Wemustleavethisplace，directly，saidMr。Pickwick，asherefoldedthenote。Itwouldnothavebeendecentforustoremainhere，underanycircumstances，afterwhathashappened。andnowweareboundtofollowinsearchofourfriend。Andsosaying，heledthewaytothehouse。
Hisintentionwasrapidlycommunicated。Theentreatiestoremainwerepressing，butMr。Pickwickwasinflexible。Business，hesaid，requiredhisimmediateattendance。
Theoldclergymanwaspresent。
Youarenotreallygoing？saidhe，takingMr。Pickwickaside。
Mr。Pickwickreiteratedhisformerdetermination。
Thenhere，saidtheoldgentleman，isalittlemanuscript，whichIhadhopedtohavethepleasureofreadingtoyoumyself。Ifounditonthedeathofafriendofmine——amedicalman，engagedinourCountyLunaticAsylum——amongavarietyofpapers，whichIhadtheoptionofdestroyingorpreserving，asIthoughtproper。Icanhardlybelievethatthemanuscriptisgenuine，thoughitcertainlyisnotinmyfriend’shand。However，whetheritbethegenuineproductionofamaniac，orfoundedupontheravingsofsomeunhappybeingwhichIthinkmoreprobable，readit，andjudgeforyourself。
Mr。Pickwickreceivedthemanuscript，andpartedfromthebenevolentoldgentlemanwithmanyexpressionsofgood-willandesteem。
ItwasamoredifficulttasktotakeleaveoftheinmatesofManorFarm，fromwhomtheyhadreceivedsomuchhospitalityandkindness。Mr。Pickwickkissedtheyoungladies——weweregoingtosay，asiftheywerehisowndaughters，onlyashemightpossiblyhaveinfusedalittlemorewarmthintothesalutation，thecomparisonwouldnotbequiteappropriate——huggedtheoldladywithfilialcordiality：andpattedtherosycheeksofthefemaleservantsinamostpatriarchalmanner，asheslippedintothehandsofeach，somemoresubstantialexpressionofhisapproval。TheexchangeofcordialitieswiththeirfineoldhostandMr。Trundle，wereevenmoreheartyandprolonged。anditwasnotuntilMr。Snodgrasshadbeenseveraltimescalledfor，andatlastemergedfromadarkpassagefollowedsoonafterbyEmilywhosebrighteyeslookedunusuallydim，thatthethreefriendswereenabledtotearthemselvesfromtheirfriendlyentertainers。
ManyabackwardlooktheygaveattheFarm，astheywalkedslowlyaway：
andmanyakissdidMr。Snodgrasswaftintheair，inacknowledgmentofsomethingverylikealady’shandkerchief，whichwaswavedfromoneoftheupperwindows，untilaturnofthelanehidtheoldhousefromtheirsight。
AtMuggletontheyprocuredaconveyancetoRochester。Bythetimetheyreachedthelast-namedplace，theviolenceoftheirgriefhadsufficientlyabatedtoadmitoftheirmakingaveryexcellentearlydinner。andhavingprocuredthenecessaryinformationrelativetotheroad，thethreefriendssetforwardagainintheafternoontowalktoCobham。
Adelightfulwalkitwas：foritwasapleasantafternooninJune，andtheirwaylaythroughadeepandshadywood，cooledbythelightwindwhichgentlyrustledthethickfoliage，andenlivenedbythesongsofthebirdsthatperchedupontheboughs。Theivyandthemosscreptinthickclustersovertheoldtrees，andthesoftgreenturfoverspreadthegroundlikeasilkenmat。Theyemergeduponanopenpark，withanancienthall，displayingthequaintandpicturesquearchitectureofElizabeth’stime。Longvistasofstatelyoaksandelmtreesappearedoneveryside：largeherdsofdeerwerecroppingthefreshgrass。andoccasionallyastartledharescouredalongtheground，withthespeedoftheshadowsthrownbythelightcloudswhichsweptacrossasunnylandscapelikeapassingbreathofsummer。
Ifthis，saidMr。Pickwick，lookingabouthim，ifthisweretheplacetowhichallwhoaretroubledwithourfriend’scomplaintcame，Ifancytheiroldattachmenttothisworldwouldverysoonreturn。
Ithinksotoo，saidMr。Winkle。
Andreally，addedMr。Pickwick，afterhalfanhour’swalkinghadbroughtthemtothevillage，really，foramisanthrope’schoice，thisisoneoftheprettiestandmostdesirableplacesofresidenceIevermetwith。
Inthisopinionalso，bothMr。WinkleandMr。Snodgrassexpressedtheirconcurrence。andhavingbeendirectedtotheLeathernBottle，acleanandcommodiousvillageale-house，thethreetravellersentered，andatonceinquiredforagentlemanofthenameofTupman。
Showthegentlemenintotheparlour，Tom，saidthelandlady。
Astoutcountryladopenedadoorattheendofthepassage，andthethreefriendsenteredalong，low-roofedroom，furnishedwithalargenumberofhigh-backedleather-cushionedchairsoffantasticshapes，andembellishedwithagreatvarietyofoldportraitsandroughly-colouredprintsofsomeantiquity。Attheupperendoftheroomtherewasatable，withawhiteclothuponit，wellcoveredwitharoastfowl，bacon，ale，andetceteras。
andatthetablesatMr。Tupman，lookingasunlikeamanwhohadtakenhisleaveoftheworld，aspossible。
Ontheentranceofhisfriends，thatgentlemanlaiddownhisknifeandfork，andwithamournfulairadvancedtomeetthem。
Ididnotexpecttoseeyouhere，hesaid，ashegraspedMr。Pickwick’shand。It’sverykind。
Ah！saidMr。Pickwick，sittingdown，andwipingfromhisforeheadtheperspirationwhichthewalkhadengendered。
Finishyourdinner，andwalkoutwithme。Iwishtospeaktoyoualone。
Mr。Tupmandidashewasdesired。andMr。Pickwickhavingrefreshedhimselfwithacopiousdraughtofale，waitedhisfriend’sleisure。Thedinnerwasquicklydespatched，andtheywalkedouttogether。
Forhalfanhour，theirformsmighthavebeenseenpacingthechurchyardtoandfro，whileMr。Pickwickwasengagedincombattinghiscompanion’sresolution。Anyrepetitionofhisargumentswouldbeuseless。forwhatlanguagecouldconveytothemthatenergyandforcewhichtheirgreatoriginator’smannercommunicated？WhetherMr。Tupmanwasalreadytiredofretirement，orwhetherhewaswhollyunabletoresisttheeloquentappealwhichwasmadetohim，mattersnot，hedidnotresistitatlast。
Itmatteredlittletohim，hesaid，wherehedraggedoutthemiserableremainderofhisdays：andsincehisfriendlaidsomuchstressuponhishumblecompanionship，hewaswillingtosharehisadventures。
Mr。Pickwicksmiled。theyshookhands。andwalkedbacktore-jointheircompanions。
ItwasatthismomentthatMr。Pickwickmadethatimmortaldiscovery，whichhasbeentheprideandboastofhisfriends，andtheenvyofeveryantiquarianinthisoranyothercountry。Theyhadpassedthedooroftheirinn，andwalkedalittlewaydownthevillage，beforetheyrecollectedtheprecisespotinwhichitstood。Astheyturnedback，Mr。Pickwick’seyefelluponasmallbrokenstone，partiallyburiedintheground，infrontofacottagedoor。Hepaused。
Thisisverystrange，saidMr。Pickwick。
Whatisstrange？inquiredMr。Tupman，staringeagerlyateveryobjectnearhim，buttherightone。Godblessme，what’sthematter？
Thislastwasanejaculationofirrepressibleastonishment，occasionedbyseeingMr。Pickwick，inhisenthusiasmfordiscovery，fallonhiskneesbeforethelittlestone，andcommencewipingthedustoffitwithhispocket-handkerchief。
Thereisaninscriptionhere，saidMr。Pickwick。
Isitpossible？saidMr。Tupman。
Icandiscern，continuedMr。Pickwick，rubbingawaywithallhismight，andgazingintentlythroughhisspectacles：Icandiscernacross，andaB，andthenaT。Thisisimportant，continuedMr。Pickwick，startingup。Thisissomeveryoldinscription，existingperhapslongbeforetheancientalms-housesinthisplace。Itmustnotbelost。
Hetappedatthecottagedoor。Alabouringmanopenedit。
Doyouknowhowthisstonecamehere，myfriend？inquiredthebenevolentMr。Pickwick。
No，Idoan’t，sir，repliedthemancivilly。ItwasherelongaforeIwarborn，oranyonus。
Mr。Pickwickglancedtriumphantlyathiscompanion。
You——you——arenotparticularlyattachedtoit，Idaresay，saidMr。
Pickwick，tremblingwithanxiety。Youwouldn’tmindsellingit，now？
Ah！butwho’dbuyit？inquiredtheman，withanexpressionoffacewhichheprobablymeanttobeverycunning。
I’llgiveyoutenshillingsforit，atonce，saidMr。Pickwick，ifyouwouldtakeitupforme。
Theastonishmentofthevillagemaybeeasilyimagined，whenthelittlestonehavingbeenraisedwithonewrenchofaspade，Mr。Pickwick，bydintofgreatpersonalexertion，boreitwithhisownhandstotheinn，andafterhavingcarefullywashedit，depositeditonthetable。
TheexultationandjoyofthePickwickiansknewnobounds，whentheirpatienceandassiduity，theirwashingandscraping，werecrownedwithsuccess。
Thestonewasunevenandbroken，andtheletterswerestragglingandirregular，butthefollowingfragmentofaninscriptionwasclearlytobedeciphered：BILSTUMPSHIS。M。ARK
Mr。Pickwick’seyessparkledwithdelight，ashesatandgloatedoverthetreasurehehaddiscovered。Hehadattainedoneofthegreatestobjectsofhisambition。Inacountyknowntoaboundinremainsoftheearlyages。
inavillageinwhichtherestillexistedsomememorialsoftheoldentime，he——he，theChairmanofthePickwickClub——haddiscoveredastrangeandcuriousinscriptionofunquestionableantiquity，whichhadwhollyescapedtheobservationofthemanylearnedmenwhohadprecededhim。Hecouldhardlytrusttheevidenceofhissenses。
This——this，saidhe，determinesme。Wereturntotown，to-morrow。
To-morrow！exclaimedhisadmiringfollowers。
To-morrow，saidMr。Pickwick。Thistreasuremustbeatoncedepositedwhereitcanbethoroughlyinvestigated，andproperlyunderstood。Ihaveanotherreasonforthisstep。Inafewdays，anelectionistotakeplacefortheboroughofEatanswill，atwhichMr。Perker，agentlemanwhomI
latelymet，istheagentofoneofthecandidates。Wewillbehold，andminutelyexamine，ascenesointerestingtoeveryEnglishman。
Wewill，wastheanimatedcryofthreevoices。
Mr。Pickwicklookedroundhim。Theattachmentandfervourofhisfollowers，lightedupaglowofenthusiasmwithinhim。Hewastheirleader，andhefeltit。
Letuscelebratethishappymeetingwithaconvivialglass，saidhe。
Thisproposition，liketheother，wasreceivedwithunanimousapplause。
Havinghimselfdepositedtheimportantstoneinasmalldealbox，purchasedfromthelandladyforthepurpose，heplacedhimselfinanarm-chairattheheadofthetable。andtheeveningwasdevotedtofestivityandconversation。
Itwaspasteleveno’clock——alatehourforthelittlevillageofCobham——whenMr。Pickwickretiredtothebed-roomwhichhadbeenpreparedforhisreception。
Hethrewopenthelattice-window，andsettinghislightuponthetable，fellintoatrainofmeditationonthehurriedeventsofthetwoprecedingdays。
Thehourandtheplacewerebothfavourabletocontemplation。Mr。Pickwickwasrousedbythechurch-clockstrikingtwelve。Thefirststrokeofthehoursoundedsolemnlyinhisear，butwhenthebellceasedthestillnessseemedinsupportable——healmostfeltasifhehadlostacompanion。Hewasnervousandexcited。andhastilyundressinghimselfandplacinghislightinthechimney，gotintobed。
Everyonehasexperiencedthatdisagreeablestateofmind，inwhichasensationofbodilywearinessinvaincontendsagainstaninabilitytosleep。ItwasMr。Pickwick’sconditionatthismoment：hetossedfirstononesideandthenontheother。andperseveringlyclosedhiseyesasiftocoaxhimselftoslumber。Itwasofnouse。Whetheritwastheunwontedexertionhehadundergone，ortheheat，orthebrandyandwater，orthestrangebed——whateveritwas，histhoughtskeptrevertingveryuncomfortablytothegrimpicturesdown-stairs，andtheoldstoriestowhichtheyhadgivenriseinthecourseoftheevening。Afterhalfanhour’stumblingabout，hecametotheunsatisfactoryconclusion，thatitwasofnousetryingtosleep。sohegotup，andpartiallydressedhimself。Anything，hethought，wasbetterthanlyingtherefancyingallkindsofhorrors。
Helookedoutofthewindow——itwasverydark。Hewalkedabouttheroom——itwasverylonely。
Hehadtakenafewturnsfromthedoortothewindow，andfromthewindowtothedoor，whentheclergyman’smanuscriptforthefirsttimeenteredhishead。Itwasagoodthought。Ifitfailedtointeresthim，itmightsendhimtosleep。Hetookitfromhiscoat-pocket，anddrawingasmalltabletowardshisbed-side，trimmedthelight，putonhisspectacles，andcomposedhimselftoread。Itwasastrangehand-writing，andthepaperwasmuchsoiledandblotted。Thetitlegavehimasuddenstart，too。andhecouldnotavoidcastingawistfulglanceroundtheroom。Reflectingontheabsurdityofgivingwaytosuchfeelings，however，hetrimmedthelightagain，andreadasfollows：AMADMAN’SMANUSCRIPT
Yes！——amadman’s！Howthatwordwouldhavestrucktomyheart，manyyearsago！Howitwouldhaverousedtheterrorthatusedtocomeuponmesometimes。sendingthebloodhissingandtinglingthroughmyveins，tillthecolddewoffearstoodinlargedropsuponmyskin，andmykneesknockedtogetherwithfright！Ilikeitnowthough。It’safinename。Shewmethemonarchwhoseangryfrownwaseverfearedliketheglareofamadman’seye——whosecordandaxewereeverhalfsosureasamadman’sgrip。Ho！
ho！It’sagrandthingtobemad！tobepeepedatlikeawildlionthroughtheironbars——tognashone’steethandhowl，throughthelongstillnight，tothemerryringofaheavychain——andtorollandtwineamongthestraw，transportedwithsuchbravemusic。Hurrahforthemadhouse！Oh，it’sarareplace！
IrememberdayswhenIwasafraidofbeingmad。whenIusedtostartfrommysleep，andfalluponmyknees，andpraytobesparedfromthecurseofmyrace。whenIrushedfromthesightofmerrimentorhappiness，tohidemyselfinsomelonelyplace，andspendthewearyhoursinwatchingtheprogressofthefeverthatwastoconsumemybrain。Iknewthatmadnesswasmixedupwithmyveryblood，andthemarrowofmybones。thatonegenerationhadpassedawaywithoutthepestilenceappearingamongthem，andthatI
wasthefirstinwhomitwouldrevive。Iknewitmustbeso：thatsoitalwayshadbeen，andsoiteverwouldbe：andwhenIcoweredinsomeobscurecornerofacrowdedroom，andsawmenwhisper，andpoint，andturntheireyestowardsme，Iknewtheyweretellingeachotherofthedoomedmadman。andIslunkawayagaintomopeinsolitude。
Ididthisforyears。long，longyearstheywere。Thenightsherearelongsometimes——verylong。buttheyarenothingtotherestlessnights，anddreadfuldreamsIhadatthattime。Itmakesmecoldtorememberthem。
Largeduskyformswithslyandjeeringfacescrouchedinthecornersoftheroom，andbentovermybedatnight，temptingmetomadness。Theytoldmeinlowwhispers，thattheflooroftheoldhouseinwhichmyfather’sfatherdied，wasstainedwithhisownblood，shedbyhisownhandinragingmadness。Idrovemyfingersintomyears，buttheyscreamedintomyheadtilltheroomrangwithit，thatinonegenerationbeforehimthemadnessslumbered，butthathisgrandfatherhadlivedforyearswithhishandsfetteredtotheground，topreventhistearinghimselftopieces。Iknewtheytoldthetruth——Iknewitwell。Ihadfounditoutyearsbefore，thoughtheyhadtriedtokeepitfromme。Ha！ha！Iwastoocunningforthem，madmanastheythoughtme。
Atlastitcameuponme，andIwonderedhowIcouldeverhavefearedit。Icouldgointotheworldnow，andlaughandshoutwiththebestamongthem。IknewIwasmad，buttheydidnotevensuspectit。HowIusedtohugmyselfwithdelight，whenIthoughtofthefinetrickIwasplayingthemaftertheiroldpointingandleering，whenIwasnotmad，butonlydreadingthatImightonedaybecomeso！AndhowIusedtolaughforjoy，whenIwasalone，andthoughthowwellIkeptmysecret，andhowquicklymykindfriendswouldhavefallenfromme，iftheyhadknownthetruth。
IcouldhavescreamedwithecstasywhenIdinedalonewithsomefineroaringfellow，tothinkhowpalehewouldhaveturned，andhowfasthewouldhaverun，ifhehadknownthatthedearfriendwhosatclosetohim，sharpeningabrightglitteringknife，wasamadmanwithallthepower，andhalfthewill，toplungeitinhisheart。Oh，itwasamerrylife！
Richesbecamemine，wealthpouredinuponme，andIriotedinpleasuresenhancedathousandfoldtomebytheconsciousnessofmywell-keptsecret。
Iinheritedanestate。Thelaw——theeagle-eyedlawitself——hadbeendeceived，andhadhandedoverdisputedthousandstoamadman’shands。Wherewasthewitofthesharp-sightedmenofsoundmind？Wherethedexterityofthelawyers，eagertodiscoveraflaw？Themadman’scunninghadover-reachedthemall。
Ihadmoney。HowIwascourted！Ispentitprofusely。HowIwaspraised！
Howthosethreeproudoverbearingbrothershumbledthemselvesbeforeme！
Theoldwhite-headedfather，too——suchdeference——suchrespect——suchdevotedfriendship——heworshippedme！Theoldmanhadadaughter，andtheyoungmenasister。andallthefivewerepoor。Iwasrich。andwhenImarriedthegirl，Isawasmileoftriumphplayuponthefacesofherneedyrelatives，astheythoughtoftheirwell-plannedscheme，andtheirfineprize。Itwasformetosmile。Tosmile！Tolaughoutright，andtearmyhair，androlluponthegroundwithshrieksofmerriment。Theylittlethoughttheyhadmarriedhertoamadman。
Stay。Iftheyhadknownit，wouldtheyhavesavedher？Asister’shappinessagainstherhusband’sgold。ThelightestfeatherIblowintotheair，againstthegaychainthatornamentsmybody！
InonethingIwasdeceivedwithallmycunning。IfIhadnotbeenmad——forthoughwemadmenaresharp-wittedenough，wegetbewilderedsometimes——I
shouldhaveknownthatthegirlwouldratherhavebeenplaced，stiffandcoldinadullleadencoffin，thanborneanenviedbridetomyrich，glitteringhouse。Ishouldhaveknownthatherheartwaswiththedark-eyedboywhosenameIonceheardherbreatheinhertroubledsleep。andthatshehadbeensacrificedtome，torelievethepovertyoftheoldwhite-headedman，andthehaughtybrothers。
Idon’trememberformsorfacesnow，butIknowthegirlwasbeautiful。
Iknowshewas。forinthebrightmoonlightnights，whenIstartfrommysleep，andallisquietaboutme，Isee，standingstillandmotionlessinonecornerofthiscell，aslightandwastedfigurewithlongblackhair，whichstreamingdownherback，stirswithnoearthlywind，andeyesthatfixtheirgazeonme，andneverwinkorclose。Hush！thebloodchillsatmyheartasIwriteitdown——thatformisher’s。thefaceisverypale，andtheeyesareglassybright。butIknowthemwell。Thatfigurenevermoves。itneverfrownsandmouthsasothersdo，thatfillthisplacesometimes。butitismuchmoredreadfultome，eventhanthespiritsthattemptedmemanyyearsago——itcomesfreshfromthegrave。andissoverydeath-like。
FornearlyayearIsawthatfacegrowpaler。fornearlyayearIsawthetearsstealdownthemournfulcheeks，andneverknewthecause。Ifounditoutatlastthough。Theycouldnotkeepitfrommelong。Shehadneverlikedme。Ihadneverthoughtshedid：shedespisedmywealth，andhatedthesplendourinwhichshelived——Ihadnotexpectedthat。Shelovedanother。
ThisIhadneverthoughtof。Strangefeelingscameoverme，andthoughts，forceduponmebysomesecretpower，whirledroundandroundmybrain。
Ididnothateher，thoughIhatedtheboyshestillweptfor。Ipitied——yes，Ipitied——thewretchedlifetowhichhercoldandselfishrelationshaddoomedher。Iknewthatshecouldnotlivelong，butthethoughtthatbeforeherdeathshemightgivebirthtosomeill-fatedbeing，destinedtohanddownmadnesstoitsoffspring，determinedme。Iresolvedtokillher。
FormanyweeksIthoughtofpoison，andthenofdrowning，andthenoffire。Afinesightthegrandhouseinflames，andthemadman’swifesmoulderingawaytocinders。Thinkofthejestofalargereward，too，andofsomesanemanswinginginthewindforadeedheneverdid，andallthroughamadman’scunning！Ithoughtoftenofthis，butIgaveitupatlast。Oh！thepleasureofstroppingtherazordayafterday，feelingthesharpedge，andthinkingofthegashonestrokeofitsthinbrightedgewouldmake！
Atlasttheoldspiritswhohadbeenwithmesooftenbeforewhisperedinmyearthatthetimewascome，andthrusttheopenrazorintomyhand。
Igraspeditfirmly，rosesoftlyfromthebed，andleanedovermysleepingwife。Herfacewasburiedinherhands。Iwithdrewthemsoftlyandtheyfelllistlesslyonherbosom。Shehadbeenweeping。forthetracesofthetearswerestillwetuponhercheek。Herfacewascalmandplacid。andevenasIlookeduponit，atranquilsmilelightedupherpalefeatures。
Ilaidmyhandsoftlyonhershoulder。Shestarted——itwasonlyapassingdream。Ileantforwardagain。Shescreamed，andwoke。
Onemotionofmyhand，andshewouldneveragainhaveutteredcryorsound。ButIwasstartled，anddrewback。Hereyeswerefixedonmine。
Iknownothowitwas，buttheycowedandfrightenedme。andIquailedbeneaththem。Sherosefromthebed，stillgazingfixedlyandsteadilyonme。Itrembled。therazorwasinmyhand，butIcouldnotmove。Shemadetowardsthedoor。Asshenearedit，sheturned，andwithdrewhereyesfrommyface。Thespellwasbroken。Iboundedforward，andclutchedherbythearm。Utteringshriekuponshriek，shesunkupontheground。
NowIcouldhavekilledherwithoutastruggle。butthehousewasalarmed。
Iheardthetreadoffootstepsonthestairs。Ireplacedtherazorinitsusualdrawer，unfastenedthedoor，andcalledloudlyforassistance。
Theycame，andraisedher，andplacedheronthebed。Shelaybereftofanimationforhours。andwhenlife，look，andspeechreturned，hersenseshaddesertedher，andsheravedwildlyandfuriously。
Doctorswerecalledin——greatmenwhorolleduptomydoorineasycarriages，withfinehorsesandgaudyservants。Theywereatherbed-sideforweeks。Theyhadagreatmeeting，andconsultedtogetherinlowandsolemnvoicesinanotherroom。One，thecleverestandmostcelebratedamongthem，tookmeaside，andbiddingmepreparefortheworst，toldme——me，themadman！——thatmywifewasmad。Hestoodclosebesidemeatanopenwindow，hiseyeslookinginmyface，andhishandlaiduponmyarm。Withoneeffort，Icouldhavehurledhimintothestreetbeneath。Itwouldhavebeenraresporttohavedoneit。butmysecretwasatstake，andIlethimgo。Afewdaysafter，theytoldmeImustplaceherundersomerestraint：
Imustprovideakeeperforher。I！Iwentintotheopenfieldswherenonecouldhearme，andlaughedtilltheairresoundedwithmyshouts！
Shediednextday。Thewhite-headedoldmanfollowedhertothegrave，andtheproudbrothersdroppedatearovertheinsensiblecorpseofherwhosesufferingstheyhadregardedinherlifetimewithmusclesofiron。
Allthiswasfoodformysecretmirth，andIlaughedbehindthewhitehandkerchiefwhichIhelduptomyface，aswerodehome，’tillthetearscameintomyeyes。
ButthoughIhadcarriedmyobjectandkilledher，Iwasrestlessanddisturbed，andIfeltthatbeforelongmysecretmustbeknown。Icouldnothidethewildmirthandjoywhichboiledwithinme，andmademewhenIwasalone，athome，jumpandbeatmyhandstogether，anddanceroundandround，androaraloud。WhenIwentout，andsawthebusycrowdshurryingaboutthestreets。ortothetheatre，andheardthesoundofmusic，andbeheldthepeopledancing，Ifeltsuchglee，thatIcouldhaverushedamongthem，andtornthemtopieceslimbfromlimb，andhowledintransport。
ButIgroundmyteeth，andstruckmyfeetuponthefloor，anddrovemysharpnailsintomyhands。Ikeptitdown。andnooneknewIwasamadmanyet。
Iremember——thoughit’soneofthelastthingsIcanremember：
fornowImixuprealitieswithmydreams，andhavingsomuchtodo，andbeingalwayshurriedhere，havenotimetoseparatethetwo，fromsomestrangeconfusioninwhichtheygetinvolved——IrememberhowIletitoutatlast。Ha！ha！IthinkIseetheirfrightenedlooksnow，andfeeltheeasewithwhichIflungthemfromme，anddashedmyclenchedfistintotheirwhitefaces，andthenflewlikethewind，andleftthemscreamingandshoutingfarbehind。ThestrengthofagiantcomesuponmewhenIthinkofit。There——seehowthisironbarbendsbeneathmyfuriouswrench。I
couldsnapitlikeatwig，onlytherearelonggalleriesherewithmanydoors——Idon’tthinkIcouldfindmywayalongthem。andevenifIcould，Iknowthereareirongatesbelowwhichtheykeeplockedandbarred。TheyknowwhataclevermadmanIhavebeen，andtheyareproudtohavemehere，toshow。
Letmesee——yes，Ihadbeenout。ItwaslateatnightwhenIreachedhome，andfoundtheproudestofthethreeproudbrotherswaitingtoseeme——urgentbusinesshesaid：Irecollectitwell。Ihatedthatmanwithallamadman’shate。Manyandmanyatimehadmyfingerslongedtotearhim。Theytoldmehewasthere。Iranswiftlyup-stairs。Hehadawordtosaytome。Idismissedtheservants。Itwaslate，andwewerealonetogether——forthefirsttime。
Ikeptmyeyescarefullyfromhimatfirst，forIknewwhathelittlethought——andIgloriedintheknowledge——thatthelightofmadnessgleamedfromthemlikefire。Wesatinsilenceforafewminutes。Hespokeatlast。
Myrecentdissipation，andstrangeremarks，madesosoonafterhissister’sdeath，wereaninsulttohermemory。Couplingtogethermanycircumstanceswhichhadatfirstescapedhisobservation，hethoughtIhadnottreatedherwell。HewishedtoknowwhetherhewasrightininferringthatImeanttocastareproachuponhermemory，andadisrespectuponherfamily。Itwasduetotheuniformhewore，todemandthisexplanation。
Thismanhadacommissioninthearmy——acommission，purchasedwithmymoney，andhissister’smisery！Thiswasthemanwhohadbeentheforemostintheplottoensnareme，andgraspmywealth。Thiswasthemanwhohadbeenthemaininstrumentinforcinghissistertowedme。wellknowingthatherheartwasgiventothatpulingboy。Duetohisuniform！
Theliveryofhisdegradation！Iturnedmyeyesuponhim——Icouldnothelpit——butIspokenotaword。
Isawthesuddenchangethatcameuponhimbeneathmygaze。Hewasaboldman，butthecolourfadedfromhisface，andhedrewbackhischair。
Idraggedminenearertohim。andasIlaughed——Iwasverymerrythen——I
sawhimshudder。Ifeltthemadnessrisingwithinme。Hewasafraidofme。
`Youwereveryfondofyoursisterwhenshewasalive’——Isaid——`Very。’
Helookeduneasilyroundhim，andIsawhishandgraspthebackofhischair：buthesaidnothing。
`Youvillain，’saidI，`Ifoundyouout。Idiscoveredyourhellishplotsagainstme。Iknowherheartwasfixedonsomeoneelsebeforeyoucompelledhertomarryme。Iknowit——Iknowit。’
Hejumpedsuddenlyfromhischair，brandisheditaloft，andbidmestandback——forItookcaretobegettingclosertohimallthetimeI
spoke。
Iscreamedratherthantalked，forIfelttumultuouspassionseddyingthroughmyveins，andtheoldspiritswhisperingandtauntingmetotearhisheartout。
`Damnyou，’saidI，startingup，andrushinguponhim。`Ikilledher。
Iamamadman。Downwithyou。Blood，blood！Iwillhaveit！’
Iturnedasidewithoneblowthechairhehurledatmeinhisterror，andclosedwithhim。andwithaheavycrashwerolleduponthefloortogether。
Itwasafinestrugglethat。forhewasatallstrongman，fightingforhislife。andI，apowerfulmadman，thirstingtodestroyhim。Iknewnostrengthcouldequalmine，andIwasright。Rightagain，thoughamadman！
Hisstrugglesgrewfainter。Ikneltuponhischest，andclaspedhisbrawnythroatfirmlywithbothhands。Hisfacegrewpurple。hiseyeswerestartingfromhishead，andwithprotrudedtongue，heseemedtomockme。Isqueezedthetighter。
Thedoorwassuddenlyburstopenwithaloudnoise，andacrowdofpeoplerushedforward，cryingaloudtoeachothertosecurethemadman。
Mysecretwasout。andmyonlystrugglenowwasforlibertyandfreedom。
Igainedmyfeetbeforeahandwasonme，threwmyselfamongmyassailants，andclearedmywaywithmystrongarm，asifIboreahatchetinmyhand，andhewedthemdownbeforeme。Igainedthedoor，droppedoverthebanisters，andinaninstantwasinthestreet。
StraightandswiftIran，andnoonedaredtostopme。Iheardthenoiseoffeetbehind，andredoubledmyspeed。Itgrewfainterandfainterinthedistance，andatlengthdiedawayaltogether：butonIbounded，throughmarshandrivulet，overfenceandwall，withawildshoutwhichwastakenupbythestrangebeingsthatflockedaroundmeoneveryside，andswelledthesound，tillitpiercedtheair。Iwasborneuponthearmsofdemonswhosweptalonguponthewind，andboredownbankandhedgebeforethem，andspunmeroundandroundwitharustleandaspeedthatmademyheadswim，untilatlasttheythrewmefromthemwithaviolentshock，andIfellheavilytotheearth。WhenIwokeIfoundmyselfhere——hereinthisgraycellwherethesunlightseldomcomes，andthemoonstealsin，inrayswhichonlyservetoshowthedarkshadowsaboutme，andthatsilentfigureinitsoldcorner。WhenIlieawake，Icansometimeshearstrangeshrieksandcriesfromdistantpartsofthislargeplace。Whattheyare，Iknownot。buttheyneithercomefromthatpaleform，nordoesitregardthem。Forfromthefirstshadesofdusk’tilltheearliestlightofmorning，itstillstandsmotionlessinthesameplace，listeningtothemusicofmyironchain，andwatchingmygambolsonmystrawbed。
Attheendofthemanuscriptwaswritten，inanotherhand，thisnote：
[Theunhappymanwhoseravingsarerecordedabove，wasamelancholyinstanceofthebanefulresultsofenergiesmisdirectedinearlylife，andexcessesprolongeduntiltheirconsequencescouldneverberepaired。
Thethoughtlessriot，dissipation，anddebaucheryofhisyoungerdays，producedfeveranddelirium。Thefirsteffectsofthelatterwasthestrangedelusion，foundeduponawell-knownmedicaltheory，stronglycontendedforbysome，andasstronglycontestedbyothers，thatanhereditarymadnessexistedinhisfamily。Thisproducedasettledgloom，whichintimedevelopedamorbidinsanity，andfinallyterminatedinravingmadness。Thereiseveryreasontobelievethattheeventshedetailed，thoughdistortedinthedescriptionbyhisdiseasedimaginationreallyhappened。Itisonlymatterofwondertothosewhowereacquaintedwiththevicesofhisearlycareer，thathispassions，whennolongercontrolledbyreason，didnotleadhimtothecommissionofstillmorefrightfuldeeds。]
Mr。Pickwick’scandlewasjustexpiringinthesocket，asheconcludedtheperusaloftheoldclergyman’smanuscript。andwhenthelightwentsuddenlyout，withoutanypreviousflickerbywayofwarning，itcommunicatedaveryconsiderablestarttohisexcitedframe。Hastilythrowingoffsucharticlesofclothingashehadputonwhenherosefromhisuneasybed，andcastingafearfulglancearound，heoncemorescrambledhastilybetweenthesheets，andsoonfellfastasleep。
Thesunwasshiningbrilliantlyintohischamberwhenheawoke，andthemorningwasfaradvanced。Thegloomwhichhadoppressedhimonthepreviousnight，haddisappearedwiththedarkshadowswhichshroudedthelandscape，andhisthoughtsandfeelingswereaslightandgayasthemorningitself。Afteraheartybreakfast，thefourgentlemensalliedforthtowalktoGravesend，followedbyamanbearingthestoneinitsdealbox。Theyreachedthattownaboutoneo’clocktheirluggagetheyhaddirectedtobeforwardedtotheCity，fromRochester，andbeingfortunateenoughtosecureplacesontheoutsideofacoach，arrivedinLondoninsoundhealthandspirits，onthatsameafternoon。
ThenextthreeorfourdayswereoccupiedwiththepreparationswhichwerenecessaryfortheirjourneytotheboroughofEatanswill。Asanyreferencetothatmostimportantundertakingdemandsaseparatechapter，wemaydevotethefewlineswhichremainatthecloseofthis，tonarrate，withgreatbrevity，thehistoryoftheantiquariandiscovery。
ItappearsfromtheTransactionsoftheClub，then，thatMr。PickwicklectureduponthediscoveryataGeneralClubMeeting，convenedonthenightsucceedingtheirreturn，andenteredintoavarietyofingeniousanderuditespeculationsonthemeaningoftheinscription。Italsoappearsthataskilfulartistexecutedafaithfuldelineationofthecuriosity，whichwasengravenonstone，andpresentedtotheRoyalAntiquarianSociety，andotherlearnedbodies——thatheart-burningsandjealousieswithoutnumber，werecreatedbyrivalcontroversieswhichwerepenneduponthesubject——andthatMr。Pickwickhimselfwroteapamphlet，containingninety-sixpagesofverysmallprint，andtwenty-sevendifferentreadingsoftheinscription。
Thatthreeoldgentlemencutofftheireldestsonswithashillinga-pieceforpresumingtodoubttheantiquityofthefragment——andthatoneenthusiasticindividualcuthimselfoffprematurely，indespairatbeingunabletofathomitsmeaning。ThatMr。Pickwickwaselectedanhonorarymemberofseventeennativeandforeignsocieties，formakingthediscovery。thatnoneoftheseventeencouldmakeanythingofit。butthatalltheseventeenagreeditwasveryextraordinary。
Mr。Blotton，indeed——andthenamewillbedoomedtotheundyingcontemptofthosewhocultivatethemysteriousandthesublime——Mr。Blotton，wesay，withthedoubtandcavillingpeculiartovulgarminds，presumedtostateaviewofthecase，asdegradingasridiculous。Mr。Blotton，withameandesiretotarnishthelustreoftheimmortalnameofPickwick，actuallyundertookajourneytoCobhaminperson，andonhisreturn，sarcasticallyobservedinanorationattheclub，thathehadseenthemanfromwhomthestonewaspurchased。thatthemanpresumedthestonetobeancient，butsolemnlydeniedtheantiquityoftheinscription——inasmuchasherepresentedittohavebeenrudelycarvedbyhimselfinanidlemood，andtodisplaylettersintendedtobearneithermorenorlessthanthesimpleconstructionof——BILLSTUMPS，HISMARK。andthatMr。Stumps，beinglittleinthehabitoforiginalcomposition，andmoreaccustomedtobeguidedbythesoundofwordsthanbythestrictrulesoforthography，hadomittedtheconcludingLofhisChristianname。
ThePickwickClubasmighthavebeenexpectedfromsoenlightenedanInstitutionreceivedthisstatementwiththecontemptitdeserved，expelledthepresumptuousandill-conditionedBlotton，andvotedMr。Pickwickapairofgoldspectacles，intokenoftheirconfidenceandapprobation。
inreturnforwhich，Mr。Pickwickcausedaportraitofhimselftobepainted，andhungupintheclubroom。
Mr。Blottonthoughejectedwasnotconquered。Healsowroteapamphlet，addressedtotheseventeenlearnedsocieties，nativeandforeign，containingarepetitionofthestatementhehadalreadymade，andrathermorethanhalfintimatinghisopinionthattheseventeenlearnedsocietiesweresomanyhumbugs。Hereuponthevirtuousindignationoftheseventeenlearnedsocieties，nativeandforeign，beingroused，severalfreshpamphletsappeared。
theforeignlearnedsocietiescorrespondedwiththenativelearnedsocieties。
thenativelearnedsocietiestranslatedthepamphletsoftheforeignlearnedsocietiesintoEnglish。theforeignlearnedsocietiestranslatedthepamphletsofthenativelearnedsocietiesintoallsortsoflanguages。andthuscommencedthatcelebratedscientificdiscussionsowellknowntoallmen，asthePickwickcontroversy。
ButthisbaseattempttoinjureMr。Pickwick，recoiledupontheheadofitscalumniousauthor。TheseventeenlearnedsocietiesunanimouslyvotedthepresumptuousBlottonanignorantmeddler，andforthwithsettoworkuponmoretreatisesthanever。Andtothisdaythestoneremains，anillegiblemonumentofMr。Pickwick’sgreatness，andalastingtrophytothelittlenessofhisenemies。
[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter12[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERXIIDESCRIPTIVEOFAVERYIMPORTANTPROCEEDINGONTHE
PARTOFMR。PICKWICK。NOLESSANEPOCHINHISLIFE，THANINTHISHISTORY
MR。PICKWICK’SapartmentsinGoswellStreet，althoughonalimitedscale，werenotonlyofaveryneatandcomfortabledescription，butpeculiarlyadaptedfortheresidenceofamanofhisgeniusandobservation。Hissitting-roomwasthefirstfloorfront，hisbedroomthesecondfloorfront。andthus，whetherheweresittingathisdeskinhisparlour，orstandingbeforethedressing-glassinhisdormitory，hehadanequalopportunityofcontemplatinghumannatureinallthenumerousphasesitexhibits，inthatnotmorepopulousthanpopularthoroughfare。Hislandlady，Mrs。Bardell——therelictandsoleexecutrixofadeceasedcustom-houseofficer——wasacomelywomanofbustlingmannersandagreeableappearance，withanaturalgeniusforcooking，improvedbystudyandlongpractice，intoanexquisitetalent。Therewerenochildren，noservants，nofowls。Theonlyotherinmatesofthehousewerealargemanandasmallboy。thefirstalodger，thesecondaproductionofMrs。
Bardell’s。Thelargemanwasalwayshomepreciselyatteno’clockatnight，atwhichhourheregularlycondensedhimselfintothelimitsofadwarfishFrenchbedsteadinthebackparlour。andtheinfantinesportsandgymnasticexercisesofMasterBardellwereexclusivelyconfinedtotheneighbouringpavementsandgutters。Cleanlinessandquietreignedthroughoutthehouse。
andinitMr。Pickwick’swillwaslaw。
Toanyoneacquaintedwiththesepointsofthedomesticeconomyoftheestablishment，andconversantwiththeadmirableregulationofMr。Pickwick’smind，hisappearanceandbehaviouronthemorningprevioustothatwhichhadbeenfixeduponforthejourneytoEatanswill，wouldhavebeenmostmysteriousandunaccountable。Hepacedtheroomtoandfrowithhurriedsteps，poppedhisheadoutofthewindowatintervalsofaboutthreeminuteseach，constantlyreferredtohiswatch，andexhibitedmanyothermanifestationsofimpatienceveryunusualwithhim。Itwasevidentthatsomethingofgreatimportancewasincontemplation，butwhatthatsomethingwas，notevenMrs。Bardellherselfhadbeenenabledtodiscover。
Mrs。Bardell，saidMr。Pickwick，atlast，asthatamiablefemaleapproachedtheterminationofaprolongeddustingoftheapartment。
Sir，saidMrs。Bardell。
Yourlittleboyisaverylongtimegone。
Whyit’sagoodlongwaytotheBorough，sir，remonstratedMrs。Bardell。
Ah，saidMr。Pickwick，verytrue。soitis。
Mr。Pickwickrelapsedintosilence，andMrs。Bardellresumedherdusting。
Mrs。Bardell，saidMr。Pickwick，attheexpirationofafewminutes。
Sir，saidMrs。Bardellagain。
Doyouthinkitamuchgreaterexpensetokeeptwopeople，thantokeepone？
La，Mr。Pickwick，saidMrs。Bardell，colouringuptotheveryborderofhercap，asshefanciedsheobservedaspeciesofmatrimonialtwinkleintheeyesofherlodger。La，Mr。Pickwick，whataquestion！
Well，butdoyou？inquiredMr。Pickwick。
Thatdepends——saidMrs。Bardell，approachingthedusterveryneartoMr。Pickwick’selbow，whichwasplantedonthetable——thatdependsagooddealupontheperson，youknow，Mr。Pickwick。andwhetherit’sasavingandcarefulperson，sir。
That’sverytrue，saidMr。Pickwick，butthepersonIhaveinmyeyeherehelookedveryhardatMrs。BardellIthinkpossessesthesequalities。andhas，moreover，aconsiderableknowledgeoftheworld，andagreatdealofsharpness，Mrs。Bardell。whichmaybeofmaterialusetome。
La，Mr。Pickwick，saidMrs。Bardell。thecrimsonrisingtohercap-borderagain。
Ido，saidMr。Pickwick，growingenergetic，aswashiswontinspeakingofasubjectwhichinterestedhim，Ido，indeed。andtotellyouthetruth，Mrs。Bardell，Ihavemadeupmymind。
Dearme，sir，exclaimedMrs。Bardell。
You’llthinkitverystrangenow，saidtheamiableMr。Pickwick，withagood-humouredglanceathiscompanion，thatIneverconsultedyouaboutthismatter，andneverevenmentionedit，tillIsentyourlittleboyoutthismorning——eh？
Mrs。Bardellcouldonlyreplybyalook。ShehadlongworshippedMr。
Pickwickatadistance，buthereshewas，allatonce，raisedtoapinnacletowhichherwildestandmostextravaganthopeshadneverdaredtoaspire。
Mr。Pickwickwasgoingtopropose——adeliberateplan，too——sentherlittleboytotheBorough，togethimoutoftheway——howthoughtful——howconsiderate！
Well，saidMr。Pickwick，whatdoyouthink？
Oh，Mr。Pickwick，saidMrs。Bardell，tremblingwithagitation，you’reverykind，sir。
It’llsaveyouagooddealoftrouble，won’tit？saidMr。Pickwick。
Oh，Ineverthoughtanythingofthetrouble，sir，repliedMrs。Bardell。
and，ofcourse，Ishouldtakemoretroubletopleaseyouthen，thanever。
butitissokindofyou，Mr。Pickwick，tohavesomuchconsiderationformyloneliness。
Ah，tobesure，saidMr。Pickwick。Ineverthoughtofthat。WhenIamintown，you’llalwayshavesomebodytositwithyou。Tobesure，soyouwill。
I’msureIoughttobeaveryhappywoman，saidMrs。Bardell。
Andyourlittleboy——saidMr。Pickwick。
Blesshisheart！interposedMrs。Bardell，withamaternalsob。
He，too，willhaveacompanion，resumedMr。Pickwick，alivelyone，who’llteachhim，I’llbebound，moretricksinaweekthanhewouldeverlearninayear。AndMr。Pickwicksmiledplacidly。
Ohyoudear——saidMrs。Bardell。
Mr。Pickwickstarted。
Ohyoukind，good，playfuldear，saidMrs。Bardell。andwithoutmoreado，sherosefromherchair，andflungherarmsroundMr。Pickwick’sneck，withacataractoftearsandachorusofsobs。
Blessmysoul，criedtheastonishedMr。Pickwick——Mrs。Bardellmygoodwoman——dearme，whatasituation——prayconsider——Mrs。Bardell，don’t——ifanybodyshouldcome——
Oh，letthemcome，exclaimedMrs。Bardell，frantically。I’llneverleaveyou，——dear，kind，good，soul。andwiththesewords，Mrs。Bardellclungthetighter。
Mercyuponme，saidMr。Pickwick，strugglingviolently，Ihearsomebodycomingupthestairs。Don’t，don’t，there’sagoodcreature，don’t。Butentreatyandremonstrancewerealikeunavailing：forMrs。BardellhadfaintedinMr。Pickwick’sarms。andbeforehecouldgaintimetodepositheronachair，MasterBardellenteredtheroom，usheringinMr。Tupman，Mr。Winkle，andMr。Snodgrass。
Mr。Pickwickwasstruckmotionlessandspeechless。Hestoodwithhislovelyburdeninhisarms，gazingvacantlyonthecountenancesofhisfriends，withouttheslightestattemptatrecognitionorexplanation。They，intheirturn，staredathim。andMasterBardell，inhisturn，staredateverybody。
TheastonishmentofthePickwickianswassoabsorbing，andtheperplexityofMr。Pickwickwassoextreme，thattheymighthaveremainedinexactlythesamerelativesituationsuntilthesuspendedanimationoftheladywasrestored，haditnotbeenforamostbeautifulandtouchingexpressionoffilialaffectiononthepartofheryouthfulson。Cladinatightsuitofcorduroy，spangledwithbrassbuttonsofaveryconsiderablesize，heatfirststoodatthedoorastoundedanduncertain。butbydegrees，theimpressionthathismothermusthavesufferedsomepersonaldamage，pervadedhispartiallydevelopedmind，andconsideringMr。Pickwickastheaggressor，hesetupanappallingandsemi-earthlykindofhowling，andbuttingforwardwithhishead，commencedassailingthatimmortalgentlemanaboutthebackandlegs，withsuchblowsandpinchesasthestrengthofhisarm，andtheviolenceofhisexcitement，allowed。
Takethislittlevillainaway，saidtheagonisedMr。Pickwick，he’smad。
Whatisthematter？saidthethreetongue-tiedPickwickians。
Idon’tknow，repliedMr。Pickwick，pettishly。Takeawaytheboy
hereMr。Winklecarriedtheinterestingboy，screamingandstruggling，tothefurtherendoftheapartment。Now，helpme，leadthiswomandown-stairs。
Oh，Iambetternow，saidMrs。Bardell，faintly。
Letmeleadyoudown-stairs，saidtheever-gallantMr。Tupman。
Thankyou，sir——thankyou。exclaimedMrs。Bardell，hysterically。Anddown-stairsshewasleadaccordingly，accompaniedbyheraffectionateson。
Icannotconceive——saidMr。Pickwick，whenhisfriendreturned——I
cannotconceivewhathasbeenthematterwiththatwoman。Ihadmerelyannouncedtohermyintentionofkeepingaman-servant，whenshefellintotheextraordinaryparoxysminwhichyoufoundher。Veryextraordinarything。
Very，saidhisthreefriends。
Placedmeinsuchanextremelyawkwardsituation，continuedMr。Pickwick。
Very，wasthereplyofhisfollowers，astheycoughedslightly，andlookeddubiouslyateachother。
ThisbehaviourwasnotlostuponMr。Pickwick。Heremarkedtheirincredulity。
Theyevidentlysuspectedhim。
Thereisamaninthepassagenow，saidMr。Tupman。
It’sthemanIspoketoyouabout，saidMr。Pickwick。IsentforhimuptotheBoroughthismorning。Havethegoodnesstocallhimup，Snodgrass。
Mr。Snodgrassdidashewasdesired。andMr。SamuelWellerforthwithpresentedhimself。
Oh——yourememberme，Isuppose？saidMr。Pickwick。Ishouldthinkso，repliedSam，withapatronisingwink。Queerstartthat’ere，buthewasonetoomanyforyou，warn’the？Uptosnuffandapinchortwoover——eh？
Nevermindthatmatternow，saidMr。Pickwickhastily。Iwanttospeaktoyouaboutsomethingelse。Sitdown。
Thank’ee，sir，saidSam。Anddownhesatwithoutfurtherbidding，havingpreviouslydepositedhisoldwhitehatonthelandingoutsidethedoor。Tan’tawerrygood’untolookat，saidSam，butit’sanastonishin’
’untowear。andaforethebrimwent，itwasawerryhandsometile。Hows’everit’slighterwithoutit，that’sonething，andeveryholeletsinsomeair，that’sanother——wentilationgossamerIcallsit。Onthedeliveryofthissentiment，Mr。WellersmiledagreeablyupontheassembledPickwickians。
NowwithregardtothematteronwhichI，withtheconcurrenceofthesegentlemen，sentforyou，saidMr。Pickwick。
That’sthepint，sir，interposedSam。outvithit，asthefathersaidtothechild，wenheswallowedafarden。
Wewanttoknowinthefirstplace，saidMr。Pickwick，whetheryouhaveanyreasontobediscontentedwithyourpresentsituation。
AforeIanswersthat’erequestion，gen’l’m’n，repliedMr。Weller，Ishouldliketoknow，inthefirstplace，whetheryou’reagoin’
topurwidemewithabetter？
AsunbeamofplacidbenevolenceplayedonMr。Pickwick’sfeaturesashesaid，Ihavehalfmadeupmymindtoengageyoumyself。
Haveyou，though？saidSam。
Mr。Pickwicknoddedintheaffirmative。
Wages？inquiredSamTwelvepoundsayear，repliedMr。Pickwick。
Clothes？
Twosuits。
Work？
Toattenduponme。andtravelaboutwithmeandthesegentlemenhere。
Takethebilldown，saidSam，emphatically。I’mlettoasinglegentleman，andthetermsisagreedupon。
Youacceptthesituation？inquiredMr。Pickwick。
Cert’nly，repliedSam。Iftheclothesfitsmehalfaswellastheplace，they’lldo。
Youcangetacharacterofcourse？saidMr。Pickwick。
Askthelandladyo’theWhiteHartaboutthat，sir，repliedSam。
Canyoucomethisevening？
I’llgetintotheclothesthisminute，ifthey’rehere，saidSamwithgreatalacrity。
Callateightthisevening，saidMr。Pickwick。andiftheinquiriesaresatisfactory，theyshallbeprovided。
Withthesingleexceptionofoneamiableindiscretion，inwhichanassistanthousemaidhadequallyparticipated，thehistoryofMr。Weller’sconductwassoveryblameless，thatMr。Pickwickfeltfullyjustifiedinclosingtheengagementthatveryevening。Withthepromptnessandenergywhichcharacterisednotonlythepublicproceedings，butalltheprivateactionsofthisextraordinaryman，heatonceledhisnewattendanttooneofthoseconvenientemporiumswheregentlemen’snewandsecond-handclothesareprovided，andthetroublesomeandinconvenientformalityofmeasurementdispensedwith。andbeforenighthadclosedin，Mr。WellerwasfurnishedwithagreycoatwiththeP。C。button，ablackhatwithacockadetoit，apinkstripedwaistcoat，lightbreechesandgaiters，andavarietyofothernecessaries，toonumeroustorecapitulate。
Well，saidthatsuddenly-transformedindividual，ashetookhisseatontheoutsideoftheEatanswillcoachnextmorning。IwonderwhetherI’mmeanttobeafootman，oragroom，oragamekeeper，oraseedsman。
Ilookslikeasortofcompoofeveryoneon’em。Nevermind。there’schangeofair，plentytosee，andlittletodo。andallthissuitsmycomplaintuncommon。solonglifetothePickvicks，saysI！
[NextChapter][TableofContents]ThePickwickPapers：Chapter13[PreviousChapter][TableofContents]CHAPTERXIIISOMEACCOUNTOFEATANSWILL。OFTHESTATEOFPARTIES
THEREIN。ANDOFTHEELECTIONOFAMEMBERTOSERVEINPARLIAMENTFORTHAT
ANCIENT，LOYAL，ANDPATRIOTICBOROUGH
WEwillfranklyacknowledge，thatuptotheperiodofourbeingfirstimmersedinthevoluminouspapersofthePickwickClub，wehadneverheardofEatanswill。wewillwithequalcandouradmit，thatwehaveinvainsearchedforproofoftheactualexistenceofsuchaplaceatthepresentday。KnowingthedeepreliancetobeplacedoneverynoteandstatementofMr。Pickwick’s，andnotpresumingtosetupourrecollectionagainsttherecordeddeclarationsofthatgreatman，wehaveconsultedeveryauthority，bearinguponthesubject，towhichwecouldpossiblyrefer。
WehavetracedeverynameinschedulesAandB，withoutmeetingwiththatofEatanswill。wehaveminutelyexaminedeverycornerofthePocketCountyMapsissuedforthebenefitofsocietybyourdistinguishedpublishers，andthesameresulthasattendedourinvestigation。Wearethereforeledtobelieve，thatMr。Pickwick，withthatanxiousdesiretoabstainfromgivingoffencetoany，andwiththosedelicatefeelingsforwhichallwhoknewhimwellknowhewassoeminentlyremarkable，purposelysubstitutedafictitiousdesignation，fortherealnameoftheplaceinwhichhisobservationsweremade。Weareconfirmedinthisbeliefbyalittlecircumstance，apparentlyslightandtrivialinitself，butwhenconsideredinthispointofview，notundeservingofnotice。InMr。Pickwick’snote-book，wecanjusttraceanentryofthefact，thattheplaceofhimselfandfollowerswerebookedbytheNorwichcoach。butthisentrywasafterwardslinedthrough，asifforthepurposeofconcealingeventhedirectioninwhichtheboroughissituated。Wewillnot，therefore，hazardaguessuponthesubject，butwillatonceproceedwiththishistory。contentwiththematerialswhichitscharactershaveprovidedforus。
Itappears，then，thattheEatanswillpeople，likethepeopleofmanyothersmalltowns，consideredthemselvesoftheutmostandmostmightyimportance，andthateverymaninEatanswill，consciousoftheweightthatattachedtohisexample，felthimselfboundtounite，heartandsoul，withoneofthetwogreatpartiesthatdividedthetown——theBluesandtheBuffs。
NowtheBlueslostnoopportunityofopposingtheBuffs，andtheBuffslostnoopportunityofopposingtheBlues。andtheconsequencewas，thatwhenevertheBuffsandBluesmettogetheratpublicmeeting，Town-Hall，fair，ormarket，disputesandhighwordsarosebetweenthem。WiththesedissensionsitisalmostsuperfluoustosaythateverythinginEatanswillwasmadeapartyquestion。IftheBuffsproposedtonewskylightthemarket-place，theBluesgotuppublicmeetings，anddenouncedtheproceeding。iftheBluesproposedtheerectionofanadditionalpumpintheHighStreet，theBuffsroseasonemanandstoodaghastattheenormity。TherewereBlueshopsandBuffshops，BlueInnsandBuffInns——therewasaBlueaisleandaBuffaisleintheverychurchitself。
Ofcourseitwasessentiallyandindispensablynecessarythateachofthesepowerfulpartiesshouldhaveitschosenorganandrepresentative：
and，accordingly，thereweretwonewspapersinthetown——theEatanswillGazetteandtheEatanswillIndependent。theformeradvocatingBlueprinciples，andthelatterconductedongroundsdecidedlyBuff。Finenewspaperstheywere。Suchleadingarticles，andsuchspiritedattacks！——Ourworthlesscontemporary，theGazette——Thatdisgracefulanddastardlyjournal，theIndependent——Thatfalseandscurrilousprint，theIndependent——Thatvileandslanderouscalumniator，theGazette。these，andotherspirit-stirringdenunciationswerestrewnplentifullyoverthecolumnsofeach，ineverynumber，andexcitedfeelingsofthemostintensedelightandindignationinthebosomsofthetownspeople。
Mr。Pickwick，withhisusualforesightandsagacity，hadchosenapeculiarlydesirablemomentforhisvisittotheborough。Neverwassuchacontestknown。TheHonourableSamuelSlumkey，ofSlumkeyHall，wastheBluecandidate。
andHoratioFizkin，Esq。，ofFizkinLodge，nearEatanswill，hadbeenprevaileduponbyhisfriendstostandforwardontheBuffinterest。TheGazettewarnedtheelectorsofEatanswillthattheeyesnotonlyofEngland，butofthewholecivilisedworld，wereuponthem。andtheIndependentimperativelydemandedtoknow，whethertheconstituencyofEatanswillwerethegrandfellowstheyhadalwaystakenthemfor，orbaseandserviletools，undeservingalikethenameofEnglishmenandtheblessingsoffreedom。Neverhadsuchacommotionagitatedthetownbefore。
Itwaslateintheevening，whenMr。Pickwickandhiscompanions，assistedbySam，dismountedfromtheroofoftheEatanswillcoach。LargebluesilkflagswereflyingfromthewindowsoftheTownArmsInn，andbillswerepostedineverysash，intimating，ingiganticletters，thatthehonourableSamuelSlumkey’sCommitteesattheredaily。Acrowdofidlerswereassembledintheroad，lookingatahoarsemaninthebalcony，whowasapparentlytalkinghimselfveryredinthefaceinMr。Slumkey’sbehalf。buttheforceandpointofwhoseargumentsweresomewhatimpairedbytheperpetualbeatingoffourlargedrumswhichMr。Fizkin’scommitteehadstationedatthestreetcorner。Therewasabusylittlemanbesidehim，though，whotookoffhishatatintervalsandmotionedtothepeopletocheer，whichtheyregularlydid，mostenthusiastically。andasthered-facedgentlemanwentontalkingtillhewasredderinthefacethanever，itseemedtoanswerhispurposequiteaswellasifanybodyhadheardhim。
ThePickwickianshadnosoonerdismounted，thantheyweresurroundedbyabranchmobofthehonestandindependent，whoforthwithsetupthreedeafeningcheers，whichbeingrespondedtobythemainbodyforit’snotatallnecessaryforacrowdtoknowwhattheyarecheeringaboutswelledintoatremendousroaroftriumph，whichstoppedeventhered-facedmaninthebalcony。
Hurrah！shoutedthemobinconclusion。
Onecheermore，screamedthelittlefuglemaninthebalcony，andoutshoutedthemobagain，asiflungswerecastiron，withsteelworks。
Slumkeyforever！roaredthehonestandindependent。
Slumkeyforever！echoedMr。Pickwick，takingoffhishat。
NoFizkin！roaredthecrowd。
Certainlynot！shoutedMr。Pickwick。
Hurrah！Andthentherewasanotherroaring，likethatofawholemenageriewhentheelephanthasrungthebellforthecoldmeat。
WhoisSlumkey？whisperedMr。Tupman。
Idon’tknow，repliedMr。Pickwickinthesametone。
HushDon’taskanyquestions。It’salwaysbestontheseoccasionstodowhatthemobdo。
Butsupposetherearetwomobs？suggestedMr。Snodgrass。
Shoutwiththelargest，repliedMr。Pickwick。V
Volumescouldnothavesaidmore。
Theyenteredthehouse，thecrowdopeningrightandlefttoletthempass，andcheeringvociferously。Thefirstobjectofconsiderationwastosecurequartersforthenight。
Canwehavebedshere？inquiredMr。Pickwick，summoningthewaiter。
Don’tknow，sir，repliedtheman。afraidwe’refull，sir——I’llinquire，sir。Awayhewentforthatpurpose，andpresentlyreturned，toaskwhetherthegentlemenwereBlue。
AsneitherMr。Pickwicknorhiscompanionstookanyvitalinterestinthecauseofeithercandidate，thequestionwasratheradifficultonetoanswer。InthisdilemmaMr。Pickwickbethoughthimselfofhisnewfriend，Mr。Perker。
DoyouknowagentlemanofthenameofPerker？inquiredMr。Pickwick。
Certainly，sir。honourableMr。SamuelSlumkey’sagent。
HeisBlue，Ithink？
Ohyes，sir。
ThenweareBlue，saidMr。Pickwick。butobservingthatthemanlookedratherdoubtfulatthisaccommodatingannouncement，hegavehimhiscard，anddesiredhimtopresentittoMr。Perkerforthwith，ifheshouldhappentobeinthehouse。Thewaiterretired。andre-appearingalmostimmediatelywitharequestthatMr。Pickwickwouldfollowhim，ledthewaytoalargeroomonthefirstfloor，where，seatedatalongtablecoveredwithbooksandpapers，wasMr。Perker。
Ah——ah，mydearsir，saidthelittleman，advancingtomeethim。veryhappytoseeyou，mydearsir，very。Praysitdown。Soyouhavecarriedyourintentionintoeffect。Youhavecomedownheretoseeanelection——eh？
Mr。Pickwickrepliedintheaffirmative。
Spiritedcontest，mydearsir，saidthelittleman。
Iamdelightedtohearit，saidMr。Pickwick，rubbinghishands。I
liketoseesturdypatriotism，onwhateversideitiscalledforth——andsoit’saspiritedcontest？
Ohyes，saidthelittleman，verymuchsoindeed。Wehaveopenedallthepublic-housesintheplace，andleftouradversarynothingbutthebeer-shops——masterlystrokeofpolicythat，mydearsir，eh？——thelittlemansmiledcomplacently，andtookalargepinchofsnuff。
Andwhataretheprobabilitiesastotheresultofthecontest？inquiredMr。Pickwick。
Whydoubtful，mydearsir。ratherdoubtfulasyet，repliedthelittleman。Fizkin’speoplehavegotthree-and-thirtyvotersinthelock-upcoach-houseattheWhiteHart。
Inthecoach-house！saidMr。Pickwick，considerablyastonishedbythissecondstrokeofpolicy。
Theykeep’emlockeduptheretilltheywant’em，resumedthelittleman。Theeffectofthatis，yousee，topreventourgettingatthem。andevenifwecould，itwouldbeofnouse，fortheykeepthemverydrunkonpurpose。SmartfellowFizkin’sagent——verysmartfellowindeed。
Mr。Pickwickstared，butsaidnothing。
Weareprettyconfident，though，saidMr。Perker，sinkinghisvoicealmosttoawhisper。Wehadalittletea-partyhere，lastnight——five-and-fortywomen，mydearsir——andgaveeveryoneof’emagreenparasolwhenshewentaway。
Aparasol！saidMr。Pickwick。
Fact，mydearsir，fact。Five-and-fortygreenparasols，atsevenandsixpencea-piece。Allwomenlikefinery，——extraordinarytheeffectsofthoseparasols。Securedalltheirhusbands，andhalftheirbrothers——beatsstockings，andflannel，andallthatsortofthinghollow。Myidea，mydearsir，entirely，Hail，rain，orsunshine，youcan’twalkhalfadozenyardsupthestreet，withoutencounteringhalfadozengreenparasols。
Herethelittlemanindulgedinaconvulsionofmirth，whichwasonlycheckedbytheentranceofathirdparty。
Thiswasatallthinman，withasandy-colouredheadinclinedtobaldness，andafaceinwhichsolemnimportancewasblendedwithalookofunfathomableprofundity。Hewasdressedinalongbrownsurtout，withablackclothwaistcoat，anddrabtrousers。Adoubleeye-glassdangledathiswaistcoat：
andonhisheadheworeaverylow-crownedhatwithabroadbrim。Thenew-comerwasintroducedtoMr。PickwickasMr。Pott，theeditoroftheEatanswillGazette。Afterafewpreliminaryremarks，Mr。PottturnedroundtoMr。
Pickwick，andsaidwithsolemnity——
Thiscontestexcitesgreatinterestinthemetropolis，sir？
Ibelieveitdoes，saidMr。Pickwick。
TowhichIhavereasontoknow，saidPott，lookingtowardsMr。Perkerforcorroboration，——towhichIhavereasontoknowthatmyarticleoflastSaturdayinsomedegreecontributed。
Nottheleastdoubtofit，saidthelittleman。
Thepressisamightyengine，sir，saidPott。
Mr。Pickwickyieldedhisfullestassenttotheproposition。
ButItrust，sir，saidPott，thatIhaveneverabusedtheenormouspowerIwield。Itrust，sir，thatIhaveneverpointedthenobleinstrumentwhichisplacedinmyhands，againstthesacredbosomofprivatelife，orthetenderbreastofindividualreputation——Itrust，sir，thatIhavedevotedmyenergiesto——toendeavours——humbletheymaybe，humbleIknowtheyare——toinstilthoseprinciplesof——which——are——
HeretheeditoroftheEatanswillGazette，appearingtoramble，Mr。
Pickwickcametohisrelief，andsaid