’No，indeed，notveryoften，’saidCrosbie，smiling。Whocantellwhohasnotfeltit，thepainthatgoeswiththeforcingofsuchsmiles？ButSirRafflewasnotanacutelyobservantperson，anddidnotseethatanythingwaswrong。
’Isupposeyou’redoingalittlebusiness？’saidSirRaffle。’Ifamanhaskeptatrifleofmoneybyhim，thiscertainlyisthetimeforturningit。Youhavealwaysbeenwideawakeaboutsuchthings。’
’No，indeed，’saidCrosbie。Ifhecouldonlymakeuphismindthathewouldshoothimself，woulditnotbeapleasantthingtoinflictsomecondignpunishmentonthisodiousmanbeforehelefttheworld？ButCrosbieknewthathewasnotgoingtoshoothimself，andheknewalsothathehadnopowerofinflictingcondignpunishmentonSirRaffleBuffle。Hecouldonlyhatetheman，andcursehiminwardly。
’Ah，ha！’saidSirRaffle。’Youwouldn’tbehereunlessyouknewwhereagoodthingistobepickedup。ButImustbeoff。I’montheRockyMountainCanalCompanyDirectory。I’mnotabovetakingmytwoguineasaday。Good—bye，myboy。RemembermetooldOptimist。’AndsoSirRafflepassedon，leavingCrosbiestillstandingatthecornerofthelane。
Whatwashetodo？ThisinterruptionhadatleastseemedtodriveLilyfromhismind，andtosendhisideasbacktotheconsiderationofhispecuniarydifficulties。Hethoughtofhisownbank，aWest—Endestablishmentatwhichhewaspersonallyknowntomanyoftheclerks，andwherehehadbeenheretoforetreated，withgreatconsideration。Butoflatehisbalanceshadbeenverylow，andmorethanoncehehadbeenremindedthathehadoverdrawnhisaccount。HeknewwellthatthedistinguishedfirmofBounce，Bounce，andBouncewouldnotcashabillforhimorlendhimmoneywithoutsecurity。Hedidnotevendaretoaskthemtodoso。
Onasuddenhejumpedintoacab，andwasdrivenbacktohisoffice。A
thoughthadcomeuponhim。Hewouldthrowhimselfuponthekindnessofafriendthere。Hithertohehadcontrivedtoholdhisheadhighabovetheclerksbelowhim，sohighbeforetheCommissionerswhowereabovehim，thatnonetheresuspectedhimtobeamanindifficulty。Itnotseldomhappensthataman’scharacterstandstoohighforhisinterest——sohighthatitcannotbemaintained，andsohighthatanyfallwillbedangerous。AndsoitwaswithCrosbieandhischaracterattheGeneralCommittedOffice。ThemantowhomhewasnowthinkingofapplyingashisfriendwasacertainMrButterwell，whohadbeenhispredecessorinthesecretary’schair，andwhonowfilledthelessonerousbutmoredignifiedpositionofaCommissioner。MrCrosbiehadsomewhatdespisedMrButterwell，andhadoflateyearshadnotbeenaversetoshowingthathedidso。HehadsnubbedMrButterwell，andMrButterwell，driventohiswits’ends，hadtriedafallortwowithhim。InallthesestrugglesCrosbiehadhadthebestofit，andButterwellhadgonetothewall。
Nevertheless，forthesakeofofficialdecency，andfromcertainwiseremembrancesofthesourcesofofficialcomfortandofficialdiscomfort，MrButterwallhadalwaysmaintainedashowofoutwardfriendshipwiththesecretary。Theysmiledandweregracious，calledeachotherButterwellandCrosbie，andabstainedfromallcat—and—dogabsurdities。
Nevertheless，itwasthefrequentlyexpressedopinionofeveryclerkintheofficethatMrButterwellhatedMrCrosbielikepoison。ThiswasthemantowhomCrosbiesuddenlymadeuphismindthathewouldhaverecourse。
Ashewasdrivenbacktotheofficeheresolvedthathewouldmakeaplungeatonceatthedifficulty。HeknewthatButterwellwasfairlyrich，andheknewalsothathewasgood—natured——withthatsortofsleepygood—naturewhichisnotactiveforphilanthropicpurposes，butwhichdislikestoincurthepainofrefusing。AndthenMrButterwellwasnervous，andifthethingwasmanagedwell，hemightbecheatedoutofanassent，beforetimehadbeengivenhiminwhichtopluckupcourageforrefusing。ButCrosbiedoubtedhisowncouragealso——fearingthatifhegavehimselftimeforhesitationhewouldhesitate，andthat，hesitating，hewouldfeeltheterribledisgraceofthethingandnotdoit。So，withoutgoingtohisowndesk，orriddinghimselfofhishat，hewentatoncetoButterwell’sroom。Whenheopenedthedoor，hefoundMrButterwellalone，readingTheTimes。’Butterwell，’saidhe，beginningtospeakbeforehehadevenclosedthedoor，’Ihavecometoyouingreatdistress。Iwonderwhetheryoucanhelpme；Iwantyoutolendmefivehundredpounds？Itmustbefornotlessthanthreemonths。’
MrButterwelldroppedthepaperfromhishands，andstaredatthesecretaryoverhisspectacles。
CHAPTERXLIV
’ISUPPOSEIMUSTLETYOUHAVEIT’
CrosbiehadbeenpreparingtheexactwordswithwhichheassailedMrButterwellforthelastquarterofanhour，beforetheywereuttered。
Thereisalwaysadifficultyinthechoice，notonlyofthewordswithwhichmoneyshouldbeborrowed，butofthefashionafterwhichtheyshouldbespoken。Thereistheslowdeliberatemanner，inusingwhichtheborrowerattemptstocarrythewished—forlenderalongwithhimbyforceofargument，andtoprovethatthedesiretoborrowshowsnoimprudenceonhisownpart，andthatatendencytolendwillshownoneonthepartoftheintendedlender。Itmaybesaidthatthismodefailsoftenerthananyother。Thereisthepiteousmanner——thepleaforcommiseration。’Mydearfellow，unlessyouwillseemethroughnow，uponmywordIshallbeverybadlyoff。’Andthismannermaybedividedagainintotwo。Thereisthepleapiteouswithalie，andthepleapiteouswithatruth。’Youshallhaveitagainintwomonthsassureasthesunrises。’Thatisgenerallythepleapiteouswithalie。Oritmaybeasfollows；’ItisonlyfairtosaythatIdon’tquiteknowwhenIcanpayitback。’Thisisthepleapiteouswithatruth，anduponthewholeI
thinkthatthisisgenerallythemostsuccessfulmodeofborrowing。Andthereistheassureddemand——whichbetokensacloseintimacy。’Oldfellow，canyouletmehavethirtypounds？No？Justputyourname，then，onthebackofthis，andI’llgetitdoneintheCity。’Theworstofthatmanneris，thatthebillsooftendoesnotgetitselfdoneintheCity。Thenthereisthesuddenattack——thatbeingthemannertowhichCrosbiehadrecourseinthepresentinstance。Thatthereareothermodesofborrowingbymeansofwhichyouthbecomesindebtedtoage，andlovetorespect，andignorancetoexperience，isamatterofcourse。ItwillbeunderstoodthatIamherespeakingonlyofborrowingandlendingbetweentheButterwellsandCrosbiesoftheworld。’Ihavecometoyouingreatdistress，’saidCrosbie。’Iwonderwhetheryoucanhelpme。I
wantyoutolendmefivehundredpounds。’MrButterwell，whenheheardthewords，droppedthepaperwhichhewasreadingfromhishand，andstaredatCrosbieoverhisspectacles。
’Yesitis——averylargesum。HalfthatiswhatIwantatonce；butI
shallwanttheotherhalfinamonth。’
’Ithoughtthatyouwerealwayssomuchabovetheworldinmoneymatters。Graciousme；——nothingthatIhaveheardforalongtimehasastonishedmemore。Idon’tknowwhy，butIalwaysthoughtyouhadyourthingssoverysnug。’
Crosbiewasawarethathehadmadeoneverygreatsteptowardssuccess。
TheideahadbeenpresentedtoMrButterwell’smind，andhadnotbeeninstantlyrejectedasascandalouslyiniquitousidea，asanideatowhichnoreceptioncouldbegivenforamoment。Crosbiehadnotbeentreatedastheneedyknife—grinder，andhadgroundtostanduponwhileheurgedhisrequest。’Ihavebeensopressedsincemymarriage，’hesaid，’thatithasbeenimpossibleformetokeepthingsstraight。’
’ButLadyAlexandrina——’
’Yes，ofcourse；Iknow。Idonotliketotroubleyouwithmyprivateaffairs；——thereisnothing，Ithink，sobadaswashingone’sdirtylineninpublic；——butthetruthis，thatIamonlynowfreefromtherapacityoftheDeCourcys。YouwouldhardlybelievemeifItoldyouwhatI’vehadtopay。Whatdoyouthinkoftwohundredandforty—fivepoundsforbringingherbodyoverhere，andburyingitatDeCourcy？’
’I’dhaveleftitwhereitwas。’
’AndsowouldI。Youdon’tsupposeIorderedittobedone。Poordearthing。Ifitcoulddoheranygood，GodknowsIwouldnotbegrudgeit。
Wehadabadtimeofitwhenweweretogether，butIwouldhavesparednothingforher，aliveordead，thatwasreasonable。Buttomakemepayforbringingthebodyoverhere，whenIneverhadashillingwithher！
ByGeorge，itwastoobad。AndthatoafJohnDeCourcy——Ihadtopayhistravellingbilltoo。’
’Hedidn’tcometobeburied；——didhe？’
’It’stoodisgustingtotalkof，Butterwell；itisindeed。AndwhenI
askedforhermoneythatwassettleduponme——itwasonlytwothousandpounds——theymademegotolaw，anditseemstherewasnotwothousandpoundstosettle。IfIlike，Icanhaveanotherlawsuitwiththesisters，whenthemotherisdead。Oh，Butterwell，Ihavemadesuchafoolofmyself。Ihavecometoshipwreck！Oh，Butterwell，ifyoucouldbutknowitall。’
’AreyoufreefromtheDeCourcysnow？’
’IoweGazebee，themanwhomarriedtheotherwoman，overathousandpounds。ButIpaythatoffattwohundredayear，andhehasapolicyonmylife。’
’Whatdoyouowethatfor？’
’Don’taskme。NotthatImindtellingyou；——furniture，andtheleaseofahouse，andhisbillforthemarriagesettlement，d——him。’
’Godblessme。Theyseemtohavebeenveryharduponyou。’
’Amandoesn’tmarryanearl’sdaughterfornothing，Butterwell。AndthentothinkwhatIlost！Itcan’tbehelpednow，youknow。Asamanmakeshisbedhemustlieonit。IamsometimessomadwithmyselfwhenIthinkoveritall——thatIshouldliketoblowmybrainsout。’
’Youmustnottalkthatway，Crosbie。Ihatetohearamantalklikethat。’
’Idon’tmeanthatIshall。I’mtoomuchofacoward，Ifancy。’Amanwhodesirestosoftenanotherman’sheartshouldalwaysabusehimself。
Insofteningawoman’sheart，heshouldabuseher。’Butlifehasbeensobitterwithmeforthelastthreeyears！Ihaven’thadanhourofcomfort；——notanhour。Idon’tknowwhyIshouldtroubleyouwithallthisButterwell。Oh——aboutthemoney；yes；that’sjusthowIstand。I
owedGazebeesomethingoverathousandpoundswhichisarrangedasI
havetoldyou。Thenthereweredebts，duebymywife——atleastsomeofthemwere，Isuppose——andthathorrid，ghastlyfuneral——anddebts，I
don’tdoubt，duebythecursedoldcountess。Atanyrate，togetmyselfclear，Iraisedsomethingoverfourhundredpounds，andnowIowefivewhichmustbepaid，parttomorrow，andtheremainderthisdaymonth。’
’Andyou’venosecurity？’
’Notarag，notashred，notaline，notanacre。There’smysalary，andafterpayingGazebeewhatcomesduetohim，Icanmanagetoletyouhavethemoneywithintwelvemonths——thatis，ifyoucanlendittome。
Icanjustdothatandlive；andifyouwillassistmewiththemoney，I
willdoso。That’swhatI’vebroughtmyselftobymyownfolly。’
’Fivehundredpoundsissuchalargesumofmoney。’
’Indeeditis。’
’Andwithoutanysecurity！’
’Iknow，Butterwell，thatI’venorighttoaskforit。Ifeelthat。OfcourseIshouldpayyouwhatinterestyouplease。’
’Money’saboutsevennow，’saidButterwell。
’I’venottheslightestobjectiontosevenpercent。，’saidCrosbie。
’Butthat’sonsecurity，’saidButterwell。
’Youcannameyourownterms，’saidCrosbie。
MrButterwellgotoutofhischair，andwalkedabouttheroomwithhishandsinhispockets。HewasthinkingatthemomentofwhatMrsButterwellwouldsaytohim。’Willananswerdotomorrowmorning？’hesaid。’Iwouldmuchratherhaveittoday，’saidCrosbie。ThenMrButterwelltookanotherturnabouttheroom。’IsupposeImustletyouhaveit。’
’Butterwell，’saidCrosbie，’I’meternallyobligedtoyou。It’shardlytoomuchtosaythatyouhavesavedmefromruin。’
’OfcourseIwasjokingaboutinterest，’saidButterwell。’Fivepercent。istheproperthing。You’dbetterletmehavealittleacknowledgement。I’llgiveyouthefirsthalftomorrow。’
TheyweregenuinetearswhichfilledCrosbie’seyes，asheseizedholdofthesenior’shands。’Butterwell，’hesaid，’whatamItosaytoyou？’
’Nothingatall——nothingatall。’
’YourkindnessmakesmefeelthatIoughtnottohavecometoyou。’
’Oh，nonsense。By—the—by，wouldyoumindtellingThompsontobringthosepaperstomewhichIgavehimyesterday？IpromisedOptimistI
wouldreadthembeforethree，andit’spasttwonow。’Sosayinghesathimselfdownathistable，andCrosbiefeltthathewasboundtoleavetheroom。
MrButterwell，whenhewasleftalone，didnotreadthepaperswhichThompsonbroughthim；butsaid，instead，thinkingofhisfivehundredpounds。’Justputthemdown，’hesaidtoThompson。Sothepaperswereputdown，andtheretheylayallthatdayandallthenext。ThenThompsontookthemawayagain，anditistobehopedthatsomebodyreadthem。Fivehundredpounds！Itwasalargesumofmoney，andCrosbiewasamanforwhomMrButterwellintruthfeltnoverystrongaffection。’Ofcoursehemusthaveitnow，’hesaidtohimself。’ButwhereshouldIbeifanythingshouldhappentohim？’AndthenherememberedthatMrsButterwellespeciallydislikedMrCrosbie——dislikedhimbecausesheknewthathesnubbedherhusband。’Butit’shardtorefuse，whenonemanhasknownanotherformorethantenyears。’Thenhecomfortedhimselfsomewhatwiththereflection，thatCrosbiewouldnodoubtmakehimselfmorepleasantforthefuturethanhehaddonelately，andwithasecondreflection，thatCrosbie’slifewasagoodlife——andwithathird，astohisowngreatgoodness，inassistingabrotherofficer。Nevertheless，ashesatlookingoutoftheomnibuswindow，onhisjourneyhometoPutney，hewasnotaltogethercomfortableinhismind。MrsButterwellwasaveryprudentwoman。
ButCrosbiewasverycomfortableinhismindonthatafternoon。Hehadhardlydaredtohopeforsuccess，buthehadbeensuccessful。HehadnoteventhoughtofButterwellasapossiblefountainofsupply，tillhismindhadbeenbroughtbacktotheaffairsoftheoffice，bythevoiceofSirRaffleBuffleatthecornerofthestreet。Theideathathisbillwouldbedishonoured，andthattidingsofhisinsolvencywouldbeconveyedtotheCommissionersathisBoard，hadbeendreadfultohim。
ThewayinwhichhehadbeentreatedbyMusselboroandDobbsBroughtonhadmadehimhateCitymen，andwhathesupposedtobeCityways。Nowtherehadcometohimareliefwhichsuddenlymadeeverythingfeellight。HecouldalmostthinkofMrMortimerGazebeewithoutdisgust。
Perhapsafteralltheremightbesomehappinessyetinstoreforhim。
MightitnotbepossiblethatLilywouldyetaccepthiminspiteofthechillingletter——thefreezingletterwhichhehadreceivedfromLily’smother？Ofonethinghewasquitecertain。Ifeverhehadtheopportunityofpleadinghisowncausewithher，hecertainlywouldtellhereverythingrespectinghismoneydifficulties。
InthatlastresolveIthinkwemaysaythathewasright。IfLilywouldeverlistentohimagainatall，shecertainlywouldnotbedeterredfrommarryinghimbyhisownstoryofhisdebts。
CHAPTERXLV
LILYDALEGOESTOLONDON
OnemorningtowardstheendofMarchthesquirerappedatthewindowofthedrawing—roomoftheSmallHouseinwhichMrsDaleandLilyweresitting。Hehadaletterinhishand，andbothLilyandhermotherknewthathehadcomedowntospeakaboutthecontentsoftheletter。Itwasalwaysasignofgood—humouronthesquire’spart，thisrappingatthewindow。Whenitbecamenecessarytohiminhisgloomymoodstoseehissister—in—law，hewouldwriteanotetoher，andshewouldgoacrosstohimattheGreatHouse。Atothertimes，if，asLilywouldsay，hewasjustthenneithersweetnorbitter，hewouldgoroundtothefrontdoorandknock，andbeadmittedafterthemannerofordinarypeople；butwhenhewasmindedtomakehimselfthoroughlypleasanthewouldcomeandrapatthedrawing—roomwindow，ashewasdoingnow。
’I’llletyouin，uncle；waitamoment，’saidLily，assheunboltedthewindowwhichopenedoutuponthelawn。’It’sdreadfullycold，socomeinasfastasyoucan。’
’It’snotcoldatall，’saidthesquire。’It’smorelikespringthananymorningwe’vehadyet。I’vebeensittingwithoutafire。’
’Youwon’tcatchuswithoutoneforthenexttwomonths；willhe，mamma？
Youhavegotaletter，uncle。Isitforustosee？’
’Well——yes；I’vebroughtitdowntoshowyou。Mary，whatdoyouthinkisgoingtohappen？’
AterribleideaoccurredtoMrsDaleatthatmoment，butshewasmuchtowisetogiveitexpression。Coulditbepossiblethatthesquirewasgoingtomakeafoolofhimselfandgetmarried？’Iamverybadatguessing，’saidMrsDale。’Youhadbettertellus。’
’Bernardisgoingtobemarried，’saidLily。
’Howdidyouknow？’saidthesquire。
’Ididn’tknow。Ionlyguessed。’
’Thenyou’veguessedright，’saidthesquire，alittleannoyedathavinghisnewsthustakenoutofhismouth。
’Iamsoglad，’saidMrsDale；’andIknowfromyourmannerthatyoulikethematch。’
’Well——yes。Idon’tknowtheyounglady，butIthinkthatuponthewholeIdolikeit。It’squitetime，youknow，thathegotmarried。’
’He’snotthirtyyet，’saidMrsDale。
’Hewillbeinamonthortwo。’
’Andwhoisit，uncle？’
’Well；——asyou’resogoodatguessing，Isupposeyoucanguessthat？’
’It’snotthatMissPartridgeheusedtotalkabout？’
’No；it’snotMissPartridge——I’mgladtosay。Idon’tbelievethatthePartridgeshaveashillingamongthem。’
’ThenIsupposeit’sanheiress，’saidMrsDale。
’No；notanheiress；butshewillhavesomemoneyofherown。AndshehadconnexionsinBarsetshire，whichmakesitpleasant。’
’ConnexionsinBarsetshire！Whocanitbe？’saidLily。
’HernameisEmilyDunstable，’saidthesquire，’andsheisthenieceofMissDunstablewhomarriedDrThorneandwholivesatChaldicotes。’
’Shewasthewomanwhohadmillionsuponmillions，’saidLily，’andallgotbysellingointment。’
’Newmindhowitwasgot，’saidthesquireangrily。’MissDunstablemarriedmostrespectably，andhasalwaysmadeamostexcellentuseofhermoney。’
’AndwillBernard’swifehaveallherfortune？’askedLily。
’Shewillhavetwentythousandpoundsthedayshemarries，andIsupposethatwillbeall。’
’Andquiteenough，too，’saidMrsDale。
’ItseemsthatoldMrDunstable，ashewascalled，who，asLilysays，soldtheointment，quarrelledwithhissonorwithhisson’swidow，andleftnothingeithertoherortoherchild。Themotherisdead，andtheaunt，DrThorne’swife，hasalwaysprovidedforthechild。That’showitis，andBernardisgoingtomarryher。TheyaretobemarriedatChaldicotesinMay。’
’Iamdelightedtohearit，’saidMrsDale。
’I’veknownDrThorneforthelastfortyyears；’andthesquirenowspokeinalowmelancholytone。’I’vewrittentohimtosaythattheyoungpeopleshallhavetheoldplaceuptheretothemselvesiftheylikeit。’
’What！Andturnyouout？’saidMrsDale。
’Thatwouldnotmatter，’saidthesquire。
’You’dhavetocomeandlivewithus，’saidLily，takinghimbythehand。
’Itdoesn’tmattermuchnowwhereIlive，’saidthesquire。
’Bernardwouldneverconsenttothat，’saidMrsDale。
’Iwonderwhethershewillaskmetobeabridesmaid？’saidLily。
’They’dsatthatChaldicotesissuchaprettyplace，andIshouldseealltheBarsetshirepeoplethatI’vebeenhearingaboutfromGrace。PoorGrace！IknowthattheGrantlysandtheThornesareveryintimate。FancyBernardhavingtwentythousandpoundsfromthemakingofointment！’
’Whatdoesitmatterwhereitcomesfrom？’saidthesquire，halfinanger。
’Notintheleast；onlyitsoundssoodd。Idohopeshe’sanicegirl。’
ThenthesquireproducedaphotographofEmilyDunstablewhichhisnephewhadsenttohim，andtheyallpronouncedhertobeverypretty，verymuchlikealady，andtobeverygood—humoured。Thesquirewasevidentlypleasedwiththematch，andthereforetheladieswerepleasedalso。BernardDalewastheheirtotheestate，andhismarriagewasofcourseamatterofmoment；andasonsuchpropertiesasthatofAllingtonmoneyisalwayswanted，thesquiremaybeforgivenforthegreatimportancewhichheattachedtotheyounglady’sfortune。’Bernardcouldhardlyhavemarriedprudentlywithoutanymoney，’hesaid——’unlesshehadchosentowaittillIamgone。’
’Andthenhewouldhavebeentoooldtomarryatall，’saidLily。
Butthesquire’sbudgetofnewshadnotyetbeenemptied。HetoldthemsoonafterwardsthathehimselfhadbeensummoneduptoLondon。Bernardhadwrittentohim，begginghimtocomeandseetheyounglady；andthefamilylawyerhadwrittenalso，sayingthathispresenceintownwouldbeverydesirable。’Itisverytroublesome，ofcourse；butIshallgo，’
saidthesquire。’Itwilldoyouallthegoodintheworld，’saidMrsDale；’andofcourseyououghttoknowherpersonallybeforethemarriage。’Andthenthesquiremadeacleanbreastofitanddeclaredhisfullpurpose。’Iwasthinkingthat，perhaps，LilywouldnotobjecttogouptoLondonwithme。’
’Oh，uncleChristopher，Ishouldsolikeit，’saidLily。
’Ifyourmammadoesnotobject。’
’Mammaneverobjectstoanything。Ishouldliketoseeherobjectingtothat！’AndLilyshookherheadathermother。
’BernardsaysthatMissDunstableparticularlywantstoseeyou。’
’Doesshe，indeed？AndIparticularlywanttoseeMissDunstable。Hownice！Mamma，Idon’tthinkI’veeverbeeninLondonsinceIworeshortfrocks。Doyouremembertakingustothepantomime？Onlythinkhowmanyyearsagothatis。I’mquitesureit’stimethatBernardshouldgetmarried。Uncle，Ihopeyou’repreparedtotakemetotheplay。’
’Wemustseeaboutthat。’
’Andtheopera，andMadameTussaud，andtheHorticulturalGardens，andthenewconjurorwhomakesawomanlieuponnothing。TheideaofmygoingtoLondon！AndthenIsupposeIshallbeoneofthebridesmaids。I
declareanewvistaoflifeisopeningouttome！Mamma，youmustn’tbedullwhileI’maway。Itwon’tbeverylong，Isuppose，uncle？’
’Aboutamonth，probably，’saidthesquire。
’Oh，mamma；whatwillyoudo？’
’Nevermindme，Lily。’
’YoumustgetBellandthechildrentocome。ButIcannotimaginelivingawayfromhomeamonth。Iwasneverawayfromhomeamonthinmylife。’
AndLilydidgouptotownwithheruncle，twodaysonlyafterhavingbeenallowedtoherforherpreparations。Therewasverymuchfortothinkofinsuchajourney。ItwasnotonlythatshewouldseeEmilyDunstablewhowastobehercousin’swife，andthatshewouldgototheplayandvisitthenewconjurer’sentertainment，butthatshewouldbeinthesamecitybothwithAdolphusCrosbieandwithJohnEames。NothavingpersonalexperienceofthewidenessofLondon，andofthewildernesswhichitis——ofthedistancewhichissettherebetweenpersonswhoarenotpurposelybroughttogether——itseemedtoherfancyasthoughforthismonthofherabsencefromhomeshewouldbebroughtintoclosecontiguitywithbothherlovers。ShehadhithertofeltherselftobeatanyratesafeinherfortressatAllington。WhenCrosbiehadwrittentohermother，makingarenewedofferwhichhadbeenrejected，Lilyhadfeltthatshecertainlyneednotseehimunlessitpleasedhertodoso。HecouldhardlyforcehimselfuponheratAllington。AndastoJohnEames，thoughhewould，ofcourse，bewelcomeatAllingtonasoftenashepleasedtoshowhimself，stilltherewasasecurityintheplace。Shewassomuchathometherethatshecouldalwaysbethemistressoftheoccasion。SheknewthatshecouldtalktohimatAllingtonasthoughfromgroundhigherthanthatonwhichhestoodhimself；butshefeltthatthiswouldhardlybethecaseifsheshouldchancetomeethiminLondon。Crosbieprobablywouldnotcomeinherway。Crosbie，shethought——andsheblushedforthemansheloved，astheideacameacrosshermind——wouldbeafraidofmeetingheruncle。ButJohnEameswouldcertainlyfindher；andshewasledbytheexperienceoflatterdaystoimagethatJohnwouldnevercrossherpathwithoutrenewinghisattempts。
Butshesaidnowordofthis，eventohermother。ShewascontentedtoconfineheroutspokenexpectationstoEmilyDunstable，andtheplay，andtheconjurer。’Thechancesaretentooneagainstmylikingher，mamma，’
shesaid。