\"Worthyofmyundyingregard\"
TO
BORYS
ANDALLOTHERSWHO,LIKEHIMSELF,HAVECROSSED
INEARLYYOUTHTHESHADOWLINEOF
THEIRGENERATIONWITHLOVE
PARTONE
——D’autrefois,calmeplat,grandmiroirDemondesespoir。
——BAUDELAIRE
ChapterI
ONLYtheyounghavesuchmoments。Idon’tmeantheveryyoung。No。Theveryyounghave,properlyspeaking,nomoments。Itistheprivi-
legeofearlyyouthtoliveinadvanceofitsdaysinallthebeautifulcontinuityofhopewhichknowsnopausesandnointrospection。
Oneclosesbehindonethelittlegateofmereboyishness——andentersanenchantedgarden。Itsveryshadesglowwithpromise。Everyturnofthepathhasitsseduction。Anditisn’tbecauseitisanundiscoveredcountry。Oneknowswellenoughthatallmankindhadstreamedthatway。
Itisthecharmofuniversalexperiencefromwhichoneexpectsanuncommonorpersonalsensation——
abitofone’sown。
Onegoesonrecognizingthelandmarksofthepredecessors,excited,amused,takingthehardluckandthegoodlucktogether——thekicksandthehalfpence,asthesayingis——thepicturesquecommonlotthatholdssomanypossibilitiesforthedeservingorperhapsforthelucky。Yes。
Onegoeson。Andthetime,too,goeson——tilloneperceivesaheadashadow-linewarningonethattheregionofearlyyouth,too,mustbeleftbe-
hind。
ThisistheperiodoflifeinwhichsuchmomentsofwhichIhavespokenarelikelytocome。Whatmoments?Why,themomentsofboredom,ofweariness,ofdissatisfaction。Rashmoments。
Imeanmomentswhenthestillyoungareinclinedtocommitrashactions,suchasgettingmarriedsuddenlyorelsethrowingupajobfornorea-
son。
Thisisnotamarriagestory。Itwasn’tsobadasthatwithme。Myaction,rashasitwas,hadmorethecharacterofdivorce——almostofdeser-
tion。FornoreasononwhichasensiblepersoncouldputafingerIthrewupmyjob——chuckedmyberth——lefttheshipofwhichtheworstthatcouldbesaidwasthatshewasasteamshipandtherefore,perhaps,notentitledtothatblindloyaltywhich……However,it’snousetry-
ingtoputaglossonwhatevenatthetimeImyselfhalfsuspectedtobeacaprice。
ItwasinanEasternport。ShewasanEasternship,inasmuchasthenshebelongedtothatport。
Shetradedamongdarkislandsonabluereef-
scarredsea,withtheRedEnsignoverthetaffrailandathermastheadahouse-flag,alsored,butwithagreenborderandwithawhitecrescentinit。ForanArabownedher,andaSyedatthat。
Hencethegreenborderontheflag。HewastheheadofagreatHouseofStraitsArabs,butasloyalasubjectofthecomplexBritishEmpireasyoucouldfindeastoftheSuezCanal。Worldpoliticsdidnottroublehimatall,buthehadagreatoccultpoweramongsthisownpeople。
Itwasallonetouswhoownedtheship。Hehadtoemploywhitemenintheshippingpartofhisbusiness,andmanyofthosehesoemployedhadneverseteyesonhimfromthefirsttothelastday。Imyselfsawhimbutonce,quiteaccidentallyonawharf——anold,darklittlemanblindinoneeye,inasnowyrobeandyellowslippers。HewashavinghishandseverelykissedbyacrowdofMalaypilgrimstowhomhehaddonesomefavour,inthewayoffoodandmoney。
Hisalms-giving,Ihaveheard,wasmostexten-
sive,coveringalmostthewholeArchipelago。Forisn’titsaidthat\"ThecharitablemanisthefriendofAllah\"?
Excellent(andpicturesque)Arabowner,aboutwhomoneneedednottotroubleone’shead,amostexcellentScottishship——forshewasthatfromthekeepup——excellentsea-boat,easytokeepclean,mosthandyineveryway,andifithadnotbeenforherinternalpropulsion,worthyofanyman’slove,Icherishtothisdayaprofoundrespectforhermemory。Astothekindoftradeshewasengagedinandthecharacterofmyship-
mates,IcouldnothavebeenhappierifIhadhadthelifeandthemenmadetomyorderbyabenevolentEnchanter。
AndsuddenlyIleftallthis。Ileftitinthat,tous,inconsequentialmannerinwhichabirdfliesawayfromacomfortablebranch。ItwasasthoughallunknowingIhadheardawhisperorseensomething。Well——perhaps!OnedayIwasperfectlyrightandthenexteverythingwasgone——glamour,flavour,interest,contentment——every-
thing。Itwasoneofthesemoments,youknow。
Thegreensicknessoflateyouthdescendedonmeandcarriedmeoff。Carriedmeoffthatship,I
mean。
Wewereonlyfourwhitemenonboard,withalargecrewofKalashesandtwoMalaypettyofficers。TheCaptainstaredhardasifwonderingwhatailedme。Buthewasasailor,andhe,too,hadbeenyoungatonetime。Presentlyasmilecametolurkunderhisthickiron-graymoustache,andheobservedthat,ofcourse,ifIfeltImustgohecouldn’tkeepmebymainforce。AnditwasarrangedthatIshouldbepaidoffthenextmorn-
ing。AsIwasgoingoutofhiscabinheaddedsuddenly,inapeculiarwistfultone,thathehopedIwouldfindwhatIwassoanxioustogoandlookfor。Asoft,crypticutterancewhichseemedtoreachdeeperthananydiamond-hardtoolcouldhavedone。Idobelieveheunderstoodmycase。
Butthesecondengineerattackedmedifferently。
HewasasturdyyoungScot,withasmoothfaceandlighteyes。Hishonestredcountenanceemergedoutoftheengine-roomcompanionandthenthewholerobustman,withshirtsleevesturnedup,wipingslowlythemassivefore-armswithalumpofcotton-waste。Andhislighteyesexpressedbitterdistaste,asthoughourfriendshiphadturnedtoashes。Hesaidweightily:\"Oh!Aye!I’vebeenthinkingitwasabouttimeforyoutorunawayhomeandgetmarriedtosomesillygirl。\"
ItwastacitlyunderstoodintheportthatJohnNievenwasafiercemisogynist;andtheabsurdcharacterofthesallyconvincedmethathemeanttobenasty——verynasty——hadmeanttosaythemostcrushingthinghecouldthinkof。Mylaughsoundeddeprecatory。Nobodybutafriendcouldbesoangryasthat。Ibecamealittlecrestfallen。
Ourchiefengineeralsotookacharacteristicviewofmyaction,butinakindlierspirit。
Hewasyoung,too,butverythin,andwithamistoffluffybrownbeardallroundhishaggardface。Alldaylong,atseaorinharbour,hecouldbeseenwalkinghastilyupanddowntheafter-
deck,wearinganintense,spirituallyraptex-
pression,whichwascausedbyaperpetualcon-
sciousnessofunpleasantphysicalsensationsinhisinternaleconomy。Forhewasaconfirmeddyspeptic。Hisviewofmycasewasverysimple。
Hesaiditwasnothingbutderangedliver。Ofcourse!HesuggestedIshouldstayforanothertripandmeantimedosemyselfwithacertainpatentmedicineinwhichhisownbeliefwasab-
solute。\"I’lltellyouwhatI’lldo。I’llbuyyoutwobottles,outofmyownpocket。There。I
can’tsayfairerthanthat,canI?\"
Ibelievehewouldhaveperpetratedtheatrocity(orgenerosity)atthemerestsignofweakeningonmypart。Bythattime,however,Iwasmorediscontented,disgusted,anddoggedthanever。
Thepasteighteenmonths,sofullofnewandvariedexperience,appearedadreary,prosaicwasteofdays。Ifelt——howshallIexpressit?——thattherewasnotruthtobegotoutofthem。
Whattruth?Ishouldhavebeenhardputtoittoexplain。Probably,ifpressed,Iwouldhaveburstintotearssimply。Iwasyoungenoughforthat。
NextdaytheCaptainandItransactedourbusi-
nessintheHarbourOffice。Itwasalofty,big,cool,whiteroom,wherethescreenedlightofdayglowedserenely。Everybodyinit——theofficials,thepublic——wereinwhite。Onlytheheavypolisheddesksgleameddarklyinacentralavenue,andsomepaperslyingonthemwereblue。Enor-
mouspunkahssentfromonhighagentledraughtthroughthatimmaculateinterioranduponourperspiringheads。
Theofficialbehindthedeskweapproachedgrinnedamiablyandkeptituptill,inanswertohisperfunctoryquestion,\"Signoffandonagain?\"
myCaptainanswered,\"No!Signingoffforgood。\"
Andthenhisgrinvanishedinsuddensolemnity。
Hedidnotlookatmeagaintillhehandedmemypaperswithasorrowfulexpression,asiftheyhadbeenmypassportsforHades。
WhileIwasputtingthemawayhemurmuredsomequestiontotheCaptain,andIheardthelatteranswergood-humouredly:
\"No。Heleavesustogohome。\"
\"Oh!\"theotherexclaimed,noddingmournfullyovermysadcondition。
Ididn’tknowhimoutsidetheofficialbuilding,butheleanedforwardthedesktoshakehandswithme,compassionately,asonewouldwithsomepoordevilgoingouttobehanged;andIamafraidIperformedmypartungraciously,inthehardenedmannerofanimpenitentcriminal。
Nohomeward-boundmail-boatwasdueforthreeorfourdays。Beingnowamanwithoutaship,andhavingforatimebrokenmyconnectionwiththesea——become,infact,amerepotentialpassenger——itwouldhavebeenmoreappropriateperhapsifIhadgonetostayatanhotel。Thereitwas,too,withinastone’sthrowoftheHarbourOffice,low,butsomehowpalatial,displayingitswhite,pillaredpavilionssurroundedbytrimgrassplots。Iwouldhavefeltapassengerindeedinthere!IgaveitahostileglanceanddirectedmystepstowardtheOfficers’Sailors’Home。
Iwalkedinthesunshine,disregardingit,andintheshadeofthebigtreesontheesplanadewithoutenjoyingit。TheheatofthetropicalEastde-
scendedthroughtheleafyboughs,envelopingmythinly-cladbody,clingingtomyrebelliousdis-
content,asiftorobitofitsfreedom。
TheOfficers’Homewasalargebungalowwithawideverandahandacuriouslysuburban-lookinglittlegardenofbushesandafewtreesbetweenitandthestreet。Thatinstitutionpartooksome-
whatofthecharacterofaresidentialclub,butwithaslightlyGovernmentalflavouraboutit,becauseitwasadministeredbytheHarbourOffice。
ItsmanagerwasofficiallystyledChiefSteward。
Hewasanunhappy,wizenedlittleman,whoifputintoajockey’srigwouldhavelookedtheparttoperfection。Butitwasobviousthatatsometimeorotherinhislife,insomecapacityorother,hehadbeenconnectedwiththesea。Possiblyinthecomprehensivecapacityofafailure。
Ishouldhavethoughthisemploymentaveryeasyone,butheusedtoaffirmforsomereasonorotherthathisjobwouldbethedeathofhimsomeday。Itwasrathermysterious。Perhapseverythingnaturallywastoomuchtroubleforhim。Hecer-
tainlyseemedtohatehavingpeopleinthehouse。
OnenteringitIthoughthemustbefeelingpleased。Itwasasstillasatomb。Icouldseenooneinthelivingrooms;andtheverandah,too,wasempty,exceptforamanatthefarenddozingproneinalongchair。Atthenoiseofmyfootstepsheopenedonehorriblyfish-likeeye。Hewasastrangertome。Iretreatedfromthere,andcross-
ingthediningroom——averybareapartmentwithamotionlesspunkahhangingoverthecentretable——Iknockedatadoorlabelledinblackletters:
\"ChiefSteward。\"
Theanswertomyknockbeingavexedanddole-
fulplaint:\"Oh,dear!Oh,dear!Whatisitnow?\"Iwentinatonce。
Itwasastrangeroomtofindinthetropics。
Twilightandstuffinessreignedinthere。Thefellowhadhungenormouslyample,dusty,cheaplacecurtainsoverhiswindows,whichwereshut。
Pilesofcardboardboxes,suchasmillinersanddressmakersuseinEurope,cumberedthecorners;
andbysomemeanshehadprocuredforhimselfthesortoffurniturethatmighthavecomeoutofarespectableparlourintheEastEndofLondon——ahorsehairsofa,arm-chairsofthesame。I
glimpsedgrimyantimacassarsscatteredoverthathorridupholstery,whichwasawe-inspiring,in-
somuchthatonecouldnotguesswhatmysteriousaccident,need,orfancyhadcollecteditthere。
Itsownerhadtakenoffhistunic,andinwhitetrousersandathin,short-sleevedsingletprowledbehindthechair-backsnursinghismeagreel-
bows。
AnexclamationofdismayescapedhimwhenheheardthatIhadcomeforastay;buthecouldnotdenythattherewereplentyofvacantrooms。
\"Verywell。CanyougivemetheoneIhadbefore?\"
Heemittedafaintmoanfrombehindapileofcardboardboxesonthetable,whichmighthavecontainedglovesorhandkerchiesorneckties。I
wonderwhatthefellowdidkeepinthem?Therewasasmellofdecayingcoral,orOrientaldustofzoologicalspecimentsinthatdenofhis。I
couldonlyseethetopofhisheadandhisun-
happyeyeslevelledatmeoverthebarrier。
\"It’sonlyforacoupleofdays,\"Isaid,intendingtocheerhimup。
\"Perhapsyouwouldliketopayinadvance?\"
hesuggestedeagerly。
\"Certainlynot!\"IburstoutdirectlyIcouldspeak。\"Neverheardofsuchathing!Thisisthemostinfernalcheek……\"
Hehadseizedhisheadinbothhands——agestureofdespairwhichcheckedmyindignation。
\"Oh,dear!Oh,dear!Don’tflyoutlikethis。
Iamaskingeverybody。\"
\"Idon’tbelieveit,\"Isaidbluntly。
\"Well,Iamgoingto。AndifyougentlemenallagreedtopayinadvanceIcouldmakeHamil-
tonpayup,too。He’salwaysturningupashoredeadbroke,andevenwhenhehassomemoneyhewon’tsettlehisbills。Idon’tknowwhattodowithhim。HeswearsatmeandtellsmeIcan’tchuckawhitemanoutintothestreethere。Soifyouonlywould……\"
Iwasamazed。Incredulous,too。Isuspectedthefellowofgratuitousimpertinence。ItoldhimwithmarkedemphasisthatIwouldseehimandHamiltonhangedfirst,andrequestedhimtocon-
ductmetomyroomwithnomoreofhisnonsense。
Heproducedthenakeyfromsomewhereandledthewayoutofhislair,givingmeavicioussidelonglookinpassing。
\"AnyoneIknowstayinghere?\"Iaskedhimbeforeheleftmyroom。
Hehadrecoveredhisusualpainedimpatienttone,andsaidthatCaptainGileswasthere,backfromaSoloSeatrip。Twootherguestswerestay-
ingalso。Hepaused。And,ofcourse,Hamilton,headded。
\"Oh,yes!Hamilton,\"Isaid,andthemiserablecreaturetookhimselfoffwithafinalgroan。
HisimpudencestillrankledwhenIcameintothediningroomattiffintime。HewasthereondutyoverlookingtheChinamenservants。Thetiffinwaslaidononeendonlyofthelongtable,andthepunkahwasstirringthehotairlazily——mostlyaboveabarrenwasteofpolishedwood。
Wewerefouraroundthecloth。Thedozingstrangerfromthechairwasone。Bothhiseyeswerepartlyopenednow,buttheydidnotseemtoseeanything。Hewassupine。Thedignifiedpersonnexthim,withshortsidewhiskersandacarefullyscrapedchin,was,ofcourse,Hamilton。
IhaveneverseenanyonesofullofdignityforthestationinlifeProvidencehadbeenpleasedtoplacehimin。Ihadbeentoldthatheregardedmeasarankoutsider。Heraisednotonlyhiseyes,buthiseyebrowsaswell,atthesoundImadepullingbackmychair。
CaptainGileswasattheheadofthetable。I
exchangedafewwordsofgreetingwithhimandsatdownonhisleft。Stoutandpale,withagreatshinydomeofabaldforeheadandprominentbrowneyes,hemighthavebeenanythingbutaseaman。Youwouldnothavebeensurprisedtolearnthathewasanarchitect。Tome(Iknowhowabsurditis)tomehelookedlikeachurch-
warden。Hehadtheappearanceofamanfromwhomyouwouldexpectsoundadvice,moralsentiments,withperhapsaplatitudeortwothrowninonoccasion,notfromadesiretodazzle,butfromhonestconviction。
Thoughverywellknownandappreciatedintheshippingworld,hehadnoregularemployment。
Hedidnotwantit。Hehadhisownpeculiarposition。Hewasanexpert。Anexpertin——howshallIsayit?——inintricatenavigation。Hewassupposedtoknowmoreaboutremoteandim-
perfectlychartedpartsoftheArchipelagothananymanliving。Hisbrainmusthavebeenaperfectwarehouseofreefs,positions,bearings,imagesofheadlands,shapesofobscurecoasts,aspectsofinnumerableislands,desertandotherwise。Anyship,forinstance,boundonatriptoPalawanorsomewherethatwaywouldhaveCaptainGilesonboard,eitherintemporarycommandor\"toassistthemaster。\"ItwassaidthathehadaretainingfeefromawealthyfirmofChinesesteamshipowners,inviewofsuchservices。Besides,hewasalwaysreadytorelieveanymanwhowishedtotakeaspellashoreforatime。Noownerwaseverknowntoobjecttoanarrangementofthatsort。
ForitseemedtobetheestablishedopinionattheportthatCaptainGileswasasgoodasthebest,ifnotalittlebetter。ButinHamilton’sviewhewasan\"outsider。\"IbelievethatforHamiltonthegeneralisation\"outsider\"coveredthewholelotofus;thoughIsupposethathemadesomedis-
tinctionsinhismind。
Ididn’ttrytomakeconversationwithCaptainGiles,whomIhadnotseenmorethantwiceinmylife。But,ofcourse,heknewwhoIwas。
Afterawhile,inclininghisbigshinyheadmyway,headdressedmefirstinhisfriendlyfashion。Hepresumedfromseeingmethere,hesaid,thatIhadcomeashoreforacoupleofdays’leave。
Hewasalow-voicedman。Ispokealittlelouder,sayingthat:No——Ihadlefttheshipforgood。
\"Afreemanforabit,\"washiscomment。
\"IsupposeImaycallmyselfthat——sinceeleveno’clock,\"Isaid。
Hamiltonhadstoppedeatingatthesoundofourvoices。Helaiddownhisknifeandforkgently,gotup,andmutteringsomethingabout\"thisinfernalheatcuttingone’sappetite,\"wentoutoftheroom。Almostimmediatelyweheardhimleavethehousedowntheverandahsteps。
OnthisCaptainGilesremarkedeasilythatthefellowhadnodoubtgoneofftolookaftermyoldjob。TheChiefSteward,whohadbeenleaningagainstthewall,broughthisfaceofanunhappygoatnearertothetableandaddressedusdole-
fully。HisobjectwastounburdenhimselfofhiseternalgrievanceagainstHamilton。ThemankepthiminhotwaterwiththeHarbourOfficeastothestateofhisaccounts。Hewishedtogood-
nesshewouldgetmyjob,thoughintruthwhatwoulditbe?Temporaryreliefatbest。
Isaid:\"Youneedn’tworry。Hewon’tgetmyjob。Mysuccessorisonboardalready。\"
Hewassurprised,andIbelievehisfacefellalittleatthenews。CaptainGilesgaveasoftlaugh。Wegotupandwentoutontheverandah,leavingthesupinestrangertobedealtwithbytheChinamen。ThelastthingIsawtheyhadputaplatewithasliceofpine-appleonitbeforehimandstoodbacktowatchwhatwouldhappen。
Buttheexperimentseemedafailure。Hesatin-
sensible。
ItwasimpartedtomeinalowvoicebyCaptainGilesthatthiswasanofficerofsomeRajah’syachtwhichhadcomeintoourporttobedry-docked。
Musthavebeen\"seeinglife\"lastnight,headded,wrinklinghisnoseinanintimate,confidentialwaywhichpleasedmevastly。ForCaptainGileshadprestige。Hewascreditedwithwonderfulad-
venturesandwithsomemysterioustragedyinhislife。Andnomanhadawordtosayagainsthim。
Hecontinued:
\"Irememberhimfirstcomingashoreheresomeyearsago。Seemsonlytheotherday。Hewasaniceboy。Oh!theseniceboys!\"
Icouldnothelplaughingaloud。Helookedstartled,thenjoinedinthelaugh。\"No!No!
Ididn’tmeanthat,\"hecried。\"WhatImeantisthatsomeofthemdogosoftmightyquickouthere。\"
JocularlyIsuggestedthebeastlyheatasthefirstcause。ButCaptainGilesdisclosedhimselfpossessedofadeeperphilosophy。ThingsoutEastweremadeeasyforwhitemen。Thatwasallright。Thedifficultywastogoonkeepingwhite,andsomeoftheseniceboysdidnotknowhow。Hegavemeasearchinglook,andinabenevolent,heavy-unclemanneraskedpointblank:
\"Whydidyouthrowupyourberth?\"
Ibecameangryallofasudden;foryoucanunderstandhowexasperatingsuchaquestionwastoamanwhodidn’tknow。IsaidtomyselfthatIoughttoshutupthatmoralist;andtohimaloudIsaidwithchallengingpoliteness:
\"Why……?Doyoudisapprove?\"
Hewastoodisconcertedtodomorethanmutterconfusedly:\"I!……Inageneralway……\"andthengavemeup。Butheretiredingoodorder,underthecoverofaheavilyhumorousremarkthathe,too,wasgettingsoft,andthatthiswashistimefortakinghislittlesiesta——whenhewasonshore。\"Verybadhabit。Verybadhabit。\"
Therewasasimplicityinthemanwhichwouldhavedisarmedatouchinessevenmoreyouthfulthanmine。SowhennextdayattiffinhebenthisheadtowardmeandsaidthathehadmetmylateCaptainlastevening,addinginanundertone:
\"He’sverysorryyouleft。Hehadneverhadamatethatsuitedhimsowell,\"Iansweredhimearnestly,withoutanyaffectation,thatIcertainlyhadn’tbeensocomfortableinanyshiporwithanycommanderinallmysea-goingdays。
\"Well——then,\"hemurmured。
\"Haven’tyouheard,CaptainGiles,thatIin-
tendtogohome?\"
\"Yes,\"hesaidbenevolently。\"Ihaveheardthatsortofthingsooftenbefore。\"
\"Whatofthat?\"Icried。Ithoughthewasthemostdull,unimaginativemanIhadevermet。I
don’tknowwhatmoreIwouldhavesaid,butthemuch-belatedHamiltoncameinjustthenandtookhisusualseat。SoIdroppedintoamum-
ble。
\"Anyhow,youshallseeitdonethistime。\"
Hamilton,beautifullyshaved,gaveCaptainGilesacurtnod,butdidn’tevencondescendtoraisehiseyebrowsatme;andwhenhespokeitwasonlytotelltheChiefStewardthatthefoodonhisplatewasn’tfittobesetbeforeagentleman。Theindividualaddressedseemedmuchtoounhappytogroan。Hecasthiseyesuptothepunkahandthatwasall。
CaptainGilesandIgotupfromthetable,andthestrangernexttoHamiltonfollowedourex-
ample,manoeuvringhimselftohisfeetwithdifficulty。He,poorfellow,notbecausehewashungrybutIverilybelieveonlytorecoverhisself-respect,hadtriedtoputsomeofthatun-
worthyfoodintohismouth。Butafterdroppinghisforktwiceandgenerallymakingafailureofit,hehadsatstillwithanairofintensemortifica-
tioncombinedwithaghastlyglazedstare。BothGilesandIhadavoidedlookinghiswayattable。
OntheverandahhestoppedshortonpurposetoaddresstousanxiouslyalongremarkwhichI
failedtounderstandcompletely。Itsoundedlikesomehorribleunknownlanguage。ButwhenCaptainGiles,afteronlyaninstantforreflection,assuredhimwithhomelyfriendliness,\"Aye,tobesure。Youarerightthere,\"heappearedverymuchgratifiedindeed,andwentaway(prettystraight,too)toseekadistantlongchair。
\"Whatwashetryingtosay?\"Iaskedwithdisgust。
\"Idon’tknow。Mustn’tbedowntoomuchonafellow。He’sfeelingprettywretched,youmaybesure;andto-morrowhe’llfeelworseyet。\"
Judgingbytheman’sappearanceitseemedim-
possible。Iwonderedwhatsortofcomplicatedde-
bauchhadreducedhimtothatunspeakablecon-
dition。CaptainGiles’benevolencewasspoiledbyacuriousairofcomplacencywhichIdisliked。I
saidwithalittlelaugh:
\"Well,hewillhaveyoutolookafterhim。\"
Hemadeadeprecatorygesture,satdown,andtookupapaper。Ididthesame。Thepaperswereoldanduninteresting,filledupmostlywithdrearystereotypeddescriptionsofQueenVictoria’sfirstjubileecelebrations。ProbablyweshouldhavequicklyfallenintoatropicalafternoondozeifithadnotbeenforHamilton’svoiceraisedinthediningroom。Hewasfinishinghistiffinthere。
Thebigdoubledoorsstoodwideopenpermanently,andhecouldnothavehadanyideahowneartothedoorwayourchairswereplaced。Hewasheardinaloud,supercilioustoneansweringsomestate-
mentventuredbytheChiefSteward。
\"Iamnotgoingtoberushedintoanything。
TheywillbegladenoughtogetagentlemanI
imagine。Thereisnohurry。\"
AloudwhisperingfromtheStewardsucceededandthenagainHamiltonwasheardwithevenintenserscorn。
\"What?ThatyoungasswhofancieshimselfforhavingbeenchiefmatewithKentsolong?……Preposterous。\"
GilesandIlookedateachother。Kentbeingthecameofmylatecommander,CaptainGiles’
whisper,\"He’stalkingofyou,\"seemedtomesheerwasteofbreath。TheChiefStewardmusthavestucktohispoint,whateveritwas,becauseHamil-
tonwasheardagainmoresuperciliousifpossible,andalsoveryemphatic:
\"Rubbish,mygoodman!Onedoesn’tCOMPETEwitharankoutsiderlikethat。There’splentyoftime。\"
Thentherewerepushingofchairs,footstepsinthenextroom,andplaintiveexpostulationsfromtheSteward,whowaspursuingHamilton,evenoutofdoorsthroughthemainentrance。
\"That’saveryinsultingsortofman,\"remarkedCaptainGiles——superfluously,Ithought。\"Veryinsulting。Youhaven’toffendedhiminsomeway,haveyou?\"
\"Neverspoketohiminmylife,\"Isaidgrumpily。
\"Can’timaginewhathemeansbycompeting。HehasbeentryingformyjobafterIleft——anddidn’tgetit。Butthatisn’texactlycompetition。\"
CaptainGilesbalancedhisbigbenevolentheadthoughtfully。\"Hedidn’tgetit,\"herepeatedveryslowly。\"No,notlikelyeither,withKent。
Kentisnoendsorryyoulefthim。Hegivesyouthenameofagoodseaman,too。\"
IflungawaythepaperIwasstillholding。Isatup,Islappedthetablewithmyopenpalm。I
wantedtoknowwhyhewouldkeepharpingonthat,myabsolutelyprivateaffair。Itwasexas-
perating,really。
CaptainGilessilencedmebytheperfectequanimityofhisgaze。\"Nothingtobeannoyedabout,\"hemurmuredreasonably,withanevidentdesiretosoothethechildishirritationhehadaroused。Andhewasreallyamanofanappear-
ancesoinoffensivethatItriedtoexplainmyselfasmuchasIcould。ItoldhimthatIdidnotwanttohearanymoreaboutwhatwaspastandgone。
Ithadbeenverynicewhileitlasted,butnowitwasdonewithIpreferrednottotalkaboutitoreventhinkaboutit。Ihadmadeupmymindtogohome。
Helistenedtothewholetiradeinaparticularlending-the-earattitude,asiftryingtodetectafalsenoteinitsomewhere;thenstraightenedhim-
selfupandappearedtopondersagaciouslyoverthematter。
\"Yes。Youtoldmeyoumeanttogohome。
Anythinginviewthere?\"
InsteadoftellinghimthatitwasnoneofhisbusinessIsaidsullenly:
\"NothingthatIknowof。\"
IhadindeedconsideredthatratherblanksideofthesituationIhadcreatedformyselfbyleavingsuddenlymyverysatisfactoryemployment。AndIwasnotverypleasedwithit。Ihaditonthetipofmytonguetosaythatcommonsensehadnoth-
ingtodowithmyaction,andthatthereforeitdidn’tdeservetheinterestCaptainGilesseemedtobetakinginit。Buthewaspuffingatashortwoodenpipenow,andlookedsoguileless,dense,andcommonplace,thatitseemedhardlyworthwhiletopuzzlehimeitherwithtruthorsarcasm。
Heblewacloudofsmoke,thensurprisedmebyaveryabrupt:\"Paidyourpassagemoneyyet?\"
Overcomebytheshamelesspertinacityofamantowhomitwasratherdifficulttoberude,IrepliedwithexaggeratedmeeknessthatIhadnotdonesoyet。Ithoughttherewouldbeplentyoftimetodothatto-morrow。
AndIwasabouttoturnaway,withdrawingmyprivacyfromhisfatuous,objectlessattemptstotestwhatsortofstuffitwasmadeof,whenhelaiddownhispipeinanextremelysignificantmanner,youknow,asifacriticalmomenthadcome,andleanedsidewaysoverthetablebe-
tweenus。
\"Oh!Youhaven’tyet!\"Hedroppedhisvoicemysteriously。\"Well,thenIthinkyououghttoknowthatthere’ssomethinggoingonhere。\"
Ihadneverinmylifefeltmoredetachedfromallearthlygoingson。Freedfromtheseaforatime,Ipreservedthesailor’sconsciousnessofcompleteindependencefromalllandaffairs。
Howcouldtheyconcernme?IgazedatCaptainGiles’animationwithscornratherthanwithcuriosity。
TohisobviouslypreparatoryquestionwhetherourStewardhadspokentomethatdayIsaidhehadn’t。Andwhat’smorehewouldhavehadpreciouslittleencouragementifhehadtriedto。
Ididn’twantthefellowtospeaktomeatall。
Unrebukedbymypetulance,CaptainGiles,withanairofimmensesagacity,begantotellmeaminutetaleaboutaHarbourOfficepeon。Itwasabsolutelypointless。Apeonwasseenwalk-
ingthatmorningontheverandahwithaletterinhishand。Itwasinanofficialenvelope。Asthehabitofthesefellowsis,hehadshownittothefirstwhitemanhecameacross。Thatmanwasourfriendinthearm-chair。He,asIknew,wasnotinastatetointeresthimselfinanysub-
lunarymatters。Hecouldonlywavethepeonaway。ThepeonthenwanderedonalongtheverandahandcameuponCaptainGiles,whowastherebyanextraordinarychance……
Atthispointhestoppedwithaprofoundlook。
Theletter,hecontinued,wasaddressedtotheChiefSteward。NowwhatcouldCaptainEllis,theMasterAttendant,wanttowritetotheStewardfor?Thefellowwenteverymorning,anyhow,totheHarbourOfficewithhisreport,forordersorwhatnot。Hehadn’tbeenbackmorethananhourbeforetherewasanofficepeonchasinghimwithanote。Nowwhatwasthatfor?
Andhebegantospeculate。Itwasnotforthis——anditcouldnotbeforthat。Astothatotherthingitwasunthinkable。
Thefatuousnessofallthismademestare。IfthemanhadnotbeensomehowasympatheticpersonalityIwouldhaveresenteditlikeanin-
sult。Asitwas,Ifeltonlysorryforhim。Some-
thingremarkablyearnestinhisgazepreventedmefromlaughinginhisface。NeitherdidI
yawnathim。Ijuststared。
Histonebecameashademoremysterious。
Directlythefellow(meaningtheSteward)gotthatnoteherushedforhishatandboltedoutofthehouse。Butitwasn’tbecausethenotecalledhimtotheHarbourOffice。Hedidn’tgothere。
Hewasnotabsentlongenoughforthat。Hecamedartingbackinnotime,flunghishataway,andracedaboutthediningroommoaningandslappinghisforehead。Alltheseexcitingfactsandmani-
festationshadbeenobservedbyCaptainGiles。
Hehad,itseems,beenmeditatinguponthemeversince。
Ibegantopityhimprofoundly。AndinatonewhichItriedtomakeaslittlesarcasticaspossibleIsaidthatIwasgladhehadfoundsomethingtooccupyhismorninghours。
Withhisdisarmingsimplicityhemademeob-
serve,asifitwereamatterofsomeconsequence,howstrangeitwasthatheshouldhavespentthemorningindoorsatall。Hegenerallywasoutbeforetiffin,visitingvariousoffices,seeinghisfriendsintheharbour,andsoon。Hehadfeltoutofsortssomewhatonrising。Nothingmuch。
Justenoughtomakehimfeellazy。
Allthiswithasustained,holdingstarewhich,inconjunctionwiththegeneralinanityofthediscourse,conveyedtheimpressionofmild,drearylunacy。Andwhenhehitchedhischairalittleanddroppedhisvoicetothelownoteofmystery,itflasheduponmethathighprofessionalreputa-
tionwasnotnecessarilyaguaranteeofsoundmind。
ItneveroccurredtomethenthatIdidn’tknowinwhatsoundnessofmindexactlycon-
sistedandwhatadelicateand,uponthewhole,unimportantmatteritwas。WithsomeideaofnothurtinghisfeelingsIblinkedathiminaninterestedmanner。ButwhenheproceededtoaskmemysteriouslywhetherIrememberedwhathadpassedjustnowbetweenthatStewardofoursand\"thatmanHamilton,\"Ionlygruntedsourlyassentandturnedawaymyhead。
\"Aye。Butdoyouremembereveryword?\"heinsistedtactfully。
\"Idon’tknow。It’snoneofmybusiness,\"I
snappedout,consigning,moreover,theStewardandHamiltonaloudtoeternalperdition。
Imeanttobeveryenergeticandfinal,butCaptainGilescontinuedtogazeatmethought-
fully。Nothingcouldstophim。Hewentontopointoutthatmypersonalitywasinvolvedinthatconversation。WhenItriedtopreservethesemblanceofunconcernhebecamepositivelycruel。Iheardwhatthemanhadsaid?Yes?
WhatdidIthinkofitthen?——hewantedtoknow。
CaptainGiles’appearanceexcludingthesus-
picionofmereslymalice,Icametotheconclusionthathewassimplythemosttactlessidiotonearth。
Ialmostdespisedmyselffortheweaknessofattemptingtoenlightenhiscommonunderstand-
ing。IstartedtoexplainthatIdidnotthinkanythingwhatever。Hamiltonwasnotworthathought。Whatsuchanoffensiveloafer……
\"Aye!thatheis,\"interjectedCaptainGiles……thoughtorsaidwasbelowanydecentman’scontempt,andIdidnotproposetotaketheslightestnoticeofit。
Thisattitudeseemedtomesosimpleandob-
viousthatIwasreallyastonishedatGilesgivingnosignofassent。Suchperfectstupiditywasalmostinteresting。
\"Whatwouldyoulikemetodo?\"Iasked,laughing。\"Ican’tstartarowwithhimbecauseoftheopinionhehasformedofme。Ofcourse,I’veheardofthecontemptuouswayhealludestome。Buthedoesn’tintrudehiscontemptonmynotice。Hehasneverexpresseditinmyhearing。Forevenjustnowhedidn’tknowwecouldhearhim。Ishouldonlymakemyselfridiculous。\"
ThathopelessGileswentonpuffingathispipemoodily。Allatoncehisfacecleared,andhespoke。
\"Youmissedmypoint。\"
\"HaveI?Iamverygladtohearit,\"Isaid。
WithincreasinganimationhestatedagainthatIhadmissedhispoint。Entirely。Andinatoneofgrowingself-consciouscomplacencyhetoldmethatfewthingsescapedhisattention,andhewasratherusedtothinkthemout,andgenerallyfromhisexperienceoflifeandmenar-
rivedattherightconclusion。
Thisbitofself-praise,ofcourse,fittedexcel-
lentlythelaboriousinanityofthewholeconversa-
tion。Thewholethingstrengthenedinmethatobscurefeelingoflifebeingbutawasteofdays,which,half-unconsciously,haddrivenmeoutofacomfortableberth,awayfrommenIliked,tofleefromthemenaceofemptiness……andtofindinanityatthefirstturn。Herewasamanofrecognizedcharacterandachievementdisclosedasanabsurdanddrearychatterer。Anditwasprobablylikethiseverywhere——fromeasttowest,fromthebottomtothetopofthesocialscale。
Agreatdiscouragementfellonme。Aspiritualdrowsiness。Giles’voicewasgoingoncompla-
cently;theveryvoiceoftheuniversalhollowconceit。AndIwasnolongerangrywithit。
Therewasnothingoriginal,nothingnew,star-
tling,informing,toexpectfromtheworld;noop-
portunitiestofindoutsomethingaboutoneself,nowisdomtoacquire,nofuntoenjoy。Every-
thingwasstupidandoverrated,evenasCaptainGileswas。Sobeit。
ThenameofHamiltonsuddenlycaughtmyearandrousedmeup。
\"Ithoughtwehaddonewithhim,\"Isaid,withthegreatestpossibledistaste。
\"Yes。ButconsideringwhatwehappenedtohearjustnowIthinkyououghttodoit。\"
\"Oughttodoit?\"Isatupbewildered。\"Dowhat?\"
CaptainGilesconfrontedmeverymuchsur-
prised。
\"Why!DowhatIhavebeenadvisingyoutotry。YougoandasktheStewardwhatwasthereinthatletterfromtheHarbourOffice。Askhimstraightout。\"
Iremainedspeechlessforatime。Herewassomethingunexpectedandoriginalenoughtobealtogetherincomprehensible。Imurmured,as-
tounded:
\"ButIthoughtitwasHamiltonthatyou……\"
\"Exactly。Don’tyoulethim。YoudowhatI
tellyou。YoutacklethatSteward。You’llmakehimjump,Ibet,\"insistedCaptainGiles,wavinghissmoulderingpipeimpressivelyatme。Thenhetookthreerapidpuffsatit。
Hisaspectoftriumphantacutenesswasinde-
scribable。Yetthemanremainedastrangelysympatheticcreature。Benevolenceradiatedfromhimridiculously,mildly,impressively。Itwasirritating,too。ButIpointedoutcoldly,asonewhodealswiththeincomprehensible,thatI
didn’tseeanyreasontoexposemyselftoasnubfromthefellow。Hewasaveryunsatisfactorystewardandamiserablewretchbesides,butI
wouldjustassoonthinkoftweakinghisnose。
\"Tweakinghisnose,\"saidCaptainGilesinascandalizedtone。\"Muchuseitwouldbetoyou。\"
Thatremarkwassoirrelevantthatonecouldmakenoanswertoit。Butthesenseoftheab-
surditywasbeginningatlasttoexerciseitswell-
knownfascination。IfeltImustnotletthemantalktomeanymore。Igotup,observingcurtlythathewastoomuchforme——thatI
couldn’tmakehimout。
BeforeIhadtimetomoveawayhespokeagaininachangedtoneofobstinacyandpuffingnervouslyathispipe。
\"Well——he’sa——noaccountcuss——anyhow。
Youjust——askhim。That’sall。\"
Thatnewmannerimpressedme——orrathermademepause。ButsanityassertingitsswayatonceIlefttheverandahaftergivinghimamirthlesssmile。InafewstridesIfoundmyselfinthediningroom,nowclearedandempty。Butduringthatshorttimevariousthoughtsoccurredtome,suchas:thatGileshadbeenmakingfunofme,expectingsomeamusementatmyexpense;
thatIprobablylookedsillyandgullible;thatI
knewverylittleoflife……
Thedoorfacingmeacrossthediningroomflewopentomyextremesurprise。Itwasthedoorinscribedwiththeword\"Steward\"andthemanhimselfranoutofhisstuffy,Philistinishlairinhisabsurd,hunted-animalmanner,makingforthegardendoor。
TothisdayIdon’tknowwhatmademecallafterhim。\"Isay!Waitaminute。\"Perhapsitwasthesidelongglancehegaveme;orpossiblyIwasyetundertheinfluenceofCaptainGiles’
mysteriousearnestness。Well,itwasanimpulseofsomesort;aneffectofthatforcesomewherewithinourliveswhichshapesthemthiswayorthat。Forifthesewordshadnotescapedfrommylips(mywillhadnothingtodowiththat)myexistencewould,tobesure,havebeenstillasea-
man’sexistence,butdirectedonnowtomeutterlyinconceivablelines。
No。Mywillhadnothingtodowithit。In-
deed,nosoonerhadImadethatfatefulnoisethanIbecameextremelysorryforit。HadthemanstoppedandfacedmeIwouldhavehadtoretireindisorder。ForIhadnonotiontocarryoutCaptainGiles’idioticjoke,eitheratmyownexpenseorattheexpenseoftheSteward。
Butheretheoldhumaninstinctofthechasecameintoplay。Hepretendedtobedeaf,andI,withoutthinkingasecondaboutit,dashedalongmyownsideofthediningtableandcuthimoffattheverydoor。
\"Whycan’tyouanswerwhenyouarespokento?\"Iaskedroughly。
Heleanedagainstthelintelofthedoor。Helookedextremelywretched。Humannatureis,I
fear,notverynicerightthrough。Thereareuglyspotsinit。Ifoundmyselfgrowingangry,andthat,Ibelieve,onlybecausemyquarrylookedsowoe-begone。Miserablebeggar!
Iwentforhimwithoutmoreado。\"Iunder-
standtherewasanofficialcommunicationtotheHomefromtheHarbourOfficethismorning。Isthatso?\"
Insteadoftellingmetomindmyownbusiness,ashemighthavedone,hebegantowhinewithanundertoneofimpudence。Hecouldn’tseemeanywherethismorning。Hecouldn’tbeexpectedtorunalloverthetownafterme。
\"Whowantsyouto?\"Icried。Andthenmyeyesbecameopenedtotheinwardnessofthingsandspeechesthetrivialityofwhichhadbeensobafflingandtiresome。
ItoldhimIwantedtoknowwhatwasinthatletter。Mysternnessoftoneandbehaviourwasonlyhalfassumed。Curiositycanbeaveryfiercesentiment——attimes。
Hetookrefugeinasilly,mutteringsulkiness。
Itwasnothingtome,hemumbled。IhadtoldhimIwasgoinghome。AndsinceIwasgoinghomehedidn’tseewhyheshould……
Thatwasthelineofhisargument,anditwasirrelevantenoughtobealmostinsulting。Insult-
ingtoone’sintelligence,Imean。
Inthattwilightregionbetweenyouthandmaturity,inwhichIhadmybeingthen,oneispeculiarlysensitivetothatkindofinsult。IamafraidmybehaviourtotheStewardbecameveryroughindeed。Butitwasn’tinhimtofaceoutanythingoranybody。Drughabitorsolitarytippling,perhaps。AndwhenIforgotmyselfsofarastoswearathimhebrokedownandbegantoshriek。
Idon’tmeantosaythathemadeagreatout-
cry。Itwasacynicalshriekingconfession,onlyfaint——piteouslyfaint。Itwasn’tverycoherenteither,butsufficientlysotostrikemedumbatfirst。
Iturnedmyeyesfromhiminrighteousindig-
nation,andperceivedCaptainGilesintheve-
randahdoorwaysurveyingquietlythescene,hisownhandiwork,ifImayexpressitinthatway。
Hissmoulderingblackpipewasverynoticeableinhisbig,paternalfist。So,too,wastheglitterofhisheavygoldwatch-chainacrossthebreastofhiswhitetunic。Heexhaledanatmosphereofvirtu-
oussagacitysereneenoughforanyinnocentsoultoflytoconfidently。Iflewtohim。
\"Youwouldneverbelieveit,\"Icried。\"Itwasanotificationthatamasteriswantedforsomeship。There’sacommandapparentlygoingaboutandthisfellowputsthethinginhispocket。\"
TheStewardscreamedoutinaccentsoflouddespair:\"Youwillbethedeathofme!\"
Themightyslaphegavehiswretchedforeheadwasveryloud,too。ButwhenIturnedtolookathimhewasnolongerthere。Hehadrushedawaysomewhereoutofsight。Thissuddendisappear-
ancemademelaugh。
Thiswastheendoftheincident——forme。
CaptainGiles,however,staringattheplacewheretheStewardhadbeen,begantohaulathisgor-
geousgoldchaintillatlastthewatchcameupfromthedeeppocketlikesolidtruthfromawell。
Solemnlyhelowereditdownagainandonlythensaid:
\"Justthreeo’clock。Youwillbeintime——ifyoudon’tloseany,thatis。\"
\"Intimeforwhat?\"Iasked。
\"GoodLord!FortheHarbourOffice。Thismustbelookedinto。
Strictlyspeaking,hewasright。ButI’veneverhadmuchtasteforinvestigation,forshowingpeopleupandallthatnodoubtethicallymeri-
toriouskindofwork。Andmyviewoftheepisodewaspurelyethical。IfanyonehadtobethedeathoftheStewardIdidn’tseewhyitshouldn’tbeCaptainGileshimself,amanofageandstanding,andapermanentresident。Whereas,Iincom-
parison,feltmyselfamerebirdofpassageinthatport。Infact,itmighthavebeensaidthatIhadalreadybrokenoffmyconnection。ImutteredthatIdidn’tthink——itwasnothingtome……
\"Nothing!\"repeatedCaptainGiles,givingsomesignsofquiet,deliberateindignation。\"Kentwarnedmeyouwereapeculiaryoungfellow。Youwilltellmenextthatacommandisnothingtoyou——andafterallthetroubleI’vetaken,too!\"
\"Thetrouble!\"Imurmured,uncomprehending。
Whattrouble?AllIcouldrememberwasbeingmystifiedandboredbyhisconversationforasolidhouraftertiffin。Andhecalledthattakingalotoftrouble。
Hewaslookingatmewithaself-complacencywhichwouldhavebeenodiousinanyotherman。
Allatonce,asifapageofabookhadbeenturnedoverdisclosingawordwhichmadeplainallthathadgonebefore,Iperceivedthatthismatterhadalsoanotherthananethicalaspect。
AndstillIdidnotmove。CaptainGileslosthispatiencealittle。Withanangrypuffathispipeheturnedhisbackonmyhesitation。
Butitwasnothesitationonmypart。Ihadbeen,ifImayexpressmyselfso,putoutofgearmentally。ButassoonasIhadconvincedmy-
selfthatthisstale,unprofitableworldofmydis-
contentcontainedsuchathingasacommandtobeseized,Irecoveredmypowersoflocomo-
tion。
It’sagoodstepfromtheOfficers’HometotheHarbourOffice;butwiththemagicword\"Com-
mand\"inmyheadIfoundmyselfsuddenlyonthequayasiftransportedthereinthetwinklingofaneye,beforeaportalofdressedwhitestoneaboveaflightofshallowwhitesteps。
Allthisseemedtoglidetowardmeswiftly。Thewholegreatroadsteadtotherightwasjustamereflickerofblue,andthedimcoolhallswallowedmeupoutoftheheatandglareofwhichIhadnotbeenawaretilltheverymomentIpassedinfromit。
Thebroadinnerstaircaseinsinuateditselfundermyfeetsomehow。Commandisastrongmagic。
ThefirsthumanbeingsIperceiveddistinctlysinceIhadpartedwiththeindignantbackofCaptainGileswerethecrewoftheharboursteam-launchloungingonthespaciouslandingaboutthecur-
tainedarchwayoftheshippingoffice。
Itwastherethatmybuoyancyabandonedme。
Theatmosphereofofficialdomwouldkillanythingthatbreathestheairofhumanendeavour,wouldextinguishhopeandfearalikeinthesupremacyofpaperandink。IpassedheavilyunderthecurtainwhichtheMalaycoxswainoftheharbourlaunchraisedforme。Therewasnobodyintheofficeexcepttheclerks,writingintwoindustriousrows。
ButtheheadShipping-Masterhoppeddownfromhiselevationandhurriedalongonthethickmatstomeetmeinthebroadcentralpassage。
HehadaScottishname,buthiscomplexionwasofaricholivehue,hisshortbeardwasjetblack,andhiseyes,alsoblack,hadalanguishingex-
pression。Heaskedconfidentially:
\"YouwanttoseeHim?\"
Alllightnessofspiritandbodyhavingdepartedfrommeatthetouchofofficialdom,Ilookedatthescribewithoutanimationandaskedinmyturnwearily:
\"Whatdoyouthink?Isitanyuse?\"
\"Mygoodness!Hehasaskedforyoutwiceto-
day。\"
ThisemphaticHewasthesupremeauthority,theMarineSuperintendent,theHarbour-Master——averygreatpersonintheeyesofeverysinglequill-driverintheroom。Butthatwasnothingtotheopinionhehadofhisowngreatness。
CaptainEllislookeduponhimselfasasortofdivine(pagan)emanation,thedeputy-Neptuneforthecircumambientseas。Ifhedidnotactuallyrulethewaves,hepretendedtorulethefateofthemortalswhoseliveswerecastuponthewaters。
Thisupliftingillusionmadehiminquisitorialandperemptory。Andashistemperamentwascholerictherewerefellowswhowereactuallyafraidofhim。Hewasredoubtable,notinvirtueofhisoffice,butbecauseofhisunwarrantableassump-
tions。Ihadneverhadanythingtodowithhimbefore。
Isaid:\"Oh!Hehasaskedformetwice。ThenperhapsIhadbettergoin。\"
\"Youmust!Youmust!\"
TheShipping-Masterledthewaywithamincinggaitaroundthewholesystemofdeskstoatallandimportant-lookingdoor,whichheopenedwithadeferentialactionofthearm。
Hesteppedrightin(butwithoutlettinggoofthehandle)and,aftergazingreverentlydowntheroomforawhile,beckonedmeinbyasilentjerkofthehead。Thenheslippedoutatonceandshutthedooraftermemostdelicately。
Threeloftywindowsgaveontheharbour。
Therewasnothinginthembutthedark-bluesparklingseaandthepalerluminousblueofthesky。Myeyecaughtinthedepthsanddistancesofthesebluetonesthewhitespeckofsomebigshipjustarrivedandabouttoanchorintheouterroad-
stead。Ashipfromhome——afterperhapsninetydaysatsea。Thereissomethingtouchingaboutashipcominginfromseaandfoldingherwhitewingsforarest。
ThenextthingIsawwasthetop-knotofsilverhairsurmountingCaptainEllis’smoothredface,whichwouldhavebeenapoplecticifithadn’thadsuchafreshappearance。
Ourdeputy-Neptunehadnobeardonhischin,andtherewasnotridenttobeseenstandinginacorneranywhere,likeanumbrella。Buthishandwasholdingapen——theofficialpen,farmightierthantheswordinmakingormarringthefortuneofsimpletoilingmen。Hewaslookingoverhisshoulderatmyadvance。
WhenIhadcomewellwithinrangehesalutedmebyanerve-shattering:\"Wherehaveyoubeenallthistime?\"
AsitwasnoconcernofhisIdidnottaketheslightestnoticeoftheshot。IsaidsimplythatI
hadheardtherewasamasterneededforsomevessel,andbeingasailing-shipmanIthoughtI
wouldapply……
Heinterruptedme。\"Why!Hangit!YOUaretherightmanforthatjob——iftherehadbeentwentyothersafterit。Butnofearofthat。Theyareallafraidtocatchhold。That’swhat’sthematter。\"
Hewasveryirritated。Isaidinnocently:\"Arethey,sir。Iwonderwhy?\"
\"Why!\"hefumed。\"Afraidofthesails。
Afraidofawhitecrew。Toomuchtrouble。Toomuchwork。Toolongouthere。Easylifeanddeck-chairsmoretheirmark。HereIsitwiththeConsul-General’scablebeforeme,andtheonlymanfitforthejobnottobefoundanywhere。I
begantothinkyouwerefunkingit,too……\"
\"Ihaven’tbeenlonggettingtotheoffice,\"I
remarkedcalmly。
\"Youhaveagoodnameouthere,though,\"hegrowledsavagelywithoutlookingatme。
\"Iamverygladtohearitfromyou,sir,\"Isaid。
\"Yes。Butyouarenotonthespotwhenyouarewanted。Youknowyouweren’t。Thatstew-
ardofyourswouldn’tdaretoneglectamessagefromthisoffice。Wherethedevildidyouhideyourselfforthebestpartoftheday?\"
Ionlysmiledkindlydownonhim,andheseemedtorecollecthimself,andaskedmetotakeaseat。HeexplainedthatthemasterofaBritishshiphavingdiedinBangkoktheConsul-Generalhadcabledtohimarequestforacompetentmantobesentouttotakecommand。
Apparently,inhismind,Iwasthemanfromthefirst,thoughforthelooksofthethingthenotifica-
tionaddressedtotheSailors’Homewasgeneral。
Anagreementhadalreadybeenprepared。Hegaveittometoread,andwhenIhandeditbacktohimwiththeremarkthatIaccepteditsterms,thedeputy-Neptunesignedit,stampeditwithhisownexaltedhand,foldeditinfour(itwasasheetofbluefoolscap)andpresentedittome——agiftofex-
traordinarypotency,for,asIputitinmypocket,myheadswamalittle。
\"Thisisyourappointmenttothecommand,\"hesaidwithacertaingravity。\"Anofficialappoint-
mentbindingtheownerstoconditionswhichyouhaveaccepted。Now——whenwillyoubereadytogo?\"
IsaidIwouldbereadythatverydayifneces-
sary。Hecaughtmeatmywordwithgreatalacrity。ThesteamerMelitawasleavingforBangkokthateveningaboutseven。Hewouldrequesthercaptainofficiallytogivemeapassageandwaitformetillteno’clock。
Thenherosefromhisofficechair,andIgotup,too。Myheadswam,therewasnodoubtaboutit,andIfeltacertainheavinessoflimbsasiftheyhadgrownbiggersinceIhadsatdownonthatchair。Imademybow。
AsubtlechangeinCaptainEllis’mannerbecameperceptibleasthoughhehadlaidasidethetridentofdeputy-Neptune。Inreality,itwasonlyhisofficialpenthathehaddroppedongettingup。