’Ha!’saidtheKingandGlumboso，lookingveryflurried；buttheformer，collectinghimself，said，’DearPrinceBulbo，IforgottointroducetoYourRoyalHighnessmydearnephew，HisRoyalHighnessPrinceGiglio!Knoweachother!Embraceeachother!
Giglio，giveHisRoyalHighnessyourhand!’andGiglio，givinghishand，squeezedpoorBulbo’suntilthetearsranoutofhiseyes。GlumbosonowbroughtachairfortheRoyalvisitor，andplaceditontheplatformonwhichtheKing，Queen，andPrincewereseated；butthechairwasontheedgeoftheplatform，andasBulbosatdown，ittoppledover，andhewithit，rollingoverandover，andbellowinglikeabull。Giglioroaredstilllouderatthisdisaster，butitwaswithlaughter；sodidalltheCourtwhenPrinceBulbogotup；forthoughwhenheenteredtheroomheappearednotveryridiculous，ashestoodupfromhisfallforamomenthelookedsoexceedinglyplainandfoolish，thatnobodycouldhelplaughingathim。Whenhehadenteredtheroom，hewasobservedtocarryaroseinhishand，whichfelloutofitashetumbled。
’Myrose!myrose!’criedBulbo；andhischamberlaindashedforwardsandpickeditup，andgaveittothePrince，whoputitinhiswaistcoat。Thenpeoplewonderedwhytheyhadlaughed；
therewasnothingparticularlyridiculousinhim。Hewasrathershort，ratherstout，ratherred—haired，but，infine，foraPrince，notsobad。
Sotheysatandtalked，theRoyalpersonagestogether，theCrimTartarofficerswiththoseofPaflagonia——GiglioverycomfortablewithGruffanuffbehindthethrone。Helookedatherwithsuchtendereyes，thatherheartwasallinaflutter。’Oh，dearPrince，’shesaid，’howcouldyouspeaksohaughtilyinpresenceofTheirMajesties？IprotestIthoughtIshouldhavefainted。’
’Ishouldhavecaughtyouinmyarms，’saidGiglio，lookingraptures。
’WhywereyousocrueltoPrinceBulbo，dearPrince？’saysGruff。
’BecauseIhatehim，’saysGil。
’Youarejealousofhim，andstilllovepoorAngelica，’criesGruffanuff，puttingherhandkerchieftohereyes。
’Idid，butIlovehernomore!’Gigliocried。’Idespiseher!
Weresheheiresstotwentythousandthrones，Iwoulddespiseherandscornher。Butwhyspeakofthrones？Ihavelostmine。I
amtooweaktorecoverit——Iamalone，andhavenofriend。’
’Oh，saynotso，dearPrince!’saysGruffanuff。
’Besides，’sayshe，’IamsohappyhereBEHINDTHETHRONEthatI
wouldnotchangemyplace，no，notforthethroneoftheworld!’
’Whatareyoutwopeoplechatteringaboutthere？’saystheQueen，whowasrathergood—natured，thoughnotoverburthenedwithwisdom。’Itistimetodressfordinner。Giglio，showPrinceBulbotohisroom。Prince，ifyourclotheshavenotcome，weshallbeveryhappytoseeyouasyouare。’ButwhenPrinceBulbogottohisbedroom，hisluggagewasthereandunpacked；andthehairdressercomingin，cutandcurledhimentirelytohisownsatisfaction；andwhenthedinner—bellrang，theRoyalcompanyhadnottowaitabovefive—and—twentyminutesuntilBulboappeared，duringwhichtimetheKing，whocouldnotbeartowait，grewassulkyaspossible。AsforGiglio，heneverleftMadamGruffanuffallthistime，butstoodwithherintheembrasureofawindow，payinghercompliments。AtlengththeGroomoftheChambersannouncedHisRoyalHighnessthePrinceofCrimTartary!
andthenoblecompanywentintotheroyaldining—room。Itwasquiteasmallparty；onlytheKingandQueen，thePrincess，whomBulbotookout，thetwoPrinces，CountessGruffanuff，GlumbosothePrimeMinister，andPrinceBulbo’schamberlain。Youmaybesuretheyhadaverygooddinner——leteveryboyorgirlthinkofwhatheorshelikesbest，andfancyitonthetable。*
*Hereaveryprettygamemaybeplayedbyallthechildrensayingwhattheylikebestfordinner。
ThePrincesstalkedincessantlyalldinner—timetothePrinceofCrimea，whoateanimmensedealtoomuch，andnevertookhiseyesoffhisplate，exceptwhenGiglio，whowascarvingagoose，sentaquantityofstuffingandonionsauceintooneofthem。Giglioonlyburstouta—laughingastheCrimeanPrincewipedhisshirt—frontandfacewithhisscentedpocket—handkerchief。HedidnotmakePrinceBulboanyapology。WhenthePrincelookedathim，Gigliowouldnotlookthatway。WhenPrinceBulbosaid，’PrinceGiglio，mayIhavethehonouroftakingaglassofwinewithyou？’GiglioWOULDN’Tanswer。AllhistalkandhiseyeswereforCountessGruffanuff，whoyoumaybesurewaspleasedwithGiglio’sattentions——thevainoldcreature!Whenhewasnotcomplimentingher，hewasmakingfunofPrinceBulbo，soloudthatGruffanuffwasalwaystappinghimwithherfan，andsaying——’Oh，yousatiricalPrince!Oh，fie，thePrincewillhear!’’Well，Idon’tmind，’saysGiglio，louderstill。TheKingandQueenluckilydidnothear；forHerMajestywasalittledeaf，andtheKingthoughtsomuchabouthisowndinner，and，besides，madesuchadreadfulnoise，hobgobblingineatingit，thatheheardnothingelse。Afterdinner，HisMajestyandtheQueenwenttosleepintheirarm—chairs。
ThiswasthetimewhenGigliobeganhistrickswithPrinceBulbo，plyingthatyounggentlemanwithport，sherry，madeira，champagne，marsala，cherry—brandy，andpaleale，ofallofwhichMasterBulbodrankwithoutstint。Butinplyinghisguest，Gigliowasobligedtodrinkhimself，and，Iamsorrytosay，tookmorethanwasgoodforhim，sothattheyoungmenwereverynoisy，rude，andfoolishwhentheyjoinedtheladiesafterdinner；anddearlydidtheypayforthatimprudence，asnow，mydarlings，youshallhear!
Bulbowentandsatbythepiano，whereAngelicawasplayingandsinging，andhesangoutoftune，andheupsetthecoffeewhenthefootmanbroughtit，andhelaughedoutofplace，andtalkedabsurdly，andfellasleepandsnoredhorridly。Booh，thenastypig!Butashelaytherestretchedonthepinksatinsofa，Angelicastillpersistedinthinkinghimthemostbeautifulofhumanbeings。NodoubtthemagicrosewhichBulboworecausedthisinfatuationonAngelica’spart；butisshethefirstyoungwomanwhohasthoughtasillyfellowcharming？
GigliomustgoandsitbyGruffanuff，whoseoldfacehe，too，everymomentbegantofindmorelovely。Hepaidthemostoutrageouscomplimentstoher：——Thereneverwassuchadarling——Olderthanhewas？——Fiddle—de—dee!Hewouldmarryher——hewouldhavenothingbuther!
Tomarrytheheirtothethrone!Herewasachance!Theartfulhussyactuallygotasheetofpaper，andwroteuponit，’ThisistogivenoticethatI，Giglio，onlysonofSavio，KingofPaflagonia，herebypromisetomarrythecharmingandvirtuousBarbaraGriselda，CountessGruffanuff，andwidowofthelateJenkinsGruffanuff，Esq。’
’Whatisityouarewriting，youcharmingGruffy？’saysGiglio，whowaslollingonthesofa，bythewriting—table。
’Onlyanorderforyoutosign，dearPrince，forgivingcoalsandblanketstothepoor，thiscoldweather。Look!theKingandQueenarebothasleep，andyourRoyalHighness’sorderwilldo。’
SoGiglio，whowasverygood—natured，asGruffywellknew，signedtheorderimmediately；and，whenshehaditinherpocket，youmayfancywhatairsshegaveherself。ShewasreadytoflounceoutoftheroombeforetheQueenherself，asnowshewasthewifeoftheRIGHTFULKingofPaflagonia!ShewouldnotspeaktoGlumboso，whomshethoughtabrute，fordeprivingherDEAR
HUSBANDofthecrown!Andwhencandlescame，andshehadhelpedtoundresstheQueenandPrincess，shewentintoherownroom，andactuallypracticedonasheetofpaper，’GriseldaPaflagonia，’’BarbaraRegina，’’GriseldaBarbara，Paf。Reg。，’andIdon’tknowwhatsignaturesbesides，againstthedaywhensheshouldbeQueen，forsooth!
IX。HOWBETSINDAGOTTHEWARMINGPAN
LittleBetsindacameintoputGruffanuff’shairinpapers；andtheCountesswassopleased，that，forawonder，shecomplimentedBetsinda。’Betsinda!’shesaid，’youdressedmyhairverynicelytoday；Ipromisedyoualittlepresent。Herearefivesh——no，hereisaprettylittlering，thatIpicked——thatIhavehadsometime。’AndshegaveBetsindatheringshehadpickedupinthecourt。ItfittedBetsindaexactly。
’It’sliketheringthePrincessusedtowear，’saysthemaid。
’Nosuchthing，’saysGruffanuff，’Ihavehaditthiseversolong。There，tuckmeupquitecomfortable；andnow，asit’saverycoldnight（thesnowwasbeatinginatthewindow），youmaygoandwarmdearPrinceGiglio’sbed，likeagoodgirl，andthenyoumayunripmygreensilk，andthenyoucanjustdomeupalittlecapforthemorning，andthenyoucanmendthatholeinmysilkstocking，andthenyoucangotobed，Betsinda。MindI
shallwantmycupofteaatfiveo’clockinthemorning。’
’IsupposeIhadbestwarmboththeyounggentlemen’sbeds，Ma’am，’saysBetsinda。
Gruffanuff，forreply，said，’Hau—au—ho!——Grauhawhoo!——Hong—
hrho!’Infact，shewassnoringsoundasleep。
Herroom，youknow，isnexttotheKingandQueen，andthePrincessisnexttothem。SoprettyBetsindawentawayforthecoalstothekitchen，andfilledtheroyalwarming—pan。
Now，shewasaverykind，merry，civil，prettygirl；buttheremusthavebeensomethingverycaptivatingaboutherthisevening，forallthewomenintheservants’hallbegantoscoldandabuseher。Thehousekeepersaidshewasapert，stuck—upthing：theupper—housemaidasked，howdareshewearsuchringletsandribbons，itwasquiteimproper!Thecook（fortherewasawoman—cookaswellasaman—cook）saidtothekitchen—maidthatshenevercouldseeanythinginthatcreetur：butasforthemen，everyoneofthem，Coachman，John，Buttons，thepage，andMonsieur，thePrinceofCrimTartary’svalet，startedup，andsaid——
’Myeyes!’}
’Omussey!’}’WhataprettygirlBetsindais!’
’Ojemmany!’}
’Ociel!’}
’Handsoff；noneofyourimpertinence，youvulgar，lowpeople!’
saysBetsinda，walkingoffwithherpanofcoals。Sheheardtheyounggentlemenplayingatbilliardsasshewentupstairs：firsttoPrinceGiglio’sbed，whichshewarmed，andthentoPrinceBulbo’sroom。
Hecameinjustasshehaddone；andassoonashesawher，’O!
O!O!O!O!O!whatabeyou——oo——ootifulcreatureyouare!Youangel——youperi——yourosebud，letmebethybulbul——thyBulbo，too!Flytothedesert，flywithme!Ineversawayounggazelletogladmewithitsdarkblueeyethathadeyeslikeshine。Thounymphofbeauty，take，takethisyoungheart。A
truerneverdiditselfsustainwithinasoldier’swaistcoat。Bemine!Bemine!BePrincessofCrimTartary!MyRoyalfatherwillapproveourunion；and，asforthatlittlecarroty—hairedAngelica，Idonotcareafigforheranymore。’
’Goaway，YourRoyalHighness，andgotobed，please，’saidBetsinda，withthewarming—pan。
ButBulbosaid，’No，never，tillthouswearesttobemine，thoulovely，blushingchambermaiddivine!Here，atthyfeet，theRoyalBulbolies，thetremblingcaptiveofBetsinda’seyes。’
Andhewenton，makinghimselfSOABSURDANDRIDICULOUS，thatBetsinda，whowasfulloffun，gavehimatouchwiththewarming—pan，which，Ipromiseyou，madehimcry’O—o—o—o!’inaverydifferentmanner。
PrinceBulbomadesuchanoisethatPrinceGiglio，whoheardhimfromthenextroom，cameintoseewhatwasthematter。Assoonashesawwhatwastakingplace，Giglio，inafury，rushedonBulbo，kickedhimintherudestmanneruptotheceiling，andwentonkickinghimtillhishairwasquiteoutofcurl。
PoorBetsindadidnotknowwhethertolaughortocry；thekickingcertainlymusthurtthePrince，butthenhelookedsodroll!WhenGigliohaddoneknockinghimupanddowntotheground，andwhilsthewentintoacornerrubbinghimself，whatdoyouthinkGigliodoes？HegoesdownonhisownkneestoBetsinda，takesherhand，begshertoaccepthisheart，andofferstomarryherthatmoment。FancyBetsinda’scondition，whohadbeeninlovewiththePrinceeversinceshefirstsawhiminthepalacegarden，whenshewasquitealittlechild。
’Oh，divineBetsinda!’saysthePrince，’howhaveIlivedfifteenyearsinthycompanywithoutseeingthyperfections？WhatwomaninallEurope，Asia，Africa，andAmerica，nay，inAustralia，onlyitisnotyetdiscovered，canpresumetobethyequal？Angelica？
Pish!Gruffanuff？Phoo!TheQueen？Ha，ha!ThouartmyQueen。ThouarttherealAngelica，becausethouartreallyangelic。’
’Oh，Prince!Iambutapoorchambermaid，’saysBetsinda，looking，however，verymuchpleased。
’Didstthounottendmeinmysickness，whenallforsookme？’
continuesGiglio。’Didnotthygentlehandsmoothmypillow，andbringmejellyandroastchicken？’
’Yes，dearPrince，Idid，’saysBetsinda，’andIsewedYourRoyalHighness’sshirt—buttonsontoo，ifyouplease，YourRoyalHighness，’criesthisartlessmaiden。
WhenpoorPrinceBulbo，whowasnowmadlyinlovewithBetsinda，heardthisdeclaration，whenhesawtheunmistakableglanceswhichsheflunguponGiglio，Bulbobegantocrybitterly，andtorequantitiesofhairoutofhishead，tillitallcoveredtheroomlikesomuchtow。
Betsindahadleftthewarming—panonthefloorwhiletheprincesweregoingonwiththeirconversation，andastheybegannowtoquarrelandbeveryfiercewithoneanother，shethoughtpropertorunaway。
’Yougreatbigblubberingbooby，tearingyourhairinthecornerthere；ofcourseyouwillgivemesatisfactionforinsultingBetsinda。YOUdaretokneeldownatPrincessGiglio’skneesandkissherhand!’
’She’snotPrincessGiglio!’roarsoutBulbo。’SheshallbePrincessBulbo，noothershallbePrincessBulbo。’
’Youareengagedtomycousin!’bellowsoutGiglio。’Ihateyourcousin，’saysBulbo。
’Youshallgivemesatisfactionforinsultingher!’criesGiglioinafury。
’I’llhaveyourlife。’
’I’llrunyouthrough。’
’I’llcutyourthroat。’
’I’llblowyourbrainsout。’
’I’llknockyourheadoff。’
’I’llsendafriendtoyouinthemorning。’
’I’llsendabulletintoyouintheafternoon。’
’We’llmeetagain，’saysGiglio，shakinghisfistinBulbo’sface；andseizingupthewarming—pan，hekissedit，because，forsooth，Betsindahadcarriedit，andrusheddownstairs。WhatshouldheseeonthelandingbutHisMajestytalkingtoBetsinda，whomhecalledbyallsortsoffondnames。HisMajestyhadheardarowinthebuilding，sohestated，andsmellingsomethingburning，hadcomeouttoseewhatthematterwas。
’It’stheyounggentlemensmoking，perhaps，sir，’saysBetsinda。
’Charmingchambermaid，’saystheKing（likealltherestofthem），’nevermindtheyoungmen!Turnthyeyesonamiddle—agedautocrat，whohasbeenconsiderednotill—lookinginhistime。’
’Oh，sir!whatwillHerMajestysay？’criesBetsinda。
’HerMajesty!’laughsthemonarch。’HerMajestybehanged。AmI
notAutocratofPaflagonia？HaveInotblocks，ropes，axes，hangmen——ha？Runsnotariverbymypalacewall？HaveInotsackstosewupwiveswithal？Saybuttheword，thatthouwiltbemineown，——yourmistressstraightwayinasackissewn，andthouthesharerofmyheartandthrone。’
WhenGiglioheardtheseatrocioussentiments，heforgottherespectusuallypaidtoRoyalty，liftedupthewarming—pan，andknockeddowntheKingasflatasapancake；afterwhich，MasterGigliotooktohisheelsandranaway，andBetsindawentoffscreaming，andtheQueen，Gruffanuff，andthePrincess，allcameoutoftheirrooms。Fancytheirfeelingsonbeholdingtheirhusband，father，sovereign，inthisposture!
X。HOWKINGVALOROSOWASINADREADFULPASSION
Assoonasthecoalsbegantoburnhim，theKingcametohimselfandstoodup。’Ho!mycaptainoftheguards!’HisMajestyexclaimed，stampinghisroyalfeetwithrage。Opiteousspectacle!theKing’snosewasbentquitecrookedbytheblowofPrinceGiglio!HisMajestygroundhisteethwithrage。
’Hedzoff，’hesaid，takingadeath—warrantoutofhisdressing—gownpocket，’Hedzoff，goodHedzoff，seizeuponthePrince。Thou’ltfindhiminhischambertwopairup。Butnowhedared，withsacrilegioushand，tostrikethesacrednight—capofaking——Hedzoff，andfloormewithawarming—pan!Away，nomoredemur，thevillaindies!Seeitbedone，orelse，——h’m——
ha!——h’m!mindshineowneyes!’andfollowedbytheladies，andliftingupthetailsofhisdressing—gown，theKingenteredhisownapartment。
CaptainHedzoffwasverymuchaffected，havingasincereloveforGiglio。’Poor，poorGiglio!’hesaid，thetearsrollingoverhismanlyface，anddrippingdownhismoustachios；’mynobleyoungPrince，isitmyhandmustleadtheetodeath？’
’Leadhimtofiddlestick，Hedzoff，’saidafemalevoice。ItwasGruffanuff，whohadcomeoutinherdressing—gownwhensheheardthenoise。’TheKingsaidyouweretohangthePrince。Well，hangthePrince。’
’Idon’tunderstandyou，’saysHedzoff，whowasnotaverycleverman。
’YouGaby!hedidn’tsayWHICHPrince，’saysGruffanuff。
’No；hedidn’tsaywhich，certainly，’saidHedzoff。
’Wellthen，takeBulbo，andhangHIM!’
WhenCaptainHedzoffheardthis，hebegantodanceaboutforjoy。
’Obedienceisasoldier’shonour，’sayshe。’PrinceBulbo’sheadwilldocapitally，’andhewenttoarrestthePrincetheveryfirstthingnextmorning。
Heknockedatthedoor。’Who’sthere？’saysBulbo。’CaptainHedzoff？Stepin，pray，mygoodCaptain；I’mdelightedtoseeyou；Ihavebeenexpectingyou。’
’Haveyou？’saysHedzoff。
’Sleibootz，myChamberlain，willactforme，’saysthePrince。
’IbegYourRoyalHighness’spardon，butyouwillhavetoactforyourself，andit’sapitytowakeBaronSleibootz。’
ThePrinceBulbostillseemedtotakethematterverycoolly。
’Ofcourse，Captain，’sayshe，’youarecomeaboutthataffairwithPrinceGiglio？’
’Precisely，’saysHedzoff，’thataffairofPrinceGiglio。’
’Isittobepistols，orswords，Captain？’asksBulbo。’I’maprettygoodhandwithboth，andI’lldoforPrinceGiglioassureasmynameisMyRoyalHighnessPrinceBulbo。’
’There’ssomemistake，myLord，’saystheCaptain。’ThebusinessisdonewithAXESamongus。’
’Axes？That’ssharpwork，’saysBulbo。’CallmyChamberlain，he’llbemysecond，andintenminutes，Iflattermyself，you’llseeMasterGiglio’sheadoffhisimpertinentshoulders。I’mhungryforhisbloodHoooo，aw!’andhelookedassavageasanogre。
’Ibegyourpardon，sir，butbythiswarrantIamtotakeyouprisoner，andhandyouoverto——totheexecutioner。’
’Pooh，pooh，mygoodman!——Stop，Isay，——ho!——hulloa!’wasallthatthislucklessPrincewasenabledtosay，forHedzoff’sguardsseizinghim，tiedahandkerchiefoverhismouthandface，andcarriedhimtotheplaceofexecution。
TheKing，whohappenedtobetalkingtoGlumboso，sawhimpass，andtookapinchofsnuffandsaid，’SomuchforGiglio。Nowlet’sgotobreakfast。’
TheCaptainoftheGuardhandedoverhisprisonertotheSheriff，withthefatalorder，’ATSIGHTCUTOFFTHEBEARER’SHEAD。
’VALOROSOXXIV。’
’It’samistake，’saysBulbo，whodidnotseemtounderstandthebusinessintheleast。
’Poo——poo——pooh，’saystheSheriff。’FetchJackKetchinstantly。
JackKetch!’
AndpoorBulbowasledtothescaffold，whereanexecutionerwithablockandatremendousaxewasalwaysreadyincaseheshouldbewanted。
ButwemustnowreverttoGiglioandBetsinda。
XI。WHATGRUFFANUFFDIDTOGIGLIOANDBETSINDA
Gruffanuff，whohadseenwhathadhappenedwiththeKing，andknewthatGigliomustcometogrief，gotupveryearlythenextmorning，andwenttodevisesomeplansforrescuingherdarlinghusband，asthesillyoldthinginsistedoncallinghim。Shefoundhimwalkingupanddownthegarden，thinkingofarhymeforBetsinda（TINDERandWINDAwereallhecouldfind），andindeedhavingforgottenallaboutthepastevening，exceptthatBetsindawasthemostlovelyofbeings。
’Well，dearGiglio，’saysGruff。
’Well，dearGruffy，’saysGiglio，onlyHEwasquitesatirical。
’Ihavebeenthinking，darling，whatyoumustdointhisscrape。
Youmustflythecountryforawhile。’
’Whatscrape？——flythecountry？NeverwithoutherIlove，Countess，’saysGiglio。
’No，shewillaccompanyyou，dearPrince，’shesays，inhermostcoaxingaccents。’First，wemustgetthejewelsbelongingtoourroyalparents。andthoseofherandhispresentMajesty。Hereisthekey，duck；theyareallyours，youknow，byright，foryouaretherightfulKingofPaflagonia，andyourwifewillbetherightfulQueen。’
’Willshe？’saysGiglio。
’Yes；andhavinggotthejewels，gotoGlumboso’sapartment，where，underhisbed，youwillfindsackscontainingmoneytotheamountofL2I7，000，000，987，439，13S。61/2d。，allbelongingtoyou，forhetookitoutofyourroyalfather’sroomonthedayofhisdeath。Withthiswewillfly。’
’WEwillfly？’saysGiglio。
’Yes，youandyourbride——youraffiancedlove——yourGruffy!’saystheCountess，withalanguishingleer。
’YOUmybride!’saysGiglio。’You，youhideousoldwoman!’
’Oh，you——youwretch!didn’tyougivemethispaperpromisingmarriage？’criesGruff。
’Getaway，youoldgoose!IloveBetsinda，andBetsindaonly!’
Andinafitofterrorheranfromherasquicklyashecould。
’He!he!he!’shrieksoutGruff；’apromiseisapromiseiftherearelawsinPaflagonia!Andasforthatmonster，thatwretch，thatfiend，thatuglylittlevixen——asforthatupstart，thatingrate，thatbeast，Betsinda，MasterGigliowillhavenolittledifficultyindiscoveringherwhereabouts。HemaylookverylongbeforefindingHER，Iwarrant。HelittleknowsthatMissBetsindais——’
Is——what？Now，youshallhear。PoorBetsindagotupatfiveinwinter’smorningtobringhercruelmistresshertea；andinsteadoffindingherinagoodhumour，foundGruffyascrossastwosticks。TheCountessboxedBetsinda’searshalfadozentimeswhilstshewasdressing；butaspoorlittleBetsindawasusedtothiskindoftreatment，shedidnotfeelanyspecialalarm。’Andnow，’saysshe，’whenHerMajestyringsherbelltwice，I’lltroubleyou，miss，toattend。’
SowhentheQueen’sbellrangtwice，BetsindacametoHerMajestyandmadeaprettylittlecurtsey。TheQueen，thePrincess，andGruffanuffwereallthreeintheroom。Assoonastheysawhertheybegan，’Youwretch!’saystheQueen。
’Youlittlevulgarthing!’saysthePrincess。
’Youbeast!’saysGruffanuff。
’Getoutofmysight!’saystheQueen。
’Goawaywithyou，do!’saysthePrincess。
’Quitthepremises!’saysGruffanuff。
’Alas!andwoeisme!’verylamentableeventshadoccurredtoBetsindathatmorning，andallinconsequenceofthatfatalwarming—panbusinessofthepreviousnight。TheKinghadofferedtomarryher；ofcourseHerMajestytheQueenwasjealous：Bulbohadfalleninlovewithher；ofcourseAngelicawasfurious：
Gigliowasinlovewithher，andoh，whatafuryGruffywasin!
’Takeoffthat{cap}Igaveyou，’
{petticoat}theysaid，all{gown}atonce，andbegantearingtheclothesoffpoorBetsinda。
’How（theKing？’}criedtheQueen，dareyou{PrinceBulbo？’}thePrincess，andflirtwith{PrinceGiglio？’}Countess。
’Givehertheragssheworewhenshecameintothehouse，andturnheroutofit!’criestheQueen。
’MindshedoesnotgowithMYshoeson，whichIlenthersokindly，’saysthePrincess；andindeedthePrincess’sshoeswereagreatdealtoobigforBetsinda。
’Comewithme，youfilthyhussy!’andtakinguptheQueen’spoker，thecruelGruffanuffdroveBetsindaintoherroom。
TheCountesswenttotheglassboxinwhichshehadkeptBetsinda’soldcloakandshoethiseversolong，andsaid，’Takethoserags，youlittlebeggarcreature，andstripoffeverythingbelongingtohonestpeople，andgoaboutyourbusiness’；andsheactuallytoreoffthepoorlittledelicatething’sbackalmostallherthings，andtoldhertobeoffoutofthehouse。
PoorBetsindahuddledthecloakroundherback，onwhichwereembroideredthelettersPRIN……ROSAL……andthencameagreatrent。
Asfortheshoe，whatwasshetodowithonepoorlittletootseysandal？thestringwasstilltoit，soshehungitroundherneck。
’Won’tyougivemeapairofshoestogooutinthesnow，mum，ifyouplease，mum？’criedthepoorchild。
’No，youwickedbeast!’saysGruffanuff，drivingheralongwiththepoker——drivingherdownthecoldstairs——drivingherthroughthecoldhall——flingingheroutintothecoldstreet，sothattheknockeritselfshedtearstoseeher!
Butakindfairymadethesoftsnowwarmforherlittlefeet，andshewrappedherselfupintheermineofhermantle，andwasgone!
’Andnowletusthinkaboutbreakfast，’saysthegreedyQueen。
’WhatdressshallIputon，mamma？thepinkorthepeagreen？’
saysAngelica。’WhichdoyouthinkthedearPrincewilllikebest？’
’Mrs。V。!’singsouttheKingfromhisdressing—room，’letushavesausagesforbreakfast!RememberwehavePrinceBulbostayingwithus!’
Andtheyallwenttogetready。
Nineo’clockcame，andtheywereallinthebreakfast—room，andnoPrinceBulboasyet。Theurnwashissingandhumming：themuffinsweresmoking——suchaheapofmuffins!theeggsweredone，therewasapotofraspberryjam，andcoffee，andabeautifulchickenandtongueontheside—table。Marmitoniothecookbroughtinthesausages。Oh，hownicetheysmelt!
’WhereisBulbo？’saidtheKing。’John，whereisHisRoyalHighness？’JohnsaidhehadatookhupHisRoilighnessessesshaving—water，andhisclothesandthings，andhewasn’tinhisroom，whichhesposedHisRoylinesswasjuststeppedtrout。
’Steppedoutbeforebreakfastinthesnow!Impossible!’saystheKing，stickinghisforkintoasausage。’Mydear，takeone。
Angelica，won’tyouhaveasaveloy？’ThePrincesstookone，beingveryfondofthem；andatthismomentGlumbosoenteredwithCaptainHedzoff，bothlookingverymuchdisturbed。
’IamafraidYourMajesty——’criesGlumboso。
’Nobusinessbeforebreakfast，Glum!’saystheKing。’Breakfastfirst，businessnext。Mrs。V。，somemoresugar!’
’Sire，Iamafraidifwewaittillafterbreakfastitwillbetoolate，’saysGlumboso。’He——he——he’llbehangedathalf—pastnine。’
’Don’ttalkabouthangingandspoilmybreakfast，youunkind，vulgarmanyou，’criesthePrincess。’John，somemustard。Praywhoistobehanged？’
’Sire，itisthePrince，’whispersGlumbosototheKing。
’Talkaboutbusinessafterbreakfast，Itellyou!’saysHisMajesty，quitesulky。
’Weshallhaveawar，Sire，dependonit，’saystheMinister。
’Hisfather，KingPadella……’
’Hisfather，KingWHO？’saystheKing。’KingPadellaisnotGiglio’sfather。Mybrother，KingSavio，wasGiglio’sfather。’
’It’sPrinceBulbotheyarehanging，Sire，notPrinceGiglio，’
saysthePrimeMinister。
’YoutoldmetohangthePrince，andItooktheuglyone，’saysHedzoff。’Ididn’t，ofcourse，thinkYourMajestyintendedtomurderyourownfleshandblood!’
TheKingforallreplyflungtheplateofsausagesatHedzoff’shead。ThePrincesscriedout’Hee—kareekaree!’andfelldowninafaintingfit。
’TurnthecockoftheurnuponHerRoyalHighness，’saidtheKing，andtheboilingwatergraduallyrevivedher。HisMajestylookedathiswatch，compareditbytheclockintheparlour，andbythatofthechurchinthesquareopposite；thenhewounditup；thenhelookedatitagain。’Thegreatquestionis，’sayshe，’amIfastoramIslow？IfI’mslow，wemayaswellgoonwithbreakfast。IfI’mfast，why，thereisjustthepossibilityofsavingPrinceBulbo。It’sadoosidawkwardmistake，anduponmyword，Hedzoff，Ihavethegreatestmindtohaveyouhangedtoo。’
’Sire，Ididbutmyduty；asoldierhasbuthisorders。Ididn’texpectafterforty—sevenyearsoffaithfulservicethatmysovereignwouldthinkofputtingmetoafelon’sdeath!’
’Ahundredthousandplaguesuponyou!Can’tyouseethatwhileyouaretalkingmyBulboisbeinghung？’screamedthePrincess。
’ByJove!she’salwaysright，thatgirl，andI’msoabsent，’saystheKing，lookingathiswatchagain。’Ha!theregothedrums!
Whatadoosidawkwardthingthough!’
’Oh，papa，yougoose!Writethereprieve，andletmerunwithit，’criesthePrincess——andshegotasheetofpaper，andpenandink，andlaidthembeforetheKing。
’Confoundit!wherearemyspectacles？’theMonarchexclaimed。
’Angelica!goupintomybedroom，lookundermypillow，notyourmamma’s；thereyou’llseemykeys。Bringthemdowntome，and——Well，well!whatimpetuousthingsthesegirlsare!’
Angelicawasgone，andhadrunuppantingtothebedroom，andfoundthekeys，andwasbackagainbeforetheKinghadfinishedamuffin。’Now，love，’sayshe，’youmustgoallthewaybackformydesk，inwhichmyspectaclesare。Ifyouwouldbuthaveheardmeout……Behangedtoher!Theresheisoffagain。Angelica!
ANGELICA!’WhenHisMajestycalledinhisLOUDvoice，sheknewshemustobey，andcameback。
’Mydear，whenyougooutofaroom，howoftenhaveItoldyou，SHUTTHEDOOR。That’sadarling。That’sall。’Atlastthekeysandthedeskandthespectaclesweregot，andtheKingmendedhispen，andsignedhisnametoareprieve，andAngelicaranwithitasswiftasthewind。’You’dbetterstay，mylove，andfinishthemuffins。There’snousegoing。Besureit’stoolate。Handmeoverthatraspberryjam，please，’saidtheMonarch。’Bong!Bawong!Theregoesthehalf—hour。Iknewitwas。’
Angelicaran，andran，andran，andran。SheranupForeStreet，anddownHighStreet，andthroughtheMarket—place，anddowntotheleft，andoverthebridge，anduptheblindalley，andbackagain，androundbytheCastle，andsoalongbytheHaberdasher’sontheright，oppositethelamp—post，androundthesquare，andshecame——shecametotheEXECUTIONPLACE，whereshesawBulbolayinghisheadontheblock!!!Theexecutionerraisedhisaxe，butatthatmomentthePrincesscamepantingupandcried’Reprieve!’’Reprieve!’screamedthePrincess。’Reprieve!’
shoutedallthepeople。Upthescaffoldstairsshesprang，withtheagilityofalighteroflamps；andflingingherselfinBulbo’sarms，regardlessofallceremony，shecriedout，’Oh，myPrince!mylord!mylove!myBulbo!ThineAngelicahasbeenintimetosavethypreciousexistence，sweetrosebud；topreventthybeingnippedinthyyoungbloom!Hadaughtbefallenthee，Angelicatoohaddied，andwelcomeddeaththatjoinedhertoherBulbo。’
’H’m!there’snoaccountingfortastes，’saidBulbo，lookingsoverymuchpuzzledanduncomfortablethatthePrincess，intonesoftendereststrain，askedthecauseofhisdisquiet。
’Itellyouwhatitis，Angelica，’saidhe，’sinceIcamehereyesterday，therehasbeensucharow，anddisturbance，andquarrelling，andfighting，andchoppingofheadsoff，andthedeucetopay，thatIaminclinedtogobacktoCrimTartary。’
’Butwithmeasthybride，myBulbo!ThoughwhereverthouartisCrimTartarytome，mybold，mybeautiful，myBulbo!’
’Well，well，Isupposewemustbemarried，’saysBulbo。’Doctor，youcametoreadtheFuneralService——readtheMarriageService，willyou？Whatmustbe，must。ThatwillsatisfyAngelica，andthen，inthenameofpeaceandquietness，doletusgobacktobreakfast。’
Bulbohadcarriedaroseinhismouthallthetimeofthedismalceremony。Itwasafairyrose，andhewastoldbyhismotherthatheoughtnevertopartwithit。Sohehadkeptitbetweenhisteeth，evenwhenhelaidhispoorheadupontheblock，hopingvaguelythatsomechancewouldturnupinhisfavour。AshebegantospeaktoAngelica，heforgotabouttherose，andofcourseitdroppedoutofhismouth。TheromanticPrincessinstantlystoopedandseizedit。’Sweetrose!’sheexclaimed，’thatbloomeduponmyBulbo’slip，never，neverwillIpartfromthee!’andsheplaceditinherbosom。AndyouknowBulboCOULDN’Taskhertogivetherosebackagain。Andtheywenttobreakfast；andastheywalked，itappearedtoBulbothatAngelicabecamemoreexquisitelylovelyeverymoment。
Hewasfranticuntiltheyweremarried；andnow，strangetosay，itwasAngelicawhodidn’tcareabouthim!Hekneltdown，hekissedherhand，heprayedandbegged；hecriedwithadmiration；
whilesheforherpartsaidshereallythoughttheymightwait；
itseemedtoherhewasnothandsomeanymore——no，notatall，quitethereverse；andnotclever，no，verystupid；andnotwellbred，likeGiglio；no，onthecontrary，dreadfullyvul——
What，Icannotsay，forKingValorosoroaredout’POOH，stuff!’
inaterriblevoice。’Wewillhavenomoreofthisshilly—shallying!CalltheArchbishop，andletthePrinceandPrincessbemarriedoffhand!’
So，marriedtheywere，andIamsureformypartItrusttheywillbehappy。
XII。HOWBETSINDAFLED，ANDWHATBECAMEOFHER
Betsindawanderedonandon，tillshepassedthroughthetowngates，andsoonthegreatCrimTartaryroad，theverywayonwhichGigliotoowasgoing。’Ah!’thoughtshe，asthediligencepassedher，ofwhichtheconductorwasblowingadelightfultuneonhishorn，’howIshouldliketobeonthatcoach!’Butthecoachandthejinglinghorseswereverysoongone。Shelittleknewwhowasinit，thoughverylikelyshewasthinkingofhimallthetime。
Thencameanemptycart，returningfrommarket；andthedriverbeingakindman，andseeingsuchaveryprettygirltrudgingalongtheroadwithbarefeet，mostgood—naturedlygaveheraseat。Hesaidhelivedontheconfinesoftheforest，wherehisoldfatherwasawoodman，and，ifsheliked，hewouldtakehersofaronherroad。AllroadswerethesametolittleBetsinda，sosheverythankfullytookthisone。
Andthecarterputaclothroundherbarefeet，andgavehersomebreadandcoldbacon，andwasverykindtoher。Forallthatshewasverycoldandmelancholy。Whenaftertravellingonandon，eveningcame，andalltheblackpineswerebendingwithsnow，andthere，atlast，wasthecomfortablelightbeaminginthewoodman’swindows；andsotheyarrived，andwentintohiscottage。Hewasanoldman，andhadanumberofchildren，whowerejustatsupper，withnicehotbread—and—milk，whentheirelderbrotherarrivedwiththecart。Andtheyjumpedandclappedtheirhands；fortheyweregoodchildren；andhehadbroughtthemtoysfromthetown。Andwhentheysawtheprettystranger，theyrantoher，andbroughthertothefire，andrubbedherpoorlittlefeet，andbroughtherbreadandmilk。
’Look，father!’theysaidtotheoldwoodman，’lookatthispoorgirl，andseewhatprettycoldfeetshehas。Theyareaswhiteasourmilk!Andlookandseewhatanoddcloakshehas，justlikethebitofvelvetthathangsupinourcupboard，andwhichyoufoundthatdaythelittlecubswerekilledbyKingPadella，intheforest!Andlook，why，blessusall!shehasgotroundherneckjustsuchanotherlittleshoeasthatyoubroughthome，andhaveshownussooften——alittlebluevelvetshoe!’
’What，’saidtheoldwoodman，’whatisallthisaboutashoeandacloak？’
AndBetsindaexplainedthatshehadbeenleft，whenquitealittlechild，atthetownwiththiscloakandthisshoe。Andthepersonswhohadtakencareofherhad——hadbeenangrywithher，fornofault，shehoped，ofherown。Andtheyhadsentherawaywithheroldclothes——andhere，infact，shewas。Sherememberedhavingbeeninaforest——andperhapsitwasadream——itwassoveryoddandstrange——havinglivedinacavewithlionsthere；
and，beforethat，havinglivedinavery，veryfinehouse，asfineastheKing’s，inthetown。
Whenthewoodmanheardthis，hewassoastonished，itwasquitecurioustoseehowastonishedhewas。Hewenttohiscupboard，andtookoutofastockingafive—shillingpieceofKingCavolfiore，andvoweditwasexactlyliketheyoungwoman。Andthenheproducedtheshoeandpieceofvelvetwhichhehadkeptsolong，andcomparedthemwiththethingswhichBetsindawore。
InBetsinda’slittleshoewaswritten，’Hopkins，makertotheRoyalFamily’；sointheothershoewaswritten，’Hopkins，makertotheRoyalFamily。’IntheinsideofBetsinda’spieceofcloakwasembroidered，’PRINROSAL’；intheotherpieceofcloakwasembroidered’CESSBA。NO。246。’Sothatwhenputtogetheryouread，’PRINCESSROSALBA。NO。246。’
Onseeingthis，thedearoldwoodmanfelldownonhisknee，saying，’OmyPrincess，Omygraciousroyallady，OmyrightfulQueenofCrimTartary，——Ihailthee——Iacknowledgethee——Idotheehomage!’Andintokenofhisfealty，herubbedhisvenerablenosethreetimesontheground，andputthePrincess’sfootonhishead。
’Why，’saidshe，’mygoodwoodman，youmustbeanoblemanofmyroyalfather’sCourt!’Forinherlowlyretreat，andunderthenameofBetsinda，HERMAJESTY，ROSALBA，QueenofCrimTartary，hadreadofthecustomsofallforeigncourtsandnations。
’Marry，indeed，amI，mygraciousliege——thepoorLordSpinachionce——thehumblewoodmanthesefifteenyearssyne。EversincethetyrantPadella（mayruinovertakethetreacherousknave!）
dismissedmefrommypostofFirstLord。’
’FirstLordoftheToothpickandJointKeeperoftheSnuffbox？I
mindme!ThouheldestthesepostsunderourroyalSire。Theyarerestoredtothee，LordSpinachi!ImaketheeknightofthesecondclassofourOrderofthePumpkin（thefirstclassbeingreservedforcrownedheadsalone）。Rise，MarquisofSpinachi!’
Andwithindescribablemajesty，theQueen，whohadnoswordhandy，wavedthepewterspoonwithwhichshehadbeentakingherbread—and—milk，overthebaldheadoftheoldnobleman，whosetearsabsolutelymadeapuddleontheground，andwhosedearchildrenwenttobedthatnightLordsandLadiesBartolomeo，Ubaldo，Catarina，andOttaviadegliSpinachi!
TheacquaintanceHERMAJESTYshowedwiththehistory，andnoblefamiliesofherempire，waswonderful。’TheHouseofBroccolishouldremainfaithfultous，’shesaid；’theywereeverwelcomeatourCourt。HavetheArticiocchi，aswastheirwont，turnedtotheRisingSun？ThefamilyofSauerkrautmustsurebewithus——theywereeverwelcomeinthehallsofKingCavolfiore。’AndsoshewentonenumeratingquitealistofthenobilityandgentryofCrimTartary，soadmirablyhadHerMajestyprofitedbyherstudieswhileinexile。
TheoldMarquisofSpinachisaidhecouldanswerforthemall；
thatthewholecountrygroanedunderPadella’styranny，andlongedtoreturntoitsrightfulsovereign；andlateasitwas，hesenthischildren，whoknewtheforestwell，tosummonthisnoblemanandthat；andwhenhiseldestson，whohadbeenrubbingthehorsedownandgivinghimhissupper，cameintothehouseforhisown，theMarquistoldhimtoputhisbootson，andasaddleonthemare，andridehitherandthithertosuchandsuchpeople。
Whentheyoungmanheardwhohiscompanioninthecarthadbeen，hetookneltdownandputherroyalfootonhishead；hetoobedewedthegroundwithhistears；hewasfranticallyinlovewithher，aseverybodynowwaswhosawher：soweretheyoungLordsBartolomeoandUbaldo，whopunchedeachother’slittleheadsoutofjealousy；andso，whentheycamefromeastandwestatthesummonsoftheMarquisdegliSpinachi，weretheCrimTartarLordswhostillremainedfaithfultotheHouseofCavolfiore。TheyweresuchveryoldgentlemenforthemostpartthatHerMajestyneversuspectedtheirabsurdpassion，andwentamongthemquiteunawareofthehavocherbeautywascausing，untilanoldblindLordwhohadjoinedherpartytoldherwhatthetruthwas；afterwhich，forfearofmakingthepeopletoomuchinlovewithher，shealwaysworeaveil。Shewentaboutprivately，fromonenobleman’scastletoanother；andtheyvisitedamongthemselvesagain，andhadmeetings，andcomposedproclamationsandcounterproclamations，anddistributedallthebestplacesofthekingdomamongstoneanother，andselectedwhooftheoppositionpartyshouldbeexecutedwhentheQueencametoherown。Andsoinaboutayeartheywerereadytomove。
ThepartyofFidelitywasintruthcomposedofveryfeebleoldfogiesforthemostpart；theywentaboutthecountrywavingtheiroldswordsandflags，andcalling’GodsavetheQueen!’andKingPadellahappeningtobeabsentuponaninvasion，theyhadtheirownwayforalittle，andtobesurethepeoplewereveryenthusiasticwhenevertheysawtheQueen；otherwisethevulgartookmattersveryquietly，fortheysaid，asfarastheycouldrecollect，theywereprettywellasmuchtaxedinCavolfiore’stime，asnowinPadella’s。
XIII。HOWQUEENROSALBACAMETOTHECASTLEOFTHEBOLDCOUNT
HOGGINARMO
HerMajesty，havingindeednothingelsetogive，madeallherfollowersKnightsofthePumpkin，andMarquises，Earls，andBaronets；andtheyhadalittlecourtforher，andmadeheralittlecrownofgiltpaper，andarobeofcottonvelvet；andtheyquarrelledabouttheplacestobegivenawayinhercourt，andaboutrankandprecedenceanddignities；——youcan’tthinkhowtheyquarrelled!ThepoorQueenwasverytiredofherhonoursbeforeshehadhadthemamonth，andIdaresaysighedsometimeseventobealady’s—maidagain。Butwemustalldoourdutyinourrespectivestations，sotheQueenresignedherselftoperformhers。
WehavesaidhowithappenedthatnoneoftheUsurper’stroopscameouttoopposethisArmyofFidelity：itpotteredalongasnimblyasthegoutoftheprincipalcommandersallowed：itconsistedoftwiceasmanyofficersassoldiers：andatlengthpassedneartheestatesofoneofthemostpowerfulnoblemenofthecountry，whohadnotdeclaredfortheQueen，butofwhomherpartyhadhopes，ashewasalwaysquarrellingwithKingPadella。
Whentheycameclosetohisparkgates，thisnoblemansenttosayhewouldwaituponHerMajesty：hewasamostpowerfulwarrior，andhisnamewasCountHogginarmo，whosehelmetittooktwostrongnegroestocarry。Hekneltdownbeforeherandsaid，’Madamandliegelady!itbecomesthegreatnoblesoftheCrimeanrealmtoshoweveryoutwardsignofrespecttotheweareroftheCrown，whoeverthatmaybe。Wetestifytoourownnobilityinacknowledgingyours。TheboldHogginarmobendsthekneetothefirstofthearistocracyofhiscountry。’
Rosalbasaid，’TheboldCountofHogginarmowasuncommonlykind。’
Butshefeltafraidofhim，evenwhilehewaskneeling，andhiseyesscowledatherfrombetweenhiswhiskers，whichgrewuptothem。
’ThefirstCountoftheEmpire，madam，’hewenton，’salutestheSovereign。ThePrinceaddresseshimselftothenotmorenoblelady!Madam，myhandisfree，andIofferit，andmyheartandmyswordtoyourservice!Mythreewiveslieburiedinmyancestralvaults。Thethirdperishedbutayearsince；andthisheartpinesforaconsort!Deigntobemine，andIsweartobringtoyourbridaltabletheheadofKingPadella，theeyesandnoseofhissonPrinceBulbo，therighthandandearsoftheusurpingSovereignofPaflagonia，whichcountryshallthenceforthbeanappanagetoyour——toOURCrown!Sayyes；Hogginarmoisnotaccustomedtobedenied。IndeedIcannotcontemplatethepossibilityofarefusal：forfrightfulwillbetheresult；
dreadfulthemurders；furiousthedevastations；horriblethetyranny；tremendousthetortures，misery，taxation，whichthepeopleofthisrealmwillendure，ifHogginarmo’swrathbearoused!IseeconsentinYourMajesty’slovelyeyes——theirglancesfillmysoulwithrapture!’
’Oh，sir!’Rosalbasaid，withdrawingherhandingreatfright。
’YourLordshipisexceedinglykind；butIamsorrytotellyouthatIhaveapriorattachmenttoayounggentlemanbythenameof——PrinceGiglio——andnever——nevercanmarryanyonebuthim。’
WhocandescribeHogginarmo’swrathatthisremark？Risingupfromtheground，hegroundhisteethsothatfireflashedoutofhismouth，fromwhichatthesametimeissuedremarksandlanguage，soLOUD，VIOLENT，ANDIMPROPER，thatthispenshallneverrepeatthem!’R—r—r—r—rr——Rejected!Fiendsandperdition!TheboldHogginarmorejected!Alltheworldshallhearofmyrage；andyou，madam，youaboveallshallrueit!’
Andkickingthetwonegroesbeforehim，herushedaway，hiswhiskersstreaminginthewind。
HerMajesty’sPrivyCouncilwasinadreadfulpanicwhentheysawHogginarmoissuefromtheroyalpresenceinsuchatoweringrage，makingfootballsofthepoornegroes——apanicwhichtheeventsjustified。TheymarchedofffromHogginarmo’sparkverycrestfallen；andinanotherhalfhourtheyweremetbythatrapaciouschieftainwithafewofhisfollowers，whocut，slashed，charged，whacked，banged，andpommelledamongstthem，tooktheQueenprisoner，anddrovetheArmyofFidelitytoI
don’tknowwhere。
PoorQueen!Hogginarmo，herconqueror，wouldnotcondescendtoseeher。’Getahorse—van!’hesaidtohisgrooms，’clapthehussyintoit，andsendher，withmycompliments，toHisMajestyKingPadella。’
Alongwithhislovelyprisoner，HogginarmosentaletterfullofservilecomplimentsandloathsomeflatteriestoKingPadella，forwhoselife，andthatofhisroyalfamily，theHYPOCRITICALHUMBUGpretendedtoofferthemostfulsomeprayers。AndHogginarmopromisedspeedilytopayhishumblehomageathisaugustmaster’sthrone，ofwhichhebeggedleavetobecountedthemostloyalandconstantdefender。SuchaWARYoldBIRDasKingPadellawasnottobecaughtbyMasterHogginarmo’sCHAFFandweshallhearpresentlyhowthetyranttreatedhisupstartvassal。No，no；dependon’s，twosuchroguesdonottrustoneanother。
SothispoorQueenwaslaidinthestrawlikeMargeryDaw，anddrivenalonginthedarkeversomanymilestotheCourt，whereKingPadellahadnowarrived，havingvanquishedallhisenemies，murderedmostofthem，andbroughtsomeoftherichestintocaptivitywithhimforthepurposeoftorturingthemandfindingoutwheretheyhadhiddentheirmoney。
Rosalbaheardtheirshrieksandgroansinthedungeoninwhichshewasthrust；amostawfulblackhole，fullofbats，rats，mice，toads，frogs，mosquitoes，bugs，fleas，serpents，andeverykindofhorror。Nolightwasletintoit，otherwisethegaolersmighthaveseenherandfalleninlovewithher，asanowlthatlivedupintheroofofthetowerdid，andacat，youknow，whocanseeinthedark，andhavingsetitsgreeneyesonRosalba，neverwouldbegottogobacktotheturnkey’swifetowhomitbelonged。Andthetoadsinthedungeoncameandkissedherfeet，andtheviperswoundroundherneckandarms，andneverhurther，socharmingwasthispoorPrincessinthemidstofhermisfortunes。
Atlast，aftershehadbeenkeptinthisplaceEVERSOLONG，thedoorofthedungeonopened，andtheterribleKINGPADELLA
camein。
Butwhathesaidanddidmustbereservedforanotherchapter，aswemustnowbacktoPrinceGiglio。
XIV。WHATBECAMEOFGIGLIO
TheideaofmarryingsuchanoldcreatureasGruffanufffrightenedPrinceGiglioso，thatheranuptohisroom，packedhistrunks，fetchedinacoupleofporters，andwasofftothediligenceofficeinatwinkling。
Itwaswellthathewassoquickinhisoperations，didnotdawdleoverhisluggage，andtooktheearlycoach，forassoonasthemistakeaboutPrinceBulbowasfoundout，thatcruelGlumbososentupacoupleofpolicementoPrinceGiglio’sroom，withordersthatheshouldbecarriedtoNewgate，andhisheadtakenoffbeforetwelveo’clock。ButthecoachwasoutofthePaflagoniandominionsbeforetwoo’clock；andIdaresaytheexpressthatwassentafterPrinceGigliodidnotrideveryquick，formanypeopleinPaflagoniahadaregardforGiglio，asthesonoftheiroldsovereign；aPrincewho，withallhisweaknesses，wasverymuchbetterthanhisbrother，theusurping，lazy，careless，passionate，tyrannical，reigningmonarch。ThatPrincebusiedhimselfwiththeballs，fetes，masquerades，hunting—parties，andsoforth，whichhethoughtpropertogiveonoccasionofhisdaughter’smarriagetoPrinceBulbo；andletustrustwasnotsorryinhisownheartthathisbrother’ssonhadescapedthescaffold。
Itwasverycoldweather，andthesnowwasontheground，andGiglio，whogavehisnameassimpleMr。Giles，wasverygladtogetacomfortableplaceinthecoupeofthediligence，wherehesatwiththeconductorandanothergentleman。AtthefirststagefromBlombodinga，astheystoppedtochangehorses，therecameuptothediligenceaveryordinary，vulgar—lookingwoman，withabagunderherarm，whoaskedforaplace。Alltheinsideplacesweretaken，andtheyoungwomanwasinformedthatifshewishedtotravel，shemustgoupontheroof；andthepassengerinsidewithGiglio（arudeperson，Ishouldthink），puthisheadoutofthewindow，andsaid，’Niceweatherfortravellingoutside!Iwishyouapleasantjourney，mydear。’
Thepoorwomancoughedverymuch，andGigliopitiedher。’I
willgiveupmyplacetoher，’sayshe，’ratherthansheshouldtravelinthecoldairwiththathorridcough。’Onwhichthevulgartravellersaid，’YOU’Dkeepherwarm，Iamsure，ifit’saMUFFshewants。’OnwhichGigliopulledhisnose，boxedhisears，hithimintheeye，andgavethisvulgarpersonawarningnevertocallhimMUFFagain。
Thenhesprangupgailyontotheroofofthediligence，andmadehimselfverycomfortableinthestraw。
Thevulgartravellergotdownonlyatthenextstation，andGigliotookhisplaceagain，andtalkedtothepersonnexttohim。Sheappearedtobeamostagreeable，well—informed，andentertainingfemale。Theytravelledtogethertillnight，andshegaveGiglioallsortsofthingsoutofthebagwhichshecarried，andwhichindeedseemedtocontainthemostwonderfulcollectionofarticles。Hewasthirsty——outtherecameapintbottleofBass’spaleale，andasilvermug!Hungry——shetookoutacoldfowl，someslicesofham，bread，salt，andamostdeliciouspieceofcoldplum—pudding，andalittleglassofbrandyafterwards。
Astheytravelled，thisplain—looking，queerwomantalkedtoGiglioonavarietyofsubjects，inwhichthepoorPrinceshowedhisignoranceasmuchasshedidhercapacity。Heowned，withmanyblushes，howignoranthewas；onwhichtheladysaid，’MydearGigl——mygoodMr。Giles，youareayoungman，andhaveplentyoftimebeforeyou。Youhavenothingtodobuttoimproveyourself。Whoknowsbutthatyoumayfinduseforyourknowledgesomeday？When——whenyoumaybewantedathome，assomepeoplemaybe。’
’Goodheavens，madam!’sayshe，’doyouknowme？’
’Iknowanumberoffunnythings，’saysthelady。’Ihavebeenatsomepeople’schristenings，andturnedawayfromotherfolks’doors。Ihaveseensomepeoplespoiltbygoodfortune，andothers，asIhope，improvedbyhardship。Iadviseyoutostayatthetownwherethecoachstopsforthenight。Staythereandstudy，andrememberyouroldfriendtowhomyouwerekind。’
’Andwhoismyoldfriend？’askedGiglio。
’Whenyouwantanything，’saysthelady，’lookinthisbag，whichIleavetoyouasapresent，andbegratefulto——’
’Towhom，madam？’sayshe。
’TotheFairyBlackstick，’saysthelady，flyingoutofthewindow。AndthenGiglioaskedtheconductorifheknewwheretheladywas？
’Whatlady？’saystheman；’therehasbeennoladyinthiscoach，excepttheoldwoman，whogotoutatthelaststage。’
AndGigliothoughthehadbeendreaming。ButtherewasthebagwhichBlackstickhadgivenhimlyingonhislap；andwhenhecametothetownhetookitinhishandandwentintotheinn。
Theygavehimaverybadbedroom，andGiglio，whenhewokeinthemorning，fancyinghimselfintheRoyalPalaceathome，called，’John，Charles，Thomas!Mychocolate——mydressing—gown——myslippers’；butnobodycame。Therewasnobell，sohewentandbawledoutforwateronthetopofthestairs。
Thelandladycameup。
’Whatareyouaholleringandabellaringforhere，youngman？’
saysshe。
’There’snowarmwater——noservants；mybootsarenotevencleaned。’
’He，he!Clean’emyourself，’saysthelandlady。’Youyoungstudentsgiveyourselvesprettyairs。Ineverheardsuchimpudence。’
’I’llquitthehousethisinstant，’saysGiglio。
’Thesoonerthebetter，youngman。Payyourbillandbeoff。
Allmyroomsiswantedforgentlefolks，andnotforsuchasyou。’
’YoumaywellkeeptheBearInn，’saidGiglio。’Youshouldhaveyourselfpaintedasthesign。’
ThelandladyoftheBearwentawayGROWLING。AndGiglioreturnedtohisroom，wherethefirstthinghesawwasthefairybaglyingonthetable，whichseemedtogivealittlehopashecamein。’Ihopeithassomebreakfastinit，’saysGiglio，’forIhaveonlyaverylittlemoneyleft。’Butonopeningthebag，whatdoyouthinkwasthere？AblackingbrushandapotofWarren’sjet，andonthepotwaswrittenPooryoungmentheirbootsmustblack：
Usemeandcorkmeandputmeback。
SoGigliolaughedandblackedhisboots，andputbackthebrushandthebottleintothebag。
Whenhehaddonedressinghimself，thebaggaveanotherlittlehop，andhewenttoitandtookout——
1。Atableclothandanapkin。
2。Asugar—basinfullofthebestloaf—sugar。
4，6，8，10。Twoforks，twoteaspoons，twoknives，andapairofsugar—tongs，andabutter—knifeallmarkedG。
11，12，13。Ateacup，saucer，andslop—basin。
14。Ajugfullofdeliciouscream。
15。Acanisterwithblackteaandgreen。
16。Alargetea—urnandboilingwater。
17。Asaucepan，containingthreeeggsnicelydone。
18。AquarterofapoundofbestEppingbutter。
19。Abrownloaf。
Andifhehadn’tenoughnowforagoodbreakfast，Ishouldliketoknowwhoeverhadone？
Giglio，havinghadhisbreakfast，poppedallthethingsbackintothebag，andwentoutlookingforlodgings。IforgottosaythatthiscelebrateduniversitytownwascalledBosforo。
HetookamodestlodgingoppositetheSchools，paidhisbillattheinn，andwenttohisapartmentwithhistrunk，carpet—bag，andnotforgetting，wemaybesure，hisOTHERbag。
Whenheopenedhistrunk，whichthedaybeforehehadfilledwithhisbestclothes，hefounditcontainedonlybooks。Andinthefirstofthemwhichheopenedtherewaswritten——
Clothesfortheback，booksforthehead：
Readandrememberthemwhentheyareread。
Andinhisbag，whenGigliolookedinit，hefoundastudent’scapandgown，awriting—bookfullofpaper，aninkstand，pens，andaJohnson’sdictionary，whichwasveryusefultohim，ashisspellinghadbeensadlyneglected。
Sohesatdownandworkedaway，very，veryhardforawholeyear，duringwhich’Mr。Giles’wasquiteanexampletoallthestudentsintheUniversityofBosforo。Henevergotintoanyriotsordisturbances。TheProfessorsallspokewellofhim，andthestudentslikedhimtoo；sothat，whenatexamination，hetookalltheprizes，viz。——
{TheSpellingPrize{TheFrenchPrize{TheWritingPrize{TheArithmeticPrize{TheHistoryPrize{TheLatinPrize{TheCatechismPrize{TheGoodConductPrize，allhisfellow—studentssaid，’Hurrah!HurrayforGiles!Gilesistheboy——thestudent’sjoy!HurrayforGiles!’Andhebroughtquiteaquantityofmedals，crowns，books，andtokensofdistinctionhometohislodgings。
OnedayaftertheExaminations，ashewasdivertinghimselfatacoffee—housewithtwofriends——（DidItellyouthatinhisbag，everySaturdaynight，hefoundjustenoughtopayhisbills，withaguineaover，forpocketmoney？Didn’tItellyou？
Well，hedid，assureastwicetwentymakesforty—five）——hechancedtolookintheBosforoChronicle，andreadoff，quiteeasily（forhecouldspell，read，andwritethelongestwordsnow），thefollowing：——
’ROMANTICCIRCUMSTANCE。——OneofthemostextraordinaryadventuresthatwehaveeverheardhassettheneighbouringcountryofCrimTartaryinastateofgreatexcitement。
’ItwillberememberedthatwhenthepresentreveredsovereignofCrimTartary，HisMajestyKingPADELLA，tookpossessionofthethrone，afterhavingvanquished，intheterrificbattleofBlunderbusco，thelateKingCAVOLFIORE，thatPrince’sonlychild，thePrincessRosalba，wasnotfoundintheroyalpalace，ofwhichKingPadellatookpossession，and，itwassaid，hadstrayedintotheforest（beingabandonedbyallherattendants）
whereshehadbeeneatenupbythoseferociouslions，thelastpairofwhichwerecapturedsometimesince，andbroughttotheTower，afterkillingseveralhundredpersons。
’HisMajestyKingPadella，whohasthekindestheartintheworld，wasgrievedattheaccidentwhichhadoccurredtotheharmlesslittlePrincess，forwhomHisMajesty’sknownbenevolencewouldcertainlyhaveprovidedafittingestablishment。Butherdeathseemedtobecertain。Themangledremainsofacloak，andalittleshoe，werefoundintheforest，duringahunting—party，inwhichtheintrepidsovereignofCrimTartaryslewtwoofthelions’cubswithhisownspear。Andtheseinterestingrelicsofaninnocentlittlecreaturewerecarriedhomeandkeptbytheirfinder，theBaronSpinachi，formerlyanofficerinCavolfiore’shousehold。TheBaronwasdisgracedinconsequenceofhisknownlegitimistopinions，andhaslivedforsometimeinthehumblecapacityofawood—cutter，inaforestontheoutskirtsoftheKingdomofCrimTartary。
’LastTuesdayweekBaronSpinachiandanumberofgentlemen，attachedtotheformerdynasty，appearedinarms，crying，\"GodsaveRosalba，thefirstQueenofCrimTartary!\"andsurroundingaladywhomreportdescribesas\"BEAUTIFULEXCEEDINGLY。\"HerhistoryMAYbeauthentic，iscertainlymostromantic。
’ThepersonagecallingherselfRosalbastatesthatshewasbroughtoutoftheforest，fifteenyearssince，byaladyinacardrawnbydragons（thisaccountiscertainlyIMPROBABLE），thatshewasleftinthePalaceGardenofBlombodinga，whereHerRoyalHighnessthePrincessAngelica，nowmarriedtoHisRoyalHighnessBulbo，CrownPrinceofCrimTartary，foundthechild，and，withTHATELEGANTBENEVOLENCEwhichhasalwaysdistinguishedtheheiressofthethroneofPaflagonia，gavethelittleoutcastaSHELTERANDAHOME!Herparentagenotbeingknown，andhergarbveryhumble，thefoundlingwaseducatedinthePalaceinamenialcapacity，underthenameofBETSINDA。
’Shedidnotgivesatisfaction，andwasdismissed，carryingwithher，certainly，partofamantleandashoe，whichshehadonwhenfirstfound。AccordingtoherstatementshequittedBlombodingaaboutayearago，sincewhichtimeshehasbeenwiththeSpinachifamily。OntheverysamemorningthePrinceGiglio，nephewtotheKingofPaflagonia，ayoungPrincewhosecharacterforTALENTandORDERwere，tosaytruth，noneoftheHIGHEST，alsoquittedBlombodinga，andhasnotbeensinceheardof!’
’Whatanextraordinarystory!’saidSmithandJones，twoyoungstudents，Giglio’sespecialfriends。
’Ha!whatisthis？’Gigliowenton，reading——
’SECONDEDITION，EXPRESS。——WehearthatthetroopunderBaronSpinachihasbeensurrounded，andutterlyrouted，byGeneralCountHogginarmo，andthesoidisantPrincessissentaprisonertothecapital。
’UNIVERSITYNEWS。——Yesterday，attheSchools，thedistinguishedyoungstudent，Mr。Giles，readaLatinoration，andwascomplimentedbytheChancellorofBosforo，Dr。Prugnaro，withthehighestUniversityhonour——thewoodenspoon。’
’Nevermindthatstuff，’saysGILES，greatlydisturbed。’Comehomewithme，myfriends。GallantSmith!intrepidJones!
friendsofmystudies——partakersofmyacademictoils——Ihavethattotellwhichshallastonishyourhonestminds。’
’Goit，oldboy!’criestheimpetuousSmith。
’Talkaway，mybuck!’saysJones，alivelyfellow。
Withanairofindescribabledignity，Gigliocheckedtheirnatural，butnomoreseemly，familiarity。’Jones，Smith，mygoodfriends，’saidthePRINCE，’disguiseishenceforthuseless；IamnomorethehumblestudentGiles，Iamthedescendantofaroyalline。’
’Atavisediteregibus，Iknow，oldco——’criedJones。Hewasgoingtosayoldcock，butaflashfromTHEROYALEYEagainawedhim。