ThemuchtreasuredandintricatelyembroideredancientIrishfaceclothattributedtoSolomonofDromaandManusTomaltachogMacDonogh，authorsoftheBookofBallymote，wasthencarefullyproducedandcalledforthprolongedadmiration。Noneedtodwellonthelegendarybeautyofthecornerpieces，theacmeofart，whereinonecandistinctlydiscerneachofthefourevangelistsinturnpresentingtoeachofthefourmastershisevangelicalsymbolabogoaksceptre，8NorthAmericanpumaafarnoblerkingofbeaststhantheBritisharticle，beitsaidinpassing，aKerrycalfandagoldeneaglefromCarrantuohill。Thescenesdepictedontheemunctoryfield，showingourancientdunsandrathsandcromlechsandgrianaunsandseatsoflearningandmaledictivestones，areaswonderfullybeautifulandthepigmentsasdelicateaswhentheSligoilluminatorsgavefreereintotheirartisticfantasylonglongagointhetimeoftheBarmecides。Glendalough，thelovelylakesofKillarney，theruinsofClonmacnois，CongAbbey，GlenInaghandtheTwelvePins，Ireland’sEye，theGreenHillsofTallaght，CroaghPatrick，thebreweryofMessrsArthurGuinness，SonandCompanyLimited，LoughNeagh’sbanks，thevaleofOvoca，Isolde’stower，theMapasobelisk，SirPatrickDun’shospital，CapeClear，theglenofAherlow，Lynch’scastle，theScotchhouse，RathdownUnionWorkhouseatLoughlinstown，Tullamorejail，Castleconnelrapids，Kilballymacshonakill，thecrossatMonasterboice，Jury’sHotel，S。Patrick’sPurgatory，theSalmonLeap，Maynoothcollegerefectory，Curley’shole，thethreebirthplacesofthefirstdukeofWellington，therockofCashel，thebogofAllen，theHenryStreetWarehouse，Fingal’sCave-allthesemovingscenesarestillthereforustodayrenderedmorebeautifulstillbythewatersofsorrowwhichhavepassedoverthemandbytherichincrustationsoftime。Shoveusoverthedrink，saysI。
Whichiswhich？
That’smine，saysJoe，asthedevillaidtothedeadpoliceman。
AndIbelongtoaracetoo，saysBloom，thatishatedandpersecuted。
Alsonow。Thisverymoment。Thisveryinstant。
Gob，henearburnthisfingerswiththebuttofhisoldcigar。
Robbed，sayshe。Plundered。Insulted。Persecuted。Takingwhatbelongstousbyright。Atthisverymoment，sayshe，puttinguphisfist，soldbyauctionoffinMoroccolikeslavesorcattles。
AreyoutalkingaboutthenewJerusalem？saysthecitizen。
I’mtalkingaboutinjustice，saysBloom。
Right，saysJohnWyse。Standuptoitthenwithforcelikemen。
That’sanalmanacpictureforyou。Markforasoftnosedbullet。Oldlardyfacestandinguptothebusinessendofagun。Gob，he’dadornasweepingbrush，sohewould，ifheonlyhadanurse’saprononhim。Andthenhecollapsesallofasudden，twistingaroundalltheopposite，aslimpasawetrag。
Butit’snouse，sayshe。Force，hatred，history，allthat。That’snotlifeformenandwomen，insultandhatred。Andeverybodyknowsthatit’stheveryoppositeofthatthatisreallylife。
What？saysAlf。
Love，saysBloom。Imeantheoppositeofhatred。Imustgonow，sayshetoJohnWyse。JustroundtothecourtamomenttoseeifMartinisthere。
IfhecomesjustsayI’llbebackinasecond。Justamoment。
Who’shinderingyou？Andoffhepopslikegreasedlightning。
Anewapostletothegentiles，saysthecitizen。Universallove。
Well，saysJohnWyse，isn’tthatwhatwe’retold？Loveyourneighbours。
Thatchap？saysthecitizen。Beggarmyneighbourishismotto。Love，Moya！He’sanicepatternofaRomeoandJuliet。Lovelovestolovelove。
Nurselovesthenewchemist。Constable14AlovesMaryKelly。GertyMacDowelllovestheboythathasthebicycle。M。B。lovesafairgenteman。LiChiHanloveyupkissyChaPuChow。Jumbo，theelephant，lovesAlice，theelephant。
OldMrVerschoylewiththeeartrumpetlovesoldMrsVerschoylewiththeturnedineye。Themaninthebrownmacintoshlovesaladywhoisdead。
HisMajestytheKinglovesHerMajestytheQueen。MrsNormanW。TupperlovesofficerTaylor。Youloveacertainperson。AndthispersonlovesthatotherpersonbecauseeverybodylovessomebodybutGodloveseverybody。
Well，Joe，saysI，yourverygoodhealthandsong。Morepower，citizen。
Hurrah，there，saysJoe。
TheblessingofGodandMaryandPatrickonyou，saysthecitizen。
Andheupswithhispinttowethiswhistle。
Weknowthosecanters，sayshe，preachingandpickingyourpocket。
WhataboutsanctimoniousCromwellandhisironsidesthatputthewomenandchildrenofDroghedatotheswordwiththebibletextGodislovepastedroundthemouthofhiscannon？Thebible！DidyoureadthatskitintheUnitedIrishmantodayaboutthatZuluchiefthat’svisitingEngland？
What’sthat？saysJoe。
Sothecitizentakesuponeofhisparaphernaliapapersandhestartsreadingout：
AdelegationofthechiefcottonmagnatesofManchesterwaspresentedyesterdaytoHisMajestytheAlakiofAbeakutabyGoldStickinWaiting，LordWalkuponEggs，totendertoHisMajestytheheartfeltthanksofBritishtradersforthefacilitiesaffordedtheminhisdominions。Thedelegationpartookofluncheonattheconclusionofwhichtheduskypotentate，inthecourseofahappyspeech，freelytranslatedbytheBritishchaplain，thereverendAnaniasPraisegodBarebones，tenderedhisbestthankstoMassaWalkupandemphasisedthecordialrelationsexistingbetweenAbeakutaandtheBritishEmpire，statingthathetreasuredasoneofhisdearestpossessionsanilluminatedbible，thevolumeofthewordofGodandthesecretofEngland’sgreatness，graciouslypresentedtohimbythewhitechiefwoman，thegreatsquawVictoria，withapersonaldedicationfromtheaugusthandoftheRoyalDonor。TheAlakithendrankalovingcupoffirstshotusquebaughtothetoastBlackandWhitefromtheskullofhisimmediatepredecessorinthedynastyKakachakachak，surnamedFortyWarts，afterwhichhevisitedthechieffactoryofCottonopolisandsignedhismarkinthevisitors’
book，subsequentlyexecutinganoldAbeakuticwardance，inthecourseofwhichheswallowedseveralknivesandforks，amidhilariousapplausefromthegirlhands。
Widowwoman，saysNed，Iwouldn’tdoubther。WonderdidheputthatbibletothesameuseasIwould。
Sameonlymoreso，saysLenehan。Andthereafterinthatfruitfullandthebroadleavedmangoflourishedexceedingly。
IsthatbyGriffith？saysJohnWyse。
No，saysthecitizen。It’snotsignedShanganagh。It’sonlyinitialled：
P。
Andaverygoodinitialtoo，saysJoe。
That’showit’sworked，saysthecitizen。Tradefollowstheflag。
Well，saysJ。J。，ifthey’reanyworsethanthoseBelgiansintheCongoFreeStatetheymustbebad。Didyoureadthatreportbyamanwhat’sthishisnameis？
Casement，saysthecitizen。He’sanIrishman。
Yes，that’stheman，saysJ。J。Rapingthewomenandgirlsandfloggingthenativesonthebellytosqueezealltheredrubbertheycanoutofthem。
Iknowwherehe’sgone，saysLenehan，crackinghisfingers。
Who？saysI。
Bloom，sayshe，thecourthouseisablind。HehadafewbobonThrowawayandhe’sgonetogatherintheshekels。
Isitthatwhiteyedkaffir？saysthecitizen，thatneverbackedahorseinangerinhislife。
That’swherehe’sgone，saysLenehan。ImetBantamLyonsgoingtobackthathorseonlyIputhimoffitandhetoldmeBloomgavehimthetip。Betyouwhatyoulikehehasahundredshillingstofiveon。He’stheonlymaninDublinhasit。Adarkhorse。He’sabloodydarkhorsehimself，saysJoe。
Mind，Joe，saysI。Showustheentranceout。
Thereyouare，saysTerry。
GoodbyeIrelandI’mgoingtoGort。SoIjustwentroundtothebackoftheyardtopumpshipandbegobhundredshillingstofivewhileIwaslettingoffmyThrowawaytwentytolettingoffmyloadgobsaysItomyselfIknewhewasuneasyinhistwopintsoffofJoeandoneinSlattery’soffinhismindtogetoffthemarktohundredshillingsisfivequidandwhentheywereinthedarkhorsePisserBurkewastellingmecardpartyandlettingonthechildwassickgob，musthavedoneaboutagallonflabbyarseofawifespeakingdownthetubeshe’sbetterorshe’sow！allaplansohecouldvamoosewiththepoolifhewonorJesus，fullupIwastradingwithoutalicenceow！Irelandmynationsayshehoik！phthook！neverbeuptothosebloodythere’sthelastofitJerusalemah！cuckoos。
SoanyhowwhenIgotbacktheywereatitdingdong，JohnWysesayingitwasBloomgavetheideaforSinnFeintoGriffithtoputinhispaperallkindsofjerrymandering，packedjuriesandswindlingthetaxesoffoftheGovernmentandappointingconsulsallovertheworldtowalkaboutsellingIrishindustries。RobbingPetertopayPaul。Gob，thatputsthebloodykyboshonitifoldsloppyeyesismuckinguptheshow。Giveusabloodychance。GodsaveIrelandfromthelikesofthatbloodymouseabout。
MrBloomwithhisargolbargol。Andhisoldfellowbeforehimperpetratingfrauds，oldMethusalemBloom，therobbingbagman，thatpoisonedhimselfwiththeprussicacidafterheswampingthecountrywithhisbaublesandhispennydiamonds。Loansbypostoneasyterms。Anyamountofmoneyadvancedonnoteofhand。Distancenoobject。Nosecurity。Gobhe’slikeLantyMacHale’sgoatthat’dgoapieceoftheroadwitheveryone。
Well，it’safact，saysJohnWyse。Andthere’sthemannowthat’lltellyouaboutit，MartinCunningham。
SureenoughthecastlecardroveupwithMartinonitandJackPowerwithhimandafellownamedCrofterorCrofton，pensioneroutofthecollectorgeneral’s，anorangemanBlackburndoeshaveontheregistrationandhedrawinghispayorCrawfordgallivantingaroundthecountryattheking’sexpense。
Ourtravellersreachedtherustichostelryandalightedfromtheirpalfreys。
Ho，varlet！criedhe，whobyhismienseemedtheleaderoftheparty。
Saucyknave！Tous！
Sosayingheknockedloudlywithhisswordhiltupontheopenlattice。
Minehostcameforthatthesummonsgirdinghimwithhistabard。
Giveyougoodden，mymasters，saidhewithanobsequiousbow。
Bestirthyself，sirrah！criedhewhohadknocked。Looktooursteeds。
Andforourselvesgiveusofyourbestforfaithweneedit。
Lackaday，goodmasters，saidthehost，mypoorhousehasbutabarelarder。Iknownotwhattoofferyourlordships。
Hownow，fellow？criedthesecondoftheparty，amanofpleasantcountenance，soservestthoutheking’smessengers，MasterTaptun？
Aninstantaneouschangeoverspreadthelandlord’svisage。
Cryyoumercy，gentlemen，hesaidhumbly。Anyoubetheking’smessengersGodshieldHisMajesty！youshallnotwantforaught。Theking’sfriendsGodblessHisMajesty！shallnotgoafastinginmyhouseIwarrantme。
Thenabout！criedthetravellerwhohadnotspoken，alustytrenchermanbyhisaspect。Hastaughttogiveus？
Minehostbowedagainashemadeanswer：
Whatsayyou，goodmasters，toasquabpigeonpasty，somecollopsofvenison，asaddleofveal，widgeonwithcrisphog’sbacon，aboar’sheadwithpistachios，abasonofjollycustard，amedlartansyandaflagonofoldRhenish？
Gadzooks！criedthelastspeaker。Thatlikesmewell。Pistachios！
Aha！criedheofthepleasantcountenance。Apoorhouseandabarelarder，quotha！’Tisamerryrogue。
SoincomesMartinaskingwherewasBloom。
Whereishe？saysLenehan。Defraudingwidowsandorphans。
Isn’tthatafact，saysJohnWyse，whatIwastellingthecitizenaboutBloomandtheSinnFein？
That’sso，saysMartin。Orsotheyallege。
Whomadethoseallegations？saysAlf。
I，saysJoe。I’mthealligator。
Andafterall，saysJohnWyse，whycan’tajewlovehiscountrylikethenextfellow？
Whynot？saysJ。J。，whenhe’squitesurewhichcountryitis。
IsheajeworagentileoraholyRomanoraswaddlerorwhatthehellishe？saysNed。Orwhoishe？Nooffence，Crofton。
Wedon’twanthim，saysCroftertheOrangemanorpresbyterian。
WhoisJunius？saysJ。J。
He’sapervertedjew，saysMartin，fromaplaceinHungaryanditwashedrewupalltheplansaccordingtotheHungariansystem。Weknowthatinthecastle。
Isn’theacousinofBloomthedentist？saysJackPower。
Notatall，saysMartin。Onlynamesakes。HisnamewasVirag。Thefather’snamethatpoisonedhimself。Hechangeditbydeedpoll，thefatherdid。
That’sthenewMessiahforIreland！saysthecitizen。Islandofsaintsandsages！