JustasBillywasabouttoleavethehousethetelephonebelljangledagain。
ItwasAliceGreggory。
Billy，dear，’shecalled，can’tyoucomeout？Mr。ArkwrightandMr。Calderwellarehere，andthey’vebroughtsomenewmusic。Wewantyou。Willyoucome？’
Ican’t，dear。Bertramwantsme。He’ssentforme。I’vegotsome_housewifely_dutiestoperformto-day，’returnedBilly，inavoicesocuriouslytriumphantthatAlice，atherendofthewires，frownedinpuzzledwonderassheturnedawayfromthetelephone。
Bertramtoldafriendafterwardsthatheneverknewthemeaningofthewordchaos’untilhehadseentheStrataduringtheweeksimmediatelyfollowingthelayingawayofhisoldservant。
Everystratumwasaquiverwithapprehension，’
hedeclared；andtherewasneveranytellingwhenthenextgrandupheavalwouldrockthewholestructuretoitsfoundations。’
NorwasBertramsofarfrombeingright。Itwas，indeed，achaos，asnoneknewbetterthandidBertram’swife。
PoorBilly!SorryindeedwerethesedaysforBilly；and，asiftomakehercupofwoefulltooverflowing，therewereSisterKate’sepistolaryItoldyouso，’andAuntHannah’severrecurringlament：Ifonly，Billy，youwereapracticalhousekeeperyourself，theywouldn’timposeonyouso!’
AuntHannah，tobesure，offeredRosa，andKate，byletter，offeredadvice——plentyofit。
ButBilly，stungbeyondallendurance，andfairlyradiatinghurtprideanddoggeddetermination，disdainedallassistance，and，withheadheldhigh，declaredshewasgettingalongverywell，verywellindeed!
Andthiswasthewayshegotalong。’
FirstcameNora。Norawasablue-eyed，black-
hairedIrishgirl，thesixththatthedespairingBillyhadinterviewedonthatfatefulmorningwhenBertramhadsummonedhertohisaid。
Norastayedtwodays。DuringherreigntheentireStrataechoedtobangeddoors，droppedchina，andslammedfurniture。AtherdeparturetheHenshaws’possessionswerelessbyfourcups，twosaucers，oneplate，onesaladbowl，twocutglasstumblers，andateapot——thelatterWilliam’schoicestbitofLowestoft。
Olgacamenext。OlgawasaTreasure。Shewaslow-voiced，gentle-eyed，andagoodcook。
Shestayedaweek。BythattimethegrowingfrequencyofthedisappearanceofsundrysmallarticlesofvalueandconvenienceledtoBilly’smakingareluctantsearchofOlga’sroom——andtoOlga’sdeparture；fortheroomwas，indeed，atreasurehouse，theTreasurehavinggathereduntoitselfothertreasures。
FollowingOlgacameaperiodofwhatBertramcalledonenightstands，’sofrequentlywerethedramatispersonbelowstairschanged。Gretchendrank。ChristineknewonlyfourwordsofEnglish：
salt，good-by，no，andyes；andBillyfoundneedoccasionallyofusingotherwords。Marywasimpertinentandlazy。Jenniecouldnotevenboilapotatoproperly，muchlesscookadinner。
Sarahcoloredwaswillingandpleasant，butinsufferablyuntidy。Bridgetwasneatnessitself，butshehadnoconceptionofthevalueoftime。
Hermealswerealwaysfromthirtytosixtyminuteslate，andhalf-cookedatthat。Verasang——whenshewasn’twhistling——andasshewasgenerallyoffthekey，andalwaysoffthetune，heralmostfranticmistressdismissedherbeforetwenty-fourhourshadpassed。ThencameMaryEllen。
MaryEllenbeganwell。Shewasneat，capable，andobliging；butitdidnottakeherlongtodiscoverjusthowmuch——andhowlittle——hermistressreallyknewofpracticalhousekeeping。
Mattersandthingswereverydifferentthen。
MaryEllenbecameargumentative，impertinent，anddomineering。Sheopenlyshirkedherwork，whenitpleasedhersotodo，anddemandedperquisitesandprivilegessoinsolentlythatevenWilliamaskedBillyonedaywhetherMaryEllenorBillyherselfwerethemistressoftheStrata：
andBertram，withmockhumility，inquiredhow_soon_MaryEllenwouldbewantingthehouse。
Billy，inwearydespair，submittedtothisbullyingforalmostaweek；then，inasuddenaccessionofoutrageddignitythatleftMaryEllengaspingwithsurprise，shetoldthegirltogo。
Andthusthedayspassed。Themaidscameandthemaidswent，and，toBilly，eachoneseemedalittleworsethantheonebefore。Nowherewastherecomfort，rest，orpeacefulness。Thenightswereatortureofapprehension，andthedaysanevengreatertortureoffulfilment。Noise，confusion，mealspoorlycookedandworseserved，dust，disorder，anduncertainty。Andthiswas_home_，Billytoldherselfbitterly。NowonderthatBertramtelephonedmoreandmorefrequentlythathehadmetafriend，andwasdiningintown。NowonderthatWilliampushedbackhisplatealmosteverymealwithhisfoodscarcelytouched，andthenwanderedaboutthehousewiththathungry，homesick，homelesslookthatnearlybrokeherheart。Nowonder，indeed!
Andsoithadcome。Itwastrue。AuntHannahandKateandtheTalktoYoungWives’
wereright。ShehadnotbeenfittomarryBertram。
Shehadnotbeenfittomarryanybody。
Herhoneymoonwasnotonlywaning，butgoingintoatotaleclipse。HadnotBertramalreadydeclaredthatifshewouldtendtoherhusbandandherhomealittlemore——
Billyclenchedhersmallhandsandsetherroundchinsquarely。
Verywell，shewouldshowthem。Shewouldtendtoherhusbandandherhome。Shefanciedshecould_learn_torunthathouse，andrunitwell!
Andforthwithshedescendedtothekitchenandtoldthethenreigningtormentorthatherwageswouldbepaiduntiltheendoftheweek，butthatherserviceswouldbeimmediatelydispensedwith。
Billywaswellawarenowthathousekeepingwasamatterofmorethanmuffinsanddatepuffs。
Shecouldgauge，inameasure，themagnitudeofthetasktowhichshehadsetherself。Butshedidnotfalter；andverysystematicallyshesetaboutmakingherplans。
Withagoodstoutwomantocomeintwiceaweekfortheheavierwork，shebelievedshecouldmanagebyherselfverywelluntilElizacouldcomeback。Atleastshecouldservemorepalatablemealsthanthemostofthosethathadappearedlately；andatleastshecouldtrytomakeahomethatwouldnotdriveBertramtoclubdinners，andUncleWilliamtohungrywanderingsfromroomtoroom。Meanwhile，allthetime，shecouldbelearning，andinduecourseshewouldreachthatshininggoalofHousekeepingEfficiency，shortofwhich——accordingtoAuntHannahandtheTalktoYoungWives’——nowomanneedhopeforawanelesshoneymoon。
Sochaoticanderratichadbeenthehouseholdservice，andsoquietlydidBillyslipintohernewrole，thatitwasnotuntilthesecondmealafterthemaid’sdeparturethatthemasterofthehousediscoveredwhathadhappened。Then，ashiswiferosetogetsomeforgottenarticle，hequestioned，withupliftedeyebrows：
Toogoodtowaituponus，ismyladynow，eh？’
Myladyiswaitingonyou，’smiledBilly。
Yes，Isee_this_ladyis，’retortedBertram，grimly；butImeanourrealladyinthekitchen。
GreatScott，Billy，howlongareyougoingtostandthis？’
Billytossedherheadairily，thoughsheshookinhershoes。Billyhadbeendreadingthismoment。
I’mnotstandingit。She’sgone，’respondedBilly，cheerfully，resumingherseat。UncleWilliam，sha’n’tIgiveyousomemorepudding？’
Gone，sosoon？’groanedBertram，asWilliampassedhisplate，withasmilingnod。Oh，well，’wentonBertram，resignedly，shestayedlongerthanthelastone。Whenisthenextonecoming？’
She’salreadyhere。’
Bertramfrowned。
Here？But——youservedthedessert，and——’
AtsomethinginBilly’sface，aquicksuspicioncameintohisown。Billy，youdon’tmeanthatyou——_you_——’
Yes，’shenoddedbrightly，that’sjustwhatImean。I’mthenextone。’
Nonsense!’explodedBertram，wrathfully。
Oh，come，Billy，we’vebeenalloverthisbefore。YouknowIcan’thaveit。’
Yes，youcan。You’vegottohaveit，’
retortedBilly，stillwiththatdisarming，airycheerfulness。Besides，’twon’tbehalfsobadasyouthink。Wasn’tthatagoodpuddingto-night？
Didn’tyoubothcomebackformore？Well，I
madeit。’
Puddings!’ejaculatedBertram，withanimpatientgesture。Billy，asI’vesaidbefore，ittakessomethingbesidespuddingstorunthishouse。’
Yes，Iknowitdoes，’dimpledBilly，andI’vegotMrs。Durginforthatpart。She’scomingtwiceaweek，andmore，ifIneedher。Why，dearie，youdon’tknowanythingabouthowcomfortableyou’regoingtobe!I’llleaveittoUncleWilliamif——’
ButUncleWilliamhadgone。Silentlyhehadslippedfromhischairanddisappeared。UncleWilliam，itmightbementionedinpassing，hadneverquiteforgottenAuntHannah’sfatefulcallwithitsdirerevelationsconcerningacertainunwanted，superfluous，third-partyhusband’sbrother。Rememberingthis，thereweretimeswhenhethoughtabsencewasbothsafestandbest。Thiswasoneofthetimes。
But，Billy，dear，’stillarguedBertram，irritably，howcanyou？Youdon’tknowhow。
You’vehadnoexperience。’
Billythrewbackhershoulders。Anominouslightcametohereyes。Shewasnolongerairilyplayful。
That’sexactlyit，Bertram。Idon’tknowhow——butI’mgoingtolearn。Ihaven’thadexperience——butI’mgoingtogetit。I_can’t_
makeaworsemessofitthanwe’vehadeversinceElizawent，anyway!’
Butifyou’dgetamaid——agoodmaid，’
persistedBertram，feebly。
Ihad_one_——MaryEllen。Shewasagoodmaid——untilshefoundouthowlittlehermistressknew；then——well，youknowwhatitwasthen。DoyouthinkI’dletthatthinghappentomeagain？No，sir!I’mgoingintotrainingfor——mynextMaryEllen!’AndwithaverymajesticairBillyrosefromthetableandbegantoclearawaythedishes。