Letamanbutobservewhoareofgreatestauthorityincities，andwhobestdotheirownbusiness;weshallfindthattheyarecommonlymenoftheleastparts:women，children，andmadmenhavehadthefortunetogoverngreatkingdomsequallywellwiththewisestprinces，andThucydidessays，thatthestupidmoreordinarilydoitthanthoseofbetterunderstandings;weattributetheeffectsoftheirgoodfortunetotheirprudence:
\"UtquisqueFortunautitur，Itapraecellet;atqueexindesapereillumomnesdicimus;\"
[\"HemakeshiswaywhoknowshowtouseFortune，andthereuponweallcallhimwise。\"——Plautus，Pseudol。，ii。3，13。]
whereforeIsayunreservedly，eventsareaverypoortestimonyofourworthandparts。
Now，Iwasuponthispoint，thatthereneedsnomorebuttoseeamanpromotedtodignity;thoughweknewhimbutthreedaysbeforeamanoflittleregard，yetanimageofgrandeurofsufficiencyinsensiblystealsintoouropinion，andwepersuadeourselvesthat，beingaugmentedinreputationandtrain，heisalsoincreasedinmerit;wejudgeofhim，notaccordingtohisworth，butaswedobycounters，accordingtotheprerogativeofhisplace。Ifithappensothathefallagain，andbemixedwiththecommoncrowd，everyoneinquireswithamazementintothecauseofhishavingbeenraisedsohigh。\"Isthishe，\"saythey，\"washenowiserwhenhewasthere？Doprincessatisfythemselveswithsolittle？Truly，wewereingoodhands。\"ThisisathingthatIhaveoftenseeninmytime。Nay，eventheverydisguiseofgrandeurrepresentedinourcomediesinsomesortmovesandgullsus。ThatwhichImyselfadoreinkingsisthecrowdoftheiradorers;allreverenceandsubmissionareduetothem，exceptthatoftheunderstanding:myreasonisnotobligedtobowandbend;mykneesare。MelanthiusbeingaskedwhathethoughtofthetragedyofDionysius，\"Icouldnotseeit，\"saidhe，\"itwassocloudedwithlanguage\";somostofthosewhojudgeofthediscoursesofgreatmenoughttosay，\"Ididnotunderstandhiswords，theyweresocloudedwithgravity，grandeur，andmajesty。\"AntisthenesonedaytriedtopersuadetheAthenianstogiveorderthattheirassesmightbeemployedintillingthegroundaswellasthehorseswere;towhichitwasansweredthatthatanimalwasnotdestinedforsuchaservice:\"That’sallone，\"repliedhe，\"youhaveonlytoorderit:forthemostignorantandincapablemenyouemployinthecommandsofyourwarsincontinentlybecomeworthyenough，becauseyouemploythem\";towhichthecustomofsomanypeople，whocanonisethekingtheyhavechosenoutoftheirownbody，andarenotcontentonlytohonour，butmustadorethem，comesverynear。ThoseofMexico，aftertheceremoniesoftheirking’scoronationareover，darenomorelookhimintheface;
but，asiftheyhaddeifiedhimbyhisroyalty。Amongsttheoathstheymakehimtaketomaintaintheirreligion，theirlaws，andliberties，tobevaliant，just，andmild，hemoreoverswearstomakethesunrunhiscourseinhiswontedlight，todrainthecloudsatfitseasons，tomakeriversruntheircourse，andtocausetheearthtobearallthingsnecessaryforhispeople。
Idifferfromthiscommonfashion，andammoreapttosuspectthecapacitywhenIseeitaccompaniedwiththatgrandeuroffortuneandpublicapplause;wearetoconsiderofwhatadvantageitistospeakwhenamanpleases，tochoosehissubject，tointerruptorchangeit，withamagisterialauthority;toprotecthimselffromtheoppositionsofothersbyanod，asmile，orsilence，inthepresenceofanassemblythattrembleswithreverenceandrespect。Amanofaprodigiousfortunecomingtogivehisjudgmentuponsomeslightdisputethatwasfoolishlysetonfootathistable，beganinthesewords:\"Itcanbenootherbutaliarorafoolthatwillsayotherwisethansoandso。\"Pursuethisphilosophicalpointwithadaggerinyourhand。
ThereisanotherobservationIhavemade，fromwhichIdrawgreatadvantage;whichis，thatinconferencesanddisputes，everywordthatseemstobegood，isnotimmediatelytobeaccepted。Mostmenarerichinborrowedsufficiency:amanmaysayagoodthing，giveagoodanswer，citeagoodsentence，withoutatallseeingtheforceofeithertheoneortheother。Thatamanmaynotunderstandallheborrows，mayperhapsbeverifiedinmyself。Amanmustnotalwayspresentlyyield，whattruthorbeautysoevermayseemtobeintheoppositeargument;eitherhemuststoutlymeetit，orretire，undercolourofnotunderstandingit，totry，onallparts，howitislodgedintheauthor。Itmayhappenthatweentangleourselves，andhelptostrengthenthepointitself。Ihavesometimes，inthenecessityandheatofthecombat，madeanswersthathavegonethroughandthrough，beyondmyexpectationorhope;Ionlygavetheminnumber，theywerereceivedinweight。As，whenIcontendwithavigorousman，Ipleasemyselfwithanticipatinghisconclusions，Ieasehimofthetroubleofexplaininghimself，Istrivetoforestallhisimaginationwhilstitisyetspringingandimperfect;theorderandpertinencyofhisunderstandingwarnandthreatenmeafaroff:Idealquitecontrarywiththeothers;Imustunderstand，andpresupposenothingbutbythem。Iftheydetermineingeneralwords，\"thisisgood，thatisnaught，\"andthattheyhappentobeintheright，seeifitbenotfortunethathitsitoffforthem:letthemalittlecircumscribeandlimittheirjudgment;why，orhow，itisso。TheseuniversaljudgmentsthatIseesocommon，signifynothing;thesearemenwhosaluteawholepeopleinacrowdtogether;they，whohavearealacquaintance，takenoticeofandsalutethemindividuallyandbyname。But’tisahazardousattempt;andfromwhichIhave，morethaneveryday，seenitfallout，thatweakunderstandings，havingamindtoappearingenious，intakingnotice，astheyreadabook，ofwhatisbestandmosttobeadmired，fixtheiradmirationuponsomethingsoveryillchosen，thatinsteadofmakingusdiscerntheexcellenceoftheauthor;theymakeusverywellseetheirownignorance。Thisexclamationissafe，\"Thatisfine，\"afterhavingheardawholepageofVirgil;bythatthecunningsortsavethemselves;buttoundertaketofollowhimlinebyline，and，withanexpertandtriedjudgment，toobservewhereagoodauthorexcelshimself，weighingthewords，phrases，inventions，andhisvariousexcellences，oneafteranother;keepalooffromthat:
\"Videndumest，nonmodoquidquisqueloquatur，sedetiamquidquisquesentiat，atqueetiamquadecausaquisquesentiat。\"
[Amanisnotonlytoexaminewhateveryonesays，butalsowhateveryonethinks，andfromwhatreasoneveryonethinks。
——\"Cicero，DeOffic:，i。41。]
Ieverydayhearfoolssaythingsthatarenotfoolish:theysayagoodthing;letusexaminehowfartheyunderstandit，whencetheyhaveit，andwhattheymeanbyit。Wehelpthemtomakeuseofthisfineexpression，ofthisfinesentence，whichisnoneoftheirs;theyonlyhaveitinkeeping;theyhavebolteditoutataventure;weplaceitforthemincreditandesteem。Youlendthemyourhand。Towhatpurpose？
theydonotthinkthemselvesobligedtoyouforit，andbecomemoreineptstill。Don’thelpthem;letthemalone;theywillhandlethematterlikepeoplewhoareafraidofburningtheirfingers;theydarechangeneitheritsseatnorlight，norbreakintoit;shakeitneversolittle，itslipsthroughtheirfingers;theygiveitup，beitneversostrongorfairtheyarefineweapons，butillhafted:HowmanytimeshaveIseentheexperienceofthis？Now，ifyoucometoexplainanythingtothem，andtoconfirmthem，theycatchatit，andpresentlyrobyouoftheadvantageofyourinterpretation;\"ItwaswhatIwasabouttosay;itwasjustmyidea;ifIdidnotexpressitso，itwasforwantoflanguage。\"Merewind！Maliceitselfmustbeemployedtocorrectthisarrogantignorance。
ThedogmaofHegesias，\"thatweareneithertohatenoraccuse，butinstruct，\"iscorrectelsewhere;buthere’tisinjusticeandinhumanitytorelieveandsethimrightwhostandsinnoneedon’t，andistheworsefor’t。Ilovetoletthemstepdeeperintothemire;andsodeep，that，ifitbepossible，theymayatlastdiscerntheirerror。
Follyandabsurdityarenottobecuredbybareadmonition;andwhatCyrusansweredtohim，whoimportunedhimtoharanguehisarmy，uponthepointofbattle，\"thatmendonotbecomevaliantandwarlikeuponasudden，byafineoration，nomorethanamanbecomesagoodmusicianbyhearingafinesong，\"mayproperlybesaidofsuchanadmonitionasthis。
Theseareapprenticeshipsthataretobeservedbeforehand，byalongandcontinuededucation。Weowethiscareandthisassiduityofcorrectionandinstructiontoourownpeople;buttogopreachtothefirstpasser—
by，andtobecometutortotheignoranceandfollyofthefirstwemeet，isathingthatIabhor。Irarelydoit，eveninprivateconversation，andrathergiveupthewholethingthanproceedtotheseinitiatoryandschoolinstructions;myhumourisunfiteithertospeakorwriteforbeginners;butforthingsthataresaidincommondiscourse，oramongstotherthings，Ineveropposethemeitherbywordorsign，howfalseorabsurdsoever。
Astotherest，nothingvexesmesomuchinfollyasthatitismoresatisfiedwithitselfthananyreasoncanreasonablybe。’Tisunfortunatethatprudenceforbidsustosatisfyandtrustourselves，andalwaysdismissesustimorousanddiscontented;whereasobstinacyandtemerityfillthosewhoarepossessedwiththemwithjoyandassurance。
’Tisforthemostignoranttolookatothermenovertheshoulder，alwaysreturningfromthecombatfullofjoyandtriumph。Andmoreover，forthemostpart，thisarroganceofspeechandgaietyofcountenancegivesthemthebetterofitintheopinionoftheaudience，whichiscommonlyweakandincapableofwelljudginganddiscerningtherealadvantage。
Obstinacyofopinionandheatinargumentarethesurestproofsoffolly;
isthereanythingsoassured，resolute，disdainful，contemplative，seriousandgraveastheass？
Maywenotincludeunderthetitleofconferenceandcommunicationthequickandsharpreparteeswhichmirthandfamiliarityintroduceamongstfriends，pleasantlyandwittilyjestingandrallyingwithoneanother？
’Tisanexerciseforwhichmynaturalgaietyrendersmefitenough，andwhich，ifitbenotsotenseandseriousastheotherIspokeofbutnow，is，asLycurgusthought，nolesssmartandingenious，noroflessutility。Formypart，Icontributetoitmorelibertythanwit，andhavethereinmoreofluckthaninvention;butIamperfectinsuffering，forI
endurearetaliationthatisnotonlytart，butindiscreettoboot，withoutbeingmovedatall;andwhoeverattacksme，ifIhavenotabriskanswerimmediatelyready，Idonotstudytopursuethepointwithatediousandimpertinentcontest，borderinguponobstinacy，butletitpass，andhangingdowncheerfullymyears，defermyrevengetoanotherandbettertime:thereisnomerchantthatalwaysgains:Mostmenchangetheircountenanceandtheirvoicewheretheirwitsfail，andbyanunseasonableanger，insteadofrevengingthemselves，accuseatoncetheirownfollyandimpatience。Inthisjollity，wesometimespinchthesecretstringsofourimperfectionswhich，atanotherandgravertime，wecannottouchwithoutoffence，andsoprofitablygiveoneanotherahintofourdefects。Thereareotherjeuxdemain，——[practicaljokes]——rudeandindiscreet，aftertheFrenchmanner，thatImortallyhate;myskinisverytenderandsensible:Ihaveinmytimeseentwoprincesofthebloodburieduponthatveryaccount。’Tisunhandsometofightinplay。Astotherest，whenIhaveamindtojudgeofanyone，Iaskhimhowfarheiscontentedwithhimself;towhatdegreehisspeakingorhisworkpleaseshim。Iwillnoneofthesefineexcuses，\"Ididitonlyinsport:
’Ablatummediisopusestincudibusistud。’
[\"Thatworkwastakenfromtheanvilhalffinished。\"
——Ovid，Trist。，i。6，29。]
Iwasnotanhouraboutit:Ihaveneverlookedatitsince。\"Well，then，sayI，laytheseaside，andgivemeaperfectone，suchasyouwouldbemeasuredby。Andthen，whatdoyouthinkisthebestthinginyourwork？isitthispartorthat？isitgraceorthematter，theinvention，thejudgment，orthelearning？ForIfindthatmenare，commonly，aswideofthemarkinjudgingoftheirownworks，asofthoseofothers;notonlybyreasonofthekindnesstheyhaveforthem，butforwantofcapacitytoknowanddistinguishthem:thework，byitsownforceandfortune，maysecondtheworkman，andsometimesoutstriphim，beyondhisinventionandknowledge。Formypart，Ijudgeofthevalueofothermen’sworksmoreobscurelythanofmyown;andplacetheEssays，nowhigh，orlow，withgreatdoubtandinconstancy。Thereareseveralbooksthatareusefulupontheaccountoftheirsubjects，fromwhichtheauthorderivesnopraise;andgoodbooks，aswellasgoodworks，thatshametheworkman。Imaywritethemannerofourfeasts，andthefashionofourclothes，andmaywritethemill;Imaypublishtheedictsofmytime，andthelettersofprincesthatpassfromhandtohand;Imaymakeanabridgmentofagoodbook（andeveryabridgmentofagoodbookisafoolishabridgment），whichbookshallcometobelost;andsoon:
posteritywillderiveasingularutilityfromsuchcompositions:butwhathonourshallIhaveunlessbygreatgoodfortune？Mostpartofthefamousbooksareofthiscondition。
WhenIreadPhilipdeCommines，doubtlessaverygoodauthor，severalyearsago，Itheretooknoticeofthisfornovulgarsaying，\"Thatamanmusthaveacarenottodohismastersogreatservice，thatatlasthewillnotknowhowtogivehimhisjustreward\";butIoughttocommendtheinvention，nothim，becauseImetwithitinTacitus，notlongsince:
\"Beneficiaeausquelxtasunt，dumvidenturexsolviposse;
ubimultumantevenere，progratisodiumredditur;\"
[\"Benefitsaresofaracceptableastheyappeartobecapableofrecompense;wheretheymuchexceedthatpoint，hatredisreturnedinsteadofthanks。\"——Tacitus，Annal。，iv。18。]
andSenecavigorouslysays:
\"Namquiputatesseturpenonreddere，nonvultessecuireddat:\"
[\"Forhewhothinksitashamenottorequite，doesnotwishtohavethemanlivetowhomheowesreturn。\"——Seneca，Ep。，81。]
Q。Cicerosayswithlessdirectness。:
\"Quisenonputatsatisfacere，amicusessenullomodopotest。\"
[\"Whothinkshimselfbehindinobligation，canbynomeansbeafriend。\"——Q。Cicero，DePetitioneConsul，c。9。]
Thesubject，accordingtowhatitis，maymakeamanlookeduponaslearnedandofgoodmemory;buttojudgeinhimthepartsthataremosthisownandthemostworthy，thevigourandbeautyofhissoul，onemustfirstknowwhatishisownandwhatisnot;andinthatwhichisnothisown，howmuchweareobligedtohimforthechoice，disposition，ornament，andlanguagehehastherepresenteduswith。Whatifhehasborrowedthematterandspoiledtheform，asitoftenfallsout？We，whoarelittlereadinbooks，areinthisstrait，thatwhenwemeetwithahighfancyinsomenewpoet，orsomestrongargumentinapreacher，wedarenot，nevertheless，commendittillwehavefirstinformedourselves，throughsomelearnedman，ifitbethewriter’switorborrowedfromsomeother;untilthatIalwaysstanduponmyguard。
IhavelatelybeenreadingthehistoryofTacitusquitethrough，withoutinterruptingitwithanythingelse（whichbutseldomhappenswithme，itbeingtwentyyearssinceIhavekepttoanyonebookanhourtogether），andIdiditattheinstanceofagentlemanforwhomFrancehasagreatesteem，aswellforhisownparticularworth，asupontheaccountofaconstantformofcapacityandvirtuewhichrunsthroughagreatmanybrothersofthem。Idonotknowanyauthorinapublicnarrativewhomixessomuchconsiderationofmannersandparticularinclinations:andI
amofaquitecontraryopiniontohim，holdingthat，havingespeciallytofollowthelivesoftheemperorsofhistime，sovariousandextremeinallsortsofforms，somanynotableactionsastheircrueltyespeciallyproducedintheirsubjects，hehadastrongerandmoreattractivemattertotreatofthanifhehadhadtodescribebattlesanduniversalcommotions;sothatIoftenfindhimsterile，runningoverthosebravedeathsasifhefearedtotroubleuswiththeirmultitudeandlength。
Thisformofhistoryisbymuchthemostuseful;publicmovementsdependmostupontheconductoffortune，privateonesuponourown。’Tisratherajudgmentthananarrationofhistory;thereareinitmorepreceptsthanstories:itisnotabooktoread，’tisabooktostudyandlearn;
’tisfullofsententiousopinions，rightorwrong;’tisanurseryofethicandpoliticdiscourses，fortheuseandornamentofthosewhohaveanyplaceinthegovernmentoftheworld。Healwaysarguesbystrongandsolidreasons，afterapointedandsubtlemanner，accordingtotheaffectedstyleofthatage，whichwassoinlovewithaninflatedmanner，thatwherepointandsubtletywerewantinginthingsitsuppliedthesewithloftyandswellingwords。’TisnotmuchunlikethestyleofSeneca:
IlookuponTacitusasmoresinewy，andSenecaasmoresharp。Hispenseemsmostproperforatroubledandsickstate，asoursatpresentis;
youwouldoftensaythathepaintsandpinchesus。
Theywhodoubthisgoodfaithsufficientlyaccusethemselvesofbeinghisenemyuponsomeotheraccount。Hisopinionsaresound，andleantotherightsideintheRomanaffairs。AndyetIamangryathimforjudgingmoreseverelyofPompeythanconsistswiththeopinionofthoseworthymenwholivedinthesametime，andhaddealingswithhim;andtohavereputedhimonaparwithMariusandSylla，exceptingthathewasmoreclose。Otherwritershavenotacquittedhisintentioninthegovernmentofaffairsfromambitionandrevenge;andevenhisfriendswereafraidthatvictorywouldhavetransportedhimbeyondtheboundsofreason，butnottosoimmeasurableadegreeastheirs;nothinginhislifethreatenedsuchexpresscrueltyandtyranny。Neitheroughtwetosetsuspicionagainstevidence;andthereforeIdonotbelievePlutarchinthismatter。
Thathisnarrationsweregenuineandstraightforwardmay，perhaps，bearguedfromthisverything，thattheydonotalwaysapplytotheconclusionsofhisjudgments，whichhefollowsaccordingtothebiashehastaken，veryoftenbeyondthematterhepresentsuswithal，whichhehasnotdeignedtoalterintheleastdegree。Heneedsnoexcuseforhavingapprovedthereligionofhistime，accordingasthelawsenjoined，andtohavebeenignorantofthetrue;thiswashismisfortune，nothisfault。
Ihaveprincipallyconsideredhisjudgment，andamnotverywellsatisfiedtherewiththroughout;asthesewordsintheletterthatTiberius，oldandsick，senttothesenate。\"WhatshallIwritetoyou，sirs，orhowshouldIwritetoyou，orwhatshouldInotwritetoyouatthistime？MaythegodsandgoddesseslayaworsepunishmentuponmethanIameverydaytormentedwith，ifIknow！\"IdonotseewhyheshouldsopositivelyapplythemtoasharpremorsethattormentedtheconscienceofTiberius;atleast，whenIwasinthesamecondition，I
perceivednosuchthing。
Andthisalsoseemedtomealittlemeaninhimthat，havingtosaythathehadborneanhonourableofficeinRome，heexcuseshimselfthathedoesnotsayitoutofostentation;thisseems，Isay，meanforsuchasoulashis;fornottospeakroundlyofaman’sselfimpliessomewantofcourage;amanofsolidandloftyjudgment，whojudgessoundlyandsurely，makesuseofhisownexampleuponalloccasions，aswellasthoseofothers;andgivesevidenceasfreelyofhimselfasofathirdperson。
Wearetopassbythesecommonrulesofcivility，infavouroftruthandliberty。Idarenotonlyspeakofmyself，buttospeakonlyofmyself:
whenIwriteofanythingelse，Imissmywayandwanderfrommysubject。
Iamnotsoindiscreetlyenamouredofmyself，sowhollymixedupwith，andboundtomyself，thatIcannotdistinguishandconsidermyselfapart，asIdoaneighbouroratree:’tisequallyafaultnottodiscernhowfaraman’sworthextends，andtosaymorethanamandiscoversinhimself。WeowemorelovetoGodthantoourselves，andknowHimless;
andyetspeakofHimasmuchaswewill。
IfthewritingsofTacitusindicateanythingtrueofhisqualities，hewasagreatpersonage，uprightandbold，notofasuperstitiousbutofaphilosophicalandgenerousvirtue。Onemaythinkhimboldinhisrelations;aswherehetellsus，thatasoldiercarryingaburdenofwood，hishandsweresofrozenandsostucktotheloadthattheythereremainedclosedanddead，beingseveredfromhisarms。Ialwaysinsuchthingsbowtotheauthorityofsogreatwitnesses。
Whatalsohesays，thatVespasian，bythefavourofthegodSerapis，curedablindwomanatAlexandriabyanointinghereyeswithhisspittle，andIknownotwhatothermiracle，\"hesaysbytheexampleanddutyofallhisgoodhistorians。Theyrecordalleventsofimportance;andamongstpublicincidentsarethepopularrumoursandopinions。’Tistheirparttorelatecommonbeliefs，nottoregulatethem:thatpartconcernsdivinesandphilosophers，directorsofconsciences;andthereforeitwasthatthiscompanionofhis，andagreatmanlikehimself，verywiselysaid:
\"Equidempluratranscribo，quamcredo:namnecaffirmaresustineo，dequibusdubito，necsubducerequaeaccepi;\"
[\"Truly，IsetdownmorethingsthanIbelieve，forIcanneitheraffirmthingswhereofIdoubt，norsuppresswhatIhaveheard。\"
——\"QuintusCurtius，ix。]
andthisother:
\"Haecnequeaffirmarenequerefellereoperaepretiumest;famaererumstandumest。\"
[’Tisneitherworththewhiletoaffirmortorefutethesethings;
wemuststandtoreport\"——Livy，i。，Praef。，andviii。6。]
Andwritinginanagewhereinthebeliefofprodigiesbegantodecline，hesayshewouldnot，nevertheless，forbeartoinsertinhisAnnals，andtogivearelationofthingsreceivedbysomanyworthymen，andwithsogreatreverenceofantiquity;’tisverywellsaid。Letthemdelivertoushistory，moreastheyreceiveitthanastheybelieveit。I，whoammonarchofthematterwhereofItreat，andwhoamaccountabletonone，donot，nevertheless，alwaysbelievemyself;Ioftenhazardsalliesofmyownwit，whereinIverymuchsuspectmyself，andcertainverbalquibbles，atwhichIshakemyears;butIletthemgoataventure。Iseethatothersgetreputationbysuchthings:’tisnotformealonetojudge。I
presentmyselfstandingandlying，beforeandbehind，myrightsideandmyleft，and，inallmynaturalpostures。Wits，thoughequalinforce，arenotalwaysequalintasteandapplication。
Thisiswhatmymemorypresentstomeingross，andwithuncertaintyenough;alljudgmentsingrossareweakandimperfect。
EndTheEssaysofMontaigne，V17
byMicheldeMontaigneTranslatedbyCharlesCottonEditedbyWilliamCarewHazilitt1877
CONTENTSOFVOLUME17。
IX。OfVanityCHAPTERIX
OFVANITY
Thereis，peradventure，nomoremanifestvanitythantowriteofitsovainly。Thatwhichdivinityhassodivinelyexpressedtous——[\"Vanityofvanities:allisvanity。\"——Eccles。，i。2。]——oughttobecarefullyandcontinuallymeditatedbymenofunderstanding。WhodoesnotseethatI
havetakenaroad，inwhich，incessantlyandwithoutlabour，Ishallproceedsolongasthereshallbeinkandpaperintheworld？Icangivenoaccountofmylifebymyactions;fortunehasplacedthemtoolow:I
mustdoitbymyfancies。AndyetIhaveseenagentlemanwhoonlycommunicatedhislifebytheworkingsofhisbelly:youmightseeonhispremisesashowofarowofbasinsofsevenoreightdays’standing;itwashisstudy，hisdiscourse;allothertalkstankinhisnostrils。
Here，butnotsonauseous，aretheexcrementsofanoldmind，sometimesthick，sometimesthin，andalwaysindigested。AndwhenshallIhavedonerepresentingthecontinualagitationandmutationofmythoughts，astheycomeintomyhead，seeingthatDiomedeswrotesixthousandbooksuponthesolesubjectofgrammar？
[ItwasnotDiomedes，butDidymusthegrammarian，who，asSeneca（Ep。，88）tellsus，wrotefournotsixthousandbooksonquestionsofvainliterature，whichwastheprincipalstudyoftheancientgrammarian。——Coste。Butthenumberisprobablyexaggerated，andforbooksweshoulddoubtlessreadpamphletsoressays。]
What，then，oughtpratingtoproduce，sinceprattlingandthefirstbeginningtospeak，stuffedtheworldwithsuchahorribleloadofvolumes？Somanywordsforwordsonly。OPythagoras，whydidstnotthouallaythistempest？TheyaccusedoneGalbaofoldforlivingidly;hemadeanswer，\"Thateveryoneoughttogiveaccountofhisactions，butnotofhishome。\"Hewasmistaken，forjusticealsotakescognisanceofthosewhogleanafterthereaper。
Butthereshouldbesomerestraintoflawagainstfoolishandimpertinentscribblers，aswellasagainstvagabondsandidlepersons;whichiftherewere，bothIandahundredotherswouldbebanishedfromthereachofourpeople。Idonotspeakthisinjest:scribblingseemstobeasymptomofadisorderedandlicentiousage。Whendidwewritesomuchassinceourtroubles？whentheRomanssomuch，asuponthepointofruin？Besidesthat，therefiningofwitsdoesnotmakepeoplewiserinagovernment:
thisidleemploymentspringsfromthis，thateveryoneapplieshimselfnegligentlytothedutyofhisvocation，andiseasilydebauchedfromit。
Thecorruptionoftheageismadeupbytheparticularcontributionofeveryindividualman;somecontributetreachery，othersinjustice，irreligion，tyranny，avarice，cruelty，accordingtotheirpower;theweakersortcontributefolly，vanity，andidleness;oftheseIamone。
Itseemsasifitweretheseasonforvainthings，whenthehurtfuloppressus;inatimewhendoingilliscommon，todobutwhatsignifiesnothingisakindofcommendation。’Tismycomfort，thatIshallbeoneofthelastwhoshallbecalledinquestion;andwhilstthegreateroffendersarebeingbroughttoaccount，Ishallhaveleisuretoamend:
foritwould，methinks，beagainstreasontopunishlittleinconveniences，whilstweareinfestedwiththegreater。AsthephysicianPhilotimussaidtoonewhopresentedhimhisfingertodress，andwhoheperceived，bothbyhiscomplexionandhisbreath，hadanulcerinhislungs:\"Friend，itisnotnowtimetoplaywithyournails。\"——
[Plutarch，HowwemaydistinguishaFlattererfromaFriend。]
AndyetIsaw，someyearsago，aperson，whosenameandmemoryIhaveinverygreatesteem，intheveryheightofourgreatdisorders，whentherewasneitherlawnorjustice，normagistratewhoperformedhisoffice，nomorethanthereisnow，publishIknownotwhatpitifulreformationsaboutcloths，cookery，andlawchicanery。Thoseareamusementswherewithtofeedapeoplethatareill—used，toshowthattheyarenottotallyforgotten。Thoseothersdothesame，whoinsistuponprohibitingparticularwaysofspeaking，dances，andgames，toapeopletotallyabandonedtoallsortsofexecrablevices。’Tisnotimetobatheandcleanseone’sself，whenoneisseizedbyaviolentfever;itwasfortheSpartansalonetofalltocombingandcurlingthemselves，whentheywerejustuponthepointofrunningheadlongintosomeextremedangeroftheirlife。
Formypart，Ihavethatworsecustom，thatifmyslippergoawry，Iletmyshirtandmycloakdosotoo;Iscorntomendmyselfbyhalves。
WhenIaminabadplight，Ifastenuponthemischief;Iabandonmyselfthroughdespair;Iletmyselfgotowardstheprecipice，and，astheysay，\"throwthehelveafterthehatchet\";Iamobstinateingrowingworse，andthinkmyselfnolongerworthmyowncare;Iameitherwellorillthroughout。’Tisafavourtome，thatthedesolationofthiskingdomfallsoutinthedesolationofmyage:Ibettersufferthatmyillbemultiplied，thanifmywellhadbeendisturbed。——[That，beingill，I
shouldgrowworse，thanthat，beingwell，Ishouldgrowill。]——ThewordsIutterinmishaparewordsofanger:mycouragesetsupitsbristles，insteadoflettingthemdown;and，contrarytoothers，Iammoredevoutingoodthaninevilfortune，accordingtothepreceptofXenophon，ifnotaccordingtohisreason;andammorereadytoturnupmyeyestoheaventoreturnthanks，thantocrave。Iammoresolicitoustoimprovemyhealth，whenIamwell，thantorestoreitwhenIamsick;
prosperitiesarethesamedisciplineandinstructiontomethatadversitiesandrodsaretoothers。Asifgoodfortunewereathinginconsistentwithgoodconscience，mennevergrowgoodbutinevilfortune。Goodfortuneistomeasingularspurtomodestyandmoderation:anentreatywins，athreatchecksme;favourmakesmebend，fearstiffensme。
Amongsthumanconditionsthisiscommonenough:tobebetterpleasedwithforeignthingsthanwithourown，andtoloveinnovationandchange:
\"Ipsadiesideonosgratoperluithaustu，Quodpermutatishorarecurritequis:\"
[\"Thelightofdayitselfshinesmorepleasantlyuponusbecauseitchangesitshorseseveryhour。\"Spokeofawaterhour—glass，addsCotton。]
Ihavemyshare。Thosewhofollowtheotherextreme，ofbeingquitesatisfiedandpleasedwithandinthemselves，ofvaluingwhattheyhaveabovealltherest，andofconcludingnobeautycanbegreaterthanwhattheysee，iftheyarenotwiserthanwe，arereallymorehappy;Idonotenvytheirwisdom，buttheirgoodfortune。
Thisgreedyhumourofnewandunknownthingshelpstonourishinmethedesireoftravel;butagreatmanymorecircumstancescontributetoit;
Iamverywillingtoquitthegovernmentofmyhouse。Thereis，I
confess，akindofconvenienceincommanding，thoughitwerebutinabarn，andinbeingobeyedbyone’speople;but’tistoouniformandlanguidapleasure，andis，moreover，ofnecessitymixedwithathousandvexatiousthoughts:onewhilethepovertyandtheoppressionofyourtenants:another，quarrelsamongstneighbours:another，thetrespassestheymakeuponyouafflictyou;
\"Autverberataegrandinevineae，Fundusquemendax，arborenuncaquasCulpante，nunctorrentiaagrosSidera，nunchyemesiniquas。\"
[\"Orhail—smittenvinesandthedeceptivefarm;nowtreesdamagedbytherains，oryearsofdearth，nowsummer’sheatburningupthepetals，nowdestructivewinters。\"——Horatius，Od。，iii。I，29。]
andthatGodscarceinsixmonthssendsaseasonwhereinyourbailiffcandohisbusinessasheshould;butthatifitservesthevines，itspoilsthemeadows:
\"Autnimiistorretfervoribusaetheriussol，Autsubitiperimuntimbres，gelidoequepruinae，Flabraqueventorumviolentoturbinevexant;\"
[\"Eitherthescorchingsunburnsupyourfields，orsuddenrainsorfrostsdestroyyourharvests，oraviolentwindcarriesawayallbeforeit。\"——Lucretius，V。216。]
towhichmaybeaddedthenewandneat—madeshoeofthemanofold，thathurtsyourfoot，[LeclercmaliciouslysuggeststhatthisisaslyhitatMontaigne’swife，themanofoldbeingthepersonmentionedinPlutarch’sLifeofPaulusEmilius，c。3，who，whenhisfriendsreproachedhimforrepudiatinghiswife，whosevariousmeritstheyextolled，pointedtohisshoe，andsaid，\"Thatlooksanicewell—madeshoetoyou;butI
aloneknowwhereitpinches。\"]
andthatastrangerdoesnotunderstandhowmuchitcostsyou，andwhatyoucontributetomaintainthatshowoforderthatisseeninyourfamily，andthatperadventureyoubuytoodear。
Icamelatetothegovernmentofahouse:theywhomnaturesentintotheworldbeforemelongeasedmeofthattrouble;sothatIhadalreadytakenanotherbentmoresuitabletomyhumour。Yet，forsomuchasI
haveseen，’tisanemploymentmoretroublesomethanhard;whoeveriscapableofanythingelse，willeasilydothis。HadIamindtoberich，thatwaywouldseemtoolong;Ihadservedmykings，amoreprofitabletrafficthananyother。SinceIpretendtonothingbutthereputationofhavinggotnothingordissipatednothing，conformablytotherestofmylife，impropereithertodogoodorillofanymoment，andthatIonlydesiretopasson，Icandoit，thanksbetoGod，withoutanygreatendeavour。Attheworst，evermorepreventpovertybylesseningyourexpense;’tisthatwhichImakemygreatconcern，anddoubtnotbuttodoitbeforeIshallbecompelled。Astotherest，IhavesufficientlysettledmythoughtstoliveuponlessthanIhave，andlivecontentedly:
\"Nonaestimationecensus，verumvictuatquecultu，terminanturpecunixmodus。\"
[\"’Tisnotbythevalueofpossessions，butbyourdailysubsistenceandtillage，thatourrichesaretrulyestimated。\"
——Cicero，Paradox，vi。3。]
MyrealneeddoesnotsowhollytakeupallIhave，thatFortunehasnotwhereontofastenherteethwithoutbitingtothequick。Mypresence，heedlessandignorantasitis，doesmegreatserviceinmydomesticaffairs;Iemploymyselfinthem，butitgoesagainstthehair，findingthatIhavethisinmyhouse，thatthoughIburnmycandleatoneendbymyself，theotherisnotspared。
Journeysdomenoharmbutonlybytheirexpense，whichisgreat，andmorethanIamwellabletobear，beingalwayswonttotravelwithnotonlyanecessary，butahandsomeequipage;Imustmakethemsomuchshorterandfewer;Ispendthereinbutthefroth，andwhatIhavereservedforsuchuses，delayinganddeferringmymotiontillthatbeready。Iwillnotthatthepleasureofgoingabroadspoilthepleasureofbeingretiredathome;onthecontrary，Iintendtheyshallnourishandfavouroneanother。Fortunehasassistedmeinthis，thatsincemyprincipalprofessioninthislifewastoliveatease，andratheridlythanbusily，shehasdeprivedmeofthenecessityofgrowingrichtoprovideforthemultitudeofmyheirs。Iftherebenotenoughforone，ofthatwhereofIhadsoplentifullyenough，athisperilbeit:hisimprudencewillnotdeservethatIshouldwishhimanymore。Andeveryone，accordingtotheexampleofPhocion，providessufficientlyforhischildrenwhosoprovidesforthemastoleavethemasmuchaswaslefthim。IshouldbynomeanslikeCrates’way。Helefthismoneyinthehandsofabankerwiththiscondition——thatifhischildrenwerefools，heshouldthengiveittothem;ifwise，heshouldthendistributeittothemostfoolishofthepeople;asiffools，forbeinglesscapableoflivingwithoutriches，weremorecapableofusingthem。
Atallevents，thedamageoccasionedbymyabsenceseemsnottodeserve，solongasIamabletosupportit，thatIshouldwaivetheoccasionsofdivertingmyselfbythattroublesomeassistance。
Thereisalwayssomethingthatgoesamiss。Theaffairs，onewhileofonehouse，andthenofanother，tearyoutopieces;youpryintoeverythingtoonear;yourperspicacityhurtsyouhere，aswellasinotherthings。
Istealawayfromoccasionsofvexingmyself，andturnfromtheknowledgeofthingsthatgoamiss;andyetIcannotsoorderit，butthateveryhourIjostleagainstsomethingorotherthatdispleasesme;andthetricksthattheymostconcealfromme，arethosethatIthesoonestcometoknow;sometherearethat，nottomakemattersworse，amanmusthimselfhelptoconceal。Vainvexations;vainsometimes，butalwaysvexations。Thesmallestandslightestimpedimentsarethemostpiercing:
andaslittlelettersmosttiretheeyes，sodolittleaffairsmostdisturbus。Theroutoflittleillsmoreoffendthanone，howgreatsoever。Byhowmuchdomesticthornsarenumerousandslight，bysomuchtheyprickdeeperandwithoutwarning，easilysurprisinguswhenleastwesuspectthem。
[NowHomershewsusclearlyenoughhowsurprisegivestheadvantage;
whorepresentsUlyssesweepingatthedeathofhisdog;andnotweepingatthetearsofhismother;thefirstaccident，trivialasitwas，gotthebetterofhim，cominguponhimquiteunexpectedly;
hesustainedthesecond，thoughmorepotent，becausehewaspreparedforit。’Tislightoccasionsthathumbleourlives。]
Iamnophilosopher;evilsoppressmeaccordingtotheirweight，andtheyweighasmuchaccordingtotheformasthematter，andveryoftenmore。
IfIhavethereinmoreperspicacitythanthevulgar，Ihavealsomorepatience;inshort，theyweighwithme，iftheydonothurtme。Lifeisatenderthing，andeasilymolested。Sincemyagehasmademegrowmorepensiveandmorose，\"Nemoenimresistitsibi，cumcaeperitimpelli，\"
[\"Fornomanresistshimselfwhenhehasbeguntobedrivenforward。\"——Seneca，Ep。，13。]
forthemosttrivialcauseimaginable，Iirritatethathumour，whichafterwardsnourishesandexasperatesitselfofitsownmotion;attractingandheapingupmatteruponmatterwhereontofeed:
\"Stillicidicasuslapidemcavat:\"
[\"Theeverfallingdrophollowsoutastone。\"——Lucretius，i。314。]
thesecontinualtricklingsconsumeandulcerateme。Ordinaryinconveniencesareneverlight;theyarecontinualandinseparable，especiallywhentheyspringfromthemembersofafamily，continualandinseparable。WhenIconsidermyaffairsatdistanceandingross，I
find，becauseperhapsmymemoryisnoneofthebest，thattheyhavegoneonhithertoimprovingbeyondmyreasonorexpectation;myrevenueseemsgreaterthanitis;itsprosperitybetraysme:butwhenIprymorenarrowlyintothebusiness，andseehowallthingsgo:
\"Tumveroincurasanimumdiducimusomnes;\"
[\"Indeedweleadthemindintoallsortsofcares。\"
——AEneid，v。720。]
Ihaveathousandthingstodesireandtofear。Togivethemquiteover，isveryeasyformetodo:buttolookafterthemwithouttrouble，isveryhard。’Tisamiserablethingtobeinaplacewhereeverythingyouseeemploysandconcernsyou;andIfancythatImorecheerfullyenjoythepleasuresofanotherman’shouse，andwithgreaterandapurerrelish，thanthoseofmyown。Diogenesansweredaccordingtomyhumourhimwhoaskedhimwhatsortofwinehelikedthebest:\"Thatofanother，\"
saidhe。——[DiogenesLaertius，vi。54。]
MyfathertookadelightinbuildingatMontaigne，wherehewasborn;andinallthegovernmentofdomesticaffairsIlovetofollowhisexampleandrules，andIshallengagethosewhoaretosucceedme，asmuchasinmelies，todothesame。CouldIdobetterforhim，Iwould;andamproudthathiswillisstillperformingandactingbyme。GodforbidthatinmyhandsIshouldeversufferanyimageoflife，thatIamabletorendertosogoodafather，tofail。AndwhereverIhavetakeninhandtostrengthensomeoldfoundationsofwalls，andtorepairsomeruinousbuildings，inearnestIhavedoneitmoreoutofrespecttohisdesign，thanmyownsatisfaction;andamangryatmyselfthatIhavenotproceededfurthertofinishthebeginningsheleftinhishouse，andsomuchthemorebecauseIamverylikelytobethelastpossessorofmyrace，andtogivethelasthandtoit。For，astomyownparticularapplication，neitherthepleasureofbuilding，whichtheysayissobewitching，norhunting，norgardens，northeotherpleasuresofaretiredlife，canmuchamuseme。And’tiswhatIamangryatmyselffor，asIamforallotheropinionsthatareincommodioustome;whichIwouldnotsomuchcaretohavevigorousandlearned，asIwouldhavethemeasyandconvenientforlife，theyaretrueandsoundenough，iftheyareusefulandpleasing。Suchashearmedeclaremyignoranceinhusbandry，whisperinmyearthatitisdisdain，andthatIneglecttoknowitsinstruments，itsseasons，itsorder，howtheydressmyvines，howtheygraft，andtoknowthenamesandformsofherbsandfruits，andthepreparingthemeatonwhichIlive，thenamesandpricesofthestuffsI
wear，because，saythey;Ihavesetmyheartuponsomehigherknowledge;
theykillmeinsayingso。Itisnotdisdain;itisfolly，andratherstupiditythanglory;Ihadratherbeagoodhorsemanthanagoodlogician:
\"Quintoaliquidsaltempotius，quorumindigetusus，Viminibusmolliqueparasdetexerejunco。\"
[\"’Dostthounotratherdosomethingwhichisrequired，andmakeosierandreedbasket。\"——Virgil，Eclog。，ii。71。]
Weoccupyourthoughtsaboutthegeneral，andaboutuniversalcausesandconducts，whichwillverywellcarryonthemselveswithoutourcare;andleaveourownbusinessatrandom，andMichaelmuchmoreourconcernthanman。NowIam，indeed，forthemostpartathome;butIwouldbetherebetterpleasedthananywhereelse:
\"Sitmeaesedesutinamsenectae，Sitmoduslassomaris，etviarum，Militiaeque。\"
[\"Letmyoldagehaveafixedseat;lettherebealimittofatiguesfromthesea，journeys，warfare。\"——Horace，Od。，ii。6，6。]