoubleenvelopesanobscenephotograph，suchasaresoldafterdarkonParisboulevards，insultingtoanylady。Ihaveitstill。Itrepresentsapartiallynudesenorita，frailandlovelyhiswifeashesolemnlyassuredme，takenbyhimfromnature，practisingillicitintercoursewithamusculartorero，evidentlyablackguard。Heurgedmetodolikewise，tomisbehave，tosinwithofficersofthegarrison。Heimploredmetosoilhisletterinanunspeakablemanner，tochastisehimasherichlydeserves，tobestrideandridehim，togivehimamostvicioushorsewhipping。
MRSBELLINGHAMMetoo。
MRSYELVERTONBARRYMetoo。
SeveralhighlyrespectableDublinladiesholdupimproperlettersreceivedfromBloom。
THEHONOURABLEMRSMERVYNTALBOYSStampsherjinglingspursinasuddenparoxysmofsuddenfury。Iwill，bytheGodaboveme。I’llscourgethepigeonliveredcuraslongasIcanstandoverhim。I’llflayhimalive。
BLOOMHiseyesclosing，quailsexpectantly。Here？Hesquirms。
Again！Hepantscringing。Ilovethedanger。
THEHONOURABLEMRSMERVYNTALBOYSVerymuchso！I’llmakeithotforyou。I’llmakeyoudanceJackLattenforthat。
MRSBELLINGHAMTanhisbreechwell，theupstart！Writethestarsandstripesonit！
MRSYELVERTONBARRYDisgraceful！There’snoexcuseforhim！Amarriedman！
BLOOMAllthesepeople。Imeantonlythespankingidea。Awarmtinglingglowwithouteffusion。Refinedbirchingtostimulatethecirculation。
THEHONOURABLEMRSMERVYNTALBOYSLaughsderisively。O，didyou，myfinefellow？Well，bythelivingGod，you’llgetthesurpriseofyourlifenow，believeme，themostunmercifulhidingamaneverbargainedfor。Youhavelashedthedormanttigressinmynatureintofury。
MRSBELLINGHAMShakeshermuffandquizzing-glassesvindictively。
Makehimsmart，Hannadear。Givehimginger。Thrashthemongrelwithinaninchofhislife。Thecat-o’nine-tails。Geldhim。Vivisecthim。
BLOOMShuddering，shrinking，joinshishandswithhangdogmien。
Ocold！Oshivery！Itwasyourambrosialbeauty。Forget，forgive。Kismet。
Letmeoffthisonce。Heofferstheothercheek。
MRSYELVERTONBARRYSeverely。Don’tdosoonanyaccount，MrsTalboys！Heshouldbesoundlytrounced！
THEHONOURABLEMRSMERVYNTALBOYSUnbuttoninghergauntletviolently。
I’lldonosuchthing。Pigdogandalwayswaseversincehewaspupped！
Todareaddressme！I’llfloghimblackandblueinthepublicstreets。
I’lldigmyspursinhimuptotherowel。Heisawellknowncuckold。Sheswishesherhuntingcropsavagelyintheair。Takedownhistrouserswithoutlossoftime。Comehere，sir！Quick！Ready？
BLOOMTrembling，beginningtoobey。Theweatherhasbeensowarm。
DavyStephens，ringleted，passeswithabevyofbarefootnewsboys。
DAVYSTEPHENSMessengeroftheSacredHeartandEveningTelegraphwithSaintPatrick’sDaySupplement。ContainingthenewaddressesofallthecuckoldsinDublin。
TheveryreverendCanonO’Hanloninclothofgoldcopeelevatesandexposesamarbletimepiece。BeforehimFatherConroyandthereverendJohnHughesS。J。bendlow。
THETIMEPIECEUnportalling。CuckooCuckooCuckooThebrassquoitsofabedareheardtojingle。
THEQUOITSJigjag，Jigajiga。Jigjag。
Apaneloffogrollsbackrapidly，revealingrapidlyinthejuryboxthefacesofMartinCunningham，foremansilkhatted，JackPowerSimonDedalus，TomKernan，NedLambert，JohnHenryMenton，MylesCrawford，Lenehan，PaddyLeonardNoseyFlynn，M’CoyandthefeaturelessfaceofaNamelessOne。
THENAMELESSONEBarebackriding。Weightforage。Gob，heorganisedher。
THEJURORSAlltheirheadsturnedtohisvoice。Really？
THENAMELESSONESnarls。Arseovertip。Hundredshillingstofive。
THEJURORSAlltheirheadsloweredinassent。Mostofusthoughtasmuch。
FIRSTWATCHHeisamarkedman。Anothergirl’splaitcut。Wanted：JacktheRipper。Athousandpoundsreward。
SECONDWATCHAwed，whispers。Andinblack。Amormon。Anarchist。
THECRIERLoudly。WhereasLeopoldBloomofnofixedabodeisawell-knowndynamitard，forger，bigamist，bawdandcuckoldadapublicnuisancetothecitizensofDublinandwhereasatthiscommissionofassizesthemosthonourable。
HisHonoursirFrederickFalkinerrecorderofDublin，injudicialgarbofgreystonerisesfromthebench，stonebearded。Hebearsinhisarmsanumbrellasceptre。FromhisforeheadarisestarklytheMosaicramshorns。
THERECORDERIwillputanendtothiswhiteslavetrafficandridDublinofthisodiouspest。Scandalous！Hedonstheblackcap。Lethimbetaken，MrSubsheriff，fromthedockwherehenowstandsanddetainedincustodyinMountjoyprisonduringHisMajesty’spleasureandtherebehangedbytheneckuntilheisdeadandthereinfailnotatyourperilormaytheLordhave-mercyonyoursoul。Removehim。Ablackskullcapdescendsuponhishead。
ThesubsherifflongJohnFanningappears，smokingapungentHenryClay。
LONGJOHNFANNINGScowlsandcallswithrichrollingutterance。
Who’llhangJudasIscariot？
H。Rumbold，masterbarberinabloodcolouredjerkinandtanner’sapron，aropecoiledoverhisshouldermountstheblock。Alifepreserverandanailstuddedbludgeonarestuckinhisbelt。Herubsgrimlyhisgrappinghands，knobbedwithknuckledusters。
RUMBOLDTotherecorderwithsinisterfamiliarity。HangingHarry，yourMajesty，theMerseyterror。Fiveguineasajugular。Neckornothing。
ThebellsofGeorge’schurchtollslowly，louddarkiron。
THEBELLSHeigho！Heigho！
BLOOMDesperately。Wait。Stop。Gulls。Goodheart。Isaw。Innocence。
Girlinthemonkeyhouse。Zoo。Lewdchimpanzees。Breathlessly。
Pelvicbasin。Herartlessblushunmannedme。Overcomewithemotion。
Ilefttheprecincts。Heturnstoafigureinthecrowd，appealing。
Hynes，mayIspeaktoyou？Youknowme。Thatthreeshillingsyoucankeep。
Ifyouwantalittlemore。
HYNESColdly。Youareaperfectstranger。
SECONDWATCHPointstothecorner。Thebombishere。FIRST
WATCHInfernalmachinewithatimefuse。BLOOMNo，no。Pig’sfeet。Iwasatafuneral。FIRSTWATCHDrawshistruncheon。Liar！
Thebeagleliftshissnout，showingthegreyscorbuticfaceofPaddyDignam。Hehasgnawedall。Heexhalesaputridcarcasefedbreath。Hegrowstohumansizeandshape。Hisdachshundcoatbecomesabrownmortuaryhabit。
Hisgreeneyeflashesbloodshot。Halfofoneearallthenoseandboththumbsareghouleaten。
PADDYDIGNAMInahollowvoice。Itistrue。Itwasmyfuneral。
DoctorFinucanepronouncedlifeextinctwhenIsuccumbedtothediseasefromnaturalcauses。
Heliftshismutilatedashenfacemoonwardsandbayslugubriously。
BLOOMIntriumph。Youhear？
PADDYDIGNAMBloom，IamPaddyDignam’sspirit。List，list，Olist！
BLOOMThevoiceisthevoiceofEsau。
SECONDWATCHBlesseshimself。Howisthatpossible？
FIRSTWATCHItisnotinthepennycatechism。
PADDYDIGNAMBymetempsychosis。Spooks。
AVOICEOrocks。
PADDYDIGNAMEarnestly。OnceIwasintheemployofMrJ。H。
Menton，solicitor，commissionerforoathsandaffidavits，of27Bachelor’sWalk。NowIamdefunct，thewallofthehearthypertrophied。Hardlines。
Thepoorwifewasawfullycutup。Dowisshebearingit？Keepheroffthatbottleofsherry。Helooksroundhim。Alamp。Imustsatisfyananimalneed。Thatbuttermilkdidn’tagreewithme。
TheportlyfigureofJohnO’Connell，caretakerstandsforth，holdingabunchofkeystiedwithcrape。BesidehimstandsFatherCoffey，chaplain，toadbellied，wrynecked，inasurpliceandbandannanightcap，holdingsleepilyastaffoftwistedpoppies。
FATHERCOFFEYYawns，thenchantswithahoarsecroak。Namine。
JacobsVobiscuits。Amen。
Foghornsstormilythroughhismegaphone。Dignam，PatrickT。，deceased。
PADDYDIGNAMWithprickedupears，winces。Overtones。
Hewrigglesforward，placesaneartotheground。Mymasters’
voice！
JOHNO’CONNELLBurialdocketletternumberU。P。Eightyfivethousand。
Fieldseventeen。HouseofKeys。Plot，onehundredandone。
PaddyDignamlistenswithvisibleeffort，thinking，histailstiffpointed，hisearscocked。
PADDYDIGNAMPrayforthereposeofhissoul。
Hewormsdownthroughacoalhole，hisbrownhabittrailingitstetheroverrattlingpebbles。Afterhimtoddlesanobesegrandfatherratonfungusturtlepawsunderagreycarapace。Dignam’svoice，muffled，isheardbayingunderground：Dignam’sdeadandgonebelow。TomRochford，robinredbreasted，incapandbreeches，jumpsfromhistwo-columnedmachine。
TOMROCHFORDAhandtohisbreastbone，bows。ReubenJ。AflorinIfindhim。Hefixesthemanholewitharesolutestare。Myturnnowon。FollowmeuptoCarlow。
Heexecutesadaredevilsalmonleapintheairandisengulfedinthecoalhole。Twodiscsonthecolumnswobbleeyesofnought。Allrecedes。
Bloomplodgesforwardagain。Hestandsbeforealightedhouse，listening。
Thekisses，wingingfromtheirbowers，flyabouthim，twittering，warbling，cooing。
THEKISSESWarbling。Leo！Twittering。IckylickymickystickyforLeo！Cooing。Coocoocoo！YummyummWomworn！Warbling。
Bigcomebig！Pirouette！Leopopold！Twittering。Leeolee！Warbling。
OLeo！
Theyrustle，flutteruponhisgarments，alight，brightgiddyflecks，silverysequins。
BLOOMAman’stouch。Sadmusic。Churchmusic。Perhapshere。
ZoeHiggins，ayoungwhoreinasapphireslip，closedwiththreebronzebuckles，aslimblackvelvetfilletroundherthroat，nods，tripsdownthestepsandaccostshim。