Youaregoingoffbyrailway，fromanyTerminus。Youhavetwentyminutesfordinner，beforeyougo。Youwantyourdinner，andlikeDr。Johnson，Sir，youliketodine。Youpresenttoyourmind，apictureoftherefreshment-tableatthatterminus。Theconventionalshabbyevening-partysupper-acceptedasthemodelforallterminiandallrefreshmentstations，becauseitisthelastrepastknowntothisstateofexistenceofwhichanyhumancreaturewouldpartake，butinthedirestextremity-sickensyourcontemplation，andyourwordsarethese:’Icannotdineonstalesponge-cakesthatturntosandinthemouth。Icannotdineonshiningbrownpatties，composedofunknownanimalswithin，andofferingtomyviewthedeviceofanindigestiblestar-fishinleadenpie-crustwithout。Icannotdineonasandwichthathaslongbeenpiningunderanexhaustedreceiver。Icannotdineonbarley-sugar。IcannotdineonToffee。’Yourepairtothenearesthotel，andarrive，agitated，inthecoffee-room。
Itisamostastonishingfactthatthewaiterisverycoldtoyou。
Accountforithowyoumay，smoothitoverhowyouwill，youcannotdenythatheiscoldtoyou。Heisnotgladtoseeyou，hedoesnotwantyou，hewouldmuchratheryouhadn’tcome。Heopposestoyourflushedcondition，animmovablecomposure。Asifthiswerenotenough，anotherwaiter，born，asitwouldseem，expresslytolookatyouinthispassageofyourlife，standsatalittledistance，withhisnapkinunderhisarmandhishandsfolded，lookingatyouwithallhismight。Youimpressonyourwaiterthatyouhavetenminutesfordinner，andheproposesthatyoushallbeginwithabitoffishwhichwillbereadyintwenty。Thatproposaldeclined，hesuggests-asaneatoriginality-’awealormuttoncutlet。’Youclosewitheithercutlet，anycutlet，anything。Hegoes，leisurely，behindadoorandcallsdownsomeunseenshaft。Aventriloquialdialogueensues，tendingfinallytotheeffectthatwealonly，isavailableonthespurofthemoment。
Youanxiouslycallout，’Veal，then！’Yourwaiterhavingsettledthatpoint，returnstoarrayyourtablecloth，withatablenapkinfoldedcocked-hat-wiseslowly，forsomethingoutofwindowengageshiseye，awhitewine-glass，agreenwine-glass，abluefinger-
glass，atumbler，andapowerfulfieldbatteryoffourteencasterswithnothinginthem；oratallevents-whichisenoughforyourpurpose-withnothinginthemthatwillcomeout。Allthistime，theotherwaiterlooksatyou-withanairofmentalcomparisonandcuriosity，now，asifithadoccurredtohimthatyouareratherlikehisbrother。Halfyourtimegone，andnothingcomebutthejugofaleandthebread，youimploreyourwaiterto’seeafterthatcutlet，waiter；praydo！’Hecannotgoatonce，forheiscarryinginseventeenpoundsofAmericancheeseforyoutofinishwith，andasmallLandedEstateofceleryandwater-cresses。Theotherwaiterchangeshisleg，andtakesanewviewofyou，doubtfully，now，asifhehadrejectedtheresemblancetohisbrother，andhadbeguntothinkyoumorelikehisauntorhisgrandmother。Againyoubeseechyourwaiterwithpatheticindignation，to’seeafterthatcutlet！’Hestepsouttoseeafterit，andby-and-by，whenyouaregoingawaywithoutit，comesbackwithit。Eventhen，hewillnottaketheshamsilvercoveroff，withoutapauseforaflourish，andalookatthemustycutletasifheweresurprisedtoseeit-whichcannotpossiblybethecase，hemusthaveseenitsooftenbefore。Asortoffurhasbeenproduceduponitssurfacebythecook’sart，andinashamsilvervesselstaggeringontwofeetinsteadofthree，isacutaneouskindofsauceofbrownpimplesandpickledcucumber。Youorderthebill，butyourwaitercannotbringyourbillyet，becauseheisbringing，instead，threeflinty-heartedpotatoesandtwogrimheadofbroccoli，liketheoccasionalornamentsonarearailings，badlyboiled。Youknowthatyouwillnevercometothispass，anymorethantothecheeseandcelery，andyouimperativelydemandyourbill；but，ittakestimetoget，evenwhengonefor，becauseyourwaiterhastocommunicatewithaladywholivesbehindasash-