Sotheladyscreamed，andMr。Pickwickstarted。
Mr。Pickwick！exclaimedMr。Magnus，lostinastonishment。Whatisthemeaningofthis，sir？Whatisthemeaningofit，sir？addedMr。Magnus，inathreatening，andaloudertone。
Sir，saidMr。Pickwick，somewhatindignantattheverysuddenmannerinwhichMr。PeterMagnushadconjugatedhimselfintotheimperativemood，Ideclineansweringthatquestion。
Youdeclineit，sir？saidMr。Magnus。
Ido，sir，repliedMr。Pickwick：Iobjecttosayinganythingwhichmaycompromisethatlady，orawakenunpleasantrecollectionsinherbreast，withoutherconsentandpermission。
MissWitherfield，saidMr。PeterMagnus，doyouknowthisperson？
Knowhim！repeatedthemiddle-agedlady，hesitating。
Yes，knowhim，ma’am。Isaidknowhim，repliedMr。Magnus，withferocity。
Ihaveseenhim，repliedthemiddle-agedlady。
Where？inquiredMr。Magnus，where？
That，saidthemiddle-agedlady，risingfromherseat，andavertingherhead，thatIwouldnotrevealforworlds。
Iunderstandyou，ma’am，saidMr。Pickwick，andrespectyourdelicacy。
itshallneverberevealedbyme，dependuponit。
Uponmyword，ma’am，saidMr。Magnus，consideringthesituationinwhichIamplacedwithregardtoyourself，youcarrythismatteroffwithtolerablecoolness——tolerablecoolness，ma’am。
CruelMr。Magnus！saidthemiddle-agedlady。heresheweptverycopiouslyindeed。
Addressyourobservationstome，sir，interposedMr。Pickwick。I
aloneamtoblame，ifanybodybe。
Oh！youalonearetoblame，areyou，sir？saidMr。Magnus。I——I——seethroughthis，sir。Yourepentofyourdeterminationnow，doyou？
Mydetermination！saidMr。Pickwick。
Yourdetermination，sir。Oh！don’tstareatme，sir，saidMr。Magnus。
Irecollectyourwordslastnight，sir。Youcamedownhere，sir，toexposethetreacheryandfalsehoodofanindividualonwhosetruthandhonouryouhadplacedimplicitreliance——eh？HereMr。PeterMagnusindulgedinaprolongedsneer。andtakingoffhisgreenspectacles——whichheprobablyfoundsuperfluousinhisfitofjealousy——rolledhislittleeyesabout，inamannerfrightfultobehold。
Eh？saidMr。Magnus。andthenherepeatedthesneerwithincreasedeffect。Butyoushallanswerit，sir。
Answerwhat？saidMr。Pickwick。
Nevermind，sir，repliedMr。Magnus，stridingupanddowntheroom。
Nevermind。
TheremustbesomethingverycomprehensiveinthisphraseofNevermind，forwedonotrecollecttohaveeverwitnessedaquarrelinthestreet，atatheatre，publicroom，orelsewhere，inwhichithasnotbeenthestandardreplytoallbelligerentinquiries。Doyoucallyourselfagentleman，sir？——Nevermind，sir。DidIoffertosayanythingtotheyoungwoman，sir？Nevermind，sir？Doyouwantyourheadknockedupagainstthatwall，sir？——Nevermind，sir。Itisobservable，too，thattherewouldappeartobesomehiddentauntinthisuniversalNevermind，whichrousesmoreindignationinthebosomoftheindividualaddressed，thanthemostlavishabusecouldpossiblyawaken。
Wedonotmeantoassertthattheapplicationofthisbrevitytohimself，struckexactlythatindignationtoMr。Pickwick’ssoul，whichitwouldinfalliblyhaverousedinavulgarbreast。WemerelyrecordthefactthatMr。Pickwickopenedtheroomdoor，andabruptlycalledout，Tupman，comehere！
Mr。Tupmanimmediatelypresentedhimself，withalookofveryconsiderablesurprise。
Tupman，saidMr。Pickwick，asecretofsomedelicacy，inwhichthatladyisconcerned，isthecauseofadifferencewhichhasjustarisenbetweenthisgentlemanandmyself。WhenIassurehim，inyourpresence，thatithasnorelationtohimself，andisnotinanywayconnectedwithhisaffairs，Ineedhardlybegyoutotakenoticethatifhecontinuetodisputeit，heexpressesadoubtofmyveracity，whichIIshallconsiderextremelyinsulting。AsMr。Pickwicksaidthis，helookedencyclopaediasatMr。
PeterMagnus。
Mr。Pickwick’suprightandhonourablebearing，coupledwiththatforceandenergyofspeechwhichsoeminentlydistinguishedhim，wouldhavecarriedconvictiontoanyreasonablemind。butunfortunatelyatthatparticularmoment，themindofMr。PeterMagnuswasinanythingbutreasonableorder。
Consequently，insteadofreceivingMr。Pickwick’sexplanationasheoughttohavedone，heforthwithproceededtoworkhimselfintoared-hot，scorching，consumingpassion，andtotalkaboutwhatwasduetohisownfeelings，andallthatsortofthing：addingforcetohisdeclamationbystridingtoandfro，andpullinghishair——amusementswhichhewouldvaryoccasionally，byshakinghisfistinMr。Pickwick’sphilanthropiccountenance。
Mr。Pickwick，inhisturn，consciousofhisowninnocenceandrectitude，andirritatedbyhavingunfortunatelyinvolvedthemiddle-agedladyinsuchanunpleasantaffair，wasnotsoquietlydisposedaswashiswont。
Theconsequencewas，thatwordsranhigh，andvoiceshigher。andatlengthMr。MagnustoldMr。Pickwickheshouldhearfromhim。towhichMr。Pickwickreplied，withlaudablepoliteness，thatthesoonerheheardfromhimthebetter。whereuponthemiddle-agedladyrushedinterrorfromtheroom，outofwhichMr。TupmandraggedMr。Pickwick，leavingMr。PeterMagnustohimselfandmeditation。
Ifthemiddle-agedladyhadmingledmuchwiththebusyworld，orhadprofitedatallbythemannersandcustomsofthosewhomakethelawsandsetthefashions，shewouldhaveknownthatthissortofferocityisthemostharmlessthinginnature。butasshehadlivedforthemostpartinthecountry，andneverreadtheparliamentarydebates，shewaslittleversedintheseparticularrefinementsofcivilisedlife。Accordingly，whenshehadgainedherbed-chamber，boltedherselfin，andbeguntomeditateonthesceneshehadjustwitnessed，themostterrificpicturesofslaughteranddestructionpresentedthemselvestoherimagination。amongwhich，afull-lengthportraitofMr。PeterMagnusbornehomebyfourmen，withtheembellishmentofawholebarrelfullofbulletsinhisleftside，wasamongtheveryleast。Themorethemiddle-agedladymeditated，themoreterrifiedshebecame。andatlengthshedeterminedtorepairtothehouseoftheprincipalmagistrateofthetown，andrequesthimtosecurethepersonsofMr。PickwickandMr。Tupmanwithoutdelay。
Tothisdecisionthemiddle-agedladywasimpelledbyavarietyofconsiderations，thechiefofwhich，wastheincontestableproofitwouldaffordofherdevotiontoMr。PeterMagnus，andheranxietyforhissafety。ShewastoowellacquaintedwithhisjealoustemperamenttoventuretheslightestallusiontotherealcauseofheragitationonbeholdingMr。Pickwick。andshetrustedtoherowninfluenceandpowerofpersuasionwiththelittleman，toquellhisboisterousjealousy，supposingthatMr。Pickwickwereremoved，andnofreshquarrelcouldarise。Filledwiththesereflections，themiddle-agedladyarrayedherselfinherbonnetandshawl，andrepairedtotheMayor’sdwellingstraightway。
NowGeorgeNupkins，Esquire，theprincipalmagistrateaforesaid，wasasgrandapersonageasthefastestwalkerwouldfindout，betweensunriseandsunset，onthetwenty-firstofJune，whichbeing，accordingtothealmanacs，thelongestdayinthewholeyear，wouldnaturallyaffordhimthelongestperiodforhissearch。Onthisparticularmorning，Mr。Nupkinswasinastateoftheutmostexcitementandirritation，fortherehadbeenarebellioninthetown。alltheday-scholarsatthelargestday-schoolhadconspiredtobreakthewindowsofanobnoxiousapple-seller，andhadhootedthebeadle，andpeltedtheconstabulary——anelderlygentlemanintop-boots，whohadbeencalledouttorepressthetumult，andwhohadbeenapeace-officer，manandboy，forhalfacenturyatleast。AndMr。Nupkinswassittinginhiseasychair，frowningwithmajesty，andboilingwithrage，whenaladywasannouncedonpressing，private，andparticularbusiness。
Mr。Nupkinslookedcalmlyterrible，andcommandedthattheladyshouldbeshownin：whichcommand，likeallthemandatesofemperors，andmagistrates，andothergreatpotentatesoftheearth，wasforthwithobeyed。andMissWitherfield，interestinglyagitated，wasusheredinaccordingly。
Muzzle！saidthemagistrate。
Muzzlewasanundersizedfootman，withalongbodyandshortlegs。
Muzzle！
Yes，yourworship。
Placeachair，andleavetheroom。
Yes，yourworship。
Now，ma’am，willyoustateyourbusiness？saidthemagistrate。
Itisofaverypainfulkind，sir，saidMissWitherfield。
Verylikely，ma’am，saidthemagistrate。Composeyourfeelings，ma’am。
HereMr。Nupkinslookedbenignant。Andthentellmewhatlegalbusinessbringsyouhere，ma’am。Herethemagistratetriumphedovertheman。andhelookedsternagain。
Itisverydistressingtome，sir，togivethisinformation，saidMissWitherfield，butIfearaduelisgoingtobefoughthere。
Here，ma’am？saidthemagistrate。Where，ma’am？
InIpswich。
InIpswich，ma’am！AduelinIpswich！saidthemagistrate，perfectlyaghastatthenotion。Impossible，ma’am。nothingofthekindcanbecontemplatedinthistown，Iampersuaded。Blessmysoul，ma’am，areyouawareoftheactivityofourlocalmagistracy？Doyouhappentohaveheard，ma’am，thatIrushedintoaprize-ringonthefourthofMaylast，attendedbyonlysixtyspecialconstables。and，atthehazardoffallingasacrificetotheangrypassionsofaninfuriatedmultitude，prohibitedapugilisticcontestbetweentheMiddlesexDumplingandtheSuffolkBantam？AduelinIpswich，ma’am！Idon’tthink——Idonotthink，saidthemagistrate，reasoningwithhimself，thatanytwomencanhavethehardihoodtoplansuchabreachofthepeace，inthistown。
Myinformationisunfortunatelybuttoocorrect，saidthemiddle-agedlady，Iwaspresentatthequarrel。
It’samostextraordinarything，saidtheastoundedmagistrate。Muzzle！
Yes，yourworship。
SendMr。Jinkshere，directly！Instantly。
Yes，yourworship。
Muzzleretired。andapale，sharp-nosed，half-fed，shabbily-cladclerk，ofmiddleage，enteredtheroom。
Mr。Jinks，saidthemagistrate。Mr。Jinks。
Sir，saidMr。Jinks。
Thislady，Mr。Jinks，hascomehere，togiveinformationofanintendedduelinthistown。
Mr。Jinksnotknowingexactlywhattodo，smiledadependent’ssmile。
Whatareyoulaughingat，Mr。Jinks？saidthemagistrate。
Mr。Jinkslookedserious，instantly。
Mr。Jinks，saidthemagistrate，you’reafool。
Mr。Jinkslookedhumblyatthegreatman，andbitthetopofhispen。
Youmayseesomethingverycomicalinthisinformation，sir。butI
cantellyouthis，Mr。Jinks。thatyouhaveverylittletolaughat，saidthemagistrate。
Thehungry-lookingJinkssighed，asifhewerequiteawareofthefactofhishavingverylittleindeed，tobemerryabout。and，beingorderedtotakethelady’sinformation，shambledtoaseat，andproceededtowriteitdown。
Thisman，Pickwick，istheprincipal，Iunderstand，saidthemagistrate，whenthestatementwasfinished。
Heis，saidthemiddle-agedlady。
Andtheotherrioter——what’shisname，Mr。Jinks？
Tupman，sir。
Tupmanisthesecond？
Yes。
Theotherprincipalyousay，hasabsconded，ma’am？
Yes，repliedMissWitherfield，withashortcough。
Verywell，saidthemagistrate。ThesearetwocutthroatsfromLondon，whohavecomedownheretodestroyhisMajesty’spopulation：thinkingthatatthisdistancefromthecapital，thearmofthelawisweakandparalysed。
Theyshallbemadeanexampleof。Drawupthewarrants，Mr。Jinks。Muzzle！
Yes，yourworship。
IsGrummerdown-stairs？
Yes，yourworship。
Sendhimup。
TheobsequiousMuzzleretired，andpresentlyreturned，introducingtheelderlygentlemaninthetop-boots，whowaschieflyremarkableforabottle-nose，ahoarsevoice，asnuff-colouredsurtout，andawanderingeye。
Grummer，saidthemagistrate。
Yourwash-up。
Isthetownquietnow？
Prettywell，yourwash-up，repliedGrummer。Pop’larfeelinghasinameasuresubsided，consekenso’theboyshavingdispersedtocricket。
Nothingbutvigorousmeasureswilldointhesetimes，Grummer，saidthemagistrate，inadeterminedmanner。Iftheauthorityoftheking’sofficersissetatnought，wemusthavetheriotactread。Ifthecivilpowercannotprotectthesewindows，Grummer，themilitarymustprotectthecivilpower，andthewindowstoo。Ibelievethatisamaximoftheconstitution，Mr。Jinks？
Certainly，sir，saidJinks。
Verygood，saidthemagistrate，signingthewarrants。Grummer，youwillbringthesepersonsbeforeme，thisafternoon。YouwillfindthemattheGreatWhiteHorse。YourecollectthecaseoftheMiddlesexDumplingandtheSuffolkBantam，Grummer？
Mr。Grummerintimated，byaretrospectiveshakeofthehead，thatheshouldneverforgetit——asindeeditwasnotlikelyhewould，solongasitcontinuedtobeciteddaily。
Thisisevenmoreunconstitutional，saidthemagistrate。thisisevenagreaterbreachofthepeace，andagrosserinfringementofhisMajesty’sprerogative。IbelieveduellingisoneofhisMajesty’smostundoubtedprerogatives，Mr。Jinks？
ExpresslystipulatedinMagnaCharta，sir，saidMr。Jinks。
OneofthebrightestjewelsintheBritishcrown，wrungfromhisMajestybytheBarons，Ibelieve，Mr。Jinks？saidthemagistrate。
Justso，sir，repliedJinks。
Verywell，saidthemagistrate，drawinghimselfupproudly，itshallnotbeviolatedinthisportionofhisdominions。Grummer，procureassistance，andexecutethesewarrantswithaslittledelayaspossible。Muzzle！
Yes，yourworship。
Showtheladyout。
MissWitherfieldretired，deeplyimpressedwiththemagistrate’slearningandresearch。Mr。Nupkinsretiredtolunch。Mr。Jinksretiredwithinhimself——thatbeingtheonlyretirementhehad，exceptthesofa-bedsteadinthesmallparlourwhichwasoccupiedbyhislandlady’sfamilyinthedaytime——andMr。Grummerretired，towipeout，byhismodeofdischarginghispresentcommission，theinsultwhichhadbeenfasteneduponhimself，andtheotherrepresentativeofhisMajesty——thebeadle——inthecourseofthemorning。
WhiletheseresoluteanddeterminedpreparationsfortheconservationoftheKing’speace，werepending，Mr。Pickwickandhisfriends，whollyunconsciousofthemightyeventsinprogress，hadsatquietlydowntodinner。
andverytalkativeandcompanionabletheyallwere。Mr。Pickwickwasintheveryactofrelatinghisadventureoftheprecedingnight，tothegreatamusementofhisfollowers，Mr。Tupmanespecially，whenthedooropened，andasomewhatforbiddingcountenancepeepedintotheroom。TheeyesintheforbiddingcountenancelookedveryearnestlyatMr。Pickwick，forseveralseconds，andweretoallappearancesatisfiedwiththeirinvestigation。
forthebodytowhichtheforbiddingcountenancebelonged，slowlybroughtitselfintotheapartment，andpresentedtheformofanelderlyindividualintop-boots——nottokeepthereaderanylongerinsuspense，inshort，theeyeswerethewanderingeyesofMr。Grummer，andthebodywasthebodyofthesamegentleman。
Mr。Grummer’smodeofproceedingwasprofessional，butpeculiar。Hisfirstactwastoboltthedoorontheinside。hissecond，topolishhisheadandcountenanceverycarefullywithacottonhandkerchief。histhird，toplacehishat，withthecottonhandkerchiefinit，onthenearestchair。
andhisfourth，toproducefromthebreast-pocketofhiscoatashorttruncheon，surmountedbyabrazencrown，withwhichhebeckonedtoMr。Pickwickwithagraveandghost-likeair。
Mr。Snodgrasswasthefirsttobreaktheastonishedsilence。HelookedsteadilyatMr。Grummerforabriefspace，andthensaidemphatically：
Thisisaprivateroom，sir。Aprivateroom。
Mr。Grummershookhishead，andreplied，Noroom’sprivatetohisMajestywhenthestreetdoor’soncepassed。That’slaw。SomepeoplemaintainsthatanEnglishman’shouseishiscastle。That’sgammon。
ThePickwickiansgazedoneachotherwithwonderingeyes。
WhichisMr。upman？inquiredMr。Grummer。HehadanintuitiveperceptionofMr。Pickwick。heknewhimatonce。
Myname’sTupman，saidthatgentleman。
Myname’sLaw，saidMr。Grummer。
What？saidMr。Tupman。
Law，repliedMr。Grummer，law，civilpower，andexekative。them’smytitles。here’smyauthority。BlankTupman，blankPickvick——againstthepeaceofoursufferinLordtheKing——stattitinthatcasemadeandpurwided——andallregular。IapprehendyouPickvick！Tupman——theaforesaid。
Whatdoyoumeanbythisinsolence？saidMr。Tupman，startingup：
Leavetheroom！
Halloo，saidMr。Grummer，retreatingveryexpeditiouslytothedoor，andopeningitaninchortwo，Dubbley。
Well，saidadeepvoicefromthepassage。
Comefor’ard，Dubbley。
Atthewordofcommand，adirty-facedman，somethingoversixfeethigh，andstoutinproportion，squeezedhimselfthroughthehalf-opendoormakinghisfaceveryredintheprocess，andenteredtheroom。
Istheotherspecialsoutside，Dubbley？inquiredMr。Grummer。
Mr。Dubbley，whowasamanoffewwords，noddedassent。
Orderinthediwisionunderyourcharge，Dubbley，saidMr。Grummer。
Mr。Dubbleydidashewasdesired。andhalfadozenmen，eachwithashorttruncheonandabrasscrown，flockedintotheroom。Mr。Grummerpocketedhisstaff，andlookedatMr。Dubbley。Mr。Dubbleypocketedhisstaffandlookedatthedivision。thedivisionpocketedtheirstavesandlookedatMessrs。TupmanandPickwick。
Mr。Pickwickandhisfollowersroseasoneman。
Whatisthemeaningofthisatrociousintrusionuponmyprivacy？saidMr。Pickwick。
Whodaresapprehendme？saidMr。Tupman。
Whatdoyouwanthere，scoundrels？saidMr。Snodgrass。
Mr。Winklesaidnothing，buthefixedhiseyesonGrummer，andbestowedalookuponhim，which，ifhehadhadanyfeeling，musthavepiercedhisbrain。Asitwas，however，ithadnovisibleeffectuponhimwhatever。
WhentheexecutiveperceivedthatMr。Pickwickandhisfriendsweredisposedtoresisttheauthorityofthelaw，theyverysignificantlyturneduptheircoatsleeves，asifknockingthemdowninthefirstinstance，andtakingthemupafter-wards，wereamereprofessionalactwhichhadonlytobethoughtof，tobedone，asamatterofcourse。ThisdemonstrationwasnotlostuponMr。Pickwick。HeconferredafewmomentswithMr。Tupmanapart，andthensignifiedhisreadinesstoproceedtotheMayor’sresidence，merelybeggingthepartiesthenandthereassembled，totakenotice，thatitwashisfirmintentiontoresentthismonstrousinvasionofhisprivilegesasanEnglishman，theinstanthewasatliberty。whereatthepartiesthenandthereassembledlaughedveryheartily，withthesingleexceptionofMr。Grummer，whoseemedtoconsiderthatanyslightcastuponthedivinerightofmagistrates，wasaspeciesofblasphemy，nottobetolerated。
ButwhenMr。Pickwickhadsignifiedhisreadinesstobowtothelawsofhiscountry。andjustwhenthewaiters，andhostlers，andchamber-maids，andpost-boys，whohadanticipatedadelightfulcommotionfromhisthreatenedobstinacy，begantoturnaway，disappointedanddisgusted，adifficultyarosewhichhadnotbeenforeseen。Witheverysentimentofvenerationfortheconstitutedauthorities，Mr。Pickwickresolutelyprotestedagainstmakinghisappearanceinthepublicstreets，surroundedandguardedbytheofficersofjustice，likeacommoncriminal。Mr。Grummer，inthethendisturbedstateofpublicfeelingforitwashalf-holiday，andtheboyshadnotyetgonehome，asresolutelyprotestedagainstwalkingontheoppositesideoftheway，andtakingMr。Pickwick’sparolethathewouldgostraighttothemagistrate’s。andbothMr。PickwickandMr。Tupmanasstrenuouslyobjectedtotheexpenseofapost-coach，whichwastheonlyrespectableconveyancethatcouldbeobtained。Thedisputeranhigh，andthedilemmalastedlong。andjustastheexecutivewereonthepointofovercomingMr。Pickwick’sobjectiontowalkingtothemagistrate’s，bythetriteexpedientofcarryinghimthither，itwasrecollectedthattherestoodintheinnyard，anoldsedan-chair，whichhavingbeenoriginallybuiltforagoutygentlemanwithfundedproperty，wouldholdMr。PickwickandMr。Tupman，atleastasconvenientlyasamodernpost-chaise。Thechairwashired，andbroughtintothehall。Mr。PickwickandMr。Tupmansqueezedthemselvesinside，andpulleddowntheblinds。acoupleofchairmenwerespeedilyfound。andtheprocessionstatedingrandorder。Thespecialssurroundedthebodyofthevehicle。Mr。GrummerandMr。Dubbleymarchedtriumphantlyinfront。Mr。SnodgrassandMr。Winklewalkedarm-in-armbehind。
andtheunsoapedofIpswichbroughtuptherear。
Theshopkeepersofthetown，althoughtheyhadaveryindistinctnotionofthenatureoftheoffence，couldnotbutbemuchedifiedandgratifiedbythisspectacle。Herewasthestrongarmofthelaw，comingdownwithtwentygold-beaterforce，upontwooffendersfromthemetropolisitself。
themightyenginewasdirectedbytheirownmagistrate，andworkedbytheirownofficers。andboththecriminalsbytheirunitedefforts，weresecurelyshutup，inthenarrowcompassofonesedan-chair。ManyweretheexpressionsofapprovalandadmirationwhichgreetedMr。Grummer，asheheadedthecavalcade，staffinhand。loudandlongweretheshoutsraisedbytheunsoaped。
andamidsttheseunitedtestimonialsofpublicapprobation，theprocessionmovedslowlyandmajesticallyalong。
Mr。Weller，habitedinhismorningjacketwiththeblackcalicosleeves，wasreturninginaratherdespondingstatefromanunsuccessfulsurveyofthemysterioushousewiththegreengate，when，raisinghiseyes，hebeheldacrowdpouringdownthestreet，surroundinganobjectwhichhadverymuchtheappearanceofasedan-chair。Willingtodiverthisthoughtsfromthefailureofhisenterprise，hesteppedasidetoseethecrowdpass。
andfindingthattheywerecheeringaway，verymuchtotheirownsatisfaction，forthwithbeganbywayofraisinghisspiritstocheertoo，withallhismightandmain。
Mr。Grummerpassed，andMr。Dubbleypassed，andthesedanpassed，andthebody-guardofspecialspassed，andSamwasstillrespondingtotheenthusiasticcheersofthemob，andwavinghishataboutasifhewereintheverylastextremeofthewildestjoythough，ofcourse，hehadnotthefaintestideaofthematterinhand，whenhewassuddenlystoppedbytheunexpectedappearanceofMr。WinkleandMr。Snodgrass。
What’stherow，gen’l’m’n？criedSam。Whohavetheygotinthisherewatch-boxinmournin’？
Bothgentlemenrepliedtogether，buttheirwordswerelostinthetumult。
Who？criedSamagain。
Oncemorewasajointreplyreturned。and，thoughthewordswereinaudible，SamsawbythemotionofthetwopairsoflipsthattheyhadutteredthemagicwordPickwick。
Thiswasenough。InanotherminuteMr。Wellerhadmadehiswaythroughthecrowd，stoppedthechairmen，andconfrontedtheportlyGrummer。
Hallo，oldgen’l’m’n！saidSam。Whohaveyougotinthishereconwayance？
Standback，saidMr。Grummer，whosedignity，likethedignityofagreatmanyothermen，hadbeenwondrouslyaugmentedbyalittlepopularity。
Knockhimdown，ifhedon’t，saidMr。Dubbley。
I’mwerymuchobligedtoyou，oldgen’l’m’n，repliedSam，forconsultingmyconwenience，andI’mstillmoreobligedtotheothergen’l’m’n，wholooksasifhe’djustescapedfromagiant’scarrywan，forhiswery`ansomesuggestion。butIshouldperferyourgivin’meaanswertomyquestion，ifit’sallthesametoyou——Howareyou，sir？ThislastobservationwasaddressedwithapatronisingairtoMr。Pickwick，whowaspeepingthroughthefrontwindow。
Mr。Grummer，perfectlyspeechlesswithindignation，draggedthetruncheonwiththebrasscrownfromitsparticularpocket，andflourisheditbeforeSam’seyes。
Ah，saidSam，it’swerypretty，’speciallythecrown，whichisuncommonliketherealone。
Standback！saidtheoutragedMr。Grummer。Bywayofaddingforcetothecommand，hethrustthebrassemblemofroyaltyintoSam’sneckclothwithonehand，andseizedSam’scollarwiththeother：acomplimentwhichMr。Wellerreturnedbyknockinghimdownoutofhand：havingpreviously，withtheutmostconsideration，knockeddownachairmanforhimtolieupon。
WhetherMr。Winklewasseizedwithatemporaryattackofthatspeciesofinsanitywhichoriginatesinasenseofinjury，oranimatedbythisdisplayofMr。Weller’svalour，isuncertain。butcertainitis，thathenosoonersawMr。Grummerfallthanhemadeaterrificonslaughtonasmallboywhostoodnexthim。whereuponMr。Snodgrass，inatrulyChristianspirit，andinorderthathemighttakenooneunawares，announcedinaveryloudtonethathewasgoingtobegin，andproceededtotakeoffhiscoatwiththeutmostdeliberation。Hewasimmediatelysurroundedandsecured。anditisbutcommonjusticebothtohimandMr。Winkletosay，thattheydidnotmaketheslightestattempttorescueeitherthemselvesorMr。Weller：
who，afteramostvigorousresistance，wasoverpoweredbynumbersandtakenprisoner。Theprocessionthenre-formed。thechairmanresumedtheirstations。
andthemarchwasre-commenced。
Mr。Pickwick’sindignationduringthewholeofthisproceedingwasbeyondallbounds。HecouldjustseeSamupsettingthespecials，andflyingaboutineverydirection。andthatwasallhecouldsee，forthesedandoorswouldn’topen，andtheblindswouldn’tpullup。Atlength，withtheassistanceofMr。Tupman，hemanagedtopushopentheroof。andmountingontheseat，andsteadyinghimselfaswellashecould，byplacinghishandonthatgentleman’sshoulder，Mr。Pickwickproceededtoaddressthemultitude。
todwellupontheunjustifiablemannerinwhichhehadbeentreated。andtocalluponthemtotakenoticethathisservanthadbeenfirstassaulted。
Inthisordertheyreachedthemagistrate’shouse。thechairmentrotting，theprisonersfollowing，Mr。Pickwickoratorising，andthecrowdshouting。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter25[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERXXVSHOWING，AMONGAVARIETYOFPLEASANTMATTERS，HOW
MAJESTICANDIMPARTIALMR。NUPKINSWAS。ANDHOWMR。WELLERRETURNEDMR。
JOBTROTTER’SSHUTTLECOCKASHEAVILYASITCAME。WITHANOTHERMATTER，WHICH
WILLBEFOUNDINITSPLACE
VIOLENTwasMr。Weller’sindignationashewasbornealong。numerousweretheallusionstothepersonalappearanceanddemeanourofMr。Grummerandhiscompanion：andvalorouswerethedefiancestoanysixofthegentlemenpresent：inwhichheventedhisdissatisfaction。
Mr。SnodgrassandMr。Winklelistenedwithgloomyrespecttothetorrentofeloquencewhichtheirleaderpouredforthfromthesedanchair，andtherapidcourseofwhichnotallMr。Tupman’searnestentreatiestohavethelidofthevehicleclosed，wereabletocheckforaninstant。ButMr。Weller’sangerquicklygavewaytocuriositywhentheprocessionturneddowntheidenticalcourt-yardinwhichhehadmetwiththerunawayJobTrotter：
andcuriositywasexchangedforafeelingofthemostgleefulastonishment，whentheall-importantMr。Grummer，commandingthesedan-bearerstohalt，advancedwithdignifiedandportentousstepstotheverygreengatefromwhichJobTrotterhademerged，andgaveamightypullatthebell-handlewhichhungatthesidethereof。Theringwasansweredbyaverysmartandpretty-facedservant-girl，who，afterholdingupherhandsinastonishmentattherebelliousappearanceoftheprisoners，andtheimpassionedlanguageofMr。Pickwick，summonedMr。Muzzle。Mr。Muzzleopenedonehalfofthecarriagegate，toadmitthesedan，thecapturedones，andthespecials。
andimmediatelyslammeditinthefacesofthemob，who，indignantatbeingexcluded，andanxioustoseewhatfollowed，relievedtheirfeelingsbykickingatthegateandringingthebell，foranhourortwoafterwards。
Inthisamusementtheyalltookpartbyturns，exceptthreeorfourfortunateindividuals，who，havingdiscoveredagratinginthegatewhichcommandedaviewofnothing，staredthroughitwiththeindefatigableperseverancewithwhichpeoplewillflattentheirnosesagainstthefrontwindowsofachemist’sshop，whenadrunkenman，whohasbeenrunoverbyadog-cartinthestreet，isundergoingasurgicalinspectionintheback-parlour。
Atthefootofaflightofsteps，leadingtothehousedoor，whichwasguardedoneithersidebyanAmericanaloeinagreentub，thesedan-chairstopped。Mr。Pickwickandhisfriendswereconductedintothehall，whence，havingbeenpreviouslyannouncedbyMuzzle，andorderedinbyMr。Nupkins，theywereusheredintotheworshipfulpresenceofthatpublic-spiritedofficer。
Thescenewasanimpressiveone，wellcalculatedtostriketerrortotheheartsofculprits，andtoimpressthemwithanadequateideaofthesternmajestyofthelaw。Infrontofabigbook-case，inabigchair，behindabigtable，andbeforeabigvolume，satMr。Nupkins，lookingafullsizelargerthananyoneofthem，bigastheywere。Thetablewasadornedwithpilesofpapers：andabovethefurtherendofit，appearedtheheadandshouldersofMr。Jinks，whowasbusilyengagedinlookingasbusyaspossible。Thepartyhavingallentered，Muzzlecarefullyclosedthedoor，andplacedhimselfbehindhismaster’schairtoawaithisorders。
Mr。Nupkinsthrewhimselfback，withthrillingsolemnity，andscrutinisedthefacesofhisunwillingvisitors。
Now，Grummer，whoisthatperson？saidMr。Nupkins，pointingtoMr。
Pickwick，who，asthespokesmanofhisfriends，stoodhatinhand，bowingwiththeutmostpolitenessandrespect。
Thishere’sPickvick，yourwash-up，saidGrummer。
Come，noneo’that’ere，oldStrike-a-light，interposedMr。Weller，elbowinghimselfintothefrontrank。Begyourpardon，sir，butthishereofficero’yourninthegamboogetops，’ullneverearnadecentlivin’
asamastero’theceremoniesanyvere。Thishere，sir，continuedMr。
Weller，thrustingGrummeraside，andaddressingthemagistratewithpleasantfamiliarity，ThishereisS。Pickvick，Esquire。thishere’sMr。Tupman。
that’ere’sMr。Snodgrass。andfurderon，nexthimonthet’otherside，Mr。Winkle——allwerynicegen’l’m’n，sir，asyou’llbeweryhappytohavetheacquaintanceon。sothesooneryoucommitsthesehereofficerso’yourntothetread-millforamonthortwo，thesoonerweshallbegintobeonapleasantunderstanding。Businessfirst，pleasurearterwards，asKingRichardtheThirdsaidwenhestabbedthet’otherkingintheTower，aforehesmotheredthebabbies。
Attheconclusionofthisaddress，Mr。Wellerbrushedhishatwithhisrightelbow，andnoddedbenignlytoJinks，whohadheardhimthroughout，withunspeakableawe。
Whoisthisman，Grummer？saidthemagistrate。
Werydesp’ratech’racter，yourwash-up，repliedGrummer。Heattemptedtorescuetheprisoners，andassaultedtheofficers。sowetookhimintocustody，andbroughthimhere。
Youdidquiteright，repliedthemagistrate。Heisevidentlyadesperateruffian。
Heismyservant，sir，saidMr。Pickwick，angrily。
Oh！heisyourservant，ishe？saidMr。Nupkins。Aconspiracytodefeattheendsofjustice，andmurderitsofficers。Pickwick’sservant。
Putthatdown，Mr。Jinks。
Mr。Jinksdidso。
What’syourname，fellow？thunderedMr。Nupkins。
Veller，repliedSam。
AverygoodnamefortheNewgateCalendar，saidMr。Nupkins。
Thiswasajoke。soJinks，Grummer，Dubbley，allthespecials，andMuzzle，wentintofitsoflaughteroffiveminutes’duration。
Putdownhisname，Mr。Jinks，saidthemagistrate。
TwoL’s，oldfeller，saidSam。
Hereanunfortunatespeciallaughedagain，whereuponthemagistratethreatenedtocommithim，instantly。Itisadangerousthingtolaughatthewrongman，inthesecases。
Wheredoyoulive？saidthemagistrate。
Vare-everIcan，repliedSam。
Putdownthat，Mr。Jinks，saidthemagistrate，whowasfastrisingintoarage。
Scoreitunder，saidSam。
Heisavagabond，Mr。Jinks，saidthemagistrate。Heisavagabondonhisownstatement。ishenot，Mr。Jinks？
Certainly，sir。
ThenI’llcommithim。I’llcommithimassuch，saidMr。Nupkins。
Thisisaweryimpartialcountryforjustice，saidSam。Thereain’tamagistrategoin’asdon’tcommithimself，twiceasoftenashecommitsotherpeople。
Atthissallyanotherspeciallaughed，andthentriedtolooksosupernaturallysolemn，thatthemagistratedetectedhimimmediately。
Grummer，saidMr。Nupkins，reddeningwithpassion，howdareyouselectsuchaninefficientanddisreputablepersonforaspecialconstable，asthatman？Howdareyoudoit，sir？
Iamverysorry，yourwash-up，stammeredGrummer。
Verysorry！saidthefuriousmagistrate。Youshallrepentofthisneglectofduty，Mr。Grummer。youshallbemadeanexampleof。Takethatfellow’sstaffaway。He’sdrunk。You’redrunk，fellow。
Iamnotdrunk，yourworship，saidtheman。
Youaredrunk，returnedthemagistrate。Howdareyousayyouarenotdrunk，sir，whenIsayyouare？Doesn’thesmellofspirits，Grummer？
Horrid，yourwash-up，repliedGrummer，whohadavagueimpressionthattherewasasmellofrumsomewhere。
Iknewhedid，saidMr。Nupkins。Isawhewasdrunkwhenhefirstcameintotheroom，byhisexcitedeye。Didyouobservehisexcitedeye，Mr。Jinks？
Certainly，sir。
Ihaven’ttouchedadropofspiritsthismorning，saidtheman，whowasassoberafellowasneedbe。
Howdareyoutellmeafalsehood？saidMr。Nupkins。Isn’thedrunkatthismoment，Mr。Jinks？
Certainly，sir，repliedJinks。
Mr。Jinks，saidthemagistrate，Ishallcommitthatman，forcontempt。
Makeouthiscommittal，Mr。Jinks。
Andcommittedthespecialwouldhavebeen，onlyJinks，whowasthemagistrate’sadviserhavinghadalegaleducationofthreeyearsinacountryattorney’soffice，whisperedthemagistratethathethoughtitwouldn’tdo。sothemagistratemadeaspeech，andsaid，thatinconsiderationofthespecial’sfamily，hewouldmerelyreprimandanddischargehim。Accordingly，thespecialwasabused，vehemently，foraquarterofanhour，andsentabouthisbusiness：
andGrummer，Dubbley，Muzzle，andalltheotherspecialsmurmuredtheiradmirationofthemagnanimityofMr。Nupkins。
Now，Mr。Jinks，saidthemagistrate，swearGrummer。
Grummerwassworndirectly。butasGrummerwandered，andMr。Nupkins’
dinnerwasnearlyready，Mr。Nupkinscutthemattershort，byputtingleadingquestionstoGrummer，whichGrummeransweredasnearlyintheaffirmativeashecould。Sotheexaminationwentoff，allverysmoothandcomfortable，andtwoassaultswereprovedagainstMr。Weller，andathreatagainstMr。
Winkle，andapushagainstMr。Snodgrass。Whenallthiswasdonetothemagistrate’ssatisfaction，themagistrateandMr。Jinksconsultedinwhispers。
Theconsultationhavinglastedabouttenminutes，Mr。Jinksretiredtohisendofthetable。andthemagistrate，withapreparatorycough，drewhimselfupinhischair，andwasproceedingtocommencehisaddress，whenMr。Pickwickinterposed。
Ibegyourpardon，sir，forinterruptingyou，saidMr。Pickwick。butbeforeyouproceedtoexpress，andactupon，anyopinionyoumayhaveformedonthestatementswhichhavebeenmadehere，Imustclaimmyrighttobeheard，sofarasIampersonallyconcerned。
Holdyourtongue，sir，saidthemagistrate，peremptorily。
Imustsubmittoyou，sir，saidMr。Pickwick。
Holdyourtongue，sir，interposedthemagistrate，orIshallorderanofficertoremoveyou。
Youmayorderyourofficerstodowhateveryouplease，sir，saidMr。
Pickwick。andIhavenodoubt，fromthespecimenIhavehadofthesubordinationpreservedamongstthem，thatwhateveryouorder，theywillexecute，sir。
butIshalltaketheliberty，sir，ofclaimingmyrighttobeheard，untilIamremovedbyforce。
Pickvickandprinciple！exclaimedMr。Weller，inaveryaudiblevoice。
Sam，bequiet，saidMr。Pickwick。
Dumbasadrumvithaholeinit，sir，repliedSam。
Mr。NupkinslookedatMr。Pickwickwithagazeofintenseastonishment，athisdisplayingsuchunwontedtemerity。andwasapparentlyabouttoreturnaveryangryreply，whenMr。Jinkspulledhimbythesleeve，andwhisperedsomethinginhisear。Tothis，themagistratereturnedahalf-audibleanswer，andthenthewhisperingwasrenewed。Jinkswasevidentlyremonstrating。
Atlengththemagistrate，gulpingdown，withaverybadgrace，hisdisinclinationtohearanythingmore，turnedtoMr。Pickwick，andsaidsharply：Whatdoyouwanttosay？
First，saidMr。Pickwick，sendingalookthroughhisspectacles，underwhichevenNupkinsquailed。First，IwishtoknowwhatIandmyfriendhavebeenbroughtherefor？
MustItellhim？whisperedthemagistratetoJinks。
Ithinkyouhadbetter，sir，whisperedJinkstothemagistrate。
Aninformationhasbeenswornbeforeme，saidthemagistrate，thatitisapprehendedyouaregoingtofightaduel，andthattheotherman，Tupman，isyouraiderandabettorinit。Therefore——eh，Mr。Jinks？
Certainly，sir。
Therefore，Icalluponyouboth，to——Ithinkthat’sthecourse，Mr。
Jinks？
Certainly，sir。
To——to——what，Mr。Jinks？saidthemagistrate，pettishly。
Tofindbail，sir。
Yes。Therefore，Icalluponyouboth——asIwasabouttosay，whenI
wasinterruptedbymyclerk——tofindbail。
Goodbail，whisperedMr。Jinks。
Ishallrequiregoodbail，saidthemagistrate。
Town’s-people，whisperedJinks。
Theymustbetown’s-people，saidthemagistrate。
Fiftypoundseach，whisperedJinks，andhouseholders，ofcourse。
Ishallrequiretwosuretiesoffitypoundseach，saidthemagistratealoud，withgreatdignity，andtheymustbehouseholders，ofcourse。
But，blessmyheart，sir，saidMr。Pickwick，who，togetherwithMr。
Tupman，wasallamazementandindignation。weareperfectstrangersinthistown。Ihaveaslittleknowledgeofanyhouseholdershere，asIhaveintentionoffightingaduelwithanybody。
Idaresay，repliedthemagistrate，Idaresay——don’tyou，Mr。Jinks？
Certainly，sir。
Haveyouanythingmoretosay？inquiredthemagistrate。
Mr。Pickwickhadagreatdealmoretosay，whichhewouldnodoubthavesaid，verylittletohisownadvantage，orthemagistrate’ssatisfaction，ifhehadnot，themomentheceasedspeaking，beenpulledbythesleevebyMr。Weller，withwhomhewasimmediatelyengagedinsoearnestaconversation，thathesufferedthemagistrate’sinquirytopasswhollyunnoticed。Mr。Nupkinswasnotthemantoaskaquestionofthekindtwiceover。andso，withanotherpreparatorycough，heproceeded，amidstthereverentialandadmiringsilenceoftheconstables，topronouncehisdecision。
HeshouldfineWellertwopoundsforthefirstassault，andthreepoundsforthesecond。HeshouldfineWinkletwopounds，andSnodgrassonepound，besidesrequiringthemtoenterintotheirownrecognizancestokeepthepeacetowardsallhisMajesty’ssubjects，andespeciallytowardshisliegeservant，DanielGrummer。PickwickandTupmanhehadalreadyheldtobail。
Immediatelyonthemagistrateceasingtospeak，Mr。Pickwick，withasmilemantlingonhisagaingood-humouredcountenance，steppedforward，andsaid：
Ibegthemagistrate’spardon，butmayIrequestafewminutes’privateconversationwithhim，onamatterofdeepimportancetohimself？
What？saidthemagistrate。
Mr。Pickwickrepeatedhisrequest。
Thisisamostextraordinaryrequest，saidthemagistrate。Aprivateinterview？
Aprivateinterview，repliedMr。Pickwick，firmly。only，asapartoftheinformationwhichIwishtocommunicateisderivedfrommyservant，Ishouldwishhimtobepresent。
ThemagistratelookedatMr。Jinks。Mr。Jinkslookedatthemagistrate。
theofficerslookedateachotherinamazement。Mr。Nupkinsturnedsuddenlypale。CouldthemanWeller，inamomentofremorse，havedivulgedsomesecretconspiracyforhisassassination？Itwasadreadfulthought。Hewasapublicman：andheturnedpaler，ashethoughtofJuliusCaesarandMr。Perceval。
ThemagistratelookedatMr。Pickwickagain，andbeckonedMr。Jinks。
Whatdoyouthinkofthisrequest，Mr。Jinks？murmuredMr。Nupkins。
Mr。Jinks，whodidn’texactlyknowwhattothinkofit，andwasafraidhemightoffend，smiledfeebly，afteradubiousfashion，and，screwingupthecornersofhismouth，shookhisheadslowlyfromsidetoside。
Mr。Jinks，saidthemagistrategravely，youareanass。
Atthislittleexpressionofopinion，Mr。Jinkssmiledagain——rathermorefeeblythanbefore——andedgedhimselfbydegrees，backintohisowncorner。
Mr。Nupkinsdebatedthematterwithinhimselfforafewseconds，andthen，risingfromhischair，andrequestingMr。PickwickandSamtofollowhim，ledthewayintoasmallroomwhichopenedintothejusticeparlour。
DesiringMr。Pickwicktowalktotheupperendofthelittleapartment，andholdinghishanduponthehalf-closeddoor，thathemightbeabletoeffectanimmediateescape，incasetherewastheleasttendencytoadisplayofhostilities，Mr。Nupkinsexpressedhisreadinesstohearthecommunication，whateveritmightbe。
Iwillcometothepointatonce，sir，saidMr。Pickwick。itaffectsyourself，andyourcredit，materially。Ihaveeveryreasontobelieve，sir，thatyouareharbouringinyourhouse，agrossimpostor！
Two，interruptedSam。Mulberryaginallnatur，fortearsandwillainny！
Sam，saidMr。Pickwick，ifIamtorendermyselfintelligibletothisgentleman，Imustbegyoutocontrolyourfeelings。
Werysorry，sir，repliedMr。Weller。butwhenIthinko’thatereJob，Ican’thelpopeningthewalveainchortwo。
Inoneword，sir，saidMr。Pickwick，ismyservantrightinsuspectingthatacertainCaptainFitz-Marshallisinthehabitofvisitinghere？
Because，addedMr。Pickwick，ashesawthatMr。Nupkinswasabouttoofferaveryindignantinterruption，because，ifhebe，Iknowthatpersontobea——
Hush，hush，saidMr。Nupkins，closingthedoor。Knowhimtobewhat，sir？
Anunprincipledadventurer——adishonourablecharacter——amanwhopreysuponsociety，andmakeseasily-deceivedpeoplehisdupes，sir。hisabsurd，hisfoolish，hiswretcheddupes，sir，saidtheexcitedMr。Pickwick。
Dearme，saidMr。Nupkins，turningveryred，andalteringhiswholemannerdirectly。Dearme，Mr——
Pickvick，saidSam。
Pickwick，saidthemagistrate，dearme，Mr。Pickwick——praytakeaseat——youcannotmeanthis？CaptainFitz-Marshall？
Don’tcallhimacap’en，saidSam，norFitz-Marshallneither。heain’tneitheronenort’other。He’sastrollingactor，heis，andhisname’sJingle。andifevertherewasawolfinamulberrysuit，thatereJobTrotter’shim。
Itisverytrue，sir，saidMr。Pickwick，replyingtothemagistrate’slookofamazement。myonlybusinessinthistown，istoexposethepersonofwhomwenowspeak。
Mr。Pickwickproceededtopourintothehorror-strickenearofMr。Nupkins，anabridgedaccountofMr。Jingle’satrocities。Herelatedhowhehadfirstmethim。howhehadelopedwithMissWardle。howhehadcheerfullyresignedtheladyforapecuniaryconsideration。howhehadentrappedhimselfintoalady’sboarding-schoolatmidnight。andhowheMr。Pickwicknowfeltithisdutytoexposehisassumptionofhispresentnameandrank。
Asthenarrativeproceeded，allthewarmbloodinthebodyofMr。Nupkinstingledupintotheverytipsofhisears。Hehadpickedupthecaptainataneighbouringrace-course。Charmedwithhislonglistofaristocraticacquaintance，hisextensivetravel，andhisfashionabledemeanour，Mrs。
NupkinsandMissNupkinshadexhibitedCaptainFitz-Marshall，andquotedCaptainFitz-Marshall，andhurledCaptainFitz-Marshallatthedevotedheadsoftheirselectcircleofacquaintance，untiltheirbosomfriends，Mrs。PorkenhamandtheMissPorkenhams，andMr。SidneyPorkenham，werereadytoburstwithjealousyanddespair。Andnow，tohear，afterall，thathewasaneedyadventurer，astrollingplayer，andifnotaswindler，somethingsoverylikeit，thatitwashardtotellthedifference！Heavens！
WhatwouldthePorkenhamssay！WhatwouldbethetriumphofMr。SidneyPorkenhamwhenhefoundthathisaddresseshadbeenslightedforsucharival！Howshouldhe，Nupkins，meettheeyeofoldPorkenhamatthenextQuarterSessions！Andwhatahandlewoulditbefortheoppositionmagisterialparty，ifthestorygotabroad！
Butafterall，saidMr。Nupkins，brighteningforamoment，afteralongpause。afterall，thisisamerestatement。CaptainFitz-Marshallisamanofveryengagingmanners，and，Idaresay，hasmanyenemies。Whatproofhaveyouofthetruthoftheserepresentations？
Confrontmewithhim，saidMr。Pickwick，thatisallIask，andallIrequire。Confronthimwithmeandmyfriendshere。youwillwantnofurtherproof。
Why，saidMr。Nupkins，thatmightbeveryeasilydone，forhewillbehereto-night，andthentherewouldbenooccasiontomakethematterpublic，just——just——fortheyoungman’sownsake，youknow。I——I——shouldliketoconsultMrs。Nupkinsontheproprietyofthestep，inthefirstinstance，though。Atallevents，Mr。Pickwick，wemustdespatchthislegalbusinessbeforewecandoanythingelse。Praystepbackintothenextroom。
Intothenextroomtheywent。
Grummer，saidthemagistrate，inanawfulvoice。
Yourwash-up，repliedGrummer，withthesmileofafavourite。
Come，come，sir，saidthemagistratesternly，don’tletmeseeanyofthislevityhere。Itisveryunbecoming，andIcanassureyouthatyouhaveverylittletosmileat。Wastheaccountyougavemejustnowstrictlytrue？Nowbecareful，sir？
Yourwash-up，stammeredGrummer，I——
Oh，youareconfused，areyou？saidthemagistrate。Mr。Jinks，youobservethisconfusion？
Certainly，sir，repliedJinks。
Now，saidthemagistrate，repeatyourstatement，Grummer，andagainIwarnyoutobecareful。Mr。Jinks，takehiswordsdown。
TheunfortunateGrummerproceededtore-statehiscomplaint，but，whatbetweenMr。Jinks’stakingdownhiswords，andthemagistrate’stakingthemup。hisnaturaltendencytorambling，andhisextremeconfusion。hemanagedtogetinvolved，insomethingunderthreeminutes，insuchamassofentanglementandcontradiction，thatMr。Nupkinsatoncedeclaredhedidn’tbelievehim。Sothefineswereremitted，andMr。Jinksfoundacoupleofbailinnotime。Andallthesesolemnproceedingshavingbeensatisfactorilyconcluded，Mr。Grummerwasignominiouslyorderedout——anawfulinstanceoftheinstabilityofhumangreatness，andtheuncertaintenureofgreatmen’sfavour。
Mrs。Nupkinswasamajesticfemaleinapinkgauzeturbanandalightbrownwig。MissNupkinspossessedallhermamma’shaughtinesswithouttheturban，andallherillnaturewithoutthewig。andwhenevertheexerciseofthesetwoamiablequalitiesinvolvedmotheranddaughterinsomeunpleasantdilemma，astheynotunfrequentlydid，theybothconcurredinlayingtheblameontheshouldersofMr。Nupkins。Accordingly，whenMr。NupkinssoughtMrs。Nupkins，anddetailedthecommunicationwhichhadbeenmadebyMr。
Pickwick，Mrs。Nupkinssuddenlyrecollectedthatshehadalwaysexpectedsomethingofthekind。thatshehadalwayssaiditwouldbeso。thatheradvicewasnevertaken。thatshereallydidnotknowwhatMr。Nupkinssupposedshewas。andsoforth。
Theidea！saidMissNupkins，forcingatearofveryscantyproportionsintothecornerofeacheye。theideaofmybeingmadesuchafoolof！
Ah！youmaythankyourpapa，mydear，saidMrs。Nupkins。howhaveIimploredandbeggedthatmantoinquireintotheCaptain’sfamilyconnections。
howhaveIurgedandentreatedhimtotakesomedecisivestep！Iamquitecertainnobodywouldbelieveit——quite。
But，mydear，saidMr。Nupkins。
Don’ttalktome，youaggravatingthing，don’t！saidMrs。Nupkins。
Mylove，saidMr。Nupkins，youprofessedyourselfveryfondofCaptainFitz-Marshall。Youhaveconstantlyaskedhimhere，mydear，andyouhavelostnoopportunityofintroducinghimelsewhere。
Didn’tIsayso，Henrietta？criedMrs。Nupkins，appealingtoherdaughter，withtheairofamuch-injuredfemale。Didn’tIsaythatyourpapawouldturnroundandlayallthisatmydoor？Didn’tIsayso？HereMrs。Nupkinssobbed。
Ohpa！remonstratedMissNupkins。Andhereshesobbedtoo。
Isn’tittoomuch，whenhehasbroughtallthisdisgraceandridiculeuponus，totauntmewithbeingthecauseofit？exclaimedMrs。
Nupkins。
Howcanweevershowourselvesinsociety！saidMissNupkins。
HowcanwefacethePorkenhams！criedMrs。Nupkins。
OrtheGriggs’s！criedMissNupkins。
OrtheSlummintowkens！criedMrs。Nupkins。Butwhatdoesyourpapacare！Whatisittohim！Atthisdreadfulreflection，Mrs。Nupkinsweptwithmentalanguish，andMissNupkinsfollowedonthesameside。
Mrs。Nupkins’stearscontinuedtogushforth，withgreatvelocity，untilshehadgainedalittletimetothinkthematterover：whenshedecided，inherownmind，thatthebestthingtodowouldbetoaskMr。PickwickandhisfriendstoremainuntiltheCaptain’sarrival，andthentogiveMr。Pickwicktheopportunityhesought。Ifitappearedthathehadspokentruly，theCaptaincouldbeturnedoutofthehousewithoutnoisingthematterabroad，andtheycouldeasilyaccounttothePorkenhamsforhisdisappearance，bysayingthathehadbeenappointed，throughtheCourtinfluenceofhisfamily，totheGovernor-GeneralshipofSierraLeone，orSaugurPoint，oranyotherofthosesalubriousclimateswhichenchantEuropeanssomuchthat，whentheyoncegetthere，theycanhardlyeverprevailuponthemselvestocomebackagain。
WhenMrs。Nupkinsdrieduphertears，MissNupkinsdrieduphers，andMr。NupkinswasverygladtosettlethematterasMrs。Nupkinshadproposed。SoMr。Pickwickandhisfriends，havingwashedoffallmarksoftheirlateencounter，wereintroducedtotheladies，andsoonafterwardstotheirdinner。andMr。Weller，whomthemagistratewithhispeculiarsagacityhaddiscoveredinhalfanhourtobeoneofthefinestfellowsalive，wasconsignedtothecareandguardianshipofMr。Muzzle，whowasspeciallyenjoinedtotakehimbelow，andmakemuchofhim。
Howdedo，sir？saidMr。Muzzle，asheconductedMr。Wellerdownthekitchenstairs。
Why，nocon-siderablechangehastakenplaceinthestateofmysystem，sinceIseeyoucockedupbehindyourgovernor’schairintheparlour，alittlevileago，repliedSam。
Youwillexcusemynottakingmorenoticeofyouthen，saidMr。Muzzle。
Yousee，masterhadn’tintroducedus，then。Lord，howfondheisofyou，Mr。Weller，tobesure！
Ah，saidSam，whatapleasantchapheis！
Ain’the？repliedMr。Muzzle。
Somuchhumour，saidSam。
Andsuchamantospeak，saidMr。Muzzle。Howhisideasflow，don’tthey？
Wonderful，repliedSam。theycome’sapouringout，knockingeachother’sheadssofast，thattheyseemstostunoneanother。youhardlyknowwhathe’sarter，doyou？
That’sthegreatmeritofhisstyleofspeaking，rejoinedMr。Muzzle。
Takecareofthelaststep，Mr。Weller。Wouldyouliketowashyourhands，sir，beforewejointheladies？Here’sasink，withthewaterlaidon，sir，andacleanjacktowelbehindthedoor。
Ah！perhapsImayaswellhavearinse，repliedMr。Weller，applyingplentyofyellowsoaptothetowel，andrubbingaway，tillhisfaceshoneagain。Howmanyladiesarethere？
Onlytwoinourkitchen，saidMr。Muzzle，cookand’ousemaid。Wekeepaboytodothedirtywork，andagalbesides，buttheydineinthewashus。
Oh，theydinesinthewashus，dothey？saidMr。Weller。
Yes，repliedMr。Muzzle，wetried’ematourtablewhentheyfirstcome，butwecouldn’tkeep’em。Thegal’smannersisdreadfulvulgar。andtheboybreathessoveryhardwhilehe’seating，thatwefounditimpossibletositattablewithhim。
Younggrampus！saidMr。Weller。
Oh，dreadful，rejoinedMr。Muzzle。butthatistheworstofcountryservice，Mr。Weller。thejuniorsisalwayssoverysavage。Thisway，sir，ifyouplease。thisway。
PrecedingMr。Weller，withtheutmostpoliteness，Mr。Muzzleconductedhimintothekitchen。
Mary，saidMr。Muzzletotheprettyservant-girl，thisisMr。Weller。
agentlemanasmasterhassentdowntobemadeascomfortableaspossible。
Andyourmaster’saknowin’hand，andhasjustsentmetotherightplace，saidMr。Weller，withaglanceofadmirationatMary。IfIwosmastero’thisherehouse，IshouldalvaysfindthematerialsforcomfortvereMarywos。
Lor’，Mr。Weller，saidMary，blushing。
Well，Inever！ejaculatedthecook。
Blessme，cook，Iforgotyou，saidMr。Muzzle。Mr。Weller，letmeintroduceyou。
Howareyou，ma’am，saidMr。Weller。Werygladtoseeyou，indeed，andhopeouracquaintancemaybealong’un，asthegen’l’m’nsaidtothefi’pun’note。
Whenthisceremonyofintroductionhadbeengonethrough，thecookandMaryretiredintothebackkitchentotitter，fortenminutes。thenreturning，allgigglesandblushes，theysatdowntodinner。