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  \"Good-bye,Norah,\"saidshe。

  IsawNorahturnandrunupamongthetrees,almostasswiftlyandsilentlyasahare。Once,sheturnedtolookback。Iwaswatching,andcaughtthechancetowavemyhandtoher。

  \"Come!\"commandedmother,andwewentbacktowherefatherwassit-

  ting。

  \"Whatdoyouthink!\"saidmother。

  \"IfoundthechildplayingwithoneoftheBadMadigans。Isn’tsheasight!\"

  Thelumpinmythroatswelledtoaterriblesize;somethingbuzzedinmyears,andIheardsomeoneweeping。

  ForasecondortwoIdidn’trealisethatitwasmyself。

  \"Well,nevermind,dear,\"saidmother’svoicesoothingly。\"Thefrockwillwash,andthetearwillmend,andtheshoeswillblack。Yes,andthescratcheswillheal。\"

  \"Itisn’tthat,\"Isobbed。\"Oh,oh,itisn’tthat!\"

  \"Whatisit,then,forgoodnesssake?\"askedmother。

  ButIwouldnottell。Icouldnottell。HowcouldIsaythatthedaughteroftheBadMadiganswasthefirstrealandsatisfyingplaymateIhadeverhad?

  IV

  FAME

  ASIremembertheboysandgirlswhogrewupwithme,Ithinkofthemasartists,oractors,ortravellers,orrichmerchants。Eachofus,bythetimewewerehalfthroughgrammarschool,hadselectedacareer。SofarasIrecollect,thiscareerhadverylit-

  tletodowithourabilities。Wemerelychosesomethingthatsuitedus。Ourenergyandourvanitycrystallisedintoparticularshapes。TherewasasortofreligionabroadintheWestatthattimethatapersoncoulddoalmostanythinghesetouttodo。Theolderpeople,aswellasthechildren,hadanideathattheworldwastheirs——theyallwereMonteCristosinthatrespect。

  Asforme,Ihaddecidedtobeanorator。

  Atthetimeofmakingthisdecision,Iwasnineyearsofage,decidedlythinandlongdrawnout,withtwobrownbraidsdownmyback,andaterrificshynesswhichIoccasionallyovercamewithsuchamagnificentsplurgethatthosewhowerenotacquaintedwithmypeculiaritiesprobablythoughtmeashamefullyassertivechild。

  Ibasedmyoratoricalaspirationsuponmyhavingtakentheprizeanum-

  beroftimesinSunday-schoolforlearn-

  ingthemostNewTestamentverses,anduponthefactthatIalwayscouldmakemyselfheardtothefarthestcor-

  neroftheroom。IalsofeltthatIhadagreatmessagetodelivertotheworldwhenIgotaroundit,thoughinthis,I

  wasinnowaydifferentfromseveralofmyfriends。Ihadnoticedanumberofthingsintheworldthatwerenotquiteright,andwhichIthoughtneededattention,andIbelievedthatifIwerequitegoodandstudiedelocution,inalittlewhileIshouldbeabletosetmypartoftheworldright,andperhapsevenextendmyinfluencetoadjoiningdistricts。

  MeantimeIpractisedterriblevocalexercises,chieflyconsistingofarau-

  cous\"caw\"somethinglikeacrow’sfavouriteremark,andadvocatedbymyteacherinelocutionfornoreasonthatIcannowremember;andIstoodbe-

  foretheglassforhoursatatimemak-

  inggrimacessoastoacquirethe\"ac-

  tor’sface,\"tillmyfrightenedlittlesis-

  tersimploredmetoturnbackintomy-

  selfagain。

  ItwasagreatdayformewhenI

  wasaskedtoparticipateintheHarvestHomeFestivalatourchurchonThanksgivingDay。Ilookeduponitasthebeginningofmycareer,andboughtcrimpingpaperssothatmyhaircouldbeproperlyfluted。Ofcourse,Iwantedanewdressfortheoccasion,andI

  spentseveraldaysinplanningthekindofaoneIthoughtbestsuitedtosuchamemorableevent。IevenpickedouttheparticularlacepatternIwantedfortheruffles。ThiswasbeforeIsubmittedthepropositiontoMother,however。WhenItoldheraboutitshesaidshecouldseenouseingettinganewdressandgoingtoallthetroubleofmakingitwhenmywhiteonewiththegreenharpswasperfectlygood。

  Thiswassuchanunusualdressandhadgonethroughsomanyvicissitudes,thatIreallywasdevotedlyattachedtoit。Ithad,inthebeginning,belongedtomyAuntBess,andinthedaysofitsfirstgloryhadbeenasheerIrishlinenlawn,withtinygreenharpsonitatagreeableintervals。Butinthecourseoftime,ithadtobesenttothewash-tub,andthen,behold,allthelit-

  tlelovelyharpsfollowedtheexampleoftheharpthat\"oncethroughTara’shallthesoulofmusicshed,\"anddis-

  appeared!Onlyvague,dirty,yellowremindersoftheirbeautyremained,nottodecorate,buttodisfigurethefinefabric。

  AuntBess,naturallyenough,feltir-

  ritated,andshegavethegoodstomother,sayingthatshemightbeabletoboiltheyellowstainsoutofitandmakemeadress。Ihadgoneaboutmanyatime,likeloveamidtheruins,inthefragmentsofAuntBess’ssplen-

  dour,andIwasnothappyinthethoughtofdanglingthesedimmedre-

  mindersofIreland’spastaroundwithme。ButmothersaidshethoughtI’dhaveareallytrulywhiteSundaybestdressoutofitbythetimeshewasthroughwithit。Soshepreparedastrongsolutionofsodiumandthings,andboiledthebreadths,andeverylittlegreenharpcamedancingbackasifawaitingthehandofanewDublinpoet。

  Thegreenofthemwasevenmorecharmingthanithadbeenatfirst,andI,ashappyasifIhadacquiredthegoldenharpforwhichIthenvaguelylonged,wenttoSunday-schoolallthatsummerinthismiraculousdressofnow-you-see-them-and-now-you-don’t,andbecamesousedtobeingaskedifI

  wereIrishthatmyheartexultedwhenIfoundthatImight——fractionally——

  claimtobe,andthatoneoftheFenianmartyrshadbeenanancestor。Forayear,even,afterthatdiscoveryoftheFenianmartyr,ancestorswereafa-

  voritestudyofmine。

  Well,thoughthedressbecamesome-

  thingmorethanfamiliartotheeyesofmyassociates,IwassoattachedtoitthatIfeltnoobjectiontowearingitonthegreatoccasion;and,thatbe-

  ingsettled,allthatremainedwastoselectthepiecewhichwastorevealmytalentstoahithertounappreciative——

  or,perhapsIshouldsay,unsuspecting——groupoffriendsandrelatives。ItseemedtomethatIknewbetterthanmyteacher(whohadagreedtoselectthepiecesforherpupils)possiblycouldwhatsortofathingbestrepre-

  sentedmytalents,andso,aftersomethought,Iselected\"AntonyandCleo-

  patra,\"andasIlaggedalongthetoo-

  familiarroadtoschool,avoidingthecompanionshipofmyacquaintances,I

  repeated:

  Iamdying,Egypt,dying!

  Ebbsthecrimsonlife-tidefast,AndthedarkPlutonianshadowsGatherontheeveningblast。

  SometimesIgrewsoimpassioned,soheedlessofallsavemymimicsorrowandtheswingofthepurplelines,thatIcouldnotbringmyselftomodifymyvoice,andthepassers-byheardmyshrilltonesvibratingwith:

  Asforthee,star-eyedEgyptian!

  GlorioussorceressoftheNile!

  LightthepathtoStygianhorrorsWiththesplendourofthysmile。

  Iwipeddishestotherhythmofsuchphrasesas\"scarredandveteranle-

  gions,\"andlacedmyshoestothemusicof\"Thoughnoglitteringguardssur-

  roundme。\"

  Confidentthatnoonecouldfailtoseethebeautyoftheselines,orthepro-

  prietyoftheidentificationofmyselfwithAntony,IcalleduponmySunday-

  schoolteacher,MissGoss,toreport。I

  neverhadthoughtofMissGossasablithespirit。Shewasassociatedinmymindwithnumeroussolemnoccasions,andIwassurprisedtofindthatonthisdaysheunexpectedlydevelopedatraitofbreakingintonervouslaughter。I

  hadgotasfaras\"Shouldthebaseple-

  beianrabble——\"whenMissGossbrokedowninwhatIcouldnotbutregardasafitofgiggles,andIceasedabruptly。

  Shepulledherselftogetherafteramomentortwo,andsaidifIwouldfol-

  lowhertothelibraryshethoughtshecouldfindsomething——hereshehesi-

  tated,toconcludewith,\"morewithintheunderstandingoftheotherchil-

  dren。\"Isawthatshethoughtmyfeel-

  ingswerehurt,andasIpassedamir-

  rorIfearedshehadsomereasontothinkso。Myfacewasuncommonlyflushed,andalookofindignationhadcrept,somehow,evenintomybraids,which,havingbeenplaitedtootightly,stuckoutincrooksandkinksfromthesideofmyhead。Incidentally,IwashorrifiedtonoticehowthinIwas——

  thin,evenforadyingAntony——andmyfrockwassooutgrownthatithardlycoveredmyknees。\"Ridiculous!\"I

  saidundermybreath,asIconfrontedthismiserablefigure——soshamefullyin-

  significantforthevicariousemotionswhichithadbeenhousing。\"Ridicu-

  lous!\"

  IhatedMissGoss,andmusthaveshownitinmystonystare,forsheputherarmaroundmeandsaiditwasapityIhadbeentoallthetroubletolearnapoemwhichwas——well,atrifletoo——tooold——butthatshehopedtofindsomethingequally\"pretty\"formetospeak。AttheuseofthatadjectiveinconnectionwithWilliamLytle’slines,I

  wrenchedawayfromhergraspandstoodinwhatIwaspleasedtothinkahaughtycalm,awaitingherdirections。

  Shetookfromtheshelvesalittlevol-

  umeofWhittier,boundincalf,hand-

  lingitastenderlyasifitwereaprice-

  lesspossession。Somepressedvioletsdroppedoutassheopenedit,andshereplacedthemwithdevotionalfingers。

  Aftersometimeshedecideduponalyriclamententitled\"Eva。\"Iwasaskedtorunovertheverses,andfoundthemremarkablyeasytolearn;fatallyimpossibletoforget。Ipresentlyaroseandwithanimpishbetrayalofthepov-

  ertyofrhymeandtheplethoraofsen-

  timent,repeatedthethingrelentlessly。

  Oforfaithlikethine,sweetEva,Lightingallthesolemnreevah[river],Andtheblessingsofthepoor,Waftingtotheheavenlyshoor[shore]。

  \"Idothink,\"saidMissGossgently,\"thatifyoutried,mychild,youmightmanagetherhymesjustalittlebetter。\"

  \"Butifyou’reborninMichigan,\"I

  protested,\"howcanyoupossiblymake’Eva’rhymewith’never’and’be-

  liever’?\"

  \"Perhapsitisalittlehard,\"MissGossagreed,andstillclingingtoherWhittier,sheexhumed\"ThePump-

  kin,\"whichshethoughtpreciselyfittedforourHarvestHomefestival。Thiswasquiteanotherthingfrom\"Eva,\"

  andIsawthatonlyhoursofstudywouldfixitinmymind。Iwenttomyhome,therefore,with\"ThePumpkin\"

  delicatelytranscribedinMissGoss’srunninghand,andItriedtogetsomecomfortfromtheforeignallusionsglit-

  teringthroughWhittier’skindlyverse。

  AsthedayswentbyIcametohaveacertainfondnessforthosehomelylines:

  O——fruitlovedofboyhood!——theolddaysre-

  calling,Whenwoodgrapeswerepurplingandbrownnutswerefalling!

  Whenwild,uglyfaceswecarvedintheskin,Glaringoutthroughthedarkwithacandlewithin!

  Whenwelaughedroundthecorn-heap,withheartsallintune,Ourchairabroadpumpkin——ourlanternthemoon,TellingtalesofthefairywhotravelledlikesteamInapumpkin-shellcoach,withtworatsforherteam!

  Onallsidesthispoemwasconsideredveryfitting,andIwenttothefestivalwiththatcomfortablefeelingonehaswhenoneismovingwiththemajorityandiswearingone’sbestclothes。

  Isatrigidwithexpectancywhilemyschoolmatesspoketheir\"pieces\"andsangtheirsongs。Withfrozenfacestheyfacedeachotherindialogues,losttheirquaveringvoices,andstumbleddownthestairsintheiranguishofspirit。Ipitiedthem,andthoughthowluckyitwasthatmymemoryneverfailedme,andthatmyvoicecarriedsowellthatIcouldarouseevenoldElderWaitefromhisslumbers。

  Thenmyturncame。Mycrimpswerebeautiful;thegreenharpsdancedonmyfreshly-ironedfrock,andIhadonmynewchainandlocket。Irelieduponasortofmechanisminmetosay:

  Ogreenlyandfairinthelandsofthesun,Thevinesofthegourdandtherichmelonrun。

  InthisseemlymannerWhittier’sodetothepumpkinbegan。ImeanttogoontoverseswhichIknewwouldde-

  lightmyaudience——toreferencestothe\"crook-necks\"ripeningundertheSep-

  tembersun;andtoThanksgivinggath-

  eringsatwhichallsmiledatthereun-

  ionoffriendsandthebountyoftheboard。

  Whatmoistensthelipandbrightenstheeye!

  Whatcallsbackthepastliketherichpumpkinpie!

  Iwassuretheselineswouldmeetwithapproval,andhaving\"comedowntothepopulartaste,\"Iwaspreparedtodomybesttoplease。

  Afterafewseconds,whenthegoldenpumpkinsthatlinedthestagehadceasedtodancebeforemyeyes,I

  thoughtIoughttobeginto\"getholdofmyaudience。\"Ofcourse,mymem-

  orywouldbegivingmetherightwords,andmyfaciletonguerunningalongre-

  liably,butIwishedtodemonstratethat\"ability\"whichwastobringmefa-

  vourandfame。Ilistenedtomyownwordsandwasshiveredintosilence。I

  wastalkingabout\"darkPlutonianshadows\";Iwasbegging\"Egypt\"toletherarmsenfoldme——Iwas,indeed,intheverythickoftheforbiddenpoem。

  Icouldhearmythin,aspiringvoicereachingoutoverthatparalysedaudi-

  encewith:

  ThoughmyscarredandveteranlegionsBeartheireagleshighnomore;

  AndmywreckedandscatteredgalleysStrewdarkActium’sfatalshore。

  Mytongueseemedfrozen,orsomekindofaratchetatthebaseofithadgotoutoforder。Foramoment——amomentcanbethelittlesisterofeter-

  nity——Icouldsaynothing。ThenI

  foundmyselfintheclutchesofthein-

  stinctforself-preservation。Ifeltitinmetostopthegigglesofthegirlsonthefrontseat;totakethepatronisingsmilesoutofthetoleranteyesofthegrownpeople。Maybemyvoicelostsomethingofitspipinginsistenceandwastouchedwithgenuinefeeling;per-

  hapssomefaint,faintsparkofthedi-

  vinefirewhichIlongedtofanintoaflamedidflickerinmeforthatonetime。

  Ihadtheindescribablehappinessofseeingthesmilesdieonthefacesofmyelders,andofhearingthegigglesofmyfriendscease。

  IwenttomyseatamidwhatIwaspleasedtoconsider\"thundersofap-

  plause,\"andbywayofacknowledg-

  ment,Ispoke,withchastenedpropri-

  ety,Whittier’sodetothepumpkin。

  IcannotrememberwhetherornotI

  wasscolded。I’mafraid,afterward,somepeoplestilllaughed。Asforme,oddlyenough,myoratoricalaspira-

  tionsdied。Idecidedtherewereothercareersbetterfittedtooneofmyphysique。SoIhadtogotothetroubleoffindinganothercareer;butjustwhatitwasIhaveforgotten。

  V

  REMORSE

  ITisextraordinary,whenyoucometothinkofit,howveryfewdays,outofallthethousandsthathavepassed,lifttheirheadsfromthegreyplainoftheforgotten——likebowldersinalevelstretchofcountry。Itisnotalonetheunimportantonesthatarefor-

  gotten;but,accordingtoone’selders,manyimportantoneshaveleftnomarkinthememory。Itseemstome,asI

  thinkitover,thatitwasthedaysthataffectedtheemotionsthatdwellwithme,andIsupposeallofusmustbethesameinthisrespect。

  AmongthosewhichIamnevertoforgetisthedaywhenAuntCordeliacametovisitus——mymother’saunt,shewas——andwhenIdiscoveredevil,andtriedtounderstandwhattheuseofitwas。

  Great-auntCordeliawas,asIoftenandoftenhadbeentold,notonlymuchtravelled,richandhandsome,butgoodalso。Shewas,indeed,animportantpersonageinherowncity,anditseemedtoberegardedasanevidenceofunusualfamilyfealtythatsheshouldgoabout,nowandthen,brieflyvisitingallofherkinfolktoseehowtheyfaredintheworld。Ioughttohavelookedforwardtomeetingher,butthis,forsomeperversereason,Ididnotdo。IwishedImightrunawayandhidesomewheretillhervisitwasover。Itannoyedmetohavetocleanuptheplay-roomonheraccount,andtohelppolishthesilver,andtocomboutthefringeoftheteanapkins。I

  likedtohelpinthesetasksordinarily,buttodoitforthepurposeofcominguptoavisiting——andprobably,acon-

  descending——goddess,somehowmademecross。

  Amongotherhardships,IhadtotakecareofmylittlesisterJulieallday。I

  lovedJulie。Shehadsoftgolden-

  browncurlsfuzzingaroundonherhead,andmischievousbrowneyes——

  warm,extra-humaneyes。Therewasaplaceinthebackofherneck,justbelowthepointofhercurls,whichitwasaprivilegetokiss;andthoughshecouldnotyettalk,shehadathroaty,beauti-

  fullittleexclamation,whichcannotbespelledanymorethanabirdnote,withwhichshegreetedallthethingssheliked——aflower,oratoy,ormother。

  ButlovingJulieasshesatinmother’slap,andhavingtocareforherallofashiningSaturday,weretwoquitedif-

  ferentthings。AsthehoursworealongIbecameboredwithlookingatthegoldencurlsofmybabysister;Ihadnoinclinationtokissthe\"honey-spot\"

  inthebackofherneck;andwhenshefrettedfromheatandteethingandmyperfunctorycare,Igrewangry。

  Iknewmotherwasbusymakingcus-

  tardsandcakesforAuntCordelia,andIlongedtobeinwatchingthesepleas-

  ingoperations。Ithought——butwhatdoesitmatterwhatIthought?Iwasbad!IwassobadthatIwasgladI

  wasbad。Perhapsitwasnerves。May-

  beIreallyhadtakencareofthebabytoolong。Buthoweverthatmaybe,forthefirsttimeinmylifeIenjoyedtheconsciousnessofhavingabaddisposi-

  tion——orperhapsIoughttosaythatI

  feltafiendishsatisfactioninthediscov-

  erythatIhadone。

  Alonginthemiddleoftheafternoonthreeofthegirlsintheneighbourhoodcameovertoplay。Theyhadtheirdolls,andtheywantedto\"keephouse\"

  inthe\"newpart\"ofourhome。Wewerelivinginaroomyandcomfortable\"addition,\"whichhad,oddlyenough,beenbuiltbeforethebuildingtowhichitwasfinallytoserveasanannex。Thatistosay,ithadbeentheadditionbe-

  foretherewasanythingtoadditto。

  Bythistime,however,thenewhousewasgettingatrifleold,asitwaitedforthecompletionofitsratherdispropor-

  tionatesplendours;splendourswhichrepresentedtheambitionsratherthantheachievementsofthefamily。Ittow-

  ered,large,square,imposing,withhintsofM。Mansard’sgrandiosearchitectu-

  ralideasinitsstyle,intheverycentreofavillageblockofland。Fromthefirst,itexercisedasortof\"IdreamtI

  dweltinmarblehalls\"effectuponme,andinavagueway,atthebackofmymind,floatedtheideathatwhenwepassedfromourmodesthomeintothiscommandingedifice,well-trainedservantsmysteriouslywouldappear,beautifulgownswouldbefoundawait-

  ingmyuseintheclosets,andfatherandmotherwouldbeabletotaketheirease,somethingafterthefashionofthe\"landedgentry\"ofwhomIhadreadinScotchandEnglishbooks。Theceil-

  ingsofthenewhouseweresohigh,thesweepofthestairssodramatic,thesizeofthedrawing-roomssocopious,thatperhapsIhardlywastobeblamedforexpectingatransformationscene。

  Butuntilthisnewlifewasrealised,theclean,bareroomsmadethebestofallpossibleplay-rooms,andwiththelightstreaminginthroughthetrees,andfalling,delicatelytingedwithgreen,uponthenewfloors,andwiththescentofthenewwoodallabout,itwasaplaceofindefinableenchantment。

  IwasallowedtoplaythereallIpleased——exceptwhenIhadJulie。Therewereunguardedwindowsandyawningstair-

  holes,andnostepsasyetleadingfromthegroundtothegreatopeningwherethecarvedfrontdoorwassometimetobe。Instead,therewereplanks,in-

  clinedatasteepangle,beneathwhichlaythestonesofwhichthefoundationtotheporchweretobemade。Jaggedpiecesofyetunhewnsandstonetheywere,withcrueledges。

  Butto-daywhenthegirlssaid,\"Oh,come!\"mynewlydiscoveredbadnessechoedtheirwords。Iwantedtogowiththem。SoIwent。

  OutofthecornerofmyeyeIcouldseefatherinthedistance,butI

  wouldn’tlookathimforfearhewouldbemagnetisedintoturningmyway。

  Thegirlshadgoneup,andIfollowed,withJulieinmyarms。DidIhearfathercalltometostop?HealwayssaidIdid,butIthinkhewasmistaken。

  PerhapsImerelydidn’twishtohearhim。Anyway,Iwenton,balancingmyselfasbestIcould。Theothergirlshadreachedthetop,andturnedtolookatus,andIknewtheywereafraid。I

  thinktheywouldhaveheldouttheirhandstohelpme,butIhadbotharmsclaspedaboutJulie。SoIstaggeredon,gotalmosttothetop,thenseemedsub-

  mergedbeneathawaveoffears——mineandthoseofthegirls——andfell!AsIwent,IcurledlikeasquirrelaroundJulie,andwhenIstruck,shewasstillinmygraspandontopofme。Butsherolledoutofmyrelaxingclutchafterthat,andwhenfatherandmothercamerunning,shewaslyingonthestones。

  Theythoughtshehadfallenthatway,andasthebreathhadbeenfairlyknockedoutofherlittlebody,sothatshewasnotcrying,theyweremorefrightenedthanever,andranwithhertothehouse,wildwithapprehension。

  Asforme,Igotupsomehowandfol-

  owed。Idecidednoboneswerebroken,butIwasdizzyandfaint,andachingfrombruises。Isawmylittlefriendsrunningdowntheplankandmakingoffalongthepoplardrive,white-facedandpanting。IknewtheythoughtJuliewasdeadandthatI’dbehung。Ihadthesameidea。

  Whenwegottothesitting-roomI

  hadastrangefeelingofneverhavingseenitbefore。Thetallstove,thegreenandoakingraincarpet,thegreenrepchairs,thewhat-notwithitsshells,thesteelengravingsonthewalls,seemedabsolutelystrange。Isatdownandcountedthediamond-shapedfiguresontheoilclothinfrontofthestove;

  andafteralongtimeIheardJuliecry,andmothersaywithimmeasurablere-

  lief:

  \"Asidefromashakingup,Idon’tbelieveshe’sabittheworse。\"

  ThensomeonebroughtmeacupfulofcoldwaterandaskedmeifIwashurt。Ishookmyheadandwouldnotspeak。Ithenheard,insimpleandem-

  phaticAnglo-Saxontheopinionsofmyfatherandmotheraboutagirlwhowouldputherlittlesister’slifeindan-

  ger,andwoulddisobeyherparents。

  AndafterthatIwasputinmymoth-

  er’sbedroomtopasstherestoftheday,andwastoldIneedn’texpecttocometothetablewiththeothers。

  Iacceptedmyfatestoically,andbe-

  ingpermittedtocarrymyownchairintotheroom,Iputitbythewesternwindow,whichlookedacrosstwomilesofmeadowswavinginbuckwheat,incloverandgrass,andsatthereinacu-

  rioustorporofspirit。Iwasgladtobealone,forIhaddiscoveredanewidea——theideaofsin。IwishedtobelefttomyselftillIcouldthinkoutwhatitmeant。IbelievedIcoulddothatbynight,and,afterIhadgottotherootofthematter,Icouldcastthewholeuglythingoutofmysoulandbegoodalltherestofmylife。

  Therewasalargeupholsteredchairstandinginfrontofme,andIputmyheaddownontheseatofthatandthoughtandthought。MythoughtsreachedsofarthatIgrewfrightened,andIwasrelievedwhenIfeltthelittlesoftgreyveilsdrawingaboutmewhichIknewmeantsleep。ItseemedtomethatIreallyoughttoweep——thatthecircumstancesweresuchthatIshouldweep。Butsleepwassweeterthantears,andnotonlythepaininmymindbutthejarandbruiseofmybodyseemedtodemandthatoblivion。SoI

  gavewaytotheimpulse,andthegreyveilswrappedaroundandaroundmeasaspider’swebenwrapsafly。AndforhoursIknewnothing。

  WhenIawokeitwasthecloseofday。

  Longtendershadowslayacrossthefields,theskyhadthatwonderfulclear-

  nessandkindnesswhichislikeahu-

  maneye,andthesoftwindpuffinginatthewindowwassweetwithfieldfragrance。Aglassofmilkandaplatewithtwoslicesofbreadlayonthewin-

  dowsillbyme,asifsomeonehadplacedthemtherefromtheoutside。I

  couldhearbirdssettlingdownforthenight,andcheepingdrowsilytoeachother。Mycatcameonthesceneand,seeingme,lookedatmewithserious,expandingeyes,twitchedherwhiskerscynically,andpassedon。PresentlyI

  heardthevoicesofmyfamily。Theywerere-enteringthesitting-room。Sup-

  perwasover——supper,withitscoldmeatsandshiningjellies,its\"floatingisland\"anditsfigcake。Icouldhearavoicethatwasnewtome。Itwasdeeperthanmymother’s,anditsac-

  centwasdifferent。Itwasthesortofavoicethatmadeyoufeelthatitsownerhadtalkedwithmanydifferentkindsofpeople,andhadcontrivedtoholdherownwithallofthem。IknewitbelongedtoAuntCordelia。AndnowthatIwasnottoseeher,Ifeltmycuri-

  osityarisinginme。Iwantedtolookather,andstillmoreIwishedtoaskheraboutgoodness。Shewasrichandgood!Wasonetheresultoftheother?

  Andwhichcamefirst?Idimlyper-

  ceivedthatiftherehadbeenmoremoneyinourhousetherewouldhavebeenmorehelp,andIwouldnothavebeenledintotemptation——babywouldnothavebeenlefttoolonguponmyhands。However,afterafewmomentsofself-pity,Irejectedthisthought。I

  knewIreallywastoblame,anditoc-

  curredtomethatIwouldaddtomyfaultsifItriedtoputtheblameonany-

  bodyelse。

  Nowthatthefirstshockwasoverandthatmysleephadrefreshedme,Ibe-

  gantoseewhatterriblesorrowhadbeenmineifthefallhadreallyinjuredJulie;andasuddenthoughtshookme。

  Shemight,afterall,havebeenhurtinsomewaythatwouldshowitselflateron。Iyearnedtolookuponher,toseeifallhersweetnessandsoftnesswasin-

  tact。ItseemedtomethatifIcouldnotseehertherisinggriefinmewouldbreak,andIwouldsobaloud。Ididn’twanttodothat。Ihadnonotiontocallanyattentiontomyselfwhatever,butseethebabyImust。So,softly,andlikeathief,Iopenedthedoorcom-

  municatingwiththelittledressing-

  roominwhichJulie’scradlestood。Thecurtainhadbeendrawnanditwasal-

  mostdark,butIfoundmywaytoJulie’sbassinet。Icouldnotquiteseeher,butthedelicateodourofherbreathcameuptome,andIfoundherlittlehandandslippedmyfingerinit。

  Itwasgrippedinababypressure,andIstoodthereenraptured,feelingasifaflowerhadcaressedme。Iwasthrilledthroughandthroughwithhap-

  piness,andwithloveforthislittlecrea-

  ture,whommyselfishnessmighthavedestroyed。TherewasnothinginwhathadhappenedduringthismomentortwowhenIstoodbyhersidetoassuremethatallwaswellwithher;butIdidsobelieve,andIsaidoverandover:

  \"Thankyou,God!Thankyou,God!\"

  Andnowmytearsbegantoflow。

  Theycameinastorm——astormIcouldnotcontrol,andIfledbacktomother’sroom,andstoodtherebeforethewestwindowweepingasIneverhadweptbefore。

  Thequietlovelinessoftheclosingdayhadpassedintothesplendouroftheafterglow。Mightywingsasofbrightangels,pinkandshiningwhite,reachedupoverthesky。Thevaultwaspurpleaboveme,andpaledtolilac,thentogreenofunimaginabletenderness。

  NowIquenchedmytearstolook,andthenIweptagain,weepingnomoreforsorrowandlonelinessandshamethanforgratitudeanddelightinbeauty。Sofairaworld!Whathadsintodowithit?Icouldnotmakeitout。

  Theshiningwingsgrewpaler,faded,thendarkened;themelancholysoundofcow-bellsstoleupfromthecommon。

  Thebirdswerestill;alowwindrustledthetrees。Isatthinkingmyyoung\"nightthoughts\"ofhowmarvellousitwasforthesuntoset,torise,tokeepitsplaceinheaven——ofhowwrappedaboutwithmysterieswewere。Whatiftheworldshouldstarttofallingthroughspace?Wherewoulditland?

  Wasthereevenabottomtotheuni-

  verse?\"Worldwithoutend\"mightmeanthattherewasneitheranendtospacenoryettotime。Ishiveredatthoughtofsuchvastness。

  Suddenlylightstreamedaboutme,warmarmsenfoldedme。

  \"Mother!\"Imurmured,andslippedfromtheunknowntothedearfamiliar-

  ityofhershoulder。

  Itwas,Isoonperceived,asilk-cladshoulder。Motherhadonherbestdress;nay,sheworehercoralpinandear-rings。HerlacecollarwasscentedwithJockeyClub,andherneck,intowhichIwasburrowing,hadtheinde-

  scribablesomethingthatwasnotquiteodour,notallsoftness,butwascom-

  poundedoftheseandmeantmother。

  Shesaidlittletomeasshedrewmeawayandbathedmyface,brushedandplaitedmyhair,andputonmycleanfrock。Butwefelthappytogether。I

  knewshewasasgladtoforgiveasI

  wastobeforgiven。

  Inalittlewhilesheledme,blinking,intothelight。Atallstranger,aladyinprune-colouredsilk,satinthehigh-

  backedchair。

  \"Thisismyeldestgirl,AuntCor-

  delia,\"saidmymother。Iwentfor-

  wardtimidly,wonderingifIwerereallygoingtobegreetedbythisper-

  sonwhomusthaveheardsuchterriblereportsofme。Ifoundmyselfcaughtbythehandsanddrawnintotheem-

  braceofthisnew,grandacquaintance。

  \"Well,I’vebeenwantingtoseeyou,\"saidtherich,kindvoice。\"TheysayyoulookasIdidatyourage。Theysayyouarelikeme!\"

  Likeher——whowasgood!Butnoonereferredtothisdifferenceorsaidanythingaboutmysins。Whenweweresorry,wasevil,then,forgottenandsinforgiven?Aweightasofirondroppedfrommyspirit。Isankwithasighonthehassockatmyaunt’sfeet。Iwasoncemoreamemberofsociety。

  VI

  TRAVEL

  ITwastimetosaygood-bye。

  Ihadbeendowntomylittlebrother’sgraveandwateredthesorrelthatgrewonit——Ithoughtitwassor-

  row,andsotendedit;andIhadwalkedaroundthehouseandsaidgood-byetoeverywindow,andtotherobin’snest,andtomyplayhouseintheshed。I

  hadputacleanribbononthecat’sneck,andkissedmydoll,andgivenpresentstomylittlesisters。Now,shiveringbe-

  neathmynewgreyjacketinthechilloftheMaymorningair,Istoodreadytopartwithmymother。Shewasalittleflurriedwithhavingjustironedmypinaforesandcollars,andwithhav-

  ingputthelasthookonmynewStuartplaidfrock,andshelookedmeoverwithratherananxiouseye。Asforme,Ithoughtmyclothescharming,andI

  lovedthescarletquillinmygreyhat,andthesetofmynewshoes。Ihoped,aboveall,thatnoonewouldnoticethatIwastremblingandlayitdowntofear。

  Ofcourse,Ihadbeenawaybefore。

  ItwasnotthefirsttimeIhadlefteverythingtotakecareofitself。ButthistimeIwasgoingalone,andthatgaveratheradifferentaspecttothings。

  Togointothecountryforafewdays,oreventoDetroit,inthecompanyofawatchfulparent,mightbecalleda\"visit\";buttogoalone,partlybytrainandpartlybystage,andtoarrivebyone’sself,amountedto\"travel。\"I

  hadanauntwhohadtravelled,andI

  feltthismorningthatloveoftravelraninthefamily。ProbablyevenAuntCordeliahadbeenatriflenervous,atfirst,whenshestartedoutforHa-

  waii,say,orforEgypt。

  MotherandIwerebothfearfulthatthedriverofthestation’bushadn’treallyunderstoodthathewastocall。

  Firstshewouldaskfather,andthenI

  wouldaskhim,ifhewasquitesurethemanunderstood,andfathersaidthatifthemancouldunderstandEnglishatall——andhesupposedhecould——hehadunderstoodthat。Fatherwasrightaboutit,too,forjustwhenwe——thatis,motherandI——werealmostgivingup,the’bushorsesswunginthebiggateandcamepoundingupthedrivebe-

  tweentheLombardypoplars,whichwereoutintheiryellow-greenspringdress。Theywereabayteamwithayellowharnesswhichclinkedsplendidlywithbonerings,andthe’buswasasyellowasapumpkin,andshapednotunlikeone,sothatIgaveitmyinstantapproval。ItwaspreciselythesortofvehicleinwhichIwouldhavechosentogoaway。SoabsorbedwasIinitthat,thoughImusthavekissedmother,Ihavereallynorecollectionofit;anditwasonlywhenwewereswingingoutofthegate,andIlookedbackandsawherstandinginthedoorwatchingus,thataterriblepangcameoverme,sothatforonecrazymomentIthoughtIwasgoingtojumpoutandrunbacktoher。

  ButIheldontofather’shandandturnedmyfaceawayfromhomewithallthecourageIcouldsummon,andwewentonthroughthetownandoutacrossalonelystretchofcountrytotherailroad。Forwewereanobstinatelit-

  tletown,andwouldnotbuilduptotherailroadbecausetherailroadhadre-

  fusedtorunuptous。Itwasanewstationwithafineechoinit,andthemanwhocalledoutthetrainshadabeautifulvoiceforechoes。Itwascre-

  atedtoinspirethemandtoencouragethem,andIstoodfascinatedbythethunderousnoiseshewasmakingtillfatherseizedmebythehandandthrustmeintothecareofthetrainconductor。

  Theysaidsomethingtoeachotherinthesharp,explosivewaymenhave,andtheconductortookmetoaseatandtoldmeIwashisgirlforthetimebe-

  ing,andtostayrighttheretillhecameformeatmystation。

  Whatamazedmewasthatthecarshouldbefullofpeople。Icouldnotimaginewheretheyallcouldbegoing。

  Itwasallverywellforme,whobe-

  longedtoafamilyoftravellers——aswit-

  nessAuntCordelia——tobegoingonajourney,butfortheseothers,thesemany,manyothers,tobewanderingaround,heavenknowswhere,struckmeasbeingnotright。Itseemedtotakesomewhatfromthegloryofmyadven-

  ture。

  However,Inoticedthatmostofthemlookedpoor。Theirclotheswereoldandugly;theirfacesnotthoseofpleas-

  ure-seekers。Itwasverydifficulttoimaginethattheycouldaffordajour-

  ney,whichwas,asIbelieved,agreatluxury。Atfirst,thepeoplelookedtobeallofasort,butafteralittleIbe-

  gantoseethedifferences,andtono-

  ticethatthisonelookedhappy,andthatonesad,andanotherasifhehadmuchtodoandlikedit,andseveralothersasiftheyhadverylittleideawheretheyweregoingorwhy。

  ButIlikedbettertolookfromthewindowsandtoseetheworld。ThehousesseemedquitefamiliarandasifIhadseenthemoftenbefore。IhardlycouldbelievethatIhadn’twalkedupthosepaths,openedthosedoorsandseatedmyselfatthetables。IfeltthatifIwentinthosehousesIwouldknowwhereeverythingwas——justwherethedisheswerekept,andtheBible,andthejam。Itstruckmethathouseswereverymuchalikeintheworld,andthatledtothethoughtthatpeople,too,wereprobablyalike。SoIforgotwhattheconductorhadsaidtomeaboutkeepingstill,andIcrossedovertheaisleandsatdownbesidealittlegirlwhowasregrettablyyoung,butwholookedpleasant。Hermotherandgrand-

  motherweresittingopposite,andtheysmiledatmeinawaterysortofwayasiftheythoughtasmilewasexpectedofthem。Imeanttotalktothelittlegirl,butIsawshewasalmostonthevergeoftears,anditdidn’ttakemelongtodiscoverwhatwasthematter。

  Herlittlepinkhatwasheldonbyanelasticband,which,beingputbehindherearsandunderherchin,wascut-

  tinghercruelly。Iknewbyexperiencethatifthebandwereplacedinfrontofherearsthetensionwouldbelessened;

  so,withthemostbenevolentintentionsintheworld,Iinsertedmyfingersbe-

  tweentherubberandherchubbycheeks,drewitoutwithnervousbutfriendlyfingers,somehowletgoofit,andsnapacrosshertworedcheeksandherprettypugnosewentthelacerat-

  ingelastic,leavingaweltbehindit!

  \"Whatdoyoumean,youbadgirl?\"

  criedthemother,takingmebytheshoulderswithasortofgripIhadneverfeltbefore。\"Ineversawsuchachild——never!\"

  Anoldwomanwithafacelikeahenleanedoverthebackoftheseat。

  \"What’sshedone?What’sshedone?\"shedemanded。Themothertoldher,asthegrandmothercomfortedthehurtbaby。

  \"Gobacktoyourseatandstaythere!\"commandedthemother。\"Seeyoudon’tcomenearhereagain!\"

  MylipstrembledwiththeanguishI

  couldhardlyrestrain。Neverhadanoblesoulbeenmoremisunderstood。

  Stupidbeings!Howdarethey!Yet,nottobelikedbythem——nottobeun-

  derstood!Thatwasunendurable。

  Wouldtheylistentothegentlewordthatturnethawaywrath?Iwasin-

  clinedtothinknot。Iwasfairlypant-

  ingundermyloadofdismayandde-

  spondency,whenalargemanwithanextraordinarilycleanappearancesatdownoppositeme。Hewasastudyingrey——greysuit,tie,socks,gloves,hat,top-coat——yes,andeyes!Heleanedforwardingratiatingly。

  \"WhatdoyouthinkAuntEllensentmelastweek?\"heinquired。

  Weseemedtobeoldacquaintances,andinmysecondofperplexityIde-

  cidedthatitwasmereforgetfulnessthatmademeunabletorecalljustwhomhewastalkingabout。SoIonlysaidpolitely:\"Idon’tknow,I’msure,sir。\"

  \"Why,yes,youdo!\"helaughed。

  \"Couldn’tyouguess?WhatshouldAuntEllensendbutsomeofthatwhitemaplesugarofhers;betterthanever,too。I’veapoundofitalongwithme,andI’dbegladtopryoffafewpiecesifyou’dliketoeatit。YoualwaysweresofondofAuntEllen’smaplesugar,youknow。\"

  Thetonecarriedconviction。OfcourseImusthavebeenfondofit;

  indeed,uponreflection,IfeltthatIhadbeen。Bythetimethemanwasbackwithaparallelogramofthemaplesugarinhishand,Iwasconvincedthathehadspokenthetruth。

  \"AuntEllencertainlyisadear,\"hewenton。\"IrundowntoseehereverytimeIgetachance。Sameoldrain-

  barrel!Sameoldbeehives!Sameoldwell-sweep!Wouldn’ttradethemforanyothersintheworld。Ilikeevery-

  thingabouttheplace——likethe’OldMan’thatgrowsbythegate;andthetomatotrellis——nobodyelsetreatsto-

  matoeslikeflowers;andtheherbgar-

  den,andthecupboardwiththelittlewood-carvingsinitthatUncleBenmade。YourememberUncleBen?

  Beenasailor——brokebothlegs——had’emcutoff——andsataroundandcarvedwhileAuntEllentaughtschool。Happytheywere——noonehappier。Broughtmeup,youknow。Didn’thaveafatherormother——justgatheredmein。Goodsort,those。UncleBen’sgone,butAuntEllen’samothertomeyet。

  Thinksofme,travelling,travelling,neverputtingmyheaddowninthesamebedtwonightsrunning;andhereandthereandeverywheresheovertakesmewithlittlescrapsoutofhome。That’sAuntEllenforyou!\"

  Asthedelicioussugarmeltedonmytongue,thesorrowsmeltedinmysoul,andIwasjustabouttomakesomein-

  quiriesaboutAuntEllen,whoseper-

  sonalqualitiesseemedtobegrowingclearerandclearerinmymind,whenmyconductorcamestridingdowntheaisle。

  \"Where’smylittlegirl?\"hede-

  mandedheartily。\"Ah,theresheis,justwhereIlefther,ingoodcompanyandeatingmaplesugar,asIlive。\"

  \"Well,shehain’tbinthereallthetimenow,Ikentellyethat!\"criedtheoldwomanwithafacelikeahen。

  \"Indeed,sheain’t!\"theotherwomenjoinedin。\"She’samischief-

  makin’child,that’swhatsheis!\"saidthemother。Thelittlegirlwaslook-

  ingoverhergrandmother’sshoulder,andsheranoutaveryred,serpent-

  liketongueatme。

  \"She’sagoodgirl,andalmostasfondofAuntEllenasIam,\"saidthelargeman,findingmypocket,andput-

  tingahugepieceofmaplesugarinit。

  Theconductor,meantime,wasgath-

  eringmythings,andwitha\"Comealong,now!Thisiswhereyouchange,\"heledmefromthecar。I

  glancedbackonce,andthehen-facedwomanshookherwitheredbrownfistatme,andthelargemanwavedandsmiled。TheconductorandIranashardaswecould,hecarryingmylightluggage,toastagethatseemedtobewaitingforus。Heshoutedsomedi-

  rectionstothedriver,depositedmewithin,andranbacktohistrain。AndI,aloneagain,lookedaboutme。

  Wewereintheheartofalittletown,andanumberofmenwerestandingaroundwhilethehorsestooktheirfillatthewatering-trough。Thisaccom-

  plished,thedrivercheckedupthehorses,mountedtohishighseat,wasjoinedbyaheavyyoungman;twogen-

  tlemenenteredtheinsideofthecoach,andwewereoff。

  Oneofthesegentlemenwasveryold。

  Hissilverhairhungonhisshoulders;

  hehadabeautifulflowingheardwhichgleamedinthelight,thekindestoffaces,litwithlaughingblueeyes,andheleanedforwardonhisheavystickandseemedtomindtheplungingofourvehicle。Theothermanwasmid-

  dle-aged,dark,silent-looking,and,I

  decided,ratherlikeaking。Weallrodeinsilenceforawhile,butbyandbytheoldmansaidkindly:

  \"Whereareyougoing,mychild?\"

  Itoldhim。

  \"Andwhosedaughterareyou?\"heinquired。Itoldhimthatwithpride。

  \"Iknowpeopleallthroughthestate,\"

  hesaid,\"butIdon’tseemtorememberthatname。\"

  \"Don’tyouremembermyfather,sir?\"Icried,anxiously,edgingupclosertohim。\"Notthatgreatandgoodman!Why,AbrahamLincolnandmyfatherarethegreatestmenthateverlived!\"

  Hisheadnoddedstrangely,ashelifteditandlookedatmewithhislaughingeye。

  \"It’sapityIdon’tknowhim,thatbeingthecase,\"hesaidgently。\"But,anyway,you’realuckylittlegirl。\"

  \"Yes,\"Isighed,\"Iam,indeed。\"

  ButmyattentionwastakenbyourapproachtowhatIrecognisedasan\"estate。\"Agreatgatewithhighposts,flatontop,metmygaze,andthroughthisgatewayIcouldseeadriveandmanybeautifultrees。Alittleboywassittingontopofoneoftheposts,watchingus,andIthoughtIneverhadseenaplacebetteradaptedtoviewingthepassingprocession。Ilongedtobeontheothergatepost,exchangingconfi-

  dencesacrosstheharmlessgulfwiththisnice-lookingboy,when,mostunex-

  pectedly,thehorsesbegantoplunge。

  Thenextsecondtheairwasfilledwithbuzzingblackobjects。

  \"Bees!\"saidtheking。Itwasthefirstwordhehadspoken,andatrueworditwas。Swarmingbeeshadset-

  tledintheroad,andwehaddrivenun-

  awareintothemidstofthem。Thehorsesweredistracted,andmadeblind-

  lyforthegate,thoughtheyseemedmuchmorelikelytorunintothepoststhantogetthroughthegate,Ithought。

  Theboyseemedtothinkthis,too,forheshotbackward,turnedasomersaultin。theair,anddisappearedfromview。

  \"Godblessme!\"saidtheking。

  Theheavyyoungmanonthefrontseatjumpedfromhisplaceandbeganbeatingawaythebeesandholdingthehorsesbythebridles,andinafewmin-

  uteswewereonourway。Thehorseshadbeenbadlystung,andtheheavyyoungmanlookedratherbumpy。Asforus,thekinghadshutthestagedooratthefirstapproachoftrouble,andwewereunharmed。

  Afterthis,weallfeltquitewellac-

  quainted,andtheoldgentlemantoldmesomewonderfulstoriesaboutgoingaboutamongtheIndiansandaboutthemeninthelumbercampsandtheset-

  tlersonthelakeislands。AfterwardI

  learnedthathewasabishop,andabraveandholymanwhomitwasagreathonourtomeet,but,atthetime,Ionlythoughtofhowkindhewastopareapplesformeandtotellmetales。

  Thekingseldomspokemorethanonewordatatime,buthewaskind,too,inhisway。Oncehesaid,\"Sleepy?\"tome。And,again,\"Hungry?\"Hedidn’tlookoutatthelandscapeatall,andneitherdidthebishop。ButIranfromonesidetotheother,andthelastofthejourneyIwastakenupbetweenthedriverandtheheavymanonthehighseat。

  Presentlywewereinalittletownwithcottagesalmosthiddenamongthetrees。Abluestreamranthroughgreenfields,andthewaterdashedoveradam。Icouldhearthesongofthemillandtherippingoftheboards。

  \"We’rehere!\"saidthedriver。

  Theheavymanliftedmedown,andmyyoungunclecamerunningoutwithhisarmsopentoreceiveme。\"Whatatraveller!\"hesaid,kissingme。

  \"It’sbeenatremendouslylongandinterestingjourney,\"Isaid。

  \"Yes,\"heanswered。\"Tenmilesbyrailandtenbystage。Isupposeyou’vehadagreatmanyadventures!\"

  \"Oh,yes!\"Icried,andachedtotellthem,butfearedthiswasnottheplace。

  Isawmyunclerespectfullyhelpingthebishoptoalight,andheardhiminquir-

  ingforhishealth,andthebishopan-

  sweringinhiskind,deepvoice,andsayingIwasindeedagoodtravellerandsawalltherewastosee——andalit-

  tlemore。Thekingshookhandswithme,andthistimesaidtwowords:

  \"Goodluck。\"Unclehadnoideawhohewas——noonehadseenhimbefore。

  Uncledidn’tquitelikehislooks。ButIdid。Hewasuncommon;hewasdif-

  ferent。Ithoughtofallthosepeopleinthetrainwhohadbeensoalike。AndthenIrememberedwhatunexpecteddifferencestheyhadshown,andturnedtosmileatmyuncle。

  \"IshouldsayIhavehadadven-

  tures!\"Icried。

  \"We’llgethometoyouraunt,\"hesaid,\"andthenwe’llhearallaboutthem。\"

  Wecrossedabridgeabovetheroar-

  ingmill-race,wentupalane,anden-

  teredArcadia。Thatwasthewayitseemedtome。Itwasreallyacottageaboveastream,whereyouthandlovedwelt,andhonourandhospitality,andthelittlehousewastobeexchangedforagreateronewhere——thoughyouthde-

  parted——loveandhonourandhospital-

  itywerestilltodwell。

  \"Travel’sagreatthing,\"saidmyuncle,ashehelpedmeoffwithmyjacket。

  \"Yes,\"Ianswered,solemnly,\"itisagreatprivilegetoseetheworld。\"

  Istillamofthatopinion。Ihaveseensomeoddbitsofit,andIcannotunderstandwhyitisthatotherjour-

  neyshavenotquitecomeuptothatfirstone,whenIheardofAuntEllen,andsawtheboyturnthesurprisedsomersault,andwaswelcomedbytwoloversinalittleArcadia。

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