Ah，saidthered-hairedman，that，yousee，isamatteroftaste。
Iamnotfondofanythingoriginal。Idon’tlikeit。don’tseethenecessityforit。What’syourname，sir？
Hereismycard，sir，repliedMr。Pickwick，muchamusedbytheabruptnessofthequestion，andthesingularmannerofthestranger。
Ah，saidthered-hairedman，placingthecardinhispocket-book，Pickwick。verygood。Iliketoknowaman’sname，itsavessomuchtrouble。
That’smycard，sir，Magnus，youwillperceive，sir——Magnusismyname。
It’sratheragoodname，Ithink，sir？
Averygoodname，indeed，saidMr。Pickwick，whollyunabletorepressasmile。
Yes，Ithinkitis，resumedMr。Magnus。There’sagoodnamebeforeit，too，youwillobserve。Permitme，sir——ifyouholdthecardalittleslanting，thisway，youcatchthelightupontheup-stroke。There——PeterMagnus——soundswell，Ithink，sir。
Very，saidMr。Pickwick。
Curiouscircumstanceaboutthoseinitials，sir，saidMr。Magnus。Youwillobserve——P。M——postmeridian。Inhastynotestointimateacquaintance，Isometimessignmyself`Afternoon。’Itamusesmyfriendsverymuch，Mr。
Pickwick。
Itiscalculatedtoaffordthemthehighestgratification，Ishouldconceive，saidMr。Pickwick，ratherenvyingtheeasewithwhichMr。Magnus’sfriendswereentertained。
Now，gen’l’m’n，saidthehostler，coachisready，ifyouplease。
Isallmyluggagein？inquiredMr。Magnus。
Allright，sir。
Istheredbagin？
Allright，sir。
Andthestripedbag？
Foreboot，sir。
Andthebrown-paperparcel？
Undertheseat，sir。
Andtheleatherhat-box？
They’reallin，sir。
Now，willyougetup？saidMr。Pickwick。
Excuseme，repliedMagnus，standingonthewheel。Excuseme，Mr。
Pickwick。Icannotconsenttogetup，inthisstateofuncertainty。Iamquitesatisfiedfromthatman’smanner，thatthatleatherhat-boxisnotin。
Thesolemnprotestationsofthehostlerbeingwhollyunavailing，theleatherhat-boxwasobligedtoberakedupfromthelowestdepthoftheboot，tosatisfyhimthatithadbeensafelypacked。andafterhehadbeenassuredonthishead，hefeltasolemnpresentiment，first，thattheredbagwasmislaid，andnextthatthestripedbaghadbeenstolen，andthenthatthebrown-paperparcelhadcomeuntied。
Atlengthwhenhehadreceivedoculardemonstrationofthegroundlessnatureofeachandeveryofthesesuspicions，heconsentedtoclimbuptotheroofofthecoach，observingthatnowhehadtakeneverythingoffhismind，hefeltquitecomfortableandhappy。
You’regiventonervousness，an’tyou，sir？inquiredMr。Wellersenior，eyeingthestrangeraskance，ashemountedtohisplace。
Yes。Ialwaysamrather，abouttheselittlematters，saidthestranger，butIamallrightnow——quiteright。
Well，that’sablessin’，saidMr。Weller。Sammy，helpyourmasteruptothebox：t’otherleg，sir，that’sit。giveusyourhand，sir。Upwithyou。Youwasalighterweightwhenyouwasaboy，sir。
Trueenough，that，Mr。Weller，saidthebreathlessMr。Pickwick，goodhumouredly，ashetookhisseatontheboxbesidehim。
Jumpupinfront，Sammy，saidMr。Weller。NowVillam，run’emout。
Takecareo’thearchvay，gen’l’m’n。`Heads，’asthepiemansays。That’lldo，Villam。Let’emalone。AndawaywentthecoachupWhitechapel，totheadmirationofthewholepopulationofthatpretty-denselypopulatedquarter。
Notaveryniceneighbourhoodthis，sir，saidSam，withatouchofthehat，whichalwaysprecededhisenteringintoconversationwithhismaster。
Itisnotindeed，Sam，repliedMr。Pickwicksurveyingthecrowdedandfilthystreetthroughwhichtheywerepassing。
It’saweryremarkablecircumstance，sir，saidSam，thatpovertyandoystersalwaysseemstogotogether。
Idon’tunderstandyou，Sam，saidMr。Pickwick。
WhatImean，sir，saidSam，is，thatthepooreraplaceis，thegreatercallthereseemstobeforoysters。Lookhere，sir。here’saoysterstalltoeveryhalf-dozenhouses。Thestreet’slinedvith’em。BlessedifIdon’tthinkthatvenaman’swerypoor，herushesoutofhislodgings，andeatsoystersinreg’lardesperation。
Tobesurehedoes，saidMr。Wellersenior。andit’sjustthesamevithpickledsalmon！
Thosearetwoveryremarkablefacts，whichneveroccurredtomebefore，
saidMr。Pickwick。Theveryfirstplacewestopat，I’llmakeanoteofthem。
BythistimetheyhadreachedtheturnpikeatMileEnd。aprofoundsilenceprevaileduntiltheyhadgottwoorthreemilesfurtheron，whenMr。Wellersenior，turningsuddenlytoMr。Pickwick，said：
Weryqueerlifeisapike-keeper’s，sir。
Awhat？saidMr。Pickwick。
Apike-keeper。
Whatdoyoumeanbyapike-keeper？inquiredMr。PeterMagnus。
Theold’unmeansaturnpikekeeper，gen’l’m’n，observedMr。SamuelWeller，inexplanation。
Oh，saidMr。Pickwick，Isee。Yes。verycuriouslife。Veryuncomfortable。
They’reallon’emmenashasmetvithsomedisappointmentinlife，
saidMr。Wellersenior。
Ay，ay？saidMr。Pickwick。
Yes。Consequenceofvich，theyretiresfromtheworld，andshutsthemselvesupinpikes。partlywiththeviewofbeingsolitary，andpartlytorewengethemselvesonmankind，bytakin’tolls。
Dearme，saidMr。Pickwick，Ineverknewthatbefore。
Fact，sir，saidMr。Weller。iftheywasgen’l’m’nyou’dcall’emmisanthropes，butasitis，theyonlytakestopikekeepin’。
Withsuchconversation，possessingtheinestimablecharmofblendingamusementwithinstruction，didMr。Wellerbeguilethetediousnessofthejourney，duringthegreaterpartoftheday。Topicsofconversationwereneverwanting，forevenwhenanypauseoccurredinMr。Weller’sloquacity，itwasabundantlysuppliedbythedesireevincedbyMr。Magnustomakehimselfacquaintedwiththewholeofthepersonalhistoryofhisfellow-travellers，andhisloudly-expressedanxietyateverystage，respectingthesafetyandwell-beingofthetwobags，theleatherhat-box，andthebrown-paperparcel。
InthemainstreetofIpswich，ontheleft-handsideoftheway，ashortdistanceafteryouhavepassedthroughtheopenspacefrontingtheTownHall，standsaninnknownfarandwidebytheappellationofTheGreatWhiteHorse，renderedthemoreconspicuousbyastonestatueofsomerampaciousanimalwithflowingmaneandtail，distantlyresemblinganinsanecart-horse，whichiselevatedabovetheprincipaldoor。TheGreatWhiteHorseisfamousintheneighbourhood，inthesamedegreeasaprizeox，orcountypaper-chronicledturnip，orunwieldypig——foritsenormoussize。Neverweresuchlabyrinthsofuncarpetedpassages，suchclustersofmouldy，ill-lightedrooms，suchhugenumbersofsmalldensforeatingorsleepingin，beneathanyoneroof，asarecollectedtogetherbetweenthefourwallsoftheGreatWhiteHorseatIpswich。
ItwasatthedoorofthisovergrowntavernthattheLondoncoachstopped，atthesamehoureveryevening。anditwasfromthissameLondoncoach，thatMr。Pickwick，SamWeller，andMr。PeterMagnusdismounted，ontheparticulareveningtowhichthischapterofourhistorybearsreference。
Doyoustophere，sir？inquiredMr。PeterMagnus，whenthestripedbag，andtheredbag，andthebrown-paperparcel，andtheleatherhat-box，hadallbeendepositedinthepassage。Doyoustophere，sir？
Ido，saidMr。Pickwick。
Dearme，saidMr。Magnus，Ineverknewanythingliketheseextraordinarycoincidences。Why，Istopheretoo。Ihopewedinetogether。
Withpleasure，repliedMr。Pickwick。IamnotquitecertainwhetherIhaveanyfriendshereornot，though。IsthereanygentlemanofthenameofTupmanhere，waiter？
Acorpulentman，withafortnight’snapkinunderhisarm，andcoevalstockingsonhislegs，slowlydesistedfromhisoccupationofstaringdownthestreet，onthisquestionbeingputtohimbyMr。Pickwick。and，afterminutelyinspectingthatgentleman’sappearance，fromthecrownofhishattothelowestbuttonofhisgaiters，repliedemphatically：
No。
NoranygentlemanofthenameofSnodgrass？inquiredMr。Pickwick。
No！
NorWinkle？
No。
Myfriendshavenotarrivedto-day，sir，saidMr。Pickwick。Wewilldinealone，then。Shewusaprivateroom，waiter。
Onthisrequestbeingpreferred，thecorpulentmancondescendedtoorderthebootstobringinthegentlemen’sluggage。andprecedingthemdownalongdarkpassage，usheredthemintoalargebadly-furnishedapartment，withadirtygrate，inwhichasmallfirewasmakingawretchedattempttobecheerful，butwasfastsinkingbeneaththedispiritinginfluenceoftheplace。Afterthelapseofanhour，abitoffishandasteakwereserveduptothetravellers，andwhenthedinnerwasclearedaway，Mr。
PickwickandMr。PeterMagnusdrewtheirchairsuptothefire，andhavingorderedabottleoftheworstpossibleportwine，atthehighestpossibleprice，forthegoodofthehouse，drankbrandyandwaterfortheirown。
Mr。PeterMagnuswasnaturallyofaverycommunicativedisposition，andthebrandyandwateroperatedwithwonderfuleffectinwarmingintolifethedeepesthiddensecretsofhisbosom。Aftersundryaccountsofhimself，hisfamily，hisconnexions，hisfriends，hisjokes，hisbusiness，andhisbrothersmosttalkativemenhaveagreatdealtosayabouttheirbrothers，Mr。PeterMagnustookablueviewofMr。Pickwickthroughhiscolouredspectaclesforseveralminutes，andthensaid，withanairofmodesty：
Andwhatdoyouthink——whatdoyouthink，Mr。Pickwick——Ihavecomedownherefor？
Uponmyword，saidMr。Pickwick，itiswhollyimpossibleformetoguess。onbusiness，perhaps。
Partlyright，sir，repliedMr。PeterMagnus，butpartlywrong，atthesametime：tryagain，Mr。Pickwick。
Really，saidMr。Pickwick，Imustthrowmyselfonyourmercy，totellmeornot，asyoumaythinkbest。forIshouldneverguess，ifIweretotryallnight。
Why，then，he——he——he！saidMr。PeterMagnus，withabashfultitter，whatwouldyouthink，Mr。Pickwick，ifIhadcomedownhere，tomakeaproposal，sir，eh？He——he——he！
Think！Thatyouareverylikelytosucceed，repliedMr。Pickwick，withoneofhisbeamingsmiles。
Ah！saidMr。Magnus。Butdoyoureallythinkso，Mr。Pickwick？Doyou，though？
Certainly，saidMr。Pickwick。
No。butyou’rejoking，though。
Iamnot，indeed。
Why，then，saidMr。Magnus，toletyouintoalittlesecret，Ithinksotoo。Idon’tmindtellingyou，Mr。Pickwick，althoughI’mdreadfuljealousbynature——horrid——thattheladyisinthishouse。HereMr。Magnustookoffhisspectacles，onpurposetowink，andthenputthemonagain。
That’swhatyouwererunningoutoftheroomfor，beforedinner，then，sooften，saidMr。Pickwick，archly。
Hush！Yes，you’reright，thatwasit。notsuchafoolastoseeher，though。
No！
No。wouldn’tdo，youknow，afterhavingjustcomeoffajourney。Waittillto-morrow，sir。doublethechancethen。Mr。Pickwick，sir，thereisasuitofclothesinthatbag，andahatinthatbox，whichIexpect，intheeffecttheywillproduce，willbeinvaluabletome，sir。
Indeed！saidMr。Pickwick。
Yes。youmusthaveobservedmyanxietyaboutthemto-day。Idonotbelievethatsuchanothersuitofclothes，andsuchahat，couldbeboughtformoney，Mr。Pickwick。
Mr。Pickwickcongratulatedthefortunateowneroftheirresistiblegarments，ontheiracquisition。andMr。PeterMagnusremainedforafewmomentsapparentlyabsorbedincontemplation。
She’safinecreature，saidMr。Magnus。
Isshe？saidMr。Pickwick。
Very，saidMr。Magnus，very。Shelivesabouttwentymilesfromhere，Mr。Pickwick。Iheardshewouldbehereto-nightandallto-morrowforenoon，andcamedowntoseizetheopportunity。Ithinkaninnisagoodsortofaplacetoproposetoasinglewomanin，Mr。Pickwick。Sheismorelikelytofeelthelonelinessofhersituationintravelling，perhaps，thanshewouldbeathome。Whatdoyouthink，Mr。Pickwick？
Ithinkitveryprobable，repliedthatgentleman。
Ibegyourpardon，Mr。Pickwick，saidMr。PeterMagnus，butIamnaturallyrathercurious。whatmayyouhavecomedownherefor？
Onafarlesspleasanterrand，sir，repliedMr。Pickwick，thecolourmountingtohisfaceattherecollection。Ihavecomedownhere，sir，toexposethetreacheryandfalsehoodofanindividual，uponwhosetruthandhonourIplacedimplicitreliance。
Dearme，saidMr。PeterMagnus，that’sveryunpleasant。Itisalady，Ipresume？Eh？ah！Sly，Mr。Pickwick，sly。Well，Mr。Pickwick，sir，Iwouldn’tthese，sir，verypainful。Don’tmindme，Mr。Pickwick，ifyouwishtogiveventtoyourfeelings。Iknowwhatitistobejilted，sir。Ihaveenduredthatsortofthingthreeorfourtimes。
Iammuchobligedtoyou，foryourcondolenceonwhatyoupresumetobemymelancholycase，saidMr。Pickwick，windinguphiswatch，andlayingitonthetable，but——
No，no，saidMr。PeterMagnus，notawordmore：it’sapainfulsubject。
Isee，Isee。What’sthetime，Mr。Pickwick？
Pasttwelve。
Dearme，it’stimetogotobed。Itwillneverdo，sittinghere。I
shallbepaleto-morrow，Mr。Pickwick。
Atthebarenotionofsuchacalamity，Mr。PeterMagnusrangthebellforthechamber-maid。andthestripedbag，theredbag，theleathernhat-box，andthebrown-paperparcel，havingbeenconveyedtohisbed-room，heretiredincompanywithajapannedcandlestick，toonesideofthehouse，whileMr。Pickwick，andanotherjapannedcandlestick，wereconductedthroughamultitudeoftortuouswindings，toanother。
Thisisyourroom，sir，saidthechamber-maid。
Verywell，repliedMr。Pickwick，lookingroundhim。Itwasatolerablylargedouble-beddedroom，withafire。uponthewhole，amorecomfortable-lookingapartmentthanMr。Pickwick’sshortexperienceoftheaccommodationsoftheGreatWhiteHorsehadledhimtoexpect。
Nobodysleepsintheotherbed，ofcourse，saidMr。Pickwick。
Oh，no，sir。
Verygood。Tellmyservanttobringmeupsomehotwaterathalf-pasteightinthemorning，andthatIshallnotwanthimanymoreto-night。
Yes，sir。AndbiddingMr。Pickwickgoodnight，thechamber-maidretired，andlefthimalone。
Mr。Pickwicksathimselfdowninachairbeforethefire，andfellintoatrainoframblingmeditations。Firsthethoughtofhisfriends，andwonderedwhentheywouldjoinhim。thenhismindrevertedtoMrs。MarthaBardell。
andfromthatladyitwandered，byanaturalprocess，tothedingycounting-houseofDodsonandFogg。FromDodsonandFogg’sitflewoffatatangent，totheverycentreofthehistoryofthequeerclient。andthenitcamebacktotheGreatWhiteHorseatIpswich，withsufficientclearnesstoconvinceMr。Pickwickthathewasfallingasleep。Soherousedhimself，andbegantoundress，whenherecollectedhehadlefthiswatchonthetabledown-stairs。
Now，thiswatchwasaspecialfavouritewithMr。Pickwick，havingbeencarriedabout，beneaththeshadowofhiswaistcoat，foragreaternumberofyearsthanwefeelcalledupontostateatpresent。Thepossibilityofgoingtosleep，unlessitweretickinggentlybeneathhispillow，orinthewatch-pocketoverhishead，hadneverenteredMr。Pickwick’sbrain。
Soasitwasprettylatenow，andhewasunwillingtoringhisbellatthathourofthenight，heslippedonhiscoat，ofwhichhehadjustdivestedhimself，andtakingthejapannedcandlestickinhishand，walkedquietlydown-stairs。
ThemorestairsMr。Pickwickwentdown，themorestairsthereseemedtobetodescend，andagainandagain，whenMr。Pickwickgotintosomenarrowpassage，andbegantocongratulatehimselfonhavinggainedtheground-floor，didanotherflightofstairsappearbeforehisastonishedeyes。Atlasthereachedastonehall，whichherememberedtohaveseenwhenheenteredthehouse。Passageafterpassagedidheexplore。roomafterroomdidhepeepinto。atlength，ashewasonthepointofgivingupthesearchindespair，heopenedthedooroftheidenticalroominwhichhehadspenttheevening，andbeheldhismissingpropertyonthetable。
Mr。Pickwickseizedthewatchintriumph，andproceededtore-tracehisstepstohisbed-chamber。Ifhisprogressdownwardhadbeenattendedwithdifficultiesanduncertainty，hisjourneybackwasinfinitelymoreperplexing。Rowsofdoors，garnishedwithbootsofeveryshape，make，andsize，branchedoffineverypossibledirection。Adozentimesdidhesoftlyturnthehandleofsomebed-roomdoorwhichresembledhisown，whenagruffcryfromwithinofWhothedevil’sthat？orWhatdoyouwanthere？
causedhimtostealaway，ontiptoe，withaperfectlymarvellouscelerity。
Hewasreducedtothevergeofdespair，whenanopendoorattractedhisattention。Hepeepedin。Rightatlast！Therewerethetwobeds，whosesituationheperfectlyremembered，andthefirestillburning。Hiscandle，notalongonewhenhefirstreceivedit，hadflickeredawayinthedraftsofairthroughwhichhehadpassed，andsankintothesocketasheclosedthedoorafterhim。Nomatter，saidMr。Pickwick，Icanundressmyselfjustaswellbythelightofthefire。
Thebedsteadsstoodoneoneachsideofthedoor。andontheinnersideofeachwasalittlepath，terminatinginarush-bottomedchair，justwideenoughtoadmitofaperson’sgettinginto，oroutofbed，onthatside，ifheorshethoughtproper。Havingcarefullydrawnthecurtainsofhisbedontheoutside，Mr。Pickwicksatdownontherush-bottomedchairandleisurelydivestedhimselfofhisshoesandgaiters。Hethentookoffandfoldeduphiscoat，waistcoat，andneckcloth，andslowlydrawingonhistassellednight-cap，secureditfirmlyonhishead，bytyingbeneathhischinthestringswhichhealwayshadattachedtothatarticleofdress。
Itwasatthismomentthattheabsurdityofhisrecentbewildermentstruckuponhismind。Throwinghimselfbackintherush-bottomedchair，Mr。Pickwicklaughedtohimselfsoheartily，thatitwouldhavebeenquitedelightfultoanymanofwell-constitutedmindtohavewatchedthesmilesthatexpandedhisamiablefeaturesastheyshoneforthfrombeneaththenight-cap。
Itisthebestidea，saidMr。Pickwicktohimself，smilingtillhealmostcrackedthenight-capstrings：Itisthebestidea，mylosingmyselfinthisplace，andwanderingaboutthosestaircases，thatIeverheardof。Droll，droll，verydroll。HereMr。Pickwicksmiledagain，abroadersmilethanbefore，andwasabouttocontinuetheprocessofundressing，inthebestpossiblehumour，whenhewassuddenlystoppedbyamostunexpectedinterruption。towit，theentranceintotheroomofsomepersonwithacandle，who，afterlockingthedoor，advancedtothedressingtable，andsetdownthelightuponit。
ThesmilethatplayedonMr。Pickwick’sfeatureswasinstantaneouslylostinalookofthemostunboundedandwonder-strickensurprise。Theperson，whoeveritwas，hadcomeinsosuddenlyandwithsolittlenoise，thatMr。Pickwickhadhadnotimetocallout，oropposetheirentrance。
Whocoulditbe？Arobber？Someevil-mindedpersonwhohadseenhimcomeup-stairswithahandsomewatchinhishand，perhaps。Whatwashetodo！
TheonlywayinwhichMr。Pickwickcouldcatchaglimpseofhismysteriousvisitorwiththeleastdangerofbeingseenhimself，wasbycreepingontothebed，andpeepingoutfrombetweenthecurtainsontheoppositeside。
Tothismanoeuvreheaccordinglyresorted。Keepingthecurtainscarefullyclosedwithhishand，sothatnothingmoreofhimcouldbeseenthanhisfaceandnight-cap，andputtingonhisspectacles，hemusteredupcourage，andlookedout。
Mr。Pickwickalmostfaintedwithhorroranddismay。Standingbeforethedressing-glasswasamiddle-agedlady，inyellowcurl-papers，busilyengagedinbrushingwhatladiescalltheirback-hair。Howevertheunconsciousmiddle-agedladycameintothatroom，itwasquiteclearthatshecontemplatedremainingthereforthenight。forshehadbroughtarushlightandshadewithher，which，withpraiseworthyprecautionagainstfire，shehadstationedinabasinonthefloor，whereitwasglimmeringaway，likeagiganticlighthouseinaparticularlysmallpieceofwater。
Blessmysoul，thoughtMr。Pickwick，whatadreadfulthing！
Hem！saidthelady。andinwentMr。Pickwick’sheadwithautomaton-likerapidity。
Inevermetwithanythingsoawfulasthis。thoughtpoorMr。Pickwick，thecoldperspirationstartingindropsuponhisnight-cap。Never。Thisisfearful。
Itwasquiteimpossibletoresisttheurgentdesiretoseewhatwasgoingforward。SooutwentMr。Pickwick’sheadagain。Theprospectwasworsethanbefore。Themiddle-agedladyhadfinishedarrangingherhair。
hadcarefullyenvelopeditinamuslinnight-capwithasmallplaitedborder。
andwasgazingpensivelyonthefire。
Thismatterisgrowingalarming，reasonedMr。Pickwickwithhimself。
Ican’tallowthingstogooninthisway。Bytheself-possessionofthatladyitiscleartomethatImusthavecomeintothewrongroom。IfI
calloutshe’llalarmthehouse。butifIremainheretheconsequenceswillbestillmorefrightful。
Mr。Pickwick，itisquiteunnecessarytosay，wasoneofthemostmodestanddelicate-mindedofmortals。Theveryideaofexhibitinghisnight-captoaladyoverpoweredhim，buthehadtiedthoseconfoundedstringsinaknot，and，dowhathewould，hecouldn’tgetitoff。Thedisclosuremustbemade。Therewasonlyoneotherwayofdoingit。Heshrunkbehindthecurtains，andcalledoutveryloudly。
Ha——hum！
Thattheladystartedatthisunexpectedsoundwasevident，byherfallingupagainsttherushlightshade。thatshepersuadedherselfitmusthavebeentheeffectofimaginationwasequallyclear，forwhenMr。Pickwick，undertheimpressionthatshehadfaintedawaystone-deadfromfright，venturedtopeepoutagain，shewasgazingpensivelyonthefireasbefore。
Mostextraordinaryfemalethis，thoughtMr。Pickwick，poppinginagain。
Ha——hum！
Theselastsounds，solikethoseinwhich，aslegendsinformus，theferociousgiantBlunderborewasinthehabitofexpressinghisopinionthatitwastimetolaythecloth，weretoodistinctlyaudibletobeagainmistakenfortheworkingsoffancy。
GraciousHeaven！saidthemiddle-agedlady，what’sthat？
It’s——it’s——onlyagentleman，Ma’am，saidMr。Pickwickfrombehindthecurtains。
Agentleman！saidtheladywithaterrificscream。
It’sallover！thoughtMr。Pickwick。
Astrangeman！shriekedthelady。Anotherinstantandthehousewouldbealarmed。Hergarmentsrustledassherushedtowardsthedoor。
Ma’am，saidMr。Pickwick，thrustingouthishead，intheextremityofhisdesperation，Ma’am！
Now，althoughMr。Pickwickwasnotactuatedbyanydefiniteobjectinputtingouthishead，itwasinstantaneouslyproductiveofagoodeffect。
Thelady，aswehavealreadystated，wasnearthedoor。Shemustpassit，toreachthestaircase，andshewouldmostundoubtedlyhavedonesobythistime，hadnotthesuddenapparitionofMr。Pickwick’snight-capdrivenherbackintotheremotestcorneroftheapartment，whereshestoodstaringwildlyatMr。Pickwick，whileMr。Pickwickinhisturnstaredwildlyather。
Wretch，saidthelady，coveringhereyeswithherhands，whatdoyouwanthere？
Nothing，Ma’am。nothing，whatever，Ma’am。saidMr。Pickwickearnestly。
Nothing！saidthelady，lookingup。
Nothing，Ma’am，uponmyhonour，saidMr。Pickwick，noddinghisheadsoenergeticallythatthetasselofhisnight-capdancedagain。Iamalmostreadytosink，Ma’am，beneaththeconfusionofaddressingaladyinmynight-capheretheladyhastilysnatchedoffhers，butIcan’tgetitoff，Ma’amhereMr。Pickwickgaveitatremendoustug，inproofofthestatement。Itisevidenttome，Ma’am，now，thatIhavemistakenthisbed-roomformyown。Ihadnotbeenherefiveminutes，Ma’am，whenyousuddenlyenteredit。
Ifthisimprobablestorybereallytrue，sir，saidthelady，sobbingviolently，youwillleaveitinstantly。
Iwill，Ma’am，withthegreatestpleasure，repliedMr。Pickwick。
Instantly，sir，saidthelady。
Certainly，Ma’am，interposedMr。Pickwickveryquickly。Certainly，Ma’am。I——I——amverysorry，Ma’am，’saidMr。Pickwick，makinghisappearanceatthebottomofthebed，tohavebeentheinnocentoccasionofthisalarmandemotion。deeplysorry，Ma’am。
Theladypointedtothedoor。OneexcellentqualityofMr。Pickwick’scharacterwasbeautifullydisplayedatthismoment，underthemosttryingcircumstances。Althoughhehadhastilyputonhishatoverhisnight-cap，afterthemanneroftheoldpatrol。althoughhecarriedhisshoesandgaitersinhishand，andhiscoatandwaistcoatoverhisarm。nothingcouldsubduehisnativepoliteness。
Iamexceedinglysorry，Ma’am，saidMr。Pickwick，bowingverylow。
Ifyouare，sir，youwillatonceleavetheroom，saidthelady。
Immediately，Ma’am。thisinstant，Ma’am，saidMr。Pickwick，openingthedoor，anddroppingbothhisshoeswithacrashinsodoing。
Itrust，Ma’am，resumedMr。Pickwick，gatheringuphisshoes，andturningroundtobowagain：Itrust，Ma’am，thatmyunblemishedcharacter，andthedevotedrespectIentertainforyoursex，willpleadassomeslightexcuseforthis——ButbeforeMr。Pickwickcouldconcludethesentencetheladyhadthrusthimintothepassage，andlockedandboltedthedoorbehindhim。
Whatevergroundsofself-congratulationMr。Pickwickmighthaveforhavingescapedsoquietlyfromhislateawkwardsituation，hispresentpositionwasbynomeansenviable。Hewasalone，inanopenpassage，inastrangehouse，inthemiddleofthenight，halfdressed。itwasnottobesupposedthathecouldfindhiswayinperfectdarknesstoaroomwhichhehadbeenwhollyunabletodiscoverwithalight，andifhemadetheslightestnoiseinhisfruitlessattemptstodoso，hestoodeverychanceofbeingshotat，andperhapskilled，bysomewakefultraveller。Hehadnoresourcebuttoremainwherehewasuntildaylightappeared。Soaftergropinghiswayafewpacesdownthepassage，and，tohisinfinitealarm，stumblingoverseveralpairsofbootsinsodoing，Mr。Pickwickcrouchedintoalittlerecessinthewall，towaitformorningasphilosophicallyashemight。
Hewasnotdestined，however，toundergothisadditionaltrialofpatience：
forhehadnotbeenlongensconcedinhispresentconcealmentwhen，tohisunspeakablehorror，aman，bearingalight，appearedattheendofthepassage。Hishorrorwassuddenlyconvertedintojoy，however，whenherecognisedtheformofhisfaithfulattendant。ItwasindeedMr。SamuelWeller，whoaftersittingupthuslate，inconversationwiththeBoots，whowassittingupforthemail，wasnowabouttoretiretorest。
Sam，saidMr。Pickwick，suddenlyappearingbeforehim，where’smybed-room？
Mr。Wellerstaredathismasterwiththemostemphaticsurprise。anditwasnotuntilthequestionhadbeenrepeatedthreeseveraltimes，thatheturnedround，andledthewaytothelong-soughtapartment。
Sam，saidMr。Pickwickashegotintobed，Ihavemadeoneofthemostextraordinarymistakesto-night，thateverwereheardof。
Werylikely，sir，repliedMr。Wellerdrily。
ButofthisIamdetermined，Sam，saidMr。Pickwick。thatifIweretostopinthishouseforsixmonths，Iwouldnevertrustmyselfaboutit，alone，again。
That’stheweryprudentestresolutionasyoucouldcometo，sir，repliedMr。Weller。Youraytherwantsomebodytolookarteryou，sir，wenyourjudgmentgoesoutawisitin’。
Whatdoyoumeanbythat，Sam？saidMr。Pickwick。Heraisedhimselfinbed，andextendedhishand，asifhewereabouttosaysomethingmore。
butsuddenlycheckinghimself，turnedround，andbadehisvaletGoodnight。
Goodnight，sir，repliedMr。Weller。Hepausedwhenhegotoutsidethedoor——shookhishead——walkedon——stopped——snuffedthecandle——shookhisheadagain——andfinallyproceededslowlytohischamber，apparentlyburiedintheprofoundestmeditation。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter23[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERXXIIIINWHICHMR。SAMUELWELLERBEGINSTODEVOTEHISENERGIES
TOTHERETURNMATCHBETWEENHIMSELFANDMR。TROTTER
INasmallroominthevicinityofthestable-yard，betimesinthemorning，whichwasusheredinbyMr。Pickwick’sadventurewiththemiddle-agedladyintheyellowcurlpapers，satMr。Wellersenior，preparinghimselfforhisjourneytoLondon。Hewassittinginanexcellentattitudeforhavinghisportraittaken。
Itisverypossiblethatatsomeearlierperiodofhiscareer，Mr。Weller’sprofilemighthavepresentedaboldanddeterminedoutline。Hisface，however，hadexpandedundertheinfluenceofgoodliving，andadispositionremarkableforresignation。anditsboldfleshlycurveshadsofarextendedbeyondthelimitsoriginallyassignedthem，thatunlessyoutookafullviewofhiscountenanceinfront，itwasdifficulttodistinguishmorethantheextremetipofaveryrubicundnose。Hischin，fromthesamecause，hadacquiredthegraveandimposingformwhichisgenerallydescribedbyprefixingtheworddoubletothatexpressivefeature。andhiscomplexionexhibitedthatpeculiarlymottledcombinationofcolourswhichisonlytobeseeningentlemenofhisprofession，andinunderdoneroastbeef。Roundhisneckheworeacrimsontravellingshawl，whichmergedintohischinbysuchimperceptiblegradations，thatitwasdifficulttodistinguishthefoldsoftheone，fromthefoldsoftheother。Overthis，hemountedalongwaistcoatofabroadpink-stripedpattern，andoverthatagain，awide-skirtedgreencoat，ornamentedwithlargebrassbuttons，whereofthetwowhichgarnishedthewaist，weresofarapart，thatnomanhadeverbeheldthemboth，atthesametime。Hishair，whichwasshort，sleek，andblack，wasjustvisiblebeneaththecapaciousbrimofalow-crownedbrownhat。Hislegswereencasedinknee-cordbreeches，andpaintedtop-boots：
andacopperwatch-chain，terminatinginoneseal，andakeyofthesamematerial，dangledlooselyfromhiscapaciouswaistband。
WehavesaidthatMr。WellerwasengagedinpreparingforhisjourneytoLondon——hewastakingsustenance，infact。Onthetablebeforehim，stoodapotofale，acoldroundofbeef，andaveryrespectable-lookingloaf，toeachofwhichhedistributedhisfavoursinturn，withthemostrigidimpartiality。Hehadjustcutamightyslicefromthelatter，whenthefootstepsofsomebodyenteringtheroom，causedhimtoraisehishead。
andhebeheldhisson。
Mornin’，Sammy！saidthefather。
Thesonwalkeduptothepotofale，andnoddingsignificantlytohisparent，tookalongdraughtbywayofreply。
Werygoodpowero’suction，Sammy，saidMr。Wellertheelder，lookingintothepot，whenhisfirst-bornhadsetitdownhalfempty。You’dha’
madeanuncommonfineoyster，Sammy，ifyou’dbeenborninthatstationo’life。Yes，Ides-sayIshouldha’managedtopickuparespectablelivin’，repliedSam，applyinghimselftothecoldbeef，withconsiderablevigour。
I’mwerysorry，Sammy，saidtheelderMr。Weller，shakinguptheale，bydescribingsmallcircleswiththepot，preparatorytodrinking。I’mwerysorry，Sammy，tohearfromyourlips，asyouletyourselfbegammonedbythat’eremulberryman。Ialwaysthought，uptothreedaysago，thatthenamesofVellerandgammoncouldnevercomeintocontract，Sammy，never。
Alwaysexceptin’thecaseofawidder，ofcourse，saidSam。
Widders，Sammy，repliedMr。Weller，slightlychangingcolour。Widdersare’ceptionstoev’ryrule。Ihaveheerdhowmanyord’narywomen，onewidder’sequalto，inpinto’comin’overyou。Ithinkit’sfive-and-twenty，butIdon’trightlyknowvetheritan’tmore。
Well。that’sprettywell，saidSam。
Besides，continuedMr。Weller，notnoticingtheinterruption，that’sawerydifferentthing。Youknowwhatthecounselsaid，Sammy，asdefendedthegen’l’m’nasbeathiswifewiththepoker，veneverhegotjolly。`Andarterall，myLord，’sayshe，`it’saamableweakness。’SoIsaysrespectin’
widders，Sammy，andsoyou’llsay，venyougetsasoldasme。
Ioughttoha’know’dbetter，Iknow，saidSam。
Oughttoha’know’dbetter！repeatedMr。Weller，strikingthetablewithhisfist。Oughttoha’know’dbetter！why，Iknowayoung’unashasn’thadhalfnorquarteryoureddication——ashasn’tsleptaboutthemarkets，no，notsixmonths——who’dha’scornedtobeletin，insuchavay。scornedit，Sammy。Intheexcitementoffeelingproducedbythisagonisingreflection，Mr。Wellerrangthebell，andorderedanadditionalpintofale。
Well，it’snousetalkingaboutitnow，saidSam。It’sover，andcan’tbehelped，andthat’soneconsolation，astheyalwayssaysinTurkey，ventheycutsthewrongman’sheadoff。It’smyinningsnow，gov’rnor，andassoonasIcatchesholdo’thisereTrotter，I’llhaveagood’un。
Ihopeyouwill，Sammy。Ihopeyouwill，returnedMr。Weller。Here’syourhealth，Sammy，andmayyouspeedilyvipeoffthedisgraceasyou’veinflictedonthefamilyname。Inhonourofthistoast，Mr。Wellerimbibedatadraught，atleasttwo-thirdsofthenewly-arrivedpint，andhandeditovertohisson，todisposeoftheremainder，whichheinstantaneouslydid。
Andnow，Sammy，saidMr。Weller，consultingthelargedouble-facedsilverwatchthathungattheendofthecopperchain。Nowit’stimeI
wasupattheofficetogetmyvay-bill，andseethecoachloaded。forcoaches，Sammy，islikeguns——theyrequiretobeloadedwithwerygreatcare，aforetheygooff。
Atthisparentalandprofessionaljoke，Mr。Wellerjuniorsmiledafilialsmile。Hisreversedparentcontinuedinasolemntone：
I’magoin’toleaveyou，Samivelmyboy，andthere’snotellingvenIshallseeyouagain。Yourmother-in-lawmayha’beentoomuchforme，orathousandthingsmayhavehappenedbythetimeyounexthearsanynewso’thecelebratedMr。Vellero’theBellSavage。Thefamilynamedependswerymuchuponyou，Samivel，andIhopeyou’lldowot’srightbyit。Uponalllittlepintso’breedin’，IknowImaytrustyouasvellasifitwasmyownself。SoI’veonlythishereonelittlebitofadwicetogiveyou。
Ifeveryougetstoup’ardso’fifty，andfeelsdisposedtogoamarryin’
anybody——nomatterwho——jistyoushutyourselfupinyourownroom，ifyou’vegotone，andpisonyourselfoffhand。Hangin’swulgar，sodon’tyouhavenothin’tosaytothat。Pisonyourself，Samivel，myboy，pisonyourself，andyou’llbegladonitarterwards。Withtheseaffectingwords，Mr。Wellerlookedsteadfastlyonhisson，andturningslowlyuponhisheel，disappearedfromhissight。
Inthecontemplativemoodwhichthesewordshadawakened，Mr。SamuelWellerwalkedforthfromtheGreatWhiteHorsewhenhisfatherhadlefthim。andbendinghisstepstowardsSt。Clement’sChurch，endeavouredtodissipatehismelancholy，bystrollingamongitsancientprecincts。Hehadloiteredabout，forsometime，whenhefoundhimselfinaretiredspot——akindofcourt-yardofvenerableappearance——whichhediscoveredhadnootheroutletthantheturningbywhichhehadentered。Hewasaboutretracinghissteps，whenhewassuddenlytransfixedtothespotbyasuddenappearance：
andthemodeandmannerofthisappearance，wenowproceedtorelate。
Mr。SamuelWellerhadbeenstaringup，attheoldbrickhousesnowandthen，inhisdeepabstraction，bestowingawinkuponsomehealthy-lookingservantgirlasshedrewupablind，orthrewopenabed-roomwindow，whenthegreengateofagardenatthebottomoftheyardopened，andamanhavingemergedtherefrom，closedthegreengateverycarefullyafterhim，andwalkedbrisklytowardstheveryspotwhereMr。Wellerwasstanding。
Now，takingthis，asanisolatedfact，unaccompaniedbyanyattendantcircumstances，therewasnothingveryextraordinaryinit。becauseinmanypartsoftheworld，mendocomeoutofgardens，closegreengatesafterthem，andevenwalkbrisklyaway，withoutattractinganyparticularshareofpublicobservation。Itisclear，therefore，thattheremusthavebeensomethingintheman，orinhismanner，orboth，toattractMr。Weller’sparticularnotice。Whethertherewas，ornot，wemustleavethereadertodetermine，whenwehavefaithfullyrecordedthebehaviouroftheindividualinquestion。
Whenthemanhadshutthegreengateafterhim，hewalked，aswehavesaidtwicealready，withabriskpaceupthecourt-yard。buthenosoonercaughtsightofMr。Weller，thanhefaltered，andstopped，asifuncertain，forthemoment，whatcoursetoadopt。Asthegreengatewasclosedbehindhim，andtherewasnootheroutletbuttheoneinfront，however，hewasnotlonginperceivingthathemustpassMr。SamuelWellertogetaway。
Hethereforeresumedhisbriskpace，andadvanced，staringstraightbeforehim。Themostextraordinarythingaboutthemanwas，thathewascontortinghisfaceintothemostfearfulandastonishinggrimacesthateverwerebeheld。Nature’shandyworkneverwasdisguisedwithsuchextraordinaryartificialcarving，asthemanhadoverlaidhiscountenancewithinonemoment。
Well！saidMr。Wellertohimself，asthemanapproached。
Thisisweryodd。Icouldha’sworeitwashim。
Upcametheman，andhisfacebecamemorefrightfullydistortedthanever，ashedrewnearer。
Icouldtakemyoathtothat’ereblackhair，andmulberrysuit，saidMr。Weller。onlyIneverseesuchafaceasthat，afore。
AsMr。Wellersaidthis，theman’sfeaturesassumedanunearthlytwinge，perfectlyhideous。HewasobligedtopassverynearSam，however，andthescrutinisingglanceofthatgentlemanenabledhimtodetect，underalltheseappallingtwistsoffeature，somethingtoolikethesmalleyesofMr。JobTrotter，tobeeasilymistaken。
Hallo，yousir！shoutedSam，fiercely。
Thestrangerstopped。
Hallo！repeatedSam，stillmoregruffly。
Themanwiththehorribleface，looked，withthegreatestsurprise，upthecourt，anddownthecourt，andinatthewindowsofthehouses——everywherebutatSamWeller——andtookanotherstepforward，whenhewasbroughttoagain，byanothershout。
Hallo，yousir！saidSam，forthethirdtime。
Therewasnopretendingtomistakewherethevoicecamefromnow，sothestranger，havingnootherresource，atlastlookedSamWellerfullintheface。
Itwon’tdo，JobTrotter，saidSam。Come！Noneo’that’erenonsense。
Youain’tsowery’andsomethatyoucanaffordtothrowavaymanyo’yourgoodlooks。Bringthem’ereeyeso’your’nbackintotheirproperplaces，orI’llknock’emoutofyourhead。D’yehear？
AsMr。Wellerappearedfullydisposedtoactuptothespiritofthisaddress，Mr。Trottergraduallyallowedhisfacetoresumeitsnaturalexpression。
andthengivingastartofjoy，exclaimed，WhatdoIsee？Mr。Walker！
Ah，repliedSam。You’rewerygladtoseeme，ain’tyou？
Glad！exclaimedJobTrotter。oh，Mr。Walker，ifyouhadbutknownhowIhavelookedforwardtothismeeting！Itistoomuch，Mr。Walker。
Icannotbearit，indeedIcannot。Andwiththesewords，Mr。Trotterburstintoaregularinundationoftears，and，flinginghisarmsaroundthoseofMr。Weller，embracedhimclosely，inanecstasyofjoy。
Getoff！criedSam，indignantatthisprocess，andvainlyendeavouringtoextricatehimselffromthegraspofhisenthusiasticacquaintance。Getoff，Itellyou。Whatareyoucryingovermefor，youportableingine？
BecauseIamsogladtoseeyou，repliedJobTrotter，graduallyreleasingMr。Weller，asthefirstsymptomsofhispugnacitydisappeared。Oh，Mr。
Walker，thisistoomuch。
Toomuch！echoedSam。Ithinkitistoomuch——rayther！Nowwhathaveyougottosaytome，eh？
Mr。Trottermadenoreply。forthelittlepinkpocket-handkerchiefwasinfullforce。
Whathaveyougottosaytome，aforeIknockyourheadoff？repeatedMr。Weller，inathreateningmanner。
Eh！saidMr。Trotter，withalookofvirtuoussurprise。
Whathaveyougottosaytome？
I，Mr。Walker！
Don’tcallmeValker。myname’sVeller。youknowthatvellenough。
Whathaveyougottosaytome？
Blessyou，Mr。Walker——WalkerImean——agreatmanythings，ifyouwillcomeawaysomewhere，wherewecantalkcomfortably。IfyouknewhowIhavelookedforyou，Mr。Weller——
Weryhard，indeed，Is’pose？saidSam，drily。
Very，very，sir，repliedMr。Trotter，withoutmovingamuscleofhisface。Butshakehands，Mr。Weller。
Sameyedhiscompanionforafewseconds，andthen，asifactuatedbyasuddenimpulse，compliedwithhisrequest。
How，saidJobTrotter，astheywalkedaway，Howisyourdear，goodmaster？Oh，heisaworthygentleman，Mr。Weller！Ihopehedidn’tcatchcold，thatdreadfulnight，sir。
TherewasamomentarylookofdeepslynessinJobTrotter’seye，ashesaidthis，whichranathrillthroughMr。Weller’sclenchedfistasheburntwithadesiretomakeademonstrationonhisribs。Samconstrainedhimself，however，andrepliedthathismasterwasextremelywell。
Oh，Iamsoglad，repliedMr。Trotter，ishehere？
Isyour’n？askedSam，bywayofreply。
Oh，yes，heishere，andIgrievetosay，Mr。Weller，heisgoingon，worsethanever。
Ah，ah？saidSam。
Oh，shocking——terrible！
Ataboarding-school？saidSam。
No，notataboarding-school，repliedJobTrotter，withthesameslylookwhichSamhadnoticedbefore。Notataboarding-school。
Atthehousewiththegreengate？saidSam，eyeinghiscompanionclosely。
No，no——oh，notthere，repliedJob，withaquicknessveryunusualtohim，notthere。
Whatwasyouadom’there？askedSam，withasharpglance。
Gotinsidethegatebyaccident，perhaps？
Why，Mr。Weller，repliedJob，Idon’tmindtellingyoumylittlesecrets，because，youknow，wetooksuchafancyforeachotherwhenwefirstmet。Yourecollecthowpleasantwewerethatmorning？
Ohyes，saidSam，impatiently。Iremember。Well。
Well，repliedJob，speakingwithgreatprecision，andinthelowtoneofamanwhocommunicatesanimportantsecret。inthathousewiththegreengate，Mr。Weller，theykeepagoodmanyservants。
SoIshouldthink，fromthelookonit，interposedSam。
Yes，continuedMr。Trotter，andoneofthemisacook，whohassavedupalittlemoney，Mr。Weller，andisdesirous，ifshecanestablishherselfinlife，toopenalittleshopinthechandleryway，yousee。
Yes。
Yes，Mr。Weller。Well，sir，ImetheratachapelthatIgoto。averyneatlittlechapelinthistown，Mr。Weller，wheretheysingthenumberfourcollectionofhymns，whichIgenerallycarryaboutwithme，inalittlebook，whichyoumayperhapshaveseeninmyhand——andIgotalittleintimatewithher，Mr。Weller，andfromthat，anacquaintancesprungupbetweenus，andImayventuretosay，Mr。Weller，thatIamtobethechandler。
Ah，andaweryamiablechandleryou’llmake，repliedSam，eyeingJobwithasidelookofintensedislike。
Thegreatadvantageofthis，Mr。Weller，continuedJob，hiseyesfillingwithtearsashespoke，willbe，thatIshallbeabletoleavemypresentdisgracefulservicewiththatbadman，andtodevotemyselftoabetterandmorevirtuouslife。morelikethewayinwhichIwasbroughtup，Mr。
Weller。
Youmustha’beenwerynicelybroughtup，saidSam。
Oh，very，Mr。Weller，very，repliedJob。Attherecollectionofthepurityofhisyouthfuldays，Mr。Trotterpulledforththepinkhandkerchief，andweptcopiously。
Youmustha’beenanuncommonniceboy，togotoschoolvith，saidSam。
Iwas，sir，repliedJob，heavingadeepsigh。Iwastheidoloftheplace。
Ah，saidSam，Idon’twonderatit。Whatacomfortyoumustha’beentoyourblessedmother。
Atthesewords，Mr。JobTrotterinsertedanendofthepinkhandkerchiefintothecornerofeacheye，oneaftertheother，andbegantoweepcopiously。
Wot’sthematterviththeman，saidSam，indignantly。
Chelseawater-worksisnothin’toyou。Whatareyoumeltingvithnow？
Theconsciousnesso’willainy？
Icannotkeepmyfeelingsdown，Mr。Weller，saidJob，afterashortpause。TothinkthatmymastershouldhavesuspectedtheconversationIhadwithyours，andsodraggedmeawayinapost-chaise，andafterpersuadingthesweetyoungladytosaysheknewnothingofhim，andbribingtheschool-mistresstodothesame，desertedherforabetterspeculation！Oh！Mr。Weller，itmakesmeshudder。
Oh，thatwasthevay，wasit？saidMr。Weller。
Tobesureitwas，repliedJob。
Vell，saidSam，astheyhadnowarrivedneartheHotel，Ivanttohavealittlebito’talkwithyou，Job。soifyou’renotparticklerengaged，IshouldliketoseeyouattheGreatWhiteHorseto-night，somewheresabouteighto’clock。
Ishallbesuretocome，saidJob。
Yes，you’dbetter，repliedSam，withaverymeaninglook，orelseIshallperhapsbeaskingarteryou，attheothersideofthegreengate，andthenImightcutyouout，youknow。
Ishallbesuretobewithyou，sir，saidMr。Trotter。andwringingSam’shandwiththeutmostfervour，hewalkedaway。
Takecare，JobTrotter，takecare，saidSam，lookingafterhim，orIshallbeonetoomanyforyouthistime。Ishall，indeed。Havingutteredthissoliloquy，andlookedafterJobtillhewastobeseennomore，Mr。
Wellermadethebestofhiswaytohismaster’sbed-room。
It’sallintraining，sir，saidSam。
What’sintraining，Sam？inquiredMr。Pickwick。
Ihavefound’emout，sir，saidSam。
Foundoutwho？
That’erequeercustomer，andthemelan-chollychapwiththeblackhair。
Impossible，Sam！saidMr。Pickwick，withthegreatestenergy。Wherearethey，Sam。wherearethey？
Hush，hush！repliedMr。Weller。andasheassistedMr。Pickwicktodress，hedetailedtheplanofactiononwhichheproposedtoenter。
Butwhenisthistobedone，Sam？inquiredMr。Pickwick。
Allingoodtime，sir，repliedSam。
Whetheritwasdoneingoodtime，ornot，willbeseenhereafter。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter24[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERXXIVWHEREINMR。PETERMAGNUSGROWSJEALOUS，ANDTHEMIDDLE-AGED
LADYAPPREHENSIVE，WHICHBRINGSTHEPICKWICKIANSWITHINTHEGRASPOFTHE
LAW
WHENMr。PickwickdescendedtotheroominwhichheandMr。PeterMagnushadspenttheprecedingevening，hefoundthatgentlemanwiththemajorpartofthecontentsofthetwobags，theleathernhat-box，andthebrown-paperparcel，displayedtoallpossibleadvantageonhisperson，whilehehimselfwaspacingupanddowntheroominastateoftheutmostexcitementandagitation。
Goodmorning。sir，saidMr。PeterMagnus。Whatdoyouthinkofthis，sir？
Veryeffectiveindeed，repliedMr。Pickwick，surveyingthegarmentsofMr。PeterMagnuswithagood-naturedsmile。
Yes，Ithinkit’lldo，saidMr。Magnus。Mr。Pickwick，sir，Ihavesentupmycard。
Haveyou？saidMr。Pickwick。
Andthewaiterbroughtbackword，thatshewouldseemeateleven——ateleven，sir。itonlywantsaquarternow。
Verynearthetime，saidMr。Pickwick。
Yes，itisrathernear，repliedMr。Magnus，rathertooneartobepleasant——eh！Mr。Pickwick，sir？
Confidenceisagreatthinginthesecases，observedMr。Pickwick。
Ibelieveitis，sir，saidMr。PeterMagnus。Iamveryconfident，sir。Really，Mr。Pickwick，Idonotseewhyamanshouldfeelanyfearinsuchacaseasthis，sir。Whatisit，sir？There’snothingtobeashamedof。it’samatterofmutualaccommodation，nothingmore。Husbandononeside，wifeontheother。That’smyviewofthematter，Mr。Pickwick。
Itisaveryphilosophicalone，repliedMr。Pickwick。Butbreakfastiswaiting，Mr。Magnus。Come。
Downtheysattobreakfast，butitwasevident，notwithstandingtheboastingofMr。PeterMagnus，thathelabouredunderaveryconsiderabledegreeofnervousness，ofwhichlossofappetite，apropensitytoupsetthetea-things，aspectralattemptatdrollery，andanirresistibleinclinationtolookattheclock，everyothersecond，wereamongtheprincipalsymptoms。
He——he——he，titteredMr。Magnus，affectingcheerfulness，andgaspingwithagitation。Itonlywantstwominutes，Mr。Pickwick。AmIpale，sir？
Notvery，repliedMr。Pickwick。
Therewasabriefpause。
Ibegyourpardon，Mr。Pickwick。buthaveyoueverdonethissortofthinginyourtime？saidMr。Magnus。
Youmeanproposing？saidMr。Pickwick。
Yes。
Never，saidMr。Pickwick，withgreatenergy，never。
Youhavenoidea，then，howit’sbesttobegin？saidMr。Magnus。
Why，saidMr。Pickwick，Imayhaveformedsomeideasuponthesubject，but，asIhaveneversubmittedthemtothetestofexperience，Ishouldbesorryifyouwereinducedtoregulateyourproceedingsbythem。
Ishouldfeelverymuchobligedtoyou，foranyadvice，sir，saidMr。Magnus，takinganotherlookattheclock：thehandofwhichwasvergingonthefiveminutespast。
Well，sir，saidMr。Pickwick，withtheprofoundsolemnitywithwhichthatgreatmancould，whenhepleased，renderhisremarkssodeeplyimpressive：
Ishouldcommence，sir，withatributetothelady’sbeautyandexcellentqualities。fromthem，sir，Ishoulddivergetomyownunworthiness。
Verygood，saidMr。Magnus。
Unworthinessforheronly，mind，sir，resumedMr。Pickwick。
fortoshewthatIwasnotwhollyunworthy，sir，Ishouldtakeabriefreviewofmypastlife，andpresentcondition。Ishouldargue，byanalogy，thattoanybodyelse，Imustbeaverydesirableobject。Ishouldthenexpatiateonthewarmthofmylove，andthedepthofmydevotion。PerhapsImightthenbetemptedtoseizeherhand。
Yes，Isee，saidMr。Magnus。thatwouldbeaverygreatpoint。
Ishouldthen，sir，continuedMr。Pickwick，growingwarmerasthesubjectpresenteditselfinmoreglowingcoloursbeforehim：Ishouldthen，sir，cometotheplainandsimplequestion，`Willyouhaveme？’I
thinkIamjustifiedinassumingthatuponthis，shewouldturnawayherhead。
Youthinkthatmaybetakenforgranted？saidMr。Magnus。becauseifshedidnotdothatattherightplace，itwouldbeembarrassing。
Ithinkshewould，saidMr。Pickwick。Uponthis，sir，Ishouldsqueezeherhand，andIthink——Ithink，Mr。Magnus——thatafterIhaddonethat，supposingtherewasnorefusal，Ishouldgentlydrawawaythehandkerchief，whichmyslightknowledgeofhumannatureleadsmetosupposetheladywouldbeapplyingtohereyesatthemoment，andstealarespectfulkiss。
IthinkIshouldkissher，Mr。Magnus。andatthisparticularpoint，I
amdecidedlyofopinionthatiftheladyweregoingtotakemeatall，shewouldmurmurintomyearsabashfulacceptance。
Mr。Magnusstarted。gazedonMr。Pickwick’sintelligentface，forashorttimeinsilence。andthenthedialpointingtothetenminutespast
shookhimwarmlybythehand，andrusheddesperatelyfromtheroom。
Mr。Pickwickhadtakenafewstridestoandfro。andthesmallhandoftheclockfollowingthelatterpartofhisexample，hadarrivedatthefigurewhichindicatesthehalfhour，whenthedoorsuddenlyopened。HeturnedroundtomeetMr。PeterMagnus，andencountered，inhisstead，thejoyousfaceofMr。Tupman，theserenecountenanceofMr。Winkle，andtheintellectuallineamentsofMr。Snodgrass。AsMr。Pickwickgreetedthem，Mr。PeterMagnustrippedintotheroom。
Myfriends，thegentlemanIwasspeakingof——Mr。Magnus，saidMr。
Pickwick。
Yourservant，gentlemen，saidMr。Magnus，evidentlyinahighstateofexcitement。Mr。Pickwick，allowmetospeaktoyou，onemoment，sir。
Ashesaidthis，Mr。MagnusharnessedhisforefingertoMr。Pickwick’sbutton-hole，and，drawinghimtoawindowrecess，said：
Congratulateme，Mr。Pickwick。Ifollowedyouradvicetotheveryletter。
Anditwasallcorrect，wasit？inquiredMr。Pickwick。
Itwas，sir。Couldnotpossiblyhavebeenbetter，repliedMr。Magnus。
Mr。Pickwick，sheismine。
Icongratulateyouwithallmyheart，repliedMr。Pickwick，warmlyshakinghisnewfriendbythehand。
Youmustseeher，sir，saidMr。Magnus。thisway，ifyouplease。
Excuseusforoneinstant，gentlemen。Hurryingoninthisway，Mr。PeterMagnusdrewMr。Pickwickfromtheroom。Hepausedatthenextdoorinthepassage，andtappedgentlythereat。
Comein，saidafemalevoice。Andintheywent。
MissWitherfield，saidMr。Magnus，Allowmetointroducemyveryparticularfriend，Mr。Pickwick。Mr。Pickwick，IbegtomakeyouknowntoMissWitherfield。
Theladywasattheupperendoftheroom。AsMr。Pickwickbowed，hetookhisspectaclesfromhiswaistcoatpocket，andputthemon。aprocesswhichhehadnosoonergonethrough，than，utteringanexclamationofsurprise，Mr。Pickwickretreatedseveralpaces，andthelady，withahalf-suppressedscream，hidherfaceinherhands，anddroppedintoachair。whereuponMr。PeterMagnuswasstrickenmotionlessonthespot，andgazedfromonetotheother，withacountenanceexpressiveoftheextremitiesofhorrorandsurprise。
Thiscertainlywas，toallappearance，veryunaccountablebehaviour。
butthefactis，thatMr。Pickwicknosoonerputonhisspectacles，thanheatoncerecognisedinthefutureMrs。Magnustheladyintowhoseroomhehadsounwarrantablyintrudedonthepreviousnight。andthespectacleshadnosoonercrossedMr。Pickwick’snose，thantheladyatonceidentifiedthecountenancewhichshehadseensurroundedbyallthehorrorsofanight-cap。