ButofallthepettybashawsorturbulenttyrantsIeverbeheld，thissour-facedpilotwastheworsttempered;for，duringthetimethathehadtheguidanceoftheship，whichwastillwearrivedintheDowns，hecompliedwithnoone’sdesires，nordidhegiveacivilword，orindeedacivillook，toanyonboard。
Thetooth-drawer，who，asIsaidbefore，wasoneofgreateminenceamongherneighbors，refusedtofollowtheship;sothatmymanmadehimselfthebestofhisway，andwithsomedifficultycameupwithusbeforeweweregotunderfullsail;forafterthat，aswehadbothwindandtidewithus，hewouldhavefounditimpossibletoovertaketheshiptillshewascometoananchoratGravesend。
Themorningwasfairandbright，andwehadapassagethither，I
think，aspleasantascanbeconceived：for，takeitwithallitsadvantages，particularlythenumberoffineshipsyouarealwayssureofseeingbytheway，thereisnothingtoequalitinalltheriversoftheworld。TheyardsofDeptfordandofWoolwicharenoblesights，andgiveusajustideaofthegreatperfectiontowhichwearearrivedinbuildingthosefloatingcastles，andthefigurewhichwemayalwaysmakeinEuropeamongtheothermaritimepowers。ThatofWoolwich，atleast，verystronglyimprintedthisideaonmymind;fortherewasnowonthestockstheretheRoyalAnne，supposedtobethelargestshipeverbuilt，andwhichcontainstencarriage-gunsmorethanhadeveryetequippedafirst-rate。
Itistrue，perhaps，thatthereismoreofostentationthanofrealutilityinshipsofthisvastandunwieldyburden，whicharerarelycapableofactingagainstanenemy;butifthebuildingsuchcontributestopreserve，amongothernations，thenotionoftheBritishsuperiorityinnavalaffairs，theexpense，thoughverygreat，iswellincurred，andtheostentationislaudableandtrulypolitical。Indeed，IshouldbesorrytoallowthatHolland，France，orSpain，possessedavessellargerandmorebeautifulthanthelargestandmostbeautifulofours;forthishonorIwouldalwaysadministertotheprideofoursailors，whoshouldchallengeitfromalltheirneighborswithtruthandsuccess。AndsureIamthatnotourhonesttarsalone，buteveryinhabitantofthisisland，mayexultinthecomparison，whenheconsidersthekingofGreatBritainasamaritimeprince，inoppositiontoanyotherprinceinEurope;butIamnotsocertainthatthesameideaofsuperioritywillresultfromcomparingourlandforceswiththoseofmanyothercrownedheads。Innumberstheyallfarexceedus，andinthegoodnessandsplendoroftheirtroopsmanynations，particularlytheGermansandFrench，andperhapstheDutch，castusatadistance;for，howeverwemayflatterourselveswiththeEdwardsandHenrysofformerages，thechangeofthewholeartofwarsincethosedays，bywhichtheadvantageofpersonalstrengthisinamannerentirelylost，hathproducedachangeinmilitaryaffairstotheadvantageofourenemies。Asforoursuccessesinlaterdays，iftheywerenotentirelyowingtothesuperiorgeniusofourgeneral，theywerenotalittleduetothesuperiorforceofhismoney。Indeed，ifweshouldarraignmarshalSaxeofostentationwhenheshowedhisarmy，drawnup，toourcaptivegeneral，thedayafterthebattleofLaVal，wecannotsaythattheostentationwasentirelyvain;
sincehecertainlyshowedhimanarmywhichhadnotbeenoftenequaled，eitherinthenumberorgoodnessofthetroops，andwhich，inthoserespects，sofarexceededours，thatnonecanevercastanyreflectiononthebraveyoungprincewhocouldnotreapthelaurelsofconquestinthatday;buthisretreatwillbealwaysmentionedasanadditiontohisglory。
Inourmarinethecaseisentirelythereverse，anditmustbeourownfaultifitdothnotcontinueso;forcontinuesoitwillaslongastheflourishingstateofourtradeshallsupportit，andthissupportitcanneverwanttillourlegislatureshallceasetogivesufficientattentiontotheprotectionofourtrade，andourmagistrateswantsufficientpower，ability，andhonesty，toexecutethelaws;acircumstancenottobeapprehended，asitcannothappentilloursenatesandourbenchesshallbefilledwiththeblindestignorance，orwiththeblackestcorruption。
Besidestheshipsinthedocks，wesawmanyonthewater：theyachtsaresightsofgreatparade，andtheking’sbodyyachtis，Ibelieve，unequaledinanycountryforconvenienceaswellasmagnificence;bothwhichareconsultedinbuildingandequippingherwiththemostexquisiteartandworkmanship。
WesawlikewiseseveralIndiamenjustreturnedfromtheirvoyage。
Theseare，Ibelieve，thelargestandfinestvesselswhichareanywhereemployedincommercialaffairs。Thecolliers，likewise，whichareverynumerous，andevenassembleinfleets，areshipsofgreatbulk;andifwedescendtothoseusedintheAmerican，African，andEuropeantrades，andpassthroughthosewhichvisitourowncoasts，tothesmallcraftthatliebetweenChathamandtheTower，thewholeformsamostpleasingobjecttotheeye，aswellashighlywarmingtotheheartofanEnglishmanwhohasanydegreeofloveforhiscountry，orcanrecognizeanyeffectofthepatriotinhisconstitution。Lastly，theRoyalHospitalatGreenwich，whichpresentssodelightfulafronttothewater，anddothsuchhonoratoncetoitsbuilderandthenation，tothegreatskillandingenuityoftheone，andtothenolesssensiblegratitudeoftheother，veryproperlyclosestheaccountofthisscene;whichmaywellappearromantictothosewhohavenotthemselvesseenthat，inthisoneinstance，truthandrealityarecapable，perhaps，ofexceedingthepoweroffiction。WhenwehadpassedbyGreenwichwesawonlytwoorthreegentlemen’shouses，allofverymoderateaccount，tillwereachedGravesend：theseareallontheKentishshore，whichaffordsamuchdryer，wholesomer，andpleasantersituation，thandoththatofitsopposite，Essex。Thiscircumstance，Iown，issomewhatsurprisingtome，whenIreflectonthenumerousvillasthatcrowdtheriverfromChelseaupwardsasfarasShepperton，wherethenarrowerchannelaffordsnothalfsonobleaprospect，andwherethecontinualsuccessionofthesmallcraft，likethefrequentrepetitionofallthings，whichhavenothinginthemgreat，beautiful，oradmirable，tiretheeye，andgiveusdistasteandaversion，insteadofpleasure。Withsomeofthesesituations，suchasBarnes，Mortlake，etc。，eventheshoreofEssexmightcontend，notuponveryunequalterms;butontheKentishborderstherearemanyspotstobechosenbythebuilderwhichmightjustlyclaimthepreferenceoveralmosttheveryfinestofthoseinMiddlesexandSurrey。
Howshallweaccountforthisdepravityintaste？forsurelytherearenonesoverymeanandcontemptibleastobringthepleasureofseeinganumberoflittlewherries，glidingalongafteroneanother，incompetitionwithwhatweenjoyinviewingasuccessionofships，withalltheirsailsexpandedtothewinds，boundingoverthewavesbeforeus。
AndhereIcannotpassbyanotherobservationonthedeplorablewantoftasteinourenjoyments，whichweshowbyalmosttotallyneglectingthepursuitofwhatseemstomethehighestdegreeofamusement;thisis，thesailingourselvesinlittlevesselsofourown，contrivedonlyforoureaseandaccommodation，towhichsuchsituationsofourvillasasIhaverecommendedwouldbesoconvenient，andevennecessary。
Thisamusement，Iconfess，ifenjoyedinanyperfection，wouldbeoftheexpensivekind;butsuchexpensewouldnotexceedthereachofamoderatefortune，andwouldfallveryshortofthepriceswhicharedailypaidforpleasuresofafarinferiorrate。
Thetruth，Ibelieve，is，thatsailinginthemannerIhavejustmentionedisapleasureratherunknown，orunthoughtof，thanrejectedbythosewhohaveexperiencedit;unless，perhaps，theapprehensionofdangerorseasicknessmaybesupposed，bythetimorousanddelicate，tomaketoolargedeductions——insistingthatalltheirenjoymentsshallcometothempureandunmixed，andbeingeverreadytocryout，————Nocetemptadolorevoluptas。
This，however，wasmypresentcase;fortheeaseandlightnesswhichIfeltfrommytapping，thegayetyofthemorning，thepleasantsailingwithwindandtide，andthemanyagreeableobjectswithwhichIwasconstantlyentertainedduringthewholeway，wereallsuppressedandovercomebythesingleconsiderationofmywife’spain，whichcontinuedincessantlytotormenthertillwecametoananchor，whenIdispatchedamessengeringreathasteforthebestreputedoperatorinGravesend。Asurgeonofsomeeminencenowappeared，whodidnotdeclinetooth-drawing，thoughhecertainlywouldhavebeenoffendedwiththeappellationoftooth-drawernolessthanhisbrethren，themembersofthatvenerablebody，wouldbewiththatofbarber，sincethelateseparationbetweenthoselong-unitedcompanies，bywhich，ifthesurgeonshavegainedmuch，thebarbersaresupposedtohavelostverylittle。Thisableandcarefulperson（forsoIsincerelybelieveheis）afterexaminingtheguiltytooth，declaredthatitwassucharottenshell，andsoplacedattheveryremotestendoftheupperjaw，whereitwasinamannercoveredandsecuredbyalargefinefirmtooth，thathedespairedofhispowerofdrawingit。
Hesaid，indeed，moretomywife，andusedmorerhetorictodissuadeherfromhavingitdrawn，thanisgenerallyemployedtopersuadeyoungladiestopreferapainofthreemomentstooneofthreemonths’continuance，especiallyifthoseyoungladieshappentobepastfortyandfiftyyearsofage，when，bysubmittingtosupportarackingtorment，theonlygoodcircumstanceattendingwhichis，itissoshortthatscarceoneinathousandcancryout\"Ifeelit，\"theyaretodoaviolencetotheircharms，andloseoneofthosebeautifulholderswithwhichaloneSirCourtlyNicedeclaresaladycaneverlayholdofhisheart。Hesaidatlastsomuch，andseemedtoreasonsojustly，thatIcameovertohisside，andassistedhiminprevailingonmywife（foritwasnoeasymatter）toresolveonkeepinghertoothalittlelonger，andtoapplypalliativesonlyforrelief。Thesewereopiumappliedtothetooth，andblistersbehindtheears。
Whilstwewereatdinnerthisdayinthecabin，onasuddenthewindowononesidewasbeatintotheroomwithacrashasifatwenty-pounderhadbeendischargedamongus。Wewereallalarmedatthesuddennessoftheaccident，forwhich，however，weweresoonabletoaccount，forthesash，whichwasshiveredalltopieces，waspursuedintothemiddleofthecabinbythebowspritofalittleshipcalledacod-smack，themasterofwhichmadeusamendsforrunning（carelesslyatbest）againstus，andinjuringtheship，inthesea-way;thatistosay，bydamningusalltohell，andutteringseveralpiouswishesthatithaddoneusmuchmoremischief。Allwhichwereansweredintheirownkindandphrasebyourmen，betweenwhomandtheothercrewadialogueofoathsandscurrilitywascarriedonaslongastheycontinuedineachother’shearing。
Itisdifficult，Ithink，toassignasatisfactoryreasonwhysailorsingeneralshould，ofallothers，thinkthemselvesentirelydischargedfromthecommonbandsofhumanity，andshouldseemtogloryinthelanguageandbehaviorofsavages！Theyseemoreoftheworld，andhave，mostofthem，amoreeruditeeducationthanistheportionoflandmenoftheirdegree。NordoIbelievethatinanycountrytheyvisit（Hollanditselfnotexcepted）theycaneverfindaparalleltowhatdailypassesontheriverThames。Isitthattheythinktruecourage（fortheyarethebravestfellowsuponearth）inconsistentwithallthegentlenessofahumanecarriage，andthatthecontemptofcivilorderspringsupinmindsbutlittlecultivated，atthesametimeandfromthesameprincipleswiththecontemptofdangeranddeath？Isit——？inshort，itisso;andhowitcomestobesoI
leavetoformaquestionintheRobinHoodSociety，ortohepropoundedforsolutionamongtheenigmasintheWoman’sAlmanacforthenextyear。
Monday，July1。——ThisdayMr。Welchtookhisleaveofmeafterdinner，asdidayoungladyofhersister，whowasproceedingwithmywifetoLisbon。Theybothsetouttogetherinapost-chaiseforLondon。Soonaftertheirdepartureourcabin，wheremywifeandIweresittingtogether，wasvisitedbytworuffians，whoseappearancegreatlycorrespondedwiththatofthesheriffs，orrathertheknight-marshal’sbailiffs。Oneoftheseespecially，whoseemedtoaffectamorethanordinarydegreeofrudenessandinsolence，cameinwithoutanykindofceremony，withabroadgoldlaceonhishat，whichwascockedwithmuchmilitaryfiercenessonhishead。Aninkhornathisbuttonholeandsomepapersinhishandsufficientlyassuredmewhathewas，andIaskedhimifheandhiscompanionwerenotcustom-houseofficers：heansweredwithsufficientdignitythattheywere，asaninformationwhichheseemedtoconcludewouldstrikethehearerwithawe，andsuppressallfurtherinquiry;
but，onthecontrary，Iproceededtoaskofwhatrankhewasinthecustom-house，and，receivingananswerfromhiscompanion，asIremember，thatthegentlemanwasaridingsurveyor，Irepliedthathemightbearidingsurveyor，butcouldbenogentleman，forthatnonewhohadanytitletothatdenominationwouldbreakintothepresenceofaladywithoutanapologyorevenmovinghishat。Hethentookhiscoveringfromhisheadandlaiditonthetable，saying，heaskedpardon，andblamedthemate，whoshould，hesaid，haveinformedhimifanypersonsofdistinctionwerebelow。Itoldhimhemightguessbyourappearance（which，perhaps，wasrathermorethancouldbesaidwiththestrictestadherencetotruth）thathewasbeforeagentlemanandlady，whichshouldteachhimtobeverycivilinhisbehavior，thoughweshouldnothappentobeofthatnumberwhomtheworldcallspeopleoffashionanddistinction。However，Isaid，thatasheseemedsensibleofhiserror，andhadaskedpardon，theladywouldpermithimtoputhishatonagainifhechoseit。Thisherefusedwithsomedegreeofsurliness，andfailednottoconvincemethat，ifIshouldcondescendtobecomemoregentle，hewouldsoongrowmorerude。Inowrenewedareflection，whichIhaveoftenseenoccasiontomake，thatthereisnothingsoincongruousinnatureasanykindofpowerwithlownessofmindandofability，andthatthereisnothingmoredeplorablethanthewantoftruthinthewhimsicalnotionofPlato，whotellsusthat\"Saturn，wellknowingthestateofhumanaffairs，gaveuskingsandrulers，notofhumanbutdivineoriginal;for，aswemakenotshepherdsofsheep，noroxherdsofoxen，norgoatherdsofgoats，butplacesomeofourownkindoverallasbeingbetterandfittertogovernthem;inthesamemannerweredemonsbythedivinelovesetoverusasaraceofbeingsofasuperiorordertomen，andwho，withgreateasetothemselves，mightregulateouraffairsandestablishpeace，modesty，freedom，andjustice，and，totallydestroyingallsedition，mightcompletethehappinessofthehumanrace。Sofar，atleast，mayevennowbesaidwithtruth，thatinallstateswhichareunderthegovernmentofmereman，withoutanydivineassistance，thereisnothingbutlaborandmiserytobefound。FromwhatIhavesaid，therefore，wemayatleastlearn，withourutmostendeavors，toimitatetheSaturnianinstitution;borrowingallassistancefromourimmortalpart，whilewepaytothisthestrictestobedience，weshouldformbothourprivateeconomyandpublicpolicyfromitsdictates。Bythisdispensationofourimmortalmindswearetoestablishalawandtocallitbythatname。Butifanygovernmentbeinthehandsofasingleperson，ofthefew，orofthemany，andsuchgovernororgovernorsshallabandonhimselforthemselvestotheunbridledpursuitofthewildestpleasuresordesires，unabletorestrainanypassion，butpossessedwithaninsatiablebaddisease;ifsuchshallattempttogovern，andatthesametimetotrampleonalllaws，therecanbenomeansofpreservationleftforthewretchedpeople。\"PlatodeLeg。，lib。
iv。p。713，c。714，edit。Serrani。
ItistruethatPlatoisheretreatingofthehighestorsovereignpowerinastate，butitisastruethathisobservationsaregeneralandmaybeappliedtoallinferiorpowers;and，indeed，everysubordinatedegreeisimmediatelyderivedfromthehighest;and，asitisequallyprotectedbythesameforceandsanctifiedbythesameauthority，isalikedangeroustothewell-beingofthesubject。Ofallpowers，perhaps，thereisnonesosanctifiedandprotectedasthiswhichisunderourpresentconsideration。Sonumerous，indeed，andstrong，arethesanctionsgiventoitbymanyactsofparliament，that，havingonceestablishedthelawsofcustomsonmerchandise，itseemstohavebeenthesoleviewofthelegislaturetostrengthenthehandsandtoprotectthepersonsoftheofficerswhobecameestablishedbythoselaws，manyofwhomaresofarfrombearinganyresemblancetotheSaturnianinstitution，andtobechosenfromadegreeofbeingssuperiortotherestofhumanrace，thattheysometimesseemindustriouslypickedoutofthelowestandvilestordersofmankind。Thereis，indeed，nothing，sousefultomaningeneral，norsobeneficialtoparticularsocietiesandindividuals，astrade。Thisisthatalmamateratwhoseplentifulbreastallmankindarenourished。Itistrue，likeotherparents，sheisnotalwaysequallyindulgenttoallherchildren，but，thoughshegivestoherfavoritesavastproportionofredundancyandsuperfluity，thereareveryfewwhomsherefusestosupplywiththeconveniences，andnonewiththenecessaries，oflife。
Suchabenefactressasthismustnaturallybebelovedbymankindingeneral;itwouldbewonderful，therefore，ifherinterestwasnotconsideredbythem，andprotectedfromthefraudandviolenceofsomeofherrebelliousoffspring，who，covetingmorethantheirshareormorethanshethinkspropertoallowthem，aredailyemployedinmeditatingmischiefagainsther，andinendeavoringtostealfromtheirbrethrenthoseshareswhichthisgreatalmamaterhadallowedthem。
Atlengthourgovernorcameonboard，andaboutsixintheeveningweweighedanchor，andfelldowntotheNore，whitherourpassagewasextremelypleasant，theeveningbeingverydelightful，themoonjustpastthefull，andbothwindandtidefavorabletous。
Tuesday，July2。——Thismorningweagainsetsail，underalltheadvantageswehadenjoyedtheeveningbefore。ThisdaywelefttheshoreofEssexandcoastedalongKent，passingbythepleasantislandofThanet，whichisanisland，andthatofSheppy，whichisnotanisland，andaboutthreeo’clock，thewindbeingnowfullinourteeth，wecametoananchorintheDowns，withintwomilesofDeal。——Mywife，havingsufferedintolerablepainfromhertooth，againrenewedherresolutionofhavingitdrawn，andanothersurgeonwassentforfromDeal，butwithnobettersuccessthantheformer。Helikewisedeclinedtheoperation，forthesamereasonwhichhadbeenassignedbytheformer：however，suchwasherresolution，backedwithpain，thathewasobligedtomaketheattempt，whichconcludedmoreinhonorofhisjudgmentthanofhisoperation;for，afterhavingputmypoorwifetoinexpressibletorment，hewasobligedtoleavehertoothinstatuquo;andshehadnowthecomfortableprospectofalongfitofpain，whichmighthavelastedherwholevoyage，withoutanypossibilityofrelief。Inthesepleasingsensations，ofwhichIhadmyjustshare，nature，overcomewithfatigue，abouteightintheeveningresignedhertorest——acircumstancewhichwouldhavegivenmesomehappiness，couldIhaveknownhowtoemploythosespiritswhichwereraisedbyit;but，unfortunatelyforme，Iwasleftinadispositionofenjoyinganagreeablehourwithouttheassistanceofacompanion，whichhasalwaysappearedtomenecessarytosuchenjoyment;mydaughterandhercompanionwerebothretiredsea-sicktobed;theotherpassengerswerearudeschool-boyoffourteenyearsoldandanilliteratePortuguesefriar，whounderstoodnolanguagebuthisown，inwhichIhadnottheleastsmattering。ThecaptainwastheonlypersonleftinwhoseconversationImightindulgemyself;butunluckily，besidesatotalignoranceofeverythingintheworldbutaship，hehadthemisfortuneofbeingsodeaf，thattomakehimhear，Iwillnotsayunderstand，mywords，I
mustruntheriskofconveyingthemtotheearsofmywife，who，thoughinanotherroom（called，Ithink，thestate-room——being，indeed，amoststatelyapartment，capableofcontainingonehumanbodyinlength，ifnotverytall，andthreebodiesinbreadth），layasleepwithinayardofme。Inthissituationnecessityandchoicewereoneandthesamething;thecaptainandIsatdowntogethertoasmallbowlofpunch，overwhichwebothsoonfellfastasleep，andsoconcludedtheevening。
Wednesday，July3。——ThismorningIawakedatfouro’clockformydistemperseldomsufferedmetosleeplater。Ipresentlygotup，andhadthepleasureofenjoyingthesightofatempestuousseaforfourhoursbeforethecaptainwasstirring;forhelovedtoindulgehimselfinmorningslumbers，whichwereattendedwithawind-music，muchmoreagreeabletotheperformersthantothehearers，especiallysuchashave，asIhad，theprivilegeofsittingintheorchestra。Ateighto’clockthecaptainrose，andsenthisboatonshore。Iorderedmymanlikewisetogoinit，asmydistemperwasnotofthatkindwhichentirelydeprivesusofappetite。Now，thoughthecaptainhadwellvictualledhisshipwithallmannerofsaltprovisionsforthevoyage，andhadaddedgreatquantitiesoffreshstores，particularlyofvegetables，atGravesend，suchasbeansandpeas，whichhadbeenonboardonlytwodays，andhadpossiblynotbeengatheredabovetwomore，IapprehendedIcouldprovidebetterformyselfatDealthantheship’sordinaryseemedtopromise。Iaccordinglysentforfreshprovisionsofallkindsfromtheshore，inordertoputofftheevildayofstarvingaslongaspossible。MymanreturnedwithmostofthearticlesIsentfor，andInowthoughtmyselfinaconditionoflivingaweekonmyownprovisions。I
thereforeorderedmyowndinner，whichIwantednothingbutacooktodressandaproperfiretodressitat;butthosewerenottobehad，norindeedanyadditiontomyroastmutton，exceptthepleasureofthecaptain’scompany，withthatoftheotherpassengers;formywifecontinuedthewholedayinastateofdozing，andmyotherfemales，whosesicknessdidnotabatebytherollingoftheshipatanchor，seemedmoreinclinedtoemptytheirstomachsthantofillthem。ThusIpassedthewholeday（exceptaboutanhouratdinner）bymyself，andtheeveningconcludedwiththecaptainastheprecedingonehaddone;onecomfortablepieceofnewshecommunicatedtome，whichwas，thathehadnodoubtofaprosperouswindinthemorning;butashedidnotdivulgethereasonsofthisconfidence，andasIsawnonemyselfbesidesthewindbeingdirectlyopposite，myfaithinthisprophecywasnotstrongenoughtobuildanygreathopesupon。
Thursday，July4。——Thismorning，however，thecaptainseemedresolvedtofulfillhisownpredictions，whetherthewindwouldorno;heaccordinglyweighedanchor，and，takingtheadvantageofthetidewhenthewindwasnotveryboisterous，hehoistedhissails;and，asifhispowerhadbeennolessabsoluteoverAeolusthanitwasoverNeptune，heforcedthewindtoblowhimoninitsowndespite。
Butasallmenwhohaveeverbeenatseawellknowhowweaksuchattemptsare，andwantnoauthoritiesofScripturetoprovethatthemostabsolutepowerofacaptainofashipisverycontemptibleinthewind’seye，sodiditbefallournoblecommander，who，havingstruggledwiththewindthreeorfourhours，wasobligedtogiveover，andlostinafewminutesallthathehadbeensolonga-gaining;inshort，wereturnedtoourformerstation，andoncemorecastanchorintheneighborhoodofDeal。
Here，thoughwelayneartheshore，thatwemightpromiseourselvesalltheemolumentwhichcouldbederivedfromit，wefoundourselvesdeceived;andthatwemightwithasmuchconveniencybeoutofthesightofland;for，exceptwhenthecaptainlaunchedforthhisownboat，whichhedidalwayswithgreatreluctance，wewereincapableofprocuringanythingfromDeal，butatapricetooexorbitant，andbeyondthereachevenofmodernluxury——thefareofaboatfromDeal，whichlayattwomiles’distance，beingatleastthreehalf-crowns，and，ifwehadbeeninanydistressforit，asmanyhalf-guineas;forthesegoodpeopleconsidertheseaasalargecommonappendanttotheirmanor;inwhichwhentheyfindanyoftheirfellow-creaturesimpounded，theyconcludethattheyhaveafullrightofmakingthempayattheirowndiscretionfortheirdeliverance：tosaythetruth，whetheritbethatmenwholiveonthesea-shoreareofanamphibiouskind，anddonotentirelypartakeofhumannature，orwhateverelsemaybethereason，theyaresofarfromtakinganyshareinthedistressesofmankind，orofbeingmovedwithanycompassionforthem，thattheylookuponthemasblessingsshowereddownfromabove，andwhichthemoretheyimprovetotheirownuse，thegreateristheirgratitudeandpiety。ThusatGravesendascullerrequiresashillingforgoinglesswaythanhewouldrowinLondonforthreepence;andatDealaboatoftenbringsmoreprofitinadaythanitcanproduceinLondoninaweek，orperhapsinamonth;inbothplacestheowneroftheboatfoundshisdemandonthenecessityanddistressofonewhostandsmoreorlessinabsolutewantofhisassistance，andwiththeurgencyofthesealwaysrisesintheexorbitancyofhisdemand，withouteverconsideringthat，fromtheseverycircumstances，thepoweroreaseofgratifyingsuchdemandisinlikeproportionlessened。Now，asIamunwillingthatsomeconclusions，whichmaybe，Iamaware，toojustlydrawnfromtheseobservations，shouldbeimputedtohumannatureingeneral，Ihaveendeavoredtoaccountfortheminawaymoreconsistentwiththegoodnessanddignityofthatnature。Howeveritbe，itseemsalittletoreflectonthegovernorsofsuchmonstersthattheydonottakesomemeanstorestraintheseimpositions，andpreventthemfromtriumphinganylongerinthemiseriesofthosewhoare，inmanycircumstancesatleast，theirfellow-creatures，andconsideringthedistressesofawretchedseaman，fromhisbeingwreckedtohisbeingbarelywindbound，asablessingsentamongthemfromabove，andcallingitbythatblasphemousname。
Friday，July5。——ThisdayIsentaservantonboardaman-of-warthatwasstationedhere，withmycomplimentstothecaptain，torepresenttohimthedistressoftheladies，andtodesirethefavorofhislong-boattoconductustoDover，ataboutsevenmiles’distance;andatthesametimepresumedtomakeuseofagreatlady’sname，thewifeofthefirstlordcommissioneroftheadmiralty，whowould，Itoldhim，bepleasedwithanykindnessshownbyhimtowardsusinourmiserablecondition。AndthisI
amconvincedwastrue，fromthehumanityofthelady，thoughshewasentirelyunknowntome。
ThecaptainreturnedaverbalanswertoalongletteracquaintingmethatwhatIdesiredcouldnotbecompliedwith，itbeingafavornotinhispowertogrant。Thismightbe，andIsupposewas，true;butitisastruethat，ifhewasabletowrite，andhadpen，ink，andpaperonboard，hemighthavesentawrittenanswer，andthatitwasthepartofagentlemansotohavedone;
butthisisacharacterseldommaintainedonthewateryelement，especiallybythosewhoexerciseanypoweronit。Everycommanderofavesselhereseemstothinkhimselfentirelyfreefromallthoserulesofdecencyandcivilitywhichdirectandrestraintheconductofthemembersofasocietyonshore;andeach，claimingabsolutedominioninhislittlewoodenworld，rulesbyhisownlawsandhisowndiscretion。Idonot，indeed，knowsopregnantaninstanceofthedangerousconsequencesofabsolutepower，anditsaptnesstointoxicatethemind，asthatofthosepettytyrants，whobecomesuchinamoment，fromverywell-disposedandsocialmembersofthatcommunioninwhichtheyaffectnosuperiority，butliveinanorderlystateoflegalsubjectionwiththeirfellow-citizens。
Saturday，July6。——Thismorningourcommander，declaringhewassurethewindwouldchange，tooktheadvantageofanebbingtide，andweighedhisanchor。Hisassurance，however，hadthesamecompletion，andhisendeavorsthesamesuccess，withhisformaltrial;andhewassoonobligedtoreturnoncemoretohisoldquarters。Justbeforeweletgoouranchor，asmallsloop，ratherthansubmittoyieldusaninchofway，ranfoulofourship，andcarriedoffherbowsprit。Thisobstinatefrolicwouldhavecostthoseaboardthesloopverydear，ifoursteersmanhadnotbeentoogeneroustoexerthissuperiority，thecertainconsequenceofwhichwouldhavebeentheimmediatesinkingoftheother。Thiscontentionoftheinferiorwithamightcapableofcrushingitinaninstantmayseemtoarguenosmallshareoffollyormadness，aswellasofimpudence;butIamconvincedthereisverylittledangerinit：contemptisaporttowhichtheprideofmansubmitstoflywithreluctance，butthosewhoarewithinitarealwaysinaplaceofthemostassuredsecurity;
forwhosoeverthrowsawayhisswordprefers，indeed，alesshonorablebutmuchsafermeansofavoidingdangerthanhewhodefendshimselfwithit。Andhereweshallofferanotherdistinction，ofthetruthofwhichmuchreadingandexperiencehavewellconvincedus，thatasinthemostabsolutegovernmentsthereisaregularprogressionofslaverydownwards，fromthetoptothebottom，themischiefofwhichisseldomfeltwithanygreatforceandbitternessbutbythenextimmediatedegree;sointhemostdissoluteandanarchicalstatesthereisasregularanascentofwhatiscalledrankorcondition，whichisalwayslayingholdoftheheadofhimwhoisadvancedbutonestephigherontheladder，whomight，ifhedidnottoomuchdespisesuchefforts，kickhispursuerheadlongtothebottom。Wewillconcludethisdigressionwithonegeneralandshortobservation，whichwill，perhaps，setthewholematterinaclearerlightthanthelongestandmostlaboredharangue。Whereasenvyofallthingsmostexposesustodangerfromothers，socontemptofallthingsbestsecuresusfromthem。Andthus，whilethedung-cartandtheslooparealwaysmeditatingmischiefagainstthecoachandtheship，andthrowingthemselvesdesignedlyintheirway，thelatterconsideronlytheirownsecurity，andarenotashamedtobreaktheroadandlettheotherpassbythem。
Monday，July8。——HavingpassedourSundaywithoutanythingremarkable，unlessthecatchingagreatnumberofwhitingsintheafternoonmaybethoughtso，wenowsetsailonMondayatsixo’clock，withalittlevariationofwind;butthiswassoverylittle，andthebreezeitselfsosmall，butthetidewasourbestandindeedalmostouronlyfriend。ThisconductedusalongtheshortremainderoftheKentishshore。HerewepassedthatcliffofDoverwhichmakessotremendousafigureinShakespeare，andwhichwhoeverreadswithoutbeinggiddy，must，accordingtoMr。
Addison’sobservation，haveeitheraverygoodheadoraverybad，one;butwhich，whoevercontractsanysuchideasfromthesightof，musthaveatleastapoeticifnotaShakesperiangenius。Intruth，mountains，rivers，heroes，andgodsowegreatpartoftheirexistencetothepoets;andGreeceandItalydosoplentifullyaboundintheformer，becausetheyfurnishsogloriousanumberofthelatter;who，whiletheybestowedimmortalityoneverylittlehillockandblindstream，leftthenoblestriversandmountainsintheworldtosharethesameobscuritywiththeeasternandwesternpoets，inwhichtheyarecelebrated。ThiseveningwebeattheseaofSussexinsightofDungeness，withmuchmorepleasurethanprogress;fortheweatherwasalmostaperfectcalm，andthemoon，whichwasalmostatthefull，scarcesufferedasinglecloudtoveilherfromoursight。
Tuesday，Wednesday，July9，10。——Thesetwodayswehadmuchthesamefineweather，andmademuchthesameway;butintheeveningofthelatterdayaprettyfreshgalesprungupatN。N。W。，whichbroughtusbythemorninginsightoftheIsleofWight。
Thursday，July11。——Thisgalecontinuedtilltowardsnoon;whentheeastendoftheislandborebutlittleaheadofus。Thecaptainswaggeredanddeclaredhewouldkeepthesea;butthewindgotthebetterofhim，sothataboutthreehegaveupthevictory，andmakingasuddentackstoodinfortheshore，passedbySpitheadandPortsmouth，andcametoananchorataplacecalledRydeontheisland。
Amosttragicalincidentfelloutthisdayatsea。Whiletheshipwasundersail，butmakingaswillappearnogreatway，akitten，oneoffourofthefelineinhabitantsofthecabin，fellfromthewindowintothewater：analarmwasimmediatelygiventothecaptain，whowasthenupondeck，andreceiveditwiththeutmostconcernandmanybitteroaths。Heimmediatelygaveorderstothesteersmaninfavorofthepoorthing，ashecalledit;thesailswereinstantlyslackened，andallhands，asthephraseis，employedtorecoverthepooranimal。Iwas，Iown，extremelysurprisedatallthis;lessindeedatthecaptain’sextremetendernessthanathisconceivinganypossibilityofsuccess;forifpusshadhadninethousandinsteadofninelives，Iconcludedtheyhadbeenalllost。Theboatswain，however，hadmoresanguinehopes，for，havingstrippedhimselfofhisjacket，breeches，andshirt，heleapedboldlyintothewater，andtomygreatastonishmentinafewminutesreturnedtotheship，bearingthemotionlessanimalinhismouth。Norwasthis，Iobserved，amatterofsuchgreatdifficultyasitappearedtomyignorance，andpossiblymayseemtothatofmyfresh-waterreader。Thekittenwasnowexposedtoairandsunonthedeck，whereitslife，ofwhichitretainednosymptoms，wasdespairedofbyall。
Thecaptain’shumanity，ifImaysocallit，didnotsototallydestroyhisphilosophyastomakehimyieldhimselfuptoafflictiononthismelancholyoccasion。Havingfelthislosslikeaman，heresolvedtoshowhecouldbearitlikeone;and，havingdeclaredhehadratherhavelostacaskofrumorbrandy，betookhimselftothreshingatbackgammonwiththePortuguesefriar，inwhichinnocentamusementtheyhadpassedabouttwo-thirdsoftheirtime。
ButasIhave，perhaps，alittletoowantonlyendeavoredtoraisethetenderpassionsofmyreadersinthisnarrative，IshouldthinkmyselfunpardonableifIconcludeditwithoutgivingthemthesatisfactionofhearingthatthekittenatlastrecovered，tothegreatjoyofthegoodcaptain，buttothegreatdisappointmentofsomeofthesailors，whoassertedthatthedrowningacatwastheverysurestwayofraisingafavorablewind;asuppositionofwhich，thoughwehaveheardseveralplausibleaccounts，wewillnotpresumetoassignthetrueoriginalreason。
Friday，July12。——ThisdayourladieswentashoreatRyde，anddranktheirafternoonteaatanale-housetherewithgreatsatisfaction：heretheywereregaledwithfreshcream，towhichtheyhadbeenstrangerssincetheylefttheDowns。
Saturday，July13。——Thewindseeminglikelytocontinueinthesamecornerwhereithadbeenalmostconstantlyfortwomonthstogether，IwaspersuadedbymywifetogoashoreandstayatRydetillwesailed。Iapprovedthemotionmuch;forthoughIamagreatloverofthesea，Inowfanciedtherewasmorepleasureinbreathingthefreshairoftheland;buthowtogetthitherwasthequestion;for，beingreallythatdeadluggagewhichI
consideredallpassengerstobeinthebeginningofthisnarrative，andincapableofanybodilymotionwithoutexternalimpulse，itwasinvaintoleavetheship，ortodeterminetodoit，withouttheassistanceofothers。Inoneinstance，perhaps，theliving，luggageismoredifficulttobemovedorremovedthananequalormuchsuperiorweightofdeadmatter;which，ifofthebrittlekind，mayindeedbeliabletobebrokenthroughnegligence;butthis，bypropercare，maybealmostcertainlyprevented;whereasthefracturestowhichthelivinglumpsareexposedaresometimesbynocautionavoidable，andoftenbynoarttobeamended。
Iwasdeliberatingonthemeansofconveyance，notsomuchoutoftheshiptotheboatasoutofalittletotteringboattotheland;amatterwhich，asIhadalreadyexperiencedintheThames，wasnotextremelyeasy，whentobeperformedbyanyotherlimbsthanyourown。WhilstIweighedallthatcouldsuggestitselfonthishead，withoutstrictlyexaminingthemeritoftheseveralschemeswhichwereadvancedbythecaptainandsailors，and，indeed，givingnoverydeepattentioneventomywife，who，aswellasherfriendandmydaughter，wereexertingtheirtenderconcernformyeaseandsafety，Fortune，forIamconvincedshehadahandinit，sentmeapresentofabuck;apresentwelcomeenoughofitself，butmorewelcomeonaccountofthevesselinwhichitcame，beingalargehoy，whichinsomeplaceswouldpassforaship，andmanypeoplewouldgosomemilestoseethesight。
Iwasprettyeasilyconveyedonboardthishoy;buttogetfromhencetotheshorewasnotsoeasyatask;for，howeverstrangeitmayappear，thewateritselfdidnotextendsofar;aninstancewhichseemstoexplainthoselinesofOvid，Omniapontuserant，deerantquoquelittoraponto，inalesstautologicalsensethanhathgenerallybeenimputedtothem。
Infact，betweentheseaandtheshoretherewas，atlowwater，animpassablegulf，ifImaysocallit，ofdeepmud，whichcouldneitherbetraversedbywalkingnorswimming;sothatfornearonehalfofthetwenty-fourhoursRydewasinaccessiblebyfriendorfoe。Butasthemagistratesofthisplaceseemedmoretodesirethecompanyoftheformerthantofearthatofthelatter，theyhadbeguntomakeasmallcausewaytothelow-watermark，sothatfootpassengersmightlandwhenevertheypleased;butasthisworkwasofapublickind，andwouldhavecostalargesumofmoney，atleasttenpounds，andthemagistrates，thatistosay，thechurchwardens，theoverseers，constable，andtithingman，andtheprincipalinhabitants，hadeveryoneofthemsomeseparateschemeofprivateinteresttoadvanceattheexpenseofthepublic，theyfelloutamongthemselves;and，afterhavingthrownawayonehalfoftherequisitesum，resolvedatleasttosavetheotherhalf，andratherbecontentedtositdownlosersthemselvesthantoenjoyanybenefitwhichmightbringinagreaterprofittoanother。Thusthatunanimitywhichissonecessaryinallpublicaffairsbecamewanting，andeveryman，fromthefearofbeingabubbletoanother，was，inreality，abubbletohimself。
However，asthereisscarceanydifficultytowhichthestrengthofmen，assistedwiththecunningofart，isnotequal，Iwasatlasthoistedintoasmallboat，andbeingrowedprettyneartheshore，wastakenupbytwosailors，whowadedwithmethroughthemud，andplacedmeinachairontheland，whencetheyafterwardsconveyedmeaquarterofamilefarther，andbroughtmetoahousewhichseemedtobidthefairestforhospitalityofanyinRyde。
Webroughtwithusourprovisionsfromtheship，sothatwewantednothingbutafiretodressourdinner，andaroominwhichwemighteatit。Inneitherofthesehadweanyreasontoapprehendadisappointment，ourdinnerconsistingonlyofbeansandbacon;andtheworstapartmentinhismajesty’sdominions，eitherathomeorabroad，beingfullysufficienttoanswerourpresentideasofdelicacy。
Unluckily，however，weweredisappointedinboth;forwhenwearrivedaboutfouratourinn，exultinginthehopesofimmediatelyseeingourbeanssmokingonthetable，wehadthemortificationofseeingthemonthetableindeed，butwithoutthatcircumstancewhichwouldhavemadethesightagreeable，beinginthesamestateinwhichwehaddispatchedthemfromourship。Inexcuseforthisdelay，thoughwehadexceeded，almostpurposely，thetimeappointed，andourprovisionhadarrivedthreehoursbefore，themistressofthehouseacquaintedusthatitwasnotforwantoftimetodressthemthattheywerenotready，butforfearoftheirbeingcoldorover-donebeforeweshouldcome;whichsheassureduswasmuchworsethanwaitingafewminutesforourdinner;anobservationsoveryjust，thatitisimpossibletofindanyobjectioninit;but，indeed，itwasnotaltogethersoproperatthistime，forwehadgiventhemostabsoluteorderstohavethemreadyatfour，andhadbeenourselves，notwithoutmuchcareanddifficulty，mostexactlypunctualinkeepingtotheveryminuteofourappointment。Buttradesmen，inn-keepers，andservants，nevercaretoindulgeusinmatterscontrarytoourtrueinterest，whichtheyalwaysknowbetterthanourselves;norcananybribescorruptthemtogooutoftheirwaywhiletheyareconsultingourgoodinourowndespite。
Ourdisappointmentintheotherparticular，indefianceofourhumility，asitwasmoreextraordinary，wasmoreprovoking。Inshort，Mrs。Francis（forthatwasthenameofthegoodwomanofthehouse）nosoonerreceivedthenewsofourintendedarrivalthansheconsideredmorethegentilitythanthehumanityofherguests，andappliedherselfnottothatwhichkindlesbuttothatwhichextinguishesfire，and，forgettingtoputonherpot，felltowashingherhouse。
Asthemessengerwhohadbroughtmyvenisonwasimpatienttobedispatched，IorderedittobebroughtandlaidonthetableintheroomwhereIwasseated;andthetablenotbeinglargeenough，oneside，andthataverybloodyone，waslaidonthebrickfloor。IthenorderedMrs。Francistobecalledin，inordertogiveherinstructionsconcerningit;inparticular，whatIwouldhaveroastedandwhatbaked;concludingthatshewouldbehighlypleasedwiththeprospectofsomuchmoneybeingspentinherhouseasshemighthavenowreasontoexpect，ifthewindcontinuedonlyafewdayslongertoblowfromthesamepointswhenceithadblownforseveralweekspast。
Isoonsawgoodcause，Imustconfess，todespisemyownsagacity。Mrs。Francis，havingreceivedherorders，withoutmakinganyanswer，snatchedthesidefromthefloor，whichremainedstainedwithblood，and，biddingaservanttotakeupthatonthetable，lefttheroomwithnopleasantcountenance，mutteringtoherselfthat，\"hadsheknownthelitterwhichwastohavebeenmade，shewouldnothavetakensuchpainstowashherhousethatmorning。Ifthiswasgentility，muchgoodmayitdosuchgentlefolks;forherpartshehadnonotionofit。\"FromthesemurmursIreceivedtwohints。Theone，thatitwasnotfromamistakeofourinclinationthatthegoodwomanhadstarvedus，butfromwiselyconsultingherowndignity，orratherperhapshervanity，towhichourhungerwasofferedupasasacrifice。
Theother，thatIwasnowsittinginadamproom，acircumstance，thoughithadhithertoescapedmynoticefromthecolorofthebricks，whichwasbynomeanstobeneglectedinavaletudinarystate。
Mywife，who，besidesdischargingexcellentlywellherownandallthetenderofficesbecomingthefemalecharacter;who，besidesbeingafaithfulfriend，anamiablecompanion，andatendernurse，couldlikewisesupplythewantsofadecrepithusband，andoccasionallyperformhispart，had，beforethis，discoveredtheimmoderateattentiontoneatnessinMrs。Francis，andprovidedagainstitsillconsequences。Shehadfound，thoughnotunderthesameroof，averysnugapartmentbelongingtoMr。
Francis，andwhichhadescapedthemopbyhiswife’sbeingsatisfieditcouldnotpossiblybevisitedbygentle-folks。Thiswasadry，warm，oaken-flooredbarn，linedonbothsideswithwheatenstraw，andopeningatoneendintoagreenfieldandabeautifulprospect。Here，withouthesitation，sheorderedtheclothtobelaid，andcamehastilytosnatchmefromworseperilsbywaterthanthecommondangersofthesea。
Mrs。Francis，whocouldnottrustherownears，orcouldnotbelieveafootmaninsoextraordinaryaphenomenon，followedmywife，andaskedherifshehadindeedorderedtheclothtobelaidinthebarn？Sheansweredintheaffirmative;uponwhichMrs。Francisdeclaredshewouldnotdisputeherpleasure，butitwasthefirsttimeshebelievedthatqualityhadeverpreferredabarntoahouse。Sheshowedatthesametimethemostpregnantmarksofcontempt，andagainlamentedthelaborshehadundergone，throughherignoranceoftheabsurdtasteofherguests。
AtlengthwewereseatedinoneofthemostpleasantspotsI
believeinthekingdom，andwereregaledwithourbeansandbacon，inwhichtherewasnothingdeficientbutthequantity。
Thisdefectwashoweversodeplorablethatwehadconsumedourwholedishbeforewehadvisiblylessenedourhunger。Wenowwaitedwithimpatiencethearrivalofoursecondcourse，whichnecessity，andnotluxury，haddictated。ThiswasajointofmuttonwhichMrs。Francishadbeenorderedtoprovide;butwhen，beingtiredwithexpectation，weorderedourservantsTOSEEFOR
SOMETHINGELSE，wewereinformedthattherewasnothingelse;onwhichMrs。Francis，beingsummoned，declaredtherewasnosuchthingasmuttontobehadatRyde。WhenIexpressedsomeastonishmentattheirhavingnobutcherinavillagesosituated，sheansweredtheyhadaverygoodone，andonethatkilledallsortsofmeatinseason，beeftwoorthreetimesayear，andmuttonthewholeyearround;butthat，itbeingthenbeansandpeastime，hekillednomeat，byreasonhewasnotsureofsellingit。Thisshehadnotthoughtworthyofcommunication，anymorethanthattherelivedafishermanatnextdoor，whowasthenprovidedwithplentyofsoles，andwhitings，andlobsters，farsuperiortothosewhichadornacityfeast。Thisdiscoverybeingmadebyaccident，wecompletedthebest，thepleasantest，andthemerriestmeal，withmoreappetite，morerealsolidluxury，andmorefestivity，thanwaseverseeninanentertainmentatWhite’s。
Itmaybewonderedat，perhaps，thatMrs。Francisshouldbesonegligentofprovidingforherguests，asshemayseemtobethusinattentivetoherowninterest;butthiswasnotthecase;for，havingclappedapoll-taxonourheadsatourarrival，anddeterminedatwhatpricetodischargeourbodiesfromherhouse，thelessshesufferedanyothertoshareinthelevythecleareritcameintoherownpocket;andthatitwasbettertogettwelvepenceinashillingthantenpence，whichlatterwouldbethecaseifsheaffordedusfishatanyrate。
Thuswepassedamostagreeabledayowingtogoodappetitesandgoodhumor;twoheartyfeederswhichwilldevourwithsatisfactionwhateverfoodyouplacebeforethem;whereas，withoutthese，theeleganceofSt。James’s，thecharde，theperigord-pie，ortheortolan，thevenison，theturtle，orthecustard，maytitillatethethroat，butwillneverconveyhappinesstotheheartorcheerfulnesstothecountenance。
Asthewindappearedstillimmovable，mywifeproposedmylyingonshore。Ipresentlyagreed，thoughindefianceofanactofparliament，bywhichpersonswanderingabroadandlodginginale-housesaredecreedtoberoguesandvagabonds;andthistooafterhavingbeenverysingularlyofficiousinputtingthatlawinexecution。Mywife，havingreconnoiteredthehouse，reportedthattherewasoneroominwhichweretwobeds。Itwasconcluded，therefore，thatsheandHarriotshouldoccupyoneandmyselftakepossessionoftheother。Sheaddedlikewiseaningeniousrecommendationofthisroomtoonewhohadsolongbeeninacabin，whichitexactlyresembled，asitwassunkdownwithageononeside，andwasintheformofashipwithgunwalestoo。
Formyownpart，Imakelittledoubtbutthisapartmentwasanancienttemple，builtwiththematerialsofawreck，andprobablydedicatedtoNeptuneinhonorofTHEBLESSINGsentbyhimtotheinhabitants;suchblessingshavinginallagesbeenverycommontothem。Thetimberemployedinitconfirmsthisopinion，beingsuchasisseldomusedbyallybutship-builders。IdonotfindindeedanymentionofthismatterinHearn;butperhapsitsantiquitywastoomoderntodeservehisnotice。CertainitisthatthisislandofWightwasnotanearlyconverttoChristianity;nay，thereissomereasontodoubtwhetheritwaseverentirelyconverted。ButIhaveonlytimetotouchslightlyonthingsofthiskind，which，luckilyforus，wehaveasocietywhosepeculiarprofessionitistodiscussanddevelop。
Sunday，July19。——ThismorningearlyIsummonedMrs。Francis，inordertopayhertheprecedingday’saccount。AsIcouldrecollectonlytwoorthreearticlesIthoughttherewasnonecessityofpenandink。Inasingleinstanceonlywehadexceededwhatthelawallowsgratistoafoot-soldieronhismarch，viz。，vinegar，salt，etc。，anddressinghismeat。I
found，however，Iwasmistakeninmycalculation;forwhenthegoodwomanattendedwithherbillitcontainedasfollows：——
L。s。d。
Breadandbeer024
Wind020
Rum020
Dressingdinner030
Tea016
Firing010
Lodging016
Servants’lodging006
————————————————-
L01310
Nowthatfivepeopleandtwoservantsshouldliveadayandnightatapublic-houseforsosmallasumwillappearincredibletoanypersoninLondonabovethedegreeofachimney-sweeper;butmoreastonishingwillitseemthatthesepeopleshouldremainsolongatsuchahousewithouttastinganyotherdelicacythanbread，smallbeer，ateacupfulofmilkcalledcream，aglassofrumconvertedintopunchbytheirownmaterials，andonebottleofwind，ofwhichweonlytastedasingleglassthoughpossibly，indeed，ourservantsdranktheremainderofthebottle。
ThiswindisaliquorofEnglishmanufacture，anditsflavoristhoughtverydeliciousbythegeneralityoftheEnglish，whodrinkitingreatquantities。Everyseventhyearisthoughttoproduceasmuchastheothersix。Itisthendranksoplentifullythatthewholenationareinamannerintoxicatedbyit;andconsequentlyverylittlebusinessiscarriedonatthatseason。ItresemblesincolortheredwinewhichisimportedfromPortugal，asitdothinitsintoxicatingquality;hence，andfromthisagreementintheorthography，theoneisoftenconfoundedwiththeother，thoughbothareseldomesteemedbythesameperson。Itistobehadineveryparishofthekingdom，andaprettylargequantityisconsumedinthemetropolis，whereseveraltavernsaresetapartsolelyforthevenditionofthisliquor，themastersneverdealinginanyother。ThedisagreementinourcomputationproducedsomesmallremonstrancetoMrs。
Francisonmyside;butthisreceivedanimmediateanswer：\"Shescornedtooverchargegentlemen;herhousehadbeenalwaysfrequentedbytheverybestgentryoftheisland;andshehadneverhadabillfoundfaultwithinherlife，thoughshehadlivedupwardsoffortyyearsinthehouse，andwithinthattimethegreatestgentryinHampshirehadbeenatit;andthatlawyerWillisneverwenttoanyotherwhenhecametothoseparts。Thatforherpartshedidnotgetherlivelihoodbytravelers，whoweregoneandaway，andsheneverexpectedtoseethemmore，butthatherneighborsmightcomeagain;wherefore，tobesure，theyhadtheonlyrighttocomplain。\"
Shewasproceedingthus，andfromhervolubilityoftongueseemedlikelytostretchthediscoursetoanimmoderatelength，whenI
suddenlycutallshortbypayingthebill。
Thismorningourladieswenttochurch，more，Ifear，fromcuriositythanreligion;theywereattendedbythecaptaininamostmilitaryattire，withhiscockadeinhishatandhisswordbyhisside。Sounusualanappearanceinthislittlechapeldrewtheattentionofallpresent，andprobablydisconcertedthewomen，whowereindishabille，andwishedthemselvesdressed，forthesakeofthecurate，whowasthegreatestoftheirbeholders。
WhileIwasleftaloneIreceivedavisitfromMr。Francishimself，whowasmuchmoreconsiderableasafarmerthanasaninn-holder。Indeed，heleftthelatterentirelytothecareofhiswife，andheactedwisely，Ibelieve，insodoing。AsnothingmoreremarkablepassedonthisdayIwillcloseitwiththeaccountofthesetwocharacters，asfarasafewdays’
residencecouldinformmeofthem。Iftheyshouldappearasnewtothereaderastheydidtome，hewillnotbedispleasedatfindingthemhere。Thisamiablecoupleseemedtoborderhardontheirgrandclimacteric;norindeedweretheyshyofowningenoughtofixtheirageswithinayearortwoofthattime。Theyappearedtoberatherproudofhavingemployedtheirtimewellthanashamedofhavinglivedsolong;theonlyreasonwhichI
couldeverassignwhysomefineladies，andfinegentlementoo，shoulddesiretobethoughtyoungerthantheyreallyarebythecontemporariesoftheirgrandchildren。Some，indeed，whotoohastilycreditappearances，mightdoubtwhethertheyhadmadesogoodauseoftheirtimeasIwouldinsinuate，sincetherewasnoappearanceofanythingbutpoverty，want，andwretchedness，abouttheirhouse;norcouldtheyproduceanythingtoacustomerinexchangeforhismoneybutafewbottlesofwind，andspirituousliquors，andsomeverybadale，todrink;withrustybaconandworsecheesetoeat。Butthenitshouldbeconsidered，ontheotherside，thatwhatevertheyreceivedwasalmostasentirelyclearprofitastheblessingofawreckitself;suchaninnbeingtheveryreverseofacoffee-house;forhereyoucanneithersitfornothingnorhaveanythingforyourmoney。
Again，asmanymarksofwantaboundedeverywhere，sowerethemarksofantiquityvisible。Scarceanythingwastobeseenwhichhadnotsomescaruponit，madebythehandofTime;notanutensil，itwasmanifest，hadbeenpurchasedwithinadozenyearslastpast;sothatwhatevermoneyhadcomeintothehouseduringthatperiodatleastmusthaveremainedinit，unlessithadbeensentabroadforfood，orotherperishablecommodities;buttheseweresuppliedbyasmallportionofthefruitsofthefarm，inwhichthefarmerallowedhehadaverygoodbargain。Infact，itisinconceivablewhatsumsmaybecollectedbystarvingonly，andhoweasyitisforamantodierichifhewillbutbecontentedtolivemiserable。
Noristhereinthiskindofstarvinganythingsoterribleassomeapprehend。Itneitherwastesaman’sfleshnorrobshimofhischeerfulness。ThefamousCornaro’scasewellprovesthecontrary;andsodidfarmerFrancis，whowasofaroundstature，hadaplump，roundface，withakindofsmileonit，andseemedtoborrowanairofwretchednessratherfromhiscoat’sagethanfromhisown。
Thetruthis，thereisacertaindietwhichemaciatesmenmorethananypossibledegreeofabstinence;thoughIdonotremembertohaveseenanycautionagainstit，eitherinCheney，Arbuthnot，orinanyothermodernwriterorregimen。
Nay，theverynameisnot，Ibelieve，inthelearnedDr。James’sDictionary;allwhichisthemoreextraordinaryasitisaverycommonfoodinthiskingdom，andthecollegethemselveswerenotlongsinceveryliberallyentertainedwithitbythepresentattorneyandothereminentlawyersinLincoln’s-inn-hall，andwereallmadehorriblysickbyit。
ButthoughitshouldnotbefoundamongourEnglishphysicalwriters，wemaybeassuredofmeetingwithitamongtheGreeks;
fornothingconsiderableinnatureescapestheirnotice，thoughmanythingsconsiderableinthem，itistobefeared，haveescapedthenoticeoftheirreaders。TheGreeks，then，toallsuchasfeedtoovoraciouslyonthisdiet，givethenameofHEAUTOFAGI，whichourphysicianswill，Isuppose，translateMEN
THATEATTHEMSELVES。
Asnothingissodestructivetothebodyasthiskindoffood，sonothingissoplentifulandcheap;butitwasperhapstheonlycheapthingthefarmerdisliked。Probablylivingmuchonfishmightproducethisdisgust;forDiodorusSiculusattributesthesameaversioninapeopleofEthiopiatothesamecause;hecallsthemthefish-eaters，andassertsthattheycannotbebroughttoeatasinglemealwiththeHeautofagibyanypersuasion，threat，orviolencewhatever，noteventhoughtheyshouldkilltheirchildrenbeforetheirfaces。
Whathathpuzzledourphysicians，andpreventedthemfromsettingthismatterintheclearestlight，ispossiblyonesimplemistake，arisingfromaveryexcusableignorance;thatthepassionsofmenarecapableofswallowingfoodaswellastheirappetites;thattheformer，infeeding，resemblethestateofthoseanimalswhochewthecud;andtherefore，suchmen，insomesense，maybesaidtopreyonthemselves，andasitweretodevourtheirownentrails。Andhenceensuesameageraspectandthinhabitofbody，assurelyasfromwhatiscalledaconsumption。Ourfarmerwasoneofthese。HehadnomorepassionthananIchthuofagusorEthiopianfisher。Hewishednotforanything，thoughtnotofanything;indeed，hescarcedidanythingorsaidanything。HereIcannotbeunderstoodstrictly;
forthenImustdescribeanonentity，whereasIwouldrobhimofnothingbutthatfreeagencywhichisthecauseofallthecorruptionandofallthemiseryofhumannature。Noman，indeed，everdidmorethanthefarmer，forhewasanabsoluteslavetolaboralltheweek;butintruth，asmysagaciousreadermusthaveatfirstapprehended，whenIsaidheresignedthecareofthehousetohiswife，ImeantmorethanIthenexpressed，eventhehouseandallthatbelongedtoit;forhewasreallyafarmeronlyunderthedirectionofhiswife。Inaword，socomposed，soserene，soplacidacountenance，Ineversaw;andhesatisfiedhimselfbyansweringtoeveryquestionhewasasked，\"I
don’tknowanythingaboutit，sir;Ileavesallthattomywife。\"
Now，asacoupleofthiskindwould，liketwovesselsofoil，havemadenocompositioninlife，andforwantofallsavormusthavepalledeverytaste;natureorfortune，orbothofthem，tookcaretoprovideaproperquantityofacidinthematerialsthatformedthewife，andtorenderheraperfecthelpmateforsotranquilahusband。Sheaboundedinwhatsoeverhewasdefective;
thatistosay，inalmosteverything。Shewasindeedasvinegartooil，orabriskwindtoastanding-pool，andpreservedallfromstagnationandcorruption。
Quintheplayer，ontakinganiceandseveresurveyofafellow-comedian，burstforthintothisexclamation：——\"Ifthatfellowbenotarogue，GodAlmightydothnotwritealegiblehand。\"
Whetherheguessedrightornoisnotworthmywhiletoexamine;
certainitisthatthelatter，havingwroughthisfeaturesintoaproperharmonytobecomethecharactersofIago，Shylock，andothersofthesamecast，gaveusasemblanceoftruthtotheobservationthatwassufficienttoconfirmthewitofit。