CHAPTERIV
SUPERNATURALCHRONOMETRY
Rowenawasdiningout,JoeandHarrywerebelatedatplay,therewerebutthreechairsandfourpersonsthatnoonatthehomedinner-table——
thetwins,thewidow,andherchum,AuntBetsyHale。ThewidowsoonperceivedthatAngelo’sspiritswereaslowasLuigi’swerehigh,andalsothathehadajadedlook。Hermotherlysolicitudewasaroused,andshetriedtogethiminterestedinthetalkandwinhimtoahappierframeofmind,butthecloudofsadnessremainedonhiscountenance。
Luigilenthishelp,too。Heusedaformandaphrasewhichhewasalwaysaccustomedtoemployinthesecircumstances。Hegavehisbrotheranaffectionateslapontheshoulderandsaid,encouragingly:
\"Cheerup,theworstisyettocome!\"
Butthisdidnogood。Itneverdid。Ifanything,itmadethematterworse,asarule,becauseitirritatedAngelo。ThismadeitafavoritewithLuigi。Byandbythewidowsaid:
\"Angelo,youaretired,you’veoverdoneyourself;yougorighttobedafterdinner,andgetagoodnapandarest,thenyou’llbeallright。\"
\"Indeed,IwouldgiveanythingifIcoulddothat,madam。\"
\"Andwhat’stohender,I’dliketoknow?Land,theroom’syourstodowhatyoupleasewith!Theideathatyoucan’tdowhatyoulikewithyourown!\"
\"But,yousee,there’soneprimeessential——anessentialoftheveryfirstimportance——whichisn’tmyown。\"
\"Whatisthat?\"
\"Mybody。\"
Theoldladieslookedpuzzled,andAuntBetsyHalesaid:
\"Whyblessyourheart,howisthat?\"
\"It’smybrother’s。\"
\"Yourbrother’s!Idon’tquiteunderstand。Isupposeditbelongedtobothofyou。\"
\"Soitdoes。Butnottobothatthesametime。\"
\"Thatismightycurious;Idon’tseehowitcanbe。Ishouldn’tthinkitcouldbemanagedthatway。\"
\"Oh,it’sagoodenougharrangement,andgoesverywell;infact,itwouldn’tdotohaveitotherwise。Ifindthattheteetotalersandtheanti-teetotalershiretheuseofthesamehallfortheirmeetings。Bothpartiesdon’tuseitatthesametime,dothey?\"
\"Youbettheydon’t!\"saidbotholdladiesinabreath。
\"And,moreover,\"saidAuntBetsy,\"theFreethinkersandtheBaptistBibleclassusethesameroomovertheMarkethouse,butyoucantakemywordforittheydon’tmushuptogetheranduseitatthesametime。’
\"Verywell,\"saidAngelo,\"youunderstanditnow。Anditstandstoreasonthatthearrangementcouldn’tbeimproved。I’llproveittoyou。
Ifourlegstriedtoobeytwowills,howcouldweevergetanywhere?
Iwouldstartoneway,Luigiwouldstartanother,atthesamemoment——
theresultwouldbeastandstill,wouldn’tit?\"
\"Assureasyouareborn!Nowain’tthatwonderful!Abodywouldneverhavethoughtofit。\"
\"Weshouldalwaysbearguingandfussinganddisputingoverthemeresttrifles。Weshouldloseworldsoftime,forwecouldn’tgodown-stairsorup,couldn’tgotobed,couldn’trise,couldn’twash,couldn’tdress,couldn’tstandup,couldn’tsitdown,couldn’tevencrossourlegs,withoutcallingameetingfirstandexplainingthecaseandpassingresolutions,andgettingconsent。Itwouldn’teverdo——nowwouldit?\"
\"Do?Why,itwouldwearapersonoutinaweek!Didyoueverhearanythinglikeit,PatsyCooper?\"
\"Oh,you’llfindthere’smorethanonethingaboutthemthatain’tcommonplace,\"saidthewidow,withthecomplacentairofapersonwithapropertyrightinanoveltythatisunderadmiringscrutiny。
\"Well,now,howeverdoyoumanageit?Idon’tmindsayingI’msufferingtoknow。\"
\"Hewhomadeus,\"saidAngeloreverently,\"andwithusthisdifficulty,alsoprovidedawayoutofit。Byamysteriouslawofourbeing,eachofushasutterandindisputablecommandofourbodyaweekatatime,turnandturnabout。\"
\"Well,Inever!Nowain’tthatbeautiful!\"
\"Yes,itisbeautifulandinfinitelywiseandjust。TheweekendseverySaturdayatmidnighttotheminute,tothesecond,tothelastshadeofafractionofasecond,infallibly,unerringly,andinthatinstanttheonebrother’spoweroverthebodyvanishesandtheotherbrothertakespossession,asleeporawake。\"
\"HowmarvelousareHisways,andpastfindingout!\"
Luigisaid:\"Soexactlytotheinstantdoesthechangecome,thatduringourstayinmanyofthegreatcitiesoftheworld,thepublicclockswereregulatedbyit;andashundredsofthousandsofprivateclocksandwatchesweresetandcorrectedinaccordancewiththepublicclocks,wereallyfurnishedthestandardtimefortheentirecity。\"
\"Don’ttellmethatHedon’tdomiraclesanymore!BlowingdownthewallsofJerichowithrams’hornswa’n’tasdifficult,inmyopinion。\"
\"Andthatisnotall,\"saidAngelo。\"Athingthatisevenmoremarvelous,perhaps,isthefactthatthechangetakesnoteoflongitudeandfitsitselftothemeridianweareon。Luigiisincommandthisweek。Now,ifonSaturdaynightatamomentbeforemidnightwecouldflyinaninstanttoapointfifteendegreeswestofhere,hewouldholdpossessionofthepoweranotherhour,forthechangeobserveslocaltimeandnoother。\"
BetsyHalewasdeeplyimpressed,andsaidwithsolemnity:
\"PatsyCooper,fordetailitlaysoverthePassageoftheRedSea。\"
\"Now,Ishouldn’tgoasfarasthat,\"saidAuntPatsy,\"butifyou’veamindtosaySodomandGomorrah,Iamwithyou,BetsyHale。\"
\"Iamagreeable,then,thoughIdothinkIwasright,andIbelieveParsonMaltbywouldsaythesame。Well,now,there’sanotherthing。
Supposeoneofyouwantstoborrowthelegsaminutefromtheonethat’sgotthem,couldhelethim?\"
\"Yes,butwehardlyeverdothat。Thereweredisagreeableresults,severaltimes,andsoweveryseldomaskorgranttheprivilege,nowadays,andwenevereventhinkofsuchathingunlessthecaseisextremelyurgent。Besides,aweek’spossessionatatimeseemssolittlethatwecan’tbeartospareaminuteofit。Peoplewhohavetheuseoftheirlegsallthetimeneverthinkofwhatablessingitis,ofcourse。
Itneveroccurstothem;it’sjusttheirnaturalordinarycondition,andsoitdoesnotexcitethematall。ButwhenIwakeup,onSundaymorning,andit’smyweekandIfeelthepowerallthroughme,oh,suchawaveofexultationandthanksgivinggoessurgingoverme,andIwanttoshout’Icanwalk!Icanwalk!’Madam,doyouever,atyouruprising,wanttoshout’Icanwalk!Icanwalk!’?\"
\"No,youpoorunfortunatecretur’,butI’llnevergetoutofmybedagainwithoutdoingit!Laws,tothinkI’vehadthisunspeakableblessingallmylonglifeandneverhadthegracetothankthegoodLordthatgaveittome!\"
Tearsstoodintheeyesofboththeoldladiesandthewidowsaid,softly:
\"BetsyHale,wehavelearnedsomething,youandme。\"
Theconversationnowdriftedwide,butbyandbyfloatedbackoncemoretothatadmireddetail,therigidandbeautifulimpartialitywithwhichthepossessionofpowerhadbeendistributed,betweenthetwins。AuntBetsysawinitafarfinerjusticethanhumanlawexhibitsinrelatedcases。Shesaid:
\"Inmyopinionitain’trightno,andneverhasbeenright,thewayatwinbornaquarterofaminutesoonerthantheotheronegetsallthelandandgrandeursandnobilitiesintheoldcountriesandhisbrotherhastogobareandbeanobody。Whichofyouwasbornfirst?\"
Angelo’sheadwasrestingagainstLuigi’s;wearinesshadovercomehim,andforthepastfiveminuteshehadbeenpeacefullysleeping。Theoldladieshaddroppedtheirvoicestoalullingdrone,tohelphimtostealtheresthisbrotherwouldn’ttakehimup-stairstoget。LuigilistenedamomenttoAngelo’sregularbreathing,thensaidinavoicebarelyaudible:
\"Wewerebothbornatthesametime,butIamsixmonthsolderthanheis。\"
\"Fortheland’ssake!\"
\"’Sh!don’twakehimup;hewouldn’tlikemytellingthis。Ithasalwaysbeenkeptsecrettillnow。\"
\"Buthowintheworldcanitbe?Ifyouwerebothbornatthesametime,howcanoneofyoubeolderthantheother?\"
\"Itisverysimple,andIassureyouitistrue。Iwasbornwithafullcropofhair,hewasasbaldasaneggforsixmonths。Icouldwalksixmonthsbeforehecouldmakeastep。Ifinishedteethingsixmonthsaheadofhim。Ibegantotakesolidssixmonthsbeforeheleftthebreast。
Ibegantotalksixmonthsbeforehecouldsayaword。Last,andabsolutelyunassailableproof,thesuturesinmyskullclosedsixmonthsaheadofhis。Alwaysjustthatsixmonths’differencetoaday。Wasthataccident?Nobodyisgoingtoclaimthat,I’msure。Itwasordaineditwaslawithaditsmeaning,andweknowwhatthatmeaningwas。Nowwhatdoesthisoverwhelmingbodyofevidenceestablish?Itestablishesjustonething,andthatthingitestablishesbeyondanyperadventurewhatever。Friends,wewouldnothaveitknownfortheworld,andImustbegyoutokeepitstrictlytoyourselves,butthetruthis,wearenomoretwinsthanyouare。\"
Thetwooldladieswerestunned,paralyzed-petrified,onemayalmostsay——andcouldonlysitandgazevacantlyateachotherforsomemoments;
thenAuntBetsyHalesaidimpressively:
\"There’snogettingaroundprooflikethat。Idobelieveit’sthemostamazingthingIeverheardof。\"Shesatsilentamomentortwoandbreathinghardwithexcitement,thenshelookedupandsurveyedthestrangerssteadfastlyalittlewhile,andadded:\"Well,itdoesbeatme,butIwouldhavetookyoufortwinsanywhere。\"
\"SowouldI,sowouldI,\"saidAuntPatsywiththeemphasisofacertaintythatisnotimpairedbyanyshadeofdoubt。
\"Anybodywould-anybodyintheworld,Idon’tcarewhoheis,\"saidAuntBetsywithdecision。
\"Youwon’ttell,\"saidLuigi,appealingly。
\"Oh,dear,no!\"answeredbothladiespromptly,\"youcantrustus,don’tyoubeafraid。\"
\"Thatisgoodofyou,andkind。Neverleton;treatusalwaysasifweweretwins。\"
\"Youcandependonus,\"saidAuntBetsy,\"butitwon’tbeeasy,becausenowthatIknowyouain’tyoudon’tseemso。\"
Luigimutteredtohimselfwithsatisfaction:\"Thatswindlehasgonethroughwithoutchangeofcars。\"
Itwasnotverykindofhimtoloadthepoorthingsupwithasecretlikethat,whichwouldbealwaysflyingtotheirtongues’endseverytimetheyheardanyonespeakofthestrangersastwins,andwouldbecomeharderandhardertohangontowitheveryrecurrenceofthetemptationtotellit,whilethetortureofretainingitwouldincreasewitheverynewstrainthatwasapplied;butheneverthoughtofthat,andprobablywouldnothaveworriedmuchaboutitifhehad。
Avisitorwasannounced——someonetoseethetwins。Theywithdrewtotheparlor,andthetwooldladiesbegantodiscusswithinterestthestrangethingswhichtheyhadbeenlisteningto。Whentheyhadfinishedthemattertotheirsatisfaction,andAuntBetsyrosetogo,shestoppedtoaskaquestion:
\"HowdoesthingscomeonbetweenRowenyandTomDriscoll?\"
\"Well,aboutthesame。Hewritestolerableoften,andsheanswerstolerableseldom。\"
\"Whereishe?\"
\"InSt。Louis,Ibelieve,thoughhe’ssuchagadaboutthatabodycan’tbeverycertainofhim,Ireckon。\"
\"Don’tRowenyknow?\"
\"Oh,yes,likeenough。Ihaven’taskedherlately。\"
\"Doyouknowhowhimandthejudgearegettingalongnow?\"
\"Firstrate,Ibelieve。Mrs。Prattsaysso;andbeingrightinthehouse,andsistertotheoneandaunttot’other,ofcoursesheoughttoknow。Shesaysthejudgeisrealfondofhimwhenhe’saway;butfretswhenhe’saroundandisvexedwithhisways,andnotsorrytohavehimgoagain。Hehasbeengonethreeweeksthistime——apleasantthingforbothofthem,Ireckon。\"
\"Tom’sratherharum-scarum,butthereain’tanythingbadinhim,I
guess。\"
\"Oh,no,he’sjustyoung,that’sall。Still,twenty-threeisold,inoneway。Ayoungmanoughttobeearninghislivingbythattime。IfTomweredoingthat,orwaseventryingtodoit,thejudgewouldbeaheapbettersatisfiedwithhim。Tom’salwaysgoingtobegin,butsomehowhecan’tseemtofindjusttheopeninghelikes。\"
\"Well,now,it’spartlythejudge’sownfault。Promisingtheboyhispropertywasn’tthewaytosethimtoearningafortuneofhisown。ButwhatdoyouthinkisRowenybeginningtoleananytowardhim,orain’tshe?\"
AuntPatsyhadasecretinherbosom;shewantedtokeepitthere,butnaturewastoostrongforher。ShedrewAuntBetsyaside,andsaidinhermostconfidentialandmysteriousmanner:
\"Don’tyoubreatheasyllabletoasoul——I’mgoingtotellyousomething。
InmyopinionTomDriscoll’schanceswereconsiderablebetteryesterdaythantheyareto-day。\"
\"PatsyCooper,whatdoyoumean?\"
\"It’sso,assureasyou’reborn。Iwishyoucould’a’beenatbreakfastandseenforyourself。\"
\"Youdon’tmeanit!\"
\"Well,ifI’manyjudge,there’saleaning——there’saleaning,sure。\"
\"Myland!Whichoneof’emisit?\"
\"Ican’tsayforcertain,butIthinkit’stheyoungestone——Anjy。\"
Thentherewerehand-shakings,andcongratulations,andhopes,andsoon,andtheoldladiesparted,perfectlyhappy——theoneinknowingsomethingwhichtherestofthetowndidn’t,andtheotherinhavingbeenthesolepersonabletofurnishthatknowledge。
ThevisitorwhohadcalledtoseethetwinswastheRev。Mr。Hotchkiss,pastoroftheBaptistchurch。AtthereceptionAngelohadtoldhimhehadlatelyexperiencedachangeinhisreligiousviews,andwasnowdesirousofbecomingaBaptist,andwouldimmediatelyjoinMr。
Hotchkiss’schurch。Therewasnotimetosaymore,andthebrieftalkendedatthatpoint。Theministerwasmuchgratified,andhaddroppedinforamomentnow,toinvitethetwinstoattendhisBibleclassateightthatevening。Angeloaccepted,andwasexpectingLuigitodecline,buthedidnot,becauseheknewthattheBibleclassandtheFreethinkersmetinthesameroom,andhewantedtotreathisbrothertotheembarrassmentofbeingcaughtinfree-thinkingcompany。
CHAPTERV
GUILTANDINNOCENCEFINELYBLENT
[Alongandvigorousquarrelfollows,betweenthetwins。Andthereisplentytoquarrelabout,forAngelowasalwaysseekingtruth,andthisobligedhimtochangeandimprovehisreligionwithfrequency,whichweariedLuigi,andannoyedhimtoo;forhehadtobepresentateachnewenlistment——whichplacedhiminthefalsepositionofseemingtoindorseandapprovehisbrother’sfickleness;moreover,hehadtogotoAngelo’sprohibitionmeetings,andhehatedthem。Ontheotherhand,whenitwashisweektocommandthelegshegaveAngelojustcauseofcomplaint,forhetookhimtocircusesandhorse-racesandfandangoes,exposinghimtoallsortsofcensureandcriticism;andhedrank,too;andwhateverhedrankwenttoAngelo’sheadinsteadofhisownandmadehimactdisgracefully。Whentheeveningwascome,thetwoattendedtheFree-
thinkers’meeting,whereAngelowassadandsilent;thencametheBibleclassandlookeduponhimcoldly,findinghiminsuchcompany。ThentheywenttoWilson’shouseandChapterXIofPudd’nheadWilsonfollows,whichtellsofthegirlseeninTomDriscoll’sroom;andcloseswiththekickingofTombyLuigiattheanti-temperancemass-meetingoftheSonsofLiberty;withtheadditionofsomeaccountofRoxy’sadventuresasachamber-maidonaMississippiboat。Herexchangeofthechildrenhadbeenflippantlyandfarcicallydescribedinanearlierchapter。
Nextmorningallthetownwasa-buzzwithgreatnews;Pudd’nheadWilsonhadalawcase!The,publicastonishmentwassogreatandthepubliccuriositysointense,thatwhenthejusticeofthepeaceopenedhiscourt,theplacewaspackedwithpeopleandeventhewindowswerefull。
Everybodywas,flushedandperspiring;thesummerheatwasalmostunendurable。
TomDriscollhadbroughtachargeofassaultandbatteryagainstthetwins。RobertAllenwasretainedbyDriscoll,DavidWilsonbythedefense。Tom,hisnativecheerfulnessunannihilatedbyhisback-breakingandbone-bruisingpassageacrossthemassedheadsoftheSonsofLibertythepreviousnight,laughedhislittlecustomarylaugh,andsaidtoWilson:
\"I’vekeptmypromise,yousee;I’mthrowingmybusinessyourway。
SoonerthanIwasexpecting,too。\"
\"It’sverygoodofyou——particularlyifyoumeantokeepitup。\"
\"Well,Ican’ttellaboutthatyet。Butwe’llsee。IfIfindyoudeserveitI’lltakeyouundermyprotectionandmakeyourfameandfortuneforyou。\"
\"I’lltrytodeserveit,Tom。\"
Ajurywasswornin;thenMr。Allensaid:
\"Wewilldetainyourhonorbutamomentwiththiscase。Itisnotonewhereanydoubtofthefactoftheassaultcanenterin。Thesegentlemen——theaccused——kickedmyclientattheMarketHalllastnight;
theykickedhimwithviolence;withextraordinaryviolence;withevenunprecedentedviolence,Imaysay;insomuchthathewasliftedentirelyoffhisfeetanddischargedintothemidstoftheaudience。Wecanprovethisbyfourhundredwitnesses——weshallcallbutthree。Mr。Harknesswilltakethestand。\"
Mr。Harkness,beingsworn,testifiedthathewaschairmanupontheoccasionmentioned;thathewascloseathandandsawthedefendantsinthisactionkicktheplaintiffintotheairandsawhimdescendamongtheaudience。
\"Takethewitness,\"saidAllen。
\"Mr。Harkness,\"saidWilson,\"yousayyousawthesegentlemen,myclients,kicktheplaintiff。Areyousure——andpleaserememberthatyouareonoath——areyouperfectlysurethatyousawbothofthemkickhim,oronlyone?Nowbecareful。\"
Abewilderedlookbegantospreaditselfoverthewitness’sface。Hehesitated,stammered,butgotoutnothing。Hiseyeswanderedtothetwinsandfixedthemselvestherewithavacantgaze。
\"Pleaseanswer,Mr。Harkness,youarekeepingthecourtwaiting。Itisaverysimplequestion。\"
Counselfortheprosecutionbrokeinwithimpatience:
\"Yourhonor,thequestionisanirrelevanttriviality。Necessarily,theybothkickedhim,fortheyhavebuttheonepairoflegs,andbothareresponsibleforthem。\"
Wilsonsaid,sarcastically:
\"Willyourhonorpermitthisnewwitnesstobesworn?Heseemstopossessknowledgewhichcanbeoftheutmostvaluejustatthismoment——
knowledgewhichwouldatoncedisposeofwhateveryonemustseeisaverydifficultquestioninthiscase。BrotherAllen,willyoutakethestand?\"
\"Goonwithyourcase!\"saidAllen,petulantly。Theaudiencelaughed,andgotawarningfromthecourt。
\"Now,Mr。Harkness,\"saidWilson,insinuatingly,\"weshallhavetoinsistuponananswertothatquestion。\"
\"I——er——well,ofcourse,Idonotabsolutelyknow,butinmyopinion——\"
\"Nevermindyouropinion,sir——answerthequestion。\"
\"I——why,Ican’tanswerit。\"
\"Thatwilldo,Mr。Harkness。Standdown。\"
Theaudiencetittered,andthediscomfitedwitnessretiredinastateofgreatembarrassment。
Mr。Wakemantookthestandandsworethathesawthetwinskicktheplaintiffofftheplatform。
Thedefensetookthewitness。
\"Mr。Wakeman,youhaveswornthatyousawthesegentlemenkicktheplaintiff。DoIunderstandyoutoswearthatyousawthembothdoit?\"
\"Yes,sir,\"——withderision。
\"Howdoyouknowthatbothdidit?\"
\"BecauseIsawthemdoit。\"
Theaudiencelaughed,andgotanotherwarningfromthecourt。
\"Butbywhatmeansdoyouknowthatboth,andnotone,didit?\"
\"Well,inthefirstplace,theinsultwasgiventobothofthemequally,fortheywerecalledapairofscissors。Ofcoursetheywouldbothwanttoresentit,andso——\"
\"Wait!Youaretheorizingnow。Sticktofacts——counselwillattendtothearguments。Goon。\"
\"Well,theybothwentoverthere——thatIsaw。\"
\"Verygood。Goon。\"
\"Andtheybothkickedhim——Isweartoit。\"
\"Mr。Wakeman,wasCountLuigi,here,willingtojointheSonsofLibertylastnight?\"
\"Yes,sir,hewas。Hedidjoin,too,anddrankaglassortwoofwhisky,likeaman。\"
\"Washisbrotherwillingtojoin?\"
\"No,sir,hewasn’t。Heisateetotaler,andwaselectedthroughamistake。\"
\"Washegivenaglassofwhisky?\"
\"Yes,sir,butofcoursethatwasanothermistake,andnotintentional。
Hewouldn’tdrinkit。Hesetitdown。\"Aslightpause,thenheadded,casuallyandquitesimply:\"Theplaintiffreachedforitandhoggedit。\"
Therewasafineoutburstoflaughter,butasthejusticewascaughtouthimself,hisreprimandwasnotveryvigorous。
Mr。Allenjumpedupandexclaimed:\"Iprotestagainstthesefoolishirrelevancies。Whathavetheytodowiththecase?\"
Wilsonsaid:\"Calmyourself,brother,itwasonlyanexperiment。Now,Mr。Wakeman,ifoneofthesegentlemenchoosestojoinanassociationandtheotherdoesn’t;andifoneofthemenjoyswhiskyandtheotherdoesn’t,butsetsitasideandleavesitunprotected\"(titterfromtheaudience),\"itseemstoshowthattheyhaveindependentminds,andtastes,andpreferences,andthatoneofthemisabletoapproveofathingattheverymomentthattheotherisheartilydisapprovingofit。
Doesn’titseemsotoyou?\"
\"Certainlyitdoes。It’sperfectlyplain。\"
\"Now,then,itmightbe——Ionlysayitmightbe——thatoneofthesebrotherswantedtokicktheplaintifflastnight,andthattheotherdidn’twantthathumiliatingpunishmentinflicteduponhiminthatpublicwayandbeforeallthosepeople。Isn’tthatpossible?\"
\"Ofcourseitis。It’smorethanpossible。Idon’tbelievetheblondonewouldkickanybody。Itwastheotheronethat——\"
\"Silence!\"shoutedtheplaintiff’scounsel,andwentonwithanangrysentencewhichwaslostinthewaveoflaughterthatsweptthehouse。
\"Thatwilldo,Mr。Wakeman,\"saidWilson,\"youmaystanddown。\"
Thethirdwitnesswascalled。Hehadseenthetwinskicktheplaintiff。
Mr。Wilsontookthewitness。
\"Mr。Rogers,yousayyousawtheseaccusedgentlemenkicktheplaintiff?\"
\"Yes,sir。\"
\"Bothofthem?\"
\"Yes,sir。\"
\"Whichofthemkickedhimfirst?\"
\"Why——they——theybothkickedhimatthesametime。
\"Areyouperfectlysureofthat?\"
\"Yes,sir。\"
\"Whatmakesyousureofit?\"
\"Why,Istoodrightbehindthem,andsawthemdoit。\"
\"Howmanykicksweredelivered?\"
\"Onlyone。\"
\"Iftwomenkick,theresultshouldbetwokicks,shouldn’tit?\"
\"Why——whyyes,asarule。\"
\"Thenwhatdoyouthinkwentwiththeotherkick?\"
\"I——well——thefactis,Iwasn’tthinkingoftwobeingnecessary,thistime。\"
\"Whatdoyouthinknow?\"
\"Well,I——I’msureIdon’tquiteknowwhattothink,butIreckonthatoneofthemdidhalfofthekickandtheotheronedidtheotherhalf。\"
Somebodyinthecrowdsungout:\"It’sthefirstsanethingthatanyofthemhassaid。\"
Theaudienceapplauded。Thejudgesaid:\"Silence!orIwillclearthecourt。\"
Mr。Allenlookedpleased,butWilsondidnotseemdisturbed。Hesaid:
\"Mr。Rogers,youhavefavoreduswithwhatyouthinkandwhatyoureckon,butasthinkingandreckoningarenotevidence,Iwillnowgiveyouachancetocomeoutwithsomethingpositive,onewayortheother,andshallrequireyoutoproduceit。Iwillasktheaccusedtostandupandrepeatthephenomenalkickoflastnight。\"Thetwinsstoodup。\"Now,Mr。Rogers,pleasestandbehindthem。\"
AVoice:\"No,standinfront!\"(Laughter。Silencedbythecourt。)
AnotherVoice:\"No,giveTommyanotherhighst!\"(Laughter。Sharplyrebukedbythecourt。)
\"Now,then,Mr。Rogers,twokicksshallbedelivered,oneaftertheother,andIgiveyoumywordthatatleastoneofthetwoshallbedeliveredbyoneofthetwinsalone,withouttheslightestassistancefromhisbrother。Watchsharply,foryouhaveoftorenderadecisionwithoutanyif’sandandsit。\"Rogersbenthimselfbehindthetwinswithpalmsjustabovehisknees,inthemodernattitudeofthecatcheratabaseballmatch,andrivetedeyesonthepairoflegsinfrontofhim。
\"Areyouready,Mr。Rogers?\"
\"Readysir。\"
Thekick,launched。
\"Haveyougotthatoneclassified,Mr。Rogers?\"
\"Letmestudyaminute,sir。\"
\"Takeasmuchtimeasyouplease。Letmeknowwhenyouareready。\"
ForasmuchasaminuteRogerspondered,withalleyesandabreathlessinterestfasteneduponhim。Thenhegavetheword:\"Ready,sir。\"
\"Kick!\"
Thekickthatfollowedwasanexactduplicateofthefirstone。
\"Now,then,Mr。Rogers,oneofthosekickswasanindividualkick,notamutualone。Youwillnowstatepositivelywhichwasthemutualone。\"
Thewitnesssaid,withacrestfallenlook:
\"I’vegottogiveitup。Thereain’tanymanintheworldthatcouldtellt’otherfromwhich,sir。\"
\"Doyoustillassertthatlastnight’skickwasamutualkick?\"
\"Indeed,Idon’t,sir。\"
\"Thatwilldo,Mr。Rogers。IfmybrotherAllendesirestoaddressthecourt,yourhonor,verywell;butasfarasIamconcernedIamreadytoletthecasebeatoncedeliveredintothehandsofthisintelligentjurywithoutcomment。\"
Mr。JusticeRobinsonhadbeeninofficeonlytwomonths,andinthatshorttimehadnothadmanycasestotry,ofcourse。Hehadnoknowledgeoflawsandcourtsexceptwhathehadpickedupsincehecameintooffice。Hewasasoretroubletothelawyers,forhisrulingswereprettyeccentricsometimes,andhestoodbythemwithRomansimplicityandfortitude;butthepeoplewerewellsatisfiedwithhim,fortheysawthathisintentionswerealwaysright,thathewasentirelyimpartial,andthatheusuallymadeupingoodsensewhathelackedintechnique,sotospeak。Henowperceivedthattherewaslikelytobeamiscarriageofjusticehere,andherosetotheoccasion。
\"Waitamoment,gentlemen,\"hesaid,\"itisplainthatanassaulthasbeencommitteditisplaintoanybody;butthewaythingsaregoing,theguiltywillcertainlyescapeconviction。Icannotallowthis。Now——-\"
\"But,yourhonor!\"saidWilson,interruptinghim,earnestlybutrespectfully,\"youaredecidingthecaseyourself,whereasthejury——\"
\"Nevermindthejury,Mr。Wilson;thejurywillhaveachancewhenthereisareasonabledoubtforthemtotakeholdof——whichthereisn’t,sofar。Thereisnodoubtwhateverthatanassaulthasbeencommitted。
Theattempttoshowthatbothoftheaccusedcommittedithasfailed。
Aretheybothtoescapejusticeonthataccount?Notinthiscourt,ifIcanpreventit。Itappearstohavebeenamistaketobringthechargeagainstthemasacorporation;eachshouldhavebeenchargedinhiscapacityasanindividual,and——\"
\"But,yourhonor!\"saidWilson,\"infairnesstomyclientsImustinsistthatinasmuchastheprosecution’dnotseparatethe——\"
\"Nowrongwillbedoneyourclients,sir——theywillbeprotected;
alsothepublicandtheoffendedlaws。Mr。Allen,youwillamendyourpleadings,andputoneoftheaccusedontrialatatime。\"
Wilsonbrokein:\"But,yourhonor!thisiswhollyunprecedented!
Toimperilanaccusedpersonbyarbitrarilyalteringandwideningthechargeagainsthiminordertocompasshisconvictionwhenthechargeasoriginallybroughtpromisestofailtoconvict,isathingunheardofbefore。\"
\"Unheardofwhere?\"
\"Inthecourtsofthisoranyotherstate。\"
Thejudgesaidwithdignity:\"Iamnotacquaintedwiththecustomsofothercourts,andamnotconcernedtoknowwhattheyare。Iamresponsibleforthiscourt,andIcannotconscientiouslyallowmyjudgmenttobewarpedandmyjudiciallibertyhamperedbytryingtoconformtothecapricesofothercourts,bethey——\"
\"But,yourhonor,theoldestandhighestcourtsinEurope——\"
\"ThiscourtisnotrunontheEuropeanplan,Mr。Wilson;itisnotrunonanyplanbutitsown。Ithasaplanofitsown;andthatplanis,tofindjusticeforbothStateandaccused,nomatterwhathappenstobepracticeandcustominEuropeoranywhereelse。\"(Greatapplause。)
\"Silence!Ithasnotbeenthecustomofthiscourttoimitateothercourts;ithasnotbeenthecustomofthiscourttotakeshelterbehindthedecisionsofothercourts,andwewillnotbeginnow。WewilldothebestwecanbythelightthatGodhasgivenus,andwhilethis’courtcontinuestohaveHisapproval,itwillremainindifferenttowhatotherorganizationsmaythinkofit。\"(Applause。)\"Gentlemen,Imusthaveorder!——quietyourselves!Mr。Allen,youwillnowproceedagainsttheprisonersoneatatime。Goonwiththecase。\"
Allenwasnotathisease。However,afterwhisperingamomentwithhisclientandwithoneortwootherpeople,heroseandsaid:
\"Yourhonor,Ifindittobereportedandbelievedthattheaccusedareabletoactindependentlyinmanyways,butthatthisindependencedoesnotextendtotheirlegs,authorityovertheirlegsbeingvestedexclusivelyintheonebrotherduringaspecifictermofdays,andthenpassingtotheotherbrotherforaliketerm,andsoon,byregularalternation。Icouldcallwitnesseswhowouldprovethattheaccusedhadrevealedtothemtheexistenceofthisextraordinaryfact,andhadalsomadeknownwhichofthemwasinpossessionofthelegsyesterday——andthiswould,ofcourse,indicatewheretheguiltoftheassaultbelongs——
butasthiswouldbemerehearsayevidence,theserevelationsnothavingbeenmadeunderoath\"
\"Nevermindaboutthat,Mr。Allen。Itmaynotallbehearsay。Weshallsee。Itmayatleasthelptoputusontherighttrack。Callthewitnesses。\"
\"ThenIwillcallMr。JohnBuckstone,whoisnowpresent,andIbegthatMrs。PatsyCoopermaybesentfor。Takethestand,Mr。Buckstone。\"
Buckstonetooktheoath,andthentestifiedthatonthepreviouseveningtheCountAngeloCapellohadprotestedagainstgoingtothehall,andhadcalledallpresenttowitnessthathewasgoingbycompulsionandwouldnotgoifhecouldhelphimself。Also,thattheCountLuigihadrepliedsharplythathewouldgo,justthesame,andthathe,CountLuigi,wouldseetothathimself。Also,thatuponCountAngelo’scomplainingaboutbeingkeptonhislegssolong,CountLuigiretortedwithapparentsurprise,\"Yourlegs!——Ilikeyourimpudence!\"
\"Nowwearegettingatthekernelofthething,\"observedthejudge,withgraveandearnestsatisfaction。\"ItlooksasiftheCountLuigiwasinpossessionofthebatteryatthetimeoftheassault。\"
NothingfurtherwaselicitedfromMr。Buckstoneondirectexamination。
Mr。Wilsontookthewitness。
\"Mr。Buckstone,aboutwhattimewasitthatthatconversationtookplace?\"
\"Towardnineyesterdayevening,sir。\"
\"Didyouthenproceeddirectlytothehall?\"
\"Yes,sir。\"
\"Howlongdidittakeyoutogothere?\"
\"Well,wewalked;andasitwasfromtheextremeedgeofthetown,andtherewasnohurry,Ijudgeittookusabouttwentyminutes,maybeatriflemore。\"
\"Aboutwhathourwasthekickdelivered?\"
\"Aboutthirteenminutesandahalftoten。\"
\"Admirable!Youareapatternwitness,Mr。Buckstone。Howdidyouhappentolookatyourwatchatthatparticularmoment?\"
\"IalwaysdoitwhenIseeanassault。It’slikelyIshallbecalledasawitness,andit’sagoodpointtohave。\"
\"Itwouldbewellifotherswereasthoughtful。Wasanythingsaid,betweentheconversationatmyhouseandtheassault,uponthedetailwhichwearenowexamininginto?\"
\"No,sir。\"
\"Ifpoweroverthemutuallegswasinthepossessionofonebrotheratnine,andpassedintothepossessionoftheotheroneduringthenextthirtyorfortyminutes,doyouthinkyoucouldhavedetectedthechange?\"
\"Bynomeans!\"
\"Thatisall,Mr。Buckstone。\"
Mrs。PatsyCooperwascalled。Thecrowdmadewayforher,andshecamesmilingandbowingthroughthenarrowhumanlane,withBetsyHale,asescortandsupport,smilingandbowinginherwake,theaudiencebreakingintowelcomingcheersastheoldfavoritesfiledalong。Thejudgedidnotcheckthiskindlydemonstrationofhomageandaffection,butletitrunitscourseunrebuked。
Theoldladiesstoppedandshookhandswiththetwinswitheffusion,thengavethejudgeafriendlynod,andbustledintotheseatsprovidedforthem。Theyimmediatelybegantodeliveravolleyofeagerquestionsatthefriendsaroundthem:\"Whatisthisthingfor?\"\"Whatisthatthingfor?\"\"Whoisthatyoungmanthat’swritingatthedesk?Why,I
declare,it’sJackBunce!Ithoughthewassick。\"\"Whichisthejury?
Why,isthatthejury?BillyPriceandJobTurner,andJackLounsbury,and——well,Inever!\"\"Nowwhowouldever’a’thought——\"
Buttheyweregentlycalledtoorderatthispoint,andaskednottotalkincourt。Theirtonguesfellsilent,buttheradiantinterestintheirfacesremained,andtheirgratitudefortheblessingofanewsensationandanovelexperiencestillbeamedundimmedfromtheireyes。AuntPatsystoodupandtooktheoath,andMr。Allenexplainedthepointinissue,andaskedhertogoonnow,inherownway,andthrowasmuchlightuponitasshecould。Shetoyedwithherreticuleamomentortwo,asifconsideringwheretobegin,thenshesaid:
\"Well,thewayofitisthis。TheyareLuigi’slegsaweekatatime,andthentheyareAngelo’s,andhecandowhateverhewantstowiththem。\"
\"Youaremakingamistake,AuntPatsyCooper,\"saidthejudge。\"Youshouldn’tstatethatasafact,becauseyoudon’tknowittobeafact。\"
\"What’sthereasonIdon’t?\"saidAuntPatsy,bridlingalittle。
\"Whatisthereasonthatyoudoknowit?\"
\"Thebestintheworldbecausetheytoldme。\"
\"Thatisn’tareason。\"
\"Well,fortheland’ssake!BetsyHale,doyouhearthat?\"
\"Hearit?Ishouldthinkso,\"saidAuntBetsy,risingandfacingthecourt。\"Why,Judge,Iwasthereandhearditmyself。LuigisaystoAngelo——no,itwasAngelosaiditto——\"
\"Come,come,Mrs。Hale,praysitdown,and——\"
\"Certainly,it’sallright,I’mgoingtositdownpresently,butnotuntilI’ve——\"
\"Butyoumustsitdown!\"
\"Must!Well,uponmywordifthingsain’tgettingtoaprettypasswhen——\"
Thehousebrokeintolaughter,butwaspromptlybroughttoorder,andmeantimeMr。Allenpersuadedtheoldladytotakeherseat。AuntPatsycontinued:
\"Yes,theytoldmethat,andIknowit’strue。They’reLuigi’slegsthisweek,but——\"
\"Ah,theytoldyouthat,didthey?\"saidtheJustice,withinterest。
\"Well,no,Idon’tknowthattheytoldme,butthat’sneitherherenorthere。Iknow,withoutthat,thatatdinneryesterday,Angelowasastiredasadog,andyetLuigiwouldn’tlendhimthelegstogoup-stairsandtakeanapwith。\"
\"Didheaskforthem?\"
\"Letmesee——itseemstome,somehow,that——that——AuntBetsy,doyourememberwhetherhe——\"
\"NevermindaboutwhatAuntBetsyremembers——sheisnotawitness;weonlywanttoknowwhatyourememberyourself,\"saidthejudge。
\"Well,itdoesseemto,methatyouaremostcantankerouslyparticularaboutalittlething,SimRobinson。Why,whenIcan’trememberathingmyself,Ialways——\"
\"Ah,pleasegoon!\"
\"Nowhowcanshewhenyoukeepfussingatherallthetime?\"saidAuntBetsy。\"Why,withapersonpeckingatmethatway,Ishouldgetthatfuzzledandfuddledthat——\"
Shewasonherfeetagain,butAllencoaxedherintoherseatoncemore,whilethecourtsquelchedthemirthofthehouse。Thenthejudgesaid:
\"Madam,doyouknow——doyouabsolutelyknow,independentlyofanythingthesegentlemenhavetoldyou——thatthepowerovertheirlegspassesfromtheonetotheotherregularlyeveryweek?\"
\"Regularly?Blessyourheart,regularlyain’tanynamefortheexactnessofit!AllthebigcitiesinEuropeusedtosettheclocksbyit。\"
(Laughter,suppressedbythecourt。)
\"Howdoyouknow?Thatisthequestion。Pleaseansweritplainlyandsquarely。\"