1。What！NoChildren？
Onceuponatime，solongagothatIhavequiteforgottenthedate，therelivedakingandqueenwhohadnochildren。
Andthekingsaidtohimself，\"Allthequeensofmyacquaintancehavechildren，somethree，someseven，andsomeasmanyastwelve；
andmyqueenhasnotone。Ifeelill-used。\"Sohemadeuphismindtobecrosswithhiswifeaboutit。Butsheboreitalllikeagoodpatientqueenasshewas。Thenthekinggrewverycrossindeed。Butthequeenpretendedtotakeitallasajoke，andaverygoodonetoo。
\"Whydon’tyouhaveanydaughters，atleast？\"saidhe。\"Idon’tsaysons；thatmightbetoomuchtoexpect。\"
\"Iamsure，dearking，Iamverysorry，\"saidthequeen。
\"Soyououghttobe，\"retortedtheking；\"youarenotgoingtomakeavirtueofthat，surely。\"
Buthewasnotanill-temperedking，andinanymatteroflessmomentwouldhaveletthequeenhaveherownwaywithallhisheart。This，however，wasanaffairofstate。
Thequeensmiled。
\"Youmusthavepatiencewithalady，youknow，dearking，\"saidshe。
Shewas，indeed，averynicequeen，andheartilysorrythatshecouldnotobligethekingimmediately。
2。Won’tI，Just？
Thekingtriedtohavepatience，buthesucceededverybadly。Itwasmorethanhedeserved，therefore，when，atlast，thequeengavehimadaughter——aslovelyalittleprincessasevercried。
Thedaydrewnearwhentheinfantmustbechristened。Thekingwrotealltheinvitationswithhisownhand。Ofcoursesomebodywasforgotten。
Nowitdoesnotgenerallymatterifsomebodyisforgotten，onlyyoumustmindwho。Unfortunately，thekingforgotwithoutintendingtoforget；andsothechancefelluponthePrincessMakemnoit，whichwasawkward。Fortheprincesswastheking’sownsister；andheoughtnottohaveforgottenher。Butshehadmadeherselfsodisagreeabletotheoldking，theirfather，thathehadforgottenherinmakinghiswill；andsoitwasnowonderthatherbrotherforgotherinwritinghisinvitations。Butpoorrelationsdon’tdoanythingtokeepyouinmindofthem。Whydon’tthey？Thekingcouldnotseeintothegarretshelivedin，couldhe？
Shewasasour，spitefulcreature。Thewrinklesofcontemptcrossedthewrinklesofpeevishness，andmadeherfaceasfullofwrinklesasapatofbutter。Ifeverakingcouldbejustifiedinforgettinganybody，thiskingwasjustifiedinforgettinghissister，evenatachristening。Shelookedveryodd，too。Herforeheadwasaslargeasalltherestofherface，andprojectedoveritlikeaprecipice。Whenshewasangry，herlittleeyesflashedblue。Whenshehatedanybody，theyshoneyellowandgreen。Whattheylookedlikewhenshelovedanybody，Idonotknow；forIneverheardofherlovinganybodybutherself，andIdonotthinkshecouldhavemanagedthatifshehadnotsomehowgotusedtoherself。Butwhatmadeithighlyimprudentinthekingtoforgetherwasthatshewasawfullyclever。Infact，shewasawitch；andwhenshebewitchedanybody，heverysoonhadenoughofit；forshebeatallthewickedfairiesinwickedness，andallthecleveronesincleverness。Shedespisedallthemodeswereadofinhistory，inwhichoffendedfairiesandwitcheshavetakentheirrevenges；andtherefore，afterwaitingandwaitinginvainforaninvitation，shemadeuphermindatlasttogowithoutone，andmakethewholefamilymiserable，likeaprincessasshewas。
Sosheputonherbestgown，wenttothepalace，waskindlyreceivedbythehappymonarch，whoforgotthathehadforgottenher，andtookherplaceintheprocessiontotheroyalchapel。Whentheywereallgatheredaboutthefont，shecontrivedtogetnexttoit，andthrowsomethingintothewater；afterwhichshemaintainedaveryrespectfuldemeanourtillthewaterwasappliedtothechild’sface。Butatthatmomentsheturnedroundinherplacethreetimes，andmutteredthefollowingwords，loudenoughforthosebesidehertohear：——
\"Lightofspirit，bymycharms，Lightofbody，everypart，Neverwearyhumanarms——
Onlycrushthyparents’heart！\"
Theyallthoughtshehadlostherwits，andwasrepeatingsomefoolishnurseryrhyme；butashudderwentthroughthewholeofthemnotwithstanding。Thebaby，onthecontrary，begantolaughandcrow；whilethenursegaveastartandasmotheredcry，forshethoughtshewasstruckwithparalysis：shecouldnotfeelthebabyinherarms。Butsheclaspedittightandsaidnothing。Themischiefwasdone。
3。SheCan’tBeOurs。
Heratrociousaunthaddeprivedthechildofallhergravity。Ifyouaskmehowthiswaseffected，Ianswer，\"Intheeasiestwayintheworld。Shehadonlytodestroygravitation。\"Fortheprincesswasaphilosopher，andknewalltheinsandoutsofthelawsofgravitationaswellastheinsandoutsofherboot-lace。Andbeingawitchaswell，shecouldabrogatethoselawsinamoment；oratleastsoclogtheirwheelsandrusttheirbearings，thattheywouldnotworkatall。Butwehavemoretodowithwhatfollowedthanwithhowitwasdone。
Thefirstawkwardnessthatresultedfromthisunhappyprivationwas，thatthemomentthenursebegantofloatthebabyupanddown，sheflewfromherarmstowardstheceiling。Happily，theresistanceoftheairbroughtherascendingcareertoaclosewithinafootofit。Theresheremained，horizontalaswhenshelefthernurse’sarms，kickingandlaughingamazingly。Thenurseinterrorflewtothebell，andbeggedthefootman，whoansweredit，tobringupthehouse-stepsdirectly。Tremblingineverylimb，sheclimbeduponthesteps，andhadtostandupontheverytop，andreachup，beforeshecouldcatchthefloatingtailofthebaby’slongclothes。
Whenthestrangefactcametobeknown，therewasaterriblecommotioninthepalace。Theoccasionofitsdiscoverybythekingwasnaturallyarepetitionofthenurse’sexperience。Astonishedthathefeltnoweightwhenthechildwaslaidinhisarms，hebegantowaveherupandnotdown，forsheslowlyascendedtotheceilingasbefore，andthereremainedfloatinginperfectcomfortandsatisfaction，aswastestifiedbyherpealsoftinylaughter。
Thekingstoodstaringupinspeechlessamazement，andtrembledsothathisbeardshooklikegrassinthewind。Atlast，turningtothequeen，whowasjustashorror-struckashimself，hesaid，gasping，staring，andstammering，——
\"Shecan’tbeours，queen！\"
Nowthequeenwasmuchclevererthantheking，andhadbegunalreadytosuspectthat\"thiseffectdefectivecamebycause。\"
\"Iamsuresheisours，\"answeredshe。\"Butweoughttohavetakenbettercareofheratthechristening。Peoplewhowereneverinvitedoughtnottohavebeenpresent。\"
\"Oh，ho！\"saidtheking，tappinghisforeheadwithhisforefinger，\"Ihaveitall。I’vefoundherout。Don’tyouseeit，queen？
PrincessMakemnoithasbewitchedher。\"
\"That’sjustwhatIsay，\"answeredthequeen。
\"Ibegyourpardon，mylove；Ididnothearyou。——John！bringthestepsIgetonmythronewith。\"
Forhewasalittlekingwithagreatthrone，likemanyotherkings。
Thethrone-stepswerebrought，andsetuponthedining-table，andJohngotuponthetopofthem。Buthecouldnotreachthelittleprincess，wholaylikeababy-laughter-cloudintheair，explodingcontinuously。
\"Takethetongs，John，\"saidhisMajesty；andgettinguponthetable，hehandedthemtohim。
Johncouldreachthebabynow，andthelittleprincesswashandeddownbythetongs。
4。WhereIsShe？
Onefinesummerday，amonthaftertheseherfirstadventures，duringwhichtimeshehadbeenverycarefullywatched，theprincesswaslyingonthebedinthequeen’sownchamber，fastasleep。Oneofthewindowswasopen，foritwasnoon，andthedaywassosultrythatthelittlegirlwaswrappedinnothinglessetherealthanslumberitself。Thequeencameintotheroom，andnotobservingthatthebabywasonthebed，openedanotherwindow。Afrolicsomefairywind，whichhadbeenwatchingforachanceofmischief，rushedinattheonewindow，andtakingitswayoverthebedwherethechildwaslying，caughtherup，androllingandfloatingheralonglikeapieceofflue，oradandelionseed，carriedherwithitthroughtheoppositewindow，andaway。Thequeenwentdown-stairs，quiteignorantofthelossshehadherselfoccasioned。
Whenthenursereturned，shesupposedthatherMajestyhadcarriedheroff，and，dreadingascolding，delayedmakinginquiryabouther。Buthearingnothing，shegrewuneasy，andwentatlengthtothequeen’sboudoir，whereshefoundherMajesty。
\"Please，yourMajesty，shallItakethebaby？\"saidshe。
\"Whereisshe？\"askedthequeen。
\"Pleaseforgiveme。Iknowitwaswrong。\"
\"Whatdoyoumean？\"saidthequeen，lookinggrave。
\"Oh！don’tfrightenme，yourMajesty！\"exclaimedthenurse，claspingherhands。
Thequeensawthatsomethingwasamiss，andfelldowninafaint。
Thenurserushedaboutthepalace，screaming，\"Mybaby！mybaby！\"
Everyonerantothequeen’sroom。Butthequeencouldgivenoorders。Theysoonfoundout，however，thattheprincesswasmissing，andinamomentthepalacewaslikeabeehiveinagarden；
andinoneminutemorethequeenwasbroughttoherselfbyagreatshoutandaclappingofhands。Theyhadfoundtheprincessfastasleepunderarose-bush，towhichtheelvishlittlewind-puffhadcarriedher，finishingitsmischiefbyshakingashowerofredrose-leavesalloverthelittlewhitesleeper。Startledbythenoisetheservantsmade，shewoke，and，furiouswithglee，scatteredtherose-leavesinalldirections，likeashowerofsprayinthesunset。
Shewaswatchedmorecarefullyafterthis，nodoubt；yetitwouldbeendlesstorelatealltheoddincidentsresultingfromthispeculiarityoftheyoungprincess。Butthereneverwasababyinahouse，nottosayapalace，thatkeptthehouseholdinsuchconstantgoodhumour，atleastbelow-stairs。Ifitwasnoteasyforhernursestoholdher，atleastshemadeneithertheirarmsnortheirheartsache。Andshewassonicetoplayatballwith！
Therewaspositivelynodangeroflettingherfall。Theymightthrowherdown，orknockherdown，orpushherdown，butcouldn’tletherdown。Itistrue，theymightletherflyintothefireorthecoal-hole，orthroughthewindow；butnoneoftheseaccidentshadhappenedasyet。Ifyouheardpealsoflaughterresoundingfromsomeunknownregion，youmightbesureenoughofthecause。Goingdownintothekitchen，ortheroom，youwouldfindJaneandThomas，andRobertandSusan，allandsum，playingatballwiththelittleprincess。Shewastheballherself，anddidnotenjoyitthelessforthat。Awayshewent，flyingfromonetoanother，screechingwithlaughter。Andtheservantslovedtheballitselfbettereventhanthegame。Buttheyhadtotakesomecarehowtheythrewher，forifshereceivedanupwarddirection，shewouldnevercomedownagainwithoutbeingfetched。
5。WhatIstoBeDone？
Butabove-stairsitwasdifferent。Oneday，forinstance，afterbreakfast，thekingwentintohiscounting-house，andcountedouthismoney。Theoperationgavehimnopleasure。
\"Tothink，\"saidhetohimself，\"thateveryoneofthesegoldsovereignsweighsaquarterofanounce，andmyreal，live，flesh-and-bloodprincessweighsnothingatall！\"
Andhehatedhisgoldsovereigns，astheylaywithabroadsmileofself-satisfactionallovertheiryellowfaces。
Thequeenwasintheparlour，eatingbreadandhoney。Butatthesecondmouthfulsheburstoutcrying，andcouldnotswallowit。
Thekingheardhersobbing。Gladofanybody，butespeciallyofhisqueen，toquarrelwith，heclashedhisgoldsovereignsintohismoney-box，clappedhiscrownonhishead，andrushedintotheparlour。
\"Whatisallthisabout？\"exclaimedhe。\"Whatareyoucryingfor，queen？\"
\"Ican’teatit，\"saidthequeen，lookingruefullyatthehoney-pot。
\"-Nowonder！\"retortedtheking。\"You’vejusteatenyourbreakfast——twoturkeyeggs，andthreeanchovies。\"
\"Oh，that’snotit！\"sobbedherMajesty。\"It’smychild，mychild！\"
\"Well，what’sthematterwithyourchild？She’sneitherupthechimneynordownthedraw-well。Justhearherlaughing。\"
Yetthekingcouldnothelpasigh，whichhetriedtoturnintoacough，saying——
\"Itisagoodthingtobelight-hearted，Iamsure，whethershebeoursornot。\"
\"Itisabadthingtobelight-headed，\"answeredthequeen，lookingwithpropheticsoulfarintothefuture。
\"’Tisagoodthingtobelight-handed，\"saidtheking。
\"’Tisabadthingtobelight-fingered，\"answeredthequeen。
\"’Tisagoodthingtobelight-footed，\"saidtheking。
\"’Tisabadthing——\"beganthequeen；butthekinginterruptedher。
\"Infact，\"saidhe，withthetoneofonewhoconcludesanargumentinwhichhehashadonlyimaginaryopponents，andinwhich，therefore，hehascomeofftriumphant——\"infact，itisagoodthingaltogethertobelight-bodied。\"
\"Butitisabadthingaltogethertobelight-minded，\"retortedthequeen，whowasbeginningtolosehertemper。
ThislastanswerquitediscomfitedhisMajesty，whoturnedonhisheel，andbetookhimselftohiscounting-houseagain。Buthewasnothalf-waytowardsit，whenthevoiceofhisqueenovertookhim。
\"Andit’sabadthingtobelight-haired，\"screamedshe，determinedtohavemorelastwords，nowthatherspiritwasroused。
Thequeen’shairwasblackasnight；andtheking’shadbeen，andhisdaughter’swas，goldenasmorning。Butitwasnotthisreflectiononhishairthatarrestedhim；itwasthedoubleuseofthewordlight。Forthekinghatedallwitticisms，andpunningespecially。Andbesides，hecouldnottellwhetherthequeenmeantlight-hairedorlight-heired；forwhymightshenotaspiratehervowelswhenshewasexasperatedherself？
Heturneduponhisotherheel，andrejoinedher。Shelookedangrystill，becausesheknewthatshewasguilty，or，whatwasmuchthesame，knewthatHEthoughtso。
\"Mydearqueen，\"saidhe，\"duplicityofanysortisexceedinglyobjectionablebetweenmarriedpeopleofanyrank，nottosaykingsandqueens；andthemostobjectionableformduplicitycanassumeisthatofpunning。\"
\"There！\"saidthequeen，\"Inevermadeajest，butIbrokeitinthemaking。Iamthemostunfortunatewomanintheworld！\"
Shelookedsorueful，thatthekingtookherinhisarms；andtheysatdowntoconsult。
\"Canyoubearthis？\"saidtheking。
\"No，Ican’t，\"saidthequeen。
\"Well，what’stobedone？\"saidtheking。
\"I’msureIdon’tknow，\"saidthequeen。\"Butmightyounottryanapology？\"
\"Tomyoldsister，Isupposeyoumean？\"saidtheking。
\"Yes，\"saidthequeen。
\"Well，Idon’tmind，\"saidtheking。
Sohewentthenextmorningtothehouseoftheprincess，and，makingaveryhumbleapology，beggedhertoundothespell。Buttheprincessdeclared，withagraveface，thatsheknewnothingatallaboutit。Hereyes，however，shonepink，whichwasasignthatshewashappy。Sheadvisedthekingandqueentohavepatience，andtomendtheirways。Thekingreturneddisconsolate。Thequeentriedtocomforthim。
\"Wewillwaittillsheisolder。Shemaythenbeabletosuggestsomethingherself。Shewillknowatleasthowshefeels，andexplainthingstous。\"
\"Butwhatifsheshouldmarry？\"exclaimedtheking，insuddenconsternationattheidea。
\"Well，whatofthat？\"rejoinedthequeen。
\"Justthink！Ifsheweretohavechildren！Inthecourseofahundredyearstheairmightbeasfulloffloatingchildrenasofgossamersinautumn。\"
\"Thatisnobusinessofours，\"repliedthequeen。\"Besides，bythattimetheywillhavelearnedtotakecareofthemselves。\"
Asighwastheking’sonlyanswer。
Hewouldhaveconsultedthecourtphysicians；buthewasafraidtheywouldtryexperimentsuponher。
6。SheLaughsTooMuch。
Meantime，notwithstandingawkwardoccurrences，andgriefsthatshebroughtuponherparents，thelittleprincesslaughedandgrew——notfat，butplumpandtall。Shereachedtheageofseventeen，withouthavingfallenintoanyworsescrapethanachimney；byrescuingherfromwhich，alittlebird-nestingurchingotfameandablackface。
Nor，thoughtlessasshewas，hadshecommittedanythingworsethanlaughterateverybodyandeverythingthatcameinherway。Whenshewastold，forthesakeofexperiment，thatGeneralClanrunfortwascuttopieceswithallhistroops，shelaughed；whensheheardthattheenemywasonhiswaytobesiegeherpapa’scapital，shelaughedhugely；butwhenshewastoldthatthecitywouldcertainlybeabandonedtothemercyoftheenemy’ssoldiery——why，thenshelaughedimmoderately。Shenevercouldbebroughttoseetheserioussideofanything。Whenhermothercried，shesaid，——
\"Whatqueerfacesmammamakes！Andshesqueezeswateroutofhercheeks？Funnymamma！\"
Andwhenherpapastormedather，shelaughed，anddancedroundandroundhim，clappingherhands，andcrying——
\"Doitagain，papa。Doitagain！It’sSUCHfun！Dear，funnypapa！\"
Andifhetriedtocatchher，sheglidedfromhiminaninstant，notintheleastafraidofhim，butthinkingitpartofthegamenottobecaught。Withonepushofherfoot，shewouldbefloatingintheairabovehishead；orshewouldgodancingbackwardsandforwardsandsideways，likeagreatbutterfly。Ithappenedseveraltimes，whenherfatherandmotherwereholdingaconsultationaboutherinprivate，thattheywereinterruptedbyvainlyrepressedoutburstsoflaughterovertheirheads；andlookingupwithindignation，sawherfloatingatfulllengthintheairabovethem，whencesheregardedthemwiththemostcomicalappreciationoftheposition。
Onedayanawkwardaccidenthappened。Theprincesshadcomeoutuponthelawnwithoneofherattendants，whoheldherbythehand。
Spyingherfatherattheothersideofthelawn，shesnatchedherhandfromthemaid’s，andspedacrosstohim。Nowwhenshewantedtorunalone，hercustomwastocatchupastoneineachhand，sothatshemightcomedownagainafterabound。Whateversheworeaspartofherattirehadnoeffectinthisway：evengold，whenitthusbecameasitwereapartofherself，lostallitsweightforthetime。Butwhateversheonlyheldinherhandsretaineditsdownwardtendency。Onthisoccasionshecouldseenothingtocatchupbutahugetoad，thatwaswalkingacrossthelawnasifhehadahundredyearstodoitin。Notknowingwhatdisgustmeant，forthiswasoneofherpeculiarities，shesnatchedupthetoadandboundedaway。Shehadalmostreachedherfather，andhewasholdingouthisarmstoreceiveher，andtakefromherlipsthekisswhichhoveredonthemlikeabutterflyonarosebud，whenapuffofwindblewherasideintothearmsofayoungpage，whohadjustbeenreceivingamessagefromhisMajesty。Nowitwasnogreatpeculiarityintheprincessthat，onceshewassetagoing，italwayscosthertimeandtroubletocheckherself。Onthisoccasiontherewasnotime。Shemustkiss-andshekissedthepage。Shedidnotminditmuch；forshehadnoshynessinhercomposition；andsheknew，besides，thatshecouldnothelpit。Sosheonlylaughed，likeamusicalbox。Thepoorpagefaredtheworst。Fortheprincess，tryingtocorrecttheunfortunatetendencyofthekiss，putoutherhandstokeepheroffthepage；sothat，alongwiththekiss，hereceived，ontheothercheek，aslapwiththehugeblacktoad，whichshepokedrightintohiseye。Hetriedtolaugh，too，buttheattemptresultedinsuchanoddcontortionofcountenance，asshowedthattherewasnodangerofhispluminghimselfonthekiss。Asfortheking，hisdignitywasgreatlyhurt，andhedidnotspeaktothepageforawholemonth。
Imayhereremarkthatitwasveryamusingtoseeherrun，ifhermodeofprogressioncouldproperlybecalledrunning。Forfirstshewouldmakeabound；then，havingalighted，shewouldrunafewsteps，andmakeanotherbound。Sometimesshewouldfancyshehadreachedthegroundbeforesheactuallyhad，andherfeetwouldgobackwardsandforwards，runninguponnothingatall，likethoseofachickenonitsback。Thenshewouldlaughliketheveryspiritoffun；onlyinherlaughtherewassomethingmissing。Whatitwas，I
findmyselfunabletodescribe。Ithinkitwasacertaintone，dependinguponthepossibilityofsorrow——MORBIDEZZA，perhaps。Sheneversmiled。
7。TryMetaphysics。
Afteralongavoidanceofthepainfulsubject，thekingandqueenresolvedtoholdacouncilofthreeuponit；andsotheysentfortheprincess。Inshecame，slidingandflittingandglidingfromonepieceoffurnituretoanother，andputherselfatlastinanarmchair，inasittingposture。Whethershecouldbesaidtosit，seeingshereceivednosupportfromtheseatofthechair，Idonotpretendtodetermine。
\"Mydearchild，\"saidtheking，\"youmustbeawarebythistimethatyouarenotexactlylikeotherpeople。\"
\"Oh，youdearfunnypapa！Ihavegotanose，andtwoeyes，andalltherest。Sohaveyou。Sohasmamma。\"
\"Nowbeserious，mydear，foronce，\"saidthequeen。
\"No，thankyou，mamma；Ihadrathernot。\"
\"Wouldyounotliketobeabletowalklikeotherpeople？\"saidtheking。
\"Noindeed，Ishouldthinknot。Youonlycrawl。Youaresuchslowcoaches！\"
\"Howdoyoufeel，mychild？\"heresumed，afterapauseofdiscomfiture。
\"Quitewell，thankyou。\"
\"Imean，whatdoyoufeellike？\"
\"Likenothingatall，thatIknowof。\"
\"Youmustfeellikesomething。\"
\"Ifeellikeaprincesswithsuchafunnypapa，andsuchadearpetofaqueen-mamma！\"
\"Nowreally！\"beganthequeen；buttheprincessinterruptedher。
\"OhYes，\"sheadded，\"Iremember。Ihaveacuriousfeelingsometimes，asifIweretheonlypersonthathadanysenseinthewholeworld。\"
Shehadbeentryingtobehaveherselfwithdignity；butnowsheburstintoaviolentfitoflaughter，threwherselfbackwardsoverthechair，andwentrollingaboutthefloorinanecstasyofenjoyment。Thekingpickedherupeasierthanonedoesadownquilt，andreplacedherinherformerrelationtothechair。TheexactprepositionexpressingthisrelationIdonothappentoknow。
\"Istherenothingyouwishfor？\"resumedtheking，whohadlearnedbythistimethatitwasuselesstobeangrywithher。
\"Oh，youdearpapa！——yes，\"answeredshe。
\"Whatisit，mydarling？\"
\"Ihavebeenlongingforit——oh，suchatime！——eversincelastnight。\"
\"Tellmewhatitis。\"
\"Willyoupromisetoletmehaveit？\"
ThekingwasonthepointofsayingYes，butthewiserqueencheckedhimwithasinglemotionofherhead。\"Tellmewhatitisfirst，\"saidhe。
\"Nono。Promisefirst。\"
\"Idarenot。Whatisit？\"
\"Mind，Iholdyoutoyourpromise。——Itis——tobetiedtotheendofastring——averylongstringindeed，andbeflownlikeakite。Oh，suchfun！Iwouldrainrose-water，andhailsugar-plums，andsnowwhipped-cream，and——and——and——\"
Afitoflaughingcheckedher；andshewouldhavebeenoffagainoverthefloor，hadnotthekingstartedupandcaughtherjustintime。Seeingnothingbuttalkcouldbegotoutofher，herangthebell，andsentherawaywithtwoofherladies-in-waiting。
\"Now，queen，\"hesaid，turningtoherMajesty，\"whatIStobedone？\"
\"Thereisbutonethingleft，\"answeredshe。\"LetusconsultthecollegeofMetaphysicians。\"
\"Bravo！\"criedtheking；\"wewill。\"
NowattheheadofthiscollegeweretwoverywiseChinesephilosophers-bynameHum-Drum，andKopy-Keck。Forthemthekingsent；andstraightwaytheycame。Inalongspeechhecommunicatedtothemwhattheyknewverywellalready——aswhodidnot？——namely，thepeculiarconditionofhisdaughterinrelationtotheglobeonwhichshedwelt；andrequestedthemtoconsulttogetherastowhatmightbethecauseandprobablecureofherINFIRMITY。Thekinglaidstressupontheword，butfailedtodiscoverhisownpun。Thequeenlaughed；butHum-DrumandKopy-Keckheardwithhumilityandretiredinsilence。
Theconsultationconsistedchieflyinpropoundingandsupporting，forthethousandthtime，eachhisfavouritetheories。Fortheconditionoftheprincessaffordeddelightfulscopeforthediscussionofeveryquestionarisingfromthedivisionofthought-infact，ofalltheMetaphysicsoftheChineseEmpire。Butitisonlyjusticetosaythattheydidnotaltogetherneglectthediscussionofthepracticalquestion，whatwastobedone。
Hum-DrumwasaMaterialist，andKopy-KeckwasaSpiritualist。Theformerwasslowandsententious；thelatterwasquickandflighty：
thelatterhadgenerallythefirstword；theformerthelast。
\"Ireassertmyformerassertion，\"beganKopy-Keck，withaplunge。
\"Thereisnotafaultintheprincess，bodyorsoul；onlytheyarewrongputtogether。Listentomenow，Hum-Drum，andIwilltellyouinbriefwhatIthink。Don’tspeak。Don’tanswerme。Iwon’thearyoutillIhavedone。——Atthatdecisivemoment，whensoulsseektheirappointedhabitations，twoeagersoulsmet，struck，rebounded，losttheirway，andarrivedeachatthewrongplace。Thesouloftheprincesswasoneofthose，andshewentfarastray。Shedoesnotbelongbyrightstothisworldatall，buttosomeotherplanet，probablyMercury。Herproclivitytohertruespheredestroysallthenaturalinfluencewhichthisorbwouldotherwisepossessoverhercorporealframe。Shecaresfornothinghere。Thereisnorelationbetweenherandthisworld。
\"Shemustthereforebetaught，bythesternestcompulsion，totakeaninterestintheearthastheearth。Shemuststudyeverydepartmentofitshistory——itsanimalhistory；itsvegetablehistory；itsmineralhistory；itssocialhistory；itsmoralhistory；itspoliticalhistory，itsscientifichistory；itsliteraryhistory；itsmusicalhistory；itsartisticalhistory；
aboveall，itsmetaphysicalhistory。ShemustbeginwiththeChinesedynastyandendwithJapan。Butfirstofallshemuststudygeology，andespeciallythehistoryoftheextinctracesofanimals-theirnatures，theirhabits，theirloves，theirhates，theirrevenges。Shemust——\"
\"Hold，h-o-o-old！\"roaredHum-Drum。\"Itiscertainlymyturnnow。
Myrootedandinsubvertibleconvictionis，thatthecausesoftheanomaliesevidentintheprincess’sconditionarestrictlyandsolelyphysical。Butthatisonlytantamounttoacknowledgingthattheyexist。Hearmyopinion。——Fromsomecauseorother，ofnoimportancetoourinquiry，themotionofherhearthasbeenreversed。Thatremarkablecombinationofthesuctionandtheforce-pumpworksthewrongway-Imeaninthecaseoftheunfortunateprincess：itdrawsinwhereitshouldforceout，andforcesoutwhereitshoulddrawin。Theofficesoftheauriclesandtheventriclesaresubverted。Thebloodissentforthbytheveins，andreturnsbythearteries。Consequentlyitisrunningthewrongwaythroughallhercorporealorganism——lungsandall。Isitthenatallmysterious，seeingthatsuchisthecase，thatontheotherparticularofgravitationaswell，sheshoulddifferfromnormalhumanity？Myproposalforthecureisthis：——
\"Phlebotomizeuntilsheisreducedtothelastpointofsafety。Letitbeeffected，ifnecessary，inawarmbath。Whensheisreducedtoastateofperfectasphyxy，applyaligaturetotheleftankle，drawingitastightasthebonewillbear。Apply，atthesamemoment，anotherofequaltensionaroundtherightwrist。Bymeansofplatesconstructedforthepurpose，placetheotherfootandhandunderthereceiversoftwoair-pumps。Exhaustthereceivers。
ExhibitapintofFrenchbrandy，andawaittheresult。\"
\"WhichwouldpresentlyarriveintheformofgrimDeath，\"saidKopy-Keck。
\"Ifitshould，shewouldyetdieindoingourduty，\"retortedHum-Drum。
ButtheirMajestieshadtoomuchtendernessfortheirvolatileoffspringtosubjecthertoeitheroftheschemesoftheequallyunscrupulousphilosophers。Indeed，themostcompleteknowledgeofthelawsofnaturewouldhavebeenunserviceableinhercase；foritwasimpossibletoclassifyher。Shewasafifthimponderablebody，sharingalltheotherpropertiesoftheponderable。
8。TryaDropofWater。
Perhapsthebestthingfortheprincesswouldhavebeentofallinlove。Buthowaprincesswhohadnogravitycouldfallintoanythingisadifficulty——perhapsTHEdifficulty。
Asforherownfeelingsonthesubject，shedidnotevenknowthattherewassuchabeehiveofhoneyandstingstobefalleninto。ButnowIcometomentionanothercuriousfactabouther。
Thepalacewasbuiltontheshoresoftheloveliestlakeintheworld；andtheprincesslovedthislakemorethanfatherormother。
Therootofthispreferencenodoubt，althoughtheprincessdidnotrecogniseitassuch，was，thatthemomentshegotintoit，sherecoveredthenaturalrightofwhichshehadbeensowickedlydeprived——namely，gravity。Whetherthiswasowingtothefactthatwaterhadbeenemployedasthemeansofconveyingtheinjury，Idonotknow。Butitiscertainthatshecouldswimanddiveliketheduckthatheroldnursesaidshewas。Themannerinwhichthisalleviationofhermisfortunewasdiscoveredwasasfollows。
Onesummerevening，duringthecarnivalofthecountry，shehadbeentakenuponthelakebythekingandqueen，intheroyalbarge。
Theywereaccompaniedbymanyofthecourtiersinafleetoflittleboats。Inthemiddleofthelakeshewantedtogetintothelordchancellor’sbarge，forhisdaughter，whowasagreatfavouritewithher，wasinitwithherfather。Nowthoughtheoldkingrarelycondescendedtomakelightofhismisfortune，yet，Happeningonthisoccasiontobeinaparticularlygoodhumour，asthebargesapproachedeachother，hecaughtuptheprincesstothrowherintothechancellor’sbarge。Helosthisbalance，however，and，droppingintothebottomofthebarge，losthisholdofhisdaughter；not，however，beforeimpartingtoherthedownwardtendencyofhisownperson，thoughinasomewhatdifferentdirection；for，asthekingfellintotheboat，shefellintothewater。Withaburstofdelightedlaughtershedisappearedinthelake。Acryofhorrorascendedfromtheboats。Theyhadneverseentheprincessgodownbefore。Halfthemenwereunderwaterinamoment；buttheyhadall，oneafteranother，comeuptothesurfaceagainforbreath，when——tinkle，tinkle，babble，andgush！cametheprincess’slaughoverthewaterfromfaraway。Thereshewas，swimminglikeaswan。
Norwouldshecomeoutforkingorqueen，chancellorordaughter。
Shewasperfectlyobstinate。
Butatthesametimesheseemedmoresedatethanusual。Perhapsthatwasbecauseagreatpleasurespoilslaughing。Atallevents，afterthis，thepassionofherlifewastogetintothewater，andshewasalwaysthebetterbehavedandthemorebeautifulthemoreshehadofit。Summerandwinteritwasquitethesame；onlyshecouldnotstaysolonginthewaterwhentheyhadtobreaktheicetoletherin。Anyday，frommorningtilleveninginsummer，shemightbedescried——astreakofwhiteinthebluewater——lyingasstillastheshadowofacloud，orshootingalonglikeadolphin；
disappearing，andcomingupagainfaroff，justwhereonedidnotexpecther。Shewouldhavebeeninthelakeofanight，too，ifshecouldhavehadherway；forthebalconyofherwindowoverhungadeeppoolinit；andthroughashallowreedypassageshecouldhaveswumoutintothewidewetwater，andnoonewouldhavebeenanythewiser。Indeed，whenshehappenedtowakeinthemoonlightshecouldhardlyresistthetemptation。Buttherewasthesaddifficultyofgettingintoit。Shehadasgreatadreadoftheairassomechildrenhaveofthewater。Fortheslightestgustofwindwouldblowheraway；andagustmightariseinthestillestmoment。
Andifshegaveherselfapushtowardsthewaterandjustfailedofreachingit，hersituationwouldbedreadfullyawkward，irrespectiveofthewind；foratbestthereshewouldhavetoremain，suspendedinhernightgown，tillshewasseenandangledforbysomeonefromthewindow。
\"Oh！ifIhadmygravity，\"thoughtshe，contemplatingthewater，\"I
wouldflashoffthisbalconylikealongwhitesea-bird，headlongintothedarlingwetness。Heigh-ho！\"
Thiswastheonlyconsiderationthatmadeherwishtobelikeotherpeople。
Anotherreasonforherbeingfondofthewaterwasthatinitalonesheenjoyedanyfreedom。Forshecouldnotwalkoutwithoutacortege，consistinginpartofatroopoflighthorse，forfearofthelibertieswhichthewindmighttakewithher。Andthekinggrewmoreapprehensivewithincreasingyears，tillatlasthewouldnotallowhertowalkabroadatallwithoutsometwentysilkencordsfastenedtoasmanypartsofherdress，andheldbytwentynoblemen。Ofcoursehorsebackwasoutofthequestion。Butshebadegood-bytoallthisceremonywhenshegotintothewater。
Andsoremarkablewereitseffectsuponher，especiallyinrestoringherforthetimetotheordinaryhumangravity，thatHum-DrumandKopy-Keckagreedinrecommendingthekingtoburyheraliveforthreeyears；inthehopethat，asthewaterdidhersomuchgood，theearthwoulddoheryetmore。Butthekinghadsomevulgarprejudicesagainsttheexperiment，andwouldnotgivehisconsent。Foiledinthis，theyyetagreedinanotherrecommendation；
which，seeingthatoneimportedhisopinionsfromChinaandtheotherfromThibet，wasveryremarkableindeed。Theyarguedthat，ifwaterofexternaloriginandapplicationcouldbesoefficacious，waterfromadeepersourcemightworkaperfectcure；inshort，thatifthepoorafflictedprincesscouldbyanymeansbemadetocry，shemightrecoverherlostgravity。
Buthowwasthistobebroughtabout？Thereinlayallthedifficulty——tomeetwhichthephilosopherswerenotwiseenough。Tomaketheprincesscrywasasimpossibleastomakeherweigh。Theysentforaprofessionalbeggar；commandedhimtopreparehismosttouchingoracleofwoe；helpedhimoutofthecourtcharadebox，towhateverhewantedfordressingup，andpromisedgreatrewardsintheeventofhissuccess。Butitwasallinvain。Shelistenedtothemendicantartist’sstory，andgazedathismarvellousmakeup，tillshecouldcontainherselfnolonger，andwentintothemostundignifiedcontortionsforrelief，shrieking，positivelyscreechingwithlaughter。
Whenshehadalittlerecoveredherself，sheorderedherattendantstodrivehimaway，andnotgivehimasinglecopper；whereuponhislookofmortifieddiscomfiturewroughtherpunishmentandhisrevenge，foritsentherintoviolenthysterics，fromwhichshewaswithdifficultyrecovered。
Butsoanxiouswasthekingthatthesuggestionshouldhaveafairtrial，thatheputhimselfinarageoneday，and，rushinguptoherroom，gaveheranawfulwhipping。Yetnotatearwouldflow。
Shelookedgrave，andherlaughingsoundeduncommonlylikescreaming——thatwasall。Thegoodoldtyrant，thoughheputonhisbestgoldspectaclestolook，couldnotdiscoverthesmallestcloudinthesereneblueofhereyes。
9。PutMeinAgain。
Itmusthavebeenaboutthistimethatthesonofaking，wholivedathousandmilesfromLagobelsetouttolookforthedaughterofaqueen。Hetravelledfarandwide，butassureashefoundaprincess，hefoundsomefaultinher。Ofcoursehecouldnotmarryamerewoman，howeverbeautiful；andtherewasnoprincesstobefoundworthyofhim。Whethertheprincewassonearperfectionthathehadarighttodemandperfectionitself，Icannotpretendtosay。AllIknowis，thathewasafine，handsome，brave，generous，well-bred，andwell-behavedyouth，asallprincesare。
Inhiswanderingshehadcomeacrosssomereportsaboutourprincess；butaseverybodysaidshewasbewitched，heneverdreamedthatshecouldbewitchhim。Forwhatindeedcouldaprincedowithaprincessthathadlosthergravity？Whocouldtellwhatshemightnotlosenext？Shemightlosehervisibility，orhertangibility；
or，inshort，thepowerofmakingimpressionsupontheradicalsensorium；sothatheshouldneverbeabletotellwhethershewasdeadoralive。Ofcoursehemadenofurtherinquiriesabouther。
Onedayhelostsightofhisretinueinagreatforest。Theseforestsareveryusefulindeliveringprincesfromtheircourtiers，likeasievethatkeepsbackthebran。Thentheprincesgetawaytofollowtheirfortunes。Inthiswaytheyhavetheadvantageoftheprincesses，whoareforcedtomarrybeforetheyhavehadabitoffun。Iwishourprincessesgotlostinaforestsometimes。
Onelovelyevening，afterwanderingaboutformanydays，hefoundthathewasapproachingtheoutskirtsofthisforest；forthetreeshadgotsothinthathecouldseethesunsetthroughthem；andhesooncameuponakindofheath。Nexthecameuponsignsofhumanneighbourhood；butbythistimeitwasgettinglate，andtherewasnobodyinthefieldstodirecthim。
Aftertravellingforanotherhour，hishorse，quitewornoutwithlonglabourandlackoffood，fell，andwasunabletoriseagain。
Sohecontinuedhisjourneyonfoot。Atlengthheenteredanotherwood——notawildforest，butacivilizedwood，throughwhichafootpathledhimtothesideofalake。Alongthispaththeprincepursuedhiswaythroughthegatheringdarkness。Suddenlyhepaused，andlistened。Strangesoundscameacrossthewater。Itwas，infact，theprincesslaughing。Nowtherewassomethingoddinherlaugh，asIhavealreadyhinted；forthehatchingofarealheartylaughrequirestheincubationofgravity；andperhapsthiswashowtheprincemistookthelaughterforscreaming。Lookingoverthelake，hesawsomethingwhiteinthewater；and，inaninstant，hehadtornoffhistunic，kickedoffhissandals，andplungedin。Hesoonreachedthewhiteobject，andfoundthatitwasawoman。Therewasnotlightenoughtoshowthatshewasaprincess，butquiteenoughtoshowthatshewasalady，foritdoesnotwantmuchlighttoseethat。
NowIcannottellhowitcameabout，——whethershepretendedtobedrowning，orwhetherhefrightenedher，orcaughthersoastoembarrassher，——butcertainlyhebroughthertoshoreinafashionignominioustoaswimmer，andmorenearlydrownedthanshehadeverexpectedtobe；forthewaterhadgotintoherthroatasoftenasshehadtriedtospeak。
Attheplacetowhichheboreher，thebankwasonlyafootortwoabovethewater；sohegaveherastrongliftoutofthewater，tolayheronthebank。But，hergravitationceasingthemomentsheleftthewater，awayshewentupintotheair，scoldingandscreaming。
\"Younaughty，naughty，NAUGHTY，NAUGHTYman！\"shecried。
Noonehadeversucceededinputtingherintoapassionbefore-
before。——Whentheprincesawherascend，hethoughthemusthavebeenbewitched，andhavemistakenagreatswanforalady。Buttheprincesscaughtholdofthetopmostconeuponaloftyfir。Thiscameoff；butshecaughtatanother；and，infact，stoppedherselfbygatheringcones，droppingthemasthestalksgaveway。Theprince，meantime，stoodinthewater，staring，andforgettingtogetout。Buttheprincessdisappearing，hescrambledonshore，andwentinthedirectionofthetree。Therehefoundherclimbingdownoneofthebranchestowardsthestem。Butinthedarknessofthewood，theprincecontinuedinsomebewildermentastowhatthephenomenoncouldbe；until，reachingtheground，andseeinghimstandingthere，shecaughtholdofhim，andsaid，——
\"I’lltellpapa。\"
\"Ohno，youwon’t！\"returnedtheprince。
\"Yes，Iwill，\"shepersisted。\"Whatbusinesshadyoutopullmedownoutofthewater，andthrowmetothebottomoftheair？I
neverdidyouanyharm。\"
\"Pardonme。Ididnotmeantohurtyou。\"
\"Idon’tbelieveyouhaveanybrains；andthatisaworselossthanyourwretchedgravity。Ipityyou。’
Theprincenowsawthathehadcomeuponthebewitchedprincess，andhadalreadyoffendedher。Butbeforehecouldthinkwhattosaynext，sheburstoutangrily，givingastampwithherfootthatwouldhavesentheraloftagainbutfortheholdshehadofhisarm，——
\"Putmeupdirectly。\"
\"Putyouupwhere，youbeauty？\"askedtheprince。
Hehadfalleninlovewithheralmost，already；forherangermadehermorecharmingthananyoneelsehadeverbeheldher；and，asfarashecouldsee，whichcertainlywasnotfar，shehadnotasinglefaultabouther，except，ofcourse，thatshehadnotanygravity。Noprince，however，wouldjudgeofaprincessbyweight。
Thelovelinessofherfoothewouldhardlyestimatebythedepthoftheimpressionitcouldmakeinmud。
\"Putyouupwhere，youbeauty？\"askedtheprince。
\"Inthewater，youstupid！\"answeredtheprincess。
\"Come，then，\"saidtheprince。
Theconditionofherdress，increasingherusualdifficultyinwalking，compelledhertoclingtohim；andhecouldhardlypersuadehimselfthathewasnotinadelightfuldream，notwithstandingthetorrentofmusicalabusewithwhichsheoverwhelmedhim。Theprincebeingthereforeinnohurry，theycameuponthelakeatquiteanotherpart，wherethebankwastwenty-fivefeethighatleast；andwhentheyhadreachedtheedge，heturnedtowardstheprincess，andsaid，——
\"HowamItoputyouin？\"
\"Thatisyourbusiness，\"sheanswered，quitesnappishly。\"Youtookmeout——putmeinagain。\"
\"Verywell，\"saidtheprince；and，catchingherupinhisarms，hesprangwithherfromtherock。Theprincesshadjusttimetogiveonedelightedshriekoflaughterbeforethewaterclosedoverthem。
Whentheycametothesurface，shefoundthat，foramomentortwo，shecouldnotevenlaugh，forshehadgonedownwithsucharush，thatitwaswithdifficultysherecoveredherbreath。Theinstanttheyreachedthesurface——
\"Howdoyoulikefallingin？\"saidtheprince。
Aftersomeefforttheprincesspantedout，——
\"IsthatwhatyoucallFALLINGIN？\"
\"Yes，\"answeredtheprince，\"Ishouldthinkitaverytolerablespecimen。\"
\"Itseemedtomelikegoingup，\"rejoinedshe。
\"Myfeelingwascertainlyoneofelevationtoo，\"theprinceconceded。
Theprincessdidnotappeartounderstandhim，forsheretortedhisquestion：——
\"HowdoYOUlikefallingin？\"saidtheprincess。