第64章
加入书架 A- A+
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  “I’lltry,Beth。“AndthenandthereJorenouncedheroldambition,pledgedherselftoanewandbetterone,acknowledgingthepovertyofotherdesires,andfeelingtheblessedsolaceofabeliefintheimmortalityoflove。

  Sothespringdayscameandwent,theskygrewclearer,theearthgreener,theflowerswereupfairlyearly,andthebirdscamebackintimetosaygoodbyetoBeth,who,likeatiredbuttrustfulchild,clungtothehandsthathadledherallherlife,asFatherandMotherguidedhertenderlythroughtheValleyoftheShadow,andgaveheruptoGod。

  Seldomexceptinbooksdothedyinguttermemorablewords,seevisions,ordepartwithbeatifiedcountenances,andthosewhohavespedmanypartingsoulsknowthattomosttheendcomesasnaturallyandsimplyassleep。AsBethhadhoped,the`tidewentouteasily’,andinthedarkhourbeforedawn,onthebosomwhereshehaddrawnherfirstbreath,shequietlydrewherlast,withnofarewellbutonelovinglook,onelittlesigh。

  Withtearsandprayersandtenderhands,Motherandsistersmadeherreadyforthelongsleepthatpainwouldnevermaragain,seeingwithgratefuleyesthebeautifulserenitythatsoonreplacedthepatheticpatiencethathadwrungtheirheartssolong,andfeelingwithreverentjoythattotheirdarlingdeathwasabenignantangel,notaphantomfullofdread。

  Whenmorningcame,forthefirsttimeinmanymonthsthefirewasout,Jo’splacewasempty,andtheroomwasverystill。

  Butabirdsangblithelyonabuddingbough,closeby,thesnowdropsblossomedfreshlyatthewindow,andthespringsunshinestreamedinlikeabenedictionovertheplacidfaceuponthepillow,afacesofullofpainlesspeacethatthosewholoveditbestsmiledthroughtheirtears,andthankedGodthatBethwaswellatlast。

  Amy’slecturedidLauriegood,though,ofcourse,hedidnotownittilllongafterward。Menseldomdo,forwhenwomenaretheadvisers,thelordsofcreationdon’ttaketheadvicetilltheyhavepersuadedthemselvesthatitisjustwhattheyintendedtodo。Thentheyactuponit,and,ifitsucceeds,theygivetheweakervesselhalfthecreditofit。Ifitfails,theygenerouslygiveherthewhole。Lauriewentbacktohisgrandfather,andwassodutifullydevotedforseveralweeksthattheoldgentlemandeclaredtheclimateofNicehadimprovedhimwonderfully,andhehadbettertryitagain。

  Therewasnothingtheyounggentlemanwouldhavelikedbetter,butelephantscouldnothavedraggedhimbackafterthescoldinghehadreceived。Prideforbid,andwheneverthelonginggrewverystrong,hefortifiedhisresolutionbyrepeatingthewordsthathadmadethedeepestimpression,“Idespiseyou。“

  “Goanddosomethingsplendidthatwillmakeherloveyou。“

  Laurieturnedthematteroverinhismindsooftenthathesoonbroughthimselftoconfessthathehadbeenselfishandlazy,butthenwhenamanhasagreatsorrow,heshouldbeindulgedinallsortsofvagariestillhehasliveditdown。Hefeltthathisblightedaffectionswerequitedeadnow,andthoughheshouldneverceasetobeafaithfulmourner,therewasnooccasiontowearhisweedsostentatiously。Jowouldn’tlovehim,buthemightmakeherrespectandadmirehimbydoingsomethingwhichshouldprovethatagirl’snohadnotspoiledhislife。Hehadalwaysmeanttodosomething,andAmy’sadvicewasquiteunnecessary。Hehadonlybeenwaitingtilltheaforesaidblightedaffectionsweredecentlyinterred。

  Thatbeingdone,hefeltthathewasreadyto`hidehisstrickenheart,andstilltoilon’。

  AsGoethe,whenhehadajoyoragrief,putitintoasong,soLaurieresolvedtoembalmhislovesorrowinmusic,andtocomposeaRequiemwhichshouldharrowupJo’ssoulandmelttheheartofeveryhearer。Thereforethenexttimetheoldgentlemanfoundhimgettingrestlessandmoodyandorderedhimoff,hewenttoVienna,wherehehadmusicalfriends,andfelltoworkwiththefirmdeterminationtodistinguishhimself。Butwhetherthesorrowwastoovasttobeembodiedinmusic,ormusictooetherealtoupliftamortalwoe,hesoondiscoveredthattheRequiemwasbeyondhimjustatpresent。Itwasevidentthathismindwasnotinworkingorderyet,andhisideasneededclarifying,forofteninthemiddleofaplaintivestrain,hewouldfindhimselfhummingadancingtunethatvividlyrecalledtheChristmasballatNice,especiallythestoutFrenchman,andputaneffectualstoptotragiccompositionforthetimebeing。

  Thenhetriedanopera,fornothingseemedimpossibleinthebeginning,buthereagainunforeseendifficultiesbesethim。HewantedJoforhisheroine,andcalleduponhismemorytosupplyhimwithtenderrecollectionsandromanticvisionsofhislove。Butmemoryturnedtraitor,andasifpossessedbytheperversespiritofthegirl,wouldonlyrecallJo’soddities,faults,andfreaks,wouldonlyshowherinthemostunsentimentalaspects——beatingmatswithherheadtiedupinabandana,barricadingherselfwiththesofapillow,orthrowingcoldwateroverhispassionalaGummidge——andanirresistablelaughspoiledthepensivepicturehewasendeavoringtopaint。Jowouldn’tbeputintotheoperaatanyprice,andhehadtogiveherupwitha“Blessthatgirl,whatatormentsheis!“

  andaclutchathishair,asbecameadistractedcomposer。

  Whenhelookedabouthimforanotherandalessintractabledamseltoimmortalizeinmelody,memoryproducedonewiththemostobligingreadiness。Thisphantomworemanyfaces,butitalwayshadgoldenhair,wasenvelopedinadiaphanouscloud,andfloatedairilybeforehismind’seyeinapleasingchaosofroses,peacocks,whiteponies,andblueribbons。Hedidnotgivethecomplacentwraithanyname,buthetookherforhisheroineandgrewquitefondofher,aswellhemight,forhegiftedherwitheverygiftandgraceunderthesun,andescortedher,unscathed,throughtrialswhichwouldhaveannihilatedanymortalwoman。

  Thankstothisinspiration,hegotonswimminglyforatime,butgraduallytheworklostitscharm,andheforgottocompose,whilehesatmusing,peninhand,orroamedaboutthegaycitytogetsomenewideasandrefreshhismind,whichseemedtobeinasomewhatunsettledstatethatwinter。Hedidnotdomuch,buthethoughtagreatdealandwasconsciousofachangeofsomesortgoingoninspiteofhimself。“It’sgeniussimmering,perhaps。I’llletitsimmer,andseewhatcomesofit,“hesaid,withasecretsuspicionallthewhilethatitwasn’tgenius,butsomethingfarmorecommon。Whateveritwas,itsimmeredtosomepurpose,forhegrewmoreandmorediscontentedwithhisdesultorylife,begantolongforsomerealandearnestworktogoat,soulandbody,andfinallycametothewiseconclusionthateveryonewholovedmusicwasnotacomposer。ReturningfromoneofMozart’sgrandoperas,splendidlyperformedattheRoyalTheatre,helookedoverhisown,playedafewofthebestparts,satstaringatthebustsofMendelssohn,Beethoven,andbach,whostaredbenignlybackagain。Thensuddenlyhetoreuphismusicsheets,onebyone,andasthelastflutteredoutofhishand,hesaidsoberlytohimself……

  “Sheisright!Talentisn’tgenius,andyoucan’tmakeitso。ThatmusichastakenthevanityoutofmyasRometookitoutofher,andIwon’tbeahumbuganylonger。NowwhatshallIdo?“

  Thatseemedahardquestiontoanswer,andLauriebegantowishhehadtoworkforhisdailybread。Nowifever,occurredaneligibleopportunityfor`goingtothedevil’,asheonceforciblyexpressedit,forhehadplentyofmoneyandnothingtodo,andSatanisproverbiallyfondofprovidingemploymentforfullandidlehands。Thepoorfellowhadtemptationsenoughfromwithoutandfromwithin,buthewithstoodthemprettywell,formuchashevaluedliberty,hevaluedgoodfaithandconfidencemore,sohispromisetohisgrandfather,andhisdesiretobeabletolookhonestlyintotheeyesofthewomenwholovedhim,andsay“All’swell,“kepthimsafeandsteady。

  VerylikelysomeMrs。Grundywillobserve,“Idon’tbelieveit,boyswillbeboys,youngmenmustsowtheirwildoats,andwomenmustnotexpectmiracles。“Idaresayyoudon’t,Mrs。Grundy,butit’struenevertheless。Womenworkagoodmanymiracles,andIhaveapersuasionthattheymayperformeventhatofraisingthestandardofmanhoodbyrefusingtoechosuchsayings。Lettheboysbeboys,thelongerthebetter,andlettheyoungmensowtheirwildoatsiftheymust。Butmothers,sisters,andfriendsmayhelptomakethecropasmallone,andkeepmanytaresfromspoilingtheharvest,bybelieving,andshowingthattheybelieve,inthepossibilityofloyaltytothevirtueswhichmakemenmanliestingoodwomen’seyes。Ifitisafemininedelusion,leaveustoenjoyitwhilewemay,forwithoutithalfthebeautyandtheromanceoflifeislost,andsorrowfulforebodingswouldembitterallourhopesofthebrave,tenderheartedlittlelads,whostilllovetheirmothersbetterthanthemselvesandarenotashamedtoownit。

  LauriethoughtthatthetaskofforgettinghisloveforJowouldabsorballhispowersforyears,buttohisgreatsurprisehediscovereditgreweasiereveryday。Herefusedtobelieveitatfirst,gotangrywithhimself,andcouldn’tunderstandit,buttheseheartsofoursarecuriousandcontrarythings,andtimeandnatureworktheirwillinspiteofus。Laurie’sheartwouldn’tache。Thewoundpersistedinhealingwitharapiditythatastonishedhim,andinsteadoftryingtoforget,hefoundhimselftryingtoremember。Hehadnotforeseenthisturnofaffairs,andwasnotpreparedforit。Hewasdisgustedwithhimself,surprisedathisownfickleness,andfullofaqueermixtureofdisappointmentandreliefthathecouldrecoverfromsuchatremendousblowsosoon。Hecarefullystirreduptheembersofhislostlove,buttheyrefusedtoburstintoablaze。Therewasonlyacomfortableglowthatwarmedanddidhimgoodwithoutputtinghimintoafever,andhewasreluctantlyobligedtoconfessthattheboyishpassionwasslowlysubbsidingintoamoretranquilsentiment,verytender,alittlesadandresentfulstill,butthatwassuretopassawayintime,leavingabrotherlyaffectionwhichwouldlastunbrokentotheend。

  Astheword`brotherly’passedthroughhismindinoneofhisreveries,hesmiled,andglancedupatthepictureofMozartthatwasbeforehim……

  “Well,hewasagreatman,andwhenhecouldn’thaveonesisterhetooktheother,andwashappy。“

  Lauriedidnotutterthewords,buthethoughtthem,andthenextinstantkissedthelittleoldring,sayingtohimself,“No,Iwon’t!Ihaven’tforgotten,Inevercan。I’lltryagain,andifthatfails,whythen……

  Leavinghissentenceunfinished,heseizedpenandpaperandwrotetoJo,tellingherthathecouldnotsettletoanythingwhiletherewastheleasthopeofherchanginghermind。

  Couldn’tshe,wouldn’tshe,andlethimcomehomeandbehappy?

  Whilewaitingforananswerhedidnothing,buthediditenergetically,forhewasinafeverofimpatience。Itcameatlast,andsettledhismindeffectuallyononepoint,forJodecidedlycouldn’tandwouldn’t。ShewaswrappedupinBeth,andneverwishedtohearthewordloveagain。Thenshebeggedhimtobehappywithsomebodyelse,butalwayskeepalittlecornerofhisghartforhislovingsisterJo。InapostscriptshedesiredhimnottotellAmythatBethwasworse,shewascominghomeinthespringandtherewasnoneedofsaddeningtheremainderofherstay。Thatwouldbetimeenough,pleaseGod,butLauriemustwritetoheroften,andnotletherfeellonely,homesickoranxious。

  “SoIwill,atonce。Poorlittlegirl,itwillbeasadgoinghomeforher,I’mafraid。“AndLaurieopenedhisdesk,asifwritingtoAmyhadbeentheproperconclusionofthesentenceleftunfinishedsomeweeksbefore。

  Buthedidnotwritetheletterthatday,forasherummagedouthisbestpaper,hecameacrosssomethingwhichchangedhispurpose。Tumblingaboutinonepartofthedeskamongbills,passports,andbusinessdocumentsofvariouskindswereseveralofJo’sletters,andinanothercompartmentwerethreenotesfromAmy,carefullytiedupwithoneofherblueribbonsandsweetlysuggestiveofthelittledeadrosesputawayinside。withahalf-repentant,half-amusedexpression,LauriegatheredupallJo’sletters,smoothed,folded,andputthemneatlyintoasmalldrawerofthedesk,stoodaminuteturningtheringthoughtfullyonhisfinger,thenslowlydrewitoff,laiditwiththeletters,lockedthedrawer,andwentouttohearHighMassatSaintStefan’s,feelingasiftherehadbeenafuneral,andthoughnotoverwhelmedwithaffliction,thisseemedamoreproperwaytospendtherestofthedaythaninwritingletterstocharmingyoungladies。

  Theletterwentverysoon,however,andwaspromptlyanswered,forAmywashomesick,andconfesseditinthemostdelightfullyconfidingmanner。Thecorrespondenceflourishedfamously,andlettersflewtoandfrowithunfailingregularityallthroughtheearlyspring。Lauriesoldhisbusts,madeallumettesofhisopera,andwentbacktoParis,hopingsomebodywouldarrivebeforelong。HewanteddesperatelytogotoNice,butwouldnottillhewasasked,andAmywouldnotaskhim,forjustthenshewashavinglittleexperiencesofherown,whichmadeherratherwishtoavoidthequizzicaleyesof`outboy’。

  FredVaughnhadreturned,andputthequestiontowhichshehadoncedecidedtoanswer,“Yes,thankyou,“butnowshesaid,“No,thankyou,“kindlybutsteadily,forwhenthetimecame,hercouragefailedher,andshefoundthatsomethingmorethanmoneyandpositionwasneededtosatisfythenewlongingthatfilledherheartsofulloftenderhopesandfears。Thewords,“Fredisagoodfellow,butnotatallthemanIfanciedyouwouldeverlike,“andLaurie’sfacewhenheutteredthem,keptreturningtoheraspertinaciouslyasherowndidwhenshesaidinlook,ifnotinwords,“I

  shallmarryformoney。“Ittroubledhertorememberthatnow,shewishedshecouldtakeitback,itsoundedsounwomanly。

  Shedidn’twantLaurietothinkheraheartless,worldlycreature。Shedidn’tcaretobeaqueenofsocietynowhalfsomuchasshedidtobealovablewoman。Shewassogladhedidn’thateherforthedreadfulthingsshesaid,buttookthemsobeautifullyandwaskinderthanever。Hislettersweresuchacomfort,forthehomeletterswereveryirregularandnothalfsosatisfactoryashiswhentheydidcome。Itwasnotonlyapleasure,butadutytoanswerthem,forthepoorfellowwasforlorn,andneededpetting,sinceJopersistedinbeingstonyhearted。Sheoughttohavemadeaneffortandtriedtolovehim。Itcouldn’tbeveryhard,manypeoplewouldbeproudandgladtohavesuchadearboycareforthem。ButJoneverwouldactlikeothergirls,sotherewasnothingtodobutbeverykindandtreathimlikeabrother。

  IfallbrothersweretreatedaswellasLauriewasatthisperiod,theywouldbeamuchhappierraceofbeingsthantheyare。Amyneverlecturednow。Sheaskedhisopiniononallsubjects,shewasinterestedineverythinghedid,madecharminglittlepresentsforhim,andsenthimtwolettersaweek,fulloflivelygossip,sisterlyconfidences,andcaptivatingsketchesofthelovelyscenesabouther。Asfewbrothersarecomplimentedbyhavingtheirletterscarriedaboutintheirsister’spockets,readandrereaddiligently,criedoverwhenshort,kissedwhenlong,andtreasuredcarefully,wewillnothintthatAmydidanyofthesefondandfoolishthings。Butshecertainlydidgrowalittlepaleandpensivethatspring,lostmuchofherrelishforsociety,andwentoutsketchingaloneagooddeal。Sheneverhadmuchtoshowwhenshecamehome,butwasstudyingnature,Idaresay,whileshesatforhours,withherhandsfolded,ontheterraceatValrosa,orabsentlysketchedanyfancythatoccurredtoher,astalwartknightcarvedonatomb,ayoungmanasleepinthegrass,withhishatoverhiseyes,oracurlyhairedgirlingorgeousarray,promenadingdownaballroomonthearmofatallgentleman,bothfacesbeingleftabluraccordingtothelastfashioninart,whichwassafebutnotaltogethersatisfactory。

  HerauntthoughtthatsheregrettedheranswertoFred,andfindingdenialsuselessandexplanationsimpossible,Amylefthertothinkwhatsheliked,takingcarethatLaurieshouldknowthatFredhadgonetoEgypt。Thatwasall,butheunderstoodit,andlookedrelieved,ashesaidtohimself,withavenerableair

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