FOREWORD
（ByWayofExplanation）
Astoryofminecalled，likethis，\"TheWoman-Haters，\"appearedrecentlyinoneofthemagazines。Thatstorywasnotthisone，exceptinpart——thepartdealingwith\"JohnBrown\"andMissRuthGraham。ReadersoftheformertalewhoperhapsimaginetheyknowallaboutSethAtkinsandMrs。EmelineBascomwillbesurprisedtofindtheyreallyknowsolittle。Thetruthisthat，whenIbegantoreviseandrearrangethemagazinestoryforpublicationasabook，newideascame，grew，anddeveloped。IdiscoveredthatIhadbeenmisinformedconcerningthelightkeeper’spastandpresentrelationswiththehousekeeperatthebungalow。Andtherewas\"BennieD。\"
whomIhadoverlooked，hadnotmentionedatall；andthatrejuvenatedcraft，theDaisyM。；andthehightidewhichis，orshouldbe，talkedaboutinEastboroevenyet；alltheseIhadomittedfortheverygoodreasonthatIneverknewofthem。Ihavetriedtobemorecarefulthistime。Duringtherevisingprocess\"TheWoman-Haters\"hasmorethandoubledinlengthand，letushope，inaccuracy。Evennowitis，ofcourse，notanovel，butmerelyasummerfarce-comedy，a\"yarn。\"Andthis，bytheway，isallthatitpretendstobe。
JOSEPHC。LINCOLN。
May，1911。
THEWOMAN-HATERS
CHAPTERI
MR。SETHATKINS
Thestars，likeincandescentlightsfedbyafastweakeningdynamo，grewpale，faded，and，onebyone，wentout。Theslate-coloredsea，withitstumblingwaves，changedcolor，becomingalightgray，thenafaintblue，and，astheredsunrolledupovertheedgeoftheeasternhorizon，abrilliantsapphire，trimmedwithasilverwhiteontheshoalsandalongthebeachatthefootofthebluff。
SethAtkins，keeperoftheEastboroTwin-Lights，yawned，stretched，andglancedthroughtheseawardwindowsoftheoctagon-shaped，glass-enclosedroomatthetopofthenorthtower，wherehehadspentthenightjustpassed。Thenherosefromhischairandextinguishedtheblazeinthegreatlanternbesidehim。Morninghadcome，themistshadrolledaway，andthedotsscatteredalongthehorizon——schooners，tugs，andcoalbarges，forthemostpart——nolongerneededtheglareofEastboroTwin-Lightstowarnthemagainstcloseproximitytothedangerous，shoal-borderedcoast。Incidentally，itwasnolongernecessaryforMr。Atkinstoremainonwatch。Hedrewthecurtainsoverthepolishedglassandbrassofthelantern，yawnedagain，anddescendedthewindingironstairstothedooratthefootofthetower，openeditandemergedintothesandyyard。
Crossingthisyard，beforethesmallwhitehousewhichthegovernmentprovidedasadwellingplaceforitslightkeepers，heopenedthedoorofthesouthtower，mountedthestairsthereandrepeatedtheextinguishingprocesswiththeotherlantern。Beforeagaindescendingtoearth，however，hesteppedoutontheironbalconysurroundingthelightchamberandlookedabouthim。
Theview，suchasitwas，wasextensive。Totheeasttheopensea，thewideAtlantic，rollinglazilyinthemorninglight，afaintbreezeripplingthesurfacesoftheground-swell。Afewsailsinsight，farout。Notasoundexceptthehissandsplashofthesurf，which，becauseofaweekofcalmsandlightwinds，waslowevenforthattimeofyear——earlyJune。
TothenorthstretchedtheshoresofthebackoftheCape。Highclaybluffs，rain-washedandwrinkled，slopingsharplytothewhitesandofthebeachahundredfeetbelow。Onlyonebuilding，exceptthoseconnectedwiththelighthouses，nearathand，thisasmall，gray-shingledbungalowabouttwohundredyardsaway，separatedfromthelightsbythenarrowstreamcalledClamCreek——Sethalwaysspokeofitasthe\"Crick\"——which，turninginbehindthelongsurf-beatensandspitknown，forsomeforgottenreason，as\"BlackMan’sPoint，\"
continuedtothesalt-waterpondwhichwasnamed\"TheCove。\"Apathleddownfromthelighthousestoabendinthe\"Crick，\"andthere，onasmallwharf，wasashantywhereSethkepthissparelobsterandeel-pots，dorysails，nets，andthelike。Thedoryitself，withtheoarsinher，wasmooredinthecove。
Amileoff，tothesouth，thelineofbluffswasbrokenbyanotherinlet，theentrancetoPounddugSlough。Thispoeticallynamedchanneltwistedandwoundtortuouslyinlandthroughsaltmarshesandbetweenmudbanks，wideningatlasttobecomeEastboroBackHarbor，agood-sizedbodyofwater，withthevillageofEastboroatitsupperend。Intheolddays，whenEastboroamountedtosomethingasafishingport，themackerelfleetunloadeditscatchatthewharvesintheBackHarbor。ThenPounddugSloughwaskeptthoroughlydredgedandbuoyed。Nowitwasweed-grownandneglected。Onlyanoccasionallobsterman’sdorytraverseditswindingways，whichthestormsandtidesofeachsucceedingwinterrenderedmoredifficulttonavigate。Theabandonedfishhousesalongitsshoreswerefallingtopieces，andatintervalsthestrandedhulkofafishingslooporalittleschooner，rottinginthesun，wasadismalreminderthatEastboro’sambitiousyoungmennolongergottheirlivingalongshore。Thetownitselfhadgonetosleep，awakeningonlyinthesummer，whenthefewcottagerscameandtheBaySideHotelwasopenedforitsshortseason。
Behindthelighthousebuildings，tothewest——andinthedirectionofthevillage——werefivemilesofnothinginparticular。A
desolatewildernessofrollingsand-dunes，beachgrass，huckleberryandbayberrybushes，cedarswamps，andsmallclumpsofpitch-pines。
Throughthisdesertthethreeorfourrutted，crookedsandroads，leadingtoandfromthelights，turnedandtwisted。Alongtheirbordersdweltnohumanbeing；butlifewasthere，lifeinabundance。
EzraPayne，lateassistantkeeperattheTwin-Lights，wasreadyatalltimestofurnishevidenceconcerningtheexistenceofthislife。
\"Mygodfreysdomino！\"Ezrahadexclaimed，afterreturningfromadrivetoEastborovillage，\"Igiveyoumyword，Seth，theydummednighetmealive。Theycoveredthehorseallup，sothathelookedforalltheworldlikeasheep，woolly。Idon’tmindmoskeetersinmoderation，butwhentheyroostonmyeyelidsandmake’emsoheavyIcan’topen’em，thenI’mreadytoswear。ButIcouldn’tgeteventhatrelief，becauseeverytimeIunbattenedmymouthamillionorsoflewinandchokedme。That’swhatIsaid——amillion。Somemoskeetersarefat，butthesedon’tgetasquaremealoftenenoughtobeanythingbuthide-racksfilledwithcussedness。Moskeeters！
Mygodfreysdomino！\"
Ezrawasnolongerassistantlightkeeper。Heandhissuperiorhadquarreledtwodaysbefore。Thequarrelwastheculmination，onEzra’spart，ofagraduallydeveloping\"grouch\"broughtonbythelonelinessofhissurroundings。Afteranightofdutyhehadmarchedintothehouse，packedhisbelongingsinabatteredcanvasextensioncase，andannouncedhisintentionofresigningfromtheservice。
\"Totheeverlastin’brimstonewiththejob！\"hesnarled，addressingMr。Atkins，who，partiallydressed，emergedfromthebedroominbewildermentandsleepyastonishment。\"Tothunderwithit，Isay！
I’vehadallthegov’mentjobsIwant。Life-savin’servicewasbadenough，trampin’thecondemnedbeachinahowlin’no’theaster，withthesandcuttin’furrersinyourface，andtheiciclesonyourmustachesoheavyyougotround-shoulderedluggin’’em。Butwhenyourtrampwasover，youhadsomebodytotalkto。Here，bygodfreys！thereain’tnothin’nornobody。I’mgoin’fishin’again，whereIcanbesociable。\"
\"Humph！\"commentedSeth，\"youmustbelonesomealltoonce。Ain’tmycompanygoodenoughforyou？\"
\"Company！Aheapofcompanyyouare！WhenI’mawakeyou’realseepandsnorin’and——\"
\"Ineversnoredinmylife，\"wastheindignantinterruption\"What？YOU’LLsnorewhenyou’redead，andwakeupthewholegraveyard。Lonesome！\"hecontinued，withoutgivinghiscompanionachancetoretort，\"lonesomeain’tnonameforthisplace。Nocompanybutgreenfliesandthemmoskeeters，andnothin’tolookatbutsaltwaterandsandand——and——dummedifIcanthinkofanythingelse。Fivemilesfromtownandtheonlyhouseinsightshuttight。
WhenIcomehereyoutoldmethatbungalowwasopenedupeveryyear——\"
\"Soithasbeentillthisseason。\"
\"Andthatpicnicscomehereeveryonceinawhile。\"
\"Don’texpectpicnickerstobesuchcrazyloonsastocomehereinwintertime，doyou？\"
\"Idon’tknow。Ifthey’refoolsenoughtocomehereANYtime，I
wouldn’tberesponsiblefor’em。Thereain’tsomanymoskeetersinwinter。ButjustLOOKatthishole。JustputonyourspecsandLOOKatit！Notaman——butyou——notawoman，notachild，notagirl——\"
\"Ahha！ahha！NOWwe’regettin’atit！Notagirl！That’swhat’sthematterwithyou。Youwanttobeupinthevillage，whereyoucangocourtin’。You’retoofurfromElsiePeters，that’swheretheshoepinches。I’veheardhowyouusedtosetoutinherdad’sbackyard，withyourarmroundherwaist，lookin’ateachother，mushyasacoupleofsassersofhasty-puddin’。Bah！I’lltakecaremynextassistantain’tgirl-struck。\"
\"Girl-struck！I’denoughsightrutherbegirl-struckthanalwaysravin’andrippin’againstfemales。AndallbecausesomewomanwaybackinMethusalem’stimehadsenseenoughtoheaveyouover。Atleast，that’swhateverybodycal’latesmustbethereason。Youpretendtobeawoman-hater。AllroundthispartoftheCapeyou’vetookpainstogetupthatkindofreputation；but——\"
\"Thereain’tnopretendin’aboutit。I’vegotbrainsenoughtokeepclearofpetticoats。AndwhenyougettobeasoldasIbeandknowasmuchasIdo——thoughthatain’tnowayslikely，evenifyoulivetobeninehundredandodd，likeNoahinScripture——you’llfeelthesameway。\"
\"Aw，comeoff！Woman-hater！Youhatewomensameastheboyatthepoorhousehatedicecream——’causethereain’tnonearound。Why，I
wouldn’ttrustyouasfurasIcouldseeyou！\"
Thiswastheendofthedialogue，becauseMr。Paynewasobligedtobreakoffhisharangueanddodgethestove-lifterflungathimbytheoutragedlightkeeper。Asthelifterwasabouttobefollowedbytheteakettle，Ezratooktohisheels，boltedfromthehouseandbeganhislongtramptothevillage。Whenhereachedthefirstclumpsofbayberrybushesborderingthedeeplyruttedroad，ajoyfulcloudofmosquitoesroseandsettledabouthimlikeafog。
SoSethAtkinswasleftalonetododoubledutyatEastboroTwin-
Lights，pendingtheappointmentofanotherassistant。ThetwodaysandnightsfollowingEzra’sdeparturehadbeenstrenuousandprovoking。Doingallthehousework，preparationofmealsincluded，tendingbothlights，rubbingbrasswork，sweepingandscouring，sleepingwhenhecouldandkeepingawakewhenhemust，nobodytotalkto，nobodytohelp——theforty-eighthoursofsolitudehadalreadyconvincedMr。Atkinsthatthesoonerahelperwasprovidedthebetter。AttimesheevenwishedthedisrespectfulPaynebackagain，wishedthathehadsoothedinsteadofirritatedthedepartedone。Thenherememberedcertainfragmentsoftheirlastconversationandwishedthestove-lifterhadbeenflungwithbetteraim。
Now，standingonthegalleryofthesouthtower，hewasconsciousofadesireforbreakfast。Preparingthatmealhadbeenapartofhisassistant’sduties。Nowhemustprepareithimself，andhewashungryandsleepy。Hementallyvowedthathewouldnolongerdelaynotifyingtheauthoritiesofthedesertion，andwouldurgethemtohurryinsendingsomeonetofillthevacantplace。
Grumblingaloudtohimself，hemovedaroundthecircleofthegallerytowardthedoor。Hishandwasonthelatch，when，turning，hecastanotherglanceovertherail，thistimedirectlydownwardtowardthebeachbelow。Andtherehesawsomethingwhichcausedhimtoforgethungerandgrievancesofallkinds；somethingwhich，afteronehorrifiedlooktomakesure，ledhimtodartintothelightchamber，springatarecklessgaitdownthewindingstair，outofthetower，rushtotheedgeofthebluff，andplungeheadlongdownthezigzagpathwornintheclay。
Onthesand，atthefootofthebluffbelowthelights，justbeyondreachofthewashofthesurf，layaman，orthedeadbodyofaman，stretchedatfulllength。
CHAPTERII
MR。JOHNBROWN
Oncebefore，duringhisyearsofserviceaskeeperofEastboroTwin-
Lights，hadSethseensuchasightasthatwhichnowcausedhimtomakehisdashfortheshore。Oncebefore，aftertheterriblestormof1905，whenthegreatsteamerBayQueenwentdownwithallonboard，theexactspotofhersinkingunknowneventothisday。ThenthewholeoceansideoftheCape，fromRacePointtoOrham，wasstrewnwithghastlyrelics。ButtheBayQueenmetherfateinthewinterseason，amidagalesuchaseventheoldestresidentscouldnotremember。Nowitwasearlysummer；thenightbeforehadbeenaflatcalm。Therehadbeennowreck，orthelifesaverswouldhavetoldhimofit。Therewouldbenoexcuseforawreck，anyway。
Allthis，indisjointedfragments，passedthroughthelightkeeper’smindashedescendedthepathinfranticboundsandplowedthroughtheankle-deepwhitesandofthebeach。Asheapproachedtherecumbentfigureheyelledapanted\"Hi，there！\"Hedidnotexpectthehailtobeansweredorevennoticed。Therefore，hewaspleasantlydisappointedwhenthefigurerolledover，raiseditselfononeelbow，lookedathiminadazedsortofwayandrepliedcheerfullybutfaintly，\"Hello！\"
Sethstoppedshort，putahandtothebreastofhisblueflannelshirt，andbreathedamightysighofrelief。
\"Gosh！\"heexclaimedwithfervor。Then，changinghislaboredgallopforawalk，hecontinuedhisprogresstowardtheman，who，asifhismomentarycuriositywassatisfied，laydownagain。Hedidnotrisewhenthelightkeeperreachedhisside，butremainedquiet，lookingupfromapairofgrayeyesandsmilingslightlywithlipsthatwereblue。HewasastrangertoAtkins，ayoungfellow，rathergoodlooking，dressedinbluesergetrousers，negligeeshirt，bluesocks，andwithoutshoesorhat。Hisgarmentsweresoaked，andthesaltwaterdrippedfromhisshoulderstothesand。Thelightkeeperstaredathim，andhereturnedthestare。
\"Gosh！\"repeatedSeth，afteraninstantofsilence。\"Jiminycrimps！
Ifeelbetter。\"
Thestranger’ssmilebroadened。\"Gladtohearit，I’msure，\"hesaid，slowly。\"SodoI，thoughthere’sstillroomforimprovement。
Whatwasyourparticularailment？Mineseemstohavebeenwateronthebrain。\"
Hesatupandshakilyranahandthroughhiswethairashespoke。
Atkins，hissurprisedoubledbythisextraordinarybehavior，couldthinkofnothingtosay。
\"Goodmorning，\"continuedtheyoungman，asifthemeetinghadbeenthemostcasualandordinarypossible；\"Ithinkyousaidamomentagothatyouwerefeelingbetter。Norelapse，Itrust。\"
\"Relapse？Whatintheworld？Areyoucrazy？Iain’tsick。\"
\"That’sgood。Imusthavemisunderstoodyou。Pleasantmorning，isn’tit？
\"Pleasantmorn——Why，say！I——I——whatintimeareyoudoin’，layin’thereallsoakedthrough？Youscaredmeprettynightodeath。Ithoughtyouwasdrowned，sureandsartin。\"
\"Didyou？Well，tobehonest，sodidI，forawhile。Infact，I’mnotabsolutelysurethatI’mnot，evenyet。You’llexcusemeifI
liedownagain，won’tyou？Inevertriedaseaweedpillowbefore，butitisn’tsobad。\"
Heagainstretchedhimselfonthesand。Sethshookhishead。
\"Well，ifthisdon’tbeatme！\"heexclaimed。\"You’rethecoolestcritterthateverI——I——\"
\"Iamcool，\"admittedtheyoungman，withaslightshiver。\"Thisstretchofoceanhereisn’texactlyaTurkishbath。I’vebeenswimmingsince——well，anhourortwoago，andIamjustalittlechilled。\"
Heshiveredagain。
\"Swimmin’！Anhourortwo？Whereonearthdidyoucomefrom？\"
\"Oh，Ifelloverboardfromasteameroffheresomewhere。I——\"
Anotherandemphaticshivercausedhimtopause。Thelightkeeperawoketotherealitiesofthesituation。
\"Goodlandoflove！\"heexclaimed。\"WhatamIthinkin’of？Seein’
youthisway，andyoutalkin’sokindofevery-dayandfunnydrovemysensescleanout，Iguess。Getrightupoffthatwetplacethisminute。Comeuptothehouse，quick！Canyouwalk？\"
\"Don’tknow。Iamwillingtotry。Wouldyoumindgivingmealift？\"
Sethdidn’tmind，whichwasfortunate，ashisnewacquaintancecouldn’thaverisenunaided。Hiskneesshookunderhimwhenhestooderect，andheleanedheavilyonthelightkeeper’sarm。
\"Steadynow，\"counselledAtkins；\"nohurry。Takeiteasy。Ifyou’venavigatedwaterallaloneforhours，Ical’latebetweenuswecanmanagetomakeafive-minutecruiseondryland……Evenifthecoursewesteerwouldmakeaneellametryin’tofollowit，\"headded，asthecastawaystaggeredandreeledupthebeach。\"Nowdon’ttrytotalk。Letyourtonguerestandgiveyourfeetachance。\"
Theclimbingofthesteepbluffwasastruggle，buttheyaccomplishedit，andatlengththestrangerwasseatedinachairinthekitchen。
\"Now，thefustthing，\"observedSeth，\"istogetthemwetclothesoffyou。UsuallyI’dhaveagoodfirehere，butthatmiserableEzryhas——thatis，myassistant’sleftme，andIhavetogoitalone，asyoumightsay。Sowe’llgetyoutobedand……No，youcan’tundressyourself，neither。Setstill，andI’llhaveyoupeeledinajiffy。\"
Hisguestwasmakingfeebleeffortstoremovehissocks。Atkinspushedhimbackintothechairandstrippedtheblueanddrippingragsfromfeetwhichwerealmostasbluefromcold。Thecastawayattemptedaweakresistance，butgaveitupandsaid，withawhimsicalsmile：
\"I’mmightilyobligedtoyou。Ineverrealizedbeforethatavaletwassuchablessing。Mostofminehavebeenconfoundednuisances。\"
\"Hey？\"queriedSeth，lookingup。
\"Nothing。Pardonmeforcomparingyouwithavalet。\"
\"Landsakes！Idon’tcarewhatyoucallme。Iwasoutofmyheadoncemyself——typhoidfever’twas——andtheysaythethingsIcalledthedoctorwassomethin’scandalous。Youain’tresponsible。You’rebeatout，andyourbrain’sweak，liketherestofyou。NowholdontillIgetyouanightgown。\"
Hestartedforthebedroom。Theyoungmanseemedabittroubled。
\"Justaminute，\"heobserved。\"Don’tyouthinkIhadbettermovetoalessconspicuousapartment？Thedoorisopen，andifanyofyourneighborsshouldhappenby——anyladies，forinstance，I——\"
\"Ladies！\"Mr。Atkinsregardedhimfrowningly。\"Inthefustplace，thereain’taneighbornigher’nfourmiles；and，inthenext，I’dhaveyouunderstandnowomencometothishouse。Ifyouknewmebetter，youngfeller，you’dknowthat。Setwhereyoube。\"
Thenightshirtwasoneofthelightkeeper’sown，and，althoughSethwasagood-sizedman，itfittedthecastawayalmosttootightlyforcomfort。However，itwasdryandwarmand，byleavingabuttonortwounfastenedattheneck，answeredthepurposewellenough。Thestrangerwaspilotedtothebedroom，assistedintothedepthsofafeatherbed，andcoveredwithseverallayersofblanketsandpatchworkquilts。
\"There！\"observedSeth，contentedly，\"nowyougotosleep。Ifyougettosweatin’，somuchthebetter。’Twillgetsomeofthatcoldwateroutofyou。Solong！\"
Hedeparted，closingthedoorafterhim。Thenhebuiltafireintherange，gotbreakfast，ateit，washedthedishesandcontinuedhisforenoon’swork。Notasoundfromthebedroom。Evidentlythestrangearrivalhadtakentheadviceconcerninggoingtosleep。Butallthetimehewaswashingdishes，rubbingbrassworkorsweeping，Mr。Atkins’smindwasbusywiththepuzzlewhichfatehadhandedhim。Occasionallyhechuckled，andoftenheshookhishead。Hecouldmakenothingoutofit。Onethingonlywascertain——hehadneverbeforemetahumanbeingexactlylikethisspecimen。
Itwashalfpasttwelvebeforethereweresignsoflifeinthebedroom。Sethwassettingthetablefordinner，whenthedooroftheroomopenedalittleway，andavoicesaid：
\"Isay，areyouthere？\"
\"Ibe。Whatdoyouwant？\"
\"Wouldyoumindtellingmewhatyou’vedonewithmyclothes？\"
\"Notabit。I’vegot’emoutontheline，andtheyain’tdryyet。
Ifyou’lllookonthechairbythesou’westwindowyou’llfindarig-outofmine。I’mafraid’twillfityoutooquick——you’resuchanelephant——butI’llriskitifyouwill。\"
Apparentlythestrangerwaswillingtoriskit，forinafewmomentsheappeared，dressedintheAtkinsSundaysuitofbluecloth，andwithSeth’spetcarpetslippersonhisfeet。
\"Hello！\"wasthelightkeeper’sgreeting。\"Howyoufeelin’？——
better？\"
\"Tiptop，thankyou。Wheredoyouwash，whenit’snecessary？\"
\"Basinrightthereinthesink。Soapinthebecketovertopofit。
Rollertowelontheclosetdoor。Ain’tyouhadwaterenoughforaspell？\"
\"Notfreshwater，thankyou。I’mcakedwithsaltfromheadtofoot。\"
\"Doesmakeafellerfeellikeasplitherrin’，ifheain’tusedtoit。Thinkyoucaneatanything？\"
\"CanI？\"Theresponsewasenthusiastic。\"Youwatchme！Mylastmealwasyesterdaynoon。\"
\"YesterdayNOON！Didn’tyoueatnosupper？\"
\"No。\"
\"Whynot？\"
\"Well，I——well，tobefrank，becauseIhadn’ttheprice。Ittookmylastcenttopaymyfareonthatblessedsteamer。\"
\"Greatlandoflove！Whattimewasitwhenyoufelloverboard？\"
\"Oh，Idon’tknow。Twoo’clock，perhaps。\"
\"Twoo’clock！Whatwasyoudoin’upattwoo’clock？Whywasn’tyouinyourstateroomasleep？\"
\"Ihadn’tanystateroom。Stateroomscostmoney。\"
\"Mysoul！Andyouswumthreehoursonanemptystomach？\"
\"Notaltogether。Partofitonmyback。But，ifyou’llexcusefamiliarityonshortacquaintance，thosethingsyou’recookingsmellgoodtome。\"
\"Them’sclamfritters，and，ifYOU’LLexcusemysayin’sothatshouldn’t，theyAREgood。Setdownandfillup。\"
Thevisitoratenineofthefritters，asliceofdried-applepie，anddranktwocupsofcoffee。Seth，betweenintervalsoffryingandeating，watchedhimwithtremendouscuriosityandasmuchpatienceashecouldmuster。Whenthepiewasfinishedheaskedthefirstofthequestionswithwhichhehadbeenburstingalltheforenoon。
\"Tellme，\"hesaid，\"how’dyoucometofalloverboard？\"
\"I’mnotverycertainjusthowithappened。Irememberleaningovertherailandwatchingthewaves。ThenIwasverydizzyallatonce。
ThenextthingIknewIwasinthewater。\"
\"Dizzy，hey？Seasick，maybe。\"
\"Iguessnot。I’maprettygoodsailor。I’minclinedtothinkthecausewasthatemptystomachyoumentioned。\"
\"Um-hm。Youdidn’thavenosupper。Still，youatethenoonafore。\"
\"Notmuch。Onlyasandwich。\"
\"Asandwich！Whatdidyouhaveforbreakfast？\"
\"Well，thefactis，Ioversleptanddecidedtoomitthebreakfast。\"
\"Gosh！nowonderyougotdizzy。IfIwentwithoutmealsforawholedayIcal’lateI’dbeworsethandizzy。Whatdidyoudowhenyoufoundyourselfinthewater？\"
\"Yelledatfirst，butnooneheardme。ThenIsawsomelightsoffinthisdirectionandstartedtoswimforthem。Imadetheshorefinally，butIwassousedupthatIdon’trememberanythingafterthelanding。ThinkItookanap。\"
\"Ipresumelikely。Wonder’twasn’tyoureverlastin’nap！Tut！tut！
tut！Thinkofit！\"
\"Idon’twantto，thankyou。Itisn’tpleasantenoughtothinkof。
I’mhereand——bytheway，whereIShere？\"
\"ThisisEastborotownship——Eastboro，CapeCod。ThemlightsoutthereareEastboroTwin-Lights。I’mthekeeperof’em。Myname’sAtkins，SethAtkins。\"
\"Delightedtomeetyou，Mr。Atkins。Andtremendouslyobligedtoyou，besides。\"
\"Youneedn’tbe。Iain’tdonenothin’。Letmesee，yousaidyournamewas——\"
\"DidI？\"Theyoungmanseemedstartled，almostalarmed。\"When？\"
Sethwasembarrassed，butnotmuch。\"Well，\"headmitted，\"Idon’tknow’syoudidsayit，cometothinkofit。WhatISyourname？\"
\"Myname？\"
\"Yes。\"
\"Oh，why——mynameisBrown——er——JohnBrown。Notthegentlemanwhowashanged，ofcourse；distantrelative，that’sall。\"
\"Hum！JohnBrown，hey？Whatsteamerdidyoufalloffof？\"
\"Why——why——Ican’tseemtoremember。That’sodd，isn’tit？\"
\"Yes，Ishouldsay’twas。Wherewasshebound？\"
\"Bound？Oh，youmeanwherewasshegoing？\"
\"Sartin。\"
\"Ithink——Ithinkshewasgoingto——to……Humph！howstrangethisis！\"
\"What？\"
\"Why，thatIshouldforgetallthesethings。\"
Thelightkeeperregardedhisguestwithsuspicion。
\"Yaas，\"hedrawledslowly，\"whenyoucallitstrangeyouain’texaggeratin’nonewuthmentionin’。Is’pose，\"headded，afteramoment，duringwhichhestaredintentlyatMr。Brown，whosmiledinpoliteacknowledgmentofthestare；\"Is’poselikelyyoucouldn’tpossiblyrememberwhatportyouhailedfrom？\"
\"Isupposenot，\"wasthecalmreply。
Sethrosefromthetable。
\"Well，\"heobserved，\"I’vebeenupallnight，too，andit’spastmybedtime。AsItoldyou，myassistant’sleftallofasuddenandI’maloneinchargeofgov’mentproperty。Ioughttoturnin，but——\"hehesitated。
JohnBrownalsorose。
\"Mr。Atkins，\"hesaid，\"mymemoryseemstobeprettybad，butI
haven’tforgotteneverything。Forinstance，\"hissmiledisappeared，andhistonebecameearnest，\"IcanrememberperfectlywellthatI’mnotacrook，thatIhaven’tdoneanythingtobeashamedof——asIseeit——thatI’mverygratefultoyou，andthatIdon’tsteal。Ifyoucaretobelievethatand，also，that，beingneitherasneakorathief，Isha’n’tclearoutwiththespoonswhileyou’reasleep，youmight——well，youmightriskturningin。\"
Thelightkeeperdidnotanswerimmediately。Thepairlookedeachotherstraightintheeye。
ThenSethyawnedandturnedtowardthebedroom。
\"I抣lriskit，\"hesaid，curtly。\"IfIain’tawakebysixo’clockI
wishyou’dcallme。You’llfindsomespareclaypipesandtobaccoonthemantelpiecebytheclock。Solong。\"
Heenteredthebedroomandclosedthedoor。Mr。Brownsteppedovertothemantelandhelpedhimselftoapipe。
CHAPTERIII
MR。BROWNPUTSINANAPPLICATION
Athalfpastfivethelightkeeperopenedthebedroomdoorandpeepedout。Thekitchenwasempty。TherewasnosignofMr。Brown。IttookSethjustfourminutestoclimbintothegarmentshehaddiscardedandreachtheopenair。Hisguestwasseatedonthebenchbesidethehouse，oneoftheclaypipesinhishand。Hewaslookingouttosea。Hespokefirst：
\"Hello！\"hesaid。\"You’reupaheadoftime，aren’tyou？Itisn’tsixyet。\"
Atkinsgrinned。\"No，\"heanswered，\"’tain’t！notquite。ButsenceEzryclearedoutI’vebeenakindofhumanalarmclock，asyoumightsay。Feelin’allright，areyou？\"
\"Yes，thankyou。Isay，\"holdingupthepipeandregardingitrespectfully，\"isthistobaccoofyoursfurnishedbythegovernment？\"
\"No。SomeIboughtmyselflasttimeIwasovertotheCenter。Why，what’sthematterwithit？Ain’titgood？\"
\"Perhapsso。\"
\"Thenwhatmadeyouask？Ain’titstrongenough？\"
\"Strongenough！You’redisposedtobesarcastic。It’sstrongerthanIam。Whatdotheyflavoritwith——tar？\"
\"Say，let’sseethatplug。THATain’tsmokin’tobacco。\"
\"Whatisit，then——asphalt？\"
\"Why，haw！haw！That’sapieceofEzry’schewin’。Someheleftwhenhewentaway。It’s’HonestFriend。’’TISflavoredupconsider’ble。Andyoutriedtosmokeit！Ho！ho！\"
Theyoungmanjoinedinthelaugh。
\"Thatexplainswhyitbubbledso，\"hesaid。\"Iusedtwenty-twomatches，byactualcount，andthengaveitup。Bah！\"hesmackedhislipsdisgustedlyandmadeaface：\"’HonestFriend’——isthatthenameofit？Meaningthatit’llsticktoyouthroughlife，Ipresume。
Waterhasnoeffectonthetaste；I’vetriedit。\"
\"Maybesomesuppermighthelp。I’llwashthedinnerdishesandstartgettin’it。Allthereseemstobetothisjobofminejustnowiswashin’dishes。AndhowIhateit！\"
Hereenteredthekitchen。Thenheutteredanexclamation：
\"Why，what’sbecomeofthedishes？\"hedemanded。\"Ileft’emhereonthetable。\"
Brownarosefromthebenchandsaunteredtothedoor。
\"Iwashedthem，\"hesaid。\"IjudgedthatyouwouldhavetoifI
didn’t，anditseemedtheleastIcoulddo，everythingconsidered。\"
\"Sho！Youwashedthedishes，hey？Where’dyouput’em？\"
\"Intheclosetthere。That’swheretheybelong，isn’tit？\"
Sethwenttothecloset，tookaplatefromthepileandinspectedit。
\"Um！\"hegrunted，turningtheplateover，\"thatain’tsuchabadjob。Notsoall-firedbad，foragreenhand。Whatdidyouwash’emwith？\"
\"AclothIfoundhangingbythesink。\"
\"Isee。Yes，yes。Andyouwiped’emon——what？\"
\"Well，totellyouthetruth，Ididn’tseeanytowelsinsight，exceptthatoneonthedoor；and，forvariousreasons，Ijudgedthatwasn’tadishtowel。\"
\"Goodjudgment。’Tisn’t。Goon。\"
\"SoIhuntedaround，andintheclosetintheparlor，orlivingroom，orwhateveryoucallit，Ifoundawholestackofthingsthatlookedliketowels；soIusedoneofthose。\"
\"Isthisit？\"Sethpickedupadampandbedraggledclothfromthetable。
\"That’sit。Ishouldhavehungitupsomewhere，Isuppose。I’lllosemyjobifIdon’tlookout。\"
\"Um！Well，I’mmuchobligedtoyou，only——\"
\"Only？\"
\"Onlyyouwashedthemdisheswiththesinkclothandwiped’emwithapillercase。\"
Thevolunteerdishwasher’smouthopened。
\"NO！\"hegasped。
\"Ya-as。\"
\"Apillowcase！Well，byGeorge！\"
\"Um-hm。Ijedgeyouain’twashedmanydishesinyourlifetime。\"
\"Notsoverymany。No。\"
Theylookedateachotherandburstintoaroaroflaughter。Brownwasthefirsttorecover。
\"Well，\"heobserved，\"Iguessit’suptome。Ifyou’llkindlyputmenexttoagenuinecloth，orsponge，orwhateveristhepropercaperfordish-washing，I’llundertaketodothemoveragain。And，forheaven’ssake，lockupthepillowcases。\"
Sethprotested，declaringthatthedishesneednotberewashedthatveryminute，andthatwhenhegotachancehewoulddothemhimself。
Buttheyoungmanwasfirm，and，atlast，thelightkeeperyielded。
\"It’srealkindofyou，\"hedeclared，\"andbein’asI’veconsider’bletodo，Idon’tknowbutI’llletyou。Here’sacoupleofdishcloths，andthere’sthetowels。I’mgoin’outtoseetothelights，andI’llbebackprettysoonandgetsupper。\"
Laterintheevening，aftersupper，thehouseworkdone，theysatagainonthebenchbesidethedoor，eachwithapipe，filled，thistime，withgenuinesmokingtobacco。Beforeandbelowthemwasthequietsea，rollinglazilyunderthestars。Overheadthebiglanternsinthetowersthrusttheirparallellancesoflightafarintothedarkness。Theonlysoundswerethelowwashofthesurfandthehumoftheeagermosquitoes。Brownwassilent，alternatelypuffingatthepipeandslappingattheinsects，whichlatter，apparentlyfindinghisskineasiertopuncturethanthatofthetannedandleatheryAtkins，weremakingthemostoftheiropportunity。
Seth，whosecuriosityhadbeencheckedbutnotsmotheredbyhiscompanion’sevidentdesiretosaynothingconcerninghimself，wasbusythinkingofvariousguilefulschemeswithwhichtoentrapthecastawayintothedisclosureofhisidentity。Havingpreparedhisbait，heproceededtogetoveraline。
\"Mr。Brown，\"hesaid，\"Iain’tmentionedittoyouafore，’countofyourneedin’restandgrubandallafteryourfallin’overboardlastnight。Buttomorreryou’llbefeelin’fustrateagain，andI
cal’lateyou’llbewantin’togetwordtoyourfolks。NowwecantelephonetotheEastborodepot，wherethere’satelegraph，andthedepotmaster’llsendadispatchtoyourpeople，lettin’’emknowyou’reallsafeandsound。Ifyou’lljustgivemetheaddressandwhatyouwanttosay，I’ll’tendtoitmyself。Thedepotmaster’sagoodfriendofmine，andhe’llrisksendingthedispatch’collect’
ifItellhimto。\"
\"Thankyou，\"repliedBrown，shortly。
\"Oh，don’tmentionit。Nowwho’llIsenditto？\"
\"Youneedn’tsendit。Icouldn’tthinkofputtingyoutofurthertrouble。\"
\"Trouble！’Tain’tnotroubletotelephone。Landsakes，Idoitfourorfivetimesaday。Nowwho’llIsenditto？\"
\"Youneedn’tsendit。\"
\"Oh，well，ofcourse，ifyou’druthersendityourself——\"
\"Isha’n’tsendit。Itreallyisn’tworthwhile’phoningortelegraphingeither。Ididn’tdrown，andI’mverycomfortable，thankyou——orshouldbeifitweren’tforthesemosquitoes。\"
\"Comf’table！Yes，you’recomf’table，buthowaboutyourfolks？
Won’ttheylearn，soon’sthatsteamergetsinto——intoPortland——or——
or——NewYorkorBoston——or……Hey？\"
\"Ididn’tspeak。\"
Sethswallowedhardandcontinued。\"Well，wherevershewasbound，\"
hesnapped。\"Won’ttheylearnthatyousotsailinherandnevergotthere？Thenthey’llknowthatyouMUSThavefelloverboard。\"
JohnBrowndrewamouthfulofsmokethroughthestemofthepipeandblewitspitefullyamongthemosquitoes。
\"Idon’tseehowthey’lllearnit，\"hereplied。
\"Why，thesteamerfolks’llwireemrightoff。\"
\"They’llhavetofindthemfirst。\"
\"That’llbeeasyenough。There’llbeyourname，’JohnBrown，’ofsuchandsuchaplace，writtenrightonthepurser’sbook，won’tit。\"
\"No，\"drawledMr。Brown，\"itwon’t。\"
Thelightkeeperfeltverymuchasifthisparticularroadtothetruthhadendedsuddenlyinablindalley。Hepulledviciouslyathischinwhiskers。Hiscompanionshiftedhispositiononthebench。
Silencefellagain，asmuchsilenceasthemosquitoeswouldpermit。
SuddenlyBrownseemedtoreachadetermination。
\"Atkins，\"hesaidbriskly，andwithconsiderablebitternessinhistone，\"don’tyouworryaboutmypeople。Theydon’tknowwhereIam，and——well，someofthem，atleast，don’tcare。MaybeI’marollingstone——atanyrate，Ihaven’tgatheredanymoss，anyfinancialmoss。
I’mbroke。Ihaven’tanyfriends，anythatIwishtoremember；I
haven’tanyjob。Iamwhatyoumightcalldownandout。IfIhaddrownedwhenIfelloverboardlastnight，itmighthavebeenagoodthing——oritmightnot。Wewon’targuethequestion，becausejustnowI’mreadytotakeeitherside。Butlet’stalkaboutyourself。
You’relightkeeperhere？\"
\"Ibe，yes。\"
\"Andtheseparticularlightsseemtobeagoodwayfromeverywhereandeverybody。\"
\"FivemilefromEastboroCenter，sixteenfromDenboro，andtwofromthenighestlifesavin’station。Why？\"
\"Oh，justforinstance。Noneighbors，yousaid？\"
\"Naryone。\"
\"Inoticedabungalowjustacrossthebrookhere。Itseemstobeshutup。Whoownsit？\"
\"Bunga——which？Oh，thatcottageoveront’othersidethecrick？
Thatb’longstoacoupleofpaintin’fellersfromupBostonway。
Nothousepainters，youunderstand，butfellersthatputintheirtimepaintin’picturesofthewaterandthebeachandthelikeofthat。Seemsaprettysillyjobforgrown-upmen，butthey’rerealpleasantandfolksy。Don’tputonnoairsnornothin。’They’remostgen’rallyhereeveryJuneandJulyandAugust，butIunderstandtheyain’tcomin’thisyear，sothecottage’llbeshutup。I’llmiss’em，kindof。Oneof’em’snameisGrahamandt’other’sHamilton。\"
\"Isee。Manyvisitorstothelights？\"
\"Notmany。Onceinawhileapicniccomesoverinaliveryfour-
seater，butnotoften。Thesamegangnevercomestwice。Road’stoobad，andtheycomplainlikefuryaboutthemoskeeters。\"
\"Dothey？Howpeevish！Atkins，you’renotmarried？\"
Itwasaninnocentquestion，butithadanastonishingeffect。Thelightkeeperbouncedonthebenchasifsomeonehadkickeditviolentlyfrombeneath。
\"What？\"hequaveredshrilly。\"Wha——what’sthat？\"
Brownwassurprised。\"Iaskedifyouweremarried，that’sall，\"hesaid。\"Ican’tsee——\"
\"Stop！\"Seth’svoiceshook，andhebentdowntoglarethroughthedarknessathiscompanion’sface。\"Stop！\"heordered。\"YouaskedmeifIwas——married？\"
\"Yes。Whyshouldn’tI？\"
\"Whyshouldn’tyou？Seehere，youngfeller，you——you——whatmadeyouaskthat？\"
\"Whatmademe？\"
\"Stopsayin’mywordsafterme。Areyouamanorapoll-parrot？
Can’tyouunderstandplainUnitedStateslanguage？Whatmadeyou？
OrWHOmadeyou？Whotoldyoutoaskmethatquestion？\"
Hepoundedthebenchwithhisfist。Thepairstaredateachotherforamoment；thenBrownleanedbackandbegantowhistle。Sethseizedhimbytheshoulders。
\"Quitthatfoolishness，d’youhear？\"hesnarled。\"Quitit，andanswerme！\"
Theanswerwasprefacedbyapityingshakeofthehead。
\"It’sthemosquitoes，\"observedtheyoungman，musingly。\"Theygetthroughandpuncturethebrainafteratime，Ipresume。I’mnotsurprisedexactly，but，\"withasigh，\"I’mverysorry。\"
\"Whatareyoutalkin’about，\"demandedAtkins。\"Beyoucrazy？\"
\"No-o。I’Mnot。\"
\"YOU’REnot！DoyoumeanthatIam？\"
\"Well，\"slowly，\"I’mnotanexpertinsuchcases，butwhenaperfectlysimple，commonplacequestionsetsachaptopoundingandscreamingandofferingviolence，then——well，it’seitherinsanityoranattemptatinsult，oneortheother。I’vegivenyouthebenefitofthedoubt。\"
Hescratchedamatchonhisheelandrelithispipe。Thelightkeeperstillstared，suspiciousandpuzzled。Thenhedrewalongbreath。
\"I——Ididn’tmeantoinsultyou，\"hestammered。
\"Gladtohearit，I’msure。IfIwereyou，however，Ishouldseeadoctorfortheothertrouble。\"
\"AndIain’tcrazy，neither。Ibegyourpardonforhollerin’andgrabbin’holdofyou。\"
\"Granted。\"
\"Thankye。Now，\"hesitatingly，\"wouldyoumindtellin’mewhyyouaskedmeifIwasmarried？\"
\"Notintheleast。Iaskedmerelybecauseitoccurredtomethatyoumightbe。Ofcourse，Ihadseennothingofyourwife，butitwasbarelypossiblethatshewasawayonavisit，orsomewhere。
Thereisnoregulationforbiddinglightkeepersmarrying——atleast，I
neverheardofany——andsoIasked；that’sall。\"
Sethnodded。\"Isee，\"hesaid，slowly；\"yes，yes，Isee。Soyoudidn’thavenospecialreason。\"
\"Ididnot。Ofcourse，ifIhadrealizedthatyouweresubjectto——
er——fits，Ishouldhavebeenmorecareful。\"
\"Hum！……Well，I——Ibegyourpardonagain。I——Iamkindoftouchyonsomep’ints。Didn’tItellyounowomencamehere？
Married！Awife！DoIlooklikeadumfool？\"
\"Notnow。\"
\"Well，then！AndI’veapologizedforbein’oneafewminutesago，ain’tI。\"
\"Yes，youhave。Nogrudgeonmypart，Iassureyou。Let’sforgetitandtalkofsomethingelse。\"
Theydid，butthedialoguewasratherjerky。Brownwasthinking，andAtkinsseemedmoodyanddisinclinedtotalk。Afteratimeheannouncedthatitwasgettinglateandhecal’latedhewouldgouptothelightroom。\"You’dbetterturnin，\"headded，rising。