LOUKA（scornfully）。Yes：sellyourmanhoodforthirtylevas，andbuymeforten！Keepyourmoney。Youwereborntobeaservant。Iwasnot。Whenyousetupyourshopyouwillonlybeeverybody’sservantinsteadofsomebody’sservant。
NICOLA（pickinguphislogs，andgoingtothestove）。Ah，waittillyousee。Weshallhaveoureveningstoourselves;andI
shallbemasterinmyownhouse，Ipromiseyou。（Hethrowsthelogsdownandkneelsatthestove。）
LOUKA。Youshallneverbemasterinmine。（ShesitsdownonSergius’schair。）
NICOLA（turning，stillonhisknees，andsquattingdownratherforlornly，onhiscalves，dauntedbyherimplacabledisdain）。
Youhaveagreatambitioninyou，Louka。Remember：ifanyluckcomestoyou，itwasIthatmadeawomanofyou。
LOUKA。You！
NICOLA（withdoggedself-assertion）。Yes，me。WhowasitmadeyougiveupwearingacoupleofpoundsoffalseblackhaironyourheadandreddeningyourlipsandcheekslikeanyotherBulgariangirl？Idid。Whotaughtyoutotrimyournails，andkeepyourhandsclean，andbedaintyaboutyourself，likeafineRussianlady？Me！doyouhearthat？me！（Shetossesherheaddefiantly;andherises，ill-humoredly，addingmorecoolly）I’veoftenthoughtthatifRainawereoutoftheway，andyoujustalittlelessofafoolandSergiusjustalittlemoreofone，youmightcometobeoneofmygrandestcustomers，insteadofonlybeingmywifeandcostingmemoney。
LOUKA。Ibelieveyouwouldratherbemyservantthanmyhusband。
Youwouldmakemoreoutofme。Oh，Iknowthatsoulofyours。
NICOLA（goingupclosetoherforgreateremphasis）。Neveryoumindmysoul;butjustlistentomyadvice。Ifyouwanttobealady，yourpresentbehaviourtomewon’tdoatall，unlesswhenwe’realone。It’stoosharpandimprudent;andimpudenceisasortoffamiliarity：itshewsaffectionforme。Anddon’tyoutrybeinghighandmightywithmeeither。You’relikeallcountrygirls：youthinkit’sgenteeltotreataservantthewayItreatastable-boy。That’sonlyyourignorance;anddon’tyouforgetit。Anddon’tbesoreadytodefyeverybody。Actasifyouexpectedtohaveyourownway，notasifyouexpectedtobeorderedabout。Thewaytogetonasaladyisthesameasthewaytogetonasaservant：you’vegottoknowyourplace;
that’sthesecretofit。Andyoumaydependonmetoknowmyplaceifyougetpromoted。Thinkoverit，mygirl。I’llstandbyyou：oneservantshouldalwaysstandbyanother。
LOUKA（risingimpatiently）。Oh，Imustbehaveinmyownway。
Youtakeallthecourageoutofmewithyourcold-bloodedwisdom。Goandputthoselogsonthefire：that’sthesortofthingyouunderstand。（BeforeNicolacanretort，Sergiuscomesin。HecheckshimselfamomentonseeingLouka;thengoestothestove。）
SERGIUS（toNicola）。Iamnotinthewayofyourwork，Ihope。
NICOLA（inasmooth，elderlymanner）。Oh，no，sir，thankyoukindly。Iwasonlyspeakingtothisfoolishgirlaboutherhabitofrunningupheretothelibrarywhenevershegetsachance，tolookatthebooks。That’stheworstofhereducation，sir：itgivesherhabitsaboveherstation。（ToLouka。）Makethattabletidy，Louka，fortheMajor。（Hegoesoutsedately。）
（Louka，withoutlookingatSergius，beginstoarrangethepapersonthetable。Hecrossesslowlytoher，andstudiesthearrangementofhersleevereflectively。）
SERGIUS。Letmesee：isthereamarkthere？（Heturnsupthebraceletandseesthebruisemadebyhisgrasp。Shestandsmotionless，notlookingathim：fascinated，butonherguard。）
Ffff！Doesithurt？
LOUKA。Yes。
SERGIUS。ShallIcureit？
LOUKA（instantlywithdrawingherselfproudly，butstillnotlookingathim）。No。Youcannotcureitnow。
SERGIUS（masterfully）。Quitesure？（Hemakesamovementasiftotakeherinhisarms。）
LOUKA。Don’ttriflewithme，please。Anofficershouldnottriflewithaservant。
SERGIUS（touchingthearmwithamercilessstrokeofhisforefinger）。Thatwasnotrifle，Louka。
LOUKA。No。（Lookingathimforthefirsttime。）Areyousorry？
SERGIUS（withmeasuredemphasis，foldinghisarms）。Iamneversorry。
LOUKA（wistfully）。IwishIcouldbelieveamancouldbesounlikeawomanasthat。Iwonderareyoureallyabraveman？
SERGIUS（unaffectedly，relaxinghisattitude）。Yes：Iamabraveman。Myheartjumpedlikeawoman’satthefirstshot;butinthechargeIfoundthatIwasbrave。Yes：thatatleastisrealaboutme。
LOUKA。Didyoufindinthechargethatthemenwhosefathersarepoorlikeminewereanylessbravethanthemenwhoarerichlikeyou？
SERGIUS（withbitterlevity。）Notabit。Theyallslashedandcursedandyelledlikeheroes。Psha！thecouragetorageandkillischeap。IhaveanEnglishbullterrierwhohasasmuchofthatsortofcourageasthewholeBulgariannation，andthewholeRussiannationatitsback。Butheletsmygroomthrashhim，allthesame。That’syoursoldierallover！No，Louka，yourpoormencancutthroats;buttheyareafraidoftheirofficers;
theyputupwithinsultsandblows;theystandbyandseeoneanotherpunishedlikechildren——-aye，andhelptodoitwhentheyareordered。Andtheofficers！——-well（withashort，bitterlaugh）Iamanofficer。Oh，（fervently）givemethemanwhowilldefytothedeathanypoweronearthorinheaventhatsetsitselfupagainsthisownwillandconscience：healoneisthebraveman。
LOUKA。Howeasyitistotalk！Menneverseemtometogrowup：
theyallhaveschoolboy’sideas。Youdon’tknowwhattruecourageis。
SERGIUS（ironically）。Indeed！Iamwillingtobeinstructed。
LOUKA。Lookatme！howmuchamIallowedtohavemyownwill？I
havetogetyourroomreadyforyou——tosweepanddust，tofetchandcarry。Howcouldthatdegrademeifitdidnotdegradeyoutohaveitdoneforyou？But（withsubduedpassion）ifIwereEmpressofRussia，aboveeveryoneintheworld，then——ah，then，thoughaccordingtoyouIcouldshewnocourageatall;youshouldsee，youshouldsee。
SERGIUS。Whatwouldyoudo，mostnobleEmpress？
LOUKA。IwouldmarrythemanIloved，whichnootherqueeninEuropehasthecouragetodo。IfIlovedyou，thoughyouwouldbeasfarbeneathmeasIambeneathyou，Iwoulddaretobetheequalofmyinferior。Wouldyoudareasmuchifyoulovedme？
No：ifyoufeltthebeginningsofloveformeyouwouldnotletitgrow。Youdarenot：youwouldmarryarichman’sdaughterbecauseyouwouldbeafraidofwhatotherpeoplewouldsayofyou。
SERGIUS（carriedaway）。Youlie：itisnotso，byallthestars！IfIlovedyou，andIweretheCzarhimself，Iwouldsetyouonthethronebymyside。YouknowthatIloveanotherwoman，awomanashighaboveyouasheavenisaboveearth。Andyouarejealousofher。
LOUKA。Ihavenoreasontobe。Shewillnevermarryyounow。ThemanItoldyouofhascomeback。ShewillmarrytheSwiss。
SERGIUS（recoiling）。TheSwiss！
LOUKA。Amanworthtenofyou。Thenyoucancometome;andI
willrefuseyou。Youarenotgoodenoughforme。（Sheturnstothedoor。）
SERGIUS（springingafterherandcatchingherfiercelyinhisarms）。IwillkilltheSwiss;andafterwardsIwilldoasI
pleasewithyou。
LOUKA（inhisarms，passiveandsteadfast）。TheSwisswillkillyou，perhaps。Hehasbeatenyouinlove。Hemaybeatyouinwar。
SERGIUS（tormentedly）。DoyouthinkIbelievethatshe——she！
whoseworstthoughtsarehigherthanyourbestones，iscapableoftriflingwithanothermanbehindmyback？
LOUKA。DoyouthinkshewouldbelievetheSwissifhetoldhernowthatIaminyourarms？
SERGIUS（releasingherindespair）。Damnation！Oh，damnation！
Mockery，mockeryeverywhere：everythingIthinkismockedbyeverythingIdo。（Hestrikeshimselffranticallyonthebreast。）
Coward，liar，fool！ShallIkillmyselflikeaman，orliveandpretendtolaughatmyself？（Sheagainturnstogo。）Louka！（Shestopsnearthedoor。）Remember：youbelongtome。
LOUKA（quietly）。Whatdoesthatmean——aninsult？
SERGIUS（commandingly）。Itmeansthatyouloveme，andthatI
havehadyouhereinmyarms，andwillperhapshaveyouthereagain。WhetherthatisaninsultIneitherknownorcare：takeitasyouplease。But（vehemently）Iwillnotbeacowardandatrifler。IfIchoosetoloveyou，Idaremarryyou，inspiteofallBulgaria。Ifthesehandsevertouchyouagain，theyshalltouchmyaffiancedbride。
LOUKA。Weshallseewhetheryoudarekeepyourword。Buttakecare。Iwillnotwaitlong。
SERGIUS（againfoldinghisarmsandstandingmotionlessinthemiddleoftheroom）。Yes，weshallsee。Andyoushallwaitmypleasure。
（Bluntschli，muchpreoccupied，withhispapersstillinhishand，enters，leavingthedooropenforLoukatogoout。Hegoesacrosstothetable，glancingatherashepasses。Sergius，withoutalteringhisresoluteattitude，watcheshimsteadily。Loukagoesout，leavingthedooropen。）
BLUNTSCHLI（absently，sittingatthetableasbefore，andputtingdownhispapers）。That’saremarkablelookingyoungwoman。
SERGIUS（gravely，withoutmoving）。CaptainBluntschli。
BLUNTSCHLI。Eh？
SERGIUS。Youhavedeceivedme。Youaremyrival。Ibrooknorivals。Atsixo’clockIshallbeinthedrilling-groundontheKlissouraroad，alone，onhorseback，withmysabre。Doyouunderstand？
BLUNTSCHLI（staring，butsittingquiteathisease）。Oh，thankyou：that’sacavalryman’sproposal。I’mintheartillery;andIhavethechoiceofweapons。IfIgo，Ishalltakeamachinegun。Andthereshallbenomistakeaboutthecartridgesthistime。
SERGIUS（flushing，butwithdeadlycoldness）。Takecare，sir。
ItisnotourcustominBulgariatoallowinvitationsofthatkindtobetrifledwith。
BLUNTSCHLI（warmly）。Pooh！don’ttalktomeaboutBulgaria。Youdon’tknowwhatfightingis。Buthaveityourownway。Bringyoursabrealong。I’llmeetyou。
SERGIUS（fiercelydelightedtofindhisopponentamanofspirit）。Wellsaid，Switzer。ShallIlendyoumybesthorse？
BLUNTSCHLI。No：damnyourhorse！——-thankyouallthesame，mydearfellow。（Rainacomesin，andhearsthenextsentence。）I
shallfightyouonfoot。Horseback’stoodangerous：Idon’twanttokillyouifIcanhelpit。
RAINA（hurryingforwardanxiously）。IhaveheardwhatCaptainBluntschlisaid，Sergius。Youaregoingtofight。Why？（Sergiusturnsawayinsilence，andgoestothestove，wherehestandswatchingherasshecontinues，toBluntschli）Whatabout？
BLUNTSCHLI。Idon’tknow：hehasn’ttoldme。Betternotinterfere，dearyounglady。Noharmwillbedone：I’veoftenactedasswordinstructor。Hewon’tbeabletotouchme;andI’llnothurthim。Itwillsaveexplanations。InthemorningI
shallbeoffhome;andyou’llneverseemeorhearofmeagain。
Youandhewillthenmakeitupandlivehappilyeverafter。
RAINA（turningawaydeeplyhurt，almostwithasobinhervoice）。IneversaidIwantedtoseeyouagain。
SERGIUS（stridingforward）。Ha！Thatisaconfession。
RAINA（haughtily）。Whatdoyoumean？
SERGIUS。Youlovethatman！
RAINA（scandalized）。Sergius！
SERGIUS。Youallowhimtomakelovetoyoubehindmyback，justasyouacceptmeasyouraffiancedhusbandbehindhis。
Bluntschli：youknewourrelations;andyoudeceivedme。ItisforthatthatIcallyoutoaccount，notforhavingreceivedfavoursthatIneverenjoyed。
BLUNTSCHLI（jumpingupindignantly）。Stuff！Rubbish！Ihavereceivednofavours。Why，theyoungladydoesn’tevenknowwhetherI’mmarriedornot。
RAINA（forgettingherself）。Oh！（Collapsingontheottoman。）
Areyou？
SERGIUS。Youseetheyounglady’sconcern，CaptainBluntschli。
Denialisuseless。Youhaveenjoyedtheprivilegeofbeingreceivedinherownroom，lateatnight——
BLUNTSCHLI（interruptinghimpepperily）。Yes;youblockhead！
Shereceivedmewithapistolatherhead。Yourcavalrywereatmyheels。I’dhaveblownoutherbrainsifshe’dutteredacry。
SERGIUS（takenaback）。Bluntschli！Raina：isthistrue？
RAINA（risinginwrathfulmajesty）。Oh，howdareyou，howdareyou？
BLUNTSCHLI。Apologize，man，apologize！（Heresumeshisseatatthetable。）
SERGIUS（withtheoldmeasuredemphasis，foldinghisarms）。I
neverapologize。
RAINA（passionately）。Thisisthedoingofthatfriendofyours，CaptainBluntschli。Itishewhoisspreadingthishorriblestoryaboutme。（Shewalksaboutexcitedly。）
BLUNTSCHLI。No：he’sdead——burntalive。
RAINA（stopping，shocked）。Burntalive！
BLUNTSCHLI。Shotinthehipinawoodyard。Couldn’tdraghimselfout。Yourfellows’shellssetthetimberonfireandburnthim，withhalfadozenotherpoordevilsinthesamepredicament。
RAINA。Howhorrible！
SERGIUS。Andhowridiculous！Oh，war！war！thedreamofpatriotsandheroes！Afraud，Bluntschli，ahollowsham，likelove。
RAINA（outraged）。Likelove！Yousaythatbeforeme。
BLUNTSCHLI。Come，Saranoff：thatmatterisexplained。
SERGIUS。Ahollowsham，Isay。Wouldyouhavecomebackhereifnothinghadpassedbetweenyou，exceptatthemuzzleofyourpistol？Rainaismistakenaboutourfriendwhowasburnt。Hewasnotmyinformant。
RAINA。Whothen？（Suddenlyguessingthetruth。）Ah，Louka！mymaid，myservant！Youwerewithherthismorningallthattimeafter——-after——-Oh，whatsortofgodisthisIhavebeenworshipping！（Hemeetshergazewithsardonicenjoymentofherdisenchantment。Angeredallthemore，shegoesclosertohim，andsays，inalower，intensertone）DoyouknowthatIlookedoutofthewindowasIwentupstairs，tohaveanothersightofmyhero;andIsawsomethingthatIdidnotunderstandthen。I
knownowthatyouweremakinglovetoher。
SERGIUS（withgrimhumor）。Yousawthat？
RAINA。Onlytoowell。（Sheturnsaway，andthrowsherselfonthedivanunderthecentrewindow，quiteovercome。）
SERGIUS（cynically）。Raina：ourromanceisshattered。Life’safarce。
BLUNTSCHLI（toRaina，goodhumoredly）。Yousee：he’sfoundhimselfoutnow。
SERGIUS。Bluntschli：Ihaveallowedyoutocallmeablockhead。
Youmaynowcallmeacowardaswell。Irefusetofightyou。Doyouknowwhy？
BLUNTSCHLI。No;butitdoesn’tmatter。Ididn’taskthereasonwhenyoucriedon;andIdon’taskthereasonnowthatyoucryoff。I’maprofessionalsoldier。IfightwhenIhaveto，andamverygladtogetoutofitwhenIhaven’tto。You’reonlyanamateur：youthinkfighting’sanamusement。
SERGIUS。Youshallhearthereasonallthesame，myprofessional。Thereasonisthatittakestwomen——realmen——menofheart，bloodandhonor——tomakeagenuinecombat。IcouldnomorefightwithyouthanIcouldmakelovetoanuglywoman。
You’venomagnetism：you’renotaman，you’reamachine。
BLUNTSCHLI（apologetically）。Quitetrue，quitetrue。Ialwayswasthatsortofchap。I’mverysorry。Butnowthatyou’vefoundthatlifeisn’tafarce，butsomethingquitesensibleandserious，whatfurtherobstacleistheretoyourhappiness？
RAINA（riling）。Youareverysolicitousaboutmyhappinessandhis。Doyouforgethisnewlove——Louka？Itisnotyouthathemustfightnow，buthisrival，Nicola。
SERGIUS。Rival！！（Strikinghisforehead。）
RAINA。Didyounotknowthattheyareengaged？
SERGIUS。Nicola！Arefreshabyssesopening！Nicola！！
RAINA（sarcastically）。Ashockingsacrifice，isn’tit？Suchbeauty，suchintellect，suchmodesty，wastedonamiddle-agedservantman！Really，Sergius，youcannotstandbyandallowsuchathing。Itwouldbeunworthyofyourchivalry。
SERGIUS（losingallself-control）。Viper！Viper！（Herushestoandfro，raging。）
BLUNTSCHLI。Lookhere，Saranoff;you’regettingtheworstofthis。
RAINA（gettingangrier）。Doyourealizewhathehasdone，CaptainBluntschli？Hehassetthisgirlasaspyonus;andherrewardisthathemakeslovetoher。
SERGIUS。False！Monstrous！
RAINA。Monstrous！（Confrontinghim。）DoyoudenythatshetoldyouaboutCaptainBluntschlibeinginmyroom？
SERGIUS。No;but——
RAINA（interrupting）。Doyoudenythatyouweremakinglovetoherwhenshetoldyou？
SERGIUS。No;butItellyou——
RAINA（cuttinghimshortcontemptuously）。Itisunnecessarytotellusanythingmore。Thatisquiteenoughforus。（Sheturnsherbackonhimandsweepsmajesticallybacktothewindow。）
BLUNTSCHLI（quietly，asSergius，inanagonyofmortification，rinksontheottoman，clutchinghisavertedheadbetweenhisfists）。Itoldyouyouweregettingtheworstofit，Saranoff。
SERGIUS。Tigercat！
RAINA（runningexcitedlytoBluntschli）。Youhearthismancallingmenames，CaptainBluntschli？
BLUNTSCHLI。Whatelsecanhedo，dearlady？Hemustdefendhimselfsomehow。Come（verypersuasively），don’tquarrel。Whatgooddoesitdo？（Raina，withagasp，sitsdownontheottoman，andafteravainefforttolookvexedlyatBluntschli，shefallsavictimtohersenseofhumor，andisattackedwithadispositiontolaugh。）
SERGIUS。EngagedtoNicola！（Herises。）Ha！ha！（Goingtothestoveandstandingwithhisbacktoit。）Ah，well，Bluntschli，youarerighttotakethishugeimpostureofaworldcoolly。
RAINA（toBluntschliwithanintuitiveguessathisstateofmind）。Idaresayyouthinkusacoupleofgrownupbabies，don’tyou？
SERGIUS（grinningalittle）。Hedoes，hedoes。SwisscivilizationnursetendingBulgarianbarbarism，eh？
BLUNTSCHLI（blushing）。Notatall，Iassureyou。I’monlyverygladtogetyoutwoquieted。Therenow，let’sbepleasantandtalkitoverinafriendlyway。Whereisthisotheryounglady？
RAINA。Listeningatthedoor，probably。
SERGIUS（shiveringasifabullethadstruckhim，andspeakingwithquietbutdeepindignation）。Iwillprovethatthat，atleast，isacalumny。（Hegoeswithdignitytothedoorandopensit。Ayelloffuryburstsfromhimashelooksout。Hedartsintothepassage，andreturnsdragginginLouka，whomheflingsagainstthetable，R。，ashecries）Judgeher，Bluntschli——you，themoderate，cautiousman：judgetheeavesdropper。
（Loukastandsherground，proudandsilent。）
BLUNTSCHLI（shakinghishead）。Imustn’tjudgeher。Ioncelistenedmyselfoutsideatentwhentherewasamutinybrewing。
It’sallaquestionofthedegreeofprovocation。Mylifewasatstake。
LOUKA。Mylovewasatstake。（Sergiusflinches，ashamedofherinspiteofhimself。）Iamnotashamed。
RAINA（contemptuously）。Yourlove！Yourcuriosity，youmean。
LOUKA（facingherandretortinghercontemptwithinterest）。Mylove，strongerthananythingyoucanfeel，evenforyourchocolatecreamsoldier。
SERGIUS（withquicksuspicion——toLouka）。Whatdoesthatmean？
LOUKA（fiercely）。Itmeans——
SERGIUS（interruptingherslightingly）。Oh，Iremember，theicepudding。Apaltrytaunt，girl。
（MajorPetkoffenters，inhisshirtsleeves。）
PETKOFF。Excusemyshirtsleeves，gentlemen。Raina：somebodyhasbeenwearingthatcoatofmine：I’llswearit——somebodywithbiggershouldersthanmine。It’sallburstopenattheback。
Yourmotherismendingit。Iwishshe’dmakehaste。Ishallcatchcold。（Helooksmoreattentivelyatthem。）Isanythingthematter？
RAINA。No。（Shesitsdownatthestovewithatranquilair。）
SERGIUS。Oh，no！（Hesitsdownattheendofthetable，asatfirst。）
BLUNTSCHLI（whoisalreadyseated）。Nothing，nothing。
PETKOFF（sittingdownontheottomaninhisoldplace）。That’sallright。（HenoticesLouka。）Anythingthematter，Louka？
LOUKA。No，sir。
PETKOFF（genially）。That’sallright。（Hesneezes。）Goandaskyourmistressformycoat，likeagoodgirl，willyou？（Sheturnstoobey;butNicolaenterswiththecoat;andshemakesapretenceofhavingbusinessintheroombytakingthelittletablewiththehookahawaytothewallnearthewindows。）
RAINA（risingquickly，assheseesthecoatonNicola’sarm）。
Hereitis，papa。Giveittome，Nicola;anddoyouputsomemorewoodonthefire。（Shetakesthecoat，andbringsittotheMajor，whostandsuptoputiton。Nicolaattendstothefire。）
PETKOFF（toRaina，teasingheraffectionately）。Aha！Goingtobeverygoodtopooroldpapajustforonedayafterhisreturnfromthewars，eh？
RAINA（withsolemnreproach）。Ah，howcanyousaythattome，father？
PETKOFF。Well，well，onlyajoke，littleone。Come，givemeakiss。（Shekisseshim。）Nowgivemethecoat。
RAINA。Now，Iamgoingtoputitonforyou。Turnyourback。（Heturnshisbackandfeelsbehindhimwithhisarmsforthesleeves。ShedexterouslytakesthephotographfromthepocketandthrowsitonthetablebeforeBluntschli，whocoversitwithasheetofpaperundertheverynoseofSergius，wholooksonamazed，withhissuspicionsrousedinthehighestdegree。ShethenhelpsPetkoffonwithhiscoat。）There，dear！Nowareyoucomfortable？
PETKOFF。Quite，littlelove。Thanks。（Hesitsdown;andRainareturnstoherseatnearthestove。）Oh，bythebye，I’vefoundsomethingfunny。What’sthemeaningofthis？（Heputhishandintothepickedpocket。）Eh？Hallo！（Hetriestheotherpocket。）
Well，Icouldhavesworn——（Muchpuzzled，hetriesthebreastpocket。）Iwonder——（Triestheoriginalpocket。）Wherecanit——（Alightflashesonhim;herises，exclaiming）Yourmother’stakenit。
RAINA（veryred）。Takenwhat？
PETKOFF。Yourphotograph，withtheinscription：\"Raina，toherChocolateCreamSoldier——asouvenir。\"Nowyouknowthere’ssomethingmoreinthisthanmeetstheeye;andI’mgoingtofinditout。（Shouting）Nicola！
NICOLA（droppingalog，andturning）。Sir！
PETKOFF。DidyouspoilanypastryofMissRaina’sthismorning？
NICOLA。YouheardMissRainasaythatIdid，sir。
PETKOFF。Iknowthat，youidiot。Wasittrue？
NICOLA。IamsureMissRainaisincapableofsayinganythingthatisnottrue，sir。
PETKOFF。Areyou？ThenI’mnot。（Turningtotheothers。）Come：
doyouthinkIdon’tseeitall？（GoestoSergius，andslapshimontheshoulder。）Sergius：you’rethechocolatecreamsoldier，aren’tyou？
SERCIUS（startingup）。I！achocolatecreamsoldier！Certainlynot。
PETKOFF。Not！（Helooksatthem。Theyareallveryseriousandveryconscious。）DoyoumeantotellmethatRainasendsphotographicsouvenirstoothermen？
SERGIUS（enigmatically）。Theworldisnotsuchaninnocentplaceasweusedtothink，Petkoff。
BLUNTSCHLI（rising）。It’sallright，Major。I’mthechocolatecreamsoldier。（PetkofandSergiusareequallyastonished。）ThegraciousyoungladysavedmylifebygivingmechocolatecreamswhenIwasstarving——shallIeverforgettheirflavour！MylatefriendStolztoldyouthestoryatPeerot。Iwasthefugitive。
PETKOFF。You！（Hegasps。）Sergius：doyourememberhowthosetwowomenwentonthismorningwhenwementionedit？（Sergiussmilescynically。PetkofconfrontsRainaseverely。）You’reaniceyoungwoman，aren’tyou？
RAINA（bitterly）。MajorSaranoffhaschangedhismind。AndwhenIwrotethatonthephotograph，IdidnotknowthatCaptainBluntschliwasmarried。
BLUNTSCHLI（muchstartledprotestingvehemently）。I’mnotmarried。
RAINA（withdeepreproach）。Yousaidyouwere。
BLUNTSCHLI。Ididnot。Ipositivelydidnot。Ineverwasmarriedinmylife。
PETKOFF（exasperated）。Raina：willyoukindlyinformme，ifI
amnotaskingtoomuch，whichgentlemanyouareengagedto？
RAINA。Toneitherofthem。Thisyounglady（introducingLouka，whofacesthemallproudly）istheobjectofMajorSaranoff’saffectionsatpresent。
PETKOFF。Louka！Areyoumad，Sergius？Why，thisgirl’sengagedtoNicola。
NICOLA（comingforward）。Ibegyourpardon，sir。Thereisamistake。Loukaisnotengagedtome。
PETKOFF。Notengagedtoyou，youscoundrel！Why，youhadtwenty-fivelevasfrommeonthedayofyourbetrothal;andshehadthatgiltbraceletfromMissRaina。
NICOLA（withcoolunction）。Wegaveitoutso，sir。ButitwasonlytogiveLoukaprotection。Shehadasoulaboveherstation;
andIhavebeennomorethanherconfidentialservant。Iintend，asyouknow，sir，tosetupashoplateroninSofea;andIlookforwardtohercustomandrecommendationshouldshemarryintothenobility。（Hegoesoutwithimpressivediscretion，leavingthemallstaringafterhim。）
PETKOFF（breakingthesilence）。Well，Iam——-hm！
SERGIUS。Thisiseitherthefinestheroismorthemostcrawlingbaseness。Whichisit，Bluntschli？
BLUNTSCHLI。Nevermindwhetherit’sheroismorbaseness。
Nicola’stheablestmanI’vemetinBulgaria。I’llmakehimmanagerofahotelifhecanspeakFrenchandGerman。
LOUKA（suddenlybreakingoutatSergius）。Ihavebeeninsultedbyeveryonehere。Yousetthemtheexample。Youowemeanapology。（Sergiusimmediately，likearepeatingclockofwhichthespringhasbeentouched，beginstofoldhisarms。）
BLUNTSCHLI（beforehecanspeak）。It’snouse。Heneverapologizes。
LOUKA。Nottoyou，hisequalandhisenemy。Tome，hispoorservant，hewillnotrefusetoapologize。
SERGIUS（approvingly）。Youareright。（Hebendshiskneeinhisgrandestmanner。）Forgiveme！
LOUKA。Iforgiveyou。（Shetimidlygiveshimherhand，whichhekisses。）Thattouchmakesmeyouraffiancedwife。
SERGIUS（springingup）。Ah，Iforgotthat！
LOUKA（coldly）。Youcanwithdrawifyoulike。
SERGIUS。Withdraw！Never！Youbelongtome！（Heputshisarmaboutheranddrawshertohim。）（CatherinecomesinandfindsLoukainSergius’sarms，andalltherestgazingattheminbewilderedastonishment。）
CATHERINE。Whatdoesthismean？（SergiusreleasesLouka。）
PETKOFF。Well，mydear，itappearsthatSergiusisgoingtomarryLoukainsteadofRaina。（Sheisabouttobreakoutindignantlyathim：hestopsherbyexclaimingtestily。）Don’tblameme：I’venothingtodowithit。（Heretreatstothestove。）
CATHERINE。MarryLouka！Sergius：youareboundbyyourwordtous！
SERGIUS（foldinghisarms）。Nothingbindsme。
BLUNTSCHLI（muchpleasedbythispieceofcommonsense）。
Saranoff：yourhand。Mycongratulations。Theseheroicsofyourshavetheirpracticalsideafterall。（ToLouka。）Graciousyounglady：thebestwishesofagoodRepublican！（Hekissesherhand，toRaina’sgreatdisgust。）
CATHERINE（threateningly）。Louka：youhavebeentellingstories。
LOUKA。IhavedoneRainanoharm。
CATHERINE（haughtily）。Raina！（Rainaisequallyindignantattheliberty。）
LOUKA。IhavearighttocallherRaina：shecallsmeLouka。I
toldMajorSaranoffshewouldnevermarryhimiftheSwissgentlemancameback。
BLUNTSCHLI（surprised）。Hallo！
LOUKA（turningtoRaina）。IthoughtyouwerefonderofhimthanofSergius。YouknowbestwhetherIwasright。
BLUNTSCHLI。Whatnonsense！Iassureyou，mydearMajor，mydearMadame，thegraciousyoungladysimplysavedmylife，nothingelse。Shenevercaredtwostrawsforme。Why，blessmyheartandsoul，lookattheyoungladyandlookatme。She，rich，young，beautiful，withherimaginationfulloffairyprincesandnoblenaturesandcavalrychargesandgoodnessknowswhat！AndI，acommon-placeSwisssoldierwhohardlyknowswhatadecentlifeisafterfifteenyearsofbarracksandbattles——avagabond——amanwhohasspoiledallhischancesinlifethroughanincurablyromanticdisposition——aman——
SERGIUS（startingasifaneedlehadprickedhimandinterruptingBluntschliinincredulousamazement）。Excuseme，Bluntschli：whatdidyousayhadspoiledyourchancesinlife？
BLUNTSCHLI（promptly）。Anincurablyromanticdisposition。IranawayfromhometwicewhenIwasaboy。Iwentintothearmyinsteadofintomyfather’sbusiness。Iclimbedthebalconyofthishousewhenamanofsensewouldhavedivedintothenearestcellar。Icamesneakingbackheretohaveanotherlookattheyoungladywhenanyothermanofmyagewouldhavesentthecoatback——
PETKOFF。Mycoat！
BLUNTSCHLI。——Yes：that’sthecoatImean——wouldhavesentitbackandgonequietlyhome。DoyousupposeIamthesortoffellowayounggirlfallsinlovewith？Why，lookatourages！
I’mthirty-four：Idon’tsupposetheyoungladyismuchoverseventeen。（Thisestimateproducesamarkedsensation，alltherestturningandstaringatoneanother。Heproceedsinnocently。）Allthatadventurewhichwaslifeordeathtome，wasonlyaschoolgirl’sgametoher——chocolatecreamsandhideandseek。Here’stheproof！（Hetakesthephotographfromthetable。）Now，Iaskyou，wouldawomanwhotooktheaffairseriouslyhavesentmethisandwrittenonit：\"Raina，toherchocolatecreamsoldier——asouvenir\"？（Heexhibitsthephotographtriumphantly，asifitsettledthematterbeyondallpossibilityofrefutation。）
PETKOFF。That’swhatIwaslookingfor。Howthedeucediditgetthere？
BLUNTSCHLI（toRainacomplacently）。Ihaveputeverythingright，Ihope，graciousyounglady！
RAINA（inuncontrollablevexation）。Iquiteagreewithyouraccountofyourself。Youarearomanticidiot。（Bluntschliisunspeakablytakenaback。）NexttimeIhopeyouwillknowthedifferencebetweenaschoolgirlofseventeenandawomanoftwenty-three。
BLUNTSCHLI（stupefied）。Twenty-three！（Shesnapsthephotographcontemptuouslyfromhishand;tearsitacross;andthrowsthepiecesathisfeet。）
SERGIUS（withgrimenjoymentofBluntschli’sdiscomfiture）。
Bluntschli：myonelastbeliefisgone。Yoursagacityisafraud，likealltheotherthings。YouhavelesssensethanevenIhave。
BLUNTSCHLI（overwhelmed）。Twenty-three！Twenty-three！！（Heconsiders。）Hm！（Swiftlymakinguphismind。）Inthatcase，MajorPetkoff，Ibegtoproposeformallytobecomeasuitorforyourdaughter’shand，inplaceofMajorSaranoffretired。
RAINA。Youdare！
BLUNTSCHLI。Ifyouweretwenty-threewhenyousaidthosethingstomethisafternoon，Ishalltakethemseriously。
CATHERINE（loftilypolite）。Idoubt，sir，whetheryouquiterealizeeithermydaughter’spositionorthatofMajorSergiusSaranoff，whoseplaceyouproposetotake。ThePetkoffsandtheSaranoffsareknownastherichestandmostimportantfamiliesinthecountry。Ourpositionisalmosthistorical：wecangobackfornearlytwentyyears。
PETKOFF。Oh，nevermindthat，Catherine。（ToBluntschli。）Weshouldbemosthappy，Bluntschli，ifitwereonlyaquestionofyourposition;buthangit，youknow，Rainaisaccustomedtoaverycomfortableestablishment。Sergiuskeepstwentyhorses。
BLUNTSCHLI。Butwhatonearthistheuseoftwentyhorses？Why，it’sacircus。
CATHERINE（severely）。Mydaughter，sir，isaccustomedtoafirst-ratestable。
RAINA。Hush，mother，you’remakingmeridiculous。
BLUNTSCHLI。Oh，well，ifitcomestoaquestionofanestablishment，heregoes！（Hegoesimpetuouslytothetableandseizesthepapersintheblueenvelope。）Howmanyhorsesdidyousay？
SERGIUS。Twenty，nobleSwitzer！
BLUNTSCHLI。Ihavetwohundredhorses。（Theyareamazed。）Howmanycarriages？
SERGIUS。Three。
BLUNTSCHLI。Ihaveseventy。Twenty-fourofthemwillholdtwelveinside，besidestwoonthebox，withoutcountingthedriverandconductor。Howmanytableclothshaveyou？
SERGIUS。HowthedeucedoIknow？
BLUNTSCHLI。Haveyoufourthousand？
SERGIUS。NO。
BLUNTSCHLI。Ihave。Ihaveninethousandsixhundredpairsofsheetsandblankets，withtwothousandfourhundredeider-downquilts。Ihavetenthousandknivesandforks，andthesamequantityofdessertspoons。Ihavesixhundredservants。Ihavesixpalatialestablishments，besidestwoliverystables，ateagardenandaprivatehouse。Ihavefourmedalsfordistinguishedservices;Ihavetherankofanofficerandthestandingofagentleman;andIhavethreenativelanguages。ShowmeanymaninBulgariathatcanofferasmuch。
PETKOFF（withchildishawe）。AreyouEmperorofSwitzerland？
BLUNTSCHLI。MyrankisthehighestknowninSwitzerland：I’mafreecitizen。
CATHERINE。ThenCaptainBluntschli，sinceyouaremydaughter’schoice，Ishallnotstandinthewayofherhappiness。（Petkoffisabouttospeak。）ThatisMajorPetkoff’sfeelingalso。
PETKOFF。Oh，Ishallbeonlytooglad。Twohundredhorses！Whew！
SERGIUS。Whatsaysthelady？
RAINA（pretendingtosulk）。Theladysaysthathecankeephistableclothsandhisomnibuses。Iamnotheretobesoldtothehighestbidder。
BLUNTSCHLI。Iwon’ttakethatanswer。Iappealedtoyouasafugitive，abeggar，andastarvingman。Youacceptedme。Yougavemeyourhandtokiss，yourbedtosleepin，andyourrooftoshelterme——
RAINA（interruptinghim）。IdidnotgivethemtotheEmperorofSwitzerland！
BLUNTSCHLI。That’sjustwhatIsay。（Hecatchesherhandquicklyandlooksherstraightinthefaceasheadds，withconfidentmastery）Nowtelluswhoyoudidgivethemto。
RAINA（succumbingwithashysmile）。Tomychocolatecreamsoldier！
BLUNTSCHLI（withaboyishlaughofdelight）。That’lldo。Thankyou。（Looksathiswatchandsuddenlybecomesbusinesslike。）
Time’sup，Major。You’vemanagedthoseregimentssowellthatyouaresuretobeaskedtogetridofsomeoftheInfantryoftheTeemokdivision。SendthemhomebywayofLomPalanka。
Saranoff：don’tgetmarrieduntilIcomeback：IshallbeherepunctuallyatfiveintheeveningonTuesdayfortnight。Graciousladies——goodevening。（Hemakesthemamilitarybow，andgoes。）
SERGIUS。Whataman！Whataman！