Toallquestionsheonlyansweredthis：
\"Ihadknownthemanfortwoyears，thewomanforsixmonths.Theyoftenhadmerepairoldfurnitureforthem，becauseIamacleverworkman.\"
Andwhenhewasasked：
\"Whydidyoukillthem？\"
Hewouldobstinatelyanswer：
\"IkilledthembecauseIwantedtokillthem.\"
Theycouldgetnothingmoreoutofhim.
Thismanwasundoubtedlyanillegitimatechild，putouttonurseandthenabandoned.HehadnoothernamethanGeorgesLouis，butasongrowinguphebecameparticularlyintelligent，withthegoodtasteandnativerefinementwhichhisacquaintancesdidnothave，hewasnicknamed\"theBourgeois，\"andhewasnevercalledotherwise.Hehadbecomeremarkablycleverinthetradeofacarpenter，whichhehadtakenup.Hewasalsosaidtobeasocialistfanatic，abelieverincommunisticandnihilisticdoctrines，agreatreaderofbloodthirstynovels，aninfluentialpoliticalagitatorandacleveroratorinthepublicmeetingsofworkmenoroffarmers.
Hislawyerhadpleadedinsanity.
Indeed，howcouldoneimaginethatthisworkmanshouldkillhisbestcustomers，richandgenerous（asheknew），whointwoyearshadenabledhimtoearnthreethousandfrancs（hisbooksshowedit）？Onlyoneexplanationcouldbeoffered：insanity，thefixedideaoftheunclassedindividualwhoreeksvengeanceontwobourgeois，onall，thebourgeoisie，andthelawyermadeacleverallusiontothisnicknameof\"TheBourgeois，\"giventhroughouttheneighborhoodtothispoorwretch.
Heexclaimed：
\"Isthisironynotenoughtounbalancethemindofthispoorwretch，whohasneitherfathernormother？Heisanardentrepublican.WhatamI
saying？Heevenbelongstothesamepoliticalparty，themembersofwhich，formerlyshotorexiledbythegovernment，itnowwelcomeswithopenarmsthispartytowhicharsonisaprincipleandmurderanordinaryoccurrence.
\"Thesegloomydoctrines，nowapplaudedinpublicmeetings，haveruinedthisman.Hehasheardrepublicans——evenwomen，yes，women———askforthebloodofM.Gambetta，thebloodofM.Grevy;hisweakenedmindgaveway;
hewantedblood，thebloodofabourgeois！
\"Itisnothewhomyoushouldcondemn，gentlemen;itistheCommune！\"
Everywherecouldbeheardmurmursofassent.Everyonefeltthatthelawyerhadwonhiscase.Theprosecutingattorneydidnotopposehim.
Thenthepresidingjudgeaskedtheaccusedthecustomaryquestion：
\"Prisoner，isthereanythingthatyouwishtoaddtoyourdefense？\"
Themanstoodup.
Hewasashort，flaxenblond，withcalm，clear，grayeyes.Astrong，frank，sonorousvoicecamefromthisfrail—lookingboyand，atthefirstwords，quicklychangedtheopinionwhichhadbeenformedofhim.
Hespokeloudinadeclamatorymanner，butsodistinctlythateverywordcouldbeunderstoodinthefarthestcornersofthebighall：
\"Yourhonor，asIdonotwishtogotoaninsaneasylum，andasIevenpreferdeathtothat，Iwilltelleverything.
\"Ikilledthismanandthiswomanbecausetheyweremyparents.
\"Now，listen，andjudgeme.
\"Awoman，havinggivenbirthtoaboy，senthimout，somewhere，toanurse.Didsheevenknowwhereheraccomplicecarriedthisinnocentlittlebeing，condemnedtoeternalmisery，totheshameofanillegitimatebirth;tomorethanthat——todeath，sincehewasabandonedandthenurse，nolongerreceivingthemonthlypension，might，astheyoftendo，lethimdieofhungerandneglect！
\"Thewomanwhonursedmewashonest，better，morenoble，moreofamotherthanmyownmother.Shebroughtmeup.Shedidwrongindoingherduty.
Itismorehumanetoletthemdie，theselittlewretcheswhoarecastawayinsuburbanvillagesjustasgarbageisthrownaway.
\"IgrewupwiththeindistinctimpressionthatIwascarryingsomeburdenofshame.Onedaytheotherchildrencalledmea’b—————’.Theydidnotknowthemeaningofthisword，whichoneofthemhadheardathome.
Iwasalsoignorantofitsmeaning，butIfeltthestingallthesame.
\"Iwas，Imaysay，oneofthecleverestboysintheschool.Iwouldhavebeenagoodman，yourhonor，perhapsamanofsuperiorintellect，ifmyparentshadnotcommittedthecrimeofabandoningme.
\"Thiscrimewascommittedagainstme.Iwasthevictim，theyweretheguiltyones.Iwasdefenseless，theywerepitiless.Theirdutywastoloveme，theyrejectedme.
\"Iowedthemlife——butislifeaboon？Tome，atanyrate，itwasamisfortune.Aftertheirshamefuldesertion，Iowedthemonlyvengeance.
Theycommittedagainstmethemostinhuman，themostinfamous，themostmonstrouscrimewhichcanbecommittedagainstahumancreature.
\"Amanwhohasbeeninsulted，strikes;amanwhohasbeenrobbed，takesbackhisownbyforce.Amanwhohasbeendeceived，playedupon，tortured，kills;amanwhohasbeenslapped，kills;amanwhohasbeendishonored，kills.Ihavebeenrobbed，deceived，tortured，morallyslapped，dishonored，allthistoagreaterdegreethanthosewhoseangeryouexcuse.
\"Irevengedmyself，Ikilled.Itwasmylegitimateright.Itooktheirhappylifeinexchangefortheterribleonewhichtheyhadforcedonme.
\"Youwillcallmeparricide！Werethesepeoplemyparents，forwhomI
wasanabominableburden，aterror，aninfamousshame;forwhommybirthwasacalamityandmylifeathreatofdisgrace？Theysoughtaselfishpleasure;theygotanunexpectedchild.Theysuppressedthechild.Myturncametodothesameforthem.
\"Andyet，uptoquiterecently，Iwasreadytolovethem.
\"AsIhavesaid，thisman，myfather，cametomeforthefirsttimetwoyearsago.Isuspectednothing.Heorderedtwopiecesoffurniture.
Ifoundout，lateron，that，underthesealofsecrecy，naturally，hehadsoughtinformationfromthepriest.
\"Hereturnedoften.Hegavemealotofworkandpaidmewell.
Sometimeshewouldeventalktomeofonethingoranother.Ifeltagrowingaffectionforhim.
\"Atthebeginningofthisyearhebroughtwithhimhiswife，mymother.
WhensheenteredshewastremblingsothatIthoughthertobesufferingfromsomenervousdisease.Thensheaskedforaseatandaglassofwater.Shesaidnothing;shelookedaroundabstractedlyatmyworkandonlyanswered’yes’and’no，’atrandom，toallthequestionswhichheaskedher.WhenshehadleftIthoughtheralittleunbalanced.
\"Thefollowingmonththeyreturned.Shewascalm，self—controlled.Thatdaytheychatteredforalongtime，andtheyleftmearatherlargeorder.Isawherthreemoretimes，withoutsuspectinganything.Butonedayshebegantotalktomeofmylife，ofmychildhood，ofmyparents.
Ianswered：’Madame，myparentswerewretcheswhodesertedme.’Thensheclutchedatherheartandfell，unconscious.Iimmediatelythought：’Sheismymother！’butItookcarenottolethernoticeanything.Iwishedtoobserveher.
\"I，inturn，soughtoutinformationaboutthem.IlearnedthattheyhadbeenmarriedsincelastJuly，mymotherhavingbeenawidowforonlythreeyears.Therehadbeenrumorsthattheyhadlovedeachotherduringthelifetimeofthefirsthusband，buttherewasnoproofofit.Iwastheproof——theproofwhichtheyhadatfirsthiddenandthenhopedtodestroy.
\"Iwaited.Shereturnedoneevening，escortedasusualbymyfather.
Thatdaysheseemeddeeplymoved，Idon’tknowwhy.Then，asshewasleaving，shesaidtome：’Iwishyousuccess，becauseyouseemtometobehonestandahardworker;somedayyouwillundoubtedlythinkofgettingmarried.Ihavecometohelpyoutochoosefreelythewomanwhomaysuityou.IwasmarriedagainstmyinclinationonceandIknowwhatsufferingitcauses.NowIamrich，childless，free，mistressofmyfortune.Hereisyourdowry.’
\"Sheheldouttomealarge，sealedenvelope.
\"Ilookedherstraightintheeyesandthensaid：’Areyoumymother？’
\"Shedrewbackafewstepsandhidherfaceinherhandssoasnottoseeme.He，theman，myfather，supportedherinhisarmsandcriedouttome：’Youmustbecrazy！’
\"Ianswered：’Notintheleast.Iknowthatyouaremyparents.I
cannotbethusdeceived.AdmititandIwillkeepthesecret;Iwillbearyounoillwill;IwillremainwhatIam，acarpenter.’
\"Heretreatedtowardsthedoor，stillsupportinghiswifewhowasbeginningtosob.QuicklyIlockedthedoor，putthekeyinmypocketandcontinued：’Lookatheranddaretodenythatsheismymother.’
\"Thenheflewintoapassion，verypale，terrifiedatthethoughtthatthescandal，whichhadsofarbeenavoided，mightsuddenlybreakout;
thattheirposition，theirgoodname，theirhonormightallatoncebelost.Hestammeredout：’Youarearascal，youwishtogetmoneyfromus！That’sthethankswegetfortryingtohelpsuchcommonpeople！’
\"Mymother，bewildered，keptrepeating：’Let’sgetoutofhere，let’sgetout！’
\"Then，whenhefoundthedoorlocked，heexclaimed：’Ifyoudonotopenthisdoorimmediately，Iwillhaveyouthrownintoprisonforblackmailandassault！’
\"Ihadremainedcalm;Iopenedthedoorandsawthemdisappearinthedarkness.
\"ThenIseemedtohavebeensuddenlyorphaned，deserted，pushedtothewall.Iwasseizedwithanoverwhelmingsadness，mingledwithanger，hatred，disgust;mywholebeingseemedtoriseupinrevoltagainsttheinjustice，themeanness，thedishonor，therejectedlove.Ibegantorun，inordertoovertakethemalongtheSeine，whichtheyhadtofollowinordertoreachthestationofChaton.
\"Isooncaughtupwiththem.Itwasnowpitchdark.Iwascreepingupbehindthemsoftly，thattheymightnothearme.Mymotherwasstillcrying.Myfatherwassaying：’It’sallyourownfault.Whydidyouwishtoseehim？Itwasabsurdinourposition.Wecouldhavehelpedhimfromafar，withoutshowingourselves.Ofwhatusearethesedangerousvisits，sincewecan’trecognizehim？’
\"ThenIrusheduptothem，beseeching.Icried：
’Yousee！Youaremyparents.Youhavealreadyrejectedmeonce;wouldyourepulsemeagain？’
\"Then，yourhonor，hestruckme.Iswearitonmyhonor，beforethelawandmycountry.Hestruckme，andasIseizedhimbythecollar，hedrewfromhispocketarevolver.
\"Thebloodrushedtomyhead，InolongerknewwhatIwasdoing，Ihadmycompassinmypocket;IstruckhimwithitasoftenasIcould.
\"Thenshebegantocry：’Help！murder！’andtopullmybeard.ItseemsthatIkilledheralso.HowdoIknowwhatIdidthen？
\"Then，whenIsawthembothlyingontheground，withoutthinking，I
threwthemintotheSeine.
\"That’sall.Nowsentenceme.\"
Theprisonersatdown.Afterthisrevelationthecasewascarriedovertothefollowingsession.Itcomesupverysoon.Ifwewerejurymen，whatwouldwedowiththisparricide？
BERTHA
Dr.Bonnet，myoldfriend——onesometimeshasfriendsolderthanone’sself——hadofteninvitedmetospendsometimewithhimatRiom，and，asI
didnotknowAuvergne，Imadeupmymindtovisithiminthesummerof1876.
Iarrivedbythemorningtrain，andthefirstpersonIsawontheplatformwasthedoctor.Hewasdressedinagraysuit，andworeasoft，black，wide—brimmed，high—crownedfelthat，narrowatthetoplikeachimneypot，ahatwhichhardlyanyoneexceptanAuvergnatwouldwear，andwhichremindedoneofacharcoalburner.Dressedlikethat，thedoctorhadtheappearanceofanoldyoungman，withhissparebodyunderhisthincoat，andhislargeheadcoveredwithwhitehair.
Heembracedmewiththatevidentpleasurewhichcountrypeoplefeelwhentheymeetlong—expectedfriends，and，stretchingouthisarm，hesaidproudly：
\"ThisisAuvergne！\"Isawnothingbeforemeexceptarangeofmountains，whosesummits，whichresembledtruncatedcones，musthavebeenextinctvolcanoes.
Then，pointingtothenameofthestation，hesaid：
\"Riom，thefatherlandofmagistrates，theprideofthemagistracy，andwhichoughtrathertobethefatherlandofdoctors.\"
\"Why？\"I，asked.
\"Why？\"herepliedwithalaugh.\"Ifyoutransposetheletters，youhavetheLatinword’mori’，todie.ThatisthereasonwhyIsettledhere，myyoungfriend.\"
And，delightedathisownjoke，hecarriedmeoff，rubbinghishands.
AssoonasIhadswallowedacupofcoffee，hemademegoandseethetown.Iadmiredthedruggist’shouse，andtheothernotedhouses，whichwereallblack，butasprettyasbric—a—brac，withtheirfacadesofsculpturedstone.IadmiredthestatueoftheVirgin，thepatronessofbutchers，andhetoldmeanamusingstoryaboutthis，whichIwillrelatesomeothertime，andthenDr.Bonnetsaidtome：
\"ImustbegyoutoexcusemeforafewminuteswhileIgoandseeapatient，andthenIwilltakeyoutoChatel—Guyon，soastoshowyouthegeneralaspectofthetown，andallthemountainchainofthePuy—de—Domebeforelunch.Youcanwaitformeoutside;Ishallonlygoupstairsandcomedownimmediately.\"
Heleftmeoutsideoneofthoseold，gloomy，silent，melancholyhouses，whichoneseesintheprovinces，andthisoneappearedtolookparticularlysinister，andIsoondiscoveredthereason.Allthelargewindowsonthefirstfloorwereboardedhalfwayup.Theupperpartofthemalonecouldbeopened，asifonehadwishedtopreventthepeoplewhowerelockedupinthathugestoneboxfromlookingintothestreet.
Whenthedoctorcamedownagain，Itoldhimhowitstruckme，andhereplied：
\"Youarequiteright;thepoorcreaturewhoislivingtheremustneverseewhatisgoingonoutside.Sheisamadwoman，orratheranidiot，whatyouNormanswouldcallaNiente.Itisamiserablestory，butaverysingularpathologicalcaseatthesametime.ShallItellyou？\"
Ibeggedhimtodoso，andhecontinued：
\"Twentyyearsagotheownersofthishouse，whoweremypatients，hadadaughterwhowaslikeallothergirls，butIsoondiscoveredthatwhileherbodybecameadmirablydeveloped，herintellectremainedstationary.
\"Shebegantowalkveryearly，butshecouldnottalk.AtfirstI
thoughtshewasdeaf，butIsoondiscoveredthat，althoughsheheardperfectly，shedidnotunderstandanythingthatwassaidtoher.Violentnoisesmadeherstartandfrightenedher，withoutherunderstandinghowtheywerecaused.
\"Shegrewupintoasuperbwoman，butshewasdumb，fromanabsolutewantofintellect.Itriedallmeanstointroduceagleamofintelligenceintoherbrain，butnothingsucceeded.IthoughtInoticedthatsheknewhernurse，thoughassoonasshewasweaned，shefailedtorecognizehermother.Shecouldneverpronouncethatwordwhichisthefirstthatchildrenutterandthelastwhichsoldiersmurmurwhentheyaredyingonthefieldofbattle.Shesometimestriedtotalk，butsheproducednothingbutincoherentsounds.
\"Whentheweatherwasfine，shelaughedcontinually，andemittedlowcrieswhichmightbecomparedtothetwitteringofbirds;whenitrainedshecriedandmoanedinamournful，terrifyingmanner，whichsoundedlikethehowlingofadogbeforeadeathoccursinahouse.
\"Shewasfondofrollingonthegrass，asyounganimalsdo，andofrunningaboutmadly，andshewouldclapherhandseverymorning，whenthesunshoneintoherroom，andwouldinsist，bysigns，onbeingdressedasquicklyaspossible，sothatshemightgetout.
\"Shedidnotappeartodistinguishbetweenpeople，betweenhermotherandhernurse，orbetweenherfatherandme，orbetweenthecoachmanandthecook.Iparticularlylikedherparents，whowereveryunhappyonheraccount，andwenttoseethemnearlyeveryday.Idinedwiththemquitefrequently，whichenabledmetoremarkthatBertha（theyhadcalledherBertha）seemedtorecognizethevariousdishes，andtoprefersometoothers.Atthattimeshewastwelveyearsold，butasfullyformedinfigureasagirlofeighteen，andtallerthanIwas.Thentheideastruckmeofdevelopinghergreediness，andbythismeansofcultivatingsomeslightpowerofdiscriminationinhermind，andtoforceher，bythediversityofflavors，ifnottoreason，atanyratetoarriveatinstinctivedistinctions，whichwouldofthemselvesconstituteakindofprocessthatwasnecessarytothought.Lateron，byappealingtoherpassions，andbycarefullymakinguseofthosewhichcouldserveourpurpose，wemighthopetoobtainakindofreactiononherintellect，andbydegreesincreasetheunconsciousactionofherbrain.
\"OnedayIputtwoplatesbeforeher，oneofsoup，andtheotherofverysweetvanillacream.Imadehertasteeachofthemsuccessively，andthenIletherchooseforherself，andsheatetheplateofcream.InashorttimeImadeherverygreedy，sogreedythatitappearedasiftheonlyideashehadinherheadwasthedesireforeating.Sheperfectlyrecognizedthevariousdishes，andstretchedoutherhandstowardthosethatsheliked，andtookholdofthemeagerly，andsheusedtocrywhentheyweretakenfromher.ThenIthoughtIwouldtryandteachhertocometothedining—roomwhenthedinnerbellrang.
Ittookalongtime，butIsucceededintheend.Inhervacantintellectavaguecorrelationwasestablishedbetweensoundandtaste，acorrespondencebetweenthetwosenses，anappealfromonetotheother，andconsequentlyasortofconnectionofideas——ifonecancallthatkindofinstinctivehyphenbetweentwoorganicfunctionsanidea——andsoI
carriedmyexperimentsfurther，andtaughther，withmuchdifficulty，torecognizemealtimesbytheclock.
\"Itwasimpossibleformeforalongtimetoattractherattentiontothehands，butIsucceededinmakingherremarktheclockworkandthestrikingapparatus.ThemeansIemployedwereverysimple;Iaskedthemnottohavethebellrungforlunch，andeverybodygotupandwentintothedining—roomwhenthelittlebrasshammerstrucktwelveo’clock，butI
foundgreatdifficultyinmakingherlearntocountthestrokes.Sherantothedooreachtimesheheardtheclockstrike，butbydegreesshelearnedthatallthestrokeshadnotthesamevalueasfarasregardedmeals，andshefrequentlyfixedhereyes，guidedbyherears，onthedialoftheclock.
\"WhenInoticedthat，Itookcareeverydayattwelve，andatsixo’clock，toplacemyfingersonthefigurestwelveandsix，assoonasthemomentshewaswaitingforhadarrived，andIsoonnoticedthatsheattentivelyfollowedthemotionofthesmallbrasshands，whichIhadoftenturnedinherpresence.
\"Shehadunderstood！PerhapsIoughtrathertosaythatshehadgraspedtheidea.Ihadsucceededingettingtheknowledge，or，rather，thesensation，ofthetimeintoher，justasisthecasewithcarp，whocertainlyhavenoclocks，whentheyarefedeverydayexactlyatthesametime.
\"WhenonceIhadobtainedthatresultalltheclocksandwatchesinthehouseoccupiedherattentionalmostexclusively.Shespenthertimeinlookingatthem，listeningtothem，andinwaitingformealtime，andoncesomethingveryfunnyhappened.ThestrikingapparatusofaprettylittleLouisXVIclockthathungattheheadofherbedhavinggotoutoforder，shenoticedit.Shesatfortwentyminuteswithhereyesonthehands，waitingforittostriketen，butwhenthehandspassedthefigureshewasastonishedatnothearinganything;sostupefiedwasshe，indeed，thatshesatdown，nodoubtoverwhelmedbyafeelingofviolentemotionsuchasattacksusinthefaceofsometerriblecatastrophe.Andshehadthewonderfulpatiencetowaituntileleveno’clockinordertoseewhatwouldhappen，andasshenaturallyheardnothing，shewassuddenlyeitherseizedwithawildfitofrageathavingbeendeceivedandimposeduponbyappearances，orelseovercomebythatfearwhichsomefrightenedcreaturefeelsatsometerriblemystery，andbythefuriousimpatienceofapassionateindividualwhomeetswithsomeobstacle;shetookupthetongsfromthefireplaceandstrucktheclocksoviolentlythatshebrokeittopiecesinamoment.
\"Itwasevident，therefore，thather，braindidactandcalculate，obscurelyitistrue，andwithinveryrestrictedlimits，forIcouldneversucceedinmakingherdistinguishpersonsasshedistinguishedthetime;andtostirherintellect，itwasnecessarytoappealtoherpassions，inthematerialsenseoftheword，andwesoonhadanother，andalas！averyterribleproofofthis！
\"Shehadgrownupintoasplendidgirl，aperfecttypeofarace，asortoflovelyandstupidVenus.Shewassixteen，andIhaverarelyseensuchperfectionofform，suchsupplenessandsuchregularfeatures.IsaidshewasaVenus;yes，afair，stout，vigorousVenus，withlarge，bright，vacanteyes，whichwereasblueastheflowersoftheflaxplant;shehadalargemouthwithfulllips，themouthofaglutton，ofasensualist，amouthmadeforkisses.Well，onemorningherfathercameintomyconsultingroomwithastrangelookonhisface，and，sittingdownwithoutevenreplyingtomygreeting，hesaid：
\"’Iwanttospeaktoyouaboutaveryseriousmatter.Woulditbepossible——woulditbepossibleforBerthatomarry？’
\"’Berthatomarry！Why，itisquiteimpossible！’
\"’Yes，Iknow，Iknow，’hereplied.’Butreflect，doctor.Don’tyouthink——perhaps——wehoped——ifshehadchildren——itwouldbeagreatshocktoher，butagreathappiness，and——whoknowswhethermaternitymightnotrouseherintellect？’
\"Iwasinastateofgreatperplexity.Hewasright，anditwaspossiblethatsuchanewsituation，andthatwonderfulinstinctofmaternity，whichbeatsintheheartsoftheloweranimalsasitdoesintheheartofawoman，whichmakesthehenflyatadog’sjawstodefendherchickens，mightbringaboutarevolution，anutterchangeinhervacantmind，andsetthemotionlessmechanismofherthoughtsinmotion.Andthen，moreover，Iimmediatelyrememberedapersonalinstance.SomeyearspreviouslyIhadownedaspanielbitchwhowassostupidthatIcoulddonothingwithher，butwhenshehadhadpuppiesshebecame，ifnotexactlyintelligent，yetalmostlikemanyotherdogswhohadnotbeenthoroughlybroken.
\"AssoonasIforesawthepossibilityofthis，thewishtogetBerthamarriedgrewinme，notsomuchoutoffriendshipforherandherpoorparentsasfromscientificcuriosity.Whatwouldhappen？Itwasasingularproblem.Isaidinreplytoherfather：
\"’Perhapsyouareright.Youmightmaketheattempt，butyouwillneverfindamantoconsenttomarryher.’
\"’Ihavefoundsomebody，’hesaid，inalowvoice.
\"Iwasdumfounded，andsaid：’Somebodyreallysuitable？Someoneofyourownrankandpositioninsociety？’
\"’Decidedly，’hereplied.
\"’Oh！AndmayIaskhisname？’
\"’Icameonpurposetotellyou，andtoconsultyou.ItisMonsieurGastonduBoysdeLucelles.’
\"Ifeltinclinedtoexclaim：’Thewretch！’butIheldmytongue，andafterafewmoments’silenceIsaid：
\"’Oh！Verygood.Iseenothingagainstit.’
\"Thepoormanshookmeheartilybythehand.
\"’Sheistobemarriednextmonth，’hesaid.
\"MonsieurGastonduBoysdeLucelleswasascapegraceofgoodfamily，who，afterhavingspentallthathehadinheritedfromhisfather，andhavingincurreddebtsinallkindsofdoubtfulways，hadbeentryingtodiscoversomeothermeansofobtainingmoney，andhehaddiscoveredthismethod.Hewasagood—lookingyoungfellow，andincapitalhealth，butfast;oneofthatodiousraceofprovincialfastmen，andheappearedtometobeassuitableasanyone，andcouldbegotridoflaterbymakinghimanallowance.Hecametothehousetopayhisaddressesandtostrutaboutbeforetheidiotgirl，who，however，seemedtopleasehim.Hebroughtherflowers，kissedherhands，satatherfeet，andlookedatherwithaffectionateeyes;butshetooknonoticeofanyofhisattentions，anddidnotmakeanydistinctionbetweenhimandtheotherpersonswhowereabouther.
\"However，themarriagetookplace，andyoumayguesshowmycuriositywasaroused.IwenttoseeBerthathenextdaytotryanddiscoverfromherlookswhetheranyfeelingshadbeenawakenedinher，butIfoundherjustthesameasshewaseveryday，whollytakenupwiththeclockanddinner，whilehe，onthecontrary，appearedreallyinlove，andtriedtorousehiswife’sspiritsandaffectionbylittleendearmentsandsuchcaressesasonebestowsonakitten.Hecouldthinkofnothingbetter.
\"Icalleduponthemarriedcoupleprettyfrequently，andIsoonperceivedthattheyoungwomanknewherhusband，andgavehimthoseeagerlookswhichshehadhithertoonlybestowedonsweetdishes.
\"Shefollowedhismovements，knewhissteponthestairsorintheneighboringrooms，clappedherhandswhenhecamein，andherfacewaschangedandbrightenedbytheflamesofprofoundhappinessandofdesire.
\"Shelovedhimwithherwholebodyandwithallhersoultotheverydepthsofherpoor，weaksoul，andwithallherheart，thatpoorheartofsomegratefulanimal.Itwasreallyadelightfulandinnocentpictureofsimplepassion，ofcarnalandyetmodestpassion，suchasnaturehadimplantedinmankind，beforemanhadcomplicatedanddisfigureditbyallthevariousshadesofsentiment.Buthesoongrewtiredofthisardent，beautiful，dumbcreature，anddidnotspendmorethananhourduringthedaywithher，thinkingitsufficientifhecamehomeatnight，andshebegantosufferinconsequence.Sheusedtowaitforhimfrommorningtillnightwithhereyesontheclock;shedidnotevenlookafterthemealsnow，forhetookallhisawayfromhome，Clermont，Chatel—Guyon，Royat，nomatterwhere，aslongashewasnotobligedtocomehome.
\"Shebegantogrowthin;everyotherthought，everyotherwish，everyotherexpectation，andeveryconfusedhopedisappearedfromhermind，andthehoursduringwhichshedidnotseehimbecamehoursofterriblesufferingtoher.Soonheceasedtocomehomeregularlyofnights;hespentthemwithwomenatthecasinoatRoyatanddidnotcomehomeuntildaybreak.Butsheneverwenttobedbeforehereturned.Sheremainedsittingmotionlessinaneasy—chair，withhereyesfixedonthehandsoftheclock，whichturnedsoslowlyandregularlyroundthechinafaceonwhichthehourswerepainted.
\"Sheheardthetrotofhishorseinthedistanceandsatupwithastart，andwhenhecameintotheroomshegotupwiththemovementsofanautomatonandpointedtotheclock，asiftosay：’Lookhowlateitis！’
\"Andhebegantobeafraidofthisamorousandjealous，half—wittedwoman，andflewintoarage，asbrutesdo;andonenightheevenwentsofarastostrikeher，sotheysentforme.WhenIarrivedshewaswrithingandscreaminginaterriblecrisisofpain，anger，passion，howdoIknowwhat？Canonetellwhatgoesoninsuchundevelopedbrains？
\"Icalmedherbysubcutaneousinjectionsofmorphine，andforbadehertoseethatmanagain，forIsawclearlythatmarriagewouldinfalliblykillherbydegrees.
\"Thenshewentmad！Yes，mydearfriend，thatidiotwentmad.Sheisalwaysthinkingofhimandwaitingforhim;shewaitsforhimalldayandnight，awakeorasleep，atthisverymoment，ceaselessly.WhenIsawhergettingthinnerandthinner，andasshepersistedinnevertakinghereyesofftheclocks，Ihadthemremovedfromthehouse.Ithusmadeitimpossibleforhertocountthehours，andtotrytoremember，fromherindistinctreminiscences，atwhattimeheusedtocomehomeformerly.I
hopetodestroytherecollectionofitintime，andtoextinguishthatrayofthoughtwhichIkindledwithsomuchdifficulty.
\"TheotherdayItriedanexperiment.Iofferedhermywatch;shetookitandlookedatitforsometime;thenshebegantoscreamterribly，asifthesightofthatlittleobjecthadsuddenlyawakenedhermemory，whichwasbeginningtogrowindistinct.Sheispitiablythinnow，withhollowandglitteringeyes，andshewalksupanddownceaselessly，likeawildbeastinitscage;Ihavehadgratingsputonthewindows，boardedthemuphalfway，andhavehadtheseatsfixedtothefloorsoastopreventherfromlookingtoseewhetherheiscoming.
\"Oh！herpoorparents！Whatalifetheymustlead！\"
Wehadgottothetopofthehill，andthedoctorturnedroundandsaidtome：
\"LookatRiomfromhere.\"
Thegloomytownlookedlikesomeancientcity.Behinditagreen，woodedplainstuddedwithtownsandvillages，andbathedinasoftbluehaze，extendeduntilitwaslostinthedistance.Faraway，onmyright，therewasarangeofloftymountainswithroundsummits，orelsecutoffflat，asifwithasword，andthedoctorbegantoenumeratethevillages，townsandhills，andtogivemethehistoryofallofthem.ButIdidnotlistentohim;Iwasthinkingofnothingbutthemadwoman，andIonlysawher.Sheseemedtobehoveringoverthatvastextentofcountrylikeamournfulghost，andIaskedhimabruptly：
\"Whathasbecomeofthehusband？\"
Myfriendseemedrathersurprised，butafterafewmoments’hesitation，hereplied：
\"HeislivingatRoyat，onanallowancethattheymadehim，andisquitehappy;heleadsaveryfastlife.\"
Aswewereslowlygoingback，bothofussilentandratherlow—spirited，anEnglishdogcart，drawnbyathoroughbredhorse，cameupbehindusandpassedusrapidly.Thedoctortookmebythearm.
\"Thereheis，\"hesaid.
Isawnothingexceptagrayfelthat，cockedoveroneearaboveapairofbroadshoulders，drivingoffinacloudofdust.
THEPATRON
Weneverdreamedofsuchgoodfortune！Thesonofaprovincialbailiff，JeanMarinhadcome，asdosomanyothers，tostudylawintheQuartierLatin.Inthevariousbeer—housesthathehadfrequentedhehadmadefriendswithseveraltalkativestudentswhospoutedpoliticsastheydranktheirbeer.Hehadagreatadmirationforthemandfollowedthempersistentlyfromcafetocafe，evenpayingfortheirdrinkswhenhehadthemoney.
Hebecamealawyerandpleadedcauses，whichhelost.However，onemorninghereadinthepapersthatoneofhisformercomradesoftheQuartierhadjustbeenappointeddeputy.
Heagainbecamehisfaithfulhound，thefriendwhodoesthedrudgery，theunpleasanttasks，forwhomonesendswhenonehasneedofhimandwithwhomonedoesnotstandonceremony.Butitchancedthroughsomeparliamentaryincidentthatthedeputybecameaminister.SixmonthslaterJeanMarinwasappointedastatecouncillor.
Hewassoelatedwithprideatfirstthathelosthishead.Hewouldwalkthroughthestreetsjusttoshowhimselfoff，asthoughonecouldtellbyhisappearancewhatpositionheoccupied.Hemanagedtosaytotheshopkeepersassoonasheenteredastore，bringingitinsomehowinthecourseofthemostinsignificantremarksandeventothenewsvendorsandthecabmen：
\"I，whoamastatecouncillor——\"
Then，inconsequenceofhispositionaswellasforprofessionalreasonsandasindutyboundthroughbeinganinfluentialandgenerousman，hefeltanimperiousneedofpatronizingothers.Heofferedhissupporttoeveryoneonalloccasionsandwithunboundedgenerosity.
Whenhemetanyoneherecognizedontheboulevardshewouldadvancetomeetthemwithacharmedair，wouldtaketheirhand，inquireaftertheirhealth，and，withoutwaitingforanyquestions，remark：
\"YouknowIamstatecouncillor，andIamentirelyatyourservice.IfI
canbeofanyusetoyou，donothesitatetocallonme.Inmypositiononehasgreatinfluence.\"
Thenhewouldgointosomecafewiththefriendhehadjustmetandaskforapenandinkandasheetofpaper.\"Justone，waiter;itistowritealetterofrecommendation.\"
Andhewroteten，twenty，fiftylettersofrecommendationaday.HewrotethemtotheCafeAmericain，toBignon’s，toTortoni’s，totheMaisonDoree，totheCafeRiche，totheHelder，totheCafeAnglais，totheNapolitain，everywhere，everywhere.Hewrotethemtoalltheofficialsoftherepublicangovernment，fromthemagistratestotheministers.Andhewashappy，perfectlyhappy.
Onemorningashewasstartingouttogotothecouncilitbegantorain.
Hehesitatedabouttakingacab，butdecidednottodosoandsetoutonfoot.
Theraincamedownintorrents，swampingthesidewalksandinundatingthestreets.M.Marinwasobligedtotakeshelterinadoorway.Anoldpriestwasstandingthere——anoldpriestwithwhitehair.BeforehebecameacouncillorM.Marindidnotliketheclergy.Nowhetreatedthemwithconsideration，eversinceacardinalhadconsultedhimonanimportantmatter.Theraincontinuedtopourdowninfloodsandobligedthetwomentotakeshelterintheporter’slodgesoastoavoidgettingwet.M.Marin，whowasalwaysitchingtotalksoastoletpeopleknowwhohewas，remarked：
\"Thisishorribleweather，Monsieurl’Abbe.\"
Theoldpriestbowed：
\"Yesindeed，sir，itisveryunpleasantwhenonecomestoParisforonlyafewdays.\"
\"Ah！Youcomefromtheprovinces？\"
\"Yes，monsieur.Iamonlypassingthroughonmyjourney.\"
\"Itcertainlyisverydisagreeabletohaverainduringthefewdaysonespendsinthecapital.Weofficialswhostayheretheyearround，wethinknothingofit.\"
Thepriestdidnotreply.Hewaslookingatthestreetwheretherainseemedtobefallinglessheavily.Andwithasuddenresolveheraisedhiscassockjustaswomenraisetheirskirtsinsteppingacrosswater.
M.Marin，seeinghimstartaway，exclaimed：
\"Youwillgetdrenched，Monsieurl’Abbe.Waitafewmomentslonger;therainwillbeover.\"
Thegoodmanstoppedirresistiblyandthensaid：
\"ButIaminagreathurry.Ihaveanimportantengagement.\"
M.Marinseemedquiteworried.
\"Butyouwillbeabsolutelydrenched.MightIaskinwhichdirectionyouaregoing？\"
Thepriestappearedtohesitate.Thenhesaid：
\"IamgoinginthedirectionofthePalaisRoyal.\"
\"Inthatcase，ifyouwillallowme，Monsieurl’Abbe，Iwillofferyoutheshelterofmyumbrella：Asforme，Iamgoingtothecouncil.Iamacouncillorofstate.\"
Theoldpriestraisedhisheadandlookedathisneighborandthenexclaimed：
\"Ithankyou，monsieur.Ishallbegladtoacceptyouroffer.\"
M.Marinthentookhisarmandledhimaway.Hedirectedhim，watchedoverhimandadvisedhim.
\"Becarefulofthatstream，Monsieur1’Abbe.Andbeverycarefulaboutthecarriagewheels;theyspatteryouwithmudsometimesfromheadtofoot.Lookoutfortheumbrellasofthepeoplepassingby;thereisnothingmoredangeroustotheeyesthanthetipsoftheribs.Womenespeciallyareunbearable;theypaynoheedtowheretheyaregoingandalwaysjabyouinthefacewiththepointoftheirparasolsorumbrellas.
Andtheynevermoveasideforanybody.Onewouldsupposethetownbelongedtothem.Theymonopolizethepavementandthestreet.Itismyopinionthattheireducationhasbeengreatlyneglected.\"
AndM.Marinlaughed.
Thepriestdidnotreply.Hewalkedalong，slightlybentover，pickinghisstepscarefullysoasnottogetmudonhisbootsorhiscassock.
M.Marinresumed：
\"IsupposeyouhavecometoParistodivertyourmindalittle？\"
Thegoodmanreplied：
\"No，Ihavesomebusinesstoattendto.\"
\"Ali！Isitimportantbusiness？MightIventuretoaskwhatitis？IfIcanbeofanyservicetoyou，youmaycommandme.\"
Thepriestseemedembarrassed.Hemurmured：
\"Oh，itisalittlepersonalmatter;alittledifficultywith——withmybishop.Itwouldnotinterestyou.Itisamatterofinternalregulation——anecclesiasticalaffair.\"
M.Marinwaseager.
\"Butitispreciselythestatecouncilthatregulatesallthosethings.
Inthatcase，makeuseofme.\"
\"Yes，monsieur，itistothecouncilthatIamgoing.Youareathousandtimestookind.IhavetoseeM.LerepereandM.SavonandalsoperhapsM.Petitpas.\"
M.Marinstoppedshort.
\"Why，thosearemyfriends，Monsieurl’Abbe，mybestfriends，excellentcolleagues，charmingmen.Iwillspeaktothemaboutyou，andveryhighly.Countuponme.\"
Thecurethankedhim，apologizingfortroublinghim，andstammeredoutathousandgratefulpromises.
M.Marinwasenchanted.
\"Ah，youmaybeproudofhavingmadeastrokeofluck，Monsieurl’Abbe.
Youwillsee——youwillseethat，thankstome，youraffairwillgoalongswimmingly.\"
Theyreachedthecouncilhall.M.Marintookthepriestintohisoffice，offeredhimachairinfrontofthefireandsatdownhimselfathisdeskandbegantowrite.
\"Mydearcolleague，allowmetorecommendtoyoumosthighlyavenerableandparticularlyworthyanddeservingpriest，M.L’Abbe————\"
Hestoppedandasked：
\"Yourname，ifyouplease？\"
\"L’AbbeCeinture.\"
\"M.l’AbbeCeinture，whoneedsyourgoodofficeinalittlematterwhichhewillcommunicatetoyou.
\"Iampleasedatthisincidentwhichgivesmeanopportunity，mydearcolleague————\"
Andhefinishedwiththeusualcompliments.
Whenhehadwrittenthethreelettershehandedthemtohisprotege，whotookhisdeparturewithmanyprotestationsofgratitude.
M.Marinattendedtosomebusinessandthenwenthome，passedthedayquietly，sleptwell，wokeinagoodhumorandsentforhisnewspapers.
Thefirstheopenedwasaradicalsheet.Heread：
\"OURCLERGYANDOURGOVERNMENTOFFICIALS
\"Weshallnevermakeanendofenumeratingthemisdeedsoftheclergy.
Acertainpriest，namedCeinture，convictedofconspiracyagainstthepresentgovernment，accusedofbaseactionstowhichwewillnotevenallude，suspectedbesidesofbeingaformerJesuit，metamorphosedintoasimplepriest，suspendedbyabishopforcausesthataresaidtobeunmentionableandsummonedtoParistogiveanexplanationofhisconduct，hasfoundanardentdefenderinthemannamedMarin，acouncillorofstate，whowasnotafraidtogivethisfrockedmalefactorthewarmestlettersofrecommendationtoalltherepublicanofficials，hiscolleagues.
\"Wecallthe，attentionoftheministrytotheunheardofattitudeofthiscouncillorofstate————\"
M.Marinboundedoutofbed，dressedhimselfandhastenedtohiscolleague，Petitpas，whosaidtohim：
\"Hownow？Youwerecrazytorecommendtomethatoldconspirator！\"
M.Marin，bewildered，stammeredout：
\"Whyno——yousee——Iwasdeceived.Helookedsuchanhonestman.Heplayedmeatrick——adisgracefultrick！Ibegthatyouwillsentencehimseverely，veryseverely.Iamgoingtowrite.TellmetowhomIshouldwriteabouthavinghimpunished.Iwillgoandseetheattorney—generalandthearchbishopofParis——yes，thearchbishop.\"
AndseatinghimselfabruptlyatM.Petitpas’desk，hewrote：
\"Monseigneur，Ihavethehonortobringtoyourgrace’snoticethefactthatIhaverecentlybeenmadeavictimoftheintriguesandliesofacertainAbbeCeinture，whoimposedonmykind—heartedness.
\"Deceivedbytherepresentationsofthisecclesiastic，Iwasled————\"
Then，havingsignedandsealedhisletter，heturnedtohiscolleagueandexclaimed：
\"Seehere;mydearfriend，letthisbeawarningtoyounevertorecommendanyoneagain.\"
THEDOOR
\"Bah！\"exclaimedKarlMassouligny，\"thequestionofcomplaisanthusbandsisadifficultone.Ihaveseenmanykinds，andyetIamunabletogiveanopinionaboutanyofthem.Ihaveoftentriedtodeterminewhethertheyareblind，weakorclairvoyant.Ibelievethattherearesomewhichbelongtoeachofthesecategories.
\"Letusquicklypassovertheblindones.Theycannotrightlybecalledcomplaisant，sincetheydonotknow，buttheyaregoodcreatureswhocannotseefartherthantheirnose.Itisacuriousandinterestingthingtonoticetheeasewithwhichmenandwomencan，bedeceived.
Wearetakeninbytheslightesttrickofthosewhosurroundus，byourchildren，ourfriends，ourservants，ourtradespeople.Humanityiscredulous，andinordertodiscoverdeceitinothers，wedonotdisplayone—tenththeshrewdnesswhichweusewhenwe，inturn，wishtodeceivesomeoneelse.
\"Clairvoyanthusbandsmaybedividedintothreeclasses：Thosewhohavesomeinterest，pecuniary，ambitiousorotherwise，intheirwife’shavingloveaffairs.Theseaskonlytosafeguardappearancesasmuchaspossible，andtheyaresatisfied.
\"Nextcomethosewhogetangry.Whatabeautifulnovelonecouldwriteaboutthem！
\"Finallytheweakones！Thosewhoareafraidofscandal.
\"Therearealsothosewhoarepowerless，or，rather，tired，whofleefromthedutiesofmatrimonythroughfearofataxiaorapoplexy，whoaresatisfiedtoseeafriendruntheserisks.
\"ButIoncemetahusbandofararespecies，whoguardedagainstthecommonaccidentinastrangeandwittymanner.
\"InParisIhadmadetheacquaintanceofanelegant，fashionablecouple.
Thewoman，nervous，tall，slender，courted，wassupposedtohavehadmanyloveadventures.Shepleasedmewithherwit，andIbelievethatI
pleasedheralso.Icourtedher，atrialcourtingtowhichsheansweredwithevidentprovocations.Soonwegottotenderglances，handpressures，allthelittlegallantrieswhichprecedethefinalattack.
\"Nevertheless，Ihesitated.Iconsiderthat，asarule，themajorityofsocietyintrigues，howevershorttheymaybe，arenotworththetroublewhichtheygiveusandthedifficultieswhichmayarise.IthereforementallycomparedtheadvantagesanddisadvantageswhichImightexpect，andIthoughtInoticedthatthehusbandsuspectedme.
\"Oneevening，ataball，asIwassayingtenderthingstotheyoungwomaninalittleparlorleadingfromthebighallwherethedancingwasgoingon，Inoticedinamirrorthereflectionofsomeonewhowaswatchingme.
Itwashe.OurlooksmetandthenIsawhimturnhisheadandwalkaway.
\"Imurmured：’Yourhusbandisspyingonus.’
\"Sheseemeddumbfoundedandasked：’Myhusband？’
\"’Yes，hehasbeenwatchingusforsometime：
\"’Nonsense！Areyousure？’
\"’Verysure.’
\"’Howstrange！Heisusuallyextraordinarilypleasanttoallmy.
friends.’
\"’PerhapsheguessedthatIloveyou！’
\"’Nonsense！Youarenotthefirstonetopayattentiontome.Everywomanwhoisalittleinviewdragsbehindheraherdofadmirers.’
\"’Yes.ButIloveyoudeeply.’
\"’Admittingthatthatistrue，doesahusbandeverguessthosethings？’
\"’Thenheisnotjealous？’
\"’No—no！’
\"Shethoughtforaninstantandthencontinued：’No.IdonotthinkthatIevernoticedanyjealousyonhispart.’
\"’Hashenever—watchedyou？’
\"’No.AsIsaid，heisalwaysagreeabletomyfriends.’
\"Fromthatdaymycourtingbecamemuchmoreassiduous.Thewomandidnotpleasemeanymorethanbefore，buttheprobablejealousyofherhusbandtemptedmegreatly.
\"Asforher，Ijudgedhercoollyandclearly.Shehadacertainworldlycharm，duetoaquick，gay，amiableandsuperficialmind，butnoreal，deepattraction.Shewas，asIhavealreadysaid，anexcitablelittlebeing，allonthesurface，withratherashowyelegance.HowcanI
explainmyself？Shewasanornament，notahome.
\"Oneday，aftertakingdinnerwithher，herhusbandsaidtome，justasI
wasleaving：’Mydearfriend’（henowcalledme’friend’），’wesoonleaveforthecountry.Itisagreatpleasuretomywifeandmyselftoentertainpeoplewhomwelike.Wewouldbeverypleasedtohaveyouspendamonthwithus.Itwouldbeveryniceofyoutodoso.’
\"Iwasdumbfounded，butIaccepted.
\"AmonthlaterIarrivedattheirestateofVertcresson，inTouraine.
Theywerewaitingformeatthestation，fivemilesfromthechateau.
Therewerethreeofthem，she，thehusbandandagentlemanunknowntome，theComtedeMorterade，towhomIwasintroduced.Heappearedtobedelightedtomakemyacquaintance，andthestrangestideaspassedthroughmymindwhilewetrottedalongthebeautifulroadbetweentwohedges.
Iwassayingtomyself：’Let’ssee，whatcanthismean？HereisahusbandwhocannotdoubtthathiswifeandIareonmorethanfriendlyterms，andyetheinvitesmetohishouse，receivesmelikeanoldfriendandseemstosay：\"Goahead，myfriend，theroadisclear！\"
\"’ThenIamintroducedtoaverypleasantgentleman，whoseemsalreadytohavesettleddowninthehouse，and——andwhoisperhapstryingtogetoutofit，andwhoseemsaspleasedatmyarrivalasthehusbandhimself.
\"’Isitsomeformeradmirerwhowishestoretire？Onemightthinkso.
But，then，wouldthesetwomentacitlyhavecometooneoftheseinfamouslittleagreementssocommoninsociety？AnditisproposedtomethatI
shouldquietlyenterintothepactandcarryitout.Allhandsandarmsareheldouttome.Alldoorsandheartsareopentome.
\"’Andwhatabouther？Anenigma.Shecannotbeignorantofeverything.
However——however————Well，Icannotunderstandit.’
\"Thedinnerwasverygayandcordial.Onleavingthetablethehusbandandhisfriendbegantoplaycards，whileIwentoutontheporchtolookatthemoonlightwithmadame.Sheseemedtobegreatlyaffectedbynature，andIjudgedthatthemomentformyhappinesswasnear.Thateveningshewasreallydelightful.Thecountryhadseemedtomakehermoretender.Herlong，slenderwaistlookedprettyonthisstoneporchbesideagreatvaseinwhichgrewsomeflowers.Ifeltlikedraggingheroutunderthetrees，throwingmyselfatherfeetandspeakingtoherwordsoflove.
\"Herhusband’svoicecalled’Louise！’
\"’Yes，dear.’
\"’Youareforgettingthetea.’
\"’I’llgoandseeaboutit，myfriend.’
\"Wereturnedtothehouse，andshegaveussometea.Whenthetwomenhadfinishedplayingcards，theywerevisiblytired.Ihadtogotomyroom.Ididnotgettosleeptilllate，andthenIsleptbadly.
\"Anexcursionwasdecideduponforthefollowingafternoon，andwewentinanopencarriagetovisitsomeruins.SheandIwereinthebackofthevehicleandtheywereoppositeus，ridingbackward.Theconversationwassympatheticandagreeable.Iamanorphan，anditseemedtomeasthoughIhadjustfoundmyfamily，Ifeltsoathomewiththem.
\"Suddenly，asshehadstretchedoutherfootbetweenherhusband’slegs，hemurmuredreproachfully：’Louise，pleasedon’twearoutyouroldshoesyourself.ThereisnoreasonforbeingneaterinParisthaninthecountry.’
\"Iloweredmyeyes.Shewasindeedwearingworn—outshoes，andInoticedthatherstockingswerenotpulleduptight.
\"Shehadblushedandhiddenherfootunderherdress.Thefriendwaslookingoutinthedistancewithanindifferentandunconcernedlook.
\"Thehusbandofferedmeacigar，whichIaccepted.Forafewdaysitwasimpossibleformetobealonewithherfortwominutes;hewaswithuseverywhere.Hewasdelightfultome，however.
\"Onemorninghecametogetmetotakeawalkbeforebreakfast，andtheconversationhappenedtoturnonmarriage.Ispokealittleaboutsolitudeandabouthowcharminglifecanbemadebytheaffectionofawoman.Suddenlyheinterruptedme，saying：’Myfriend，don’ttalkaboutthingsyouknownothingabout.Awomanwhohasnootherreasonforlovingyouwillnotloveyoulong.Allthelittlecoquetrieswhichmakethemsoexquisitewhentheydonotdefinitelybelongtousceaseassoonastheybecomeours.Andthen——therespectablewomen——thatistosayourwives——are——arenot——infactdonotunderstandtheirprofessionofwife.
Doyouunderstand？’
\"Hesaidnomore，andIcouldnotguesshisthoughts.
\"Twodaysafterthisconversationhecalledmetohisroomquiteearly，inordertoshowmeacollectionofengravings.Isatinaneasychairoppositethebigdoorwhichseparatedhisapartmentfromhiswife’s，andbehindthisdoorIheardsomeonewalkingandmoving，andIwasthinkingverylittleoftheengravings，althoughIkeptexclaiming：’Oh，charming！
delightful！exquisite！’
\"Hesuddenlysaid：’Oh，Ihaveabeautifulspecimeninthenextroom.
I’llgoandgetit.’
\"Herantothedoorquickly，andbothsidesopenedasthoughforatheatricaleffect.
\"Inalargeroom，allindisorder，inthemidstofskirts，collars，waistslyingaroundonthefloor，stoodatall，dried—upcreature.Thelowerpartofherbodywascoveredwithanold，worn—outsilkpetticoat，whichwashanginglimplyonhershapelessform，andshewasstandinginfrontofamirrorbrushingsomeshort，sparseblondhairs.Herarmsformedtwoacuteangles，andassheturnedaroundinastonishmentIsawunderacommoncottonchemisearegularcemeteryofribs，whichwerehiddenfromthepublicgazebywell—arrangedpads.
\"Thehusbandutteredanaturalexclamationandcameback，closingthedoors，andsaid：’Gracious！howstupidIam！Oh，howthoughtless！Mywifewillneverforgivemeforthat！’
\"Ialreadyfeltlikethankinghim.Ileftthreedayslater，aftercordiallyshakinghandswiththetwomenandkissingthelady’sfingers.
Shebademeacoldgood—by.\"
KarlMassoulignywassilent.Someoneasked：\"Butwhatwasthefriend？\"
\"Idon’tknow——however——howeverhelookedgreatlydistressedtoseemeleavingsosoon.\"
ASALE
Thedefendants，Cesaire—IsidoreBrumentandProsper—NapoleonCornu，appearedbeforetheCourtofAssizesoftheSeine—Inferieure，onachargeofattemptedmurder，bydrowning，ofMme.Brument，lawfulwifeofthefirstoftheaforenamed.
Thetwoprisonerssatsidebysideonthetraditionalbench.Theyweretwopeasants;thefirstwassmallandstout，withshortarms，shortlegs，andaroundheadwitharedpimplyface，planteddirectlyonhistrunk，whichwasalsoroundandshort，andwithapparentlynoneck.HewasaraiserofpigsandlivedatCacheville—la—Goupil，inthedistrictofCriquetot.
Cornu（Prosper—Napoleon）wasthin，ofmediumheight，withenormouslylongarms.Hisheadwasoncrooked，hisjawawry，andhesquinted.Ablueblouse，aslongasashirt，hungdowntohisknees，andhisyellowhair，whichwasscantyandplastereddownonhishead，gavehisfaceaworn—
out，dirtylook，adilapidatedlookthatwasfrightful.Hehadbeennicknamed\"thecure\"becausehecouldimitatetoperfectionthechantinginchurch，andeventhesoundoftheserpent.Thistalentattractedtohiscafe——forhewasasaloonkeeperatCriquetot——agreatmanycustomerswhopreferredthe\"massatCornu\"tothemassinchurch.
Mme.Brument，seatedonthewitnessbench，wasathinpeasantwomanwhoseemedtobealwaysasleep.Shesattheremotionless，herhandscrossedonherknees，gazingfixedlybeforeherwithastupidexpression.
Thejudgecontinuedhisinterrogation.
\"Well，then，Mme.Brument，theycameintoyourhouseandthrewyouintoabarrelfullofwater.Tellusthedetails.Standup.\"
Sherose.Shelookedastallasaflagpolewithhercapwhichlookedlikeawhiteskullcap.Shesaidinadrawlingtone：
\"Iwasshellingbeans.Justthentheycamein.Isaidtomyself，’Whatisthematterwiththem？Theydonotseemnatural，theyseemuptosomemischief.’Theywatchedmesideways，likethis，especiallyCornu，becausehesquints.Idonotliketoseethemtogether，fortheyaretwogood—for—nothingswhentheyareincompany.Isaid：’Whatdoyouwantwithme？’Theydidnotanswer.Ihadasortofmistrust————\"
ThedefendantBrumentinterruptedthewitnesshastily，saying：
\"Iwasfull.\"
ThenCornu，turningtowardshisaccomplicesaidinthedeeptonesofanorgan：
\"Saythatwewerebothfull，andyouwillbetellingnolie.\"
Thejudge，severely：
\"Youmeanbythatthatyouwerebothdrunk？\"
Brument：\"Therecanbenoquestionaboutit.\"
Cornu：\"Thatmighthappentoanyone.\"
Thejudgetothevictim：\"Continueyourtestimony，womanBrument.\"
\"Well，Brumentsaidtome，’Doyouwishtoearnahundredsous？’’Yes，’
Ireplied，seeingthatahundredsousarenotpickedupinahorse’stracks.Thenhesaid：’OpenyoureyesanddoasIdo，’andhewenttofetchthelargeemptybarrelwhichisundertherainpipeinthecorner，andheturneditoverandbroughtitintomykitchen，andstuckitdowninthemiddleofthefloor，andthenhesaidtome：’Goandfetchwateruntilitisfull.’
\"SoIwenttothepondwithtwopailsandcarriedwater，andstillmorewaterforanhour，seeingthatthebarrelwasaslargeasavat，savingyourpresence，m’sieulepresident.
\"AllthistimeBrumentandCornuweredrinkingaglass，andthenanotherglass，andthenanother.TheywerefinishingtheirdrinkswhenIsaidtothem：’Youarefull，fullerthanthisbarrel.’AndBrumentansweredme.
’Donotworry，goonwithyourwork，yourturnwillcome，eachonehashisshare.’Ipaidnoattentiontowhathesaidashewasfull.
\"Whenthebarrelwasfulltothebrim，Isaid：’There，that’sdone.’
\"AndthenCornugavemeahundredsous，notBrument，Cornu;itwasCornugavethemtome.AndBrumentsaid：’Doyouwishtoearnahundredsousmore？’’Yes，’Isaid，forIamnotaccustomedtopresentslikethat.
Thenhesaid：’Takeoffyourclothes.！
\"’Takeoffmyclothes？’
\"’Yes，’hesaid.
\"’HowmanyshallItakeoff？’
\"’Ifitworriesyouatall，keeponyourchemise，thatwon’tbotherus.’
\"Ahundredsousisahundredsous，andIhavetoundressmyself;butI
didnotfancyundressingbeforethosetwogood—for—nothings.Itookoffmycap，andthenmyjacket，andthenmyskirt，andthenmysabots.
Brumentsaid，’Keeponyourstockings，also;wearegoodfellows.’
\"AndCornusaid，too，’Wearegoodfellows.’
\"SothereIwas，almostlikemotherEve.Andtheygotupfromtheirchairs，butcouldnotstandstraight，theyweresofull，savingyourpresence，M’sieulepresident.
\"Isaidtomyself：’Whataretheyupto？’
\"AndBrumentsaid：’Areyouready？’
\"AndCornusaid：’I’mready！’
\"Andthentheytookme，Brumentbythehead，andCornubythefeet，asonemighttake，forinstance，asheetthathasbeenwashed.ThenIbegantobawl.
\"AndBrumentsaid：’Keepstill，wretchedcreature！’
\"Andtheyliftedmeupintheairandputmeintothebarrel，whichwasfullofwater，sothatIhadacheckofthecirculation，achilltomyveryinsides.
\"AndBrumentsaid：’Isthatall？’
\"Cornusaid：’Thatisall.’
\"Brumentsaid：’Theheadisnotin，thatwillmakeadifferenceinthemeasure.’
\"Cornusaid：’Putinherhead.’
\"AndthenBrumentpusheddownmyheadasiftodrownme，sothatthewaterranintomynose，sothatIcouldalreadyseeParadise.Andhepusheditdown，andIdisappeared.
\"Andthenhemusthavebeenfrightened.Hepulledmeoutandsaid：’Goandgetdry，carcass.’
\"Asforme，ItooktomyheelsandranasfarasM.lecure’s.Helentmeaskirtbelongingtohisservant，forIwasalmostinastateofnature，andhewenttofetchMaitreChicot，thecountrywatchmanwhowenttoCriquetottofetchthepolicewhocametomyhousewithme.
\"ThenwefoundBrumentandCornufightingeachotherliketworams.
\"Brumentwasbawling：’Itisn’ttrue，Itellyouthatthereisatleastacubicmetreinit.Itisthemethodthatwasnogood.’
\"Cornubawled：’Fourpails，thatisalmosthalfacubicmetre.Youneednotreply，that’swhatitis.’
\"Thepolicecaptainputthembothunderarrest.Ihavenomoretotell.\"
Shesatdown.Theaudienceinthecourtroomlaughed.Thejurorslookedatoneanotherinastonishment.Thejudgesaid：
\"DefendantCornu，youseemtohavebeentheinstigatorofthisinfamousplot.Whathaveyoutosay？\"
AndCornuroseinhisturn.
\"Judge，\"hereplied，\"Iwasfull.\"
TheJudgeansweredgravely：
\"Iknowit.Proceed.\"
\"Iwill.Well，Brumentcametomyplaceaboutnineo’clock，andorderedtwodrinks，andsaid：’There’soneforyou，Cornu.’Isatdownoppositehimanddrank，andoutofpoliteness，Iofferedhimaglass.ThenhereturnedthecomplimentandsodidI，andsoitwentonfromglasstoglassuntilnoon，whenwewerefull.
\"ThenBrumentbegantocry.Thattouchedme.Iaskedhimwhatwasthematter.Hesaid：’ImusthaveathousandfrancsbyThursday.’Thatcooledmeoffalittle，youunderstand.Thenhesaidtomeallatonce：
’Iwillsellyoumywife.’
\"Iwasfull，andIwasawidower.Youunderstand，thatstirredmeup.
Ididnotknowhiswife，butshewasawoman，wasn’tshe？Iaskedhim：
’Howmuchwouldyousellherfor？’
\"Hereflected，orpretendedtoreflect.Whenoneisfulloneisnotveryclear—headed，andhereplied：’Iwillsellherbythecubicmetre.’
\"Thatdidnotsurpriseme，forIwasasdrunkashewas，andIknewwhatacubicmetreisinmybusiness.Itisathousandlitres，thatsuitedme.
\"Butthepriceremainedtobesettled.Alldependsonthequality.I
said：’Howmuchdoyouwantacubicmetre？’
\"Heanswered：’Twothousandfrancs.’
\"Igaveaboundlikearabbit，andthenIreflectedthatawomanoughtnottomeasuremorethanthreehundredlitres.SoIsaid：’That’stoodear.’
\"Heanswered：’Icannotdoitforless.Ishouldlosebyit.’
\"Youunderstand，oneisnotadealerinhogsfornothing.Oneunderstandsone’sbusiness.But，ifheissmart，thesellerofbacon，I
amsmarter，seeingthatIsellthemalso.Ha，Ha，Ha！SoIsaidtohim：
’Ifshewerenew，Iwouldnotsayanything，butshehasbeenmarriedtoyouforsometime，sosheisnotasfreshasshewas.Iwillgiveyoufifteenhundredfrancsacubicmetre，notasoumore.Willthatsuityou？’
\"Heanswered：’Thatwilldo.That’sabargain！’
\"Iagreed，andwestartedout，arminarm.Wemusthelpeachotherinthisworld.