Isawrealglasswindowsinthehousesofeventhecommonestpeople。Someofthehousesarenotofstone，noryetofbricks;Isolemnlysweartheyaremadeofwood。Housestherewilltakefireandburn，sometimes——actuallyburnentirelydown，andnotleaveasinglevestigebehind。Icouldstatethatforatruth，uponmydeath—bed。Andasaproofthatthecircumstanceisnotrare，Iaverthattheyhaveathingwhichtheycallafire—engine，whichvomitsforthgreatstreamsofwater，andiskeptalwaysinreadiness，bynightandbyday，torushtohousesthatareburning。Youwouldthinkoneenginewouldbesufficient，butsomegreatcitieshaveahundred;theykeepmenhired，andpaythembythemonthtodonothingbutputoutfires。
Foracertainsumofmoneyothermenwillinsurethatyourhouseshallnotburndown;andifitburnstheywillpayyouforit。Therearehundredsandthousandsofschools，andanybodymaygoandlearntobewise，likeapriest。Inthatsingularcountryifarichmandiesasinner，heisdamned;
hecannotbuysalvationwithmoneyformasses。Thereisreallynotmuchuseinbeingrich，there。Notmuchuseasfarastheotherworldisconcerned，butmuch，verymuchuse，asconcernsthis;becausethere，ifamanberich，heisverygreatlyhonored，andcanbecomealegislator，agovernor，ageneral，asenator，nomatterhowignorantanassheis——justasinourbelovedItalythenoblesholdallthegreatplaces，eventhoughsometimestheyarebornnobleidiots。There，ifamanberich，theygivehimcostlypresents，theyaskhimtofeasts，theyinvitehimtodrinkcomplicatedbeverages;butifhebepoorandindebt，theyrequirehimtodothatwhichtheytermto\"settle。\"Thewomenputonadifferentdressalmosteveryday;thedressisusuallyfine，butabsurdinshape;theveryshapeandfashionofitchangestwiceinahundredyears;anddidIbutcovettobecalledanextravagantfalsifier，Iwouldsayitchangedevenoftener。
HairdoesnotgrowupontheAmericanwomen\'sheads;itismadeforthembycunningworkmenintheshops，andiscurledandfrizzledintoscandalousandungodlyforms。Somepersonsweareyesofglasswhichtheyseethroughwithfacilityper—haps，elsetheywouldnotusethem;andinthemouthsofsomeareteethmadebythesacrilegioushandofman。Thedressofthemenislaughablygrotesque。Theycarrynomusketinordinarylife，nornolong—pointedpole;theywearnowidegreen—linedcloak;theywearnopeakedblackfelthat，noleatherngaitersreachingtotheknee，nogoat—skinbreecheswiththehairsideout，nohob—nailedshoes，noprodigiousspurs。
Theywearaconicalhattermeda\"nail—kag;\"acoatofsaddestblack;
ashirtwhichshowsdirtsoeasilythatithastobechangedeverymonth，andisverytroublesome;thingscalledpantaloons，whichareheldupbyshoulderstraps，andontheirfeettheywearbootswhichareridiculousinpatternandcanstandnowear。Yetdressedinthisfantasticgarb，thesepeoplelaughedatmycostume。Inthatcountry，booksaresocommonthatitisreallynocuriositytoseeone。Newspapersalso。Theyhaveagreatmachinewhichprintssuchthingsbythousandseveryhour。
\"Isawcommonmen，there——menwhowereneitherpriestsnorprinces——whoyetabsolutelyownedthelandtheytilled。Itwasnotrentedfromthechurch，norfromthenobles。Iamreadytotakemyoathofthis。Inthatcountryyoumightfallfromathirdstorywindowthreeseveraltimes，andnotmasheitherasoldierorapriest。——Thescarcityofsuchpeopleisastonishing。
Inthecitiesyouwillseeadozenciviliansforeverysoldier，andasmanyforeverypriestorpreacher。Jews，there，aretreatedjustlikehumanbeings，insteadofdogs。Theycanworkatanybusinesstheyplease;theycansellbrandnewgoodsiftheywantto;theycankeepdrug—stores;theycanpracticemedicineamongChristians;theycanevenshakehandswithChristiansiftheychoose;theycanassociatewiththem，justthesameasonehumanbeingdoeswithanotherhumanbeing;theydon\'thavetostayshutupinonecornerofthetowns;theycanliveinanypartofatowntheylikebest;itissaidtheyevenhavetheprivilegeofbuyinglandandhouses，andowningthemthemselves，thoughIdoubtthat，myself;theyneverhavehadtorunracesnakedthroughthepublicstreets，againstjackasses，topleasethepeopleincarnivaltime;theretheyneverhavebeendrivenbythesoldiersintoachurcheverySundayforhundredsofyearstohearthemselvesandtheirreligionespeciallyandparticularlycursed;atthisveryday，inthatcuriouscountry，aJewisallowedtovote，holdoffice，yea，getuponarostruminthepublicstreetandexpresshisopinionofthegovernmentifthegovernmentdon\'tsuithim！Ah，itiswonderful。Thecommonpeoplethereknowagreatdeal;theyevenhavetheeffronterytocomplainiftheyarenotproperlygoverned，andtotakeholdandhelpconductthegovernmentthemselves;iftheyhadlawslikeours，whichgiveonedollarofeverythreeacropproducestothegovernmentfortaxes，theywouldhavethatlawaltered:insteadofpayingthirty—threedollarsintaxes，outofeveryonehundredtheyreceive，theycomplainiftheyhavetopayseven。Theyarecuriouspeople。Theydonotknowwhentheyarewelloff。
Mendicantpriestsdonotprowlamongthemwithbasketsbeggingforthechurchandeatinguptheirsubstance。Onehardlyeverseesaministerofthegospelgoingaroundthereinhisbarefeet，withabasket，beggingforsubsistence。Inthatcountrythepreachersarenotlikeourmendicantordersoffriars——theyhavetwoorthreesuitsofclothing，andtheywashsometimes。InthatlandaremountainsfarhigherthantheAlbanmountains;
thevastRomanCampagna，ahundredmileslongandfullfortybroad，isreallysmallcomparedtotheUnitedStatesofAmerica;theTiber，thatcelebratedriverofours，whichstretchesitsmightycoursealmosttwohundredmiles，andwhichaladcanscarcelythrowastoneacrossatRome，isnotsolong，noryetsowide，astheAmericanMississippi——noryettheOhio，noreventheHudson。InAmericathepeopleareabsolutelywiserandknowmuchmorethantheirgrandfathersdid。Theydonotplowwithasharpenedstick，noryetwithathree—corneredblockofwoodthatmerelyscratchesthetopoftheground。Wedothatbecauseourfathersdid，threethousandyearsago，Isuppose。Butthosepeoplehavenoholyreverencefortheirancestors。Theyplowwithaplowthatisasharp，curvedbladeofiron，anditcutsintotheearthfullfiveinches。Andthisisnotall。
Theycuttheirgrainwithahorridmachinethatmowsdownwholefieldsinaday。IfIdared，Iwouldsaythatsometimestheyuseablasphemousplowthatworksbyfireandvaporandtearsupanacreofgroundinasinglehour——but——but——IseebyyourlooksthatyoudonotbelievethethingsIamtellingyou。Alas，mycharacterisruined，andIamabrandedspeakerofuntruths！\"
OfcoursewehavebeentothemonsterChurchofSt。Peter，frequently。
Iknewitsdimensions。Iknewitwasaprodigiousstructure。IknewitwasjustaboutthelengthofthecapitolatWashington——saysevenhundredandthirtyfeet。Iknewitwasthreehundredandsixty—fourfeetwide，andconsequentlywiderthanthecapitol。Iknewthatthecrossonthetopofthedomeofthechurchwasfourhundredandthirty—eightfeetabovetheground，andthereforeaboutahundredormaybeahundredandtwenty—fivefeethigherthanthedomeofthecapitol。——ThusIhadonegauge。Iwishedtocomeasnearformingacorrectideaofhowitwasgoingtolook，aspossible;IhadacuriositytoseehowmuchIwoulderr。Ierredconsiderably。
St。Peter\'sdidnotlooknearlysolargeasthecapitol，andcertainlynotatwentiethpartasbeautiful，fromtheoutside。
Whenwereachedthedoor，andstoodfairlywithinthechurch，itwasimpossibletocomprehendthatitwasaverylargebuilding。Ihadtocipheracomprehensionofit。Ihadtoransackmymemoryforsomemoresimiles。St。Peter\'sisbulky。ItsheightandsizewouldrepresenttwooftheWashingtoncapitolsetoneontopoftheother——ifthecapitolwerewider;ortwoblocksortwoblocksandahalfofordinarybuildingssetoneontopoftheother。St。Peter\'swasthatlarge，butitcouldandwouldnotlookso。Thetroublewasthateverythinginitandaboutitwasonsuchascaleofuniformvastnessthattherewerenocontraststojudgeby——nonebutthepeople，andIhadnotnoticedthem。Theywereinsects。Thestatuesofchildrenholdingvasesofholywaterwereimmense，accordingtothetablesoffigures，butsowaseverythingelsearoundthem。Themosaicpicturesinthedomewerehuge，andweremadeofthousandsandthousandsofcubesofglassaslargeastheendofmylittlefinger，butthosepictureslookedsmooth，andgaudyofcolor，andingoodproportiontothedome。Evidentlytheywouldnotanswertomeasureby。Awaydowntowardthefarendofthechurch（Ithoughtitwasreallyclearatthefarend，butdiscoveredafterwardthatitwasinthecentre，underthedome，）stoodthethingtheycallthebaldacchino——agreatbronzepyramidalframe—worklikethatwhichupholdsamosquitobar。Itonlylookedlikeaconsiderablymagnifiedbedstead——nothingmore。YetIknewitwasagooddealmorethanhalfashighasNiagaraFalls。Itwasovershadowedbyadomesomightythatitsownheightwassnubbed。Thefourgreatsquarepiersorpillarsthatstandequidistantfromeachotherinthechurch，andsupporttheroof，Icouldnotworkuptotheirrealdimensionsbyanymethodofcomparison。
Iknewthatthefacesofeachwereaboutthewidthofaverylargedwelling—housefront，（fiftyorsixtyfeet，）andthattheyweretwiceashighasanordinarythree—storydwelling，butstilltheylookedsmall。ItriedallthedifferentwaysIcouldthinkoftocompelmyselftounderstandhowlargeSt。Peter\'swas，butwithsmallsuccess。ThemosaicportraitofanApostlewhowaswritingwithapensixfeetlongseemedonlyanordinaryApostle。
Butthepeopleattractedmyattentionafterawhile。TostandinthedoorofSt。Peter\'sandlookatmendowntowarditsfurtherextremity，twoblocksaway，hasadiminishingeffectonthem;surroundedbytheprodigiouspicturesandstatues，andlostinthevastspaces，theylookverymuchsmallerthantheywouldiftheystoodtwoblocksawayintheopenair。
I\"averaged\"amanashepassedmeandwatchedhimashedriftedfardownbythebaldacchinoandbeyond——watchedhimdwindletoaninsignificantschool—boy，andthen，inthemidstofthesilentthrongofhumanpigmiesglidingabouthim，Ilosthim。Thechurchhadlatelybeendecorated，ontheoccasionofagreatceremonyinhonorofSt。Peter，andmenwereengaged，now，inremovingtheflowersandgiltpaperfromthewallsandpillars。
Asnoladderscouldreachthegreatheights，themenswungthem—selvesdownfrombalustradesandthecapitalsofpilastersbyropes，todothiswork。Theuppergallerywhichencirclestheinnersweepofthedomeistwohundredandfortyfeetabovethefloorofthechurch——veryfewsteeplesinAmericacouldreachuptoit。Visitorsalwaysgouptheretolookdownintothechurchbecauseonegetsthebestideaofsomeoftheheightsanddistancesfromthatpoint。Whilewestoodontheflooroneoftheworkmenswungloosefromthatgalleryattheendofalongrope。Ihadnotsupposed，before，thatamancouldlooksomuchlikeaspider。Hewasinsignificantinsize，andhisropeseemedonlyathread。Seeingthathetookupsolittlespace，Icouldbelievethestory，then，thattenthousandtroopswenttoSt。Peter\'s，once，tohearmass，andtheircommandingofficercameafterward，andnotfindingthem，supposedtheyhadnotyetarrived。Buttheywereinthechurch，nevertheless——theywereinoneofthetransepts。NearlyfiftythousandpersonsassembledinSt。Peter\'stohearthepublishingofthedogmaoftheImmaculateConception。Itisestimatedthatthefloorofthechurchaffordsstandingroomfor——foralargenumberofpeople;
Ihaveforgottentheexactfigures。Butitisnomatter——itisnearenough。
Theyhavetwelvesmallpillars，inSt。Peter\'s，whichcamefromSolomon\'sTemple。Theyhave，also——whichwasfarmoreinterestingtome——apieceofthetruecross，andsomenails，andapartofthecrownofthorns。
Ofcourseweascendedtothesummitofthedome，andofcoursewealsowentupintothegiltcopperballwhichisaboveit。——Therewasroomthereforadozenpersons，withalittlecrowding，anditwasascloseandhotasanoven。Someofthosepeoplewhoaresofondofwritingtheirnamesinprominentplaceshadbeentherebeforeus——amillionortwo，Ishouldthink。FromthedomeofSt。Peter\'sonecanseeeverynotableobjectinRome，fromtheCastleofSt。AngelototheColiseum。HecandiscernthesevenhillsuponwhichRomeisbuilt。HecanseetheTiber，andthelocalityofthebridgewhichHoratiuskept\"inthebravedaysofold\"whenLarsPorsenaattemptedtocrossitwithhisinvadinghost。HecanseethespotwheretheHoratiiandtheCuratiifoughttheirfamousbattle。HecanseethebroadgreenCampagna，stretchingawaytowardthemountains，withitsscatteredarchesandbrokenaqueductsoftheoldentime，sopicturesqueintheirgrayruin，andsodaintilyfestoonedwithvines。HecanseetheAlbanMountains，theAppenines，theSabineHills，andtheblueMediterranean。
Hecanseeapanoramathatisvaried，extensive，beautifultotheeye，andmoreillustriousinhistorythananyotherinEurope。——Abouthisfeetisspreadtheremnantofacitythatoncehadapopulationoffourmillionsouls;andamongitsmassededificesstandtheruinsoftemples，columns，andtriumphalarchesthatknewtheCæsars，andthenoondayofRomansplendor;andclosebythem，inunimpairedstrength，isadrainofarchedandheavymasonrythatbelongedtothatoldercitywhichstoodherebeforeRomulusandRemuswerebornorRomethoughtof。TheAppianWayishereyet，andlookingmuchasitdid，perhaps，whenthetriumphalprocessionsoftheEmperorsmovedoveritinotherdaysbringingfetteredprincesfromtheconfinesoftheearth。Wecannotseethelongarrayofchariotsandmail—cladmenladenwiththespoilsofconquest，butwecanimaginethepageant，afterafashion。WelookoutuponmanyobjectsofinterestfromthedomeofSt。Peter\'s;andlastofall，almostatourfeet，oureyesrestuponthebuildingwhichwasoncetheInquisition。Howtimeschanged，betweentheolderagesandthenew！Someseventeenoreighteencenturiesago，theignorantmenofRomewerewonttoputChristiansinthearenaoftheColiseumyonder，andturnthewildbeastsinuponthemforashow。
Itwasforalessonaswell。ItwastoteachthepeopletoabhorandfearthenewdoctrinethefollowersofChristwereteaching。Thebeaststorethevictimslimbfromlimbandmadepoormangledcorpsesoftheminthetwinklingofaneye。ButwhentheChristianscameintopower，whentheholyMotherChurchbecamemistressofthebarbarians，shetaughtthemtheerroroftheirwaysbynosuchmeans。No，sheputtheminthispleasantInquisitionandpointedtotheBlessedRedeemer，whowassogentleandsomercifultowardallmen，andtheyurgedthebarbarianstolovehim;
andtheydidalltheycouldtopersuadethemtoloveandhonorhim——firstbytwistingtheirthumbsoutofjointwithascrew;thenbynippingtheirfleshwithpincers——red—hotones，becausetheyarethemostcomfortableincoldweather;thenbyskinningthemalivealittle，andfinallybyroastingtheminpublic。Theyalwaysconvincedthosebarbarians。Thetruereligion，properlyadministered，asthegoodMotherChurchusedtoadministerit，isvery，verysoothing。Itiswonderfullypersuasive，also。ThereisagreatdifferencebetweenfeedingpartiestowildbeastsandstirringuptheirfinerfeelingsinanInquisition。Oneisthesystemofdegradedbarbarians，theotherofenlightened，civilizedpeople。ItisagreatpitytheplayfulInquisitionisnomore。
IprefernottodescribeSt。Peter\'s。Ithasbeendonebefore。TheashesofPeter，thediscipleoftheSaviour，reposeinacryptunderthebaldacchino。Westoodreverentlyinthatplace;sodidwealsointheMamertinePrison，wherehewasconfined，whereheconvertedthesoldiers，andwheretraditionsayshecausedaspringofwatertoflowinorderthathemightbaptizethem。ButwhentheyshowedustheprintofPeter\'sfaceinthehardstoneoftheprisonwallandsaidhemadethatbyfallingupagainstit，wedoubted。
Andwhen，also，themonkatthechurchofSanSebastianshowedusapaving—stonewithtwogreatfootprintsinitandsaidthatPeter\'sfeetmadethose，welackedconfidenceagain。Suchthingsdonotimpressone。ThemonksaidthatangelscameandliberatedPeterfromprisonbynight，andhestartedawayfromRomebytheAppianWay。TheSaviourmethimandtoldhimtogoback，whichhedid。Peterleftthosefootprintsinthestoneuponwhichhestoodatthetime。Itwasnotstatedhowitwaseverdiscoveredwhosefootprintstheywere，seeingtheinterviewoccurredsecretlyandatnight。
Theprintofthefaceintheprisonwasthatofamanofcommonsize;thefootprintswerethoseofamantenortwelvefeethigh。Thediscrepancyconfirmedourunbelief。
WenecessarilyvisitedtheForum，whereCæsarwasassassinated，andalsotheTarpeianRock。WesawtheDyingGladiatorattheCapitol，andIthinkthatevenweappreciatedthatwonderofart;asmuch，perhaps，aswedidthatfearfulstorywroughtinmarble，intheVatican——theLaocoon。
AndthentheColiseum。
EverybodyknowsthepictureoftheColiseum;everybodyrecognizesatoncethat\"loopedandwindowed\"bandboxwithasidebittenout。Beingratherisolated，itshowstobetteradvantagethananyotherofthemonumentsofancientRome。EventhebeautifulPantheon，whosepaganaltarsupholdthecross，now，andwhoseVenus，trickedoutinconsecratedgimcracks，doesreluctantdutyasaVirginMaryto—day，isbuiltaboutwithshabbyhousesanditsstatelinesssadlymarred。ButthemonarchofallEuropeanruins，theColiseum，maintainsthatreserveandthatroyalseclusionwhichispropertomajesty。Weedsandflowersspringfromitsmassyarchesanditscirclingseats，andvineshangtheirfringesfromitsloftywalls。
Animpressivesilencebroodsoverthemonstrousstructurewheresuchmultitudesofmenandwomenwerewonttoassembleinotherdays。Thebutterflieshavetakentheplacesofthequeensoffashionandbeautyofeighteencenturiesago，andthelizardssunthemselvesinthesacredseatoftheEmperor。
Morevividlythanallthewrittenhistories，theColiseumtellsthestoryofRome\'sgrandeurandRome\'sdecay。Itistheworthiesttypeofboththatexists。MovingabouttheRomeofto—day，wemightfindithardtobelieveinheroldmagnificenceandhermillionsofpopulation;butwiththisstubbornevidencebeforeusthatshewasobligedtohaveatheatrewithsittingroomforeightythousandpersonsandstandingroomfortwentythousandmore，toaccommodatesuchofhercitizensasrequiredamusement，wefindbelieflessdifficult。TheColiseumisoveronethousandsixhundredfeetlong，sevenhundredandfiftywide，andonehundredandsixty—fivehigh。
Itsshapeisoval。
InAmericawemakeconvictsusefulatthesametimethatwepunishthemfortheircrimes。WefarmthemoutandcompelthemtoearnmoneyfortheStatebymakingbarrelsandbuildingroads。Thuswecombinebusinesswithretribution，andallthingsarelovely。ButinancientRometheycombinedreligiousdutywithpleasure。SinceitwasnecessarythatthenewsectcalledChristiansshouldbeexterminated，thepeoplejudgeditwisetomakethisworkprofitabletotheStateatthesametime，andentertainingtothepublic。Inadditiontothegladiatorialcombatsandothershows，theysometimesthrewmembersofthehatedsectintothearenaoftheColiseumandturnedwildbeastsinuponthem。ItisestimatedthatseventythousandChristianssufferedmartyrdominthisplace。ThishasmadetheColiseumholyground，intheeyesofthefollowersoftheSaviour。Andwellitmight;
forifthechainthatboundasaint，andthefootprintsasainthasleftuponastonehechancedtostandupon，beholy，surelythespotwhereamangaveuphislifeforhisfaithisholy。
SeventeenoreighteencenturiesagothisColiseumwasthetheatreofRome，andRomewasmistressoftheworld。Splen—didpageantswereexhibitedhere，inpresenceoftheEmperor，thegreatministersofState，thenobles，andvastaudiencesofcitizensofsmallerconsequence。Gladiatorsfoughtwithgladiatorsandattimeswithwarriorprisonersfrommanyadistantland。ItwasthetheatreofRome——oftheworld——andthemanoffashionwhocouldnotletfallinacasualandunintentionalmannersomethingabout\"myprivateboxattheColiseum\"couldnotmoveinthefirstcircles。Whentheclothing—storemerchantwishedtoconsumethecornergrocerymanwithenvy，heboughtsecuredseatsinthefrontrowandletthethingbeknown。
Whentheirresistibledrygoodsclerkwishedtoblightanddestroy，accordingtohisnativeinstinct，hegothimselfupregardlessofexpenseandtooksomeotherfellow\'syoungladytotheColiseum，andthenaccentedtheaffrontbycrammingherwithicecreambetweentheacts，orbyapproachingthecageandstirringupthemartyrswithhiswhalebonecaneforheredification。
TheRomanswellwasinhistrueelementonlywhenhestoodupagainstapillarandfingeredhismoustacheunconsciousoftheladies;whenheviewedthebloodycombatsthroughanopera—glasstwoincheslong;whenheexcitedtheenvyofprovincialsbycriticismswhichshowedthathehadbeentotheColiseummanyandmanyatimeandwaslongagooverthenoveltyofit;whenheturnedawaywithayawnatlastandsaid，\"Heastar！handleshisswordlikeanapprenticebrigand！he\'lldoforthecountry，maybe，buthedon\'tanswerforthemetropolis！\"
GladwasthecontrabandthathadaseatinthepitattheSaturdaymatinee，andhappytheRomanstreet—boywhoatehispeanutsandguyedthegladiatorsfromthedizzygallery。
FormewasreservedthehighhonorofdiscoveringamongtherubbishoftheruinedColiseumtheonlyplaybillofthatestablishmentnowextant。
Therewasasuggestivesmellofmint—dropsaboutitstill，acornerofithadevidentlybeenchewed，andonthemargin，inchoiceLatin，thesewordswerewritteninadelicatefemalehand:\"MeetmeontheTarpeianRocktomorrowevening，dear，atsharpseven。MotherwillbeabsentonavisittoherfriendsintheSabineHills。CLAUDIA。\"Ah，whereisthatluckyyouthto—day，andwherethelittlehandthatwrotethosedaintylines？Dustandashestheseseventeenhundredyears！
Thusreadsthebill:ROMANCOLISEUM。UNPARALLELEDATTRACTION！NEWPROPERTIES！NEWLIONS！NEWGLADIATORS！EngagementoftherenownedMARCUSMARCELLUSVALERIAN！FORSIXNIGHTSONLY！Themanagementbegleavetooffertothepublicanentertainmentsurpassinginmagnificenceanythingthathasheretoforebeenattemptedonanystage。Noexpensehasbeensparedtomaketheopeningseasononewhichshallbeworthythegenerouspatronagewhichthemanagementfeelsurewillcrowntheirefforts。ThemanagementbegleavetostatethattheyhavesucceededinsecuringtheservicesofaGALAXYOFTALENT！suchashasnotbeenbeheldinRomebefore。TheperformancewillcommencethiseveningwithaGRANDBROADSWORDCOMBAT！betweentwoyoungandpromisingamateursandacelebratedParthiangladiatorwhohasjustarrivedaprisonerfromtheCampofVerus。ThiswillbefollowedbyagrandmoralBATTLE—AXENGAGEMENT！betweentherenownedValerian（withonehandtiedbehindhim，）
andtwogiganticsavagesfromBritain。AfterwhichtherenownedValerian（ifhesurvive，）willfightwiththebroad—sword，LEFTHANDED！againstsixSophomoresandaFreshmanfromtheGladiatorialCollege！Alongseriesofbrilliantengagementswillfollow，inwhichthefinesttalentoftheEmpirewilltakepartAfterwhichthecelebratedInfantProdigyknownas\"THEYOUNGACHILLES，\"willengagefourtigerwhelpsincombat，armedwithnootherweaponthanhislittlespear！ThewholetoconcludewithachasteandelegantGENERALSLAUGHTER！InwhichthirteenAfricanLionsandtwenty—twoBarbarianPrisonerswillwarwitheachotheruntilallareexterminated。BOXOFFICENOWOPEN。DressCircleOneDollar;ChildrenandServantshalfprice。Anefficientpoliceforcewillbeonhandtopreserveorderandkeepthewildbeastsfromleapingtherailingsanddiscommodingtheaudience。Doorsopenat7;performancebeginsat8。POSITIVELYNOFREELIST。DiodorusJobPress。
ItwasassingularasitwasgratifyingthatIwasalsosofortunateastofindamongtherubbishofthearena，astainedandmutilatedcopyoftheRomanDailyBattle—Ax，containingacritiqueuponthisveryperformance。Itcomestohandtoolatebymanycenturiestorankasnews，andthereforeItranslateandpublishitsimplytoshowhowverylittlethegeneralstyleandphraseologyofdramaticcriticismhasalteredintheagesthathavedraggedtheirslowlengthalongsincethecarrierslaidthisonedampandfreshbeforetheirRomanpatrons:\"THEOPENINGSEASON。——COLISEUM。——Notwithstandingtheinclemencyoftheweather，quitearespectablenumberoftherankandfashionofthecityassembledlastnighttowitnessthedebutuponmetropolitanboardsoftheyoungtragedianwhohasoflatebeenwinningsuchgoldenopinionsintheamphitheatresoftheprovinces。Somesixtythousandpersonswerepresent，andbutforthefactthatthestreetswerealmostimpassable，itisfairtopresumethatthehousewouldhavebeenfull。HisaugustMajesty，theEmperorAurelius，occupiedtheimperialbox，andwasthecynosureofalleyes。ManyillustriousnoblesandgeneralsoftheEmpiregracedtheoccasionwiththeirpresence，andnottheleastamongthemwastheyoungpatricianlieutenantwhoselaurels，wonintheranksofthe\"ThunderingLegion，\"arestillsogreenuponhisbrow。ThecheerwhichgreetedhisentrancewasheardbeyondtheTiber！\"ThelaterepairsanddecorationsaddbothtothecomelinessandthecomfortoftheColiseum。Thenewcushionsareagreatimprovementuponthehardmarbleseatswehavebeensolongaccustomedto。Thepresentmanagementdeservewellofthepublic。TheyhaverestoredtotheColiseumthegilding，therichupholsteryandtheuniformmagnificencewhicholdColiseumfrequenterstellusRomewassoproudoffiftyyearsago。\"Theopeningscenelastnight——thebroadswordcombatbetweentwoyoungamateursandafamousParthiangladiatorwhowassenthereaprisoner——wasveryfine。Theelderofthetwoyounggentlemenhandledhisweaponwithagracethatmarkedthepossessionofextraordinarytalent。
Hisfeintofthrusting，followedinstantlybyahappilydeliveredblowwhichunhelmetedtheParthian，wasreceivedwithheartyapplause。Hewasnotthoroughlyupinthebackhandedstroke，butitwasverygratifyingtohisnumerousfriendstoknowthat，intime，practicewouldhaveovercomethisdefect。However，hewaskilled。Hissisters，whowerepresent，expressedconsiderableregret。HismotherlefttheColiseum。Theotheryouthmaintainedthecontestwithsuchspiritastocallforthenthusiasticburstsofapplause。
Whenatlasthefellacorpse，hisagedmotherranscreaming，withhairdisheveledandtearsstreamingfromhereyes，andswoonedawayjustasherhandswereclutchingattherailingsofthearena。Shewaspromptlyremovedbythepolice。Underthecircumstancesthewoman\'sconductwaspardonable，perhaps，butwesuggestthatsuchexhibitionsinterferewiththedecorumwhichshouldbepreservedduringtheperformances，andarehighlyimproperinthepresenceoftheEmperor。TheParthianprisonerfoughtbravelyandwell;andwellhemight，forhewasfightingforbothlifeandliberty。Hiswifeandchildrenweretheretonervehisarmwiththeirlove，andtoremindhimoftheoldhomeheshouldseeagainifheconquered。
Whenhissecondassailantfell，thewomanclaspedherchildrentoherbreastandweptforjoy。Butitwasonlyatransienthappiness。Thecaptivestaggeredtowardherandshesawthatthelibertyhehadearnedwasearnedtoolate。
Hewaswoundeduntodeath。Thusthefirstactclosedinamannerwhichwasentirelysatisfactory。Themanagerwascalledbeforethecurtainandreturnedhisthanksforthehonordonehim，inaspeechwhichwasrepletewithwitandhumor，andclosedbyhopingthathishumbleeffortstoaffordcheerfulandinstructiveentertainmentwouldcontinuetomeetwiththeapprobationoftheRomanpublic\"Thestarnowappeared，andwasreceivedwithvociferousapplauseandthesimultaneouswavingofsixtythousandhandkerchiefs。MarcusMarcellusValerian（stagename——hisrealnameisSmith，）isasplendidspecimenofphysicaldevelopment，andanartistofraremerit。Hismanagementofthebattle—axiswonderful。Hisgayetyandhisplayfulnessareirresistible，inhiscomicparts，andyettheyareinferiortohissublimeconceptionsinthegraverealmoftragedy。Whenhisaxwasdescribingfierycirclesabouttheheadsofthebewilderedbarbarians，inexacttimewithhisspringingbodyandhisprancinglegs，theaudiencegavewaytouncontrollableburstsoflaughter;butwhenthebackofhisweaponbroketheskullofoneandalmostinthesameinstantitsedgeclovetheother\'sbodyintwain，thehowlofenthusiasticapplausethatshookthebuilding，wastheacknowledgmentofacriticalassemblagethathewasamasterofthenoblestdepartmentofhisprofession。Ifhehasafault，（andwearesorrytoevenintimatethathehas，）itisthatofglancingattheaudience，inthemidstofthemostexcitingmomentsoftheperformance，asifseekingadmiration。Thepausinginafighttobowwhenbouquetsarethrowntohimisalsoinbadtaste。Inthegreatleft—handedcombatheappearedtobelookingattheaudiencehalfthetime，insteadofcarvinghisadversaries;andwhenhehadslainallthesophomoresandwasdallyingwiththefreshman。hestoopedandsnatchedabouquetasitfell，andofferedittohisadversaryatatimewhenablowwasdescendingwhichpromisedfavorablytobehisdeath—warrant。
Suchlevityisproperenoughintheprovinces，wemakenodoubt，butitillsuitsthedignityofthemetropolis。Wetrustouryoungfriendwilltaketheseremarksingoodpart，forwemeanthemsolelyforhisbenefit。
Allwhoknowusareawarethatalthoughweareattimesjustlysevereupontigersandmartyrs，weneverintentionallyoffendgladiators。\"TheInfantProdigyperformedwonders。Heovercamehisfourtigerwhelpswithease，andwithnootherhurtthanthelossofaportionofhisscalp。TheGeneralSlaughterwasrenderedwithafaithfulnesstodetailswhichreflectsthehighestcredituponthelateparticipantsinit。\"Uponthewhole，lastnight\'sperformancesshedhonornotonlyuponthemanagementbutuponthecitythatencouragesandsustainssuchwholesomeandinstructiveentertainments。Wewouldsimplysuggestthatthepracticeofvulgaryoungboysinthegalleryofshyingpeanutsandpaperpelletsatthetigers，andsaying\"Hi—yi！\"andmanifestingapprobationordissatisfactionbysuchobservationsas\"Bullyforthelion！\"\"Goit，Gladdy！\"\"Boots！\"\"Speech！\"\"Takeawalkroundtheblock！\"andsoon，areextremelyreprehensible，whentheEmperorispresent，andoughttobestoppedbythepolice。Severaltimeslastnight，whenthesupernumerariesenteredthearenatodragoutthebodies，theyoungruffiansinthegalleryshouted，\"Supe！supe！\"andalso，\"Oh，whatacoat！\"and\"Whydon\'tyoupadthemshanks？\"andmadeuseofvariousotherremarksexpressiveofderision。
Thesethingsareveryannoyingtotheaudience。\"Amatineeforthelittlefolksispromisedforthisafternoon，onwhichoccasionseveralmartyrswillbeeatenbythetigers。Theregularperformancewillcontinueeverynighttillfurthernotice。Materialchangeofprogrammeeveryevening。BenefitofValerian，Tuesday，29th，ifhelives。\"Ihavebeenadramaticcriticmyself，inmytime，andIwasoftensurprisedtonoticehowmuchmoreIknewaboutHamletthanForrestdid;anditgratifiesmetoobserve，now，howmuchbettermybrethrenofancienttimesknewhowabroadswordbattleoughttobefoughtthanthegladiators。
Chapter27
Sofar，good。Ifanymanhasarighttofeelproudofhimself，andsatisfied，surelyitisI。ForIhavewrittenabouttheColiseum，andthegladiators，themartyrs，andthelions，andyethaveneveronceusedthephrase\"butcheredtomakeaRomanholiday。\"Iamtheonlyfreewhitemanofmatureage，whohasaccomplishedthissinceByronoriginatedtheexpression。