\"Yes，\"repliedAugereau，\"you’dthinkhewassolidbrass。\"
TheAustriantroopswerenowconcentratedbehindthePo，butNapoleonsoonoutgeneralledtheirleaders，drovethembacktotheAdda，andhimselfpushedontotheBridgeofLodi，whichconnectedtheeastandwestbranchesofthatriver。
\"WhenIsetoutfortheP。O。P。E。，\"saidNapoleon，\"I’mnotgoingtostophalfwayandturnbackattheP。O。We’vegottheAustriansovertheAdda，andthat’sjustwherewewantthem。IhadadreamonceabouttheBridgeofLodi，andit’scomingtruenowornever。
We’lltakeafewofourlongdivisions，crosstheAdda，andsubtractafewfractionsoftheremaindernowlefttheAustrians。Thiswilldestroytheirenthusiasm，andMilanwillbeours。\"
Thewordswereprophetic，foronthe10thofMaytheFrenchdidpreciselywhattheircommanderhadsaidtheywoulddo，andonthefourteenthdayofMaythevictoriousFrenchenteredMilan，thewealthycapitalofLombardy。
\"Curiousfact，\"saidNapoleon。\"Intimesofpeaceifamanneedsatonicyougivehimiron，anditbuildshimup；butinwarifyougivethetroopsironitbowls’emdown。LookatthoseAustrians；they’vegotnervousprostrationoftheworstsort。\"
\"Theygottoomuchiron，\"saidLannes。
\"Toomuchtonicisworsethannone。Amancanstandtenortwentygrainsofiron，butfortypoundsisratherupsetting。\"
\"True，\"acquiescedNapoleon。\"Well，itwasagreatfight，andIhaveonlyoneregret。Idowishyou’dhadaKodaktotakeafewsnap—
shotsofmeatthatBridgeofLodi。I’dliketosendsomehometothefamily。ItwouldhaveremindedbrotherJosephofoldtimestoseemedashingoverthatbridge，proddingitsplankswithmyheelsuntilitfairlycreakedwithpain。ItwouldhavemadeagoodfrontispieceforBourrienne’sbooktoo。Andnow，mydearLannes，whatshallwedowithourselvesforthenextfivedays？GetoutyourBaedeckerandletusseethisimperialcityoftheLombards。\"
\"There’sonematterwemustarrangefirst，\"saidAugereau；\"wehaven’tanystableaccommodationstospeakof。\"
\"What’sthematterwiththestallsattheopera—house？\"suggestedNapoleon。\"AsItoldthetroopstheotherday，it’sthebiggesttheatreintheworld。Yououghttobeabletostablethehorsesthereandlodgethemenintheboxes。\"
\"Thehorseswouldlookwellsittinginorchestrachairs，wouldn’tthey？\"saidAugereau。\"It’snotfeasible。Asfortheboxes，they’remostlyheldbysubscribers。\"
\"Thenstabletheminthepicture—galleries，\"saidthegeneral。\"Itwillbegooddiscipline。\"
\"Thepeoplewillcallthatsacrilege，\"returnedAugereau。
\"Notifweremovethepictures，\"saidBonaparte。\"We’llsendthepicturestoParis。\"
Accordinglythiswasdone，andthegalleriesofFranceweretherebymuchenriched。Wementionthesedetailsatlength，becauseNapoleonhasbeenseverelycriticisedforthusimpoverishingItaly，aswellasforhisso—calledcontemptofart——acriticismwhich，inthefaceofthisaccurateversion，mustfalltotheground。ThepicturesweresentbyhimtoParismerelytopreservethem，and，ashehimselfsaid，aproposofthefamousDaVinci，beneathwhichhorsesandmenalikewerequartered：\"I’dhavesentthattoo，buttodoitI’dhavehadtosendthewholechapelorscrapethepictureoffthewall。
TheseItaliansshouldratherthankthancondemnmeforleavingitwhereitwas。Minewasnotanarmyofdestruction，butaSalvationArmyofthehighesttype。\"
\"YoumademightyfewconvertsforaSalvationArmy，\"saidTalleyrand，towhomthisremarkwasaddressed。
\"That’swhereyouarewrong，\"saidNapoleon。\"ImadeangelsofinnumerableAustrians，andconvertedquiteadealofItalianintoFrenchterritory。\"
ItwashardlytobedoubtedthatNapoleon’ssuccesseswouldarousejealousiesinParis，andtheDirectory，fearingtheholdthevictoriousgeneralwasacquiringuponthepeople，tookstepstolimithispowers。BonaparteinstantlyresignedhiscommandandthreatenedtoreturntoParis，whichsofrightenedthegovernmentthattheyrefusedtoaccepthisresignation。
FromthistimeonfornearlyayearNapoleon’scareerwasasuccessionofvictories。HeinvadedthePapalStates，andacquiredmillionsoffrancsandhundredsofpictures。Hechastisedallwhoopposedhissway，and，afterpursuingtheAustriansasfarasLeoben，withinsightofVienna，hehumbledthehaughtyEmperorJoseph。
\"I’llrecognizeyourRepublic，\"saidtheEmperoratlast，findingthattherewasnothingelsetobedone。
\"Thanks，\"saidNapoleon——\"Ithoughtyouwould；butIdon’tknowwhethertheRepublicwillrecognizeyou。Shedoesn’tevenknowyoubysight。\"
\"Isthatallyouwant？\"askedtheEmperor，anxiously。
\"Forthepresent，yes。SomedayImaycomebackforsomethingelse，\"
returnedNapoleon，significantly。\"And，by—the—way，whenyouaresendingyourcardtotheFrenchpeoplejustencloseasmallremittanceofafewmillionfrancs，notnecessarilyforpublication，butasaguaranteeofgoodfaith。Don’tsendallyou’vegot，butjustenough。Youmaywanttomarryoffoneofyourdaughterssomeday，anditwillbewelltosavesomethingforherdowry。\"
ItwasinlittleactsofthisnaturethatNapoleonshowedhiswonderfulforesight。OnewouldalmostinclinetobelievefromthisparticularincidentthatBonaparteforesawtheMarie—Louiseepisodeinhisfuturecareer。
TheAustrianshumbled，NapoleonturnedhisattentiontoVenice。
Venicehadbeenbehavinginamostexasperatingfashion，andtheconquerorfeltthatthetimehadcometotaketheproudCityoftheSeainhand。
\"IftheVenetianshaveanybrains，\"saidhetoBourrienne，whojoinedhimaboutthistime，secretlyrepresenting，itissaid，anewspaper—
syndicateservice，\"they’llputonallthesailthey’vegotandtaketheiroldcityouttosea。They’reinfortheworstduckingtheyevergot。\"
\"I’mafraidyou’llfindthemhardtogetat，\"saidBourrienne。\"Thatlagoonisawetplace。\"
\"Oh，asforthat，\"saidBonaparte，\"alittlewaterwilldothearmygood。We’vebeenfightingsohardit’sbeenmonthssincethey’vehadagoodtubbing，andaswimwon’thurtthem。SendLanneshere。\"InafewminutesLannesenteredBonaparte’stent。
\"Lannes，we’reoffforVenice。Providethearmywithovershoes，andhaveourluggagecheckedthrough，\"saidBonaparte。
\"Yes，General。\"
\"CanAugereauswim？\"
\"Idon’tknow，General。\"
\"Well，findout，andifhecan’twe’llgethimaballoon。\"
Thus，takingeveryprecautionforthecomfortofhismenandthesafetyofhisofficers，Napoleonsetout。Venice，hearingofhisapproach，wasfilledwithconsternation，andendeavoredtotemporize。
TheDogesofferedmillionsifBonapartewouldturnhisattentiontoothers，towhichNapoleonmadethisspiritedreply：\"Venetians，telltheDoges，withmycompliments，thatIamcoming。ThewealthoftheIndiescouldn’tchangemymind。Theyoffermestocksandbonds；
well，Ibelievetheirstocksandbondstobeasbadlywateredastheirhaughtycity，andI’llhavenoneofthem。I’llbringmystockswithme，andyourDogeswillsitinthem。I’llbringmybonds，andyournoblesshallputthemonandmakethemclank。You’vebeendrowningFrenchmeneverychanceyou’vehad。Itwillnowbemypleasingdutytomakeyoudoalittlegurglingonyourownaccount。
You’llfindoutforthefirsttimeinyourliveswhatitistobeintheswim。Putonyourbathing—suitsandpreparefortheavenger。
ThelionsofSt。Marcmustlickthedust。\"
\"Wehavenodust，General，\"saidoneofthemessengers。
\"Thenyou’dbettergetsome，\"retortedNapoleon，\"foryouwillhavetocomedownwithittothetuneofmillions。\"
Truetohispromise，Napoleonappearedatthelagoononthe31stofMay，andthehithertohaughtyVenicefellwithasplashthatcouldbeheardformiles，firsthavingsentfiveshipsofwar，3，000，000
francs，asmanymoreinnavalstores，twentyofherbestpictures，thebronzehorsesofthefamouschurch，fivehundredmanuscripts，andoneapologytotheFrenchRepublicasthetermsofpeace。Thebronzehorsesweresubsequentlyreturned，butwhatbecameofthemanuscriptswedonotknow。Theyprobablywouldhavebeenreturnedalso——alargeportionofthem，atleast——ifpostage—stampshadbeenenclosed。Thisismeretheory，ofcourse；butitisrenderedreasonablebythefactthatthisistheusualfateofmostmanuscripts；noristhereanyrecordoftheirhavingbeenpublishedintheMoniteur，theonlyperiodicalwhichtheFrenchgovernmentwasprintingatthattime。
AsforBonaparte，itwasasbalmtohissoultohumblethehaughtyDoges，whoseattitudetowardshimhadalwaysbeencharacterizedbyasuperciliousnesswhichfilledhimwithresentment。
\"Itdidmegood，\"hesaid，manyyearsafter，withalaugh，\"toseethoseDogesswimmingupanddowntheGrandCanalintheirstaterobes，tryingtolookdignified，whileIstoodonthesidewalkandaskedthemwhytheydidn’tcomeinoutofthewet。\"
CHAPTERVI：MONTEBELLO——PARIS——EGYPT
1797—1799
JosephinenowdeemeditwelltojoinherlordatMilan。TherehadbeensomanyonlywomenhehadeverlovedthatshewasnotsatisfiedtoremainatPariswhilehewasconductinggarden—partiesattheCastleofMontebello。Furthermore，Bonapartehimselfwishedhertobepresent。
\"ThisMontebellolifeis，afterall，littleelsethanadressrehearsalforwhatistocome，\"hesaid，confidentially，toBourrienne，\"andJosephinecan’taffordtobeabsent。It’sagreatbusiness，thisbeingaDictatorandhavingacourtofyourown，andI’minclinedtothinkIshallfollowitupasmyregularprofessionafterI’veconqueredalittlemoreoftheearth。\"
Surroundedbyeveryluxury，andinreceiptforthefirsttimeinhislifeofasteadyincome，Bonapartecarriedthingswithahighhand。
HemadetreatieswithvariouspowerswithoutconsultingtheDirectory，forwhomeverydayhefeltagrowingcontempt。
\"WhatistheuseofmyconsultingtheDirectory，anyhow？\"heasked。
\"IfitwereanEliteDirectoryitmightbeworthwhile，butitisn’t。
Ishall，therefore，doasIplease，andiftheydon’tlikewhatIdoI’llratifyitmyself。\"
Ambassadorswaiteduponhimasthoughhewereaking，andwhenoneventuredtodisagreewiththefutureEmperorhewishedhehadn’t。
Cobentzel，theenvoyoftheAustrianruler，soondiscoveredthis。
\"Irefusetoacceptyourultimatum，\"saidheonedaytoNapoleon，afteraprotractedconference。
\"Youdo，eh？\"——saidNapoleon，pickingupavaseofdelicateworkmanship。\"Doyouseethisjug？\"
\"Yes，\"saidCobentzel。
\"Well，\"continuedNapoleon，droppingittothefloor，whereitwasshatteredintoathousandpieces，\"doyouseeitnow？\"
\"Ido，\"saidCobentzel；\"whatthen？\"
\"Ithasamate，\"saidNapoleon，significantly；\"andifyoudonotacceptmyultimatumI’llsmashtheotheroneuponyourplainbuthonestcountenance。\"
Cobentzelacceptedtheultimatum。
Bonaparte’scontemptfortheDirectorywasbeginningtobesharedbyagreatmanyoftheFrench，and，tosavethemselves，the\"FiveSiresoftheLuxembourg，\"astheDirectorywerecalled，resolvedonabrilliantstroke，whichinvolvednolessaventurethantheinvasionofEngland。Bonaparte，hearingofthis，andanxioustoseeLondon，ofwhichhehadheardmuch，leftItalyandreturnedtoParis。
\"Ifthere’safreetourofEnglandtobehad，Josephine，\"saidhe，\"I
amthemantohaveit。Besides，thisclimateofItalyisgettingprettyhotforanhonestman。I’verefusedtwentymillionfrancsinbribesintwoweeks。Ifthey’dofferedanothersouI’mafraidI’dhavetakenit。IwillthereforegotoParis，securethecommandofthearmyofEngland，andpayafewofmyrespectstoGeorgeThird，Esq。IhearagreatmanyEnglishdroptheirh’s；I’llseeifIcan’tmake’emdroptheirl。s。d。’saswell。\"
ArrivedinParis，Bonapartewasmuchcourtedbyeverybody。
\"Ihavearrived，\"hesaid，withagrimsmile。\"Evenmycreditorsaregladtoseeme，andI’llshowthemthatIhavenotforgottenthembyrunningupafewmorebills。\"
Thishedid，goingtothesametradesmenthathehadpatronizedinhisdaysofpoverty。Tohishatter，whomheowedforhislastfivehats，hesaid：
\"Theycallmehaughtyhere；theysayIamcold。Well，Iamcold。
I’veshiveredontheAlpsseveraltimessinceIwasherelast，andithaschilledmynature。Ithasgivenmethegrip，sotospeak，andwhenIlosemygriptheweatherwillbeevencolder。Givemeahat，myfriend。\"
\"Whatsize？\"askedthehatter。
\"Thesame，\"saidBonaparte，withafrown。\"Whydoyouask？\"
\"Iwastoldyourheadhadswelled，\"returnedthehatter，meekly。
\"Theyshallpayforthis，\"murmuredNapoleon，angrily。
\"Iamglad，\"saidthehatter，withasigh。\"Iwaswonderingwho’dpayforit。\"
\"Oh，youwere，eh？\"saidNapoleon。\"Well，wondernomore。Getoutyourbooks。\"
Thehatterdidso。
\"Nowchargeit，\"saidNapoleon。
\"Towhom？\"askedthehatter。
\"Thoseeminentfinanciers，Profit&Loss，\"saidNapoleon，withalaugh，ashelefttheshop。\"That’swhatIcallamostsuccessfulhat—talk，\"headded，ashetoldBourrienneoftheincidentlaterintheday。
\"Howjealoustheyallare!\"saidBourrienne。\"Theideaofyourhavingaswelledheadisridiculous。\"
\"Ofcourse，\"saidNapoleon；\"allI’vegotisaproperrealizationof’WhomIAm，’astheysayinBoston。Butwait，myboy，wait。WhenI
putacrownonmyhead——\"
WhatBonapartewouldhavesaidwillneverbeknown，foratthatmomentthegeneral’sservantannouncedMme。SansGene，hisformerlaundress，andthatcelebratedwoman，unconventionalasever，stalkedintotheroom。Napoleonlookedathercoldly。
\"Youare——？\"hequeried。
\"Yourformerlaundress，\"shereplied。
\"Ah，andyouwant——？\"
\"Mypay，\"sheretorted。
\"Iamsorry，madame，\"saidtheGeneral，\"buttheexpensesofmyItaliantourhavebeenverygreat，andIampenniless。Iwill，however，assistyoutothefullextentofmypower。Herearethreecollarsandadress—shirt。IfyouwilllaunderthemIwillwearthemtothestateballto—morrowevening，andwilltellallmyrichandinfluentialfriendswhodidthemup，andifyouwishIwillsendyoualettersayingthatIpatronizedyourlaundryoncetwoyearsago，andhavesinceusednoother。\"
Theseanecdotes，unimportantinthemselves，arevaluableinthattheyrefutethechargesmadeagainstGeneralBonaparteatthistime——
first，thathereturnedfromEgyptwithafortune，and，second，thathecarriedhimselfwithahauteurwhichrenderedhimunapproachable。
ForvariousreasonstheprojectedinvasionofEnglandwasabandoned，andtheexpeditiontoEgyptwassubstituted。ThispleasedNapoleonequallyaswell。
\"Iwasn’tstuckontheEnglishinvasion，anyhow，\"hesaid，inwritingtoJoseph。\"Inthefirstplace，theywantedmetogoinOctober，whentheLondonseasondoesn’tcommenceuntilspring，and，inthesecondplace，Ihatefogsandmutton—chops。Egyptismoretomytaste。Englandwouldenervateme。Egypt，withtheDesertofSaharainitsbackyard，willgivemeplentyofsand，andifyouknewwhatprojectsIhaveinmind——which，ofcourse，youdon’t，foryouneverknewanything，mydearJoseph——you’dseehowmuchofthatIneed。\"
TheDirectorywerequiteasgladtohaveNapoleongotoEgyptashewastobesent。Theirjealousyofhimwasbecomingmorepainfultowitnesseveryday。
\"IfhegoestoEngland，\"saidBarras，\"he’llconquerit，sureasfate；anditwillbenearenoughforexcursionsteamerstotaketheFrenchpeopleovertoseehimdoit。Ifthathappenswearelost。\"
\"He’llconquerEgypt，though，andhe’lltellaboutitinsuchawaythathewillappeartwiceasgreat，\"suggestedCarnot。\"Seemstomewe’dbetterselloutatonceandbedonewithit。\"
\"Notso，\"saidMoulin。\"LethimgotoEgypt。Verylikelyhe’llfalloffapyramidthereandbreakhisneck。\"
\"Orgetsunstruck，\"suggestedBarras。
\"There’snoquestionaboutitinmymind，\"saidGohier。\"Egyptistheplace。Ifheescapesthepyramidsorsunstroke，therearestillthelionsandthesimoon，nottomentiontherapidtidesoftheRedSea。Why，hejustsimplycan’tgetbackalive。IvoteforEgypt。\"
Thusithappenedthatonthe19thdayofMay，1798，withanarmyoffortythousandmenandamagnificantstaffofpickedofficers，NapoleonembarkedforEgypt。
\"I’mgladwe’reoff，\"saidhetothesailorwhohadchargeofhissteamer—chair。\"I’vegottohurryupandgainsomemorevictoriesortheseFrenchwillforgetme。Amanhastomakeathree—ringedcircusofhimselftokeephisnamebeforethepublicthesedays。\"
\"Whatareyoufightin’forthistime，sir？\"askedthesailor，whohadnotheardthatwarhadbeendeclared——\"ilepaintin’sorpyramids？\"
\"IamgoingtofreethepeopleoftheEastfromtheoppressor，\"saidNapoleon，loftily。
\"Andit’sanoblework，yourhonor，\"saidthesailor。\"Whoisitthat’soppressin’thesepeopledownEast？\"
\"You’llhavetoconsulttheDirectory，\"saidNapoleon，coldly。
\"Leaveme；Ihaveotherthingstothinkof。\"
Onthe10thofJuneMaltawasreached，andtheKnightsofSt。John，longdisusedtolaborofanysort，likemanyotherknightsofmoremodernsort，surrenderedinmosthospitablefashion，invitingNapoleontocomeashoreandacceptthefreedomoftheislandoranythingelsehemighthappentowant。Hisreplywascharacteristic：
\"TelltheKnightsofMaltatoattendtotheircats。I’maftercontinents，notislands，\"saidhe；andwiththis，leavingadetachmentoftroopstoguardhisnewacquisition，heproceededtoAlexandria，whichhereachedonthe1stofJuly。Here，inthemidstofaterriblestormandsurf，Napoleonlandedhisforces，andimmediatelymadeaproclamationtothepeople。
\"Fellahs!\"hecried，\"Ihavecome。Thenewspaperssaytodestroyyourreligion。Asusual，theyprevaricate。Ihavecometofreeyou。
Allyouwhohaveyokestoshedpreparetoshedthemnow。Icomewiththeolive—branchinmyhand。Greetmewithoutstretchedpalms。DonotfightmeforIamcometosaveyou，andIshallutterlyobliterateanyman，behefellah，Moujik，oreventhegreatMarmaladehimself，whoprefersfightingtobeingsaved。Wemaynotlookit，butwearetrueMussulmen。Ifyoudoubtit，feelourmuscle。Wehaveittoburn。DeserttheMamelukesandbesaved。ThePappylukesarehere。\"
OnreadingthisproclamationAlexandriaimmediatelyfell，andBonaparte，usingtheKoranasaguide—book，proceededonhiswayuptheNile。Thearmysufferedgreatlyfromtheglareandburningofthesun—scorchedsand，andfromthemyriadsofpestiferousinsectsthatinfestedthecountry；butNapoleoncheeredthemon。\"Soldiers!\"
hecried，whentheycomplained，\"ifthiswereasummerresort，andyouwerepayingfivedollarsadayforaroomatabadhotel，you’dthinkyourselvesinluck，andyou’drecommendyourfriendstocomehereforarest。Whynotimaginethistobethecasenow？Braceup。
We’llsoonreachthepyramids，andit’samightypoorpyramidthathasn’tashadyside。OntoCairo!\"
\"It’seasyenoughforyoutotalk，\"murmuredone。\"You’vegotacameltorideonandwehavetowalk。\"
\"Well，Heavenknows，\"retortedNapoleon，pointingtohiscamel，\"camelridingisn’tlikefallingoffalog。AtfirstIwascarriedawaywithit，butforthelasttwodaysithasmademesosea—sickI
canhardlyseethathump。\"
Afterthistherewasnomoremurmuring，butBonapartedidnotforaninstantrelaxhisgood—humor。
\"Thewaterisvile，\"saidDessaix，onemorning。
\"Whynotdrinkmilk，then？\"askedthecommander。
\"Milk!I’dloveto，\"returnedDessaix；\"butwhereshallIfindmilk？\"
\"Atthedairy，\"saidNapoleon，withatwinkleinhiseye。
\"Whatdairy？\"askedDessaix，notobservingthetwinkle。
\"Thedromedary，\"saidNapoleon，witharoar。
Littleincidentslikethisservedtokeepthearmyingoodspiritsuntilthe21stofJuly，whentheycameinsightofthepyramids。
InstantlyNapoleoncalledahalt，andthearmyrested。Thenextday，drawingthemupinline，theGeneraladdressedthem。\"Soldiers!\"hecried，pointingtothepyramids，\"fromthesummitsofthosepyramidsfortycenturieslookdownuponyou。Youcan’tseethem，buttheyarethere。NooneshouldlookdownupontheFrench，notevenacentury。
Therefore，Iaskyou，shallweallowtheforcesoftheBey，hisfellahsandhisTommylukes，todriveusintothedesertofSahara，bagandbaggage，tosubsistonasea—lessseashoreforthebalanceofourdays，particularlywhentheyhaven’tanywheelsontheircannon？\"
\"No，no!\"criedthearmy。
\"Thenupsailandaway!\"criedBonaparte。\"Thisistobenonavalaffair，butthearmyoftheBeyawaitsus。\"
\"TellthebandtoplayaWagnermarch，\"hewhispered，hastily，tohisaide—de—camp。\"It’llmakethearmymad，andwhatweneednowiswrath。\"
SobeganthebattleofthePyramids。Theresultistoowellknowntoreadersofcontemporaryhistorytoneeddetailedstatementhere。Alldaylongitraged，andwhennightfellCairocamewithit。Napoleon，wornoutwithfatigue，threwhimselfdownonapyramidtorest。
\"Ah!\"hesaid，ashebreathedasighofrelief，\"whatagloriousday!
We’vebeat’em!Won’ttheDirectorybeglad？M。BarraswillbemoreM。Barrassedthanever。\"Then，turningandtappingonthedoorofthemassivepile，hewhispered，softly：\"Ah!Ptolemy，myman，it’sapityyou’venowindowsinthistomb。You’dhaveseenaprettysightthisday。Kleber，\"headded，turningtothatgeneral，\"doyouknowwhyPtolemyinsidethispyramidandIoutsideofitarealike？\"
\"Icannotguess，General，\"saidKleber。\"Why？\"
\"We’reboth’init’!\"returnedNapoleon，retiringtohistent。
Lateronintheevening，summoningBourrienne，thevictorsaidtohim：
\"Mr。Secretary，Ihaveanewautograph。IfPtolemycanspellhisnamewitha’p，’whyshouldn’tI？I’mnotgoingtohavehistorysaythatadeadmummycoulddothingsIcouldn’t。Pnapoleonwouldlookwellonastatepaper。\"
\"Nodoubt，\"saidBourrienne；\"buteveryonenowsaysthatyoucopyCaesar。WhygivethemthechancetocallyouanimitatorofPtolemyalso？\"
\"True，myfriend，true，\"returnedNapoleon，inatoneofdisappointment。\"Ihadnotthoughtofthat。WhenyouwritemyautographsforthechildrenoftheseJennylukes——\"
\"Mamelukes，General，\"correctedBourrienne。
\"Ah，yes——Ialwaysgetmixedinthesematters——forthechildrenoftheseMamelukes，youmaysticktotheoldform。Good—night。\"
Andwiththattheconquerorwenttosleepaspeacefullyasalittlechild。
HadBonapartenowreturnedtoFrancehewouldhavesavedhimselfmuchmisery。Kingoffirethoughhehadbecomeintheeyesofthevanquished，hisbedwasfarfrombeingoneofroses。
\"Inaclimatelikethat，\"heobserved，sadly，manyyearsafter，\"I’dratherhavebeenanicebaron。Africagotentirelytoohottocutanyicewithme。TendaysafterIhadmademyfriendPtolemyturnoverinhisgrave，AdmiralNelsoncamealongwithanEnglishfleetandchallengedourAdmiralBrueystoashooting—matchforthechampionshipofAboukirBay。Brueys，havingheardofwhatmagazinewriterscalltheshipsofthedesertinmycontrol，supposingthemtobefrigatesandnotcamels，imaginedhimselflivinginEasyStreet，andacceptedthechallenge。HeexpectedmetosailaroundtotheothersideofNelson，andsohavehimbetweentwofires。Well，I
don’tgotoseaoncamels，asyouknow，andtheresultwasthatafteratwenty—four—hourmatchthecamelsweretheonlyshipswehadleft。
Nelsonhadwonthechampionship，laidthecorner—stoneofmonumentstohimselfalloverEnglishterritory，cutmeofffromFrance，andaddedthreethousandsea—lubberstomyforce，forthatnumberofFrenchsailorsmanagedtoswimashoreduringthefight。Imannedthecamelswiththemimmediately，butittookthemmonthstogettheirlandlegson，andtheamountofgrogtheydemandedwouldhavemadeaquick—sandoftheDesertofSahara，allofwhichwasembarrassing。\"
ButNapoleondidnotshowhisembarrassmenttothoseabouthim。HetookuponhimselfthegovernmentofEgypt，openedcanals，andundertooktobehavelikeapeaceablecitizenforawhile。
\"Ineededrest，andIgotit，\"hesaid。\"Sittingontheapexofthepyramids，Icouldseethewholeworldatmyfeet，andwhateverothersmaysaytothecontrary，itwastherethatIbegantogetaclearviewofmyfuture。Itseemedtomethatfromthatloftyaltitude，chumming，asIwas，withthefortycenturiesIhavealreadyalludedto，Icouldseetwowaysatonce，thateveryglancecouldpenetrateeternity；butIrealizenowthatwhatIreallygotwasonlyabird’s—
eyeviewofthefuture。Ididn’tseethatspeckofaSt。Helena。IfIhad，intheheightofmypowerIshouldhavedespatchedanexpeditionofsappersandminerstoblowitup。\"
Quiescencemightaswellbeexpectedofavolcano，however，asfromamanofBonaparte’stemperament，anditwasnotlongbeforehewasagainengagedinwarfare，butnotwithhisoldsuccess；andfinally，theplaguehavingattackedhisarmy，Bonaparte，tootender—heartedtoseeitsuffer，leavingopiumforthesickandinstructionsforKleber，whomheappointedhissuccessor，setsailforFranceoncemoreinSeptember，1799。
\"Remember，Kleber，myboy，\"hesaid，inparting，\"theseMussulmenareaqueerlot。Becarefulhowyoutreatthem。IfyoubehavelikeaChristianyou’relost。Idon’twanttogobacktoFrance，butI
must。IgotaviewofthenextthreeyearsfromthetopofCheopslastnightjustbeforesunset，andifthatviewistobecarriedoutmypresenceinParisispositivelyrequired。ThepeoplearetiredoftheaddressesgivenbytheoldDirectory，andthey’reseriouslythinkingofgettingoutanewone，andIwanttobeonhandeithertoedititortosecuremyappointmenttosomelucrativeconsulship。\"
\"You!——amanofyourgeniusafteraconsulship？\"queriedKleber，astonished。
\"Yes，Ihavejoinedtheoffice—seekers，General；butwaittillyouhearwhatconsulshipitis。TheAmericanconsul—generalshipatLondonisworth$70，000ayear，butmine——mineincontrasttothatisasgolftomuggins。\"
\"AndwhatshallItellthereportersaboutthatJaffabusinessiftheycomehere？Thatpoisonscandalissuretocomeup，\"queriedKleber。
\"Treatthemwell。Tellthetruthifyouknowit，and——ah——invitethemtodinner，\"saidBonaparte。\"Givethemallthedelicaciesoftheseason。Whenyouservethepoisson，letitbewithone’s，’and，tomakeassurancedoublysure，flavorthewineswiththequickestyouhave。\"
\"Quickestwhat？\"askedKleber，whowasslightlyobtuse。
\"Humph!\"sneeredNapoleon。\"Onsecondthoughts，ifreportersbotheryou，takethemswimmingwherethecrocodilesarethickest——onlyeitherdon’tbathewiththemyourself，orwearyourmailbathing—
suit。Furthermore，rememberthatwhatlittleofthearmyisleftaremychildren。\"
\"What？\"criedtheobtuseKleber。\"Allthose？\"
\"Theyaremychildren，Kleber，\"saidNapoleon，hisvoiceshakingwithemotion。\"Iamyoungtobetheheadofsolargeafamily，butthefactremainsasIhavesaid。Theymayfeelbadlyatmygoingawayandleavingthemevenwithsopleasingahiredmanasyourself，butcomfortthem，letthemplayinthesandalltheyplease，andiftheywanttoknowwhypapahasgoneaway，tellthemI’vegonetoParistobuythemsomecandy。\"
WiththesewordsNapoleonembarked，andonthe16thofOctoberParisreceivedhimwithopenarms。ThatnightthemembersoftheDirectorycamedownwithchillsandfever。
CHAPTERVII：THE19THBRUMAIRE——CONSUL——THETUILERIES——CAROLINE
1799
\"Thereisnoquestionaboutmygreatnessnow，\"saidNapoleon，ashemeditateduponhisposition。\"EveniftheDirectorywerenotjealousandthepeopleenthusiastic，thenumberofrelativesIhavediscoveredinthelasttendayswouldshowthatthingsaregoingmyway。Ihavehadcongratulatorymessagesfrom800aunts，950uncles，andabout3800needycousinssincemyarrival。Itisqueerhowbigafamilyalonelymanfindshehaswhenhisstarbeginstotwinkle。
EvenJosephisgladseemenow，andIamtoldthattheice—creammenservelittlevanillaNapoleonsatalltheswelldinners。Bourrienne，ourtimehascome!Getoutmymostthreadbareuniform，frayafewofmycollarsattheedges，andshootafewholesinmyhat。I’llgooutandtakeawalkalongtheAvenuedel’Opera，wherethepeoplecanseeme。\"
\"Thereisn’tanysuchstreetinParisyet，General，\"saidBourrienne，gettingouthisParisguide—book。
\"Well，thereoughttobe，\"saidNapoleon。
\"Whatstreetsarethere？ImustbeseenorI’llbeforgotten。\"
\"What’sthematterwithaloungeinfrontoftheLuxembourg？Thatwillmakeacontrastthatcan’thelpaffectthepopulace。You，theconqueror，ill—clad，unshaven，andwithahatfullofbullet—holes，walkingoutsidethepalace，withtheincompetentDirectorslodgedcomfortablyinside，willmakeascenethatisboundtogivethepeoplefoodforthought。\"
\"Wellsaid!\"criedBonaparte。\"Herearethepistolsgooutintothewoodsandpreparethehat。I’llfraythecollars。\"
Thiswasdone，andtheeffectwasinstantaneous。Thepublicperceivedthepoint，andsympathyransohighthatapublicdinnerwasofferedtothereturnedwarrior。
\"Ihavenouseforpomp，Mr。Toast—master，\"hesaid，asherosetospeakatthisbanquet。\"Iamnotagoodafter—dinnerspeaker，butI
wantthepeopleofFrancetoknowthatIamgratefulforthismeal。
Iriseonlytoexpressthethanksofahungrymanforthistimelycontributiontohisinnerself，andIwishtoaddthatIshouldnotwillinglyhaveaddedtothealreadyheavytaxuponthepocketsofapatrioticpeoplebyacceptingthisdinner，ifitwerenotforthedemandsofnature。Itisonlythedirestnecessitythatbringsmehere；foronemusteat，andIcannotbeg。\"
Theseremarks，asmaywellbeimagined，sentathrillofenthusiasmthroughoutFranceandfilledtheDirectorywithconsternation。TheonlyclouduponBonaparte’shorizonwasaslightcoldnesswhicharosebetweenhimselfandJosephine。ShehadgonetomeethimonhisarrivalatFrejus，butbysomeoddmistaketooktheroadtoBurgundy，whileNapoleoncamebywayofLyons。Theythereforemissedeachother。
\"Icouldnothelpit，\"shesaid，whenNapoleonjealouslychidedher。
\"I’vetravelledverylittle，andthegeographyofFrancealwaysdidpuzzleme。\"
\"Itiscommonsensethatshouldhaveguidedyou，notknowledgeofgeography。WhenIsailintoPort，yousailintoBurgundy——you，theonlywomanIeverloved!\"criedNapoleon，passionately。\"Hereafter，madame，forthesakeofourstep—children，bemorecircumspect。AtthistimeIcannotaffordatriptoSouthDakotaforthepurposeofaquietdivorce，norwouldapubliconepayatthisjuncture；butI
giveyoufairwarningthatIshallnotforgetthisescapade，andoncewearesettledinthe——theWhatistobe，Ishallremember，andanotheronlywomanIhaveeverlovedwilldawnuponyourhorizon。\"
BonapartewasnowbesiegedbyallthemilitarypersonagesofFrance。
HishomebecametheMeccaofsoldiersofallkinds，andinordertoholdtheirinteresttheheroofthedayfounditnecessarytodrawsomewhatuponthepossessionswhichthepeoplewereconvincedhewaswithout。Neveranadmirerofconsistency，Franceadmiredthismorethanever。Itwasaparadoxthatthispoverty—strickensoldiershouldentertainsolavishly，andthepeopleadmiredthenervewhichpromptedhimtodoit，supposing，manyofthem，thathiscreditorsweremenofaspeculativenature，whosawinthemanagood—payingfutureinvestment。
Thusmatterswentuntiltheeveningofthe17thBrumaire，whenNapoleondeemedthathehadbeenonparadelongenough，andthatthehourdemandedaction。
\"ThisisthemonthofBromide，\"hesaid。
\"Brumaire，\"whisperedBourrienne。
\"IsaidBromide，\"retortedNapoleon，\"andthepeopleareasleep。
Bromidehasthateffect。ThatiswhyIcallitBromide，andIhaveasmuchrighttonamemymonthsasanyoneelse。WhereforeIrepeat，thisisthemonthofBromide，andthepeopleareasleep!Iwillnowwakethemup。ThegarrisonsofParisandtheNationalGuardhaveaskedmetoreviewthem，andI’mgoingtodoit，andI’veanewsetoftictacs。\"
\"Tactics，General，tactics，\"imploredBourrienne。
\"Thereisnousediscussingwords，Mr。Secretary，\"retortedBonaparte。\"IthasalwaysbeenthecriticismofmyopponentsthatI
didn’tknowatacticfromabedtick——well，perhapsIdon’t；andforthatreasonIamnotgoingtotalkabouttacticswithwhichIamnotfamiliar，butIshallspeakoftictacs，whichisagameIhaveplayedfrominfancy，andofwhichIamamaster。I’mgoingtogetupanewgovernment，Bourrienne。Summonallthegeneralsintown，includingBernadotte。They’reallwithmeexceptBernadotte，andhe’llbesounpleasantaboutwhatItellhimtodothathe’llmakealltheotherssomadthey’llstickbymethroughthickandthin。Ifthere’sanyirritatingworktobedone，letJosephdoit。Hehasbeenwelltrainedintheartofirritation。IhaveseenSieyesandDucos，andhavepromisedthemfrontseatsinthenewgovernmentwhichmytictacsaretobringabout。Barraswon’thavethenervetoopposeme，andGohierandMoulinhavehadtheagueforweeks。We’llhavethereview，andmyfirstordertothetroopswillbetocarryhumps；thesecondwillbetoforwardmarch；andthethirdwillinvolvetheclosingofalonglease，inmyname，oftheLuxembourgPalace，withasalaryconnectedwitheveryroominthehouse。\"
Itisneedlessforustogointodetails。ThereviewcameoffasNapoleonwished，andhisorderswereimplicitlyobeyed，withtheresultthatonthe19thofBrumairetheDirectorywasfiledaway，andNapoleonBonaparte，withSieyesandDucosasfellow—consuls，werecalledupontosaveFrancefromanarchy。
\"Well，Josephine，\"saidBonaparte，ontheeveningofthe19th，asheputhisbootsoutsideofthedoorofhisnewapartmentintheLuxembourg，\"thisisbetterthanlivinginaflat，andImustconfessIfindthefeather—bedsofthepalacemoreinvitingthanacouchofsandunderadate—treeinAfrica。\"
\"Andwhatareyougoingtodonext？\"askedJosephine。
\"Ha!\"laughedNapoleon，blowingoutthecandle。\"There’sawoman’scuriosityforyou!Thecontinuationofthisentertainingstory，mylove，willbefoundinvolumetwoofBourrienne’sattractivehistory，FromtheTow—pathtotheTuileries，nowincourseofpreparation，andforsalebyallaccreditedagentsatthelowpriceoftenfrancsacopy。\"
WiththisremarkNapoleonjumpedintobed，andontheauthorityofM。
leComtedeQ—，atthistimeChargeaAffairesoftheLuxembourg，andlateronJanitoroftheTuileries，wassoondreamingoftheEmpire。
TheDirectoryoverthrown，BonaparteturnedhisattentiontotheoverthrowoftheConsulate。
\"Gentlemen，\"hesaidtohisfellow—consuls，\"Iadmireyoupersonallyverymuch，andnodoubtyouwillbothofyouagreeinmostmatters，butasIamfearfullestyoushoulddisagreeonmattersofimportance，andsobreakthatbeautifulfriendshipwhichIampleasedtoseethatyouhaveforeachother，Ishallmyselfcastadecidingvoteinallmatters，largeorsmall。Thiswillenableyoutoavoiddifferences，andtocontinueinthatspiritofamitywhichIhavealwayssomuchadmiredinyourrelations。Youcanworkashardasyouplease，butbeforecommittingyourselvestoanything，consultme，noteachother。WhatisaConsulforifnotforaconsultation？\"
AgainstthisSieyesandDucoswereinclinedtorebel，butBonapartesoondispelledtheiropposition。Ringinghisbell，hesummonedanaide—de—camp，whisperedafewwordsinhisear，andthenleanedquietlybackinhischair。Theaide—de—campretired，andtwominuteslaterthearmystationedwithoutbeganshoutingmostenthusiasticallyforBonaparte。TheGeneralwalkedtothewindowandbowed，andtheairwasrentwithhuzzasandvivas。
\"Iguesshe’sright，\"whisperedSieyes，astheshoutinggrewmoreandmorevigorous。
\"Guessagain，\"growledDucos。
\"Youweresaying，gentlemen——？\"saidBonaparte，returning。
\"Thatwearelikelytohaverainbeforelong，\"saidSieyes，quickly。
\"Ishouldn’tbesurprised，\"returnedNapoleon，\"andI’dadviseyoulaymentoprovideyourselveswithumbrellaswhentherainbegins。I，asasoldier，shallnotfeeltheinclemencyoftheweatherthatisabouttosetin。And，by—the—way，Sieyes，pleaseprepareanewConstitutionforFrance，providingforasingle—headedcommissiontorulethecountry。Ducos，youneedrest。Praytakeavacationuntilfurthernotice；I’llattendtomattershere。Onyourwaydown—stairsknockatBourrienne’sdoor，andtellhimIwanttoseehim。Ihaveafewmorememoirsforhisbook。\"
WiththesewordsBonaparteadjournedthemeeting。SieyeswenthomeanddrewuptheConstitution，andM。Ducosretiredtoprivatelifeforrest。TheConstitutionofSieyeswasacleverinstrument，butBonaparterendereditunavailing。Itprovidedforthreeconsuls，butoneofthemwaspracticallygivenallthepower，andtheothersbecamemerelyhisclerks。
\"Thisisasitshouldbe，\"saidBonaparte，whenby4，000，000votestheConstitutionwasratifiedbythepeople。\"Thesethree—headedgovernmentsareapttobefailures，particularlywhentwooftheheadsareworthless。Cambaceresmakesafirst—ratebottle—holder，andLebrunisacompetentstenographer，butasfordirectingFranceinthelineofherdestinytheyareofnouse。IwillnowmoveintotheTuileries。Ihatepomp，asIhaveoftensaid，butParismustbedazzled。Wecan’trentthepalaceforahotel，andit’sapitytoletsomuchspacegotowaste。Josephine，packupyourtrunk，andtellBourriennetohaveatruckmanhereatelevensharp。To—morrownightwewilldineattheTuileries，andforHeaven’ssakeseetoitthatthebottlesarecoldandthebirdsarehot。ForthesakeoftheRepublicalso，thatwemaynotappeartooostentatiousinourliving，youmayservecreamwiththedemi—tasse。\"
OnceestablishedintheTuileries，Bonapartebecameinrealitytheking，andhisfamilywhohadforalongtimegonea—beggingbegantoassumeairsofimportance，whichwereimpressive。Hissistersbegantobeinvitedout，andwerereferredtobythesocietypapersasmosteligibleyoungpersons。Theirmanner，however，wassomewhatinadvanceoftheirposition。Hadtheirbrotherbeenactuallykingandthemselvesofroyalbirththeycouldnothaveconductedthemselvesmorehaughtily。Thiswasneversofullydemonstratedaswhen，ataballgivenintheirhonoratMarseilles，anoldfriendofthefamilywhohadbeenoutrageouslysnubbedbyCaroline，askedherwhysheworehernoseturnedupsohigh。
\"BecausemybrotherisreigninginParis，\"sheretorted。
Inthisshebutvoicedthepopularsentiment，andtheremarkwasreceivedwithapplause；andlater，Murat，whohaddistinguishedhimselfasamilitaryman，desirousofallyinghimselfwiththerisinghouse，demandedherhandinmarriage。
\"You？\"criedtheFirstConsul。\"Why，Murat，yourfatherkeptaninn。\"
\"Iknowit，\"saidMurat。\"Butwhatofthat？\"
\"Mybloodmustnotbemixedwithyours，that’swhat，\"saidBonaparte。
\"Verywell，Mr。Bonaparte，\"saidMurat，angrily，\"letitbeso；butI
tellyouonething：WhenyouseethebillsCarolineisrunningupyou’llfinditwouldhavebeenmoneyinyourpockettotransferhertome。Asfortheinnbusiness，mygovernorneverservedsuchatrociousmealsathistable—d’hoteasyouservetoyourguestsatstatebanquets，anddon’tyouforgetit。\"
WhethertheseargumentsovercameBonaparte’sscruplesornotisnotknown，butafewdayslaterherelented，andCarolinebecamethewifeofMurat。
\"Ineverregrettedit，\"saidBonaparte，someyearslater。\"Muratwasagoodbrother—in—lawtome，andhetaughtmeaninvaluablelessoninthegivingofstatebanquets，whichwasthatoneportionisalwaysenoughforthree。Andasforpartingwithmydearsister，thatdidnotdisturbmeverymuch；for，truly，Talleyrand，CarolinewastheonlywomanIneverloved。\"
CHAPTERVIII：THEALPS——THEEMPIRE——THECORONATION
1800—1804
\"Observe，\"saidBonaparte，nowthathewasseatedontheconsularthrone，\"thatoneofmybiographersstatesthat，underamanofordinaryvigorthisnewConstitutionofSieyesandanotherourgovernmentwouldbefreeandpopular，butthatundermyselfithasbecomeanunlimitedmonarchy。Thatmanisright。Iamnowapotentateofthemostpotentkind。IgotaletterfromtheBourbonslastnightrequestingmetorestorethemtothethrone。Twoyearsagotheywouldn’thavegivenmetheirautographsformycollection，butnowtheywantmetogetupfrommyseatinthiscarofstateandletthemsitdown。\"
\"Andyoureplied——？\"askedJosephine。
\"ThatIdidn’tcareforBourbon——ryesuitsmebetter，\"laughedtheConsul，\"unlessIcangetScotch，whichIpreferatalltimes。
Feelingthisway，IcannotpermitLouistocomebackyetawhile。
Meantime，inthehopeofreplenishingourcellarswithafewbottlesofGlenlivet，IwillwritealetterofpacificationtoGeorgeIII。，oneofthemostgorgeousrexinMadameTussaud’scollectionoflivingpotentates。\"
ThisBonapartedid，askingtheEnglishkingifhehadn’thadenoughwarforthepresent。George，throughtheeyesofhisministers，perceivedBonaparte’spoint，andrepliedthathewasverydesirousforpeacehimself，butthatatpresentthemarketseemedtobecornered，andthatthereforethewarmustgoon。ThisreplyamusedNapoleon。
\"Itsuitsmetotheground，\"hesaid，addressingTalleyrand。\"Ayearofpeacewouldinterferemateriallywithmyfuture。IfPariswerePhiladelphia，itwouldbeanotherthing。Thereonemayrest——thereisnopopulardemandforexcitement——Pennwasmightierthanthesword——buthereonehastobeinabroilconstantly；tobeachefonemustbeeternallycooking，andtheresultsmustbeofthekindthatrequiresextraeditionsoftheeveningpapers。Thedaythenewsboysstopshoutingmyname，mysunwillsetforthelasttime。Evennowthepopulacearemurmuring，fornothingstartlinghasoccurredthisweek，whichremindsme，IwishtoseeFouche。Sendhimhere。\"
TalleyrandsentfortheMinisterofPolice，whorespondedtothesummons。
\"Fouche，\"saidBonaparte，sternly，\"whatareweherefor，salaryorglory？\"
\"Glory，General。\"
\"Precisely。Now，asheadofthePoliceDepartment，areyouawarethatnoattempttoassassinatemehasbeenmadefortwoweeks？\"
\"Yes，General，but——\"
\"Hastheassassinappropriationrunout？Havetheassassinsstruckforhigherwages，orareyousimplycareless？\"demandedtheFirstConsul。\"Iwarnyou，sir，thatIwishnoexcuses，andIwilladdthatunlessanattemptismadeonmylifebeforeteno’clockto—
night，youloseyourplace。TheFrenchpeoplemustbekeptinterestedinthisperformance，andhowthedeuceitistobedonewithoutadvertisingIdon’tknow。Go，andrememberthatIshallbeathometoassassinsonThursdaysofalternateweeksuntilfurthernotice。\"
\"YourConsulship’swishesshallberespected，\"saidFouche，withalowbow。\"ButImustsayonewordinmyownbehalf。Youweretohavehadadynamitebombthrownatyouyesterdaybyoneofmyemployes，butthebravefellowwhowastohavestoodbetweenyouanddeathdisappointedme。Hefailedtoturnupattheappointedhour，andso，ofcourse，theassaultdidn’tcomeoff。\"
\"Couldn’tyoufindasubstitute？\"demandedBonaparte。
\"Icouldnot，\"saidFouche。\"Therearen’tmanypersonsinPariswhocareforthatkindofemployment。They’drathershovelsnow。\"
\"Youareagaystage—manager，youare!\"snappedBonaparte。\"MybrotherJosephisintown，andyetyousayyoucouldn’tfindamantobehitbyabomb。Leaveme，Fouche。Yougivemetheennuis。\"
FouchedepartedwithTalleyrand，towhomheexpressedhisindignationattheFirstConsul’sreprimand。
\"Heinsistsuponanattemptedassassinationeveryweek，\"hesaid；
\"andItellyou，Talleyrand，itisn’teasytogetthesethingsup。
Themarketislongonrealassassins，fellowswho’dkillhimforthemerefunofhearinghislastwords，butwhenitcomestoplayingtothegallerieswithamockattemptwithrealconsequencestothewould—bemurderers，theyfightshyofit。\"
Nevertheless，FouchelearnedfromtheinterviewwithBonapartethattheFirstConsulwasnottobetrifledwith，andhardlyadaypassedwithoutsomeexcitingepisodeinthisline，inwhich，ofcourse，Napoleonalwayscameoutunscathedandmuchendearedtothepopulace。
This，however，couldnotgoonforever。ThefickleFrenchsoonweariedoftheseriesofunsuccessfulattemptsontheConsul’slife，andsomebegantosuspectthetruestateofaffairs。
\"They’reontoourscheme，General，\"saidFouche，afterawhile。
\"You’vegottodosomethingnew。\"
\"Whatwouldyousuggest？\"askedNapoleon，wearily。
\"Can’tyouwriteabookofpoems，orathree—volumenovel？\"suggestedTalleyrand。
\"Orresign，andletSieyesrunthingsforawhile？\"saidFouche。\"IftheyhadanotherConsulforafewmonths，they’dappreciatewhatavaudevilleshowtheylostinyou。\"
\"I’drathercrosstheAlps，\"saidBonaparte。\"Idon’tliketoresign。Movingissuchanuisance，andImustsayIfindtheTuileriesaverypleasantplaceofabode。It’smorefunthanyoucanimaginerummagingthroughthelateking’soldbureau—drawers。
SupposeIgetupanewarmyandleaditovertheAlps。\"
\"Justthething，\"saidTalleyrand。\"Onlyitwillbeaverysnowytrip。\"
\"I’musedtosnow—balls，\"saidNapoleon，hismindrevertingtotheepisodewhichbroughthiscareeratBriennetoaclose。\"JustorderanarmyandamuleandI’llsetout。Meanwhile，Fouche，seethattheBourbonshaveaconspiracytobeunearthedintimefortheSundaynewspaperseveryweekduringmyabsence。Ithinkitwouldbewell，too，tokeepawar—correspondentatworkinyourofficenightandday，writingdespatchesaboutmyprogress。GivehimagoodbookonHannibal’striptostudy，andlethimfillinacolumnortwoeverydaywithanecdotesaboutmyself，andatconvenientintervalsunsuccessfulattemptstoassassinateJosephinemaycomeinhandy。
LetitberumoredoftenthatIhavebeenoverwhelmedbyanavalanche—
—inshort，keeptheinterestup。\"
SoitwasthatBonapartesetoutuponhisperilousexpeditionovertheGreatSt。Bernard。Onthe15thdayofMay，1800，thetaskofstartingthearmyinmotionwasbegun，andonthe18theverycolumnwasinfullswing。Lannes，withanadvanceguardarmedwithsnow—
shovels，tookthelead，andBonaparte，commandingtherearguardof35，000menandtheartillery，followed。
\"Soldiers!\"hecried，astheycameneartothesnow—boundheights，\"wecannothaveourplum—cakewithoutitsfrosting。Likechildren，wewillhavethefrostingfirstandthecakelater。LannesandhisfollowershavenotcleanedthesnowoffasthoroughlyasIhadhoped，butIfancyhehasdonethebesthecan，anditisnotforustocomplain。Letuson。Theup—tripwillbecoldandtedious，butonceonthesummitofyondericyridgewecanseatourselvescomfortablyonourgunsandslidedownintothelovelyvalleysontheothersidelikeabandofmerryschool—boysontoboggans。Aboveall，donotforgetthechiefdutyofasoldierintimesofperil。Inspiteofthesnowandtheice，inspiteoftheblizzardandthesleet，keepcool；and，furthermore，rememberthatinthisclimate，ifyourearsdon’thurt，it’sasigntheyarefreezing。Enavant!Noussommeslepeuple。\"
Thearmyreadilyrespondedtosuchhopefulwords，andasBonapartemanifestedquiteasmuchwillingnesstowalkasthemeanestsoldier，disdainingtoride，exceptoccasionally，andeventhenonthebackofamule，hebecametheiridol。
\"Hedoesnotsparehimselfanymorethanhedoesus，\"saidoneofhissoldiers，\"andhecanpackasnow—ballwiththebestofus。\"
TheGeneralcatered，too，totheamusementofhistroops，andthebrassesofthebandbroketheicystillnessofthegreathillscontinually。
\"Music’sthething，\"hecried，manyyearslater，\"andwhenwegottothetopwehadthemostoriginalroof—gardenyoueversaw。Itwasmostinspiring，andtheonlythingthatworriedmeatallwasastohowFouchewasconductingouranecdoteandassassinationenterpriseathome。OnceontopoftheAlps，thedescentwaseasy。Wesimplylaydownonourarmsandslid。Downthemountain—sidewethundered，andtheAustrians，whentheyobservedourimpetus，gavewaybeforeus，andthefirstthingIknewIskatedslam—bangintotheEmpire。
OuravalanchiandescentsubjugatedItaly；frightenedtheEnglishmentoAlexandria，where，intheabsenceofawell—organizedforce，theymanagedtotriumph；scaredthePopesothoroughlythathewaswillingtosignanythingIwished；and，bestofall，afterafewpettydelays，convincedtheFrenchpeoplethatIwastoobigamanforamereconsulship。Itwasmychamois—likeagilityingettingdowntheAlpsthatreallymademeEmperor。Asforthearmy，itfoughtnobly。
ItwassothoroughlychilledbytheAlpineventurethatitfoughtdesperatelytogetwarm。Mygrenadiers，congealedtotheirverysouls，wentwherethefirewashottest。Theyseizedbomb—shellswhiletheywereyetintheair，warmedtheirhandsuponthem，andthenthrewthembackintotheenemy’scamp，wheretheyexplodedwithgreatcarnage。Theydidnotevenknowwhentheywerekilled，sobenumbedbythecoldhadtheybecome。Inshort，thosedaysontheAlpsmadeusinvincible。Nowonder，then，thatin1804，whenIgotpermanentlybacktoParis，Ifoundthepeoplereadyforanemperor!
Theywerebloodyyears，thosefrom1800to1804，butitwasnotentirelymyfault。Ishedverylittlemyself，buttheEnglishandtheAustriansandtheroyalistfollowerswouldhaveitso，andIhadtoaccommodatethem。IdidnotwishtoexecutetheDucd’Enghien，buthewouldinterferewithFouchebygettingupconspiraciesonhisownaccount，whenIhadgiventheconspiracycontracttooneofmyownministers。Thepoorfellowhadtodie。Itwasacaseofnodie，noEmpire，andIthoughtitbestfortheFrenchpeoplethattheyshouldhaveanEmpire。\"
ThosewhocriticiseBonaparte’sactsintheseyearsshouldconsiderthesewords，andrememberthatthegreatwarriorinnocasedidanyofthekillinghimself。
Itwasonthe18thofMay，1804，thattheEmpirewasproclaimedandNapoleonassumedhisnewtitleamidgreatrejoicing。
\"Nowforthecoronation，\"hesaid。\"Thisthingmustgooffinstyle，Fouche。WhomshallIhavetocrownme？\"
\"Well，\"saidFouche，\"ifyouareafterasensation，I’dsendforLouisdeBourbon；ifyouwantittogooffeasily，I’dsendforyouroldhatterintheRuedeVictoire；ifyouwanttogiveitaceremonialtouch，I’dsendforthePope，but，onthewhole，IratherthinkI’ddoitmyself。Youpickeditupyourself，whynotputitonyourownhead？\"
\"Goodidea，\"returnedBonaparte。\"Andhighlyoriginal。Youmayincreaseyoursalaryahundredfrancsaweek，Fouche。I’llcrownmyself，butIthinkitoughttocomeasasurprise，don’tyou？\"
\"Yes，\"saidFouche。\"Thatis，ifyoucansurprisetheFrenchpeople—
—whichIdoubt。IfyouwalkedintoNotreDameto—morrowonyourhands，withthecrownofFranceononefootandthediademofItalyontheother，thepeoplewouldn’tbeabitsurprised——you’realwaysdoingsuchthings。\"
\"Nevertheless，\"saidNapoleon，\"we’llsurprisethem。SendwordtothePopethatIwanttoseehimofficiallyonDecember2datNotreDame。Ifhehesitatesaboutcoming，tellhimI’llwalkoverandbringhimmyselfthefirstcleardaywehave。\"
Thisplanwasfollowedouttotheletter，andthePope，leavingRomeonthe5thofNovember，enteredParistocrowntheEmperorandEmpressoftheFrenchonDecember2，1804，asrequested。Whatsubsequentlyfollowedtheworldknows。JustasthePopewasabouttoplacetheimperialdiademonthebrowofBonaparte，theEmperorseizeditandwithhisownhandsplaceditthere。
\"Excuseme，yourHoliness，\"hesaid，ashedidso，\"butthejokeisonyou。Thisismycrown，andIthinkI’mabigenoughmantohangitupwhereitbelongs。\"
PiusVII。wasmuchchagrined，but，likethegoodmanthathewas，hedidnotshowit，nordidheresenttheEmperor’ssecondinterferencewhenitcametothecrowningofJosephine。Thecoronationover，NapoleonandJosephineturnedtothesplendidaudience，andmarcheddownthecentreaisletothedoor，wheretheyenteredasuperbgoldencarriageinwhich，amidtheplauditsofthepeople，theydrovetotheTuileries。
\"Ah——atlast!\"saidBonaparte，asheenteredthePalace。\"Ihavegotthere。Thethingtodonowistostaythere。Ah，me!\"headded，withasigh。\"TheseFrench——theseFrench!theyareasfickleastheonlywomanIhaveeverloved。By—the—way，Josephine，whatwasityouaskedmeonthewaydowntheaisle？ThepeoplehowledsoIcouldn’thearyou。\"
\"Ionlyaskedyouif\"——heretheEmpresshesitated。
\"Well？Ifwhat？\"frownedtheEmperor。
\"Ifmycrownwasonstraight，\"returnedJosephine。
\"Madame，\"saidtheEmperor，sternly，\"whenyouarepromptedtoaskthatquestionagain，rememberwhogaveyouthatcrown，andwhenyourememberthatitwasI，rememberalsothatwhenIgiveanythingtoanybodyIgiveittothemstraight。\"
HeretheEmperor’sfrownrelaxed，andheburstoutintolaughter。
\"Butthatwasabadbreakoftheorganist!\"hesaid。
\"Whichwasthat？\"askedJosephine。
\"Why——didn’tyounoticewhenthePopecameinheplayed’TiaraBoom—
de—ay’？\"saidBonaparte，witharoar。\"Itwasawful——Ishallhavetosendhimapourboire。\"
CHAPTERIX：THERISEOFTHEEMPIRE
1805—1810
\"Whatnext？\"askedFouche，themorningafterthecoronation，asheenteredtheEmperor’scabinet。
\"Breakfast，\"returnedBonaparte，laconically；\"whatdidyousuppose？
Youdidn’tthinkIwasgoingswimmingintheSeine，didyou？\"
\"Ineverthink，\"retortedFouche。
\"That’sevident，\"saidNapoleon。\"Isthearch—treasurerofmyempireupyet？TheEmpressisgoingshopping，andwantsanappropriation。\"
\"Heis，YourMajesty，\"saidFouche，lookingathismemorandum—book。
\"Heroseat7：30，dressedasusual，partedhishairontheleft—handside，andbreakfastedateight。At8：15hereadtheMoniteur，andsneezedtwicewhileperusingthesecondcolumnofthefourthpage——\"
\"Whatisthemeaningofthesepettydetails？\"criedtheEmperor，impatiently。
\"ImerelywishedtoshowYourMajestythatastheSherlockHolmesofthisadministrationIamdoingmyduty。Thereisn’tamaninFrancewhoisnotbeingshadowedinyourbehalf，\"returnedtheministerofpolice。
TheEmperorlookedoutofthewindow；then，turningtoFouche，hesaid，thestern，impatientlookfadingintosoftness，\"Pardonmyirritability，Fouche。Youareagenius，andIappreciateyou，thoughImaynotalwaysshowit。Ididn’tsleepwelllastnight，andinconsequenceIamnotundulyamiablethismorning。\"
\"YourMajestyisnotill，Itrust？\"saidFouche，withashowofanxiety。
\"No，\"repliedtheEmperor。\"Thefactis，oldman，I——ah——IforgottotakethecrownoffwhenIwenttobed。\"
Thusbeganthatwonderfulreignwhichformssomanydazzlingpagesinmodernhistory。Bonaparte’sfirstactafterprovidinglucrativepositionsforhisfamilywastowriteanotherletter，couchedinlanguageofamostfraternalnature，totheKingofEngland，askingforpeace。
\"DearCousinGeorge，\"hewrote，\"youhaveprobablyreadinthenewspapersbythistimethatI’mworkingunderanewalias，andI
hopeyouwilllikeitaswellasIdo。It’sgreatfun，butthereisonefeatureofitallthatIdon’tlike。Ihatetobefightingwithmynewcousinsallthetime，andparticularlywithyouwhomIhavealwaysloveddeeply，thoughsecretly。Now，mydearGeorge，letmeaskyouwhat’stheuseofaprolongedfight？You’vewaxedfatintenyears，andsohaveI。We’vepaintedtheearthredbetweenus。Whycan’twebesatisfied？Whyshouldourrelationscontinuetobestrained？I’vegotsomepersonalrelationsI’dliketohavestrained，butIcanattendtothemmyself。LetUShavepeace。I
don’twanttoobigapiece。Givemeenough，andyoucanhavetherest。Letusrestoretheententecordialeandgoaboutourbusinesswithoutanyfurtherscrapping。’Letdogsdelighttobarkandbite，’
asyourillustriouspoethathit，’for’tistheirnatureto。’Asforus，theearthislargeenoughforboth。YoutaketheWesternHemisphereandI’llkeepthis。Russiaandtheotherscanhavewhatremains。
Yourstruly，NAPOLEON，EmperoroftheFrench。
\"P。S。——Iencloseastampedanddirectedenvelopeforareply，andifIdon’tgetitinsideoftwoweeksI’llcomeoverandsmokeyouout。\"
Tothispeace—seekingcommunicationEngland，throughherministers，repliedtotheeffectthatshewantedpeaceasmuchasFrancedid，butthatshecouldnotenterintoitwithouttheconsentofRussia。
\"Thatsettlesit，\"saidNapoleon。\"It’stobewar。I’mwillingtodividecreationwithEngland，buttwo’scompanyandthree’sacrowd，andtheRussianBearmustkeephispawsoff。IwillgotoItaly，Bourrienne，collectafewmorethrones，andthenwe’llgettoworkonanewmapofEurope。Russianeverdidlookwellorgracefulontheexistingmaps。Itmakesthecontinentlooklop—sided，andGermanyandAustrianeedtrimmingdownabit。IproposetoshoveRussiaoverintoAsia，annexGermanyandAustriatoFrance，dropTurkeyintotheBosporus，andtowEnglandfarthernorthandhitchherontothenorthpole。WiretheItalianstogetouttheirironcrownanddustitoff。
I’lltakearundowntoMilan，inMay，andgivemycoronationperformancethere。SuchagoodshowasthatofDecember2ndoughttobetakenontheroad。\"
Thelatterpartofthisplanwasfulfilledtotheletter，andonthe20thofMay，1805，BonaparteandJosephinewerecrownedKingandQueenofItalyatMilan。
\"Now，mydear，\"saidBonaparte，aftertheceremony，\"hereafterwemustdropthefirstpersonsingularIandassumethedignityoftheeditorialWE。Emperorsandeditorsalikeareentitledtothedistinction。It’sasignofpluralitywhichisoftenquiteaseffectiveasamajority。Furthermore，youandWecandoitlogically，forweareseveralpersonsallatonce，whatwiththeassortmentofthronesthatwehaveacquiredinthesecond—handshopsoftheearth，allofwhichmustbesaton。\"
CrownedKingofItaly，leavingEugenedeBeauharnaisasViceroyatMilan，NapoleonreturnedtoParis。
\"NowthatWehavereplenishedourstockofcrowns，\"hesaidtohisgenerals，\"WewillmakeatourofGermany。We’vealwayshadagreatdesiretovisitBerlin，andnow’sourimperialchance。Tellthearch—treasurertotelephoneFredericktoreservehisbestpalaceforouroccupancy。\"
Thenbeganaseriesofwar—cloudswhichkepttheEuropeancorrespondentsoftheAmericanSundaynewspapersinastateofanxiousturmoilforyears。Inourowntimeasinglewar—cloudisenoughtodriveacapablecorrespondenttothevergeofdesperation，butwhenweconsiderthatBonapartewaslettingloosethecloudsofwarinallsectionsofEuropesimultaneously，itiseasytounderstandhowithascomeaboutthatweofto—day，whostudyhistoryinthedailypress，havethemostvagueideasastothemotivesofthequarrellingpotentatesatthebeginningofthiscentury。
Forinstance，afterstartingforBerlin，BonapartemakesadiversionatUlm，andendsforthemomentbycapturingViennaandtakinguphisabodeinthecastleofSchonbrunn，thehomeoftheAustrianCaesars。
ThenthesceneofactivityistransferredtoCapeTrafalgar，whereNelsonroutstheFrenchfleet，andBonaparteisforaninstantdiscomfited，butabovewhichherisessuperior。
\"IfWehadbeenthereourselfWe’dhavefeltworseaboutit，\"hesaid。\"ButWewerenot，andthereforeitisnoneofourfuneral——
and，afterall，whathasitaccomplished？ThehoardofaldermenofLondonhavenamedasquareinLondonafterthecape，andstuckupamonumenttoNelsoninthemiddleofit，whichistherendezvousofallthestrikersandsocialistsofEngland。SomedayWe’llgoovertoTrafalgarSquareourselfandputanewfaceonthatstatue，anditwillbearsomeresemblancetous，unlessWearemistaken。WhenWegetbacktoParis，likewise，Wewillissueanimperialdecreeorderinganewnavyforthesecapableadmiralsofoursmoresuitedtotheirabilities，andM。Villeneuveshallhavehischoicebetweenacamelandagravy—boatforhisflag—ship。\"
Nevertheless，theEmperorrealizedthathisprestigehadreceivedablowwhichitwasnecessarytoretrieve。
\"Parisdoesn’tlikeit，\"wroteFouche，\"andthegeneralsentimentseemstobethatyourshowisn’twhatitusedtobe。Youneedavictoryjustaboutnow，andifyoucouldmanagetolosealegonthefieldofbattleitwouldstrengthenyourstandingwithyoursubjects。\"
\"GoodFouche，\"murmuredtheEmperortohimselfashereadthedespatch。\"Youareindeedwatchfulofourinterests。Itshallbedoneasyousuggest，evenifitcostsaleg。WewillengagetheRussiansatAusterlitz。\"
Onthe2dofDecemberthisbattleoftheEmperorswasfought，andresultedinamostgloriousvictoryfortheFrencharms。
\"Wescoredseventouch—downsinthefirstfiveminutes，andattheendofthefirsthalfweretengoalstothegood，\"saidBonaparte，writinghometoJosephine，\"andallwithoutmytouchingtheball。
TheEmperorofGermanyandtheexcessivelysmartAlexanderofRussiasatondead—headhillandwatchedthegamewithinterest，butinspiteofmyrepeatedeffortstogetthemtodoso，wereutterlyunwillingtocovermybetsonthefinalresult。Thesecondhalfopenedbrilliantly。Muratmadeaflyingwedgewithourcentre—rush，threwhimselfimpetuouslyuponKutusoff，theRussianhalf—back，pushedtheenemybackbeyondthegoalposts，andthegamewaspracticallyover。Theemperorsondead—headhillgaveitupthenandthere，andthechampionshipof1805isours。WeunderstandEnglanddisputesthis，butwearewillingtoplaythemonneutralgroundatanytime。Theycanbeatusinaquaticsports，butgivenagood，hard，real—estatefield，wecandothemupwhetherWellingtonplaysornot。\"
\"Itwasagloriousvictory，\"wroteFouchetotheEmperor，\"andithashadagreateffectonParis。YouarecalledtheHinkeyofyourtime，butIstillthinkyouerredinnotlosingthatleg。Can’tyouworkinanothercoronationsomewhere？Youhaven’tacquiredanewthroneinoversixmonths，andthepeoplearebeginningtomurmur。\"
Bonaparte’sreplywasimmediate。
\"Amtoobusytogothrone—hunting。SendmybrotherJosephdowntoNaplesasmyagent。There’sacrownthere。Lethimputiton，andtellParisthatheismyproxy。Josephmaynotwanttogobecauseofthecholerascare，buttellhimWewishit，andifhestilldemurswhispertheword’Alp’inhisear。He’llgowhenhehearsthatword，particularlyifyousayitinthatshort，sharp，anddecisivemannertowhichitsoreadilylendsitself。\"
Theseinstructionswerecarriedout，andPariswasforthetimebeingsatisfied；buttoclinchmatters，asitwere，theEmperorwentstillfurther，andmarriedEugenedeBeauharnaistothedaughteroftheKingofBavaria，conferredafewchoiceprincipalitiesuponhissisterEliza，and，sendingforPrinceBorghese，oneofthemostaristocraticgentlemenofItaly，gavehiminmarriagetohissisterPauline。
\"We’regettingintogoodsocietybydegrees，\"wrotetheEmperortotheEmpress，\"andnowthatyouarethemother—in—lawofarealprince，kindlyseethatyourmannerisimperioustotheextremedegree，andstopservingpieatstatebanquets。\"
ThesucceedingtwoyearswerebutrepetitionsofthefirstyearoftheEmpire。Bonaparteproceededfromonevictorytoanother。
Prussiawashumbled。TheFrenchEmperoroccupiedBerlin，and，ashehaddoneinItaly，levieduponthearttreasuresofthatcityfortheenrichmentofParis。
\"We’llhavequiteaSalonifwegoon，\"saidBonaparte。
\"Anybody’dthinkyouweregettingupacornerinoil，\"saidFrederick，ruefully，ashewatchedthepackersatworkboxinghismosttreasuredpaintingsforshipment。
\"Weamgettingupacornerinallthings，\"retortedBonaparte。
\"PariswillsoonbetheBostonofEurope——itwillbetheHuboftheUniverse。\"
\"Youmightleavemesomething，\"saidthePrussianking。\"Ihaven’tanoldmasterleft。\"
\"Well，nevermind，\"saidNapoleon，soothingly。\"We’llbeayoungmastertoyou。Nowgotobed，likeagoodfellow，andtakeagoodrest。There’sadelegationofPoleswaitingformeoutside。TheythinkWeamgoingtoerectatelegraphsystemtoRussia，andtheywantemployment。\"
\"Asoperators？\"askedFrederick，sadly。
\"No，stupid，\"returnedNapoleon，\"asPoles。\"
ThePrussianlefttheroomintears。TohisgreatregretpolicycompelledBonapartetodeclinethepetitionofthePolanderstobeallowedtorehabilitatethemselvesasanation。Aswehaveseen，hewasamanofpeace，andmanymilesawayfromhomeatthat，andhencehadnodesiretofurtherexasperateRussiabymeddlinginanaffairsoclosetotheCzar’sheart。ThisdiplomaticforesightresultedinthePeaceofTilsit。TheCzar，appreciatingBonaparte’sdelicacyinthematterofPoland，wasquitewonover，andconsentedtoaninterviewbymeansofwhichabasismightbereacheduponwhichallmightrestfromwarfare。Tilsitwaschosenastheplaceofmeeting，andfearinglesttheymightbeinterruptedbyreporters，thetwoemperorsdecidedtoholdtheirconferenceuponaraftanchoredinthemiddleoftheriverNiemen。Itmustberememberedthattugshadnotbeeninventedatthistime，sothattheraftwascomparativelysafefromthose\"Boswellsofthenews，\"asreportershavebeencalled。
Fouchewasveryanxiousaboutthisdecisionhowever。
\"Lookoutforyourself，mydearEmperor，\"hewrote。\"Wearacorksuit，orinsistthattheraftshallbeplentifullysuppliedwithlife—preservers。ThoseEasternemperorswouldlikenothingbetterthantohaveyoufounderintheNiemen。\"
\"Wearenotafraid，\"Napoleonreplied。\"IfthecraftsinksWeshallswimashoreonAlexander’sback。\"Nevertheless，allotherhistorianstothecontrary，Bonapartedidwearacorksuitbeneathhisuniform。
WehavethisontheauthorityofthenephewofthevaletofthelateNapoleonIII。，whohadaccesstotheprivatepapersofthiswonderfulfamily。