第34章
加入书架 A- A+
点击下载App,搜索"Women in Love",免费读到尾

  Hermockeryquiveredthroughhismuscleswithcuriousre—echoes。Whenhesleptheseemedtocrouchdowninthebed,lappedupinhisownstrength,thatyetwashollow。

  AndGudrunsleptstrongly,avictorioussleep。Suddenly,shewasalmostfiercelyawake。Thesmalltimberroomglowedwiththedawn,thatcameupwardsfromthelowwindow。Shecouldseedownthevalleywhensheliftedherhead:thesnowwithapinkish,half—revealedmagic,thefringeofpine—treesatthebottomoftheslope。Andonetinyfiguremovedoverthevaguely—illuminatedspace。

  Sheglancedathiswatch;itwasseveno\'clock。Hewasstillcompletelyasleep。Andshewassohardawake,itwasalmostfrightening——ahard,metallicwakefulness。Shelaylookingathim。

  Hesleptinthesubjectionofhisownhealthanddefeat。Shewasovercomebyasincereregardforhim。Tillnow,shewasafraidbeforehim。Shelayandthoughtabouthim,whathewas,whatherepresentedintheworld。A

  fine,independentwill,hehad。Shethoughtoftherevolutionhehadworkedinthemines,insoshortatime。Sheknewthat,ifhewereconfrontedwithanyproblem,anyhardactualdifficulty,hewouldovercomeit。Ifhelaidholdofanyidea,hewouldcarryitthrough。Hehadthefacultyofmakingorderoutofconfusion。Onlylethimgripholdofasituation,andhewouldbringtopassaninevitableconclusion。

  Forafewmomentsshewasborneawayonthewildwingsofambition。

  Gerald,withhisforceofwillandhispowerforcomprehendingtheactualworld,shouldbesettosolvetheproblemsoftheday,theproblemofindustrialisminthemodernworld。Sheknewhewould,inthecourseoftime,effectthechangeshedesired,hecouldre—organisetheindustrialsystem。Sheknewhecoulddoit。Asaninstrument,inthesethings,hewasmarvellous,shehadneverseenanymanwithhispotentiality。Hewasunawareofit,butsheknew。

  Heonlyneededtobehitchedon,heneededthathishandshouldbesettothetask,becausehewassounconscious。Andthisshecoulddo。Shewouldmarryhim,hewouldgointoParliamentintheConservativeinterest,hewouldclearupthegreatmuddleoflabourandindustry。Hewassosuperblyfearless,masterful,heknewthateveryproblemcouldbeworkedout,inlifeasingeometry。Andhewouldcareneitherabouthimselfnoraboutanythingbutthepureworkingoutoftheproblem。Hewasverypure,really。

  Herheartbeatfast,sheflewawayonwingsofelation,imaginingafuture。HewouldbeaNapoleonofpeace,oraBismarck——andshethewomanbehindhim。ShehadreadBismarck\'sletters,andhadbeendeeplymovedbythem。AndGeraldwouldbefreer,moredauntlessthanBismarck。

  Butevenasshelayinfictitioustransport,bathedinthestrange,falsesunshineofhopeinlife,somethingseemedtosnapinher,andaterriblecynicismbegantogainuponher,blowinginlikeawind。Everythingturnedtoironywithher:thelastflavourofeverythingwasironical。

  Whenshefeltherpangofundeniablereality,thiswaswhensheknewthehardironyofhopesandideas。

  Shelayandlookedathim,asheslept。Hewassheerlybeautiful,hewasaperfectinstrument。Tohermind,hewasapure,inhuman,almostsuperhumaninstrument。Hisinstrumentalityappealedsostronglytoher,shewishedshewereGod,tousehimasatool。

  Andatthesameinstant,cametheironicalquestion:`Whatfor?\'Shethoughtofthecolliers\'wives,withtheirlinoleumandtheirlacecurtainsandtheirlittlegirlsinhigh—lacedboots。Shethoughtofthewivesanddaughtersofthepit—managers,theirtennis—parties,andtheirterriblestrugglestobesuperioreachtotheother,inthesocialscale。TherewasShortlandswithitsmeaninglessdistinction,themeaninglesscrowdoftheCriches。TherewasLondon,theHouseofCommons,theextantsocialworld。MyGod!

  Youngasshewas,GudrunhadtouchedthewholepulseofsocialEngland。

  Shehadnoideasofrisingintheworld。Sheknew,withtheperfectcynicismofcruelyouth,thattoriseintheworldmeanttohaveoneoutsideshowinsteadofanother,theadvancewaslikehavingaspurioushalf—crowninsteadofaspuriouspenny。Thewholecoinageofvaluationwasspurious。Yetofcourse,hercynicismknewwellenoughthat,inaworldwherespuriouscoinwascurrent,abadsovereignwasbetterthanabadfarthing。Butrichandpoor,shedespisedbothalike。

  Alreadyshemockedatherselfforherdreams。Theycouldbefulfilledeasilyenough。Butsherecognisedtoowell,inherspirit,themockeryofherownimpulses。Whatdidshecare,thatGeraldhadcreatedarichly—payingindustryoutofanoldworn—outconcern?Whatdidshecare?Theworn—outconcernandtherapid,splendidlyorganisedindustry,theywerebadmoney。

  Yetofcourse,shecaredagreatdeal,outwardly——andoutwardlywasallthatmattered,forinwardlywasabadjoke。

  Everythingwasintrinsicallyapieceofironytoher。SheleanedoverGeraldandsaidinherheart,withcompassion:

  `Oh,mydear,mydear,thegameisn\'tworthevenyou。Youareafinethingreally——whyshouldyoubeusedonsuchapoorshow!\'

  Herheartwasbreakingwithpityandgriefforhim。Andatthesamemoment,agrimacecameoverhermouth,ofmockingironyatherownunspokentirade。Ah,whatafarceitwas!ShethoughtofParnellandKatherineO\'Shea。

  Parnell!Afterall,whocantakethenationalisationofIrelandseriously?

  WhocantakepoliticalIrelandreallyseriously,whateveritdoes?AndwhocantakepoliticalEnglandseriously?Whocan?Whocancareastraw,really,howtheoldpatched—upConstitutionistinkeredatanymore?Whocaresabuttonforournationalideas,anymorethanforournationalbowlerhat?Aha,itisalloldhat,itisalloldbowlerhat!

  That\'sallitis,Gerald,myyounghero。Atanyratewe\'llspareourselvesthenauseaofstirringtheoldbrothanymore。Youbebeautiful,myGerald,andreckless。Thereareperfectmoments。Wakeup,Gerald,wakeup,convincemeoftheperfectmoments。Oh,convinceme,Ineedit。

  Heopenedhiseyes,andlookedather。Shegreetedhimwithamocking,enigmaticsmileinwhichwasapoignantgaiety。Overhisfacewentthereflectionofthesmile,hesmiled,too,purelyunconsciously。

  Thatfilledherwithextraordinarydelight,toseethesmilecrosshisface,reflectedfromherface。Sherememberedthatwashowababysmiled。

  Itfilledherwithextraordinaryradiantdelight。

  `You\'vedoneit,\'shesaid。

  `What?\'heasked,dazed。

  `Convincedme。\'

  Andshebentdown,kissinghimpassionately,passionately,sothathewasbewildered。Hedidnotaskherofwhathehadconvincedher,thoughhemeantto。Hewasgladshewaskissinghim。Sheseemedtobefeelingforhisveryhearttotouchthequickofhim。Andhewantedhertotouchthequickofhisbeing,hewantedthatmostofall。

  Outside,somebodywassinging,inamanly,recklesshandsomevoice:`Machmirauf,machmirauf,duStolze,MachmireinFeuervonHolze。VomRegenbinichnassVomRegenbinichnass——\'

  Gudrunknewthatthatsongwouldsoundthroughhereternity,sunginamanly,reckless,mockingvoice。Itmarkedoneofhersuprememoments,thesupremepangsofhernervousgratification。Thereitwas,fixedineternityforher。

  Thedaycamefineandbluish。Therewasalightwindblowingamongthemountaintops,keenasarapierwhereittouched,carryingwithitafinedustofsnow—powder。Geraldwentoutwiththefine,blindfaceofamanwhoisinhisstateoffulfilment。Gudrunandhewereinperfectstaticunitythismorning,butunseeingandunwitting。Theywentoutwithatoboggan,leavingUrsulaandBirkintofollow。

  Gudrunwasallscarletandroyalblue——ascarletjerseyandcap,andaroyalblueskirtandstockings。Shewentgailyoverthewhitesnow,withGeraldbesideher,inwhiteandgrey,pullingthelittletoboggan。Theygrewsmallinthedistanceofsnow,climbingthesteepslope。

  ForGudrunherself,sheseemedtopassaltogetherintothewhitenessofthesnow,shebecameapure,thoughtlesscrystal。Whenshereachedthetopoftheslope,inthewind,shelookedround,andsawpeakbeyondpeakofrockandsnow,bluish,transcendentinheaven。Anditseemedtoherlikeagarden,withthepeaksforpureflowers,andherheartgatheringthem。ShehadnoseparateconsciousnessforGerald。

  Sheheldontohimastheywentsheeringdownoverthekeenslope。Shefeltasifhersenseswerebeingwhettedonsomefinegrindstone,thatwaskeenasflame。Thesnowsprintedoneitherside,likesparksfromabladethatisbeingsharpened,thewhitenessroundaboutranswifter,swifter,inpureflamethewhiteslopeflewagainsther,andshefusedlikeonemolten,dancingglobule,rushedthroughawhiteintensity。Thentherewasagreatswerveatthebottom,whentheyswungasitwereinafalltoearth,inthediminishingmotion。

  Theycametorest。Butwhensherosetoherfeet,shecouldnotstand。

  Shegaveastrangecry,turnedandclungtohim,sinkingherfaceonhisbreast,faintinginhim。Utteroblivioncameoverher,asshelayforafewmomentsabandonedagainsthim。

  `Whatisit?\'hewassaying。`Wasittoomuchforyou?\'

  Butsheheardnothing。

  Whenshecameto,shestoodupandlookedround,astonished。Herfacewaswhite,hereyesbrilliantandlarge。

  `Whatisit?\'herepeated。`Diditupsetyou?\'

  Shelookedathimwithherbrillianteyesthatseemedtohaveundergonesometransfiguration,andshelaughed,withaterriblemerriment。

  `No,\'shecried,withtriumphantjoy。`Itwasthecompletemomentofmylife。\'

  Andshelookedathimwithherdazzling,overweeninglaughter,likeonepossessed。Afinebladeseemedtoenterhisheart,buthedidnotcare,ortakeanynotice。

  Buttheyclimbeduptheslopeagain,andtheyflewdownthroughthewhiteflameagain,splendidly,splendidly。Gudrunwaslaughingandflashing,powderedwithsnow—crystals,Geraldworkedperfectly。Hefelthecouldguidethetoboggantoahair—breadth,almosthecouldmakeitpierceintotheairandrightintotheveryheartofthesky。Itseemedtohimtheflyingsledgewasbuthisstrengthspreadout,hehadbuttomovehisarms,themotionwashisown。Theyexploredthegreatslopes,tofindanotherslide。Hefelttheremustbesomethingbetterthantheyhadknown。Andhefoundwhathedesired,aperfectlong,fiercesweep,sheeringpastthefootofarockandintothetreesatthebase。Itwasdangerous,heknew。

  Butthenheknewalsohewoulddirectthesledgebetweenhisfingers。

  Thefirstdayspassedinanecstasyofphysicalmotion,sleighing,skiing,skating,movinginanintensityofspeedandwhitelightthatsurpassedlifeitself,andcarriedthesoulsofthehumanbeingsbeyondintoaninhumanabstractionofvelocityandweightandeternal,frozensnow。

  Gerald\'seyesbecamehardandstrange,andashewentbyonhisskishewasmorelikesomepowerful,fatefulsighthanaman,hismuscleselasticinaperfect,soaringtrajectory,hisbodyprojectedinpureflight,mindless,soulless,whirlingalongoneperfectlineofforce。

  Luckilytherecameadayofsnow,whentheymustallstayindoors:otherwiseBirkinsaid,theywouldalllosetheirfaculties,andbegintoutterthemselvesincriesandshrieks,likesomestrange,unknownspeciesofsnow—creatures。

  IthappenedintheafternoonthatUrsulasatintheReunionsaaltalkingtoLoerke。Thelatterhadseemedunhappylately。Hewaslivelyandfullofmischievoushumour,asusual。

  ButUrsulahadthoughthewassulkyaboutsomething。Hispartner,too,thebig,fair,good—lookingyouth,wasillatease,goingaboutasifhebelongedtonowhere,andwaskeptinsomesortofsubjection,againstwhichhewasrebelling。

  LoerkehadhardlytalkedtoGudrun。Hisassociate,ontheotherhand,hadpaidherconstantlyasoft,over—deferentialattention。GudrunwantedtotalktoLoerke。Hewasasculptor,andshewantedtohearhisviewofhisart。Andhisfigureattractedher。Therewasthelookofalittlewastrelabouthim,thatintriguedher,andanoldman\'slook,thatinterestedher,andthen,besidethis,anuncannysingleness,aqualityofbeingbyhimself,notincontactwithanybodyelse,thatmarkedoutanartisttoher。Hewasachatterer,amagpie,amakerofmischievousword—jokes,thatweresometimesveryclever,butwhichoftenwerenot。Andshecouldseeinhisbrown,gnome\'seyes,theblacklookofinorganicmisery,whichlaybehindallhissmallbuffoonery。

  Hisfigureinterestedher——thefigureofaboy,almostastreetarab。

  Hemadenoattempttoconcealit。Healwaysworeasimplelodensuit,withkneebreeches。Hislegswerethin,andhemadenoattempttodisguisethefact:whichwasofitselfremarkable,inaGerman。Andheneveringratiatedhimselfanywhere,notintheslightest,butkepttohimself,forallhisapparentplayfulness。

  Leitner,hiscompanion,wasagreatsportsman,veryhandsomewithhisbiglimbsandhisblueeyes。Loerkewouldgotoboganningorskating,inlittlesnatches,buthewasindifferent。Andhisfine,thinnostrils,thenostrilsofapure—bredstreetarab,wouldquiverwithcontemptatLeitner\'ssplotheringgymnasticdisplays。Itwasevidentthatthetwomenwhohadtravelledandlivedtogether,sharingthesamebedroom,hadnowreachedthestageofloathing。LeitnerhatedLoerkewithaninjured,writhing,impotenthatred,andLoerketreatedLeitnerwithafine—quiveringcontemptandsarcasm。Soonthetwowouldhavetogoapart。

  Alreadytheywererarelytogether。Leitnerranattachinghimselftosomebodyorother,alwaysdeferring,Loerkewasagooddealalone。OutofdoorsheworeaWestphaliancap,aclosebrown—velvetheadwithbigbrownvelvetflapsdownoverhisears,sothathelookedlikealop—earedrabbit,oratroll。Hisfacewasbrown—red,withadry,brightskin,thatseemedtocrinklewithhismobileexpressions。Hiseyeswerearresting——brown,full,likearabbit\'s,orlikeatroll\'s,orliketheeyesofalostbeing,havingastrange,dumb,depravedlookofknowledge,andaquicksparkofuncannyfire。WheneverGudrunhadtriedtotalktohimhehadshiedawayunresponsive,lookingatherwithhiswatchfuldarkeyes,butenteringintonorelationwithher。HehadmadeherfeelthatherslowFrenchandherslowerGerman,werehatefultohim。AsforhisowninadequateEnglish,hewasmuchtooawkwardtotryitatall。Butheunderstoodagooddealofwhatwassaid,nevertheless。AndGudrun,piqued,lefthimalone。

  Thisafternoon,however,shecameintotheloungeashewastalkingtoUrsula。Hisfine,blackhairsomehowremindedherofabat,thinasitwasonhisfull,sensitive—lookinghead,andwornawayatthetemples。

  Hesathunchedup,asifhisspiritwerebat—like。AndGudruncouldseehewasmakingsomeslowconfidencetoUrsula,unwilling,aslow,grudging,scantyself—revelation。Shewentandsatbyhersister。

  Helookedather,thenlookedawayagain,asifhetooknonoticeofher。Butasamatteroffact,sheinterestedhimdeeply。

  `Isn\'titinteresting,Prune,\'saidUrsula,turningtohersister,`HerrLoerkeisdoingagreatfriezeforafactoryinCologne,fortheoutside,thestreet。\'

  Shelookedathim,athisthin,brown,nervoushands,thatwereprehensile,andsomehowliketalons,like`griffes,\'inhuman。

  `Whatin?\'sheasked。

  `Auswas?\'repeatedUrsula。

  `Granit,\'hereplied。

  Ithadbecomeimmediatelyalaconicseriesofquestionandanswerbetweenfellowcraftsmen。

  `Whatistherelief?\'askedGudrun。

  `Altorelievo。\'

  `Andatwhatheight?\'

  ItwasveryinterestingtoGudruntothinkofhismakingthegreatgranitefriezeforagreatgranitefactoryinCologne。Shegotfromhimsomenotionofthedesign。Itwasarepresentationofafair,withpeasantsandartisansinanorgyofenjoyment,drunkandabsurdintheirmoderndress,whirlingridiculouslyinroundabouts,gapingatshows,kissingandstaggeringandrollinginknots,swinginginswing—boats,andfiringdownshootinggalleries,afrenzyofchaoticmotion。

  Therewasaswiftdiscussionoftechnicalities。Gudrunwasverymuchimpressed。

  `Buthowwonderful,tohavesuchafactory!\'criedUrsula。`Isthewholebuildingfine?\'

  `Ohyes,\'hereplied。`Thefriezeispartofthewholearchitecture。

  Yes,itisacolossalthing。\'

  Thenheseemedtostiffen,shruggedhisshoulders,andwenton:

  `Sculptureandarchitecturemustgotogether。Thedayforirrelevantstatues,asforwallpictures,isover。Asamatteroffactsculptureisalwayspartofanarchitecturalconception。Andsincechurchesareallmuseumstuff,sinceindustryisourbusiness,now,thenletusmakeourplacesofindustryourart——ourfactory—areaourParthenon,ecco!\'

  Ursulapondered。

  `Isuppose,\'shesaid,`thereisnoneedforourgreatworkstobesohideous。\'

  Instantlyhebrokeintomotion。

  `Thereyouare!\'hecried,`thereyouare!Thereisnotonlynoneedforourplacesofworktobeugly,buttheiruglinessruinsthework,intheend。Menwillnotgoonsubmittingtosuchintolerableugliness。Intheenditwillhurttoomuch,andtheywillwitherbecauseofit。Andthiswillwithertheworkaswell。Theywillthinktheworkitselfisugly:themachines,theveryactoflabour。Whereasthemachineryandtheactsoflabourareextremely,maddeninglybeautiful。Butthiswillbetheendofourcivilisation,whenpeoplewillnotworkbecauseworkhasbecomesointolerabletotheirsenses,itnauseatesthemtoomuch,theywouldratherstarve。Thenweshallseethehammerusedonlyforsmashing,thenweshallseeit。Yethereweare——wehavetheopportunitytomakebeautifulfactories,beautifulmachine—houses——wehavetheopportunity——\'

  Gudruncouldonlypartlyunderstand。Shecouldhavecriedwithvexation。

  `Whatdoeshesay?\'sheaskedUrsula。AndUrsulatranslated,stammeringandbrief。LoerkewatchedGudrun\'sface,toseeherjudgment。

  `Anddoyouthinkthen,\'saidGudrun,`thatartshouldserveindustry?\'

  `Artshouldinterpretindustry,asartonceinterpretedreligion,\'

  hesaid。

  `Butdoesyourfairinterpretindustry?\'sheaskedhim。

  `Certainly。Whatismandoing,whenheisatafairlikethis?Heisfulfillingthecounterpartoflabour——themachineworkshim,insteadofhethemachine。Heenjoysthemechanicalmotion,inhisownbody。\'

  `Butistherenothingbutwork——mechanicalwork?\'saidGudrun。

  `Nothingbutwork!\'herepeated,leaningforward,hiseyestwodarknesses,withneedle—pointsoflight。`No,itisnothingbutthis,servingamachine,orenjoyingthemotionofamachine——motion,thatisall。Youhaveneverworkedforhunger,oryouwouldknowwhatgodgovernsus。\'

  Gudrunquiveredandflushed。Forsomereasonshewasalmostintears。

  `No,Ihavenotworkedforhunger,\'shereplied,`butIhaveworked!\'

  `Travaille——lavorato?\'heasked。`Echelavoro——chelavoro?Queltravailest—cequevousavezfait?\'

  HebrokeintoamixtureofItalianandFrench,instinctivelyusingaforeignlanguagewhenhespoketoher。

  `Youhaveneverworkedastheworldworks,\'hesaidtoher,withsarcasm。

  `Yes,\'shesaid。`Ihave。AndIdo——Iworknowformydailybread。\'

  Hepaused,lookedathersteadily,thendroppedthesubjectentirely。

  Sheseemedtohimtobetrifling。

  `Buthaveyoueverworkedastheworldworks?\'Ursulaaskedhim。

  Helookedatheruntrustful。

  `Yes,\'hereplied,withasurlybark。`Ihaveknownwhatitwastolieinbedforthreedays,becauseIhadnothingtoeat。\'

  Gudrunwaslookingathimwithlarge,graveeyes,thatseemedtodrawtheconfessionfromhimasthemarrowfromhisbones。Allhisnatureheldhimbackfromconfessing。Andyetherlarge,graveeyesuponhimseemedtoopensomevalveinhisveins,andinvoluntarilyhewastelling。

  `Myfatherwasamanwhodidnotlikework,andwehadnomother。WelivedinAustria,PolishAustria。Howdidwelive?Ha!——somehow!Mostlyinaroomwiththreeotherfamilies——onesetineachcorner——andtheW。C。inthemiddleoftheroom——apanwithaplankonit——ha!Ihadtwobrothersandasister——andtheremightbeawomanwithmyfather。

  Hewasafreebeing,inhisway——wouldfightwithanymaninthetown——agarrisontown——andwasalittlemantoo。Buthewouldn\'tworkforanybody——sethisheartagainstit,andwouldn\'t。\'

  `Andhowdidyoulivethen?\'askedUrsula。

  Helookedather——then,suddenly,atGudrun。

  `Doyouunderstand?\'heasked。

  `Enough,\'shereplied。

  Theireyesmetforamoment。Thenhelookedaway。Hewouldsaynomore。

  `Andhowdidyoubecomeasculptor?\'askedUrsula。

  `HowdidIbecomeasculptor——\'hepaused。`Dunque——\'heresumed,inachangedmanner,andbeginningtospeakFrench——`Ibecameoldenough——Iusedtostealfromthemarket—place。LaterIwenttowork——imprintedthestamponclaybottles,beforetheywerebaked。Itwasanearthenware—bottlefactory。ThereIbeganmakingmodels。Oneday,Ihadhadenough。Ilayinthesunanddidnotgotowork。ThenIwalkedtoMunich——thenIwalkedtoItaly——begging,beggingeverything。\'

  `TheItalianswereverygoodtome——theyweregoodandhonourabletome。FromBozentoRome,almosteverynightIhadamealandabed,perhapsofstraw,withsomepeasant。IlovetheItalianpeople,withallmyheart。

  `Dunque,adesso——maintenant——Iearnathousandpoundsinayear,orIearntwothousand——\'

  Helookeddownattheground,hisvoicetailingoffintosilence。

  Gudrunlookedathisfine,thin,shinyskin,reddish—brownfromthesun,drawntightoverhisfulltemples;andathisthinhair——andatthethick,coarse,brush—likemoustache,cutshortabouthismobile,rathershapelessmouth。

  `Howoldareyou?\'sheasked。

  Helookedupatherwithhisfull,elfineyesstartled。

  `Wiealt?\'herepeated。Andhehesitated。Itwasevidentlyoneofhisreticencies。

  `Howoldareyou?\'hereplied,withoutanswering。

  `Iamtwenty—six,\'sheanswered。

  `Twenty—six,\'herepeated,lookingintohereyes。Hepaused。Thenhesaid:

  `UndIhrHerrGemahl,wiealtiser?\'

  `Who?\'askedGudrun。

  `Yourhusband,\'saidUrsula,withacertainirony。

  `Ihaven\'tgotahusband,\'saidGudruninEnglish。InGermansheanswered,`Heisthirty—one。\'

  ButLoerkewaswatchingclosely,withhisuncanny,full,suspiciouseyes。SomethinginGudrunseemedtoaccordwithhim。Hewasreallylikeoneofthe`littlepeople\'whohavenosoul,whohasfoundhismateinahumanbeing。Buthesufferedinhisdiscovery。Shetoowasfascinatedbyhim,fascinated,asifsomestrangecreature,arabbitorabat,orabrownseal,hadbeguntotalktoher。Butalso,sheknewwhathewasunconsciousof,histremendouspowerofunderstanding,ofapprehendingherlivingmotion。Hedidnotknowhisownpower。Hedidnotknowhow,withhisfull,submerged,watchfuleyes,hecouldlookintoherandseeher,whatshewas,seehersecrets。Hewouldonlywanthertobeherself——heknewherverily,withasubconscious,sinisterknowledge,devoidofillusionsandhopes。

  ToGudrun,therewasinLoerketherock—bottomofalllife。Everybodyelsehadtheirillusion,musthavetheirillusion,theirbeforeandafter。

  Buthe,withaperfectstoicism,didwithoutanybeforeandafter,dispensedwithallillusion。Hedidnotdeceivehimselfinthelastissue。Inthelastissuehecaredaboutnothing,hewastroubledaboutnothing,hemadenottheslightestattempttobeatonewithanything。Heexistedapure,unconnectedwill,stoicalandmomentaneous。Therewasonlyhiswork。

  Itwascurioustoo,howhispoverty,thedegradationofhisearlierlife,attractedher。Therewassomethinginsipidandtastelesstoher,intheideaofagentleman,amanwhohadgonetheusualcoursethroughschoolanduniversity。Acertainviolentsympathy,however,cameupinherforthismud—child。Heseemedtobetheverystuffoftheunderworldoflife。Therewasnogoingbeyondhim。

  UrsulatoowasattractedbyLoerke。Inbothsistershecommandedacertainhomage。ButthereweremomentswhentoUrsulaheseemedindescribablyinferior,false,avulgarism。

  BothBirkinandGeralddislikedhim,Geraldignoringhimwithsomecontempt,Birkinexasperated。

  `Whatdothewomenfindsoimpressiveinthatlittlebrat?\'Geraldasked。

  `Godaloneknows,\'repliedBirkin,`unlessit\'ssomesortofappealhemakestothem,whichflattersthemandhassuchapoweroverthem。\'

  Geraldlookedupinsurprise。

  `Doeshemakeanappealtothem?\'heasked。

  `Ohyes,\'repliedBirkin。`Heistheperfectlysubjectedbeing,existingalmostlikeacriminal。Andthewomenrushtowardsthat,likeacurrentofairtowardsavacuum。\'

  `Funnytheyshouldrushtothat,\'saidGerald。

  `Makesonemad,too,\'saidBirkin。`Buthehasthefascinationofpityandrepulsionforthem,alittleobscenemonsterofthedarknessthatheis。\'

  Geraldstoodstill,suspendedinthought。

  `Whatdowomenwant,atthebottom?\'heasked。

  Birkinshruggedhisshoulders。

  `Godknows,\'hesaid。`Somesatisfactioninbasicrepulsion,itseemstome。Theyseemtocreepdownsomeghastlytunnelofdarkness,andwillneverbesatisfiedtillthey\'vecometotheend。\'

  Geraldlookedoutintothemistoffinesnowthatwasblowingby。Everywherewasblindtoday,horriblyblind。

  `Andwhatistheend?\'heasked。

  Birkinshookhishead。

  `I\'venotgotthereyet,soIdon\'tknow。AskLoerke,he\'sprettynear。

  HeisagoodmanystagesfurtherthaneitheryouorIcango。\'

  `Yes,butstagesfurtherinwhat?\'criedGerald,irritated。

  Birkinsighed,andgatheredhisbrowsintoaknotofanger。

  `Stagesfurtherinsocialhatred,\'hesaid。`Heliveslikearat,intheriverofcorruption,justwhereitfallsoverintothebottomlesspit。

  He\'sfurtheronthanweare。Hehatestheidealmoreacutely。Hehatestheidealutterly,yetitstilldominateshim。IexpectheisaJew——

  orpartJewish。\'

  `Probably,\'saidGerald。

  `Heisagnawinglittlenegation,gnawingattherootsoflife。\'

  `Butwhydoesanybodycareabouthim?\'criedGerald。

  `Becausetheyhatetheidealalso,intheirsouls。Theywanttoexplorethesewers,andhe\'sthewizardratthatswimsahead。\'

  StillGeraldstoodandstaredattheblindhazeofsnowoutside。

  `Idon\'tunderstandyourterms,really,\'hesaid,inaflat,doomedvoice。`Butitsoundsarumsortofdesire。\'

  `Isupposewewantthesame,\'saidBirkin。`Onlywewanttotakeaquickjumpdownwards,inasortofecstasy——andheebbswiththestream,thesewerstream。\'

  MeanwhileGudrunandUrsulawaitedforthenextopportunitytotalktoLoerke。Itwasnousebeginningwhenthemenwerethere。Thentheycouldgetintonotouchwiththeisolatedlittlesculptor。Hehadtobealonewiththem。AndhepreferredUrsulatobethere,asasortoftransmittertoGudrun。

  `Doyoudonothingbutarchitecturalsculpture?\'Gudrunaskedhimoneevening。

点击下载App,搜索"Women in Love",免费读到尾