`Andwhatdidyoudecide？\'askedGerald，atonceprickinguphisearsatthethoughtofametaphysicaldiscussion。
`Youdon\'twantasoultoday，myboy，\'saidMarshall。`It\'dbeinyourroad。\'
`Christ！Marshall，goandtalktosomebodyelse，\'criedGerald，withsuddenimpatience。
`ByGod，I\'mwilling，\'saidMarshall，inatemper。`Toomuchbloodysoulandtalkaltogether——\'
Hewithdrewinadudgeon，Geraldstaringafterhimwithangryeyes，thatgrewgraduallycalmandamiableasthestoutly—builtformoftheothermanpassedintothedistance。
`There\'sonething，Lupton，\'saidGerald，turningsuddenlytothebridegroom。
`Laurawon\'thavebroughtsuchafoolintothefamilyasLottiedid。\'
`Comfortyourselfwiththat，\'laughedBirkin。
`Itakenonoticeofthem，\'laughedthebridegroom。
`Whataboutthisracethen——whobeganit？\'Geraldasked。
`Wewerelate。Laurawasatthetopofthechurchyardstepswhenourcabcameup。ShesawLuptonboltingtowardsher。Andshefled。Butwhydoyoulooksocross？Doesithurtyoursenseofthefamilydignity？\'
`Itdoes，rather，\'saidGerald。`Ifyou\'redoingathing，doitproperly，andifyou\'renotgoingtodoitproperly，leaveitalone。\'
`Veryniceaphorism，\'saidBirkin。
`Don\'tyouagree？\'askedGerald。
`Quite，\'saidBirkin。`Onlyitboresmerather，whenyoubecomeaphoristic。\'
`Damnyou，Rupert，youwantalltheaphorismsyourownway，\'saidGerald。
`No。Iwantthemoutoftheway，andyou\'realwaysshovingtheminit。\'
Geraldsmiledgrimlyatthishumorism。Thenhemadealittlegestureofdismissal，withhiseyebrows。
`Youdon\'tbelieveinhavinganystandardofbehaviouratall，doyou？\'
hechallengedBirkin，censoriously。
`Standard——no。Ihatestandards。Butthey\'renecessaryforthecommonruck。Anybodywhoisanythingcanjustbehimselfanddoashelikes。\'
`Butwhatdoyoumeanbybeinghimself？\'saidGerald。`Isthatanaphorismoracliche？\'
`Imeanjustdoingwhatyouwanttodo。IthinkitwasperfectgoodforminLauratoboltfromLuptontothechurchdoor。Itwasalmostamasterpieceingoodform。It\'sthehardestthingintheworldtoactspontaneouslyonone\'simpulses——andit\'stheonlyreallygentlemanlythingtodo——
providedyou\'refittodoit。\'
`Youdon\'texpectmetotakeyouseriously，doyou？\'askedGerald。
`Yes，Gerald，you\'reoneoftheveryfewpeopleIdoexpectthatof。\'
`ThenI\'mafraidIcan\'tcomeuptoyourexpectationshere，atanyrate。
Youthinkpeopleshouldjustdoastheylike。\'
`Ithinktheyalwaysdo。ButIshouldlikethemtolikethepurelyindividualthinginthemselves，whichmakesthemactinsingleness。Andtheyonlyliketodothecollectivething。\'
`AndI，\'saidGeraldgrimly，`shouldn\'tliketobeinaworldofpeoplewhoactedindividuallyandspontaneously，asyoucallit。Weshouldhaveeverybodycuttingeverybodyelse\'sthroatinfiveminutes。\'
`Thatmeansyouwouldliketobecuttingeverybody\'sthroat，\'
saidBirkin。
`Howdoesthatfollow？\'askedGeraldcrossly。
`Noman，\'saidBirkin，`cutsanotherman\'sthroatunlesshewantstocutit，andunlesstheothermanwantsitcutting。Thisisacompletetruth。
Ittakestwopeopletomakeamurder:amurdererandamurderee。Andamurdereeisamanwhoismurderable。Andamanwhoismurderableisamanwhoinaprofoundifhiddenlustdesirestobemurdered。\'
`Sometimesyoutalkpurenonsense，\'saidGeraldtoBirkin。`Asamatteroffact，noneofuswantsourthroatcut，andmostotherpeoplewouldliketocutitforus——sometimeorother——\'
`It\'sanastyviewofthings，Gerald，\'saidBirkin，`andnowonderyouareafraidofyourselfandyourownunhappiness。\'
`HowamIafraidofmyself？\'saidGerald;`andIdon\'tthinkIamunhappy。\'
`Youseemtohavealurkingdesiretohaveyourgizzardslit，andimagineeverymanhashisknifeuphissleeveforyou，\'Birkinsaid。
`Howdoyoumakethatout？\'saidGerald。
`Fromyou，\'saidBirkin。
Therewasapauseofstrangeenmitybetweenthetwomen，thatwasveryneartolove。Itwasalwaysthesamebetweenthem;alwaystheirtalkbroughtthemintoadeadlynearnessofcontact，astrange，perilousintimacywhichwaseitherhateorlove，orboth。Theypartedwithapparentunconcern，asiftheirgoingapartwereatrivialoccurrence。Andtheyreallykeptittotheleveloftrivialoccurrence。Yettheheartofeachburnedfromtheother。Theyburnedwitheachother，inwardly。Thistheywouldneveradmit。Theyintendedtokeeptheirrelationshipacasualfree—and—easyfriendship，theywerenotgoingtobesounmanlyandunnaturalastoallowanyheart—burningbetweenthem。Theyhadnotthefaintestbeliefindeeprelationshipbetweenmenandmen，andtheirdisbeliefpreventedanydevelopmentoftheirpowerfulbutsuppressedfriendliness。
WomenInLove:Chapter3CHAPTERIIIClass—roomASCHOOL—DAYwasdrawingtoaclose。Intheclass—roomthelastlessonwasinprogress，peacefulandstill。Itwaselementarybotany。Thedeskswerelitteredwithcatkins，hazelandwillow，whichthechildrenhadbeensketching。Buttheskyhadcomeoverdark，astheendoftheafternoonapproached:therewasscarcelylighttodrawanymore。
Ursulastoodinfrontoftheclass，leadingthechildrenbyquestionstounderstandthestructureandthemeaningofthecatkins。
Aheavy，copper—colouredbeamoflightcameinatthewestwindow，gildingtheoutlinesofthechildren\'sheadswithredgold，andfallingonthewalloppositeinarich，ruddyillumination。Ursula，however，wasscarcelyconsciousofit。Shewasbusy，theendofthedaywashere，theworkwentonasapeacefultidethatisatflood，hushedtoretire。
Thisdayhadgonebylikesomanymore，inanactivitythatwaslikeatrance。Attheendtherewasalittlehaste，tofinishwhatwasinhand。
Shewaspressingthechildrenwithquestions，sothattheyshouldknowalltheyweretoknow，bythetimethegongwent。Shestoodinshadowinfrontoftheclass，withcatkinsinherhand，andsheleanedtowardsthechildren，absorbedinthepassionofinstruction。
Sheheard，butdidnotnoticetheclickofthedoor。Suddenlyshestarted。
Shesaw，intheshaftofruddy，copper—colouredlightnearher，thefaceofaman。Itwasgleaminglikefire，watchingher，waitingforhertobeaware。Itstartledherterribly。Shethoughtshewasgoingtofaint。Allhersuppressed，subconsciousfearsprangintobeing，withanguish。
`DidIstartleyou？\'saidBirkin，shakinghandswithher。`Ithoughtyouhadheardmecomein。\'
`No，\'shefaltered，scarcelyabletospeak。Helaughed，sayinghewassorry。Shewonderedwhyitamusedhim。
`Itissodark，\'hesaid。`Shallwehavethelight？\'
Andmovingaside，heswitchedonthestrongelectriclights。Theclass—roomwasdistinctandhard，astrangeplaceafterthesoftdimmagicthatfilleditbeforehecame。BirkinturnedcuriouslytolookatUrsula。Hereyeswereroundandwondering，bewildered，hermouthquiveredslightly。Shelookedlikeonewhoissuddenlywakened。Therewasaliving，tenderbeauty，likeatenderlightofdawnshiningfromherface。Helookedatherwithanewpleasure，feelinggayinhisheart，irresponsible。
`Youaredoingcatkins？\'heasked，pickingupapieceofhazelfromascholar\'sdeskinfrontofhim。`Aretheyasfaroutasthis？Ihadn\'tnoticedthemthisyear。\'
Helookedabsorbedlyatthetasselofhazelinhishand。
`Theredonestoo！\'hesaid，lookingattheflickersofcrimsonthatcamefromthefemalebud。
Thenhewentinamongthedesks，toseethescholars\'books。Ursulawatchedhisintentprogress。Therewasastillnessinhismotionthathushedtheactivitiesofherheart。Sheseemedtobestandingasideinarrestedsilence，watchinghimmoveinanother，concentratedworld。Hispresencewassoquiet，almostlikeavacancyinthecorporateair。
Suddenlyheliftedhisfacetoher，andherheartquickenedattheflickerofhisvoice。
`Givethemsomecrayons，won\'tyou？\'hesaid，`sothattheycanmakethegynaeciousflowersred，andtheandrogynousyellow。I\'dchalktheminplain，chalkinnothingelse，merelytheredandtheyellow。Outlinescarcelymattersinthiscase。Thereisjusttheonefacttoemphasise。\'
`Ihaven\'tanycrayons，\'saidUrsula。
`Therewillbesomesomewhere——redandyellow，that\'sallyouwant。\'
Ursulasentoutaboyonaquest。
`Itwillmakethebooksuntidy，\'shesaidtoBirkin，flushingdeeply。
`Notvery，\'hesaid。`Youmustmarkinthesethingsobviously。It\'sthefactyouwanttoemphasise，notthesubjectiveimpressiontorecord。
What\'sthefact？——redlittlespikystigmasofthefemaleflower，danglingyellowmalecatkin，yellowpollenflyingfromonetotheother。Makeapictorialrecordofthefact，asachilddoeswhendrawingaface——twoeyes，onenose，mouthwithteeth——so——\'Andhedrewafigureontheblackboard。
Atthatmomentanothervisionwasseenthroughtheglasspanelsofthedoor。ItwasHermioneRoddice。Birkinwentandopenedtoher。
`Isawyourcar，\'shesaidtohim。`Doyoumindmycomingtofindyou？
Iwantedtoseeyouwhenyouwereonduty。\'
Shelookedathimforalongtime，intimateandplayful，thenshegaveashortlittlelaugh。AndthenonlysheturnedtoUrsula，who，withalltheclass，hadbeenwatchingthelittlescenebetweenthelovers。
`Howdoyoudo，MissBrangwen，\'sangHermione，inherlow，odd，singingfashion，thatsoundedalmostasifshewerepokingfun。`Doyoumindmycomingin？\'
Hergrey，almostsardoniceyesrestedallthewhileonUrsula，asifsummingherup。
`Ohno，\'saidUrsula。
`Areyousure？\'repeatedHermione，withcompletesangfroid，andanodd，half—bullyingeffrontery。
`Ohno，Ilikeitawfully，\'laughedUrsula，alittlebitexcitedandbewildered，becauseHermioneseemedtobecompellingher，comingveryclosetoher，asifintimatewithher;andyet，howcouldshebeintimate？
ThiswastheanswerHermionewanted。SheturnedsatisfiedtoBirkin。
`Whatareyoudoing？\'shesang，inhercasual，inquisitivefashion。
`Catkins，\'hereplied。
`Really！\'shesaid。`Andwhatdoyoulearnaboutthem？\'Shespokeallthewhileinamocking，halfteasingfashion，asifmakinggameofthewholebusiness。Shepickedupatwigofthecatkin，piquedbyBirkin\'sattentiontoit。
Shewasastrangefigureintheclass—room，wearingalarge，oldcloakofgreenishcloth，onwhichwasaraisedpatternofdullgold。Thehighcollar，andtheinsideofthecloak，waslinedwithdarkfur。Beneathshehadadressoffinelavender—colouredcloth，trimmedwithfur，andherhatwasclose—fitting，madeoffurandofthedull，green—and—goldfiguredstuff。Shewastallandstrange，shelookedasifshehadcomeoutofsomenew，bizarrepicture。
`Doyouknowthelittleredovaryflowers，thatproducethenuts？Haveyouevernoticedthem？\'heaskedher。Andhecamecloseandpointedthemouttoher，onthesprigsheheld。
`No，\'shereplied。`Whatarethey？\'
`Thosearethelittleseed—producingflowers，andthelongcatkins，theyonlyproducepollen，tofertilisethem。\'
`Dothey，dothey！\'repeatedHermione，lookingclosely。
`Fromthoselittleredbits，thenutscome;iftheyreceivepollenfromthelongdanglers。\'
`Littleredflames，littleredflames，\'murmuredHermionetoherself。
Andsheremainedforsomemomentslookingonlyatthesmallbudsoutofwhichtheredflickersofthestigmaissued。
`Aren\'ttheybeautiful？Ithinkthey\'resobeautiful，\'shesaid，movingclosetoBirkin，andpointingtotheredfilamentswithherlong，whitefinger。
`Hadyounevernoticedthembefore？\'heasked。
`No，neverbefore，\'shereplied。
`Andnowyouwillalwaysseethem，\'hesaid。
`NowIshallalwaysseethem，\'sherepeated。`Thankyousomuchforshowingme。Ithinkthey\'resobeautiful——littleredflames——\'
Herabsorptionwasstrange，almostrhapsodic。BothBirkinandUrsulaweresuspended。Thelittleredpistillateflowershadsomestrange，almostmystic—passionateattractionforher。
Thelessonwasfinished，thebookswereputaway，atlasttheclasswasdismissed。AndstillHermionesatatthetable，withherchininherhand，herelbowonthetable，herlongwhitefacepushedup，notattendingtoanything。Birkinhadgonetothewindow，andwaslookingfromthebrilliantly—lightedroomontothegrey，colourlessoutside，whererainwasnoiselesslyfalling。
Ursulaputawayherthingsinthecupboard。
AtlengthHermioneroseandcameneartoher。
`Yoursisterhascomehome？\'shesaid。
`Yes，\'saidUrsula。
`AnddoesshelikebeingbackinBeldover？\'
`No，\'saidUrsula。
`No，Iwondershecanbearit。Ittakesallmystrength，tobeartheuglinessofthisdistrict，whenIstayhere。Won\'tyoucomeandseeme？
Won\'tyoucomewithyoursistertostayatBreadalbyforafewdays？——
do——\'
`Thankyouverymuch，\'saidUrsula。
`ThenIwillwritetoyou，\'saidHermione。`Youthinkyoursisterwillcome？Ishouldbesoglad。Ithinksheiswonderful。Ithinksomeofherworkisreallywonderful。Ihavetwowater—wagtails，carvedinwood，andpainted——perhapsyouhaveseenit？\'
`No，\'saidUrsula。
`Ithinkitisperfectlywonderful——likeaflashofinstinct。\'
`Herlittlecarvingsarestrange，\'saidUrsula。
`Perfectlybeautiful——fullofprimitivepassion——\'
`Isn\'titqueerthatshealwayslikeslittlethings？——shemustalwaysworksmallthings，thatonecanputbetweenone\'shands，birdsandtinyanimals。Shelikestolookthroughthewrongendoftheoperaglasses，andseetheworldthatway——whyisit，doyouthink？\'
HermionelookeddownatUrsulawiththatlong，detachedscrutinisinggazethatexcitedtheyoungerwoman。
`Yes，\'saidHermioneatlength。`Itiscurious。Thelittlethingsseemtobemoresubtletoher——\'
`Buttheyaren\'t，arethey？Amouseisn\'tanymoresubtlethanalion，isit？\'
AgainHermionelookeddownatUrsulawiththatlongscrutiny，asifshewerefollowingsometrainofthoughtofherown，andbarelyattendingtotheother\'sspeech。
`Idon\'tknow，\'shereplied。
`Rupert，Rupert，\'shesangmildly，callinghimtoher。Heapproachedinsilence。
`Arelittlethingsmoresubtlethanbigthings？\'sheasked，withtheoddgruntoflaughterinhervoice，asifsheweremakinggameofhiminthequestion。
`Dunno，\'hesaid。
`Ihatesubtleties，\'saidUrsula。
Hermionelookedatherslowly。
`Doyou？\'shesaid。
`Ialwaysthinktheyareasignofweakness，\'saidUrsula，upinarms，asifherprestigewerethreatened。
Hermionetooknonotice。Suddenlyherfacepuckered，herbrowwasknitwiththought，sheseemedtwistedintroublesomeeffortforutterance。
`Doyoureallythink，Rupert，\'sheasked，asifUrsulawerenotpresent，`doyoureallythinkitisworthwhile？Doyoureallythinkthechildrenarebetterforbeingrousedtoconsciousness？\'
Adarkflashwentoverhisface，asilentfury。Hewashollow—cheekedandpale，almostunearthly。Andthewoman，withherserious，conscience—harrowingquestiontorturedhimonthequick。
`Theyarenotrousedtoconsciousness，\'hesaid。`Consciousnesscomestothem，willy—nilly。\'
`Butdoyouthinktheyarebetterforhavingitquickened，stimulated？
Isn\'titbetterthattheyshouldremainunconsciousofthehazel，isn\'titbetterthattheyshouldseeasawhole，withoutallthispullingtopieces，allthisknowledge？\'
`Wouldyourather，foryourself，knowornotknow，thatthelittleredflowersarethere，puttingoutforthepollen？\'heaskedharshly。Hisvoicewasbrutal，scornful，cruel。
Hermioneremainedwithherfaceliftedup，abstracted。Hehungsilentinirritation。
`Idon\'tknow，\'shereplied，balancingmildly。`Idon\'tknow。\'
`Butknowingiseverythingtoyou，itisallyourlife，\'hebrokeout。
Sheslowlylookedathim。
`Isit？\'shesaid。
`Toknow，thatisyourall，thatisyourlife——youhaveonlythis，thisknowledge，\'hecried。`Thereisonlyonetree，thereisonlyonefruit，inyourmouth。\'
Againshewassometimesilent。
`Isthere？\'shesaidatlast，withthesameuntouchedcalm。Andtheninatoneofwhimsicalinquisitiveness:`Whatfruit，Rupert？\'
`Theeternalapple，\'herepliedinexasperation，hatinghisownmetaphors。
`Yes，\'shesaid。Therewasalookofexhaustionabouther。Forsomemomentstherewassilence。Then，pullingherselftogetherwithaconvulsedmovement，Hermioneresumed，inasing—song，casualvoice:
`Butleavingmeapart，Rupert;doyouthinkthechildrenarebetter，richer，happier，forallthisknowledge;doyoureallythinktheyare？
Orisitbettertoleavethemuntouched，spontaneous。Hadn\'ttheybetterbeanimals，simpleanimals，crude，violent，anything，ratherthanthisself—consciousness，thisincapacitytobespontaneous。\'
Theythoughtshehadfinished。Butwithaqueerrumblinginherthroatsheresumed，`Hadn\'ttheybetterbeanythingthangrowupcrippled，crippledintheirsouls，crippledintheirfeelings——sothrownback——soturnedbackonthemselves——incapable——\'Hermioneclenchedherfistlikeoneinatrance——`ofanyspontaneousaction，alwaysdeliberate，alwaysburdenedwithchoice，nevercarriedaway。\'
Againtheythoughtshehadfinished。Butjustashewasgoingtoreply，sheresumedherqueerrhapsody——`nevercarriedaway，outofthemselves，alwaysconscious，alwaysself—conscious，alwaysawareofthemselves。Isn\'tanythingbetterthanthis？Betterbeanimals，mereanimalswithnomindatall，thanthis，thisnothingness——\'
`Butdoyouthinkitisknowledgethatmakesusunlivingandselfconscious？\'
heaskedirritably。
Sheopenedhereyesandlookedathimslowly。
`Yes，\'shesaid。Shepaused，watchinghimallthewhile，hereyesvague。
Thenshewipedherfingersacrossherbrow，withavagueweariness。Itirritatedhimbitterly。`Itisthemind，\'shesaid，`andthatisdeath。\'
Sheraisedhereyesslowlytohim:`Isn\'tthemind——\'shesaid，withtheconvulsedmovementofherbody，`isn\'titourdeath？Doesn\'titdestroyallourspontaneity，allourinstincts？Arenottheyoungpeoplegrowinguptoday，reallydeadbeforetheyhaveachancetolive？\'
`Notbecausetheyhavetoomuchmind，buttoolittle，\'hesaidbrutally。
`Areyousure？\'shecried。`Itseemstomethereverse。Theyareoverconscious，burdenedtodeathwithconsciousness。\'
`Imprisonedwithinalimited，falsesetofconcepts，\'hecried。
Butshetooknonoticeofthis，onlywentonwithherownrhapsodicinterrogation。
`Whenwehaveknowledge，don\'tweloseeverythingbutknowledge？\'sheaskedpathetically。`IfIknowabouttheflower，don\'tIlosetheflowerandhaveonlytheknowledge？Aren\'tweexchangingthesubstancefortheshadow，aren\'tweforfeitinglifeforthisdeadqualityofknowledge？Andwhatdoesitmeantome，afterall？Whatdoesallthisknowingmeantome？Itmeansnothing。\'
`Youaremerelymakingwords，\'hesaid;`knowledgemeanseverythingtoyou。Evenyouranimalism，youwantitinyourhead。Youdon\'twanttobeananimal，youwanttoobserveyourownanimalfunctions，togetamentalthrilloutofthem。Itisallpurelysecondary——andmoredecadentthanthemosthide—boundintellectualism。Whatisitbuttheworstandlastformofintellectualism，thisloveofyoursforpassionandtheanimalinstincts？Passionandtheinstincts——youwantthemhardenough，butthroughyourhead，inyourconsciousness。Italltakesplaceinyourhead，underthatskullofyours。Onlyyouwon\'tbeconsciousofwhatactuallyis:youwanttheliethatwillmatchtherestofyourfurniture。\'
Hermionesethardandpoisonousagainstthisattack。Ursulastoodcoveredwithwonderandshame。Itfrightenedher，toseehowtheyhatedeachother。
`It\'sallthatLadyofShalottbusiness，\'hesaid，inhisstrongabstractvoice。Heseemedtobechargingherbeforetheunseeingair。`You\'vegotthatmirror，yourownfixedwill，yourimmortalunderstanding，yourowntightconsciousworld，andthereisnothingbeyondit。There，inthemirror，youmusthaveeverything。Butnowyouhavecometoallyourconclusions，youwanttogobackandbelikeasavage，withoutknowledge。Youwantalifeofpuresensationand\"passion。\"\'
Hequotedthelastwordsatiricallyagainsther。Shesatconvulsedwithfuryandviolation，speechless，likeastrickenpythonessoftheGreekoracle。
`Butyourpassionisalie，\'hewentonviolently。`Itisn\'tpassionatall，itisyourwill。It\'syourbullyingwill。Youwanttoclutchthingsandhavetheminyourpower。Youwanttohavethingsinyourpower。
Andwhy？Becauseyouhaven\'tgotanyrealbody，anydarksensualbodyoflife。Youhavenosensuality。Youhaveonlyyourwillandyourconceitofconsciousness，andyourlustforpower，toknow。\'
Helookedatherinmingledhateandcontempt，alsoinpainbecauseshesuffered，andinshamebecauseheknewhetorturedher。Hehadanimpulsetokneelandpleadforforgiveness。Butabittererredangerburneduptofuryinhim。Hebecameunconsciousofher，hewasonlyapassionatevoicespeaking。
`Spontaneous！\'hecried。`Youandspontaneity！You，themostdeliberatethingthateverwalkedorcrawled！You\'dbeverilydeliberatelyspontaneous——that\'syou。Becauseyouwanttohaveeverythinginyourownvolition，yourdeliberatevoluntaryconsciousness。Youwantitallinthatloathsomelittleskullofyours，thatoughttobecrackedlikeanut。Foryou\'llbethesametillitiscracked，likeaninsectinitsskin。Ifonecrackedyourskullperhapsonemightgetaspontaneous，passionatewomanoutofyou，withrealsensuality。Asitis，whatyouwantispornography——lookingatyourselfinmirrors，watchingyournakedanimalactionsinmirrors，sothatyoucanhaveitallinyourconsciousness，makeitallmental。\'
Therewasasenseofviolationintheair，asiftoomuchwassaid，theunforgivable。YetUrsulawasconcernednowonlywithsolvingherownproblems，inthelightofhiswords。Shewaspaleandabstracted。
`Butdoyoureallywantsensuality？\'sheasked，puzzled。
Birkinlookedather，andbecameintentinhisexplanation。
`Yes，\'hesaid，`thatandnothingelse，atthispoint。Itisafulfilment——thegreatdarkknowledgeyoucan\'thaveinyourhead——thedarkinvoluntarybeing。Itisdeathtoone\'sself——butitisthecomingintobeingofanother。\'
`Buthow？Howcanyouhaveknowledgenotinyourhead？\'sheasked，quiteunabletointerprethisphrases。
`Intheblood，\'heanswered;`whenthemindandtheknownworldisdrownedindarknesseverythingmustgo——theremustbethedeluge。Thenyoufindyourselfapalpablebodyofdarkness，ademon——\'
`ButwhyshouldIbeademon——？\'sheasked。
`\"Womanwailingforherdemonlover\"——\'hequoted——`why，I
don\'tknow。\'
Hermionerousedherselfasfromadeath——annihilation。
`Heissuchadreadfulsatanist，isn\'the？\'shedrawledtoUrsula，inaqueerresonantvoice，thatendedonashrilllittlelaughofpureridicule。Thetwowomenwerejeeringathim，jeeringhimintonothingness。
Thelaughoftheshrill，triumphantfemalesoundedfromHermione，jeeringhimasifhewereaneuter。
`No，\'hesaid。`Youaretherealdevilwhowon\'tletlifeexist。\'
Shelookedathimwithalong，slowlook，malevolent，supercilious。
`Youknowallaboutit，don\'tyou？\'shesaid，withslow，cold，cunningmockery。
`Enough，\'hereplied，hisfacefixingfineandclearlikesteel。Ahorribledespair，andatthesametimeasenseofrelease，liberation，cameoverHermione。SheturnedwithapleasantintimacytoUrsula。
`YouaresureyouwillcometoBreadalby？\'shesaid，urging。
`Yes，Ishouldliketoverymuch，\'repliedUrsula。
Hermionelookeddownather，gratified，reflecting，andstrangelyabsent，asifpossessed，asifnotquitethere。
`I\'msoglad，\'shesaid，pullingherselftogether。`Sometimeinaboutafortnight。Yes？Iwillwritetoyouhere，attheschool，shallI？Yes。
Andyou\'llbesuretocome？Yes。Ishallbesoglad。Good—bye！Good—bye！\'
Hermioneheldoutherhandandlookedintotheeyesoftheotherwoman。
SheknewUrsulaasanimmediaterival，andtheknowledgestrangelyexhilaratedher。Alsoshewastakingleave。Italwaysgaveherasenseofstrength，advantage，tobedepartingandleavingtheotherbehind。Moreovershewastakingthemanwithher，ifonlyinhate。
Birkinstoodaside，fixedandunreal。Butnow，whenitwashisturntobidgood—bye，hebegantospeakagain。
`There\'sthewholedifferenceintheworld，\'hesaid，`betweentheactualsensualbeing，andtheviciousmental—deliberateprofligacyourlotgoesinfor。Inournight—time，there\'salwaystheelectricityswitchedon，wewatchourselves，wegetitallinthehead，really。You\'vegottolapseoutbeforeyoucanknowwhatsensualrealityis，lapseintounknowingness，andgiveupyourvolition。You\'vegottodoit。You\'vegottolearnnot—to—be，beforeyoucancomeintobeing。
`Butwehavegotsuchaconceitofourselves——that\'swhereitis。
Wearesoconceited，andsounproud。We\'vegotnopride，we\'reallconceit，soconceitedinourownpapier—macherealisedselves。We\'dratherdiethangiveupourlittleself—righteousself—opinionatedself—will。\'
Therewassilenceintheroom。Bothwomenwerehostileandresentful。