\'YetIcouldnotlivealone;soItriedthecompanionshipofmistresses。ThefirstIchosewasCelineVarens—anotherofthosestepswhichmakeamanspurnhimselfwhenherecallsthem。Youalreadyknowwhatshewas，andhowmyliaisonwithherterminated。Shehadtwosuccessors:anItalian，Giacinta，andaGerman，Clara;bothconsideredsingularlyhandsome。Whatwastheirbeautytomeinafewweeks？
Giacintawasunprincipledandviolent:Itiredofherinthreemonths。
Clarawashonestandquiet;butheavy，mindless，andunimpressible:
notonewhittomytaste。Iwasgladtogiveherasufficientsumtosetherupinagoodlineofbusiness，andsogetdecentlyridofher。
But，Jane，Iseebyyourfaceyouarenotformingaveryfavourableopinionofmejustnow。Youthinkmeanunfeeling，loose—principledrake:don\'tyou？\'
\'Idon\'tlikeyousowellasIhavedonesometimes，indeed，sir。
Diditnotseemtoyouintheleastwrongtoliveinthatway，firstwithonemistressandthenanother？Youtalkofitasamerematterofcourse。\'
\'Itwaswithme;andIdidnotlikeit。Itwasagrovellingfashionofexistence:Ishouldneverliketoreturntoit。Hiringamistressisthenextworsethingtobuyingaslave:bothareoftenbynature，andalwaysbyposition，inferior:andtolivefamiliarlywithinferiorsisdegrading。InowhatetherecollectionofthetimeI
passedwithCeline，Giacinta，andClara。\'
Ifeltthetruthofthesewords;andIdrewfromthemthecertaininference，thatifIweresofartoforgetmyselfandalltheteachingthathadeverbeeninstilledintome，as—underanypretext—withanyjustification—throughanytemptation—tobecomethesuccessorofthesepoorgirls，hewouldonedayregardmewiththesamefeelingwhichnowinhisminddesecratedtheirmemory。Ididnotgiveutterancetothisconviction:itwasenoughtofeelit。I
impresseditonmyheart，thatitmightremaintheretoservemeasaidinthetimeoftrial。
\'Now，Jane，whydon\'tyousay\"Well，sir？\"Ihavenotdone。
Youarelookinggrave。Youdisapproveofmestill，Isee。Butletmecometothepoint。LastJanuary，ridofallmistresses—inaharsh，bitterframeofmind，theresultofauseless，roving，lonelylife—
corrodedwithdisappointment，sourlydisposedagainstallmen，andespeciallyagainstallwomankind（forIbegantoregardthenotionofanintellectual，faithful，lovingwomanasameredream），recalledbybusiness，IcamebacktoEngland。
\'Onafrostywinterafternoon，IrodeinsightofThornfieldHall。Abhorredspot！Iexpectednopeace—nopleasurethere。OnastileinHayLaneIsawaquietlittlefiguresittingbyitself。I
passeditasnegligentlyasIdidthepollardwillowoppositetoit:
I
hadnopresentimentofwhatitwouldbetome;noinwardwarningthatthearbitressofmylife—mygeniusforgoodorevil—waitedthereinhumbleguise。Ididnotknowit，evenwhen，ontheoccasionofMesrour\'saccident，itcameupandgravelyofferedmehelp。
Childishandslendercreature！Itseemedasifalinnethadhoppedtomyfootandproposedtobearmeonitstinywing。Iwassurly;
butthethingwouldnotgo:itstoodbymewithstrangeperseverance，andlookedandspokewithasortofauthority。Imustbeaided，andbythathand:andaidedIwas。
\'WhenonceIhadpressedthefrailshoulder，somethingnew—afreshsapandsense—stoleintomyframe。ItwaswellIhadlearntthatthiselfmustreturntome—thatitbelongedtomyhousedownbelow—orI
couldnothavefeltitpassawayfromundermyhand，andseenitvanishbehindthedimhedge，withoutsingularregret。Iheardyoucomehomethatnight，Jane，thoughprobablyyouwerenotawarethatI
thoughtofyouorwatchedforyou。ThenextdayIobservedyou—myselfunseen—forhalfanhour，whileyouplayedwithAdeleinthegallery。Itwasasnowyday，Irecollect，andyoucouldnotgooutofdoors。Iwasinmyroom;thedoorwasajar:Icouldbothlistenandwatch。Adeleclaimedyouroutwardattentionforawhile;yetIfanciedyourthoughtswereelsewhere:butyouwereverypatientwithher，mylittleJane;youtalkedtoherandamusedheralongtime。Whenatlastsheleftyou，youlapsedatonceintodeepreverie:youbetookyourselfslowlytopacethegallery。Nowandthen，inpassingacasement，youglancedoutatthethick—fallingsnow;youlistenedtothesobbingwind，andagainyoupacedgentlyonanddreamed。Ithinkthosedayvisionswerenotdark:therewasapleasurableilluminationinyoureyeoccasionally，asoftexcitementinyouraspect，whichtoldofnobitter，bilious，hypochondriacbrooding:yourlookrevealedratherthesweetmusingsofyouthwhenitsspiritfollowsonwillingwingstheflightofHopeupandontoanidealheaven。ThevoiceofMrs。Fairfax，speakingtoaservantinthehall，wakenedyou:andhowcuriouslyyousmiledtoandatyourself，Janet！Therewasmuchsenseinyoursmile:itwasveryshrewd，andseemedtomakelightofyourownabstraction。Itseemedtosay—\"Myfinevisionsareallverywell，butImustnotforgettheyareabsolutelyunreal。IhavearosyskyandagreenfloweryEdeninmybrain;butwithout，Iamperfectlyaware，liesatmyfeetaroughtracttotravel，andaroundmegatherblacktempeststoencounter。\"
YourandownstairsanddemandedofMrs。Fairfaxsomeoccupation:theweeklyhouseaccountstomakeup，orsomethingofthatsort，Ithinkitwas。Iwasvexedwithyouforgettingoutofmysight。
\'ImpatientlyIwaitedforevening，whenImightsummonyoutomypresence。Anunusual—tome—aperfectlynewcharacterIsuspectedwasyours:Idesiredtosearchitdeeperandknowitbetter。Youenteredtheroomwithalookandairatonceshyandindependent:youwerequaintlydressed—muchasyouarenow。Imadeyoutalk:erelongI
foundyoufullofstrangecontrasts。Yourgarbandmannerwererestrictedbyrule;yourairwasoftendiffident，andaltogetherthatofonerefinedbynature，butabsolutelyunusedtosociety，andagooddealafraidofmakingherselfdisadvantageouslyconspicuousbysomesolecismorblunder;yetwhenaddressed，youliftedakeen，adaring，andaglowingeyetoyourinterlocutor\'sface:therewaspenetrationandpowerineachglanceyougave;whenpliedbyclosequestions，youfoundreadyandroundanswers。Verysoonyouseemedtogetusedtome:Ibelieveyoufelttheexistenceofsympathybetweenyouandyourgrimandcrossmaster，Jane;foritwasastonishingtoseehowquicklyacertainpleasanteasetranquillisedyourmanner:snarlasIwould，youshowednosurprise，fear，annoyance，ordispleasureatmymoroseness;youwatchedme，andnowandthensmiledatmewithasimpleyetsagaciousgraceIcannotdescribe。IwasatoncecontentandstimulatedwithwhatIsaw:I
likedwhatIhadseen，andwishedtoseemore。Yet，foralongtime，I
treatedyoudistantly，andsoughtyourcompanyrarely。Iwasanintellectualepicure，andwishedtoprolongthegratificationofmakingthisnovelandpiquantacquaintance:besides，IwasforawhiletroubledwithahauntingfearthatifIhandledtheflowerfreelyitsbloomwouldfade—thesweetcharmoffreshnesswouldleaveit。I
didnotthenknowthatitwasnotransitoryblossom，butrathertheradiantresemblanceofone，cutinanindestructiblegem。Moreover，IwishedtoseewhetheryouwouldseekmeifIshunnedyou—butyoudidnot;youkeptintheschoolroomasstillasyourowndeskandeasel;ifbychanceImetyou，youpassedmeassoon，andwithaslittletokenofrecognition，aswasconsistentwithrespect。Yourhabitualexpressioninthosedays，Jane，wasathoughtfullook;notdespondent，foryouwerenotsickly;butnotbuoyant，foryouhadlittlehope，andnoactualpleasure。Iwonderedwhatyouthoughtofme，orifyoueverthoughtofme，andresolvedtofindthisout。
\'Iresumedmynoticeofyou。Therewassomethinggladinyourglance，andgenialinyourmanner，whenyouconversed:Isawyouhadasocialheart;itwasthesilentschoolroom—itwasthetediumofyourlife—thatmadeyoumournful。Ipermittedmyselfthedelightofbeingkindtoyou;kindnessstirredemotionsoon:yourfacebecamesoftinexpression，yourtonesgentle;Ilikedmynamepronouncedbyyourlipsinagratefulhappyaccent。Iusedtoenjoyachancemeetingwithyou，Jane，atthistime:therewasacurioushesitationinyourmanner:youglancedatmewithaslighttrouble—ahoveringdoubt:youdidnotknowwhatmycapricemightbe—whetherIwasgoingtoplaythemasterandbestern，orthefriendandbebenignant。Iwasnowtoofondofyouoftentosimulatethefirstwhim;and，whenIstretchedmyhandoutcordially，suchbloomandlightandblissrosetoyouryoung，wistfulfeatures，Ihadmuchadooftentoavoidstrainingyouthenandtheretomyheart。\'
\'Don\'ttalkanymoreofthosedays，sir，\'Iinterrupted，furtivelydashingawaysometearsfrommyeyes;hislanguagewastorturetome;forIknewwhatImustdo—anddosoon—andthesereminiscences，andtheserevelationsofhisfeelings，onlymademyworkmoredifficult。
\'No，Jane，\'hereturned:\'whatnecessityistheretodwellonthePast，whenthePresentissomuchsurer—theFuturesomuchbrighter？\'
Ishudderedtoheartheinfatuatedassertion。
\'Youseenowhowthecasestands—doyounot？\'hecontinued。
\'Afterayouthandmanhoodpassedhalfinunutterablemiseryandhalfindrearysolitude，IhaveforthefirsttimefoundwhatIcantrulylove—Ihavefoundyou。Youaremysympathy—mybetterself—mygoodangel。Iamboundtoyouwithastrongattachment。Ithinkyougood，gifted，lovely:afervent，asolemnpassionisconceivedinmyheart;itleanstoyou，drawsyoutomycentreandspringoflife，wrapsmyexistenceaboutyou，and，kindlinginpure，powerfulflame，fusesyouandmeinone。
\'ItwasbecauseIfeltandknewthis，thatIresolvedtomarryyou。
TotellmethatIhadalreadyawifeisemptymockery:youknownowthatIhadbutahideousdemon。Iwaswrongtoattempttodeceiveyou;
butIfearedastubbornnessthatexistsinyourcharacter。Ifearedearlyinstilledprejudice:Iwantedtohaveyousafebeforehazardingconfidences。Thiswascowardly:Ishouldhaveappealedtoyournoblenessandmagnanimityatfirst，asIdonow—openedtoyouplainlymylifeofagony—describedtoyoumyhungerandthirstafterahigherandworthierexistence—showntoyou，notmyresolution（thatwordisweak），butmyresistlessbenttolovefaithfullyandwell，whereIamfaithfullyandwelllovedinreturn。ThenIshouldhaveaskedyoutoacceptmypledgeoffidelityandtogivemeyours。
Jane—giveitmenow。\'
Apause。
\'Whyareyousilent，Jane？\'
Iwasexperiencinganordeal:ahandoffieryirongraspedmyvitals。Terriblemoment:fullofstruggle，blackness，burning！NotahumanbeingthateverlivedcouldwishtobelovedbetterthanIwasloved;andhimwhothuslovedmeIabsolutelyworshipped:andImustrenounceloveandidol。Onedrearwordcomprisedmyintolerableduty—\'Depart！\'
\'Jane，youunderstandwhatIwantofyou？Justthispromise—
\"I
willbeyours，Mr。Rochester。\"\'
\'Mr。Rochester，Iwillnotbeyours。\'
Anotherlongsilence。
\'Jane！\'recommencedhe，withagentlenessthatbrokemedownwithgrief，andturnedmestone—coldwithominousterror—forthisstillvoicewasthepantofalionrising—\'Jane，doyoumeantogoonewayintheworld，andtoletmegoanother？\'
\'Ido。\'
\'Jane\'（bendingtowardsandembracingme），\'doyoumeanitnow？\'
\'Ido。\'
\'Andnow？\'softlykissingmyforeheadandcheek。
\'Ido，\'extricatingmyselffromrestraintrapidlyandcompletely。
\'Oh，Jane，thisisbitter！This—thisiswicked。Itwouldnotbewickedtoloveme。\'
\'Itwouldtoobeyyou。\'
Awildlookraisedhisbrows—crossedhisfeatures:herose;butheforboreyet。Ilaidmyhandonthebackofachairforsupport:I
shook，Ifeared—butIresolved。
\'Oneinstant，Jane。Giveoneglancetomyhorriblelifewhenyouaregone。Allhappinesswillbetornawaywithyou。Whatthenisleft？
ForawifeIhavebutthemaniacupstairs:aswellmightyourefermetosomecorpseinyonderchurchyard。WhatshallIdo，Jane？Whereturnforacompanionandforsomehope？\'
\'DoasIdo:trustinGodandyourself。Believeinheaven。
Hopetomeetagainthere。\'
\'Thenyouwillnotyield？\'
\'No。\'
\'Thenyoucondemnmetolivewretchedandtodieaccursed？\'
Hisvoicerose。
\'Iadviseyoutolivesinless，andIwishyoutodietranquil。\'
\'Thenyousnatchloveandinnocencefromme？Youflingmebackonlustforapassion—viceforanoccupation？\'
\'Mr。Rochester，InomoreassignthisfatetoyouthanIgraspatitformyself。Wewereborntostriveandendure—youaswellasI:
doso。YouwillforgetmebeforeIforgetyou。\'
\'Youmakemealiarbysuchlanguage:yousullymyhonour。
I
declaredIcouldnotchange:youtellmetomyfaceIshallchangesoon。Andwhatadistortioninyourjudgment，whataperversityinyourideas，isprovedbyyourconduct！Isitbettertodriveafellow—creaturetodespairthantotransgressamerehumanlaw，nomanbeinginjuredbythebreach？foryouhaveneitherrelativesnoracquaintanceswhomyouneedfeartooffendbylivingwithme？\'
Thiswastrue:andwhilehespokemyveryconscienceandreasonturnedtraitorsagainstme，andchargedmewithcrimeinresistinghim。TheyspokealmostasloudasFeeling:andthatclamouredwildly。\'Oh，comply！\'itsaid。\'Thinkofhismisery;thinkofhisdanger—lookathisstatewhenleftalone;rememberhisheadlongnature;considertherecklessnessfollowingondespair—soothehim;
savehim;lovehim;tellhimyoulovehimandwillbehis。Whointheworldcaresforyou？orwhowillbeinjuredbywhatyoudo？\'
Stillindomitablewasthereply—\'Icareformyself。Themoresolitary，themorefriendless，themoreunsustainedIam，themoreI
willrespectmyself。IwillkeepthelawgivenbyGod;sanctionedbyman。IwillholdtotheprinciplesreceivedbymewhenIwassane，andnotmad—asIamnow。Lawsandprinciplesarenotforthetimeswhenthereisnotemptation:theyareforsuchmomentsasthis，whenbodyandsoulriseinmutinyagainsttheirrigour;stringentarethey;
inviolatetheyshallbe。IfatmyindividualconvenienceImightbreakthem，whatwouldbetheirworth？Theyhaveaworth—soIhavealwaysbelieved;andifIcannotbelieveitnow，itisbecauseIaminsane—
quiteinsane:withmyveinsrunningfire，andmyheartbeatingfasterthanIcancountitsthrobs。Preconceivedopinions，foregonedeterminations，areallIhaveatthishourtostandby:thereIplantmyfoot。\'
Idid。Mr。Rochester，readingmycountenance，sawIhaddoneso。
Hisfurywaswroughttothehighest:hemustyieldtoitforamoment，whateverfollowed;hecrossedthefloorandseizedmyarmandgraspedmywaist。Heseemedtodevourmewithhisflamingglance:
physically，Ifelt，atthemoment，powerlessasstubbleexposedtothedraughtandglowofafurnace:mentally，Istillpossessedmysoul，andwithitthecertaintyofultimatesafety。Thesoul，fortunately，hasaninterpreter—oftenanunconscious，butstillatruthfulinterpreter—intheeye。Myeyerosetohis;andwhileIlookedinhisfiercefaceIgaveaninvoluntarysigh;hisgripewaspainful，andmyovertaxedstrengthalmostexhausted。
\'Never，\'saidhe，ashegroundhisteeth，\'neverwasanythingatoncesofrailandsoindomitable。Amerereedshefeelsinmyhand！\'
（Andheshookmewiththeforceofhishold。）\'Icouldbendherwithmyfingerandthumb:andwhatgoodwoulditdoifIbent，ifIuptore，ifIcrushedher？Considerthateye:considertheresolute，wild，freethinglookingoutofit，defyingme，withmorethancourage—withasterntriumph。WhateverIdowithitscage，Icannotgetatit—thesavage，beautifulcreature！IfItear，ifIrendtheslightprison，myoutragewillonlyletthecaptiveloose。ConquerorImightbeofthehouse;buttheinmatewouldescapetoheavenbeforeIcouldcallmyselfpossessorofitsclaydwelling—place。Anditisyou，spirit—
withwillandenergy，andvirtueandpurity—thatIwant:notaloneyourbrittleframe。Ofyourselfyoucouldcomewithsoftflightandnestleagainstmyheart，ifyouwould:seizedagainstyourwill，youwilleludethegrasplikeanessence—youwillvanishereIinhaleyourfragrance。Oh！come，Jane，come！\'
Ashesaidthis，hereleasedmefromhisclutch，andonlylookedatme。Thelookwasfarworsetoresistthanthefranticstrain:onlyanidiot，however，wouldhavesuccumbednow。Ihaddaredandbaffledhisfury;Imusteludehissorrow:retiredtothedoor。
\'Youaregoing，Jane？\'
\'Iamgoing，sir。\'
\'Youareleavingme？\'
\'Yes。\'
\'Youwillnotcome？Youwillnotbemycomforter，myrescuer？
Mydeeplove，mywildwoe，myfranticprayer，areallnothingtoyou？\'
Whatunutterablepathoswasinhisvoice！Howharditwastoreiteratefirmly，\'Iamgoing。\'
\'Jane！\'
\'Mr。Rochester！\'
\'Withdraw，then，—Iconsent;butremember，youleavemehereinanguish。Gouptoyourownroom;thinkoverallIhavesaid，and，Jane，castaglanceonmysufferings—thinkofme。\'
Heturnedaway;hethrewhimselfonhisfaceonthesofa。
\'Oh，Jane！myhope—mylove—mylife！\'brokeinanguishfromhislips。Thencameadeep，strongsob。
Ihadalreadygainedthedoor;but，reader，Iwalkedback—
walkedbackasdeterminedlyasIhadretreated。Ikneltdownbyhim;Iturnedhisfacefromthecushiontome;Ikissedhischeek;Ismoothedhishairwithmyhand。
\'Godblessyou，mydearmaster！\'Isaid。\'Godkeepyoufromharmandwrong—directyou，solaceyou—rewardyouwellforyourpastkindnesstome。\'
\'LittleJane\'slovewouldhavebeenmybestreward，\'heanswered;
\'withoutit，myheartisbroken。ButJanewillgivemeherlove:
yes—nobly，generously。\'
Upthebloodrushedtohisface;forthflashedthefirefromhiseyes;erecthesprang;heheldhisarmsout;butIevadedtheembrace，andatoncequittedtheroom。
\'Farewell！\'wasthecryofmyheartasIlefthim。Despairadded，\'Farewellforever！\'……
ThatnightIneverthoughttosleep;butaslumberfellonmeassoonasIlaydowninbed。Iwastransportedinthoughttothescenesofchildhood:IdreamtIlayinthered—roomatGateshead;thatthenightwasdark，andmymindimpressedwithstrangefears。Thelightthatlongagohadstruckmeintosyncope，recalledinthisvision，seemedglidinglytomountthewall，andtremblinglytopauseinthecentreoftheobscuredceiling。Iliftedupmyheadtolook:
theroofresolvedtoclouds，highanddim;thegleamwassuchasthemoonimpartstovapourssheisabouttosever。Iwatchedhercome—
watchedwiththestrangestanticipation;asthoughsomewordofdoomweretobewrittenonherdisk。Shebrokeforthasnevermoonyetburstfromcloud:ahandfirstpenetratedthesablefoldsandwavedthemaway;then，notamoon，butawhitehumanformshoneintheazure，incliningagloriousbrowearthward。Itgazedandgazedonme。Itspoketomyspirit:immeasurablydistantwasthetone，yetsonear，itwhisperedinmyheart—
\'Mydaughter，fleetemptation。\'
\'Mother，Iwill。\'
SoIansweredafterIhadwakedfromthetrancelikedream。
Itwasyetnight，butJulynightsareshort:soonaftermidnight，dawncomes。
\'ItcannotbetooearlytocommencethetaskIhavetofulfil，\'
thoughtI。Irose:Iwasdressed;forIhadtakenoffnothingbutmyshoes。Iknewwheretofindinmydrawerssomelinen，alocket，aring。Inseekingthesearticles，IencounteredthebeadsofapearlnecklaceMr。Rochesterhadforcedmetoacceptafewdaysago。I
leftthat;itwasnotmine:itwasthevisionarybride\'swhohadmeltedinair。TheotherarticlesImadeupinaparcel;mypurse，containingtwentyshillings（itwasallIhad），Iputinmypocket:
Itiedonmystrawbonnet，pinnedmyshawl，tooktheparcelandmyslippers，whichIwouldnotputonyet，andstolefrommyroom。
\'Farewell，kindMrs。Fairfax！\'Iwhispered，asIglidedpastherdoor。\'Farewell，mydarlingAdele！Isaid，asIglancedtowardsthenursery。Nothoughtcouldbeadmittedofenteringtoembraceher。I
hadtodeceiveafineear:foraughtIknewitmightnowbelistening。
IwouldhavegotpastMr。Rochester\'schamberwithoutapause;
butmyheartmomentarilystoppingitsbeatatthatthreshold，myfootwasforcedtostopalso。Nosleepwasthere:theinmatewaswalkingrestlesslyfromwalltowall;andagainandagainhesighedwhileIlistened。Therewasaheaven—atemporaryheaven—inthisroomforme，ifIchose:Ihadbuttogoinandtosay—
\'Mr。Rochester，Iwillloveyouandlivewithyouthroughlifetilldeath，\'andafountofrapturewouldspringtomylips。Ithoughtofthis。
Thatkindmaster，whocouldnotsleepnow，waswaitingwithimpatienceforday。Hewouldsendformeinthemorning;Ishouldbegone。Hewouldhavemesoughtfor:vainly。Hewouldfeelhimselfforsaken;hisloverejected:hewouldsuffer;perhapsgrowdesperate。Ithoughtofthistoo。Myhandmovedtowardsthelock:I
caughtitback，andglidedon。
DrearilyIwoundmywaydownstairs:IknewwhatIhadtodo，andIdiditmechanically。Isoughtthekeyoftheside—doorinthekitchen;Isought，too，aphialofoilandafeather;Ioiledthekeyandthelock。Igotsomewater，Igotsomebread:forperhapsI
shouldhavetowalkfar;andmystrength，sorelyshakenoflate，mustnotbreakdown。AllthisIdidwithoutonesound。Iopenedthedoor，passedout，shutitsoftly。Dimdawnglimmeredintheyard。
Thegreatgateswereclosedandlocked;butawicketinoneofthemwasonlylatched。ThroughthatIdeparted:it，too，Ishut;andnowIwasoutofThornfield。
Amileoff，beyondthefields，layaroadwhichstretchedinthecontrarydirectiontoMillcote;aroadIhadnevertravelled，butoftennoticed，andwonderedwhereitled:thitherIbentmysteps。
Noreflectionwastobeallowednow:notoneglancewastobecastback;notevenoneforward。Notonethoughtwastobegiveneithertothepastortothefuture。Thefirstwasapagesoheavenlysweet—sodeadlysad—thattoreadonelineofitwoulddissolvemycourageandbreakdownmyenergy。Thelastwasanawfulblank:
somethingliketheworldwhenthedelugewasgoneby。
Iskirtedfields，andhedges，andlanestillaftersunrise。
I
believeitwasalovelysummermorning:Iknowmyshoes，whichIhadputonwhenIleftthehouse，weresoonwetwithdew。ButIlookedneithertorisingsun，norsmilingsky，norwakeningnature。Hewhoistakenouttopassthroughafairscenetothescaffold，thinksnotoftheflowersthatsmileonhisroad，butoftheblockandaxe—edge;ofthedissevermentofboneandvein;ofthegravegapingattheend:andIthoughtofdrearflightandhomelesswandering—andoh！
withagonyIthoughtofwhatIleft。Icouldnothelpit。Ithoughtofhimnow—inhisroom—watchingthesunrise;hopingIshouldsooncometosayIwouldstaywithhimandbehis。Ilongedtobehis;I
pantedtoreturn:itwasnottoolate;Icouldyetsparehimthebitterpangofbereavement。Asyetmyflight，Iwassure，wasundiscovered。Icouldgobackandbehiscomforter—hispride;hisredeemerfrommisery，perhapsfromruin。Oh，thatfearofhisself—abandonment—farworsethanmyabandonment—howitgoadedme！
Itwasabarbedarrow—headinmybreast;ittoremewhenItriedtoextractit;itsickenedmewhenremembrancethrustitfartherin。
Birdsbegansinginginbrakeandcopse:birdswerefaithfultotheirmates;birdswereemblemsoflove。WhatwasI？Inthemidstofmypainofheartandfranticeffortofprinciple，Iabhorredmyself。Ihadnosolacefromself—approbation:noneevenfromself—respect。Ihadinjured—wounded—leftmymaster。Iwashatefulinmyowneyes。
StillIcouldnotturn，norretraceonestep。Godmusthaveledmeon。
Astomyownwillorconscience，impassionedgriefhadtrampledoneandstifledtheother。IwasweepingwildlyasIwalkedalongmysolitaryway:fast，fastIwentlikeonedelirious。Aweakness，beginninginwardly，extendingtothelimbs，seizedme，andIfell:I
layonthegroundsomeminutes，pressingmyfacetothewetturf。I
hadsomefear—orhope—thathereIshoulddie:butIwassoonup;
crawlingforwardsonmyhandsandknees，andthenagainraisedtomyfeet—aseagerandasdeterminedasevertoreachtheroad。
WhenIgotthere，Iwasforcedtosittorestmeunderthehedge;
andwhileIsat，Iheardwheels，andsawacoachcomeon。Istoodupandliftedmyhand;itstopped。Iaskedwhereitwasgoing:thedrivernamedaplacealongwayoff，andwhereIwassureMr。Rochesterhadnoconnections。Iaskedforwhatsumhewouldtakemethere;hesaidthirtyshillings;IansweredIhadbuttwenty;well，hewouldtrytomakeitdo。Hefurthergavemeleavetogetintotheinside，asthevehiclewasempty:Ientered，wasshutin，anditrolledonitsway。
Gentlereader，mayyouneverfeelwhatIthenfelt！Mayyoureyesnevershedsuchstormy，scalding，heart—wrungtearsaspouredfrommine。MayyouneverappealtoHeaveninprayerssohopelessandsoagonisedasinthathourleftmylips;fornevermayyou，likeme，dreadtobetheinstrumentofeviltowhatyouwhollylove。
chapter28
CHAPTERXXVIII
TWOdaysarepassed。Itisasummerevening;thecoachmanhassetmedownataplacecalledWhitcross;hecouldtakemenofartherforthesumIhadgiven，andIwasnotpossessedofanothershillingintheworld。Thecoachisamileoffbythistime;Iamalone。AtthismomentIdiscoverthatIforgottotakemyparceloutofthepocketofthecoach，whereIhadplaceditforsafety;thereitremains，thereitmustremain;andnow，Iamabsolutelydestitute。
Whitcrossisnotown，norevenahamlet;itisbutastonepillarsetupwherefourroadsmeet:whitewashed，Isuppose，tobemoreobviousatadistanceandindarkness。Fourarmsspringfromitssummit:thenearesttowntowhichthesepointis，accordingtotheinscription，distanttenmiles;thefarthest，abovetwenty。Fromthewell—knownnamesofthesetownsIlearninwhatcountyIhavelighted;
anorth—midlandshire，duskwithmoorland，ridgedwithmountain:
thisIsee。Therearegreatmoorsbehindandoneachhandofme;therearewavesofmountainsfarbeyondthatdeepvalleyatmyfeet。Thepopulationheremustbethin，andIseenopassengersontheseroads:theystretchouteast，west，north，andsouth—white，broad，lonely;theyareallcutinthemoor，andtheheathergrowsdeepandwildtotheirveryverge。Yetachancetravellermightpassby;andIwishnoeyetoseemenow:strangerswouldwonderwhatIamdoing，lingeringhereatthesign—post，evidentlyobjectlessandlost。I
mightbequestioned:Icouldgivenoanswerbutwhatwouldsoundincredibleandexcitesuspicion。Notatieholdsmetohumansocietyatthismoment—notacharmorhopecallsmewheremyfellow—creaturesare—nonethatsawmewouldhaveakindthoughtoragoodwishforme。
Ihavenorelativebuttheuniversalmother，Nature:Iwillseekherbreastandaskrepose。
Istruckstraightintotheheath;IheldontoahollowIsawdeeplyfurrowingthebrownmoorside;Iwadedknee—deepinitsdarkgrowth;Iturnedwithitsturnings，andfindingamoss—blackenedgranitecraginahiddenangle，Isatdownunderit。Highbanksofmoorwereaboutme;thecragprotectedmyhead:theskywasoverthat。
SometimepassedbeforeIfelttranquilevenhere:Ihadavaguedreadthatwildcattlemightbenear，orthatsomesportsmanorpoachermightdiscoverme。Ifagustofwindsweptthewaste，Ilookedup，fearingitwastherushofabull;ifaploverwhistled，I
imagineditaman。Findingmyapprehensionsunfounded，however，andcalmedbythedeepsilencethatreignedaseveningdeclinedatnightfall，Itookconfidence。AsyetIhadnotthought;Ihadonlylistened，watched，dreaded;nowIregainedthefacultyofreflection。