Thehousestewardoftheamalgamatedcats’anddogs’homewasinattendancetoconveythesevesselswhenreplenishedtothatbeneficentinstitution。
Quiteanexcellentrepastconsistingofrashersandeggs，friedsteakandonions，donetoanicety，delicioushotbreakfastrollsandinvigoratingteahadbeenconsideratelyprovidedbytheauthoritiesfortheconsumptionofthecentralfigureofthetragedywhowasincapitalspiritswhenpreparedfordeathandevincedthekeenestinterestintheproceedingsfrombeginningtoendbuthe，withanabnegationrareintheseourtimes，rosenoblytotheoccasionandexpressedthedyingwishimmediatelyaccededtothatthemealshouldbedividedinaliquotpartsamongthemembersofthesickandindigentroomkeeper’sassociationasatokenofhisregardandesteem。
Thenecandnonplusultraofemotionwerereachedwhentheblushingbrideelectburstherwaythroughtheserriedranksofthebystandersandflungherselfuponthemuscularbosomofhimwhowasabouttobelaunchedintoeternityforhersake。TheherofoldedherwillowyforminalovingembracemurmuringfondlySheila，myown。Encouragedbythisuseofherchristiannameshekissedpassionatelyallthevarioussuitableareasofhispersonwhichthedecenciesofprisongarbpermittedherardourtoreach。Shesworetohimastheymingledthesaltstreamsoftheirtearsthatshewouldcherishhismemory，thatshewouldneverforgetherheroboywhowenttohisdeathwithasongonhislipsasifhewerebutgoingtoahurlingmatchinClonturkpark。ShebroughtbacktohisrecollectionthehappydaysofblissfulchildhoodtogetheronthebanksofAnnaLiffeywhentheyhadindulgedintheinnocentpastimesoftheyoungand，obliviousofthedreadfulpresent，theybothlaughedheartily，allthespectators，includingthevenerablepastor，joininginthegeneralmerriment。Thatmonsteraudiencesimplyrockedwithdelight。Butanontheywereovercomewithgriefandclaspedtheirhandsforthelasttime。Afreshtorrentoftearsburstfromtheirlachrymalductsandthevastconcourseofpeople，touchedtotheinmostcore，brokeintoheartrendingsobs，nottheleastaffectedbeingtheagedprebendaryhimself。Bigstrongmen，officersofthepeaceandgenialgiantsoftheroyalIrishconstabulary，weremakingfrankuseoftheirhandkerchiefsanditissafetosaythattherewasnotadryeyeinthatrecordassemblage。AmostromanticincidentoccurredwhenahandsomeyoungOxfordgraduate，notedforhischivalrytowardsthefairsex，steppedforwardand，presentinghisvisitingcard，bankbookandgenealogicaltree，solicitedthehandofthehaplessyounglady，requestinghertonametheday，andwasacceptedonthespot。Everyladyintheaudiencewaspresentedwithatastefulsouveniroftheoccasionintheshapeofaskullandcrossbonesbrooch，atimelyandgenerousactwhichevokedafreshoutburstofemotion：andwhenthegallantyoungOxonianthebearer，bytheway，ofoneofthemosttimehonourednamesinAlbion’shistory
placedonthefingerofhisblushingfiancé；eanexpensiveengagementringwithemeraldssetintheformofafourleavedshamrockexcitementknewnobounds。Nay，eventhesternprovostmarshal，lieutenantcolonelTomkin-MaxwellffrenchmullanTomlinson，whopresidedonthesadoccasion，hewhohadblownaconsiderablenumberofsepoysfromthecannonmouthwithoutflinching，couldnotnowrestrainhisnaturalemotion。Withhismailedgauntlethebrushedawayafurtivetearandwasoverheardbythoseprivilegedburgherswhohappenedtobeinhisimmediateentouragetomurmurtohimselfinafalteringundertone：
Godblimeyifsheaintaclinker，thattherebleedingtart。Blimeyitmakesmekindofbleedingcry，straight，itdoes，whenIseeshercauseIthinksofmyoldmashtubwhat’swaitingformedownLimehouseway。
SothenthecitizensbegintalkingabouttheIrishlanguageandthecorporationmeetingandalltothatandtheshoneensthatcan’tspeaktheirownlanguageandJoechippinginbecausehestucksomeoneforaquidandBloomputtinginhisoldgoowithhistwopennystumpthathecadgedoffJoeandtalkingabouttheGaelicleagueandtheantitreatingleagueanddrink，thecurseofIreland。Antitreatingisaboutthesizeofit。Gob，he’dletyoupourallmannerofdrinkdownhisthroattilltheLordwouldcallhimbeforeyou’deverseethefrothofhispint。AndonenightIwentinwithafellowintooneoftheirmusicalevenings，songanddanceaboutshecouldgetuponatrussofhayshecouldmyMaureenLay，andtherewasafellowwithaBallyhoolyblueribbonbadgespiffingoutofhiminIrishandalotofcolleenbawnsgoingaboutwithtemperancebeveragesandsellingmedalsandorangesandlemonadeandafewolddrybuns，gob，flahoolaghentertainment，don’tbetalking。IrelandsoberisIrelandfree。
Andthenanoldfellowstartsblowingintohisbagpipesandallthegougersshufflingtheirfeettothetunetheoldcowdiedof。Andoneortwoskypilotshavinganeyearoundthattherewasnogoingsonwiththefemales，hittingbelowthebelt。
Sohowandever，asIwassaying，theolddogseeingthetinwasemptystartsmousingaroundbyJoeandme。I’dtrainhimbykindness，soIwould，ifhewasmydog。Givehimarousingfinekicknowandagainwhereitwouldn’tblindhim。
Afraidhe’llbiteyou？saysthecitizen，sneering。
No，says1。Buthemighttakemylegforalampost。
Sohecallstheolddogover。
What’sonyou，Garry？sayshe。
ThenhestartshaulingandmaulingandtalkingtohiminIrishandtheoldtowsergrowling，lettingontoanswer，likeaduetintheopera。Suchgrowlingyouneverheardastheyletoffbetweenthem。Someonethathasnothingbettertodooughttowritealetterpmbonopublicotothepapersaboutthemuzzlingorderforadogthelikeofthat。Growlingandgrousingandhiseyeallbloodshotfromthedrouthisinitandthehydrophobiadroppingoutofhisjaws。
AllthosewhoareinterestedinthespreadofhumancultureamongtheloweranimalsandtheirnameislegionshouldmakeapointofnotmissingthereallymarvellousexhibitionofcynanthropygivenbythefamousoldIrishredwolfdogsetterformerlyknownbythesobriquetofGarryowenandrecentlyrechristenedbyhislargecircleoffriendsandacquaintancesOwenGarry。Theexhibition，whichistheresultofyearsoftrainingbykindnessandacarefullythoughtoutdietarysystem，comprises，amongotherachievements，therecitationofverse。Ourgreatestlivingphoneticexpertwildhorsesshallnotdragitfromus！hasleftnostoneunturnedinhiseffortstodelucidateandcomparetheverserecitedandhasfounditbearsastrikingresemblancetheitalicsareourstotherannsofancientCelticbards。WearenotspeakingsomuchofthosedelightfullovesongswithwhichthewriterwhoconcealshisidentityunderthegracefulpseudonymoftheLittleSweetBranchhasfamiliarisedthebooklovingworldbutratherasacontributorD。O。C。pointsoutinaninterestingcommunicationpublishedbyaneveningcontemporaryoftheharsherandmorepersonalnotewhichisfoundinthesatiricaleffusionsofthefamousRafteryandofDonaldMacConsidinetosaynothingofamoremodernlyristatpresentverymuchinthepubliceye。WesubjoinaspecimenwhichhasbeenrenderedintoEnglishbyaneminentscholarwhosenameforthemomentwearenotatlibertytodisclosethoughwebelieveourreaderswillfindthetopicalallusionrathermorethananindication。Themetricalsystemofthecanineoriginal，whichrecallstheintricatealliterativeandisosyllabicrulesoftheWelshenglyn，isinfinitelymorecomplicatedbutwebelieveourreaderswillagreethatthespirithasbeenwellcaught。PerhapsitshouldbeaddedthattheeffectisgreatlyincreasedifOwen’sversebespokensomewhatslowlyandindistinctlyinatonesuggestiveofsuppressedrancour。ThecurseofmycursesSevendayseverydayAndsevendryThursdaysOnyou，BarneyKiernan，HasnosupofwaterTocoolmycourage，AndmygutsredroaringAfterLowry’slights。SohetoldTerrytobringsomewaterforthedogand，gob，youcouldhearhimlappingitupamileoff。AndJoeaskedhimwouldhehaveanother。
Iwill，sayshe，achara，toshowthere’snoillfeeling。
Gob，he’snotasgreenashe’scabbagelooking。Arsingaroundfromonepubtoanother，leavingittoyourownhonour，witholdGiltrap’sdogandgettingfedupbytheratepayersandcorporators。Entertainmentformanandbeast。AndsaysJoe：
Couldyoumakeaholeinanotherpint？
Couldaswimduck？saysI。
Sameagain，Terry，saysJoe。Areyousureyouwon’thaveanythinginthewayofliquidrefreshment？sayshe。
Thankyou，no，saysBloom。AsamatteroffactIjustwantedtomeetMartinCunningham，don’tyousee，aboutthisinsuranceofpoorDignam’s。
Martinaskedmetogotothehouse。Yousee，he，Dignam，Imean，didn’tserveanynoticeoftheassignmentonthecompanyatthetimeandnominallyundertheactthemortgageecan’trecoveronthepolicy。
HolyWars，saysJoelaughing，that’sagoodoneifoldShylockislanded。Sothewifecomesouttopdog，what？
Well，that’sapoint，saysBloom，forthewife’sadmirers。
Whoseadmirers？saysJoe。
Thewife’sadvisers，Imean，saysBloom。
ThenhestartsallconfusedmuckingitupaboutthemortgagorundertheactlikethelordchancellorgivingitoutonthebenchandforthebenefitofthewifeandthatatrustiscreatedbutontheotherhandthatDignamowedBridgemanthemoneyandifnowthewifeorthewidowcontestedthemortgagee’srighttillhenearhadtheheadofmeaddledwithhismortgagorundertheact。Hewasbloodysafehewasn’truninhimselfundertheactthattimeasarogueandvagabondonlyhehadafriendincourt。SellingbazaarticketsorwhatdoyoucallitroyalHungarianprivilegedlottery。
Trueasyourethere。O，commendmetoanisraelite！RoyalandprivilegedHungarianrobbery。
SoBobDorancomeslurchingaroundaskingBloomtotellMrsDignamhewassorryforhertroubleandhewasverysorryaboutthefuneralandtotellherthathesaidandeveryonewhoknewhimsaidthattherewasneveratruer，afinerthanpoorlittleWillythat’sdeadtotellher。Chokingwithbloodyfoolery。AndshakingBloom’shanddoingthetragictotellherthat。Shakehands，brother。You’rearogueandI’manother。
Letme，saidhe，sofarpresumeuponouracquaintancewhich，howeverslightitmayappearifjudgedbythestandardofmeretime，isfounded，asIhopeandbelieve，onasentimentofmutualesteem，astorequestofyouthisfavour。But，shouldIhaveoversteppedthelimitsofreserveletthesincerityofmyfeelingsbetheexcuseformyboldness。
No，rejoinedtheother，IappreciatetothefullthemotiveswhichactuateyourconductandIshalldischargetheofficeyouentrusttomeconsoledbythereflectionthat，thoughtheerrandbeoneofsorrow，thisproofofyourconfidencesweetensinsomemeasurethebitternessofthecup。
Thensuffermetotakeyourhand，saidhe。Thegoodnessofyourheart，Ifeelsure，willdictatetoyoubetterthanmyinadequatewordstheexpressionswhicharemostsuitabletoconveyanemotionwhosepoignancy，wereItogiveventtomyfeelings，woulddeprivemeevenofspeech。
Andoffwithhimandouttryingtowalkstraight。Boosedatfiveo’clock。
NighthewasnearbeinglaggedonlyPaddyLeonardknewthebobby，14A。
BlindtotheworldupinashebeeninBridestreetafterclosingtime，fornicatingwithtwoshawlsandabullyonguard，drinkingporteroutofteacups。AndcallinghimselfaFrenchyfortheshawls，JosephManuo，andtalkingagainstthecatholicreligionandheservingmassinAdamandEve’swhenhewasyoungwithhiseyesshutwhowrotethenewtestamentandtheoldtestamentandhuggingandsnugging。Andthetwoshawlskilledwiththelaughing，pickinghispocketsthebloodyfoolandhespillingtheporteralloverthebedandthetwoshawlsscreechinglaughingatoneanother。Howisyourtestament？Haveyougotanoldtestament？OnlyPaddywaspassingthere，Itellyouwhat。ThenseehimofaSundaywithhislittleconcubineofawife，andshewagginghertailuptheaisleofthechapel，withherpatentbootsonher，noless，andherviolets，niceaspie，doingthelittlelady。JackMooney’ssister。Andtheoldprostituteofamotherprocuringroomstostreetcouples。Gob，Jackmadehimtoetheline。Toldhimifhedidn’tpatchupthepot，Jesus，he’dkicktheshiteoutofhim。
SoTerrybroughtthethreepints。
Here，saysJoe，doingthehonours。Here，citizen。
Slanleat，sayshe。
Fortune，Joe，saysI。Goodhealth，citizen。
Gob，hehadhismouthhalfwaydownthetumbleralready。Wantasmallfortunetokeephimindrinks。
Whoisthelongfellowrunningforthemayoralty，Alf？saysJoe。
Friendofyours，saysAlf。
Nannan？saysJoe。Themimber？
Iwon’tmentionanynames，saysAlf。
Ithoughtso，saysJoe。IsawhimupatthatmeetingnowwithWilliamField，M。P。，thecattletraders。HairyIopas，saysthecitizen，thatexplodedvolcano，thedarlingofallcountriesandtheidolofhisown。
SoJoestartstellingthecitizenaboutthefootandmouthdiseaseandthecattletradersandtakingactioninthematterandthecitizensendingthemalltotherightaboutandBloomcomingoutwithhissheepdipforthescabandahoosedrenchforcoughingcalvesandtheguaranteedremedyfortimbertongue。Becausehewasuponetimeinaknacker’syard。Walkingaboutwithhisbookandpencilhere’smyheadandmyheelsarecomingtillJoeCuffegavehimtheorderofthebootforgivingliptoagrazier。MisterKnowall。Teachyourgrandmotherhowtomilkducks。PisserBurkewastellingmeinthehotelthewifeusedtobeinriversoftearssometimeswithMrsO’Dowdcryinghereyesoutwithhereightinchesoffatalloverher。Couldn’tloosenherfartingstringsbutoldcod’seyewaswaltzingaroundhershowingherhowtodoit。What’syourprogrammetoday？Ay。Humanemethods。Becausethepooranimalssufferandexpertssayandthebestknownremedythatdoesn’tcausepaintotheanimalandonthesorespotadministergently。
Gob，he’dhaveasofthandunderahen。